Speaker 1: You're listening to a MoMA Mia podcast.
Speaker 2: Mama Miya acknowledges the traditional owners of land and waters
Speaker 2: that this podcast is recorded on. Hello friends, Today, I
Speaker 2: am bringing you a special episode from one of our
Speaker 2: new and incredible series. It's called Diary of a Birth,
Speaker 2: where we bring these amazing birth stories interiors from around
Speaker 2: the country, and this particular episode really fascinated me. It's
Speaker 2: about a woman named Aaron Carty who did not know
Speaker 2: she was pregnant until she was giving birth in the shower.
Speaker 2: That is all I'm going to say.
Speaker 3: I hope you enjoy.
Speaker 1: I'm Cassnia Lukitch. Welcome to Diary of a Birth. Today
Speaker 1: we're asking how can a woman give birth without knowing
Speaker 1: she's pregnant. We've all read the stories in real life magazines,
Speaker 1: but does it actually happen? Can a woman really go
Speaker 1: through nine months of growing a human without the slightest
Speaker 1: inkling about what's going on inside her body? The answer
Speaker 1: is yes, and today's amazing guest is living proof. Because
Speaker 1: Erin had no idea she was pregnant until moments before
Speaker 1: she gave birth on her bathroom floor.
Speaker 4: It was just a weird battle in my mind of
Speaker 4: am I giving birth to something right now or what's
Speaker 4: actually happening.
Speaker 1: Giving Aaron and her partner the biggest shock of their lives.
Speaker 4: He was said, just need you know an ambulance. My
Speaker 4: girlfriend has had a baby and at home, and the
Speaker 4: guy was like, oh, so, how many weeks was She
Speaker 4: then said we didn't didn't know, We didn't know she
Speaker 4: was pregnant.
Speaker 1: And everyone else too.
Speaker 4: Dan said to my dad, yeah, Eron's had a baby. Yeah,
Speaker 4: my dad almost hated.
Speaker 1: So let's meet the supermum telling today's story.
Speaker 4: Hi, my name is Erin Carty. This is the story
Speaker 4: of my birth with Eila.
Speaker 1: Just five years ago. Erin was a young, child free
Speaker 1: woman living her best life.
Speaker 4: So my life before Aila. I was a twenty just
Speaker 4: turned twenty two year old girl. So I just finished
Speaker 4: studying at the time, and I was working in pharmacy.
Speaker 4: But also I was very active as well, loved going out,
Speaker 4: you know, it was my friends still and I'd been
Speaker 4: with Dan for two and a half years at that point,
Speaker 4: so we'd moved in together eight months before that. So
Speaker 4: it was pretty, i'd say, like a pretty normal twenty
Speaker 4: two year old girl at that point in time.
Speaker 1: Aaron and Dan had had those big life conversations, and
Speaker 1: Erin was pretty set in what she wanted.
Speaker 4: We had talked about having kids. I was not for that.
Speaker 4: I didn't really want to have children, definitely. I guess
Speaker 4: you know, any twenty two year old would probably say that,
Speaker 4: but at that point in time, I didn't want to
Speaker 4: have kids. And Dan, you know, being a little bit
Speaker 4: older than me, he was, Oh, that would be you know,
Speaker 4: whatever you want to do. I would like to have
Speaker 4: kids at one stage in my life, but if it's
Speaker 4: not now, that's fine. So I was like, yeah, cool.
Speaker 4: So I was just happy not to have children.
Speaker 1: At this time. Erin had very irregular periods, only about
Speaker 1: once a year, not interested in falling pregnant at this time.
Speaker 1: This didn't worry her.
Speaker 4: I think I got my first period when I was eighteen.
Speaker 4: It just was super hard for me to track, well,
Speaker 4: it's impossible for me to track my cycle. When I
Speaker 4: did get my period, it would be super super painful
Speaker 4: in the leader, So sometimes it could be over a
Speaker 4: week and then other times it would be for one
Speaker 4: or two days. So it was just one of those
Speaker 4: things that I kind of just learned to deal with.
Speaker 4: And you know, being young as well, I didn't have
Speaker 4: as much of an emphasis I guess on my menstrual
Speaker 4: health as what I would do now. Yeah, back then,
Speaker 4: I was just like, oh, this is great.
Speaker 1: Throughout her pregnancy, Erin continued to work as a model,
Speaker 1: fitting into the size eight garments she always had. People
Speaker 1: since have constantly asked her, didn't you have a big stomach. Well,
Speaker 1: what's extra incredible about Aaron's story is that she didn't
Speaker 1: like not at all.
