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Speaker 1: These are the yeays of our lives. Busy and happy

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Speaker 1: are not the same thing. We too rarely question what

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Speaker 1: makes the heart seeing. We work, then we rest, but

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Speaker 1: rarely we play and often don't realize there's more than

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Speaker 1: one way. So this is a platform to hear and

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Speaker 1: explore the stories of those who found lives. They adore

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Speaker 1: the good, bad and ugly. The best and worst day

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Speaker 1: will bear all the facets of seizing your yea. I'm

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Speaker 1: Sarah Davidson or a spoonful of Sarah, a lawyer turned

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Speaker 1: entrepreneur who swapped the suits and heels to co found

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Speaker 1: Matcha Maiden and matcha Milk Bar.

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Speaker 2: Sez the Ya is.

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Speaker 1: A series of conversations on finding a life you love

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Speaker 1: and exploring the self doubt, challenge, joy and fulfillment along

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Speaker 1: the way.

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Speaker 2: Oh christiando sup detectors.

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Speaker 1: If there are any mcgrub girls listening, they'll know.

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Speaker 2: You would use terrible subject what I said.

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Speaker 1: Welcome back to Yay's of our lives, guys, I finally

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Speaker 1: have a voice back after weeks and a week because

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Speaker 1: I was so anal about pre recording so many episodes

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Speaker 1: so that we wouldn't have a single break during the honeymoon,

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Speaker 1: and I managed to upload like to our suppose a

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Speaker 1: week from Egypt, but then had to take a month

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Speaker 1: off when I I know you hadn't.

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Speaker 2: You've had a spell of illness, haven't you. I feel

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Speaker 2: like I'm a bad to. It's my voice that a

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Speaker 2: bad run. Had a bad run.

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Speaker 1: You lose your voice because you've been we had a

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Speaker 1: sleep over.

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Speaker 2: What was that car outside? It's a very loud vehicle.

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Speaker 1: Anyway, welcome back, then, welcome, No, welcome you back.

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Speaker 2: From Egypt? Have you missed us? God?

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Speaker 1: So, as you all know, we've had a little break.

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Speaker 1: Thank you so much for your patience.

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Speaker 2: I just was not well.

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Speaker 1: My voice was not great and I didn't feel like

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Speaker 1: I could bring the full yay for the last couple

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Speaker 1: of weeks.

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Speaker 2: But we're back.

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Speaker 1: So we did have on the schedule a sort of

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Speaker 1: Egypt honeymoon rap and a catch up. Lots of neighborhood

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Speaker 1: watch stories have happened over the past little while.

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Speaker 2: But then I did a little.

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Speaker 1: Ask Me Anything anonymously Q and A, and that brought

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Speaker 1: up some fascinating questions. Firstly, I just want to say

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Speaker 1: the yighborhood is so lovely. A couple of people who

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Speaker 1: have opened themselves up to anonymous questions have not had

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Speaker 1: a very nice time, And I have only had the

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Speaker 1: most respectful, loving kind curiosity, and I'm so so grateful

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Speaker 1: for that. But they've also been really interesting questions, like

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Speaker 1: I've had a lot of reflection.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I just would like to provide some feedback. I

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Speaker 2: submitted an anonymous question and I was tagged in my response.

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Speaker 2: I'm pretty sure that makes it not anonymous.

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Speaker 1: I'm sorry I left the veil your identity.

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Speaker 2: You didn't answer the question.

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Speaker 1: Do you know if I had done a poll an

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Speaker 1: Instagram wide pole on who that question was from, there

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Speaker 1: is not even one chance that anyone wouldn't be able

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Speaker 1: to get I don't even know why I used five

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Speaker 1: thousand negatives just then everyone would have known it was you.

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Speaker 2: Okay, so you didn't answer the question, but I think

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Speaker 2: deserves an answer doing it for the people. The question

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Speaker 2: was do you do silent and deadly's or are you

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Speaker 2: allowed farder?

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Speaker 1: I mean both?

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Speaker 2: You were such a silent such.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, majority, but I can also do like in DEALI No,

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Speaker 1: you can't you care DELI. I can dabble, but your

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Speaker 1: allowed is still smelly. Okay, well, you know I like

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Speaker 1: to overachieve in all areas.

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Speaker 2: But you see that didn't start again, Gal start again.

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Speaker 2: I bet you didn't see that one coming in this episode.

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Speaker 1: I mean, look, I probably could have guessed that you

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Speaker 1: were going to bring it up because you were very

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Speaker 1: passive aggressive.

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Speaker 2: Ever, the fact that I didn't directly answer you.

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Speaker 1: So we had seriously some of the most interesting questions.

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Speaker 1: You guys know that I throth the chance to answer

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Speaker 1: questions about just life, not necessarily straightforward questions either, like

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Speaker 1: philosophical reflective questions. So would you rather? Is my favorite

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Speaker 1: game in the entire universe, as Ange loves to join

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Speaker 1: in with, but Nick absolutely hates top fives. If I've

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Speaker 1: ever sat down with you, if I've ever traveled with

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Speaker 1: you on a long card drive, I've probably asked what

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Speaker 1: your top favorite like fruits and vegetables are and why

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Speaker 1: or modes of transformed Like I just think you learned

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Speaker 1: so much about a person that you wouldn't get to do.

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Speaker 1: So having this many beautiful questions has been really nice,

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Speaker 1: you know, chance to reflect for myself, and I answered

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Speaker 1: as many as I could with like sa long answers

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Speaker 1: because I really wanted to be thorough.

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Speaker 2: I was like, you can't resume. I was like, oh

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Speaker 2: my god, actually I'm dizzy, but very helpful.

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Speaker 1: Well, I am so glad they introduced that new font,

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Speaker 1: you know, the default one that now comes up on stories,

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Speaker 1: because it's like narrow socus letters in. It's just like,

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Speaker 1: I don't want each one to like spill over onto

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Speaker 1: a new frame because there's so many. Anyway, So the

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Speaker 1: ones that I did get a chance to answer, I've

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Speaker 1: saved in a little highlight because they were quite detailed answers.

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Speaker 1: But then there were just so many more questions than

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Speaker 1: I expected, and I thought we'd pop it in a

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Speaker 1: little episode before we get to our normal days of Allies,

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Speaker 1: which will now be the next episode. And if you

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Speaker 1: want to skip, you know, straightforward to your question, that's

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Speaker 1: totally fine. I'll listen them in order so you can

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Speaker 1: kind of find I might even do a transcript so

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Speaker 1: you can see the time marker of the answer. But

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Speaker 1: I thought that particularly around adoption and fertility and conception,

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Speaker 1: those were the main questions I got it. Instagram really

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Speaker 1: isn't deep enough to kind of get into things. So

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Speaker 1: I've lifted them all and divided them all by topic.

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Speaker 1: We've got adoption fertility slash conception match, a maiden career

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Speaker 1: kind of questions, lifestyle questions and then some fun fast

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Speaker 1: fire ones at the end. And you all know I've

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Speaker 1: tried monologues before, and I kind of laugh a lot

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Speaker 1: of my own jokes, so I thought getting it and

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Speaker 1: on board during how our first catch up sleepover in Ages.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it was so fun. I love it. I used

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Speaker 2: to well, I self invited myself because like you never

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Speaker 2: invited anywhere anymore as a joke obviously, And I said,

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Speaker 2: what do you mean, how can I invite you when I'm.

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Speaker 1: Self invited to your house? You kind of just announced

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Speaker 1: it to both of us. I booked you and we

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Speaker 1: were your plus one and two. It was really cute.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and it made them come to dinner with me,

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Speaker 2: So I was in lonely and then I said, I'm

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Speaker 2: going to also then sleep at your house.

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Speaker 1: Get the bed rend We've got a little ang doner

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Speaker 1: and a pillow and it's we make a little like

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Speaker 1: ang nest. Yeah, well night's coming out to dinner.

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Speaker 2: We haven't done that.

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Speaker 3: It is a love a.

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Speaker 2: Week day off. It's like the old times again.

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Speaker 1: It's like this so okay side note, I reckon at

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Speaker 1: the career section, you'll be able to weigh in quite

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Speaker 1: a lot on the questions about sort of being restless

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Speaker 1: and having multi passionate direction, kind of being pulled in

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Speaker 1: different directions. So we'll definitely get into that. But An

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Speaker 1: has two adios at the moment. You work the weekend

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Speaker 1: and two deals, yeah, which is so great, and she

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Speaker 1: gets a little taste again of being able to just

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Speaker 1: dress up in.

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Speaker 2: Carrot costumes on my days, pretty much what we did

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Speaker 2: before this episode.

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Speaker 1: It's also one and we woke up like all have

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Speaker 1: done his work up my name breakfast.

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Speaker 2: It's literally we've done all day.

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Speaker 1: And we're a carrot costume. Do you even carry it

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Speaker 1: all about your work advice?

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Speaker 2: If I have every time I dressed up in that

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Speaker 2: costume and you said that exact same.

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Speaker 1: Phrase, what else am I going to say about it?

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Speaker 2: Fifty? Wait?

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Speaker 1: So I only half mentioned it that one time. Okay,

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Speaker 1: So let's kick off with adoption.

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Speaker 2: Okay.

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Speaker 1: We had a lot of questions on that, and enough

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Speaker 1: questions I think that I'm actually going to get a

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Speaker 1: fellow adoptee on to do a full episode because that

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Speaker 1: would be really fun, and also I think I'm going

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Speaker 1: to get someone on who's also had their own biological

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Speaker 1: children since then, So stay tuned for a deeper chat

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Speaker 1: and please think about some questions you like for that one.

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Speaker 1: But for now, the questions that we were asked are

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Speaker 1: as follows. We. By we, I mean me and the

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Speaker 1: big pimple on my chinen. Okay, once an episode, it's

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Speaker 1: our standard for in that we have one joke that

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Speaker 1: is not funny to anybody else except us, and even

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Speaker 1: if we're explo okay, try and explain it.

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Speaker 2: So a few episodes back, when I had my big

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Speaker 2: cold saw, we were laughing because we got it. Kat

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Speaker 2: did we call it? I was talking about you know,

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Speaker 2: cold saws in mind gone away, and Sarah said something

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Speaker 2: about it. She's like, oh, I'm so sad theod and

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Speaker 2: I lost it. I was you know, when you're in

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Speaker 2: one of those states where everything's just holidous. So now

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Speaker 2: that's stuck and Sarah feels like she's got a lot

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Speaker 2: of pimples when she's got like, I've got a katut behove,

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Speaker 2: and so now we call pimples any kind of facial lumps. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: appearances katut behood was in the neighborhood of Katut.

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Speaker 1: So it doesn't cut the same ring as yeah, because

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Speaker 1: it does not rhyme with nay.

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Speaker 2: But it's so funny. Please censer pictures of your if

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Speaker 2: you have anything that can be.

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Speaker 1: Then in this episodes, I have to do more Easter

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Speaker 1: eggs we do okay, this week's East d egg please

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Speaker 1: d m us your and also what name you name them?

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Speaker 1: Like some my pimples used to be Gavin? Yeah, catu

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Speaker 1: became part of the world.

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Speaker 2: Okay. Questions first theme is adoption. First question is have

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Speaker 2: I met or what I consider finding my biological or

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Speaker 2: your biological But.

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Speaker 1: I was like, you adopted to I didn't know what

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Speaker 1: these questions have you met what you consider finding? I wrote,

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Speaker 1: I had to retype them all out in order, so

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Speaker 1: I don't know if I can describe them.

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Speaker 2: Probably okay.

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Speaker 1: I also disclaimer I've probably answered if you're a regular

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Speaker 1: listener or have listened from the beginning, I probably answered

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Speaker 1: most of these questions before, so you can skip through

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Speaker 1: if you onto, or maybe my answer have changed. But

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Speaker 1: I feel like if people have asked the question, they

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Speaker 1: might not have been able to find the answer before.

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Speaker 1: So for this first one, I have never met my

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Speaker 1: birth parents, and I am.

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Speaker 2: Not necessarily deeply.

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Speaker 1: Motivated to do so. I think there's a couple of

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Speaker 1: factors in that. Firstly, in Korea in the eighties when

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Speaker 1: I was adopted, it was obviously a very different country.

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Speaker 1: It was a lot less developed the eighties. In general,

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Speaker 1: documents weren't digitized. It's very difficult, Like logistically, it is

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Speaker 1: very very difficult, particularly cross culturally and cross country adoption.

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Speaker 1: It's very difficult to find out that information. So firstly,

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Speaker 1: there's that big hurdle. Often the birth father wasn't even

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Speaker 1: recorded at all. There's sort of societal expectations and stuff

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Speaker 1: that made it difficult to even Yeah, sometimes that information

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Speaker 1: was never there, even if it is, I think a

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Speaker 1: lot of people are often motivated by feeling a bit

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Speaker 1: of a gap in their identity. I've never felt that

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Speaker 1: I've had the most beautiful upbringing. My family, my adoptive family,

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Speaker 1: I don't even call them that. That feels weird because

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Speaker 1: of their my family. I have never had the feeling of

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Speaker 1: missing something that often drives that search. So no is

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Speaker 1: the short answer. But if it was made very easy,

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Speaker 1: like if for example, you could just tick a box

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Speaker 1: or they turned off my doorstep, I would not say no.

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Speaker 1: I definitely be curious to see them and know what

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Speaker 1: they look like. Medical history is a really big thing

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Speaker 1: that we'll talk about in the context of something else.

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Speaker 1: I would not not be curious. It's just that you've

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Speaker 1: got to really really want it for it's taken some

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Speaker 1: people that I know thirteen fourteen years. Sometimes it opens

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Speaker 1: up wormholes of things you maybe didn't need to know about,

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Speaker 1: circumstances of your adoption that could be traumatic, whereas you

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Speaker 1: know without knowing that it doesn't affect my life, the

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Speaker 1: fact that I don't, So no, I haven't met them,

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Speaker 1: and now I'm not desperate too. But I have met

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Speaker 1: my foster family and that.

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Speaker 2: Was really beautiful.

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Speaker 1: So once you're adopted, your adoptive family can pay extra

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Speaker 1: for you to be fostered with a family instep like,

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Speaker 1: so you get a family environment instead of being just

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Speaker 1: in the orphanage. And I was with a family Missus Kim.

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Speaker 1: Even though everyone in Korea is called missus Kim. There's

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Speaker 1: only five surnames pretty much in Korea, Kim, Park, hollow Lee, Holloway, Davidson,

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Speaker 1: and I was her first child that she fostered she's fostered,

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Speaker 1: you know, tens and maybe I don't even know how

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Speaker 1: many children, but I've been back to meet her and

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Speaker 1: that was really beautiful because she has photos of me

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Speaker 1: when I was little and remembers me as a baby,

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Speaker 1: so that was really special.

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Speaker 2: On the back of that, have you ever wondered how

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Speaker 2: life would have been like if you were in Korea

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Speaker 2: or grew up in Korea?

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Speaker 1: Always I reflect on that all the time, and especially

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Speaker 1: in the eighties. It was a much poorer country. The

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Speaker 1: opportunity for women were very different and limited access to education.

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Speaker 1: You know, there was sex, slavery and trafficking and all

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Speaker 1: kinds of things, and you know, I mean, I haven't

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Speaker 1: researched it enormously, but it could have been a very

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Speaker 1: very different life. Like Mum cries all the time thinking

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Speaker 1: about that, and I think it's what makes me so

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Speaker 1: keen to do so many things, is because I am,

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Speaker 1: in the back of my mind so acutely aware of

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Speaker 1: how lucky we are to be here. I think everyone

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Speaker 1: who lives in Australia now is lucky to be here,

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Speaker 1: but I have that extra layer of knowing I might

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Speaker 1: not have been, so I'm even more like well, I

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Speaker 1: can't waste my spot like this is such a sliding

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Speaker 1: doors moment. I did nothing to deserve to get adopted.

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Speaker 1: I did nothing to deserve a better chance. And it's

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Speaker 1: as I get older, especially I think, oh my gosh,

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Speaker 1: you know you're not You're born into certain circumstances, but

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Speaker 1: I got to have another chance, a better life, love career.

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Speaker 2: I'm sorry, I was just reflecting about my time in Korea.

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Speaker 2: We love it a lot over there, such a cool place.

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Speaker 2: Would you consider adopting yourself?

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Speaker 1: I've already been adopted once. I don't know if I

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Speaker 1: need to.

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Speaker 2: Be touched again. So I read that without covers adopting yourself.

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Speaker 1: The person who submitted that question. Your punctuation was fine,

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Speaker 1: It was totally clear what you meant. Yes, we absolutely would.

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Speaker 1: I think most of you probably know by now that

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Speaker 1: Nick and I both have adoption in our family. So

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Speaker 1: obviously my brother and I were adopted. But Nick's mum

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Speaker 1: was also adopted, and she is also has an Asian heritage.

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Speaker 1: She was born in Singapore and she was also you know,

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Speaker 1: she spent a lot of her first sort of home

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Speaker 1: was in an orphanage as well, but she was there

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Speaker 1: until she was fifteen, I think, and so you know,

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Speaker 1: it's not foreign to either of us, not that like

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Speaker 1: I think, if it hasn't you don't have an example

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Speaker 1: of a family who's adopted successfully, it would be a

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Speaker 1: lot more intimidating or overwhelming or scary or foreign or

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Speaker 1: whatever it is. But because for us it's so normal,

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Speaker 1: it's really normalized, and we really want a family, So

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Speaker 1: if we weren't able to have children ourselves, it would

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Speaker 1: definitely be on the cards.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I would love to adopt. Also, I just feel

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Speaker 2: like I don't know, I haven't researched it up. I

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Speaker 2: feel like it's really hard. It's very difficult.

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Speaker 1: I don't know what the rules are now, but it's

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Speaker 1: universally difficult, and there are really good reasons for the bureaucracy,

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Speaker 1: like you know, child protection and making sure the welfare

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Speaker 1: of the family, you know, what life will they go

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Speaker 1: into in the family that they're being adopted into. But

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Speaker 1: at the same time, I think sometimes it's so strict

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Speaker 1: that what could be worse than often where they're coming from,

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Speaker 1: which it's really difficult.

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Speaker 2: It's so so messy hard balance, isn't it, Because I

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Speaker 2: always think about that being like it's so hard, but

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Speaker 2: of course that's for the safety of the child. But

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Speaker 2: then it means that maybe they lose that chance of

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Speaker 2: ever being adopted because the process.

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Speaker 1: Is so hard AnyWho, and it's extremely expensive, so some

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Speaker 1: people don't have the option, like they can't have their

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Speaker 1: own children, but they don't necessarily have the funding to

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Speaker 1: be able to do or the access like it's yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's a hard area.

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Speaker 2: This is a cute one from another Korean born Australian girl.

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Speaker 2: Australian born, however, I've had a white, very white upbringing.

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Speaker 2: I hardly any other Asian Australian friends in school, which

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Speaker 2: is naturally extended into adult life. This has sometimes left

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Speaker 2: me feeling weirdly stuck in the middle. Have you ever

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Speaker 2: had similar struggles with identity?

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Speaker 1: That's an amazing question, And I actually just did a

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Speaker 1: wonderful podcast for the Weekend Briefing with Jamilla Rizvi, who

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Speaker 1: has been a guest on CZA and is someone I

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Speaker 1: admire so much. We had a fascinating conversation about justice,

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Speaker 1: so highly recommend you have a listener that comes out

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Speaker 1: in a few weeks. Shorter answer is absolutely, I've had

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Speaker 1: lots of identity struggles around being an Asian Australia and

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Speaker 1: separate to adoption, like that already is sort of an

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Speaker 1: interesting cultural heritage to come from where, and I mean

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Speaker 1: you all have had that as well, Like putting the

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Speaker 1: adoption side part aside. In any teenagehood, while you're finding yourself,

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Speaker 1: you kind of swing between your heritage but also the

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Speaker 1: culture you live in, and like honoring and keeping some

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Speaker 1: parts of your background but also embracing Australian culture, Like

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Speaker 1: it's hard for anyone who's got two or three or

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Speaker 1: multiple different backgrounds. Add adoption to it, and the fact

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Speaker 1: that we don't actually have parents who are preserving the

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Speaker 1: Korean heritage or culture for us, but also our connection

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Speaker 1: to it is kind of lost.

