Speaker 1: Welcome to the Sees the Yay Podcast. Busy and happy,
Speaker 1: but tired and worn, just some of the feelings when
Speaker 1: baby is born. There's magic, elation, there's chaos and tears,
Speaker 1: but everyone goes through the same hopes and fears. So
Speaker 1: this is a segment we hope helps you feel supported
Speaker 1: and valid. The mum juggles real, the good, bad, the ugly,
Speaker 1: the best and worst day. It's part of the journey.
Speaker 2: To seize the Babe.
Speaker 1: I'm Sarah Davidson, a lawyer turned entrepreneur who hung up
Speaker 1: the suits and heels to co found Macha Maiden a
Speaker 1: Macha Milk Bar, become a TV and radio presenter, and
Speaker 1: of course, host The Sees the Ya Podcast. This year,
Speaker 1: I added motherhood to that list, which is the best
Speaker 1: job I've ever had with our beautiful baby Teddy, and
Speaker 1: this segment was designed to house all the conversations we've
Speaker 1: been having about parenthood. We'll still do our regular episodes,
Speaker 1: and just like real life, it's a constant balance between
Speaker 1: our parent identity and everything else. I hope you guys
Speaker 1: enjoy this segment as much as I have enjoyed creating it. Hello,
Speaker 1: Lovely neighborhood. I hope you've all had an amazing week.
Speaker 1: We certainly have at this end celebrating Teddy's first birthday.
Speaker 2: I think the.
Speaker 1: Exact phrase that I used last week was that I
Speaker 1: was a walking hot mess of emotions as this very
Speaker 1: special milestone approached, and it only intensified tenfold, maybe even
Speaker 1: one hundredfold, as the celebrations began, which started with a
Speaker 1: lovely intimate family dinner on the actual day, just with
Speaker 1: our close family at home. We did a little traditional
Speaker 1: Korean takeaway dinner, not very aesthetic, but it's a family tradition.
Speaker 2: Teddy tried his first book.
Speaker 1: Goggie, which he really enjoyed. We got him into his
Speaker 1: harm bok, you might remember for his hundred day celebration
Speaker 1: we borrowed one, but he finally fits into my little
Speaker 1: brothers so that was a really special, full circle moment.
Speaker 1: And then a couple of days later we followed it
Speaker 1: up with a little birthday party. I don't think anyone
Speaker 1: truly prepares you for the feelings that will hit you
Speaker 1: when all of your loved ones, your whole village starts
Speaker 1: singing Happy Birthday to your baby on their first birthday.
Speaker 1: I don't even know how I did not just pass
Speaker 1: away on the spot. It was so emotional and so beautiful.
Speaker 1: I just really still I was only yesterday at the
Speaker 1: time of recording, so I haven't really processed all of
Speaker 1: those emotions. But if you did listen to the throwback
Speaker 1: episode to our birth story last week, you will, of
Speaker 1: course remember the timing of Teddy's birth that still gives
Speaker 1: me goosebumps to think about how it was all meant
Speaker 1: to be, and that is that he of course arrived
Speaker 1: a little bit early, right on thirty eight weeks on
Speaker 1: the dot, which was just a couple of days before
Speaker 1: my own birthday, which I share with my younger brother,
Speaker 1: which in itself is pretty crazy. We were both born
Speaker 1: to different biological families and then adopted together. He's four
Speaker 1: years younger, but somehow we were born on the exact
Speaker 1: same day, which happens to be today this year, and
Speaker 1: only three days after Teddy. So today I'm recording on
Speaker 1: the morning of my.
Speaker 2: Thirty sixth birthday.
Speaker 1: So it really did feel last year like Teddy was
Speaker 1: the best birthday present I ever could have imagined, and
Speaker 1: I think it'd be pretty hard to top last year.
Speaker 1: Sitting there, you know, three days after giving birth and
Speaker 1: just reflecting on how incredible that was. There will never
Speaker 1: be a birthday a special as that, but I am
Speaker 1: so grateful to be sitting here this morning with a
Speaker 1: healthy one year old and a beautiful family and so
Speaker 1: many friends around us that we have spent the weekend with.
Speaker 1: It's funny it's the first year that I am closer
Speaker 1: to forty than thirty officially, and it's one of those
Speaker 1: things that I think there is a lot of sadness
Speaker 1: maybe or resistance to aging. Of course that's such a
Speaker 1: big part of our societal norms. But one thing I
Speaker 1: always come back to when I start to feel like,
Speaker 1: oh my goodness, I am no longer. Definitely can't ever
Speaker 1: say that I'm in my early thirties anymore. Possibly can
Speaker 1: stretch and keep using mid thirties for a little while.
Speaker 1: But every time I start to feel those feels, I
Speaker 1: just come back to a quote that if you've been
Speaker 1: listening for a while, you've definitely heard me say probably
Speaker 1: every birthday, maybe every news episode. And the quote that
Speaker 1: keeps me grounded when I feel that way is to
Speaker 1: never regret growing older, for it is a privilege denied
Speaker 1: to many, and that just reminds me how lucky we
Speaker 1: are to have every day and that, yeah, aging really
Speaker 1: is a privilege that you should never take for granted.
Speaker 1: So I'm trying to sit here and feel very, very
Speaker 1: lucky to be a healthy thirty six year old and
Speaker 1: to be spending my morning with you guys. In a
Speaker 1: little deer diary sees the baby reflection, which I haven't
Speaker 1: really planned or scripted like I usually would. You might
Speaker 1: already be able to tell the wild tangents and stream
Speaker 1: of consciousness and verbal diary that's coming out right now.
