Speaker 1: You're listening to I'm Ama Mia podcast.
Speaker 2: Sweet Mel, How the hell did you build this insane
Speaker 2: business that you have and this podcast and these books?
Speaker 2: And how do you have thirty five people working for
Speaker 2: you in studios in Boston and you're fifty six? How
Speaker 2: do you, I literally say, by learning how to get
Speaker 2: out about on the mornings I don't feel like it.
Speaker 3: Hello, and welcome to No Filter. I'm Kate lane Brook,
Speaker 3: and today we're diving into the world of the one
Speaker 3: and only Mel Robbins, someone who's built a global empire
Speaker 3: not just on advice, but on real, raw, transformative change.
Speaker 3: Mel's journey from nearly losing everything to becoming one of
Speaker 3: the most influential voices in self help is nothing short
Speaker 3: of extraordinary. But what really sets her apart is how
Speaker 3: she's turned that message into a business, a brand, and
Speaker 3: a worldwide movement, so much so that she's now one
Speaker 3: of the most in demand speakers on the planet. Getting
Speaker 3: Mel on the podcast wasn't easy. She's got one of
Speaker 3: the busiest calendars of any guests that we've booked, But
Speaker 3: here we are, and it's absolutely worth the wait. In
Speaker 3: this episode, we'll explore how Mel's let them theory has
Speaker 3: changed the way millions approach their lives, and exclusively here
Speaker 3: on No Filter, Mel shares huge news for her Australian
Speaker 3: and New Zealand fans. This is the global phenomenon that
Speaker 3: is Mel Robin's.
Speaker 2: Hella, hell a lovely one.
Speaker 4: How are you?
Speaker 3: I'm really well. I had to let them almost disaster
Speaker 3: this morning when I got up because it's early happened. Well,
Speaker 3: I got up at four am for you, because at
Speaker 3: six am my gardener and I went to have a
Speaker 3: thank you for doing that. Well, you're worth it, I believe.
Speaker 1: Sorry.
Speaker 3: I went to have a shower and there was no water.
Speaker 3: No water really, and I'd put a hair treatment in
Speaker 3: last night I happened the council doing something fixing. Then
Speaker 3: I had to wake up my husband. You know that thing?
Speaker 3: Will I wake him up? Will I have to? I
Speaker 3: woke him up. He goes downstairs in his undies. Outside
Speaker 3: he's fiddling with the water met the dog's behind him.
Speaker 1: It's like last night. I love this man.
Speaker 3: And then he says to me, I got a message
Speaker 3: on my phone that you should also have, which I
Speaker 3: don't have, from the council saying the sink Kilda water
Speaker 3: which is where we live, is turned off until six am.
Speaker 3: Well six am is now when I'm.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you just drive your treatment.
Speaker 3: Are Well you know what I did? I wash.
Speaker 1: I would have just left it in and made it
Speaker 1: a high bond.
Speaker 3: Well I couldn't because it was so greasy. I wanted
Speaker 3: to have a nice hair for Mel Robbins. You've always
Speaker 3: got nice hair.
Speaker 2: Oh are you kidding me? Do you know the worse
Speaker 2: I look, the better our content.
Speaker 3: Do you think?
Speaker 4: No?
Speaker 1: I I know of course.
Speaker 2: Yes, Like no, my kids will always go like, god,
Speaker 2: why did you put that video up?
Speaker 1: You look terrible.
Speaker 2: I'm like I went to the grocery store looking like this,
Speaker 2: like what what's the problem?
Speaker 1: No, you know what it is.
Speaker 2: It's because our brand is really friend and the more
Speaker 2: dulled up I am, the less it's us. And so
Speaker 2: you know, we just kind of roll up to the
Speaker 2: camera and if hair is a disaster or you know,
Speaker 2: it just is what it is.
Speaker 1: Like, this is how I look.
Speaker 3: Do you love your greeting that you always do? I'm
Speaker 3: going to say it to you. Hello friend, Hello Mel Robins,
Speaker 3: Welcome to No Filter. I'm your new friend, Caiteline Brook.
Speaker 2: I don't think you're a new friend. I think you've
Speaker 2: been an old friend, and so thank you for welcoming
Speaker 2: me as a friend. You know, I kind of believe
Speaker 2: we are all friends on the road of life. I
Speaker 2: think about the fact that you can learn anything from
Speaker 2: anybody if you're willing to kind of lean in. And
Speaker 2: there are going to be times, Kate, where as we're
Speaker 2: on the road of life taking a long walk together,
Speaker 2: you're going to be a couple of steps ahead of
Speaker 2: me because you and your husband have gone through something
Speaker 2: that my husband and I haven't yet, and so you
Speaker 2: can be a friend to us. And then there are
Speaker 2: times where I may be just a step ahead of
Speaker 2: you because I just went through something with my son
Speaker 2: and figured out that he had dyslexia, and now I can,
Speaker 2: you know, be a friend to you as you're sorting
Speaker 2: through an issue. And so, you know, I love saying
Speaker 2: it's your friend, mel because that's what I believe, and
Speaker 2: that's how I feel as I'm move through life, whether
Speaker 2: I'm walking into a coffee shop or through an airport,
Speaker 2: or down a dirt road, or I'm stepping up to
Speaker 2: a microphone.
Speaker 3: It's an interesting thing because your attitude to sharing your
Speaker 3: knowledge comes from a place of great warmth and great vulnerability.
Speaker 3: And the model that we have is that often when
Speaker 3: people achieve a certain degree of success, they start to
Speaker 3: put the walls up. They need to protect their privacy.
Speaker 3: They won't talk about their personal life. They da, da da.
Speaker 3: How do you maintain your openness to share your vulnerability
Speaker 3: with basically the world.
Speaker 2: It's a great question, and I'll answer it a couple
Speaker 2: of ways. Number One, I'm grateful that all of this
Speaker 2: happens to lead in life. And you know, when you
Speaker 2: go through an experience at the age of forty one
Speaker 2: where you nearly lose everything that matters to you, your life, savings,
Speaker 2: your marriage, your sanity, your family, your home, it's a
Speaker 2: real wake up call. And it also sears into you
Speaker 2: what you actually value. And I think too often it's
Speaker 2: not until we lose something or almost lose something, that
Speaker 2: we realize how much it meant to us. And so
Speaker 2: to have that experience or my career at least the
Speaker 2: one that everybody sees right now, you know, I'm fifty
Speaker 2: six now that it started fifteen years ago at rock bottom,
Speaker 2: where I was on the verge of losing everything that mattered.
Speaker 2: And so when you have an experience where your kids
Speaker 2: are standing next to you and you can't pay for
Speaker 2: groceries at the grocery store. When you have experience where
Speaker 2: your kids are in the car and you can't fill
Speaker 2: the tank of gas that they're in, you don't lose that.
Speaker 2: And I remember in moments of my life, whether it
Speaker 2: was that moment or it was moments when I was
Speaker 2: younger and I was struggling with issues I didn't even understand.
