Speaker 1: We acknowledged the traditional custodians of the land we're recording
Speaker 1: on today.
Speaker 2: I agree with lou Oh my god, Okay, I'm so sorry. No, no, no,
Speaker 2: this is why these conversations are good. Hello, and welcome
Speaker 2: back to Eat, Sleep, Shit, Repeat, the most wildly, wildly
Speaker 2: of unhinged podcasts about the madness that is motherhood and
Speaker 2: everything in between.
Speaker 1: I'm Kelly McCarran and I'm Kiri Searles, and i am
Speaker 1: sweating because my baby is awake and she's on a
Speaker 1: play mat next to me, and I'm like, hopefully this
Speaker 1: goes well.
Speaker 2: Is she eyeballing you or is she just kick kick kicking.
Speaker 1: She's kick kick kicking, she's reach, reach, reaching, she started
Speaker 1: to grab. It's all very sweet.
Speaker 2: Ah. I remember Lenn had this little piano that I'd
Speaker 2: put at the bottom and he'd kick it and it
Speaker 2: would play the piano and he loved it. Stop.
Speaker 1: That's really cute. I think I need to invest in
Speaker 1: some like newborn Matt things for her to play with,
Speaker 1: because just the mobile, I just getting a bit. She's like,
Speaker 1: give me more, Like I'm down here, give me something
Speaker 1: to do.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I've got a very big brain. Mum, and I
Speaker 2: want to use it. So later on the episode today
Speaker 2: we are going to chat about mummy wine culture in
Speaker 2: a completely different way. But first, Yuah Queen through the shit.
Speaker 2: My pit is pissing me off and I need to
Speaker 2: have a vent about it for context. My pit is
Speaker 2: about more genetic tests, and I had to have a
Speaker 2: bunch of genetic tests about a decade ago because my
Speaker 2: mum has a cancer gene. It's not the brack of gene,
Speaker 2: it's a different gene, but there's a fifty percent chance
Speaker 2: if you've got it, the kid will have it, and
Speaker 2: then there's an eighty percent chance that you would get
Speaker 2: the type of cancers that the cancer gene would give you.
Speaker 2: So it wasn't a great gene to get. However, obviously,
Speaker 2: then if you have it, which my sister and brother
Speaker 2: do have it, they get yearly tests and screening. So
Speaker 2: that was like a decade ago, and it was a
Speaker 2: very annoying to have to do. Unless you've been living
Speaker 2: under a rock, you know that I absolutely hate needles.
Speaker 2: I'm sure you can imagine that genetic testing involves a
Speaker 2: lot of needles, and I've got to get more.
Speaker 1: I know how much anxiety you have around medical procedures.
Speaker 1: I just feel like you've just had such bad luck
Speaker 1: with your health stuff.
Speaker 2: It is so annoying. My nanny, as I mentioned last week,
Speaker 2: she's had like three major heart surgeries. She's had like
Speaker 2: a bunch of heart attacks. Her heart's always given her
Speaker 2: a bit of grief. About seven years ago, my uncle,
Speaker 2: when he was in his fifties, his heart literally like
Speaker 2: exploded and he was given a fifty percent chance of
Speaker 2: living or dying as he was going into surgery. Then
Speaker 2: my uncle had to have open heart surgery like his brother.
Speaker 2: These are my dad's brothers. Then my other uncle died
Speaker 2: one day on his couch, so it was just assumed
Speaker 2: that it was his heart that just didn't work. And
Speaker 2: then there's been like some of the cousins had heart things.
Speaker 2: So in the end, someone obviously goes, hey, let's check
Speaker 2: for this random heart gene because this all seems to
Speaker 2: be a little bit, you know, higher than average with
Speaker 2: the randomness, and there's a really dodgy heart gene something
Speaker 2: going on. Dad just got his results back. He's got
Speaker 2: it too. Shit, So who has to go get the
Speaker 2: more tests?
Speaker 1: Yeah, you do?
Speaker 2: You do? Only three people in the entire extended family
Speaker 2: on Dad's side don't have it, so it's a really
Speaker 2: aggressive one. Haha.
Speaker 1: So say you do get it, you've gone that far?
Speaker 1: Are you just kind of dealing?
Speaker 2: Because for women it's not that big of a deal,
Speaker 2: Like even though Nanny's had heaps of issues, most women
Speaker 2: won't yeah to the same extent that in terms of
Speaker 2: like how it affects men, however, it'll be more impactful
Speaker 2: for Len down the line.
Speaker 1: Right of course.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I'm at the moment just annoyed. I'm annoyed
Speaker 2: that I have to go get more testing done. And yes,
Speaker 2: we live in a great country where these tests are
Speaker 2: generally subsidized or free because if they're rare genes, like
Speaker 2: the last time. I don't know if they'll cost anything
Speaker 2: this time, but last time it was all free because
Speaker 2: if they're rare genes, they use it for science and
Speaker 2: stuff like that.
