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Speaker 1: You're listening to a Muma Mia podcast.

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Speaker 2: Mamma Mia acknowledges the traditional owners of the land and

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Speaker 2: waters that this podcast is recorded on Hello and welcome

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Speaker 2: to But are You Happy? The podcast that asks the

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Speaker 2: questions you've always wanted to know from the people who

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Speaker 2: appear to have it all. Brook Blurton is a media

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Speaker 2: personality who you may know as the first Indigenous and

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Speaker 2: bisexual bachelorette, but she's also a successful author, podcaster and

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Speaker 2: youth worker. She's a Nunga Yamaji woman who grew up

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Speaker 2: in Canarvon, Western Australia, and Brook's story is unlike any

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Speaker 2: I've heard before. Brook's mum had addiction problems, so part

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Speaker 2: of her childhood was spent in the foster system. When

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Speaker 2: she was eleven, her grandmother, who had been instrumental in

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Speaker 2: raising her, had a stroke in her garden. It was

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Speaker 2: Brook that found her and called the ambulance and her

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Speaker 2: grandmother was taken to hospital in Perth. Brook's mum went

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Speaker 2: to visit her mum in hospital and while she was there,

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Speaker 2: she took her own life. At her mother's wake, Brooke

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Speaker 2: was sexually abused while she was sleeping. It's the kind

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Speaker 2: of story that makes you want to reach through those

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Speaker 2: words and hold the young girl who was dealing with

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Speaker 2: multiple complex traumas. While most eleven year olds get to

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Speaker 2: focus on the fun and joy of being a child.

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Speaker 2: At eleven, Brooke called her dad and she went to

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Speaker 2: live with him in Perth, and in the years that

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Speaker 2: followed the impact of the trauma she'd been through and

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Speaker 2: the trauma she was still living through manifested itself in

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Speaker 2: a number of ways.

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Speaker 3: It wasn't a better life. I was still being emotionally abused.

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Speaker 3: I was still being verbally abused because I didn't talk,

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Speaker 3: So maybe I wasn't being like physically abused as what

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Speaker 3: my previous life was like. I was still experiencing these

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Speaker 3: different traumas and I think, you.

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Speaker 4: Know, there's so many feelings that I had when I

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Speaker 4: was younger.

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Speaker 3: I was obviously I felt displaced is probably the word.

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Speaker 3: I felt insecure. I was very unhappy and very ashamed.

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Speaker 2: The story of how Brooke Blurton went on to thrive

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Speaker 2: at school and become a role model, both through her

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Speaker 2: work in the media and her work with at risk

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Speaker 2: youth is deeply moving. It's also an exploration in resilience,

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Speaker 2: finding happiness in darkness, and the way in which pride,

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Speaker 2: fun and joy can coexist with grief, despair and loneliness.

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Speaker 4: Here's Brook Blurton.

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Speaker 2: This episode mentions themes of drug addiction, sexual abuse and suicide,

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Speaker 2: so please listen with care. If you or someone you

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Speaker 2: know need support, reach out to Lifeline at thirteen teen

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Speaker 2: eleven fourteen one eight hundred respect or check our show

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Speaker 2: notes for more resources. Brook Blurton, You're known and adored

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Speaker 2: by the Australian public, and in twenty twenty two you

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Speaker 2: wrote a memoir called Big Love that shared your incredible

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Speaker 2: story of adversity and resilience and the transformative power of love.

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Speaker 2: From the outside, your life is glamorous and enviable, But

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Speaker 2: beneath the surface, how are you right now? What's your

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Speaker 2: life like at the moment?

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Speaker 4: Very good question.

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Speaker 3: My life now currently, I would say and describe as

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Speaker 3: maybe a work in progress, a whip, which you know

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Speaker 3: we all are, so that's always a fun thing.

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Speaker 4: But I feel like many times in my.

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Speaker 3: Life I'm going through different transitions in Korea, in personal,

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Speaker 3: in healing and growth. Like I think this couple of

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Speaker 3: years are self proclaimed my years to be my soft

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Speaker 3: Girl era, which means I guess prioritizing rest and restoration

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Speaker 3: and recovery, which comes back to a lot of other

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Speaker 3: things that have happened in my life that I haven't

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Speaker 3: really allowed myself to do this. So yeah, it's kind

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Speaker 3: of a bit of a like a stripping back, pulling

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Speaker 3: back error.

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Speaker 2: You grew up in community with your family, what do

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Speaker 2: you think so many Australians wouldn't know what understand about

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Speaker 2: growing up in community.

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Speaker 3: I think with the world and the industry that I

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Speaker 3: have been working in the last ten years, there isn't

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Speaker 3: this really understanding of what coming from the bush, or

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Speaker 3: coming from country towns, or coming from rural or regional

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Speaker 3: areas means it's just a different kind of way of living.

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Speaker 3: And I know, like you know, everyone's like, oh, I'm

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Speaker 3: like a country girl, and they have a view of

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Speaker 3: what that looks like. But it's more I guess from

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Speaker 3: a community that was very sort of isolated.

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Speaker 4: From the world.

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Speaker 3: I mean, Canarvin is nine hundred and thirty kilometers from Perth.

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Speaker 3: It's not remote, but it is rural and the population

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Speaker 3: around five thousand people, so everyone knows everyone, everyone is

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Speaker 3: in each other's business. But you know, growing up in

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Speaker 3: the community, it's quite communal. Like I guess growing up

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Speaker 3: with your cousins and your neighbors being your aunties or

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Speaker 3: your uncles and your men being across the road, Like,

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Speaker 3: it's just a different way of living to coming to

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Speaker 3: Perth or coming to the city or coming to Melbourne

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Speaker 3: where it's just like far greater population and it's a bit.

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Speaker 4: Hard to adapt to.

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Speaker 3: But yeah, I guess in community, what people wouldn't know

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Speaker 3: is how many values I guess that are established when

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Speaker 3: you're young and how much you sort of miss out.

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Speaker 4: On that when you get older.

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Speaker 2: What kind of values do you feel like you grew

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Speaker 2: up with because of having that baseline you came from.

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Speaker 4: Love and consideration. It's joy. The fact that I grew up.

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Speaker 3: Next to family was that I always had people coming

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Speaker 3: in and out of my house and that feeling. Some

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Speaker 3: people would get really aggravated or really annoyed at that

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Speaker 3: sort of part. You know, their value their privacy, But

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Speaker 3: it's not that you don't value your privacy. You just

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Speaker 3: value the community aspect of that and what it brings

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Speaker 3: to you. And the joy of having that sort of

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Speaker 3: open door policy of like welcoming and celebrating and I

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Speaker 3: guess being inclusive my mother and grandmother instilled in me

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Speaker 3: from a young age, you know, appreciating walking barefoot on country,

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Speaker 3: or appreciating times of day, so when the sun sets

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Speaker 3: and when the sun rises.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, like little things like that.

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Speaker 3: It may not mean much to the general public, but

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Speaker 3: culturally to me and culturally to First Nations people, it

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Speaker 3: actually is a part of us, and it means way

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Speaker 3: more than people can really fathom or gather together.

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Speaker 2: It's interesting what you say about the open door policy,

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Speaker 2: and some people might think that that's exhausting having lots

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Speaker 2: of people come through the door, But I've read that

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Speaker 2: sometimes when you grow up like that and then you

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Speaker 2: go to a city, it's actually the city people find

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Speaker 2: exhausting because you are interacting with so many people in

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Speaker 2: these little ways all day, and people that you don't know,

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Speaker 2: and that's actually far more intense. Did you kind of

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Speaker 2: have that whiplash?

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Speaker 4: Yeah, a lot.

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Speaker 3: Actually, when I was younger, adapting to the city was

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Speaker 3: quite difficult for me. I'd also experience quite a bit

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Speaker 3: of trauma in a very short period of time, so

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Speaker 3: I was suffering from a lot of PTSD, and I

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Speaker 3: guess the effect of that was that I actually shut

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Speaker 3: down and I didn't talk for two years when I

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Speaker 3: talk about that in Big Love. But I guess coming

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Speaker 3: out of that and adapting to to a different family,

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Speaker 3: a different city, different school, different friends, and different community

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Speaker 3: and plays, there was just so much happening that I

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Speaker 3: was probably just like overstimulated and over overwhelmed, if I'm

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Speaker 3: being honest. It was a lot, But I think I

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Speaker 3: sort of.

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Speaker 4: Found my.

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Speaker 3: Common ground, or I guess my grounding in AFL footy.

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Speaker 3: I played footy from when I was a younger kid

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Speaker 3: in Caernarvon and then moving to Perth, I still continued

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Speaker 3: it and that kind of set me on a path

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Speaker 3: where I could do what I loved and it felt

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Speaker 3: like home in some way.

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Speaker 4: So I sort of.

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Speaker 3: Had to make home in a place where it didn't

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Speaker 3: really feel like it. And yeah, you're right, I mean

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Speaker 3: people probably get overwhelmed by having these little interactions with

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Speaker 3: strangers all the time. Now I enjoy it, but at

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Speaker 3: that time, everything was new and everything was fresh, and

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Speaker 3: I was just kind of taking it for what it

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Speaker 3: was and what it is, so as you can imagine

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Speaker 3: an eleven year old, it was just so overwhelming to

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Speaker 3: find my feet in that age.

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Speaker 2: Going back to how you ended up in Perth at eleven,

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Speaker 2: So you grew up in you with your mum and

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Speaker 2: your grandmother and your siblings, and then when you were

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Speaker 2: eleven you lost both of them at about the same time.

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Speaker 2: What can you remember about that period and what kind

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Speaker 2: of kid were you when your whole life changed?

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Speaker 3: Well, like I said, I had kind of grown up

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Speaker 3: with my house kind of always being chaos in a

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Speaker 3: light term, good chaos and bad chaos, sometimes playing with

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Speaker 3: my siblings, having like you know, four of my siblings around,

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Speaker 3: and then when I guess my mum and my grandmother died,

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Speaker 3: we all separated and I didn't know where we all when,

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Speaker 3: what we were doing, if we don't see each other again,

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Speaker 3: if we'd come back together again.

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Speaker 4: And at that time, as a kid, I.

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Speaker 3: Was very shy, but I kind of held a responsibility

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Speaker 3: which was kind of unknown until later in my life

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Speaker 3: when I started unpack that. At an early age, I

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Speaker 3: kind of already decided that I had this role in

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Speaker 3: my family to take care of everyone. No one had

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Speaker 3: told me that, no one had said you need to

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Speaker 3: do this. Innately, It was actually a coping mechanism to

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Speaker 3: keep myself safe and to keep everyone else safe, so

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Speaker 3: my siblings, my grandmother who was really sick at the

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Speaker 3: time and obviously ended up passing away, and also you know,

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Speaker 3: dealing with a mum who was addicted to drugs and

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Speaker 3: had such a volatile relationship with it, and.

