WEBVTT - Are Sleepovers Still A Thing? 0:00:00.040 --> 0:00:03.080 We acknowledged the traditional custodians of the land we're recording 0:00:03.120 --> 0:00:03.720 on today. 0:00:07.520 --> 0:00:09.760 They were like, oh, you have to lie on top 0:00:09.800 --> 0:00:12.920 of Kelly for five minutes, and then I just hear 0:00:12.960 --> 0:00:15.160 the mom from another room going, you guys are too 0:00:15.280 --> 0:00:15.960 young for this. 0:00:21.800 --> 0:00:27.000 Hello, and welcome back to Eat, Sleep, Shit, Repeat, the Wildly, Wildly, 0:00:27.080 --> 0:00:30.560 wildly Unhinged podcast about the madness that is motherhood and 0:00:30.640 --> 0:00:32.120 everything in between. 0:00:32.720 --> 0:00:34.360 I'm Kelly McCarran and. 0:00:34.320 --> 0:00:36.519 I'm Key Resels. And in case you missed it, last week, 0:00:36.560 --> 0:00:39.640 we chatted to a lovely shitter, Jossy, who shared her 0:00:39.680 --> 0:00:42.800 story and decision after five organizing years of IVF, to 0:00:42.800 --> 0:00:45.600 put her mental and physical health first and called it quits. 0:00:45.680 --> 0:00:49.680 We've had such an incredible response to Jossy's episode. She's 0:00:49.920 --> 0:00:55.080 just so generous sharing her story and like just all 0:00:55.120 --> 0:00:58.080 of her insights, and she's just got a really great, 0:00:58.200 --> 0:01:00.360 unique way of looking at things and I very much 0:01:00.400 --> 0:01:03.320 so appreciated it. And she spoke to us on her birthday. 0:01:03.440 --> 0:01:07.240 I know, what a coin. But today we are exploring 0:01:07.280 --> 0:01:10.240 a question that has been popping up left, right and center. 0:01:10.480 --> 0:01:14.240 Should I let my child go on a sleepover. It's 0:01:14.240 --> 0:01:17.480 proving quite a divisive subject. We chat about the pros 0:01:17.480 --> 0:01:20.319 and cons and about what our shitters think about it 0:01:20.720 --> 0:01:23.319 and some things that we might not have even considered. 0:01:23.680 --> 0:01:26.440 But first key, you're up for peak and pitch. 0:01:27.280 --> 0:01:31.080 So the pit actually happened last night. So I was 0:01:31.080 --> 0:01:34.920 actually doing peek and pit on my socials while Rue 0:01:34.920 --> 0:01:38.400 and Charlie were in the kitchen cooking at dinner. So 0:01:38.520 --> 0:01:44.480 Rue sits on the sorry, this is your pit, and 0:01:44.520 --> 0:01:50.080 I'm going no, but seriously, we lovedy. So Rue's always like, 0:01:50.200 --> 0:01:50.720 can I sit? 0:01:50.920 --> 0:01:51.440 Can I sit? 0:01:51.520 --> 0:01:53.160 And we put her up on the bench and it's 0:01:53.160 --> 0:01:54.720 like Charlie was cooking, so I guess he had his 0:01:54.800 --> 0:01:57.400 back towards her, and then she went a bit silent, 0:01:57.520 --> 0:02:01.200 and then I hear Charlie go, are you okay? And 0:02:02.120 --> 0:02:04.000 I didn't hear her say anything, and I'm like, is 0:02:04.040 --> 0:02:07.960 she okay? And then I don't know what happened, but 0:02:08.000 --> 0:02:10.120 it was like she made some kind of noise that 0:02:10.160 --> 0:02:11.720 I was like, oh, okay, I need to get up 0:02:11.720 --> 0:02:14.440 and assess, like, see what's happening here? So I went 0:02:14.480 --> 0:02:17.519 in and she kind of started gagging, like what happened? 0:02:17.560 --> 0:02:21.480 And so we have a little like dryer next to 0:02:22.040 --> 0:02:24.320 the sink where we put her baby stuff, so like 0:02:24.320 --> 0:02:27.079 her drink bottles, and in this case, what was sitting 0:02:27.080 --> 0:02:31.320 there was like the applicator for medicine, so like the 0:02:31.360 --> 0:02:35.280 thing that you give like paracetamol or ibuprofen, the liquid stuff, 0:02:35.280 --> 0:02:37.920 so like one of the little syringes. Yeah, was just 0:02:37.960 --> 0:02:41.040 there drying out on the rack. And she had picked 0:02:41.080 --> 0:02:43.480 