1 00:00:10,365 --> 00:00:13,125 Speaker 1: You're listening to a MoMA Mia podcast. 2 00:00:13,885 --> 00:00:16,885 Speaker 2: Mama Miya acknowledges the traditional owners of land and waters 3 00:00:16,885 --> 00:00:20,045 Speaker 2: that this podcast is recorded on. Hello friends, Today, I 4 00:00:20,085 --> 00:00:22,565 Speaker 2: am bringing you a special episode from one of our 5 00:00:22,605 --> 00:00:25,885 Speaker 2: new and incredible series. It's called Diary of a Birth, 6 00:00:25,965 --> 00:00:30,125 Speaker 2: where we bring these amazing birth stories interiors from around 7 00:00:30,165 --> 00:00:34,525 Speaker 2: the country, and this particular episode really fascinated me. It's 8 00:00:34,525 --> 00:00:37,365 Speaker 2: about a woman named Aaron Carty who did not know 9 00:00:37,645 --> 00:00:41,205 Speaker 2: she was pregnant until she was giving birth in the shower. 10 00:00:41,445 --> 00:00:42,525 Speaker 2: That is all I'm going to say. 11 00:00:42,765 --> 00:00:44,645 Speaker 3: I hope you enjoy. 12 00:00:47,325 --> 00:00:51,165 Speaker 1: I'm Cassnia Lukitch. Welcome to Diary of a Birth. Today 13 00:00:51,165 --> 00:00:54,485 Speaker 1: we're asking how can a woman give birth without knowing 14 00:00:54,565 --> 00:00:57,925 Speaker 1: she's pregnant. We've all read the stories in real life magazines, 15 00:00:57,965 --> 00:01:00,685 Speaker 1: but does it actually happen? Can a woman really go 16 00:01:00,805 --> 00:01:04,485 Speaker 1: through nine months of growing a human without the slightest 17 00:01:04,525 --> 00:01:08,485 Speaker 1: inkling about what's going on inside her body? The answer 18 00:01:08,725 --> 00:01:13,085 Speaker 1: is yes, and today's amazing guest is living proof. Because 19 00:01:13,245 --> 00:01:16,845 Speaker 1: Erin had no idea she was pregnant until moments before 20 00:01:16,925 --> 00:01:19,525 Speaker 1: she gave birth on her bathroom floor. 21 00:01:19,965 --> 00:01:23,045 Speaker 4: It was just a weird battle in my mind of 22 00:01:23,605 --> 00:01:26,485 Speaker 4: am I giving birth to something right now or what's 23 00:01:26,525 --> 00:01:27,765 Speaker 4: actually happening. 24 00:01:28,845 --> 00:01:32,565 Speaker 1: Giving Aaron and her partner the biggest shock of their lives. 25 00:01:33,285 --> 00:01:36,645 Speaker 4: He was said, just need you know an ambulance. My 26 00:01:36,885 --> 00:01:40,845 Speaker 4: girlfriend has had a baby and at home, and the 27 00:01:40,885 --> 00:01:43,045 Speaker 4: guy was like, oh, so, how many weeks was She 28 00:01:44,165 --> 00:01:46,485 Speaker 4: then said we didn't didn't know, We didn't know she 29 00:01:46,565 --> 00:01:47,645 Speaker 4: was pregnant. 30 00:01:47,445 --> 00:01:48,965 Speaker 1: And everyone else too. 31 00:01:49,485 --> 00:01:55,365 Speaker 4: Dan said to my dad, yeah, Eron's had a baby. Yeah, 32 00:01:55,365 --> 00:01:57,005 Speaker 4: my dad almost hated. 33 00:01:57,245 --> 00:02:00,005 Speaker 1: So let's meet the supermum telling today's story. 34 00:02:00,445 --> 00:02:04,005 Speaker 4: Hi, my name is Erin Carty. This is the story 35 00:02:04,125 --> 00:02:05,245 Speaker 4: of my birth with Eila. 36 00:02:08,445 --> 00:02:11,165 Speaker 1: Just five years ago. Erin was a young, child free 37 00:02:11,205 --> 00:02:13,165 Speaker 1: woman living her best life. 38 00:02:13,485 --> 00:02:16,285 Speaker 4: So my life before Aila. I was a twenty just 39 00:02:16,325 --> 00:02:19,245 Speaker 4: turned twenty two year old girl. So I just finished 40 00:02:19,285 --> 00:02:23,525 Speaker 4: studying at the time, and I was working in pharmacy. 41 00:02:23,925 --> 00:02:27,485 Speaker 4: But also I was very active as well, loved going out, 42 00:02:27,685 --> 00:02:30,485 Speaker 4: you know, it was my friends still and I'd been 43 00:02:30,525 --> 00:02:33,605 Speaker 4: with Dan for two and a half years at that point, 44 00:02:33,685 --> 00:02:37,285 Speaker 4: so we'd moved in together eight months before that. So 45 00:02:37,365 --> 00:02:40,565 Speaker 4: it was pretty, i'd say, like a pretty normal twenty 46 00:02:40,645 --> 00:02:42,925 Speaker 4: two year old girl at that point in time. 47 00:02:43,165 --> 00:02:46,725 Speaker 1: Aaron and Dan had had those big life conversations, and 48 00:02:46,885 --> 00:02:48,765 Speaker 1: Erin was pretty set in what she wanted. 49 00:02:49,125 --> 00:02:53,325 Speaker 4: We had talked about having kids. I was not for that. 50 00:02:53,805 --> 00:02:57,525 Speaker 4: I didn't really want to have children, definitely. I guess 51 00:02:57,565 --> 00:02:59,805 Speaker 4: you know, any twenty two year old would probably say that, 52 00:02:59,845 --> 00:03:01,805 Speaker 4: but at that point in time, I didn't want to 53 00:03:01,805 --> 00:03:05,285 Speaker 4: have kids. And Dan, you know, being a little bit 54 00:03:05,285 --> 00:03:07,925 Speaker 4: older than me, he was, Oh, that would be you know, 55 00:03:07,965 --> 00:03:09,885 Speaker 4: whatever you want to do. I would like to have 56 00:03:09,965 --> 00:03:12,245 Speaker 4: kids at one stage in my life, but if it's 57 00:03:12,245 --> 00:03:13,845 Speaker 4: not now, that's fine. So I was like, yeah, cool. 58 00:03:13,845 --> 00:03:16,125 Speaker 4: So I was just happy not to have children. 59 00:03:16,605 --> 00:03:20,125 Speaker 1: At this time. Erin had very irregular periods, only about 60 00:03:20,165 --> 00:03:23,405 Speaker 1: once a year, not interested in falling pregnant at this time. 61 00:03:23,685 --> 00:03:24,605 Speaker 1: This didn't worry her. 62 00:03:25,085 --> 00:03:28,325 Speaker 4: I think I got my first period when I was eighteen. 63 00:03:28,725 --> 00:03:31,445 Speaker 4: It just was super hard for me to track, well, 64 00:03:31,525 --> 00:03:34,445 Speaker 4: it's impossible for me to track my cycle. When I 65 00:03:34,485 --> 00:03:38,085 Speaker 4: did get my period, it would be super super painful 66 00:03:38,165 --> 00:03:41,045 Speaker 4: in the leader, So sometimes it could be over a 67 00:03:41,085 --> 00:03:44,045 Speaker 4: week and then other times it would be for one 68 00:03:44,205 --> 00:03:47,285 Speaker 4: or two days. So it was just one of those 69 00:03:47,325 --> 00:03:49,685 Speaker 4: things that I kind of just learned to deal with. 70 00:03:49,765 --> 00:03:52,365 Speaker 4: And you know, being young as well, I didn't have 71 00:03:52,405 --> 00:03:54,645 Speaker 4: as much of an emphasis I guess on my menstrual 72 00:03:54,645 --> 00:03:57,085 Speaker 4: health as what I would do now. Yeah, back then, 73 00:03:57,125 --> 00:03:58,445 Speaker 4: I was just like, oh, this is great. 