WEBVTT - Meghan's Bedtime Routine Is A Lot 0:00:10.622 --> 0:00:13.342 You're listening to a MoMA Mia podcast. 0:00:13.822 --> 0:00:17.182 Mamma Mia acknowledges the traditional owners of land and waters 0:00:17.222 --> 0:00:18.741 that this podcast is recorded on. 0:00:20.021 --> 0:00:24.342 Travis wants to fix it, and he's going, he's like, 0:00:24.422 --> 0:00:27.422 he's grunting because he's going, I really want to help you, Taylor, 0:00:27.502 --> 0:00:28.742 but I don't know what to do. When Taylor's going, 0:00:28.742 --> 0:00:30.342 you don't have to fix it, you just have to 0:00:30.382 --> 0:00:32.622 listen to me, yep, and just be here and hold 0:00:32.622 --> 0:00:34.822 me in this moment. But Travis is like, no, no, 0:00:34.942 --> 0:00:36.861 I know what I'm gonna do. And he gets out 0:00:36.902 --> 0:00:37.582 his phone. 0:00:37.342 --> 0:00:40.221 And she goes to no, Travis, don't Travis. 0:00:39.862 --> 0:00:41.461 And then he goes to his follow account. He goes, 0:00:41.462 --> 0:00:42.302 I'm gonna follow him. 0:00:42.502 --> 0:00:43.862 I'm not going to do it. I'm going to do it. 0:00:43.982 --> 0:00:46.582 Do it and watch me, watch me tailor Travis, and 0:00:46.662 --> 0:00:47.622 he went unfollowed. 0:00:47.622 --> 0:00:48.662 You're more of a TikTok guy. 0:00:48.822 --> 0:00:49.302 Fixed it. 0:00:52.222 --> 0:00:55.262 Hello, and welcome to Mommama Out Loud. What women are 0:00:55.262 --> 0:00:58.422 actually talking about On Wednesday, the thirtieth of April, I 0:00:58.462 --> 0:01:00.182 am hollyween Wright, I am Maya. 0:01:00.022 --> 0:01:02.702 Friedman, and I'm Jesse Stevens. 0:01:02.102 --> 0:01:06.742 An on Today's show when saying no costs you. Michelle 0:01:06.782 --> 0:01:09.422 Obama has talked about what it took to not to 0:01:09.661 --> 0:01:13.422 not President Trump's inauguration and why it's important to disappoint 0:01:13.502 --> 0:01:18.062 people every day. Can some children read Minds? A hit 0:01:18.102 --> 0:01:21.902 podcast said yes, the truth might be more complicated. And 0:01:22.422 --> 0:01:26.182 Gwyneth Paltrow is eating carbs and it's making international headlines. 0:01:26.422 --> 0:01:30.301 Should famous women just shut up about food? But first, 0:01:30.462 --> 0:01:31.902 Jesse Stevens, We've. 0:01:31.702 --> 0:01:35.902 Got some feedback for Clive Palmer, who is sending me, specifically, 0:01:35.902 --> 0:01:37.582 a series of really annoying text messages. 0:01:37.702 --> 0:01:38.622 Anyone else getting them. 0:01:38.702 --> 0:01:41.702 I'm feeling a little negged because last election he was 0:01:41.782 --> 0:01:45.062 sending me a lot of texts. This election, I haven't 0:01:45.102 --> 0:01:46.382 heard from him. I'm feeling ghosted. 0:01:46.542 --> 0:01:49.502 Okay, I haven't either. But just when we were setting 0:01:49.582 --> 0:01:53.182 up to record today, our producer mt a text. 0:01:52.982 --> 0:01:54.662 From so I was going to say, I kid you not. 0:01:54.942 --> 0:01:57.462 I was putting together this and I got a text message. 0:01:57.462 --> 0:01:58.582 I checked Trumpet. 0:01:58.822 --> 0:02:00.102 How many Trumpets have you had? 0:02:00.102 --> 0:02:00.582 I've had four? 0:02:00.622 --> 0:02:03.142 And what's he saying to you? Trump? Hey, Jesse, how's 0:02:03.142 --> 0:02:03.462 your day? 0:02:03.742 --> 0:02:05.822 That's exactly what he's saying. He knows not to call me. 0:02:06.262 --> 0:02:08.781 I think the Trumpet has learned that we don't call 0:02:08.781 --> 0:02:09.262 because and I was. 0:02:09.222 --> 0:02:10.702 Picking a Trumpet's calling. 0:02:16.422 --> 0:02:19.062 Well, no, they used to call you like they used 0:02:19.102 --> 0:02:20.742 to do calls anyway, the. 0:02:20.822 --> 0:02:23.422 Trumpet Patriots is the name of his political party, just 0:02:23.422 --> 0:02:24.542 in case anyone's wondering. 