Speaker 4: So I was, yeah, still modeling at the time, and
Speaker 4: like you know, I was mainly a size eight, sometimes
Speaker 4: a size ten depends, but I'm over six foot, so
Speaker 4: I'm quite tall. And I was just someone that would
Speaker 4: also judge my body and how it changed by my
Speaker 4: clothes that I wear. So yeah, everything still fit me.
Speaker 4: I remember later on towards obviously the nine months, I
Speaker 4: remember thinking, oh, like, this shirt feels a little bit
Speaker 4: tighter on the back. But I was like, oh, well,
Speaker 4: it's fine, I'll just go back to the like do
Speaker 4: more at the gym. And I was also into my pilates.
Speaker 4: I'm now a plarate's instructor as well, but I did
Speaker 4: a lot of pilates. I wouldn't recommend to pregnant people now,
Speaker 4: like I'd be squatting weights, yeah, bit of cardio, just
Speaker 4: probably four days a week, and then i'd be pilates
Speaker 4: and then walks and.
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay. So what happened on the most surprising day
Speaker 1: of Erin's life.
Speaker 4: I remember waking up with some migraines and some pains,
Speaker 4: and I just put it down to you, Oh, you know,
Speaker 4: it must be the one time of year that I'm
Speaker 4: actually getting my period, and so I was like, oh,
Speaker 4: usually when that happens, it's pretty intense pain. So I
Speaker 4: was like, oh, that's all right, and also not uncommon
Speaker 4: for me to have migraines either, so I was like
Speaker 4: having a bad night obviously thinking about it or knowing
Speaker 4: about it now is obviously the start of my contractions,
Speaker 4: but I didn't think anything of it. I was supposed
Speaker 4: to work the next day when I woke up, but
Speaker 4: I was feeling pretty rubbish at that point, so I
Speaker 4: remember getting my uniform on and then sitting at the
Speaker 4: end of the bed being like, oh, I actually can't
Speaker 4: work today. Like I'm just going through waves of like,
Speaker 4: you know, feeling okay and then feeling absolutely terrible. So
Speaker 4: I didn't go to work, thank goodness, But I just
Speaker 4: stayed at home. Dan was at work that day, so
Speaker 4: I just stayed at home. Funny enough, I was in
Speaker 4: and out of the shower because it pain was in
Speaker 4: my back, and I just remember thinking, oh, I reckon,
Speaker 4: this might be my appendix because it was just moving
Speaker 4: kind of from one side to the other, and I
Speaker 4: wasn't really doing much and I just was like, I'll
Speaker 4: just have some neuropin and that'll make it feel better.
Speaker 1: And yeah, I'm fascinated to know what sort of pain
Speaker 1: it was.
Speaker 4: So the pain was a version of a period pain
Speaker 4: is in like the intense cramping down there, but then
Speaker 4: also times ten. So I was like, oh, this doesn't
Speaker 4: feel super normal. Like I wasn't very I wasn't naive
Speaker 4: to the fact that, oh, this is actually probably not right.
Speaker 4: But I generally was like, it must be my appendix
Speaker 4: because it definitely was coming from my back. It was
Speaker 4: like kind of moving from there, and from what I've
Speaker 4: heard of appendix, you know, ruptures, it does feel like
Speaker 4: it's in your back. So I was just would jump
Speaker 4: in the shower because that was the only thing that
Speaker 4: was kind of relieving that pain or that just giving
Speaker 4: me a slight bit of relief, and then I was like, oh,
Speaker 4: I don't know if I'm even right to drive right now,
Speaker 4: because it was just coming in and out of like
Speaker 4: waves of be fine. And then so I was just
Speaker 4: waiting for Dan to get home from work, because I
Speaker 4: was when you get home, if it's no better, I
Speaker 4: need you to take me to the hospital. So I
Speaker 4: think this at this point, you know, it was mid
Speaker 4: afternoon and Dan wasn't home to like six pm or something,
Speaker 4: so yeah, I was kind of just waiting it out
Speaker 4: and in the shower, on the couch, just kind of
Speaker 4: walking around.
Speaker 1: So by this stage, Aaron was starting to wonder is
Speaker 1: it It couldn't be.
Speaker 4: I just didn't know what else it could be, Like
Speaker 4: obviously could be a multitude of things, but I just
Speaker 4: didn't think at that point in time of anything else
Speaker 4: it could be. So eventually Dan got home and I'd
Speaker 4: been messaging him that day and he brought me more neurofan,
Speaker 4: more paned or it was just getting worse and worse.
