WEBVTT - Do You Have End Of Year Overwhelm? 0:00:21.330 --> 0:00:21.610 So much. 0:00:21.650 --> 0:00:24.370 You're listening to another Mia podcast. 0:00:25.170 --> 0:00:28.450 Mamma Mia acknowledges the traditional owners of the land. We 0:00:28.570 --> 0:00:31.930 have recorded this podcast on the Gadigul people of the 0:00:31.970 --> 0:00:35.690 Eor nation. We pay our respects to their elders past 0:00:35.730 --> 0:00:39.370 and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and 0:00:39.410 --> 0:00:40.970 torrest Rate islander cultures. 0:00:41.370 --> 0:00:46.010 Hello, this is Teakindatolly and Annaly's Todd from this Glorious Mess. 0:00:46.570 --> 0:00:46.770 Now. 0:00:46.810 --> 0:00:50.690 We know that you have older kids, but we wanted 0:00:50.690 --> 0:00:54.050 to share an episode with you because it is universal. 0:00:54.330 --> 0:00:57.090 It really is this time of year, end of year, 0:00:57.650 --> 0:01:01.530 the overwhelm, the juggle, the struggle. It's real. 0:01:01.850 --> 0:01:04.690 We're being dragged over the finish line of twenty We're twenty. 0:01:04.850 --> 0:01:08.890 Ling, we're dragging, we're gripping. Whatever it is you're doing, 0:01:09.050 --> 0:01:11.930 let's do it together. We have a wonderful episode which 0:01:11.930 --> 0:01:12.890 we're sure you'll love. 0:01:13.010 --> 0:01:15.170 And it's not just us winging about being tired. 0:01:15.210 --> 0:01:17.970 We actually have a professional and expert who knows a 0:01:17.970 --> 0:01:21.490 lot more than us. It's Lauren Thornborough the Village, and 0:01:21.530 --> 0:01:25.530 she's got some practical advice of how to actually get 0:01:25.570 --> 0:01:28.250 you over the line of twenty twenty four and just 0:01:28.290 --> 0:01:30.050 smooth sailing into twenty twenty five. 0:01:30.410 --> 0:01:30.850 We hope you. 0:01:30.930 --> 0:01:42.170 Enjoy Hello and welcome to this glorious mess. We're embracing 0:01:42.210 --> 0:01:45.170 the chaos together, ditching the judgment. I am taking the 0:01:45.250 --> 0:01:49.490 tolly and I'm slowly but surely working my way throughout 0:01:49.690 --> 0:01:55.690 every Christmas concert, finale, school presentation, friend, family, Christmas shindig. 0:01:55.770 --> 0:02:00.650 There's still a bloody month to go. Oh I'm Annaly's todd, 0:02:00.770 --> 0:02:05.570 I'm burnt out, I'm present, and I'm dragging myself across 0:02:05.570 --> 0:02:06.290 the finish line. 0:02:06.410 --> 0:02:09.570 Oh well, that seems right on point, because today on 0:02:09.610 --> 0:02:12.250 the show, we're tired, and I don't think we're alone. 0:02:12.290 --> 0:02:14.010 It's getting to that time of year. 0:02:13.850 --> 0:02:17.650 Where everything starts to get just a bit hard. It's 0:02:17.730 --> 0:02:20.170 the last week of November, but it feels like this 0:02:20.250 --> 0:02:24.050 year has been dragging on and maybe, just maybe you're 0:02:24.090 --> 0:02:25.890 feeling a little bit overwhelmed. 0:02:26.810 --> 0:02:30.490 How are you feeling, Anale? I have been feeling like 0:02:30.610 --> 0:02:36.010 this since Halloween. Hmmm, this year particularly. 0:02:35.370 --> 0:02:36.090 I don't know what. 0:02:36.250 --> 0:02:38.290 And so many of my girlfriends have said the same 0:02:38.330 --> 0:02:42.490 thing that this year everyone has felt end of year 0:02:42.530 --> 0:02:45.570 burnout since October. It's like Term three should have been 0:02:45.610 --> 0:02:46.370 the end of the year. 0:02:46.730 --> 0:02:48.610 Please and thank you, because you know how term four 0:02:48.690 --> 0:02:49.450 is always a right off. 0:02:49.490 --> 0:02:54.050 It's like your kids go for all, everyone so much 0:02:54.170 --> 0:02:57.610 on for them. There's so much on for us. We're 0:02:57.650 --> 0:02:58.810 