Speaker 1: Normally my legal brain insists on a few dot points
Speaker 1: to kind of keep me on track. But it has
Speaker 1: of course been a well win few days pulling the
Speaker 1: party together. Actually a well winned three hundred and sixty
Speaker 1: five days and more. But I guess that's all been
Speaker 1: part of the big adjustment to this new chapter. It's
Speaker 1: all those extra little things that I used to have
Speaker 1: endless time for and be able to give up one hundred,
Speaker 1: one hundred and ten one hundred and fifty percent to
Speaker 1: to make them absolutely perfect. It's just been having to
Speaker 1: learn to cope with just getting them done, or in fact,
Speaker 1: not getting half of them done. I'm just getting a
Speaker 1: few of them done. I really would love to have
Speaker 1: been able to plan things a lot better in podcast land,
Speaker 1: in workland, in everything, but in friendships and relationships. But
Speaker 1: that really leads me to the first big lesson that
Speaker 1: I've had to learn, and that has been actually probably
Speaker 1: something I needed to learn, very humbling and a wonderful
Speaker 1: lesson of parenthood. I don't really know who this episode
Speaker 1: is for, by the way, Maybe for other parents in
Speaker 1: solidarity with all the feelings and reflections, maybe just for
Speaker 1: me to look back on. As you know, I love
Speaker 1: to use the podcast as a little time capsule for
Speaker 1: who I am. But I thought i would share the
Speaker 1: top ten lessons and reflections that I've had over the
Speaker 1: past year, and I'm sure that many more will get
Speaker 1: added as Teddy inches further into toddlerland, where things get.
Speaker 2: Hard are different.
Speaker 1: I feel like every new level has new herds and
Speaker 1: new easies.
Speaker 2: But here we go.
Speaker 1: So my first big and probably the biggest of all,
Speaker 1: coming back to that idea of not being able to
Speaker 1: give one hundred and ten percent to everything like I
Speaker 1: used to, is that one of the biggest anxiety's apprehension
Speaker 1: often fear about becoming a parent, even when you just
Speaker 1: start trying, is the idea of sacrifice, that you sacrifice
Speaker 1: your time, your sleep, your freedom, your spontaneity. There are
Speaker 1: so many things that you do think of as losing,
Speaker 1: and that's a really big fear, of course it is.
Speaker 1: It's something you can't really understand before you do it,
Speaker 1: before you go through it, and it does feel like
Speaker 1: a big exchange of one thing for another. But I
Speaker 1: think I focused a lot in the lead up on
Speaker 1: what that would mean and how that would feel. But
Speaker 1: the minute that Teddy was born, I realized, yes, I
Speaker 1: lost the person I was before. I don't even remember
Speaker 1: who that person was. I don't remember what that life
Speaker 1: felt like. But it's what you gain in its place.
Speaker 1: You lose parts of your identity, but you gain a
Speaker 1: new identity that is so much better. It is so
Speaker 1: much more multifaceted. My emotions are so much deeper, my
Speaker 1: life is so much richer. And it's just something I
Speaker 1: never could have explained before it actually happened, because I
Speaker 1: was so focused on what I would lose. And that's
Speaker 1: because that's all you know before you know, as I've
Speaker 1: talked about before, before you arrive on planet parent and
Speaker 1: realize what everyone else is experiencing. So I think if
Speaker 1: you have ever focused on fearing what you'll lose, try
Speaker 1: and think of that, you'll gain so much more in
Speaker 1: its place. And it was put so beautifully recently in
Speaker 1: a video of Ellen Pompio, the star of Gray's Anatomy.
Speaker 1: It came out on the Call Her Daddy podcast. I
Speaker 1: think it's quite recent. I saw a snippet my wonderful
Speaker 1: friend manager role model Genevieve Day sent it to me.
Speaker 1: I've had actually a couple of people send it to me,
Speaker 1: and it was her talking about this idea of never
Speaker 1: being one hundred percent at work. I think there is
Speaker 1: a lot of pressure in our modern day, fast paced
Speaker 1: society to interpret the jugglers meaning that you do everything,
Speaker 1: and you do everything one hundred percent as a mom,
Speaker 1: at work, at home, in your personal life and your relationships.
Speaker 1: But she just called it was a big surrender. You
Speaker 1: are not one hundred percent at work. You cannot be
Speaker 1: a mother and have children and have a career and
Speaker 1: give one hundred percent to your job at the same time.
Speaker 1: And I really liked that she just called that upfront,
Speaker 1: because sometimes I really do feel like I'm trying to
Speaker 1: do one hundred percent to all of it, and I can't,
Speaker 1: but sometimes just accepting that you can't causes you a
Speaker 1: lot less angst. And the way she put it was
Speaker 1: that you are split into lots of different pieces, but
Speaker 1: it makes you more soulful, it makes you richer. Those
Speaker 1: are the exact words that she used, and I just
Speaker 1: wanted to save it and send it to everyone and
Speaker 1: plaster the video on my head and put it on
Speaker 1: a moving T shirt because that is exactly what I
Speaker 1: feel has been my biggest lesson over the past year,
Speaker 1: that you are split into a hundred different pieces. I
Speaker 1: don't think I'll ever be one hundred percent focused on
Speaker 1: anything ever again, and particularly if we have more children.
Speaker 1: And I've lamented that so much because I'm just such
Speaker 1: a perfectionist, but the things you get in return and
Speaker 1: the life you get in return is just worth infinitely more.