Speaker 2: I wasn't diagnosed until I was forty seven with ADHD,
Speaker 2: but it impacted me my whole life that I didn't know,
Speaker 2: and I thought I was dealing with anxiety when really
Speaker 2: I was dealing with undiagnosed ADHD. And the main symptom
Speaker 2: that people women in particular feel when they don't have
Speaker 2: a proper diagnosis of something focus related or you know,
Speaker 2: I also have dyslexia, which I didn't know until I
Speaker 2: was forty seven, that you develop anxiety because you're being
Speaker 2: asked to do things that your brain functionally, structurally isn't
Speaker 2: able to do the way the people do. You start
Speaker 2: to think that you're an idiot or there's something wrong
Speaker 2: with you, and then all of that anxiety develops and
Speaker 2: so in these moments where I've really struggled, I just
Speaker 2: thought I was the only one. I thought there was
Speaker 2: something wrong with me. And looking back, I can see
Speaker 2: that that loneliness and that sense of being closed off
Speaker 2: in your own experience and then pretending on the surface
Speaker 2: that something else was going on. It led to me
Speaker 2: hurting other people. It led to me just spoiling really
Speaker 2: important opportunities. It led to me acting in ways that
Speaker 2: I really regret. It led to me hurting myself in
Speaker 2: many many ways.
Speaker 1: And so.
Speaker 2: I guess I'm so open because number one, if anything,
Speaker 2: that I've learned the hard way and help somebody else
Speaker 2: from suffering the way that I did. My God, I
Speaker 2: will tell you everything. And the other reason why I'm
Speaker 2: so open is I've spent so long in my life
Speaker 2: pretending to be somebody I'm not that I just think
Speaker 2: it's so much easier to be who you are, and
Speaker 2: you know, and everybody says it's vulnerable. I actually don't
Speaker 2: think it's vulnerable at all. It is the easiest thing
Speaker 2: in the world when you stop judging your own experience.
Speaker 3: You know, when you say you spent so long pretending
Speaker 3: to be someone that you weren't your essential self. It's
Speaker 3: interesting because as you are so accomplished, and even when
Speaker 3: you and your husband Crease hit the skeeds with the
Speaker 3: business and you were eight hundred granding date and that
Speaker 3: is dire, you was still a woman of great accomplishment.
Speaker 3: You've got a couple of degrees. You're a lawyer, you
Speaker 3: are hard hitting, you a clear thinking Who were you
Speaker 3: pretending to be hard hitting?
Speaker 2: Clear thinking? Got it all together?
Speaker 1: Accomplished?
Speaker 2: Hey, degrees are something that's on a piece of paper.
Speaker 2: That doesn't mean that you feel good about yourself. And
Speaker 2: I think for a long time I thought I had
Speaker 2: to measure up to the Ivy League degree. I thought
Speaker 2: I had to be something because of the lawyer thing.
Speaker 2: And every one of us has this disconnect from who
Speaker 2: were presenting to the world versus the experience that we're
Speaker 2: having internally, and this deep sense of am I enough?
Speaker 2: And for a long time the answer was no. And
Speaker 2: there was never enough that I could do. There was
Speaker 2: never enough that was going to prove that I was okay.
Speaker 2: I was constantly seeking validation outside of me, constantly seeking approval.
Speaker 2: If a new purse, could you know, make other people
Speaker 2: like me? If I with the right friend group. I
Speaker 2: think we're all searching for that level of acceptance. And
Speaker 2: it took me getting into a very dire state where
Speaker 2: I had to rebuild myself from the inside out when
Speaker 2: we were that far in debt, and I got to
Speaker 2: a point where it was just very difficult to get
Speaker 2: out of bed and face the nightmare that my life
Speaker 2: had become. Learning anew how to wake up and face
Speaker 2: the day was a skill, like learning how to get
Speaker 2: out of bed, when I didn't feel like it was
Speaker 2: a life skill, like I had spent my life avoiding
Speaker 2: the things that felt hard. Avoiding like academics came easy,
Speaker 2: Like I'm clearly a very very intellectual and smart person,
Speaker 2: so hitting the books and not having to talk to
Speaker 2: their human beings easy. But really learning how to be
Speaker 2: okay with who I am and who I'm not, learning
Speaker 2: how to be okay with what social group I'm in
Speaker 2: and what social group I'm not. Learning, how to be
Speaker 2: okay with what my body is or it isn't how
Speaker 2: I measure up the amount of money or no money.
Speaker 2: You know what's fascinating is I think that in life,
Speaker 2: most people know how to have a bad attitude or
Speaker 2: be in a bad mood for no reason. That for decades,
Speaker 2: you can train yourself to just look at the day
Speaker 2: ahead and see nothing but reasons to be in a
Speaker 2: bad mood, reasons to doubt yourself. What I think is
Speaker 2: a really important skill in life is teaching yourself to
Speaker 2: have a good attitude, to be in a positive mood
Speaker 2: for no reason, for no reason, because learning how to
Speaker 2: wake up every day and say, you know what, today
Speaker 2: is going to be a great day. And it's not
Speaker 2: going to be great the whole day, but I'm going
Speaker 2: to make it a good day because there's something that
Speaker 2: I'm going to do that's going to make me feel good.
Speaker 2: That's a way to program yourself to have a good attitude.
Speaker 2: Learning how to wake up and say, you know, I
Speaker 2: don't know what's going to happen, but I know I'm
Speaker 2: capable of figuring it out today. Doubling down on your ability.
Speaker 3: Well, I sometimes think this mood thing I find really interesting.
Speaker 3: I did breakfast radio for twelve years, so my muscles
Speaker 3: to wake up whistling are pretty good. You've got to
Speaker 3: wake up happy. You got no You've got no saying it.
Speaker 3: And I've also got four children and they're all sort
Speaker 3: of wired differently for mornings. Mornings in particular, I think
Speaker 3: are so essential and I always say to these you
Speaker 3: may as well do it happily because it has to
Speaker 3: be done regardless. But I think that sometimes people use
Speaker 3: the mood that you're talking about to deflect. You know how,
Speaker 3: no one will come near someone who's grumpy. So when
Speaker 3: you're hiding the inner truth of yourself and you project
Speaker 3: that anger or hostility or don't come near me to
Speaker 3: the world, do you think that you were protecting yourself
Speaker 3: from the truth of yourself at that time?
Speaker 2: I'm sure, because you know, like if you think about
Speaker 2: anybody in your life who's miserable, yes, they're always in
Speaker 2: a bad mood. They are always talking about the negative.
Speaker 2: There's always some grape that is a human being that
Speaker 2: is projecting an inner landscape that they have not dealt
Speaker 2: with yet. See, there is a lot in a person
Speaker 2: like that. There's typically a lot of sadness, there's a
Speaker 2: lot of self criticism, there's a sense of isolation. There's
Speaker 2: a sense that life isn't fair, and that's a very
Speaker 2: difficult thing to sit with. I mean, there are those
Speaker 2: of us that just marinate in that and make ourselves miserable,
Speaker 2: but we don't project it to anybody else. But then
Speaker 2: there's a lot of people that feel those exact same things,
Speaker 2: and they can't tolerate those feelings, so they barfit out
Speaker 2: at everybody else. And so when I see somebody that's
Speaker 2: like that, I just, you know, say let them. Let
Speaker 2: them be in a terrible mood, let them be disappointed,
Speaker 2: let them be angry at life. Because it's not my
Speaker 2: job to save people or heal them, and I can't,
Speaker 2: but let me not allow that negativity to impact me
Speaker 2: or to become my job to manage, because I find
Speaker 2: that people that are negative tend to get a lot
Speaker 2: of attention for that negativity. They feel powerful because of
Speaker 2: that negativity, and it's also a giant kind of shield
Speaker 2: to have to do everything, you know, because you can
Speaker 2: there's always, like this is the thing about life, there's
Speaker 2: always something you can.