0:02:24.622 --> 0:02:27.102 And if you're wondering what his message is, well, the 0:02:27.142 --> 0:02:30.302 first message I got said solve housing, fast trains twenty 0:02:30.302 --> 0:02:32.982 minutes CBD, cheap land with no punctuation. 0:02:33.302 --> 0:02:35.942 And that's just a list of nouns that sounds like 0:02:35.982 --> 0:02:37.342 a house sale. 0:02:37.462 --> 0:02:38.102 Where do I go? 0:02:38.222 --> 0:02:39.862 Why do I have to turn up with cash? 0:02:39.982 --> 0:02:41.342 I was sitting there at a wedding, and I go, 0:02:41.502 --> 0:02:44.302 is he solving housing with the fast trains? Is he 0:02:44.382 --> 0:02:45.782 buying more land in the CBD? 0:02:45.982 --> 0:02:48.142 Like we didn't get to your housing faster on a train? 0:02:48.742 --> 0:02:50.022 Like what are we talking about? 0:02:50.662 --> 0:02:51.382 But did you know? 0:02:51.622 --> 0:02:54.862 I learned this week that these messages are totally above board, 0:02:54.942 --> 0:03:00.302 totally legal, because politicians have a legal exemption from spam. 0:03:00.502 --> 0:03:04.662 That's why they're allowed to send unsolicited texts. They're allowed 0:03:04.702 --> 0:03:08.022 to call you without offering an opt out option. They 0:03:08.062 --> 0:03:11.942 are also exempt from privacy laws, so they can collect, store, 0:03:11.982 --> 0:03:14.982 and use your personal data without the same restrictions that 0:03:15.022 --> 0:03:19.061 apply to any businesses. So Trumpet can literally call me 0:03:19.102 --> 0:03:21.542 a hundred times creepy text me and I have to 0:03:21.542 --> 0:03:26.022 copy it, and no laws requiring that these texts be truthful. 0:03:26.582 --> 0:03:29.381 They could text me anything at all. They could say 0:03:29.422 --> 0:03:32.341 the sky is red, the ground is yellow, and your 0:03:32.422 --> 0:03:33.262 name is Clive. 0:03:33.662 --> 0:03:37.582 I know why they're texting because apparently only thirty percent 0:03:37.622 --> 0:03:40.782 of emails ever get opened, but ninety percent of text 0:03:40.822 --> 0:03:43.982 messages do. And that's interesting, right. I don't open all 0:03:43.982 --> 0:03:46.222 my text messages. I'm one of those people who drives 0:03:46.222 --> 0:03:49.302 everyone crazy by having the red sign that says twenty 0:03:49.342 --> 0:03:51.502 million texts because I just look at it and go, 0:03:51.542 --> 0:03:53.062 I don't need to know about that, and I move 0:03:53.102 --> 0:03:56.782 on with my life. But apparently most people are much 0:03:57.422 --> 0:04:00.022 more organized than I am, and they open everything before 0:04:00.062 --> 0:04:00.542 they read it. 0:04:00.622 --> 0:04:02.502 So I reckon that texts are going to go that 0:04:02.582 --> 0:04:05.662 way because we've learned with emails about the spam. I 0:04:05.742 --> 0:04:08.302 no longer answer my phone because I've just been done 0:04:08.382 --> 0:04:12.662 so many times by GET. I do not answer my 0:04:12.662 --> 0:04:14.502 phone as a general rule, and I'm getting that way 0:04:14.542 --> 0:04:15.862 with texts because of things like this. 0:04:17.222 --> 0:04:19.142 A couple of months ago, you might remember that there 0:04:19.222 --> 0:04:21.782 was gossip around whether the Obamas were getting divorced. 0:04:22.382 --> 0:04:25.502 Yeah, and Obama was dating Jennifer Aniston, right. 0:04:25.541 --> 0:04:29.421 Yeah, there were two specific reasons for these rumors. 0:04:29.662 --> 0:04:33.782 Of those rumors because I feel like Mayor Friedman absolutely. 0:04:33.222 --> 0:04:36.502 For Jennifer Aniston ones, but the rumors, I don't want 0:04:36.501 --> 0:04:39.061 them to split up. I want starting that rumor. The 0:04:39.181 --> 0:04:42.301 reasons that people were talking about it is because firstly, 0:04:42.421 --> 0:04:45.302 Michelle didn't attend Jimmy Carter's funeral, and then a few 0:04:45.301 --> 0:04:49.821 weeks later she didn't attend Donald Trump's inauguration. So what 0:04:49.941 --> 0:04:52.222 other explanation could there be for her not showing up 0:04:52.301 --> 0:04:56.621 as a former First Lady at these very official ceremonial events. 