Speaker 1: To watch a tiny human and be their guardian, be
Speaker 1: the person that guides them through the world. There's nothing better.
Speaker 1: Having said that, though, number two, the second thing that
Speaker 1: has also been a big act of surrender and acceptance
Speaker 1: is that it is at once the best thing and
Speaker 1: the hardest thing I've ever done. It's hard in a
Speaker 1: way I never have conceived of. I've actually said to
Speaker 1: someone recently that I think the language that you use
Speaker 1: pre parenthood and the language that you use postparenthood should
Speaker 1: not be the same words because they don't describe the
Speaker 1: same thing. The word hard doesn't mean the same, the
Speaker 1: word tired doesn't mean the same. So we really just
Speaker 1: should have a new language so everyone knows what page
Speaker 1: we're on. It is definitely the hardest thing I've ever done,
Speaker 1: and I've always been somebody to embrace getting out of
Speaker 1: my comfort zone to do things I didn't think I
Speaker 1: could do. But I have never sat on the floor
Speaker 1: and cried feeling like this is impossible, like I have
Speaker 1: since having a baby. But at the same time, I
Speaker 1: think one of the things someone said to me, I
Speaker 1: think it was just before we took Teddy overseas when
Speaker 1: he was really little, was that, of course, it will
Speaker 1: be the hardest thing you've ever done, and some experiences
Speaker 1: and moments in chapters will be harder than others. But
Speaker 1: looking back, you only remember the good bits. And that's
Speaker 1: really interesting because especially a year on and looking back
Speaker 1: that is so true. Of course you remember that you
Speaker 1: had hard times. And it's the same in life. It's
Speaker 1: such a good life lesson for when you get out
Speaker 1: of the comfort zone. You look back at times you
Speaker 1: did something really hard that felt impossible, even times you
Speaker 1: broke a leg or you broke an arm, anything that
Speaker 1: kind of encompasses pain. You look back at that and
Speaker 1: you know logically that there was pain. You know logically
Speaker 1: you remember that it was hard, but you can't feel
Speaker 1: that pain again in your memory. You don't actually feel
Speaker 1: it again. Every time you look back, you logically remember it,
Speaker 1: but not emotionally. And what overrides that is that emotionally
Speaker 1: you do remember the good bits. And I feel like
Speaker 1: it's like when you finish a marathon, that I finished
Speaker 1: a marathon, but you know that kind of analogy. You
Speaker 1: finish the hardest thing you've ever done, and like a
Speaker 1: week later, you've forgotten how much it hurts, but you
Speaker 1: remember what an achievement was. That's the same with any
Speaker 1: time you do something hard, and it's the same with parenthood.
Speaker 1: I look back at that trip and sure, taking a
Speaker 1: newborn on a plane was absolutely crazy. At the time,
Speaker 1: it was so scary and it was really really hard,
Speaker 1: and there were moments at the time where I was like,
Speaker 1: this is the worst thing I've ever done, But I
Speaker 1: logically know that I don't emotionally remember that. I emotionally
Speaker 1: remember the best memories that will always come back to
Speaker 1: me as the good bit. So if you're ever in
Speaker 1: doubt about doing something and you're in the hard moment
Speaker 1: at the time, you won't remember that bit, You'll remember
Speaker 1: the overarching beautiful memories. Pain is something you only feel
Speaker 1: at the time, and I think that's yeah, really helped
Speaker 1: guide me in those moments that feel really tough. Number
Speaker 1: three is kind of similar. They're all really closely related. Again,
Speaker 1: I don't really know who this is for. I think
Speaker 1: it is more a dear diary download that in the
Speaker 1: way that I use all social media, there's something that
Speaker 1: I share what I'm doing in real time, and then
Speaker 1: if anyone incidentally benefits, then that's just a bonus. Number
Speaker 1: three is that it's so cliche and it's so annoying
Speaker 1: when you're not a parent and everyone tells you, oh
Speaker 1: my god, the time passes more quickly than anyone could
Speaker 1: ever explain to you, But then you get there and
Speaker 1: it is truly faster than you could ever imagine. Truly
Speaker 1: faster than you could ever imagine. Again, referring back to
Speaker 1: a meme, I saw a mem yesterday that was re
Speaker 1: enactment of adults having dinner, and it was a scene
Speaker 1: where instead of actually having a conversation, it was just
Speaker 1: the adults saying the topic of what adults sit down
Speaker 1: and talk about, and it was them going, ha, time passing, ha,
Speaker 1: the weather, mortgage, baby, kids, kids, tired, back.
Speaker 2: Pain, ha.
Speaker 1: And I was like, yeah, that's all I talk about,
Speaker 1: how fast time is going, how much my kids are
Speaker 1: annoying me, how how much my back hurts, and how
Speaker 1: much I'm not sleeping. But truly, the time passes just
Speaker 1: so quickly. I blinked, and my newborn is a little
Speaker 1: one year year old. And on that same token, the
Speaker 1: other thing I've actually written down everywhere. I have it
Speaker 1: written down in my diary, it's on my mirror. Everything
Speaker 1: is temporary, and that applies to the good and the bad.
Speaker 1: So if you're in a really hard moment right now,
Speaker 1: we are in, as you guys know, another sleep regression.
Speaker 1: We are barely sleeping, and you just come back to
Speaker 1: the fact that you can cope and you can get
Speaker 1: through it because it's temporary. You don't know how long
Speaker 1: it will last, but it won't be forever. And that
Speaker 1: applies to the good times as well. When you're in
Speaker 1: a really good chapter, hold on to it with everything
Speaker 1: you have, because that also will be temporary and won't last.
