WEBVTT - ‘I Was An Ugly Child’ & The 5-Second Underthinking Rule 0:00:08.193 --> 0:00:15.154 You're listening to I'm Other Mere podcast. I got a tattoo. 0:00:16.233 --> 0:00:17.034 Do you like it? 0:00:17.434 --> 0:00:18.474 I'm obsessed? 0:00:18.474 --> 0:00:19.994 It's really Do you have a name for it? 0:00:20.594 --> 0:00:29.114 Well, it's a bee that but Beyonce queen Bee. 0:00:29.514 --> 0:00:30.994 Oh my gosh, that's what you were doing. 0:00:31.154 --> 0:00:32.833 No, she's so cute. 0:00:32.874 --> 0:00:36.153 This is my first ever tattoo. Well at fifty. 0:00:35.833 --> 0:00:38.154 Three, do you feel like you're cooler than the both 0:00:38.153 --> 0:00:38.514 of us? 0:00:38.833 --> 0:00:42.274 Definitely? Do not have any tattoos. So you're you, in particular, Emma, 0:00:42.354 --> 0:00:43.513 unusual for your generation. 0:00:43.754 --> 0:00:45.954 Yes, I've been told I have the personality of someone 0:00:45.994 --> 0:00:47.114 with tattoos. Y. 0:00:47.314 --> 0:00:48.873 Yeah, I thank you to. 0:00:48.793 --> 0:00:50.954 Have a people get to because a lot of the 0:00:50.954 --> 0:00:54.274 young women around the office have lots of tiny, interesting tattoos, 0:00:54.273 --> 0:00:56.874 and I always want to ask them. And I was 0:00:56.914 --> 0:00:59.114 always too scared or not keen enough to know what 0:00:59.154 --> 0:01:01.753 I wanted. And then when I got this last weekend, 0:01:02.314 --> 0:01:05.674 I posted I should do obviously, I posted, and I said, 0:01:05.874 --> 0:01:09.114 is getting your first to fifty three a sign of 0:01:09.194 --> 0:01:13.554 confidence or crisis? Or do you too think confidence? No? 0:01:14.754 --> 0:01:18.514 Sorry, sorry, it depends. If you've got to sleeve, i'd 0:01:18.554 --> 0:01:22.554 say crisis. If you've got a face tattoo, I'd say crisis, 0:01:22.754 --> 0:01:24.274 but that is confidence. 0:01:24.514 --> 0:01:27.274 I think it depends like how you get the tattoo, 0:01:27.634 --> 0:01:31.034 Like if you're on holiday with friends, which I was confidence, 0:01:31.234 --> 0:01:32.674 but I would also planned it so well. 0:01:32.674 --> 0:01:34.714 I was on holiday with friends, so I wasn't just like, oh, 0:01:34.794 --> 0:01:37.634 how to margaritea No, I think that's confidence. If you 0:01:37.674 --> 0:01:39.554 were like, I'm just going to duck out for lunch 0:01:39.554 --> 0:01:39.954 and when you. 0:01:39.954 --> 0:01:41.474 Come back with tattoo, would be like. 0:01:41.434 --> 0:01:44.754 Something's going on you well today? 0:01:45.034 --> 0:01:46.594 So my bee? Do you want to know what it means? 0:01:46.674 --> 0:01:46.834 Yes? 0:01:46.874 --> 0:01:47.154 Please? 0:01:47.274 --> 0:01:50.034 Here's another question, etiquate question. Can you ask people what 0:01:50.074 --> 0:01:50.954 the tattoos mean? 0:01:51.434 --> 0:01:53.554 Is that all right? I think people just love talking 0:01:53.594 --> 0:01:55.514 about it in general. Yes, you don't need to ask. 0:01:55.714 --> 0:01:58.434 I think if you have something permanently marked on your skin, 0:01:58.594 --> 0:02:00.594 you want to talk about it. It is always awkward 0:02:00.594 --> 0:02:02.194 when someone's got a date and you're like, what does 0:02:02.234 --> 0:02:04.634 that mean that it's the day myself die? 0:02:06.074 --> 0:02:06.434 Exactly. 