Speaker 1: You're listening to a MoMA Mia podcast.
Speaker 2: Mamma Mia acknowledges the traditional owners of land and waters
Speaker 2: that this podcast is recorded on. We pay our respects
Speaker 2: to elders past, present and emerging, and feel privileged to
Speaker 2: continue the sharing of birth stories and knowledge that has
Speaker 2: been a fundamental part of Indigenous culture.
Speaker 1: Hi. I'm Cassanya Lukich and this is diary of a birth.
Speaker 1: Some of the most challenging births can also be the
Speaker 1: most healing ones. After having to go under general anesthetic
Speaker 1: during her first birth, today's guest didn't get to experience
Speaker 1: hearing her baby's first cry. Determined to be awake for
Speaker 1: her second, Jordan worked closely with anesetus to find a solution,
Speaker 1: but when the moment came, her body's resistant to medication
Speaker 1: put her in an unthinkable position.
Speaker 3: We either need to get going and try and get
Speaker 3: it done, or we need to put you to sleep.
Speaker 3: So in that moment here I have the decision again
Speaker 3: of am I being put to sleep or am I
Speaker 3: going to try and be awake? Definitely my baby be born.
Speaker 1: When standard anesthesia failed again, she found herself in the
Speaker 1: operating theater, facing a split second choice that would define
Speaker 1: her birth experience. So let's meet today's mum.
Speaker 3: Hi, my name is Jordan and this is my diary
Speaker 3: of a birth with Dakota.
Speaker 1: So, Jordan, can you tell us a little bit about
Speaker 1: You've got two kids now, you've got a four and
Speaker 1: a two year old. Can you tell us a little
Speaker 1: bit about your birth with Matilda.
Speaker 3: Yeah, so I had your stational diabetes. So they had
Speaker 3: always spoken about induction. I had a failed induction, so
Speaker 3: I didn't progress, and heart rate and everything like that
Speaker 3: went pretty high, which turned into an emergency cesarean. They
Speaker 3: tried to put in an epidural twice and it didn't
Speaker 3: really work, so when we got up to theater, they
Speaker 3: tried to then put in a spinal which was working.
Speaker 3: And as soon as they started to do the procedure
Speaker 3: and started to cut, I was like I can feel this.
Speaker 3: I can feel this, Like please stop now, Like no, no,
Speaker 3: you'll feel a little bit of tai. I was like no,
Speaker 3: Like I can feel you cutting, I need to stop now.
Speaker 3: So I actually was put to sleep for her birth,
Speaker 3: so I wasn't awake at all while she was being born.
Speaker 1: Yeah, obviously with that that is quite scary to feel
Speaker 1: that pain when you fell pregnant with Dakota. Was that
Speaker 1: kind of in the back of your mind.
Speaker 3: Yes, totally. From the beginning, I had made it known
Speaker 3: with my hospital that this happened the first time, and
Speaker 3: I don't want it to happen again, So they'd actually
Speaker 3: organized appointments with an ethodist to talk through it, to
Speaker 3: make sure that, like, if I was going to have
Speaker 3: a cesarean, then I could be awake for it, because
Speaker 3: that was my main thing, apart from it being scary
Speaker 3: and not nice to feel. I wanted to meet my
Speaker 3: baby like as soon as I born, and I didn't
Speaker 3: get to do that the first time I was it
Speaker 3: was an hour later during COVID. My partner didn't even
Speaker 3: get to meet her until they're neither, so that was
Speaker 3: huge for me.
Speaker 1: Yeah, with your first with Matilda, because they had to
Speaker 1: put you under general and aesthetic, you didn't get to
Speaker 1: meet us straight away. No, so how long after were
Speaker 1: you able to be with her?
Speaker 3: Yeah? So she was born at twenty three twenty three,
Speaker 3: so eleven twenty three PM, and I got to meet her,
Speaker 3: and all the photos of us meeting for the first
Speaker 3: time were at twelve thirty five, So that's over an
Speaker 3: hour later. So you know people talk about the golden hour. Well,
Speaker 3: neither myself or my partner got to meet her within
Speaker 3: that first hour.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and you would have been kind of out of
Speaker 1: it as well, because you're coming out of general aesthetic.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and it was twelve thirty in the morning after
Speaker 3: laboring all day, so, like I was exhausted. I could
Speaker 3: barely keep my eyes open. I was so excited to
Speaker 3: meet this little girl that you know, we didn't know
Speaker 3: we're having a girl, so I was so excited to
Speaker 3: meet her. But yeah, it was just a lot not
Speaker 3: knowing that I would be put to sleep, then not
Speaker 3: knowing that even my partner wouldn't be meeting her. Yeah, straightaway.