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Speaker 2: It's even kind of messier.

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Speaker 1: So it's definitely been something that's taken me a long

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Speaker 1: time to navigate. It helps that our family have been

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Speaker 1: so supportive of whichever way we happen to be swinging.

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Speaker 1: Like you know, there have been years where I really

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Speaker 1: wanted to explore my careanness. And when we were children,

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Speaker 1: we went to han ho, which is a like a

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Speaker 1: Korean playgroup where you learn Korean nursery rhymes and you

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Speaker 1: get to wear your harmbuck and you can learn all

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Speaker 1: about your culture. But then if we didn't want to go,

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Speaker 1: they didn't force us, and they've taken us back to

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Speaker 1: Korea so that we could investigate that culture more if

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Speaker 1: we wanted to. And then there have definitely been times

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Speaker 1: where I've kind of tried to suppress it because one

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Speaker 1: of you know, I think that comment the person who

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Speaker 1: asked to mention they in school had a lot of

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Speaker 1: non Asian friends just because and I had exactly the

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Speaker 1: same all the way up until mcgrob, so up until

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Speaker 1: year nine, so I was very much like, let's assimilate,

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Speaker 1: let's be really bogan, and let's you know, not like

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Speaker 1: kind of suppress the Asian things about me, like anything

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Speaker 1: that was really stereotypically Asian. I wouldn't do, I dress

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Speaker 1: in a really different way, I wouldn't listen to any

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Speaker 1: k pop like, you know, all of those kinds of things.

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Speaker 1: And then at mcgrob, suddenly it was so natural to

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Speaker 1: have a different culture and be really proud of it.

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Speaker 1: So then I was like, oh, like shit, what's been Korean?

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Speaker 1: You know?

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Speaker 2: How cool is that?

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Speaker 1: It was an amazing place to find yourself and just

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Speaker 1: stop having hang ups about trying to be everyone else

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Speaker 1: because everyone was weird in their own way.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. So yeah, it's weird though, because as much as

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Speaker 2: we're very much the same Asians being brought up in Australia,

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Speaker 2: sometimes I find myself saying to you things like, oh, well,

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Speaker 2: growing up Asian as if you didn't grow up Asian,

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Speaker 2: because you kind of didn't Asian. Yeah, And sometimes i'd

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Speaker 2: say things to Sarah. You'd ask me like, how did

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Speaker 2: you know what was dinner like growing up? And I'd say, well,

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Speaker 2: we'd have one bowl of rice and it'd be food

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Speaker 2: in the middle, and then you pick that middle food

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Speaker 2: into the rice and that's how you had meals or

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Speaker 2: whatever it is. And you didn't really grow up with that.

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Speaker 2: It was very much a Western diet. Even I was

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Speaker 2: lucky though I grew up with BNOI living with us.

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Speaker 2: So it's hard to not maintain a lot of culture.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, which is so beautiful. I think that's so beautiful.

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Speaker 2: I just sometimes get myself. I catch myself being like, oh,

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Speaker 2: I talk about growing up Asian as if I didn't

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Speaker 2: grow up Asian despite being Asian, But then obviously you didn't.

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Speaker 2: And so it's this like it's just strange. It sits funny.

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Speaker 1: And do you know how that manifests for me now

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Speaker 1: that I did grow up Asian in that I got

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Speaker 1: treated as an Asian by others, but internally in my brain,

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Speaker 1: I didn't have the same cultural upbringing experience as an

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Speaker 1: I would have in an Asian family. So I kind

404
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Speaker 1: of have that experience of maybe racism or discrimination or

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Speaker 1: just questions about difference without identifying with the culture that

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Speaker 1: it comes from, which is weird. And now I get

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Speaker 1: a lot of sort of lovely comments about representing people

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Speaker 1: of color on TV or you know, that kind of

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Speaker 1: representation piece, and then I feel like an imposter in

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Speaker 1: that situation. I don't feel like I can fly the

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Speaker 1: flag for Asian Australians because I didn't grow up with

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Speaker 1: Asian parents. So I sort of feel like, oh, that's

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Speaker 1: really lovely that you think that. And I do think

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Speaker 1: we should all look at the media and see ourselves.

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Speaker 1: When I was younger, I wanted to see Asian looking people,

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Speaker 1: but then I also don't feel like I'm Asian enough

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Speaker 1: to kind.

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Speaker 2: Of be that. But do you know what I mean?

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Speaker 2: It's so I know what you mean, but I don't

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Speaker 2: know you should ever feel like an imposter. I think

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Speaker 2: there's different types of diversity. One is physical, how you

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Speaker 2: look and how you feel. And also, I don't know,

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Speaker 2: like you don't necessarily have to be the be all

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Speaker 2: end of that particular culture, but it still provides a

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Speaker 2: lot of great diversity, yeah, visually even on a TV screen.

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Speaker 2: But on the back of what you said before about racism,

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Speaker 2: have you actually ever experienced casual racism and if so,

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Speaker 2: do you have any that you know you remember quite vividly.

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Speaker 1: A lot more during primary school. I think society generally

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Speaker 1: has come a long way, and I'm not saying that

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Speaker 1: we don't have a lot further to go, but I

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Speaker 1: think the conversation around people of color and embracing diversity

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Speaker 1: and multiculturalism has come a long way from like tokenism

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Speaker 1: to meaningful conversations and big changes institutionally, and that's amazing.

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Speaker 1: There's so much more representation in the media, but when

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Speaker 1: I was in primary school, there wasn't. And you know,

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Speaker 1: in Delly magazine and onun Home and Away and Neighbors

438
00:23:11,200 --> 00:23:12,840
Speaker 1: and all those kinds of things, I wouldn't see anyone

439
00:23:12,840 --> 00:23:15,800
Speaker 1: who looked like me and did have a lot of

440
00:23:16,359 --> 00:23:19,480
Speaker 1: I think sometimes it was kids teasing each other and

441
00:23:19,520 --> 00:23:22,280
Speaker 1: it just happened to be about my eyes being small

442
00:23:22,320 --> 00:23:24,159
Speaker 1: or something, not necessarily because they understood it was a

443
00:23:24,240 --> 00:23:26,480
Speaker 1: race thing. It was more like the same way we'd

444
00:23:26,520 --> 00:23:28,840
Speaker 1: tease someone with ginger hair, Like it was just kids

445
00:23:28,880 --> 00:23:32,040
Speaker 1: being kids. And then sometimes it was curiosity that felt

446
00:23:32,080 --> 00:23:34,920
Speaker 1: like racism, like people being like, what's that food?

447
00:23:35,080 --> 00:23:35,560
Speaker 2: Yeah, what's that?

448
00:23:35,920 --> 00:23:37,920
Speaker 1: Like I didn't have the food thing, but I did

449
00:23:37,960 --> 00:23:41,359
Speaker 1: have the like, you know, like the eyes thing was

450
00:23:41,400 --> 00:23:43,240
Speaker 1: such a big thing. I remember people always being like

451
00:23:43,240 --> 00:23:46,200
Speaker 1: can you even see? Or like why your eyes looked

452
00:23:46,280 --> 00:23:48,800
Speaker 1: like that? Or from an adoption perspective, it was like

453
00:23:48,800 --> 00:23:51,160
Speaker 1: why didn't your parents look like you? You know, those

454
00:23:51,240 --> 00:23:53,760
Speaker 1: kinds of questions, And it's hard to say it was

455
00:23:53,840 --> 00:23:58,199
Speaker 1: racism because kids are curious about difference, But towards our

456
00:23:58,240 --> 00:24:01,399
Speaker 1: older years it definitely it was more casual and probably

457
00:24:01,440 --> 00:24:07,760
Speaker 1: more subtle. But I have had more overt examples over time,

458
00:24:08,600 --> 00:24:11,040
Speaker 1: and I think so one of the questions I did

459
00:24:11,080 --> 00:24:12,680
Speaker 1: answer this on Instagram, so you can go and look

460
00:24:12,680 --> 00:24:15,040
Speaker 1: at the highlight, But I think you have to remember,

461
00:24:15,119 --> 00:24:19,080
Speaker 1: as with any kind of difference, it reflects much more

462
00:24:19,080 --> 00:24:21,600
Speaker 1: about the person than it does on you, and it

463
00:24:21,640 --> 00:24:23,399
Speaker 1: doesn't mean that it's okay, and it doesn't mean that

464
00:24:23,440 --> 00:24:26,560
Speaker 1: they shouldn't change. But sometimes you can't also be an

465
00:24:26,560 --> 00:24:28,760
Speaker 1: activist and try and change everyone for the better because

466
00:24:28,760 --> 00:24:31,520
Speaker 1: you'll have no energy left. So if you can learn

467
00:24:31,560 --> 00:24:34,880
Speaker 1: how to step in and educate where you think it's

468
00:24:34,880 --> 00:24:37,800
Speaker 1: going to make a difference, but also not take it

469
00:24:37,800 --> 00:24:40,119
Speaker 1: as any reflection on your own value. If you can't

470
00:24:40,119 --> 00:24:41,959
Speaker 1: make a difference or you can't speak up because of

471
00:24:42,280 --> 00:24:45,719
Speaker 1: complicated reasons. If it's in the workplace, there are definitely

472
00:24:45,800 --> 00:24:50,320
Speaker 1: official courses of action you can take, and you definitely should.

473
00:24:51,280 --> 00:24:54,639
Speaker 1: And there was a question about more casual racism, and

474
00:24:54,680 --> 00:24:57,200
Speaker 1: I think there are a lot of colloquial ways that

475
00:24:57,280 --> 00:25:00,480
Speaker 1: things have been become ingrained that are inherently ras that

476
00:25:00,520 --> 00:25:03,600
Speaker 1: we still kind of laugh at and don't really realize

477
00:25:03,600 --> 00:25:06,800
Speaker 1: they're not okay. And I think it's everyone needs to

478
00:25:06,840 --> 00:25:09,080
Speaker 1: have a safe space to learn and to be pulled

479
00:25:09,160 --> 00:25:12,440
Speaker 1: up on it and then change their behavior. And everyone

480
00:25:12,440 --> 00:25:14,160
Speaker 1: also needs to feel comfortable to be able to pull

481
00:25:14,200 --> 00:25:15,720
Speaker 1: people up and know that they're going to be able,

482
00:25:15,760 --> 00:25:18,000
Speaker 1: you know, not take it badly. I think just the

483
00:25:18,080 --> 00:25:22,520
Speaker 1: more you are compassionate and patient but also use your

484
00:25:22,520 --> 00:25:25,080
Speaker 1: platforms to educate in a in a way that's going

485
00:25:25,160 --> 00:25:29,840
Speaker 1: to help people change is yeah, because it's again another

486
00:25:29,880 --> 00:25:30,199
Speaker 1: hard one.

487
00:25:30,280 --> 00:25:31,879
Speaker 2: Yeah. The second part to that question was how do

488
00:25:31,920 --> 00:25:33,480
Speaker 2: you handle it when you see it from friends? But

489
00:25:33,520 --> 00:25:36,640
Speaker 2: you kind of did just answer it. I'm the worst

490
00:25:36,800 --> 00:25:39,760
Speaker 2: of handling it because I wouldn't say I'm an instigator

491
00:25:39,840 --> 00:25:43,159
Speaker 2: of cateugracism because I would never be. But sometimes I

492
00:25:43,280 --> 00:25:46,320
Speaker 2: make jokes that I am so used to, perhaps because

493
00:25:46,600 --> 00:25:48,800
Speaker 2: I sometimes say it before someone else says it, so

494
00:25:48,840 --> 00:25:50,159
Speaker 2: it just like you preempt it.

495
00:25:50,160 --> 00:25:52,080
Speaker 1: So it kind of makes it fine, breaks the barrier

496
00:25:52,240 --> 00:25:54,000
Speaker 1: being like diffuses it.

497
00:25:54,119 --> 00:25:56,760
Speaker 2: Yeah, like if someone asks me to do a math equation,

498
00:25:57,040 --> 00:25:59,919
Speaker 2: I'll be like, just because I'm Asian or you know,

499
00:26:00,640 --> 00:26:03,080
Speaker 2: just kind of like I don't know add levity. But

500
00:26:03,119 --> 00:26:06,919
Speaker 2: also and then at the same time that almost eggs

501
00:26:07,200 --> 00:26:10,600
Speaker 2: people to feel like they can. That's also interesting. So

502
00:26:10,600 --> 00:26:14,520
Speaker 2: it's a bit tricky because I'm just alaric in general. Yeah,

503
00:26:14,560 --> 00:26:18,280
Speaker 2: and it's not malicious and I don't mean any malice

504
00:26:18,280 --> 00:26:20,440
Speaker 2: when I say it, but I have I think I've

505
00:26:20,960 --> 00:26:24,160
Speaker 2: slowly come to realize that that actually doesn't help the situation.

506
00:26:25,400 --> 00:26:27,760
Speaker 2: So it's yeah, it's kind of tricky making those kinds

507
00:26:27,760 --> 00:26:28,200
Speaker 2: of jokes.

508
00:26:28,359 --> 00:26:30,920
Speaker 1: That's a really good point because anyone who' hung out

509
00:26:30,920 --> 00:26:33,480
Speaker 1: with me before will no. I do that too. Definitely

510
00:26:33,480 --> 00:26:34,720
Speaker 1: do it, and I do it in a way that

511
00:26:35,000 --> 00:26:37,439
Speaker 1: is kind of self defense, like you're almost pre emptying

512
00:26:37,520 --> 00:26:41,440
Speaker 1: like yeah, I don't know, yeah, diffusing the situation by

513
00:26:41,480 --> 00:26:44,360
Speaker 1: just saying it first. But there are some situations where

514
00:26:44,359 --> 00:26:47,160
Speaker 1: you kind of need to acknowledge with levity.

515
00:26:47,320 --> 00:26:47,639
Speaker 2: I e.

516
00:26:48,000 --> 00:26:49,880
Speaker 1: When I'm getting my makeup done by a makeup artist

517
00:26:49,920 --> 00:26:53,160
Speaker 1: who hasn't done Asian eyes before, I need to sort

518
00:26:53,160 --> 00:26:56,560
Speaker 1: of say the approach has to be different because my

519
00:26:56,560 --> 00:26:59,399
Speaker 1: eyes aren't hooded, and I don't want to make them

520
00:26:59,400 --> 00:27:01,960
Speaker 1: feel like, oh stable, So I'll kind of laugh about it,

521
00:27:02,040 --> 00:27:05,479
Speaker 1: like be like, oh my, but that's hard because I'm

522
00:27:05,520 --> 00:27:08,520
Speaker 1: not making a racist joke, but I do need to

523
00:27:08,800 --> 00:27:11,840
Speaker 1: explain there are physical differences, but I don't want to

524
00:27:11,840 --> 00:27:12,520
Speaker 1: make them feel awards.

525
00:27:12,520 --> 00:27:14,679
Speaker 2: I don't want to be serious. It's really difficult. So

526
00:27:14,720 --> 00:27:17,840
Speaker 2: I have learned in a way where it's I'm like,

527
00:27:17,840 --> 00:27:23,119
Speaker 2: there's a difference between racism and levity and joking, and

528
00:27:23,400 --> 00:27:25,440
Speaker 2: like I'm just such a jokester, and I would say

529
00:27:25,440 --> 00:27:27,000
Speaker 2: that if I would said to you, oh, just because

530
00:27:27,040 --> 00:27:30,560
Speaker 2: I'm Asian, as a joke, You're welcome to laugh at

531
00:27:30,560 --> 00:27:32,960
Speaker 2: it because it's a joke. It's different when it comes

532
00:27:33,040 --> 00:27:37,159
Speaker 2: with a different type of motive and you can feel

533
00:27:37,160 --> 00:27:39,480
Speaker 2: the malice behind its act. You said that to me,

534
00:27:39,800 --> 00:27:43,800
Speaker 2: even as a joke, to me personally, i'd probably laugh

535
00:27:43,880 --> 00:27:46,760
Speaker 2: because that's who I am. They know, and they do

536
00:27:46,800 --> 00:27:48,600
Speaker 2: it directing it to me in that way that I

537
00:27:48,600 --> 00:27:51,760
Speaker 2: would have directed it to them. It's really for me,

538
00:27:51,800 --> 00:27:56,600
Speaker 2: it's okay. But sometimes when it becomes quite confronting or

539
00:27:56,840 --> 00:28:03,760
Speaker 2: actually mean, that's when it's not that nice. Even you're

540
00:28:03,800 --> 00:28:05,920
Speaker 2: talking about curiosity, being like what's in your food? That's

541
00:28:05,920 --> 00:28:08,159
Speaker 2: the difference between saying, hey, what's that that you're eating?

542
00:28:08,560 --> 00:28:13,160
Speaker 2: And the big difference between that and saying ill, what's that? Yeah?

543
00:28:13,320 --> 00:28:15,880
Speaker 4: Or like ill that looks like pooh?

544
00:28:16,000 --> 00:28:17,840
Speaker 2: Like I've had that before when I when I was

545
00:28:17,880 --> 00:28:22,879
Speaker 2: in high school, I brought pork floss and I had

546
00:28:22,880 --> 00:28:26,520
Speaker 2: people being like, ill, that looks like cow poo poo,

547
00:28:26,600 --> 00:28:29,520
Speaker 2: that looks like fluffy. Yeah. So I was like, oh,

548
00:28:29,720 --> 00:28:31,760
Speaker 2: kind of know it was racism, but that stuff, but

549
00:28:31,840 --> 00:28:34,320
Speaker 2: it can't It feels a little bit harsh than if

550
00:28:34,480 --> 00:28:37,000
Speaker 2: someone to say, hey, what's that like, I've never had

551
00:28:37,040 --> 00:28:37,480
Speaker 2: that before.

552
00:28:37,640 --> 00:28:40,760
Speaker 1: I think intension is very important, and there does have

553
00:28:40,920 --> 00:28:44,720
Speaker 1: to be a safe space for curiosity because otherwise everyone

554
00:28:44,760 --> 00:28:48,640
Speaker 1: will be too scared to say anything, which then doesn't

555
00:28:48,640 --> 00:28:51,400
Speaker 1: help break down and like barriers, you know, it makes

556
00:28:51,400 --> 00:28:54,880
Speaker 1: the barriers higher. So it's hard, very hard.

557
00:28:56,360 --> 00:28:59,920
Speaker 2: That cops the adoption topic. In the next topic is

558
00:29:01,720 --> 00:29:05,200
Speaker 2: fertility EO, something that you and I have been speaking

559
00:29:05,200 --> 00:29:07,800
Speaker 2: about a lot more over the last period.

560
00:29:08,280 --> 00:29:12,320
Speaker 1: So disclaimer here, neither of us are fertility experience, and

561
00:29:12,480 --> 00:29:16,920
Speaker 1: I have like we're very very early on preliminary steps,

562
00:29:16,920 --> 00:29:22,040
Speaker 1: so anything including you have been part of the triplet

563
00:29:22,120 --> 00:29:24,320
Speaker 1: that is going to be the parents of this child.

564
00:29:24,520 --> 00:29:27,560
Speaker 1: You know, we're like so preliminary, and there are people

565
00:29:27,560 --> 00:29:30,520
Speaker 1: who have been a long way through the process who

566
00:29:30,520 --> 00:29:34,600
Speaker 1: have much more to say. And so I am doing

567
00:29:34,880 --> 00:29:37,080
Speaker 1: as I mentioned, I'll be doing a separate adoption episode.

568
00:29:37,120 --> 00:29:40,520
Speaker 1: I'll also do a separate fertility episode with a guest

569
00:29:40,520 --> 00:29:42,600
Speaker 1: who I already have in mind, who is much further

570
00:29:42,600 --> 00:29:44,280
Speaker 1: along the process, and we'll be able to shed light

571
00:29:44,320 --> 00:29:48,160
Speaker 1: on the stages of IVF. And you know, I'm very

572
00:29:48,280 --> 00:29:50,840
Speaker 1: very early, but there are lots of questions.