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Speaker 4: So there were so many moving parts of that part

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Speaker 4: of my life.

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Speaker 3: But I do remember, you know, I was a shy kid,

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Speaker 3: but then moving to the city helped me, I guess,

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Speaker 3: come out of my shell way more. But I just

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Speaker 3: remember that time thinking, am I going to be able

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Speaker 3: to see my siblings again and we're all going to

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Speaker 3: be together at that time, and kind of having an

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Speaker 3: innate feeling or desire or motivation to get us back

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Speaker 3: together again and to reunite however that looked or whatever

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Speaker 3: that was going to be, Like, I was determined to

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Speaker 3: do that. So I kind of treated Perth as a

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Speaker 3: new start, a new fresh obviously new family, new place.

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Speaker 4: I just thought, all right.

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Speaker 3: Like, yeah, I've kind of shut down and I went

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Speaker 3: internally into myself. But I built my confidence up step

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Speaker 3: by step, using footy and using school and using connections

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Speaker 3: that I made to get myself to a place where

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Speaker 3: I was like, okay, well, I can actually do this now.

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Speaker 2: Coming up next, I talked to Brooke about the moment

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Speaker 2: she learned the truth about how her mum died and

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Speaker 2: the severe depression that followed. So you're this little kid,

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Speaker 2: and you say you felt this sense of responsibility, which

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Speaker 2: I find fascinating that at such a young age you're

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Speaker 2: feeling responsible for your family and your grandmother. And that

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Speaker 2: is probably something that comes from that community living, that

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Speaker 2: you feel responsible for each other, and that's actually a

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Speaker 2: beautiful thing that not everybody gets to experience when you

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Speaker 2: don't have family that's that tight knit. I wonder when

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Speaker 2: you do experience trauma and when really horrific things happen,

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Speaker 2: does that responsibility do you almost weaponize that against yourself?

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Speaker 2: Like do you feel responsible for things which weren't your fault?

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Speaker 4: I did for a very long time.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: I guess between zero and a they say, you know,

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Speaker 3: therapus will say you establish your core beliefs. Between that

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Speaker 3: age and later in life, these will sort of determine

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Speaker 3: and show themselves.

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Speaker 4: I mean, I was a kid and I had to.

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Speaker 3: Grow up really quickly, and that obviously became more of

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Speaker 3: a survival mentality.

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Speaker 4: Like I said, to keep myself safe during that time.

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Speaker 4: No one had said that, No one had told.

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Speaker 3: Me that that was my innate, I guess feeling and

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Speaker 3: mechanism to do.

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Speaker 4: I think for a long time I hated.

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Speaker 3: Parts of my life because I thought it was my fault,

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Speaker 3: or because I could have made better choices, or you know,

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Speaker 3: I could have done this and I could have done that.

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Speaker 4: And I guess not in a way that I did

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Speaker 4: weaponize it, but I just.

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Speaker 3: It wasn't a positive feeling to look back at those moments,

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Speaker 3: and I kind of felt embarrassed and a bit shame.

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Speaker 3: I think shame is the word that I would always

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Speaker 3: get picked on because I was like too white for

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Speaker 3: the black kids, and then I was too black for

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Speaker 3: the white kids because I didn't have money and I

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Speaker 3: was poor, and I was embarrassed by those moments. So

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Speaker 3: I've now like channeled this feeling now which probably lives

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Speaker 3: in these that I will never go back to that.

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Speaker 3: So I've worked my ass off to get to this

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Speaker 3: place to never go back to that. So that kind

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Speaker 3: of weaponizing, Yes, that's more of a motivation and a

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Speaker 3: determination rather than a weaponizing.

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Speaker 2: You lost your mom by suicide. Do you remember the

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Speaker 2: moment you learnt that.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it was actually later, so we were told such

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Speaker 3: a different story when my mum actually died, so not.

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Speaker 4: That it really helped with the grieving process.

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Speaker 3: I think later on, when I was more eighteen and

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Speaker 3: found out the truth, I was more confused and probably

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Speaker 3: more angry, because you know, when I was eleven, I kind.

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Speaker 4: Of, you know, thought it was like an.

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Speaker 3: Accident, and I had been told that, and that's how

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Speaker 3: we process the information that it was an accident and

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Speaker 3: there was no control over it. But then I guess

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Speaker 3: when I found out that my mum did suicide and

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Speaker 3: she had control over that.

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Speaker 4: I was angry.

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Speaker 3: Like, as an eighteen year old, you're going through so

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Speaker 3: much already in life, and you're going through this transition

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Speaker 3: period of your life, like you're becoming an adult and

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Speaker 3: now you're you know, sort of left out into the

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Speaker 3: world to deal with things yourself without guidance, and I

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Speaker 3: already had sort of had to grow up with that already,

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Speaker 3: so I was kind of doing it alone. And then

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Speaker 3: having found out more about the lead up to her

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Speaker 3: death and what happened.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, so finding out later was honestly a very turmoil

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Speaker 4: sort of part of my life.

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Speaker 3: I then sort of suffered from my own mental health

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Speaker 3: issue and I had to sort of learn, I guess,

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Speaker 3: to deal with trauma. And that was, like I guess,

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Speaker 3: the first part of my journey.

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Speaker 4: Into healing and actually seeking help.

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Speaker 3: And it was also my first experience, not my first experience,

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Speaker 3: feeling suicidal or having suicidal adeation. I talk about this

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Speaker 3: a lot, and I'm very raw and I guess, you know,

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Speaker 3: open about my experiences in my lived experience, but it

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Speaker 3: was my first acceptance that I really needed help to

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Speaker 3: deal with this and to deal with the pain that

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Speaker 3: I was feeling, and also the anger and the embarrassment

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Speaker 3: and the displacement. Really that was pretty much what I

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Speaker 3: was feeling when I was an eighteen year old finding

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Speaker 3: out that my mum had taken her own life instead

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Speaker 3: of it being an accident.

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Speaker 2: How did that trauma manifest itself? I mean, there were

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Speaker 2: a few things that happened to you when you were

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Speaker 2: so young, and I can imagine that you talk about

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Speaker 2: how you didn't speak for two year, you were mute.

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Speaker 2: What other ways did the trauma manifest Well.

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Speaker 3: The very obvious one is obviously going mute and isolation inside.

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Speaker 4: I was very angry, but.

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Speaker 3: At the same weird time, in this weird sort of juxtaposition,

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Speaker 3: I was also grateful I'd moved to a family, a

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Speaker 3: white family which was my dad's family, who took me

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Speaker 3: under their roof, had given me sort of more of

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Speaker 3: a more conventional life. But it wasn't a better life.

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Speaker 3: I was still being emotionally abused. I was still being

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Speaker 3: verbally abused because I didn't talk, So maybe I wasn't

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Speaker 3: being like physically abused.

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Speaker 4: As what my previous life was like.

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Speaker 3: I was still experiencing these different traumas, and I think,

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Speaker 3: you know, there were so many feelings that I had

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Speaker 3: when I was younger. I was obviously I felt displaced

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Speaker 3: is probably the word. I felt insecure. I was very

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Speaker 3: unhappy and very ashamed. I didn't know who I was.

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Speaker 3: I didn't know where I belonged. I didn't know my identity.

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Speaker 3: I knew things about my cultural identity that I had

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Speaker 3: held so much, I held sacred and so close to

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Speaker 3: me because they were my grandmother's stories of stories that

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Speaker 3: you know, I will carry on, and I was really

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Speaker 3: proud of those. But yeah, I think it manifested in

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Speaker 3: mental health into more of it. I can't really say

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Speaker 3: that I was depressed at more eleven or twelve because

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Speaker 3: there was so much happening. I probably I probably was,

321
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Speaker 3: but I hadn't really, you know, had that diagnosis, so

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Speaker 3: I couldn't really say.

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Speaker 4: But if I was to see a doctor I've probably and.

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Speaker 3: Actually spoke about it, I probably would say that I

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Speaker 3: was ceviely.

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Speaker 4: Depressed at that time.

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Speaker 3: And so it was manifesting in so many different ways,

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Speaker 3: and the only thing that really only pulled me out

329
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Speaker 3: or brought me back to a place where I felt

330
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Speaker 3: happy and I felt that I did belong was actually

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Speaker 3: AFL Footy.

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Speaker 4: So I'm very very grateful for a stupid leveable.

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Speaker 2: I can imagine that that sense of community really pulls

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Speaker 2: you out, and it's also did it feel like a

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00:19:32,200 --> 00:19:36,040
Speaker 2: physical way to express what you were feeling without having

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00:19:36,280 --> 00:19:38,320
Speaker 2: to use words like what do you think it was

337
00:19:38,359 --> 00:19:41,800
Speaker 2: about AFL that brought you happiness in such a dark time?

338
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Speaker 3: The community aspect, for sure, and belonging to something or

339
00:19:47,560 --> 00:19:51,920
Speaker 3: some team that you feel like you are contributing and

340
00:19:51,960 --> 00:19:56,120
Speaker 3: you're offering something and you are valued for it, which

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00:19:56,160 --> 00:19:59,320
Speaker 3: seems so silly, I know, but I think when I

342
00:19:59,359 --> 00:20:01,520
Speaker 3: look at that younger version of myself, like that's all

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00:20:01,560 --> 00:20:05,080
Speaker 3: I really craved, was feeling like I belonged somewhere and

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00:20:05,400 --> 00:20:09,920
Speaker 3: feeling like I needed to be somewhere and feeling needed.

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Speaker 3: And I guess and appreciate it, and I think, you know,

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Speaker 3: when I played footy, I didn't really have to talk. Yeah,

347
00:20:18,280 --> 00:20:20,920
Speaker 3: I would yell for the ball, but it was more like,

348
00:20:21,200 --> 00:20:24,159
Speaker 3: you know, I learned to use my body and my

349
00:20:24,280 --> 00:20:29,840
Speaker 3: gestures and my use of eye contact to really tell

350
00:20:29,920 --> 00:20:32,840
Speaker 3: people what was going on even if I didn't or

351
00:20:32,960 --> 00:20:36,400
Speaker 3: couldn't really express that. So yeah, I kind of learned

352
00:20:36,400 --> 00:20:38,600
Speaker 3: how to talk with my eyes, which is funny. I

353
00:20:38,680 --> 00:20:43,400
Speaker 3: still do it now, like I'd rather not talk. But yeah,

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00:20:43,480 --> 00:20:45,840
Speaker 3: I guess footy was just taught me that there were

355
00:20:45,840 --> 00:20:50,000
Speaker 3: so many aspects of it that what I was really

356
00:20:50,040 --> 00:20:53,040
Speaker 3: seeking in that, And I think I grew like a

357
00:20:53,160 --> 00:20:57,680
Speaker 3: sisterhood with my teammates. The game has changed so much

358
00:20:57,680 --> 00:21:01,720
Speaker 3: of the years, but I still pride so much on,

359
00:21:02,400 --> 00:21:04,760
Speaker 3: you know, that part of my life being really down.