Speaker 1: So you fell pregnant with Dakota, you kind of knew
Speaker 1: that this was the case that anesthesia didn't quite work
Speaker 1: on you the way that it normally does. You have
Speaker 1: your meeting with the anethetist. How are you feeling throughout
Speaker 1: the pregnancy while having this in the back of your mind.
Speaker 3: Honestly, my first thought was let's try and have a
Speaker 3: v back because I don't want to have to go
Speaker 3: through this again. That was my initial thought, and I'd
Speaker 3: sort of tried to prepare for that as much as
Speaker 3: I could until I got to about, I want to say,
Speaker 3: maybe thirty four weeks, and things sort of took a
Speaker 3: little bit of a change. So that's when then I
Speaker 3: knew I'm going to have to have a planned caesar. Okay,
Speaker 3: this is like a bit stressful. Are these things going
Speaker 3: to happen again? Yeah? It was very stressful for my
Speaker 3: self and for my partner because it was obviously very
Speaker 3: traumatic for him too.
Speaker 1: What was it about at thirty four weeks meaning you
Speaker 1: couldn't have a vback? Why couldn't you have a vback?
Speaker 3: Yeah, So initially we thought I was going into labor early,
Speaker 3: so we'd sort of spoken about that. I was in
Speaker 3: hospital for a week and then she was doing a
Speaker 3: few reduced movements flipping breach not being breach, and it
Speaker 3: was a bit like my hospital went super keen on
Speaker 3: a breach feedback, as a lot wouldn't be. So then
Speaker 3: when it got to my third well, thirty five ish weeks,
Speaker 3: I started having more reduced movements and I went in
Speaker 3: for a scan and they estimated that at thirty six
Speaker 3: weeks she was measuring around over four kilos and she
Speaker 3: turned breach. So they were like, if you were thinking
Speaker 3: of doing a meedback, it's probably not going to happen. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I know with your first you had gestational diabetes. You
Speaker 1: also had HG, which is the hyper emai scabbardarium. I
Speaker 1: can never pronounce it properly.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah, did you have that with your second
Speaker 3: as well? No, So I had like I had some
Speaker 3: nausea and morning sickness and vomiting with Dakota, but I
Speaker 3: didn't have it anywhere to the extreme as I did
Speaker 3: with Matilda. Like I could still eat, I could still
Speaker 3: go to work, whereas with my first, I felt like
Speaker 3: I spent a lot of time. It was lockdown, so
Speaker 3: we obviously weren't doing a lot anyway, but I felt
Speaker 3: like I spent a lot of the time not doing
Speaker 3: anything because I was sick all the time. Where As
Speaker 3: second time round, I still had gestational diabetes, but I
Speaker 3: didn't have the severe morning sickness HG that I did
Speaker 3: with my first.
Speaker 1: So you get to thirty six weeks, you're kind of like, Okay,
Speaker 1: we've got to put this Caesar in place. When did
Speaker 1: they book that in for you?
Speaker 3: So just before thirty six weeks, So I was about
Speaker 3: thirty five and six maybe, so it was like two
Speaker 3: or three days before I went thirty six weeks. I
Speaker 3: had a reduced movements where I didn't really feel her
Speaker 3: move I went in, they did like some monitoring. It
Speaker 3: came back okay, so they were like, let's just do
Speaker 3: another lot tomorrow and then we've got this scan booked
Speaker 3: in two days, so like that'll be perfect. So I
Speaker 3: did the scan and the scan went from oh, she's
Speaker 3: breached to this is urgent. You actually need to go
Speaker 3: back to your doctor. I'm not recording movement, so like
Speaker 3: in the scan they say, you know, like they should
Speaker 3: tick off. Are they like practicing breathing? Are they moving?
Speaker 3: And she wasn't doing any movements. She was just in
Speaker 3: the one spot. So I went in to my doctor
Speaker 3: straight after and they said to me, ideally we'd like
Speaker 3: to get to thirty seven weeks, but if you come
Speaker 3: in every single day and we do monitoring, you may
Speaker 3: come in and she may come out. It's like pretty stressful.
