WEBVTT - Our Most Talked About Conversation: F*ck First — And Other Cheat Codes For Life 0:00:10.287 --> 0:00:13.007 You're listening to a MoMA Mia podcast. 0:00:13.727 --> 0:00:16.767 Mamma Maya acknowledges the traditional owners of land and waters 0:00:16.767 --> 0:00:18.607 that this podcast is recorded. 0:00:18.207 --> 0:00:19.247 On out Louders. 0:00:19.247 --> 0:00:22.127 If you're missing us and your weekly out loud routine, 0:00:22.287 --> 0:00:24.247 and of course you are, because why wouldn't you be, 0:00:24.527 --> 0:00:26.847 we wanted to let you know that over the summer, 0:00:26.927 --> 0:00:30.767 we are still dropping episodes for Mamma Mia subscribers all 0:00:30.847 --> 0:00:33.487 holidays long. As a subscriber, you're going to get full 0:00:33.487 --> 0:00:36.047 access to out loud, including the back catalog of over 0:00:36.087 --> 0:00:40.247 two hundred and fifty subscriber only episodes, so that will 0:00:40.327 --> 0:00:42.687 keep you busy for a really long time when you 0:00:42.767 --> 0:00:45.407 want to avoid your family at all costs. Subscribe to 0:00:45.447 --> 0:00:47.647 Mamma Mia via the link in the episode description. 0:00:51.327 --> 0:00:54.127 Hey, out louders, it's Mia here, and I'm here to 0:00:54.127 --> 0:00:57.007 tell you about our hot pod summer. I know that 0:00:57.087 --> 0:00:59.887 you can't get away from us, because why would you 0:00:59.927 --> 0:01:02.367 want to? But you know where the friends in your ears? 0:01:02.687 --> 0:01:04.287 And the truth is, we didn't want to leave you 0:01:04.327 --> 0:01:08.207 hanging without our lovely tones and wise words over the 0:01:08.207 --> 0:01:11.607 holidays and just all our nonsense because you know, me, 0:01:11.807 --> 0:01:15.007 Holly and Jesse all got together. We picked our favorite 0:01:15.007 --> 0:01:18.567 out Loud episodes from the year because we wanted to 0:01:18.567 --> 0:01:20.887 share them with you over the summer, and the ones 0:01:21.167 --> 0:01:24.527 which made us laugh really hard, and the ones where 0:01:24.527 --> 0:01:27.207 Holly told me off in the way that only Holly 0:01:27.287 --> 0:01:30.727 can sometimes I laugh so much I weed that's a thing. 0:01:31.207 --> 0:01:33.647 And also the ones where Jesse insisted she was the 0:01:33.687 --> 0:01:35.927 most medically qualified of the three of us, which really 0:01:36.007 --> 0:01:39.047 is questionable. They're a vibe and one that we wanted 0:01:39.087 --> 0:01:41.887 to share with you out louders. Listen and enjoy. 0:01:42.687 --> 0:01:45.767 What's your cheat code for life? The thing you swear 0:01:45.847 --> 0:01:49.287 by that opens doors makes everything easier and you wish 0:01:49.327 --> 0:01:52.767 you knew earlier. There is a Reddit thread going viral 0:01:52.807 --> 0:01:56.007 where people share their insights, and some are pretty obvious, 0:01:56.127 --> 0:01:58.727 from looking people in the eye to learning to say 0:01:58.727 --> 0:02:01.647 no to getting enough sleep. Here are some other popular 0:02:01.847 --> 0:02:05.247 examples I came across. Get everything in writing, So if 0:02:05.247 --> 0:02:07.327 you're in a meeting and your manager promises you something, 0:02:07.407 --> 0:02:09.607 then make sure you get them to email it to you. 0:02:09.687 --> 0:02:12.047 Or let's say your accountant assures you of something and 0:02:12.087 --> 0:02:14.767 it just sounds a bit like I would want to 0:02:14.807 --> 0:02:17.927 just confirm that, get it in writing. Another one is 0:02:18.087 --> 0:02:20.527 you can make more friends in two months by becoming 0:02:20.567 --> 0:02:23.207 interested in other people than you can in two years 0:02:23.207 --> 0:02:25.807 by trying to get other people interested in you. 0:02:25.967 --> 0:02:27.047 That's very good advice. 