0:04:57.181 --> 0:05:00.821 All the other former first ladies did except for Michelle. 0:05:01.022 --> 0:05:04.101 So was it splits field? That's what everybody was saying. Well, 0:05:04.101 --> 0:05:07.142 now we know that Michelle Obama's marriage wasn't in trouble, 0:05:07.301 --> 0:05:08.782 or it might have been in trouble, might still be 0:05:08.861 --> 0:05:11.342 in trouble, but that's not why she didn't turn up. 0:05:11.501 --> 0:05:13.981 She just didn't want to go. Here's what she said 0:05:13.981 --> 0:05:15.621 in a podcast interview this week. 0:05:15.941 --> 0:05:19.662 My decision to skip the inauguration. You know what people 0:05:19.702 --> 0:05:23.382 don't realize or my decision to make choices at the 0:05:23.462 --> 0:05:26.981 beginning of this year that suited me were met with 0:05:27.381 --> 0:05:31.382 such ridicule and criticism, like people couldn't believe that I 0:05:31.462 --> 0:05:33.621 was saying no for any other reason that they had 0:05:33.621 --> 0:05:35.821 to assume that my marriage was falling. 0:05:36.061 --> 0:05:36.261 Right. 0:05:36.501 --> 0:05:40.981 You know, It's like, while I'm here really trying to 0:05:41.061 --> 0:05:45.902 own my life and intentionally practice making the choice that 0:05:46.022 --> 0:05:48.101 was right for me, and it took everything in my 0:05:48.222 --> 0:05:51.702 power to not do the thing that was right or 0:05:51.702 --> 0:05:54.822 that was perceived as right, but do the thing that 0:05:54.941 --> 0:05:58.782 was right for me. That was a hard thing for 0:05:58.902 --> 0:06:02.101 me to do. I had to basically trick myself out 0:06:02.101 --> 0:06:05.101 of it. And it started with not having anything to wear. 0:06:05.301 --> 0:06:08.261 I mean, I had affirmatively because I'm always prepared for 0:06:08.381 --> 0:06:12.101 in a funeral any I walk around with the right dress. 0:06:12.262 --> 0:06:15.382 I travel with clothes just in case something pops off. 0:06:16.222 --> 0:06:18.462 So I was like, if I'm not going to do 0:06:18.501 --> 0:06:21.142 this thing, I gotta tell my team I don't even 0:06:21.222 --> 0:06:23.901 want to have a dress ready. It's so easy to 0:06:24.181 --> 0:06:26.861 just say, let me do the right thing, but then 0:06:26.902 --> 0:06:29.941 you become a shark absorber. Yeah, and that's what women 0:06:30.022 --> 0:06:31.621 are as shark absorbers. 0:06:31.821 --> 0:06:36.462 The idea of being a shock absorber really hit now. 0:06:36.501 --> 0:06:39.661 For more than eight years, Michelle Obama had to be 0:06:39.821 --> 0:06:43.622 a shock absorber because as the first black first Lady, 0:06:44.262 --> 0:06:46.462 she didn't want to hand any ammunition to people who 0:06:46.541 --> 0:06:48.981 believe black people didn't belong in the White House. And 0:06:49.022 --> 0:06:51.701 she sacrificed so much, not just for the eight years 0:06:51.782 --> 0:06:55.022 when Obama was president, but in the sort of four 0:06:55.101 --> 0:06:58.501 years or more before that when he was running. She 0:06:58.821 --> 0:07:03.101 held her tongue, she silenced her opinions, she straightened her hair, 0:07:03.222 --> 0:07:06.822 she squished her personal style, she didn't show her arms. 0:07:07.101 --> 0:07:09.222 She did all the right things, all the things that 0:07:09.262 --> 0:07:10.342 were expected of her. 0:07:10.742 --> 0:07:13.982 Can you explain what a shock absorber is? How would 0:07:13.982 --> 0:07:16.502 you describe it when she says you were. 0:07:16.381 --> 0:07:19.461 A shock So a shock absorber in the you know, 0:07:19.582 --> 0:07:22.662 technical description of something is something that stands in between 0:07:22.742 --> 0:07:24.701 two hard forces, so you know, like a piece of 0:07:24.742 --> 0:07:26.941 rubber or something that stops them from banging together in 0:07:26.982 --> 0:07:30.821 an angry aggressive way. So it's the thing that absorbs 0:07:30.902 --> 0:07:34.622 all the pressure. So the shock absorber is getting hammered 0:07:35.222 --> 0:07:38.542 to stop the other two things basically igniting. 