not even there yet. 0:03:00.010 --> 0:03:03.050 There's so much want to go and so muchot to do. 0:03:03.530 --> 0:03:06.370 Oh my god, And I just try and pretend that 0:03:06.530 --> 0:03:08.810 I'm going away in December. So when people are like 0:03:09.810 --> 0:03:12.450 you've got this catch up or work this or that 0:03:12.610 --> 0:03:14.650 this and that this, I'm like, can we just do 0:03:14.730 --> 0:03:17.130 it in January when things are a little bit more. 0:03:17.010 --> 0:03:20.650 Calm and you've got no plans? Like, what's the rush of. 0:03:20.690 --> 0:03:23.690 Block out December? Yeah, tend you're away. 0:03:23.970 --> 0:03:26.090 Yeah that's what I do. Yeah, you could photo shop 0:03:26.130 --> 0:03:28.450 yourself into holiday photos, post. 0:03:28.330 --> 0:03:30.010 Them on Insta. No one will know. 0:03:31.210 --> 0:03:33.850 And also like, because my kids are January babies, I'm like, 0:03:33.930 --> 0:03:36.490 no one should have children in December because they're never 0:03:36.530 --> 0:03:39.090 getting a party, or if they do, hardly anyone can 0:03:39.130 --> 0:03:42.890 come to it. Our poor kids, our poor kids. Everyone's 0:03:42.890 --> 0:03:46.850 away or busy doing busy stuff. So we are going 0:03:46.890 --> 0:03:49.450 to talk to someone who might be able to help us. 0:03:49.570 --> 0:03:51.250 Please. Lauren Thornborough. 0:03:51.930 --> 0:03:55.410 She co founded a company called the Village, which builds 0:03:55.410 --> 0:03:58.250 a network to empower and support parents. 0:03:58.050 --> 0:04:00.490 And as always we'll hear from our friends Sarah Marie. 0:04:00.610 --> 0:04:02.850 But first, here's what's happening in my group chat. 0:04:03.730 --> 0:04:05.810 It's that time of year where you start thinking about 0:04:06.050 --> 0:04:10.210 Christmas presents, of course, and like teachers, there's all different 0:04:10.210 --> 0:04:12.290 types of teachers, aren't there. There's the school teachers, there's 0:04:12.330 --> 0:04:15.890 the daycare teachers, there's the dance teachers, the whatever teachers. 0:04:15.930 --> 0:04:18.970 But for your kids, maybe to. 0:04:18.810 --> 0:04:21.210 Poor coaches or whatever. I don't know what you always do. 0:04:21.730 --> 0:04:24.450 Anyway, I was starting to ask my group Chad, what's 0:04:24.450 --> 0:04:28.170 some ideas for teachers school teachers? So apparently the department 0:04:28.250 --> 0:04:30.850 look at me. I'm getting all historical historian over here. 0:04:31.290 --> 0:04:35.010 The Department of Education Code of Conduct specifies that it 0:04:35.090 --> 0:04:38.810 needs to be under fifty dollars and cannot be cash. 0:04:38.970 --> 0:04:42.050 Oh that's fun, sponge nanny state. 0:04:42.090 --> 0:04:42.530 Isn't it. 0:04:43.650 --> 0:04:45.810 Teachers don't pay them enough at less you let them 0:04:45.850 --> 0:04:49.250 get a good gift, thank you. Yes, So some schools 0:04:49.290 --> 0:04:53.170 will not let teachers keep gifts from individual families. Above this, 0:04:53.330 --> 0:04:58.010 some will look come on, they've. 0:04:57.810 --> 0:04:59.850 Got to declare it like a healthcare professor. 0:05:00.610 --> 0:05:03.450 So if it is, the teacher would have to declare 0:05:03.450 --> 0:05:07.130 it to the department and fill out a form. But 0:05:07.930 --> 0:05:11.850 the way to get Merry Christmas, here's some more admin like, 0:05:11.930 --> 0:05:12.770 you don't do enough? 0:05:14.490 --> 0:05:18.050 It was fifty one dollars. Here's a form. Who are 0:05:18.090 --> 0:05:20.130 you to know the value of the gift? Yeah? 0:05:20.290 --> 0:05:21.810 Sorry, thank you? How much did this cost? 0:05:22.690 --> 0:05:23.050 Sorry? 