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 2: So yes, it's very lucky, but it's also very annoying.
Speaker 1: What are you going to do though this time? To
Speaker 1: avoid having a panic attack?
Speaker 2: Me and my brother and sister went together for the
Speaker 2: last lot, so we'll probably go together. So maybe I'll
Speaker 2: just take like diazepam and just load up before I go.
Speaker 1: Yeah, good idea, because my only thought is just just
Speaker 1: how scary it was last time. But to be fair,
Speaker 1: you didn't know what was happening. Maybe like this time around,
Speaker 1: if you were to have a panic attack, at least
Speaker 1: you could register in that would I don't know.
Speaker 2: Last time wasn't great because they weren't able to complete
Speaker 2: the test properly on me, because they even the head
Speaker 2: nurse at the genetic screening place struggled to get blood
Speaker 2: out of me.
Speaker 1: Oh shit.
Speaker 2: Yeah, anyway, it is what it is. We'll just have
Speaker 2: to deal with it when it happens. But my peak
Speaker 2: is my mom and dad are taking us on an
Speaker 2: extended family holiday in twenty twenty six. What isn't that
Speaker 2: so fun? Yes, I'm so excited. It's so generous of them.
Speaker 2: Everything's included, flights, food, accommodation. We just have to show up.
Speaker 1: Isn't that so nice? I one day we'll train, we'll
Speaker 1: do that for my kids, Like, it's such a precious
Speaker 1: gift to do that for your kids and do something
Speaker 1: all together. Oh my god, I love that.
Speaker 2: Glenn Is just can you just imagine when he realizes
Speaker 2: that we're all going to Fiji, with cousins, with Uncle Sam,
Speaker 2: with Arnie Kat, with Nana Pop. He's just going to
Speaker 2: be like whoa. And also just for me to be
Speaker 2: on holidays with my siblings and parents again, oh.
Speaker 1: So nice girl. And Fiji is just fantastic for kids.
Speaker 1: He's a great age for like kids club and all
Speaker 1: that good stuff that you go to those destines for.
Speaker 2: So that is something really nice to look forward to.
Speaker 1: Gorgeous. So what time next year is like early? Oh amazing,
Speaker 1: We're almost halfway.
Speaker 2: So it's not exactly, it's not long. It's not long.
Speaker 2: It'll go really fast. And yeah, you know when Christmas
Speaker 2: is all over and you're like, you know, start of
Speaker 2: a new year, it'll be just like oh yay, then
Speaker 2: we get to go away.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that'll be so good. And know it's always a
Speaker 1: bit doomy, gloomy at the beginning of the year, although
Speaker 1: Easter came around pretty quickly, which I think was so
Speaker 1: good this year.
Speaker 2: True, true, Who.
Speaker 1: Knows what the date's going to be next year. It's
Speaker 1: all based on some silly little moon.
Speaker 2: Your turn, you finish on the peak.
Speaker 1: Okay, so my pit is falling on from last week,
Speaker 1: my diagnosis of shingles and mastitis. Having to pump my
Speaker 1: mastidisy shingle boob and then feeding out of a bottle,
Speaker 1: Like it's so funny, right. You just get so used
Speaker 1: to what your routine is, and something as small as
Speaker 1: pumping one boob, transferring it to a bottle and feeding
Speaker 1: out of a bottle, it's just so much work, an
Speaker 1: extra mental load and just extra like having to get
Speaker 1: up out of bed at night to do stuff like
Speaker 1: normally just roll her out and feed her, but I've
Speaker 1: got a pump and pull off the milk into the
Speaker 1: It's just a lot. And I'd just like to stop
Speaker 1: that now. That'd be lovely if I could stop that.
Speaker 2: What about my girlfriend who she has like this nipple
Speaker 2: condition and she did it for I forget how many
Speaker 2: months she persevered and pushed through, and I mean after
Speaker 2: she was done, she was like, I was a cycle.
Speaker 2: I don't know what I was thinking. So she was
Speaker 2: pumping because she couldn't feed directly from the nipple. They
Speaker 2: were covered with scabs and like blood. That's how sensitive
Speaker 2: her nipples were, even just to the pump.
Speaker 1: That's when you're in that new mum phase, hay, and you're.
Speaker 2: Just putting pressure on yourself.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and you don't realize the office You're like, whoa,
Speaker 1: what was I doing?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: I remember when I was with Suki breastfeeding and I
Speaker 1: was texting my bestie being like, oh, it's hard, Like
Speaker 1: you know, she's just so hungry and I just don't
Speaker 1: supply isn't good and she just went fit is best?
Speaker 1: Just remember? Yeah, good reminder just in case I'm getting
Speaker 1: into my crazy cuckoo era of like reast.
Speaker 2: Milk, rest milk, but no, the baby just wants a
Speaker 2: full tummy, just.
