Speaker 1: So much.
Speaker 2: You're listening to another Mia podcast.
Speaker 3: Mamma Mia acknowledges the traditional owners of the land. We
Speaker 3: have recorded this podcast on the Gadigul people of the
Speaker 3: Eor nation. We pay our respects to their elders past
Speaker 3: and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and
Speaker 3: torrest Rate islander cultures.
Speaker 2: Hello, this is Teakindatolly and Annaly's Todd from this Glorious Mess.
Speaker 4: Now.
Speaker 2: We know that you have older kids, but we wanted
Speaker 2: to share an episode with you because it is universal.
Speaker 2: It really is this time of year, end of year,
Speaker 2: the overwhelm, the juggle, the struggle. It's real.
Speaker 4: We're being dragged over the finish line of twenty We're twenty.
Speaker 5: Ling, we're dragging, we're gripping. Whatever it is you're doing,
Speaker 5: let's do it together. We have a wonderful episode which
Speaker 5: we're sure you'll love.
Speaker 4: And it's not just us winging about being tired.
Speaker 2: We actually have a professional and expert who knows a
Speaker 2: lot more than us. It's Lauren Thornborough the Village, and
Speaker 2: she's got some practical advice of how to actually get
Speaker 2: you over the line of twenty twenty four and just
Speaker 2: smooth sailing into twenty twenty five.
Speaker 4: We hope you.
Speaker 5: Enjoy Hello and welcome to this glorious mess. We're embracing
Speaker 5: the chaos together, ditching the judgment. I am taking the
Speaker 5: tolly and I'm slowly but surely working my way throughout
Speaker 5: every Christmas concert, finale, school presentation, friend, family, Christmas shindig.
Speaker 2: There's still a bloody month to go. Oh I'm Annaly's todd,
Speaker 2: I'm burnt out, I'm present, and I'm dragging myself across
Speaker 2: the finish line.
Speaker 5: Oh well, that seems right on point, because today on
Speaker 5: the show, we're tired, and I don't think we're alone.
Speaker 2: It's getting to that time of year.
Speaker 5: Where everything starts to get just a bit hard. It's
Speaker 5: the last week of November, but it feels like this
Speaker 5: year has been dragging on and maybe, just maybe you're
Speaker 5: feeling a little bit overwhelmed.
Speaker 2: How are you feeling, Anale? I have been feeling like
Speaker 2: this since Halloween. Hmmm, this year particularly.
Speaker 4: I don't know what.
Speaker 2: And so many of my girlfriends have said the same
Speaker 2: thing that this year everyone has felt end of year
Speaker 2: burnout since October. It's like Term three should have been
Speaker 2: the end of the year.
Speaker 4: Please and thank you, because you know how term four
Speaker 4: is always a right off.
Speaker 2: It's like your kids go for all, everyone so much
Speaker 2: on for them. There's so much on for us. We're
Speaker 2: not even there yet.
Speaker 4: There's so much want to go and so muchot to do.
Speaker 5: Oh my god, And I just try and pretend that
Speaker 5: I'm going away in December. So when people are like
Speaker 5: you've got this catch up or work this or that
Speaker 5: this and that this, I'm like, can we just do
Speaker 5: it in January when things are a little bit more.
Speaker 2: Calm and you've got no plans? Like, what's the rush of.
Speaker 4: Block out December? Yeah, tend you're away.
Speaker 2: Yeah that's what I do. Yeah, you could photo shop
Speaker 2: yourself into holiday photos, post.
Speaker 4: Them on Insta. No one will know.
Speaker 5: And also like, because my kids are January babies, I'm like,
Speaker 5: no one should have children in December because they're never
Speaker 5: getting a party, or if they do, hardly anyone can
Speaker 5: come to it. Our poor kids, our poor kids. Everyone's
Speaker 5: away or busy doing busy stuff. So we are going
Speaker 5: to talk to someone who might be able to help us.
Speaker 2: Please. Lauren Thornborough.
Speaker 5: She co founded a company called the Village, which builds
Speaker 5: a network to empower and support parents.
Speaker 4: And as always we'll hear from our friends Sarah Marie.
Speaker 2: But first, here's what's happening in my group chat.