Speaker 3: So they had it looked in for a week later
Speaker 3: at thirty seven weeks exactly. But it was literally like
Speaker 3: our laugh is on pause because we didn't know if
Speaker 3: we're going to have a baby that day.
Speaker 1: So your partner, Hugh, you've got a toddler, a two
Speaker 1: year old, and I know how difficult it is being
Speaker 1: pregnant with a two year old. It is very hard.
Speaker 1: And then your partner, Hugh, so during that last week,
Speaker 1: how was he and you know, your family with that,
Speaker 1: because obviously it's very heightened anxiety around that time.
Speaker 3: Yeah, we're so lucky that we have really supportive families,
Speaker 3: families that are very close to us, like my mum
Speaker 3: and his mum, and everyone was very like, if we
Speaker 3: need to help, we help. And at that point until
Speaker 3: it wasn't in childcare, so like she was always with
Speaker 3: me and me having to go into a hospital every day,
Speaker 3: it means that somebody has to have her. So everyone
Speaker 3: was very stressed knowing that she's probably going to come early,
Speaker 3: but also like she couldn't be coming at any time,
Speaker 3: and he was just trying to work so that then
Speaker 3: when she did come, he could then take the time off.
Speaker 3: He didn't want to take time off while we're waiting
Speaker 3: that Okay, she might not be here until thirty seven weeks,
Speaker 3: so let's try and you know, get in and he's
Speaker 3: only five minutes from the hospital where he works, so
Speaker 3: it's not as bad, but yeah.
Speaker 1: Will you stay at home mom at the time?
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, obviously that's.
Speaker 1: Also very challenging. Your partner, Hugh works full time. He
Speaker 1: doesn't want to take time off. Do you make it
Speaker 1: to thirty seven weeks?
Speaker 3: Yeah? So I was really lucky. So the thirty seven
Speaker 3: weeks was the Monday, so that's when we were booked
Speaker 3: in and we were told to come in on that day.
Speaker 3: On this Saturday, I went in and I had the
Speaker 3: monitoring done and they were a bit like, I'm not
Speaker 3: sure if you're going home today. I think she could
Speaker 3: be coming, but because she was thirty six weeks, they
Speaker 3: wanted to make sure that everybody was there, so they
Speaker 3: kept monitoring me and I was there for probably five
Speaker 3: or six hours, and then they went, okay, we're happy
Speaker 3: with this monitoring. Let's like you've got two days to go.
Speaker 3: Let's just try and get through to this thirty seven
Speaker 3: week because we've got a team ready to go. So
Speaker 3: I managed to make it to thirty seven week. So
Speaker 3: I was booked in and I was the first off
Speaker 3: the rank, so like they're at seven o'clock ready to go,
Speaker 3: which was lovely.
Speaker 1: Did you go through the public system private system? Where
Speaker 1: are you based?
Speaker 3: Yeah, so I'm near Ballarat, so I went publicly through
Speaker 3: the hospital in Balerat.
Speaker 1: So that's you know, regional basically.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, so you're.
Speaker 1: In the regional system. You're in the public system. Did
Speaker 1: you have consistent care throughout your pregnancy.
Speaker 3: No, so I've seeing different doctors midwives the whole way through.
Speaker 3: I was really lucky that I had an incredible student midwife, Indy,
Speaker 3: who was with me the whole way through. That was
Speaker 3: my only consistent and it was nice that I had
Speaker 3: her to be able to be lack We talked about
Speaker 3: this last time. This is what we wanted sort of
Speaker 3: when I got to I don't really not to say
Speaker 3: in appointments, but I didn't have any of the consistency
Speaker 3: of seeing the same doctor. They sort of read my notes,
Speaker 3: freak out a little bit, and then I'd have to
Speaker 3: explain everything over again. So that was very difficult too. Yeah.
Speaker 1: How did that make you feel during that time? Was
Speaker 1: it frustrating or Yeah?
Speaker 3: It was very like and I think too A lot
Speaker 3: of the time they would sort of jump the gun
Speaker 3: whenever I'd go in for monitoring because they'd read the
Speaker 3: notes and then they'd freak a little bit and be like,
Speaker 3: oh my goodness, we really need to sort this out.
Speaker 3: And I'd be like, hold on a minute, like go back.
Speaker 3: It's not as you know, like, yeah, okay, I want
Speaker 3: my baby to be healthy, but like just come and
Speaker 3: talk to me first, and don't just read what you're
Speaker 3: reading on a piece of paper like I'm a person.