Speaker 1: Do to make things better.
Speaker 2: Even if you're going through the worst thing in the world,
Speaker 2: there's always something you can do with your attitude and
Speaker 2: with the little things that you do that can make
Speaker 2: things slightly better. I mean, this is the entire thesis
Speaker 2: of Victor Frankel's Seminal work Man search for meaning that
Speaker 2: in the middle of the Holocaust and all these horrific
Speaker 2: things he cannot control in the concentration camp, he recognizes
Speaker 2: that the only thing in his control in this absolutely
Speaker 2: unspeakable situation is what he's thinking about and his physical
Speaker 2: response to what's happening. That through his thoughts and actions,
Speaker 2: he cannot only survive this situation, but he can help
Speaker 2: himself through the situation. And to me, when you start
Speaker 2: to understand that you have so much more power than
Speaker 2: you realize, and that no matter where you are right now, Kate,
Speaker 2: whether you're like I am and you are just embarrassingly
Speaker 2: in debt, or you are broken up with for the
Speaker 2: tenth time where you're horribly overweight, or you're like one
Speaker 2: of the most beautiful things about the human design is
Speaker 2: that you're designed to grow, You're designed to change.
Speaker 1: That your body and your mind.
Speaker 2: Are waiting for you to program in different thinking and
Speaker 2: waiting for you to wake up and go, how I'm
Speaker 2: doing life just doesn't feel good anymore, and so I'm
Speaker 2: gonna change.
Speaker 3: It's interesting because we live in a time of great comfort.
Speaker 3: Comfort's available to us pretty well with a conditioning or
Speaker 3: with the running water that I should have had this morning.
Speaker 3: You know, we're very we become very resistant to discomfort
Speaker 3: because we're so used to having air con or whatever,
Speaker 3: or there's a grocery store full of abundance. How did
Speaker 3: you face the ultimate discomfort, which I think comes from
Speaker 3: within and you actually say in let them. The first
Speaker 3: step to change in your life is taking responsibility for
Speaker 3: the fact that your life isn't working. Now, that to
Speaker 3: me is the most pain. That's searingly painful, that realization.
Speaker 3: We've all had those in our life. When you had
Speaker 3: that moment, how did you get into the depths of that?
Speaker 3: Was it because you couldn't get out of bed?
Speaker 2: I want to really highlight this question. The first step
Speaker 2: to changing is it admitting to yourself that the way
Speaker 2: that you're living your life is no longer working.
Speaker 1: That is all it takes to change.
Speaker 2: And it's pretty clear when your life isn't work or
Speaker 2: when aspects of your life aren't working. I mean, you know,
Speaker 2: at this point in the story of my life, I
Speaker 2: was drinking myself into the ground, blaming everything on my husband.
Speaker 2: I would hit the snooze button six times in the
Speaker 2: morning and wake up hungover to my two children who
Speaker 2: were school age at the time who had missed the bus.
Speaker 2: Like when your kids are waking you up after you've
Speaker 2: missed the bus, you're basically failing at parenting in life.
Speaker 1: I mean, let's be honest, you don't need a.
Speaker 2: PhD to understand that that's a pretty clear indication that
Speaker 2: the way they're doing life ain't working really well and
Speaker 2: you don't feel good about yourself. And it doesn't take
Speaker 2: a rocket scientist or an expert, because people know when
Speaker 2: they're not doing well. Like I choose to believe, Kate
Speaker 2: that we all want to thrive. We want to do
Speaker 2: well at work, we want to do well at school,
Speaker 2: we want to feel connected in our relationships, we want
Speaker 2: to feel a sense of control about where our life
Speaker 2: is going. We want to feel proud of ourselves. So
Speaker 2: I choose to believe that that is at the core
Speaker 2: who you are and what is meant for you. And
Speaker 2: for just endless and endless reasons, we get away from
Speaker 2: who we are and we get off track. And the
Speaker 2: only thing that you need as the first step to
Speaker 2: get back on track in your life is to admit
Speaker 2: that how your life feels, or how your marriage feels,
Speaker 2: or how your job feels no longer works for you,
Speaker 2: and you don't need to have to have a reason
Speaker 2: just saying it. It just doesn't feel how I want
Speaker 2: it to feel. And this is the piece, this second step,
Speaker 2: that I think most people miss. And I've come to
Speaker 2: believe doing the work that I've done now for fifteen
Speaker 2: years on myself, sharing all the things that I share,
Speaker 2: doing all the research that I do, I have come
Speaker 2: to believe that the single biggest obstacle in every person's way,
Speaker 2: So the person watching or listening right now, the single
Speaker 2: biggest obstacle in your way right now is not ability.
Speaker 2: No way, your friend Mel Robbins will tell you you
Speaker 2: are fucking capable of doing what you need to do, Like,
Speaker 2: stop with this bullshit and get to work, like I'm
Speaker 2: gonna I'll clack like I'm not going to hear it.
Speaker 2: I'm not going to hear it from you, because I
Speaker 2: choose to believe that through your attitude and through your actions,
Speaker 2: you can move the needle over time, not overnight overtime.
Speaker 2: But here's the obstacle. It is a lack of hope, discouragement,
Speaker 2: the belief that it's not going to work for you
Speaker 2: is the reason why most people stay where they are.
Speaker 2: We live in a moment in time where you have
Speaker 2: more information than you could possibly need. If you do
Speaker 2: not know how to change your life or make a
Speaker 2: million dollars or connect with your kids who won't talk
Speaker 2: to you, just go to chat GTP.
Speaker 1: Type in the thing you want to change.
Speaker 2: It will spit out a thirty day, day by day
Speaker 2: thing to do, and most of it will probably be accurate.
Speaker 1: Some of it won't.
Speaker 2: But if you follow the step by step protocol that
Speaker 2: it spits out, I guarantee you it would work. But
Speaker 2: you're going to look at that listener and no, that's
Speaker 2: not going to work for me. My problems are too
Speaker 2: and then you start talking yourself out of it. So
Speaker 2: I really believe that it is this sense of discouragement
Speaker 2: that Kate can change your life but I can't. Kate
Speaker 2: can connect with her kids, but I can't. Kate can
Speaker 2: wake up at four point thirty in the morning and
Speaker 2: have a hair mask in her hair and no water,
Speaker 2: and she'll figure it out, but I can't because Kate
Speaker 2: has a husband and I don't have a husband, and
Speaker 2: so I can. And so do you see how this
Speaker 2: sense that it's not going to work For me, this
Speaker 2: lack of hope actually stops you from doing what you're
Speaker 2: capable of doing.
Speaker 1: And so for me, that that.
Speaker 2: Admission to yourself that your life is not how you
Speaker 2: want it to feel, or your relationship is, or your
Speaker 2: body is.
Speaker 1: That's step one.
Speaker 2: Step two is actually saying, even if I don't think
Speaker 2: it's going to work, by God, I am going to
Speaker 2: act as if I am that person, and I'm going
Speaker 2: to do it before I feel like doing. That is
Speaker 2: the secret, like not waiting for someone else to do it,
Speaker 2: not waiting for the motivation to come, because motivation is
Speaker 2: garbage is not coming. That's not how your body works.