0:07:38.742 --> 0:07:40.901 Do you know what I sometimes say? There must be 0:07:40.941 --> 0:07:43.222 a time of life where you just get like I'm 0:07:43.302 --> 0:07:46.222 jack of this. I started saying a few years ago 0:07:46.502 --> 0:07:49.662 to my husband, I just feel like human grout. I 0:07:49.662 --> 0:07:50.502 feel like grout. 0:07:50.862 --> 0:07:51.462 I feel like. 0:07:51.502 --> 0:07:54.342 Everyone else is the tile, the people I work with, 0:07:54.381 --> 0:07:57.902 my children, my parents, my husband, and I'm just the grout. 0:07:57.982 --> 0:08:00.782 I just fit in. I'm just there so that the 0:08:00.862 --> 0:08:04.502 tiles don't bang together, so that everybody's life is stable 0:08:04.862 --> 0:08:08.102 and calm. And what about me? When can I be 0:08:08.182 --> 0:08:08.622 a tile? 0:08:08.782 --> 0:08:11.102 So there was a an article in the New York Times, 0:08:12.182 --> 0:08:14.182 when do I get to be a tired exactly? 0:08:14.262 --> 0:08:16.141 And now Michelle's in her tile era. 0:08:16.142 --> 0:08:17.782 She's a tile on her own. 0:08:17.862 --> 0:08:19.781 But there was an article in the New York Times 0:08:19.862 --> 0:08:23.382 during the pandemic about how women were the shock absorbers 0:08:23.422 --> 0:08:26.222 because they were the ones that quit their jobs when 0:08:26.222 --> 0:08:30.182 they needed to be quick like. So in a family context, 0:08:30.302 --> 0:08:32.901 it's often said that, I mean, even with little children, 0:08:33.142 --> 0:08:36.381 when a problem is seen, it's like, okay, me sacrificing 0:08:36.982 --> 0:08:40.862 will cause the least conflict in this situation, which women 0:08:40.902 --> 0:08:45.742 are programmed to do because there's something socialized into us 0:08:45.822 --> 0:08:48.222 which is to keep the peace and to sacrifice. 0:08:48.502 --> 0:08:49.502 Yes, it's lubricant. 0:08:49.862 --> 0:08:53.942 And also I think often when a man is behaving 0:08:53.982 --> 0:08:57.182 really badly. Think about sort of the political wives who 0:08:57.182 --> 0:08:59.142 have to stand next to their spouse is when they've 0:08:59.182 --> 0:09:01.862 done something unforgivable and do the smiling and the nodding 0:09:01.862 --> 0:09:05.782 and we're all so happy. Like that's classic shock absorbent behavior, right. 0:09:06.022 --> 0:09:08.662 The thing I loved about all the detail in what 0:09:08.702 --> 0:09:12.502 Michelle Obama gave us is that you know, at the time, 0:09:12.742 --> 0:09:14.862 when she didn't go, we all thought that the marriage 0:09:14.902 --> 0:09:17.142 room as were bullshit. Really, we all knew that she 0:09:17.262 --> 0:09:20.542 was really just going, I just can't like let them, Yeah, 0:09:20.662 --> 0:09:23.582 that's it. But what I loved about that is her 0:09:23.622 --> 0:09:26.782 describing how difficult it was. It wasn't just her sitting 0:09:26.822 --> 0:09:28.622 at home putting a feet up and going, see, yah, 0:09:28.742 --> 0:09:31.622 I hope you suit still fits. To Barack as he 0:09:31.622 --> 0:09:34.742 walked out of the house, it was a whole, very 0:09:34.782 --> 0:09:37.942 difficult thing because even for him, if you're saying no, 0:09:38.182 --> 0:09:39.982 and you know you're going to disappoint people, I'm not 0:09:40.022 --> 0:09:42.022 going to that thing, even though everyone thinks I should