0:05:23.050 --> 0:05:25.530 Before I can accept this to you just taking an 0:05:25.530 --> 0:05:29.770 inventory of all the gifts receiving Christmas receipt? Can you 0:05:29.770 --> 0:05:32.690 ask your mum to bring in the receipt? I know 0:05:32.730 --> 0:05:34.090 whether I have to declare. 0:05:33.770 --> 0:05:34.130 It or not. 0:05:34.770 --> 0:05:37.890 But there is a way which most classes and families 0:05:37.930 --> 0:05:39.770 do it, and it's the you know, the group together. 0:05:40.410 --> 0:05:42.370 There's the lea is the only way? 0:05:42.570 --> 0:05:42.730 Is it? 0:05:42.810 --> 0:05:47.530 Someone for you? You'd be like Nicole has got this 0:05:48.170 --> 0:05:51.370 Nicole of the school and the class is always on 0:05:51.450 --> 0:05:54.810 to add your photo, You add your note and then 0:05:55.050 --> 0:05:59.450 send your money and just popular pay Apple pay and 0:05:59.730 --> 0:06:00.610 it's done for you. 0:06:00.730 --> 0:06:02.610 Thank you, Nicole, Thank you Nicolet. 0:06:02.730 --> 0:06:05.770 So they don't have to declare that they don't if 0:06:06.250 --> 0:06:09.050 being over fifty dollars, they don't because it's a grouped together. 0:06:09.450 --> 0:06:10.410 This is the only one. 0:06:10.530 --> 0:06:12.850 Are they going to sit down with the number of 0:06:12.930 --> 0:06:14.650 kids in the class and divide it by fifty. I 0:06:14.690 --> 0:06:18.970 don't know, but god, let's hope not. But we did 0:06:19.010 --> 0:06:21.610 get some extra points from a teacher in terms of 0:06:21.770 --> 0:06:24.650 what to give what not to give. Look, I'm surprised 0:06:24.650 --> 0:06:28.490 her candle didn't. I was going to say she would 0:06:28.490 --> 0:06:30.690 have been on that you do not give us another 0:06:30.730 --> 0:06:36.090 efving candle. But she did say please no mugs or 0:06:36.210 --> 0:06:39.330 plastic things. I'm not sure what plastic things really. 0:06:39.130 --> 0:06:43.050 Mean, but things from like Sheen or like Timu. 0:06:43.570 --> 0:06:47.610 Yeah, plastic, yeah, like just bits and bops, pick and knack, 0:06:47.650 --> 0:06:52.250 a brick, a bracket. Yeah. Plants are also great, that's lovely. 0:06:52.650 --> 0:06:56.410 Homemade things are the cutest. And her best gift ever 0:06:56.890 --> 0:07:00.850 was a class compiled a book of art pictures from 0:07:00.930 --> 0:07:02.810 the year and they all signed it and it was 0:07:02.930 --> 0:07:06.250 her favorite gift. But look, I think teachers deserve things. 0:07:06.610 --> 0:07:14.650 Yeah, like the do the group present? Yeah. 0:07:15.530 --> 0:07:18.490 Okay, So it is still only the end of November. 0:07:19.210 --> 0:07:20.610 How are we going to get through the next month? 0:07:21.130 --> 0:07:21.730 I don't know. 0:07:23.450 --> 0:07:27.690 Why does it feel like this last two months drags 0:07:27.730 --> 0:07:32.810 on so long? I feel like I am mentally and 0:07:32.890 --> 0:07:38.730 physically broken. It's beyond mental load, it's burnt out. It's 0:07:38.850 --> 0:07:42.370 like the car has no petrol, but it's just being 0:07:42.490 --> 0:07:45.170 pushed along like Dodge carts. But then you want to 0:07:45.170 --> 0:07:47.890 know the worst thing, You're about to go up an incline, 0:07:47.970 --> 0:07:50.170 so the car's run out of petrol and you're about 0:07:50.210 --> 0:07:51.650 to push it up the incline. Because I feel like 0:07:51.690 --> 0:07:54.290 at the moment, this is when it actually gets busier, 0:07:54.450 --> 0:07:56.650 like this is the hectic part. Like this is like 0:07:56.970 --> 0:08:00.970 the lead up to Christmas or the even more presentations 0:08:01.050 --> 0:08:04.370 and school concerts, and you don't do the dance concerts, 0:08:04.370 --> 0:08:06.010 but I've got the dance concerts. 