Speaker 3: So I found that really really hard.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so every time you went in, they kind of
Speaker 1: freak out and go, okay, we need to get this
Speaker 1: baby out now because of what was on the paper.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and just the fact that like i'd seen one
Speaker 3: of the head doctors and she was the one that
Speaker 3: was sure that we could make it to thirty seven weeks,
Speaker 3: that if we did this monitoring, and also on my
Speaker 3: own intuition, like if I felt something changed, then I
Speaker 3: would come and you know, and that's what she said
Speaker 3: to me. So I think we can make it to
Speaker 3: thirty seven. But I would go in a doctor that
Speaker 3: hadn't seen me before. We'd go, oh my gosh, this
Speaker 3: is a lot we need to get this baby out
Speaker 3: now sort of thing, without being like, actually, I'm not
Speaker 3: as stressed today, Yeah, we need to monitor the baby,
Speaker 3: but today I'm not as stressed because I felt a
Speaker 3: kick or two in comparison to nothing coming up. I
Speaker 3: think it was maybe two days later, and they were like,
Speaker 3: we've kin't of never seen anything quite like it, because
Speaker 3: by the time I got to recovery, I could feel
Speaker 3: my legs like I could wiggle and that's not very long.
Speaker 3: They were like, this is crazy.
Speaker 1: You get to your thirty seven weeks, you go in
Speaker 1: for your planned season. What does that look like when
Speaker 1: you're going in.
Speaker 3: Yeah, So obviously had a couple of appointments with the
Speaker 3: anesthetics prior just to go through what had happened in
Speaker 3: the first and that my main goal was to be awake.
Speaker 3: That's all I wanted if I could. I also didn't
Speaker 3: want to completely traumatize myself by feeling everything and just
Speaker 3: pushing through because I thought that was the right thing
Speaker 3: to do. So I went in. They did the spinal
Speaker 3: as they normally would. You know, you're like a ye,
Speaker 3: lean over, They put the needle in, they laid me down,
Speaker 3: and they did the ars test where they go up
Speaker 3: and try and work out where it was two and
Speaker 3: they got to my hips, and then they got past
Speaker 3: my hips. I was like, oh yeah, I can feel that,
Speaker 3: and they were like you can feel it. I was
Speaker 3: like yeah yeah, and I'm like okay. So they did
Speaker 3: like where they tilted the bed so like my head
Speaker 3: was down and my feet were up in the air,
Speaker 3: and let that go for a little bit, and then
Speaker 3: did the Yce test again and it maybe moved a
Speaker 3: centimeter up and they were like, this is weird. The
Speaker 3: actual spinal like that they put in the needle and
Speaker 3: everything was perfect, like there was nothing wrong with that,
Speaker 3: just that the anti saith wasn't coming up. So they
Speaker 3: ended up calling in a second so I had two
Speaker 3: anetheists in the room then at that point. So they
Speaker 3: got me up and they redid it. So they gave
Speaker 3: me a second lot of spinal. So I'd had one lot,
Speaker 3: now I was having a second lot. And they said
Speaker 3: to me, the only thing to be aware of is
Speaker 3: because we're giving you so much, there's a chance that
Speaker 3: it could go too high and then you might feel
Speaker 3: like you can't breathe and then we will have to
Speaker 3: knock you out. So here's me being like, I don't
Speaker 3: want to feel anything, but I could get to a
Speaker 3: point where I feel like I can't breathe. Oh my goodness.
Speaker 3: They're like, so it's up to you, but we don't
Speaker 3: think it's likely because of how it didn't go up
Speaker 3: a huge way. And I was like, okay, well, I
Speaker 3: guess let's try it then. So they did the second lot,
Speaker 3: same thing, laid me down and did the ARS test
Speaker 3: and it got to the bottom of my rib cage,
Speaker 3: so like a lot higher. And they said, Okay, I
Speaker 3: don't think we're going to get it up any higher
Speaker 3: because we can't give you a third dose that like
Speaker 3: we've never given anyone that much. We either need to
Speaker 3: get going and try and get it done, or we
Speaker 3: need to put you to sleep. So in that moment
Speaker 3: here I have the decision again of am I being
Speaker 3: put to sleep or am I going to try and
Speaker 3: be awake? Definitely my baby be born.