0:02:06.514 --> 0:02:08.554 I do have a question about the bee though, did 0:02:08.594 --> 0:02:11.434 you really want a bee and then try to find 0:02:11.434 --> 0:02:13.874 a meaning After fact? 0:02:14.194 --> 0:02:15.914 I wanted a tattoo and I was like what would 0:02:15.914 --> 0:02:19.474 I get? And I wanted a bee because the bee 0:02:19.514 --> 0:02:21.474 is the symbol of Manchester, which is my hometown. The 0:02:21.514 --> 0:02:23.474 reason for that is because it's a worker bee, which 0:02:23.514 --> 0:02:25.194 this is not, by the way, but the symbol of 0:02:25.194 --> 0:02:27.154 Manchester's a worker bee because it's the birthplace of the 0:02:27.194 --> 0:02:29.914 Industrial Revolution and it's like we're as stronger together as 0:02:29.914 --> 0:02:32.434 a hive and work work, work, work, work, right, So 0:02:32.474 --> 0:02:35.314 what be is that this is just a bumble the 0:02:35.354 --> 0:02:38.474 ceuta one cuter one. It's a symbol of Manchester, which 0:02:38.514 --> 0:02:41.114 is my hometown. It's also the queen of the garden 0:02:41.394 --> 0:02:45.353 pollinating is a gardening superpower my nature and be for 0:02:45.434 --> 0:02:49.434 Billy Bee for Brint. So there you go, and Matilda 0:02:50.234 --> 0:02:53.034 she misses out and we'll work around that because I'm 0:02:53.034 --> 0:02:56.674 sure that tattoos are addictive. Everybody says so, so I'm 0:02:56.674 --> 0:03:01.034 off maybe all the insects, all the insects, a little 0:03:01.034 --> 0:03:03.314 swarm on my arm. Anyway, I'm very excited. 0:03:03.354 --> 0:03:04.034 I like it. 0:03:04.514 --> 0:03:10.074 Thanks. Welcome to Mamma Mia out loud. It's what women 0:03:10.074 --> 0:03:13.754 are actually talking about on Friday, the twenty first of November. 0:03:13.794 --> 0:03:16.353 My name is Holly Wayne Wright, my name. 0:03:16.194 --> 0:03:18.794 Is m Vernon and I'm cles Stevens. 0:03:18.754 --> 0:03:22.154 Filling in for our Jesse. Here's what's on our agenda 0:03:22.154 --> 0:03:26.154 for today. It's Friday, just do things. We are talking 0:03:26.194 --> 0:03:30.674 about the trend towards underthinking instead of overthinking. 0:03:30.914 --> 0:03:34.994 Plus, I've had a very humbling experience on the internet, 0:03:35.114 --> 0:03:36.114 and we're going to unpack it. 0:03:36.274 --> 0:03:37.714 I cannot wait to unpack that. 0:03:38.314 --> 0:03:42.794 And there are new platforms to find dating, to find love, 0:03:42.954 --> 0:03:46.234 to find intimacy, and it's not the dating apps. Oh 0:03:46.234 --> 0:03:46.474 my god. 0:03:46.514 --> 0:03:48.874 I have so much to say about this, But first, 0:03:48.954 --> 0:03:54.674 Clere Stevens, Guys, I've become a mean explain, explain. 0:03:55.754 --> 0:03:58.154 It feels inevitable that I was always going to become 0:03:58.154 --> 0:03:58.434 a meme. 0:03:58.514 --> 0:03:59.794 This is big Friday energy. 0:03:59.994 --> 0:04:01.234 Yeah, it really is. 0:04:01.354 --> 0:04:05.834 It's like I have a dilemma. So this one is everywhere. 0:04:06.154 --> 0:04:08.754 What happened is over the last several months, I have 0:04:08.994 --> 0:04:12.074 just had messages on all the platforms from family and 0:04:12.114 --> 0:04:17.234 friends and acquaintances and vitally out loudest who are telling me, hey, 0:04:17.354 --> 0:04:20.953 there's this viral video millions and millions of views, and 0:04:21.634 --> 0:04:22.714 I think it's a photo of you. 0:04:22.834 --> 0:04:26.393 Oh my god. And it is also the scariest message 0:04:26.393 --> 0:04:26.954 to ever get. 0:04:27.274 --> 0:04:30.914 I know, I know, Oh oh that's me, that is me. 0:04:31.354 --> 0:04:33.074 Are we going to play the video for the people 0:04:33.113 --> 0:04:33.993 watching on YouTube. 0:04:34.193 --> 0:04:35.433 Yes we should, so yeah. 0:04:35.474 --> 0:04:37.473 Another reason to watch this on YouTube if you're not 0:04:37.633 --> 0:04:39.874 is that you can see this. But obviously also we'll 0:04:39.873 --> 0:04:40.993 put it on socials. 0:04:41.474 --> 0:04:46.033 So it starts with a photo of a kindergarten child 0:04:46.113 --> 0:04:49.993 with terrible hair, really really bad hair, crooked tea just 0:04:50.034 --> 0:04:53.154 still cute though, wonky jaw and glasses. 