Speaker 2: And this was a huge wake up call for me.
Speaker 2: Like I wish I had known this when I was
Speaker 2: a kid. I didn't know that our minds are wired
Speaker 2: against change. They can change, they love to change, but
Speaker 2: you're not going to feel ready to change your mind's
Speaker 2: default toward.
Speaker 1: What feels easy.
Speaker 2: That's why we sit on the couch instead of going
Speaker 2: to the gym, That's why we watch TV instead of
Speaker 2: working on our resume, because our minds are wired to
Speaker 2: do what feels easy right now. In order to change,
Speaker 2: a human being has to do something that is difficult.
Speaker 2: You know, if change were easy, we'd all have a
Speaker 2: million dollars, we'd all have six back abs, we'd all
Speaker 2: like have everything we've ever wanted. Change happens when you
Speaker 2: are ready to do the thing you don't feel like doing.
Speaker 1: And that's the formula.
Speaker 2: If you just did the shit you didn't feel like doing,
Speaker 2: you'd have everything you've ever wanted. And so one of
Speaker 2: the huge wake up calls for me, Kate, is realizing
Speaker 2: nobody's coming, Nobody's going to do this for me. I
Speaker 2: can either circle the drain and go down it bitching
Speaker 2: about my husband and being right that he's the loser
Speaker 2: that did this to us. Or I can wake up
Speaker 2: and say, the way that life is going doesn't work.
Speaker 2: If I want to save this house, I got to
Speaker 2: do something about it. If I want to stop feeling bad,
Speaker 2: I got to do something about it.
Speaker 3: What was Can you remember the first thing that you
Speaker 3: did that was difficult?
Speaker 4: Yes?
Speaker 1: Yes I can. It was a.
Speaker 2: Tuesday morning in February two thousand and eight. I know
Speaker 2: the exact morning I had. For six months, the alarm
Speaker 2: would ring and I would lay in bed because we
Speaker 2: had so many problems. My gut, your mind, will look
Speaker 2: for whatever you tell it to. If you put garbage
Speaker 2: in it, your mind will have garbage out just looking
Speaker 2: for what's wrong. I would wake up every day and
Speaker 2: let me be clear, there's a lot wrong about my life.
Speaker 2: I was very correct in seeing a lot of negative
Speaker 2: things because there were a lot of negative things. I
Speaker 2: was drinking myself into the ground. We had eight hundred
Speaker 2: thousand dollars in debt. There were six months of bills
Speaker 2: piled up on that countertop. There were leans that had
Speaker 2: hit that house. Friends and family had invested in my
Speaker 2: husband's restaurant business. I had lost my job. Like, there
Speaker 2: was a lot of reasons to feel sorry for myself,
Speaker 2: and boy, oh boyd did I There was a lot
Speaker 2: of reasons we pissed off at my husband, and let
Speaker 2: me tell you, I was. But the question is, are
Speaker 2: those reasons and that anger actually helping you?
Speaker 1: Are they helping you?
Speaker 2: Like there's a point in time where you're going to
Speaker 2: get so sick of your own bullshit that you finally
Speaker 2: do something different. And for me, it was a Tuesday
Speaker 2: morning in February twenty, two thousand and eight, and the
Speaker 2: night before I had seen this rocket launch across the
Speaker 2: television screen, and it gave me this like crazy idea
Speaker 2: to try to launch myself out of bed. Now, I
Speaker 2: had had a lot of bourbon that night, and so
Speaker 2: that's probably why I had that dumb idea. But for
Speaker 2: whatever reason, the next morning, the alarm rings and I
Speaker 2: remember that dumb idea of launching myself like NASA does
Speaker 2: five four three two one, like literally count back and
Speaker 2: launch yourself. And I started to think about how I
Speaker 2: felt about doing it.
Speaker 1: This is the mistake. You stop and think about how
Speaker 1: you feel.
Speaker 2: And immediately I saw all the negative. I don't feel
Speaker 2: like getting out of bed. It's cold, it's dark, it's February,
Speaker 2: which is winter in Boston, Massachusetts. How the hell is
Speaker 2: getting out of bed going to pay my bills? I'm
Speaker 2: pissed off at Chris, Like what the And I started
Speaker 2: reaching for the snooze button, which is a massive form
Speaker 2: of avoidance. Great way to start the day, let's just
Speaker 2: procrastinate by getting out getting out of bed. But for
Speaker 2: whatever reason, that morning, February two thousand and eight, I
Speaker 2: made one decision that changed my life. I just started
Speaker 2: counting backwards five four three two one, and then I
Speaker 2: rolled out of bed and it was this weird moment,
Speaker 2: first time I had gotten out of bed when the
Speaker 2: alarm ranged in six months, and it felt like a
Speaker 2: small victory. And it was because it was the first
Speaker 2: time that the negativity and the bad mood and the
Speaker 2: anger and the depression and all of the problems.
Speaker 1: It was the first time they didn't win.
Speaker 3: Because you you won. You deserted yourself.
Speaker 2: Oh I took action, Yes, yes, I took the action
Speaker 2: despite the feelings. And you know, for you listening or
Speaker 2: watching right now, I'm going to tell you something. There
Speaker 2: are things that you know you need to do and
Speaker 2: you've been waiting around to feel better.
Speaker 1: Do not do that.
Speaker 2: You're not going to feel better until you take the
Speaker 2: action first. Because what happens is, and this is sort
Speaker 2: of how to break down what's actually happening, is your
Speaker 2: mind is watching and every morning that you hit the
Speaker 2: snooze button six times, it becomes your identity and your
Speaker 2: brain's like, oh, I'm the kind of person that just
Speaker 2: avoids doing the hard things, and then you avoid doing
Speaker 2: more hard things. This is why you should never allow
Speaker 2: your children's anxiety to have them opt out of something,
Speaker 2: because when you allow your children's anxiety to let them
Speaker 2: avoid doing something that scares them. You allowing them to
Speaker 2: op out communicates to them in their brain that they're
Speaker 2: not capable of doing hard things, and so you make
Speaker 2: the anxiety worse. How do I know that because I
Speaker 2: did this with my children, I made their anxiety worse
Speaker 2: because I didn't know.
Speaker 1: Now I know, and so.
Speaker 2: I learned through that experience that doing something that you
Speaker 2: don't feel like doing is a skill. Learning how to
Speaker 2: do things just because you know they need to get done,
Speaker 2: which you can do in lots of areas your life. Look,
Speaker 2: I don't like unloading the dishwasher, I still do it.
Speaker 2: I never feel like folding laundry, I still do it.
Speaker 2: I don't feel like picking up the dog poo in
Speaker 2: the yard before we mow it, I still do it.
Speaker 2: There are areas of your life where you do this,
Speaker 2: but when it comes to the most important things, you're
Speaker 2: waiting for the feelings to align with the action, and
Speaker 2: it is the opposite act first, and then how you
Speaker 2: feel changes. And here's what also happens. You start to
Speaker 2: see yourself differently, seeing myself get out of bed when
Speaker 2: the alarm rang starts to become if you start to
Speaker 2: do it, most mornings, you start to see yourself as
Speaker 2: the kind of person who gets out of bed when
Speaker 2: the alarm rings, versus the kind of person who lays
Speaker 2: there and stares at the ceiling like a human pot roast,
Speaker 2: marinating in fear and all your problems and how that
Speaker 2: And it was the action, not the thinking, that changed
Speaker 2: the way you see yourself. And so, Kate, a lot
Speaker 2: of people will ask me, now, how the hell did
Speaker 2: you build this insane business that you have and this
Speaker 2: podcast and these books, and how do you have thirty
Speaker 2: five people working for you and udios in Boston and
Speaker 2: you're fifty six? How you, I literally say, by learning
Speaker 2: how to get out of bed on the mornings I don't.
