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Speaker 1: You're listening to a Muma Mia podcast.

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Speaker 2: Mumma Mea acknowledges the traditional owners of land and waters

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Speaker 2: that this podcast is recorded on Hi. I'm Claire Murphy.

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Speaker 2: This is Muma Mere's twice daily news podcast, The Quickie.

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Speaker 2: The let Them theory, popularized by motivational speaker and author

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Speaker 2: Mel Robbins, has become a viral sensation that's transforming how

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Speaker 2: people handle stress, relationships and personal growth. But just how

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Speaker 2: easy is it really to just let them? That's what

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Speaker 2: we're finding out today. But before we do that, here's

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Speaker 2: the latest from the Quikie Newsroom, Tuesday, January twenty eighth.

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Speaker 2: The plan to harve Australia's road toll is in the gutter,

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Speaker 2: with a fourth consecutive rise and the number of Aussies killed,

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Speaker 2: making it the worst results since before seatbelts became mandatory.

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Speaker 2: Thirteen hundred people died on the nation's roads in twenty

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Speaker 2: twenty four, an increase from twelve hundred and fifty eight

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Speaker 2: in twenty twenty three and a twelve year high. The

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Speaker 2: landmark federal strategy to slash the number of lives lost

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Speaker 2: on our roads by twenty thirty, a plan implemented back

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Speaker 2: in twenty twenty is reportedly wildly off track. Instead of

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Speaker 2: reducing fatalities, they've instead jumped by eighteen point five percent

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Speaker 2: in five years. No Australian jurisdiction is on track to

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Speaker 2: meet the agreed targets, the Australian Automobile Association saying for

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Speaker 2: many of the KPIs listed governments are still to even

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Speaker 2: collect the data needed to measure their progress. As the

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Speaker 2: fragile ceasefire between Israel and Hamas enters its second week,

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Speaker 2: tens of thousands of Palestinians have been allowed to return

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Speaker 2: to their homes in northern Gaza. They've been previously held

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Speaker 2: up at crossings in central Gaza as Israeli authorities accused

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Speaker 2: the Mass of breaching the ceasefire agreement by not releasing

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Speaker 2: a list of hostages who remained alive and for not

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Speaker 2: handing over one hostage that agreed to on Saturday, But

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Speaker 2: her Mass have now confirmed that eight of the hostages

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Speaker 2: who are meant to be freed during this first phase

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Speaker 2: of the deal are already dead, and they will release

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Speaker 2: civilian hostage Arbor Yearhood along with two more before the

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Speaker 2: end of the week. Around ninety hostages are believed to

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Speaker 2: still be in Gaza, with at least a third and

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Speaker 2: possibly even up to half believed to have died already.

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Speaker 2: While thousands of Palestinians waited to return home. Israel's military

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Speaker 2: fired on the crowd, saying they were simply warning shots,

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Speaker 2: but it's believed two people were killed and nine wounded,

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Speaker 2: including a child. Donald Trump has claimed victory over Columbia

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Speaker 2: after they refused to allow planes filled with deported citizens

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Speaker 2: to land in their country. After refusing to accept the deportees,

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Speaker 2: President Trump ordered visa restrictions on Colombian government officials and

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Speaker 2: their families, as well as the processing of visas at

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Speaker 2: their Colombian embassy. They also included a twenty five percent

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Speaker 2: tariff on all Colombian goods, which would then be raised

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Speaker 2: to fifty percent in a week. Colombian President Gustavo Petro

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Speaker 2: accused Trump of not treating immigrants with dignity after seeing

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Speaker 2: footage of them being transferred to flights in restraints, also

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Speaker 2: announcing a retaliatory twenty five percent increase in Colombian tariffs

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Speaker 2: on imported US goods. Trump took to truth social to

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Speaker 2: say they will not allow Columbia to violate its legal

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Speaker 2: obligation with regard to the acceptance and return of criminals

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Speaker 2: they forced into the United States. The Colombian government then

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Speaker 2: confirmed late Sunday they've overcome the impass with the US

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Speaker 2: government and they'll now receive deportees. Taylor Swift's boyfriend Travis

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Speaker 2: Kelcey's off to the Super Bowl again this year after

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Speaker 2: his team won the AFC Championship. The two time defending

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Speaker 2: Super Bowl winners, the Kansas City Chiefs, are now on

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Speaker 2: track to take out an unprecedented three peat when they

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Speaker 2: face off against Travis Kelsey's brother's old team, the Philadelphia Eagles,

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Speaker 2: who they beat for the title two years ago. The

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Speaker 2: game set to be played in New Orleans on February nine.