573
00:29:50,880 --> 00:29:53,200
Speaker 2: So, but also this is questions about your experience. You

574
00:29:53,200 --> 00:29:54,560
Speaker 2: don't have to be an expert in.

575
00:29:54,880 --> 00:29:57,400
Speaker 1: But also I think it's important to cover like more

576
00:29:57,640 --> 00:30:00,960
Speaker 1: of those early stage preparation things because you just get

577
00:30:01,400 --> 00:30:07,360
Speaker 1: the biggest surprise for me, and response, like, the response

578
00:30:07,440 --> 00:30:10,080
Speaker 1: to that surprise has been very like echoing this out.

579
00:30:10,080 --> 00:30:12,600
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I'm saying people are echoing that surprise

580
00:30:13,160 --> 00:30:15,400
Speaker 1: is that you can get to your thirties or whatever

581
00:30:15,440 --> 00:30:19,200
Speaker 1: age you start thinking about it and not know anything.

582
00:30:19,400 --> 00:30:25,000
Speaker 1: There are four stages two our cycle. What like that

583
00:30:25,160 --> 00:30:26,200
Speaker 1: is brand new information?

584
00:30:26,680 --> 00:30:28,400
Speaker 2: Wow? Did you know that?

585
00:30:28,520 --> 00:30:33,920
Speaker 1: Of course we learn, yeah, but people who don't work

586
00:30:33,960 --> 00:30:37,640
Speaker 1: in the medical arena genuinely have never heard. Like someone

587
00:30:37,680 --> 00:30:39,320
Speaker 1: replied to my story being like, what do you mean

588
00:30:39,360 --> 00:30:40,080
Speaker 1: we have four stages?

589
00:30:40,120 --> 00:30:42,640
Speaker 2: I'm like, see, no, it's fair. And also I know

590
00:30:42,680 --> 00:30:45,440
Speaker 2: they're full stages, but I couldn't tell you anymore what

591
00:30:45,480 --> 00:30:46,240
Speaker 2: any of them mean.

592
00:30:46,560 --> 00:30:48,760
Speaker 1: Okay, let's do that quickly, because I think that's important.

593
00:30:48,760 --> 00:30:53,400
Speaker 1: So there are four stages, the lute phase, the killer

594
00:30:53,440 --> 00:30:54,520
Speaker 1: phase for the killer.

595
00:30:54,560 --> 00:30:55,360
Speaker 2: Let me let's find it.

596
00:30:56,000 --> 00:31:03,680
Speaker 1: Four phases is population of phase? Good question TBC, Yes,

597
00:31:03,840 --> 00:31:09,280
Speaker 1: ovulation lutel the actual menstruation and follicular and that is like,

598
00:31:09,760 --> 00:31:12,440
Speaker 1: I don't think I'd heard the word follicular until like

599
00:31:12,640 --> 00:31:15,280
Speaker 1: I did the Tour Organic podcast and talk to a

600
00:31:15,400 --> 00:31:17,880
Speaker 1: specialist about my cycle, and I was like, do you

601
00:31:18,200 --> 00:31:20,920
Speaker 1: understand I am learning this for the first time? Like

602
00:31:21,120 --> 00:31:23,040
Speaker 1: now crazy?

603
00:31:23,560 --> 00:31:28,320
Speaker 2: And do you people forget about the understanding how estrogen

604
00:31:28,400 --> 00:31:31,520
Speaker 2: and progesterone work? Yeah, Like, don't even know.

605
00:31:31,840 --> 00:31:36,400
Speaker 1: Crazy. So, menstation is when the lining of your uterus sheds.

606
00:31:37,040 --> 00:31:39,840
Speaker 1: Then your first phase after that is follicular. Oh, hold on,

607
00:31:39,960 --> 00:31:42,240
Speaker 1: filicid phase starts on the first day of mensuration, sorry,

608
00:31:42,280 --> 00:31:48,240
Speaker 1: and ends with ovulation. So that is when the hormone,

609
00:31:48,440 --> 00:31:52,240
Speaker 1: the follicle stimulating hormone, stimulates the ovary to produce around

610
00:31:52,240 --> 00:31:55,760
Speaker 1: five to twenty follicles which be on the surface. Then

611
00:31:55,960 --> 00:31:59,640
Speaker 1: ovulation is the phase when your mature eggs are being released.

612
00:32:00,320 --> 00:32:01,960
Speaker 1: Is the time when you are supposed to be trying

613
00:32:02,040 --> 00:32:04,960
Speaker 1: to get pregnant, and you need to identify when you're

614
00:32:04,960 --> 00:32:07,080
Speaker 1: ovulating in the window that you're ovulating in, which there

615
00:32:07,120 --> 00:32:09,200
Speaker 1: are lots of We'll talk about this in the questions

616
00:32:10,320 --> 00:32:12,680
Speaker 1: and there's a lot more articulate explanations of this, but

617
00:32:12,800 --> 00:32:15,240
Speaker 1: ovulation is the phase. I used to think you could

618
00:32:15,240 --> 00:32:18,240
Speaker 1: get pregnant anytime, but no, you have to be ovulating,

619
00:32:18,400 --> 00:32:21,360
Speaker 1: so that's a whole thing. And then the lutel phase

620
00:32:22,200 --> 00:32:27,800
Speaker 1: is after that. And yeah, there's a lot of scientific

621
00:32:27,840 --> 00:32:29,720
Speaker 1: things about the corpus lutan and all that kind of stuff.

622
00:32:29,800 --> 00:32:33,880
Speaker 1: Please go and research it because it's crazy, Like there's

623
00:32:34,000 --> 00:32:36,360
Speaker 1: just so much information about it. I might share the

624
00:32:36,400 --> 00:32:38,720
Speaker 1: link to the Tom Organon episode because it was so fascinating.

625
00:32:39,800 --> 00:32:42,240
Speaker 1: There's stages of your cycle. You have different energy, Like

626
00:32:42,360 --> 00:32:45,760
Speaker 1: why do you go and schedule the most energy intensive

627
00:32:45,800 --> 00:32:47,520
Speaker 1: things at the wrong time in your cycle? Like how

628
00:32:47,560 --> 00:32:49,560
Speaker 1: have we not been learning how to harness our energy

629
00:32:49,840 --> 00:32:53,120
Speaker 1: the most efficiently? Anyway, So first thing you need to

630
00:32:53,200 --> 00:32:55,160
Speaker 1: know is is the stages of your cycle?

631
00:32:57,520 --> 00:32:58,840
Speaker 2: All right, good wrap up.

632
00:33:00,080 --> 00:33:02,040
Speaker 1: That was the least articulate thing I've ever said, But

633
00:33:02,360 --> 00:33:04,520
Speaker 1: we go and google it. It's blows your mind.

634
00:33:05,000 --> 00:33:10,360
Speaker 2: Okay, So first question, biggest question members what's the plan?

635
00:33:11,320 --> 00:33:13,360
Speaker 2: And also I love that you left this comment in

636
00:33:14,400 --> 00:33:15,920
Speaker 2: loving your care free lifestyle.

637
00:33:18,040 --> 00:33:20,520
Speaker 1: I think I've left that in two dalg about that

638
00:33:20,600 --> 00:33:21,640
Speaker 1: we have been pretty carefree.

639
00:33:21,680 --> 00:33:25,760
Speaker 2: We got married three years ago and yeah.

640
00:33:26,040 --> 00:33:29,440
Speaker 1: Nearly three I don't believe it, and we weren't in

641
00:33:29,520 --> 00:33:32,640
Speaker 1: a rush like you guys have obviously anyone who's followed

642
00:33:32,640 --> 00:33:34,280
Speaker 1: for a while. Now, we're pretty busy, like we have

643
00:33:34,400 --> 00:33:36,200
Speaker 1: lots of things to do, and we've got lots of

644
00:33:36,200 --> 00:33:38,360
Speaker 1: business there and we've recently sold the businesses which we'll

645
00:33:38,360 --> 00:33:41,960
Speaker 1: also get to so there's been a lot on. Also,

646
00:33:42,000 --> 00:33:43,760
Speaker 1: my father and Lawa's been unwell, so there's been a

647
00:33:43,800 --> 00:33:46,200
Speaker 1: lot of travel, a lot of uncertainty. And then COVID,

648
00:33:46,320 --> 00:33:48,560
Speaker 1: like it just pretty much as soon as we got married.

649
00:33:48,720 --> 00:33:51,640
Speaker 1: It hit so when we were otherwise probably going to

650
00:33:51,720 --> 00:33:57,280
Speaker 1: start immediately, but then you know, the rules about being

651
00:33:57,320 --> 00:33:59,360
Speaker 1: in hospital and delivery and all those things just were

652
00:33:59,440 --> 00:34:01,920
Speaker 1: so up in that we thought, we're just not in

653
00:34:02,040 --> 00:34:06,400
Speaker 1: a rush, let's survive COVID and see what happens. And

654
00:34:06,480 --> 00:34:08,120
Speaker 1: then now that things have been going back to normal

655
00:34:08,160 --> 00:34:10,400
Speaker 1: a little bit, it's only really been this year, and

656
00:34:10,440 --> 00:34:13,880
Speaker 1: I would say the last few months that we started

657
00:34:13,920 --> 00:34:17,640
Speaker 1: to think suddenly, I went into COVID as a thirty

658
00:34:17,719 --> 00:34:19,480
Speaker 1: year old and I've come out like thirty three, and

659
00:34:19,520 --> 00:34:21,320
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh my god, it felt like a minute,

660
00:34:21,440 --> 00:34:24,600
Speaker 1: but you know, mentally I'm no older. But the body

661
00:34:24,640 --> 00:34:27,760
Speaker 1: clock ticking is a reality for women. It's quite confronting

662
00:34:27,840 --> 00:34:30,200
Speaker 1: and really overwhelming. So this was the year that I

663
00:34:30,239 --> 00:34:33,240
Speaker 1: thought I need to at least look at how to prepare.

664
00:34:33,520 --> 00:34:35,279
Speaker 1: You could just start going for it, hammer and Tong,

665
00:34:35,719 --> 00:34:40,480
Speaker 1: but we also don't have any medical information. The other

666
00:34:40,560 --> 00:34:43,520
Speaker 1: two people in our relationship, we're in a quadruple. I

667
00:34:43,560 --> 00:34:45,600
Speaker 1: didn't tell you you're not one of them, just saying,

668
00:34:46,640 --> 00:34:48,439
Speaker 1: but I thought, you know, you could just start going

669
00:34:48,480 --> 00:34:51,239
Speaker 1: at it. But because we have no medical information on

670
00:34:51,360 --> 00:34:54,799
Speaker 1: my side or Nick's mom's side, there are actually things

671
00:34:54,840 --> 00:34:56,560
Speaker 1: you can do. So I went to the GP.

672
00:34:58,280 --> 00:34:58,799
Speaker 2: So sorry.

673
00:34:58,840 --> 00:35:01,200
Speaker 1: Answer to that question is the plan is We're not

674
00:35:01,719 --> 00:35:06,680
Speaker 1: not trying. We are not actively. We haven't started. Someone

675
00:35:06,719 --> 00:35:08,759
Speaker 1: actually asked a question the other day are you t TC?

676
00:35:08,880 --> 00:35:10,120
Speaker 2: And I was like, what the fuck does that mean?

677
00:35:10,440 --> 00:35:13,200
Speaker 2: Trying to conceive? It's like a thing. Okay, surely that's

678
00:35:13,320 --> 00:35:16,359
Speaker 2: not a common it's a thing. Off topic quickly, there

679
00:35:16,400 --> 00:35:18,160
Speaker 2: was a quiz in the Ages. The question in the

680
00:35:18,200 --> 00:35:20,360
Speaker 2: quiz in the Age the other day, a question of

681
00:35:20,440 --> 00:35:23,480
Speaker 2: something was along the lines of in social media and texting,

682
00:35:23,880 --> 00:35:26,200
Speaker 2: what does ti L stand for?

683
00:35:28,160 --> 00:35:28,359
Speaker 3: Oh?

684
00:35:29,600 --> 00:35:35,800
Speaker 2: No idea, no ideas? And I know what is spelt?

685
00:35:36,320 --> 00:35:40,360
Speaker 2: How is pizza spelt? Sourdo? Anyway? What is t I

686
00:35:40,560 --> 00:35:45,520
Speaker 2: L no idea? Today I learned, Oh my god, that

687
00:35:45,680 --> 00:35:47,600
Speaker 2: is not a thing. I've never seen that. Have you

688
00:35:47,640 --> 00:35:47,920
Speaker 2: seen that?

689
00:35:48,120 --> 00:35:50,600
Speaker 1: I c M I I see why? Am I like

690
00:35:50,800 --> 00:35:51,839
Speaker 1: I only learned that the other day?

691
00:35:51,880 --> 00:35:53,120
Speaker 2: No, I feel like I see that a lot that

692
00:35:53,200 --> 00:35:54,920
Speaker 2: I have not seen. TiO have you seen? I m

693
00:35:54,960 --> 00:35:57,080
Speaker 2: a h oh in my humble.

694
00:35:56,840 --> 00:35:59,839
Speaker 1: Opa A good one? A ng L Nick started using

695
00:35:59,880 --> 00:36:03,160
Speaker 1: that lie. Yeah, it's like a whole new world. Any

696
00:36:03,320 --> 00:36:06,279
Speaker 1: TTC is trying to conceive we are not TTC, like

697
00:36:06,320 --> 00:36:08,480
Speaker 1: I would not say that we're in that phase. So

698
00:36:08,600 --> 00:36:12,239
Speaker 1: the okay, so we've got I've gone to the GP

699
00:36:12,400 --> 00:36:13,960
Speaker 1: and like said, what are the things I need to do?

700
00:36:14,480 --> 00:36:15,960
Speaker 1: The GP has said, which I think a lot of

701
00:36:15,960 --> 00:36:18,120
Speaker 1: people will have heard, you just need to start trying.

702
00:36:18,320 --> 00:36:21,120
Speaker 1: There are no things you can do like b TTC,

703
00:36:21,760 --> 00:36:24,680
Speaker 1: and then if six months later nothing happens, then you

704
00:36:24,719 --> 00:36:27,479
Speaker 1: go and do all the tests. My overachieve your self

705
00:36:27,560 --> 00:36:29,600
Speaker 1: was like, no, no, no, I'm not just gonna like

706
00:36:29,800 --> 00:36:32,280
Speaker 1: try will and nearly for six months. I want the information.

707
00:36:32,400 --> 00:36:35,200
Speaker 1: We want information gathering. So we're not TTC.

708
00:36:36,400 --> 00:36:37,280
Speaker 2: Oh my God.

709
00:36:38,600 --> 00:36:49,799
Speaker 1: Christ, you are excluded as godmother in the context of TTC.

710
00:36:50,280 --> 00:36:56,480
Speaker 1: Sorry anyway, So I ended up convincing her she knows

711
00:36:56,520 --> 00:36:58,560
Speaker 1: me well, she understands my brain. I ended up convincing

712
00:36:58,560 --> 00:37:00,440
Speaker 1: her that we want to do some information gathering first.

713
00:37:00,760 --> 00:37:04,279
Speaker 1: So first thing was come off the pill. It's been

714
00:37:04,360 --> 00:37:07,719
Speaker 1: quite a few months. We are all so different in

715
00:37:08,160 --> 00:37:10,040
Speaker 1: how long it takes to get a regular cycle back,

716
00:37:10,120 --> 00:37:13,239
Speaker 1: but that is a very important part of preparing your body.

717
00:37:13,360 --> 00:37:16,480
Speaker 1: I'm probably at the stage where I have a cycle,

718
00:37:17,160 --> 00:37:21,080
Speaker 1: which is amazing and exciting. The biggest change I think

719
00:37:21,080 --> 00:37:22,400
Speaker 1: a lot of people have quite a hard time. I

720
00:37:22,520 --> 00:37:26,440
Speaker 1: haven't had much trouble with the change. It did take

721
00:37:26,480 --> 00:37:29,040
Speaker 1: a bit to get a cycle, but my skin has

722
00:37:29,120 --> 00:37:31,280
Speaker 1: been a little bit upset by it. I don't normally

723
00:37:31,320 --> 00:37:34,160
Speaker 1: get big hormonal pimples. Topbhood wouldn't have been a word

724
00:37:34,239 --> 00:37:38,359
Speaker 1: last year it is now. So that was one big thing,

725
00:37:40,000 --> 00:37:42,360
Speaker 1: and I think is really different for everyone, but for

726
00:37:42,440 --> 00:37:44,840
Speaker 1: me it hasn't been that hard. The first thing that

727
00:37:44,920 --> 00:37:48,359
Speaker 1: she recommended that we do is an AMH blood test.

728
00:37:48,960 --> 00:37:52,840
Speaker 1: Now that is just like you know, is a regular

729
00:37:52,880 --> 00:37:56,360
Speaker 1: blood test, but it measures so it's called an anti

730
00:37:56,480 --> 00:38:01,000
Speaker 1: malarian hormone test. As a woman, as most of you know,

731
00:38:01,160 --> 00:38:02,759
Speaker 1: we run out of eggs as we get older, so

732
00:38:02,800 --> 00:38:05,680
Speaker 1: the egg count goes lower and that obviously impacts your fertility.

733
00:38:06,239 --> 00:38:09,080
Speaker 1: The number of those small follicles decline in number, and

734
00:38:09,120 --> 00:38:13,920
Speaker 1: as a result, the serum anti malarian hormone falls. So

735
00:38:14,040 --> 00:38:16,000
Speaker 1: you're testing for the level of hormone, which will tell

736
00:38:16,000 --> 00:38:18,520
Speaker 1: you how many eggs you have in your what's called

737
00:38:18,680 --> 00:38:21,879
Speaker 1: ovarian reserve. That's the term used to describe the number

738
00:38:21,880 --> 00:38:24,920
Speaker 1: of good quality eggs left in your ovaries. And it's

739
00:38:24,960 --> 00:38:28,200
Speaker 1: important to know if you have a diminished reserve because

740
00:38:28,200 --> 00:38:30,840
Speaker 1: then you will know that you have diminished fertility and

741
00:38:30,920 --> 00:38:32,640
Speaker 1: be able to kind of manage those risks. So in

742
00:38:32,760 --> 00:38:36,200
Speaker 1: terms of like getting a full picture, that is a

743
00:38:36,239 --> 00:38:37,279
Speaker 1: really useful place to start.

744
00:38:37,320 --> 00:38:41,480
Speaker 2: That's not very invasive and malarian not malaria. Yeah, m

745
00:38:42,520 --> 00:38:45,160
Speaker 2: m U L L E R I A M.

746
00:38:45,280 --> 00:38:49,000
Speaker 1: I heard hilarian as in malaria, the disease, And imagine

747
00:38:49,200 --> 00:38:57,719
Speaker 1: all these people want to get antimolarians. So the recommendation

748
00:38:57,880 --> 00:38:59,279
Speaker 1: is that women under the age of thirty eight who

749
00:38:59,320 --> 00:39:02,160
Speaker 1: are considering del laying pregnancy, women with the family history

750
00:39:02,200 --> 00:39:05,000
Speaker 1: of a varian failure or to immune disease, chemotherapy or

751
00:39:05,040 --> 00:39:09,719
Speaker 1: previous surgery are kind of the recommended people. I just

752
00:39:09,960 --> 00:39:13,120
Speaker 1: thought I was getting to the stage in my almost

753
00:39:13,200 --> 00:39:16,239
Speaker 1: mid thirties that I should do it. Medicaid doesn't cover

754
00:39:16,400 --> 00:39:18,600
Speaker 1: this test, so the cost I think is like about

755
00:39:18,640 --> 00:39:24,359
Speaker 1: one hundred dollars. And yeah, the levels fluctuate very little

756
00:39:24,400 --> 00:39:25,920
Speaker 1: during a cycle, so you can do it anytime anyway.