Speaker 1: And I'm assuming your partner Hugh was in the room
Speaker 1: at the time. Did you have a discussion about that.
Speaker 1: Were you like, let's try or just put me under?
Speaker 3: Yeah? So my student midwife, Indy, and him, and I
Speaker 3: also was really lucky one of the theater nurses that
Speaker 3: actually a family friend, so she was really good at
Speaker 3: being sort of like a motherly figure over the top
Speaker 3: of me. And she was like, at the end of
Speaker 3: the day, if you can't do it, you can't do it,
Speaker 3: but why don't we try? And the needy to have
Speaker 3: said to me, we can always try, and if you
Speaker 3: get five minutes in and you got I can't do this,
Speaker 3: we'll put you to sleep, like it's fine. And I
Speaker 3: sort of was like, I think I would prefer that
Speaker 3: I try then that I'd just be put to sleep now.
Speaker 3: And I have that like what if I try it?
Speaker 3: So we had that discussion and they were like, all right,
Speaker 3: are we getting started or not. Like we sort of
Speaker 3: had like a good fifteen seconds to really discuss, Like
Speaker 3: it was not a very long time, but it was like, okay,
Speaker 3: let's just go at it and let's just see and
Speaker 3: fingers crossed it works.
Speaker 1: So they will you into the operating theater and they start, yep,
Speaker 1: did you feel anything.
Speaker 3: Well, So it actually turned out that Dakota's head was
Speaker 3: jammed up in my ribs, which meant that because the
Speaker 3: anesthetic was up to my rib cage and her head
Speaker 3: was a little bit higher that when they started. So
Speaker 3: like initially it was okay, I couldn't feel really anything,
Speaker 3: a bit of tugging, as they sort of say. But
Speaker 3: as they sort of started to try and get her,
Speaker 3: I was like, oh my gosh, I can feel it.
Speaker 3: I can feel it. Oh my gosh, stop stop, I
Speaker 3: can feel this. And they were like, no, no, it's just
Speaker 3: a bit of time. I was like, no, I can.
Speaker 3: But because of where her head was and where the
Speaker 3: anithetic stopped, I obviously could feel that's where she was
Speaker 3: they were trying to get her from.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so you could feel someone's hands inside you.
Speaker 3: Right up at my roob cage, and I was like,
Speaker 3: oh my gosh. They were like, do you want us
Speaker 3: to put your sleep? And I was like I don't.
Speaker 3: And in that moment, I didn't know what I wanted, Like,
Speaker 3: I did not know. I knew that the baby was
Speaker 3: so close to being born. I didn't know if I
Speaker 3: wanted to be put to sleep or if I could
Speaker 3: just try and get through it. It was insane.
Speaker 1: I'm kind of in shock because you're effectively feeling someone's
Speaker 1: hands inside you, yep, trying to pull your baby out.
Speaker 3: Correct. So they literally said to me, we either knock
Speaker 3: you out or we give you some like pretty strong
Speaker 3: pain mets, and I was like, are the paid meds first?
Speaker 3: Because I was like, I've made it this far, let's
Speaker 3: just try and get like, I'm so close. I didn't
Speaker 3: think I would make it to this point because I
Speaker 3: didn't with my you know, with Matilda. I was they
Speaker 3: started and I was asleep, so like, I'd got through
Speaker 3: the first part, surely I can try and get through
Speaker 3: the next bit. So they pumped me in with a
Speaker 3: couple of drugs, which my partner says he thought that
Speaker 3: I wasn't awake like in the room because I was
Speaker 3: so out of it, but I was there. My eyes
Speaker 3: were just closed and it was like I was resting,
Speaker 3: but I needed some serious stuff to get through that part.
Speaker 1: Yeah wow, yeah, yeah, yeah, Okay, so you get through
Speaker 1: it just just first of all, like the women are amazing.
Speaker 1: This is incredible that you could just resist that, like
Speaker 1: deal with that kind of pain. So they eventually able
Speaker 1: to get her out. I'm assuming it's fairly quick because
Speaker 1: usually CE sections are fairly quick, but it probably didn't
Speaker 1: feel quick for you.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it felt like an eternity. But when I look back,
Speaker 3: like I've got some really cool live pictures and it
Speaker 3: was very fast. You know, I've got pictures of them
Speaker 3: pulling her out of my rib cage, so between that
Speaker 3: and her actually being out was very fast, but it
Speaker 3: felt like forever in my lifetime.