0:04:53.354 --> 0:04:56.794 She's just full of potential. Yeah, full of potential, that. 0:04:56.753 --> 0:05:00.794 Little that child is me. That child is me. 0:05:00.873 --> 0:05:03.953 Spoiler alert, it's me, And the text over it says 0:05:04.113 --> 0:05:06.953 to the guy who called me four eyes in elementary. 0:05:07.674 --> 0:05:09.954 Then it flicks to a photo of this very sexy 0:05:09.993 --> 0:05:14.753 woman in Laingere and it says, look at me now, 0:05:15.154 --> 0:05:15.474 But the. 0:05:15.433 --> 0:05:16.273 Woman isn't you. 0:05:16.633 --> 0:05:19.313 The woman in lingerie is not confused those. 0:05:19.154 --> 0:05:21.633 Of us who aren't entirely literate and me, yeah. 0:05:21.553 --> 0:05:23.193 Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's not me. 0:05:23.953 --> 0:05:28.154 The joke is that while the child with the glasses 0:05:28.234 --> 0:05:33.154 is me and is Caucasian, the woman in the laundree 0:05:33.714 --> 0:05:36.593 is black, so the childhood photo is clearly not her. 0:05:37.433 --> 0:05:40.753 And there's the original video that the woman's made that's 0:05:40.753 --> 0:05:44.794 gone crazy crazy viral. Then there's a secondary video of 0:05:44.834 --> 0:05:46.993 the original video, and then a guy has stitched it 0:05:47.034 --> 0:05:49.873 with a confused expression, and then that went even more viral. 0:05:50.953 --> 0:05:54.393 So I've had beautiful out louders reach out to see 0:05:54.433 --> 0:05:56.753 if I'm okay, and to say because. 0:05:56.513 --> 0:05:58.753 In some ways you've been used as like a before, 0:06:00.553 --> 0:06:05.714 not not in some ways before, but like not even 0:06:05.953 --> 0:06:07.074 using you as the after. 0:06:07.474 --> 0:06:08.233 I'm not the after. 0:06:10.274 --> 0:06:13.273 Okay, No, are you okay? 0:06:13.594 --> 0:06:17.354 I am absolutely okay, and I'm okay because I do 0:06:17.474 --> 0:06:22.593 think it is genuinely objectively hilarious, like props to that woman, 0:06:22.873 --> 0:06:24.993 props to the man, like if you're going to make 0:06:25.034 --> 0:06:27.033 funny content, I'm so happy to be a part of it. 0:06:27.113 --> 0:06:29.194 I have questions. Yes, am I allowed to do that? 0:06:29.553 --> 0:06:31.313 Ords you'll have me to hold them well. 0:06:31.393 --> 0:06:34.833 I thought I would share the context of why that 0:06:34.873 --> 0:06:37.753 photo is on the internet in the first play, because 0:06:37.753 --> 0:06:40.234 I think that's crucial, because I think it could be 0:06:40.354 --> 0:06:44.194 mean if somebody had, I don't know, gone through digital 0:06:44.313 --> 0:06:47.594 archives from my primary school and found my photo and 0:06:47.633 --> 0:06:48.794 thought that kid's ugly. 0:06:48.873 --> 0:06:51.394 I'll make a joke about that, but the photo exists. 0:06:51.393 --> 0:06:55.993 It's still mean, But the photo. 0:06:55.834 --> 0:06:58.753 Exists on the internet because I wrote an article years 0:06:58.794 --> 0:07:02.433 ago about the untold benefits of being an ugly child, 0:07:02.513 --> 0:07:06.234 and I used that photo as the feature image, and 0:07:06.274 --> 0:07:11.314 it was all about how you're routinely underestimated, you develop hobbies, 0:07:11.634 --> 0:07:14.474 you learn very young that life isn't fair, and so on. 0:07:14.634 --> 0:07:17.554 So I'm not offended because I was making fun of 0:07:17.594 --> 0:07:19.674 myself in the first instance. 