Speaker 5: It's that time of year where you start thinking about
Speaker 5: Christmas presents, of course, and like teachers, there's all different
Speaker 5: types of teachers, aren't there. There's the school teachers, there's
Speaker 5: the daycare teachers, there's the dance teachers, the whatever teachers.
Speaker 4: But for your kids, maybe to.
Speaker 2: Poor coaches or whatever. I don't know what you always do.
Speaker 5: Anyway, I was starting to ask my group Chad, what's
Speaker 5: some ideas for teachers school teachers? So apparently the department
Speaker 5: look at me. I'm getting all historical historian over here.
Speaker 2: The Department of Education Code of Conduct specifies that it
Speaker 2: needs to be under fifty dollars and cannot be cash.
Speaker 4: Oh that's fun, sponge nanny state.
Speaker 2: Isn't it.
Speaker 5: Teachers don't pay them enough at less you let them
Speaker 5: get a good gift, thank you. Yes, So some schools
Speaker 5: will not let teachers keep gifts from individual families. Above this,
Speaker 5: some will look come on, they've.
Speaker 4: Got to declare it like a healthcare professor.
Speaker 5: So if it is, the teacher would have to declare
Speaker 5: it to the department and fill out a form. But
Speaker 5: the way to get Merry Christmas, here's some more admin like,
Speaker 5: you don't do enough?
Speaker 2: It was fifty one dollars. Here's a form. Who are
Speaker 2: you to know the value of the gift? Yeah?
Speaker 4: Sorry, thank you? How much did this cost?
Speaker 2: Sorry?
Speaker 5: Before I can accept this to you just taking an
Speaker 5: inventory of all the gifts receiving Christmas receipt? Can you
Speaker 5: ask your mum to bring in the receipt? I know
Speaker 5: whether I have to declare.
Speaker 2: It or not.
Speaker 5: But there is a way which most classes and families
Speaker 5: do it, and it's the you know, the group together.
Speaker 4: There's the lea is the only way?
Speaker 3: Is it?
Speaker 2: Someone for you? You'd be like Nicole has got this
Speaker 2: Nicole of the school and the class is always on
Speaker 2: to add your photo, You add your note and then
Speaker 2: send your money and just popular pay Apple pay and
Speaker 2: it's done for you.
Speaker 4: Thank you, Nicole, Thank you Nicolet.
Speaker 2: So they don't have to declare that they don't if
Speaker 2: being over fifty dollars, they don't because it's a grouped together.
Speaker 4: This is the only one.
Speaker 5: Are they going to sit down with the number of
Speaker 5: kids in the class and divide it by fifty. I
Speaker 5: don't know, but god, let's hope not. But we did
Speaker 5: get some extra points from a teacher in terms of
Speaker 5: what to give what not to give. Look, I'm surprised
Speaker 5: her candle didn't. I was going to say she would
Speaker 5: have been on that you do not give us another
Speaker 5: efving candle. But she did say please no mugs or
Speaker 5: plastic things. I'm not sure what plastic things really.
Speaker 4: Mean, but things from like Sheen or like Timu.
Speaker 2: Yeah, plastic, yeah, like just bits and bops, pick and knack,
Speaker 2: a brick, a bracket. Yeah. Plants are also great, that's lovely.
Speaker 2: Homemade things are the cutest. And her best gift ever
Speaker 2: was a class compiled a book of art pictures from
Speaker 2: the year and they all signed it and it was
Speaker 2: her favorite gift. But look, I think teachers deserve things.
Speaker 4: Yeah, like the do the group present? Yeah.
Speaker 5: Okay, So it is still only the end of November.
Speaker 5: How are we going to get through the next month?
Speaker 4: I don't know.
Speaker 5: Why does it feel like this last two months drags
Speaker 5: on so long? I feel like I am mentally and
Speaker 5: physically broken. It's beyond mental load, it's burnt out. It's
Speaker 5: like the car has no petrol, but it's just being
Speaker 5: pushed along like Dodge carts. But then you want to
Speaker 5: know the worst thing, You're about to go up an incline,
Speaker 5: so the car's run out of petrol and you're about
Speaker 5: to push it up the incline. Because I feel like
Speaker 5: at the moment, this is when it actually gets busier,
Speaker 5: like this is the hectic part. Like this is like
Speaker 5: the lead up to Christmas or the even more presentations
Speaker 5: and school concerts, and you don't do the dance concerts,
Speaker 5: but I've got the dance concerts.
