1 00:00:10,869 --> 00:00:15,029 Speaker 1: So much. You're listening to a Muma Mia podcast. Mom 2 00:00:15,029 --> 00:00:18,349 Speaker 1: and Maya acknowledges the traditional owners of land and waters 3 00:00:18,349 --> 00:00:21,909 Speaker 1: that this podcast is recorded on Hello. I'm Claire Stephens 4 00:00:21,909 --> 00:00:24,949 Speaker 1: and this is a very special episode. You might be 5 00:00:25,029 --> 00:00:29,709 Speaker 1: aware that Jesse Stevens, who is a host on Amya 6 00:00:29,749 --> 00:00:32,029 Speaker 1: out Loud, has been a host of many, many podcasts. 7 00:00:32,429 --> 00:00:34,789 Speaker 1: She went on maternity leave on a Friday and on 8 00:00:34,829 --> 00:00:38,229 Speaker 1: Saturday morning her waters broke and then she gave birth 9 00:00:38,229 --> 00:00:40,989 Speaker 1: to her twins just a couple of days later. She 10 00:00:41,269 --> 00:00:45,109 Speaker 1: is sharing her birth story. If you've ever had a 11 00:00:45,149 --> 00:00:48,109 Speaker 1: baby in Nicko or known anybody with a baby in Nico, 12 00:00:48,549 --> 00:00:53,749 Speaker 1: I think it'll be a really interesting listen. Her little twins, 13 00:00:53,749 --> 00:00:57,469 Speaker 1: Harry and Margo, were born at thirty three weeks and 14 00:00:57,829 --> 00:01:03,549 Speaker 1: she's shared absolutely everything with myself, Holly Wainwright, and m Vernon. 15 00:01:03,869 --> 00:01:06,989 Speaker 1: So have a listen and enjoy. 16 00:01:10,349 --> 00:01:14,709 Speaker 2: Hello out louders, It's myself and Claire Stevens. Hello, and 17 00:01:14,749 --> 00:01:19,709 Speaker 2: one Emily Vernon and we are getting our Jesse Stevens 18 00:01:19,789 --> 00:01:20,269 Speaker 2: on the phone. 19 00:01:20,469 --> 00:01:23,309 Speaker 1: It's an emergency meeting. We said, yeah, okay, so you 20 00:01:23,429 --> 00:01:26,629 Speaker 1: got some other things that you're doing, but most importantly 21 00:01:27,109 --> 00:01:28,869 Speaker 1: the out louders have questions. 22 00:01:28,509 --> 00:01:30,509 Speaker 2: They do and to be clear out loud as, Jesse 23 00:01:31,029 --> 00:01:34,269 Speaker 2: very much wants to tell you you can this story. Yeah, 24 00:01:34,309 --> 00:01:36,349 Speaker 2: you know you have to push her away from this stuff, don't. 25 00:01:36,389 --> 00:01:38,349 Speaker 2: We're like, maybe you need a few more days. She's 26 00:01:38,389 --> 00:01:42,429 Speaker 2: like Wednesday, Wednesday, or will do it. So you're going 27 00:01:42,469 --> 00:01:46,629 Speaker 2: to hear a very raw, very tired, very honest description 28 00:01:46,789 --> 00:01:49,629 Speaker 2: of what Jesse's been through in the past week and 29 00:01:49,669 --> 00:01:53,109 Speaker 2: obviously her family. You are going to get your normal 30 00:01:53,229 --> 00:01:56,749 Speaker 2: Friday episode this afternoon. It will be dropping in your feed. 31 00:01:57,509 --> 00:01:59,989 Speaker 2: But for every out louder who's been wondering where Jesse 32 00:02:00,149 --> 00:02:02,189 Speaker 2: is and sending her love and wondering how the twins 33 00:02:02,189 --> 00:02:08,349 Speaker 2: are doing, you're about to hear everything. Jesse Stevens, thank 34 00:02:08,389 --> 00:02:10,669 Speaker 2: you so much for joining us. Can I ask you, 35 00:02:10,709 --> 00:02:12,029 Speaker 2: first of all, how the hell are you? 36 00:02:12,669 --> 00:02:14,629 Speaker 1: I don't know how to answer that. 37 00:02:14,869 --> 00:02:15,789 Speaker 2: It changes. 38 00:02:15,869 --> 00:02:19,589 Speaker 1: It's like in the mornings, I'm really good. I'm not 39 00:02:19,629 --> 00:02:21,909 Speaker 1: good in the afternoons. And that's why I was like, 40 00:02:22,069 --> 00:02:24,389 Speaker 1: I want to record this in the afternoon because I 41 00:02:24,429 --> 00:02:27,349 Speaker 1: need the distraction. I go and see the babies during 42 00:02:27,349 --> 00:02:31,549 Speaker 1: the day and then bedtime with Luna is really special. 43 00:02:32,109 --> 00:02:37,789 Speaker 1: But there is something about the looming nights without your 44 00:02:37,989 --> 00:02:43,869 Speaker 1: newborns with you that just is a pain that I 45 00:02:43,949 --> 00:02:44,989 Speaker 1: cannot articulate. 46 00:02:45,309 --> 00:02:47,949 Speaker 2: Take us back to the beginning, Take us back to 47 00:02:47,989 --> 00:02:48,749 Speaker 2: what happened. 48 00:02:49,269 --> 00:02:51,669 Speaker 1: It was funny in the days afterwards. I was like, 49 00:02:51,709 --> 00:02:53,989 Speaker 1: I want to I want to tell everyone my birth story. 50 00:02:54,349 --> 00:02:59,349 Speaker 1: And then I was like, wait, what happened? I was like, 51 00:02:59,589 --> 00:03:02,509 Speaker 1: I'll have to speak to my obstetrician and ask him 52 00:03:02,509 --> 00:03:06,229 Speaker 1: a few questions because he was much more present than 53 00:03:06,269 --> 00:03:09,109 Speaker 1: I was. Friday was your last out loud day. Yes, 54 00:03:09,149 --> 00:03:12,229 Speaker 1: Friday was the last loud day. And on Friday afternoon 55 00:03:12,589 --> 00:03:15,149 Speaker 1: Miya was over putting some rugs down and helping out 56 00:03:15,149 --> 00:03:19,589 Speaker 1: with a few things, and Luna was so cuddly. Miya 57 00:03:19,669 --> 00:03:22,389 Speaker 1: took a photo of Luna just like attached to me. 58 00:03:23,029 --> 00:03:25,509 Speaker 1: And that night Luna just wouldn't go to bed, and 59 00:03:25,549 --> 00:03:27,829 Speaker 1: she wasn't sad, she just would not let go of me, 60 00:03:27,869 --> 00:03:30,989 Speaker 1: and I reckon she could just smell that something was 61 00:03:31,029 --> 00:03:31,589 Speaker 1: going to happen. 62 00:03:31,829 --> 00:03:33,789 Speaker 2: Oh so so weird. 63 00:03:33,749 --> 00:03:38,869 Speaker 1: I know, isn't it weird? At four forty five, I 64 00:03:38,909 --> 00:03:43,429 Speaker 1: woke up weird feeling, Oh, water's broke just all over 65 00:03:43,429 --> 00:03:47,389 Speaker 1: the bed. I stood up and I went, oh, I 66 00:03:47,509 --> 00:03:49,589 Speaker 1: just really hope that isn't blood. I hope that's water, 67 00:03:50,309 --> 00:03:55,269 Speaker 1: and looked down and just a gush because I remember 68 00:03:55,349 --> 00:03:57,229 Speaker 1: last time I thought my water's breaking. No no, no, 69 00:03:57,229 --> 00:04:00,069 Speaker 1: no no, there is no thinking your water's breaked. So 70 00:04:00,509 --> 00:04:03,629 Speaker 1: that was a mess. And I'd been experiencing for the 71 00:04:03,749 --> 00:04:07,389 Speaker 1: two days before, very intense braxton hicks. But thirty three 72 00:04:07,429 --> 00:04:10,429 Speaker 1: weeks pregnant be twins, very normal to just have a 73 00:04:10,549 --> 00:04:13,869 Speaker 1: lot of muscular almost period pain for weeks because your 74 00:04:13,869 --> 00:04:15,589 Speaker 1: body's just freaking. 75 00:04:15,429 --> 00:04:17,589 Speaker 2: It must be so scary though, because you don't know 76 00:04:17,909 --> 00:04:19,189 Speaker 2: whether it is or whether it is. 77 00:04:19,149 --> 00:04:22,229 Speaker 1: In Yeah, I was convinced. I just kept saying. I 78 00:04:22,269 --> 00:04:24,109 Speaker 1: was on the couch going no, no, this isn't this 79 00:04:24,189 --> 00:04:27,029 Speaker 1: is rastenis. I probably wasn't, now that I know my 80 00:04:27,069 --> 00:04:29,469 Speaker 1: water's broke. It probably was early labor. But so the 81 00:04:29,469 --> 00:04:34,309 Speaker 1: water's broke, and I went, fuck, I don't have a bag, 82 00:04:34,909 --> 00:04:39,309 Speaker 1: I don't have car seats, I don't have fascinets. What 83 00:04:39,349 --> 00:04:42,429 Speaker 1: I know about waters is that when I go to hospital, like, 84 00:04:42,589 --> 00:04:46,269 Speaker 1: I'm not coming home the things I put in that 85 00:04:46,429 --> 00:04:50,589 Speaker 1: bag like. But I then got there and was like, 86 00:04:50,709 --> 00:04:53,789 Speaker 1: why would I think you told me you brought skin, 87 00:04:53,829 --> 00:04:56,349 Speaker 1: because then I had to pack your bag that day 88 00:04:56,829 --> 00:05:00,429 Speaker 1: and come in your bag and you were like, I 89 00:05:00,469 --> 00:05:02,429 Speaker 1: brought skincare, I brought this, I brought that. But then 90 00:05:02,469 --> 00:05:04,389 Speaker 1: I got there and out and brought any of both things, 91 00:05:04,589 --> 00:05:09,149 Speaker 1: and you were like mad at me. You're really annoying. 