0:08:06.370 --> 0:08:12.010 And then there's like work things. Oh the Christmas pot 0:08:12.130 --> 0:08:14.410 the one that hasn't organized because they're my bloody businesses. 0:08:14.610 --> 0:08:15.090 That's worse. 0:08:15.290 --> 0:08:16.130 It's even worse. 0:08:16.610 --> 0:08:20.170 And then like if you do Christmas, do you decorate 0:08:20.210 --> 0:08:23.410 the house and get a tree? And oh, god forbid, 0:08:23.410 --> 0:08:25.530 you're going on a family holiday at some point of 0:08:25.610 --> 0:08:27.650 the breaks. I bet you're the one planning that too, 0:08:27.890 --> 0:08:31.210 you know, like there it just is relentless and. 0:08:31.130 --> 0:08:33.970 This is a really silly little thing. But I even 0:08:34.050 --> 0:08:36.570 found the admin of getting in all of the end 0:08:36.570 --> 0:08:39.730 of your appointments for the maintenance because it's very busy, 0:08:40.210 --> 0:08:42.810 you know, like the hair appointments and getting the wax and. 0:08:42.810 --> 0:08:45.490 Yeah, bits and pieces, and because they get very busy 0:08:45.490 --> 0:08:48.170 because everyone's trying to do the same thing before, they've. 0:08:47.970 --> 0:08:51.890 Got to time your hair growth. It's just too much. 0:08:53.210 --> 0:08:55.410 It's so much, and not to mention, like as I 0:08:55.450 --> 0:08:58.810 said before, being a business owner, this is our busiest 0:08:58.810 --> 0:09:02.370 time of year. So like we're busy trying to be. 0:09:02.410 --> 0:09:06.290 Busy, yes, to make money, correct, Yes, and then it's like, oh, 0:09:06.330 --> 0:09:08.930 hold on, there's seventy five other things I need to 0:09:08.970 --> 0:09:09.490 do as well. 0:09:09.610 --> 0:09:11.010 Do you know what's ridiculous? 0:09:11.370 --> 0:09:15.610 I could not even secure and this was, you know, 0:09:15.690 --> 0:09:18.330 weeks and weeks ago. We tried to lock in in 0:09:18.410 --> 0:09:22.730 a two month window frame catch up with my girlfriends 0:09:23.090 --> 0:09:25.610 and our kids for Christmas, like a Christmas catch up 0:09:25.730 --> 0:09:29.610 with my core village. Yes, there was fifty different poles 0:09:29.970 --> 0:09:32.610 we could not secure one day. So we're just not 0:09:32.690 --> 0:09:35.450 doing it. Oh, we're grinching it because it was too hot. 0:09:35.610 --> 0:09:38.450 I love a pole for a Christmas end of your thing. 0:09:38.730 --> 0:09:42.690 I'm actually missing out on two of my main girl 0:09:42.730 --> 0:09:45.810 group lunches, like I'm missing them. I'm sad I'm missing them, 0:09:45.810 --> 0:09:48.010 but at the same time, I'm like, oh my gosh, 0:09:48.170 --> 0:09:50.370 like it's one less thing I need to do. But 0:09:50.490 --> 0:09:53.970 is it that you block out previous years or does 0:09:54.010 --> 0:09:55.450 this year just feel like. 0:09:55.770 --> 0:09:58.210 Tinsel on high octane. 0:09:58.250 --> 0:10:01.010 Every year, baby every year? Or maybe I don't know. 0:10:01.090 --> 0:10:03.170 Maybe for me, the kids are getting busier, whereas like 0:10:03.170 --> 0:10:04.930 when they're at daycare and they have one end of 0:10:05.010 --> 0:10:08.810 your daycare party and that's it. Yeah, it's like school 0:10:08.930 --> 0:10:11.770 is hectic at end of years. I feel like you 0:10:12.050 --> 0:10:15.890 really dodge a bullet with boys in the sense that like, 0:10:16.610 --> 0:10:20.290 although my eldest has his end of year six graduation formal, 0:10:20.730 --> 0:10:24.650 that's cute and dance and I'm obviously insufferably excited. 