Speaker 2: And then there's like work things. Oh the Christmas pot
Speaker 2: the one that hasn't organized because they're my bloody businesses.
Speaker 4: That's worse.
Speaker 2: It's even worse.
Speaker 5: And then like if you do Christmas, do you decorate
Speaker 5: the house and get a tree? And oh, god forbid,
Speaker 5: you're going on a family holiday at some point of
Speaker 5: the breaks. I bet you're the one planning that too,
Speaker 5: you know, like there it just is relentless and.
Speaker 2: This is a really silly little thing. But I even
Speaker 2: found the admin of getting in all of the end
Speaker 2: of your appointments for the maintenance because it's very busy,
Speaker 2: you know, like the hair appointments and getting the wax and.
Speaker 5: Yeah, bits and pieces, and because they get very busy
Speaker 5: because everyone's trying to do the same thing before, they've.
Speaker 4: Got to time your hair growth. It's just too much.
Speaker 5: It's so much, and not to mention, like as I
Speaker 5: said before, being a business owner, this is our busiest
Speaker 5: time of year. So like we're busy trying to be.
Speaker 2: Busy, yes, to make money, correct, Yes, and then it's like, oh,
Speaker 2: hold on, there's seventy five other things I need to
Speaker 2: do as well.
Speaker 4: Do you know what's ridiculous?
Speaker 2: I could not even secure and this was, you know,
Speaker 2: weeks and weeks ago. We tried to lock in in
Speaker 2: a two month window frame catch up with my girlfriends
Speaker 2: and our kids for Christmas, like a Christmas catch up
Speaker 2: with my core village. Yes, there was fifty different poles
Speaker 2: we could not secure one day. So we're just not
Speaker 2: doing it. Oh, we're grinching it because it was too hot.
Speaker 2: I love a pole for a Christmas end of your thing.
Speaker 2: I'm actually missing out on two of my main girl
Speaker 2: group lunches, like I'm missing them. I'm sad I'm missing them,
Speaker 2: but at the same time, I'm like, oh my gosh,
Speaker 2: like it's one less thing I need to do. But
Speaker 2: is it that you block out previous years or does
Speaker 2: this year just feel like.
Speaker 4: Tinsel on high octane.
Speaker 2: Every year, baby every year? Or maybe I don't know.
Speaker 5: Maybe for me, the kids are getting busier, whereas like
Speaker 5: when they're at daycare and they have one end of
Speaker 5: your daycare party and that's it. Yeah, it's like school
Speaker 5: is hectic at end of years. I feel like you
Speaker 5: really dodge a bullet with boys in the sense that like,
Speaker 5: although my eldest has his end of year six graduation formal,
Speaker 5: that's cute and dance and I'm obviously insufferably excited.
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, you got a date.
Speaker 4: I can't reveal his personal life.
Speaker 2: Oh but like did they do that these days?
Speaker 4: Yeah, they ask someone to go with they.
Speaker 2: Still do they give them like a flat I think
Speaker 2: it's like Connell and Maryann from normal people. They don't
Speaker 2: actually interact in public, but like that's what all you, dick.
Speaker 2: It's like the kid you never talked to, but like, oh,
Speaker 2: we're going together, but we won't actually one photo together
Speaker 2: when we get there, and then we'll spend the rest
Speaker 2: of the time with our friends and not even communicate
Speaker 2: and our parents will froth over it. Yeah, great days,
Speaker 2: all right.
Speaker 5: Despite all our bitching and moaning and whinging.
Speaker 4: I'm sick of it. I'm sick of saying I'm tired.
Speaker 4: I'm sick of it.
Speaker 2: I'm sick and tired. I've a lesbian second.
Speaker 4: I need help do throw me alive.
Speaker 5: It's taken us till the end of November to find it.
Speaker 5: But she's here and she's going to give us some advice.
Speaker 5: She's going to help us through because Lauren Thornborough is
Speaker 5: a mum of two and the co founder of the village,
Speaker 5: and she is a big believer in parents finding a community.
Speaker 2: Yes to help is the mental load? This is like
Speaker 2: something that you might granted yourself.