360
00:21:04,600 --> 00:21:09,479
Speaker 2: To footy with AFL you were also really good at it,

361
00:21:09,760 --> 00:21:12,760
Speaker 2: and you you were really good at athletics, and I

362
00:21:12,800 --> 00:21:17,560
Speaker 2: can imagine that like going to do something that you

363
00:21:17,840 --> 00:21:21,159
Speaker 2: are naturally really good at and then being able to

364
00:21:21,160 --> 00:21:23,240
Speaker 2: get better and better and better and stand out and

365
00:21:23,280 --> 00:21:26,800
Speaker 2: get positive reinforcement is such a huge source of self

366
00:21:26,880 --> 00:21:31,960
Speaker 2: esteem when you're going through struggles in your personal life.

367
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Speaker 2: By the end of school, you were head Girl. Is

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Speaker 2: that right?

369
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Speaker 4: Yeah?

370
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Speaker 2: What do you think it was? Were there people that

371
00:21:41,200 --> 00:21:45,840
Speaker 2: you can identify who really held your hand and got

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Speaker 2: you out of where you were?

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Speaker 3: There were very few people in my life at the time,

374
00:21:51,440 --> 00:21:55,119
Speaker 3: but the people that I guess showed so much compassion

375
00:21:56,080 --> 00:22:00,800
Speaker 3: and so much love towards me had made the biggest impact.

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00:22:01,320 --> 00:22:03,640
Speaker 3: It was such a pivotal thing for me to have

377
00:22:04,359 --> 00:22:09,720
Speaker 3: those extra curricular tutor programs that are sponsored by donations

378
00:22:09,760 --> 00:22:14,080
Speaker 3: and government, because those programs after school were the things

379
00:22:14,120 --> 00:22:17,679
Speaker 3: that got me through and actually leveraged me to be

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00:22:18,000 --> 00:22:22,680
Speaker 3: then more academic and graduating as Head Girl. It wasn't

381
00:22:22,720 --> 00:22:25,480
Speaker 3: even about the title. It was actually just the amount

382
00:22:25,480 --> 00:22:28,800
Speaker 3: of work that I put into to get that, but

383
00:22:28,840 --> 00:22:31,600
Speaker 3: then also to show that I am capable and I

384
00:22:31,640 --> 00:22:34,080
Speaker 3: am so much more than I think that I was

385
00:22:34,760 --> 00:22:38,560
Speaker 3: or am. And you're right, my self esteem was very low,

386
00:22:39,160 --> 00:22:42,080
Speaker 3: and I constantly in the face of that, I still

387
00:22:42,640 --> 00:22:45,840
Speaker 3: showed up and I still put a mask on. I

388
00:22:46,120 --> 00:22:49,800
Speaker 3: guess I tried to put this confidence version of myself

389
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Speaker 3: that was like, yes, I can do this and saying yes.

390
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Speaker 3: And I think my teachers and those people that did

391
00:22:55,560 --> 00:22:58,520
Speaker 3: really help, like Joe was a teacher at mine, and

392
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Speaker 3: Jeremy Bruce, who was also another teacher who taught me afel,

393
00:23:02,440 --> 00:23:05,760
Speaker 3: those people never really gave up on me and just

394
00:23:05,840 --> 00:23:07,640
Speaker 3: told me to keep saying yes to.

395
00:23:07,680 --> 00:23:10,119
Speaker 2: Things, because I think sometimes there can be a bit

396
00:23:10,160 --> 00:23:13,879
Speaker 2: of philosophy around boundaries and how important it is to

397
00:23:13,920 --> 00:23:16,679
Speaker 2: say no, But there's also something to be said for

398
00:23:16,760 --> 00:23:21,159
Speaker 2: that crucial moment of being young and taking risks and

399
00:23:21,200 --> 00:23:24,560
Speaker 2: saying yes to work out how strong you are and

400
00:23:24,600 --> 00:23:27,560
Speaker 2: how good you can be at things that maybe you

401
00:23:27,640 --> 00:23:30,960
Speaker 2: used to be scared of. Like to think that now

402
00:23:31,040 --> 00:23:35,800
Speaker 2: you're a speaker and you've been on national television and

403
00:23:35,880 --> 00:23:39,040
Speaker 2: in adolescence you didn't speak for two years, Like that's

404
00:23:39,080 --> 00:23:43,160
Speaker 2: a transformation that a lot of people can imagine.

405
00:23:43,400 --> 00:23:47,040
Speaker 3: Yeah, I feel like this has only really come out

406
00:23:47,040 --> 00:23:49,000
Speaker 3: in the last couple of years. I guess since writing

407
00:23:49,040 --> 00:23:52,040
Speaker 3: Big Love about my experiences growing up in the community,

408
00:23:52,080 --> 00:23:56,520
Speaker 3: and I guess even talking about me not talking is

409
00:23:56,760 --> 00:24:01,440
Speaker 3: very unusual, and it is a very conflicting thing because

410
00:24:02,560 --> 00:24:05,200
Speaker 3: some people don't not that they don't believe me, they're

411
00:24:05,240 --> 00:24:08,679
Speaker 3: just like a bit astonished that those two years of

412
00:24:08,720 --> 00:24:11,400
Speaker 3: my life I didn't talk and yeah, I probably said

413
00:24:11,440 --> 00:24:15,359
Speaker 3: thank you and hello and gestured, and I felt like

414
00:24:16,800 --> 00:24:19,760
Speaker 3: that's what I remember. I don't feel what I said

415
00:24:19,840 --> 00:24:22,879
Speaker 3: or didn't. I can't picture that, but I can remember

416
00:24:22,920 --> 00:24:26,000
Speaker 3: how I felt in that time, and I felt minimized,

417
00:24:26,040 --> 00:24:29,240
Speaker 3: and I felt internal, and I felt closed off to

418
00:24:29,280 --> 00:24:33,640
Speaker 3: the world. And it's I guess, then going feeling those

419
00:24:33,640 --> 00:24:36,080
Speaker 3: things and going through life and building myself up, and

420
00:24:36,080 --> 00:24:38,280
Speaker 3: then getting to a position to then apply for you know,

421
00:24:38,400 --> 00:24:40,800
Speaker 3: like a reality TV show, which.

422
00:24:40,600 --> 00:24:43,280
Speaker 4: You can't really express all of that.

423
00:24:43,840 --> 00:24:47,800
Speaker 3: In a show that's about dating one guy or finding

424
00:24:47,840 --> 00:24:50,160
Speaker 3: the love of your life, you can't really express all

425
00:24:50,200 --> 00:24:53,480
Speaker 3: of that. So it's crazy because this is I guess,

426
00:24:53,480 --> 00:24:56,320
Speaker 3: an expression of what people go through their lives. And

427
00:24:56,359 --> 00:25:01,840
Speaker 3: I guess also the complexities of humans and also trauma

428
00:25:02,080 --> 00:25:04,719
Speaker 3: and how that has an influence and mental health and

429
00:25:05,080 --> 00:25:08,880
Speaker 3: all of those things I can't really encompass in any

430
00:25:09,760 --> 00:25:10,880
Speaker 3: short seeing.

431
00:25:12,600 --> 00:25:15,560
Speaker 2: Up next, Brook talks about the time where the world

432
00:25:15,640 --> 00:25:18,880
Speaker 2: told her she'd be happy when she left the bachelorette

433
00:25:18,920 --> 00:25:22,520
Speaker 2: in a glamorous new relationship, and what was actually going

434
00:25:22,560 --> 00:25:34,800
Speaker 2: on behind the scenes. You're on the Bachelor, You're in

435
00:25:34,840 --> 00:25:37,639
Speaker 2: a mansion with a group of women who all have

436
00:25:37,680 --> 00:25:40,640
Speaker 2: their own stories and invisible struggles and that sort of thing.

437
00:25:41,960 --> 00:25:45,600
Speaker 2: But when you were having those experiences of the Bachelor,

438
00:25:45,760 --> 00:25:52,399
Speaker 2: Bachelor in Paradise, the Bachelorette, were there moments where the

439
00:25:52,440 --> 00:25:55,000
Speaker 2: world kind of told you you'd be happy, Like there were

440
00:25:55,200 --> 00:25:58,200
Speaker 2: moments where you're going to events and everything looks really

441
00:25:58,200 --> 00:26:01,000
Speaker 2: glamorous from the outside, but you actually weren't.

442
00:26:02,080 --> 00:26:07,800
Speaker 3: Yeah, of course, there's two really distinct moments that I

443
00:26:07,840 --> 00:26:13,280
Speaker 3: went to, and I think the first one is it

444
00:26:13,320 --> 00:26:16,560
Speaker 3: was post Bachelor and you know, I had left and

445
00:26:16,560 --> 00:26:19,840
Speaker 3: everyone's like, you know, you dodged a bullet and oh

446
00:26:19,920 --> 00:26:25,240
Speaker 3: good on you and gay and in enough time had

447
00:26:25,280 --> 00:26:28,160
Speaker 3: gone on sort of build myself back up from that experience,

448
00:26:28,160 --> 00:26:30,280
Speaker 3: and then it you know, you reintroduce it and you

449
00:26:30,359 --> 00:26:33,679
Speaker 3: re air it, and then you sort of relive it

450
00:26:33,920 --> 00:26:34,800
Speaker 3: at the same time.

451
00:26:35,840 --> 00:26:37,600
Speaker 4: And then as you're reliving.

452
00:26:37,120 --> 00:26:39,639
Speaker 3: It, all those sort of feelings are coming back up again,

453
00:26:39,680 --> 00:26:42,640
Speaker 3: and depending on where you're at in life, you can

454
00:26:42,840 --> 00:26:45,040
Speaker 3: really feel it or you can close it off. But

455
00:26:45,120 --> 00:26:47,720
Speaker 3: I am a feeler, so I felt every sort of

456
00:26:47,840 --> 00:26:52,680
Speaker 3: moment again, and everyone was like that, such a boss babe,

457
00:26:52,920 --> 00:26:55,720
Speaker 3: like good on you for walking out, but not realizing

458
00:26:55,760 --> 00:26:59,679
Speaker 3: at the same time the honey Badger is messaging me

459
00:26:59,880 --> 00:27:04,240
Speaker 3: and confusing my feelings as well in that time, and

460
00:27:04,280 --> 00:27:06,120
Speaker 3: everyone's like, you're a boss babe, and I'm.