92 00:05:11,109 --> 00:05:13,109 Speaker 1: And I was going, do I have contractions? Because some 93 00:05:13,109 --> 00:05:15,189 Speaker 1: people say that once your waters break with twins, things 94 00:05:15,189 --> 00:05:16,909 Speaker 1: can go very very quickly. I knew that we had 95 00:05:16,909 --> 00:05:19,469 Speaker 1: a head down, at least one head down, and you 96 00:05:19,509 --> 00:05:21,469 Speaker 1: know what was going to happen. So we go and 97 00:05:21,509 --> 00:05:25,549 Speaker 1: wake Lunar up, who found the whole thing a giant novelty, 98 00:05:26,269 --> 00:05:28,629 Speaker 1: throw her in the car. Luca drives me to hospital, 99 00:05:28,669 --> 00:05:31,669 Speaker 1: drops me at hospital, takes Luna to me's house, who 100 00:05:31,829 --> 00:05:34,109 Speaker 1: just shows up at a doorstep at six am being like, 101 00:05:35,029 --> 00:05:38,709 Speaker 1: someone give me some white pigs. Yeah, And then Luca 102 00:05:38,829 --> 00:05:42,909 Speaker 1: came back and met me at hospital and they had 103 00:05:42,949 --> 00:05:47,549 Speaker 1: by that point. They give you steroids, which kills. 104 00:05:47,309 --> 00:05:49,389 Speaker 2: What the steroids for Jesse. 105 00:05:50,109 --> 00:05:55,429 Speaker 1: So the steroids are to develop and strengthen the baby's lungs, 106 00:05:56,029 --> 00:05:57,989 Speaker 1: and so they give you steroids. They take twenty four 107 00:05:57,989 --> 00:05:59,829 Speaker 1: hours to kick in, and they love to give you 108 00:05:59,869 --> 00:06:03,429 Speaker 1: two doses if possible, so that the babies can breathe 109 00:06:03,429 --> 00:06:07,069 Speaker 1: when they're born. So they had checked to see if 110 00:06:07,269 --> 00:06:10,789 Speaker 1: I had started dilating, and I hadn't. That was one 111 00:06:10,829 --> 00:06:13,269 Speaker 1: of the most painful parts. I hate that speculum shit 112 00:06:13,509 --> 00:06:17,589 Speaker 1: really hurts. They did the steroids, they started on antibiotics, 113 00:06:17,989 --> 00:06:21,269 Speaker 1: and then they give me something to stop labor, essentially 114 00:06:21,429 --> 00:06:23,949 Speaker 1: to go how can we slow this down? So they 115 00:06:23,989 --> 00:06:27,709 Speaker 1: gave me some drugs for that, and that morning, as 116 00:06:27,709 --> 00:06:29,429 Speaker 1: I was laying there, one of the doctors came in 117 00:06:29,469 --> 00:06:32,629 Speaker 1: and said, you could be here till thirty seven weeks. 118 00:06:32,909 --> 00:06:36,749 Speaker 1: I was thirty three weeks and two days, and she said, 119 00:06:36,949 --> 00:06:39,749 Speaker 1: if we can stop this and keep them in, we will. 120 00:06:39,669 --> 00:06:41,989 Speaker 2: Because the theory is they're better to be in there. 121 00:06:43,029 --> 00:06:44,989 Speaker 1: Yeah, they're better to be in there. We don't want 122 00:06:45,029 --> 00:06:49,189 Speaker 1: them out yet. And I was going, oh my god, 123 00:06:49,509 --> 00:06:52,069 Speaker 1: like because once your waters are broken, you're on bed rest, 124 00:06:52,309 --> 00:06:55,989 Speaker 1: like you can't really go for a walk. I messaged 125 00:06:56,029 --> 00:06:58,909 Speaker 1: a few friends about it, and one friend was like, 126 00:06:59,549 --> 00:07:02,989 Speaker 1: you're allowed to secretly want them out, Like, don't feel 127 00:07:03,029 --> 00:07:06,629 Speaker 1: guilty for thinking. I don't think I can lay here 128 00:07:06,789 --> 00:07:10,909 Speaker 1: in discomfort and pain with a toddler at home for 129 00:07:11,109 --> 00:07:15,069 Speaker 1: three and a half four weeks waiting for these babies 130 00:07:15,189 --> 00:07:17,709 Speaker 1: to grow and grow. I mean, it was irrelevant what 131 00:07:17,749 --> 00:07:19,269 Speaker 1: I wanted because my body was going to do what 132 00:07:19,309 --> 00:07:21,669 Speaker 1: it was going to do, and my obstratrition was like, 133 00:07:22,349 --> 00:07:25,109 Speaker 1: you know, we keep in as long as we can, 134 00:07:25,349 --> 00:07:27,829 Speaker 1: regardless of how everyone feels about. 135 00:07:28,509 --> 00:07:30,709 Speaker 2: They're not giving you a choice about that. It's just 136 00:07:30,789 --> 00:07:33,029 Speaker 2: that that's yeah, you're going through that in your head, 137 00:07:33,349 --> 00:07:36,429 Speaker 2: so they can't stop it forever. It's like holding back 138 00:07:36,469 --> 00:07:37,149 Speaker 2: a tide. 139 00:07:37,349 --> 00:07:40,669 Speaker 1: Exactly. If your body wants to deliver these babies, they 140 00:07:40,709 --> 00:07:44,069 Speaker 1: will deliver, but they can they can try and slow it, 141 00:07:44,109 --> 00:07:46,629 Speaker 1: and that's what they were trying to do. The thing 142 00:07:46,629 --> 00:07:50,669 Speaker 1: about the steroids is that if you have gestational diabetes, 143 00:07:51,509 --> 00:07:55,829 Speaker 1: it surges your blood sugar. So all of a sudden, 144 00:07:55,909 --> 00:08:01,149 Speaker 1: I'm fingerpricking every hour, I am being filled with bags 145 00:08:01,189 --> 00:08:03,469 Speaker 1: of insulin, which I hadn't had to take up until 146 00:08:03,469 --> 00:08:07,669 Speaker 1: that point. The eating was a nightmare. The hospital doesn't 147 00:08:07,709 --> 00:08:12,109 Speaker 1: have a gestational diabetes meals appropriate, so everything I ate 148 00:08:12,149 --> 00:08:15,869 Speaker 1: had to be brought in and I could eat a 149 00:08:15,949 --> 00:08:18,749 Speaker 1: salad and my blood sugar was just the worst it 150 00:08:18,749 --> 00:08:23,029 Speaker 1: it ever been, so that was horrible, and again I'm 151 00:08:23,029 --> 00:08:26,469 Speaker 1: going this could be weeks a week with this. Yeah, 152 00:08:26,709 --> 00:08:29,149 Speaker 1: and then twenty four hours later, they're like, great, you're 153 00:08:29,149 --> 00:08:32,829 Speaker 1: still pregnant. We're gonna give you more steroids and we'd 154 00:08:32,909 --> 00:08:36,549 Speaker 1: love this to have twenty four hours to work. And 155 00:08:36,589 --> 00:08:39,629 Speaker 1: my obstetrition came in and yeah. I just cried and 156 00:08:39,789 --> 00:08:43,109 Speaker 1: was like, oh, come on, this is really am I 157 00:08:43,149 --> 00:08:47,269 Speaker 1: gonna sit here And he said to me, the chances 158 00:08:47,309 --> 00:08:49,229 Speaker 1: of you still being pregnant at the end of this 159 00:08:49,269 --> 00:08:53,749 Speaker 1: week are so minimal, like every day you have a 160 00:08:53,829 --> 00:08:57,149 Speaker 1: fifty percent chance of just going into labor. Wow. And 161 00:08:57,189 --> 00:09:00,589 Speaker 1: I was like, okay, all right, I'll wait. And then 162 00:09:00,709 --> 00:09:03,229 Speaker 1: that night it was Sunday night, Claid, you'd been there, 163 00:09:03,229 --> 00:09:08,269 Speaker 1: we'd watched Maths don't Yeah, so our tradition has become yeah, 164 00:09:08,309 --> 00:09:12,069 Speaker 1: going to the hospital, I bring dinner and we watched 165 00:09:12,109 --> 00:09:13,269 Speaker 1: Mode of per Fight. 