Speaker 4: So then at this point I think he got home,
Speaker 4: it was around six thirty seven, and I was like, Oh,
Speaker 4: I'm just gonna, you know, go back in the bathroom
Speaker 4: and I'll just have like one shower, see how I'm feeling,
Speaker 4: and then go from there. And then I remember I
Speaker 4: was in there for a while, and then I remember
Speaker 4: it happening so quickly, like the point where you just
Speaker 4: need to essentially push, and I just remember thinking in
Speaker 4: my mind, I was like, m I don't really know
Speaker 4: how this is happening, but I like there's no other
Speaker 4: explanation that it was just weird battle in my mind
Speaker 4: of am I giving birth to something right now or
Speaker 4: like what's actually happening. Like I was in so much
Speaker 4: pain that I actually like I couldn't yell out to Dan,
Speaker 4: like I was like, I just need to have this child.
Speaker 4: So I remember being in the bathroom and then like
Speaker 4: on the floor or whatever and just gave birth there.
Speaker 4: And then I remember just out to Dan, and I
Speaker 4: just I couldn't just hear like he was watching a
Speaker 4: TV show and I can just hear like a subtle
Speaker 4: TV show noise in the background, and that kind of
Speaker 4: plays in my mind as well all the time. I
Speaker 4: just always hear whatever he was watching. Yeah, so I
Speaker 4: gave birth and there was a baby there coming up.
Speaker 4: So I remember it just waking up like twelve fifteen
Speaker 4: out whatever hours later in the morning, being like I
Speaker 4: just was hoping that was a dream and I was like,
Speaker 4: that couldn't have happened. I just froze, like I was like,
Speaker 4: once I called out to Dan and Dan ran in,
Speaker 4: I just remember him sliding the door open and he
Speaker 4: was just he stood there for half a second and
Speaker 4: he's like like it was just like, oh my god.
Speaker 4: I don't think I've ever seen him turn that pale before,
Speaker 4: or he was just like, what's happened in here? I
Speaker 4: don't know it's flight or flight response. I guess like
Speaker 4: he just was like, well, I've got to do something
Speaker 4: right now. It also didn't look like the most amazing
Speaker 4: scene in there. I had, unfortunately, like hemorrhaged in birth
Speaker 4: and it was chaos and I couldn't really get up
Speaker 4: off the floor and I wasn't breathing at that point either,
Speaker 4: so she was not really Yeah. So Dan just picked
Speaker 4: up the phone. He called Triple zero straight away, and
Speaker 4: the guy on the other end of the line he
Speaker 4: was talking Dan through how to bring her back to life.
Speaker 4: So he was amazing and Dan was amazing, and I
Speaker 4: wouldn't like I was hopeless at that point in time,
Speaker 4: like I didn't know what to do, so Dan, with
Speaker 4: the help of the triple zero operator, bought I went
Speaker 4: back to life. She started breathing, and what.
Speaker 1: Did Dan say to the triple zero operator?
Speaker 4: He said, just need you know, an ambulance. My girlfriend
Speaker 4: has had a baby at home. And the guy was like, oh, so,
Speaker 4: how many weeks was she? And Dan said, we didn't,
Speaker 4: we didn't know. We didn't know she was pregnant. And
Speaker 4: the guy was like, so there was a surprise. You
Speaker 4: had no idea, and he'd dance like, no, I didn't
Speaker 4: even like, we didn't know she was pregnant, and he said,
Speaker 4: is it a boy or a girl? And dancing I
Speaker 4: don't know. I don't know, Like he said she was
Speaker 4: a boy because like she didn't. He was so flustered.
Speaker 4: He's like, it's a boy. I think yeah. And he's like, oh,
Speaker 4: she's not breathing, like she's blue, Like she's not breathing.
Speaker 4: And the guy's like, all right, like you know, grab
Speaker 4: a towel, like, put her in a towel, rub her chess,
Speaker 4: you know, put her in this position. And then eventually
Speaker 4: you just hear this little noise.
Speaker 1: It was amazing, and what was this miracle little baby
Speaker 1: like she was.
Speaker 4: She was full term, She wasn't premature or anything, and
Speaker 4: I always forget how much she weighed. But she was
Speaker 4: a healthy baby. She was a big baby. Everything just
Speaker 4: nuts and she was She had a little bit of
Speaker 4: gastric reflux or like, had a bit of acid built
Speaker 4: up in her lungs, but aside from that, she was
Speaker 4: completely fine. They had her own special care nursery for
Speaker 4: like a little bit, but she was ready to go
Speaker 4: before I was like I was, she was like, yep, cool.