Speaker 1: But you know, you said that it was healing because
Speaker 1: you were able to.
Speaker 3: Be away, Yeah, one hundred percent.
Speaker 1: So they put Dakota straight onto your chest.
Speaker 3: No, so they lifted her up and obviously my partner
Speaker 3: got to be like, it's another girl, And unfortunately when
Speaker 3: she came out, she was a little bit purply blue.
Speaker 3: She let out a cry, so that was amazing because
Speaker 3: you know, obviously we didn't get to hear Matilda's first cry,
Speaker 3: but she was a little bit not great, so they
Speaker 3: took her straight to the rest of us attear and
Speaker 3: she did eventually have to go straight to special cares.
Speaker 3: So I didn't actually get to do that first hold,
Speaker 3: which is what I wan wanted. But I think it's
Speaker 3: still was healing because I got to see her be
Speaker 3: in the world for the first time, whereas I didn't
Speaker 3: with Matilda. I still missed out on that holding part,
Speaker 3: but I seen her first moments which I didn't get
Speaker 3: to with Matilda.
Speaker 1: Yeah, do you feel sad that you didn't get to
Speaker 1: have that or you felt like that was what you
Speaker 1: needed to be able to see her come out.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I was definitely sad. I mean she was a
Speaker 3: little bit unwell then, so like we didn't actually get
Speaker 3: to hold her until she was around I want to say,
Speaker 3: twenty eight hours old, so she was like over a
Speaker 3: day old by the time we actually got to hold
Speaker 3: you know, we could touch her. I was definitely sad
Speaker 3: about not getting to hold her, But I think the
Speaker 3: fact that I got to see her be born meant
Speaker 3: that that part isn't as I don't want to say
Speaker 3: the word traumatic, but it doesn't hold as much in
Speaker 3: me that makes me super sat sad as what I
Speaker 3: think it would have if I hadn't have had the
Speaker 3: experience with Matilda.
Speaker 1: Yeah, in terms of recovery, did the anetheist tell you
Speaker 1: anything about what it is about your genetic makeup that
Speaker 1: makes you so resistant to anesthetic?
Speaker 3: No, So, like they came in seeing us a couple
Speaker 3: of I think it was maybe two days later, and
Speaker 3: they will like, we've can't have never seen anything quite
Speaker 3: like it. Because by the time I got to recovery,
Speaker 3: I could feel my legs like I could wiggle, and
Speaker 3: that's not very long. They were like, this is crazy,
Speaker 3: and they just sort of said to us, like, we
Speaker 3: might use your story without saying who you are, but
Speaker 3: to sort of educate other anethodists because it's not something
Speaker 3: that you know, they've ever done before. But they sort
Speaker 3: of said to me, I think if you have another baby,
Speaker 3: you'll need to be under general anaesthetic.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, so there's just something about your makeup that
Speaker 1: makes you resistant.
Speaker 3: Yeah, well they think like they always say that people
Speaker 3: with red hair have a bit of resistance to anesthetic, which,
Speaker 3: finally enough, my partner has red hair, and Matilda and
Speaker 3: Dakota both have red hair, but I don't, so I
Speaker 3: should be a redhead really, but yet they just don't
Speaker 3: know why. I have since found out that I have
Speaker 3: an auntie who had a ceserian who also had issues
Speaker 3: with anesthetic. So whether it's something in my genetic makeup,
Speaker 3: I'm not really sure.
Speaker 1: Tell me a little bit about holding Dakota for the
Speaker 1: first time after she was born and you're in recovery.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it was amazing. So I want to say, she's
Speaker 3: about twenty six hours old, so she'd just been pulled
Speaker 3: out of their humanic crib isolate sort of thing and
Speaker 3: had to see pat breathing thing on her and stuff
Speaker 3: like that. So the fact that I was able to
Speaker 3: then hold her, I think it was I won't want
Speaker 3: to say as magical as with Matilda, but it was
Speaker 3: really like amazing that, Okay, I got to see you
Speaker 3: be born, whereas I didn't get to see Matilda. But
Speaker 3: I still felt so much love even though I just
Speaker 3: watched you in a box for so long, like I've
Speaker 3: just been watching you from the outside. But this was
Speaker 3: still so incredible and it felt almost healing, Like I
Speaker 3: got a birth where I got to see my child
Speaker 3: be born. I was awake, I pushed through it, whereas
Speaker 3: I could have just in that moment given up and
Speaker 3: missed out on her birth even though it was so close.