74 00:03:59,325 --> 00:04:02,085 Speaker 1: Throughout her pregnancy, Erin continued to work as a model, 75 00:04:02,365 --> 00:04:05,885 Speaker 1: fitting into the size eight garments she always had. People 76 00:04:05,965 --> 00:04:10,245 Speaker 1: since have constantly asked her, didn't you have a big stomach. Well, 77 00:04:10,725 --> 00:04:15,045 Speaker 1: what's extra incredible about Aaron's story is that she didn't 78 00:04:15,405 --> 00:04:16,085 Speaker 1: like not at all. 79 00:04:16,685 --> 00:04:19,965 Speaker 4: So I was, yeah, still modeling at the time, and 80 00:04:20,165 --> 00:04:23,125 Speaker 4: like you know, I was mainly a size eight, sometimes 81 00:04:23,165 --> 00:04:26,445 Speaker 4: a size ten depends, but I'm over six foot, so 82 00:04:26,445 --> 00:04:29,405 Speaker 4: I'm quite tall. And I was just someone that would 83 00:04:29,445 --> 00:04:33,485 Speaker 4: also judge my body and how it changed by my 84 00:04:33,565 --> 00:04:36,965 Speaker 4: clothes that I wear. So yeah, everything still fit me. 85 00:04:37,445 --> 00:04:42,165 Speaker 4: I remember later on towards obviously the nine months, I 86 00:04:42,205 --> 00:04:44,845 Speaker 4: remember thinking, oh, like, this shirt feels a little bit 87 00:04:44,925 --> 00:04:46,885 Speaker 4: tighter on the back. But I was like, oh, well, 88 00:04:47,245 --> 00:04:49,285 Speaker 4: it's fine, I'll just go back to the like do 89 00:04:49,405 --> 00:04:52,885 Speaker 4: more at the gym. And I was also into my pilates. 90 00:04:52,925 --> 00:04:55,485 Speaker 4: I'm now a plarate's instructor as well, but I did 91 00:04:55,485 --> 00:04:59,205 Speaker 4: a lot of pilates. I wouldn't recommend to pregnant people now, 92 00:04:59,525 --> 00:05:03,525 Speaker 4: like I'd be squatting weights, yeah, bit of cardio, just 93 00:05:04,325 --> 00:05:06,845 Speaker 4: probably four days a week, and then i'd be pilates 94 00:05:06,845 --> 00:05:08,005 Speaker 4: and then walks and. 95 00:05:08,805 --> 00:05:12,245 Speaker 1: Yeah, okay. So what happened on the most surprising day 96 00:05:12,285 --> 00:05:13,165 Speaker 1: of Erin's life. 97 00:05:14,085 --> 00:05:18,005 Speaker 4: I remember waking up with some migraines and some pains, 98 00:05:18,085 --> 00:05:20,485 Speaker 4: and I just put it down to you, Oh, you know, 99 00:05:20,485 --> 00:05:22,005 Speaker 4: it must be the one time of year that I'm 100 00:05:22,045 --> 00:05:25,005 Speaker 4: actually getting my period, and so I was like, oh, 101 00:05:25,085 --> 00:05:27,965 Speaker 4: usually when that happens, it's pretty intense pain. So I 102 00:05:28,005 --> 00:05:30,685 Speaker 4: was like, oh, that's all right, and also not uncommon 103 00:05:30,685 --> 00:05:32,325 Speaker 4: for me to have migraines either, so I was like 104 00:05:32,525 --> 00:05:35,645 Speaker 4: having a bad night obviously thinking about it or knowing 105 00:05:35,645 --> 00:05:37,845 Speaker 4: about it now is obviously the start of my contractions, 106 00:05:37,845 --> 00:05:40,725 Speaker 4: but I didn't think anything of it. I was supposed 107 00:05:40,765 --> 00:05:42,405 Speaker 4: to work the next day when I woke up, but 108 00:05:42,445 --> 00:05:46,805 Speaker 4: I was feeling pretty rubbish at that point, so I 109 00:05:46,805 --> 00:05:48,765 Speaker 4: remember getting my uniform on and then sitting at the 110 00:05:48,805 --> 00:05:50,965 Speaker 4: end of the bed being like, oh, I actually can't 111 00:05:50,965 --> 00:05:53,045 Speaker 4: work today. Like I'm just going through waves of like, 112 00:05:53,365 --> 00:05:56,405 Speaker 4: you know, feeling okay and then feeling absolutely terrible. So 113 00:05:56,925 --> 00:05:59,045 Speaker 4: I didn't go to work, thank goodness, But I just 114 00:05:59,205 --> 00:06:02,845 Speaker 4: stayed at home. Dan was at work that day, so 115 00:06:02,965 --> 00:06:05,405 Speaker 4: I just stayed at home. Funny enough, I was in 116 00:06:05,445 --> 00:06:07,645 Speaker 4: and out of the shower because it pain was in 117 00:06:07,685 --> 00:06:12,045 Speaker 4: my back, and I just remember thinking, oh, I reckon, 118 00:06:12,085 --> 00:06:15,125 Speaker 4: this might be my appendix because it was just moving 119 00:06:15,245 --> 00:06:17,805 Speaker 4: kind of from one side to the other, and I 120 00:06:17,885 --> 00:06:21,725 Speaker 4: wasn't really doing much and I just was like, I'll 121 00:06:21,765 --> 00:06:23,925 Speaker 4: just have some neuropin and that'll make it feel better. 122 00:06:24,125 --> 00:06:28,205 Speaker 1: And yeah, I'm fascinated to know what sort of pain 123 00:06:28,285 --> 00:06:28,725 Speaker 1: it was. 124 00:06:29,725 --> 00:06:34,645 Speaker 4: So the pain was a version of a period pain 125 00:06:34,725 --> 00:06:38,405 Speaker 4: is in like the intense cramping down there, but then 126 00:06:38,445 --> 00:06:42,605 Speaker 4: also times ten. So I was like, oh, this doesn't 127 00:06:42,645 --> 00:06:46,725 Speaker 4: feel super normal. Like I wasn't very I wasn't naive 128 00:06:46,765 --> 00:06:50,445 Speaker 4: to the fact that, oh, this is actually probably not right. 129 00:06:50,925 --> 00:06:53,285 Speaker 4: But I generally was like, it must be my appendix 130 00:06:53,325 --> 00:06:55,405 Speaker 4: because it definitely was coming from my back. It was 131 00:06:55,485 --> 00:06:59,445 Speaker 4: like kind of moving from there, and from what I've 132 00:06:59,485 --> 00:07:02,685 Speaker 4: heard of appendix, you know, ruptures, it does feel like 133 00:07:02,725 --> 00:07:05,685 Speaker 4: it's in your back. So I was just would jump 134 00:07:05,765 --> 00:07:07,965 Speaker 4: in the shower because that was the only thing that 135 00:07:08,045 --> 00:07:11,685 Speaker 4: was kind of relieving that pain or that just giving 136 00:07:11,685 --> 00:07:14,685 Speaker 4: me a slight bit of relief, and then I was like, oh, 137 00:07:14,765 --> 00:07:16,885 Speaker 4: I don't know if I'm even right to drive right now, 138 00:07:16,965 --> 00:07:18,805 Speaker 4: because it was just coming in and out of like 139 00:07:19,645 --> 00:07:23,005 Speaker 4: waves of be fine. And then so I was just 140 00:07:23,205 --> 00:07:26,325 Speaker 4: waiting for Dan to get home from work, because I 141 00:07:26,365 --> 00:07:28,485 Speaker 4: was when you get home, if it's no better, I 142 00:07:28,565 --> 00:07:31,325 Speaker 4: need you to take me to the hospital. So I 143 00:07:31,325 --> 00:07:33,165 Speaker 4: think this at this point, you know, it was mid 144 00:07:33,205 --> 00:07:36,445 Speaker 4: afternoon and Dan wasn't home to like six pm or something, 145 00:07:37,245 --> 00:07:38,725 Speaker 4: so yeah, I was kind of just waiting it out 146 00:07:38,765 --> 00:07:41,085 Speaker 4: and in the shower, on the couch, just kind of 147 00:07:41,085 --> 00:07:41,845 Speaker 4: walking around. 148 00:07:42,485 --> 00:07:45,925 Speaker 1: So by this stage, Aaron was starting to wonder is 149 00:07:45,965 --> 00:07:47,285 Speaker 1: it It couldn't be. 150 00:07:48,685 --> 00:07:50,725 Speaker 4: I just didn't know what else it could be, Like 151 00:07:50,765 --> 00:07:53,365 Speaker 4: obviously could be a multitude of things, but I just 152 00:07:53,485 --> 00:07:57,485 Speaker 4: didn't think at that point in time of anything else 153 00:07:57,525 --> 00:08:02,045 Speaker 4: it could be. So eventually Dan got home and I'd 154 00:08:02,045 --> 00:08:04,965 Speaker 4: been messaging him that day and he brought me more neurofan, 155 00:08:05,045 --> 00:08:07,805 Speaker 4: more paned or it was just getting worse and worse. 