757
00:39:25,920 --> 00:39:28,560
Speaker 1: Go and see your GP and then they can get

758
00:39:28,600 --> 00:39:31,880
Speaker 1: that test organized for you. Something else other people have

759
00:39:32,000 --> 00:39:33,799
Speaker 1: mentioned to me which I haven't done, is a thing

760
00:39:33,840 --> 00:39:38,759
Speaker 1: called eugene testing, like the name eugene, and I think

761
00:39:38,880 --> 00:39:44,359
Speaker 1: this is a genetic test that does it tests your

762
00:39:44,480 --> 00:39:47,319
Speaker 1: genes to support pregnancy, heart and cancer health. I don't

763
00:39:47,360 --> 00:39:49,000
Speaker 1: know anything about this because I haven't done that one,

764
00:39:49,800 --> 00:39:51,359
Speaker 1: and I don't want to say anything about it because

765
00:39:51,360 --> 00:39:54,439
Speaker 1: I'm not qualified. But yeah, that's been a very common

766
00:39:54,480 --> 00:39:58,920
Speaker 1: recommendation to get your genetic background on fertility eugene e U,

767
00:39:59,120 --> 00:40:02,839
Speaker 1: G E N. When you get your AMH blood test

768
00:40:02,920 --> 00:40:05,959
Speaker 1: results back, you'll then go through the results and you'll

769
00:40:06,000 --> 00:40:07,759
Speaker 1: either say you've got a high level or a low

770
00:40:07,840 --> 00:40:09,880
Speaker 1: level or a moderate level, and then based on that

771
00:40:09,920 --> 00:40:12,919
Speaker 1: you'll know if you've got good fertility, low fertility, middle

772
00:40:12,960 --> 00:40:15,359
Speaker 1: and then you can work out a plan. I had

773
00:40:15,400 --> 00:40:18,480
Speaker 1: a lot of eggs, which is great, but it could

774
00:40:18,560 --> 00:40:23,040
Speaker 1: also mean that you have polycystic overies, which a lot

775
00:40:23,120 --> 00:40:26,680
Speaker 1: of people. We've spoken about pecos a lot. It's very underrecognized.

776
00:40:26,880 --> 00:40:30,560
Speaker 1: It it results in a regular period, the regular ovulation.

777
00:40:30,680 --> 00:40:32,680
Speaker 1: It can manifest very differently for a lot of people.

778
00:40:34,000 --> 00:40:36,239
Speaker 1: And then you know, for some people it doesn't do

779
00:40:36,320 --> 00:40:38,719
Speaker 1: it doesn't affect the fertility, or for some people it does.

780
00:40:38,840 --> 00:40:41,480
Speaker 1: So I have a high level of eggs, which could

781
00:40:41,520 --> 00:40:44,960
Speaker 1: have meant policystic overies. So I went to get a

782
00:40:46,000 --> 00:40:48,080
Speaker 1: pelvic ultrasound, which is a bit more invasive.

783
00:40:48,320 --> 00:40:49,040
Speaker 2: It is internal.

784
00:40:49,120 --> 00:40:50,439
Speaker 1: I had no idea what to say to the doctor

785
00:40:50,480 --> 00:40:53,080
Speaker 1: while she was like playing with my junk TikTok about

786
00:40:53,080 --> 00:40:55,879
Speaker 1: It was really fun. Don't have the results back yet,

787
00:40:55,920 --> 00:40:57,480
Speaker 1: but that was the next thing that I've done. I

788
00:40:57,520 --> 00:41:01,239
Speaker 1: haven't done anything else, so, like I said, the most preliminary.

789
00:41:01,320 --> 00:41:02,759
Speaker 1: But those are a couple of starting points if you

790
00:41:02,800 --> 00:41:05,600
Speaker 1: want to start researching, and if you also want to

791
00:41:05,840 --> 00:41:09,000
Speaker 1: figure out start tracking your cycle so you can work

792
00:41:09,040 --> 00:41:12,520
Speaker 1: out when you're ovulating. There are some awesome apps. There

793
00:41:12,560 --> 00:41:14,799
Speaker 1: are some amazing podcasts that you can listen to as well.

794
00:41:15,719 --> 00:41:17,800
Speaker 1: Our good friend Laws is pretty much an expert, so

795
00:41:17,880 --> 00:41:18,640
Speaker 1: you could text.

796
00:41:20,280 --> 00:41:21,160
Speaker 2: Between anything.

797
00:41:21,960 --> 00:41:26,040
Speaker 1: There are also ovulation sticks you can pee on. Yeah,

798
00:41:26,239 --> 00:41:29,320
Speaker 1: but beyond that, I can't really speak much further than that.

799
00:41:29,480 --> 00:41:30,880
Speaker 1: We're just very early stages.

800
00:41:34,960 --> 00:41:37,960
Speaker 2: I when you guys were in Europe, not your Egypt.

801
00:41:38,440 --> 00:41:41,440
Speaker 2: I'm messaging you every second day being like, so you pregnant,

802
00:41:41,840 --> 00:41:42,360
Speaker 2: So you're.

803
00:41:42,239 --> 00:41:44,560
Speaker 1: Pregnant, babies, babies make the more.

804
00:41:46,400 --> 00:41:47,160
Speaker 2: For my benefit.

805
00:41:47,320 --> 00:41:50,280
Speaker 1: It's like, we're not TC, We're not TTC.

806
00:41:50,719 --> 00:41:54,160
Speaker 2: I only did that because I knew you were doing

807
00:41:54,200 --> 00:41:56,960
Speaker 2: the whole process. I would have said that and pushed

808
00:41:57,000 --> 00:42:00,680
Speaker 2: that upon you if you weren't at that stage important

809
00:42:00,800 --> 00:42:04,640
Speaker 2: note to make. I'm gonna beh but.

810
00:42:04,719 --> 00:42:06,879
Speaker 1: We're like, I mean, I'll document the process. I wasn't

811
00:42:06,880 --> 00:42:08,880
Speaker 1: going to say anything because the pressure then as on

812
00:42:09,160 --> 00:42:11,160
Speaker 1: everyone being like wh when. But then I also was like,

813
00:42:11,760 --> 00:42:13,799
Speaker 1: there's no harm in like information gathering, and I think

814
00:42:13,840 --> 00:42:15,680
Speaker 1: maybe everyone might be curious in doing that.

815
00:42:15,840 --> 00:42:19,920
Speaker 2: So this one is more an advice question. How to

816
00:42:20,000 --> 00:42:23,920
Speaker 2: be happy for friends' pregnancy announcements when you're in the

817
00:42:24,000 --> 00:42:25,840
Speaker 2: depth of infertility struggles.

818
00:42:26,480 --> 00:42:30,839
Speaker 1: That is an extremely common situation, and often people are

819
00:42:30,880 --> 00:42:33,239
Speaker 1: suffering in silence because if you are on that kind

820
00:42:33,239 --> 00:42:35,319
Speaker 1: of journey, you often don't want to share what's going

821
00:42:35,360 --> 00:42:40,280
Speaker 1: on because it's devastating, it's vulnerable, and I can't imagine

822
00:42:40,760 --> 00:42:44,520
Speaker 1: how difficult that would be because they are sort of

823
00:42:44,600 --> 00:42:47,600
Speaker 1: celebrating everything that you are trying to have, and I

824
00:42:47,680 --> 00:42:51,200
Speaker 1: don't think many things can make that sort of pain

825
00:42:51,800 --> 00:42:56,680
Speaker 1: go away. And it's the same as any kind of comparison. Really,

826
00:42:56,760 --> 00:43:00,480
Speaker 1: it's so difficult sometimes when someone's getting something that is

827
00:43:00,520 --> 00:43:02,320
Speaker 1: exactly what you're trying so hard to get. But I

828
00:43:02,400 --> 00:43:05,239
Speaker 1: think my only advice is to not deprive yourself of

829
00:43:05,800 --> 00:43:08,360
Speaker 1: the feelings. You're allowed to feel bad. You're allowed to

830
00:43:08,400 --> 00:43:11,920
Speaker 1: feel resentful. You obviously don't have to express that to them,

831
00:43:11,960 --> 00:43:13,320
Speaker 1: but you're allowed to have those feelings.

832
00:43:13,360 --> 00:43:14,000
Speaker 2: So sit in them.

833
00:43:14,080 --> 00:43:16,960
Speaker 1: That's part of the process of getting through them. And

834
00:43:17,080 --> 00:43:18,719
Speaker 1: speak to your partner and speak to people who are

835
00:43:18,719 --> 00:43:21,960
Speaker 1: going to understand, but do the things that allow you

836
00:43:22,080 --> 00:43:24,239
Speaker 1: to then celebrate with them when you do see them,

837
00:43:24,320 --> 00:43:27,400
Speaker 1: you know, maybe don't go to them first. Maybe monitor

838
00:43:27,440 --> 00:43:30,680
Speaker 1: the way that you access those kind of announcements, and

839
00:43:32,640 --> 00:43:34,920
Speaker 1: if you need to see a psychologist, maybe see a therapist.

840
00:43:35,000 --> 00:43:36,520
Speaker 1: That might also be really helpful for you to have

841
00:43:36,560 --> 00:43:40,080
Speaker 1: an outlet. But I think allow yourself the feelings. Know

842
00:43:40,160 --> 00:43:43,799
Speaker 1: that that's very normal, but also that everyone's on their

843
00:43:43,840 --> 00:43:47,680
Speaker 1: own journey. And you know, if you deeply love someone,

844
00:43:48,160 --> 00:43:49,600
Speaker 1: you are also going to be happy with them. But

845
00:43:50,080 --> 00:43:51,839
Speaker 1: it doesn't mean you have to be happy with them

846
00:43:52,000 --> 00:43:54,080
Speaker 1: without also feeling sad for yourself. You can have lots

847
00:43:54,080 --> 00:43:57,160
Speaker 1: of emotions at once. It's just learning when and how

848
00:43:57,480 --> 00:44:00,839
Speaker 1: to express happiness for them. Not in the right place,

849
00:44:00,880 --> 00:44:02,239
Speaker 1: then that's not the day you go visit them.

850
00:44:02,320 --> 00:44:04,279
Speaker 2: You know it's good one.

851
00:44:05,239 --> 00:44:08,120
Speaker 1: I can't speak from experience yet, but that's my advice

852
00:44:08,160 --> 00:44:08,879
Speaker 1: at this point.

853
00:44:10,520 --> 00:44:13,360
Speaker 2: And then how do you work on comparison? This person

854
00:44:13,440 --> 00:44:16,879
Speaker 2: he's thirty three, not married or have children, so feel

855
00:44:16,880 --> 00:44:17,719
Speaker 2: a bit of self.

856
00:44:17,600 --> 00:44:20,960
Speaker 1: Doubt, same thing I think, like anything, you know, I

857
00:44:21,080 --> 00:44:23,760
Speaker 1: talk a lot in this EASA book about blinkers. Sometimes

858
00:44:23,840 --> 00:44:26,279
Speaker 1: comparison is really triggering and you can't get through it,

859
00:44:26,400 --> 00:44:29,400
Speaker 1: and you just need to put on metaphorical blinkers or

860
00:44:29,440 --> 00:44:31,960
Speaker 1: physical blinkers to stop the things that are triggering you.

861
00:44:32,080 --> 00:44:35,080
Speaker 1: Like racehorses have blinkers because they run their own race.

862
00:44:35,360 --> 00:44:37,360
Speaker 1: They don't they'll get so distracted if they see what

863
00:44:37,360 --> 00:44:39,320
Speaker 1: everyone else is doing in the field, but they just

864
00:44:39,400 --> 00:44:42,239
Speaker 1: put the blinkers on, and you know, for example, in

865
00:44:42,320 --> 00:44:44,080
Speaker 1: our wedding, I could look at other weding dresses because

866
00:44:44,080 --> 00:44:46,399
Speaker 1: I was just going to get lumped in a whole

867
00:44:46,520 --> 00:44:48,719
Speaker 1: spiral of comparison that will then take away the joy

868
00:44:48,760 --> 00:44:50,080
Speaker 1: from what I'm doing. So I think you need to

869
00:44:50,120 --> 00:44:52,880
Speaker 1: be really disciplined about knowing what triggers those feelings and

870
00:44:52,960 --> 00:44:54,680
Speaker 1: how to kind of push them away really quickly so

871
00:44:54,760 --> 00:44:58,640
Speaker 1: you're not indulging that self doubt. Learn to speak about

872
00:44:58,680 --> 00:45:01,239
Speaker 1: it with people who will not reinforce the doubt but

873
00:45:01,360 --> 00:45:03,600
Speaker 1: help you back kind of in your own lane to

874
00:45:03,680 --> 00:45:07,040
Speaker 1: celebrate the things that you do have. And overall, my

875
00:45:07,200 --> 00:45:10,120
Speaker 1: biggest reminder is, like no one else in your life

876
00:45:10,640 --> 00:45:12,640
Speaker 1: has to deal with the consequences of your choices about

877
00:45:12,640 --> 00:45:14,520
Speaker 1: how you live it. Like you're the only one that's

878
00:45:14,560 --> 00:45:17,480
Speaker 1: lumped with the consequences. You have to live with your choices.

879
00:45:17,480 --> 00:45:20,759
Speaker 1: I mean obviously impacts other people, but you have to

880
00:45:20,840 --> 00:45:22,600
Speaker 1: be happy with the life that you want. So making

881
00:45:22,640 --> 00:45:25,880
Speaker 1: decisions just because someone else is doing them to the

882
00:45:25,960 --> 00:45:28,400
Speaker 1: detriment of what's right for you, it's never.

883
00:45:28,280 --> 00:45:29,080
Speaker 2: Going to make you happy.

884
00:45:29,400 --> 00:45:33,759
Speaker 1: There's absolutely no point in comparing yourself and changing everything

885
00:45:33,800 --> 00:45:35,880
Speaker 1: about your decisions to map someone else, because that's not

886
00:45:36,040 --> 00:45:40,000
Speaker 1: your life. So the more you can be really in

887
00:45:40,200 --> 00:45:42,680
Speaker 1: tune with and honor what makes you feel good, what

888
00:45:42,760 --> 00:45:45,719
Speaker 1: makes you happy, what aligns with your values, it's just

889
00:45:45,840 --> 00:45:49,080
Speaker 1: so important that really what anyone's, what anyone else is

890
00:45:49,120 --> 00:45:52,040
Speaker 1: doing and thinking, is actually kind of irrelevant. Yep.

891
00:45:53,040 --> 00:45:54,840
Speaker 2: There was this really good quote and I always forget it,

892
00:45:54,880 --> 00:45:56,799
Speaker 2: but I love it. It's got to do with you're

893
00:45:56,840 --> 00:45:59,239
Speaker 2: never too far in front and you're never too far

894
00:45:59,360 --> 00:46:00,840
Speaker 2: behind you where you need to be.

895
00:46:01,040 --> 00:46:03,319
Speaker 1: Yeah, that was our code of the gay oh this week.

896
00:46:03,840 --> 00:46:06,160
Speaker 1: A couple of weeks ago, remember we were like, you

897
00:46:06,200 --> 00:46:09,879
Speaker 1: can never fall behind in your own life. Oh yeah,

898
00:46:10,080 --> 00:46:11,680
Speaker 1: because like you're exactly where're supposed to be.

899
00:46:11,840 --> 00:46:14,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's something like that, because always so true people,

900
00:46:14,680 --> 00:46:16,440
Speaker 2: We always compare ourselves to where we're meant to be,

901
00:46:16,520 --> 00:46:18,440
Speaker 2: because because society is that way.

902
00:46:18,600 --> 00:46:20,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, because someone else is, because.

903
00:46:19,960 --> 00:46:22,040
Speaker 2: Someone else is. But people aren't judging where you are.

904
00:46:22,120 --> 00:46:24,360
Speaker 2: You just feel that pressure yourself, which is hard to

905
00:46:24,400 --> 00:46:25,920
Speaker 2: obviously work through.

906
00:46:26,080 --> 00:46:30,120
Speaker 1: But and also some people might not want you or

907
00:46:30,160 --> 00:46:30,960
Speaker 1: not want to get married.

908
00:46:31,520 --> 00:46:34,880
Speaker 2: When she was forty two, I still loved life like

909
00:46:35,000 --> 00:46:36,239
Speaker 2: it's And.

910
00:46:36,320 --> 00:46:38,480
Speaker 1: If you if you don't want children either, I think

911
00:46:38,560 --> 00:46:40,080
Speaker 1: like the worst thing that you could go and do

912
00:46:40,200 --> 00:46:41,920
Speaker 1: is then have one, just because you think everyone else

913
00:46:42,080 --> 00:46:44,960
Speaker 1: like that's the natural timeline. There is no natural timeline.

914
00:46:45,400 --> 00:46:47,960
Speaker 2: You can't refund them. You just gotta keep on going.

915
00:46:50,120 --> 00:46:54,960
Speaker 1: Such a weird comment, but yeah, I mean, yeah, you

916
00:46:55,080 --> 00:46:55,320
Speaker 1: need to.

917
00:46:55,680 --> 00:46:56,880
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think it's.

918
00:46:58,280 --> 00:47:01,360
Speaker 1: It's so hard to make decisions that are different to

919
00:47:01,480 --> 00:47:04,919
Speaker 1: other people's. But you know, we're all different. There's a reason,

920
00:47:05,080 --> 00:47:07,240
Speaker 1: this is the point of this podcast, the whole idea

921
00:47:07,320 --> 00:47:10,160
Speaker 1: that like one person's joy is another person's hell, and

922
00:47:10,239 --> 00:47:12,840
Speaker 1: that's why the world works because we're also different.

923
00:47:12,920 --> 00:47:16,320
Speaker 2: So stick to the things that you know are joyful

924
00:47:16,360 --> 00:47:19,560
Speaker 2: for you. And that was the last question of the

925
00:47:20,440 --> 00:47:21,600
Speaker 2: fertility section.

926
00:47:22,920 --> 00:47:25,759
Speaker 1: If you have any further questions, and particularly further along

927
00:47:25,800 --> 00:47:27,920
Speaker 1: the line with IVF and that kind of thing, we

928
00:47:28,000 --> 00:47:30,040
Speaker 1: will be doing another episode on that, so please send

929
00:47:30,080 --> 00:47:30,440
Speaker 1: them through.

930
00:47:31,760 --> 00:47:36,080
Speaker 2: Next topic is Matcha. So do I just brought up

931
00:47:36,080 --> 00:47:40,279
Speaker 2: the microphone? Nah? Okay, first question, why did you sell

932
00:47:40,440 --> 00:47:42,120
Speaker 2: match a Maiden? Great question?

933
00:47:43,040 --> 00:47:45,960
Speaker 1: So we had been seven years?

934
00:47:46,760 --> 00:47:49,120
Speaker 3: Seven years, that's.

935
00:47:49,040 --> 00:47:50,440
Speaker 2: More than double the time I was a lawyer, that

936
00:47:50,560 --> 00:47:53,800
Speaker 2: is correl I was involved in it. I thought that

937
00:47:53,920 --> 00:47:56,360
Speaker 2: has been established for so much longer than I started.

938
00:47:56,520 --> 00:48:01,840
Speaker 1: Nah. So basically it was you know, when we started,

939
00:48:01,920 --> 00:48:03,760
Speaker 1: as you all know, it was a very happy accident.

940
00:48:03,880 --> 00:48:06,160
Speaker 1: We didn't think it was going to have legs in it,

941
00:48:06,440 --> 00:48:10,440
Speaker 1: let alone like full time me changing our entire career

942
00:48:10,520 --> 00:48:15,440
Speaker 1: path legs. And the first couple of years was so crazy.