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Speaker 2: Taylor Swift was on hand to watch her man win,

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Speaker 2: taking to the field and kissing Kelsey in front of

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Speaker 2: the cameras. Kelsey grabbed a mic and told fans to

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Speaker 2: party the night away. There will be an Aussie on

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Speaker 2: the field for the big game, with Jordan Malata playing

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Speaker 2: in his second Super Bowl for the Eagles. He's the

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Speaker 2: second Nossia to playing two, but unlike Jesse Williams, who

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Speaker 2: played for the winning Seattle Seahawks in twenty fourteen. He's

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Speaker 2: yet to get a bowl ring on his finger. That's

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Speaker 2: what's going on in the world today. Next, is it

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Speaker 2: time to let them? We find out why this viral

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Speaker 2: poem turned book is guiding people through what many believe

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Speaker 2: might be a rollercoaster twenty twenty five. A few years ago,

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Speaker 2: this poem went viral online.

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Speaker 1: Just let them. If they want to choose something or

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Speaker 1: someone over you. Let them. If they want to go

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Speaker 1: weeks without talking to you. Let them if they are

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Speaker 1: okay with never seeing you. Let them if they are

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Speaker 1: okay with always putting themselves first. Let them if they

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Speaker 1: are showing you who they are and not what you

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Speaker 1: perceived them to be. Let them if they want to

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Speaker 1: follow the crowd. Let them if they want to judge

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Speaker 1: or misunderstand you. Let them if they act like they

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Speaker 1: can live without you. Let them. If they want to

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Speaker 1: walk out of your life and leave, hold the door

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Speaker 1: open and let them. Let them lose you. You were

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Speaker 1: never theirs, because you were always your own, So let them.

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Speaker 2: The poem, written by Cassie Phillips back in twenty twenty two,

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Speaker 2: started a movement for people who are understanding now that

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Speaker 2: the only person whose behavior you can control is your own.

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Speaker 2: It's a mantra that makes you realize that you deserve better,

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Speaker 2: and that by allowing others to be themselves and controlling

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Speaker 2: only your reactions to them, then you are doing the

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Speaker 2: right thing by your own mental health. At its heart,

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Speaker 2: They'll Let Them theory is remarkably simple, a two part

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Speaker 2: mindset toiol that helps you recognize what you can and

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Speaker 2: cannot control. The first part involves saying let them during

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Speaker 2: moments of frustration, stress, or worry about situations involving others.

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Speaker 2: The second part focuses on let me, redirecting attention to

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Speaker 2: what's within your control. Mel Robbins, who wrote the book

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Speaker 2: They'll Let Them Theory, based on her student Cassie's poem, says,

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Speaker 2: it's about knowing you are the only one in control

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Speaker 2: of you.

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Speaker 3: Here's how it works. The next time you feel left out,

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Speaker 3: your friends all go out to brunch together and they

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Speaker 3: don't invite you, let them. Or maybe the person you're

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Speaker 3: dating doesn't want a commitment, let them, Or perhaps your

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Speaker 3: spouse does not want to do the five K with you.

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Speaker 3: Let them. Your company is laying people off, let them.

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Speaker 3: You spend so much time and energy trying to control

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Speaker 3: other people and getting emotionally worked up about things that

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Speaker 3: are beyond your control. You can tap into peace and

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Speaker 3: true control if you let them be themselves. And here's

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Speaker 3: the other thing. If you let them, people will then

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Speaker 3: reveal who they truly are. And when they reveal who

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Speaker 3: they truly are to you, you now know what you

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Speaker 3: can choose next that's right for you.