Speaker 6: Ah.
Speaker 5: So we've got Lauren here today and we have got
Speaker 5: some questions for her.
Speaker 4: So Lauren, hello, Welcome to this glorious mess.
Speaker 2: We are hoping that you can help us be less
Speaker 2: of the mess more of the glorious.
Speaker 4: Because mental load, it's evolved, hasn't it? We feel it?
Speaker 4: But can you explain how and why?
Speaker 1: So?
Speaker 7: Search terms for mental load actually have been increasing since
Speaker 7: twenty seventeen, which, if you think about it, kind of
Speaker 7: coincides with the rising cost of living and then if
Speaker 7: you dig into that a bit more, Ever in history
Speaker 7: have we had so many working parents in the workforce.
Speaker 7: The Australian Bureau of Statistics has said that seventy three
Speaker 7: percent of couple households have both parents working in some capacity. Yeah,
Speaker 7: and that's increased ten percent in the last nine years.
Speaker 7: You know, we used to have a scenario where the
Speaker 7: men would go out to work, the women would stay
Speaker 7: at home. We would raise the kids in the village.
Speaker 5: Until they get to school age or something, and we
Speaker 5: would share the physical and the mental load of raising kids.
Speaker 7: Where does that go? Women statistically take on the mental load.
Speaker 7: So seventy eight percent of women either always taken on
Speaker 7: or taken on in some capacity. Wow, so you know
Speaker 7: our brains are.
Speaker 5: Full, Yes, the brain string, there's none left. So what
Speaker 5: are some of the things that you've seen contribute to
Speaker 5: the mental load? Like, when you're talking about this mental load,
Speaker 5: what does that look like?
Speaker 7: Anticipating the planning and the scheduling, anything to do with
Speaker 7: household chores, events or family needs. So if you think
Speaker 7: about it, it's did I r s VP to that party?
Speaker 7: You know, when am I going to do my washing
Speaker 7: this week? You know what dentists appointments do I have
Speaker 7: coming up? Have I cut the kids' hair recently like.
Speaker 4: A dentist for a while.
Speaker 2: My kids fringes down to their bottom lip. They need
Speaker 2: gout so bad.
Speaker 7: But then but then match that right with working, yes
Speaker 7: on top, on top, and then unpaid care, like, that's
Speaker 7: something else to consider here. So on average, women do
Speaker 7: four hours of unpaid care the day and men do three.
Speaker 7: And women are doing three hours of childcare and men
Speaker 7: are doing two. So intertality, women are doing more paid
Speaker 7: and unpaid work collectively than what men are. I'm tired
Speaker 7: just thinking about that.
Speaker 2: I've got anxiety. I would comfortably say that because we
Speaker 2: talk about mental load blurring into burnt out. Yes, I
Speaker 2: feel like I'm here, I'm at burnout. Yeah, how do
Speaker 2: you know the difference? Like, how do you get out
Speaker 2: of burnt out? Back to managing the mental load?
Speaker 7: I mean, I don't know about getting out of burnout,
Speaker 7: but there's certainly tactics that you can the ones that
Speaker 7: are you are in control of of, And then there's
Speaker 7: one sort of structural in society that need to change.
Speaker 7: So in terms of what you can control like communication
Speaker 7: with yourself and your partner. Maybe that's not necessarily your
Speaker 7: case on a least, but to talk about in totally
Speaker 7: what are you managing together? What's yours, what's theirs? Write
Speaker 7: a list?
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, I need to do if you.
Speaker 7: Can't write a list, because I thought about that and
Speaker 7: I'm exhausted at the prospect of putting a list on
Speaker 7: my mental load list. There's this brilliant book called fair
Speaker 7: Play that Eve Rodsky wrote, and she has cards so
Speaker 7: you can visually see the things that are on your
Speaker 7: list and you can use that as a talking point
Speaker 7: or a way to structure your mental load. So I
Speaker 7: like to think about it in three buckets, right, what
Speaker 7: do I need to do today? What's vital today?
Speaker 2: Micro break it down. It feels less just today. I
Speaker 2: feel less anxious thinking about just today.
Speaker 5: And I feel like once you achieve one thing, then
Speaker 5: everything else seems less overwhelming.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I got that done, So okay, that's the less
Speaker 2: they're going to do. Yeah, so we break down by
Speaker 2: today and then what's next?