Speaker 1: Wants to be fed. Bitch my peak. Now. I am
Speaker 1: just so thrilled with Rou's daycare. I cannot tell you.
Speaker 1: It has been a bloody journey getting her to a
Speaker 1: daycare that I love, and I knew that they were
Speaker 1: a wonderful, But then Mother's Day a couple of weeks ago,
Speaker 1: it was like I never and any of the daycarees
Speaker 1: that I went to previously had like a Mother's Day
Speaker 1: morning tea. We never celebrated anything. They never invited us
Speaker 1: into the daycare to do things with your other daycare,
Speaker 1: don't I know, honestly, But we were invited to this
Speaker 1: Mother's Day thing. Super cute. We get there, I'm hand
Speaker 1: at a gift. They made these little color coo bags
Speaker 1: that the girls have done their artwork on with this
Speaker 1: beautiful card and a poem and all very cutesy. And
Speaker 1: then we're sitting around just waiting in the classroom and
Speaker 1: then we all are invited to come outside to the
Speaker 1: big play area and there's nail polish station set up,
Speaker 1: a pasta like necklace making stations, face painting, photo booth.
Speaker 1: There were all these snacks like chicken bagels and pretzels
Speaker 1: and all of these things. They had gone to so
Speaker 1: much effort, and the kids were loving it because we
Speaker 1: were coming into their space and they were showing us
Speaker 1: all of their stuff and it was just honestly so beautiful.
Speaker 1: And then today, for instance, I get an email from
Speaker 1: the lead educator and it's ru's like Cycle one Individual
Speaker 1: Observation Planning Record. Basically, it's from January to May everything
Speaker 1: that they've observed in relation to socialization literacy, not that
Speaker 1: they can really read or anything like that, but just
Speaker 1: the beginnings of it emotional, social, physical, cognitive language, and
Speaker 1: then like what the plan is moving forward and really
Speaker 1: thoughtful comments. It wasn't just like generic cut and pace,
Speaker 1: like they were unique to her. And I just thought,
Speaker 1: this is so nice because I'm in a stage where
Speaker 1: we don't have family help. I really have to rely
Speaker 1: on daycare to do a lot of the raising of rue,
Speaker 1: you know, from Monday to Thursday. And like, what a
Speaker 1: gift it is to be able to completely trust the
Speaker 1: people that you're sending your kid to school with every day,
Speaker 1: like they're as invested in her as we are. And
Speaker 1: also just some of the comments, it's just like so
Speaker 1: cute because I know that she's a really kind kid,
Speaker 1: but then they're like, oh and then they helped this
Speaker 1: other girl who didn't know how to do it, blah
Speaker 1: blah blah, And I'm like, Okay, she's doing okay, she's
Speaker 1: weather the storm of having a sibling and moving daycares again,
Speaker 1: and she's thriving.
Speaker 2: And she does have her little bestie there, which she
Speaker 2: must just love so much.
Speaker 1: I know she does have her bestie, Goldie.
Speaker 2: The it's so cute now that they literally spent most
Speaker 2: days together.
Speaker 1: It is just so funny. Beck and I Goldie's mom,
Speaker 1: we met and if you don't know the connection, Beck
Speaker 1: and I met in mother's group and ruined. Goldie became
Speaker 1: fast friends, as did Beck and I. And Beck will
Speaker 1: messaged me one morning or old message whoever drops off second,
Speaker 1: and the girls are like, whoa Goldie. Look at my dress.
Speaker 1: I'm wearing a bow dress. Look at me, I'm wearing
Speaker 1: poor patrol undies. They'll like comment on each other, Oh,
Speaker 1: you look so nice, you look so nice. Should we
Speaker 1: play outside?
Speaker 2: Yeah, let's go.
Speaker 1: It's just so good, so good having a little bestie
Speaker 1: there and just having someone else to like remind you
Speaker 1: of shit. Like Beck's like, how are you going to
Speaker 1: this mother's day thing? I was like, yeah, I have RSVP.
Speaker 1: She's like, okay, cool, I'll go to. Having like a
Speaker 1: little friend there for yourself is also really nice. So
Speaker 1: it just feels good to know that because that last
Speaker 1: time I moved it, I really did go back and forth,
Speaker 1: and I felt really guilty after I kind of handed
Speaker 1: and unnoticed because that was like her fourth daycare or something.
Speaker 2: I've had a lot of duds. Though you've had bad
Speaker 2: luck with daycare.
Speaker 1: I have had bad luck, and I think that I
Speaker 1: kept trying to remind myself like no, no, if something
Speaker 1: doesn't feel right, we got to move on. It's important
Speaker 1: to get somewhere where you feel really safe and secure,
Speaker 1: and we've found that and I'm just so thrilled, and yeah,
Speaker 1: it's so fun to drop them off every day and
Speaker 1: let her run in and be like, I just love it.