Speaker 3: So I think that really like healed me. Even though
Speaker 3: the birth was still pretty intense, it was quite healing,
Speaker 3: I guess. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I think there's a lot of pressure to have that
Speaker 1: golden hour, you know, the time on the chest, But
Speaker 1: even if you don't have that, you can still have
Speaker 1: a really beautiful experience with your newborn and feel that
Speaker 1: connection straight away.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And I think like credit to the midwife and
Speaker 3: the doctors and everything in there, like they helped us
Speaker 3: have the birth we wanted to, even though in that
Speaker 3: moment they probably could have just turned out and said, no,
Speaker 3: we need to put you to sleep, like we can't
Speaker 3: do this, but they listened to us and that this
Speaker 3: was what we wanted, and I'm very grateful that they
Speaker 3: did listen.
Speaker 1: In the end, do you think you want to have
Speaker 1: more children?
Speaker 3: I'm actually pregnant now, congratulations, thank you. Yeah.
Speaker 1: How far along are you?
Speaker 3: So? I'm twenty one weeks? Oh my god? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Okay, So what is the plan with number three? Do
Speaker 1: you have plans?
Speaker 3: Yeah? Well, so I went into it just assuming, as
Speaker 3: you know you would, that I will need to have
Speaker 3: a caesar under general. And I've since had an appointment
Speaker 3: the uneathodist to say, let's try something different, and let's
Speaker 3: do what they called the combined epidural spinal, so where
Speaker 3: I would have both an epidural and a spinal at
Speaker 3: the same time, where they can keep topping up the
Speaker 3: epidural dury and see if that works with the goal
Speaker 3: that I will be awake, but with also the understanding
Speaker 3: that it is very fine for them to click their
Speaker 3: fingers and put me asleep if it doesn't work, but
Speaker 3: they were more than happy for us to try and
Speaker 3: be awake and try and get a good birth. But
Speaker 3: even a better birth than Dakota, and hopefully a birth
Speaker 3: with you know, being able to hold my baby for
Speaker 3: the first time would be ideal.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you seem very positive about these experiences, even though
Speaker 1: from the outside might sound quite traumatic. What do you
Speaker 1: want to sort of give people from your story?
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think although talking to somebody it might sound
Speaker 3: like someone's birth is traumatic, it doesn't necessarily mean that
Speaker 3: somebody's birth is traumatic for them. And I think the
Speaker 3: big thing for me is that I might not have
Speaker 3: a perfect birth in comparison to some of my best
Speaker 3: friends and some of my close friends, but it doesn't
Speaker 3: mean that it's not a really good berth for me.
Speaker 3: And I think that's one of the things that I've
Speaker 3: found is talking to friends and family, I lack that Yes,
Speaker 3: my story is a lot and it's not the norm,
Speaker 3: but also I don't think of my berths as hugely traumatic.
Speaker 3: So I think holding space for others to be able
Speaker 3: to tell their story because it might not actually be
Speaker 3: as traumatic as you might think it is just from
Speaker 3: hearing it. I think that is a huge thing.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you still had a beautiful experience even if it
Speaker 1: wasn't a traditional one.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, absolutely, I still think it was healing and
Speaker 3: it was beautiful to be able to see her be born,
Speaker 3: even if it wasn't the picture perfect. Everything went to
Speaker 3: plan birth that you know some people have.
Speaker 1: I know you kept the first two as surprised. Do
Speaker 1: you know what you're having this time around?
Speaker 3: No, but this pregnancy has been wildly different, so who.
Speaker 1: Knows, well, Jordan, Thank you so much for sharing your story.
Speaker 1: It's fascinating and I'm very happy for you, and I
Speaker 1: hope that your third bubb comes out safe and sound.
Speaker 3: Yeah, thank you, but yeah, you're like a SuperH Thank
Speaker 3: you so much for having me. It's been great to share,
Speaker 3: and I'm so glad that I was able to share
Speaker 3: a story that I guess you don't really hear very often.
Speaker 1: Diary of a Birth was hosted by me Casenya Lukich.
Speaker 1: If you like our show, don't forget to subscribe and
Speaker 1: rate goes a long way to allowing us to continue
Speaker 1: sharing your stories. This episode was produced by Ella Maitland
Speaker 1: and myself Casenya Lukich, with audio production by Tina Matalov,