Speaker 1: You're listening to a Mom with Me podcast.
Speaker 2: Hello, and welcome back to biz in Box. Every week
Speaker 2: we are solving all of your work problems so you
Speaker 2: can just get on with their job or something like that.
Speaker 2: I guess I'm in Vernon and this week I wanted
Speaker 2: to tell so if I just wanted to have a
Speaker 2: bit of a winge and let you know that I've
Speaker 2: been to three after work work events.
Speaker 3: And I'm so first and that is not fair, Like,
Speaker 3: are you obliged to go to these? No?
Speaker 2: Okay, So I am being very pedantic and like I
Speaker 2: am a diva because they are really fun work events.
Speaker 2: So I do host I entertainment podcast a Spill and
Speaker 2: it's like a lot of very glamorous movie premieres. So
Speaker 2: I like you take it back, You're like, shut up
Speaker 2: and let's move on. So this week we are dealing
Speaker 2: with conflict in the workplace, the all important resume, and
Speaker 2: I've got a bone to pick with people who keep
Speaker 2: putting meetings into my car. So we're jumping straight into it.
Speaker 2: So this is what Kate has asked us.
Speaker 3: Hi.
Speaker 1: I'm Kate. I currently work in an office job with
Speaker 1: about ten people in my team. I really love the work.
Speaker 1: But there's one person I'm really having trouble with. They're
Speaker 1: always really patronizing towards me. Every time I say something,
Speaker 1: they're really sarcastic, and they totally undermined me in front
Speaker 1: of everyone. Just wondering what advice you have to deal
Speaker 1: with a patronizing colleague. Thanks.
Speaker 2: So I remember this specific person in my life who
Speaker 2: I guess falls into this criteria of the patronizing colleague.
Speaker 2: It was when I was in my retail days, Like
Speaker 2: I think I was around nineteen twenty, and I was
Speaker 2: working at a retail store and it was like a
Speaker 2: woman's clothing store. So a lot of us were girls
Speaker 2: I was working with, and a lot of my closest
Speaker 2: friends still this day I was working with, and there
Speaker 2: was this one girl who I use a lot of
Speaker 2: like self deprecating humor for myself, and she would always
Speaker 2: jump on that to use it as an excuse to
Speaker 2: make fun of me. So if I said something so weird,
Speaker 2: I wouldn't say this, but if I was to say, oh,
Speaker 2: I hate how this top looks on me, she would
Speaker 2: like then use that as like, well, Emily's wearing that
Speaker 2: ugly top anyway, So it's not like anyone's going to
Speaker 2: care things like that, And I remember calling her out
Speaker 2: about it and she's like, I'm just joking, Like just
Speaker 2: calm down, like I'm joking, and the calm down to
Speaker 2: me is just red flag. But it's one of those
Speaker 2: situations where I needed that job. I couldn't leave, and
Speaker 2: she couldn't leave. Like we didn't have like a proper
Speaker 2: management system. It was just part time retail work, so
Speaker 2: I didn't have anyone else to go to to tell
Speaker 2: them about what was going on.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it can be really hard. Actually, Like it sounds
Speaker 3: kind of funny and light, but it's it can be
Speaker 3: really hard. I like to think about why are they
Speaker 3: acting like this? Like why might they be patronizing to you?
Speaker 3: Often it is because they're threatened by do I think
Speaker 3: sometimes just from an empathy perspective, even though they're being
Speaker 3: really horrible to they're making your life hard. I do
Speaker 3: like to sometimes think about, Okay, why might they be
Speaker 3: doing this. Maybe they're threatened by me, Maybe it's like
Speaker 3: a competitive thing, maybe they're insecure. I always just like
Speaker 3: to start there, But then there's sort of a few
Speaker 3: different levels of how I like to approach it. So
Speaker 3: start light and just let them know in really light ways, hey,
Speaker 3: like I'm onto what you're saying, and I know that
Speaker 3: you're doing this kind of thing. So, for example, some
Speaker 3: things you can say is like a lot of young
Speaker 3: people get patronized for being young right in the workplace.
Speaker 3: So it might be like someone might say, oh, because
Speaker 3: you learned that at Uni, and you can be like,
Speaker 3: I did learn this at Uni, But why did you
Speaker 3: say it like that? So you can just want to
Speaker 3: ask them a question, And if you can get a
Speaker 3: tone that is genuinely curious, like I'm genuinely curious as
Speaker 3: to why you said it that way, that can be
Speaker 3: really good. Then you can go a little bit stronger
Speaker 3: and you can kind of give them an opportunity to
Speaker 3: course correct if they maybe didn't mean it that way.
