WEBVTT - 'Dating After Divorce, How Do You Get Back On The Horse?' 0:00:08.234 --> 0:00:20.393 You're listening to I'm I'm a mea podcast. Hello, and 0:00:20.474 --> 0:00:24.274 welcome to Unleashed, a podcast for gen X women who 0:00:24.354 --> 0:00:27.314 need a laugh. Yes, if the world is doing your 0:00:27.354 --> 0:00:31.314 head in, if your brain is about to explode, come 0:00:31.394 --> 0:00:34.193 and hang with us. So who's on the couch today? 0:00:34.513 --> 0:00:37.434 I'm Bruno Pep Andrea, and I'm a film and TV producer. 0:00:37.473 --> 0:00:40.394 Hello, I'm Mary Curses. I'm an actress and writer. 0:00:41.193 --> 0:00:49.354 Hello is it? I'm Gray Lamb fashion stylist. 0:00:53.034 --> 0:00:57.154 I'm Casperhoney, I'm a comedian and I won't be singing today. 0:00:57.874 --> 0:01:02.354 So wherever you're listening and clenching your clencher pelvic floor, 0:01:02.834 --> 0:01:08.314 let's unleash. Okay, I have the talking stick. Whoever has 0:01:08.354 --> 0:01:10.594 the talking stick can talk about whatever they want, big 0:01:10.674 --> 0:01:14.154 or small, petty or polarizing. Who would like it? 0:01:14.394 --> 0:01:20.314 I'm petty, I'll go okay. So, ladies, I've done something 0:01:20.634 --> 0:01:24.634 that was so scary to me recently that I've conquered 0:01:24.634 --> 0:01:29.514 this fear. Who was it driving? I mean something you 0:01:29.594 --> 0:01:33.074 might not know about me that I'm a huge Formula 0:01:33.074 --> 0:01:36.554 one fan. So those lovely listeners who don't know. Even 0:01:36.554 --> 0:01:39.274 though I love fast car, I drive like a granny. 0:01:38.794 --> 0:01:40.874 Do you I would not have said that. I feel 0:01:40.914 --> 0:01:42.313 you'd be crazy bitch on the road? 0:01:43.154 --> 0:01:45.354 Has it always been the issue or is this a 0:01:45.394 --> 0:01:45.794 new thing. 0:01:46.594 --> 0:01:49.114 It's a new thing since I started perimenopause, I have 0:01:49.154 --> 0:01:53.074 to say. And because when you moved to Melbourne exactly 0:01:53.114 --> 0:01:56.354 a year ago, I'm not familiar with the road. And 0:01:56.434 --> 0:01:59.954 we have an SUV car and is big, and the 0:01:59.954 --> 0:02:03.154 building that we're living in, the exit to go in 0:02:03.234 --> 0:02:05.994 and out is very small. It's second week I was 0:02:06.034 --> 0:02:09.034 in Melbourne. I scratched car and I've never driven since. 0:02:09.073 --> 0:02:09.914 It's been ten months. 0:02:10.274 --> 0:02:11.073 Oh Jesus. 0:02:11.234 --> 0:02:14.514 Yes, I get nervous when i'm driving, you know, and 0:02:14.554 --> 0:02:17.394 there's so much going on that's a lot for my brain, 0:02:17.914 --> 0:02:21.874 you know. So recently Jason had to go away for 0:02:21.914 --> 0:02:24.314 a week and I thought, fuck me, I'm not very 0:02:24.314 --> 0:02:26.354 good at driving. How am I going to get around town? 0:02:26.874 --> 0:02:28.754 I mean, okay, there's public transport, but you know, when 0:02:28.754 --> 0:02:31.274 you do grocery shoppings, I need my car. So then 0:02:31.314 --> 0:02:33.913 I forced myself to face my fear for a whole 0:02:33.914 --> 0:02:37.314 week practice finally got out with no scratch. 0:02:37.474 --> 0:02:39.274 All right, how did you psyche yourself up? How did 0:02:39.274 --> 0:02:40.074 you actually do it? 0:02:40.634 --> 0:02:43.434 So first of all, I won't let Jason or theotok 0:02:43.514 --> 0:02:47.314 in the car. I'll help. I need to focus, no music, 0:02:48.354 --> 0:02:51.634 and I will go really slow and just go. And 0:02:51.674 --> 0:02:54.034 I actually do breathing exercise before I start. It's a 0:02:54.074 --> 0:02:56.073 whole thing. So I meditated a little bit for a 0:02:56.114 --> 0:02:56.714 few minutes. 