156 00:08:08,085 --> 00:08:09,885 Speaker 4: So then at this point I think he got home, 157 00:08:09,965 --> 00:08:13,405 Speaker 4: it was around six thirty seven, and I was like, Oh, 158 00:08:13,445 --> 00:08:15,805 Speaker 4: I'm just gonna, you know, go back in the bathroom 159 00:08:15,805 --> 00:08:19,165 Speaker 4: and I'll just have like one shower, see how I'm feeling, 160 00:08:19,165 --> 00:08:22,565 Speaker 4: and then go from there. And then I remember I 161 00:08:22,605 --> 00:08:27,125 Speaker 4: was in there for a while, and then I remember 162 00:08:27,165 --> 00:08:31,445 Speaker 4: it happening so quickly, like the point where you just 163 00:08:31,565 --> 00:08:36,605 Speaker 4: need to essentially push, and I just remember thinking in 164 00:08:36,645 --> 00:08:39,925 Speaker 4: my mind, I was like, m I don't really know 165 00:08:40,645 --> 00:08:42,965 Speaker 4: how this is happening, but I like there's no other 166 00:08:43,005 --> 00:08:46,725 Speaker 4: explanation that it was just weird battle in my mind 167 00:08:46,965 --> 00:08:49,525 Speaker 4: of am I giving birth to something right now or 168 00:08:49,965 --> 00:08:53,125 Speaker 4: like what's actually happening. Like I was in so much 169 00:08:53,165 --> 00:08:55,485 Speaker 4: pain that I actually like I couldn't yell out to Dan, 170 00:08:55,645 --> 00:08:58,925 Speaker 4: like I was like, I just need to have this child. 171 00:08:59,445 --> 00:09:03,165 Speaker 4: So I remember being in the bathroom and then like 172 00:09:03,285 --> 00:09:07,845 Speaker 4: on the floor or whatever and just gave birth there. 173 00:09:07,885 --> 00:09:11,245 Speaker 4: And then I remember just out to Dan, and I 174 00:09:11,525 --> 00:09:14,405 Speaker 4: just I couldn't just hear like he was watching a 175 00:09:14,445 --> 00:09:16,525 Speaker 4: TV show and I can just hear like a subtle 176 00:09:16,605 --> 00:09:18,925 Speaker 4: TV show noise in the background, and that kind of 177 00:09:18,925 --> 00:09:20,645 Speaker 4: plays in my mind as well all the time. I 178 00:09:20,765 --> 00:09:25,205 Speaker 4: just always hear whatever he was watching. Yeah, so I 179 00:09:25,205 --> 00:09:30,285 Speaker 4: gave birth and there was a baby there coming up. 180 00:09:30,885 --> 00:09:34,325 Speaker 4: So I remember it just waking up like twelve fifteen 181 00:09:34,325 --> 00:09:36,485 Speaker 4: out whatever hours later in the morning, being like I 182 00:09:36,605 --> 00:09:38,325 Speaker 4: just was hoping that was a dream and I was like, 183 00:09:38,645 --> 00:09:52,485 Speaker 4: that couldn't have happened. I just froze, like I was like, 184 00:09:52,725 --> 00:09:54,605 Speaker 4: once I called out to Dan and Dan ran in, 185 00:09:55,405 --> 00:09:59,725 Speaker 4: I just remember him sliding the door open and he 186 00:09:59,845 --> 00:10:02,925 Speaker 4: was just he stood there for half a second and 187 00:10:02,965 --> 00:10:05,165 Speaker 4: he's like like it was just like, oh my god. 188 00:10:05,565 --> 00:10:08,245 Speaker 4: I don't think I've ever seen him turn that pale before, 189 00:10:08,365 --> 00:10:11,445 Speaker 4: or he was just like, what's happened in here? I 190 00:10:11,445 --> 00:10:13,885 Speaker 4: don't know it's flight or flight response. I guess like 191 00:10:13,925 --> 00:10:16,765 Speaker 4: he just was like, well, I've got to do something 192 00:10:16,845 --> 00:10:19,925 Speaker 4: right now. It also didn't look like the most amazing 193 00:10:19,965 --> 00:10:23,925 Speaker 4: scene in there. I had, unfortunately, like hemorrhaged in birth 194 00:10:24,005 --> 00:10:26,885 Speaker 4: and it was chaos and I couldn't really get up 195 00:10:26,885 --> 00:10:30,125 Speaker 4: off the floor and I wasn't breathing at that point either, 196 00:10:30,245 --> 00:10:35,285 Speaker 4: so she was not really Yeah. So Dan just picked 197 00:10:35,365 --> 00:10:38,445 Speaker 4: up the phone. He called Triple zero straight away, and 198 00:10:38,725 --> 00:10:40,485 Speaker 4: the guy on the other end of the line he 199 00:10:40,725 --> 00:10:44,725 Speaker 4: was talking Dan through how to bring her back to life. 200 00:10:45,325 --> 00:10:48,605 Speaker 4: So he was amazing and Dan was amazing, and I 201 00:10:48,605 --> 00:10:50,925 Speaker 4: wouldn't like I was hopeless at that point in time, 202 00:10:51,045 --> 00:10:54,565 Speaker 4: like I didn't know what to do, so Dan, with 203 00:10:54,605 --> 00:10:57,365 Speaker 4: the help of the triple zero operator, bought I went 204 00:10:57,405 --> 00:10:59,925 Speaker 4: back to life. She started breathing, and what. 205 00:10:59,885 --> 00:11:01,805 Speaker 1: Did Dan say to the triple zero operator? 206 00:11:02,725 --> 00:11:06,725 Speaker 4: He said, just need you know, an ambulance. My girlfriend 207 00:11:06,805 --> 00:11:11,005 Speaker 4: has had a baby at home. And the guy was like, oh, so, 208 00:11:11,085 --> 00:11:14,125 Speaker 4: how many weeks was she? And Dan said, we didn't, 209 00:11:14,325 --> 00:11:16,325 Speaker 4: we didn't know. We didn't know she was pregnant. And 210 00:11:16,405 --> 00:11:18,765 Speaker 4: the guy was like, so there was a surprise. You 211 00:11:18,765 --> 00:11:20,645 Speaker 4: had no idea, and he'd dance like, no, I didn't 212 00:11:20,645 --> 00:11:23,845 Speaker 4: even like, we didn't know she was pregnant, and he said, 213 00:11:24,005 --> 00:11:25,845 Speaker 4: is it a boy or a girl? And dancing I 214 00:11:25,845 --> 00:11:28,685 Speaker 4: don't know. I don't know, Like he said she was 215 00:11:28,725 --> 00:11:31,685 Speaker 4: a boy because like she didn't. He was so flustered. 216 00:11:31,725 --> 00:11:36,605 Speaker 4: He's like, it's a boy. I think yeah. And he's like, oh, 217 00:11:36,685 --> 00:11:39,205 Speaker 4: she's not breathing, like she's blue, Like she's not breathing. 218 00:11:39,525 --> 00:11:41,805 Speaker 4: And the guy's like, all right, like you know, grab 219 00:11:41,845 --> 00:11:45,085 Speaker 4: a towel, like, put her in a towel, rub her chess, 220 00:11:45,165 --> 00:11:48,205 Speaker 4: you know, put her in this position. And then eventually 221 00:11:48,205 --> 00:11:49,405 Speaker 4: you just hear this little noise. 222 00:11:49,765 --> 00:11:58,325 Speaker 1: It was amazing, and what was this miracle little baby 223 00:11:58,525 --> 00:12:00,885 Speaker 1: like she was. 224 00:12:02,085 --> 00:12:05,525 Speaker 4: She was full term, She wasn't premature or anything, and 225 00:12:07,205 --> 00:12:10,485 Speaker 4: I always forget how much she weighed. But she was 226 00:12:10,485 --> 00:12:15,045 Speaker 4: a healthy baby. She was a big baby. Everything just 227 00:12:15,165 --> 00:12:16,885 Speaker 4: nuts and she was She had a little bit of 228 00:12:16,885 --> 00:12:19,565 Speaker 4: gastric reflux or like, had a bit of acid built 229 00:12:19,605 --> 00:12:22,325 Speaker 4: up in her lungs, but aside from that, she was 230 00:12:22,365 --> 00:12:25,605 Speaker 4: completely fine. They had her own special care nursery for 231 00:12:25,805 --> 00:12:28,205 Speaker 4: like a little bit, but she was ready to go 232 00:12:28,325 --> 00:12:31,765 Speaker 4: before I was like I was, she was like, yep, cool. 233 00:12:32,165 --> 00:12:35,445 Speaker 1: What Erin had gone through was incredibly traumatic, not just 234 00:12:35,525 --> 00:12:38,085 Speaker 1: physically but emotionally and mentally too. 235 00:12:38,605 --> 00:12:40,445 Speaker 4: I think it took me three days to actually go 236 00:12:40,525 --> 00:12:42,885 Speaker 4: down there to see her because I was like, oh, 237 00:12:43,445 --> 00:12:48,125 Speaker 4: I don't want to, not ready, and yeah, but it's 238 00:12:48,205 --> 00:12:52,565 Speaker 4: just obviously the resilience of children and babies are amazing. 