0:02:27.167 --> 0:02:31.007 I love that one. And no one stops someone carrying pizza. 0:02:31.647 --> 0:02:35.487 You can get backstage at concerts. Now we don't can 0:02:35.567 --> 0:02:38.967 don't trespassing, but think about it. If someone came to 0:02:39.007 --> 0:02:40.527 this off and they just had a few things of 0:02:40.527 --> 0:02:44.447 pizza and it smelt good, I'd let them in if 0:02:44.487 --> 0:02:46.727 you were backstage, if we were backstage at Out Loud, 0:02:47.247 --> 0:02:49.367 back to go on stage for our show. 0:02:49.527 --> 0:02:52.287 Don't give people ideas unless they have pizza in which 0:02:53.207 --> 0:02:54.407 come on after the. 0:02:54.367 --> 0:03:00.527 Show you're allowed. We asked people in the Mummeya office 0:03:00.687 --> 0:03:02.927 what their cheat code to life is and here's what 0:03:02.967 --> 0:03:03.567 they told us. 0:03:05.207 --> 0:03:07.847 My life pack is don't put the email address of 0:03:07.887 --> 0:03:11.207 the person you're emailing in until you've written and table 0:03:11.287 --> 0:03:14.447 checked your email. It really saves any unedited or unfinished 0:03:14.447 --> 0:03:16.047 emails being sent accidentally. 0:03:16.407 --> 0:03:18.487 The biggest lesson it was actually from my dad that 0:03:18.527 --> 0:03:20.647 my dad ever taught me was always admit when you've 0:03:20.687 --> 0:03:22.607 made a mistake. If you can do anything in life 0:03:22.727 --> 0:03:24.767 is always admit when you're wrong and when you've made 0:03:24.767 --> 0:03:26.807 a mistake, because that way, you're always going to reflect 0:03:27.167 --> 0:03:30.047 on your behavior and your role in something, and it 0:03:30.087 --> 0:03:31.807 also makes you look at the other side of things. 0:03:32.007 --> 0:03:35.327 When I'm feeling overwhelmed, I try to take a moment and. 0:03:35.247 --> 0:03:36.967 Take five deep breaths. 0:03:37.407 --> 0:03:40.847 I think this helps me process what has happened and 0:03:41.207 --> 0:03:42.367 to not overreact. 0:03:42.847 --> 0:03:46.007 When I'm talking to someone new, I try to remember 0:03:46.327 --> 0:03:49.167 one personal fact about them. If I know that I'm 0:03:49.207 --> 0:03:51.567 going to see them again, like the name of their 0:03:51.647 --> 0:03:54.887 dog or what suburb they live in, I can ask 0:03:54.927 --> 0:03:57.127 them about it the next time I see them. Then 0:03:57.167 --> 0:03:59.207 they know that I've listened to them and that I 0:03:59.287 --> 0:04:02.327 care what they're saying, and hopefully they can become more 0:04:02.407 --> 0:04:03.527 trusting of me after that. 0:04:04.047 --> 0:04:06.207 So if I'm ever in a situation where I'm asked 0:04:06.327 --> 0:04:08.847 for my opinion about something that's important or a big 0:04:08.887 --> 0:04:13.167 decision or something that I just know is going to 0:04:13.167 --> 0:04:16.007 take a lot of thoughts just in the moment saying hey, 0:04:16.127 --> 0:04:17.527 let me just sleep on this and get back to 0:04:17.527 --> 0:04:20.647 you tomorrow. I used to think that I needed to 0:04:20.727 --> 0:04:23.607 sort of have an answer straight away ready to go, 0:04:24.127 --> 0:04:27.087 but sleeping on something just always gives me so much 0:04:27.127 --> 0:04:27.727 more clarity. 0:04:28.047 --> 0:04:30.367 Okay, so my friend has this great cheek code. She 0:04:30.407 --> 0:04:32.687 always looks smart at the airport, and she reckons that's 0:04:32.727 --> 0:04:35.687 the secret to getting upgraded to business class. 