it up and she had shoved it down her throat, 0:02:43.520 --> 0:02:46.160 but it was backwards, so the end of it is 0:02:46.280 --> 0:02:49.240 kind of flat, like a ten cent piece almost, And 0:02:49.360 --> 0:02:52.400 Charlie said it looked like what she'd done is shoved 0:02:52.400 --> 0:02:55.160 it down her throat and then it got stuck. And 0:02:55.200 --> 0:02:58.680 then he was trying to stay calm and just be like, okay, 0:02:59.080 --> 0:03:00.280 it's okay, it's okay. 0:03:00.639 --> 0:03:03.720 And then while she's got it poking out of her. 0:03:03.840 --> 0:03:08.160 Yeah, and she looks terrified. So she pulls it straight 0:03:08.320 --> 0:03:11.200 out and she's in shock. And then that's when she 0:03:11.280 --> 0:03:14.400 starts gagging, and I realize, like, oh, okay, she might 0:03:14.440 --> 0:03:15.519 actually vomit here. 0:03:16.480 --> 0:03:19.600 Which is generally their response when something like that's happened. 0:03:19.600 --> 0:03:20.600 So she's a good thing. 0:03:20.840 --> 0:03:24.799 Charlie's holding her. I've leant underneath them to go grab 0:03:24.840 --> 0:03:27.000 a bowl, like, because we've got these big mixing bowls 0:03:27.000 --> 0:03:30.960 that we also use as vomit bowles. We washed them, 0:03:31.000 --> 0:03:33.800 but they're big bowls that are like really light, so 0:03:33.840 --> 0:03:37.320 you can grab them quickly can chuck them to each other. Anyway, 0:03:37.560 --> 0:03:39.480 I wasn't quick enough. The words could not come out 0:03:39.520 --> 0:03:41.680 of my mouth before she started vomiting. 0:03:42.680 --> 0:03:43.320 And I mur. 0:03:44.800 --> 0:03:47.280 Underneath her. I stand up and move back because I've 0:03:47.360 --> 0:03:50.520 kind of realized what's happening. And she vomits like on 0:03:50.680 --> 0:03:53.480 my sleeves of my hands, but then a little bit 0:03:53.480 --> 0:03:56.800 gone to my mouth, didn't it. But I couldn't do 0:03:56.840 --> 0:03:59.000 anything in that moment. I just kind of like I 0:03:59.040 --> 0:03:59.440 had to. 0:03:59.360 --> 0:04:02.400 Just take it, not immediately project our vomit back over 0:04:02.600 --> 0:04:04.960 because this is a really stressful situation. 0:04:05.000 --> 0:04:07.480 I've got my mum had on because what's happened is 0:04:07.520 --> 0:04:10.200 I'm like grab a bowl and he's moved her towards 0:04:10.200 --> 0:04:12.560 the sink, and it's just comical at this point anyway, 0:04:13.160 --> 0:04:14.800 So we're trying to recover from that. 0:04:14.960 --> 0:04:18.240 It's very She's crying, she's because of the choke and 0:04:18.279 --> 0:04:20.960 because of the vomit. And then we sit down crying 0:04:20.960 --> 0:04:22.239 because you covered in her vomit. 0:04:22.320 --> 0:04:24.320 Anyway, fast forward to later in the night, she's gone 0:04:24.360 --> 0:04:27.520 down for bed. Everything's okay, we've recovered, and we're like 0:04:27.640 --> 0:04:29.720 watching something and I said, hey, can you pause it? 0:04:30.080 --> 0:04:31.840 And he's like yeah, and I'm like, I didn't tell you. 0:04:31.880 --> 0:04:33.880 But when she vomited, it got in my mouth. 0:04:33.839 --> 0:04:36.560 And he was like, you want to kiss. 0:04:37.360 --> 0:04:40.719 He's like, that is so foul, and I'm like, I know, 0:04:40.920 --> 0:04:42.160 I know, but I didn't want to make a big 0:04:42.200 --> 0:04:43.800 dealer at the time. It's like nah, because then that 0:04:43.920 --> 0:04:47.840 upsets them more and like it's foul, it's a little 0:04:47.839 --> 0:04:49.960 bit of vomit, but it's all right. So that was 0:04:50.000 --> 0:04:52.440 my pit. It was like just the shock of it happening, 0:04:52.640 --> 0:04:55.359 and like, you know how you're just really risk averse 0:04:55.480 --> 0:04:57.720 with having a kid, like I can anticipate when things 0:04:57.760 --> 0:04:58.359 are going to happen. 