Speaker 1: And the educators are so nice. Educators are so nice anyway,
Speaker 1: I love them. I love them. Daycare is the best
Speaker 1: enough of that. After the break hell is kicking off
Speaker 1: the first ever I just don't Know if I care segment.
Speaker 2: I don't care?
Speaker 1: Yeah you do?
Speaker 3: No, I don't you care?
Speaker 2: I don't care, Yes you do. Before I start talking,
Speaker 2: because I've got a lot to say about today's topic,
Speaker 2: do you want to reintroduce this segment and explain what
Speaker 2: it is? There are so many topics in my mind
Speaker 2: that I want to discuss.
Speaker 1: So this one is I just don't know if I care.
Speaker 1: And each month we'll alternate bringing a study, opinion piece
Speaker 1: that someone's written, maybe a TikTok video that's gone viral
Speaker 1: with a certain take on parenting, motherhood, lifestyle, something that
Speaker 1: is kind of in the mix that maybe you've seen
Speaker 1: as a headline but haven't had the time or energpacity
Speaker 1: to click into. We're going to bring it to you
Speaker 1: break it down and then have a little discussion and
Speaker 1: at the end we're going to decide if we care
Speaker 1: or not. So Kell's up this week for the first one.
Speaker 2: Oh, I'm so excited. Today we're going to chat about
Speaker 2: an article in The Cut a few weeks ago titled
Speaker 2: Happy Mother's Day to the Mums who Love to Party.
Speaker 2: We will link it in the show notes if you
Speaker 2: fancy a read. But it's essentially a toast to mums
Speaker 2: who love to party, urging society to celebrate them without
Speaker 2: the burden of proving their worth. And the more that
Speaker 2: I sort of thought about this topic, the more passionate
Speaker 2: I got, which is going to be very clear. So
Speaker 2: in the essay, Catherine Jersey Morton challenges the traditional narrative
Speaker 2: that mothers must earn their pleasure and fun through self sacrifice.
Speaker 2: She celebrates the mothers who find joy and liberation in partying,
Speaker 2: however they like to do so. On an individual level.
Speaker 2: These experiences, she argues, offer a vital connection to the
Speaker 2: world beyond domestic life and reaffirm the individual identity. And
Speaker 2: then she goes on to include perspectives from other mothers
Speaker 2: who highlight how such moments of revelry. How good is
Speaker 2: that word? I love that word can serve as a
Speaker 2: form of self expression and necessary escape from the gender
Speaker 2: normed roles that are often imposed on mothers. And The
Speaker 2: Piece advocates for recognizing mothers as multifaceted individuals who deserve
Speaker 2: joy and autonomy. And my god, did I feel seen?
Speaker 2: Because the level of vitriol, judgment and quite frankly discussed
Speaker 2: that's aimed at mothers specifically for doing something like partying,
Speaker 2: is at an all time high. Thanks to social media.
Speaker 2: We're allowed to ask because obviously we have to ask
Speaker 2: for permission to see if we've earned it, you know,
Speaker 2: because we're not individuals that can make their own life choices.
Speaker 2: So we could ask for hampering, say for Mother's Day,
Speaker 2: I'd love like a voucher to the spa, or I'd
Speaker 2: love like a lunch with the girls, or a nice
Speaker 2: new piece of jewelry, because that's perceived as a treat.
Speaker 2: So this mom that is asking for the nice massage,
Speaker 2: she's always showing up on Instagram at her kids soccer
Speaker 2: games and the bakesale, and the washing is always in
Speaker 2: the line because she doesn't dare use the dryer, so
Speaker 2: she deserves that massage. She deserves a money petty here
Speaker 2: and there or brunch with a girl. But a mom
Speaker 2: that loves Darrave absolutely not a mom who wants to
Speaker 2: talk shit in someone's garage over a bottle or six
Speaker 2: of rose day every second Friday. Do not be ridiculous.
Speaker 2: If you've posted something like that, the comments action would
Speaker 2: not be like, oh my god, so fun you go girl,
Speaker 2: or I'm coming next time. It would be here is.
Speaker 3: Looking after your child, terrible mother who needs to escape
Speaker 3: her children, And then things just like really boring comments
Speaker 3: like don't have kids if you still want to party?
Speaker 2: Why? Why is having kids seen as this moment where
Speaker 2: you no longer can do anything purely for yourself unless
Speaker 2: it's the occasionally socially accepted spa day lunch. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I thought this was really interesting because it's obvious that
Speaker 1: if you see mothers enjoying themselves, or if you saw
Speaker 1: I don't know, some drunk stories that a mum had
Speaker 1: put up, I think the automatic reaction to that is
Speaker 1: a little bit like, oh, and I think that's ingrained
Speaker 1: in us. Not that it should be, but I think
Speaker 1: that society has made us think like that's not very motherly.
Speaker 2: Right, Yes, it's not very motherly.