0:04:35.687 --> 0:04:37.447 One of the best things I got from a parenting 0:04:37.487 --> 0:04:40.047 book is just add water. So if your kid is 0:04:40.127 --> 0:04:43.487 losing their shit, you either put them outside with the sprinklers, 0:04:43.807 --> 0:04:45.767 throw them in the bath, or give them a drink 0:04:45.767 --> 0:04:48.447 of water. I've actually started doing that myself and it 0:04:48.567 --> 0:04:50.847 is a game changer. So if I've got a tough 0:04:50.887 --> 0:04:52.247 decision to make, or if i want to go and 0:04:52.327 --> 0:04:54.607 yell at someone, I'll take a shower first, I'll drink 0:04:54.647 --> 0:04:57.087 a glass of water. It always calms me down, and 0:04:57.127 --> 0:04:57.967 it always works. 0:04:58.727 --> 0:05:02.727 How that is Hollywood's enthusiastically agreeing with almost all of 0:05:02.727 --> 0:05:05.807 those shoes, Like, yep, yep, that works, Yep, I agree, 0:05:06.247 --> 0:05:06.567 I do. 0:05:07.087 --> 0:05:09.447 I don't do them all, but they're all very good. 0:05:09.567 --> 0:05:13.167 I also asked the out louders if they had any 0:05:13.207 --> 0:05:15.247 and here are some that they came up with. I 0:05:15.287 --> 0:05:17.167 really like this one from Brooks. She says, I'm a 0:05:17.167 --> 0:05:19.607 big fan of don't put it down, put it away, 0:05:19.767 --> 0:05:22.487 So you're not allowed to, like just put your bag down. 0:05:22.567 --> 0:05:26.127 It's got a place, put it away. Another one from Kirby. 0:05:26.327 --> 0:05:29.367 Every Sunday I make uniform packs for each kid, so 0:05:29.407 --> 0:05:31.407 school uniform undie sox, roll it up and put a 0:05:31.447 --> 0:05:34.327 rubber band around it. They go in baskets in our buffet, 0:05:35.007 --> 0:05:37.207 and each morning kids go and grab their own pack 0:05:37.247 --> 0:05:39.327 and get dressed. I wish I was like her, I'm 0:05:39.407 --> 0:05:43.767 not too. Another one that I really liked was from Chloe. 0:05:43.847 --> 0:05:46.007 This is again for kids, which is every time you're 0:05:46.007 --> 0:05:49.087 giving medication, text your partner what time because you forget, 0:05:49.447 --> 0:05:50.807 you know how it's got to be like four or 0:05:50.807 --> 0:05:52.527 six hours away. But if you don't have a partner, 0:05:53.407 --> 0:05:56.887 text anyone, text yourself. Yeah, make a note of it, Liz, 0:05:57.407 --> 0:06:01.127 good quality roboback. I would really like a robovacum. My 0:06:01.207 --> 0:06:05.167 other one actually is, and I've started doing this, I 0:06:05.287 --> 0:06:07.287 never regret it is taking a photo of where I 0:06:07.327 --> 0:06:08.327 parked that body. 0:06:09.367 --> 0:06:11.447 Yeah, because I have just doing that. 0:06:11.687 --> 0:06:13.727 And then I also take a photo of if you're 0:06:13.767 --> 0:06:16.327 in the shopping center, the place that you enter the 0:06:16.327 --> 0:06:18.967 shopping center, because it's all very well knowing you're on 0:06:19.047 --> 0:06:21.887 C seven, but you can't remember where C seven is 0:06:21.967 --> 0:06:23.727 exactly right, And if you know that, you came in 0:06:23.927 --> 0:06:24.887 next to T two. 0:06:25.287 --> 0:06:29.007 Then you're fine, Yes, yes, Maya. You had a birthday 0:06:29.247 --> 0:06:32.127 this week, so i'd hope that you'd learned a few lessons. 0:06:32.167 --> 0:06:33.847 What are some of your cheat codes? 0:06:34.127 --> 0:06:37.487 I have written down four I could just think of 0:06:37.487 --> 0:06:38.327 off the top of my head. 0:06:38.407 --> 0:06:38.607 Right. 