0:02:57.594 --> 0:02:58.034 Breathe. 0:02:58.514 --> 0:03:00.714 You can do it, you can do it. I was 0:03:00.714 --> 0:03:03.154 saying to myself, let's go, grace, and you can't do this. 0:03:03.514 --> 0:03:06.954 So every day when I exit that car park successfully, 0:03:06.994 --> 0:03:09.793 I do this, click my finger up and I go yes. 0:03:09.874 --> 0:03:15.954 That's how I roll bitches whilst going five k. Yes. 0:03:16.674 --> 0:03:19.874 So now I have to do parallel parking. And my 0:03:19.954 --> 0:03:23.234 personal record when I was living in Perth to parallel 0:03:23.274 --> 0:03:25.754 park seventeen times, back and forth. 0:03:26.594 --> 0:03:29.474 One try. You are seventeen. 0:03:29.554 --> 0:03:33.234 Yes, I was counting. My son was counting and laughing. 0:03:33.274 --> 0:03:35.914 I'm like silently counting. 0:03:35.994 --> 0:03:38.834 I saw this. I saw this space. And when I 0:03:38.874 --> 0:03:40.434 see a space that I don't think I can get in, 0:03:40.514 --> 0:03:42.434 I will go round and round until I see something 0:03:42.474 --> 0:03:44.474 that I can do it. This one, I had no 0:03:44.594 --> 0:03:46.474 choice because he was late for swimming and I thought, okay, 0:03:46.514 --> 0:03:49.994 let's just do it. Let's just do this seventeen fucking times, 0:03:50.474 --> 0:03:52.274 to the point that I said to THEO, can you 0:03:52.274 --> 0:03:55.594 please stop counting? You're making me nervous. So seventeen times 0:03:55.634 --> 0:03:57.314 I did it, So now I need to conquer that. 0:03:57.354 --> 0:03:59.434 But it's someone behind you and waiting. Is that what 0:03:59.474 --> 0:04:00.314 you're anxious about? 0:04:00.474 --> 0:04:00.834 Yes? 0:04:00.914 --> 0:04:02.394 Yeah, yes, because it gives you pressure. 0:04:02.474 --> 0:04:02.674 Yeah. 0:04:02.674 --> 0:04:04.714 And I became one of those people that I judge 0:04:04.834 --> 0:04:08.274 my people. I judge Asian drivers, and whenever they're slow, 0:04:09.274 --> 0:04:11.794 whenever the slot, I'm like, I bet he's an Asian 0:04:11.914 --> 0:04:15.274 person and it is Alwait. So now I've conquered the 0:04:15.394 --> 0:04:19.394 exit out the parking lot. The next thing is parallel parking, 0:04:19.553 --> 0:04:22.034 because now my social media is or by a Formula 0:04:22.034 --> 0:04:24.273 one and parallel parking that's my algorithm. 0:04:24.274 --> 0:04:24.474 Now. 0:04:24.714 --> 0:04:27.193 Yeah, but Grace, I'm with you because I could parallel 0:04:27.234 --> 0:04:30.354 part within like five cent piece. I was amazing. And 0:04:30.393 --> 0:04:36.874 then perimeniforms and my spatial awareness my anxiety. I've now 0:04:36.914 --> 0:04:39.753 got a camera in my car, which should really make 0:04:39.794 --> 0:04:41.713 it better. It doesn't make it better at all. 0:04:42.274 --> 0:04:44.833 Here's what I've also found amongst a lot of women 0:04:44.953 --> 0:04:47.714 our age is they get a fear of going over bridges. 0:04:48.274 --> 0:04:48.833 I don't know. 0:04:49.154 --> 0:04:51.633 I've heard this from about five different women over the years. 0:04:52.073 --> 0:04:54.594 Never had an issue going over say the Harbor Bridge 0:04:54.633 --> 0:04:56.874 or the Westgate Bridge, depending on where you are. 0:04:57.193 --> 0:05:00.113 Panic on a bridge, I don't know. 0:05:00.234 --> 0:05:03.113 It only ever happens sort of late thirties into their forties, 0:05:03.433 --> 0:05:06.234 will do everything to avoid going over a bridge. I 0:05:06.234 --> 0:05:09.313 don't know whether it's because there's open space on either side. 0:05:09.633 --> 0:05:10.674 I've never heard of it. 0:05:10.834 --> 0:05:12.753 Yeah, yeah, people have. I think we should put it 0:05:12.794 --> 0:05:13.193 out there. 