0:07:19.274 --> 0:07:21.954 And if you use the words ugly child, that would 0:07:21.953 --> 0:07:23.554 have done really well for SEO. 0:07:23.874 --> 0:07:27.074 It's so well so not that we know this for sure, 0:07:27.234 --> 0:07:29.874 but there's a possibility that the content creator who made that, 0:07:29.953 --> 0:07:31.794 who wanted to make this very funny gag and is 0:07:31.794 --> 0:07:34.434 a very funny gag because it's clearly not her, etcetera. 0:07:34.594 --> 0:07:37.713 If she'd have googled ugly child. There's a chance that 0:07:37.834 --> 0:07:40.994 of all the ugly children on the internet who came 0:07:41.114 --> 0:07:42.994 up you with the word. 0:07:43.234 --> 0:07:45.833 She was like, Mmm, no, that kid's your cud, that 0:07:45.914 --> 0:07:49.114 kid's your kid. Oh, that one's ugly, that one's hideous, 0:07:49.114 --> 0:07:51.474 And it was my little face being like hello. 0:07:52.434 --> 0:07:56.674 But a generous read is as em says, although ugly 0:07:56.754 --> 0:08:00.034 child's good freshio, it also suggests that you were in 0:08:00.114 --> 0:08:04.314 on the whole thing. So like taking that image as 0:08:04.354 --> 0:08:06.354 the before feels a little less mean. 0:08:06.514 --> 0:08:09.273 Can had the article yeah, giving you a page view. 0:08:09.434 --> 0:08:10.634 Yeah, you could have been like. 0:08:10.594 --> 0:08:14.314 Oh, she gets it, she knows she won't be offended exactly. 0:08:14.874 --> 0:08:16.834 So I have a lot of questions about this, right. 0:08:17.034 --> 0:08:19.593 So first of all, just finding out one day that 0:08:19.674 --> 0:08:21.754 you are a meme. So any image of you like 0:08:21.994 --> 0:08:23.554 this one obviously is of you as a child, but 0:08:23.594 --> 0:08:26.713 it could be any image of you, not necessarily you Claire, 0:08:26.754 --> 0:08:29.554 but like drunk at the races or doing something cringey 0:08:29.634 --> 0:08:32.154 or whatever, could be a meme at any time. So 0:08:32.274 --> 0:08:34.434 for a start, we all need to live on hilert 0:08:34.554 --> 0:08:38.434 about that situation, because it's not like someone asked you permission. No, 0:08:38.914 --> 0:08:41.914 And if you were upset, although you could obviously tell 0:08:41.954 --> 0:08:45.154 her and say, hey, stop calling seven year old me 0:08:45.314 --> 0:08:48.594 ugly or whatever, four year old me ugly, she doesn't 0:08:48.634 --> 0:08:51.034 have any need to do that. No, So you have 0:08:51.074 --> 0:08:53.914 no power in this situation. So choosing for it not 0:08:53.954 --> 0:08:55.954 to upset you is the correct and mature thing to do. 0:08:56.594 --> 0:08:58.634 What I want to know, though, when you look at 0:08:58.634 --> 0:09:01.834 that picture of yourself in that context, do you feel 0:09:01.874 --> 0:09:02.674 sorry for her? 0:09:03.274 --> 0:09:05.794 I think it might not be a good thing. But 0:09:05.874 --> 0:09:08.794 when I look at a pickture of that girl. 0:09:08.834 --> 0:09:11.034 I don't really see myself I don't. 0:09:11.034 --> 0:09:13.874 I think there's a bit of distance or I think 0:09:13.914 --> 0:09:16.394 it's this and I think I credit my mum with this. 0:09:17.194 --> 0:09:19.674 When I look at that girl, I don't value her 0:09:19.714 --> 0:09:23.034 for her appearance, you know, Like, I'm like, that was 0:09:23.154 --> 0:09:26.914 not what was important to me then, clearly what was 0:09:26.954 --> 0:09:31.914 important to my mother clearly, and so I because it 0:09:31.994 --> 0:09:34.594 wasn't something I valued then, and it's not something I 0:09:34.794 --> 0:09:38.794 value in children, and it's not something I've ever valued 0:09:38.834 --> 0:09:39.434 myself for. 0:09:40.034 --> 0:09:42.794 I think though that actually, and as evidenced by the 0:09:42.834 --> 0:09:45.594 title of that story that you wrote about it, I 0:09:45.634 --> 0:09:47.874 think that actually being I'm not going to say ugly, 