0:10:24.690 --> 0:10:26.650 Oh my gosh, you got a date. 0:10:26.850 --> 0:10:28.450 I can't reveal his personal life. 0:10:28.530 --> 0:10:30.690 Oh but like did they do that these days? 0:10:30.810 --> 0:10:33.010 Yeah, they ask someone to go with they. 0:10:32.970 --> 0:10:35.850 Still do they give them like a flat I think 0:10:35.890 --> 0:10:38.930 it's like Connell and Maryann from normal people. They don't 0:10:38.930 --> 0:10:43.090 actually interact in public, but like that's what all you, dick. 0:10:44.730 --> 0:10:46.730 It's like the kid you never talked to, but like, oh, 0:10:47.250 --> 0:10:50.850 we're going together, but we won't actually one photo together 0:10:51.170 --> 0:10:53.010 when we get there, and then we'll spend the rest 0:10:53.050 --> 0:10:55.290 of the time with our friends and not even communicate 0:10:56.090 --> 0:10:59.010 and our parents will froth over it. Yeah, great days, 0:11:07.130 --> 0:11:07.610 all right. 0:11:07.650 --> 0:11:10.770 Despite all our bitching and moaning and whinging. 0:11:11.050 --> 0:11:13.170 I'm sick of it. I'm sick of saying I'm tired. 0:11:13.250 --> 0:11:13.890 I'm sick of it. 0:11:13.930 --> 0:11:16.930 I'm sick and tired. I've a lesbian second. 0:11:19.250 --> 0:11:22.770 I need help do throw me alive. 0:11:22.890 --> 0:11:25.370 It's taken us till the end of November to find it. 0:11:25.690 --> 0:11:28.370 But she's here and she's going to give us some advice. 0:11:28.370 --> 0:11:31.850 She's going to help us through because Lauren Thornborough is 0:11:31.930 --> 0:11:34.770 a mum of two and the co founder of the village, 0:11:34.770 --> 0:11:38.130 and she is a big believer in parents finding a community. 0:11:38.570 --> 0:11:41.410 Yes to help is the mental load? This is like 0:11:41.570 --> 0:11:44.490 something that you might granted yourself. 0:11:45.690 --> 0:11:45.890 Ah. 0:11:46.490 --> 0:11:48.330 So we've got Lauren here today and we have got 0:11:48.330 --> 0:11:49.450 some questions for her. 0:11:50.090 --> 0:11:54.530 So Lauren, hello, Welcome to this glorious mess. 0:11:54.810 --> 0:11:57.210 We are hoping that you can help us be less 0:11:57.650 --> 0:12:00.570 of the mess more of the glorious. 0:12:00.690 --> 0:12:04.690 Because mental load, it's evolved, hasn't it? We feel it? 0:12:05.330 --> 0:12:07.170 But can you explain how and why? 0:12:07.330 --> 0:12:07.410 So? 0:12:07.650 --> 0:12:11.370 Search terms for mental load actually have been increasing since 0:12:11.490 --> 0:12:15.170 twenty seventeen, which, if you think about it, kind of 0:12:15.170 --> 0:12:18.450 coincides with the rising cost of living and then if 0:12:18.450 --> 0:12:21.810 you dig into that a bit more, Ever in history 0:12:21.810 --> 0:12:25.330 have we had so many working parents in the workforce. 0:12:25.770 --> 0:12:29.730 The Australian Bureau of Statistics has said that seventy three 0:12:30.050 --> 0:12:35.690 percent of couple households have both parents working in some capacity. Yeah, 0:12:35.730 --> 0:12:39.010 and that's increased ten percent in the last nine years. 0:12:39.370 --> 0:12:41.730 You know, we used to have a scenario where the 0:12:41.770 --> 0:12:44.210 men would go out to work, the women would stay 0:12:44.210 --> 0:12:47.090 at home. We would raise the kids in the village. 0:12:46.890 --> 0:12:50.250 Until they get to school age or something, and we 0:12:50.290 --> 0:12:54.530 would share the physical and the mental load of raising kids. 0:12:55.450 --> 0:13:00.130 Where does that go? Women statistically take on the mental load. 0:13:00.450 --> 0:13:05.290 So seventy eight percent of women either always taken on 0:13:05.450 --> 0:13:08.210 or taken on in some capacity. Wow, so you know 0:13:08.330 --> 0:13:09.530 our brains are. 0:13:09.690 --> 0:13:13.770 Full, Yes, the brain string, there's none left. So what 0:13:13.810 --> 0:13:16.810 are some of the things that you've seen contribute to 0:13:16.930 --> 0:13:19.290 the mental load? Like, when you're talking about this mental load, 0:13:19.330 --> 0:13:20.210 what does that look like? 0:13:20.770 --> 0:13:24.610 Anticipating the planning and the scheduling, anything to do with 0:13:24.810 --> 0:13:29.410 household chores, events or family needs. So if you think 0:13:29.410 --> 0:13:32.490 about it, it's did I r s VP to that party? 