Speaker 1: What Erin had gone through was incredibly traumatic, not just
Speaker 1: physically but emotionally and mentally too.
Speaker 4: I think it took me three days to actually go
Speaker 4: down there to see her because I was like, oh,
Speaker 4: I don't want to, not ready, and yeah, but it's
Speaker 4: just obviously the resilience of children and babies are amazing.
Speaker 4: But yeah, I just remember thinking, oh my goodness, Like
Speaker 4: we were in Bali like a month before, and obviously
Speaker 4: I was drinking and you'd start to think about all
Speaker 4: these things that you you shouldn't be doing, and I
Speaker 4: was like, oh no, like but you know, we were
Speaker 4: very very fortunate obviously that she was okay and everything
Speaker 4: was fine. But yeah, absolutely crazy. But yeah, so yeah,
Speaker 4: I was in hospital for about a week and a bit.
Speaker 4: It all just happened so quickly. We got into the
Speaker 4: hospital and I had to go straight in for surgery
Speaker 4: because I didn't give birth to the placenta, so I
Speaker 4: had to get that taken out. And then, unfortunately, when
Speaker 4: they were trying to take it out manually before surgery,
Speaker 4: had another hemorrhage, so I had to go in there
Speaker 4: and have surgery. And so I remember just waking up
Speaker 4: like twelve fifteen out whatever hours later in the morning.
Speaker 4: I just was hoping that was a dream. I was like,
Speaker 4: that couldn't have happened. I don't know what's happening.
Speaker 1: And I can't help but put myself in the shoes
Speaker 1: of Erin's family. How did they find out?
Speaker 4: And my poor parents getting a call, you know, they
Speaker 4: just thought I heard myself. They didn't actually know. They
Speaker 4: just came to the emergency and was like, oh, well
Speaker 4: that like, congratulations, your grandparents and my parents were just like,
Speaker 4: what is happening? Yeah. I had spoken to my mom
Speaker 4: that day and I said, oh, I'm not going to
Speaker 4: work today. I just don't feel, you know the best,
Speaker 4: And she was like, okay, like just let me know
Speaker 4: who you are. But I'm quite close with my family,
Speaker 4: so I hadn't spoken to them pretty much the whole day.
Speaker 4: You know, when you're just really irritable, you don't really
Speaker 4: want to look at a phone, you don't want to
Speaker 4: just concentrating on what's happening. So I was just like
Speaker 4: not on my phone when I could tolerate it. I
Speaker 4: think I had friends on or something, so I was
Speaker 4: watching a bit of friends and I just actually hadn't
Speaker 4: spoken to them for the whole day and like into
Speaker 4: the evening, and so I think, you know, my parents,
Speaker 4: my mom my mum be like I think that's weird,
Speaker 4: like whenever. But Dan, when we were going to hospital,
Speaker 4: he called his parents and was like, we're going to hospital.
Speaker 4: Aaron's had a baby, and you need to tell Eron's
Speaker 4: parents to get to the hospital. But Dan's parents had
Speaker 4: misheard what he said, and they just thought that I
Speaker 4: had hurt myself and they need to get to the hospital.
Speaker 4: So they've called my parents and this is like new now,
Speaker 4: like eight o'clock at night or something like you need
Speaker 4: to get to the hospital. Erin's hurt herself, blah blah,
Speaker 4: so they make their way down to the hospital and
Speaker 4: at that point I feel so bad because it's my
Speaker 4: brother's you know, VC exams the next day, and they're like,
Speaker 4: we're going to go to the hospital. Are in so
Speaker 4: so I remember I think what was happening was, Yeah,
Speaker 4: they got to the hospital and my dance parents were there,
Speaker 4: and Dan walked out and was like, oh, they're both fine,
Speaker 4: and dad was like, what do you mean both? What
Speaker 4: are you talking about? And Dan goes, oh, Aaron's had
Speaker 4: a baby, and then I think my dad almost fainted.
Speaker 4: He's are you talking about? Knows like what? And then
Speaker 4: I just remember, yeah, them coming into the room just
Speaker 4: before I went into surgery, and they were bothed. No
Speaker 4: one really knew what to say. Everyone was to say
Speaker 4: on earth, and I think they're both of them were
Speaker 4: secretly a little bit like, oh, that's a bit exciting,
Speaker 4: but my dad was My dad.