239 00:12:53,405 --> 00:12:55,565 Speaker 4: But yeah, I just remember thinking, oh my goodness, Like 240 00:12:55,885 --> 00:12:58,885 Speaker 4: we were in Bali like a month before, and obviously 241 00:12:58,885 --> 00:13:01,845 Speaker 4: I was drinking and you'd start to think about all 242 00:13:01,845 --> 00:13:04,445 Speaker 4: these things that you you shouldn't be doing, and I 243 00:13:04,485 --> 00:13:07,605 Speaker 4: was like, oh no, like but you know, we were 244 00:13:07,685 --> 00:13:11,565 Speaker 4: very very fortunate obviously that she was okay and everything 245 00:13:11,925 --> 00:13:18,325 Speaker 4: was fine. But yeah, absolutely crazy. But yeah, so yeah, 246 00:13:18,365 --> 00:13:20,725 Speaker 4: I was in hospital for about a week and a bit. 247 00:13:21,565 --> 00:13:23,285 Speaker 4: It all just happened so quickly. We got into the 248 00:13:23,285 --> 00:13:26,285 Speaker 4: hospital and I had to go straight in for surgery 249 00:13:26,285 --> 00:13:29,045 Speaker 4: because I didn't give birth to the placenta, so I 250 00:13:29,085 --> 00:13:32,485 Speaker 4: had to get that taken out. And then, unfortunately, when 251 00:13:32,485 --> 00:13:36,045 Speaker 4: they were trying to take it out manually before surgery, 252 00:13:36,445 --> 00:13:38,165 Speaker 4: had another hemorrhage, so I had to go in there 253 00:13:38,205 --> 00:13:40,805 Speaker 4: and have surgery. And so I remember just waking up 254 00:13:40,885 --> 00:13:44,525 Speaker 4: like twelve fifteen out whatever hours later in the morning. 255 00:13:44,525 --> 00:13:46,405 Speaker 4: I just was hoping that was a dream. I was like, 256 00:13:46,725 --> 00:13:49,205 Speaker 4: that couldn't have happened. I don't know what's happening. 257 00:13:49,565 --> 00:13:51,725 Speaker 1: And I can't help but put myself in the shoes 258 00:13:51,765 --> 00:13:54,765 Speaker 1: of Erin's family. How did they find out? 259 00:13:54,965 --> 00:13:58,605 Speaker 4: And my poor parents getting a call, you know, they 260 00:13:58,645 --> 00:14:01,205 Speaker 4: just thought I heard myself. They didn't actually know. They 261 00:14:01,245 --> 00:14:03,445 Speaker 4: just came to the emergency and was like, oh, well 262 00:14:03,525 --> 00:14:09,085 Speaker 4: that like, congratulations, your grandparents and my parents were just like, 263 00:14:09,325 --> 00:14:13,165 Speaker 4: what is happening? Yeah. I had spoken to my mom 264 00:14:13,285 --> 00:14:14,645 Speaker 4: that day and I said, oh, I'm not going to 265 00:14:14,685 --> 00:14:16,805 Speaker 4: work today. I just don't feel, you know the best, 266 00:14:16,845 --> 00:14:18,725 Speaker 4: And she was like, okay, like just let me know 267 00:14:18,725 --> 00:14:22,405 Speaker 4: who you are. But I'm quite close with my family, 268 00:14:22,485 --> 00:14:26,245 Speaker 4: so I hadn't spoken to them pretty much the whole day. 269 00:14:26,245 --> 00:14:28,365 Speaker 4: You know, when you're just really irritable, you don't really 270 00:14:28,365 --> 00:14:29,925 Speaker 4: want to look at a phone, you don't want to 271 00:14:30,405 --> 00:14:33,245 Speaker 4: just concentrating on what's happening. So I was just like 272 00:14:33,365 --> 00:14:35,885 Speaker 4: not on my phone when I could tolerate it. I 273 00:14:35,925 --> 00:14:37,485 Speaker 4: think I had friends on or something, so I was 274 00:14:37,485 --> 00:14:40,245 Speaker 4: watching a bit of friends and I just actually hadn't 275 00:14:40,245 --> 00:14:42,685 Speaker 4: spoken to them for the whole day and like into 276 00:14:42,765 --> 00:14:45,205 Speaker 4: the evening, and so I think, you know, my parents, 277 00:14:45,325 --> 00:14:47,685 Speaker 4: my mom my mum be like I think that's weird, 278 00:14:47,765 --> 00:14:52,285 Speaker 4: like whenever. But Dan, when we were going to hospital, 279 00:14:52,845 --> 00:14:57,605 Speaker 4: he called his parents and was like, we're going to hospital. 280 00:14:58,365 --> 00:15:01,285 Speaker 4: Aaron's had a baby, and you need to tell Eron's 281 00:15:01,325 --> 00:15:04,685 Speaker 4: parents to get to the hospital. But Dan's parents had 282 00:15:04,765 --> 00:15:08,205 Speaker 4: misheard what he said, and they just thought that I 283 00:15:08,245 --> 00:15:11,045 Speaker 4: had hurt myself and they need to get to the hospital. 284 00:15:11,965 --> 00:15:15,845 Speaker 4: So they've called my parents and this is like new now, 285 00:15:15,925 --> 00:15:17,805 Speaker 4: like eight o'clock at night or something like you need 286 00:15:17,845 --> 00:15:21,125 Speaker 4: to get to the hospital. Erin's hurt herself, blah blah, 287 00:15:21,205 --> 00:15:23,725 Speaker 4: so they make their way down to the hospital and 288 00:15:24,525 --> 00:15:26,245 Speaker 4: at that point I feel so bad because it's my 289 00:15:26,285 --> 00:15:29,445 Speaker 4: brother's you know, VC exams the next day, and they're like, 290 00:15:29,485 --> 00:15:30,725 Speaker 4: we're going to go to the hospital. Are in so 291 00:15:31,925 --> 00:15:35,205 Speaker 4: so I remember I think what was happening was, Yeah, 292 00:15:35,205 --> 00:15:38,485 Speaker 4: they got to the hospital and my dance parents were there, 293 00:15:38,525 --> 00:15:42,485 Speaker 4: and Dan walked out and was like, oh, they're both fine, 294 00:15:43,125 --> 00:15:45,725 Speaker 4: and dad was like, what do you mean both? What 295 00:15:45,765 --> 00:15:48,885 Speaker 4: are you talking about? And Dan goes, oh, Aaron's had 296 00:15:48,885 --> 00:15:53,125 Speaker 4: a baby, and then I think my dad almost fainted. 297 00:15:53,525 --> 00:15:57,125 Speaker 4: He's are you talking about? Knows like what? And then 298 00:15:57,485 --> 00:16:00,605 Speaker 4: I just remember, yeah, them coming into the room just 299 00:16:00,645 --> 00:16:04,165 Speaker 4: before I went into surgery, and they were bothed. No 300 00:16:04,205 --> 00:16:06,405 Speaker 4: one really knew what to say. Everyone was to say 301 00:16:06,685 --> 00:16:09,725 Speaker 4: on earth, and I think they're both of them were 302 00:16:09,765 --> 00:16:12,965 Speaker 4: secretly a little bit like, oh, that's a bit exciting, 303 00:16:13,285 --> 00:16:15,605 Speaker 4: but my dad was My dad. 304 00:16:15,445 --> 00:16:18,605 Speaker 1: Was like, ah, Aaron's time in hospital was an ordeal. 