461
00:27:05,920 --> 00:27:08,200
Speaker 4: Like, I don't know what's going on. I have no idea.

462
00:27:08,359 --> 00:27:09,880
Speaker 4: This is the first time I've been on TV. It's

463
00:27:09,880 --> 00:27:11,480
Speaker 4: such a and I should be.

464
00:27:11,400 --> 00:27:13,960
Speaker 3: Really happy, and like everyone's like, you're killing it, and

465
00:27:14,000 --> 00:27:16,280
Speaker 3: I'm like, well, no, Like at the same time, I'm

466
00:27:16,320 --> 00:27:24,240
Speaker 3: like confused. I'm so confused because it's just overwhelming and

467
00:27:24,400 --> 00:27:29,000
Speaker 3: so unusual. It's such a world that I'd never really like,

468
00:27:29,120 --> 00:27:31,119
Speaker 3: and I just, you know what I just said, I

469
00:27:31,240 --> 00:27:33,639
Speaker 3: can't deal with this. I'm going to go back to

470
00:27:33,680 --> 00:27:35,320
Speaker 3: my normal job. I'm going to go back to work,

471
00:27:35,359 --> 00:27:37,399
Speaker 3: and I'm just going to pretend it didn't happen for

472
00:27:37,480 --> 00:27:40,439
Speaker 3: a moment, and then I'll deal with it when it

473
00:27:40,480 --> 00:27:41,240
Speaker 3: comes to that.

474
00:27:41,840 --> 00:27:42,760
Speaker 4: So that's what I did.

475
00:27:42,800 --> 00:27:44,960
Speaker 3: And I guess the second time, which is probably a

476
00:27:45,000 --> 00:27:49,080
Speaker 3: little bit more fresh and a bit more serious again,

477
00:27:49,240 --> 00:27:52,200
Speaker 3: is post bachelorette, and everyone thinks that you're in this

478
00:27:52,280 --> 00:27:56,480
Speaker 3: perfect relationship and you're in love and you're so happy,

479
00:27:56,880 --> 00:28:00,200
Speaker 3: and they didn't realize that my sister had passed away

480
00:28:00,600 --> 00:28:04,720
Speaker 3: the day that I had filmed the last night of finale,

481
00:28:05,480 --> 00:28:07,800
Speaker 3: So finale was on a Thursday night.

482
00:28:07,880 --> 00:28:10,120
Speaker 4: I spent three days with my chosen.

483
00:28:09,800 --> 00:28:13,480
Speaker 3: Partner, and then once I got out of that experience,

484
00:28:13,600 --> 00:28:18,639
Speaker 3: I'd found out my sister had passed away. So yeah,

485
00:28:18,720 --> 00:28:22,320
Speaker 3: I mean, how do you process one of the happiest

486
00:28:22,320 --> 00:28:25,840
Speaker 3: moments of your life and one of the most awful

487
00:28:25,920 --> 00:28:27,840
Speaker 3: times of your life. And I think when I was

488
00:28:27,840 --> 00:28:31,000
Speaker 3: doing my publicity and having to talk about being in

489
00:28:31,040 --> 00:28:34,520
Speaker 3: love and finding someone and you know, I'm so happy

490
00:28:34,560 --> 00:28:38,000
Speaker 3: that I've done this experience, and also having to deal

491
00:28:38,000 --> 00:28:40,160
Speaker 3: with sorry business and having to deal with grief and

492
00:28:40,480 --> 00:28:46,240
Speaker 3: so feeling guilty because you weren't there for your sister.

493
00:28:47,120 --> 00:28:50,720
Speaker 3: So yeah, yes, So the two moments where people think

494
00:28:50,760 --> 00:28:53,200
Speaker 3: that you're really, really, really happy and you're killing it

495
00:28:53,240 --> 00:28:56,280
Speaker 3: and you're slaying it, and you're also trying to believe that,

496
00:28:56,720 --> 00:28:59,320
Speaker 3: but there is a part of you that's also like,

497
00:29:00,080 --> 00:29:02,440
Speaker 3: this is the truth, and this is actually generally how

498
00:29:02,480 --> 00:29:05,760
Speaker 3: I feel, and I can't really express that because people

499
00:29:05,800 --> 00:29:06,640
Speaker 3: won't understand.

500
00:29:07,840 --> 00:29:12,520
Speaker 2: And in that period after actuallyrette, I think I remember

501
00:29:12,560 --> 00:29:14,920
Speaker 2: that that you were doing the project and you're doing

502
00:29:15,000 --> 00:29:19,440
Speaker 2: all the glamorous interviews and everybody's unpacking your love story,

503
00:29:19,520 --> 00:29:22,840
Speaker 2: and there's a lot that goes on that probably feels

504
00:29:23,560 --> 00:29:30,400
Speaker 2: incredibly superficial compared to a huge loss that you're grieving

505
00:29:30,400 --> 00:29:34,840
Speaker 2: at the same time. What did you do in that

506
00:29:34,920 --> 00:29:40,280
Speaker 2: period to navigate those two extremes, because I imagine you're

507
00:29:40,520 --> 00:29:45,320
Speaker 2: contractually obliged to do all of that press afterwards. Did

508
00:29:45,320 --> 00:29:47,800
Speaker 2: you feel like you got support from the people you

509
00:29:47,840 --> 00:29:51,000
Speaker 2: were working with. Did you feel like you got support

510
00:29:51,080 --> 00:29:53,080
Speaker 2: from the guy you had chosen.

511
00:29:54,760 --> 00:30:00,600
Speaker 3: It's such an unusual experience to explain. I definitely feel

512
00:30:00,720 --> 00:30:06,520
Speaker 3: like personally I had partly disassociated from my life when

513
00:30:06,560 --> 00:30:08,680
Speaker 3: I look back at it and then have talked about it,

514
00:30:08,800 --> 00:30:11,840
Speaker 3: you know, during therapy, because it feels like.

515
00:30:11,840 --> 00:30:15,320
Speaker 4: Such a blur. It feels like I wasn't quite there.

516
00:30:15,600 --> 00:30:17,920
Speaker 3: And in those moments, I think, you know, I was

517
00:30:18,760 --> 00:30:22,920
Speaker 3: experiencing grief for I guess PTSD as well. It was

518
00:30:22,960 --> 00:30:25,040
Speaker 3: coming back in those times, and I wish that I

519
00:30:25,240 --> 00:30:30,320
Speaker 3: was a bit more present. I'm really disappointed in I

520
00:30:30,360 --> 00:30:37,240
Speaker 3: guess my experience with that in ways because my family

521
00:30:37,280 --> 00:30:40,600
Speaker 3: are so we're so close and during this time we

522
00:30:40,720 --> 00:30:43,600
Speaker 3: really rallied together and we became so much more closer

523
00:30:43,640 --> 00:30:47,480
Speaker 3: for this experience because now we're having to organize a funeral.

524
00:30:48,240 --> 00:30:50,720
Speaker 3: But it was also really heartbreaking because yeah, I am

525
00:30:50,800 --> 00:30:57,080
Speaker 3: contractually obliged to this performative aspect and having to still

526
00:30:57,120 --> 00:31:00,280
Speaker 3: continue filming, like the day before my sister's funeral, my

527
00:31:00,400 --> 00:31:03,520
Speaker 3: family and I filming our backstory and.

528
00:31:04,400 --> 00:31:06,040
Speaker 4: That was really heartbreaking.

529
00:31:06,200 --> 00:31:08,480
Speaker 3: And my brother and I actually spoke about it recently

530
00:31:08,520 --> 00:31:12,920
Speaker 3: when he was in Melbourne, just the unusual feeling of

531
00:31:14,840 --> 00:31:19,080
Speaker 3: on just like putting your trauma and everything and experience

532
00:31:19,080 --> 00:31:21,480
Speaker 3: and grief just to the side and being like, Okay,

533
00:31:21,560 --> 00:31:21,960
Speaker 3: now I have.

534
00:31:22,000 --> 00:31:24,840
Speaker 4: To put this on. And it wasn't healthy.

535
00:31:25,000 --> 00:31:28,040
Speaker 3: I must admit it was probably the most unhealthiest way

536
00:31:28,080 --> 00:31:30,080
Speaker 3: of dealing with it at the time, but I just

537
00:31:30,120 --> 00:31:31,960
Speaker 3: needed to get through it and then once I was

538
00:31:32,000 --> 00:31:36,040
Speaker 3: over that hill, I could then allow myself. I mean,

539
00:31:36,120 --> 00:31:38,880
Speaker 3: I was really also lucky in ways too, because I

540
00:31:39,120 --> 00:31:43,080
Speaker 3: just picked a really beautiful partner who was really supportive

541
00:31:43,240 --> 00:31:46,600
Speaker 3: and wanted to be there for me. But couldn't because

542
00:31:46,600 --> 00:31:49,040
Speaker 3: we couldn't be in public and we couldn't be seen together,

543
00:31:49,200 --> 00:31:53,080
Speaker 3: and so that was also another complexity to that. And

544
00:31:53,120 --> 00:31:56,959
Speaker 3: then on top of that was COVID and lockdowns and

545
00:31:57,040 --> 00:32:01,720
Speaker 3: being away from home and flying back from Sydney. Trying

546
00:32:01,720 --> 00:32:07,200
Speaker 3: to get into WA was the most excruciating painful thing

547
00:32:07,440 --> 00:32:10,000
Speaker 3: that I had to come up with some legal garbage

548
00:32:10,360 --> 00:32:14,760
Speaker 3: pretty much get the network to write a letter to say, like,

549
00:32:14,920 --> 00:32:18,400
Speaker 3: if you are declining or not allowing me to enter

550
00:32:18,480 --> 00:32:22,720
Speaker 3: into my state and my country, you are actually obstructing

551
00:32:22,760 --> 00:32:27,120
Speaker 3: me to practice cultural protocol, which is so busy and

552
00:32:27,200 --> 00:32:30,640
Speaker 3: so yeah, that was difficult to first get into WA

553
00:32:30,800 --> 00:32:34,160
Speaker 3: and then in the two week lockdown period being isolated

554
00:32:34,200 --> 00:32:38,960
Speaker 3: by myself with my dog at home organizing a funeral.

555
00:32:39,520 --> 00:32:43,280
Speaker 3: So in the moments of hey, she's just come off

556
00:32:43,280 --> 00:32:46,200
Speaker 3: the show, she's really really happy, she's found someone. She's

557
00:32:46,240 --> 00:32:49,640
Speaker 3: a bachelorette, you know, and all of these comments and

558
00:32:50,000 --> 00:32:54,360
Speaker 3: tabloids and etc. To then being in an ABNB by

559
00:32:54,360 --> 00:32:57,600
Speaker 3: yourself organizing a funeral for your sister that you've just lost.