0:05:13.274 --> 0:05:16.394 If you have a fear of driving on bridges, let 0:05:16.474 --> 0:05:18.674 us know, because I am not lying when I tell 0:05:18.714 --> 0:05:20.433 you I've had four or five women tell me the 0:05:20.474 --> 0:05:21.954 same thing over the last few years. 0:05:22.034 --> 0:05:25.513 Yeah, yeah, Can I have the talking stick please? All right? 0:05:25.714 --> 0:05:27.954 I would like to talk about a concept that I 0:05:27.993 --> 0:05:31.794 heard Mia Friedman talk about on out Loud, which is 0:05:31.914 --> 0:05:37.074 called the four burners. So this idea is basically, think 0:05:37.073 --> 0:05:39.313 about your life as a stove, like a cook top. 0:05:39.354 --> 0:05:42.834 You've got four pans on the go. It's friends, family, work, 0:05:42.873 --> 0:05:46.193 and health. And the theory is you can't have your 0:05:46.234 --> 0:05:49.113 four burners blasting all at the same time, and so 0:05:49.234 --> 0:05:50.953 to be successful at one or two of them, you 0:05:51.034 --> 0:05:54.394 have to have at least one off, maybe two. So 0:05:54.474 --> 0:05:57.794 my burning question to you all is which one of 0:05:57.834 --> 0:06:02.953 the four are you turning off? So we've got family, friends, work, 0:06:03.073 --> 0:06:04.914 and health, Mary. 0:06:05.873 --> 0:06:08.154 I'd like to think I don't them off. I think 0:06:08.193 --> 0:06:10.674 I like to board a couple on simmer or low. 0:06:12.393 --> 0:06:16.354 Maybe health when I'm really busy, because I never not 0:06:16.393 --> 0:06:19.154 want to stay connected to the people I love. Work 0:06:19.234 --> 0:06:22.073 is sort of almost on full most of the time. 0:06:22.553 --> 0:06:24.834 You know, it's based on that whole idea or if 0:06:24.873 --> 0:06:28.753 you can't have everything all at once, right, So yeah, 0:06:28.834 --> 0:06:30.354 I think probably health, and I think a lot of 0:06:30.393 --> 0:06:31.513 women would relate to that. 0:06:31.873 --> 0:06:32.393 It's true. 0:06:32.433 --> 0:06:34.073 I have seen you, I've known you a long time, 0:06:34.113 --> 0:06:37.194 and you have always not prioritized health, like you were 0:06:37.234 --> 0:06:40.314 not getting checks when you should have for a long time, right, 0:06:40.474 --> 0:06:43.873 Like it's interesting like watching you was never in your 0:06:43.953 --> 0:06:47.753 like front brain. I would say I only ever switched 0:06:47.794 --> 0:06:52.234 one off, and that's friends. Probably work never switches off. 0:06:52.234 --> 0:06:54.433 And particularly I think when you have your own company, 0:06:54.474 --> 0:06:57.313 it's kind of a twenty fourth heaven thing, particularly when 0:06:57.313 --> 0:07:01.633 you're married to your business partner and family. I try 0:07:01.714 --> 0:07:04.354 not to switch off. I would say the friends of 0:07:04.433 --> 0:07:07.594 the thing as after I had children in trying to 0:07:07.633 --> 0:07:10.594 find balance where I just couldn't be that person who 0:07:10.714 --> 0:07:13.514 was the person that I've always been organizing everything. So 0:07:13.594 --> 0:07:15.874 I would say that gets turned off depending on how 0:07:15.914 --> 0:07:16.434 busy I am. 0:07:16.953 --> 0:07:21.794 Grace, I would say, at fifty three young, I would 0:07:21.834 --> 0:07:22.713 turn off my career. 