166 00:09:13,269 --> 00:09:14,069 Speaker 2: Than got for that. 167 00:09:15,429 --> 00:09:18,949 Speaker 1: Bringing everyone together. Yeah, it really even the nurses. The 168 00:09:19,029 --> 00:09:20,909 Speaker 1: nurses would do their obs and you could tell that 169 00:09:20,949 --> 00:09:22,549 Speaker 1: they were like, I don't go about your blood pressure 170 00:09:22,589 --> 00:09:27,509 Speaker 1: what it was always, and I'd like try and silence 171 00:09:27,549 --> 00:09:30,949 Speaker 1: it to pretend like we weren't just watching that. I 172 00:09:30,989 --> 00:09:37,149 Speaker 1: am quite emotionally vulnerable. But I also you've interrupted, and 173 00:09:37,269 --> 00:09:42,229 Speaker 1: so we kept watching. Right at first sight, Claire, maybe 174 00:09:42,709 --> 00:09:44,709 Speaker 1: help me have a shower or something anyway, But I 175 00:09:44,789 --> 00:09:48,029 Speaker 1: left very late on the Sunday. You left late, and 176 00:09:48,109 --> 00:09:50,869 Speaker 1: after you left, I was laying there going I hadn't 177 00:09:50,909 --> 00:09:52,749 Speaker 1: slept in a few nights because of all the obs 178 00:09:52,789 --> 00:09:53,829 Speaker 1: and the blood sugar and. 179 00:09:54,389 --> 00:09:56,589 Speaker 2: Lots of drugs going through this point. 180 00:09:56,789 --> 00:09:59,269 Speaker 1: So many, so many drugs. And I was laying there 181 00:09:59,429 --> 00:10:01,629 Speaker 1: and I felt my heart rate get high, and I 182 00:10:01,669 --> 00:10:04,749 Speaker 1: felt really hot, and I just thought, I feel weird, 183 00:10:04,909 --> 00:10:16,469 Speaker 1: like I feel, I feel different. Then the Braxton Hicks 184 00:10:16,509 --> 00:10:19,829 Speaker 1: sensation started again, but then it got very concentrated into 185 00:10:19,909 --> 00:10:23,429 Speaker 1: like my uterus, like I could feel contractions in the 186 00:10:23,469 --> 00:10:25,949 Speaker 1: way that I had felt them with lunar, where they 187 00:10:25,989 --> 00:10:30,069 Speaker 1: were more rhythmic, more intense, then a gap and then 188 00:10:30,149 --> 00:10:33,749 Speaker 1: kind of coming back. But I had flagged with a 189 00:10:33,869 --> 00:10:36,429 Speaker 1: nurse earlier, like a few days before that I thought 190 00:10:36,429 --> 00:10:39,469 Speaker 1: I was having contractions and she had said I think 191 00:10:39,469 --> 00:10:44,589 Speaker 1: they're all in your head. So thought, oh, I won't 192 00:10:44,629 --> 00:10:49,309 Speaker 1: say anything. So I lay there for three or four hours, 193 00:10:49,349 --> 00:10:52,189 Speaker 1: and then I went still. Now I can't. I could 194 00:10:52,229 --> 00:10:54,309 Speaker 1: feel myself like pulling muscles in my neck and I 195 00:10:54,349 --> 00:10:55,829 Speaker 1: was like, no, I think this is bad. So I 196 00:10:55,869 --> 00:10:57,669 Speaker 1: pressed the button and I said, I'm pretty sure I'm 197 00:10:57,709 --> 00:11:01,309 Speaker 1: having contractions. And every time I have a contraction, more water. 198 00:11:01,429 --> 00:11:04,949 Speaker 1: Because that's the thing. My waters were breaking the whole time. 199 00:11:05,789 --> 00:11:09,669 Speaker 1: I didn't know this. Your waters just refill, No, they 200 00:11:09,749 --> 00:11:12,629 Speaker 1: didn't fence. It doesn't make sense, yeah, because from it 201 00:11:12,669 --> 00:11:16,269 Speaker 1: isn't where sachrome where that's my questions. 202 00:11:16,309 --> 00:11:18,189 Speaker 2: So I didn't know that either. When you told me 203 00:11:18,189 --> 00:11:22,589 Speaker 2: about the water's breaking, I thought, well, that's that's yeah. 204 00:11:22,629 --> 00:11:24,629 Speaker 1: And that's why I thought they had to give you antibiotics, 205 00:11:24,669 --> 00:11:28,309 Speaker 1: because I'm imagining that I'm just flapping open, Yeah, flapping 206 00:11:28,349 --> 00:11:34,189 Speaker 1: open with the pooh wee baby substance, like who knows 207 00:11:34,389 --> 00:11:37,509 Speaker 1: someone gonna do a poo and then it's gonna But 208 00:11:38,229 --> 00:11:41,109 Speaker 1: they did a scan on the Sunday and they're like, oh, yeah, 209 00:11:41,149 --> 00:11:43,269 Speaker 1: they're both floating and amniotic fluid. And I was like, 210 00:11:43,389 --> 00:11:46,789 Speaker 1: but the annoniotic fluid is in my socks. I can see. 211 00:11:46,829 --> 00:11:50,869 Speaker 1: It doesn't make it. I don't understand. It's like, where 212 00:11:50,869 --> 00:11:53,189 Speaker 1: does not come from? It's the same question. 213 00:11:53,589 --> 00:11:55,349 Speaker 2: Women are incredible being. 214 00:11:55,989 --> 00:11:58,869 Speaker 1: It just keeps feeling and it was it was twin a. 215 00:11:58,989 --> 00:12:01,349 Speaker 1: It was boy who had broken his sack. I have 216 00:12:01,389 --> 00:12:05,309 Speaker 1: a theory Margo did it. But yeah, and so I 217 00:12:05,309 --> 00:12:08,149 Speaker 1: can feel these contractions and I call the nurse in 218 00:12:08,189 --> 00:12:12,469 Speaker 1: and then they do the monitoring. Monitoring two heartbeats is hilarious. 219 00:12:12,589 --> 00:12:16,229 Speaker 1: It's not very easy. So they start monitoring. They can 220 00:12:16,229 --> 00:12:20,269 Speaker 1: see the contractions happening. And a doctor came in and said, look, 221 00:12:20,429 --> 00:12:23,389 Speaker 1: this can happen at night. This might happen every night 222 00:12:23,869 --> 00:12:28,349 Speaker 1: for four weeks. No Ah, lovely, where you just you 223 00:12:28,469 --> 00:12:32,469 Speaker 1: start to labor, sun comes up stops, which actually did 224 00:12:32,549 --> 00:12:35,229 Speaker 1: happen for a few days with Luna as well. But 225 00:12:35,789 --> 00:12:38,229 Speaker 1: they watched and it was about three thirty. I first 226 00:12:38,229 --> 00:12:41,309 Speaker 1: alerted her. Two hours later she came back in and 227 00:12:41,349 --> 00:12:43,269 Speaker 1: she said, I've just got off the phone to doctor 228 00:12:43,349 --> 00:12:45,989 Speaker 1: Morris and you'll be meeting these twins in one hour. 229 00:12:46,189 --> 00:12:51,829 Speaker 1: Oh whoa. And I was like in total shock, not 230 00:12:51,869 --> 00:12:55,029 Speaker 1: only from like why have my waters broken? I'm still 231 00:12:55,069 --> 00:12:57,549 Speaker 1: getting my head around that, but I have one hour 232 00:12:57,789 --> 00:12:59,909 Speaker 1: and Luca was sleeping at home, so I had to 233 00:12:59,909 --> 00:13:01,949 Speaker 1: call him and go, you need to get here right now. 234 00:13:01,989 --> 00:13:03,829 Speaker 1: We're about to meet them. And you tried to call 235 00:13:03,909 --> 00:13:05,989 Speaker 1: me because I'm usually up at the crack of dawn 236 00:13:06,069 --> 00:13:09,549 Speaker 1: with Matilda, and that is the one morning she's slept me. 237 00:13:10,189 --> 00:13:12,589 Speaker 1: I'm so mad I wanted to do that. 238 00:13:12,949 --> 00:13:15,349 Speaker 2: Were you scared, Jesse through all this time? Are you 239 00:13:15,429 --> 00:13:16,189 Speaker 2: like scared? 240 00:13:16,709 --> 00:13:19,909 Speaker 1: Yeah? I think I was. I was really scared because 241 00:13:20,349 --> 00:13:23,789 Speaker 1: I was also trying to decide up until that moment, 242 00:13:24,069 --> 00:13:27,229 Speaker 1: like I could have gone, let's get him out vaginally. 