943
00:48:15,840 --> 00:48:19,600
Speaker 1: They were just so chasing our tail, no real time

944
00:48:19,640 --> 00:48:21,400
Speaker 1: to kind of re evaluate and think about it, and

945
00:48:21,800 --> 00:48:25,160
Speaker 1: just madness, but it's so exciting. Then we entered that

946
00:48:25,280 --> 00:48:28,080
Speaker 1: like hard bit where you have to suddenly deal with

947
00:48:28,480 --> 00:48:30,239
Speaker 1: instead of being the only matcher on the market, it

948
00:48:30,320 --> 00:48:32,680
Speaker 1: was a saturated market and all these new challenges started

949
00:48:32,719 --> 00:48:35,520
Speaker 1: to come in where we had to really make conscious,

950
00:48:36,000 --> 00:48:39,680
Speaker 1: proactive decisions rather than reactive. That's probably the time when

951
00:48:39,719 --> 00:48:41,840
Speaker 1: we realized we had to stop winging it. That was

952
00:48:41,920 --> 00:48:45,120
Speaker 1: no longer going to be enough. Very hard, huge learning

953
00:48:45,200 --> 00:48:48,840
Speaker 1: curve went through the Chabini incubator at that stage totally

954
00:48:48,920 --> 00:48:53,040
Speaker 1: revolutionized our business based on their expertise in mass market,

955
00:48:54,160 --> 00:48:58,239
Speaker 1: but it actually showed us that where we logically would

956
00:48:58,280 --> 00:49:02,320
Speaker 1: go with Matcha is not where we're best placed as individuals.

957
00:49:02,360 --> 00:49:05,360
Speaker 1: And this comes back to the comparison thing, the logical

958
00:49:05,560 --> 00:49:08,960
Speaker 1: assumption in businesses that bigger is better. So we were like, obviously,

959
00:49:09,440 --> 00:49:11,360
Speaker 1: the more stockers we keep having, the more volume, the

960
00:49:11,440 --> 00:49:14,520
Speaker 1: higher revenue, Like, that's where we should go. But as

961
00:49:14,560 --> 00:49:17,839
Speaker 1: it got bigger, we started to realize day to day

962
00:49:18,920 --> 00:49:22,120
Speaker 1: it was no longer like I had become corporate again,

963
00:49:22,160 --> 00:49:25,239
Speaker 1: which is what I left. And Nick is creative and

964
00:49:25,280 --> 00:49:29,640
Speaker 1: he was only doing non creative logistical things, which is

965
00:49:29,719 --> 00:49:32,560
Speaker 1: not a bad thing. But if the whole point was

966
00:49:33,080 --> 00:49:36,120
Speaker 1: to follow what we're best at, we're really good at

967
00:49:36,160 --> 00:49:38,680
Speaker 1: startup mode. We're not very good at like exponential growth

968
00:49:38,719 --> 00:49:41,759
Speaker 1: phase from the five to ten year mark. That's a

969
00:49:41,880 --> 00:49:45,080
Speaker 1: whole different ballgame. So we started looking for investors because

970
00:49:45,080 --> 00:49:46,759
Speaker 1: we were like, there are people who aren't good at

971
00:49:46,760 --> 00:49:49,920
Speaker 1: the startup phase, but it's their jam to take businesses

972
00:49:49,960 --> 00:49:51,680
Speaker 1: from five to ten and then they sell to someone

973
00:49:51,680 --> 00:49:55,920
Speaker 1: who goes ten onwards. And in the hunt for an

974
00:49:55,960 --> 00:49:59,719
Speaker 1: investor to partner with to we've always thought of our

975
00:49:59,760 --> 00:50:02,000
Speaker 1: set is like a jigsall puzzle. You know, I was

976
00:50:02,040 --> 00:50:04,839
Speaker 1: talking about yea being a jigsaw puzzle. Solways a skills base.

977
00:50:05,440 --> 00:50:07,480
Speaker 1: We realized there was a big missing piece for like

978
00:50:07,640 --> 00:50:10,759
Speaker 1: the scale up piece, and looked for someone to fill it.

979
00:50:11,440 --> 00:50:14,360
Speaker 1: We found these incredible investors who came on board and

980
00:50:14,560 --> 00:50:16,920
Speaker 1: had everything that we didn't have, and we had everything

981
00:50:16,960 --> 00:50:19,440
Speaker 1: that they wanted. And it was this beautiful partnership for

982
00:50:19,480 --> 00:50:22,960
Speaker 1: about six months, and then they realized, actually, the brand

983
00:50:23,040 --> 00:50:26,080
Speaker 1: is stronger than we thought it would be without you

984
00:50:26,200 --> 00:50:28,840
Speaker 1: being front facing all the time. And in the meantime,

985
00:50:28,960 --> 00:50:31,160
Speaker 1: I'd freed up all this time to build CZA into

986
00:50:31,480 --> 00:50:36,360
Speaker 1: a business level thing and speaking and ambassadorships and realized

987
00:50:36,520 --> 00:50:39,880
Speaker 1: that brought me back closer to people interactions rather than like.

988
00:50:40,040 --> 00:50:40,720
Speaker 2: Through a product.

989
00:50:40,760 --> 00:50:44,800
Speaker 1: It was direct, direct conversations, direct impact direct, you know,

990
00:50:46,160 --> 00:50:48,320
Speaker 1: like the nature of my work was with face to

991
00:50:48,400 --> 00:50:52,440
Speaker 1: face with people. And they offered to buy their remaining

992
00:50:52,480 --> 00:50:56,120
Speaker 1: shares and that was sort of like another big step

993
00:50:56,200 --> 00:50:58,360
Speaker 1: in the staircase that I never knew was coming.

994
00:50:58,520 --> 00:50:59,920
Speaker 2: But I was like, it's time.

995
00:51:00,520 --> 00:51:05,279
Speaker 1: This beautiful thing has outgrown us. We've outgrown it. These

996
00:51:05,400 --> 00:51:07,800
Speaker 1: new guardians are doing a much better job at the

997
00:51:07,840 --> 00:51:12,120
Speaker 1: next phase which we just weren't interested in, and everything else.

998
00:51:12,200 --> 00:51:14,640
Speaker 1: It started to also hold us, Oh my god, you're

999
00:51:14,640 --> 00:51:19,319
Speaker 1: gonna loave so much it became mutually exclusive. I could

1000
00:51:19,360 --> 00:51:22,120
Speaker 1: no longer do both without sacrificing on one or the other.

1001
00:51:22,560 --> 00:51:26,680
Speaker 1: And that was where that's where the law firm departure happened,

1002
00:51:26,800 --> 00:51:28,640
Speaker 1: was when I couldn't do both very well and I

1003
00:51:28,719 --> 00:51:32,520
Speaker 1: don't like doing things half fast. So then when the

1004
00:51:32,600 --> 00:51:33,759
Speaker 1: offer came up, it made sense.

1005
00:51:34,880 --> 00:51:36,680
Speaker 2: I think that's a good. Other thing is that you

1006
00:51:36,760 --> 00:51:39,760
Speaker 2: knew it was time like. I think that's an important

1007
00:51:39,800 --> 00:51:40,680
Speaker 2: part of it was.

1008
00:51:41,280 --> 00:51:41,640
Speaker 3: It was.

1009
00:51:47,640 --> 00:51:49,799
Speaker 2: Everyone just got to watch go watch Gruel and Grace.

1010
00:51:49,840 --> 00:51:50,560
Speaker 2: It's a reference.

1011
00:51:51,560 --> 00:51:53,399
Speaker 1: You need to include this in your references. And he's

1012
00:51:53,400 --> 00:51:57,200
Speaker 1: in charge of of doing the pictorial references for jokes.

1013
00:51:57,880 --> 00:52:05,640
Speaker 2: Ayay, So next question is quite question. Answer. I left

1014
00:52:07,120 --> 00:52:08,040
Speaker 2: How much did you sell?

1015
00:52:08,800 --> 00:52:10,480
Speaker 1: I left it because I didn't want anyone to think

1016
00:52:10,480 --> 00:52:16,759
Speaker 1: I ignored the one dollar That is too personal but

1017
00:52:16,920 --> 00:52:18,680
Speaker 1: also contractually private.

1018
00:52:19,320 --> 00:52:22,520
Speaker 2: Exactly. Yeah, but thank you for asking. I can tell

1019
00:52:22,560 --> 00:52:24,800
Speaker 2: you if you signed to my DMS, i'll tell.

1020
00:52:24,640 --> 00:52:28,080
Speaker 1: You it was four dollars fifty fifty from all those

1021
00:52:28,120 --> 00:52:32,720
Speaker 1: carrot dollars that I actually mated, plus inflation four.

1022
00:52:32,680 --> 00:52:36,279
Speaker 2: Dollars at two. What are you working on now? That

1023
00:52:36,640 --> 00:52:39,520
Speaker 2: match and made it. WHOA what are you working on

1024
00:52:39,640 --> 00:52:41,959
Speaker 2: now that the match and Maiden and Match of Milk

1025
00:52:42,040 --> 00:52:44,080
Speaker 2: Bar ventures have wrapped up?

1026
00:52:44,560 --> 00:52:48,279
Speaker 1: Yeah? Interestingly, so I answered this on Instagram in a

1027
00:52:48,440 --> 00:52:50,160
Speaker 1: very long essa, so you can go and look at

1028
00:52:50,200 --> 00:52:53,759
Speaker 1: that one, but very short answer is we didn't have

1029
00:52:53,840 --> 00:52:55,799
Speaker 1: the situation like a lot of people who sell their

1030
00:52:55,840 --> 00:52:58,160
Speaker 1: business have where they haven't got anything to jump to

1031
00:52:58,360 --> 00:53:00,359
Speaker 1: and they have this gaping hole in their life day

1032
00:53:00,360 --> 00:53:03,839
Speaker 1: to day and it's really overwhelming. We both Nick had

1033
00:53:03,920 --> 00:53:07,160
Speaker 1: kept his creative agency bushy the whole time and had

1034
00:53:07,200 --> 00:53:09,239
Speaker 1: in the meantime started working on what most of you

1035
00:53:09,280 --> 00:53:12,440
Speaker 1: will have seen, this incredible botanical beauty startup called Bloom Effects,

1036
00:53:13,680 --> 00:53:17,680
Speaker 1: and his role there had become exponentially bigger already, so

1037
00:53:17,760 --> 00:53:21,319
Speaker 1: that was holding him back in that and CZA had

1038
00:53:21,680 --> 00:53:25,279
Speaker 1: well before become a full time gig along with sort

1039
00:53:25,280 --> 00:53:28,319
Speaker 1: of all my other TV and radio and all those

1040
00:53:28,400 --> 00:53:30,520
Speaker 1: kinds of things. So we really didn't have a jump.

1041
00:53:31,440 --> 00:53:35,399
Speaker 1: We already were running different businesses that are our own.

1042
00:53:35,800 --> 00:53:37,800
Speaker 1: The big shift for me was going from a product

1043
00:53:37,880 --> 00:53:41,360
Speaker 1: to a service, and from having the buffer of a

1044
00:53:41,480 --> 00:53:43,319
Speaker 1: product to speak for itself to.

1045
00:53:43,440 --> 00:53:43,880
Speaker 3: It being me.

1046
00:53:44,040 --> 00:53:46,200
Speaker 1: So the self doubt, imposter syndrome is a much bigger

1047
00:53:46,320 --> 00:53:50,279
Speaker 1: thing when you're the product, but the simplicity of it

1048
00:53:50,360 --> 00:53:53,840
Speaker 1: has also been beautiful. So where I'm working on CZA

1049
00:53:54,040 --> 00:53:56,919
Speaker 1: and Spoonful, which is kind of just me, and Nick

1050
00:53:57,080 --> 00:54:00,719
Speaker 1: is working on Bushy Creative and bloom Effects, and.

1051
00:54:00,760 --> 00:54:03,520
Speaker 2: I feel like you, guys lifting listing those both as

1052
00:54:03,760 --> 00:54:06,560
Speaker 2: just two entities makes it seem like you don't do

1053
00:54:06,719 --> 00:54:12,200
Speaker 2: very much, but sees for you entails all of your

1054
00:54:12,280 --> 00:54:15,800
Speaker 2: own podcast producing podcasts for other companies and brands, on

1055
00:54:16,120 --> 00:54:19,320
Speaker 2: top of that being Channel seven House of Wellness presenting

1056
00:54:19,440 --> 00:54:23,520
Speaker 2: and radio, and then obviously CZA itself on social media,

1057
00:54:24,080 --> 00:54:27,000
Speaker 2: and then on top of that travel. You know, you've

1058
00:54:27,000 --> 00:54:28,800
Speaker 2: done all some things within Trepid, so all of that

1059
00:54:28,960 --> 00:54:32,120
Speaker 2: false under seas not just your book and your podcast

1060
00:54:33,120 --> 00:54:35,800
Speaker 2: and your flipbook. And then same with Nick. Bushy is

1061
00:54:35,840 --> 00:54:39,200
Speaker 2: an agency for multiple, multiple startups, and people forget that

1062
00:54:39,360 --> 00:54:42,360
Speaker 2: Nick is kind of the only man behind that, So

1063
00:54:42,480 --> 00:54:47,600
Speaker 2: you're both kind of running both of your things individually

1064
00:54:47,800 --> 00:54:51,040
Speaker 2: and solo, which is actually a really big job to have.

1065
00:54:53,880 --> 00:54:55,720
Speaker 2: You're welcome, we can emulator.

1066
00:54:57,760 --> 00:54:59,440
Speaker 1: So I made zero from the sale.

1067
00:55:01,239 --> 00:55:05,719
Speaker 2: And cool so segways perfectly into this tech section, which

1068
00:55:05,760 --> 00:55:06,320
Speaker 2: is massive.

1069
00:55:06,760 --> 00:55:08,600
Speaker 1: I know, I'm like, oh my god, rode fifty five minutes.

1070
00:55:08,640 --> 00:55:11,479
Speaker 1: But career, we'll try and go as quick as again.

1071
00:55:11,880 --> 00:55:14,840
Speaker 1: Korea as in not cores in South Korea are cute.

1072
00:55:18,560 --> 00:55:21,759
Speaker 1: We're gonna go not quick fire. But yeah, sorry, okay, okay,

1073
00:55:21,760 --> 00:55:22,800
Speaker 1: I'm sure you don't have to.

1074
00:55:23,160 --> 00:55:25,440
Speaker 2: There's things that you don't want to say. Answer, Sarah,

1075
00:55:25,520 --> 00:55:28,080
Speaker 2: you're and the queen of academics. I'm a fellow unique

1076
00:55:28,080 --> 00:55:30,600
Speaker 2: student wondering if you had any tips on how to

1077
00:55:30,719 --> 00:55:34,600
Speaker 2: do well bracket starting early, early, et CETERA.

1078
00:55:35,800 --> 00:55:40,360
Speaker 1: Great question, quick recommendation. Sarah rav on Instagram and TikTok

1079
00:55:40,920 --> 00:55:44,840
Speaker 1: is an amazing, amazing influencer who's had a big account

1080
00:55:44,840 --> 00:55:48,040
Speaker 1: for a really long time. She has pivoted recently, I

1081
00:55:48,080 --> 00:55:51,000
Speaker 1: think into study tips and interviews a lot of people

1082
00:55:51,000 --> 00:55:52,760
Speaker 1: who got nine nine point nine five in their atar

1083
00:55:53,440 --> 00:55:57,320
Speaker 1: and for like practical hacks in terms of actual study styles.

1084
00:55:58,239 --> 00:56:00,279
Speaker 1: Her account the awsome go and have a look, and

1085
00:56:00,320 --> 00:56:03,680
Speaker 1: there are lots of other educational tips and tricks. My

1086
00:56:03,800 --> 00:56:08,120
Speaker 1: biggest tip would be obviously find out the study styles

1087
00:56:08,160 --> 00:56:10,520
Speaker 1: that work for you. Some people cram, some people need

1088
00:56:10,920 --> 00:56:13,680
Speaker 1: longer to absorb information. It's all experimenting with what works

1089
00:56:13,719 --> 00:56:16,040
Speaker 1: best for you. Again, don't compare to what other people

1090
00:56:16,040 --> 00:56:19,400
Speaker 1: are doing. We all study and learn differently. The biggest

1091
00:56:19,440 --> 00:56:22,319
Speaker 1: tip that really helped me two of them are one,

1092
00:56:24,040 --> 00:56:28,600
Speaker 1: pick subjects or make choices based on what you're really

1093
00:56:28,880 --> 00:56:31,839
Speaker 1: good at and enjoy, not just forcing because you think

1094
00:56:31,920 --> 00:56:34,760
Speaker 1: you should, because often you'll do better in the subject

1095
00:56:34,800 --> 00:56:38,319
Speaker 1: that you're interested in, which looks better even if it's

1096
00:56:38,360 --> 00:56:40,200
Speaker 1: not directly related to the career you want to go into.

1097
00:56:40,320 --> 00:56:42,960
Speaker 1: People know that there are transferable skills and intelligence. They

1098
00:56:43,080 --> 00:56:44,640
Speaker 1: know that you're not always going to only do the

1099
00:56:44,680 --> 00:56:47,800
Speaker 1: subjects that like. Obviously there are preres if you do

1100
00:56:47,960 --> 00:56:51,160
Speaker 1: have a choice in your electives. I chose random subjects

1101
00:56:51,200 --> 00:56:53,440
Speaker 1: that had nothing to do with commercial law, but I

1102
00:56:53,680 --> 00:56:55,800
Speaker 1: had a better chance of getting into law because I

1103
00:56:55,840 --> 00:56:57,560
Speaker 1: did better in them because I was interested in them.

1104
00:56:58,000 --> 00:57:03,600
Speaker 1: So that's one and same in uni number two studying,

1105
00:57:04,400 --> 00:57:08,719
Speaker 1: I think, and you probably agree with this, Bim, you

1106
00:57:08,880 --> 00:57:11,880
Speaker 1: do better like anything if it's not the only thing

1107
00:57:11,960 --> 00:57:14,000
Speaker 1: you do. So, oh my god, Bim, if you didn't

1108
00:57:14,000 --> 00:57:16,080
Speaker 1: say that, I was going to just add that in right,

1109
00:57:16,520 --> 00:57:19,640
Speaker 1: and we are walking examples of that. We did one

1110
00:57:19,840 --> 00:57:23,640
Speaker 1: million extracurricular activities that took away from our study time,

1111
00:57:23,920 --> 00:57:29,040
Speaker 1: Like our whole time at mcgrob was sport, drama, music, everything, chrals,

1112
00:57:29,120 --> 00:57:32,840
Speaker 1: like debating, like everything, and that took so much time

1113
00:57:33,160 --> 00:57:35,680
Speaker 1: that on the face of it looks very anti academic.

1114
00:57:36,320 --> 00:57:41,400
Speaker 1: But the break for your brain, the diversity of activities

1115
00:57:41,480 --> 00:57:43,560
Speaker 1: during your week mean you're always fresh when you come

1116
00:57:43,600 --> 00:57:46,360
Speaker 1: back to studying. It makes you balanced, it makes you interesting.

1117
00:57:47,040 --> 00:57:50,080
Speaker 1: And the times where I would pull back on those

1118
00:57:50,120 --> 00:57:52,520
Speaker 1: and just study study, study, I wouldn't do any better.

1119
00:57:52,880 --> 00:57:54,760
Speaker 1: In fact, i'd be more tired and burnt out.

1120
00:57:55,080 --> 00:57:58,600
Speaker 2: I agree, and I think I tried almost to make

1121
00:57:58,600 --> 00:58:01,240
Speaker 2: a statement out of it in your not forcefully doing

1122
00:58:01,440 --> 00:58:04,840
Speaker 2: more than necessary, but I had done it in the background,

1123
00:58:04,880 --> 00:58:07,240
Speaker 2: being like, well, let's just do this little case study

1124
00:58:07,280 --> 00:58:10,880
Speaker 2: between me and one of the best mates. And we

1125
00:58:11,000 --> 00:58:14,120
Speaker 2: have the same similar studying studying styles, we did the

1126
00:58:14,160 --> 00:58:17,360
Speaker 2: same subjects. I kept all of my co curricula and

1127
00:58:17,720 --> 00:58:20,520
Speaker 2: more and worked and everything. She quit all of hers,

1128
00:58:20,600 --> 00:58:22,600
Speaker 2: and prior to that was doing quite a lot. And

1129
00:58:22,680 --> 00:58:25,840
Speaker 2: then in terms of our scores it was markedly different

1130
00:58:26,400 --> 00:58:28,920
Speaker 2: because of and I attributed it very much to that

1131
00:58:29,040 --> 00:58:31,760
Speaker 2: and me not being stressed out by exams and her

1132
00:58:31,800 --> 00:58:34,800
Speaker 2: maybe being a bit more stressed. But also I had

1133
00:58:35,080 --> 00:58:37,000
Speaker 2: the best year twelve of my whole life, and I

1134
00:58:37,040 --> 00:58:39,080
Speaker 2: think everyone was surprised at the end of the year

1135
00:58:39,200 --> 00:58:41,640
Speaker 2: with what I ended up with because I just was

1136
00:58:41,680 --> 00:58:44,200
Speaker 2: hardly in school same, we were the same.