0:06:39.247 --> 0:06:42.007 The first is if you are someone who has to 0:06:42.047 --> 0:06:45.687 have daily medication but you sometimes can't remember if you've 0:06:45.727 --> 0:06:48.247 had it or not. I now have a pill box 0:06:48.647 --> 0:06:51.407 with the days, and I just dispense all my pills, 0:06:51.527 --> 0:06:53.407 you know, every couple of weeks into this pill box. 0:06:54.167 --> 0:06:56.207 But the other way to do it is to say 0:06:56.247 --> 0:07:01.567 out loud, I'm having my pill now on Tuesday. As 0:07:01.607 --> 0:07:03.367 you have it, I say it out. 0:07:03.567 --> 0:07:05.967 You'd be so annoying to live with. I know you're 0:07:06.007 --> 0:07:06.647 annoying to live. 0:07:06.927 --> 0:07:07.367 Yeah you did. 0:07:07.847 --> 0:07:09.247 Where do you buy those pill boxes? 0:07:09.487 --> 0:07:09.847 Chemist? 0:07:10.167 --> 0:07:10.367 Yeah? 0:07:10.607 --> 0:07:12.447 Or Amazon? Chemists? 0:07:12.607 --> 0:07:14.927 You think you know, and then you get into bed 0:07:15.007 --> 0:07:16.567 and you go, no, no, I took that pill. 0:07:16.807 --> 0:07:20.767 Ye was that yesterday? And it's like, I think I 0:07:20.807 --> 0:07:23.047 have a memory of taking that pill. I'm always living 0:07:23.047 --> 0:07:24.647 in my head and half the time I'm on an 0:07:24.767 --> 0:07:27.207 automatic pilot. I don't remember what I've done or what 0:07:27.247 --> 0:07:29.287 I haven't done. It might not be a pill It 0:07:29.367 --> 0:07:32.047 might be if you always forget to turn off your 0:07:32.087 --> 0:07:34.447 hair straight now and you know you're driving to work 0:07:34.487 --> 0:07:37.087 and you're like, did I turn it up? And you're like, so, like, 0:07:37.167 --> 0:07:39.847 I'm turning off my hair straightener today on Tuesday. 0:07:40.967 --> 0:07:43.087 I love it. It's so weird. 0:07:44.487 --> 0:07:46.487 Moving on my next. 0:07:49.167 --> 0:07:49.647 To lie. 0:07:49.727 --> 0:07:53.447 That's like how you tell come live with me, knock 0:07:53.487 --> 0:07:55.047 your head up three times on the pillow, and go, 0:07:55.167 --> 0:07:57.167 I will not have a bad dream tonight. 0:07:59.487 --> 0:08:01.287 I've found another cheak code. If you don't want to 0:08:01.287 --> 0:08:03.967 have a bad dream, just before you go to sleep, 0:08:04.487 --> 0:08:08.767 imagine white color white, like white, like looking at a 0:08:08.767 --> 0:08:11.847 white sheet, like with your eyes closed, a white wall 0:08:11.967 --> 0:08:14.367 or something like that. If you just think white, white, white, 0:08:14.607 --> 0:08:16.047 and then you won't have a bad. 0:08:15.767 --> 0:08:18.687 Scientific take away. 0:08:19.287 --> 0:08:22.967 My next cheak code for life is when I'm feeling 0:08:23.407 --> 0:08:27.527 really emotional and I'm having big feelings that seem out 0:08:27.527 --> 0:08:29.847 of proportion to the thing that's happening. 0:08:30.127 --> 0:08:32.247 That that doesn't happen very often, so I don't know 0:08:32.287 --> 0:08:33.687 why you would need a cheat code. 0:08:33.927 --> 0:08:40.447 Thanks so much, happy except I always forget this cheat code, 0:08:40.687 --> 0:08:45.367 but please from mine. I had a therapist who used 0:08:45.367 --> 0:08:47.727 to do this and she would say, how old do 0:08:47.807 --> 0:08:50.287 you feel right now? Pet? She would say, and that 0:08:50.327 --> 0:08:52.807 sounds passive aggressive, but she was never being passive aggressive. 0:08:52.847 --> 0:08:55.007 She like, I didn't mind her calling me pet, but 0:08:55.087 --> 0:08:59.567 it was very clarifying. It immediately tunes you in or 0:08:59.607 --> 0:09:03.847 tunes me into, going, I feel six years old? What 0:09:04.007 --> 0:09:05.207 was going on in my life when I was six 0:09:05.247 --> 0:09:08.967 years old? What does this feel like to me? And 0:09:09.007 --> 0:09:13.127 if you literally say to yourself, either out loud or 0:09:13.487 --> 0:09:15.927 in your head, particularly if you're having an argument with someone, 0:09:16.647 --> 0:09:18.647 if you just are like, how well do you feel 0:09:18.727 --> 0:09:22.887 right now? Pet? So here's something I warn against. He's 0:09:23.007 --> 0:09:27.007 asking your partner bash because I've tried that with my 0:09:27.127 --> 0:09:29.727 partner and he's tried that with me because we were 0:09:29.767 --> 0:09:33.287 at the therapist together and we both found it pretty useful. 