0:09:47.874 --> 0:09:49.914 because that's an ugly will to use about children, and 0:09:49.954 --> 0:09:51.754 only you are allowed to use it about yourself. But 0:09:51.874 --> 0:09:55.833 let's say awkward, yeah, uncool, whatever we want to call it. 0:09:56.474 --> 0:09:59.114 Kid is probably quite a big part of your personality 0:09:59.114 --> 0:10:00.954 and a big part of your story that you tell 0:10:00.994 --> 0:10:04.874 yourself right like about your life is like, I was 0:10:04.954 --> 0:10:07.754 not a cool kid. Yes, I was ador cooky, dorky 0:10:07.874 --> 0:10:12.514 kid who people were sometimes mean to you no idea 0:10:12.514 --> 0:10:14.674 what And it probably has been a You are a 0:10:14.794 --> 0:10:18.514 very successful adult who is very glamorous. In the pages 0:10:18.554 --> 0:10:22.954 of Stellar magazine, I just say, like, it's probably part 0:10:22.954 --> 0:10:24.034 of your engine. 0:10:24.394 --> 0:10:24.794 Yeah. 0:10:24.834 --> 0:10:28.674 Like, looking at that kid, I'm like, I genuinely do think, 0:10:28.834 --> 0:10:32.234 especially as a woman, that there is a benefit to 0:10:32.674 --> 0:10:37.354 having experienced that really formative part of your life being 0:10:37.394 --> 0:10:40.554 funny looking where you weren't valued for that, and I'm 0:10:40.794 --> 0:10:43.994 grateful for that. I think it makes aging easier. I 0:10:44.034 --> 0:10:47.154 think it makes so many things easier because I'm like, oh, 0:10:47.234 --> 0:10:50.834 I'm not grieving something that I had because it was 0:10:50.874 --> 0:10:52.394 never what I valued myself for. 0:10:53.034 --> 0:10:54.594 So I look. 0:10:54.434 --> 0:10:57.394 At that as something I'm. 0:10:57.794 --> 0:11:01.714 Really grateful for. With that said, I did think if 0:11:01.714 --> 0:11:04.954 that was a picture of my daughter, I would be hard. 0:11:05.354 --> 0:11:08.354 I would also be furious. Yeah, I'm quite defensive about 0:11:08.394 --> 0:11:11.074 your young self in this situation. Yes, And I don't 0:11:11.114 --> 0:11:13.274 want to write a strongly worded letter to the internet 0:11:13.314 --> 0:11:16.754 about it. But we're always told now, particularly with girls, 0:11:17.154 --> 0:11:19.034 not to praise them for their appearance from the time 0:11:19.074 --> 0:11:22.514 they're little, but everybody does, oh, you're so cute. Oh 0:11:22.554 --> 0:11:24.194 you're so cute. Oh my god, you're so cute. And 0:11:24.234 --> 0:11:26.274 whenever we see a picture of a friend's baby, whenever 0:11:26.314 --> 0:11:29.234 we see a friend's little child, we do talk about 0:11:29.234 --> 0:11:31.554 what they look like, and we should you know. We're 0:11:31.594 --> 0:11:34.154 all learning to like unpick those things, but it's so 0:11:34.274 --> 0:11:37.834 deep in our culture. The King's cute and kids are 0:11:37.874 --> 0:11:40.154 cute and beautiful to somebody all the time, et cetera, 0:11:40.274 --> 0:11:43.474 blah blah. But it's like, I feel like that would 0:11:43.514 --> 0:11:45.994 be really mean. If that was your kid, you'd go 0:11:46.074 --> 0:11:47.594 and punch that person. Who knows. 0:11:47.954 --> 0:11:50.914 And if that was you, if that had been a 0:11:50.914 --> 0:11:52.514 photo of you, howard you feel. 0:11:52.314 --> 0:11:53.634 I'd feel deeply upset. 