Speaker 1: Time does pass really quickly, it will happen really quickly.
Speaker 1: So embrace every chapter that you're in. And I also
Speaker 1: think you will never regret spending time.
Speaker 2: With your kids.
Speaker 1: Whether it costs you. You know, it'll cost you so
Speaker 1: many things. It's cost me work opportunities, it's cost me
Speaker 1: social opportunities. In the middle of sleep deprivation, it's cost
Speaker 1: me it's sanity. Also, him not being able to be
Speaker 1: put to bed by anyone else at the means I
Speaker 1: can't go out at night. I've had to say, notice
Speaker 1: so many things, But I don't think I will ever
Speaker 1: look back, knowing how fast it's going, and regret every
Speaker 1: second that I could spend with him being spent with him.
Speaker 1: And I flip it to you know, I was on
Speaker 1: the in the cot last night at six times and
Speaker 1: I just thought, yes, I could focus on how horrible
Speaker 1: this season. Yes, of course it's okay to be having
Speaker 1: a mental breakdown about it, but try and flip it
Speaker 1: to the fact that one day he will be sleeping
Speaker 1: in his own bed, or one day he will have
Speaker 1: moved out of our house and he won't want me
Speaker 1: or need me the way he does right now, and
Speaker 1: I will wish I could go back and have this moment.
Speaker 2: So flipping it.
Speaker 1: To that temporal, temporary, fleeting time kind of message always
Speaker 1: helps me get through Number four. Coming back to that
Speaker 1: idea that you will only remember the good bits sometimes
Speaker 1: and actually a lot of the time, I've realized the
Speaker 1: kind of logistical hurdles and obstacles to leaving the house
Speaker 1: with a child are insurmountable. They are so difficult. It
Speaker 1: is infinitely more difficult to even go to the supermarket,
Speaker 1: let alone, to go to a party, to go on
Speaker 1: a trip, to travel, and you know, in a world
Speaker 1: where we're all tired and we're trying to do self
Speaker 1: care and we're trying to pick up all the boxes,
Speaker 1: past me would have said, you know what, you stay
Speaker 1: at home. It's too hard. You don't have to do
Speaker 1: the hard things, and of course you don't. But this party,
Speaker 1: for example, in that main I was like, you know what,
Speaker 1: he's not going to remember it it's so hard. We're
Speaker 1: coming back from a troop.
Speaker 2: It's a lot for all of us.
Speaker 1: You know, we don't need to do it. But the
Speaker 1: fourth lesson I've learned is that maybe I'm not doing
Speaker 1: it for him because he won't remember it, and maybe
Speaker 1: I'm not even doing it for me right now, because
Speaker 1: I will be I'd happily have spent the weekend just
Speaker 1: as a family, But is to do things for your
Speaker 1: future self. Do things like the party, or you know,
Speaker 1: do things like going on troops, even though it's really
Speaker 1: hard and easier to stay at home where all your
Speaker 1: comforts are. Do those things because your future self and
Speaker 1: their future self will be so glad that you did.
Speaker 1: And it's so true again with that thing that you
Speaker 1: only remember the good bits. You'll look back and be
Speaker 1: so glad you did the hard thing. You won't remember
Speaker 1: how hard it was.
Speaker 2: You remember how beautiful it was.
Speaker 1: And that kept me going when I was party planning
Speaker 1: and thinking, oh my god, my kid is not even
Speaker 1: going to remember this, but it was the most beautiful day.
Speaker 1: It's only been one day, and all I remember was
Speaker 1: how special it was. I'll always look back on the
Speaker 1: photos and videos and just be so glad we did it.
Speaker 1: Number five and this is where they start to get
Speaker 1: just like the same as life lessons. They're the same
Speaker 1: as all the life lessons I teach myself, and I
Speaker 1: feel like kids really make that more acute and they
Speaker 1: you don't have the same latitude and leeway to not
Speaker 1: realize these life lessons, I think, and number five is
Speaker 1: just comparison is futile. I talk about it all the time.
Speaker 1: The grass is green, then you order it. I've said
Speaker 1: it in so many different ways, and everyone has said
Speaker 1: it in so many different ways, but it's easier said
Speaker 1: than done in a time where social media splashes the
Speaker 1: details of everyone's lives.
Speaker 2: I've always talked.
Speaker 1: About it more in the sense of other people's success, careers, pathways,
Speaker 1: travel houses, financial positions, whatever it may be. But there's
Speaker 1: nothing like the way you compare yourself as a parent.
Speaker 1: It's just even more intense the comparison of my kids
Speaker 1: not doing this. They I even sometimes find myself analyzing
Speaker 1: in the background of someone's photo of their child what
Speaker 1: food is on their plate at what age, and how
Speaker 1: much they're eating and how big the size of the
Speaker 1: pieces are. Because Teddy can't chew pieces that big like
Speaker 1: the comparison. I think because you do want to be
Speaker 1: the best mum and you do want the best for
Speaker 1: your child. It's just insane the way you'll beat yourself
Speaker 1: up about crazy things and small triggers or you know,
Speaker 1: they all start doing different milestones at different times, in
Speaker 1: no particular order, for no particular reason. Why is he
Speaker 1: walking before my child? Why is he you know, all
Speaker 1: the things, there's always something that you can compare, and
Speaker 1: it is truly futile. Firstly, it all works out in
Speaker 1: the wash. I mean, kids who do some things first
Speaker 1: will do other things second, and vice versa. It really
Speaker 1: doesn't matter in what order they do things. I find
Speaker 1: myself wishing and rush that he would crawl and then walk,
Speaker 1: and then the minute happens, you're like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: I should slow down. I really loved when I could
Speaker 1: put him down in one spot and he'd be there
Speaker 1: when I came back. Not only is comparison futile for that,
Speaker 1: but every baby is different. And not only is every
Speaker 1: baby different, every family, every family's priorities and values and
Speaker 1: life setup is different and it has to work for you,
Speaker 1: and that's the same in your life. I always say,
Speaker 1: why would you bother comparing your life to someone else
Speaker 1: when they have a different threshold for social interaction, or
Speaker 1: they really need to work in an office and you don't,
Speaker 1: or they have different financial obligations and you don't like
Speaker 1: you don't know why people do the things they do
Speaker 1: and why the criteria for their life means they make
Speaker 1: the choices they do. So your life is always going
Speaker 1: to be different and it has to work for you.