560
00:32:57,680 --> 00:33:01,680
Speaker 3: It's just I don't place myself there everyone. I don't

561
00:33:01,760 --> 00:33:05,200
Speaker 3: not want to place myself there every again. Because I don't. Yeah,

562
00:33:05,280 --> 00:33:06,200
Speaker 3: it's not a fun time.

563
00:33:06,840 --> 00:33:10,800
Speaker 2: And meanwhile, yeah, I can imagine you're going through such

564
00:33:10,840 --> 00:33:15,320
Speaker 2: a harrowing experience and from the outside, beautiful photos of

565
00:33:15,360 --> 00:33:17,680
Speaker 2: you in the finale dress and you and your hair

566
00:33:17,720 --> 00:33:21,320
Speaker 2: and makeup, and it just looks like the most you know, glamorous,

567
00:33:21,360 --> 00:33:25,440
Speaker 2: simple time, and it's beneath the surface, it's absolutely not

568
00:33:26,480 --> 00:33:32,200
Speaker 2: in those moments. You obviously have friends that you've made

569
00:33:33,200 --> 00:33:37,320
Speaker 2: since you've had a profile of your own. Do you

570
00:33:37,360 --> 00:33:41,600
Speaker 2: ever get uncomfortable about whether people want to be friends

571
00:33:41,640 --> 00:33:46,000
Speaker 2: with you for the right reasons? Like, obviously you have

572
00:33:46,760 --> 00:33:52,680
Speaker 2: been through so much. You need people to understand you culturally,

573
00:33:52,880 --> 00:33:56,120
Speaker 2: you need people to understand your trauma. You need people

574
00:33:56,160 --> 00:33:59,400
Speaker 2: to understand who you are. Do you worry that people

575
00:33:59,480 --> 00:34:02,480
Speaker 2: ever want to be friends with you for the fun,

576
00:34:02,520 --> 00:34:06,000
Speaker 2: shiny bits and not for the deeper bits.

577
00:34:06,960 --> 00:34:10,440
Speaker 3: Those type of people showed their true colors during that time,

578
00:34:10,600 --> 00:34:14,759
Speaker 3: for sure, especially within the breakup as well. When a

579
00:34:14,799 --> 00:34:17,600
Speaker 3: relationship breaks up, you know, you do find out who's

580
00:34:17,640 --> 00:34:20,080
Speaker 3: there for you and who's not. And you know what,

581
00:34:20,279 --> 00:34:22,759
Speaker 3: I kind of had this like mentality which is probably

582
00:34:22,839 --> 00:34:25,680
Speaker 3: not also healthy by the way, So it's like, you know,

583
00:34:26,080 --> 00:34:28,480
Speaker 3: those who matter don't mind, and those who.

584
00:34:28,319 --> 00:34:30,200
Speaker 4: Don't matter mind.

585
00:34:30,439 --> 00:34:32,399
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, you know, during that.

586
00:34:32,359 --> 00:34:34,799
Speaker 3: Time, I guess I probably would have said that to myself.

587
00:34:35,319 --> 00:34:37,759
Speaker 3: And you know, I guess the true colors of people

588
00:34:38,120 --> 00:34:40,480
Speaker 3: do show, and you can kind of read the room.

589
00:34:40,359 --> 00:34:41,399
Speaker 4: And understand that.

590
00:34:42,359 --> 00:34:45,040
Speaker 3: I've always been really picky with my friends as well.

591
00:34:45,439 --> 00:34:51,160
Speaker 3: I generally love people who have such a warm heart

592
00:34:51,279 --> 00:34:55,440
Speaker 3: and a kind and a compassionate and care about people.

593
00:34:56,000 --> 00:34:58,520
Speaker 3: And I look at my friends that I have now

594
00:34:58,560 --> 00:35:01,679
Speaker 3: and have remained, I guess since the show and from

595
00:35:01,719 --> 00:35:04,239
Speaker 3: the show as well. You know, I was best friends

596
00:35:04,239 --> 00:35:06,719
Speaker 3: with like one of my producers, and she's still like

597
00:35:06,759 --> 00:35:09,120
Speaker 3: one of my close friends. But she lives in Sydney,

598
00:35:09,160 --> 00:35:10,839
Speaker 3: you know, and she was pregnant during the whole time

599
00:35:10,879 --> 00:35:12,879
Speaker 3: we're filming Bachelorette, and it.

600
00:35:12,719 --> 00:35:15,120
Speaker 4: Felt like I'd known her baby without.

601
00:35:14,839 --> 00:35:17,799
Speaker 3: Even meeting him, and then meeting him, he'd known, like

602
00:35:17,879 --> 00:35:19,239
Speaker 3: my voice, you know what I mean.

603
00:35:19,359 --> 00:35:23,040
Speaker 4: So can't tell me, like that's not this show.

604
00:35:23,160 --> 00:35:26,719
Speaker 3: You don't develop relationships and beautiful friendships because you do.

605
00:35:27,799 --> 00:35:30,680
Speaker 3: I find it more difficult, not with friendships, but more

606
00:35:30,719 --> 00:35:32,400
Speaker 3: probably dating as well.

607
00:35:33,160 --> 00:35:35,799
Speaker 4: And I found, you know, dating since.

608
00:35:35,560 --> 00:35:39,399
Speaker 3: The show has been proven pretty difficult because people have

609
00:35:39,479 --> 00:35:42,160
Speaker 3: an idea of you, and people have a perception of

610
00:35:42,200 --> 00:35:45,600
Speaker 3: you from your profile, from your Instagram, from your TikTok,

611
00:35:45,759 --> 00:35:49,200
Speaker 3: you know, from googling you, rather than just finding out

612
00:35:49,279 --> 00:35:52,360
Speaker 3: who you really are as well. I mean, I always

613
00:35:52,520 --> 00:35:55,079
Speaker 3: joke I'm like, go read my book. Read two hundred

614
00:35:55,120 --> 00:35:58,079
Speaker 3: and seventy pages. You understand my life and who I am,

615
00:35:58,200 --> 00:36:01,239
Speaker 3: because that was the raw pages of my life that

616
00:36:01,319 --> 00:36:02,360
Speaker 3: I'd never really shared.

617
00:36:03,680 --> 00:36:08,999
Speaker 2: You have done youth work, and I wonder when you

618
00:36:09,080 --> 00:36:12,999
Speaker 2: meet other young people who have been through trauma, have

619
00:36:13,080 --> 00:36:17,520
Speaker 2: had really hard upbringings, how do you protect yourself from

620
00:36:17,520 --> 00:36:21,399
Speaker 2: not being re traumatized from taking on their pain. You're

621
00:36:21,439 --> 00:36:24,839
Speaker 2: the kind of person who feels things really deeply. How

622
00:36:24,839 --> 00:36:28,279
Speaker 2: do you help them without feeling exactly what they're feeling.

623
00:36:29,839 --> 00:36:32,920
Speaker 4: This is a muscle that I've definitely developed over the years.

624
00:36:33,000 --> 00:36:35,080
Speaker 3: I think, you know, you're kind of taught that in

625
00:36:35,160 --> 00:36:38,799
Speaker 3: youth work on professional boundaries. But I guess how I

626
00:36:38,839 --> 00:36:42,160
Speaker 3: protect myself is I've dealt with a lot of my

627
00:36:42,239 --> 00:36:47,759
Speaker 3: experiences writing them out, talking them out, speaking them out.

628
00:36:48,319 --> 00:36:51,839
Speaker 3: I can sometimes look at my life from like a

629
00:36:51,879 --> 00:36:56,319
Speaker 3: bird's eye view lens and know that yes, these experiences

630
00:36:56,479 --> 00:37:01,279
Speaker 3: have happened, and yeah they were horrible, they were traumatic,

631
00:37:01,560 --> 00:37:04,399
Speaker 3: but I wouldn't really be in this position, or I

632
00:37:04,399 --> 00:37:07,879
Speaker 3: wouldn't be really here if I hadn't had those experiences too.

633
00:37:08,120 --> 00:37:10,959
Speaker 4: And I have to look at them as a that

634
00:37:11,080 --> 00:37:12,200
Speaker 4: was then and this.

635
00:37:12,279 --> 00:37:15,279
Speaker 3: Is now, and I can use them and I can

636
00:37:15,359 --> 00:37:17,399
Speaker 3: kind of pull into that basket boat now and then

637
00:37:17,439 --> 00:37:18,799
Speaker 3: when whenever I need to.

638
00:37:19,640 --> 00:37:20,879
Speaker 4: But I don't always have to.

639
00:37:21,520 --> 00:37:24,160
Speaker 3: And I guess it's kind of reading your experience, reading

640
00:37:24,200 --> 00:37:27,239
Speaker 3: the room, and reading what is needed from that young

641
00:37:27,319 --> 00:37:31,200
Speaker 3: person too. They don't necessarily need to know everything that

642
00:37:31,319 --> 00:37:35,999
Speaker 3: traumatic happened to you. It's more about being like, I

643
00:37:36,000 --> 00:37:38,080
Speaker 3: grew up in community. I know what it's like, and

644
00:37:38,120 --> 00:37:40,600
Speaker 3: there is that sort of common understanding and that common

645
00:37:40,640 --> 00:37:43,359
Speaker 3: knowledge that you have that some people might not have,

646
00:37:43,520 --> 00:37:47,559
Speaker 3: especially non Indigenous people working with indigenous kids. So you

647
00:37:47,640 --> 00:37:49,999
Speaker 3: kind of have a little bit more common ground and

648
00:37:50,040 --> 00:37:54,120
Speaker 3: that's probably more of a blessing than anything else, because

649
00:37:54,719 --> 00:37:57,200
Speaker 3: you can place yourself in the shoes of that kid

650
00:37:57,239 --> 00:37:59,999
Speaker 3: and be like, okay, like at this time, yes, I

651
00:38:00,040 --> 00:38:02,479
Speaker 3: was a bit uneasy. I felt like I was, you know,

652
00:38:02,600 --> 00:38:04,680
Speaker 3: lacked confidence, I lacked self esteem. But how do I

653
00:38:04,680 --> 00:38:06,359
Speaker 3: build myself out. How did I do that?

654
00:38:07,279 --> 00:38:09,920
Speaker 2: Do you find that you get a lot of joy

655
00:38:10,000 --> 00:38:14,160
Speaker 2: and lot of meaning out of working with those kids?