Speaker 7: Set a reminder for the next thing. I love my
Speaker 7: phone calendar invites. My husband always jokes that you know, oh,
Speaker 7: you've invited to take your pill this evening.
Speaker 2: Well, you don't want me to forget that.
Speaker 7: But yeah, like find ways to remind yourself later, or
Speaker 7: is it really necessary right now?
Speaker 2: Like am I gonna lie on my deathbed and.
Speaker 7: Think, Oh, I should have organized one hundred and fifty
Speaker 7: play dates for my kids versus nine hundred Finding ways
Speaker 7: to be in control of it and hack your way
Speaker 7: out of it. So I have a friend of mine.
Speaker 7: She just does washing on Wednesdays.
Speaker 4: That's it, so you don't have to think.
Speaker 7: Don't have to think about it six other days of
Speaker 7: the week. You know. I find a successful toy, I
Speaker 7: just buy that toy for every birthday party thereafter.
Speaker 2: For the rest of it, I must. I've got go
Speaker 2: tos for birthday parties. It's like you're all getting the
Speaker 2: same thing.
Speaker 4: I'm at cash stage.
Speaker 7: Yes, even pay for parking if that helps you get
Speaker 7: to work in a less stressful way, if.
Speaker 2: You can, and then cut back in other ways. Yeah, delegate,
Speaker 2: I buy a coffee. You know, you can bring your
Speaker 2: own lunch.
Speaker 7: Yeah, but it takes structure, I guess. But it's so
Speaker 7: important because burnout is one thing, but mental load has
Speaker 7: been linked to mental health issues. So increase in anxiety,
Speaker 7: increase in depression. You know we are getting less sleep. Yes,
Speaker 7: the people that take on the mental load because you're
Speaker 7: up thinking about all the things.
Speaker 5: And I think that very famous viral video of Maggie
Speaker 5: Dent talking to Kate Richie about how our mother's mind
Speaker 5: at night ticks that along at two am, thinking about
Speaker 5: oh did I give them my kid enough broccoli? Or
Speaker 5: did I got to book my eyebrows in for a wax?
Speaker 5: And you know the men.
Speaker 2: Are sitting there going, is that what you guys like do?
Speaker 2: Like that's the mental load, especially of a mother. It's
Speaker 2: almost like, I feel like getting it out of our
Speaker 2: head could benefit us so much. I'm a big pen
Speaker 2: and paper girl, so I carry around a notepad. I
Speaker 2: love my phone and reminders and calendars and stuff like that,
Speaker 2: but I love to just have something physically in front
Speaker 2: of me that I can cross off or add two,
Speaker 2: that I can see next to whatever I'm doing, because
Speaker 2: to get it out of my head. So if I'm
Speaker 2: thinking about it, rather.
Speaker 5: Than go oh god, you know like we did before
Speaker 5: the dentist, We've got to do that, pop it down.
Speaker 5: So then I'm like, Okay, now it's out of my
Speaker 5: head and onto the pay this.
Speaker 2: And also I like the idea of the cards because
Speaker 2: then once you've achieved it, you can set on fire.
Speaker 4: Burn it.
Speaker 2: No more mental burn out because I've just burnt all
Speaker 2: the tasks.
Speaker 5: Bethany Frankel, I know she used to be like one
Speaker 5: of the Housewives of New York. Yeah, I love her too,
Speaker 5: and she's wonderful business onman, but she's obsessed with organization.
Speaker 5: And similarly to what you said, like what's on your
Speaker 5: to do bucket?
Speaker 2: In your to do to bucket?
Speaker 5: Yep, you know, when she's talking about organization, she's like,
Speaker 5: pick one draw for the day. When you're like, Okay,
Speaker 5: I need to sort my house out or I've got clutter,
Speaker 5: I've got mess she's like, don't be like I'm going
Speaker 5: to clean the whole kitchen today. Give yourself one draw
Speaker 5: and say today I'm going to clean that draw, and
Speaker 5: then the next day do that cupboard. Like, just go
Speaker 5: one bit at a time and eventually you'll get there.
Speaker 5: Probably by the time you finish it all, we'll be messaging.