Speaker 1: Was like, ah, Aaron's time in hospital was an ordeal.
Speaker 1: Remember she'd come with no consciously carefully packed hospital bag
Speaker 1: or detailed birth plan in.
Speaker 4: Mind, so that was a whole nother thing in itself
Speaker 4: being in the hospital. So I hadn't planned, so thankfully
Speaker 4: had my own room which was nice and credit to
Speaker 4: the nurses, like all of the nurses are amazing and
Speaker 4: it was so attentive. But being in the hospital was
Speaker 4: it's just very intense because it was people coming in,
Speaker 4: you know, every ten minutes, and rightly so. But I
Speaker 4: had the new psychologists in there. I had the asking me,
Speaker 4: you know, you have options, like if you thought about
Speaker 4: do you want a baby? Do you want like it
Speaker 4: was adoption was thrown up there psychologists. I had all
Speaker 4: the nurses coming in asking me all these questions and
Speaker 4: being like, oh, have you thought about how are you
Speaker 4: going to feel? And I was like I haven't, No,
Speaker 4: not really. I really had a hard time with feeding
Speaker 4: because I just I couldn't wrap my head around breastfeeding.
Speaker 4: I just I hadn't even I did try, and I
Speaker 4: remember getting super emotional about it. And it's a funny thing.
Speaker 4: I remember every time I try and breastfeed, I'd immediately
Speaker 4: feel sad. It was just a weird thing my body.
Speaker 4: It was just a whole thing. So I remember they
Speaker 4: were bringing pump machines and they were like, oh, you know,
Speaker 4: go to the kitchen and make formula, and I was like,
Speaker 4: I don't know how to do that and like, what's
Speaker 4: the right amount of this. It's just it was a lot.
Speaker 4: And Dan wasn't allowed to stay either, So it was
Speaker 4: because we were in the public hospital. So I remember
Speaker 4: at nighttime it was you know, you could hear all
Speaker 4: the babies and luckily they would I love for a
Speaker 4: lot of the time was you know, getting taken care
Speaker 4: of down there, so I would have the nesses coming
Speaker 4: in with the pump machine, you know, every so hour,
Speaker 4: so I can try and you know, get the milk
Speaker 4: going and and what not. But I could always get
Speaker 4: like the tiniest bit, but I was never the milk
Speaker 4: just wasn't really happening for me. And I feel like
Speaker 4: I was probably yeah, I was definitely not in the
Speaker 4: right headspace to even allow it to come in. I
Speaker 4: don't know, it was, yeah, So struggled with that for sure.
Speaker 1: It took time for Aaron to process what had happened.
Speaker 1: On day three, she knew it was time.
Speaker 4: Dan had been there. He'd been there every day since
Speaker 4: we were in there. He was always in there, he
Speaker 4: you know, every day was like, do you think you're ready,
Speaker 4: Like said, oh, no, I don't know. And my parents
Speaker 4: had been down there. Dan's parents had been down there,
Speaker 4: and it was kind of nice because it was very
Speaker 4: no one was forceful either, which was great. And also
Speaker 4: they would all take photos and then you know that
Speaker 4: Jomie photos of what she looks like, and I was
Speaker 4: just like, I just can't comprehend that that's my child.
Speaker 4: It was just a really bizarre thing. I was like,
Speaker 4: it's just I just can't wrap my head around it.
Speaker 4: But yeah, I think it was the third day and
Speaker 4: Dan was like, show me a photo. He's like, youking,
Speaker 4: you want to come down and she like all the
Speaker 4: nurses like they want to meet you and be talking
Speaker 4: about you, like the nurses down there and like she's
Speaker 4: having a bath today, like maybe we should go down
Speaker 4: there and like watch the bath her. And I was
Speaker 4: like I thought, oh, you know, I met like I've
Speaker 4: got to meet her at some stage, and so I
Speaker 4: was like yeah. So I remember walking down there and
Speaker 4: kind of the first time I kind of walked around
Speaker 4: because I had a catheterin as well, so it was
Speaker 4: just like I was just like, ah, like I don't
Speaker 4: want to actually get up and look at myself. But yeah,
Speaker 4: so we like trotted down there and I remember she
Speaker 4: was in her like little busket things that they have
Speaker 4: biblitical clear ones, and I remember just looking at her
Speaker 4: and I was like, oh, this is just so strange.