Speaker 1: There are certain things that I look at and I'm like,
Speaker 1: that is absolutely amazing how that mum does that, But
Speaker 1: it wouldn't work for me to do that. My life
Speaker 1: structure is so different to all of my friends who
Speaker 1: are still in corporate. Of course, our setup is going
Speaker 1: to be completely different. I work from home, they're in
Speaker 1: the office all day. There are just so many things
Speaker 1: that make your life just unable to be compared, and
Speaker 1: your children unable to be compared.
Speaker 2: So of course it's.
Speaker 1: Natural to find yourself doing that. But please please be
Speaker 1: kind to yourself and try to put on the blinkers
Speaker 1: and just remember all you have to do is look
Speaker 1: after you and your little is.
Speaker 2: Especially with sleep. Oh my god, it's so hard.
Speaker 1: Number six similar, I'm getting really long wounded. I meant
Speaker 1: this to be really short, but as you guys know,
Speaker 1: I haven't taken a breath so far. This is quite unusual, actually,
Speaker 1: that I haven't stopped in the stream of consciousness at
Speaker 1: least to re record one part or the other. So
Speaker 1: you're really getting real and raw Sarah here, which you
Speaker 1: usually do, but this is even more unedited and unfiltered.
Speaker 2: Number six.
Speaker 1: You won't get everything right. In fact, I don't even
Speaker 1: know if there is a right or wrong. But your
Speaker 1: little ones are really resilient. Be kind to yourself. I
Speaker 1: just find myself thinking, oh my gosh, I am not
Speaker 1: cooking him sources from scratch. I'm giving him some things
Speaker 1: from a packet. Sometimes I am getting myself takeaway and
Speaker 1: spending too much on uberys and blah blah blah. And
Speaker 1: there's so many boxes coming back to that one hundred percent,
Speaker 1: You'll never give everything one hundred percent. There's so many
Speaker 1: boxes you need to tick, and we're all going to
Speaker 1: be ticking different ones, well, not ticking other ones, forgetting
Speaker 1: about other ones. And it's so easy to just beat
Speaker 1: yourself up about being either a failure or about parent,
Speaker 1: or a bad friend or about person you won't get
Speaker 1: everything right. It's just not possible. Remember Ellen Pompeo saying,
Speaker 1: you just cannot do it, or you will be split
Speaker 1: into a million different pieces. And especially when it comes
Speaker 1: to parenting. I look at all the ways that I
Speaker 1: am trying to be the ideal parent, and I'm not
Speaker 1: meeting most of them. I want to make all of
Speaker 1: his food from scratch. I want to be feeding him
Speaker 1: beef broth that's organic from the blah blah blah blah.
Speaker 2: I can't.
Speaker 1: I don't have time for that because I also want
Speaker 1: to be a working mum that's saving his school fees
Speaker 1: and all of that kind of thing. And I think
Speaker 1: you just have to let yourself off the hook. They
Speaker 1: are loved, if they're safe and clean and fed, you know,
Speaker 1: they're resilient little things.
Speaker 2: They're adaptable.
Speaker 1: And one of the biggest lessons and this is the
Speaker 1: same in business that really helped prepare me for for
Speaker 1: this time of my life, and that's if there's something
Speaker 1: that is really really causing you anxiety and pain and distress,
Speaker 1: and if it is within your means, outsource what you
Speaker 1: are really not enjoying and keep the things to do
Speaker 1: for yourself that you do enjoyer that you're good at
Speaker 1: and that you know it's already a really really stressful time.
Speaker 1: Don't keep beating yourself over the head. Like an example,
Speaker 1: for me to make my own chicken stock and broth
Speaker 1: like or sauces from scratch. It's just it would take
Speaker 1: up so much bandwidth and take me away from the
Speaker 1: other things that I know I am good at meeting
Speaker 1: the standard that I want to meet. It is okay
Speaker 1: if I give him packet food or packet sauce every
Speaker 1: now and then, it's fine.
Speaker 2: Like, give yourself a break.
Speaker 1: Choose the things that you really care about, and those
Speaker 1: can be the things.
Speaker 2: That you do.
Speaker 1: That's a really long, way winded way of saying that
Speaker 1: you won't get everything right, but give yourself a break.
Speaker 1: And actually number seven, I don't know why I put
Speaker 1: this as a separate DOB. I think I meant to
Speaker 1: I don't know niche down in this description, but it
Speaker 1: was to choose the path of least resistance. It's okay
Speaker 1: to do that. Sometimes you don't have to make it
Speaker 1: so hard for yourself. Sometimes we choose the harder thing
Speaker 1: because we think we have to, and then that comes
Speaker 1: back to comparison. But it's okay to do the easy thing.