Speaker 5: But like, I like the compartmentalizing it because I think
Speaker 5: it breaks it down into smaller, more achievable things as
Speaker 5: opposed to this huge mountain swimming and drowned crap that
Speaker 5: we've got to get through well sort out.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so break it down. What do I have to
Speaker 2: do today? Write everything down in a list or on
Speaker 2: car See I'm really learning here.
Speaker 7: Delegate if you can. Oh, oh, that's a good one,
Speaker 7: because there's notion of maternal gatekeeping. I hate that terminology,
Speaker 7: but it's that women are responsible for the nutritional outcomes
Speaker 7: of the household. You know, they're responsible for the way
Speaker 7: kids look as they walk out the door, Like how
Speaker 7: many times have you heard, oh, dad must have dressed them.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know.
Speaker 4: Anyway, I can.
Speaker 7: So like get a meal delivery service if that takes
Speaker 7: that mental load off your plate of it. There's so
Speaker 7: much pressure when driven a little bit by social media.
Speaker 7: Let's be honest to adhere to these kind of crazy standards.
Speaker 7: Take the pressure off.
Speaker 2: Yeah. It's funny because I think outsourcing used to be bougie,
Speaker 2: Like I feel like if someone else was doing your
Speaker 2: washing or you were getting meals delivered, that's fancy, you know,
Speaker 2: whereas now there are affordable outsourcing and if not by
Speaker 2: doing maybe one of those weekly meal things like Hello
Speaker 2: Fresh or something like that it's saving money on groceries,
Speaker 2: it's more convenient, it's delivered you to do all this
Speaker 2: sounds like an ad, it's not. But what I'm saying is,
Speaker 2: once upon a time, outsourcing was a more expensive and
Speaker 2: sometimes not an option for a lot of people. But
Speaker 2: sometimes now I think, if it's saving your time so
Speaker 2: that you're able to.
Speaker 5: Work more or be more present, be more present, is it?
Speaker 5: Is it a luxury? I don't think it is.
Speaker 2: I think it's something that we need to actually cope
Speaker 2: with this load or even like bringing the village into it,
Speaker 2: something that is on my mental load list that I
Speaker 2: haven't done. I'm going to start doing it next year.
Speaker 2: Is I've talked with my girlfriends about doing like meal
Speaker 2: prep and mimosa days, where like everyone gets together on
Speaker 2: a Sunday and you cook up a massive thing of
Speaker 2: bolonnaise and maybe you do a shepherd's pie with the
Speaker 2: other mints, and everyone's chopping and it's literally like you know,
Speaker 2: many hands like and it's fun because it's social. Everyone
Speaker 2: brings ingredients, drag and so it's you know, it's cost effective,
Speaker 2: it's social and meal prepping.
Speaker 7: Yeah, great idea. I mean, I think we need the village.
Speaker 7: There was a reason why we had a village for
Speaker 7: so long.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's not going.
Speaker 7: To help with the mental low, but it's going to
Speaker 7: help with the mental health issues associated around it, right,
Speaker 7: Like how good does it feel to share dump vent
Speaker 7: whatever it might be two girlfriends, two therapists, and you
Speaker 7: know from a working capacity, like find your village at work,
Speaker 7: people that are like, I'll take that meeting. I'll give
Speaker 7: you the notes afterwards, so you don't have to add
Speaker 7: it to your list. Like there is so much value
Speaker 7: in community that I think we've kind of underestimated up
Speaker 7: until this point.
Speaker 2: I'm feeling better. How are you feeling? And Elise, I'm
Speaker 2: just You've got a plan of attack one day at
Speaker 2: a time. I'm going to write my giant list and
Speaker 2: then I'm going to micro break it down and just
Speaker 2: think about each day because I really do need to
Speaker 2: get I think we all do. And Lauren, do you
Speaker 2: have any other final tips for our listeners today to
Speaker 2: get through the rest of this year, across this silly season,
Speaker 2: across the school holidays that we've got coming up. Any
Speaker 2: words of wisdom?
Speaker 7: There is no shame in asking for help.
Speaker 2: Oh I love that?
Speaker 7: And relying on the village or just deprioritizing things that
Speaker 7: are not important. Putting yourself first.
Speaker 4: Self care is.