1137
00:58:44,320 --> 00:58:45,800
Speaker 1: All of our teachers for both of us were just

1138
00:58:45,880 --> 00:58:51,280
Speaker 1: like what yeah, me BG news, but we enjoyed it.

1139
00:58:51,440 --> 00:58:52,760
Speaker 1: U twelve was one of the best years of my

1140
00:58:52,840 --> 00:58:54,920
Speaker 1: life as well. Like I had a great time and

1141
00:58:55,040 --> 00:58:59,040
Speaker 1: I studied really hard, But I also don't remember that

1142
00:58:59,160 --> 00:59:01,840
Speaker 1: year as being only that I have like other memories.

1143
00:59:01,760 --> 00:59:03,680
Speaker 2: And practical tips. Are you a.

1144
00:59:05,160 --> 00:59:08,520
Speaker 4: Big advocate for lots of practice exams? Yes, get me

1145
00:59:08,640 --> 00:59:11,520
Speaker 4: to heaps. I love them, heaps of practice exams. Yeah,

1146
00:59:11,720 --> 00:59:15,120
Speaker 4: like just to practice. Okay, firstly handwriting, Like you need

1147
00:59:15,160 --> 00:59:17,400
Speaker 4: to get your hand used to writing that quickly. Honestly,

1148
00:59:18,000 --> 00:59:20,360
Speaker 4: these days we don't handwrite at all, and like you

1149
00:59:20,400 --> 00:59:22,400
Speaker 4: don't want your downfall to be because your hand got

1150
00:59:22,480 --> 00:59:26,080
Speaker 4: a cramp. Like yeah, but also so many questions come

1151
00:59:26,160 --> 00:59:29,440
Speaker 4: up again in like a slightly different form, getting your

1152
00:59:29,480 --> 00:59:32,680
Speaker 4: brain used to the time that, like, just just do them.

1153
00:59:32,840 --> 00:59:34,400
Speaker 1: There's so many of them. They're so helpful.

1154
00:59:34,400 --> 00:59:36,960
Speaker 2: I did millions. Yeah, I think it was a macgrov

1155
00:59:37,000 --> 00:59:38,360
Speaker 2: thing though. It was almost like a battle of who

1156
00:59:38,400 --> 00:59:43,320
Speaker 2: could do more practice exactly fifty two methods, exams, practices, whatever,

1157
00:59:43,320 --> 00:59:47,480
Speaker 2: and I got a fifty row whatever. There is not

1158
00:59:47,640 --> 00:59:52,240
Speaker 2: that you really monitor. This is the first time I've

1159
00:59:52,280 --> 00:59:53,520
Speaker 2: ever seen you flexed.

1160
00:59:53,600 --> 00:59:54,240
Speaker 1: You know why though?

1161
00:59:54,680 --> 00:59:56,439
Speaker 2: I only did you do that? Did you do further?

1162
00:59:56,760 --> 00:59:56,800
Speaker 3: No?

1163
00:59:57,000 --> 01:00:00,000
Speaker 2: I did methods? Do you know? No hate to further?

1164
01:00:00,680 --> 01:00:01,360
Speaker 2: Mass is maths.

1165
01:00:01,400 --> 01:00:04,800
Speaker 1: Mass is hard work, but like I only flex it

1166
01:00:04,840 --> 01:00:08,440
Speaker 1: because I failed in your eleven Can you imagine the

1167
01:00:08,520 --> 01:00:10,840
Speaker 1: jump in from failing to year eleven because I just

1168
01:00:11,000 --> 01:00:13,160
Speaker 1: like was totally non attentive.

1169
01:00:13,280 --> 01:00:15,000
Speaker 2: I think you and I love to prove people from.

1170
01:00:17,560 --> 01:00:19,600
Speaker 1: It. It was like the math Underdog Math and science.

1171
01:00:19,680 --> 01:00:21,560
Speaker 1: Like everyone at McGrath was like, you're a waste of

1172
01:00:21,600 --> 01:00:23,640
Speaker 1: space because you're so naughty and you're wagging and like

1173
01:00:24,600 --> 01:00:27,160
Speaker 1: being with Melbourne heard bois not a Gill anyway.

1174
01:00:27,440 --> 01:00:32,000
Speaker 2: Balance balance, I have an aversion to being average in society.

1175
01:00:32,080 --> 01:00:34,200
Speaker 2: I'm wondering if this is something you battle with. This

1176
01:00:34,360 --> 01:00:35,280
Speaker 2: is a great one for us.

1177
01:00:35,560 --> 01:00:42,040
Speaker 1: Yes, we're like speaking of flexing. Our scores were amazing

1178
01:00:42,080 --> 01:00:47,440
Speaker 1: and we're balanced, though, Chill no, absolutely. That is a

1179
01:00:47,640 --> 01:00:51,520
Speaker 1: really really difficult thing for like highly driven A type

1180
01:00:51,560 --> 01:00:55,760
Speaker 1: people to just coast sometimes and not need to be

1181
01:00:55,840 --> 01:00:59,360
Speaker 1: the best at everything. And you guys know that playta. I.

1182
01:00:59,560 --> 01:01:02,360
Speaker 1: Actually I have to force myself to do activities I

1183
01:01:02,600 --> 01:01:05,160
Speaker 1: know i'm bad at so that I don't so that

1184
01:01:05,240 --> 01:01:06,920
Speaker 1: I can relax and I don't try and win and

1185
01:01:07,000 --> 01:01:08,920
Speaker 1: make a business out of every single thing that I do.

1186
01:01:09,960 --> 01:01:13,480
Speaker 1: And it's really difficult, Like your identity gets so wrapped

1187
01:01:13,560 --> 01:01:15,280
Speaker 1: up in trying to be the best at everything, and

1188
01:01:15,400 --> 01:01:18,840
Speaker 1: it's tiring and it's not joyful. You need to be

1189
01:01:18,880 --> 01:01:22,440
Speaker 1: able to do some activities just for the pleasure. And you,

1190
01:01:22,920 --> 01:01:25,360
Speaker 1: bim have been very good at that for me because

1191
01:01:25,400 --> 01:01:27,600
Speaker 1: you forced me to do activities you know, because I'm

1192
01:01:27,640 --> 01:01:30,640
Speaker 1: below I wouldn't know it's because you force me to

1193
01:01:30,760 --> 01:01:33,000
Speaker 1: choose things that you know I don't like and I'm

1194
01:01:33,040 --> 01:01:35,600
Speaker 1: not good at, but you make me more comfortable with

1195
01:01:35,800 --> 01:01:37,920
Speaker 1: not being good at it and still enjoying it.

1196
01:01:38,000 --> 01:01:39,960
Speaker 2: I think it's because we're so used to being high achieving.

1197
01:01:40,040 --> 01:01:41,880
Speaker 2: That's why we don't do it for the praise.

1198
01:01:41,920 --> 01:01:44,120
Speaker 1: It's just hard when you it's an identity thing. It's

1199
01:01:44,120 --> 01:01:45,560
Speaker 1: like you can't do anything halfway.

1200
01:01:45,840 --> 01:01:47,200
Speaker 2: It's a go get a mentality.

1201
01:01:47,720 --> 01:01:49,360
Speaker 1: And if I know, if I try it once and

1202
01:01:49,400 --> 01:01:52,120
Speaker 1: I know, I'm like so far away from being good.

1203
01:01:52,160 --> 01:01:53,720
Speaker 1: I'm like, no, i't do it, but you make me

1204
01:01:53,800 --> 01:01:56,440
Speaker 1: still do it, like bouldering and like go exceeding and

1205
01:01:56,680 --> 01:01:58,400
Speaker 1: all you like boxing, But I could be good at

1206
01:01:58,400 --> 01:02:00,600
Speaker 1: boxing if I tried harder, but like, I will never

1207
01:02:00,680 --> 01:02:04,480
Speaker 1: be good at tennis. Like I have good ball eye coordination,

1208
01:02:05,240 --> 01:02:05,680
Speaker 1: but for some.

1209
01:02:05,760 --> 01:02:19,400
Speaker 3: Reason, oh, oh my god, I feel in.

1210
01:02:22,240 --> 01:02:31,040
Speaker 2: Hand eye ball. Will see you next year. On the

1211
01:02:31,120 --> 01:02:34,920
Speaker 2: back of that question, there's a question that says, speaking

1212
01:02:34,960 --> 01:02:38,520
Speaker 2: of average, what about your contract score at nick?

1213
01:02:38,840 --> 01:02:43,240
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I want to divorce right now when

1214
01:02:43,240 --> 01:02:51,400
Speaker 1: I take back everything I said about fertility. No, so

1215
01:02:51,800 --> 01:02:56,480
Speaker 1: this is an ongoing joke. Law school, I got I

1216
01:02:56,560 --> 01:02:59,200
Speaker 1: don't know. I just had released my Internet in year

1217
01:02:59,240 --> 01:03:00,720
Speaker 1: twelve and then it was out and I was never

1218
01:03:00,760 --> 01:03:03,280
Speaker 1: putting it back in the box. I did very well

1219
01:03:03,360 --> 01:03:07,600
Speaker 1: academically and got all distinctions and high distinctions except for

1220
01:03:07,760 --> 01:03:11,480
Speaker 1: one subject, which was my best subject. And because I

1221
01:03:11,840 --> 01:03:15,640
Speaker 1: overthought everything, I did too many readings and I got

1222
01:03:15,800 --> 01:03:19,120
Speaker 1: way too distracted, and I got like ten percent through

1223
01:03:19,200 --> 01:03:22,560
Speaker 1: the paper and didn't finish it, and so I got

1224
01:03:22,640 --> 01:03:25,960
Speaker 1: a credit. And now, guys, guys, listen. The fact that

1225
01:03:26,040 --> 01:03:29,240
Speaker 1: she's so sad and traumatized about a credit answers the

1226
01:03:29,320 --> 01:03:32,760
Speaker 1: other question. No, but it's because there's only one, like

1227
01:03:32,880 --> 01:03:34,960
Speaker 1: I get so upset when I see my transfer a

1228
01:03:35,320 --> 01:03:40,000
Speaker 1: see literally, and now, because contracts is the main subject

1229
01:03:40,040 --> 01:03:42,640
Speaker 1: that you use in business every time, Nicole, go, can

1230
01:03:42,720 --> 01:03:43,600
Speaker 1: you just read this contract?

1231
01:03:43,600 --> 01:03:48,040
Speaker 2: Oh no, don't worry about it, Nick. Every time, literally,

1232
01:03:48,240 --> 01:03:51,640
Speaker 2: how you go towards getting better not being average? Have Nick?

1233
01:03:52,200 --> 01:03:54,800
Speaker 1: He'll literally be like, Okay, so I've got this bloom,

1234
01:03:54,840 --> 01:03:57,120
Speaker 1: it's really important this contract. Actually, no, it's really important,

1235
01:03:57,120 --> 01:03:58,520
Speaker 1: so you shouldn't read it or get someone else to

1236
01:03:58,560 --> 01:04:03,440
Speaker 1: read this contract like whole. No, he's amazing and I

1237
01:04:03,480 --> 01:04:05,000
Speaker 1: do read his contracts all the time, and I use

1238
01:04:05,040 --> 01:04:06,200
Speaker 1: that more than any other skill.

1239
01:04:07,160 --> 01:04:10,840
Speaker 2: Best advice with someone in the early twenties, This one

1240
01:04:10,880 --> 01:04:11,560
Speaker 2: I put in career.

1241
01:04:11,600 --> 01:04:14,720
Speaker 1: I think it was really meant more broadly. That's a

1242
01:04:14,800 --> 01:04:18,240
Speaker 1: really hard one. But honestly, the biggest tip is my

1243
01:04:18,320 --> 01:04:20,200
Speaker 1: favorite quote, or one of my favorite quotes. You don't

1244
01:04:20,240 --> 01:04:22,040
Speaker 1: have to see the whole staircase to take the first step.

1245
01:04:22,480 --> 01:04:25,520
Speaker 1: The whole of my twenties was very consumed by what's

1246
01:04:25,760 --> 01:04:27,680
Speaker 1: the next step. I need to have it all figured out.

1247
01:04:28,080 --> 01:04:30,400
Speaker 1: When I was at the law firm, everything was about

1248
01:04:30,400 --> 01:04:33,960
Speaker 1: the final destination. It was like partnership or the next

1249
01:04:34,000 --> 01:04:37,400
Speaker 1: promotion like it was very ladder climby and box tickie.

1250
01:04:37,960 --> 01:04:41,440
Speaker 1: And I think if you become too fixated on not

1251
01:04:41,640 --> 01:04:44,000
Speaker 1: just career wise, but life wise, like who you should

1252
01:04:44,040 --> 01:04:46,560
Speaker 1: be at the end destination, or what you should have

1253
01:04:47,000 --> 01:04:49,520
Speaker 1: or what should earn or whatever question it is, or

1254
01:04:49,760 --> 01:04:51,080
Speaker 1: you know who your friend should be or who your

1255
01:04:51,120 --> 01:04:54,480
Speaker 1: partner should be, then you don't a enjoy the ride

1256
01:04:54,680 --> 01:04:57,480
Speaker 1: or b leave the possibility that actually your plan could

1257
01:04:57,480 --> 01:04:59,919
Speaker 1: be terrible and the universe could have something way better

1258
01:05:00,120 --> 01:05:03,360
Speaker 1: you planned. So my advice in your twenties is like,

1259
01:05:04,360 --> 01:05:08,640
Speaker 1: explore all sides of yourself while you're like young and silly.

1260
01:05:09,880 --> 01:05:13,320
Speaker 1: Enjoy that, go and exchange, travel, try a new activity,

1261
01:05:13,520 --> 01:05:14,920
Speaker 1: be different, be different.

1262
01:05:15,000 --> 01:05:15,880
Speaker 3: You have to be different.

1263
01:05:16,080 --> 01:05:17,880
Speaker 1: It's like the freest decade of your life.

1264
01:05:19,040 --> 01:05:19,440
Speaker 2: Enjoy that.

1265
01:05:19,800 --> 01:05:24,440
Speaker 1: Like try new things, take risks, talk to new people always,

1266
01:05:24,600 --> 01:05:27,040
Speaker 1: try like to meet new people and learn from them.

1267
01:05:27,080 --> 01:05:28,680
Speaker 1: Everyone you meet will know something you don't and they

1268
01:05:28,680 --> 01:05:30,560
Speaker 1: can introduce you to a world you never knew existed.

1269
01:05:31,240 --> 01:05:33,520
Speaker 1: Don't be too hard on like making a lifelong decision,

1270
01:05:33,520 --> 01:05:35,520
Speaker 1: because there is no such thing anymore. The world moves

1271
01:05:35,520 --> 01:05:37,320
Speaker 1: too quickly, so actually it takes the pressure off. You

1272
01:05:37,360 --> 01:05:40,480
Speaker 1: don't need to make a forever decision. Ye, enjoy your twenties.

1273
01:05:40,480 --> 01:05:41,000
Speaker 1: It's amazing.

1274
01:05:41,360 --> 01:05:44,480
Speaker 2: And it's chill because your circle might reduce in size,

1275
01:05:44,520 --> 01:05:46,880
Speaker 2: and that's chill and that's normal. Yeah, and we have

1276
01:05:46,960 --> 01:05:49,920
Speaker 2: a circle of two. The line.

1277
01:05:52,840 --> 01:05:57,480
Speaker 1: Before these gays introducing this concept of linear friendship, it's

1278
01:05:57,600 --> 01:05:59,560
Speaker 1: like two people in a gang.

1279
01:06:01,640 --> 01:06:09,680
Speaker 2: It's a collab. Guys like a vote on people say.

1280
01:06:10,240 --> 01:06:11,840
Speaker 1: And we're not very big on making fun of people,

1281
01:06:11,880 --> 01:06:13,920
Speaker 1: but some people call it a collabor It's.

1282
01:06:14,040 --> 01:06:20,680
Speaker 2: Okay, it's not okay. Delirium activate. Most of your friends

1283
01:06:20,720 --> 01:06:23,800
Speaker 2: seem very motivated with side hustles and big careers. Most

1284
01:06:23,840 --> 01:06:29,160
Speaker 2: of my friend linear friendship. Do you purposely seek out

1285
01:06:29,200 --> 01:06:31,400
Speaker 2: people like this in order to have like minded friends?

1286
01:06:31,520 --> 01:06:33,000
Speaker 2: And what do you look for in friends?

1287
01:06:33,400 --> 01:06:40,000
Speaker 1: Absolutely, I definitely have made a big conscious effort, particularly

1288
01:06:40,320 --> 01:06:43,840
Speaker 1: in the earlier years of leaving law. Whenever you move

1289
01:06:44,040 --> 01:06:48,320
Speaker 1: goals or values or direction, it's a really important thing

1290
01:06:48,400 --> 01:06:50,680
Speaker 1: to also help shape your friendship group so that it

1291
01:06:50,760 --> 01:06:53,320
Speaker 1: supports where you're going rather than where you came from

1292
01:06:53,440 --> 01:06:55,080
Speaker 1: or where you once were. And that doesn't mean like

1293
01:06:55,160 --> 01:06:57,480
Speaker 1: let go of all your friends, but it does mean

1294
01:06:57,640 --> 01:07:00,720
Speaker 1: it's easier to achieve something when the people around you

1295
01:07:00,920 --> 01:07:03,320
Speaker 1: believe you can or have done similar things, or understand

1296
01:07:03,360 --> 01:07:06,080
Speaker 1: where you're coming from. And I didn't necessarily have that

1297
01:07:06,280 --> 01:07:08,240
Speaker 1: in my legal friends, because they thought the same way

1298
01:07:08,280 --> 01:07:11,560
Speaker 1: that I'd been trained to. So there are shifts in

1299
01:07:11,640 --> 01:07:13,840
Speaker 1: your friendship every time there's a shift in your mentality.

1300
01:07:14,520 --> 01:07:15,520
Speaker 2: Having said that, I.

1301
01:07:15,560 --> 01:07:18,480
Speaker 1: Think it's also very important to have friends who are

1302
01:07:18,520 --> 01:07:20,800
Speaker 1: really different to you as well. So I love that

1303
01:07:20,880 --> 01:07:22,760
Speaker 1: I still have friends who are in corporate. I love

1304
01:07:23,080 --> 01:07:25,120
Speaker 1: that I have friends who are so the opposite of

1305
01:07:25,160 --> 01:07:27,760
Speaker 1: me in every way, because they keep your mind open

1306
01:07:27,840 --> 01:07:30,640
Speaker 1: and they teach you other things, and they every friendship

1307
01:07:30,680 --> 01:07:32,920
Speaker 1: I have adds something really different to my life. So

1308
01:07:33,200 --> 01:07:35,280
Speaker 1: you want like minded friends, but you don't want only

1309
01:07:35,520 --> 01:07:38,960
Speaker 1: like minded friends, and you can also accept. And I

1310
01:07:39,000 --> 01:07:40,960
Speaker 1: think as you get older, I've learned that there are

1311
01:07:41,000 --> 01:07:44,480
Speaker 1: some friendships where you want the whole person in one person,

1312
01:07:45,120 --> 01:07:47,440
Speaker 1: but there are maybe parts of that friendship that compromise

1313
01:07:47,480 --> 01:07:48,840
Speaker 1: you a little bit or that you're not aligned on.