go. 0:09:42.742 --> 0:09:45.182 There's a cost to other people. So Barack Obama also 0:09:45.262 --> 0:09:48.022 had to weather all the commentary about his marriage. He 0:09:48.062 --> 0:09:49.422 had to go and stand there on his own. We 0:09:49.462 --> 0:09:51.942 all remember the video of him ready to walk out 0:09:51.942 --> 0:09:53.502 of the inauguration and they're saying, are you going to 0:09:53.542 --> 0:09:55.822 behave and he's like no, but like he did not 0:09:55.902 --> 0:09:59.462 have Michelle have his shock absorble with him, right, so 0:10:00.462 --> 0:10:03.062 you know that your decision to do what's right for you, 0:10:03.382 --> 0:10:06.542 Michelle sounds like nearly every midlife woman I know who's 0:10:06.542 --> 0:10:09.742 in therapy who's like just going, I'm finally learning how 0:10:09.782 --> 0:10:11.902 not to be the grout or the shock absilber. Yeah, 0:10:11.902 --> 0:10:13.942 and I'm doing it for me and it's hard. And 0:10:14.062 --> 0:10:17.062 Barack was probably going it would just shut everyone up 0:10:17.062 --> 0:10:19.822 if you turn up, and she was like, no, I can't, 0:10:20.142 --> 0:10:23.381 but it costs something, and nose sometimes do cost things, 0:10:23.422 --> 0:10:23.622 you know. 0:10:23.782 --> 0:10:23.982 Yeah. 0:10:24.022 --> 0:10:26.942 Yeah, And I was reading something recently. I can't remember 0:10:26.982 --> 0:10:29.062 who the author was, but it was about how when 0:10:29.662 --> 0:10:35.382 you achieve any level of success, whether it's a promotionate work, 0:10:35.702 --> 0:10:38.942 or you know, you're Michelle Obama, the one inevitability that 0:10:38.942 --> 0:10:40.702 comes with that is that you're going to let people down. 0:10:40.702 --> 0:10:41.942 You're going to disappoint people. 0:10:42.382 --> 0:10:46.182 This writer was saying you should practice it like every day, 0:10:46.622 --> 0:10:48.942 go I am going to disappoint one person and choose 0:10:48.982 --> 0:10:49.662 who the person is. 0:10:50.502 --> 0:10:51.942 So hard tell me more about that. 0:10:52.022 --> 0:10:53.742 Yeah, So she says, you've got to choose who the 0:10:53.742 --> 0:10:57.382 person is, because trying not to disappoint people is a 0:10:57.462 --> 0:11:00.062 prison that you can live in your entire life. If 0:11:00.142 --> 0:11:02.462 you're trying not to disappoint them, you're likely going to 0:11:02.502 --> 0:11:05.662 disappoint yourself or the people closest to you. So it's 0:11:05.942 --> 0:11:09.502 actually a skill. And there are like rules or things 0:11:09.662 --> 0:11:12.622 that you should abide by when it comes to disappointing people. 0:11:12.742 --> 0:11:18.142 So you should express yourself kindly, compassionately, but most importantly firmly, 0:11:18.302 --> 0:11:20.542 Like you've got to be really clear when you're letting 0:11:20.542 --> 0:11:24.502 someone down and you have to follow through. I think 0:11:24.582 --> 0:11:26.782 that the firmly is where I fall flat. I will 0:11:26.822 --> 0:11:31.222 often go to disappoint someone and I will have Luca 0:11:31.502 --> 0:11:33.342 or Maya or someone look at the message and go, 0:11:33.542 --> 0:11:34.662 I don't know what you're saying. 0:11:37.342 --> 0:11:39.381 Yes, I don't think I can do that thing. I'll 0:11:39.422 --> 0:11:41.622 do my best absolutely maybe whatever. 0:11:42.222 --> 0:11:44.862 You're doing it or not, and the people question marks. 0:11:45.422 --> 0:11:49.102 The clinical psychologist doctor Nicole Lapera talks about this, and 0:11:49.182 --> 0:11:53.462 she says that when you try to avoid disappointing someone, 0:11:54.342 --> 0:11:58.302 you're making them small. You're operating under the belief that 0:11:58.342 --> 0:12:01.662 they'll be crushed if you can't make something, and that's 0:12:01.702 --> 0:12:03.702 just not true. You've got to expect more of others. 