Speaker 1: Sometimes I catch myself going that is so lazy, like
Speaker 1: I should have just like I don't even know what
Speaker 1: an example is when I like even small things like
Speaker 1: buying disposable nappies, I would love to use reusable nappies.
Speaker 1: I would love that to be the area where I'm
Speaker 1: more sustainable, and they sustainability is one of my core values,
Speaker 1: and it feels really dissonant to sometimes not always live
Speaker 1: up to that. But sometimes it's okay to choose the
Speaker 1: path of least resistance. Sometimes it's a matter of survival
Speaker 1: because you can't again choose the hard thing or the
Speaker 1: right thing or one hundred and ten percent thing every
Speaker 1: single time. Again, that was two points that were kind
Speaker 1: of really similar. I think maybe I just wanted to
Speaker 1: get to ten and I only had nine, and I
Speaker 1: had to separate them out. Oh my gosh, number eight
Speaker 1: big one. If you have listened to the podcast for
Speaker 1: a while, you'll just be like, Babe, these are all
Speaker 1: the same dot points in life lessons that you go
Speaker 1: on about all the time. But I think I've just
Speaker 1: relearnt them all in a different context and had to
Speaker 1: apply them to this new context of parenthood. And again,
Speaker 1: most of it is just saying, don't worry. If you're
Speaker 1: a failure, it's okay. So hopefully that's relatable to anyone else.
Speaker 1: Number eight, you can't do it alone. It is okay
Speaker 1: to lean on people, but not just is it okay.
Speaker 1: It's actually the best thing to have a village. It
Speaker 1: is the best thing to surround your little one and
Speaker 1: yourself and your family with lots of different influences. The
Speaker 1: way that Teddy, even in one two hour period of
Speaker 1: having so many different kids around at his party, so
Speaker 1: many different adults around, so many different sounds and smells,
Speaker 1: they develop so much for the experience. We took him
Speaker 1: to Tazzy and I thought, oh my god, he's going
Speaker 1: to be out of routine, out on the road for
Speaker 1: five days in a row, and he's going to be
Speaker 1: held by different people. He's going to be oh my gosh,
Speaker 1: and he developed more than I've seen him in months.
Speaker 1: It is so good for them to be exposed to
Speaker 1: a wide village. But it's so good for you as well,
Speaker 1: because you need lots of different influences, You need lots
Speaker 1: of different help. I'm so lucky to have so many
Speaker 1: close family members and close friends nearby, but even people
Speaker 1: you aren't as close to our people at cafes who
Speaker 1: you see every day, people in your mother's group, or
Speaker 1: people who I meet online have been huge helps. There's
Speaker 1: been so many sleep consultants who I've never met in
Speaker 1: person but who have become an incidental part of the
Speaker 1: village because we've connected over sleep stories. No one can
Speaker 1: do it alone, but also no one should do it alone,
Speaker 1: because not only do you need other people in the
Speaker 1: hard moments, in the good moments. Yesterday, looking around I
Speaker 1: will never forget. And it's the only part we don't
Speaker 1: have a photo of because all the cameras were focusing
Speaker 1: on Teddy getting his cake, but I was looking back
Speaker 1: at everyone's faces. I will never forget looking around at
Speaker 1: all the people who were part of his village and
Speaker 1: have made him into the child he is, but made
Speaker 1: me into the parent I am. And that was just
Speaker 1: so special to think I get to sh share this
Speaker 1: sharing like I'm one of those people that if I
Speaker 1: don't share a milestone, it doesn't mean anything. If I'm
Speaker 1: just quiet about something and just keep it inside. I
Speaker 1: haven't really realized it yet, and Andre and I I
Speaker 1: think you've probably heard us talk about it before. We
Speaker 1: call it stomping. We have to stomp out something we're
Speaker 1: excited about. If you don't stomp with someone and share it,
Speaker 1: it's not exciting because you've kept it in your body.
Speaker 1: And I feel like that's the same with parenting. You
Speaker 1: can't cry alone, but you also can't celebrate alone. And again,
Speaker 1: it's okay to lean on people. And I'm sure that
Speaker 1: this will have new meaning for me as well when
Speaker 1: we move on to daycare and kinder and school and
Speaker 1: the idea of feeling so guilty for leaving them with
Speaker 1: other people, but it's good for them. It's okay to
Speaker 1: lean on other people. It's okay to not be the
Speaker 1: only person they see all day every day, and it's
Speaker 1: probably good for them as well. So I'm sure this
Speaker 1: one will have new meaning in due course.
Speaker 2: Number nine, guys, I've really.
Speaker 1: Stretched out to ten. I think I probably could have
Speaker 1: consolidated this a little bit better, but one that keeps
Speaker 1: me going in the moments where I think, I really
Speaker 1: I think this is number six or five, I don't know,
Speaker 1: maybe seven anyway, slightly differently worded, but it came back
Speaker 1: to me when I was writing these stop points very quickly,
Speaker 1: so it must be an important one. And I'd rather
Speaker 1: regret doing something than regret not doing it. And on
Speaker 1: a really small scale, our tazzy trip recently, it was
Speaker 1: for a travel job for Luxury Escapes, who are a
Speaker 1: brand we love working with. I haven't actually had the
Speaker 1: founder on yet, but the founder, Adam Schwab, is an
Speaker 1: incredible human being who, in a full circle moment, actually
Speaker 1: happened to be the person I spoke to when I
Speaker 1: couldn't decide whether or not to leave law. He was
Speaker 1: a contact of a client of mine and we had
Speaker 1: a lunch and he just changed my life with the
Speaker 1: advice that he gave. He's been a huge influence in
Speaker 1: our life. And then also one of the heads of
Speaker 1: partnerships is a dear friend from a totally different chapter
Speaker 1: of our lives. Anyway, really really beautiful experience. But I
Speaker 1: did think Teddy's not sleeping, We're going to be out
Speaker 1: on the road. He's going to have no routine whatsoever,
Speaker 1: how we're going to feed him, there's no micro blah
Speaker 1: blah blah, like. There were so many obstacles And I
Speaker 1: always think, and I've always applied this outside of parenting.