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Speaker 2: The theory can be applied to a whole host of

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Speaker 2: life situations like relationships. For example, say when friends are

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Speaker 2: distancing themselves, or when that guy or girl you've been

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Speaker 2: kan on says they aren't ready to commit. Oh, when

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Speaker 2: family members make choices that you absolutely disagree with, the

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Speaker 2: idea is to simply let them. You can use it

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Speaker 2: at work, whether that's dealing with difficult colleagues or facing

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Speaker 2: workplace challenges. The theory encourages focusing on your own responses

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Speaker 2: rather than trying to control those others actions. You can

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Speaker 2: even take it out into the wider world with you

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Speaker 2: to cope with daily frustrations from being in a traffic

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Speaker 2: jam to a lengthy checkout line. The approach helps you

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Speaker 2: reduce stress by accepting what can't be changed. Emily Vernon

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Speaker 2: is a writer here at Mamma Mia, co host of

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Speaker 2: our daily entertainment podcast, The Spiel, and you'll also find

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Speaker 2: her quite frequently on Mamma Mia out Loud. Now. She's

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Speaker 2: just written an article about let them theory and how

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Speaker 2: it's been influencing her life. You can find a link

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Speaker 2: to that in our show notes.

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Speaker 4: Well, I've known let them theory for quite a while.

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Speaker 4: I've been on the sad pre cup side of TikTok

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Speaker 4: where let them theory first came up as the poem

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Speaker 4: by Cassie Phillips, and it was only after that that

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Speaker 4: I see the video and the book that Mel Robbins

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Speaker 4: put out. I've known it for quite a while and

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Speaker 4: it was something that I found very very interesting. It's

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Speaker 4: so much easier said than done, especially when it comes

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Speaker 4: to dating, and especially when you experience so many little

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Speaker 4: heartbreaks over a course of a short period of time. Unfortunately,

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Speaker 4: every time I do experience someone like ghosting or a

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Speaker 4: breakup or they're not being that interested in me, let

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Speaker 4: them theory does not come into my mind at that time.

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Speaker 4: It comes in probably like two months later, when I'm

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Speaker 4: like still mourning that situation. I think it's really really hard.

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Speaker 4: It feels like something that you have to really put

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Speaker 4: into practice to do, and I don't think with dating

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Speaker 4: and relationships that's the best kind of relationship avenue to

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Speaker 4: put that in practice with because it's just so sad

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Speaker 4: and heartbreaking and sometimes you just really need to feel

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Speaker 4: all the things, like you just really need to feel

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Speaker 4: sad or angry or hurts, and I think applying let

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Speaker 4: them theory before you do all that, before you can

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Speaker 4: actually mourn that relationship just does it more harm than good.

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Speaker 2: When you have been able to tap into let them theory? Though,

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Speaker 2: have you seen results from using it.

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Speaker 4: A little bit? I've seen like it would only come

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Speaker 4: like probably a month after where I've just been like

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Speaker 4: let them. It does help elevate that kind of contemplating

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Speaker 4: area that you get into with dating and breakups of

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Speaker 4: maybe if I did this, this wouldn't have happened, or

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Speaker 4: maybe if I said this, this would happen. It helps

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Speaker 4: in that area. But what I think people think it

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Speaker 4: will happen is that you will take away that sadness.

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Speaker 4: It doesn't do that. It just makes you feel kind

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Speaker 4: of more present within yourself and it kind of leaves

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Speaker 4: them out on the outskirts.

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Speaker 2: So essentially it's asking you in that moment to override

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Speaker 2: your feelings, which is not an easy thing to do,

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Speaker 2: especially when it comes to being broken up with or

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Speaker 2: even just being in a relationship with somebody when you're

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Speaker 2: finding it a bit tough. So you're saying that it

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Speaker 2: is much harder to override your emotions than just let them.

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Speaker 4: It is so hard thing that I've had to put

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Speaker 4: in place for like years, and I feel like now,

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Speaker 4: like right now, after a few years of practicing let

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Speaker 4: Them theory and like just kind of reciting that poem,

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Speaker 4: I feel like, now I'm in a really good place

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Speaker 4: where if I do go through a sort of heartache,

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Speaker 4: I can apply let Them theory quite quickly and it

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Speaker 4: does help immensely. But I did have to like practice

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Speaker 4: with it, and I feel really sad for people who

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Speaker 4: have so much experience in heartache where they have to

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Speaker 4: keep applying the theory and have to keep practicing to

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Speaker 4: it to get to the point where I am now.

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Speaker 4: It just seems really unfair. But if I being honest,

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Speaker 4: after a while of doing it, it does eventually work.