Speaker 3: It sounds like your colleague did intend to be bru
Speaker 3: to you though, But you can say something like the
Speaker 3: way that you said that actually sounded a bit patronizing,
Speaker 3: is that how you meant it to sound, And then
Speaker 3: people might be like, oh, no, I didn't mean it
Speaker 3: to sound like that. And one you've let them know
Speaker 3: that like you're onto them, even if they did mean
Speaker 3: to say it. Like that, but it can give them
Speaker 3: an opportunity cost correct and sometimes people will do that,
Speaker 3: they'll kind of know when they'll stop if they keep
Speaker 3: doing it. So, for example, if someone's like really in
Speaker 3: the workplace, patronizing you about you're so young, whatever, say
Speaker 3: they're like over explaining something to you a lot, and
Speaker 3: you can kind of say, you know, it's cool, I
Speaker 3: am actually pretty familiar with this topic. I'm keeping up
Speaker 3: with what you're saying. You don't need to over explain it.
Speaker 3: Or it might be something like, you know, I'm not
Speaker 3: sure you know this, but I have actually got a
Speaker 3: year of experience doing this in my previous job. Is
Speaker 3: there something in the way that I'm doing it that
Speaker 3: makes you think that I don't know how to do
Speaker 3: it or something like that, So you can kind of
Speaker 3: just like start to bring in language.
Speaker 2: That's so good. I also have one that I think
Speaker 2: it's a bit sneaky, but I've used it a few
Speaker 2: times now and it's worked every time. If someone makes
Speaker 2: a snarky comment towards you in like a big meeting
Speaker 2: or with a group of people, I pretend I didn't
Speaker 2: hear it, and I asked them to repeat themselves I'm like, sorry,
Speaker 2: what was that? And they never do. They always change up.
Speaker 3: The language and I love it. I actually made a
Speaker 3: TikTok on this and did you we have to share that?
Speaker 3: It's really good?
Speaker 2: Okay, So for our next question, I was like, what's
Speaker 2: the point of like other people giving us their work
Speaker 2: dilemmas when I can't get my own, Like I should
Speaker 2: jump on to this time? I have a question, a
Speaker 2: very personal one, and it is what's the worst time
Speaker 2: to put in a meeting? And why is it twelve pm?
Speaker 2: And why does it keep happening to me? And am
Speaker 2: I allowed to decline them? Can you give me permission
Speaker 2: on the mic right now that I can send to
Speaker 2: my bosses that I can decline the time.
Speaker 3: I'm going to be controversial and say I think more
Speaker 3: people should be declining meeting. Yes, the nine am Monday
Speaker 3: meeting and then any meeting that's after midday on Friday.
Speaker 3: So no, let me explain a little bit. So talking
Speaker 3: about the topic of declining meetings, let me clarify a
Speaker 3: little bit. I think we need to be a lot
Speaker 3: more aware of the impact that we have on other
Speaker 3: people's time and way more considerate of that. Right, So,
Speaker 3: first thing I think everyone should start doing is if
Speaker 3: you are booking a meeting, it's your responsibility to put
Speaker 3: in the description for that calendar, invite the purpose of
Speaker 3: that meeting, and then the outcome of what you want
Speaker 3: to be achieved at the end of that meeting. So,
Speaker 3: for example, it's like, maybe the purpose of the meeting
Speaker 3: is to discuss projects ABAC, and the outcome at the
Speaker 3: end of that meeting I want to be that we're
Speaker 3: going to have like a doc finalized or something like that.
Speaker 3: And what I would train my team to do is
Speaker 3: like if you kind of read that and you sort
Speaker 3: of say, like, I don't really know what the point
Speaker 3: of that meeting is. I don't know if I'm needed,
Speaker 3: I would actually teach them to say to the person, like,
Speaker 3: do you actually need me in this meeting? What role
Speaker 3: do you want me to play? And if there isn't
Speaker 3: a clear answer, then you can actually say, like, maybe
Speaker 3: I don't need to come to your question around can
Speaker 3: I just decline a meeting because it doesn't kind of
Speaker 3: suit my life? I think it's.
Speaker 2: A meeting that says with HR very important town, I'm like, no,
Speaker 2: I just won't go to that.