0:04:59.240 --> 0:05:02.479 Syringe was not on my Bengo. He didn't have marbles 0:05:02.520 --> 0:05:04.760 sitting next to her thinking go for gold sicks. 0:05:04.839 --> 0:05:07.320 No, but she does love shoving stuff in her mouth. 0:05:07.440 --> 0:05:08.960 She does it all the time with like the lids 0:05:08.960 --> 0:05:11.200 of the yogurt and stuff. Oh that's so so we 0:05:11.320 --> 0:05:13.880 pinched her nose and then she'll spit it out because 0:05:13.920 --> 0:05:15.159 she's like needs to breathe. 0:05:15.200 --> 0:05:16.039 That is so smart. 0:05:16.160 --> 0:05:17.680 Someone told me that I can't take credit for it. 0:05:17.720 --> 0:05:20.040 But someone's like just pinch their nose because they have 0:05:20.160 --> 0:05:22.880 to breathe, so they'll push it out with their tongue 0:05:22.880 --> 0:05:23.920 so that they can take a breath. 0:05:24.000 --> 0:05:26.320 Touchwood Lenni's never put something in his mouth, and he hasn't 0:05:26.360 --> 0:05:29.119 needed to rudious leap on a dummy. He's like, listen, 0:05:29.160 --> 0:05:30.839 he still loves to shove a dummy into his mouth, 0:05:30.880 --> 0:05:31.320 doesn't he? 0:05:31.320 --> 0:05:33.640 See he does little dummy all right, So let's finish 0:05:33.640 --> 0:05:34.600 on the puok. 0:05:35.520 --> 0:05:37.039 Oh god, it's much better. 0:05:37.520 --> 0:05:41.280 So friends of ours invited us to go to Disney 0:05:41.279 --> 0:05:41.640 on Ice. 0:05:41.880 --> 0:05:44.240 Wait, I'm assuming you mean you took rue So we 0:05:44.279 --> 0:05:45.919 took her? Oh you're like, no, My peak was that 0:05:45.960 --> 0:05:47.920 I went by myself to Disney on Ice. 0:05:48.160 --> 0:05:50.640 No, we took all the kids. So it was really cute. 0:05:50.680 --> 0:05:55.040 We got there, We came and we sat down. The 0:05:55.120 --> 0:05:58.839 first half she sat there just like eyes big, very 0:05:59.120 --> 0:06:01.120 kind of confused about what's going on. She's just like 0:06:01.160 --> 0:06:03.560 staring and I could like wave my hand in front 0:06:03.560 --> 0:06:05.920 of her, and she was just transfixed on like what 0:06:05.960 --> 0:06:09.600 was happening. And so I was like it was hard 0:06:09.640 --> 0:06:12.720 to tell if she was enjoying is this real low 0:06:12.880 --> 0:06:15.120 stimulation going on? And I'm like, maybe you need a 0:06:15.120 --> 0:06:16.480 snack cause I like gave her a snuck. So she's 0:06:16.480 --> 0:06:19.359 just like staring down at the ice and Garlie's like, 0:06:19.480 --> 0:06:22.840 is she okay. I'm like, I'm not doing I reckon 0:06:22.880 --> 0:06:26.000 it's pretty cool. Yeah, yeah. So then intermition came and 0:06:26.040 --> 0:06:30.920 then for the second half it was like whoa, she 0:06:30.960 --> 0:06:33.400 had settled in. She was like, all right, I know 0:06:33.480 --> 0:06:39.080 what's happening now. She's like clapping arms in the air. 0:06:40.440 --> 0:06:41.520 She loved it. 0:06:41.520 --> 0:06:42.680 It's so cute. 0:06:43.040 --> 0:06:45.760 Loved it, and it was just such a cute thing 0:06:45.839 --> 0:06:48.080 to do on the weekend because we kind of thought 0:06:48.080 --> 0:06:49.960 that when we got the invite, were it's going to 0:06:50.000 --> 0:06:52.040 be good, like like of course all bigger, but we 0:06:52.040 --> 0:06:54.599 didn't know whether or not it would be age appropriate, 0:06:54.800 --> 0:06:56.919 and we don't she doesn't watch any Disney movies, so 0:06:56.920 --> 0:06:59.400 she doesn't know any of the songs. But we just 0:06:59.400 --> 0:07:00.720 thought would give it go, and we thought, all, what 0:07:00.760 --> 0:07:02.719 else we're gonna do. We usually just go to the markets, like, 0:07:02.760 --> 0:07:05.440 may as well change it up, and it was just 0:07:05.520 --> 0:07:08.080 so fun to do something different as a family that 0:07:08.200 --> 0:07:11.640 was like really wholesome, but