305 00:16:18,885 --> 00:16:22,925 Speaker 1: Remember she'd come with no consciously carefully packed hospital bag 306 00:16:23,205 --> 00:16:24,765 Speaker 1: or detailed birth plan in. 307 00:16:24,765 --> 00:16:30,245 Speaker 4: Mind, so that was a whole nother thing in itself 308 00:16:30,285 --> 00:16:36,085 Speaker 4: being in the hospital. So I hadn't planned, so thankfully 309 00:16:36,245 --> 00:16:39,845 Speaker 4: had my own room which was nice and credit to 310 00:16:39,885 --> 00:16:42,005 Speaker 4: the nurses, like all of the nurses are amazing and 311 00:16:42,725 --> 00:16:45,525 Speaker 4: it was so attentive. But being in the hospital was 312 00:16:45,525 --> 00:16:48,565 Speaker 4: it's just very intense because it was people coming in, 313 00:16:49,045 --> 00:16:52,285 Speaker 4: you know, every ten minutes, and rightly so. But I 314 00:16:52,325 --> 00:16:55,685 Speaker 4: had the new psychologists in there. I had the asking me, 315 00:16:55,765 --> 00:16:57,965 Speaker 4: you know, you have options, like if you thought about 316 00:16:58,165 --> 00:16:59,765 Speaker 4: do you want a baby? Do you want like it 317 00:16:59,805 --> 00:17:03,245 Speaker 4: was adoption was thrown up there psychologists. I had all 318 00:17:03,245 --> 00:17:07,125 Speaker 4: the nurses coming in asking me all these questions and 319 00:17:07,165 --> 00:17:08,885 Speaker 4: being like, oh, have you thought about how are you 320 00:17:08,885 --> 00:17:10,645 Speaker 4: going to feel? And I was like I haven't, No, 321 00:17:11,125 --> 00:17:13,845 Speaker 4: not really. I really had a hard time with feeding 322 00:17:13,845 --> 00:17:17,645 Speaker 4: because I just I couldn't wrap my head around breastfeeding. 323 00:17:17,765 --> 00:17:21,245 Speaker 4: I just I hadn't even I did try, and I 324 00:17:21,245 --> 00:17:25,045 Speaker 4: remember getting super emotional about it. And it's a funny thing. 325 00:17:25,045 --> 00:17:27,365 Speaker 4: I remember every time I try and breastfeed, I'd immediately 326 00:17:27,445 --> 00:17:29,925 Speaker 4: feel sad. It was just a weird thing my body. 327 00:17:30,165 --> 00:17:33,565 Speaker 4: It was just a whole thing. So I remember they 328 00:17:33,565 --> 00:17:36,285 Speaker 4: were bringing pump machines and they were like, oh, you know, 329 00:17:36,365 --> 00:17:38,325 Speaker 4: go to the kitchen and make formula, and I was like, 330 00:17:38,365 --> 00:17:39,925 Speaker 4: I don't know how to do that and like, what's 331 00:17:40,005 --> 00:17:42,925 Speaker 4: the right amount of this. It's just it was a lot. 332 00:17:43,005 --> 00:17:46,445 Speaker 4: And Dan wasn't allowed to stay either, So it was 333 00:17:46,525 --> 00:17:50,605 Speaker 4: because we were in the public hospital. So I remember 334 00:17:50,645 --> 00:17:52,765 Speaker 4: at nighttime it was you know, you could hear all 335 00:17:52,765 --> 00:17:56,125 Speaker 4: the babies and luckily they would I love for a 336 00:17:56,165 --> 00:17:59,045 Speaker 4: lot of the time was you know, getting taken care 337 00:17:59,125 --> 00:18:01,965 Speaker 4: of down there, so I would have the nesses coming 338 00:18:01,965 --> 00:18:05,285 Speaker 4: in with the pump machine, you know, every so hour, 339 00:18:05,405 --> 00:18:07,605 Speaker 4: so I can try and you know, get the milk 340 00:18:07,645 --> 00:18:10,925 Speaker 4: going and and what not. But I could always get 341 00:18:10,965 --> 00:18:13,925 Speaker 4: like the tiniest bit, but I was never the milk 342 00:18:14,045 --> 00:18:16,605 Speaker 4: just wasn't really happening for me. And I feel like 343 00:18:16,645 --> 00:18:19,565 Speaker 4: I was probably yeah, I was definitely not in the 344 00:18:19,645 --> 00:18:22,965 Speaker 4: right headspace to even allow it to come in. I 345 00:18:22,965 --> 00:18:26,285 Speaker 4: don't know, it was, yeah, So struggled with that for sure. 346 00:18:26,765 --> 00:18:29,565 Speaker 1: It took time for Aaron to process what had happened. 347 00:18:30,165 --> 00:18:32,405 Speaker 1: On day three, she knew it was time. 348 00:18:33,685 --> 00:18:37,445 Speaker 4: Dan had been there. He'd been there every day since 349 00:18:37,485 --> 00:18:40,245 Speaker 4: we were in there. He was always in there, he 350 00:18:40,685 --> 00:18:42,765 Speaker 4: you know, every day was like, do you think you're ready, 351 00:18:43,045 --> 00:18:45,685 Speaker 4: Like said, oh, no, I don't know. And my parents 352 00:18:45,685 --> 00:18:47,765 Speaker 4: had been down there. Dan's parents had been down there, 353 00:18:48,365 --> 00:18:50,125 Speaker 4: and it was kind of nice because it was very 354 00:18:50,405 --> 00:18:53,725 Speaker 4: no one was forceful either, which was great. And also 355 00:18:54,365 --> 00:18:56,205 Speaker 4: they would all take photos and then you know that 356 00:18:56,365 --> 00:18:58,445 Speaker 4: Jomie photos of what she looks like, and I was 357 00:18:58,525 --> 00:19:01,885 Speaker 4: just like, I just can't comprehend that that's my child. 358 00:19:01,965 --> 00:19:04,525 Speaker 4: It was just a really bizarre thing. I was like, 359 00:19:04,605 --> 00:19:07,005 Speaker 4: it's just I just can't wrap my head around it. 360 00:19:07,525 --> 00:19:10,005 Speaker 4: But yeah, I think it was the third day and 361 00:19:10,925 --> 00:19:13,485 Speaker 4: Dan was like, show me a photo. He's like, youking, 362 00:19:13,565 --> 00:19:16,125 Speaker 4: you want to come down and she like all the 363 00:19:16,205 --> 00:19:18,645 Speaker 4: nurses like they want to meet you and be talking 364 00:19:18,685 --> 00:19:21,045 Speaker 4: about you, like the nurses down there and like she's 365 00:19:21,085 --> 00:19:23,205 Speaker 4: having a bath today, like maybe we should go down 366 00:19:23,205 --> 00:19:25,325 Speaker 4: there and like watch the bath her. And I was 367 00:19:25,405 --> 00:19:28,485 Speaker 4: like I thought, oh, you know, I met like I've 368 00:19:28,525 --> 00:19:30,245 Speaker 4: got to meet her at some stage, and so I 369 00:19:30,245 --> 00:19:32,605 Speaker 4: was like yeah. So I remember walking down there and 370 00:19:33,045 --> 00:19:34,565 Speaker 4: kind of the first time I kind of walked around 371 00:19:34,565 --> 00:19:36,485 Speaker 4: because I had a catheterin as well, so it was 372 00:19:36,565 --> 00:19:38,645 Speaker 4: just like I was just like, ah, like I don't 373 00:19:38,645 --> 00:19:41,285 Speaker 4: want to actually get up and look at myself. But yeah, 374 00:19:41,285 --> 00:19:44,605 Speaker 4: so we like trotted down there and I remember she 375 00:19:44,805 --> 00:19:47,925 Speaker 4: was in her like little busket things that they have 376 00:19:48,085 --> 00:19:51,605 Speaker 4: biblitical clear ones, and I remember just looking at her 377 00:19:51,605 --> 00:19:53,485 Speaker 4: and I was like, oh, this is just so strange. 