0:11:53.954 --> 0:11:57.994 I'd cry. Probably. I feel like I've talked about myself 0:11:58.074 --> 0:12:01.474 like my younger self in like a self deprecating way, 0:12:01.674 --> 0:12:05.154 but it also feels like that's something only I can do. 0:12:05.314 --> 0:12:06.754 It's kind of like when you're complaining to your friends, 0:12:06.754 --> 0:12:08.714 You're like, go, my sister's being such a bitch, But 0:12:08.754 --> 0:12:11.514 if someone else goes your sister's a bitch, I'm like, whoa, Yeah, 0:12:11.514 --> 0:12:15.154 that's only something I can do. And I struggle actually 0:12:15.194 --> 0:12:19.194 separating myself from my younger self. I remember I wrote 0:12:19.194 --> 0:12:22.714 an article probably a year ago and like things I 0:12:22.754 --> 0:12:26.554 wish I knew before turning twenty, I struggled doing that 0:12:26.634 --> 0:12:29.554 because I still see myself as a five year old 0:12:29.554 --> 0:12:31.274 the same way I see myself as a twenty nine 0:12:31.354 --> 0:12:33.874 year old. I didn't see that as a separate person. 0:12:34.354 --> 0:12:36.514 Like if that was me and I saw that photo myself, 0:12:36.554 --> 0:12:40.074 all I'm thinking about is me now, Like I can't 0:12:40.114 --> 0:12:41.874 see her as a young girl. I just see the 0:12:41.914 --> 0:12:42.674 same person. 0:12:43.034 --> 0:12:45.314 You know, all those memes on the internet about this 0:12:45.354 --> 0:12:48.154 is what Kylie Jenner used to look like, like not 0:12:48.194 --> 0:12:50.354 wanting to be Yeah, but this is this is a 0:12:50.474 --> 0:12:53.874 very common internet thing, right, look at this unflattering picture 0:12:53.994 --> 0:12:56.674 of celebrity, and it could be Kylie Jenner, it could 0:12:56.674 --> 0:12:59.274 be Chloe kardash Those two seem to get that a 0:12:59.314 --> 0:13:04.434 lot because they've kind of deliberately, through all kinds of 0:13:04.434 --> 0:13:07.794 different means, transformed themselves to be as far away from 0:13:07.794 --> 0:13:11.234 that person as they could be. Right, So again, maybe 0:13:11.274 --> 0:13:12.994 that's part of their engine, you know what I mean. 0:13:13.114 --> 0:13:15.434 I was mocked, I was dissed. I was called the 0:13:15.514 --> 0:13:18.314 uncoll one, the ugly one. Whatever. I'll show you. I'm 0:13:18.314 --> 0:13:20.114 going to become the hottest woman in the world and 0:13:20.154 --> 0:13:22.914 go out with Timothy fucking challow May and you can 0:13:22.914 --> 0:13:28.594 come for me. I wonder if in another person it 0:13:28.634 --> 0:13:31.994 could crush your confidence to the point that you can 0:13:32.074 --> 0:13:35.914 never recover. So it's really hard, which is why it's 0:13:35.954 --> 0:13:39.794 difficult to know how to feel about laughing about your meme. Yeah, yeah, 0:13:39.834 --> 0:13:43.394 it's like it is funny, but it's also could be 0:13:43.514 --> 0:13:46.074 really crushing, and like I think. 0:13:45.874 --> 0:13:49.074 It's also she said to the guy who called me 0:13:49.114 --> 0:13:52.314 four eyes, and it's like, so really, the only joke 0:13:52.394 --> 0:13:55.394 she's making is it's this funny looking kid with glasses. 0:13:55.634 --> 0:13:58.154 I'm sure it would be so different if there was 0:13:58.194 --> 0:14:02.554 like a serious physical deformity or you know, there's a 0:14:02.634 --> 0:14:06.314 million different ways that it could actually be something about 0:14:06.354 --> 0:14:10.074 you that hasn't changed or that you can't change. 0:14:10.314 --> 0:14:11.074 Whereas I look. 0:14:10.954 --> 0:14:13.874 At that and think, yeah, five year old with crooked 0:14:13.954 --> 0:14:17.794 glasses and half missing teeth and a bad haircut, like 0:14:18.354 --> 0:14:21.954 they're all things theoretically that you grow out of, So 0:14:21.994 --> 0:14:22.994 it feels very different. 0:14:23.074 --> 0:14:25.514 But yeah, if it was something innately about me. 0:14:25.914 --> 0:14:29.114 But it's also it's also the confidence of like like 0:14:29.194 --> 0:14:32.594 being that woman who's on the quote unquote after and 0:14:32.634 --> 0:14:34.714 she is like a stunning person, like. 0:14:34.714 --> 0:14:36.394 Beautiful in her sexy linger. 