0:12:03.702 --> 0:12:08.222 Like it's actually like you're being quite paternalistic or undermining 0:12:08.222 --> 0:12:11.382 someone by thinking that Maya can't handle it if I say, hey, 0:12:11.422 --> 0:12:14.182 by the way, I can't go tomorrow night. 0:12:14.422 --> 0:12:14.782 Yeah. 0:12:14.822 --> 0:12:17.382 I think where I find it most difficult is with 0:12:17.462 --> 0:12:19.502 my children and with my parents. 0:12:19.822 --> 0:12:21.502 And don't you think that is parenting. 0:12:21.662 --> 0:12:25.222 I don't mean disappointing like a good I never understand. 0:12:24.902 --> 0:12:28.662 A good parent just disappoints then all the time they do. 0:12:28.822 --> 0:12:31.222 But also the model of good parent we've been given 0:12:31.302 --> 0:12:36.462 is constant shock absorption, constant putting yourself blast, constant swallowing 0:12:36.502 --> 0:12:38.822 your feelings so your kids don't see them, not having 0:12:38.822 --> 0:12:40.782 that argument with your partner so your kid doesn't see it, 0:12:40.782 --> 0:12:42.542 putting up with somebody talking to it in a certain way, 0:12:42.742 --> 0:12:45.422 blah blah blah. Like that is a lot of parenting, 0:12:45.462 --> 0:12:47.142 and there's and a lot of it is necessary and 0:12:47.182 --> 0:12:48.782 you kind of have to do it. And this is 0:12:48.862 --> 0:12:52.902 why often I think that this era of Arah comes 0:12:52.942 --> 0:12:55.542 a little later when the steaks aren't quite so high 0:12:55.582 --> 0:12:59.342 for your family, because what's interesting about Michelle Obama specifically. 0:12:59.422 --> 0:13:00.782 It's obvious why she didn't want to go to the 0:13:00.822 --> 0:13:03.542 Trump inauguration, but she also didn't want to go to 0:13:03.542 --> 0:13:05.542 the Jimmy carterfuneral because she knew she'd have to sit 0:13:05.742 --> 0:13:09.222 next to him and make nice. And she obviously has 0:13:09.262 --> 0:13:13.142 just that in her integrity, as she would say, she 0:13:13.262 --> 0:13:16.662 cannot do that anymore. It's costing her too much to 0:13:16.742 --> 0:13:18.982 someone who she really believes is ripping at the fabric 0:13:19.062 --> 0:13:22.382 of all that she stands for. She can do that now. 0:13:22.542 --> 0:13:24.662 She couldn't do that when she was First Lady, you 0:13:24.742 --> 0:13:25.262 know what I mean. 0:13:25.462 --> 0:13:28.382 No, she couldn't. And I think the other level of 0:13:28.422 --> 0:13:33.542 it for her is seeing how Milania Trump behaved that 0:13:33.782 --> 0:13:36.542 and Donald Trump. But as she you know, if you 0:13:36.582 --> 0:13:39.742 read her book Becoming, she talks about having to do 0:13:39.862 --> 0:13:44.102 everything so scrupulously and everybody looking to find fault. When 0:13:44.262 --> 0:13:47.302 Michelle Obama was First Lady and then Milania comes in, 0:13:47.782 --> 0:13:50.302 she wears a jacket saying, I don't care. She doesn't 0:13:50.382 --> 0:13:52.942 live at the White House half the time. She doesn't 0:13:53.022 --> 0:13:55.141 really do anything as First Lady. 0:13:55.542 --> 0:13:56.782 As Christmas Trees of all Time. 0:13:56.902 --> 0:13:59.422 Yeah, and she just I mean phoning it in is 0:13:59.582 --> 0:14:01.942 an exaggeration of what she does. She doesn't even phone 0:14:01.982 --> 0:14:05.662 it in, and so she just flouts every single convention 0:14:05.742 --> 0:14:07.982 and every single norm. And then you can see Michelle 0:14:07.982 --> 0:14:10.662 Obama going, why am I always the good girl? Like 0:14:11.382 --> 0:14:14.662 he's not running for elected office anymore. I am not 0:14:14.862 --> 0:14:16.822 that role model. And there was all that pressure on 0:14:16.862 --> 0:14:19.822 her to actually run for being the president. Can you imagine, 0:14:19.822 --> 0:14:21.702 like with her and Oprah, you're the only ones that 0:14:21.782 --> 0:14:25.542 can save us from Donald Trump, and everybody wanted her 0:14:25.542 --> 0:14:28.382 to do it, and she said no, and the cost 0:14:28.422 --> 0:14:33.302 of disappointing all of those people. You've got to admire that. 0:14:33.422 --> 0:14:39.062 But what you gain from choosing disappointing others is self respect. 