378 00:19:53,645 --> 00:19:56,125 Speaker 4: Like they had like picked her up and I held 379 00:19:56,205 --> 00:19:57,565 Speaker 4: it like I was holding her, and I was like, oh, 380 00:19:57,605 --> 00:20:00,765 Speaker 4: my goodness, like this is just bizarre. But then I 381 00:20:00,885 --> 00:20:02,925 Speaker 4: kind of knew. And then seeing Dan with her too 382 00:20:02,965 --> 00:20:04,845 Speaker 4: and how much he'd like he's like, oh, look like 383 00:20:04,925 --> 00:20:06,725 Speaker 4: look at this, and look like look at her there 384 00:20:06,765 --> 00:20:09,485 Speaker 4: and look at that little my little ears and all 385 00:20:09,525 --> 00:20:11,725 Speaker 4: this stuff, and he was like, oh, she's so cute anyway, 386 00:20:12,485 --> 00:20:15,525 Speaker 4: and then I said, oh, yeah, she's she's cute, and 387 00:20:15,565 --> 00:20:17,765 Speaker 4: they're like, so we bassed her then, and they were 388 00:20:17,805 --> 00:20:19,925 Speaker 4: helping us like do you want to try and you know, 389 00:20:20,045 --> 00:20:22,965 Speaker 4: change her nappy and because I'd never changed nappy before, 390 00:20:23,125 --> 00:20:25,525 Speaker 4: and yeah, they were amazing down there. So they made 391 00:20:25,525 --> 00:20:27,725 Speaker 4: me feel a lot better about it. And I think 392 00:20:27,765 --> 00:20:30,885 Speaker 4: seeing her for the first time as well was also 393 00:20:31,565 --> 00:20:34,725 Speaker 4: gave me a sense of, I guess, relief a little bit. 394 00:20:34,805 --> 00:20:36,845 Speaker 4: I don't know. It also built it up in my 395 00:20:36,885 --> 00:20:39,805 Speaker 4: head that it was that I had done some terrible 396 00:20:39,845 --> 00:20:41,925 Speaker 4: things to her with like you know, not knowing she 397 00:20:42,005 --> 00:20:44,165 Speaker 4: was pregnant. So just seeing her I was like, oh, 398 00:20:44,205 --> 00:20:46,365 Speaker 4: it's actually a bit of a relief there too. 399 00:20:47,085 --> 00:20:51,125 Speaker 1: After this, Aaron bonded quickly with her precious surprise package. 400 00:20:51,405 --> 00:20:54,125 Speaker 4: So then after seeing her for that first time, I 401 00:20:54,165 --> 00:20:56,365 Speaker 4: went would go down there like a fair bit, and 402 00:20:57,245 --> 00:21:00,965 Speaker 4: then I think it was the sixth night, they said, oh, 403 00:21:01,005 --> 00:21:04,045 Speaker 4: she's actually ready to go up in the room with 404 00:21:04,085 --> 00:21:05,925 Speaker 4: you if you like, and she can like be with 405 00:21:05,965 --> 00:21:08,645 Speaker 4: you overnight, and like that gave me a lot of stress, 406 00:21:08,965 --> 00:21:10,965 Speaker 4: but I was like, yeah, okay, I've got to do 407 00:21:11,045 --> 00:21:13,125 Speaker 4: it at some point. So yeah, she went up there, 408 00:21:13,165 --> 00:21:15,245 Speaker 4: and I remember the first night was really really tough 409 00:21:15,285 --> 00:21:19,445 Speaker 4: because you're in the maternity ward and the nurses like 410 00:21:19,565 --> 00:21:21,645 Speaker 4: I can't be with you all the time, and I 411 00:21:21,685 --> 00:21:24,965 Speaker 4: just remember she was crying and overnight and I was like, 412 00:21:25,085 --> 00:21:27,325 Speaker 4: I don't know what to do, Like I was just 413 00:21:27,445 --> 00:21:32,805 Speaker 4: really really that was like a really hard night. But 414 00:21:34,165 --> 00:21:38,485 Speaker 4: following that, I think doing things together helped Dan and 415 00:21:38,525 --> 00:21:40,845 Speaker 4: I made sure he was amazing and making sure that 416 00:21:41,085 --> 00:21:44,205 Speaker 4: you know, I was supported as well as Ilob was 417 00:21:44,365 --> 00:21:48,845 Speaker 4: as well, So I think doing things together and also 418 00:21:49,525 --> 00:21:51,485 Speaker 4: I had a lot of support at the time too, 419 00:21:51,565 --> 00:21:54,885 Speaker 4: so I never felt isolated or I never felt I 420 00:21:54,925 --> 00:21:57,925 Speaker 4: was by myself in there, so that kind of relieved 421 00:21:57,925 --> 00:21:59,925 Speaker 4: that side of things for me, and I could kind 422 00:21:59,965 --> 00:22:03,085 Speaker 4: of focus on trying to build a relationship with her. 423 00:22:04,205 --> 00:22:10,085 Speaker 4: And I think, yeah, that initial shock war off, still 424 00:22:10,125 --> 00:22:12,765 Speaker 4: in shock, but that initial shock wore off within being 425 00:22:12,765 --> 00:22:16,445 Speaker 4: in the hospital, and then I just kind of wanted 426 00:22:16,485 --> 00:22:19,565 Speaker 4: to be in my own environment to feel somewhat normal 427 00:22:20,125 --> 00:22:24,965 Speaker 4: and then continue to you know, navigate being a mum 428 00:22:25,005 --> 00:22:27,605 Speaker 4: and also trying to build that relationship with her. But 429 00:22:28,605 --> 00:22:31,045 Speaker 4: every day we got a little bit easier, and Asikah, 430 00:22:31,765 --> 00:22:34,885 Speaker 4: I have so much love for this little baby that 431 00:22:35,125 --> 00:22:39,885 Speaker 4: it's just yeah. So that happened pretty soon after we 432 00:22:40,005 --> 00:22:40,725 Speaker 4: left the hospital. 433 00:22:40,765 --> 00:22:44,725 Speaker 3: For sure, coming up they do happen. I wouldn't say 434 00:22:44,725 --> 00:22:47,765 Speaker 3: that they're common. I work in this space and I've 435 00:22:47,805 --> 00:22:56,285 Speaker 3: seen one. 436 00:22:57,285 --> 00:22:59,565 Speaker 1: The idea of coming home from the hospital can be 437 00:22:59,605 --> 00:23:03,085 Speaker 1: pretty terrifying for first time parents, and that's those who 438 00:23:03,205 --> 00:23:05,685 Speaker 1: fully set up their nursery and had nine months to 439 00:23:05,685 --> 00:23:08,965 Speaker 1: get used to the idea. So what was Eila's homecoming? 440 00:23:09,045 --> 00:23:14,885 Speaker 4: Like Erin and Dan, So we were living in two 441 00:23:14,925 --> 00:23:17,445 Speaker 4: bedroom house, thank goodness, So we had a spare room 442 00:23:17,565 --> 00:23:20,605 Speaker 4: that was actually my reformer room, so to ditch the reformer, 443 00:23:21,245 --> 00:23:25,125 Speaker 4: but obviously I'd like nothing. The closest thing we were 444 00:23:25,165 --> 00:23:28,485 Speaker 4: to parents is our black lab so he was that's 445 00:23:28,485 --> 00:23:31,125 Speaker 4: the closest thing we got to So once we're in hospital, 446 00:23:31,125 --> 00:23:34,965 Speaker 4: our parents and friends were amazing. They just they literally 447 00:23:35,005 --> 00:23:36,645 Speaker 4: just got it, like they got I didn't have to 448 00:23:36,805 --> 00:23:40,525 Speaker 4: think about anything. They got everything and then just transformed 449 00:23:40,565 --> 00:23:43,565 Speaker 4: that whole room into a nursery essentially, but like everything 450 00:23:43,605 --> 00:23:47,565 Speaker 4: that we needed. Some friends you know, had who had babies, 451 00:23:47,605 --> 00:23:51,805 Speaker 4: like gave us their capsules and prams and all sorts 452 00:23:51,845 --> 00:23:55,685 Speaker 4: of things, and so that was a relief I had. 453 00:23:55,765 --> 00:23:59,445 Speaker 4: You know, one of my best friends, she's early childcare teacher. 454 00:23:59,605 --> 00:24:02,045 Speaker 4: She had like gave me nappies and elder things that 455 00:24:02,085 --> 00:24:04,765 Speaker 4: I just wouldn't think of, Like she just had stopped 456 00:24:04,805 --> 00:24:09,205 Speaker 4: up the whole cupboard. So yeah, we we got her 457 00:24:09,365 --> 00:24:11,645 Speaker 4: home and yeah, that was all set up, which was 458 00:24:11,885 --> 00:24:15,205 Speaker 4: which was great, And it was the help and support 459 00:24:15,245 --> 00:24:17,485 Speaker 4: of everyone else that allowed us to do that, Otherwise 460 00:24:17,645 --> 00:24:19,205 Speaker 4: it would have been a lot different. 