also was super nostalgic for us, Like, yeah, 0:07:11.880 --> 0:07:14.960 when Aladdin came on, we were popping out what was 0:07:15.000 --> 0:07:20.920 the song for in Sallyalia bu? So do you know 0:07:20.960 --> 0:07:23.120 what we did when we got home watching the Aladden 0:07:24.040 --> 0:07:26.880 It's a great film, it's a great good It was 0:07:26.960 --> 0:07:29.200 just like really wholesome. It just made us feel And 0:07:29.280 --> 0:07:31.560 then we also were like, we need to have like 0:07:31.640 --> 0:07:34.760 family movie fun stays on the way to teach her 0:07:34.760 --> 0:07:37.560 Disney film so the classics. She can't sit through more 0:07:37.600 --> 0:07:38.800 than twenty minutes, so. 0:07:38.920 --> 0:07:40.680 I had twenty minutes is actually impressive. 0:07:40.680 --> 0:07:43.000 We got through twenty minutes on Saturday, twenty minutes on Sunday. 0:07:43.040 --> 0:07:45.520 And then I was just watching Aladdin in my spare 0:07:45.520 --> 0:07:47.800 time by myself, doing a shot the movie because I'm like, 0:07:47.960 --> 0:07:52.040 what happens? Japa has just found it Genie's bottle. 0:07:53.680 --> 0:07:55.120 And it was Robin Williams, wasn't it? 0:07:55.160 --> 0:07:55.640 They did there? 0:07:55.840 --> 0:07:57.680 It was also happen to be like what would have 0:07:57.720 --> 0:08:01.280 been his seventy third birthday over the world. So it's 0:08:01.360 --> 0:08:04.240 like quite a thing and it's just wonderful. There's something 0:08:04.240 --> 0:08:10.080 about like old animation that is just so nostalgia. Yeah, 0:08:10.120 --> 0:08:12.240 and you have a big appreciation for Also all the 0:08:12.360 --> 0:08:15.760 jokes that like I can recite but had no idea 0:08:15.760 --> 0:08:16.400 what it meant. 0:08:16.720 --> 0:08:19.320 Yeah, like some of them had innuan don Yeah. 0:08:19.360 --> 0:08:21.240 So we were both buzzing after. 0:08:21.880 --> 0:08:22.880 That's so cute. 0:08:23.120 --> 0:08:25.800 She fucking went out like a log, you know, with 0:08:25.840 --> 0:08:29.600 a lot of simulations. So she was like, oh, it 0:08:29.640 --> 0:08:31.720 was really good. So highly recommend if it's coming to 0:08:31.800 --> 0:08:35.040 your town sitting near you, buy the ticket. We've got 0:08:35.040 --> 0:08:37.760 some merch. Got at her a little Mowana T shirt 0:08:38.440 --> 0:08:47.360 which is really cute. I'm not that So next up, 0:08:47.400 --> 0:08:50.080 can I unpacking a topic that keeps popping up on 0:08:50.120 --> 0:08:53.280 our radar ya, the news, amongst friends or on socials. 0:08:53.600 --> 0:08:56.360 It's sleepovers. So you might trust your friends or your 0:08:56.360 --> 0:08:59.560 family with your kids, but you never really know who 0:08:59.640 --> 0:09:02.080 else is going to be in someone else's home. There's 0:09:02.080 --> 0:09:04.520 also the issue of bullying and being exposed to things 0:09:04.559 --> 0:09:08.120 you might otherwise have kept from them. Typically seen as 0:09:08.120 --> 0:09:11.120 a rite of passage, sleepovers are so ingrained in our 0:09:11.160 --> 0:09:13.920 culture that the mere mention of it on our socials 0:09:13.960 --> 0:09:17.040 but an instant debate. So what are the benefits? 0:09:17.040 --> 0:09:17.920 What are the risks? 0:09:18.000 --> 0:09:20.840 Do they outweigh every other factor and do they still 0:09:20.880 --> 0:09:23.400 have a place and the childhood of kids today. 0:09:23.480 --> 0:09:26.480 We are speaking from the perspective of being todd the 0:09:26.520 --> 0:09:29.400 mums not yet having to make that decision in real life. 0:09:29.920 --> 0:09:31.760 But we just thought it would be really interesting. 