1314
01:07:48,960 --> 01:07:50,800
Speaker 1: And that doesn't mean always that you have to like

1315
01:07:50,920 --> 01:07:52,640
Speaker 1: you know, we always say walk away from toxic things.

1316
01:07:53,120 --> 01:07:54,800
Speaker 1: You don't always have to love every part of a

1317
01:07:54,880 --> 01:07:57,080
Speaker 1: person to have a great friendship. You can accept the

1318
01:07:57,160 --> 01:07:59,560
Speaker 1: really good parts and learn to manage the other parts.

1319
01:08:01,520 --> 01:08:04,200
Speaker 1: So I think have a really broad range of friendships

1320
01:08:04,240 --> 01:08:10,080
Speaker 1: is my best advice. Definitely have friends that are you know,

1321
01:08:11,080 --> 01:08:12,720
Speaker 1: to like that are going to help you achieve the

1322
01:08:12,760 --> 01:08:16,639
Speaker 1: goal you're in right now, But but keep other friendships

1323
01:08:16,640 --> 01:08:18,439
Speaker 1: as well because you don't want to become too siloed.

1324
01:08:18,760 --> 01:08:20,519
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think is what I mean. I feel like

1325
01:08:20,800 --> 01:08:23,720
Speaker 2: I slightly beg to different in your purpose seeking of

1326
01:08:23,960 --> 01:08:27,360
Speaker 2: like minded people because I don't feel like you do

1327
01:08:27,479 --> 01:08:30,080
Speaker 2: it actively on purpose. You don't go out and be like, oh,

1328
01:08:30,400 --> 01:08:33,600
Speaker 2: you are an entrepreneur, therefore made to be friends. I

1329
01:08:33,680 --> 01:08:37,400
Speaker 2: feel like you naturally gravitate towards the people that better you,

1330
01:08:37,640 --> 01:08:41,840
Speaker 2: and then as a result that becomes your friendship group,

1331
01:08:41,920 --> 01:08:44,479
Speaker 2: rather than you're going to seek out people like minded,

1332
01:08:44,560 --> 01:08:47,160
Speaker 2: which is very different to just being that's true your

1333
01:08:47,200 --> 01:08:50,479
Speaker 2: people at that time. Yeah, and that's really naturally well,

1334
01:08:50,560 --> 01:08:53,920
Speaker 2: I think that's how it happens for you. Yeah, because

1335
01:08:53,920 --> 01:08:55,760
Speaker 2: the question is do you purposely seek out these people?

1336
01:08:55,800 --> 01:08:57,320
Speaker 1: And I don't think you know, yeah, I know.

1337
01:08:57,320 --> 01:08:57,600
Speaker 3: What you mean.

1338
01:08:57,680 --> 01:08:59,320
Speaker 2: Don't you go out and be like, I'm going to

1339
01:08:59,400 --> 01:09:01,720
Speaker 2: network and find motivated people in therefore and then become

1340
01:09:01,760 --> 01:09:04,479
Speaker 2: friends with them or befriend them, which is very different.

1341
01:09:04,920 --> 01:09:06,800
Speaker 1: I do think though that some people are sort of like,

1342
01:09:07,320 --> 01:09:10,160
Speaker 1: how do those friendships come into your lap? And in

1343
01:09:10,280 --> 01:09:12,240
Speaker 1: that case, I think, no, you actually have to go

1344
01:09:12,960 --> 01:09:16,120
Speaker 1: to events or like put yourself in a situation where

1345
01:09:16,160 --> 01:09:19,280
Speaker 1: you might encounter new friendships kind of thing. Like some

1346
01:09:19,400 --> 01:09:22,080
Speaker 1: people don't network much outside their friendship group, but then

1347
01:09:22,160 --> 01:09:24,840
Speaker 1: don't get access to new people. And it's I did

1348
01:09:25,200 --> 01:09:28,640
Speaker 1: so much networking, like incidental networking of turning up at

1349
01:09:28,720 --> 01:09:30,800
Speaker 1: things by myself, which was kind of awkward, but then

1350
01:09:30,840 --> 01:09:32,160
Speaker 1: had forced me to talk to new people.

1351
01:09:32,360 --> 01:09:35,240
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's fun. And on the back of that, talking

1352
01:09:35,280 --> 01:09:39,800
Speaker 2: about friendships, what are your chips on navigating friendships in

1353
01:09:39,840 --> 01:09:42,679
Speaker 2: your thirties? They say, we only have space for five

1354
01:09:42,800 --> 01:09:44,759
Speaker 2: close friends, including family.

1355
01:09:45,600 --> 01:09:47,920
Speaker 1: Oh, so that's come from that quote. You're some of

1356
01:09:47,920 --> 01:09:49,479
Speaker 1: the five people you spend the most time with, which

1357
01:09:49,520 --> 01:09:52,880
Speaker 1: I love, and I think a big part of your

1358
01:09:52,920 --> 01:09:55,360
Speaker 1: thirties and probably forties and fifties, And I mean maybe

1359
01:09:55,360 --> 01:09:57,760
Speaker 1: at any stage in your life is that you start

1360
01:09:57,840 --> 01:10:02,120
Speaker 1: with like max volume, you go now quality And it

1361
01:10:02,280 --> 01:10:04,719
Speaker 1: does involve sometimes a real whittling down of your circle

1362
01:10:04,800 --> 01:10:07,600
Speaker 1: because life gets busier and the time you have allocated

1363
01:10:07,680 --> 01:10:11,400
Speaker 1: for friends is smaller, and your you know, ability to

1364
01:10:11,520 --> 01:10:15,080
Speaker 1: be a one friend for people get smaller as well.

1365
01:10:15,240 --> 01:10:19,240
Speaker 1: So I think we sometimes lament the changing of and

1366
01:10:19,360 --> 01:10:23,960
Speaker 1: maybe dwindling of friendship groups, but I don't think it's

1367
01:10:23,960 --> 01:10:26,519
Speaker 1: a bad thing. I think if you have some really

1368
01:10:26,600 --> 01:10:29,760
Speaker 1: really yeah good people in your life, you don't need

1369
01:10:29,840 --> 01:10:32,760
Speaker 1: a million friends. It's great to have a million people

1370
01:10:32,800 --> 01:10:35,360
Speaker 1: in your life, Like I definitely have a wide circle

1371
01:10:35,400 --> 01:10:37,879
Speaker 1: of people I get to spend time with, which is amazing.

1372
01:10:38,880 --> 01:10:42,160
Speaker 1: But your people people, you don't need to have that

1373
01:10:42,280 --> 01:10:46,160
Speaker 1: many of them, and you need to have enough room

1374
01:10:46,240 --> 01:10:50,120
Speaker 1: leftover in your emotional bank to be the person, the friend,

1375
01:10:50,160 --> 01:10:52,160
Speaker 1: the lover, the sister, the daughter, whatever you want to be.

1376
01:10:52,320 --> 01:10:55,080
Speaker 1: And sometimes that does mean like choosing kind of in

1377
01:10:55,160 --> 01:10:55,880
Speaker 1: a discerning way.

1378
01:10:56,040 --> 01:10:58,400
Speaker 2: And what are your quick tips on navigating the friendships

1379
01:10:58,439 --> 01:10:59,360
Speaker 2: in your thirties.

1380
01:11:00,520 --> 01:11:06,720
Speaker 1: Communication for anything including romantic relationships. I think that's my

1381
01:11:06,800 --> 01:11:07,400
Speaker 1: only tip. Really.

1382
01:11:07,439 --> 01:11:08,839
Speaker 2: All the other tips relate to communication.

1383
01:11:08,960 --> 01:11:10,240
Speaker 1: The more you get to know each other and the

1384
01:11:10,320 --> 01:11:14,560
Speaker 1: more you learn the ways to express enough appreciation but

1385
01:11:14,640 --> 01:11:16,080
Speaker 1: also to be able to pull each other up when

1386
01:11:16,080 --> 01:11:18,439
Speaker 1: there's like a bit of discord before it gets you know,

1387
01:11:19,479 --> 01:11:22,160
Speaker 1: if you can express how you feel in a safe

1388
01:11:22,200 --> 01:11:24,800
Speaker 1: way and they can do the same, everything else falls

1389
01:11:24,800 --> 01:11:25,200
Speaker 1: into place.

1390
01:11:25,360 --> 01:11:30,680
Speaker 2: Not a could must be a safe way? What let

1391
01:11:30,800 --> 01:11:35,160
Speaker 2: it's let its marit Nate good too, I don't a

1392
01:11:35,280 --> 01:11:39,840
Speaker 2: safe way, it's it was really good.

1393
01:11:42,160 --> 01:11:44,400
Speaker 1: And if you can pull them up on their bad jokes,

1394
01:11:44,640 --> 01:11:47,559
Speaker 1: like in a constructive lot of way, it's like really important.

1395
01:11:48,840 --> 01:11:50,320
Speaker 1: I love you, I see you, I hear you.

1396
01:11:50,439 --> 01:11:55,000
Speaker 2: But no play is our communication?

1397
01:11:55,360 --> 01:11:59,200
Speaker 1: Yes, very good ref episode. I don't know what the

1398
01:11:59,280 --> 01:12:00,920
Speaker 1: number is, but there's a episode. I think it's got

1399
01:12:00,960 --> 01:12:02,800
Speaker 1: play in the title, So go back and listen to that.

1400
01:12:03,640 --> 01:12:07,240
Speaker 2: Okay. Next one is tips for improving confidence or self worth,

1401
01:12:08,400 --> 01:12:11,720
Speaker 2: and second part to that question is growing communication.

1402
01:12:13,240 --> 01:12:17,679
Speaker 1: Yes, that is the hardest area. First tip is always

1403
01:12:18,200 --> 01:12:21,080
Speaker 1: self doubt is not ever going to go away in

1404
01:12:21,160 --> 01:12:23,840
Speaker 1: a good way. You don't want it to disappear. You

1405
01:12:23,880 --> 01:12:28,040
Speaker 1: don't want to ever not have that little like you know,

1406
01:12:28,800 --> 01:12:30,679
Speaker 1: not that you want to feel self doubtful. I'm probably

1407
01:12:30,680 --> 01:12:32,759
Speaker 1: saying this wrong, but I think if I ever didn't

1408
01:12:32,800 --> 01:12:35,080
Speaker 1: have a bit of self doubt, I'd worry I wasn't

1409
01:12:35,080 --> 01:12:37,080
Speaker 1: invested in doing a good job. It is a sign

1410
01:12:37,360 --> 01:12:40,160
Speaker 1: that you're doing something new and exciting and challenging. It's

1411
01:12:40,200 --> 01:12:44,880
Speaker 1: a good sign, but there's a limit. And also there

1412
01:12:44,920 --> 01:12:46,479
Speaker 1: has to be a way for you to accept it

1413
01:12:46,520 --> 01:12:48,200
Speaker 1: as a sign and then not let it dictate your

1414
01:12:48,240 --> 01:12:52,040
Speaker 1: decision decisions or change how you feel about yourself. Practice

1415
01:12:52,320 --> 01:12:57,160
Speaker 1: definitely practicing better self dialogue breaking that circuit. One of

1416
01:12:57,200 --> 01:13:00,800
Speaker 1: the things that makes humans unique is that unlike most

1417
01:13:00,960 --> 01:13:04,200
Speaker 1: mammals that just think, we can think about our thoughts.

1418
01:13:04,320 --> 01:13:06,679
Speaker 1: We have metacognition. That means you can think about your thoughts,

1419
01:13:06,680 --> 01:13:08,439
Speaker 1: so we can stop a bad thought and just change

1420
01:13:08,479 --> 01:13:10,240
Speaker 1: it at any time, which is why we're so special.

1421
01:13:10,720 --> 01:13:12,800
Speaker 1: So you can acknowledge the self doubt and then learn

1422
01:13:12,880 --> 01:13:15,080
Speaker 1: to just push it away if you can't do that yourself,

1423
01:13:15,120 --> 01:13:17,080
Speaker 1: and break the circuit yourself. At the beginning, phone a

1424
01:13:17,160 --> 01:13:19,200
Speaker 1: friend who's going to help you. And the more it's

1425
01:13:19,200 --> 01:13:21,120
Speaker 1: like a neural pathway, the more you get used to

1426
01:13:21,320 --> 01:13:24,240
Speaker 1: stopping that in its tracks and realizing you wouldn't have

1427
01:13:24,360 --> 01:13:27,320
Speaker 1: this opportunity if you couldn't cope with it. You wouldn't

1428
01:13:27,320 --> 01:13:29,599
Speaker 1: be given this, You wouldn't be put in this situation

1429
01:13:29,680 --> 01:13:31,760
Speaker 1: if you couldn't deal with it. You were chosen for

1430
01:13:31,800 --> 01:13:34,680
Speaker 1: a reason. You are wildly more capable than you think

1431
01:13:34,720 --> 01:13:36,880
Speaker 1: you are. If you aren't right now, you can be,

1432
01:13:36,960 --> 01:13:39,200
Speaker 1: and you will be, And you need people around you

1433
01:13:39,240 --> 01:13:41,320
Speaker 1: who will help you believe that, rather than people who

1434
01:13:41,360 --> 01:13:42,360
Speaker 1: will detract from that.

1435
01:13:42,800 --> 01:13:44,479
Speaker 2: It's my best advice.

1436
01:13:44,760 --> 01:13:49,000
Speaker 1: By your stuff A hype girl, girl per person, hype

1437
01:13:49,040 --> 01:13:54,240
Speaker 1: animal also sorry, oh yeah, the hype dog a dog a.

1438
01:13:56,160 --> 01:13:56,360
Speaker 3: God.

1439
01:13:58,840 --> 01:14:01,720
Speaker 2: And within law two parts of this just about to

1440
01:14:01,760 --> 01:14:05,640
Speaker 2: finish up. I'll be at Monash and tips for negotiating

1441
01:14:05,720 --> 01:14:06,919
Speaker 2: higher duties in workplace.

1442
01:14:07,360 --> 01:14:12,000
Speaker 1: Yeah okay, so within law I think it is the

1443
01:14:12,280 --> 01:14:17,919
Speaker 1: most versatile degree ever. You are so well equipped for anything,

1444
01:14:18,160 --> 01:14:20,799
Speaker 1: whether it be in corporate, whether it be in the courts,

1445
01:14:20,920 --> 01:14:24,960
Speaker 1: whether it be in house or you know, there's just

1446
01:14:25,120 --> 01:14:27,760
Speaker 1: so many directions you can go inside the law. You

1447
01:14:27,800 --> 01:14:29,720
Speaker 1: don't need to go outside it to still get like

1448
01:14:30,080 --> 01:14:33,920
Speaker 1: a to have such a diverse range of careers, best

1449
01:14:33,960 --> 01:14:35,640
Speaker 1: advice is if you don't know what you want to do,

1450
01:14:36,600 --> 01:14:38,680
Speaker 1: and you don't, you're not going to figure that out

1451
01:14:38,760 --> 01:14:41,360
Speaker 1: on time, Like by the time you finish your degree,

1452
01:14:41,720 --> 01:14:44,519
Speaker 1: you've got to do something. The biggest thing in law

1453
01:14:44,760 --> 01:14:47,959
Speaker 1: is getting qualified, and you aren't. You don't graduate qualified.

1454
01:14:48,080 --> 01:14:50,160
Speaker 1: So if you can find a way to get qualified

1455
01:14:50,320 --> 01:14:52,000
Speaker 1: and buy yourself some time to figure out what you

1456
01:14:52,080 --> 01:14:54,760
Speaker 1: do want to do. Sometimes people think, oh, well, you know,

1457
01:14:54,840 --> 01:14:55,960
Speaker 1: I know I don't want to be in law, so

1458
01:14:56,000 --> 01:14:58,280
Speaker 1: I'll just work at calls now, or I'll just do

1459
01:14:58,479 --> 01:15:01,200
Speaker 1: something else. But if you can get qualification it only

1460
01:15:01,240 --> 01:15:03,400
Speaker 1: takes you a year, then no matter what, you can

1461
01:15:03,439 --> 01:15:05,960
Speaker 1: go back to it. The time's going to pass anyway,

1462
01:15:06,439 --> 01:15:09,080
Speaker 1: so you might as well give yourself the best chance

1463
01:15:09,120 --> 01:15:10,640
Speaker 1: of starting. I didn't think I wanted to be in

1464
01:15:10,760 --> 01:15:12,760
Speaker 1: law forever, but I didn't know what else I would do,

1465
01:15:13,200 --> 01:15:14,639
Speaker 1: so I was like, well, I might as well open

1466
01:15:14,720 --> 01:15:17,599
Speaker 1: more doors rather than close them. And the more work

1467
01:15:17,680 --> 01:15:19,880
Speaker 1: experience you have, the more exposure you have to other

1468
01:15:20,000 --> 01:15:22,080
Speaker 1: jobs in the gray areas that you've never heard about before.

1469
01:15:22,439 --> 01:15:25,320
Speaker 1: So just get your foot in the door and speak

1470
01:15:25,360 --> 01:15:27,280
Speaker 1: to as many people as you can. Speak to ex lawyers,

1471
01:15:27,320 --> 01:15:30,240
Speaker 1: speak to current lawyers, speak to you know, get people

1472
01:15:30,439 --> 01:15:32,360
Speaker 1: friends and friends to introduce you to people for coffees.

1473
01:15:32,880 --> 01:15:35,599
Speaker 1: You need to like put some time into researching where

1474
01:15:35,640 --> 01:15:37,760
Speaker 1: you might want to go and who you want to become.

1475
01:15:37,840 --> 01:15:39,360
Speaker 1: And if you don't know that by the time you graduate,

1476
01:15:39,439 --> 01:15:41,400
Speaker 1: then start in the best place you can and go

1477
01:15:41,520 --> 01:15:41,840
Speaker 1: from there.

1478
01:15:43,600 --> 01:15:46,000
Speaker 2: Advice for outside of law, This is a few questions,

1479
01:15:46,040 --> 01:15:48,360
Speaker 2: So how to know whether it's stay in commercial law

1480
01:15:48,600 --> 01:15:51,880
Speaker 2: private practice long term. This person's working as a grad

1481
01:15:52,240 --> 01:15:54,920
Speaker 2: at a top tier firm and very proud to say

1482
01:15:54,960 --> 01:15:56,840
Speaker 2: that they made it this far. Sometimes they enjoy it,

1483
01:15:56,960 --> 01:15:59,200
Speaker 2: sometimes they don't, and also don't like the culture which

1484
01:15:59,240 --> 01:16:00,800
Speaker 2: looks at how late people stay back.

1485
01:16:01,520 --> 01:16:03,960
Speaker 1: Huge congratulations on making it this far. That's an amazing,

1486
01:16:04,040 --> 01:16:06,719
Speaker 1: amazing achievement. Again, you are in the best place possible

1487
01:16:06,800 --> 01:16:09,240
Speaker 1: to go anywhere in life, and if you choose to

1488
01:16:09,240 --> 01:16:12,639
Speaker 1: stay in that corporate context, that is still absolutely amazing.

1489
01:16:14,200 --> 01:16:16,360
Speaker 1: Most important thing which is maybe not what people think

1490
01:16:16,400 --> 01:16:19,040
Speaker 1: I would start with, you don't have to love your

1491
01:16:19,080 --> 01:16:23,200
Speaker 1: job all the time. Really, there's this beautiful privilege we

1492
01:16:23,280 --> 01:16:25,240
Speaker 1: have in this generation to have yea all the time

1493
01:16:25,320 --> 01:16:27,479
Speaker 1: in our work. But you don't necessarily have to have

1494
01:16:27,560 --> 01:16:29,400
Speaker 1: that all the time. As long as you're finding joy

1495
01:16:29,479 --> 01:16:32,080
Speaker 1: somewhere in your life. So if you are really stimulated

1496
01:16:32,120 --> 01:16:37,200
Speaker 1: and have an amazing opportunity and stability and financial rewards,

1497
01:16:37,400 --> 01:16:39,240
Speaker 1: and you know it helps you build the life that

1498
01:16:39,320 --> 01:16:42,240
Speaker 1: you want, and you enjoy it enough, you can stay there.