Speaker 4: Like they had like picked her up and I held
Speaker 4: it like I was holding her, and I was like, oh,
Speaker 4: my goodness, like this is just bizarre. But then I
Speaker 4: kind of knew. And then seeing Dan with her too
Speaker 4: and how much he'd like he's like, oh, look like
Speaker 4: look at this, and look like look at her there
Speaker 4: and look at that little my little ears and all
Speaker 4: this stuff, and he was like, oh, she's so cute anyway,
Speaker 4: and then I said, oh, yeah, she's she's cute, and
Speaker 4: they're like, so we bassed her then, and they were
Speaker 4: helping us like do you want to try and you know,
Speaker 4: change her nappy and because I'd never changed nappy before,
Speaker 4: and yeah, they were amazing down there. So they made
Speaker 4: me feel a lot better about it. And I think
Speaker 4: seeing her for the first time as well was also
Speaker 4: gave me a sense of, I guess, relief a little bit.
Speaker 4: I don't know. It also built it up in my
Speaker 4: head that it was that I had done some terrible
Speaker 4: things to her with like you know, not knowing she
Speaker 4: was pregnant. So just seeing her I was like, oh,
Speaker 4: it's actually a bit of a relief there too.
Speaker 1: After this, Aaron bonded quickly with her precious surprise package.
Speaker 4: So then after seeing her for that first time, I
Speaker 4: went would go down there like a fair bit, and
Speaker 4: then I think it was the sixth night, they said, oh,
Speaker 4: she's actually ready to go up in the room with
Speaker 4: you if you like, and she can like be with
Speaker 4: you overnight, and like that gave me a lot of stress,
Speaker 4: but I was like, yeah, okay, I've got to do
Speaker 4: it at some point. So yeah, she went up there,
Speaker 4: and I remember the first night was really really tough
Speaker 4: because you're in the maternity ward and the nurses like
Speaker 4: I can't be with you all the time, and I
Speaker 4: just remember she was crying and overnight and I was like,
Speaker 4: I don't know what to do, Like I was just
Speaker 4: really really that was like a really hard night. But
Speaker 4: following that, I think doing things together helped Dan and
Speaker 4: I made sure he was amazing and making sure that
Speaker 4: you know, I was supported as well as Ilob was
Speaker 4: as well, So I think doing things together and also
Speaker 4: I had a lot of support at the time too,
Speaker 4: so I never felt isolated or I never felt I
Speaker 4: was by myself in there, so that kind of relieved
Speaker 4: that side of things for me, and I could kind
Speaker 4: of focus on trying to build a relationship with her.
Speaker 4: And I think, yeah, that initial shock war off, still
Speaker 4: in shock, but that initial shock wore off within being
Speaker 4: in the hospital, and then I just kind of wanted
Speaker 4: to be in my own environment to feel somewhat normal
Speaker 4: and then continue to you know, navigate being a mum
Speaker 4: and also trying to build that relationship with her. But
Speaker 4: every day we got a little bit easier, and Asikah,
Speaker 4: I have so much love for this little baby that
Speaker 4: it's just yeah. So that happened pretty soon after we
Speaker 4: left the hospital.
Speaker 3: For sure, coming up they do happen. I wouldn't say
Speaker 3: that they're common. I work in this space and I've
Speaker 3: seen one.
Speaker 1: The idea of coming home from the hospital can be
Speaker 1: pretty terrifying for first time parents, and that's those who
Speaker 1: fully set up their nursery and had nine months to
Speaker 1: get used to the idea. So what was Eila's homecoming?
Speaker 4: Like Erin and Dan, So we were living in two
Speaker 4: bedroom house, thank goodness, So we had a spare room
Speaker 4: that was actually my reformer room, so to ditch the reformer,
Speaker 4: but obviously I'd like nothing. The closest thing we were
Speaker 4: to parents is our black lab so he was that's
Speaker 4: the closest thing we got to So once we're in hospital,
Speaker 4: our parents and friends were amazing. They just they literally
Speaker 4: just got it, like they got I didn't have to
Speaker 4: think about anything. They got everything and then just transformed
Speaker 4: that whole room into a nursery essentially, but like everything
Speaker 4: that we needed. Some friends you know, had who had babies,
Speaker 4: like gave us their capsules and prams and all sorts
Speaker 4: of things, and so that was a relief I had.
Speaker 4: You know, one of my best friends, she's early childcare teacher.
Speaker 4: She had like gave me nappies and elder things that
Speaker 4: I just wouldn't think of, Like she just had stopped
Speaker 4: up the whole cupboard. So yeah, we we got her
Speaker 4: home and yeah, that was all set up, which was
Speaker 4: which was great, And it was the help and support
Speaker 4: of everyone else that allowed us to do that, Otherwise
Speaker 4: it would have been a lot different.