0:09:33.527 --> 0:09:35.607 But anyway, that can make things a bit worse. But 0:09:35.687 --> 0:09:38.407 I find that to me to be really clarifying because 0:09:38.447 --> 0:09:41.087 at the time, you genuinely do believe that your big 0:09:41.127 --> 0:09:43.247 feeling is about this thing, but it feels like you've 0:09:43.247 --> 0:09:45.927 been a bit taken over and you don't understand why 0:09:45.967 --> 0:09:49.247 you're so upset. Anyway, So that helps my next one. 0:09:49.527 --> 0:09:51.287 And I've got so many Okay, this is a really 0:09:51.327 --> 0:09:53.567 good one. How to make a decision. So you know, 0:09:53.607 --> 0:09:55.007 when you're a bit like I don't know, I don't know, 0:09:55.047 --> 0:09:57.487 I don't know what to do. Sometimes you can overthink it, 0:09:57.527 --> 0:09:59.327 you can over intellectualize it, and you just need to 0:09:59.327 --> 0:10:01.007 get in touch with your gut. And your gut is 0:10:01.047 --> 0:10:04.687 actually not we will, it's actually just the accumulation of 0:10:04.687 --> 0:10:06.767 all the experiences that you've ever had. And your gut 0:10:06.887 --> 0:10:10.967 is good. So what you do is you say to yourself, 0:10:11.247 --> 0:10:12.407 should I go to this part? I don't know if 0:10:12.407 --> 0:10:13.647 I want to go to this party or not. I 0:10:13.647 --> 0:10:16.167 don't know, I don't know. Can I be bothered? Say 0:10:16.207 --> 0:10:19.607 to yourself, I'm definitely going to this party. I'm definitely going, 0:10:19.807 --> 0:10:22.207 as if you've made the decision, and see what emotion 0:10:22.647 --> 0:10:25.367 comes up in you. And it might be relief, it 0:10:25.447 --> 0:10:28.727 might be dread, dread, it might be nausea, exciting, and 0:10:28.767 --> 0:10:31.167 then just observe that for a second and then just go, Okay, 0:10:31.207 --> 0:10:34.367 I'm definitely not going to this party. And observe what 0:10:34.447 --> 0:10:36.287 And it might be relief, it might be disappointment. It 0:10:36.367 --> 0:10:38.487 might be And someone taught me that when I didn't 0:10:38.527 --> 0:10:41.447 know whether I should move overseas to New York, or 0:10:42.127 --> 0:10:44.407 take your job as editor of Cosmo. And I was 0:10:44.487 --> 0:10:48.807 really torn because they were both pretty exciting opportunities, and 0:10:49.647 --> 0:10:51.967 she talked me through that, and it's something that I've 0:10:52.087 --> 0:10:54.687 used a lot of times since and it never gets 0:10:54.727 --> 0:10:57.327 me wrong. And then the last one is something I 0:10:57.367 --> 0:11:01.487 learned from this podcast many years ago. Instead of saying 0:11:01.567 --> 0:11:07.167 I'm sorry, say thank you for your understanding, and then 0:11:07.207 --> 0:11:10.207 you kind of manipulate someone into not being mad with you. 0:11:10.567 --> 0:11:13.607 So like in emails or like in meetings. 