0:13:32.610 --> 0:13:34.330 You know, when am I going to do my washing 0:13:34.450 --> 0:13:37.250 this week? You know what dentists appointments do I have 0:13:37.290 --> 0:13:40.090 coming up? Have I cut the kids' hair recently like. 0:13:40.170 --> 0:13:43.970 A dentist for a while. 0:13:45.850 --> 0:13:48.930 My kids fringes down to their bottom lip. They need 0:13:49.330 --> 0:13:50.210 gout so bad. 0:13:51.010 --> 0:13:54.410 But then but then match that right with working, yes 0:13:54.490 --> 0:13:57.930 on top, on top, and then unpaid care, like, that's 0:13:57.930 --> 0:14:01.970 something else to consider here. So on average, women do 0:14:02.250 --> 0:14:05.730 four hours of unpaid care the day and men do three. 0:14:06.010 --> 0:14:08.730 And women are doing three hours of childcare and men 0:14:08.770 --> 0:14:13.450 are doing two. So intertality, women are doing more paid 0:14:13.450 --> 0:14:17.810 and unpaid work collectively than what men are. I'm tired 0:14:17.850 --> 0:14:18.530 just thinking about that. 0:14:18.810 --> 0:14:23.450 I've got anxiety. I would comfortably say that because we 0:14:23.490 --> 0:14:27.770 talk about mental load blurring into burnt out. Yes, I 0:14:27.810 --> 0:14:31.130 feel like I'm here, I'm at burnout. Yeah, how do 0:14:31.170 --> 0:14:33.890 you know the difference? Like, how do you get out 0:14:33.930 --> 0:14:37.050 of burnt out? Back to managing the mental load? 0:14:38.050 --> 0:14:40.090 I mean, I don't know about getting out of burnout, 0:14:40.090 --> 0:14:43.290 but there's certainly tactics that you can the ones that 0:14:43.410 --> 0:14:46.530 are you are in control of of, And then there's 0:14:46.570 --> 0:14:49.810 one sort of structural in society that need to change. 0:14:49.890 --> 0:14:53.810 So in terms of what you can control like communication 0:14:54.010 --> 0:14:56.610 with yourself and your partner. Maybe that's not necessarily your 0:14:56.650 --> 0:15:00.010 case on a least, but to talk about in totally 0:15:00.330 --> 0:15:04.970 what are you managing together? What's yours, what's theirs? Write 0:15:04.970 --> 0:15:05.370 a list? 0:15:05.730 --> 0:15:07.250 Yeah, yeah, I need to do if you. 0:15:07.170 --> 0:15:09.410 Can't write a list, because I thought about that and 0:15:09.450 --> 0:15:11.450 I'm exhausted at the prospect of putting a list on 0:15:11.450 --> 0:15:15.330 my mental load list. There's this brilliant book called fair 0:15:15.370 --> 0:15:18.610 Play that Eve Rodsky wrote, and she has cards so 0:15:18.650 --> 0:15:21.730 you can visually see the things that are on your 0:15:21.770 --> 0:15:24.610 list and you can use that as a talking point 0:15:24.770 --> 0:15:27.850 or a way to structure your mental load. So I 0:15:27.930 --> 0:15:29.850 like to think about it in three buckets, right, what 0:15:29.890 --> 0:15:32.650 do I need to do today? What's vital today? 0:15:32.890 --> 0:15:36.530 Micro break it down. It feels less just today. I 0:15:36.570 --> 0:15:39.010 feel less anxious thinking about just today. 0:15:38.690 --> 0:15:41.370 And I feel like once you achieve one thing, then 0:15:41.530 --> 0:15:43.250 everything else seems less overwhelming. 0:15:43.410 --> 0:15:46.130 Yeah, I got that done, So okay, that's the less 0:15:46.130 --> 0:15:48.170 they're going to do. Yeah, so we break down by 0:15:48.210 --> 0:15:49.370 today and then what's next? 0:15:49.530 --> 0:15:52.490 Set a reminder for the next thing. I love my 0:15:52.850 --> 0:15:56.170 phone calendar invites. My husband always jokes that you know, oh, 0:15:56.210 --> 0:15:58.370 you've invited to take your pill this evening. 