0:09:31.880 --> 0:09:35.720 It's definitely having a bit of a moment culturally, especially 0:09:35.760 --> 0:09:40.360 in the realm of parenting. So first up, we threw 0:09:40.400 --> 0:09:43.120 it out to you. Shit is because we really wanted 0:09:43.160 --> 0:09:46.800 to get a sense of where you guys were at 0:09:46.840 --> 0:09:49.959 with the topic of sleepovers. Will you want you and why? 0:09:50.520 --> 0:09:52.840 So we asked you are you going to let your 0:09:52.880 --> 0:09:56.559 kid or kids go to sleepovers? And the responses were 0:09:56.840 --> 0:10:00.560 very close. So the yes's were at fifth fifty six 0:10:00.600 --> 0:10:03.840 point three percent and the no's were at forty five 0:10:03.960 --> 0:10:06.400 point eight percent. You were surprised by this. 0:10:06.480 --> 0:10:10.080 I thought that was wild because if I asked people 0:10:10.400 --> 0:10:13.440 just in my immediate circle that I know, it would 0:10:13.480 --> 0:10:16.280 be like, I reckon ninety five percent. Absolutely not. 0:10:16.679 --> 0:10:19.240 Yeah, it's interesting, right, because I had a feeling it 0:10:19.280 --> 0:10:23.600 would be close because of a lot of my friends 0:10:23.640 --> 0:10:25.720 are saying no. But I also think that there is 0:10:25.760 --> 0:10:28.880 a lot of pressure to have your kids go to sleepovers. 0:10:28.920 --> 0:10:30.760 No, it's very easy for us to say no when 0:10:30.800 --> 0:10:33.280 we don't have teenagers going at the back, ma'am. 0:10:33.440 --> 0:10:36.320 Yeah. But also even just like when I was doing 0:10:36.320 --> 0:10:37.680 a lot of research for this, a lot of people 0:10:37.720 --> 0:10:42.160 were saying, like external pressures like family members also just 0:10:42.200 --> 0:10:44.559 like your significant other, the other parent in the relationship. 0:10:44.600 --> 0:10:46.880 And I put the question to Charlie last night in 0:10:46.920 --> 0:10:49.120 preparation for this, and he was like, oh, yeah, I'm 0:10:49.080 --> 0:10:50.680 gonna we'll let her go. And I was like, oh, 0:10:50.800 --> 0:10:52.200 this is gonna have to be something that we talk 0:10:52.240 --> 0:10:55.240 about because I'm not your same opinion. 0:10:55.040 --> 0:10:57.160 Happy to let anyone look after her. 0:10:57.679 --> 0:11:01.680 Well, not anyone. We have like one babysitter that we 0:11:01.800 --> 0:11:05.000 use who is her educator from her first. 0:11:04.880 --> 0:11:08.079 Day, so she's got like the credentials in the background 0:11:08.160 --> 0:11:09.360 checks and everything exactly. 0:11:09.720 --> 0:11:11.360 I was like, I don't feel like I want to 0:11:11.360 --> 0:11:13.080 try out a new babysitter, Like I don't want to 0:11:13.120 --> 0:11:16.520 just get one. Luckily, we were like, oh my niece, 0:11:16.640 --> 0:11:19.880 Like she's so good and she's got like younger siblings, 0:11:19.880 --> 0:11:23.280 like little little siblings. She's spending heaps of babysitting over 0:11:23.320 --> 0:11:26.280 the holidays and she's so good with kids, and were 0:11:26.480 --> 0:11:29.120 already knows her and she came, she put her to 0:11:29.120 --> 0:11:31.760 bed and she was so chilled and like she was like, oh, 0:11:31.800 --> 0:11:33.480 she was really easy to put down. I'm like, I'm like, 0:11:33.559 --> 0:11:37.800 oh my god, that's so good. So now like I'm 0:11:37.840 --> 0:11:39.679 fine with our niece doing it. I just want to 0:11:39.720 --> 0:11:41.800 have to throw that on her. But she's at the 0:11:41.840 --> 0:11:43.680 age of when she wants to make money. So I'm like, yes, 0:11:43.760 --> 0:11:44.520 we have a line. 0:11:44.720 --> 0:11:48.520 Yeah, amazing, And it's also nice ruin and. 0:11:48.480 --> 0:11:52.360 She loves her lovely. Anyway, we got a little bit 0:11:52.360 --> 0:11:55.240 started tract there. So when we said, for those people 0:11:55.240 --> 0:11:58.079 who answered no, because we get white people answer yes, 0:11:58.280 --> 0:12:01.160 it's a ride of passage of people believe that it's 0:12:01.280 --> 0:12:05.040 part of childhood. Why not, like we don't need to 0:12:05.120 --> 0:12:07.800 like coddle our kids. But I think it was more 0:12:07.840 --> 0:12:09.400 interesting finding out other people said no. 0:12:09.640 --> 0:12:12.440 Most of the responses were exactly as we sort of 0:12:12.520 --> 0:12:18.040 predicted the risk of childhood sexual assault, people that had 0:12:18.400 --> 0:12:21.880 known people or themselves had been sexually assaulted as a child, 0:12:22.400 --> 0:12:25.400 and then things like what movies are they watching? Is 0:12:25.440 --> 0:12:28.240 there any bullying? Social media? Like all of these things 0:12:28.240 --> 0:12:31.400 if you can't control them or know what's happening under 0:12:31.440 --> 0:12:33.840 your own roof. I guess just those sorts of concerns. 0:12:33.960 --> 0:12:36.120 Yeah, And what I thought was interesting is like one 0:12:36.240 --> 0:12:38.760 of our shitters did answer yes, but she wanted to 0:12:38.760 --> 0:12:41.520 answer this question specifically because she said her step sons 0:12:41.520 --> 0:12:43.720 are allowed to go to sleepovers and without fail, every 0:12:43.760 --> 0:12:46.040 time they come home, they tell me so many stories 0:12:46.240 --> 0:12:49.679 that boil down to a lack of appropriate parental supervision 0:12:50.120 --> 0:12:53.320 in her opinion, So I think it's I like to 0:12:53.360 --> 0:12:57.080 go there, but she would still let her kids go, 0:12:57.200 --> 0:12:59.520 but she has said that it would be limited to 0:12:59.559 --> 0:13:02.440 a few trusted family members. So I think there are 0:13:02.520 --> 0:13:05.400 varying degrees of also the definition of a sleepover, Like 0:13:05.480 --> 0:13:08.560 I think it's different to would you let your kids 0:13:08.559 --> 0:13:11.760 stay at their cousin's house? Some people would feel okay 0:13:11.760 --> 0:13:14.160 with that, maybe some people would. I guess it's like 0:13:14.240 --> 0:13:17.160 do you like your brother or sister in law or 0:13:17.200 --> 0:13:18.800 what kind of parents are they? 0:13:19.000 --> 0:13:19.080 Like? 0:13:19.240 --> 0:13:19.840 Do they have rules? 0:13:19.880 --> 0:13:20.680 Do they not have rules? 0:13:20.679 --> 0:13:20.760 Like? 0:13:20.960 --> 0:13:24.200 There are lots of things that contribute to this, and 0:13:24.360 --> 0:13:25.840 I know we're kind of talking about it in a 0:13:25.880 --> 0:13:28.360 broad way, but I thought like that was really interesting. 0:13:28.400 --> 0:13:30.880 A lot of people sharing that they've listened too many 0:13:30.880 --> 0:13:33.560 podcasts and heard too many horror stories, so I think, 0:13:33.679 --> 0:13:39.040 just like the awareness exactly, it does change things a 0:13:39.080 --> 0:13:41.560 little bit. The other question I was really interested to 0:13:41.840 --> 0:13:44.080 hear from us it is, was had there been any 0:13:44.120 --> 0:13:47.320 fallout with friends or family due to the decision to 0:13:47.360 --> 0:13:49.839 not let your kids have a sleepover. A lot of 0:13:49.880 --> 0:13:52.800 people saying that their parents didn't understand it, that they 0:13:52.800 --> 0:13:56.400 thought it was silly, but begrudgingly it's fine that you 0:13:56.400 --> 0:13:58.920 don't let your kids go to sleepovers. But for the 0:13:58.920 --> 0:14:02.280 most part, people were pretty understanding. They didn't agree, but 0:14:02.320 --> 0:14:04.360 they were understanding, which I think is a nice thing. 