Speaker 1: It's not very motherly. That's not really how you're supposed
Speaker 1: to act. But what I loved about this is she
Speaker 1: spoke to different people and one of the one women
Speaker 1: that she asked in this piece used to be her
Speaker 1: editor at another magazine and she didn't have kids at
Speaker 1: the time, this editor, but now she does, and so
Speaker 1: it was really interesting to get her perspective. And she
Speaker 1: said that after just having these little moments out of
Speaker 1: partying and because she was a party girl, she said
Speaker 1: that she comes to feel more palpable gratitude for the slow, sweet,
Speaker 1: tedious domesticity that she gets to leave and then return to.
Speaker 1: And I just really resonated with that because I think
Speaker 1: what happens is that like, obviously, yes, gender roles, yes
Speaker 1: they're unfair, like they're not equal, and as women, we
Speaker 1: do pick up a lot more of the things that
Speaker 1: I know that when I go and let off a
Speaker 1: bit of steam, which is usually like going to my
Speaker 1: girlfriend's birthday and dancing all night, like, I come back
Speaker 1: being like okay, I feel a bit more refreshed, like hey,
Speaker 1: I'm still me, but I just can't be all of
Speaker 1: me all the time, but I'm still there.
Speaker 2: And I loved her line that said, despite my aching head,
Speaker 2: I feel restored in a way that no SPA can't
Speaker 2: touch because I completely agree with you. And it's not
Speaker 2: for everyone, of course, but there is something that makes
Speaker 2: me feel so much more alive that ASPA just wouldn't.
Speaker 2: And the thing about you know, looking at someone's drunk
Speaker 2: insta stories and going ooh, not very motherly, Well, that
Speaker 2: person is more than just a mother. Yeah, having kids
Speaker 2: doesn't mean that you are solely tied for them for
Speaker 2: every single second and still they leave the home that
Speaker 2: is not healthy for them or you. You are a
Speaker 2: multifaceted person, we all are. You're not just a mum.
Speaker 2: I am Lenny's mum. I play silly games with him
Speaker 2: and we have dance parties with the cats and we
Speaker 2: go on find adventures and I do love that part
Speaker 2: of my life, but it isn't my entire life.
Speaker 1: I think what's important to there was like, some people
Speaker 1: do want to center their life around their kids right
Speaker 1: in a huge way, and that is okay too, but
Speaker 1: they should also understand that they're allowed to, like let
Speaker 1: off a little bit of steam. And I want to
Speaker 1: also say that, like, even though we're talking about quote
Speaker 1: unquote partying, the definition of that when she kind of
Speaker 1: surveyed this group of women was like, yeah, there was
Speaker 1: like party party people, but some of them were like
Speaker 1: drinkers or some of them were sober.
Speaker 2: But it's still go out dancing till six am.
Speaker 1: Exactly, but the hours were late. And that's what I
Speaker 1: think it is. I think sometimes I'm guilty of doing this.
Speaker 1: It's like if I go out to socialize as a mother,
Speaker 1: there's like a an end on it. It's like I
Speaker 1: can maybe go out for and especially now I'm a
Speaker 1: newborn stage obviously that is like the one time where
Speaker 1: I do need to have timed stuff, But like, I
Speaker 1: don't know, there's kind of like an expectation that it's
Speaker 1: only like X amount of hours long. Right I'm imagining
Speaker 1: Charlie going out, there's not like a said amount of
Speaker 1: time for him to like go out and let off
Speaker 1: some steam, like do whatever you want to do. But
Speaker 1: I think there is inherently we have restrictions around what
Speaker 1: we can do and how long we can do it
Speaker 1: for as mothers.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I agree. I have always really loved partying, and
Speaker 2: I've definitely given it a strong nudge throughout my life.
Speaker 2: Len was exactly six weeks old when I first went out,
Speaker 2: and when I was thinking back, it was the first
Speaker 2: time I actually felt like myself again. All night, people
Speaker 2: were asking if I missed him and how I was going,
Speaker 2: and I just was like, oh my god, I'm absolutely fine,
Speaker 2: and I just felt so much joy and I just
Speaker 2: felt like, oh, I'm myself again. And it's funny. Whenever
Speaker 2: I start getting really cranky or my mental health starts
Speaker 2: slipping a bit, Luke will be like, do you have
Speaker 2: a night out with the girls anytime soon? Yeah? It's
Speaker 2: like you need it. It feeds me so much. But
Speaker 2: I'm about to tell you about a disagreement if you will,
Speaker 2: that Luke and I had a few months ago. I
Speaker 2: guess it sort of all ties in with the feeling like, oh,
Speaker 2: you've earned doing this as a mother, rather than just
Speaker 2: like you're a person who can still do what you
Speaker 2: want as long as you're sort of you know, you've
Speaker 2: got to put your kid first, of course, but you
Speaker 2: also need to put yourself first sometimes. So I'm going
Speaker 2: to tell you about the argument.