Speaker 1: Feel like it.
Speaker 2: Because if you can learn how to get out of
Speaker 2: bed when you don't feel like it, if you can
Speaker 2: learn how to have non alcoholic drink instead of an
Speaker 2: alcoholic drink when you don't feel when you can learn
Speaker 2: how to go for a walk when you don't feel
Speaker 2: like it, when you can learn how to start a
Speaker 2: conversation that's hard when you don't feel like it, you
Speaker 2: can do anything.
Speaker 1: That's the secret.
Speaker 2: And so that period of my life taught me that
Speaker 2: action and acting consistently with the things that I want
Speaker 2: gives you what you want in life.
Speaker 3: Up next, Mel Robbins dives into how hitting rock bottom
Speaker 3: saved her marriage and her life. Don't go anywhere. How
Speaker 3: did that extrapolate to your husband and your children at
Speaker 3: that time? So they've been living with someone who, like
Speaker 3: you said, is Marinity black apold christ as as I
Speaker 3: guess Chris was at the time as well.
Speaker 2: No, Chris was running for me because I was a
Speaker 2: complete bitch to be around. Like he's a very smart man.
Speaker 2: He was drinking himself into the ground. Yeah, how it
Speaker 2: translated is my mood shifted. Problems started getting solved. I
Speaker 2: got myself a job, I started asking for help. I
Speaker 2: started being honest about what was going on. I started
Speaker 2: five four three two one. Instead of screaming at Chris,
Speaker 2: I would settle myself. So one decision, one action at
Speaker 2: a time. I started to take different actions, and those
Speaker 2: changed the course of everything. And it all starts with you.
Speaker 2: Like we're all sitting around waiting to be rescued or
Speaker 2: waiting for somebody else to do it. You have so
Speaker 2: much more power, Like think about yourself and the power
Speaker 2: that you have, Like the weather. You can be sunny
Speaker 2: and that changes everybody around you.
Speaker 1: That's the power that you have.
Speaker 2: Or you can be a storm and we all know
Speaker 2: people who walk in a room and they are a
Speaker 2: storm and their energy affects everybody. You get to choose
Speaker 2: being in a positive and action oriented mindset for no reason,
Speaker 2: because right now you're in a very negative or self
Speaker 2: doubting one for no particular reason other than the fact
Speaker 2: that you're used to it.
Speaker 3: So Chris rose to meet you, the new you, when
Speaker 3: you could show yourself again to.
Speaker 1: Be not really okay, not really?
Speaker 3: How is that?
Speaker 2: Because you can't make other people change, You can't like Chris,
Speaker 2: Chris started using five four three two one and went
Speaker 2: back into his restaurant business and renegotiated leases and laid
Speaker 2: off a bunch of people and went to the investors.
Speaker 2: And it was like a slog for years and years
Speaker 2: and years turning it around. But you know, when he
Speaker 2: left the restaurant business in twenty fourteen, he was a
Speaker 2: shell of himself. So six years later he's doing the stuff.
Speaker 2: But he hadn't addressed his drinking. He hadn't addressed the
Speaker 2: shame that he felt about the fact that you know,
Speaker 2: as a man.
Speaker 1: And this is speaking in very heterosexual norms.
Speaker 2: He felt he had failed because he didn't provide for
Speaker 2: his family and his business was in a success and
Speaker 2: he lost people's money and he went into a dark
Speaker 2: depression and every want I just you know, an angry,
Speaker 2: resentful wife who was now out there like having to
Speaker 2: make the money and you know, working three jobs and
Speaker 2: making the ends meet, while he's barely able to hold
Speaker 2: it together. And this is the thing about life. You
Speaker 2: cannot heal another person. You cannot do the work for
Speaker 2: another person. The way that you actually do the work
Speaker 2: for other people is you do the work to make
Speaker 2: you proud of yourself.
Speaker 1: You do the.
Speaker 2: Work to align your actions every day in a way
Speaker 2: that makes you proud of yourself. And if you are
Speaker 2: proud of yourself, because you get out of bed and
Speaker 2: you make your bed and you have a morning routine
Speaker 2: that makes you feel like you and then you go
Speaker 2: to work and you're a good person and you're kind
Speaker 2: to people, and you do the best that you can,
Speaker 2: and you try hard to stay in control of your emotions.
Speaker 2: You're not an asshole to people. And you end the
Speaker 2: day and put your head on your pillow and say,
Speaker 2: you know what I did the best I could today.
Speaker 1: I'm proud of myself.
Speaker 3: You're winning, Yeah, you're winning. And then people are attracted
Speaker 3: to the qualities that you are demonstrating. They're like mail,
Speaker 3: how do you know the secret of you always seem
Speaker 3: like you're in a good mood or think great things
Speaker 3: are happening for you.
Speaker 2: Taught myself how to be cape and here's why. Let's
Speaker 2: just take what happened to you this morning with the
Speaker 2: hair mask and the water being turned off and all
Speaker 2: of this stuff. In a situation like that, and I'm
Speaker 2: a very pragmatic person, if you allow the things in
Speaker 2: life that you can't control. You can't control the fact
Speaker 2: that you didn't get the text because.
Speaker 1: You didn't get the text. You can't control that the
Speaker 1: water was getting turned off.
Speaker 2: Because you can't control the fact that the hairs that
Speaker 2: the hair masks are because it's already in your hair.
Speaker 1: So let them, let them, let them.
Speaker 2: And if you then go into a really negative attitude
Speaker 2: and you let yourself get all worried and stressed out
Speaker 2: or worse, you start going, why am I a stupid
Speaker 2: idiot who always does these kinds of things? And now
Speaker 2: I'm going to go to this interview and it's going
Speaker 2: to be terrible because of this happen, and you do
Speaker 2: that to yourself, which we do to ourselves in these moments.
Speaker 1: What happens is.
Speaker 2: You trigger your own brain to go from present and
Speaker 2: fully capable of handling the situation to a stress response,
Speaker 2: and you're a migdala in the back of your brain
Speaker 2: turns on. You go into fight or flight and stress
Speaker 2: out mode. And the research is very clear when you're
Speaker 2: amygdala is turned on because you're now negative and criticizing
Speaker 2: yourself and doomsday and all that stuff that you've done
Speaker 2: your whole life to yourself, you actually can't think clearly
Speaker 2: because the prefrontal cortex isn't working at its full capacity.
Speaker 1: So your habit of just going.
Speaker 2: Into a bad mood and a bad attitude, which then
Speaker 2: makes you stressed out, actually makes everything worse because you
Speaker 2: can't bring your thinking and your problem solving online to
Speaker 2: help you. That's what happens. And when I started to realize,
Speaker 2: wait a minute, I have forever defaulted to doubting myself.