0:14:36.594 --> 0:14:39.594 I'm like yeah, but I'm like I can't even like 0:14:39.914 --> 0:14:43.434 fathom ever doing like a video like that of going 0:14:43.474 --> 0:14:43.914 look at me. 0:14:43.994 --> 0:14:46.434 Now, Yeah, that's so mean. 0:14:46.714 --> 0:14:49.634 Yeah, if they're like, yeah, and what is that? Why 0:14:49.674 --> 0:14:51.714 there isn't a part of you that's tempted to make 0:14:51.754 --> 0:14:54.314 your own video or with that picture. Yeah, I'm just 0:14:54.434 --> 0:14:56.994 picturing that you could get that picture and then you 0:14:57.034 --> 0:14:59.754 could do, you know, really glamorous publicity shot of yourself 0:14:59.754 --> 0:15:02.234 where you're looking really gorgeous and you could be like, 0:15:02.394 --> 0:15:05.954 look at me now. But you would never do that. No, No, 0:15:06.234 --> 0:15:10.754 you would die and because it would be would be 0:15:10.794 --> 0:15:13.594 so off rand for you, and it would also. 0:15:13.354 --> 0:15:17.154 Be implying that like someone's more valuable because they no 0:15:17.234 --> 0:15:19.394 longer look like that. Like, I don't know, it would 0:15:19.474 --> 0:15:22.954 feel the same person, Yeah, I'm the same person. But yeah, 0:15:23.034 --> 0:15:25.714 I do think that there's something about like I feel 0:15:25.754 --> 0:15:28.314 a lot of compassion for that little girl. 0:15:28.394 --> 0:15:30.674 I don't feel shame, and I feel. 0:15:30.474 --> 0:15:33.114 No shame, And you feel respect for the content creator 0:15:33.154 --> 0:15:34.914 because you remire her. Comedy chops. 0:15:35.034 --> 0:15:36.794 Yes, if it wasn't funny, it might be different. 0:15:38.914 --> 0:15:43.074 There is a fairly new piece of advice that's going 0:15:43.114 --> 0:15:46.834 around the internet, and it is everything is a dating 0:15:46.874 --> 0:15:52.154 app if you try hard enough, like what so. GQ 0:15:52.514 --> 0:15:55.594 has reported that dating apps have experienced a drop in 0:15:55.714 --> 0:15:59.394 active users in the past few years, and there's been 0:15:59.434 --> 0:16:03.234 a rise in people connecting intimately on other platforms that 0:16:03.354 --> 0:16:06.514 has absolutely nothing to do with dating. The number one 0:16:06.594 --> 0:16:12.314 platform apparently to flirt is LinkedIn LinkedIn linked and I 0:16:12.434 --> 0:16:13.914 have to say I'm on board with this. 0:16:14.634 --> 0:16:18.434 LinkedIn is for your work. In my mind mind, I 0:16:18.434 --> 0:16:20.514 don't use it much. But do you have one? 0:16:20.714 --> 0:16:20.914 Yeah? 0:16:20.954 --> 0:16:23.274 I do have one, but it's quite out of date. 0:16:23.354 --> 0:16:24.954 And when I needed to go and see if it 0:16:25.034 --> 0:16:27.354 was in fact a dating app these days, I realized, Shit, 0:16:27.394 --> 0:16:29.314 I better lift my gamers. I'm hoping to find my 0:16:29.354 --> 0:16:34.034 next elderly boyfriend on is one of the reasons for 0:16:34.114 --> 0:16:37.194 this that there's a better gender balance because you famously, 0:16:37.274 --> 0:16:38.954 I tell people this all the time. By the way, 0:16:39.354 --> 0:16:42.434 you famously have a decree that any man who's on 0:16:42.474 --> 0:16:45.034 Instagram who doesn't need it for professional purposes is a 0:16:45.074 --> 0:16:49.434 red flag. And I'm always telling people that because I'm like, 0:16:49.474 --> 0:16:52.714 that's harsh. She's harsh, but she knows shit. So as 0:16:52.754 --> 0:16:53.474 long as it's. 0:16:53.274 --> 0:16:55.474 Like my caveat there is like, as long as they're 0:16:55.514 --> 0:16:58.354 Instagram is on private. If you have a public man 0:16:58.354 --> 0:17:00.234 who has a public Instagram. 