0:14:05.640 --> 0:14:08.880 One thing that I think I've really struggled with since 0:14:08.920 --> 0:14:12.000 becoming a parent is that and I can admit this now, 0:14:12.040 --> 0:14:14.280 I probably wouldn't have, you know, a couple of years ago, 0:14:14.520 --> 0:14:17.959 but I used to be not judgmental. Actually yeah, I 0:14:17.960 --> 0:14:23.280 guess really judgmental about these sorts of situations because I 0:14:23.440 --> 0:14:26.560 used to just think, how can you not know, ah, yeah, 0:14:26.560 --> 0:14:29.320 that that is happening under your roof, or that that 0:14:29.400 --> 0:14:32.880 person's a pedo. But since becoming a parent, and I 0:14:32.880 --> 0:14:37.840 guess thinking about it more and hearing these stories they 0:14:37.920 --> 0:14:41.920 didn't know. I was listening to a podcast where this 0:14:42.000 --> 0:14:48.640 girl was raped consistently by her grandfather from ages twelve 0:14:48.720 --> 0:14:53.040 to fifteen. Her mum had the most beautiful relationship with 0:14:53.080 --> 0:14:56.320 her father, like telling her broke the entire family because 0:14:57.040 --> 0:14:59.560 there was no possible way that anyone ever suspected he 0:14:59.600 --> 0:15:03.560 was a nice old man. Yeah, And I think that 0:15:03.560 --> 0:15:06.320 that's why for me, one of the reasons why I'm like, 0:15:06.520 --> 0:15:08.880 I think I just have to have the blanket rule 0:15:08.920 --> 0:15:11.920 because you actually don't know anyone. 0:15:12.320 --> 0:15:14.400 Yeah, that is it. You don't know, And I just 0:15:14.440 --> 0:15:17.320 don't think you ever want to live with any regret 0:15:17.360 --> 0:15:19.480 when it comes to kind of like the mental and 0:15:19.520 --> 0:15:21.240 physical well being of your kid at the end of 0:15:21.240 --> 0:15:23.520 the day, Like you want to make sure that you 0:15:23.840 --> 0:15:27.040 are protecting them as much as possible. And it is 0:15:27.200 --> 0:15:30.720 sad because obviously when you think about your childhood compared 0:15:30.760 --> 0:15:34.480 to theirs, because we have a lot more awareness about 0:15:34.720 --> 0:15:37.480 just how horrible people can be, the bad things that 0:15:37.600 --> 0:15:40.760 kids get up to by themselves, the bullying that can 0:15:40.800 --> 0:15:45.080 happen in these situations. Everything's not as like clean cut 0:15:45.120 --> 0:15:47.200 as like oh, yeah, go go to your friends sleepover, 0:15:47.320 --> 0:15:49.520 all good here, don't worry about that. It's like, no, no, 0:15:49.600 --> 0:15:56.520 there's a lot of things to consider. Okay, well, let's 0:15:56.560 --> 0:15:58.440 start with the benefits of a sleepover, just so we 0:15:58.520 --> 0:16:02.680 keep it balanced and interview a licensed clinical psychologist, doctor 0:16:02.760 --> 0:16:07.320 Levers Landis, talks about sleepovers helping children to develop independence 0:16:07.680 --> 0:16:11.200 and to learn to adapt to situations outside of their routine. 0:16:11.280 --> 0:16:14.960 They also get to practice navigating social situations away from school. 0:16:15.000 --> 0:16:18.680 So she says learning flexibility is healthy for us humans. 0:16:18.880 --> 0:16:21.400 It's good to be exposed to different ways of doing things, 0:16:21.440 --> 0:16:24.240 different foods, different ways of having a meal, and the 0:16:24.280 --> 0:16:27.480 different ways of interacting. It's healthy to not always do 0:16:27.960 --> 0:16:30.520 things exactly the same way. And a lot of other 0:16:30.560 --> 0:16:33.320 experts that I read were saying that in some cases, 0:16:33.400 --> 0:16:37.400 not having exposure to flexible learning and opportunities to practice 0:16:37.760 --> 0:16:42.880 independence can result in kids developing like separation anxiety, fears, 0:16:42.920 --> 0:16:46.280 even phobias when they kind of leave their safe space 0:16:46.440 --> 0:16:50.000 of home and they're entering new spaces. So that's interesting 0:16:50.040 --> 0:16:52.480 and in consideration, so I think you want to kind 0:16:52.520 --> 0:16:54.320 of land maybe somewhere in the middle of that. So 0:16:54.360 --> 0:16:57.920 the negatives of it, though are sexual assault, well that 0:16:58.040 --> 0:17:00.240 is the obvious one. So there's also slip distruction. So 0:17:00.320 --> 0:17:03.520 think about winning away on holiday. You never