243 00:13:27,349 --> 00:13:30,389 Speaker 1: That was also an option, but I was getting advice 244 00:13:31,309 --> 00:13:35,789 Speaker 1: from very clever, very considerate, very sensitive doctors. We do 245 00:13:35,869 --> 00:13:39,749 Speaker 1: not know what Twin B is going to do. Twin 246 00:13:39,829 --> 00:13:43,189 Speaker 1: a we reckon. He'll come out in a second because 247 00:13:43,189 --> 00:13:47,629 Speaker 1: he's head down. Twin B might spin, she might crawl 248 00:13:47,709 --> 00:13:51,669 Speaker 1: her way back up to your like yep. And what 249 00:13:51,749 --> 00:13:54,349 Speaker 1: we know about Twin B is that she's the smaller one. 250 00:13:54,869 --> 00:13:59,269 Speaker 1: She's not very robust because they're early, and once a 251 00:13:59,349 --> 00:14:01,469 Speaker 1: baby has descended into the birth canal, it is coming 252 00:14:01,469 --> 00:14:03,709 Speaker 1: out the birth canal, no matter what instruments we have 253 00:14:03,789 --> 00:14:08,149 Speaker 1: to use. So if you want and if she hasn't 254 00:14:08,149 --> 00:14:10,029 Speaker 1: descended through the birth canal, then we do a sea 255 00:14:10,109 --> 00:14:12,629 Speaker 1: section and you end up recovering from two births, and 256 00:14:12,669 --> 00:14:15,229 Speaker 1: that is. I was given about a one in five 257 00:14:15,309 --> 00:14:19,389 Speaker 1: chance of that happening. So I went, all, right, what 258 00:14:19,389 --> 00:14:20,789 Speaker 1: do you guys think I should do? When they said 259 00:14:20,829 --> 00:14:24,749 Speaker 1: see section, I went great. So they take all your 260 00:14:24,789 --> 00:14:29,869 Speaker 1: jewelry off and put a handnet on and take your underpants, 261 00:14:30,109 --> 00:14:32,629 Speaker 1: like just all this stuff that you're like. It just 262 00:14:32,789 --> 00:14:37,429 Speaker 1: it went from so slow to so fast. And then 263 00:14:37,469 --> 00:14:41,749 Speaker 1: they put me on a stretch of bed and take 264 00:14:41,829 --> 00:14:45,829 Speaker 1: me into surgery where there are maybe a dozen people 265 00:14:46,429 --> 00:14:51,829 Speaker 1: really bright do the spinal thing, which I think hurt 266 00:14:52,229 --> 00:14:55,789 Speaker 1: more than an epidural, Like they put that the local 267 00:14:56,189 --> 00:15:01,829 Speaker 1: killed spinal block and then they kind of shuffled me. 268 00:15:02,589 --> 00:15:06,949 Speaker 1: Actually this is quite a funny detail. But so I 269 00:15:07,029 --> 00:15:11,029 Speaker 1: hadn't seen my bikini line for six months, right, I 270 00:15:11,429 --> 00:15:14,309 Speaker 1: still don't think I've seen it, And they laid me 271 00:15:14,349 --> 00:15:19,229 Speaker 1: down and I've had a big forty eight hours and 272 00:15:19,309 --> 00:15:21,789 Speaker 1: I just hear the obstration go we're gonna need a razor, 273 00:15:22,269 --> 00:15:27,149 Speaker 1: and I was like, how would you play in front 274 00:15:27,149 --> 00:15:33,469 Speaker 1: of my husband, in front of everyone, And I'm like, okay, 275 00:15:33,669 --> 00:15:36,189 Speaker 1: you get with a snipper out because they do it 276 00:15:36,309 --> 00:15:40,029 Speaker 1: so much lower than you think they will. 277 00:15:39,869 --> 00:15:42,469 Speaker 2: Well, I've taken initiative and do it yourself. I don't 278 00:15:42,509 --> 00:15:44,269 Speaker 2: do it, Just do it. 279 00:15:44,949 --> 00:15:47,749 Speaker 1: I've had a fucking spinal tap. Give me a Brasilian. 280 00:15:48,989 --> 00:15:52,309 Speaker 1: Just keep it quiet so it announces it to the 281 00:15:52,429 --> 00:15:55,149 Speaker 1: whole room. I'm sure there was a sister in there. 282 00:15:56,149 --> 00:15:58,669 Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't know if I was imagining. 283 00:15:59,029 --> 00:16:02,629 Speaker 1: The nun was the one with the razor. Let me 284 00:16:03,589 --> 00:16:07,189 Speaker 1: and none gave me a bazillion And so she did that. 285 00:16:07,829 --> 00:16:11,069 Speaker 1: And then Luca comes in with his silly little surgical 286 00:16:11,109 --> 00:16:13,909 Speaker 1: hat on and sits with me, and the uneath the 287 00:16:13,949 --> 00:16:15,669 Speaker 1: test is just explaining how to all goes. I quite 288 00:16:15,749 --> 00:16:18,549 Speaker 1: like to the tingliness in my legs. They do the 289 00:16:18,589 --> 00:16:20,429 Speaker 1: ice cube thing. They're like, you're gonna feel it, but 290 00:16:20,469 --> 00:16:23,509 Speaker 1: it's not gonna hurt. Then I'm laying there with Luca, 291 00:16:23,549 --> 00:16:26,909 Speaker 1: and a friend said to me, try and maintain a 292 00:16:26,989 --> 00:16:30,549 Speaker 1: completely normal conversation with your partner so you don't freak, 293 00:16:30,749 --> 00:16:33,349 Speaker 1: because if you think about it too much and you 294 00:16:33,389 --> 00:16:35,549 Speaker 1: think about your legs not moving, it can just talk 295 00:16:35,589 --> 00:16:45,229 Speaker 1: about what they're doing you don't want to think about. Actually, 296 00:16:45,269 --> 00:16:48,749 Speaker 1: don't let me forget. I have Orlando Norris. He's been 297 00:16:48,989 --> 00:16:53,109 Speaker 1: a shining light. I'm so happy Luca's holding my hand 298 00:16:53,229 --> 00:16:57,669 Speaker 1: and then they I hear a cry and it's Harry 299 00:16:58,589 --> 00:17:03,109 Speaker 1: and they pick him up, and I couldn't believe he 300 00:17:03,109 --> 00:17:05,469 Speaker 1: cried because I was told they might not yea, they 301 00:17:05,669 --> 00:17:10,989 Speaker 1: might have issues with noise. And they lower the curtain 302 00:17:11,309 --> 00:17:13,309 Speaker 1: and lift Harry up, and I like go to try 303 00:17:13,349 --> 00:17:15,509 Speaker 1: and touch him, but that's a sterile surgical place that 304 00:17:15,549 --> 00:17:18,389 Speaker 1: I'm not allowed, and they were like, oh no, they 305 00:17:18,789 --> 00:17:23,109 Speaker 1: rush Harry over to deuce oxygen. And then a minute 306 00:17:23,189 --> 00:17:28,909 Speaker 1: later Margo comes and she cries too. Oh and I 307 00:17:29,509 --> 00:17:34,349 Speaker 1: at that point. Weirdly, at like twenty weeks pregnant, I 308 00:17:34,349 --> 00:17:36,309 Speaker 1: was going to bed one night and I said to Luca, Hey, 309 00:17:36,349 --> 00:17:39,549 Speaker 1: if anything weird happens during birth, go with the twins. 310 00:17:39,909 --> 00:17:41,949 Speaker 1: Like I had read something that just said have that 311 00:17:42,029 --> 00:17:46,549 Speaker 1: conversation because your husband know whether to yeah, go with 312 00:17:46,589 --> 00:17:48,309 Speaker 1: the twins or stay with you. And I was like, 313 00:17:48,429 --> 00:17:52,589 Speaker 1: just go to them, check that they're okay. And I 314 00:17:52,709 --> 00:18:00,909 Speaker 1: was laying there and started feeling really bad, like lightheaded, nauseous, 315 00:18:01,829 --> 00:18:04,709 Speaker 1: out of it. There's no way I knew I'd just 316 00:18:04,789 --> 00:18:08,229 Speaker 1: had two babies. And then the anetheist I could hear 317 00:18:08,269 --> 00:18:11,309 Speaker 1: the obstrition saying, whenever you're giving her. You need to 318 00:18:11,309 --> 00:18:16,109 Speaker 1: give her more because the placenta wouldn't soften. There was 319 00:18:16,149 --> 00:18:18,669 Speaker 1: an issue with the placenta. I heard them say that 320 00:18:18,709 --> 00:18:22,269 Speaker 1: I'd lost a fair bit of blood, and the uneath 321 00:18:22,309 --> 00:18:24,669 Speaker 1: test then said to me, I hate having to do this, 322 00:18:24,749 --> 00:18:26,589 Speaker 1: but I'm about to give you some drugs that are 323 00:18:26,629 --> 00:18:30,029 Speaker 1: going to make you feel really bad. Like they're going 324 00:18:30,069 --> 00:18:32,549 Speaker 1: to make you feel really sick. And basically when you 325 00:18:32,669 --> 00:18:36,029 Speaker 1: have twins, like the two placentas, I think were like hardening, 326 00:18:36,069 --> 00:18:38,309 Speaker 1: like they weren't soft enough to get them out so 327 00:18:38,349 --> 00:18:41,349 Speaker 1: I could feel them. And then I turned to the 328 00:18:41,389 --> 00:18:42,829 Speaker 1: uneath test and I was like, I feel really sick, 329 00:18:42,829 --> 00:18:45,549 Speaker 1: and he said it's a mixture of the drugs and 330 00:18:45,589 --> 00:18:51,109 Speaker 1: the rummaging. Oh you feel that drummage? Yeah. And actually 331 00:18:51,189 --> 00:18:55,109 Speaker 1: when Margot came so they got harry and then it 332 00:18:55,189 --> 00:19:00,349 Speaker 1: felt like the obstetrician was sitting on my ribs the 333 00:19:00,429 --> 00:19:02,989 Speaker 1: strength he had to use to get her out. And 334 00:19:03,029 --> 00:19:04,709 Speaker 1: he later told me that it was like they were 335 00:19:05,349 --> 00:19:07,589 Speaker 1: like they were little fish that were like swimming in 336 00:19:07,669 --> 00:19:11,669 Speaker 1: circles and he was trying to catch me. She's like, 337 00:19:11,709 --> 00:19:13,109 Speaker 1: don't get me, don't get me, don't get me, And 338 00:19:13,189 --> 00:19:14,669 Speaker 1: it's like, don't get me, don't get me, don't get me, 339 00:19:14,749 --> 00:19:18,069 Speaker 1: which I was like, I am very glad you came out. 340 00:19:18,069 --> 00:19:22,229 Speaker 1: The sunway was to play chasing no in the birth 341 00:19:22,269 --> 00:19:23,149 Speaker 1: came out and. 342 00:19:23,149 --> 00:19:24,629 Speaker 2: Has Luke had gone with the twins. 