Speaker 2: I have forever defaulted to worrying or second and guesting
Speaker 2: or questioning or like wondering, you know, if other people
Speaker 2: are going to approve I've forever trained myself to do this,
Speaker 2: why not train yourself to do the opposite. Why not
Speaker 2: train yourself to be in a good mood just because
Speaker 2: you know that it's going to help you in those
Speaker 2: situations when life goes sideways and there's plenty of things
Speaker 2: to be in a bad mood about. But does the
Speaker 2: bad mood help you? That's the question.
Speaker 3: You know, you tell an interesting story and let them
Speaker 3: and the power of that book and that theory is
Speaker 3: so great that even when I was doing a really
Speaker 3: deep dive on you and the book in preparation for
Speaker 3: our interview, it helped me. I wasn't looking for it,
Speaker 3: wasn't looking for help, just that there were I realized
Speaker 3: that there were instances in my life it work related
Speaker 3: things where you know, sometimes you feel excluded from things
Speaker 3: and their friends and they're working with other people or whatever,
Speaker 3: and I went, oh, my goodness, let them right. This
Speaker 3: is how powerful. It is. Very powerful. When I was
Speaker 3: reading about you with the greater purpose not being myself,
Speaker 3: I still reap the benefit from it. Extraordinary. But you
Speaker 3: tell a story in the book and when you go
Speaker 3: to your friend's place and she's got this renovated house.
Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, and you feel.
Speaker 1: Jealous, yeah jealous.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, I literally like I literally wanted to die. Like,
Speaker 2: have you ever had a friend who all of a
Speaker 2: sudden they moved to like the fancy of your town,
Speaker 2: or they moved from renting an apartment to this like
Speaker 2: brownstone that they buy And then they invite you over
Speaker 2: for dinner, and as you're driving up the long driveway, thinking.
Speaker 1: How the hell do they have this much money?
Speaker 2: And then they open up the door, and you're happy
Speaker 2: for your friend, because your friend works hard and your
Speaker 2: friend deserves to me happy, but you're just not happy
Speaker 2: for yourself because as you're gripping the wine glass and
Speaker 2: you're grinning your teeth trying to smile Thatt like freak smile,
Speaker 2: and every single corner of their house looks like a
Speaker 2: display on Pinterest. And then you turn the corner and
Speaker 2: there is your dream kitchen.
Speaker 1: And she's got a white can that's and the.
Speaker 2: Marble countertops, and you're like, you, bitch, I shouldn't have
Speaker 2: shown you my Pinterest boards.
Speaker 1: You stole my kitchen, right, and then you and you literally, you.
Speaker 2: Know, if you're anything like me, at the time, because
Speaker 2: this happened to me, this particular story, when we're still
Speaker 2: really struggling financially, you hold it together and then when
Speaker 2: you get in the car and you go to drive away,
Speaker 2: you turn to your poor partner and you're like, why
Speaker 2: couldn't you have been in finance? Why did you have
Speaker 2: to be a nice person? Why couldn't you make money.
Speaker 1: Like you just like aim it at them? Oh my god,
Speaker 1: it was so bad, you know.
Speaker 2: I believed that success and happiness and friendship and kitchens
Speaker 2: with white countertops were in limited supply. I believed and
Speaker 2: went through life that if Kate has a podcast, I
Speaker 2: can't have one, that if you go on a vacation
Speaker 2: to them all these I can't that if you wear
Speaker 2: embroidered like that, somehow your success or your happiness is
Speaker 2: robbing me of mine that there was And it's such bullshit.
Speaker 2: These things are in limitless supply if you're willing to
Speaker 2: wake up every day and do the.
Speaker 1: Boring, annoying, ruling.
Speaker 2: Work that it takes to create these things in your life.
Speaker 2: And it doesn't happen overnight, Like you're not going to
Speaker 2: get the kitchen in the next five years, but you
Speaker 2: might get it in the next fifteen. But here's the
Speaker 2: mistake I was making. I actually thought I was competing
Speaker 2: against other people. Nobody is like against you. I really
Speaker 2: mean this, I really want. I want you to just
Speaker 2: understand something that other people don't block your way. Other
Speaker 2: people lead the way. They show you what's possible. And
Speaker 2: when you get that jealous I didn't understand jealousy. Jealousy
Speaker 2: is so interesting to unpack because you only get jealous
Speaker 2: of things you authentically want. It is impossible to be
Speaker 2: jealous of something you don't want. I'm not jealous of
Speaker 2: anybody who drives a yellow Lamborghini. I don't want one.
Speaker 2: But I might be jealous of a friend who has
Speaker 2: all of their kids, who you know, my kids are
Speaker 2: now adults who live near them, because I want that.
Speaker 2: Jealousy comes from a very deep and authentic place, because
Speaker 2: it is a desire of yours that is somehow blocked.
Speaker 2: And it's either blocked because you've told yourself you can't
Speaker 2: have that, or it's never going to happen, or you've
Speaker 2: told yourself I can't do that, or things like that
Speaker 2: don't happen to people like me, and jealousy rises up
Speaker 2: because you actually aren't doing anything to walk toward it.
Speaker 3: But now you realize that you must have friends who
Speaker 3: are jealous of you.
Speaker 2: Oh sure, let them. I'm not stopping them from doing anything.
Speaker 2: And now what I realize is how sad that I
Speaker 2: went through my life for the first fifty four years
Speaker 2: jealous of people that actually could have, for those fifty
Speaker 2: four years been a source of inspiration, a source of information,
Speaker 2: a source of support.
Speaker 1: Like, no, my friend was never against me.
Speaker 2: I could have leaned in and been like, oh my gosh,
Speaker 2: Like how do I go from where I am to
Speaker 2: where you are?
Speaker 4: Like?
Speaker 2: What if I just painted my cabinets white? Now it's
Speaker 2: not going to be my dream kitchen, but I'm now
Speaker 2: signaling to my own brain that it's something that I
Speaker 2: want that I don't have to wait for. Sure, it
Speaker 2: kind of sucks that I can't afford to hire somebody,
Speaker 2: but I can make it a date night and paint
Speaker 2: the cabs as myself with my husband, Like why do
Speaker 2: I have to let somebody else's wins be my loss?
Speaker 2: You need to see these things as signals of what
Speaker 2: your own heart is calling you toward, and it's like
Speaker 2: a wake up call.
Speaker 1: Get to fucking work.
Speaker 2: Like, stop telling yourself you can't have this stuff. Stop
Speaker 2: coming up with excuses, because there are a million ways
Speaker 2: to figure out.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, if you have a friend.
Speaker 2: That's in fantastic sheep because she's got serious about her
Speaker 2: hormones and she's been lifting weight and now you know
Speaker 2: sheoks better than she did in her forties. If you're
Speaker 2: jealous of it, okay, great, get going. Ask her what
Speaker 2: she did, Ask for what supplements she takes, Ask her
Speaker 2: what her exercise routine. Let her lead the way instead
Speaker 2: of telling yourself a lie that somehow Okay.
Speaker 1: Well she's done it. No, I can't do it because
Speaker 1: it'll be copying her. No, that's ridiculous.
Speaker 3: After the break, Mel Robbins explains how to let Them
Speaker 3: theory became a global movement and later makes a huge
Speaker 3: announcement that you are not going to want to miss.