Speaker 1: Okay, tell me.
Speaker 2: As many of you know, I went to Bali solo
Speaker 2: in February. I had friends over there, but was primarily
Speaker 2: by myself, and I did nothing but eat, swim, should
Speaker 2: repeat read, get massages and yes, party with my friends
Speaker 2: for five days and I returned a new woman. I
Speaker 2: was so rejuvenated in every single aspect, specifically though, as
Speaker 2: a wife and a mother, because I'd had that time
Speaker 2: with no one wanting me and needing me and asking
Speaker 2: for anything. I mentioned to Luke that I thought it
Speaker 2: would be good if I did that every quarter, so
Speaker 2: four times a year. I'm like, I'm going to take
Speaker 2: myself to Bali for that long weekend to recharge, so
Speaker 2: it's five point four percent of the time over a
Speaker 2: three month period I would be away from my family.
Speaker 2: And Luke was outraged by my selfishness, like absolutely outraged.
Speaker 1: This is hard, right, because if Charlie turned around and
Speaker 1: said that to me, I wouldn't be happy. No fucking
Speaker 1: way is that happening, Like you cannot leave me once
Speaker 1: every three months for a long weekend. Even as I'm
Speaker 1: saying it sounds unreasonable, but like I'm just thinking logistically, no,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna I will sinkle, swim, I'm gonna sink.
Speaker 2: But then I bought up that he was planning on
Speaker 2: doing night shifts, which would be a much higher percent away.
Speaker 2: He literally at the moment sees Lenny for half an
Speaker 2: hour in the mornings during the week. He was like, oh, well,
Speaker 2: it's okay because it was for work. I agree with
Speaker 2: lou Oh my god, okay.
Speaker 1: Because he's not choosing to do that, like that's the
Speaker 1: work that he's taking in order to provide for the family.
Speaker 2: Right, Okay, okay, yep, so you're still here.
Speaker 1: Sure, I'm still team Luke.
Speaker 2: I'm so sorry, No, no, no, this is these conversations
Speaker 2: are good. Technically, I was working in Bali because I
Speaker 2: was shooting and testing the travel in and then I
Speaker 2: said to him, Okay, well, I'm just going to arrange
Speaker 2: some spond to shoot every trip. Would that suddenly make
Speaker 2: it okay?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean it's not fair because his job has
Speaker 1: night shifts, you know, Like that's where I think the
Speaker 1: inequity is. But I think that you actually making it
Speaker 1: a work trip does legitimize it in a way that
Speaker 1: would get out across the line for me.
Speaker 2: But then he still was like, no, you're so selfish.
Speaker 2: What is so wrong with someone being selfish? Sometimes like
Speaker 2: I'm putting him and Lenny first and my work most
Speaker 2: of the time. What is wrong with me putting myself
Speaker 2: first occasionally?
Speaker 1: I actually do think that this is quite a nice
Speaker 1: thing to maybe do. But I think what it needs
Speaker 1: to be is that both of you do it.
Speaker 2: But he doesn't want to or he wouldn't want to
Speaker 2: spend the money on that.
Speaker 1: That's not really about you, go it's about him not
Speaker 1: wanting to do the same thing. But I know, like
Speaker 1: thinking about how stressed Charlie is and how much he's
Speaker 1: doing at work and then coming home and helping me,
Speaker 1: and me just being stressed all the time, etc. Doing
Speaker 1: all the family stuff. Like I think we would both
Speaker 1: actually really benefit from having something like that to look.
Speaker 2: Forward to exactly. But it's only okay to travel if
Speaker 2: it's for work, because then that scene is virtuous because
Speaker 2: then you're earning your time. Self care isn't virtuous. Even
Speaker 2: though life is fucking short, things can happen at the
Speaker 2: blink of the moment. Why aren't we okay with being
Speaker 2: a little bit selfish and putting ourselves first occasionally and
Speaker 2: just enjoying ourselves. Why, as women are we constantly made
Speaker 2: to feel guilty for wanting pleasure when at the end
Speaker 2: of the day, making everyone else happy all the time
Speaker 2: isn't going to get you anywhere.
Speaker 1: You're so right, Like I just remembered recently, maybe Suki
Speaker 1: was eight or nine weeks and my girlfriend was having
Speaker 1: a party and she was having on a boat and
Speaker 1: she's like, guys, I've got like a surprise for you,
Speaker 1: and I was like, okay, I'll do it. And then
Speaker 1: it came to the time and I just thought like, oh,
Speaker 1: I can't leave her. I'd have to pump and she's
Speaker 1: never had a bottle, and there were all these obstacles
Speaker 1: to why I couldn't go. But I think at the
Speaker 1: crux of it, it was like, you shouldn't leave your baby.