sleep well, 0:17:03.600 --> 0:17:05.280 the kids are staying up late. They yap and yap 0:17:05.280 --> 0:17:06.359 and up, and you pick up your kid in the 0:17:06.400 --> 0:17:11.000 morning and they are overtired, over stimulated, grumpy things, and 0:17:11.119 --> 0:17:13.680 they might take a day or two to settle down. 0:17:14.320 --> 0:17:17.960 Exposure to things that might not be age appropriate, so movies, music, 0:17:18.840 --> 0:17:22.479 I don't know, websites, things like that. Bullying came up 0:17:22.560 --> 0:17:24.920 a lot, so a lot of peer pressure in these 0:17:24.960 --> 0:17:28.680 situations to do certain things like and that could be anything, 0:17:28.720 --> 0:17:30.720 it could be it's been the bottle. It's been the 0:17:30.840 --> 0:17:34.320 bottle exactly, something that is relatively like not that bad. 0:17:34.359 --> 0:17:36.920 But also you don't want to push someone into having 0:17:36.920 --> 0:17:38.679 a kiss, so they don't want to. Yeah, and of 0:17:38.680 --> 0:17:41.600 course the big one, which is abuse that something might 0:17:41.640 --> 0:17:45.960 happen to your kid, either mentally, physically or sexually. So Kel, 0:17:46.000 --> 0:17:48.040 when I first broached this with you, like I know 0:17:48.119 --> 0:17:50.239 your feelings now, but when I first broached this with 0:17:50.280 --> 0:17:53.000 you, you remember you gualked a little bit at me, being 0:17:53.119 --> 0:17:55.679 like about the idea of no for sleepovers. And I'm 0:17:55.720 --> 0:17:58.440 talking about last year when I first talked to you 0:17:58.480 --> 0:18:01.000 about this, and then two days later that's story came out. 0:18:01.440 --> 0:18:03.679 Yeah, the one that I had some feelings about I 0:18:03.760 --> 0:18:06.240 just thought that maybe he wanted a nice night of sleep. 0:18:06.400 --> 0:18:07.800 But do you know what's funny is that that was 0:18:07.800 --> 0:18:10.879 actually his argument in court. See, so let me just 0:18:11.160 --> 0:18:12.680 share what we're talking about with our shit is. I 0:18:12.680 --> 0:18:14.200 think a lot of you would have heard this because 0:18:14.200 --> 0:18:17.520 it went viral everywhere. So in August twenty twenty three, 0:18:17.560 --> 0:18:20.080 a fifty year old man was accused of drugging three 0:18:20.119 --> 0:18:22.400 of his daughter's twelve year old friends during a sleepover. 0:18:22.600 --> 0:18:25.680 Fifty seven year old Michael Meadan turned himself in this 0:18:25.760 --> 0:18:30.119 week after being accused of leasing mango smoothies with a 0:18:30.240 --> 0:18:33.320 drug that's usually used to treat insomnia and panic attacks, 0:18:33.520 --> 0:18:35.800 and then giving those drinks to three twelve year old 0:18:35.800 --> 0:18:37.480 girls at his daughter's sleepover. 0:18:37.680 --> 0:18:39.920 So, they had had a spa day that when it 0:18:39.960 --> 0:18:42.440 got when nails done, and the dad was like taking 0:18:42.480 --> 0:18:44.760 them everywhere. They came back, they watched movies. I went 0:18:44.800 --> 0:18:46.560 in the hot tub, they had shower, and then I 0:18:46.600 --> 0:18:48.959 went downstairs and started watching movies in the basement. And 0:18:49.000 --> 0:18:52.399 the father came down about eleven and insisted that the 0:18:52.400 --> 0:18:54.480 girls go to bed and they drink these smoothies that 0:18:54.520 --> 0:18:57.320 he prepared. And the girls have since shed in an 0:18:57.320 --> 0:19:00.320 affidavit to police that the drinks had white chunk in 0:19:00.359 --> 0:19:03.159 them and a white powder on top. One of the 0:19:03.200 --> 0:19:05.959 girls reported that she even told the friend's dad that 0:19:06.040 --> 0:19:09.840 HER's tasted funny. That girl, thankfully didn't finish her smoothie. 0:19:10.000 --> 0:19:13.639 Her friends passed out around her, and then the father 0:19:14.080 --> 0:19:16.600