0:07:23.154 --> 0:07:23.953 Wow, I love that. 0:07:24.074 --> 0:07:30.194 Yeah, only because I put priority on family first, definitely 0:07:30.474 --> 0:07:33.234 and my health. Family to me now means my husband 0:07:33.234 --> 0:07:35.994 and my son. Everyone else can to fuck off. So 0:07:37.274 --> 0:07:40.674 the reason I said career last is because I'm at 0:07:40.674 --> 0:07:43.593 that point that I'm very picky about what I do. Yes, 0:07:43.634 --> 0:07:45.434 i have to earn a living, but at the same time, 0:07:45.474 --> 0:07:50.354 I refuse to take on jobs or projects that is 0:07:50.474 --> 0:07:54.354 against my values. Ye you know, not that I'm a billionaire. 0:07:54.393 --> 0:07:55.634 Of course I need to earn money, but at the 0:07:55.674 --> 0:07:58.914 same time, my career is definitely not my priity. You know, 0:07:58.994 --> 0:08:01.794 I'm happy to I'm happy where I am, and I'm 0:08:01.834 --> 0:08:05.713 happy with my life. So for me, if you don't 0:08:05.754 --> 0:08:09.074 have health, you don't have career, you can't do anything. Yeah, 0:08:09.194 --> 0:08:10.194 absolutely nothing. 0:08:09.994 --> 0:08:11.274 You can do. I agree with them. 0:08:11.314 --> 0:08:13.874 So health and family is definitely first. 0:08:13.994 --> 0:08:14.354 Friends. 0:08:14.434 --> 0:08:16.273 You know, I'm very good with keeping friends. I'm like you, 0:08:16.354 --> 0:08:19.434 I always organize every thing, but I mean I make 0:08:19.514 --> 0:08:22.554 friends every day. Yeah, you know, so definitely my career 0:08:22.794 --> 0:08:23.874 is on simmer. 0:08:24.074 --> 0:08:25.074 What about you, keV. 0:08:25.434 --> 0:08:28.714 Well, I want it all for boiling. And it's only 0:08:28.754 --> 0:08:30.554 when you think about it that you go, my god, 0:08:30.594 --> 0:08:33.554 they're absolutely not. Whenever I'm trying to do, you know, 0:08:33.634 --> 0:08:36.274 the work stuff in my head, I'm like, I really 0:08:36.314 --> 0:08:38.714 should get to the gym and lift weights and do 0:08:38.834 --> 0:08:41.354 this and that, and you just run out of time. 0:08:41.514 --> 0:08:45.714 So for me, I'm a free lance so work never stops. 0:08:45.994 --> 0:08:47.994 But when you're a single person or you know, a 0:08:48.034 --> 0:08:52.074 solo mum, I'm the breadwinner and I live the other 0:08:52.114 --> 0:08:53.994 side of the world to my family. So for me, 0:08:54.314 --> 0:08:58.314 my friends in Australia are like my family. So if 0:08:58.354 --> 0:09:00.074 I had to pick two, it would be those two. 0:09:01.114 --> 0:09:03.314 But I really would like to turn the fucking hate 0:09:03.394 --> 0:09:06.674 up on health. Yeah tell you, because I just think 0:09:06.794 --> 0:09:09.074 I don't know how she's going on the inside this 0:09:09.114 --> 0:09:10.474 whole girl vis a service. 0:09:10.754 --> 0:09:13.274 I think also when people used to tell me you 0:09:13.314 --> 0:09:17.554 can have it all, I'm like, clearly you're lying. When 0:09:17.634 --> 0:09:19.714 mom said, oh you can have all of how fabulous, 0:09:19.754 --> 0:09:21.594 I'm like, clearly something's got to give. 0:09:21.714 --> 0:09:22.874 I don't believe in that. 0:09:22.834 --> 0:09:24.634 No, and I don't care I've seen I've seen people 0:09:24.674 --> 0:09:26.354 with like you can have all the help in the world, 0:09:26.834 --> 0:09:28.794 and you can't. You can have that, you just can't 0:09:28.834 --> 0:09:31.194 do it, like Mary said, all at once. But and 0:09:31.274 --> 0:09:34.114 also I think people underestimate health is a real commitment 0:09:34.154 --> 0:09:34.953 and it takes time. 0:09:35.034 --> 0:09:35.274 Yes. 0:09:35.314 --> 0:09:37.954 And also one hack which is really important is that 0:09:38.114 --> 0:09:40.634 I think, as you know, midlife women, we feel like, 0:09:40.834 --> 0:09:42.594 oh my god, unless I do an hour in a gym, 0:09:42.634 --> 0:09:45.794 that there is nothing, no show up for five minutes, 0:09:46.154 --> 0:09:48.554 gradually at ten minutes, fifteen minutes. If you do it 0:09:48.594 --> 0:09:50.114 every day, it's better than nothing. 