656
00:38:14,919 --> 00:38:18,799
Speaker 3: They teach me more about myself than anyone else has,

657
00:38:18,879 --> 00:38:22,239
Speaker 3: really and I think they teach me more than what

658
00:38:22,359 --> 00:38:23,279
Speaker 3: I teach them.

659
00:38:24,319 --> 00:38:29,919
Speaker 2: As an Indigenous woman who I imagine has worked with

660
00:38:30,080 --> 00:38:36,359
Speaker 2: some Indigenous youth. When last year Australia voted on the

661
00:38:36,439 --> 00:38:43,360
Speaker 2: Voiced Parliament and we voted no as a country, how

662
00:38:43,399 --> 00:38:49,519
Speaker 2: do you reconcile that in your mind in terms of

663
00:38:49,560 --> 00:38:55,400
Speaker 2: how you can live happy and content life when there's

664
00:38:55,439 --> 00:39:00,759
Speaker 2: this weight, and how do you speak to young people

665
00:39:00,839 --> 00:39:03,640
Speaker 2: about that who might be feeling really really defeated.

666
00:39:05,000 --> 00:39:11,479
Speaker 3: It's a pretty touchy topic for most people post referendum,

667
00:39:12,200 --> 00:39:16,080
Speaker 3: I guess post day of referendum. I was sort of

668
00:39:16,120 --> 00:39:18,960
Speaker 3: in damage control with a lot of my younger girls.

669
00:39:19,879 --> 00:39:23,239
Speaker 3: The day before, they had Senator Jonah Stewart come in

670
00:39:23,520 --> 00:39:26,080
Speaker 3: and you know, talk about the voice and the referendum,

671
00:39:26,120 --> 00:39:29,959
Speaker 3: so they really understood what it meant. And then to have,

672
00:39:30,839 --> 00:39:34,200
Speaker 3: you know, Australia vote no, it was kind of like

673
00:39:35,439 --> 00:39:38,160
Speaker 3: boosting them up and then telling them that they're not

674
00:39:38,200 --> 00:39:41,960
Speaker 3: good enough and that's not just reflective of that group

675
00:39:41,959 --> 00:39:45,479
Speaker 3: of girls at all. That's just representative of all First

676
00:39:45,560 --> 00:39:49,279
Speaker 3: Nations people who felt that, which is really shit. But

677
00:39:49,520 --> 00:39:53,239
Speaker 3: at the same time it's given a lot of us,

678
00:39:53,399 --> 00:39:55,879
Speaker 3: and I say, as First Nations people a bit more

679
00:39:55,879 --> 00:39:58,599
Speaker 3: of a fire in our belly to change systems and

680
00:39:58,719 --> 00:40:04,239
Speaker 3: to take up space. It hasn't really I think having

681
00:40:04,279 --> 00:40:08,279
Speaker 3: the moment of silence and you know afterwards was probably

682
00:40:08,399 --> 00:40:11,160
Speaker 3: needed for some But I was kind of back into

683
00:40:11,759 --> 00:40:13,200
Speaker 3: work and I was like, you know, I'm not going

684
00:40:13,279 --> 00:40:16,279
Speaker 3: to let this defeat me because it doesn't mean anything

685
00:40:16,319 --> 00:40:19,600
Speaker 3: in any way, like, yeah, okay, the constitution doesn't change,

686
00:40:20,120 --> 00:40:21,279
Speaker 3: and yeah Australia is.

687
00:40:21,279 --> 00:40:23,400
Speaker 4: Still a hugely racist.

688
00:40:23,000 --> 00:40:26,079
Speaker 3: Country for the moment, but it doesn't change my view

689
00:40:26,160 --> 00:40:28,880
Speaker 3: on my voice. Like I've worked really hard to find

690
00:40:28,879 --> 00:40:31,999
Speaker 3: my voice. I'm not going to let a stupid legislation

691
00:40:32,239 --> 00:40:37,239
Speaker 3: or referendum really diminish that if anything. And so when

692
00:40:37,239 --> 00:40:39,639
Speaker 3: I was in damage control with the girls and trying

693
00:40:39,680 --> 00:40:41,799
Speaker 3: to get them to not be so defeated the same

694
00:40:41,839 --> 00:40:44,519
Speaker 3: way I was feeling defeated in that day, But at

695
00:40:44,560 --> 00:40:46,080
Speaker 3: the same time, I was like, I'm going to be

696
00:40:46,399 --> 00:40:48,479
Speaker 3: and sort of stand in my power to show them

697
00:40:48,520 --> 00:40:51,959
Speaker 3: that this will not defeat us. And you know, we

698
00:40:52,000 --> 00:40:56,159
Speaker 3: wrote down it's like, okay, let's remind ourselves, like, let's

699
00:40:56,160 --> 00:40:58,960
Speaker 3: boost ourselves up, let's boost our self esteem, let's boost

700
00:40:59,719 --> 00:41:01,680
Speaker 3: why we are so proud of our culture and why

701
00:41:01,759 --> 00:41:04,039
Speaker 3: we are so proud to be Aboriginal women. And I

702
00:41:04,080 --> 00:41:05,600
Speaker 3: was with, you know, the group of girls, and we

703
00:41:05,640 --> 00:41:07,639
Speaker 3: wrote down on this big butcher's paper in the middle

704
00:41:07,680 --> 00:41:09,759
Speaker 3: of the table and I wrote in the middle and.

705
00:41:09,680 --> 00:41:12,200
Speaker 4: I said, why you proud to be Aboriginal?

706
00:41:12,399 --> 00:41:14,359
Speaker 3: We don't have any tourists right islander girls, So we

707
00:41:14,479 --> 00:41:16,480
Speaker 3: just sort of wrote, you know, why are you proud

708
00:41:16,520 --> 00:41:17,999
Speaker 3: to be Aboriginal?

709
00:41:18,600 --> 00:41:19,120
Speaker 4: And you know, a.

710
00:41:19,160 --> 00:41:21,079
Speaker 3: Lot of the things that the girls wrote, we're just

711
00:41:21,200 --> 00:41:22,680
Speaker 3: you know, I've got a photo of it still to

712
00:41:22,719 --> 00:41:25,480
Speaker 3: this day, and sometimes it used to be my wallpaper

713
00:41:25,520 --> 00:41:28,120
Speaker 3: because it made me so happy to see why they

714
00:41:28,160 --> 00:41:30,680
Speaker 3: were still so proud and why they should be proud

715
00:41:31,319 --> 00:41:34,759
Speaker 3: and still continue to be proud. Girls wrote, you know,

716
00:41:35,520 --> 00:41:38,519
Speaker 3: because my answers just came before me. They sacrificed so

717
00:41:38,640 --> 00:41:41,959
Speaker 3: much before me. I stand on their shoulders of giants

718
00:41:42,080 --> 00:41:45,640
Speaker 3: and all these beautiful things, and they came up with

719
00:41:45,680 --> 00:41:47,799
Speaker 3: them all themselves, and they were just having so much

720
00:41:47,839 --> 00:41:50,160
Speaker 3: fun with it and seeing like them go from like

721
00:41:50,319 --> 00:41:54,000
Speaker 3: being defeated to them being like inspired and being really

722
00:41:54,479 --> 00:41:57,479
Speaker 3: happy and feeling that joy like I talk about that

723
00:41:57,520 --> 00:42:00,519
Speaker 3: black joy. I was like, Okay, well I've done my job,

724
00:42:00,680 --> 00:42:03,439
Speaker 3: but yeah, it doesn't mean it doesn't stop there.

725
00:42:03,479 --> 00:42:05,039
Speaker 4: It was like, okay, like how do I do this

726
00:42:05,160 --> 00:42:07,239
Speaker 4: on a greater scale? You know, how do I?

727
00:42:07,479 --> 00:42:10,640
Speaker 3: And I guess it's just you know, inserting myself into

728
00:42:11,160 --> 00:42:14,239
Speaker 3: systems and places, and you know, I have a podcast

729
00:42:14,520 --> 00:42:17,200
Speaker 3: as well which we share a lot about First Nations

730
00:42:18,040 --> 00:42:23,319
Speaker 3: things to hopefully educate and inspire people to change their minds.

731
00:42:23,359 --> 00:42:24,959
Speaker 4: But also it's not my job.

732
00:42:25,239 --> 00:42:28,559
Speaker 3: And I also don't really love the word reconciliation, Like

733
00:42:28,680 --> 00:42:31,080
Speaker 3: I think, you know what that was a sort of

734
00:42:31,120 --> 00:42:35,040
Speaker 3: invitation to reconcile, and that was an invitation to step

735
00:42:35,080 --> 00:42:39,759
Speaker 3: into the right direction as a nation. And Australia you know,

736
00:42:39,919 --> 00:42:42,719
Speaker 3: told us that that's not what they want and that's

737
00:42:42,799 --> 00:42:45,479
Speaker 3: unfortunate because you know, they've got so much to learn,

738
00:42:45,520 --> 00:42:48,959
Speaker 3: I guess from First Nations culture and you know, now

739
00:42:49,040 --> 00:42:52,160
Speaker 3: apparently a lot of First Nations people like, well it's reckoning,

740
00:42:52,279 --> 00:42:54,239
Speaker 3: Like it's like, now we're going to go for it,

741
00:42:54,279 --> 00:42:57,120
Speaker 3: and we're going to actually show you, like we will

742
00:42:57,200 --> 00:42:59,000
Speaker 3: take up spaces where we belong.

743
00:42:59,200 --> 00:43:01,279
Speaker 4: And it's kind of like watched this space in a

744
00:43:01,319 --> 00:43:02,079
Speaker 4: way in.

745
00:43:02,000 --> 00:43:07,479
Speaker 3: A positive manner, like we're very loving culture, we're very passionate,

746
00:43:08,439 --> 00:43:10,839
Speaker 3: loving community, value you based.

747
00:43:11,080 --> 00:43:12,759
Speaker 4: We gave that invitation.

748
00:43:12,520 --> 00:43:15,799
Speaker 3: As an invitation to walk beside us, and unfortunately it

749
00:43:15,839 --> 00:43:19,999
Speaker 3: wasn't received. But I don't want to always feel like

750
00:43:20,959 --> 00:43:25,239
Speaker 3: I'm always on the mic and I'm always the spokesperson,

751
00:43:26,399 --> 00:43:30,719
Speaker 3: because that becomes really tokenistic and it becomes exhausting, and

752
00:43:30,799 --> 00:43:33,160
Speaker 3: I feel like those are the moments where you do

753
00:43:33,279 --> 00:43:35,239
Speaker 3: have to put in boundaries and you're like, you have

754
00:43:35,319 --> 00:43:39,120
Speaker 3: to really understand where are you placing your energy, and

755
00:43:39,160 --> 00:43:42,920
Speaker 3: I guess who is really listening to that. In moments,

756
00:43:42,959 --> 00:43:44,759
Speaker 3: I'm like, well, why would I be doing that if

757
00:43:44,799 --> 00:43:48,359
Speaker 3: it's not being received and it's not being protected or

758
00:43:48,879 --> 00:43:50,919
Speaker 3: valued as much as I would like it to be.