0:11:13.247 --> 0:11:16.207 Or like I'm so sorry I'm late, it's like, thank 0:11:16.247 --> 0:11:19.127 you so much for understanding I've just had the worst morning, 0:11:19.247 --> 0:11:20.807 or yes I couldn't kind of part. 0:11:20.767 --> 0:11:22.687 You've said as well. When I say i'm sorry, I 0:11:22.727 --> 0:11:25.167 then put some responsibility on you to make me feel better, 0:11:25.207 --> 0:11:26.887 which is really annoying for the person who's been. 0:11:26.767 --> 0:11:29.647 Saying like I'm so sorry and they're just like yeah. 0:11:29.647 --> 0:11:31.647 But if you just go thank you so much for 0:11:32.207 --> 0:11:34.687 understanding or for not leaving or whatever, it is like 0:11:35.007 --> 0:11:38.327 it flips it and it gives the person a compliment 0:11:38.967 --> 0:11:42.247 and some status for being a good person and kind 0:11:42.247 --> 0:11:44.087 of tricks them into being less mad with you. 0:11:44.407 --> 0:11:47.727 Holly, what do you have Okay, you have some cheakcakes. 0:11:48.167 --> 0:11:51.407 I have no practical ones because my practical life is terrible. 0:11:51.567 --> 0:11:53.447 You know the people who are like like the lady 0:11:53.487 --> 0:11:56.487 with the school uniform. I wish I was that, but 0:11:56.527 --> 0:11:58.887 I'm never that, and I just can't get my shit 0:11:58.967 --> 0:12:01.367 together in that way. But I have like other ones 0:12:02.567 --> 0:12:04.527 this one. Who did we seal this from me? I'm 0:12:04.767 --> 0:12:05.847 always fuck first? 0:12:06.167 --> 0:12:06.327 Oh? 0:12:06.407 --> 0:12:09.847 Yes, that was from Dan Savage who has this podcast. 0:12:09.887 --> 0:12:11.247 This is very good advice. 0:12:11.847 --> 0:12:14.527 I find does mean that you should say with people 0:12:14.647 --> 0:12:15.887 all the time away. 0:12:16.607 --> 0:12:19.407 What it means. So this is particularly good advice for 0:12:19.447 --> 0:12:23.367 a phase in your life. Right, So imagine this. You 0:12:23.447 --> 0:12:26.727 and your partner have got a date night, and it's 0:12:26.847 --> 0:12:29.047 rare that you've got a date night because you know, 0:12:29.127 --> 0:12:31.007 you've got kids and you've got whatever. But maybe you 0:12:31.047 --> 0:12:33.167 find the kids out to their grandparents for the night, 0:12:33.247 --> 0:12:35.807 maybe whatever, and you go, it's gonna be great. We're 0:12:35.847 --> 0:12:37.247 gonna go out for a meal, we're gonna have cocktails, 0:12:37.247 --> 0:12:38.927 and we're gonna come home, we're gonna have sex. Gonna 0:12:38.927 --> 0:12:40.647 be great. No, you're not, you know what I mean. Like, 0:12:40.727 --> 0:12:42.087 by the time you've gone out and you've had the 0:12:42.127 --> 0:12:44.687 cocktails and you've eaten the food, and what you want 0:12:44.687 --> 0:12:46.087 to do when you come back is lin on the 0:12:46.127 --> 0:12:52.967 couch and watch something stupidep. 0:12:50.007 --> 0:12:51.567 You feel bloated, you'll get sloppy. 0:12:51.767 --> 0:12:54.527 Fuck first. Always getting ready for a wedding, it's a 0:12:54.567 --> 0:12:57.647 sauning date. Fuck first, then go out, got a dinner date, 0:12:57.727 --> 0:13:00.647 Fuck first, always fuck first. That is the best. 0:13:00.687 --> 0:13:02.407 You got a big meal. You're not feeling. 0:13:02.487 --> 0:13:02.647 No. 0:13:03.887 --> 0:13:06.167 Late night sex is not it when you're not like 0:13:06.207 --> 0:13:09.007 it's different when you're in a different phase of your life. 0:13:09.327 --> 0:13:11.767 But when you're an established so they go you weren't 0:13:11.767 --> 0:13:13.127 expecting a sex cheek. 0:13:12.927 --> 0:13:15.247 Because then you have an empty stomach. 0:13:15.527 --> 0:13:20.287 Yeah yeah, And also about with the spring in your step, 0:13:20.327 --> 0:13:23.527 and then when you sit there at dinner, you're not like, 0:13:23.767 --> 0:13:25.887 it's just good. It's just always a good plan. 0:13:25.967 --> 0:13:26.687 It's very sound. 