Speaker 1: You've just had a baby, she's going to be a newborn, Like,
Speaker 1: you shouldn't leave her. Well, I did leave her. Charlie
Speaker 1: was like, it's five hours, it'll be fine. He was
Speaker 1: really encouraging of that, and it was the best five
Speaker 1: hours I've had in ages. And I was so glad
Speaker 1: in that moment that he and my best friend Hannah
Speaker 1: were like, it's gonna be fine. If it's not, we
Speaker 1: can give a formula. It's five hours and that was it.
Speaker 1: I went on the boat, got off, came home. I
Speaker 1: was back in time for like bedtime and stuff, and
Speaker 1: it was an amazing time out. And I just think about, like,
Speaker 1: was it really the fact that I hadn't given her
Speaker 1: a bottle that was deterring me from going, or was
Speaker 1: it kind of that underlying all it's not.
Speaker 2: Very motherly of you to go out and get pissed
Speaker 2: on a boat when you've got a baby at.
Speaker 1: Home, exactly, and that I did have a lot of
Speaker 1: glasses of champagne and some great sushi. It would have
Speaker 1: been so easy for me to not go because I've
Speaker 1: just had a newborn and how could I dare leave
Speaker 1: her for a few hours. But really I left her
Speaker 1: for five hours. She was fine. Charlie got to have
Speaker 1: this amazing kind of one on one with the baby,
Speaker 1: and I got to have some time off to come
Speaker 1: back to my really mundane, boring life.
Speaker 2: I don't know if I've completely missed to the point
Speaker 2: of this segment. I just don't know if I care,
Speaker 2: because I really agree with this author that wrote the
Speaker 2: essay on the cut that sometimes it's okay that you
Speaker 2: still love partying and sometimes it's okay to be a
Speaker 2: selfish bitch.
Speaker 1: Well, I think it's slightly off of what the segment's
Speaker 1: meant to be, But who do care about what this
Speaker 1: person has said in this piece? It's like, yeah, I
Speaker 1: do care. Like we are meant to party, we're allowed
Speaker 1: to be mums, we're also allowed to have fun, and
Speaker 1: I think I do care too. I think you're right.
Speaker 1: You've laid out some really interesting thoughts starters that I
Speaker 1: think I'll be interested to see what the shit has
Speaker 1: come back with and what their feedback is. Because you
Speaker 1: lost me and then you got me back.
Speaker 2: I think that everyone will listen along and being like
Speaker 2: oh no, Kel, no no, and do exactly what you're doing,
Speaker 2: going no team Luke, Team Luke. But then the more
Speaker 2: I argue my point, the more I make more and
Speaker 2: more sense, and the more people are going to finish
Speaker 2: that episode and then go book themselves a five day
Speaker 2: long weekend you bully.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and ask their partners to do the same thing.
Speaker 1: That's the thing.
Speaker 2: I'm like, go yourself if you want to or do
Speaker 2: I don't know, goal for whatever you want to do.
Speaker 2: That's the bloody equivalent like I mean to be fair, Luke,
Speaker 2: could not think of anything more boring than going and
Speaker 2: sitting next to a pool and reading by himself for
Speaker 2: five days. That man loves to chat.
Speaker 1: But yeah, I think that I.
Speaker 2: Think about things like a man. Well.
Speaker 1: I think that the difference here, right, is that the
Speaker 1: reason why this person has written this article is because
Speaker 1: it is gendered. Because no one blinks an eye or
Speaker 1: bats an eye when dads have to go back to
Speaker 1: work or they have to travel and there's a newborn
Speaker 1: at home, or your partners probably have in some form
Speaker 1: let off steam way before you have, or as frequently
Speaker 1: as you might do as a mum. So it's for
Speaker 1: the people that don't let their hair down a lot.
Speaker 1: I think they are going to have a bit of
Speaker 1: a little come to Jesus moment from this segment.
Speaker 2: Hopefully, I think so. And I think that, well, hopefully
Speaker 2: I've changed your mind a little bit about the importance
Speaker 2: of being selfish sometimes I'm not saying all the time,
Speaker 2: because it's also going to make you a better mother
Speaker 2: because you've had that time to decompress.
Speaker 1: One hundred percent. All right, it's recommendations time. Should I
Speaker 1: go first or should you go first?
Speaker 2: Because I've just been ranting and shouting.
Speaker 1: No, you weren't ranting and shouting. You were presenting a
Speaker 1: very interesting point that got me over the line. All right,
Speaker 1: I'm up. First, I have had a bit of a
Speaker 1: style crisis since having Suki. Actually while I was pregnant.
Speaker 1: My body changed quite a lot during this pregnancy, and
Speaker 1: I'm not in any rush to do anything about it.