0:09:50.354 --> 0:09:50.554 I know. 0:09:50.674 --> 0:09:52.554 But just when I'm doing that, I'm going, oh fuck, 0:09:52.554 --> 0:09:54.754 I've got to do meal prep for Lewis because my 0:09:54.794 --> 0:09:57.554 seventeen year old is going through protein like it's going 0:09:57.554 --> 0:10:00.194 out of fashion. Like there's just always a thing to do. 0:10:00.754 --> 0:10:01.314 Get earlier. 0:10:01.834 --> 0:10:03.314 Look, I've got to say it. 0:10:03.354 --> 0:10:06.634 And I love some sort of concept that you can 0:10:07.154 --> 0:10:10.194 get everything into right, and this I love as an idea. 0:10:10.994 --> 0:10:13.674 But I have always been blessed with a lot of 0:10:13.674 --> 0:10:17.474 great energy, and I have tried and very successfully for 0:10:17.554 --> 0:10:19.994 the most part of my life to keep all four 0:10:20.034 --> 0:10:20.954 burners going. 0:10:21.754 --> 0:10:24.834 And the benefits been mine, you know, like i've I'm lucky. 0:10:24.874 --> 0:10:25.074 I know. 0:10:25.154 --> 0:10:27.474 Bruna says I don't get enough checkups, and she's right. 0:10:27.594 --> 0:10:29.954 She made me have a check up, I reckon three 0:10:30.034 --> 0:10:33.314 decades ago. She forced me, drove me to a GP. 0:10:33.594 --> 0:10:36.354 I went in, had a perhapsmere and found out I 0:10:36.394 --> 0:10:39.194 had pre cancerous cells thanks to your forcing me. 0:10:39.594 --> 0:10:42.994 So I would say you can have all four, especially 0:10:43.074 --> 0:10:43.594 if it's. 0:10:43.474 --> 0:10:46.274 If those things are energizing you. I think you switch 0:10:46.314 --> 0:10:48.994 off the one that's depleting you. So I like the 0:10:49.074 --> 0:10:51.234 idea of this that all four burners can't be on 0:10:51.274 --> 0:10:54.514 at the same time. But here's where I reckon it 0:10:54.634 --> 0:10:56.754 drops the ball. Why are you switching off one of 0:10:56.794 --> 0:11:00.394 those burners? And it's not just time. I suspect it's 0:11:00.394 --> 0:11:03.434 because that burner is the thing that is high maintenance, 0:11:03.474 --> 0:11:05.234 the one that's depleting you, the one that you're not 0:11:05.274 --> 0:11:08.554 getting something back from a lot of the time. So yeah, 0:11:08.834 --> 0:11:12.754 I would switch off a friendship group that was of 0:11:12.754 --> 0:11:15.034 no value to me, except my friends are everything to me, 0:11:15.074 --> 0:11:17.194 So I would never switch that one off. Yeah, But 0:11:17.274 --> 0:11:19.514 I think the one that you choose to turn down 0:11:19.874 --> 0:11:22.754 is often the one that's the most depleting. And you 0:11:22.834 --> 0:11:24.794 make a choice to turn it down, not that you 0:11:24.794 --> 0:11:27.394 don't have room for it, but it's not giving you enough. 0:11:27.874 --> 0:11:30.234 Yeah, yeah, totally, totally right, man. 0:11:30.274 --> 0:11:30.714 I love that. 0:11:30.994 --> 0:11:46.114 Yeah, guys, I need to talk about something that happened. 0:11:46.154 --> 0:11:51.394 I had a work situation last week, and under normal circumstances, 0:11:51.394 --> 0:11:54.234 this might just be another day in Hollywood, so to speak. 0:11:54.794 --> 0:11:59.114 But I had a pretty tense exchange with someone. So 0:11:59.474 --> 0:12:02.194 I don't want to get too specific because I'll probably 0:12:02.234 --> 0:12:06.314 get sued, but it was a pretty tense negotiation and 0:12:06.394 --> 0:12:10.034 someone on the other side was incredibly rude to someone 0:12:10.074 --> 0:12:14.514 I work with, and something in me just snapped where 0:12:14.554 --> 0:12:18.154 I was like, no, no, this is not going to happen. 