461 00:24:19,805 --> 00:24:23,245 Speaker 1: We've spoken before on this podcast about how tough mums 462 00:24:23,245 --> 00:24:26,125 Speaker 1: can find it in the fourth trimester, how we can 463 00:24:26,165 --> 00:24:29,645 Speaker 1: sometimes focus so much on the birth we forget to 464 00:24:29,725 --> 00:24:33,485 Speaker 1: think about those challenging few months at home. I remember 465 00:24:33,525 --> 00:24:37,045 Speaker 1: what a wild, confusing, fuzzy time this was. So how 466 00:24:37,165 --> 00:24:39,845 Speaker 1: was it for Aaron? What did she actually know about 467 00:24:39,845 --> 00:24:42,605 Speaker 1: the realities of babies when she took Ailer back home. 468 00:24:43,085 --> 00:24:47,605 Speaker 4: I already knew, like just from everyone else who I 469 00:24:47,685 --> 00:24:50,685 Speaker 4: had already heard. I was like, oh, lesliep's you're not 470 00:24:50,685 --> 00:24:53,045 Speaker 4: going to get it. It's going to be all over 471 00:24:53,045 --> 00:24:55,405 Speaker 4: the show. So it was kind of already thinking about that. 472 00:24:56,125 --> 00:25:01,965 Speaker 4: I think it was just navigating actually being by myself 473 00:25:02,005 --> 00:25:04,405 Speaker 4: with a baby. I think was the hardest part for me, 474 00:25:05,045 --> 00:25:08,005 Speaker 4: just because I had come from being in the hospital 475 00:25:08,005 --> 00:25:10,845 Speaker 4: and I hadn't applied for you know, maternity leave or 476 00:25:10,885 --> 00:25:14,205 Speaker 4: Dan had applied the paternity leave. So he did his 477 00:25:14,285 --> 00:25:16,165 Speaker 4: best that he could and got work off for like 478 00:25:16,605 --> 00:25:18,405 Speaker 4: two weeks or something, but he had to go back 479 00:25:18,445 --> 00:25:21,965 Speaker 4: and I just had come from being around, you know, 480 00:25:22,125 --> 00:25:24,405 Speaker 4: Dan and my parents were popping in all the time 481 00:25:24,445 --> 00:25:26,085 Speaker 4: to I think the first time he had to go 482 00:25:26,125 --> 00:25:28,005 Speaker 4: back to work, and I just remember being like, I 483 00:25:28,125 --> 00:25:30,805 Speaker 4: just I can't do this. I don't know how I'm 484 00:25:30,845 --> 00:25:33,445 Speaker 4: going to be by myself eight hours with a baby. 485 00:25:33,565 --> 00:25:37,485 Speaker 4: So that was definitely, I remember the hardest one of 486 00:25:37,485 --> 00:25:41,245 Speaker 4: the hardest parts is trying to be like, Okay, I 487 00:25:41,285 --> 00:25:47,525 Speaker 4: need to look after this small human by myself. And yeah, 488 00:25:47,565 --> 00:25:51,245 Speaker 4: so I think that was definitely just the managing your emotions, 489 00:25:51,285 --> 00:25:54,085 Speaker 4: I think because I always thought I was pretty good 490 00:25:54,085 --> 00:25:56,445 Speaker 4: at that, But it was also a whole new ball 491 00:25:56,485 --> 00:26:00,165 Speaker 4: game after giving birth and being a mum and also 492 00:26:01,285 --> 00:26:03,725 Speaker 4: caring fears someone else, not just yourself. 493 00:26:04,045 --> 00:26:06,245 Speaker 1: So what would Aaron say to anyone else who had 494 00:26:06,245 --> 00:26:07,965 Speaker 1: a surprise baby like hers. 495 00:26:08,405 --> 00:26:11,605 Speaker 4: Don't be afraid to ask for help if you need it, 496 00:26:11,965 --> 00:26:16,645 Speaker 4: and if you're needing a break, like voice out as well. 497 00:26:17,165 --> 00:26:18,805 Speaker 4: I got in my own head a little bit being 498 00:26:18,845 --> 00:26:21,685 Speaker 4: like I didn't have warning suit everyone else didn't have warning, 499 00:26:21,725 --> 00:26:24,005 Speaker 4: like they didn't sign up to you know, come and 500 00:26:24,045 --> 00:26:27,445 Speaker 4: help me as well, Like I just felt bad to 501 00:26:27,805 --> 00:26:31,685 Speaker 4: even message you know, my friend's or Dan's mom or 502 00:26:31,805 --> 00:26:33,445 Speaker 4: my mom and be like, can you come over and 503 00:26:33,485 --> 00:26:35,725 Speaker 4: help me? I don't know what I'm doing. I think 504 00:26:36,045 --> 00:26:38,565 Speaker 4: it is super important to look after yourself as well 505 00:26:38,605 --> 00:26:42,765 Speaker 4: as the you know, your baby, and so I think 506 00:26:42,805 --> 00:26:44,765 Speaker 4: if you need help, or you want help, or you 507 00:26:44,845 --> 00:26:46,805 Speaker 4: need support, or you just need someone there, I think, 508 00:26:47,085 --> 00:26:50,165 Speaker 4: don't be afraid to reach out and ask, because super 509 00:26:50,165 --> 00:26:53,085 Speaker 4: important not only for the baby, but your mental health 510 00:26:53,125 --> 00:26:53,565 Speaker 4: as well. 511 00:26:54,125 --> 00:26:56,565 Speaker 1: Diary of a birth is focused on giving moms the 512 00:26:56,725 --> 00:27:00,005 Speaker 1: chance to tell their stories in their own words, but 513 00:27:00,085 --> 00:27:02,805 Speaker 1: medical questions arise, and for that we have the wonderful 514 00:27:02,845 --> 00:27:06,005 Speaker 1: services of doctor Gollie, dad of three and one of 515 00:27:06,045 --> 00:27:10,565 Speaker 1: Australia's best pediatricians. I had to ask him, do these 516 00:27:10,565 --> 00:27:13,365 Speaker 1: surprise pregnancies have a name and how common are they? 517 00:27:14,085 --> 00:27:16,565 Speaker 3: They do happen. I wouldn't say that they're common. There 518 00:27:16,645 --> 00:27:18,685 Speaker 3: was a study out of South Australia a few years 519 00:27:18,685 --> 00:27:22,285 Speaker 3: ago that showed an incidence of about one in roughly 520 00:27:22,805 --> 00:27:26,645 Speaker 3: fifteen hundred births in Australia. In Germany there was a 521 00:27:26,685 --> 00:27:29,005 Speaker 3: similar study. It was close to one in two thy 522 00:27:29,165 --> 00:27:33,285 Speaker 3: five hundred, so huge variability, which means we don't really 523 00:27:33,365 --> 00:27:37,645 Speaker 3: know how common and uncommon they are, but they certainly happen. 524 00:27:38,045 --> 00:27:41,245 Speaker 3: I work in this space and I've seen one. I've 525 00:27:41,285 --> 00:27:43,805 Speaker 3: been doing this for decades. I've seen one and I 526 00:27:44,085 --> 00:27:47,285 Speaker 3: wasn't even a doctor yet, I was a medical student. 527 00:27:47,965 --> 00:27:51,765 Speaker 3: These surprise pregnancies have got different names depending on what 528 00:27:51,925 --> 00:27:54,645 Speaker 3: they are, so you know, in this case, we call 529 00:27:54,685 --> 00:27:57,285 Speaker 3: it an undetected pregnancy. This is where it is a 530 00:27:57,325 --> 00:28:02,965 Speaker 3: complete surprise to everyone, especially the mother. In America they 531 00:28:03,045 --> 00:28:05,685 Speaker 3: use the term cryptic, which is fascinating. 