Speaker 3: When your daughter Kendall gave you the let them basically
Speaker 3: the mantra the night that you were trying to control things,
Speaker 3: a story that you've told about your your son Oakley's
Speaker 3: prom night when you were trying to control and she
Speaker 3: just kept saying, let them, let them, let them go
Speaker 3: to the taco stand, let them go in the rain,
Speaker 3: let them just do what they want. What was the
Speaker 3: moment when you realized, oh, my goodness, this is something
Speaker 3: to live by.
Speaker 2: It did not like that night was when my shoulders
Speaker 2: dropped and I'm like, why do I care so much?
Speaker 2: Like I was being your typical controlling mom, and let
Speaker 2: me be honest about something, kid. I've been trying to
Speaker 2: be more stoic my entire life. I'm married to a Buddhist.
Speaker 2: It's super annoying when you're like crazy controlling and you
Speaker 2: grip the wheel of life and Chris is just.
Speaker 3: Like, let them, let them. Buddhists say let them.
Speaker 2: Well, that's why this theory has exploded. It's not a
Speaker 2: new idea. It is a modern version. I created the theory,
Speaker 2: I made the case for it. But the reason why
Speaker 2: it's exploded is I'm reminding you of what you've known
Speaker 2: to be true since the beginning of time. Now, let
Speaker 2: them theory is how you bestow it. The let them
Speaker 2: theory is how you apply the serenity prayer when life
Speaker 2: is pissing you off. The let them theory is radical
Speaker 2: acceptance because when you say let them, you're not allowing
Speaker 2: anybody to do anything. You're recognizing who they are and
Speaker 2: what they're doing when you say let them. You're practicing
Speaker 2: CBT therapy and detachment therapy. See, it's a tool that
Speaker 2: allows you to access these.
Speaker 1: Deep, deep, deep things.
Speaker 2: The second part of the theory let me Hell. My
Speaker 2: mother has a version of this is a needle pointed
Speaker 2: pillow that says, pull up your big girl panties and
Speaker 2: deal with it.
Speaker 1: That's let me. That's what that is.
Speaker 2: And so people read this book and they're nodding along
Speaker 2: because we all have a sense that we've always known
Speaker 2: that this is true. We just never knew how to
Speaker 2: take these intellectual and therapeutic concepts and apply them in
Speaker 2: a moment where you're hurt, or you're strut or you're scared,
Speaker 2: or you're upset about something. And so you know, for me,
Speaker 2: I have been posting about these topics for years. But
Speaker 2: the truth is, when life would get overwhelming, I would
Speaker 2: be just like everybody else, I'd be completely like freaked
Speaker 2: out and unable to access stoicism, and so I'd just
Speaker 2: like spiral. But as she said that, it stopped me
Speaker 2: for my spiral, and then I just started to anytime
Speaker 2: I was stressed out or annoyed or bothered. I would
Speaker 2: literally just say, let them, whether I was standing in
Speaker 2: a long line or somebody's walking slow in front of me.
Speaker 2: And here's what I noticed. People are fucking annoying, and
Speaker 2: they stress you out, and they hurt your feelings, and
Speaker 2: most of the things that make you stressed have to
Speaker 2: do with other people. And I started to recognize there's
Speaker 2: a totally different way for me to live my life.
Speaker 2: Why am I giving so much time and energy to
Speaker 2: other people? Why am I giving time and energy to
Speaker 2: things I can't control? Why am I trying to change
Speaker 2: your every Why is it my job to make everybody happy?
Speaker 2: Let them be miserable, let them try to make me
Speaker 2: feel guilty, let them. And here's the thing, though, I
Speaker 2: want to tell you, Kate, is that it was just
Speaker 2: to let them. Theory, it was just let them, let them,
Speaker 2: let them, let them, let them, let them. For the
Speaker 2: first six months, it was let them, let them, let them.
Speaker 2: And I started writing this book and I finished the
Speaker 2: first draft, and I'm like, something's wrong because the book
Speaker 2: was let them, let them, let them, let them, let them,
Speaker 2: let them.
Speaker 1: What the them? Let them? Let them?
Speaker 2: And my daughter came home and from a big solo
Speaker 2: backpacking trip. She was actually in Australia, New Zealand and
Speaker 2: all over Asia, and she needed money because she was broke.
Speaker 2: And I was like, you are a walking human Excel spreadsheet.
Speaker 2: So I'm going to give you a research assignment. I've
Speaker 2: just finished this draft of this book. Something's missing. I
Speaker 2: want you to go back into all the inbox and
Speaker 2: look at the comments on the podcast episode I did
Speaker 2: about this, and look at the comments on the you
Speaker 2: tube episode I've done about this. Nobody knew I was
Speaker 2: writing a book yet I had just done the podcast episode,
Speaker 2: and I'm like, I want you to look for what's
Speaker 2: not working. I want you to look for how are
Speaker 2: people using it, what are they saying about it? What
Speaker 2: are they saying in terms of I started using it,
Speaker 2: but now it's not working, and come back to me.
Speaker 2: I thought it would take her four weeks. She came
Speaker 2: back within thirty six hours. She had a twenty seven
Speaker 2: page Excel spreadsheet, columned, tabbed source links, and she had
Speaker 2: this synopsis at the top and she's like, can't write
Speaker 2: the book. Like, what do you mean you can't write
Speaker 2: the book. I'm writing the book. She's like, Mom, you
Speaker 2: can't write the book. I said, why can't I write
Speaker 2: the book? She said, people are using let them, and
Speaker 2: they're lonely because when you say let them, you realize,
Speaker 2: wait a minute, I'm the only sibling in my family
Speaker 2: that reaches out, and when I stop reaching out, nobody does.
Speaker 1: And wait a minute.
Speaker 2: My friends are jerks because I invite them everywhere, but
Speaker 2: they often make plans without me.
Speaker 1: I'm so to just let them.
Speaker 2: Wait a minute, this person that I've been dating for
Speaker 2: a year actually treats me like crap, Like I'm basically
Speaker 2: thinking I'm going to marry somebody who won't put a
Speaker 2: label on this relationship.
Speaker 1: I'm so to just let them.
Speaker 2: And she said, there has to be a second part, mom,
Speaker 2: because once you recognize the truth in your relationships and
Speaker 2: the truth that your boss doesn't recognize your contributions, you
Speaker 2: don't want to sit in feeling disempowered and lonely. There
Speaker 2: has to be a second part. And I was like,
Speaker 2: what's the second part?
Speaker 1: She's like, let me.
Speaker 2: And so the second part of the theory, which is
Speaker 2: how you take your power back and you recognize it.
Speaker 2: In life, there's only three things you control, what you think,
Speaker 2: what you do or don't do, and how you process
Speaker 2: the very real emotions that rise and fall every day.
Speaker 2: And it was because of her and her research that
Speaker 2: the theory became fully developed. And then we spent the
Speaker 2: next nine months writing the book.
Speaker 3: Mel Robin, Thank you for you, Yes, thank you for
Speaker 3: being a friend to so many, Thank you for changing lives.
Speaker 3: As a final glimpse into you, what would you like
Speaker 3: to change in yourself?
Speaker 1: Oh? What would I like to change in myself?
Speaker 2: I think in a moment like this, where you have
Speaker 2: this enormous thing happening, it's very very easy to want
Speaker 2: to do more. And because I nearly lost everything that
Speaker 2: mattered to me my family, my home, my sanity, my marriage,
Speaker 2: I don't want to get so busy that I lose
Speaker 2: sight of the things that are important. So it's not
Speaker 2: that I, you know, I'm trying to change anything. I
Speaker 2: want to make sure that I don't change, that I
Speaker 2: stay laser focused on showing up.