343 00:19:24,869 --> 00:19:27,989 Speaker 1: He's gone with the twins. He cut their cords. And 344 00:19:28,389 --> 00:19:31,789 Speaker 1: then Margo came over and was put on my chest 345 00:19:32,829 --> 00:19:38,709 Speaker 1: and I couldn't see her, like I couldn't my eyes 346 00:19:38,749 --> 00:19:44,509 Speaker 1: weren't working. I felt so sick. I said to Claire later, 347 00:19:44,629 --> 00:19:47,469 Speaker 1: It's like, imagine the worst food poisoning you've ever had, 348 00:19:47,469 --> 00:19:50,029 Speaker 1: and someone hands you your newborn baby and you're going, 349 00:19:50,749 --> 00:19:54,749 Speaker 1: this is great. But I just feel so so And 350 00:19:54,789 --> 00:19:57,869 Speaker 1: I kept turning around kind of going, guys, I don't 351 00:19:57,909 --> 00:20:07,669 Speaker 1: feel right. I don't feel right. And so then they 352 00:20:07,709 --> 00:20:10,989 Speaker 1: took Margo. I didn't get to see I didn't get 353 00:20:11,029 --> 00:20:14,309 Speaker 1: to hold Harry for hours and hours, but they took 354 00:20:14,429 --> 00:20:18,629 Speaker 1: them off to Niko, and I went to recovery, and 355 00:20:18,669 --> 00:20:22,149 Speaker 1: I look back now and I'm like, where did I 356 00:20:22,149 --> 00:20:26,269 Speaker 1: think they were? I hardly asked a question because I 357 00:20:26,389 --> 00:20:30,229 Speaker 1: was just so so unwell. So I went to recovery 358 00:20:30,949 --> 00:20:35,029 Speaker 1: and I just said like, I'm so thirsty, I'm so thirsty, 359 00:20:35,069 --> 00:20:37,629 Speaker 1: and I had like four apple juices, which all of 360 00:20:37,669 --> 00:20:40,149 Speaker 1: a sudden I could drink. Kept saying to Luca, like, 361 00:20:40,269 --> 00:20:43,949 Speaker 1: get me a smoothie, get me a juice, which apparently 362 00:20:44,189 --> 00:20:47,109 Speaker 1: is like that's a symptom of heavy blood loss, like 363 00:20:47,149 --> 00:20:49,069 Speaker 1: when you've had a lot of blood loss, you get 364 00:20:49,069 --> 00:20:52,709 Speaker 1: really really thirsty. My obstration told me what had happened, 365 00:20:53,629 --> 00:20:57,429 Speaker 1: but I was like, couldn't hear it. And then they 366 00:20:57,509 --> 00:21:00,189 Speaker 1: ended up wheeling me back to my room and I 367 00:21:00,229 --> 00:21:02,149 Speaker 1: was like trying to read something on the wall and 368 00:21:02,189 --> 00:21:04,709 Speaker 1: like trying to look at something, and I kept thinking, 369 00:21:05,229 --> 00:21:10,349 Speaker 1: don't panic, but like it feels like you are so 370 00:21:10,509 --> 00:21:13,709 Speaker 1: intoxicated that you can't keep your eyes open. And I 371 00:21:13,789 --> 00:21:17,069 Speaker 1: just wanted my brain back, Like I kept thinking, I 372 00:21:17,069 --> 00:21:19,589 Speaker 1: don't care about pain. I don't care. I just I'm 373 00:21:19,629 --> 00:21:22,629 Speaker 1: not here, like I can't touch any of it. And 374 00:21:22,669 --> 00:21:25,429 Speaker 1: then in the next few days, through blood tests and stuff, 375 00:21:25,429 --> 00:21:28,509 Speaker 1: they were like, ah, you have no blood. So I 376 00:21:28,549 --> 00:21:33,709 Speaker 1: had two blood transfusions, Oh my god, which she certainly helped. 377 00:21:34,829 --> 00:21:38,429 Speaker 1: But I had this like whushing. It was like I 378 00:21:38,429 --> 00:21:42,109 Speaker 1: was on the loudest aeroplane. My ears were like screen 379 00:21:42,229 --> 00:21:45,469 Speaker 1: like this really weird whushing and this headache, and so 380 00:21:45,509 --> 00:21:48,629 Speaker 1: I'd had them at six forty eight and six forty nine. 381 00:21:48,949 --> 00:21:56,069 Speaker 1: I'm then like barely conscious for hours, and then I 382 00:21:56,109 --> 00:21:58,229 Speaker 1: was like, get me to my babies. I need to 383 00:21:58,229 --> 00:22:01,269 Speaker 1: go see my babies. I said, well, can I Can 384 00:22:01,309 --> 00:22:03,909 Speaker 1: I stand up now? Like I can move my legs, 385 00:22:04,029 --> 00:22:06,749 Speaker 1: can I stand up? And she said, oh, usually we 386 00:22:06,789 --> 00:22:08,709 Speaker 1: don't get you moving until tomorrow, but if you want. 387 00:22:08,789 --> 00:22:10,349 Speaker 1: I was like, yeah, I would like a shower, and 388 00:22:10,349 --> 00:22:12,749 Speaker 1: then I would like to see the babies. Got up, 389 00:22:13,189 --> 00:22:16,149 Speaker 1: went in a wheelchair down there, and then that was 390 00:22:16,189 --> 00:22:20,029 Speaker 1: the first time I held Harry. And I walked into 391 00:22:20,109 --> 00:22:23,989 Speaker 1: Nicko and it was like I'd never been there before, 392 00:22:24,749 --> 00:22:28,909 Speaker 1: but I walked straight to Harry like there were, you know, 393 00:22:29,189 --> 00:22:33,709 Speaker 1: twelve babies in there, and I just knew that that 394 00:22:33,829 --> 00:22:39,469 Speaker 1: was Harry and that was Margo. And the sound, like 395 00:22:39,669 --> 00:22:42,949 Speaker 1: I keep hearing myself, the sound I made when I 396 00:22:42,989 --> 00:22:48,309 Speaker 1: saw Harry for the first time was just like unlike 397 00:22:48,389 --> 00:22:51,949 Speaker 1: any sound I've ever made, like glee or like was 398 00:22:51,989 --> 00:22:55,229 Speaker 1: it happiness or just broken, Like it was like my 399 00:22:55,389 --> 00:23:01,269 Speaker 1: voice broke, like someone had removed my leg and I'd 400 00:23:01,269 --> 00:23:06,589 Speaker 1: finally found it. And so sat with him and gave 401 00:23:06,669 --> 00:23:11,469 Speaker 1: him a cuddle, and it's all pretty confronting because he 402 00:23:11,669 --> 00:23:14,469 Speaker 1: had a mask on and this like kind of how 403 00:23:14,509 --> 00:23:16,469 Speaker 1: many things on? He's got this big snorre call to 404 00:23:16,509 --> 00:23:22,069 Speaker 1: help him breathe, he's got needles and cables and heart monitors, 405 00:23:22,989 --> 00:23:26,309 Speaker 1: and he is so small, like he was one point 406 00:23:26,389 --> 00:23:31,709 Speaker 1: eight and Margo was one point seven kilos. They're just tiny, 407 00:23:32,509 --> 00:23:35,349 Speaker 1: and even now like it's a week on, yeah, week 408 00:23:35,349 --> 00:23:37,069 Speaker 1: and a bit on, and Margo still has like a 409 00:23:37,149 --> 00:23:41,029 Speaker 1: canula in her hand, like those babies have had more 410 00:23:41,069 --> 00:23:42,949 Speaker 1: needles in a week than Lunar has had in her 411 00:23:42,949 --> 00:23:43,589 Speaker 1: whole life. 412 00:23:43,709 --> 00:23:47,189 Speaker 2: Babe, does anyone tell you what to expect? I mean, 413 00:23:47,229 --> 00:23:49,589 Speaker 2: obviously you knew that Nikki was a possibility, but as 414 00:23:49,589 --> 00:23:51,909 Speaker 2: you just when you're just describing how confronting it was 415 00:23:51,949 --> 00:23:53,669 Speaker 2: to see them the first time, does anyone say, so, 416 00:23:53,749 --> 00:23:55,349 Speaker 2: this is what's they're going to look like, this is 417 00:23:55,389 --> 00:23:56,069 Speaker 2: how it's going to be. 418 00:23:56,469 --> 00:23:58,789 Speaker 1: So I had a few friends that I reached out 419 00:23:58,829 --> 00:24:03,309 Speaker 1: to when I landed in hospital who said, google what 420 00:24:03,349 --> 00:24:05,749 Speaker 1: a thirty four week looks like. Although you've been told 421 00:24:05,789 --> 00:24:09,109 Speaker 1: since the twins about a week earlier, like they look 422 00:24:09,149 --> 00:24:12,229 Speaker 1: about a week earlier. So a thirty four week Singleton 423 00:24:12,509 --> 00:24:17,589 Speaker 1: is probably bigger than the