0:13:26.847 --> 0:13:29.487 I really like that one. You too, won't agree with 0:13:29.487 --> 0:13:32.887 me about this. Anyone who bitches to you is also 0:13:32.927 --> 0:13:33.727 bitching about you. 0:13:34.807 --> 0:13:39.967 That is a fine bitchy words to live by. 0:13:40.327 --> 0:13:41.887 You know how we often talk about how you need 0:13:41.927 --> 0:13:43.727 people in your life. You can bitch too, and you 0:13:43.767 --> 0:13:47.847 do right like generally, But people who always bitch to 0:13:47.887 --> 0:13:51.127 you about everybody. They are also bitching to everybody. 0:13:51.127 --> 0:13:54.327 Okay, okay, without question, but I'm not bitching about everybody 0:13:54.327 --> 0:13:56.687 on my bitch about like two people to you, but 0:13:56.767 --> 0:13:58.567 I'm not bitching about you. Do you believe me? 0:13:59.247 --> 0:14:00.247 Oh my god, she doesn't. 0:14:01.087 --> 0:14:04.647 I realized that about when I used to get Brazilian 0:14:04.687 --> 0:14:07.687 bikini waxes and my waxa used to tell me things 0:14:07.687 --> 0:14:12.567 about her other clients. Yes, And I was a bit like, no, 0:14:12.727 --> 0:14:13.247 that's true. 0:14:13.327 --> 0:14:19.567 Right in professional settings, this is particularly true. 0:14:19.687 --> 0:14:20.207 I agree. 0:14:20.367 --> 0:14:22.647 Like, sometimes you'll interview someone for a job when I've 0:14:22.647 --> 0:14:24.927 been a manager, and actually me is terrible this because 0:14:24.927 --> 0:14:27.167 she always tries to get people to bitch in job interviews. 0:14:27.487 --> 0:14:30.127 But like if the person that you're interviewing will bitch 0:14:30.207 --> 0:14:32.807 about their current employer, but it's a test hire them. 0:14:32.887 --> 0:14:33.567 That's why I do it. 0:14:33.647 --> 0:14:34.047 Yeah, it is. 0:14:34.247 --> 0:14:38.487 It's a and forgossip pos Thank you for your understanding, 0:14:38.647 --> 0:14:39.487 but I love it. 0:14:41.367 --> 0:14:43.327 Listening and changing your mind is a sign of strength, 0:14:43.367 --> 0:14:43.847 not weakness. 0:14:44.327 --> 0:14:47.007 One hundred Every time strong opinions lose me. 0:14:47.087 --> 0:14:49.727 Hell, people who are very much like you know, oh 0:14:49.767 --> 0:14:51.487 you used to think this, and no you think that, 0:14:51.567 --> 0:14:53.327 and you said that that time and all that stuff. 0:14:53.367 --> 0:14:55.407 They don't know what they're doing. Those people, they're silly. 0:14:56.007 --> 0:14:58.847 And if you don't have a better idea, shut the 0:14:58.847 --> 0:15:02.047 fuck up. That is something I was by a lot. 0:15:02.927 --> 0:15:05.567 You know, when you're just like I don't like that, 0:15:05.567 --> 0:15:07.367 that's wrong. Da da da da da, And you can 0:15:07.407 --> 0:15:10.847 get into a really negative cycle. You've got to ask yourself, 0:15:10.927 --> 0:15:12.727 have I got a better idea? Do I think? 0:15:12.767 --> 0:15:14.807 How would I do it? And is it honestly better? 0:15:14.967 --> 0:15:15.167 Yeah? 0:15:15.287 --> 0:15:16.687 Is it better? Always? 0:15:17.127 --> 0:15:19.447 Yeah? That's and can you be bothered to do it? 0:15:19.567 --> 0:15:22.447 Because you probably can't, in which case, forget about it? 0:15:22.687 --> 0:15:23.407 Yeah, exactly. 0:15:23.567 --> 0:15:28.407 There are some Okay, mine are weird. Good one that 0:15:28.447 --> 0:15:31.727 I have is about memory. I've said it before, years 0:15:31.767 --> 0:15:33.447 and years ago, but this is something I did when 0:15:33.487 --> 0:15:35.647 I was studying at school, and I read this fact 0:15:35.727 --> 0:15:38.687 somewhere and the fact might not be true. It doesn't matter. 0:15:39.327 --> 0:15:42.127 If you want to remember something, memorize something, whether it's 0:15:42.167 --> 0:15:45.487 like a speech or a fact or notes. I'll print 0:15:45.527 --> 0:15:48.567 it on green paper. I read it once. Apparently if 0:15:48.607 --> 0:15:50.687 you read off green paper, it's a trigger for memory. 