Speaker 1: I would actually rather regret doing it. I'd rather do
Speaker 1: it and find it really hard, then wonder what it
Speaker 1: would have been like. And I feel like doing things
Speaker 1: that way and making choices that way have always made
Speaker 1: me come through my life and not regret anything. I
Speaker 1: actually can safely say there are things that didn't go
Speaker 1: the way I hope they did. There are things I
Speaker 1: cringe about, there are things I wish maybe went differently,
Speaker 1: but I don't regret any of those things because I
Speaker 1: don't think I could have made a different decision at
Speaker 1: the time.
Speaker 2: And that is an incredibly.
Speaker 1: Liberating, happy way to live your life. Sure I regret
Speaker 1: the outcomes of certain things, but I never regret the
Speaker 1: choice that I made in relation to them, unless I
Speaker 1: didn't make it with that lens. So that's something that's
Speaker 1: really stuck with me. Number ten And this is such
Speaker 1: a weird one to end on, and so not the
Speaker 1: sort of big emotional, meaningful quote that I did this
Speaker 1: in the wrong order. Guys, you're hearing the in real time,
Speaker 1: but it's a practical one because it's right in the
Speaker 1: forefront of my mind. And that is when you do
Speaker 1: become a parent, and especially in your first year, because
Speaker 1: set yourself up right the first time.
Speaker 2: Deal with your photos, videos.
Speaker 1: And memories as you go, take notes as you go.
Speaker 1: Don't get to the first birthday and realize you haven't
Speaker 1: done it all along, and then try and remember everything,
Speaker 1: because I remember very little of very big chunks. But
Speaker 1: I have kept even just a note on your phone.
Speaker 1: I'm looking at it right now. The notes for this
Speaker 1: episode are in my phone, and just below it are
Speaker 1: the notes for every week of the fifty two weeks
Speaker 1: of Teddy so far, just noting when he did certain
Speaker 1: new sounds, certain new facial expressions, when he crawled for
Speaker 1: the first time, when he even tried to reach for something,
Speaker 1: you know, when he giggled, and all those things that
Speaker 1: you will never remember off the top of your head,
Speaker 1: and you might wish that one day you could look
Speaker 1: back at them, even just dot points. They're not even
Speaker 1: full sentences. The first night he slept through the night,
Speaker 1: the first tooth that he got, all of those scenes.
Speaker 1: And same with photos. You take fifty thousand photos these days,
Speaker 1: our parents, it's had to be so much more selective,
Speaker 1: with twenty four pieces of twenty four photos on a
Speaker 1: camera roll, which made them so much more selective and
Speaker 1: possibly a bit, you know, more discerning about the photos
Speaker 1: they take. We take eighty five million, and then of
Speaker 1: course we're going to get a new fine every now
Speaker 1: and then, and the storage is going to run out
Speaker 1: and all that kind of stuff. I feel like one
Speaker 1: of the things that I started too late, to be fair,
Speaker 1: I think it was like six months in and then
Speaker 1: I had to spend like a week and a half
Speaker 1: doing it. But I'm glad that I started then and
Speaker 1: not now. And that's also cataloging all the photos, getting
Speaker 1: rid of the triples and quadruples of the same photo,
Speaker 1: and organizing them into folders and backing them up so
Speaker 1: that you can always look back at them. You never
Speaker 1: lose any really special ones. They're really really special ones.
Speaker 1: Print them or put them in a photo book. I
Speaker 1: did a big post. I got a lot of recommendations.
Speaker 1: I asked for your recommendations on memory.
Speaker 2: Books or photo books?
Speaker 1: Are apps to use to kind of catalog better? And
Speaker 1: how you do it and how often you do it?
Speaker 1: And I put them all in a post, which is
Speaker 1: so helpful, just to make sure that those treasured memories
Speaker 1: never lost and that you do actually get to look
Speaker 1: back and enjoy them, because it's so easy to just
Speaker 1: take a million and ever look back at them. So
Speaker 1: I think that would be my one practical tip is to, yeah,
Speaker 1: do all those things as you go, knowing that you
Speaker 1: won't be able to remember them off the top of
Speaker 1: your head. And that's kind of another favor for your
Speaker 1: future self, which comes back to them before. So it
Speaker 1: all kind of links in. Really, this was just a
Speaker 1: big babble of like three different things that I extended
Speaker 1: out into ten. But it was a really really nice
Speaker 1: occasion for me to sit down and get that all
Speaker 1: out of my brain, because it just has been a
Speaker 1: year of not really stopping. I think that's one of
Speaker 1: the things that if I've lamented anything of not having
Speaker 1: as much time, it's that I don't really sitdn't consolidate.
Speaker 1: I just kind of am in the moment. I think
Speaker 1: I've gone from being really in the worrying that I'm
Speaker 1: not in the moment and that I'm just jumping from
Speaker 1: thing to thing to being so in the moment that
Speaker 1: I don't actually stop and realize that time has passed.
