WEBVTT - Week 19: Managing Your Mental Health And The Mental Load 

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<v Speaker 1>You're listening to a Mum and mea podcast. Mama Maya

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<v Speaker 1>acknowledges the traditional owners of land and waters that this

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<v Speaker 1>podcast is recorded on.

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<v Speaker 2>I am pregnanty.

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<v Speaker 1>Welcome to Hello Bump. We're making pregnancy less overwhelming and

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<v Speaker 1>more manageable. I'm Gracey Rufrey. I'm pregnant for the first

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<v Speaker 1>time and I can't tell if I have round ligament

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<v Speaker 1>pain or constipation.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm had a hitman. I'm a former Olympic athlete, I'm

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<v Speaker 2>a mum of six kids, and I'm now training to

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<v Speaker 2>be an obstetrician and gynecologist.

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<v Speaker 1>Each week, Leanna and I will be holding your hand

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<v Speaker 1>week by week through the mysterious, perplexing, and sometimes anxious

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<v Speaker 1>miracle that is pregnancy.

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<v Speaker 2>Week nineteen.

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<v Speaker 1>That's we're almost halfway. So what size are we at?

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<v Speaker 2>A baby is now the size of a grapefruit fruit.

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<v Speaker 1>Or like a pint of like a small little tub

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<v Speaker 1>of ice cream?

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<v Speaker 2>Or what are those like kids basketball or you don't

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<v Speaker 2>have I have. There's lots of little balls everywhere around

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<v Speaker 2>my house, those little kids basketballs.

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<v Speaker 1>What are little balls on the foot of the balls?

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<v Speaker 2>Baby is fifteen centimeters about two hundred and forty grants.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, getting bigger? And what else have they grown or

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<v Speaker 1>gotten bigger this week?

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<v Speaker 2>The baby's skin has now actually started to make that

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<v Speaker 2>really white, sticky substance you sometimes see on newborn babies.

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<v Speaker 2>We call it vernix from it's there to protect the skin.

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<v Speaker 2>So over the next couple of weeks, your baby will

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<v Speaker 2>start making more layers of skin, so the skin has

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<v Speaker 2>five or six layers in it, and it actually takes

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<v Speaker 2>time to build it up as to protect them from

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<v Speaker 2>that amniotic fluid that's starting to increase in volume. And

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<v Speaker 2>now they can hear outside the womb, so they'll start

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<v Speaker 2>hearing your voice and your heartbeat, so it's not just

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<v Speaker 2>what's happening inside the uterus. It can be a little

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<v Speaker 2>bit beyond that.

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<v Speaker 1>And their brain.

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<v Speaker 2>Continues to develop rapidly, so it's actually starting to make

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<v Speaker 2>what we call synapses, the connections within the brain that

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<v Speaker 2>will be required for later sensory processing and movement, cognition,

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<v Speaker 2>all that kind of stuff. So the really important parts

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<v Speaker 2>of the brain are now developing quite rapidly.

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<v Speaker 1>When they can hear, can they hear an exterior voice

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<v Speaker 1>better than my voice? Is my voice vibrations or is

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<v Speaker 1>it the same noise.

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<v Speaker 2>At this point, they'll hear more of what you're oh. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>So even if it's movements, they'll hear how your gut moves,

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<v Speaker 2>they'll hear fart, they'll hear all those sort of things

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<v Speaker 2>that are quite close to them.

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<v Speaker 1>A sonographer once said to me that in an ultrasound,

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<v Speaker 1>if they want the baby to move, they get the

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<v Speaker 1>partner to come over and talk yeah, because they are

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<v Speaker 1>used to that. Yeah, or they've started to. I guess

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<v Speaker 1>when can they recognize the voice.

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<v Speaker 2>Not for a few more weeks. Okay, so it's coming.

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<v Speaker 2>I think it's the size of the world. They've got

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<v Speaker 2>a bit more growth to go.

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<v Speaker 1>What what's happening to me and what's happening to us?

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<v Speaker 1>What's happening to the women's body.

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<v Speaker 2>We talked about this before, but this is the time

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<v Speaker 2>when most women complain that they're definitely feeling their feet

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<v Speaker 2>relax and get bigger. So we have already discussed that,

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<v Speaker 2>but that is probably the time it happens most And

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<v Speaker 2>now your breaths are really starting to grow their milk

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<v Speaker 2>ducts and increase in blood flow and fast aor so

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<v Speaker 2>this is the time I'd say it's time to get

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<v Speaker 2>either a new bra or at least a BRAH extension

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<v Speaker 2>so you can keep using the ones you have.

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<v Speaker 1>They definitely sometimes they look in the mirror and I go,

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<v Speaker 1>this looks ridiculous. They've gotten quite big.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, And I often get cussed past by women too.

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<v Speaker 2>Or does that mean I'm going to start making milk?