0:15:50.767 --> 0:15:52.447 Do you have green paper for that purpose? 0:15:53.007 --> 0:15:55.207 I used to. I haven't needed it recently, But if 0:15:55.247 --> 0:15:58.687 I was like doing a speech where I felt like 0:15:58.727 --> 0:16:00.447 I needed to know this completely off by heart, I 0:16:00.447 --> 0:16:01.487 would do it on green paper. 0:16:01.567 --> 0:16:03.247 I wonder if you can replicate that on your phone, 0:16:03.327 --> 0:16:05.367 because I mean, who's going to go out and buy 0:16:05.407 --> 0:16:05.887 green paper? 0:16:05.927 --> 0:16:06.047 Oh? 0:16:06.087 --> 0:16:06.247 See? 0:16:06.287 --> 0:16:08.687 I always do paper. I think phones very very different. 0:16:08.687 --> 0:16:11.487 I think that my brain is wired to forget everything 0:16:11.487 --> 0:16:13.447 I look at that's on a screen. I think when 0:16:13.447 --> 0:16:15.287 it's on paper, it holds totally different. 0:16:15.287 --> 0:16:16.927 So did you like print out all your school notes 0:16:16.967 --> 0:16:17.607 on green paper? 0:16:17.767 --> 0:16:21.687 Yeah? Yep, and how green green that I'm still like, 0:16:21.967 --> 0:16:24.767 read it like that the black is still visible. But 0:16:25.007 --> 0:16:27.887 even if it's not, if I'm telling my brain this 0:16:28.007 --> 0:16:31.047 green paper means I'll memorize it, it's like pale green. 0:16:31.247 --> 0:16:31.687 Yeah. 0:16:31.727 --> 0:16:34.847 So that's always helped me. My rule for emails or 0:16:34.887 --> 0:16:37.967 messages or anything is do not open it until you 0:16:37.967 --> 0:16:38.447 can reply. 0:16:38.727 --> 0:16:41.207 That's a really good rule because I always forget that rule, 0:16:41.207 --> 0:16:43.047 and that's why I'm very bad on email. I've got 0:16:43.087 --> 0:16:44.887 a minute, I'm going to read it. I'll go. I'll 0:16:44.887 --> 0:16:46.487 get back to that later. No, I won't. 0:16:46.567 --> 0:16:48.687 Now, my memory is not good enough for that. I 0:16:48.807 --> 0:16:51.087 use the Pomodori method for just about everything. 0:16:51.167 --> 0:16:51.367 Yeah. 0:16:51.847 --> 0:16:56.047 So timing yep. I have a stop watch for everything 0:16:56.087 --> 0:16:59.167 I do. What it is, It's like, recently, I had 0:16:59.207 --> 0:17:01.407 this big ish project that I had to complete, and 0:17:01.447 --> 0:17:03.687 it was like pulling teeth. I just was not enjoying 0:17:03.727 --> 0:17:06.487 any I knew I needed to do it, but it 0:17:06.527 --> 0:17:09.487 was a job, and every time I sat down to 0:17:09.487 --> 0:17:11.727 do it, I would go, you're going to do twenty minutes. 0:17:12.007 --> 0:17:15.367 Look at the clock, time it now, and just get 0:17:15.367 --> 0:17:16.007 twenty minutes of it. 0:17:16.047 --> 0:17:18.647 So it's like you almost have to sneak up on yourself. Yep. 0:17:18.807 --> 0:17:20.847 Yeah, I do that. I set thirty minutes on my 0:17:21.247 --> 0:17:23.527 phone and then I put my phone in a drawer 0:17:23.847 --> 0:17:27.007 somewhere away yep. And then when my thirty minutes goes off, 0:17:27.007 --> 0:17:28.727 that I focus. I'm allowed to play with my phone 0:17:28.767 --> 0:17:29.407 for four minutes. 0:17:29.927 --> 0:17:31.647 Then I have to put another timer on. 0:17:32.407 --> 0:17:35.447 It actually makes you satisfied because sometimes when you're doing projects, 0:17:35.447 --> 0:17:38.047 you can spend twenty minutes doing something and you've got 0:17:38.087 --> 0:17:40.647 no more words, and you actually don't feel like you've 0:17:40.687 --> 0:17:42.647 got anywhere, but you always have. So it's a way 0:17:42.687 --> 0:17:47.207 of measuring progress. Another one I have is when you're 0:17:47.207 --> 0:17:51.047