0:12:18.394 --> 0:12:21.034 You cannot speak to someone like that anyone. I don't 0:12:21.074 --> 0:12:21.634 care who it is. 0:12:22.114 --> 0:12:24.274 What was it about what he said that really got 0:12:24.754 --> 0:12:26.074 and dear clause, it. 0:12:26.114 --> 0:12:29.114 Was just disrespectful. It was dishonest, and it was very 0:12:29.194 --> 0:12:32.754 rude and under normal circumstances, particularly as I've gotten older 0:12:32.754 --> 0:12:34.674 in my business, one of the things I prided myself 0:12:34.714 --> 0:12:38.594 on in Hollywood, it's not taking shit personally and just 0:12:38.674 --> 0:12:41.034 kind of putting the email in the drafts folder and 0:12:41.074 --> 0:12:43.674 not sending it because we all had to do business 0:12:43.674 --> 0:12:47.833 together and it's dangerous sometimes to kind of push back, right, 0:12:48.154 --> 0:12:51.354 particularly when there's like a power and balance. So anyway, 0:12:51.514 --> 0:12:54.114 I lost it and I was like, no, this is 0:12:54.114 --> 0:12:56.234 not okay. So I wrote an email straight away and 0:12:56.274 --> 0:12:58.834 I sent it straight away where I was basically like, 0:12:59.194 --> 0:13:01.514 I will not tolerate you speaking to me or anyone 0:13:01.514 --> 0:13:03.874 that works with me or collaborates with me in this way. 0:13:03.914 --> 0:13:04.594 It's not okay. 0:13:04.914 --> 0:13:07.514 So when you sent that email, did you feel relief? 0:13:07.554 --> 0:13:08.714 Did you know it was the right thing to do 0:13:08.754 --> 0:13:09.154 at the time? 0:13:09.274 --> 0:13:12.594 No, I was very conflicted, and I felt really sick 0:13:12.634 --> 0:13:15.554 about it. I was like, I was just really conflicted 0:13:15.594 --> 0:13:17.554 because I knew I'd done the right thing, that was 0:13:17.594 --> 0:13:20.594 no doubt about that in my mind. But I also 0:13:20.794 --> 0:13:24.554 knew that there could be blowback. What kind of blowback, well, 0:13:24.594 --> 0:13:26.114 you know, and like in business, like kind of some 0:13:26.234 --> 0:13:29.674 kind of retribution where look in Hollywood there's like power 0:13:29.714 --> 0:13:33.474 plays all the time, right, So it was a pretty 0:13:33.554 --> 0:13:36.474 terrible situation. Like I went to bed feeling like, oh God, 0:13:36.874 --> 0:13:38.754 what's going to happen when I wake up? That's what 0:13:38.834 --> 0:13:40.634 I went to bed thinking, Can you tell us. 0:13:40.554 --> 0:13:42.834 The juicy bed? What did he write back? 0:13:43.354 --> 0:13:46.474 I mean, he basically wrote back and was like, you 0:13:46.474 --> 0:13:48.354 know your way of doing business is not my way 0:13:48.394 --> 0:13:51.834 of doing business. Then basically good luck, like good luck 0:13:51.914 --> 0:13:52.714 with whatever. 0:13:52.434 --> 0:13:53.074 You do next. 0:13:53.434 --> 0:13:56.354 So I will say, for me, I want to send 0:13:56.354 --> 0:13:59.114 that email you know more than I would like to say, 0:13:59.274 --> 0:14:01.274 but ninety percent of the time I don't, and it 0:14:01.314 --> 0:14:02.954 passes and it all works out. 0:14:03.194 --> 0:14:04.514 Do any of you ever. 0:14:04.314 --> 0:14:07.674 Feel like you've snapped or you needed to say something 0:14:07.714 --> 0:14:09.274 and you did or didn't, And have you been in 0:14:09.314 --> 0:14:10.514 that kind of work situation? 0:14:10.834 --> 0:14:11.234 Totally? 