0:16:00.050 --> 0:16:04.690 Well, you don't want me to forget that. 0:16:03.410 --> 0:16:06.410 But yeah, like find ways to remind yourself later, or 0:16:06.690 --> 0:16:08.530 is it really necessary right now? 0:16:08.970 --> 0:16:10.730 Like am I gonna lie on my deathbed and. 0:16:10.650 --> 0:16:13.090 Think, Oh, I should have organized one hundred and fifty 0:16:13.090 --> 0:16:16.730 play dates for my kids versus nine hundred Finding ways 0:16:16.850 --> 0:16:20.450 to be in control of it and hack your way 0:16:20.970 --> 0:16:23.490 out of it. So I have a friend of mine. 0:16:23.570 --> 0:16:25.130 She just does washing on Wednesdays. 0:16:25.210 --> 0:16:27.290 That's it, so you don't have to think. 0:16:27.330 --> 0:16:28.890 Don't have to think about it six other days of 0:16:28.890 --> 0:16:32.210 the week. You know. I find a successful toy, I 0:16:32.330 --> 0:16:35.290 just buy that toy for every birthday party thereafter. 0:16:35.650 --> 0:16:37.530 For the rest of it, I must. I've got go 0:16:37.570 --> 0:16:39.930 tos for birthday parties. It's like you're all getting the 0:16:39.930 --> 0:16:40.370 same thing. 0:16:40.530 --> 0:16:41.930 I'm at cash stage. 0:16:42.090 --> 0:16:45.650 Yes, even pay for parking if that helps you get 0:16:45.650 --> 0:16:47.890 to work in a less stressful way, if. 0:16:47.730 --> 0:16:50.650 You can, and then cut back in other ways. Yeah, delegate, 0:16:50.690 --> 0:16:53.090 I buy a coffee. You know, you can bring your 0:16:53.090 --> 0:16:53.570 own lunch. 0:16:53.730 --> 0:16:57.250 Yeah, but it takes structure, I guess. But it's so 0:16:57.690 --> 0:17:02.650 important because burnout is one thing, but mental load has 0:17:02.690 --> 0:17:06.370 been linked to mental health issues. So increase in anxiety, 0:17:06.770 --> 0:17:11.330 increase in depression. You know we are getting less sleep. Yes, 0:17:11.490 --> 0:17:13.290 the people that take on the mental load because you're 0:17:13.370 --> 0:17:14.810 up thinking about all the things. 0:17:15.290 --> 0:17:19.610 And I think that very famous viral video of Maggie 0:17:19.690 --> 0:17:23.490 Dent talking to Kate Richie about how our mother's mind 0:17:23.530 --> 0:17:26.410 at night ticks that along at two am, thinking about 0:17:26.490 --> 0:17:29.410 oh did I give them my kid enough broccoli? Or 0:17:29.970 --> 0:17:32.130 did I got to book my eyebrows in for a wax? 0:17:32.170 --> 0:17:33.090 And you know the men. 0:17:33.010 --> 0:17:35.290 Are sitting there going, is that what you guys like do? 0:17:35.370 --> 0:17:38.330 Like that's the mental load, especially of a mother. It's 0:17:38.330 --> 0:17:40.490 almost like, I feel like getting it out of our 0:17:40.610 --> 0:17:43.850 head could benefit us so much. I'm a big pen 0:17:43.890 --> 0:17:47.770 and paper girl, so I carry around a notepad. I 0:17:47.770 --> 0:17:50.450 love my phone and reminders and calendars and stuff like that, 0:17:50.810 --> 0:17:53.650 but I love to just have something physically in front 0:17:53.650 --> 0:17:56.450 of me that I can cross off or add two, 0:17:57.130 --> 0:18:00.170 that I can see next to whatever I'm doing, because 0:18:00.290 --> 0:18:02.570 to get it out of my head. So if I'm 0:18:02.570 --> 0:18:04.050 thinking about it, rather. 0:18:03.930 --> 0:18:06.090 Than go oh god, you know like we did before 0:18:06.170 --> 0:18:09.130 the dentist, We've got to do that, pop it down. 0:18:09.210 --> 0:18:10.690 So then I'm like, Okay, now it's out of my 0:18:10.730 --> 0:18:12.250 head and onto the pay this. 0:18:12.410 --> 0:18:14.250 And also I like the idea of the cards because 0:18:14.250 --> 0:18:16.490 then once you've achieved it, you can set on fire. 0:18:18.650 --> 0:18:19.050 Burn it. 0:18:19.610 --> 0:18:22.130 No more mental burn out because I've just burnt all 0:18:22.170 --> 0:18:22.730 the tasks. 