532 00:28:06,085 --> 00:28:08,845 Speaker 1: Understandably, Aaron was in shock and had to work to 533 00:28:08,885 --> 00:28:12,325 Speaker 1: bond with her beautiful daughter Eila. But the feeling of 534 00:28:12,565 --> 00:28:16,845 Speaker 1: not immediately feeling a woosh of love is experienced by 535 00:28:17,045 --> 00:28:20,445 Speaker 1: many new mums and can lead to guilt and shame 536 00:28:20,645 --> 00:28:23,525 Speaker 1: through no faults of their own. Here's doctor Gollie on 537 00:28:23,645 --> 00:28:25,205 Speaker 1: what to do if you feel like this. 538 00:28:25,725 --> 00:28:28,285 Speaker 3: Yeah, look, I think it's more common than people think, 539 00:28:28,485 --> 00:28:31,325 Speaker 3: and especially when it comes to dads. A lot of 540 00:28:31,405 --> 00:28:35,205 Speaker 3: dads feel this pressure to have the same instant bond 541 00:28:35,285 --> 00:28:38,605 Speaker 3: that a mum commonly has with their baby. And I 542 00:28:38,645 --> 00:28:40,325 Speaker 3: see it, I must be honest. I see it every 543 00:28:40,365 --> 00:28:43,445 Speaker 3: single day. You know, you bring a baby straight from 544 00:28:43,485 --> 00:28:46,605 Speaker 3: delivery onto mum's chest and Mum you can see it click. 545 00:28:46,685 --> 00:28:49,205 Speaker 3: It's like the lights turn on and this bond is 546 00:28:49,405 --> 00:28:53,445 Speaker 3: instant and you can almost see a lifetime of bond. 547 00:28:53,485 --> 00:28:57,485 Speaker 3: It's beautiful. And I often look at dads and they 548 00:28:57,485 --> 00:29:00,485 Speaker 3: don't have it, and you can see the cogs turning 549 00:29:00,725 --> 00:29:03,405 Speaker 3: and wondering why don't I have it? What's wrong with me, 550 00:29:04,085 --> 00:29:06,565 Speaker 3: it's a real challenge for a lot of dads. It's 551 00:29:06,605 --> 00:29:10,165 Speaker 3: also more common in the setting of a maternal health concerns. 552 00:29:10,245 --> 00:29:12,845 Speaker 3: So if mum, for example, had a postpartum hemorrhaye to 553 00:29:12,925 --> 00:29:16,525 Speaker 3: bleed after birth, or had to be put under general 554 00:29:16,565 --> 00:29:19,005 Speaker 3: that aesthetic had to be returned to theater, or even 555 00:29:19,045 --> 00:29:21,285 Speaker 3: if the baby has a condition you have the baby's 556 00:29:21,365 --> 00:29:25,965 Speaker 3: whisked away or born premature, that immediate spark can be threatened. 557 00:29:26,925 --> 00:29:29,485 Speaker 3: My advice to couples when they don't feel it, whether 558 00:29:29,525 --> 00:29:35,405 Speaker 3: it's mum, dad, even sibling, just maintain that presence. You know, 559 00:29:35,645 --> 00:29:39,405 Speaker 3: A bond is something that is lovely when it happens instantly, 560 00:29:39,805 --> 00:29:44,245 Speaker 3: but it does happen, albeit later every time. It's something 561 00:29:44,285 --> 00:29:47,285 Speaker 3: that builds over time. It's not always instant. And I 562 00:29:47,365 --> 00:29:49,805 Speaker 3: think if you put pressure on yourself as a parent, 563 00:29:49,845 --> 00:29:54,245 Speaker 3: as a new parent, especially to have that instant connection, 564 00:29:54,405 --> 00:29:57,325 Speaker 3: it doesn't happen all the time. And that's also safe, 565 00:29:57,365 --> 00:30:01,045 Speaker 3: and that's fine, and it's normal and it's common, and 566 00:30:01,085 --> 00:30:03,085 Speaker 3: it doesn't mean that you've done anything wrong or it 567 00:30:03,085 --> 00:30:05,565 Speaker 3: doesn't mean you're a bad parent. I hear all of 568 00:30:05,605 --> 00:30:10,645 Speaker 3: these these catastrophizing comments. It's absolute, not the case, and 569 00:30:11,205 --> 00:30:15,045 Speaker 3: I promise you, if you just be with that baby 570 00:30:15,245 --> 00:30:19,445 Speaker 3: and have skinned to skin time, kangaroo care, feed them, 571 00:30:19,885 --> 00:30:25,285 Speaker 3: bath them, change them, be with them, and just spend time, 572 00:30:25,365 --> 00:30:28,605 Speaker 3: that bond is built like a bridge and it will 573 00:30:29,685 --> 00:30:30,685 Speaker 3: happen eventually. 574 00:30:31,045 --> 00:30:33,445 Speaker 1: And I'm so keen to hear Erin's advice to all 575 00:30:33,485 --> 00:30:36,565 Speaker 1: new mums after the incredible experience she went through. 576 00:30:37,125 --> 00:30:39,445 Speaker 4: I remember one of the midwives came over to me 577 00:30:39,645 --> 00:30:42,285 Speaker 4: and did one of their visits when we were settling 578 00:30:42,365 --> 00:30:45,725 Speaker 4: into the house, and one thing that always stood out 579 00:30:45,765 --> 00:30:50,445 Speaker 4: to me was she said, a baby has never died 580 00:30:50,445 --> 00:30:54,445 Speaker 4: from crying. So if they're crying and you you need 581 00:30:54,485 --> 00:30:57,285 Speaker 4: a minute, like, go take a minute. They're going to 582 00:30:57,365 --> 00:31:00,445 Speaker 4: be crying regardless, so like just take it time as 583 00:31:00,525 --> 00:31:03,605 Speaker 4: much time as you need, and then come back because 584 00:31:04,805 --> 00:31:07,565 Speaker 4: maybe maybe they don't, but the baby obviously might feed 585 00:31:07,605 --> 00:31:10,725 Speaker 4: off like what you're giving out your an. So I 586 00:31:10,765 --> 00:31:13,805 Speaker 4: feel like, if you just try and take that time, 587 00:31:13,885 --> 00:31:16,605 Speaker 4: come back, And that kind of always stood out with me, 588 00:31:16,725 --> 00:31:21,485 Speaker 4: But also I think, just enjoy that time. I know 589 00:31:21,685 --> 00:31:24,245 Speaker 4: it's like hard, and you know the sleep's horrible, or 590 00:31:24,725 --> 00:31:27,285 Speaker 4: you know they might not be feeding well, or they 591 00:31:27,365 --> 00:31:29,765 Speaker 4: might not be settled or whatever it is. But I think, 592 00:31:29,885 --> 00:31:32,365 Speaker 4: just try and enjoy that time because it actually does 593 00:31:32,445 --> 00:31:34,805 Speaker 4: go super fast. It really does. And I know everyone 594 00:31:34,845 --> 00:31:39,005 Speaker 4: always says that, but I just remember, you know, sitting 595 00:31:39,005 --> 00:31:40,845 Speaker 4: on the couch and you know they're asleep and you're 596 00:31:40,845 --> 00:31:42,605 Speaker 4: watching a nice show, and he's like, Oh, it's just 597 00:31:42,965 --> 00:31:46,845 Speaker 4: they're just so small and it's just really special time. 598 00:31:46,965 --> 00:31:49,565 Speaker 4: So I think, yeah, just taking that step back for sure. 599 00:31:53,445 --> 00:31:55,805 Speaker 1: Thank you for joining us on Diary of a Birth, 600 00:31:55,885 --> 00:31:58,605 Speaker 1: where we celebrate all the amazing ways that we as 601 00:31:58,645 --> 00:32:02,405 Speaker 1: women bring life into the world. Join me next week 602 00:32:02,445 --> 00:32:04,645 Speaker 1: as we hear the amazing birth story of Mum and 603 00:32:04,725 --> 00:32:08,125 Speaker 1: me as very own Clare Stevens. If you'd like to 604 00:32:08,165 --> 00:32:10,245 Speaker 1: share your birth story with us, we'd love to hear 605 00:32:10,245 --> 00:32:13,925 Speaker 1: from you. Find out how in our show notes. Diary 606 00:32:14,005 --> 00:32:16,365 Speaker 1: of a Birth was hosted by me Kasenya Lukic, with 607 00:32:16,485 --> 00:32:20,485 Speaker 1: expert input from doctor Golli, Audio production by Scott Stronach, 608 00:32:20,525 --> 00:32:30,205 Speaker 1: and our executive producer is Georgie Page.