0:16:59.754 --> 0:17:01.354 No, no, no, no, that's right. Yeah, so you have a 0:17:01.354 --> 0:17:05.434 problem with that. So instagram skews more female LinkedIn, I 0:17:05.434 --> 0:17:07.593 imagine the gender split is more. Even so if you 0:17:07.674 --> 0:17:10.634 are looking for a heterosexual partner, a partner of sex, 0:17:10.674 --> 0:17:13.194 it's maybe more fertile hunting ground. 0:17:13.354 --> 0:17:13.834 It's more. 0:17:13.914 --> 0:17:16.114 I think it's and you know they have a job. 0:17:16.314 --> 0:17:17.714 You know they have a job. And I think it's 0:17:17.714 --> 0:17:21.154 seemingly more men because men are louder on LinkedIn about 0:17:21.194 --> 0:17:23.394 like what they're doing and how they're winning awards and 0:17:23.434 --> 0:17:25.954 how they impress their boss and they got to pay rise. 0:17:26.274 --> 0:17:29.914 But also your award, you won an award or again LinkedIn. 0:17:29.674 --> 0:17:31.234 I did it in a really cool way. 0:17:31.434 --> 0:17:33.194 Yeah, I was going to say I liked it. I 0:17:33.234 --> 0:17:34.994 didn't know if it was you or Mum Mayer. 0:17:34.874 --> 0:17:35.513 Who posted it. 0:17:35.754 --> 0:17:38.234 Mum and Mea did a post. But when I got 0:17:38.234 --> 0:17:40.874 the award, the people who are presenting the award posted 0:17:40.914 --> 0:17:42.474 all the winners and I just reposted. 0:17:42.674 --> 0:17:45.074 Yeah, so thought that's how you do it, Like I'm 0:17:45.074 --> 0:17:46.474 award winning. What can I say? 0:17:46.554 --> 0:17:48.833 But it's easier to find people on LinkedIn because there 0:17:48.834 --> 0:17:50.394 was this period in time, and I think it was 0:17:50.434 --> 0:17:53.634 around the twenty eighteen mark where LinkedIn became a thing, 0:17:53.754 --> 0:17:55.394 and everyone was like, I need to make a LinkedIn 0:17:55.434 --> 0:17:56.794 this is how I'm going to get the best job 0:17:56.794 --> 0:17:59.554 of my life. So everyone has a LinkedIn profile, whether 0:17:59.594 --> 0:18:02.114 you use it or not, and all of these profiles 0:18:02.154 --> 0:18:05.874 are generally public. So when you're meeting someone, or even 0:18:05.874 --> 0:18:08.034 if you're just sitting next to someone on the number 0:18:08.034 --> 0:18:09.874 one conversation you have with people is. 0:18:09.834 --> 0:18:11.154 Always what do you do for work? 0:18:11.434 --> 0:18:15.194 So all you need to do is know someone's first name, generally, 0:18:15.234 --> 0:18:18.714 what they do for work, and the city they're in. So, Holly, 0:18:18.794 --> 0:18:21.394 you haven't used LinkedIn in ages? I typed in Holly 0:18:21.514 --> 0:18:24.034 author Sydney, You're the first one that came out right. 0:18:24.674 --> 0:18:26.874 Can I ask you just an adjacent question? It might 0:18:26.914 --> 0:18:29.914 be a rabbit hole. Some people are very anti asking 0:18:29.994 --> 0:18:33.513 people straight up what they do for work, but I 0:18:33.554 --> 0:18:36.354 feel like it's a really it's a question that tells 0:18:36.354 --> 0:18:39.034 you a lot about people. Right Where do you stand 0:18:39.074 --> 0:18:40.474 on that in the dating context? 0:18:40.674 --> 0:18:42.874 I'm a big fan of asking people what they do 0:18:42.994 --> 0:18:45.354 for work because I'm I like my work and I 0:18:45.354 --> 0:18:47.634 want to tell them about my work. So you have 0:18:47.674 --> 0:18:48.273 to do a bit of it. 0:18:48.314 --> 0:18:49.634 And if they were kind of like, who cares what 0:18:49.674 --> 0:18:51.513 I do for work in it's all about what's on 0:18:51.554 --> 0:18:52.114 the inside. 0:18:52.194 --> 0:18:57.513 Yeah, be like oh unemployed, Okay, got it, got it? 0:18:57.714 --> 0:18:58.914