0:14:39.342 --> 0:14:41.102 I think self respect is on the other side of that, 0:14:41.502 --> 0:14:44.342 and I think that you can probably live a lot 0:14:44.382 --> 0:14:47.102 of years being the shock absorber not wanting to disappoint, 0:14:47.142 --> 0:14:48.582 and it erodes. 0:14:48.102 --> 0:14:48.942 Your self respect. 0:14:49.142 --> 0:14:53.862 It also is immunity against resentment, because you know what, 0:14:54.022 --> 0:14:57.782 grout and shock absorbers feel resentful and it might come 0:14:57.822 --> 0:15:01.502 after a decade, two decades, whatever, and then suddenly the 0:15:01.502 --> 0:15:04.862 grout saying to the title, Hey, I'm fucking grout, I'm 0:15:04.902 --> 0:15:06.662 over this, and you might end your marriage or you 0:15:06.702 --> 0:15:10.782 might you know, do something drastic, but the title never 0:15:10.902 --> 0:15:14.102 knew because you've just gone it's okay, it's okay, I'll 0:15:14.502 --> 0:15:17.742 I'll just be here and absorb everything. And then it's like, hmm, 0:15:17.902 --> 0:15:21.862 so maybe we need to you know, say no and 0:15:21.902 --> 0:15:23.742 disappoint people a little bit earlier. 0:15:24.062 --> 0:15:26.702 Constantly must be done, constantly. You do it well, man, 0:15:26.782 --> 0:15:27.742 I'm so good at it. 0:15:28.382 --> 0:15:31.782 In a moment, the celebrity unfollowed that has everyone talking 0:15:31.902 --> 0:15:36.062 and unpacking the telepathy tapes, a viral podcast that dethrone 0:15:36.142 --> 0:15:40.142 Joe Rogan, and then came the backlash. 0:15:42.342 --> 0:15:45.702 I am living my very happiest life today because I'm 0:15:45.702 --> 0:15:49.262 bringing all the schoreless gossip, all the celebrity news. So 0:15:49.502 --> 0:15:52.742 permit me a smug huh at the news that one 0:15:52.862 --> 0:15:56.462 Travis Kelcey of Big Footballer who dates Taylor Swift fame, 0:15:56.862 --> 0:16:00.862 has unfollowed, the husband of one of Taylor's absolute best mates, 0:16:00.902 --> 0:16:04.942 Blake Lively. Yes, Travis is no longer Instagram buddies with 0:16:05.102 --> 0:16:09.262 Ryan Reynolds, and the speculation is rife. Is this about 0:16:09.342 --> 0:16:12.822 that court case build for next year between Justin Baldoni 0:16:12.902 --> 0:16:15.182 and Blake Lively and not wanting to be pulled into 0:16:15.342 --> 0:16:18.822 all the unabating drama of it. Or is Travis just 0:16:18.822 --> 0:16:21.382 sick of all the Rex and Football club reels? Or 0:16:21.862 --> 0:16:25.302 did his finger just slip and he accidentally pressed unfollow 0:16:25.702 --> 0:16:29.022 next to a smiling picture of Deadpool Jesse. What is 0:16:29.062 --> 0:16:30.702 the significant subtext here? 0:16:31.062 --> 0:16:33.622 As if she'd no, no, I have so many thoughts 0:16:33.622 --> 0:16:33.942 about this. 0:16:33.982 --> 0:16:36.742 I've been thinking, don't worry about I'm coming to you 0:16:36.822 --> 0:16:42.822 for the full Taylor run. The tailor's to take turns 0:16:42.862 --> 0:16:44.502 here she knows about unfollowing? 0:16:44.622 --> 0:16:47.342 Before you talk? Can I just have a shout out 0:16:47.382 --> 0:16:51.542 to whatever piece of software it is that gossip columnists 0:16:52.342 --> 0:16:57.262 have installed that shows them someone's two million followers goes 0:16:57.302 --> 0:16:58.182 to like one million. 0:16:59.622 --> 0:17:04.102 That's not what happened. I went to fans noticed. 