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Speaker 2: Do you think you can keep it up long term?

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Speaker 4: Though I would like to say that I could, and

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Speaker 4: I definitely will try, but sometimes you just have to

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Speaker 4: give into those feelings. Like I'm not a very hard

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Speaker 4: and fast rule of just let them for every single thing.

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Speaker 4: It's also very dependent on how that person hurts you. Like,

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Speaker 4: what if that person was like a really bad person,

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Speaker 4: or what if he was like racist against me? There's

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Speaker 4: no way in hell, oh, I'm just going to let them.

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Speaker 4: I'm going to use everything I have to hold them

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Speaker 4: accountable for their actions. So depending how they break up

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Speaker 4: with you, I think that's really important. If it's something

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Speaker 4: that you feel like you just need to help you

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Speaker 4: move on, then that's the way that I would apply

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Speaker 4: let them theory.

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Speaker 2: As em said, there are obviously situations where let them

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Speaker 2: can't apply. If someone is in a domestic violence situation,

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Speaker 2: for example, you can't simply step back and let them

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Speaker 2: when things are being done to you that you cannot control.

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Speaker 2: In those instances, you may not be able to be

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Speaker 2: in control of your own behavior either, especially if you're

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Speaker 2: being physically, psychologically, emotionally, or financially controlled by someone. But

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Speaker 2: in simpler situations, mental health professionals have noted significant benefits

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Speaker 2: from the approach. The theory can reduce the need to

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Speaker 2: hyper control situations and creates a greater sense of calm

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Speaker 2: and agency over one's experiences. It helps draw boundaries between

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Speaker 2: yourself and other's moods or happiness, leading to reduced anxiety

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Speaker 2: and stress. And the theory's effectiveness isn't just anecdotal either.

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Speaker 2: It has parallel roots and established psychological principles like stoicism,

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Speaker 2: Buddhist detachment theory, radical acceptance, and even the serenity prayer

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Speaker 2: that's adopted by those in the Alcoholics Anonymous program. You know,

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Speaker 2: the one that goes, God, grant me the serenity to

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Speaker 2: accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change

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Speaker 2: the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

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Speaker 2: It's important to acknowledge that this approach isn't about giving

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Speaker 2: up or becoming passive. It's about making conscious choices about

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Speaker 2: where to invest your energy. So by accepting what we

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Speaker 2: cannot control and focusing on what we can, we create

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Speaker 2: space for authentic relationships and personal growth. So how do

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Speaker 2: we put this into practice? Because like a lot of

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Speaker 2: things we promise ourselves will do in any given New year. Yes,

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Speaker 2: gym membership, we're looking at you. It sometimes can be

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Speaker 2: easier said than done. So here's the drill. When you

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Speaker 2: find yourself feeling frustrated or stressed, pause and say, let

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Speaker 2: them acknowledge what's beyond your control, shift your focus to

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Speaker 2: what you can control with let me, and then choose

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Speaker 2: your response mindfully so you don't just knee jerk react.

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Speaker 2: Mel Robbins's book They'll Let Them Theory, which was released

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Speaker 2: in December last year, has brought this concept to global attention,

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Speaker 2: selling six hundred thousand copies in just two weeks. Readers

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Speaker 2: are reporting feeling more empowered, less stressed, and better equipped

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Speaker 2: to handle relationships and personal boundaries. As stress and anxiety

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Speaker 2: levels continue to rise globally, and with the unknown of

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Speaker 2: what impact and new Trump administration, for example, might have

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Speaker 2: on us here in Australia as we head into another

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Speaker 2: election year, this simple, powerful approach offers a practical way

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Speaker 2: to navigate life's challenges while maintaining our mental health and

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Speaker 2: personal boundaries. So good luck to you on your own

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Speaker 2: personal journey. If you do want to hear some more

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Speaker 2: about how people are adapting let them Theory into their

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Speaker 2: own lives. The mma mea out Loud team spoke about

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Speaker 2: this in a recent podcast. Will post a link to

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Speaker 2: that in our show notes. Thanks for taking the time

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Speaker 2: to feed your mind with us today. The quickie is

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Speaker 2: produced by me, Claire Murphy and our executive producer Taylor Strano,

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Speaker 2: with audio production plates. Egan said, La