twins, but google that. And 424 00:24:17,629 --> 00:24:21,509 Speaker 1: then they'd also had someone from the NIKU come in 425 00:24:21,829 --> 00:24:24,749 Speaker 1: and talk to me about what it would look like 426 00:24:24,789 --> 00:24:27,709 Speaker 1: if they were born tomorrow, how long the stay might be, 427 00:24:28,189 --> 00:24:30,949 Speaker 1: how they then go to special care. There was talk 428 00:24:30,989 --> 00:24:33,269 Speaker 1: of me doing a bit of a tour and looking 429 00:24:33,269 --> 00:24:35,269 Speaker 1: at it before I had them, but we didn't get 430 00:24:35,269 --> 00:24:39,309 Speaker 1: a chance. It is almost a spiritual place. There's lots 431 00:24:39,309 --> 00:24:41,589 Speaker 1: of beeping and lights and whatever, but there is this 432 00:24:41,789 --> 00:24:46,749 Speaker 1: energy in NIKU that is just so honored by everyone 433 00:24:46,749 --> 00:24:49,349 Speaker 1: who goes in there. It's like this place, this like liminal, 434 00:24:50,389 --> 00:24:54,029 Speaker 1: limbo place where none of these babies, well most of 435 00:24:54,069 --> 00:24:57,229 Speaker 1: these babies shouldn't be here yet. Yeah, they're in these 436 00:24:57,309 --> 00:25:02,509 Speaker 1: like cots that are temperature controlled and their job is 437 00:25:02,549 --> 00:25:06,229 Speaker 1: to is to grow. Lots of beeping and stuff. But 438 00:25:06,869 --> 00:25:09,109 Speaker 1: the nurses, and this is what everyone says, it's not 439 00:25:09,149 --> 00:25:12,989 Speaker 1: just the nurses, it's the it's everyone there are just 440 00:25:14,389 --> 00:25:17,829 Speaker 1: not like any other profession. They just must that they 441 00:25:17,949 --> 00:25:22,509 Speaker 1: must know that this is one of the most difficult 442 00:25:22,549 --> 00:25:25,109 Speaker 1: times a parent can go through. And you walk in 443 00:25:25,189 --> 00:25:29,469 Speaker 1: and you can go anytime morning, night, pick up your baby. 444 00:25:29,869 --> 00:25:32,749 Speaker 1: That's their number one priority, doesn't matter how many tubes are, 445 00:25:32,789 --> 00:25:34,349 Speaker 1: and you pick up that baby and you do skin 446 00:25:34,389 --> 00:25:38,029 Speaker 1: to skin and they, you know, sort you out with 447 00:25:38,069 --> 00:25:43,869 Speaker 1: a pump and visitors and like they're just so so 448 00:25:44,189 --> 00:25:46,509 Speaker 1: caring and so good to your babies. And there's a 449 00:25:46,989 --> 00:25:51,269 Speaker 1: there's a live stream so you can check in. 450 00:25:51,189 --> 00:25:53,789 Speaker 2: On them a week on and a lot has happened 451 00:25:53,789 --> 00:25:56,629 Speaker 2: in that time. But what kind of obviously the babies 452 00:25:56,629 --> 00:26:00,869 Speaker 2: are still there and you went home when, and what's 453 00:26:00,949 --> 00:26:03,469 Speaker 2: the rhythm of this new normal of yours? 454 00:26:03,629 --> 00:26:06,749 Speaker 1: Like, So I had them on Monday and I went 455 00:26:06,789 --> 00:26:10,109 Speaker 1: home on Thursday. I was very keen to get home 456 00:26:10,469 --> 00:26:14,869 Speaker 1: for Luna, Like that's been torturous because she doesn't want 457 00:26:14,909 --> 00:26:16,429 Speaker 1: to come We two and a half year old wants 458 00:26:16,469 --> 00:26:18,189 Speaker 1: to come to hospital and sit on a bed with mum. 459 00:26:18,309 --> 00:26:21,829 Speaker 1: Like that's just a terrible experience. So I came home 460 00:26:22,509 --> 00:26:26,909 Speaker 1: and now I go in the morning, try and spend 461 00:26:26,909 --> 00:26:28,989 Speaker 1: as much of the day there as possible, come back 462 00:26:28,989 --> 00:26:31,869 Speaker 1: in the afternoon, hang out with Luna. I really like 463 00:26:31,909 --> 00:26:35,989 Speaker 1: to do bedtime with her, and I'm trying to get 464 00:26:36,029 --> 00:26:39,109 Speaker 1: back there at night because of I'm just finding that 465 00:26:39,269 --> 00:26:43,589 Speaker 1: incredibly difficult. But to be a weak post c section 466 00:26:43,669 --> 00:26:47,109 Speaker 1: and have to do a really decent walk in order 467 00:26:47,189 --> 00:26:51,549 Speaker 1: to get to the hospital. And every time we're in 468 00:26:51,589 --> 00:26:54,789 Speaker 1: the car, it's like I just keep looking at Luca 469 00:26:54,829 --> 00:26:59,189 Speaker 1: and going there shouldn't be traffic, Like there shouldn't be 470 00:26:59,269 --> 00:27:04,149 Speaker 1: traffic between me and my newborn babies. Like the anger 471 00:27:04,189 --> 00:27:07,309 Speaker 1: of just like how can there be another red light? 472 00:27:07,549 --> 00:27:09,829 Speaker 1: I just needed to see them hours ago? And then 473 00:27:09,869 --> 00:27:13,109 Speaker 1: you get to the hospital and you feel your speed, 474 00:27:13,269 --> 00:27:15,549 Speaker 1: like you just want to run, But then you can 475 00:27:15,589 --> 00:27:17,069 Speaker 1: feel that you have surgery a week ago. 476 00:27:17,229 --> 00:27:20,269 Speaker 2: You must be exhausted as well, right, like you lost 477 00:27:20,309 --> 00:27:22,589 Speaker 2: all that blood. You've been through so much in the 478 00:27:22,629 --> 00:27:24,709 Speaker 2: past week, and all you want to do is be 479 00:27:24,789 --> 00:27:27,789 Speaker 2: with them, But you must also be exhausted, babe. 480 00:27:28,189 --> 00:27:31,109 Speaker 1: Yeah, because it's to feed them, and with the like 481 00:27:31,229 --> 00:27:34,109 Speaker 1: I whether people choose to breastfeed or not, absolutely I 482 00:27:34,109 --> 00:27:37,789 Speaker 1: have zero judgment. But with premis, with all the advice 483 00:27:37,829 --> 00:27:40,469 Speaker 1: I've been given, it'd be really great to feed them 484 00:27:40,469 --> 00:27:43,309 Speaker 1: at least for a bit. So I'm on my pumping 485 00:27:43,909 --> 00:27:47,709 Speaker 1: schedule every three hours, trying to bring in milk for twins. 486 00:27:47,749 --> 00:27:51,509 Speaker 1: I'm now on like a medication which increases supply. But 487 00:27:52,349 --> 00:27:55,549 Speaker 1: we've had some issues with Margo. So I think it 488 00:27:55,629 --> 00:27:59,069 Speaker 1: was like day three. My milk was just coming in. 489 00:27:59,149 --> 00:28:01,109 Speaker 1: I'd had this night of just like you know, the 490 00:28:01,109 --> 00:28:04,709 Speaker 1: fevery shaky, hot cold thing, and then I woke up 491 00:28:04,749 --> 00:28:06,309 Speaker 1: and the pediatrician was on the end of my bed 492 00:28:06,349 --> 00:28:09,829 Speaker 1: and she was like, we've had to take Margo. We 493 00:28:09,909 --> 00:28:12,069 Speaker 1: have to take her this morning to a different hospital 494 00:28:12,109 --> 00:28:16,589 Speaker 1: to do a scan on her stomach because there could 495 00:28:16,629 --> 00:28:19,229 Speaker 1: be a blockage because of all these symptoms that she's exhibiting. 496 00:28:19,789 --> 00:28:22,869 Speaker 1: So she had to go. That was a terrifying, terrifying day. 497 00:28:23,429 --> 00:28:26,829 Speaker 1: And she's now been moved. She wasn't Special Care, and 498 00:28:26,829 --> 00:28:28,749 Speaker 1: now she's been moved back to Nico because of a 499 00:28:28,909 --> 00:28:32,549 Speaker 1: bunch of vomiting issues and it looks like it's cow's 500 00:28:32,669 --> 00:28:37,109 Speaker 1: milk prote analogy, which Luna had, so we're kind of 501 00:28:37,149 --> 00:28:40,029 Speaker 1: problem solving there, but she's now been moved back there. 502 00:28:40,069 --> 00:28:42,349 Speaker 1: So even when we like I went yesterday and I 503 00:28:42,429 --> 00:28:46,749 Speaker 1: was going between the NIKU where Margo is and Special 504 00:28:46,749 --> 00:28:50,349 Speaker 1: Care where Harry is, Like, the fact they're not together 505 00:28:50,709 --> 00:28:53,949 Speaker 1: fills sickening. We're going to try and transfer them to 506 00:28:53,989 --> 00:28:56,429 Speaker 1: a hospital that's a bit closer to home so we 507 00:28:56,469 --> 00:28:59,229 Speaker 1: can duck there and back a little bit more easily. 