Speaker 3: Maybe not that one. But I think you don't have
Speaker 3: to just accept every single meeting that someone puts in
Speaker 3: your calendar, but you do have to talk to them
Speaker 3: about it. So what I don't advise is the passive
Speaker 3: aggressive to gline, which people would do and I think
Speaker 3: it's so crazy, like you'd send a medium they're just
Speaker 3: like decline. So maybe don't do that. But I think
Speaker 3: like just ask people like, hey, do you need me
Speaker 3: in this meeting or if it is like again back
Speaker 3: to the episode we did two weeks ago around your
Speaker 3: reset time, like that is your research time, so you
Speaker 3: know this is my reset time. Do you need me
Speaker 3: in the meeting? And you can decline it. But I
Speaker 3: definitely don't want to advocate for like, you know, these
Speaker 3: meetings don't see my life, so I'm not going to
Speaker 3: do them. I think it's about having proactive communication around
Speaker 3: and just like putting stuff in your own calendar. The
Speaker 3: more that you plan your own calendar, the more people
Speaker 3: will work around it. Sort of. I know people are
Speaker 3: brutal and they'll like book things over the top.
Speaker 2: That's actually smart because then if I keep going back
Speaker 2: to those people saying, hey, what's the purpose of this meeting? Hey,
Speaker 2: what's a purpose of meeting? They might eventually be like,
Speaker 2: this girl's so annoying, I'm just going to stop inviting her.
Speaker 3: Totally win when you want to be unpopular when it
Speaker 3: comes to meetings. Okay, am, after this, we're going to
Speaker 3: talk about a document that I have a feeling you
Speaker 3: have not kept updated.
Speaker 2: No, I'm going to get in trouble.
Speaker 3: So m Julia on the Beers Instagram has submitted a question.
Speaker 3: She's asked if she needs to keep her resume updated
Speaker 3: at all times? What do you think?
Speaker 2: Absolutely not, You've got the job. Congratulations. I don't even
Speaker 2: know where my resume. Firstly, my resume would be from
Speaker 2: twenty eighteen. I have no idea where it is. It
Speaker 2: would just have all my UNI degrees and my one
Speaker 2: retail job and like a photo of me from when
Speaker 2: I was seventeen.
Speaker 3: I want to see it, though, maybe we should try
Speaker 3: to dig it out. It would actually be so yeah,
Speaker 3: you know what's funny. I want to be the person
Speaker 3: who's like, absolutely, yes, you need to keep it updated
Speaker 3: at all times. But I actually agree with you, Am,
Speaker 3: really yes, I agree with you. So I also have
Speaker 3: not updated my mind resume for thirteen years here's my thing.
Speaker 3: I think your LinkedIn profile should be up to date,
Speaker 3: and it should be current because people are going to
Speaker 3: be looking at that all the time. I think if
Speaker 3: you're in a season of your life where you're sort
Speaker 3: of like I am open to other roles and I
Speaker 3: kind of would take another job if it came up,
Speaker 3: I do think it can be a good idea. I
Speaker 3: think in general, like, don't feel like you need to
Speaker 3: have this document that you're spending a lot of time
Speaker 3: updating all the time. You do need to be opportunistic
Speaker 3: if you see a role and you need to be
Speaker 3: able to update it pretty quickly. But one other thing
Speaker 3: I want to say is like a regret that I
Speaker 3: have related to this is you do I mean, how
Speaker 3: long have you been working here a MoMA maw like
Speaker 3: six years? Six years? Right? Do you remember some of
Speaker 3: the big things, the big wins that you had six
Speaker 3: years ago? Oh? It's hard to remember, right, So, like say,
Speaker 3: now you really did want to go for another job
Speaker 3: and you were trying to then put on your resume.
Speaker 3: What was some of the big things, like the big
Speaker 3: impact that you had. It's kind of hard to remember.
Speaker 3: And I'm in this position as well, so I didn't
Speaker 3: keep my resume updated. I don't have any of my
Speaker 3: performance reviews or anything like that when I left Google,
Speaker 3: and so now I'm like, what did I even do
Speaker 3: for thirteen years? I can't actually remember the big stuff
Speaker 3: that I worked on. So I do think it is
Speaker 3: a good idea too. It's not about necessarily updating your CV,
Speaker 3: but just have somewhere where you're recording or keeping track
Speaker 3: of the things that you're actually doing at work, the
Speaker 3: big achievements, things like that, because you actually do need
Speaker 3: that stuff.
Speaker 2: That's so smart. Now I'm having a crisis. I've done
Speaker 2: nothing at all.
Speaker 3: Well, that is why this podcast exists. Thank you so
Speaker 3: much for joining us.
Speaker 2: You guys have helped us clear the beers Inbox once
Speaker 2: again this week. If you have a work question, please
Speaker 2: send it our way. You can always find where to
Speaker 2: send that through a link in our show notes.
Speaker 3: We'll be back in the beers Inbox next week. Bye.
Speaker 2: Sia. Jmeya acknowledges the traditional owners of land and waters
Speaker 2: that this podcast is recorded on