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<v Speaker 2>You know what's happening. But it's inhibited at the moment

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<v Speaker 2>by the east grogen and progesterone of pregnancy. So it's

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<v Speaker 2>when you actually have your baby that that inhibition is

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<v Speaker 2>released and you'll start they producing prolactin, which will then

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<v Speaker 2>lead to lactation. But at this point it's all stopped

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<v Speaker 2>by pregnancy, which also means obviously if your baby does

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<v Speaker 2>come early, that same process will happen as that inhibition releases,

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<v Speaker 2>and then the lactation will continue, will start.

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<v Speaker 1>Is this normal? Is it normal? What I want to

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<v Speaker 1>ask about? Is this normal? Is I want to talk

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<v Speaker 1>about mental health? At this point, we are almost halfway,

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<v Speaker 1>which can feel like such a milestone. But for me particularly,

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<v Speaker 1>I was still vomiting at this stage, and I'd tried

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<v Speaker 1>a lot of things like I tried I'll read the

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<v Speaker 1>list of things just in case anyone else is in

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<v Speaker 1>this position. I tried small meals, eating late at night,

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<v Speaker 1>setting an alarm to eat in the middle of the

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<v Speaker 1>night so I wasn't getting up and vomiting. I tried

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<v Speaker 1>snacks every hour, sea sickness tablets, seasickness bands, acupuncture, ginger tea,

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<v Speaker 1>ginger loll these, ginger biscuits, ginger tablets, ginger juice, two

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<v Speaker 1>types of anti nausea medication. I wasn't prescribed the cancer

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<v Speaker 1>medication because they guess we've talked about. They said that

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<v Speaker 1>I wasn't eligible for it this day.

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<v Speaker 2>They said, you weren't. I know, I promise you listen

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<v Speaker 2>as I'm not trying to dish doctors. But they weren't.

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<v Speaker 2>They didn't recognize it as hyph premises yet was were

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<v Speaker 2>you not wretching and vomiting? And when we go back

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<v Speaker 2>to the puke score, you weren't. I still was not

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<v Speaker 2>just every day. I was not just every day all day.

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<v Speaker 1>I was still only vomiting three times maximum, and I

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<v Speaker 1>think maybe I could count on one hand to the

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<v Speaker 1>amount of times it was more than three times. But

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<v Speaker 1>it was vomiting every day.

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<v Speaker 2>And your weight loss was going maintained.

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<v Speaker 1>I was losing weight. I think it's because I was

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<v Speaker 1>eating terribly.

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<v Speaker 2>So and I think that's what's hard is the diagnosis

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<v Speaker 2>is so difficult because you don't fit the ball part.

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<v Speaker 2>We still feel crap. So yeah, you've got to see obviously,

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<v Speaker 2>like for example, you can see kidney dysfunction in people

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<v Speaker 2>with severe high premises and they lose five percent of

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<v Speaker 2>up to five more than five percent of their body weight.

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<v Speaker 2>But you know what, I actual think it's almost as

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<v Speaker 2>hard for you ladies who actually aren't formally diagnosed because

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<v Speaker 2>they don't meet your criteria. But yet you're persistently feeling You're.

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<v Speaker 1>Still going to work and you still trying to hold

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<v Speaker 1>onto a job. And I definitely got into a dark

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<v Speaker 1>place about it because everyone had said you're going to

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<v Speaker 1>feel better by this point, by this point, and then

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<v Speaker 1>that point came and went, and then the next point

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<v Speaker 1>came and went, and you go, Okay, I'm starting to

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<v Speaker 1>have to get used to the idea that this could

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<v Speaker 1>be another twenty weeks of this. And I did start

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<v Speaker 1>to go low also because if you are having a

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<v Speaker 1>bad time and everyone's excited about your pregnancy and especially

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<v Speaker 1>your bump is starting to show, everyone's like are you excited?

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<v Speaker 1>And you'd have to start well, I had to rehearse

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<v Speaker 1>a response to say was I excited? Because I wasn't.

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<v Speaker 1>I was just feeling awful.

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<v Speaker 2>And let's be honest, it's hard to fake something for

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<v Speaker 2>a long time and you want to be excited, and

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<v Speaker 2>then the guilty setting because you're like, I should be excited.

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<v Speaker 2>Everybody else is excited, but I'm not excited.

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<v Speaker 1>Yes, it's hard.

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<v Speaker 2>And look, there's lots of things in pregnancy that make

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<v Speaker 2>people feel terrible. You know, the veins, the nauseous is

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<v Speaker 2>the obviously huge one, the lack of sleep. There's relationship

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<v Speaker 2>considerations at this time. Sometimes partners are not engaging and

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<v Speaker 2>they're not, you know, being as excited as you are,

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<v Speaker 2>or vice versa. They're super excited and you feel terrible

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<v Speaker 2>existing mental health conditions. So the biggest key there is

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<v Speaker 2>to recognize if it's happening, if you're feeling dark, do that. Hope.

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<v Speaker 2>Hopefully I've done the Edeburd depression scale at some point

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<v Speaker 2>in pregnancy, how midwife should have done it with.

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<v Speaker 1>Yesh did redo it?