1499
01:16:42,360 --> 01:16:46,000
Speaker 1: You everyone has bad days at their job, everyone, and

1500
01:16:47,200 --> 01:16:48,960
Speaker 1: that alone is not a reason to think that law

1501
01:16:49,040 --> 01:16:51,640
Speaker 1: isn't suited for you. There are still things institutionally that

1502
01:16:51,760 --> 01:16:56,800
Speaker 1: need to change about FaceTime and long hours and you

1503
01:16:56,840 --> 01:16:59,360
Speaker 1: know balance, Like, definitely there's a long way to go.

1504
01:17:00,200 --> 01:17:03,120
Speaker 1: But that might not be a sign that you don't

1505
01:17:03,200 --> 01:17:05,840
Speaker 1: like law. That might just be that at the moment,

1506
01:17:06,080 --> 01:17:09,439
Speaker 1: working in a law firm involves that thing. So very

1507
01:17:09,479 --> 01:17:11,360
Speaker 1: first thing is don't throw away a really great career

1508
01:17:11,479 --> 01:17:12,599
Speaker 1: just because it's.

1509
01:17:12,520 --> 01:17:14,519
Speaker 2: Not you're not passionate all the time.

1510
01:17:15,360 --> 01:17:17,600
Speaker 1: But having said that, you won't know what else you

1511
01:17:17,680 --> 01:17:20,320
Speaker 1: like unless you explore so, and you're not going to

1512
01:17:20,360 --> 01:17:21,720
Speaker 1: find that if you just sit there in the same

1513
01:17:21,800 --> 01:17:25,800
Speaker 1: job wondering. So talk to people, go and have conversations,

1514
01:17:26,400 --> 01:17:28,600
Speaker 1: think about think you can do circonments, like put your

1515
01:17:28,640 --> 01:17:30,679
Speaker 1: hand up to do a seconment within your job where

1516
01:17:30,680 --> 01:17:32,280
Speaker 1: you could go in house at a company and see

1517
01:17:32,320 --> 01:17:33,679
Speaker 1: what it looks like to work in a business.

1518
01:17:34,439 --> 01:17:36,439
Speaker 2: You can do a.

1519
01:17:36,520 --> 01:17:38,679
Speaker 1: Startup on the side, you could volunteer at a startup

1520
01:17:38,680 --> 01:17:40,200
Speaker 1: on the side, you could do like you know, there's

1521
01:17:40,240 --> 01:17:43,120
Speaker 1: so many ways that you can expand what you are

1522
01:17:43,200 --> 01:17:44,920
Speaker 1: exposed to to see if you might like to do

1523
01:17:45,040 --> 01:17:48,960
Speaker 1: something else. But I think ours alone probably isn't. That's

1524
01:17:49,040 --> 01:17:51,360
Speaker 1: not law specific, and it's not a reflection on whether

1525
01:17:51,439 --> 01:17:52,720
Speaker 1: or not you like law. It might just be the

1526
01:17:52,720 --> 01:17:55,080
Speaker 1: culture where you are. You could consider a different law

1527
01:17:55,120 --> 01:17:58,280
Speaker 1: firm if it's really changing your lifestyle. There are lots

1528
01:17:58,320 --> 01:18:01,000
Speaker 1: and lots of options. But the biggest thing I would

1529
01:18:01,000 --> 01:18:03,120
Speaker 1: say is I didn't leave until I had something to

1530
01:18:03,240 --> 01:18:06,240
Speaker 1: jump to. And the reality of life is you want

1531
01:18:06,520 --> 01:18:08,960
Speaker 1: to have plata and you want to have joy, but

1532
01:18:09,479 --> 01:18:11,360
Speaker 1: you also have to pay bills and a lot of

1533
01:18:11,400 --> 01:18:14,519
Speaker 1: people have dependents and responsibilities. So I think if you

1534
01:18:16,080 --> 01:18:18,720
Speaker 1: if you can use the time that you have there

1535
01:18:18,920 --> 01:18:22,240
Speaker 1: to still have a way still support yourself and look

1536
01:18:22,320 --> 01:18:24,840
Speaker 1: for other things, maybe don't jump and do you have

1537
01:18:24,920 --> 01:18:25,600
Speaker 1: something to jump to?

1538
01:18:27,560 --> 01:18:30,479
Speaker 2: But depends on your financial situation. The next two questions

1539
01:18:30,600 --> 01:18:33,799
Speaker 2: probably could are answered in your book and or slightly

1540
01:18:34,000 --> 01:18:38,000
Speaker 2: answered in this podcast. Advice a something someone wanting to

1541
01:18:38,120 --> 01:18:40,599
Speaker 2: leave lord enter wellness space, and where do I start

1542
01:18:40,720 --> 01:18:41,240
Speaker 2: if you kind of.

1543
01:18:41,240 --> 01:18:43,760
Speaker 1: Just touched all oh yeah, same thing, yeah, same thing,

1544
01:18:43,800 --> 01:18:46,680
Speaker 1: I think, explore as much as you can. It is

1545
01:18:46,880 --> 01:18:48,800
Speaker 1: very rare that people are able to leave their job

1546
01:18:48,920 --> 01:18:53,320
Speaker 1: and have enough finances and stability to leave to nothing

1547
01:18:53,560 --> 01:18:57,320
Speaker 1: and then build the business. I would just say for

1548
01:18:57,439 --> 01:19:00,400
Speaker 1: risk management and also for yourself to like, you know,

1549
01:19:00,560 --> 01:19:02,360
Speaker 1: cut your teeth and get used to it is. Once

1550
01:19:02,400 --> 01:19:04,680
Speaker 1: you have your idea, do both as long as you can.

1551
01:19:04,920 --> 01:19:06,680
Speaker 1: You might as well, like you won't have a full

1552
01:19:06,720 --> 01:19:08,720
Speaker 1: time load of work straight away in a startup, so

1553
01:19:08,840 --> 01:19:11,560
Speaker 1: give yourself as much chance to do both until it

1554
01:19:11,640 --> 01:19:12,560
Speaker 1: becomes mutually.

1555
01:19:12,320 --> 01:19:13,559
Speaker 2: Exclusive to that prozer we love.

1556
01:19:15,240 --> 01:19:17,040
Speaker 1: And if you don't have your idea yet, also like

1557
01:19:17,200 --> 01:19:18,720
Speaker 1: it might not be the first idea that works, so

1558
01:19:18,800 --> 01:19:20,920
Speaker 1: you might do a few things on the side and

1559
01:19:21,000 --> 01:19:23,400
Speaker 1: side hustles before you have a full time business life

1560
01:19:23,479 --> 01:19:26,759
Speaker 1: rewards you on like your fifth sixth, twelfth, thirteenth, twelfth,

1561
01:19:26,800 --> 01:19:30,400
Speaker 1: eleventh backwards chance. So you you know, give quite a

1562
01:19:30,439 --> 01:19:32,240
Speaker 1: few things a go and see how they go, and

1563
01:19:32,320 --> 01:19:34,519
Speaker 1: then build up to like a full time loading and

1564
01:19:34,600 --> 01:19:37,280
Speaker 1: then you can make the decision. But again, the best

1565
01:19:37,320 --> 01:19:39,439
Speaker 1: thing is talk to as many people who have done

1566
01:19:39,479 --> 01:19:43,880
Speaker 1: the same thing as you, and that helps really enlighten

1567
01:19:43,960 --> 01:19:46,160
Speaker 1: the pathway and get confidence because you know that other

1568
01:19:46,200 --> 01:19:50,720
Speaker 1: people have done it, and you know ask if you

1569
01:19:50,760 --> 01:19:52,880
Speaker 1: could sit down for a coffee or read people's books. Like.

1570
01:19:53,680 --> 01:19:56,280
Speaker 1: The more you can expose yourself to that career path,

1571
01:19:56,720 --> 01:19:59,200
Speaker 1: the less foreign and scary it feels. But also the

1572
01:19:59,280 --> 01:20:01,439
Speaker 1: more you're of juices will get flowing and you might

1573
01:20:01,600 --> 01:20:02,200
Speaker 1: hit that idea.

1574
01:20:03,600 --> 01:20:05,920
Speaker 2: Okay, so I have a decent following, but not sure

1575
01:20:05,960 --> 01:20:08,599
Speaker 2: how to get invited to cool events or receive PR packages.

1576
01:20:08,640 --> 01:20:09,400
Speaker 2: Do you have any tips?

1577
01:20:09,840 --> 01:20:14,840
Speaker 1: Oh, that's an interesting one. I think it's interesting. The

1578
01:20:14,880 --> 01:20:16,600
Speaker 1: way PR works is often once you get on a

1579
01:20:16,640 --> 01:20:19,040
Speaker 1: mailing list or on someone's radar, you stay on it

1580
01:20:19,160 --> 01:20:21,000
Speaker 1: and then like they will represent a lot of different

1581
01:20:21,000 --> 01:20:24,880
Speaker 1: clients and a lot of different events. So sometimes it's

1582
01:20:24,960 --> 01:20:28,320
Speaker 1: just getting to the first one and you can I

1583
01:20:28,439 --> 01:20:31,000
Speaker 1: don't know how it goes down when you like reach

1584
01:20:31,040 --> 01:20:35,120
Speaker 1: out directly, but I mean you always could. I think

1585
01:20:35,120 --> 01:20:36,960
Speaker 1: the worst answer you can get is a no, And

1586
01:20:37,080 --> 01:20:39,439
Speaker 1: if you ask really politely in in a way that's

1587
01:20:39,520 --> 01:20:41,519
Speaker 1: very curious about a particular client, or you do your

1588
01:20:41,600 --> 01:20:44,280
Speaker 1: research like that, could you know, definitely go well, if

1589
01:20:44,320 --> 01:20:47,200
Speaker 1: you just do some research on the right person who

1590
01:20:47,320 --> 01:20:49,560
Speaker 1: runs a certain account within a pr firm. There's a

1591
01:20:49,560 --> 01:20:51,320
Speaker 1: lot of information on LinkedIn, and I would have done

1592
01:20:51,320 --> 01:20:52,679
Speaker 1: the same with the law firm if I was after

1593
01:20:52,720 --> 01:20:56,040
Speaker 1: a particular person or opportunity. Also, you could try and

1594
01:20:56,240 --> 01:20:59,840
Speaker 1: like if a friend gets invited. The way I started

1595
01:20:59,880 --> 01:21:01,640
Speaker 1: to meet a lot of the prfms was going as

1596
01:21:01,640 --> 01:21:04,680
Speaker 1: a plus one to people two events and then but

1597
01:21:04,840 --> 01:21:07,120
Speaker 1: not just turning up and leaving, turning up, going to

1598
01:21:07,200 --> 01:21:09,519
Speaker 1: meet the person who was the representative from the PRFM,

1599
01:21:09,600 --> 01:21:11,880
Speaker 1: making a relationship with them, making sure to tag the

1600
01:21:11,920 --> 01:21:14,680
Speaker 1: business afterwards, and provide some really good value from the

1601
01:21:14,760 --> 01:21:16,760
Speaker 1: event so that you're you're showing why you should be

1602
01:21:16,800 --> 01:21:20,559
Speaker 1: invited next time. I think it's it's definitely a matter

1603
01:21:20,600 --> 01:21:23,720
Speaker 1: of getting on the radar in a gentle, strategic way

1604
01:21:24,600 --> 01:21:28,800
Speaker 1: and an authentic like yeah, yeah, And I also just

1605
01:21:28,840 --> 01:21:30,760
Speaker 1: realized I forgot to answer the question. Sorry, this is

1606
01:21:30,800 --> 01:21:33,639
Speaker 1: going to be all out of order about negotiating different

1607
01:21:33,680 --> 01:21:37,960
Speaker 1: responsibilities in a workplace. One statistic I alwayshare which fascinates

1608
01:21:38,000 --> 01:21:40,320
Speaker 1: me so much is that I think it was a

1609
01:21:40,479 --> 01:21:43,120
Speaker 1: heil At Packard study, women will apply for a promotion

1610
01:21:43,200 --> 01:21:45,160
Speaker 1: when they have one hundred and twenty percent of the criteria.

1611
01:21:45,360 --> 01:21:45,960
Speaker 2: Men apply.

1612
01:21:46,080 --> 01:21:48,120
Speaker 1: This is mass generalization, but men apply when they have

1613
01:21:48,160 --> 01:21:49,920
Speaker 1: sixty percent because they know that they can learn the

1614
01:21:49,960 --> 01:21:50,439
Speaker 1: other forty.

1615
01:21:50,680 --> 01:21:51,439
Speaker 2: Totally logical.

1616
01:21:51,960 --> 01:21:54,599
Speaker 1: Women will lose out every time just on timing because

1617
01:21:54,840 --> 01:21:59,240
Speaker 1: they apply too late. So I think we not just women,

1618
01:21:59,320 --> 01:22:01,960
Speaker 1: but everyone who is a bit hesitant about negotiating more pay,

1619
01:22:02,080 --> 01:22:04,280
Speaker 1: more responsibilities or whatever. You have to be willing to

1620
01:22:04,320 --> 01:22:07,920
Speaker 1: have the conversation because even our superiors are humans after all,

1621
01:22:07,960 --> 01:22:09,639
Speaker 1: Even if you're the most deserving, if you're not making

1622
01:22:09,720 --> 01:22:11,840
Speaker 1: noise or reminding them of that, how can they remember

1623
01:22:11,880 --> 01:22:15,040
Speaker 1: They've got enough stuff going on by themselves. Schedule meetings,

1624
01:22:15,240 --> 01:22:19,519
Speaker 1: have conversations, ask the question. But the big thing to

1625
01:22:19,560 --> 01:22:22,280
Speaker 1: remember is when you're pitching something like that, don't pitch

1626
01:22:22,320 --> 01:22:24,439
Speaker 1: why you want it. You have to pitch why it's

1627
01:22:24,479 --> 01:22:27,040
Speaker 1: good for them. Remember your audience. And it's the same

1628
01:22:27,080 --> 01:22:30,040
Speaker 1: with selling things like who are you speaking? To make

1629
01:22:30,120 --> 01:22:32,479
Speaker 1: it an easy decision for them, show them why you

1630
01:22:32,600 --> 01:22:35,400
Speaker 1: meet the criteria, Not like I want this because it

1631
01:22:35,400 --> 01:22:37,800
Speaker 1: would help me. You want to do this because it

1632
01:22:37,800 --> 01:22:40,840
Speaker 1: will help you kind of thing. And it's hard, it's

1633
01:22:40,920 --> 01:22:45,000
Speaker 1: so freaking uncomfortable. I am so bad at having conversations

1634
01:22:45,040 --> 01:22:46,880
Speaker 1: with superior about anything, which is why I just don't

1635
01:22:46,880 --> 01:22:50,519
Speaker 1: have superiors anymore. But learn how to book a meeting

1636
01:22:50,680 --> 01:22:53,920
Speaker 1: and broach the subject and push through the discomfort, because

1637
01:22:54,760 --> 01:22:56,679
Speaker 1: you know, if you don't ask, you don't get really.

1638
01:22:59,560 --> 01:23:02,360
Speaker 2: Oscars of the career section, would you consider studying a

1639
01:23:02,439 --> 01:23:05,160
Speaker 2: mentoring program or platform for young women who want to

1640
01:23:05,160 --> 01:23:08,880
Speaker 2: start a conversation slash explore creative side hustles on top

1641
01:23:08,920 --> 01:23:11,160
Speaker 2: of their usual nine to five jobs. Oh my god,

1642
01:23:11,320 --> 01:23:12,680
Speaker 2: so many people asked about this.

1643
01:23:12,840 --> 01:23:15,120
Speaker 1: It's so lovely and I get I reckon once a week,

1644
01:23:15,680 --> 01:23:19,400
Speaker 1: a full pitch for someone to be mentored, like who

1645
01:23:19,439 --> 01:23:22,000
Speaker 1: wants me to mentor them? Which is the most flattering,

1646
01:23:22,040 --> 01:23:24,160
Speaker 1: And I don't even know what I would say, but

1647
01:23:24,280 --> 01:23:26,479
Speaker 1: I would really love to do that. I just don't

1648
01:23:26,560 --> 01:23:29,200
Speaker 1: think that one on one mentoring. I just don't have

1649
01:23:29,360 --> 01:23:32,439
Speaker 1: any more time to do it one on one to

1650
01:23:32,640 --> 01:23:34,519
Speaker 1: the level that I would like to be able to

1651
01:23:34,600 --> 01:23:37,439
Speaker 1: do it. But I would love to be able to

1652
01:23:37,479 --> 01:23:40,160
Speaker 1: do it in a group context or some kind of

1653
01:23:40,280 --> 01:23:42,680
Speaker 1: setup like that. So there's something I'm working on that's

1654
01:23:42,720 --> 01:23:44,920
Speaker 1: really exciting that's coming out soon, which I haven't told

1655
01:23:44,920 --> 01:23:48,080
Speaker 1: you about them, but I will what a flan well,

1656
01:23:49,439 --> 01:23:52,680
Speaker 1: which I will share soon. But I also would love

1657
01:23:52,880 --> 01:23:54,920
Speaker 1: to do something a little bit more structured and a

1658
01:23:54,960 --> 01:23:56,759
Speaker 1: little bit more yiaghborhood focused.

1659
01:23:57,000 --> 01:23:59,800
Speaker 2: So I don't know how on that that out, but

1660
01:24:00,000 --> 01:24:02,360
Speaker 2: I will start thinking studying. I love mentoring, you know,

1661
01:24:03,800 --> 01:24:04,559
Speaker 2: but also knowing us.

1662
01:24:04,600 --> 01:24:06,000
Speaker 1: Every time I say I'm going to work on those

1663
01:24:06,080 --> 01:24:08,240
Speaker 1: really exciting like, then seven months later, I still haven't

1664
01:24:08,240 --> 01:24:11,240
Speaker 1: done it, really sorry, guys. We still also have the

1665
01:24:11,720 --> 01:24:14,639
Speaker 1: Peanut for cars, the bike. We have so many things

1666
01:24:14,720 --> 01:24:16,960
Speaker 1: on the cards. Has just been like a really crazy year.

1667
01:24:20,240 --> 01:24:21,360
Speaker 2: So we have two sections left.

1668
01:24:21,800 --> 01:24:24,720
Speaker 1: Oh what I thought, we're up to fast Fire? I thought,

1669
01:24:24,760 --> 01:24:27,000
Speaker 1: so lifestyle or should we do this in the next episode.

1670
01:24:27,000 --> 01:24:28,320
Speaker 1: I was going to say, do you want to yeah,

1671
01:24:28,320 --> 01:24:30,200
Speaker 1: toward to the next episode, and you could expand that

1672
01:24:30,400 --> 01:24:33,240
Speaker 1: those questions based on whatever other questions you might get. Yeah,

1673
01:24:33,280 --> 01:24:36,400
Speaker 1: from now until then, Yeah, Okay, okay, guys, there's one

1674
01:24:36,720 --> 01:24:38,240
Speaker 1: one hour and twenty minutes. We're going to take a

1675
01:24:38,280 --> 01:24:41,320
Speaker 1: break and we will release the next half with the

1676
01:24:41,360 --> 01:24:45,800
Speaker 1: lifestyle questions and the fast Fire questions, which I will

1677
01:24:45,880 --> 01:24:48,519
Speaker 1: list now so that you know not to look for

1678
01:24:48,520 --> 01:24:49,680
Speaker 1: them in this episode.

1679
01:24:49,400 --> 01:24:52,200
Speaker 2: And we'll listen to the next week. Thank you guys

1680
01:24:52,240 --> 01:24:57,160
Speaker 2: for joining and listening CC. I need always a bath, okay,

1681
01:24:57,200 --> 01:24:57,320
Speaker 2: By

1682
01:25:03,080 --> 01:25:04,000
Speaker 3: And at F