Speaker 1: I used to sort of stop every month and think
Speaker 1: what happened this month, what happened to my goals, what
Speaker 1: would I like to do differently next month? Like I
Speaker 1: was on top of the time passing and the milestones
Speaker 1: and the goals and whatever. And I feel like this
Speaker 1: past year, I've just gone from this day last year
Speaker 1: to this day this year, and I haven't really stopped
Speaker 1: and thought about it or really let all the emotions
Speaker 1: sit and wash over you. I feel like that might
Speaker 1: sound that might be something that a lot of parents
Speaker 1: listening resonate with, that it's just a blur and it
Speaker 1: all goes past and it never really sit and think,
Speaker 1: oh my God, and let it all catch up with you.
Speaker 1: And forcing myself to sit down on my birthday and
Speaker 1: on the morning of my birthday, before I get into
Speaker 1: the day of just doing normal stuff, to sit down
Speaker 1: and reflect on how I felt, what I learned, how
Speaker 1: special it's been, how hard it's been, how beautiful it's
Speaker 1: been to share, how much I feel like it humbles you,
Speaker 1: how much I have said goodbye to this former person,
Speaker 1: but how much I love the person that I've become
Speaker 1: in her place. All of those things, I think, I'm
Speaker 1: just really glad that I had the occasion to do that,
Speaker 1: and again so grateful for a neighborhood that listens and
Speaker 1: gives me the platform an opportunity to share it with
Speaker 1: you and to share in it. One of the really
Speaker 1: nice messages that a lot of you have sent over
Speaker 1: the last little while is thank you for sharing Teddy
Speaker 1: with us, and it is I've actually not spoken about it,
Speaker 1: and to be fair to you guys, you've all been
Speaker 1: so polite to not really ask about it that much.
Speaker 1: But it is a really big choice whether you'll share
Speaker 1: your child on social media and when you have a big,
Speaker 1: big platform, and coming back to that whole like, do
Speaker 1: things for your future self and think about future you.
Speaker 2: There will probably come.
Speaker 1: A time where he's a little bit older and his
Speaker 1: face is changing a lot less quickly, where we might
Speaker 1: follow in the footsteps of say Steph Smith and start
Speaker 1: to share him less or once he starts getting recognized
Speaker 1: at kinder and all that kind of thing. But in
Speaker 1: this first year where he's changed every five seconds, it
Speaker 1: was a decision we actively made not to sort of
Speaker 1: hide his face. And again coming back to that, it
Speaker 1: has to work for you. It has to feel comfortable
Speaker 1: for you, and you can't compare to everyone else who's
Speaker 1: doing different things. And we have a lot of friends
Speaker 1: who we know through the media, who are in similar
Speaker 1: jobs with similar platforms, who have chosen not to share
Speaker 1: their children, and we all just have such respect for
Speaker 1: each other's decisions. There's sort of no judgment either way.
Speaker 1: It's got to work for you. But yeah, we just
Speaker 1: decided that we did want to share him because I
Speaker 1: just physically couldn not really. I share so much of
Speaker 1: my life and I wasn't quite sure how I'd have
Speaker 1: the same relationship I do with social media without sharing
Speaker 1: that part of my life because it's part of my
Speaker 1: way of being excited about things. And we also felt
Speaker 1: we could protect him later on in a different way.
Speaker 1: But it has been also so lovely that you have
Speaker 1: continued to be the kindest audience. I don't think I've
Speaker 1: had a propertrol with nearly one hundred and fifty thousand
Speaker 1: followers over nearly ten years on social media, and that.
Speaker 2: Is such a credit to all of you guys.
Speaker 1: I feel so incredibly grateful that all you do is
Speaker 1: celebrate and ask genuine questions and give genuine suggestions, and
Speaker 1: that you have shared in this journey and embraced it
Speaker 1: so beautifully. You do kind of worry that you'll drop
Speaker 1: off the face of the earth and become this person
Speaker 1: that is over the heel and a marle and that
Speaker 1: that's daggy and boring. But you've all really really come
Speaker 1: along on the ride. And I'm so grateful for anyone
Speaker 1: who's listened this long, because oh my god, I really
Speaker 1: need to cut myself off. I'm actually glad it's only
Speaker 1: been half an hour. I think it could have been longer.
Speaker 1: But thank you for spending the morning of my thirty
Speaker 1: six birthday with me. Thank you for having done that
Speaker 1: on my birthday. For the seven years of the podcast,
Speaker 1: listen to my dear dary episodes, oh my goodness me
Speaker 1: and I hope you guys have taken something from it,
Speaker 1: even if not just to reaffirm how I'm hinged I
Speaker 1: can be when I'm left my own.
Speaker 2: Devices, but really grateful for you all.
Speaker 1: Let me know what you would like to hear in
Speaker 1: any future episodes of Seize the Baby, or any future
Speaker 1: solo episodes, or any guests you'd like to hear from.
Speaker 1: We are in kind of a stage of flux where
Speaker 1: I'm not really sure. I'm really really enjoying just going.
Speaker 1: Like I said, going in the moment to moment, but
Speaker 1: I haven't done any macro planning in a while, so
Speaker 1: I think that's coming. I think that now I've got
Speaker 1: a little bit more structure and routine, once we get
Speaker 1: the sleep under control again, I feel like something's coming.
Speaker 1: I'm not sure what, but please do send any feedback suggestions,
Speaker 1: because it really does get taken into account and means
Speaker 1: a lot that this is a yagihood production. I hope
Speaker 1: you're having a wonderful week and is seizing your ya