Speaker 1: I'm very comfortable in my skin at the moment, but
Speaker 1: what makes me very aware of my changing body is
Speaker 1: trying to get myself dressed in the morning. So rather
Speaker 1: than buy I don't know, clothes that are like placeholders,
Speaker 1: I'm just like, this is the size I am. I
Speaker 1: want to buy clothes that fit me that I like,
Speaker 1: but I also don't have a lot of like heaps
Speaker 1: of cash to spend. Times are tough, so I have
Speaker 1: been on a little bit of a deep pop discovery.
Speaker 2: Oh I love this so much. Yes, yes, yes, right.
Speaker 1: So I think deepop is really good for our listeners
Speaker 1: that maybe postpartum, maybe a bit of recession proof shopping.
Speaker 1: That you can find things that you would love at
Speaker 1: full price, but they are discount because people maybe have
Speaker 1: worn them once or twice. They're pre loved, and they're
Speaker 1: really reasonably priced. You can also put an offering, So
Speaker 1: say someone has something up for seventy five dollars, you
Speaker 1: could offer sixty and see if they take it, and
Speaker 1: you can kind of go back and forth and barter,
Speaker 1: and then once it's done, they will wrap it up
Speaker 1: and send it to you. And there's this thing called RePOP,
Speaker 1: Like if you get something on deep Hop and it
Speaker 1: doesn't suit you, you might put it up again. And it's like,
Speaker 1: this was a RePOP, but it was just because you know,
Speaker 1: it was too long for me. But it's a really
Speaker 1: great sight because I don't know, you can just find things.
Speaker 2: I use it to buy things that I want, but
Speaker 2: I don't want to pay that money.
Speaker 1: Frice, Yeah, because how many times have you bought something,
Speaker 1: warned a couple of times and then just been likeck,
Speaker 1: it's just not me and it's pretty expensive, or maybe
Speaker 1: you know X amount of money to be able to
Speaker 1: give that new life instead of it hanging in the
Speaker 1: closet for three years until you really decide that it's
Speaker 1: not for you and then end up donating it or whatever.
Speaker 1: Like it's just a really good way to I don't know,
Speaker 1: recycle your clothes but also find great deals, and it's
Speaker 1: just fun to scroll, Like, give me a different platform
Speaker 1: than Instagram and TikTok to scroll like Deepop. It's fun anyway,
Speaker 1: So that's my record.
Speaker 2: I love that, and I think that that is a
Speaker 2: great recommendation because we just need to stop shopping at
Speaker 2: shit places like.
Speaker 1: And that's my thing. I really don't want to shop
Speaker 1: at fast fashion anymore. Like there's definitely a place where
Speaker 1: I understand why people do it, but for me, it's
Speaker 1: building like a wardrobe of clothing that is good quality,
Speaker 1: will stand the test of time, classic things that you
Speaker 1: can funk up, and I think that Deepop is really
Speaker 1: good for that.
Speaker 2: I love fast fashion, but I don't ever buy things
Speaker 2: to be fast. So I love fast fashion prices, but
Speaker 2: I don't ever buy things just for one season. Like
Speaker 2: i'll buy something that's technically fast fashion, people say, oh,
Speaker 2: where'd you get that, and I'll be like, I got
Speaker 2: it from Chopo or top Shop five years ago, though yeah,
Speaker 2: like I just I pull things out and so it's
Speaker 2: not fast for me. So you were recommending bras last week,
Speaker 2: like for Postpartum where Nala is another Aussie lady startup brand.
Speaker 2: They're fifteen nine dollars. They come in a range of colors, shapes,
Speaker 2: and sizes. The reason why I like them is because
Speaker 2: I don't like bras. I wear a crop most of
Speaker 2: the time because I just don't like the feeling of
Speaker 2: something title supportive or I don't like to feel trapped
Speaker 2: at all, which is why I don't like wearing jewelry normally.
Speaker 2: But they are the closest thing to a crop, but
Speaker 2: it's still a bra because the thing is, if you're
Speaker 2: wearing a crop under a tight shirt, it's really obvious
Speaker 2: that you're wearing a crop, and it's a very teenage
Speaker 2: girl of you. Like, yeah, I don't know why, I
Speaker 2: just feel really juvenile, like if I just you need
Speaker 2: to put a bra on under your top because you
Speaker 2: can just see it and it just Are you about
Speaker 2: to go play netball? Potentially? Yes?
Speaker 1: You on a Wednesday?
Speaker 2: Yes, yep, me on a Wednesday. Absolutely.
Speaker 1: I think they do a brilette thanllah. I've got it
Speaker 1: in black and it is so nice. It's like sexy
Speaker 1: but a bralatt Oh.
Speaker 2: On that note, time for us to skid atle Hopefully
Speaker 2: we'll be back in your eies next week with a
Speaker 2: shitter for a yap and Yanna about something interesting.
Speaker 1: This podcast was produced by us Key Resells and Kelly McCarran,
Speaker 1: with audio production by Matti Joanna. See you next week.
Speaker 1: Shit is Bye.