759
00:43:51,879 --> 00:43:55,560
Speaker 2: And it's also not fair that that is your job

760
00:43:55,759 --> 00:44:00,880
Speaker 2: constantly to be a spokesperson when other people are able

761
00:44:01,520 --> 00:44:05,959
Speaker 2: to avoid talking about those things altogether, and you have

762
00:44:06,040 --> 00:44:07,959
Speaker 2: to weigh into things or feel like you have to

763
00:44:08,000 --> 00:44:12,839
Speaker 2: weigh into things simply because of your own identity, I

764
00:44:12,959 --> 00:44:18,919
Speaker 2: wondered when it comes to your huge successes, things like

765
00:44:19,479 --> 00:44:24,200
Speaker 2: your book, which is everywhere. That's always my measure of

766
00:44:24,279 --> 00:44:26,439
Speaker 2: how successful a book is that you walk into every

767
00:44:26,439 --> 00:44:28,319
Speaker 2: bookshop and it's the first thing you see, and your

768
00:44:28,359 --> 00:44:31,800
Speaker 2: book is everywhere and has been for a long time.

769
00:44:32,640 --> 00:44:37,279
Speaker 2: Your book, your television career, all the opportunities that you

770
00:44:37,719 --> 00:44:41,839
Speaker 2: have taken and succeeded at. Do you feel like you're

771
00:44:41,879 --> 00:44:46,039
Speaker 2: good at celebrating those wins when you do really well?

772
00:44:47,759 --> 00:44:51,160
Speaker 4: No? Absolutely not.

773
00:44:53,520 --> 00:44:57,719
Speaker 3: I actually was just having this conversation today because I

774
00:44:57,799 --> 00:45:01,559
Speaker 3: was telling a friend about a few moments that I've

775
00:45:01,560 --> 00:45:04,839
Speaker 3: had this week and the last month, and they're really

776
00:45:04,839 --> 00:45:05,520
Speaker 3: big moments.

777
00:45:05,600 --> 00:45:08,520
Speaker 4: I mean people that I've met and connected with and.

778
00:45:08,919 --> 00:45:11,999
Speaker 3: Comments and feedback that I received, and I was just

779
00:45:12,040 --> 00:45:13,959
Speaker 3: so blase with it that my friend was like, wow,

780
00:45:14,040 --> 00:45:17,160
Speaker 3: you do you really even process this information? Like do

781
00:45:17,200 --> 00:45:20,239
Speaker 3: you really like actually take it in and realize like, wow,

782
00:45:20,439 --> 00:45:23,239
Speaker 3: like I am slaying life? And I was like, absolutely not,

783
00:45:24,959 --> 00:45:29,280
Speaker 3: because I think like, regardless of status, or regardless of fame,

784
00:45:29,399 --> 00:45:32,519
Speaker 3: or regardless of what I've achieved, there is always a

785
00:45:32,560 --> 00:45:35,399
Speaker 3: part of me that's like just keep going and like,

786
00:45:35,560 --> 00:45:37,999
Speaker 3: do more you can always do more, and it's not

787
00:45:38,040 --> 00:45:40,640
Speaker 3: a very healthy mentality, but it's you know, it's a

788
00:45:40,719 --> 00:45:44,959
Speaker 3: determined mentality. Like I'm a Capricorn, so we're like like

789
00:45:45,239 --> 00:45:49,839
Speaker 3: very determined, we're very married to our career flash work life.

790
00:45:50,319 --> 00:45:53,719
Speaker 3: But then you know my other rising and other signs

791
00:45:54,000 --> 00:45:56,399
Speaker 3: is also Capricorn. So I'm like referred to as a

792
00:45:56,399 --> 00:45:59,319
Speaker 3: triple Capricorn, so like a triple marriage to a.

793
00:45:59,359 --> 00:46:01,959
Speaker 4: Work kind of girl. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I

794
00:46:02,000 --> 00:46:04,120
Speaker 4: want to turn words into actions more.

795
00:46:04,520 --> 00:46:07,160
Speaker 3: I think for me, yes, I get the opportunity to

796
00:46:07,239 --> 00:46:09,759
Speaker 3: talk and I get the opportunity to do all these things,

797
00:46:10,359 --> 00:46:13,400
Speaker 3: which is really good, and I do it in hope

798
00:46:13,439 --> 00:46:16,479
Speaker 3: that it encourages other people to do the same or

799
00:46:16,560 --> 00:46:22,599
Speaker 3: encourages people to turn the words into actions, because when

800
00:46:22,680 --> 00:46:26,759
Speaker 3: people do that, it kind of provides such a savor

801
00:46:26,879 --> 00:46:29,079
Speaker 3: and better life for other people. You know, it's not

802
00:46:29,120 --> 00:46:31,719
Speaker 3: even about me. It's about other people. For me, it's

803
00:46:31,759 --> 00:46:34,959
Speaker 3: about the younger generations that I work with that are

804
00:46:35,000 --> 00:46:37,279
Speaker 3: coming through and if it's going to be easier and

805
00:46:37,959 --> 00:46:39,999
Speaker 3: more successful for them, of course I would do that,

806
00:46:40,160 --> 00:46:41,680
Speaker 3: Like I don't want them to go through what I

807
00:46:41,719 --> 00:46:43,719
Speaker 3: had to go through and experience what I went through

808
00:46:43,759 --> 00:46:48,319
Speaker 3: like I don't want young queer people as well, like

809
00:46:48,560 --> 00:46:50,999
Speaker 3: not just fastinations people, but young queer people to not

810
00:46:51,239 --> 00:46:54,319
Speaker 3: be feeling like they're valued in places and spaces like

811
00:46:55,040 --> 00:46:57,120
Speaker 3: that was probably the biggest thing and what drove me

812
00:46:57,200 --> 00:46:59,679
Speaker 3: to be the bachelorette, because in my life I never

813
00:46:59,719 --> 00:47:02,599
Speaker 3: really aspired to be the bachelorette. Like I was like, yeah,

814
00:47:02,640 --> 00:47:04,879
Speaker 3: I'll throw it out, like yeah, sure, let's do this.

815
00:47:05,600 --> 00:47:07,279
Speaker 3: But in my mind, I was like, I wasn't really

816
00:47:07,319 --> 00:47:09,759
Speaker 3: doing it for myself, even if it was my love story.

817
00:47:09,799 --> 00:47:11,479
Speaker 4: At the end of day, I was actually probably doing

818
00:47:11,479 --> 00:47:13,040
Speaker 4: it for a far greater.

819
00:47:12,879 --> 00:47:15,759
Speaker 3: Community and for more for the younger generations.

820
00:47:15,759 --> 00:47:17,079
Speaker 4: I can look back at that and be like.

821
00:47:17,120 --> 00:47:21,079
Speaker 2: Fuck, yeah, yeah. And I think that's an interesting philosophy

822
00:47:21,080 --> 00:47:25,640
Speaker 2: around happiness that it feels like your own pursuit of

823
00:47:25,640 --> 00:47:30,680
Speaker 2: happiness is less self referential and more community minded. The

824
00:47:30,719 --> 00:47:35,239
Speaker 2: things that bring you joy are things that have meaning

825
00:47:35,319 --> 00:47:39,239
Speaker 2: and supporting other people behind them as well.

826
00:47:40,160 --> 00:47:42,560
Speaker 4: Do you feel that, Yeah.

827
00:47:42,719 --> 00:47:45,919
Speaker 3: I think that's why I declared last year and sort

828
00:47:45,959 --> 00:47:49,880
Speaker 3: of into this year more of a self slash soft

829
00:47:49,919 --> 00:47:53,160
Speaker 3: girl error. I really felt that last year I felt

830
00:47:53,160 --> 00:47:56,479
Speaker 3: really depleted and that I was giving a lot and

831
00:47:56,520 --> 00:47:59,919
Speaker 3: not getting anything back in it. Not that I do

832
00:47:59,959 --> 00:48:03,759
Speaker 3: that with intentions of that, but I was feeling none

833
00:48:03,799 --> 00:48:07,959
Speaker 3: of it was really respected or received, so defeating me.

834
00:48:08,120 --> 00:48:11,239
Speaker 4: Like I was feeling like completely depleat me, like why

835
00:48:11,359 --> 00:48:12,319
Speaker 4: was this even worth it?

836
00:48:12,439 --> 00:48:15,319
Speaker 3: Like you know that kind of to enter me kind

837
00:48:15,319 --> 00:48:17,479
Speaker 3: of energy, And I was like, what is wrong with me?

838
00:48:17,560 --> 00:48:20,799
Speaker 4: And I was like, yeah, because I haven't really figured out.

839
00:48:20,719 --> 00:48:22,799
Speaker 3: What it is that I want to do rather than

840
00:48:22,799 --> 00:48:25,399
Speaker 3: what I want to do for everyone else. So I

841
00:48:25,439 --> 00:48:27,919
Speaker 3: had to really look within and I sort of retracted.

842
00:48:28,000 --> 00:48:31,200
Speaker 3: And that's kind of why, you know, I started studying

843
00:48:31,439 --> 00:48:32,479
Speaker 3: marriage celebrancy.

844
00:48:32,799 --> 00:48:34,439
Speaker 4: I'm still like kind of going through my.

845
00:48:34,399 --> 00:48:38,200
Speaker 3: Course at the moment. I am now studying acting as well.

846
00:48:38,279 --> 00:48:39,999
Speaker 3: So that was one thing that I really figured out

847
00:48:40,040 --> 00:48:42,120
Speaker 3: along the journey, like I wanted to do for myself,

848
00:48:42,239 --> 00:48:42,599
Speaker 3: not for.

849
00:48:42,479 --> 00:48:45,239
Speaker 4: Anyone else, just for myself, to.

850
00:48:46,040 --> 00:48:49,120
Speaker 3: Figure out if I was actually good at something, because

851
00:48:49,120 --> 00:48:52,160
Speaker 3: that's probably my biggest doubt, Like I'm good at a

852
00:48:52,160 --> 00:48:54,919
Speaker 3: lot of things, like I'm probably mediocre out a lot

853
00:48:54,919 --> 00:48:56,999
Speaker 3: of things, but am I really good at one thing?

854
00:48:58,439 --> 00:48:59,759
Speaker 4: So that's kind of how I was.