0:17:04.382 --> 0:17:07.742 The fans literally going how many followers does Ryan Reynolds have? 0:17:07.821 --> 0:17:10.382 To that that's what fan discovered something else. I don't 0:17:10.422 --> 0:17:12.262 know if I'd call myself a fan of Travis Kelsey, 0:17:12.302 --> 0:17:14.141 but I went on too his Instagram and I was like, 0:17:14.182 --> 0:17:16.622 everyone's talking about the Ryan Reynold's unfollow Does a man 0:17:16.661 --> 0:17:18.581 follow Blake? And I went and had a look, No, 0:17:18.702 --> 0:17:20.742 he doesn't, he doesn't follow Blake. And then I went 0:17:20.742 --> 0:17:24.262 and had a look, and Blake Lively follows Taylor, but 0:17:24.341 --> 0:17:27.422 she does not follow Travis, which is weird given that 0:17:27.782 --> 0:17:30.581 Blake and Ryan were at the super Bowl last year 0:17:30.621 --> 0:17:33.542 supporting them. So there has been a holiday together not 0:17:33.581 --> 0:17:35.742 that long. Yeah, I'll tell you exactly what's happened. 0:17:35.782 --> 0:17:38.341 This is Travis's content is a bit boring. 0:17:38.702 --> 0:17:39.381 It's a worrying. 0:17:39.422 --> 0:17:41.861 He's not a big instagra and I do think Ryan 0:17:41.901 --> 0:17:44.342 posts too much about Rexham. So I did wonder if 0:17:44.381 --> 0:17:46.622 that was just a little bit of overkill and Travis 0:17:46.702 --> 0:17:48.982 was like enough. But last week there were all these 0:17:49.182 --> 0:17:53.102 rumors about how Justin Baldoni court case Taylor subpoened. Why 0:17:53.101 --> 0:17:56.702 would she be subpoened because of the mention that Blake 0:17:56.742 --> 0:18:00.501 Lively made used her name really to leverage a bit 0:18:00.502 --> 0:18:05.102 of power with Justin Baldoni. Very embarrassing according to Justin Baldoni. Yes, well, 0:18:05.141 --> 0:18:07.542 it's it's a text message. We've read the texts. Oh yes, 0:18:07.782 --> 0:18:11.181 So Taylor is upset, she's pissed. She's come home to 0:18:11.262 --> 0:18:13.982 their home and she's upset. She's pulling out her hair, 0:18:14.022 --> 0:18:15.382 she's going I've had a terrible day. 0:18:15.542 --> 0:18:17.621 I would like to be removed from this narrative. 0:18:17.302 --> 0:18:21.421 Exactly, and Travis wants to fix it, and he's going, 0:18:21.502 --> 0:18:24.821 he's like, he's grunting because he's going, I really want 0:18:24.821 --> 0:18:26.262 to help you, Taylor, but I don't know what to do. 0:18:26.302 --> 0:18:28.022 And Taylor's going, you don't have to fix it. You 0:18:28.061 --> 0:18:30.262 just have to listen to me and just be here 0:18:30.302 --> 0:18:32.902 and hold me in this moment. But Travis is like, no, no, 0:18:33.022 --> 0:18:34.782 I know what I'm going to do. And he gets 0:18:34.782 --> 0:18:35.622 out his phone and. 0:18:35.581 --> 0:18:38.102 She goes, no, Travis, don't, don't Travis, and. 0:18:38.061 --> 0:18:39.701 Then he goes to his follower account. He goes, I'm 0:18:39.702 --> 0:18:40.422 going to follow him. 0:18:40.621 --> 0:18:41.981 I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it, 0:18:42.101 --> 0:18:44.941 do it, and she says, watch me, watch me, Taylor, Travis. 0:18:44.581 --> 0:18:46.742 And she also says, Travis, you never go on Instagram 0:18:46.782 --> 0:18:48.982 like it doesn't make any difference, and he went unfollowed. 0:18:49.022 --> 0:18:50.102 You're a TikTok guy. 0:18:50.222 --> 0:18:50.621 Fixed it. 0:18:50.742 --> 0:18:53.262 But wouldn't she have been like, but then everybody's going 0:18:53.341 --> 0:18:56.262 to write about this and the narrative just keeps going. 0:18:56.341 --> 0:18:58.982 But Travis had to do something. He couldn't just sit there. 0:18:58.901 --> 0:19:01.142 Because he is an alpha male who likes to fix shit. 0:19:01.222 --> 0:19:02.222 Yes, he had to do something. 0:19:02.341 --> 0:19:05.381 He is very atack Cate one hundred percent. 0:19:06.901 --> 0:19:07.262 She's got it. 0:19:07.502 --> 0:19:10.421