Speaker 1: We've spoken before on this podcast about how tough mums
Speaker 1: can find it in the fourth trimester, how we can
Speaker 1: sometimes focus so much on the birth we forget to
Speaker 1: think about those challenging few months at home. I remember
Speaker 1: what a wild, confusing, fuzzy time this was. So how
Speaker 1: was it for Aaron? What did she actually know about
Speaker 1: the realities of babies when she took Ailer back home.
Speaker 4: I already knew, like just from everyone else who I
Speaker 4: had already heard. I was like, oh, lesliep's you're not
Speaker 4: going to get it. It's going to be all over
Speaker 4: the show. So it was kind of already thinking about that.
Speaker 4: I think it was just navigating actually being by myself
Speaker 4: with a baby. I think was the hardest part for me,
Speaker 4: just because I had come from being in the hospital
Speaker 4: and I hadn't applied for you know, maternity leave or
Speaker 4: Dan had applied the paternity leave. So he did his
Speaker 4: best that he could and got work off for like
Speaker 4: two weeks or something, but he had to go back
Speaker 4: and I just had come from being around, you know,
Speaker 4: Dan and my parents were popping in all the time
Speaker 4: to I think the first time he had to go
Speaker 4: back to work, and I just remember being like, I
Speaker 4: just I can't do this. I don't know how I'm
Speaker 4: going to be by myself eight hours with a baby.
Speaker 4: So that was definitely, I remember the hardest one of
Speaker 4: the hardest parts is trying to be like, Okay, I
Speaker 4: need to look after this small human by myself. And yeah,
Speaker 4: so I think that was definitely just the managing your emotions,
Speaker 4: I think because I always thought I was pretty good
Speaker 4: at that, But it was also a whole new ball
Speaker 4: game after giving birth and being a mum and also
Speaker 4: caring fears someone else, not just yourself.
Speaker 1: So what would Aaron say to anyone else who had
Speaker 1: a surprise baby like hers.
Speaker 4: Don't be afraid to ask for help if you need it,
Speaker 4: and if you're needing a break, like voice out as well.
Speaker 4: I got in my own head a little bit being
Speaker 4: like I didn't have warning suit everyone else didn't have warning,
Speaker 4: like they didn't sign up to you know, come and
Speaker 4: help me as well, Like I just felt bad to
Speaker 4: even message you know, my friend's or Dan's mom or
Speaker 4: my mom and be like, can you come over and
Speaker 4: help me? I don't know what I'm doing. I think
Speaker 4: it is super important to look after yourself as well
Speaker 4: as the you know, your baby, and so I think
Speaker 4: if you need help, or you want help, or you
Speaker 4: need support, or you just need someone there, I think,
Speaker 4: don't be afraid to reach out and ask, because super
Speaker 4: important not only for the baby, but your mental health
Speaker 4: as well.
Speaker 1: Diary of a birth is focused on giving moms the
Speaker 1: chance to tell their stories in their own words, but
Speaker 1: medical questions arise, and for that we have the wonderful
Speaker 1: services of doctor Gollie, dad of three and one of
Speaker 1: Australia's best pediatricians. I had to ask him, do these
Speaker 1: surprise pregnancies have a name and how common are they?
Speaker 3: They do happen. I wouldn't say that they're common. There
Speaker 3: was a study out of South Australia a few years
Speaker 3: ago that showed an incidence of about one in roughly
Speaker 3: fifteen hundred births in Australia. In Germany there was a
Speaker 3: similar study. It was close to one in two thy
Speaker 3: five hundred, so huge variability, which means we don't really
Speaker 3: know how common and uncommon they are, but they certainly happen.
Speaker 3: I work in this space and I've seen one. I've
Speaker 3: been doing this for decades. I've seen one and I
Speaker 3: wasn't even a doctor yet, I was a medical student.
Speaker 3: These surprise pregnancies have got different names depending on what
Speaker 3: they are, so you know, in this case, we call
Speaker 3: it an undetected pregnancy. This is where it is a
Speaker 3: complete surprise to everyone, especially the mother. In America they
Speaker 3: use the term cryptic, which is fascinating.