855
00:48:59,719 --> 00:49:01,839
Speaker 3: Feeling, and I think, you know, I need to celebrate

856
00:49:01,839 --> 00:49:03,999
Speaker 3: the big wins, because writing a book is a huge win.

857
00:49:04,719 --> 00:49:07,759
Speaker 3: Being the first of something is a huge wing, no

858
00:49:07,799 --> 00:49:10,399
Speaker 3: matter what it is, right if it's bacheloround or or

859
00:49:10,399 --> 00:49:12,999
Speaker 3: if it's just the first to graduate. In my family now,

860
00:49:13,080 --> 00:49:16,159
Speaker 3: like we do really get around each other when we

861
00:49:16,520 --> 00:49:19,719
Speaker 3: have a first of something. Yeah, my brother's just had

862
00:49:19,799 --> 00:49:22,759
Speaker 3: his first baby, Like that was a big deal. So

863
00:49:22,839 --> 00:49:26,200
Speaker 3: there are so many firsts that is so special that

864
00:49:26,239 --> 00:49:31,000
Speaker 3: are happening that have kind of forced me to remind

865
00:49:31,000 --> 00:49:31,759
Speaker 3: myself of them.

866
00:49:32,120 --> 00:49:35,559
Speaker 2: So and to celebrate. Yeah, celebrate winds.

867
00:49:35,520 --> 00:49:41,559
Speaker 3: Exactly to experience joy the best, yeah kind of love

868
00:49:41,640 --> 00:49:43,359
Speaker 3: that you can give yourself really.

869
00:49:44,279 --> 00:49:48,759
Speaker 2: Brook because of your experiences and what you've been through

870
00:49:48,759 --> 00:49:52,519
Speaker 2: in terms of mental health, what you've witnessed, What have

871
00:49:52,680 --> 00:49:56,239
Speaker 2: you learned about happiness that you can share with other people.

872
00:49:57,600 --> 00:50:00,440
Speaker 3: I think the biggest lesson, I guess, and the biggest

873
00:50:00,600 --> 00:50:04,759
Speaker 3: learning for me is that not every single day, you know,

874
00:50:04,879 --> 00:50:07,599
Speaker 3: like twenty four hours, seven days a week, fifty two

875
00:50:07,640 --> 00:50:09,279
Speaker 3: weeks a year, are you going.

876
00:50:09,120 --> 00:50:11,480
Speaker 4: To feel extremely happy.

877
00:50:12,239 --> 00:50:14,799
Speaker 3: I feel like you have to really look at it

878
00:50:14,959 --> 00:50:19,280
Speaker 3: as life is really linear and it's up and down,

879
00:50:19,399 --> 00:50:22,160
Speaker 3: and there are going to be moments when you experience

880
00:50:22,439 --> 00:50:24,799
Speaker 3: a real lovely happiness, and there are going to be

881
00:50:24,799 --> 00:50:28,399
Speaker 3: moments when you experience a little bit of sadness at

882
00:50:28,399 --> 00:50:31,319
Speaker 3: the same time. But I think the bad days make

883
00:50:31,359 --> 00:50:33,439
Speaker 3: the good days better and I think that's definitely what

884
00:50:33,520 --> 00:50:40,120
Speaker 3: I've learned. And I think gratitude helps me appreciate happiness longer,

885
00:50:40,959 --> 00:50:44,159
Speaker 3: Like I'm really happy, like and I feel really good.

886
00:50:44,239 --> 00:50:47,479
Speaker 3: I go into this really gratitude sort of mentality where

887
00:50:47,479 --> 00:50:50,400
Speaker 3: I'm like, yeah, this is really good, Like I feel good.

888
00:50:50,680 --> 00:50:54,079
Speaker 3: My god, I'm so grateful, like holy hell, And that

889
00:50:54,200 --> 00:50:57,879
Speaker 3: makes me feel like that for longer. So then yeah,

890
00:50:58,080 --> 00:51:01,359
Speaker 3: I do have a really shitty day, I do remember

891
00:51:01,560 --> 00:51:03,640
Speaker 3: how good that felt in that moment.

892
00:51:04,640 --> 00:51:08,999
Speaker 2: Brooke Blatton, you have overcome the unthinkable to build a

893
00:51:09,080 --> 00:51:13,200
Speaker 2: life for yourself that in many ways appears to have

894
00:51:13,239 --> 00:51:15,400
Speaker 2: it all. But are you happy?

895
00:51:16,399 --> 00:51:20,600
Speaker 4: Oh? I would say that I am.

896
00:51:21,080 --> 00:51:27,519
Speaker 3: I am content, meaning that everything in my life is

897
00:51:27,560 --> 00:51:30,080
Speaker 3: going in the trajectory of what I would like it

898
00:51:30,160 --> 00:51:34,200
Speaker 3: to go. But there are some paths that I feel

899
00:51:34,239 --> 00:51:37,959
Speaker 3: like I need to to find more happiness in. Well.

900
00:51:38,000 --> 00:51:41,799
Speaker 2: That is so interesting to know from the outside where

901
00:51:42,120 --> 00:51:46,039
Speaker 2: you appear to be kicking all sorts of goals and

902
00:51:46,080 --> 00:51:48,399
Speaker 2: there appears to be absolutely nothing that you set your

903
00:51:48,399 --> 00:51:51,960
Speaker 2: mind to that you can't do. So it's an interesting

904
00:51:52,000 --> 00:51:54,919
Speaker 2: contrast that you don't feel that all the time. But

905
00:51:54,959 --> 00:51:57,479
Speaker 2: I think it's really important for people to know that

906
00:51:58,479 --> 00:52:01,519
Speaker 2: sometimes you don't feel confident and you just go and

907
00:52:01,520 --> 00:52:02,160
Speaker 2: do it anyway.

908
00:52:03,680 --> 00:52:06,200
Speaker 4: Yeah. Yeah, yeah, you get back on the horse.

909
00:52:06,359 --> 00:52:13,200
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah. There's something very special about brook Blowton. I

910
00:52:13,239 --> 00:52:16,479
Speaker 2: loved learning from her about her culture, about what it's

911
00:52:16,600 --> 00:52:19,279
Speaker 2: like to balance your needs as an individual with the

912
00:52:19,319 --> 00:52:22,600
Speaker 2: needs of a community, and how a person can build

913
00:52:22,759 --> 00:52:26,719
Speaker 2: a frankly unimaginable amount of resilience at such a young age.

914
00:52:27,919 --> 00:52:31,000
Speaker 2: She's probably one of the best examples of a person

915
00:52:31,359 --> 00:52:36,200
Speaker 2: who you could easily see from the outside a gorgeous, bubbly, lovable,

916
00:52:36,279 --> 00:52:41,719
Speaker 2: successful person and assume that their life is uncomplicated, that

917
00:52:41,839 --> 00:52:45,680
Speaker 2: she's happy because she ostensibly has it all. But a

918
00:52:45,680 --> 00:52:49,359
Speaker 2: lot of truths can exist within a single person at once,

919
00:52:50,439 --> 00:52:53,239
Speaker 2: and you simply don't know the kinds of traumas and

920
00:52:53,319 --> 00:52:56,759
Speaker 2: mental health struggles someone is going through from the surface,

921
00:52:57,479 --> 00:53:00,440
Speaker 2: of course, you don't. You don't know if a person

922
00:53:00,799 --> 00:53:04,919
Speaker 2: smiling and in love is also planning a funeral, And

923
00:53:04,959 --> 00:53:07,439
Speaker 2: I think That's what you get from Brook that she

924
00:53:07,560 --> 00:53:13,160
Speaker 2: deeply understands that reality, so gentle with others and with herself.

925
00:53:14,160 --> 00:53:17,599
Speaker 2: Join me next week for a conversation with media personality

926
00:53:17,640 --> 00:53:21,479
Speaker 2: and chef khan Ong, where we talk about spending the

927
00:53:21,479 --> 00:53:24,319
Speaker 2: first years of his life in a refugee camp, the

928
00:53:24,439 --> 00:53:27,640
Speaker 2: unexpected tension he felt when seeing his face on TV,

929
00:53:28,520 --> 00:53:31,920
Speaker 2: and why right now he should be happy but beneath

930
00:53:31,919 --> 00:53:34,279
Speaker 2: the surface he just isn't.

931
00:53:34,560 --> 00:53:35,799
Speaker 1: But when I was in the jungle, when I was

932
00:53:35,799 --> 00:53:39,360
Speaker 1: talking to everyone, I was like, I really want kids,

933
00:53:39,799 --> 00:53:42,600
Speaker 1: but I think it's kind of right now that I'm

934
00:53:42,719 --> 00:53:47,359
Speaker 1: thinking I need to start that process now. If I

935
00:53:47,399 --> 00:53:49,839
Speaker 1: really do want kids, I need to start that process now.

936
00:53:50,040 --> 00:53:52,719
Speaker 1: And the idea that scares me and makes me really

937
00:53:52,799 --> 00:53:56,040
Speaker 1: upset is that I possibly might not have them.

938
00:53:56,919 --> 00:53:59,520
Speaker 2: Last week on the podcast, I spoke to Dave Bailey,

939
00:53:59,680 --> 00:54:02,279
Speaker 2: who you might recognize as the lead singer of the

940
00:54:02,279 --> 00:54:05,640
Speaker 2: band Glass Animals. We talked about what it felt like

941
00:54:05,759 --> 00:54:07,919
Speaker 2: to write the biggest song in the world and be

942
00:54:08,000 --> 00:54:11,519
Speaker 2: offered opportunities everyone in the music industry would kill for,

943
00:54:12,200 --> 00:54:15,719
Speaker 2: and the funny feeling he still gets about leaving university

944
00:54:15,919 --> 00:54:19,520
Speaker 2: where he was studying medicine to pursue a career in music.

945
00:54:20,359 --> 00:54:22,399
Speaker 2: There's a link in the show notes to listen to

946
00:54:22,439 --> 00:54:26,160
Speaker 2: that episode. If you enjoyed the podcast, please review and

947
00:54:26,160 --> 00:54:29,479
Speaker 2: subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. If you'd like to

948
00:54:29,520 --> 00:54:32,359
Speaker 2: suggest someone for the podcast, you can get in touch

949
00:54:32,399 --> 00:54:36,160
Speaker 2: with me directly. My Instagram handle is Claire dot Stevens,

950
00:54:36,520 --> 00:54:39,680
Speaker 2: or you can email us here at podcast at mamamea

951
00:54:39,799 --> 00:54:44,279
Speaker 2: dot com dot au. This episode was produced by Tarlie Blackman,

952
00:54:44,839 --> 00:54:48,400
Speaker 2: with audio production by Scott Stronik. See you next week.