0:14:11.274 --> 0:14:14.194 I have, and I reckon it stunted my career by 0:14:14.234 --> 0:14:16.994 ten years. I was doing something for the network that 0:14:17.074 --> 0:14:19.754 I was working with at the time. I'd been on 0:14:19.794 --> 0:14:22.834 a show promoting something I didn't like the way I 0:14:22.954 --> 0:14:25.794 was it was handled. I felt like I was thrown 0:14:25.834 --> 0:14:28.874 under the bus and I got off that set of 0:14:28.874 --> 0:14:31.754 that show and my biggest fan was one of the 0:14:31.754 --> 0:14:34.154 top executives at the network at the time, and I 0:14:34.234 --> 0:14:37.074 lost my shit and I went from being his favorite. 0:14:37.514 --> 0:14:39.154 So he just iced me after that. 0:14:39.314 --> 0:14:41.674 But were you losing your shit rightfully? Like, were you 0:14:41.754 --> 0:14:42.234 in the marning? 0:14:42.314 --> 0:14:44.794 I think I was way too emotional. I should have 0:14:44.834 --> 0:14:47.114 taken a moment I could have had that I could 0:14:47.154 --> 0:14:51.354 have used the exact same words without being so outraged, 0:14:51.914 --> 0:14:53.394 and I think I would have got away with it. 0:14:53.474 --> 0:14:56.554 I think when you double with the emotion on the top, 0:14:57.114 --> 0:15:00.594 especially because I didn't see it coming that this guy 0:15:00.674 --> 0:15:04.154 went from totally being my biggest fan to like going right, 0:15:04.194 --> 0:15:04.754 we're done. 0:15:04.794 --> 0:15:07.354 But I do think that specific I do. I think 0:15:07.354 --> 0:15:11.554 that when women get emotional like you're describing, I think 0:15:11.594 --> 0:15:13.354 people on the other side view itself. I've seen it 0:15:13.474 --> 0:15:16.634 viewed very differently to when a man gets they're just 0:15:16.714 --> 0:15:21.074 being They're just being like decisive and forthright, whereas I've 0:15:21.074 --> 0:15:22.754 seen it women judged in a different way. 0:15:22.794 --> 0:15:24.194 Is anyone else experience this? 0:15:24.314 --> 0:15:26.674 I mean I've done both where I should have said 0:15:26.714 --> 0:15:28.674 something and I did it in at three am. I'm like, 0:15:28.674 --> 0:15:31.434 why the fuck did I not say anything? But also 0:15:31.474 --> 0:15:34.434 with this mouth, it's no control over it. What you 0:15:34.474 --> 0:15:36.274 see is what you get. That's the problem with me 0:15:36.354 --> 0:15:40.234 sometimes and and I'm I'm the person that I will 0:15:40.234 --> 0:15:43.234 go in for like justice, I will fight for other people, 0:15:44.114 --> 0:15:46.674 and I think sometimes it just I mean, this is 0:15:46.674 --> 0:15:48.834 my own experience, people, I just want to caveet that. 0:15:48.954 --> 0:15:52.274 And what I'm going to say is controversial. But this 0:15:52.354 --> 0:15:55.794 is my own personal experiences, is that every time I 0:15:55.794 --> 0:15:59.794 have a dispute with someone at work, somehow, it's always 0:15:59.874 --> 0:16:02.674 women that are not happy with me, or they get 0:16:02.754 --> 0:16:05.474 very personal, or they always women that want to take 0:16:05.514 --> 0:16:08.314 me down. And I'm not saying this is what experience, 0:16:08.354 --> 0:16:12.194 this is my experience, and so far in my whole career, 0:16:12.274 --> 0:16:15.554 I haven't met one woman boss that I feel that 0:16:16.554 --> 0:16:20.034 we have a sisterhood. It's almost like I love women 0:16:20.154 --> 0:16:23.354 so much, and I find it quite surprising because I'm 0:16:23.354 --> 0:16:26.434 also disappointed because I'm the I'm opposite and maybe Brune, 0:16:26.514 --> 0:16:29.354 I feel like we have very similar characters, right, and 0:16:29.394 --> 0:16:31.994 maybe because we are more masculine in some ways of 0:16:31.994 --> 0:16:34.874 dealing with stuff that people, especially with me because I'm Asian, 0:16:34.994 --> 0:16:35.794 they don't expected. 