Speaker 7: One thing that goes a lot in terms of when
Speaker 7: people are working, childcare, unpaid work. It's that long list again.
Speaker 7: But you need to prioritize yourself because if you're not
Speaker 7: putting your own oxygen mask on, then you can't help
Speaker 7: others around you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, boundaries and saying no yes. Love that well, Lauren,
Speaker 2: thank you so much for joining us today. You have
Speaker 2: been a wealth of knowledge, and I'm feeling my load
Speaker 2: a little lighter.
Speaker 4: I'm feeling less anxious.
Speaker 2: Okay, good, good, great good. We're gonna go often, right, listen.
Speaker 4: Some hiatt Sarah Marie.
Speaker 6: Hi, Sarah Marie, Am I in the wrong here? My neighbor,
Speaker 6: who is just a neighbor, she's not a friend, doesn't drive.
Speaker 6: She said to me that she's scared of driving and
Speaker 6: she isn't taking any lessons or trying to get her license.
Speaker 6: So she asked me if I would drive her child
Speaker 6: to school for a few weeks, as our kids go
Speaker 6: to the same school. It's now been a year and
Speaker 6: I feel stuck with this responsibility because even when my
Speaker 6: kids are sick, I still have to do the school run.
Speaker 6: I feel frustrated and over it, especially with all the
Speaker 6: added time I have waiting around for them each morning.
Speaker 6: Am I being unreasonable for feeling fed up?
Speaker 2: Look? No, you're not unreasonable for feeling fed up.
Speaker 1: And I think what's making you fed up is it
Speaker 1: sounds like you're having to wait for her child. So
Speaker 1: if it's making you late, that's unacceptable because you're doing
Speaker 1: them a favor. Secondly, if your children are sick, that
Speaker 1: is not on you to take her child to school,
Speaker 1: because your children are your response ability. There's no way
Speaker 1: you would have me taking someone else's kids to school
Speaker 1: if my kids were sick. So maybe you should just
Speaker 1: alter it where rather than being like, hey, I'm not
Speaker 1: going to take your kids to school, the kid goes
Speaker 1: to the same school as your kid, it's not actually
Speaker 1: that bad a thing to do, especially if your kids
Speaker 1: enjoy having that child with them in the carts like
Speaker 1: a little thing for them. I would just be like, hey,
Speaker 1: we need to leave it this time. Just be very
Speaker 1: clear with your boundaries. Anytime after that, we've actually got
Speaker 1: to go because I've got things to do.
Speaker 2: Blah blah blah.
Speaker 1: You don't need to explain yourself more than that, we
Speaker 1: need to leave it this time. We can't be late.
Speaker 1: If we're late, I'm sorry. I've got to go and
Speaker 1: stick to that. If the kid is late, be like,
Speaker 1: we're leaving now and just go. And if your kids
Speaker 1: are sick, just tell her, hey, little ones are sick.
Speaker 1: I won't be able to take your little ones to
Speaker 1: school today.
Speaker 2: That's it.
Speaker 1: Just put your foot down and have your boundaries.
Speaker 2: That's it.
Speaker 1: I don't think she would be non understanding to that.
Speaker 1: I think on your neighbor's point, she just thinks it's
Speaker 1: fine that there is no issues, especially if you haven't
Speaker 1: communicated that to her or you haven't put your boundary up.
Speaker 1: She probably just thinks it's great. Kids enjoy going to school,
Speaker 1: they go to school together. I've got my neighborhood drives
Speaker 1: the kids like. She's probably thinking nothing of it. So yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't think there's a problem driving. Just set your
Speaker 1: boundaries up and make sure you're not late. You're not
Speaker 1: having to inconvenience yourself for someone else's children. It's not
Speaker 1: your child, and she'll be able to sort her own
Speaker 1: kid out. I'm sure she has other ways She's been
Speaker 1: taking her kids to school before you did it, so yeah,
Speaker 1: don'd be scared to set your boundaries there.
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Speaker 2: And if you have a dilemma that you'd like Sarah
Speaker 2: and Marie to solve, you can leave us a voice
Speaker 2: note by following the link in the show notes, or
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Speaker 2: This episode was produced by Grace Rubray with audio production
Speaker 2: by Lou Hill.
Speaker 4: See Ya, see you next time.