508 00:28:59,509 --> 00:29:01,389 Speaker 2: I know they're telling you how long they think they're 509 00:29:01,389 --> 00:29:02,149 Speaker 2: going to be in there for. 510 00:29:02,749 --> 00:29:06,549 Speaker 1: It could be another five weeks, so we are settling 511 00:29:06,589 --> 00:29:11,949 Speaker 1: in for the long haul, trying to do feeds with Harry. 512 00:29:11,949 --> 00:29:14,429 Speaker 1: He's had a few breastfeeds, which is great the fact 513 00:29:14,429 --> 00:29:18,549 Speaker 1: that he can, because the suck swallow reflex doesn't come 514 00:29:18,869 --> 00:29:22,469 Speaker 1: till maybe like thirty four thirty four, thirty five weeks, 515 00:29:22,469 --> 00:29:24,069 Speaker 1: so it was going to take a little while. They're 516 00:29:24,069 --> 00:29:27,509 Speaker 1: both on tubes, so the food goes directly into their tummy, 517 00:29:28,149 --> 00:29:29,629 Speaker 1: so we've kind of got to wait for them to 518 00:29:29,669 --> 00:29:32,149 Speaker 1: do that. They both put on a bit of weight, 519 00:29:32,589 --> 00:29:36,909 Speaker 1: which is what we want to see to be discharged 520 00:29:36,909 --> 00:29:38,789 Speaker 1: from special care. It's not about weight. It's not like 521 00:29:38,789 --> 00:29:42,149 Speaker 1: they've got to hit something. It's if they can suck 522 00:29:42,189 --> 00:29:45,189 Speaker 1: and swallow all of their feeds, like on their own, 523 00:29:45,229 --> 00:29:46,949 Speaker 1: you could take them home and they could whether it's 524 00:29:46,989 --> 00:29:51,909 Speaker 1: breast or bottle formula, milk, whatever, that's the threshold. So 525 00:29:51,949 --> 00:29:55,149 Speaker 1: we're waiting to see if we can get them when 526 00:29:55,189 --> 00:29:57,109 Speaker 1: we can get them there, and it could be that 527 00:29:57,149 --> 00:29:59,549 Speaker 1: one's a little bit quicker than the other. Maybe Harry, 528 00:30:00,029 --> 00:30:02,709 Speaker 1: you know, he's a bit less vomity than Margo's, so 529 00:30:02,789 --> 00:30:06,029 Speaker 1: maybe he'll come home a little earlier. But yeah, it's 530 00:30:06,029 --> 00:30:07,789 Speaker 1: not going to be for a little while, that's for sure. 531 00:30:08,189 --> 00:30:13,789 Speaker 1: I've been so impressed by the way the nicky nurses 532 00:30:14,149 --> 00:30:18,069 Speaker 1: communicate and like their manner, the emotional intelligence it takes 533 00:30:18,109 --> 00:30:20,549 Speaker 1: to meet somebody where they are when you're at your 534 00:30:20,589 --> 00:30:24,589 Speaker 1: absolute most vulnerable, and the way they get to know 535 00:30:24,629 --> 00:30:28,029 Speaker 1: the baby so well, and like they're now on board 536 00:30:28,069 --> 00:30:30,349 Speaker 1: that Margo is the drama, which we always said when 537 00:30:30,389 --> 00:30:32,389 Speaker 1: she was in your womb, she was always going to 538 00:30:32,429 --> 00:30:34,989 Speaker 1: be the drama, whereas Harry and that all she wanted, 539 00:30:35,069 --> 00:30:37,269 Speaker 1: like she wanted a trip to the East. Yeah, yeah, 540 00:30:37,949 --> 00:30:39,869 Speaker 1: out of this hospital. I want to see some time. 541 00:30:40,229 --> 00:30:43,229 Speaker 1: Take me to the East. Give it a sigh bowl 542 00:30:43,909 --> 00:30:47,789 Speaker 1: which guess what, Margot, your tummy could not see. Yeah, 543 00:30:47,869 --> 00:30:51,189 Speaker 1: but yeah, they definitely yeah, yeah, yeah. The emotional intelligence 544 00:30:51,189 --> 00:30:55,309 Speaker 1: of like the way the pediatrician talks to you, the 545 00:30:55,429 --> 00:30:59,149 Speaker 1: gentleness of it all, like is I don't know what 546 00:30:59,309 --> 00:31:02,869 Speaker 1: how they screen them if you're a bitch, you're not 547 00:31:02,949 --> 00:31:08,709 Speaker 1: yetting in there. Yeah, they've got a book that they 548 00:31:08,709 --> 00:31:12,869 Speaker 1: are not casting for from the nick squad absolutely not. 549 00:31:13,189 --> 00:31:15,189 Speaker 2: I know the outlouders'll be worried about you as well 550 00:31:15,189 --> 00:31:17,309 Speaker 2: as the babies. How are you doing? I mean, I 551 00:31:17,349 --> 00:31:18,909 Speaker 2: know you said I can't tell you how I am, 552 00:31:18,949 --> 00:31:21,189 Speaker 2: but like what's helping? If anything? 553 00:31:21,629 --> 00:31:24,269 Speaker 1: I have never felt closer to you like I would 554 00:31:24,349 --> 00:31:28,349 Speaker 1: not think that in a period like this, when I've 555 00:31:28,349 --> 00:31:35,829 Speaker 1: been through a very specific physical psychological experience like the 556 00:31:36,309 --> 00:31:41,949 Speaker 1: hormone drop after twins was nothing like Luna, like the 557 00:31:41,949 --> 00:31:47,669 Speaker 1: the emotional whirlwind of it my brain. Those poor nick 558 00:31:47,669 --> 00:31:51,629 Speaker 1: who nurses, I just call them all grace. There's never 559 00:31:51,669 --> 00:31:55,549 Speaker 1: been a grace. There's never been one. I'm calling them grace. 560 00:31:55,869 --> 00:31:57,029 Speaker 2: That's your word of the year. 561 00:31:57,149 --> 00:32:02,229 Speaker 1: Bad you are all grace to me. 562 00:32:02,549 --> 00:32:04,949 Speaker 2: Is your word of the year. And your grace and 563 00:32:05,029 --> 00:32:07,629 Speaker 2: their grace and the baby grace. 564 00:32:08,029 --> 00:32:11,269 Speaker 1: Because I've stopped correcting when you call them grace. I 565 00:32:11,269 --> 00:32:12,989 Speaker 1: think they're all just going to answer to that now. 566 00:32:13,629 --> 00:32:17,309 Speaker 1: It is like my brain is just completely off its. 567 00:32:17,349 --> 00:32:21,349 Speaker 1: It's almost funny, but certainly that doing it with someone. 568 00:32:21,469 --> 00:32:23,469 Speaker 1: The fact that Luca and I go together and our 569 00:32:23,589 --> 00:32:26,309 Speaker 1: job is to cut all those babies for hours, and 570 00:32:26,349 --> 00:32:28,869 Speaker 1: we just sit in those chairs with the babies on 571 00:32:28,909 --> 00:32:33,749 Speaker 1: our chest, talking to them, and Luca said at the 572 00:32:33,789 --> 00:32:35,989 Speaker 1: end of last week that was the best week of 573 00:32:36,029 --> 00:32:39,029 Speaker 1: my life, which I just went, wow, mate. 574 00:32:39,589 --> 00:32:40,309 Speaker 2: Really. 575 00:32:42,549 --> 00:32:43,669 Speaker 1: One of us was present. 576 00:32:45,149 --> 00:32:48,949 Speaker 2: That's beautiful because what you just said, like the simplicity 577 00:32:49,029 --> 00:32:51,029 Speaker 2: of we have a job and it is to cuddle 578 00:32:51,069 --> 00:32:54,789 Speaker 2: those babies. Yeah, I mean, when life is brought to 579 00:32:54,829 --> 00:33:00,989 Speaker 2: that very very simple, very clear priority, there's grace there, right. 580 00:33:01,349 --> 00:33:07,069 Speaker 1: The other thing has been the generosity of other women 581 00:33:07,109 --> 00:33:12,909 Speaker 1: who have been through this. And I reached out to 582 00:33:12,949 --> 00:33:15,349 Speaker 1: a few people that I kind of went, oh, didn't 583 00:33:15,389 --> 00:33:19,709 Speaker 1: she have a premie baby and messaged and of course 584 00:33:19,789 --> 00:33:23,829 Speaker 1: then you actually get the full story and like the 585 00:33:23,989 --> 00:33:28,949 Speaker 1: advice and the oh, I mean, Amelia has her own story, 586 00:33:28,989 --> 00:33:31,109 Speaker 1: and other members of the out Loud team have their 587 00:33:31,149 --> 00:33:33,829 Speaker 1: own stories about what they've experienced. And I can't tell 588 00:33:33,829 --> 00:33:35,549 Speaker 1: you what it means. This is something that women do 589 00:33:35,709 --> 00:33:40,189 Speaker 1: that men don't do as well. But women just rally 590 00:33:40,949 --> 00:33:44,709 Speaker 1: and like are able to help articulate what you're experiencing 591 00:33:44,749 --> 00:33:48,549 Speaker 1: and tell you what helped them and go, this is 592 00:33:48,589 --> 00:33:50,389 Speaker 1: going to be shit, and this is going to be 593 00:33:51,189 --> 00:33:55,149 Speaker 1: an emotional rollercoaster, and you know, I'll get I'll get 594 00:33:55,149 --> 00:33:58,149 Speaker 1: an out Louder message me and go, if you can't 595 00:33:58,189 --> 00:34:01,229 Speaker 1: go tonight because you're too tired, we all did that, 596 00:34:01,909 --> 00:34:05,869 Speaker 1: or like just tiny things like that that you just go, oh, 597 00:34:05,909 --> 00:34:08,709 Speaker 1: that's a relief, Oh, darling. It's a real gift that 598 00:34:08,789 --> 00:34:12,349 Speaker 1: women do to each other where we can anticipate or 599 00:34:12,389 --> 00:34:16,789 Speaker 1: we feel like what our greatest shame was in any moment. 