0:16:36.994 --> 0:16:40.194 But your business is very female oriented as well. 0:16:39.954 --> 0:16:43.234 And yes, exactly so. But all the men that I've 0:16:43.274 --> 0:16:45.794 worked with in the fashion industry, when they're not happy 0:16:45.834 --> 0:16:48.594 with me, they fucking tell me. And I love that 0:16:49.474 --> 0:16:52.114 at least I know if you're not happy with me, right, 0:16:52.594 --> 0:16:55.834 where sometimes with certain people it's more it's not just 0:16:55.874 --> 0:16:58.994 about women or men certain people, but they just happen 0:16:59.034 --> 0:17:01.714 to be female. They get so personally you know, sometimes 0:17:01.754 --> 0:17:03.634 if I dress better than them, they get jealous and 0:17:03.674 --> 0:17:05.674 sometimes if I know want people then to get pissed off. 0:17:05.994 --> 0:17:08.913 And I'm like, well, you and I just say what 0:17:08.954 --> 0:17:11.714 we think, and I think that's something that like, I'm 0:17:11.754 --> 0:17:13.594 not a fan of the passive aggressive, and I think 0:17:13.594 --> 0:17:15.714 we're old enough to just be aggressive aggressive. 0:17:17.674 --> 0:17:21.274 Can I get the talking stick, Merry Chriscus, that's me? Okay. 0:17:21.554 --> 0:17:23.514 I got pulled over by the police the other day. 0:17:23.834 --> 0:17:25.234 Oh yeah, yeah, No. 0:17:25.354 --> 0:17:28.474 What was really sad on my behalf is I pulled 0:17:28.514 --> 0:17:30.354 over thinking that they needed to go past me. 0:17:32.514 --> 0:17:34.714 But I just thought, oh, something important's car. 0:17:34.834 --> 0:17:36.513 I better pull over, you know, like you do with 0:17:36.514 --> 0:17:37.994 an ambulance or anyone with a siren. 0:17:38.074 --> 0:17:39.154 They didn't have their siren on. 0:17:39.394 --> 0:17:42.273 But then they were pulling me over, and so I 0:17:42.314 --> 0:17:43.794 went to get out of the car and they went 0:17:43.874 --> 0:17:44.714 full La. 0:17:44.674 --> 0:17:45.354 Compton on me. 0:17:45.554 --> 0:17:47.434 Get in the car, Get in the car, Stay in 0:17:47.474 --> 0:17:51.554 the car, relax, rookie. 0:17:51.674 --> 0:17:54.074 Anyway, So I'm sitting in there and three of them 0:17:54.634 --> 0:17:59.114 come over to the car again. Three three police people 0:17:59.834 --> 0:18:02.674 came over, a die and two girls and they said you. 0:18:02.834 --> 0:18:06.994 The man said he had a mustache and he said 0:18:07.194 --> 0:18:09.434 to me, do you realize you turn right on a 0:18:09.474 --> 0:18:12.914 red light, and I'm telling you I just turned and 0:18:12.914 --> 0:18:16.114 said no, actually, I have no idea. No, I do 0:18:16.234 --> 0:18:18.394 not realize that I turned right on the red light. 0:18:18.554 --> 0:18:19.914 And he said, well you did. Well, what am I 0:18:19.914 --> 0:18:21.354 going to do it? I'm gonna argue with a cop 0:18:21.394 --> 0:18:23.274 and win. And then he tells me you know you're 0:18:23.274 --> 0:18:24.634 being recorded, and he's got. 0:18:26.354 --> 0:18:26.914 Bably. 0:18:26.994 --> 0:18:28.074 I was going to say, can I have a minute. 0:18:28.114 --> 0:18:31.594 I just want to check that tack the lipstead. Anyway, 0:18:32.274 --> 0:18:35.313 he said, well, that's concerning that you didn't realize. And 0:18:35.354 --> 0:18:38.834 then chick walks in and she says, have you been drinking? 0:18:39.674 --> 0:18:42.994 And I said only caffeine and down like a ton 0:18:43.034 --> 0:18:44.874 of bo knows humor allowed. 0:18:44.914 --> 0:18:46.154 Apparently it's illegal. 0:18:46.554 --> 0:18:48.954 Surprised they didn't do me a few demerit points on 0:18:48.994 --> 0:18:52.994 that game anyway, So she shoves the thing in my 0:18:53.114 --> 0:18:57.234