0:18:22.730 --> 0:18:25.250 Bethany Frankel, I know she used to be like one 0:18:25.250 --> 0:18:28.490 of the Housewives of New York. Yeah, I love her too, 0:18:28.530 --> 0:18:31.250 and she's wonderful business onman, but she's obsessed with organization. 0:18:31.970 --> 0:18:34.850 And similarly to what you said, like what's on your 0:18:34.930 --> 0:18:35.570 to do bucket? 0:18:35.570 --> 0:18:36.570 In your to do to bucket? 0:18:36.690 --> 0:18:39.330 Yep, you know, when she's talking about organization, she's like, 0:18:39.650 --> 0:18:42.410 pick one draw for the day. When you're like, Okay, 0:18:42.450 --> 0:18:44.930 I need to sort my house out or I've got clutter, 0:18:44.970 --> 0:18:47.210 I've got mess she's like, don't be like I'm going 0:18:47.290 --> 0:18:50.010 to clean the whole kitchen today. Give yourself one draw 0:18:50.370 --> 0:18:52.610 and say today I'm going to clean that draw, and 0:18:52.650 --> 0:18:54.850 then the next day do that cupboard. Like, just go 0:18:54.970 --> 0:18:56.970 one bit at a time and eventually you'll get there. 0:18:57.050 --> 0:18:58.850 Probably by the time you finish it all, we'll be messaging. 0:18:59.450 --> 0:19:02.570 But like, I like the compartmentalizing it because I think 0:19:02.610 --> 0:19:07.610 it breaks it down into smaller, more achievable things as 0:19:07.650 --> 0:19:12.170 opposed to this huge mountain swimming and drowned crap that 0:19:12.210 --> 0:19:13.770 we've got to get through well sort out. 0:19:13.890 --> 0:19:16.530 Yeah, so break it down. What do I have to 0:19:16.570 --> 0:19:20.050 do today? Write everything down in a list or on 0:19:20.170 --> 0:19:22.090 car See I'm really learning here. 0:19:22.490 --> 0:19:25.010 Delegate if you can. Oh, oh, that's a good one, 0:19:25.090 --> 0:19:29.810 because there's notion of maternal gatekeeping. I hate that terminology, 0:19:29.850 --> 0:19:33.850 but it's that women are responsible for the nutritional outcomes 0:19:33.850 --> 0:19:37.450 of the household. You know, they're responsible for the way 0:19:38.090 --> 0:19:40.090 kids look as they walk out the door, Like how 0:19:40.130 --> 0:19:42.770 many times have you heard, oh, dad must have dressed them. 0:19:43.130 --> 0:19:44.050 Yeah, you know. 0:19:44.290 --> 0:19:45.770 Anyway, I can. 0:19:48.570 --> 0:19:51.290 So like get a meal delivery service if that takes 0:19:51.570 --> 0:19:55.370 that mental load off your plate of it. There's so 0:19:55.490 --> 0:19:59.250 much pressure when driven a little bit by social media. 0:19:59.330 --> 0:20:03.570 Let's be honest to adhere to these kind of crazy standards. 0:20:03.810 --> 0:20:05.130 Take the pressure off. 0:20:05.250 --> 0:20:08.930 Yeah. It's funny because I think outsourcing used to be bougie, 0:20:08.970 --> 0:20:11.130 Like I feel like if someone else was doing your 0:20:11.210 --> 0:20:14.730 washing or you were getting meals delivered, that's fancy, you know, 0:20:14.850 --> 0:20:19.450 whereas now there are affordable outsourcing and if not by 0:20:19.490 --> 0:20:22.210 doing maybe one of those weekly meal things like Hello 0:20:22.290 --> 0:20:25.170 Fresh or something like that it's saving money on groceries, 0:20:25.210 --> 0:20:26.930 it's more convenient, it's delivered you to do all this 0:20:26.930 --> 0:20:29.490 sounds like an ad, it's not. But what I'm saying is, 0:20:29.570 --> 0:20:33.330 once upon a time, outsourcing was a more expensive and 0:20:33.370 --> 0:20:36.210 sometimes not an option for a lot of people. But 0:20:36.490 --> 0:20:39.810