600 00:34:16,989 --> 00:34:21,469 Speaker 1: And your forthcoming about that, And I remember feeling when 601 00:34:21,509 --> 00:34:23,749 Speaker 1: I had Matilda, I had that whole thing of like 602 00:34:23,909 --> 00:34:26,589 Speaker 1: not feeling the connection immediately because there was so much 603 00:34:26,589 --> 00:34:29,909 Speaker 1: else going on. Then you had that with Margot, and 604 00:34:29,909 --> 00:34:33,549 Speaker 1: I feel like because everyone we knew had talked about 605 00:34:33,549 --> 00:34:37,069 Speaker 1: that so openly, you therefore didn't beat yourself up about 606 00:34:37,069 --> 00:34:39,269 Speaker 1: it because you're like, well, yeah, if i feel like 607 00:34:39,269 --> 00:34:41,549 Speaker 1: I'm in a vomit and I've had this like semi 608 00:34:41,629 --> 00:34:44,789 Speaker 1: traumatic experience, I'm not going to put pressure on myself 609 00:34:44,869 --> 00:34:48,469 Speaker 1: to feel that this is magic because it's it's not 610 00:34:48,629 --> 00:34:52,069 Speaker 1: right now. And the same thing with Neniku. The friend 611 00:34:52,069 --> 00:34:55,829 Speaker 1: who just tells you that in passing years ago doesn't 612 00:34:55,869 --> 00:34:58,789 Speaker 1: realize what a gift she gave you to say they 613 00:34:58,789 --> 00:35:01,229 Speaker 1: put my baby on my chest and I looked at 614 00:35:01,309 --> 00:35:03,669 Speaker 1: him and went, I feel sick. Can you move it, 615 00:35:04,149 --> 00:35:07,149 Speaker 1: like I need to just go with the patterns of 616 00:35:07,149 --> 00:35:09,349 Speaker 1: the day and not get stuck on a thought where 617 00:35:09,349 --> 00:35:13,149 Speaker 1: I go like I keep thinking, this is probably the 618 00:35:13,229 --> 00:35:15,149 Speaker 1: last time you're going to have little babies, and you 619 00:35:15,189 --> 00:35:17,669 Speaker 1: are never going to have that first week back with them. 620 00:35:17,829 --> 00:35:20,029 Speaker 1: This is the first week you get. It is not 621 00:35:20,549 --> 00:35:24,749 Speaker 1: the beautiful Luna walks in meets the two babies where 622 00:35:24,749 --> 00:35:27,429 Speaker 1: a family or under one roof you stare at them. 623 00:35:27,949 --> 00:35:30,829 Speaker 1: There's no world in which you get that. You've got 624 00:35:30,829 --> 00:35:35,749 Speaker 1: to just keep taking steps forward and don't get stuck 625 00:35:35,789 --> 00:35:40,469 Speaker 1: on long term health or like what the future looks 626 00:35:40,509 --> 00:35:43,309 Speaker 1: like for these babies. Like it's such a mental game 627 00:35:43,429 --> 00:35:46,509 Speaker 1: that way. But when I am with them in the 628 00:35:46,509 --> 00:35:49,589 Speaker 1: hospital and they are like on my chest, it is 629 00:35:49,749 --> 00:35:56,149 Speaker 1: just utter peace, like just perfection, And I just am 630 00:35:56,229 --> 00:36:00,269 Speaker 1: holding out to get them home, to be sleep deprived, 631 00:36:00,349 --> 00:36:04,349 Speaker 1: to be covered in poo, to like do all of 632 00:36:04,389 --> 00:36:09,349 Speaker 1: those things, because this emptiness of an afternoon that should 633 00:36:09,349 --> 00:36:10,909 Speaker 1: be filled with baby where you can look at them 634 00:36:10,909 --> 00:36:14,909 Speaker 1: whenever you want, just feels so desperately unnatural. 635 00:36:15,109 --> 00:36:17,469 Speaker 2: One thing I have, let's to ask you to your 636 00:36:17,589 --> 00:36:20,469 Speaker 2: mum has been through this, right, this is what I 637 00:36:20,509 --> 00:36:22,789 Speaker 2: was gonna So is she being helpful and full of 638 00:36:22,829 --> 00:36:24,869 Speaker 2: knowledge or is she like, well, my day. 639 00:36:24,829 --> 00:36:29,189 Speaker 1: She can't remember anything for one, which relate her brain 640 00:36:29,269 --> 00:36:33,629 Speaker 1: is scared. Yeah, yeah, hard relate. But so I was 641 00:36:33,749 --> 00:36:37,149 Speaker 1: the exact weight that Margot was. But were you two 642 00:36:37,189 --> 00:36:40,469 Speaker 1: in Nikku but full term? Yeah, so that's so I 643 00:36:40,509 --> 00:36:44,309 Speaker 1: was growth restricted. Jesse was twice my weight. Will thought 644 00:36:44,349 --> 00:36:47,349 Speaker 1: that's the whole thing. But so I was in Nico. 645 00:36:47,629 --> 00:36:48,869 Speaker 1: I think Jesse was fine. 646 00:36:49,029 --> 00:36:51,989 Speaker 2: So I separated as little babies too. Yeah, is there 647 00:36:52,269 --> 00:36:53,909 Speaker 2: you know what you were just talking about, the comfort 648 00:36:53,909 --> 00:36:55,749 Speaker 2: of hearing the stories of people who've been there before. 649 00:36:56,149 --> 00:36:59,029 Speaker 2: Is there a comfort in the twin bond that you 650 00:36:59,149 --> 00:37:01,669 Speaker 2: know your babies are going to have even though they're 651 00:37:01,669 --> 00:37:03,069 Speaker 2: beginning is a little. 652 00:37:03,109 --> 00:37:05,829 Speaker 1: Yes, you know. And that's what Luca and I keep saying. 653 00:37:06,189 --> 00:37:08,469 Speaker 1: Imagine when we can put them on the floor together 654 00:37:08,869 --> 00:37:12,269 Speaker 1: and watch them really special when you're holding both of them, 655 00:37:12,949 --> 00:37:16,149 Speaker 1: that they will reach for each other's hands and they'll 656 00:37:16,189 --> 00:37:19,389 Speaker 1: turn towards each other like because it's like, yeah, they've 657 00:37:19,469 --> 00:37:23,389 Speaker 1: they've only known life with each other in the womb, 658 00:37:23,589 --> 00:37:28,189 Speaker 1: and so they're probably missing the kids sometimes. Yeah, they're 659 00:37:28,229 --> 00:37:30,909 Speaker 1: probably like where's the other one? And when Margot went 660 00:37:31,029 --> 00:37:34,309 Speaker 1: for her journey to the east, we thought that Harry 661 00:37:34,469 --> 00:37:37,469 Speaker 1: was like, where's Margie, Yeah, where's my friend. 662 00:37:37,749 --> 00:37:39,749 Speaker 2: I just want this to be noted that the fact 663 00:37:39,789 --> 00:37:45,509 Speaker 2: these babies early doesn't mean an extended maternity. Ruth say. 664 00:37:45,629 --> 00:37:49,029 Speaker 2: She's saying absolutely not. The clock starts and win. 665 00:37:49,909 --> 00:37:52,549 Speaker 1: In fact, you'll be back earlier. That's how it works. 666 00:37:54,989 --> 00:37:58,829 Speaker 1: Massage baby clothes bullshit. Didn't get a day of that. No, 667 00:37:59,229 --> 00:38:03,509 Speaker 1: I just I got straight into patting them and all 668 00:38:03,629 --> 00:38:06,989 Speaker 1: very intense, so no, I'm being extra efficient. 669 00:38:07,909 --> 00:38:10,109 Speaker 2: Thank you so much for sharing your story with hers, 670 00:38:10,389 --> 00:38:13,429 Speaker 2: like with the out louders, we love you and we 671 00:38:13,469 --> 00:38:16,469 Speaker 2: can't wait to hear, you know, updates on the twins 672 00:38:16,549 --> 00:38:17,429 Speaker 2: and on all of you. 673 00:38:18,029 --> 00:38:27,149 Speaker 1: Thank you and bye bye. Mummere acknowledges the traditional owners 674 00:38:27,149 --> 00:38:29,669 Speaker 1: of the land on which we have recorded this podcast.