Speaker 1: Understandably, Aaron was in shock and had to work to
Speaker 1: bond with her beautiful daughter Eila. But the feeling of
Speaker 1: not immediately feeling a woosh of love is experienced by
Speaker 1: many new mums and can lead to guilt and shame
Speaker 1: through no faults of their own. Here's doctor Gollie on
Speaker 1: what to do if you feel like this.
Speaker 3: Yeah, look, I think it's more common than people think,
Speaker 3: and especially when it comes to dads. A lot of
Speaker 3: dads feel this pressure to have the same instant bond
Speaker 3: that a mum commonly has with their baby. And I
Speaker 3: see it, I must be honest. I see it every
Speaker 3: single day. You know, you bring a baby straight from
Speaker 3: delivery onto mum's chest and Mum you can see it click.
Speaker 3: It's like the lights turn on and this bond is
Speaker 3: instant and you can almost see a lifetime of bond.
Speaker 3: It's beautiful. And I often look at dads and they
Speaker 3: don't have it, and you can see the cogs turning
Speaker 3: and wondering why don't I have it? What's wrong with me,
Speaker 3: it's a real challenge for a lot of dads. It's
Speaker 3: also more common in the setting of a maternal health concerns.
Speaker 3: So if mum, for example, had a postpartum hemorrhaye to
Speaker 3: bleed after birth, or had to be put under general
Speaker 3: that aesthetic had to be returned to theater, or even
Speaker 3: if the baby has a condition you have the baby's
Speaker 3: whisked away or born premature, that immediate spark can be threatened.
Speaker 3: My advice to couples when they don't feel it, whether
Speaker 3: it's mum, dad, even sibling, just maintain that presence. You know,
Speaker 3: A bond is something that is lovely when it happens instantly,
Speaker 3: but it does happen, albeit later every time. It's something
Speaker 3: that builds over time. It's not always instant. And I
Speaker 3: think if you put pressure on yourself as a parent,
Speaker 3: as a new parent, especially to have that instant connection,
Speaker 3: it doesn't happen all the time. And that's also safe,
Speaker 3: and that's fine, and it's normal and it's common, and
Speaker 3: it doesn't mean that you've done anything wrong or it
Speaker 3: doesn't mean you're a bad parent. I hear all of
Speaker 3: these these catastrophizing comments. It's absolute, not the case, and
Speaker 3: I promise you, if you just be with that baby
Speaker 3: and have skinned to skin time, kangaroo care, feed them,
Speaker 3: bath them, change them, be with them, and just spend time,
Speaker 3: that bond is built like a bridge and it will
Speaker 3: happen eventually.
Speaker 1: And I'm so keen to hear Erin's advice to all
Speaker 1: new mums after the incredible experience she went through.
Speaker 4: I remember one of the midwives came over to me
Speaker 4: and did one of their visits when we were settling
Speaker 4: into the house, and one thing that always stood out
Speaker 4: to me was she said, a baby has never died
Speaker 4: from crying. So if they're crying and you you need
Speaker 4: a minute, like, go take a minute. They're going to
Speaker 4: be crying regardless, so like just take it time as
Speaker 4: much time as you need, and then come back because
Speaker 4: maybe maybe they don't, but the baby obviously might feed
Speaker 4: off like what you're giving out your an. So I
Speaker 4: feel like, if you just try and take that time,
Speaker 4: come back, And that kind of always stood out with me,
Speaker 4: But also I think, just enjoy that time. I know
Speaker 4: it's like hard, and you know the sleep's horrible, or
Speaker 4: you know they might not be feeding well, or they
Speaker 4: might not be settled or whatever it is. But I think,
Speaker 4: just try and enjoy that time because it actually does
Speaker 4: go super fast. It really does. And I know everyone
Speaker 4: always says that, but I just remember, you know, sitting
Speaker 4: on the couch and you know they're asleep and you're
Speaker 4: watching a nice show, and he's like, Oh, it's just
Speaker 4: they're just so small and it's just really special time.
Speaker 4: So I think, yeah, just taking that step back for sure.
Speaker 1: Thank you for joining us on Diary of a Birth,
Speaker 1: where we celebrate all the amazing ways that we as
Speaker 1: women bring life into the world. Join me next week
Speaker 1: as we hear the amazing birth story of Mum and
Speaker 1: me as very own Clare Stevens. If you'd like to
Speaker 1: share your birth story with us, we'd love to hear
Speaker 1: from you. Find out how in our show notes. Diary
Speaker 1: of a Birth was hosted by me Kasenya Lukic, with
Speaker 1: expert input from doctor Golli, Audio production by Scott Stronach,
Speaker 1: and our executive producer is Georgie Page.