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<v Speaker 2>And if the scale is high, it's time to actually

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<v Speaker 2>prioritize some funds towards yourself, find out whatever it is

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<v Speaker 2>it might be, you know, fun social things like going

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<v Speaker 2>out for coffee more frequently, reaching out to a friend,

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<v Speaker 2>being honest. The more authentic you are with this situation,

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<v Speaker 2>you might you know, inspire someone else to do the

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<v Speaker 2>same when they're pregnant. Or go and see a psychologist,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, go and see your GP, get a mental

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<v Speaker 2>health plan. You'll get five to six free appointments with

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<v Speaker 2>a psychologists, not free, but rebated at least appointments with

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<v Speaker 2>a psychologist. And if you can't afford that, most hospitals

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<v Speaker 2>have a perinatal mental health team. So it's actually time

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<v Speaker 2>to be actually brave, brave and say, look, I'm feeling

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<v Speaker 2>pretty low. Here can I be you know, put in

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<v Speaker 2>contact with someone at the hospital caveat there, guys, if

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<v Speaker 2>there's anyone suicidal, which does happen in pregnancy. So with

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<v Speaker 2>hear of post natal depression, we have intrapartum depression as

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<v Speaker 2>well and pregnancy depression. It's really important and to reach

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<v Speaker 2>out through the emergency department and get acute help today.

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<v Speaker 1>And what are some things that we can do apart

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<v Speaker 1>from if we are struggling with our mental health, what

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<v Speaker 1>are some other things on the checklist that pregnant women

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<v Speaker 1>can do.

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<v Speaker 2>I think more at this point trying to find just

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<v Speaker 2>active ways to keep your mind well, so mental health

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<v Speaker 2>or non if you excited to start preparing some things now,

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<v Speaker 2>so cooking some nice meals that you won't be able

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<v Speaker 2>to Let's be honest, you're going to be feeling a

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<v Speaker 2>bit like a whale and the last trimester of pregnancies

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<v Speaker 2>are starting to prepare the freezer full of food for

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<v Speaker 2>pre and post baby, going out and having those coffees

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<v Speaker 2>and those regular walks. Exercise I think is a really

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<v Speaker 2>big key at this time in pregnancy because you can

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<v Speaker 2>sort of just finally feel well enough that you can

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<v Speaker 2>engage in exercise again and start planning around social activities

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<v Speaker 2>with your exercise, so just all your well being stuff.

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<v Speaker 2>It's really important to discuss this at the moment.

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<v Speaker 1>My talk kid is actually centered around this as well.

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<v Speaker 1>This is around the time that my partner and I

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<v Speaker 1>just ordered dinner Ladies. Yes that's great and it's too

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<v Speaker 1>hard to cook. And also I think it's important to

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<v Speaker 1>talk about the mental load of the partner who if

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<v Speaker 1>they have been a career for you, yes they should,

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<v Speaker 1>but that can start to become fatiguing for them, and

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<v Speaker 1>I don't think you can be annoyed at them for that.

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<v Speaker 1>I think it does just take a toll. So instead

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<v Speaker 1>of him just having to be the cook, we just went,

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<v Speaker 1>let's just order stuff and so it wasn't uber eats,

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<v Speaker 1>it was nutritious, it was healthy. So we got dinner

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<v Speaker 1>Ladies and we've been doing that since weeknight. Great good.

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<v Speaker 2>I mean I even like muscle Chef yes at Willaks like,

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<v Speaker 2>I think it's quite I take it to work nowadays.

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<v Speaker 2>And it's also for mums that are looking after other

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<v Speaker 2>kids at home, Like if you're at home all day

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<v Speaker 2>looking after one of your children and then you're like,

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<v Speaker 2>oh my god, another one's coming and I can barely

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<v Speaker 2>look after this one. Very normal, by the way, that

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<v Speaker 2>that's exactly find a way to outsource. So get a cleaner,

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<v Speaker 2>get your meals sorted out. I do outsource as much

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<v Speaker 2>as you can. Get a babysit a couple of days

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<v Speaker 2>a week to help with the todd level. You're trying

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<v Speaker 2>to get a bit of rest, because those self priority

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<v Speaker 2>and that self care stuff will really set you up

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<v Speaker 2>for the next couple of weeks. And then obviously when

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<v Speaker 2>this baby comes, there's a lot less time for those since,

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<v Speaker 2>so it's time to really put them in, book them in,

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<v Speaker 2>not just assume it's going to happen. Actually find a

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<v Speaker 2>place in your diary in and make it happen.

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<v Speaker 1>We hope you enjoyed this episode of Hello Bump. We

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<v Speaker 1>have so many episodes of this series filled with tips

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<v Speaker 1>and stories from women and experts who've been through it

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<v Speaker 1>all before.

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<v Speaker 2>This episode was produced by Courtney Ammenhauser with audio production

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<v Speaker 2>by Tom Lyon. We'll catch you next time. Bye.

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<v Speaker 1>This episode of Hello Bump was made in partnership with

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<v Speaker 1>Huggis