Speaker 1: In a way that makes me very proud.
Speaker 2: That I really protect my time and energy so that
Speaker 2: I can continue to spend a lot of it with
Speaker 2: my family and with my friends. That I don't ever
Speaker 2: forget who I am at my core and get all
Speaker 2: caught up in the bigness of this or anything else
Speaker 2: huge that I lose sight of who I am. Yeah, like,
Speaker 2: that's why I like this is being proud of yourself
Speaker 2: because of how you live your life is the winning formula.
Speaker 2: And you have full control over training your mind to
Speaker 2: think differently. You have full control over how you wake
Speaker 2: up in the morning, the series of actions that you
Speaker 2: take once you do, and I really hope that you
Speaker 2: will take the truth of what I'm sharing with you
Speaker 2: in these simple tools, whether it's five four three two one,
Speaker 2: or it is let them and let me, and you
Speaker 2: try them, Like you don't have to buy the book,
Speaker 2: try the theory. It's so simple, and see if you
Speaker 2: feel better, See if you're less stressed. See if learning
Speaker 2: how to accept the challenging people in your life for
Speaker 2: who they are and who they're not. See if learning
Speaker 2: how to do that actually brings you closer to them.
Speaker 2: Because I'm telling you, if you really embrace this and
Speaker 2: you try this in your life, you will recognize that
Speaker 2: you've had You've got the tools, and you have all
Speaker 2: this power. And when you stop giving it away and
Speaker 2: you reclaim it and you push yourself to live your way,
Speaker 2: in a life that makes you prey, you will be
Speaker 2: proud of yourself no matter what people say about you.
Speaker 3: Mel Robins, you deserve to be proud of yourself.
Speaker 2: Well, one thing I want to tell you is that
Speaker 2: twenty twenty six, I'm coming to Australia New Zealand. Oh
Speaker 2: you and the only way that you're gonna And I
Speaker 2: have not told anybody, We have not announced it yet,
Speaker 2: but for your audience. Yeah, if you're not on my
Speaker 2: newsletter list at Melrobins dot com, you better get on
Speaker 2: it because that's who's going to hear about this first.
Speaker 2: And I cannot wait to be in person.
Speaker 3: Okay, the Mama Maya audience will love this. Will you
Speaker 3: bring the family?
Speaker 2: Yes, I am honored to be able to share that
Speaker 2: with you for the first time.
Speaker 3: Bring them all, Bring all the Robinsons. We want all
Speaker 3: of you. Wow, that's quite an announcement. Mel Robins is
Speaker 3: heading our way in twenty twenty six, and we got
Speaker 3: the exclusive here on No Filter. What really stands out
Speaker 3: for me is how Mel has turned her personal journey
Speaker 3: and to let them theory, into not just a movement,
Speaker 3: but a global empire. It's pretty mind blowing to see
Speaker 3: how she's taken her message and made it into a
Speaker 3: business that has touched millions, myself included. The executive producer
Speaker 3: of No Filter is Naima Brown. Senior producer is Bree Player,
Speaker 3: with audio production by Jacob Brown and video production by
Speaker 3: Josh Green. And I am your host Kate Lane Brook.
Speaker 3: I will see you next week.
Speaker 5: Hello, this is Naima Brown, the executive producer of No Filter,
Speaker 5: and today we're bringing you a taste of a new
Speaker 5: podcast we've just released, cald I Never Told You This.
Speaker 5: It's about connection, about brave conversations and how to have
Speaker 5: more honest relationships. If you want to continue to listen
Speaker 5: to this series, it will be dropping over in our
Speaker 5: But Are You Happy? Podcast will pop links to but
Speaker 5: Are You Happy in the show notes Happy Listening.
Speaker 6: I'm a Shiny Dante host of But Are You Happy?
Speaker 6: Did you know that one in five Australians experience and
Speaker 6: mental health condition each year? Yet too many suffer in silence.
Speaker 6: Talking about our feelings and experiences is one of the
Speaker 6: most powerful steps towards healing and knowing we're not alone.
Speaker 6: That's why we're introducing I Never Told You This, a
Speaker 6: series created to spark honest, meaningful conversations that support better
Speaker 6: mental well being, brought to you by Medibank.
Speaker 4: I'm just actually feeling really freaking angry right now. What
Speaker 4: a wasted emotion?
Speaker 7: Pride is two people, one big reveal. I never told
Speaker 7: you this a simple card game where one question could
Speaker 7: change everything. It starts live.
Speaker 1: What's more things.
Speaker 3: Brings my joy? I'm not going to answer that.
Speaker 7: Then comes the moment that could shift a relationship forever.
Speaker 7: As they finished this sentence, I.
Speaker 4: Never told you this.
Speaker 1: I've never told you. They never told you this.
Speaker 7: Today, cousins Tina and Dula will be sitting down together.
Speaker 8: I don't know how she's going to take what I'll
Speaker 8: be sharing with her.
Speaker 7: Yula has something big to reveal to her cousin Tina.
Speaker 8: Hi, Well, I've got this fun game called the Mediebank
Speaker 8: Family Roast Card Game.
Speaker 4: Why not?
Speaker 3: I'm up for anything.
Speaker 8: I'm going to pick up a card now. In what
Speaker 8: way do you think we're similar?
Speaker 4: Both can talk underwater, Both got a very quirky outlook
Speaker 4: on life, willing to train anything once.
Speaker 1: How long will we got? My John?
Speaker 4: Let's go tell us about an embarrassing childhood memory.
Speaker 8: At your house in the country. When I decided to
Speaker 8: lock my sister in the out what are they called
Speaker 8: the toilet outhouse and didn't tell anyone came inside the
Speaker 8: house or playing or playing and dancing to music.
Speaker 1: I got into so much trouble.
Speaker 8: It was a very bad thing to do, and I'm
Speaker 8: very you regret it.
Speaker 3: I'm not going to answer that.
Speaker 4: Is there a family tradition you hope continues for generations.
Speaker 8: In our culture? Great Easter is one of the biggest nights.
Speaker 8: It's quite spectacular.
Speaker 4: And in the middle of the night, that's something different.
Speaker 8: My turn to pick up a card. I never told
Speaker 8: you this, Okay. You know how whenever I see you,
Speaker 8: you are constantly asking me why I'm giving you things,
Speaker 8: whether it's food, useless.
Speaker 3: Objects, nice things.
Speaker 8: And we've tried, you've tried to diagnose it some sort
Speaker 8: correct correct, And I do know why I do it,
Speaker 8: and it's because the big one when I was about
Speaker 8: between the ages of eight and twelve, whenever you close
Speaker 8: the takeaway shop that you owned in the country eight
Speaker 8: hours six eight hours away, it was you'd come down
Speaker 8: for public holidays. You'd called us when you're on your way,
Speaker 8: and then we'd just been camped outside waiting and counting
Speaker 8: the cars for the whole hours, and then when you'd
Speaker 8: finally get there and say, oh, you know, you're so
Speaker 8: excited to see me, which I genuinely was. But part
Speaker 8: of the reason I was excited was that I knew
Speaker 8: your family would be bringing all the food from the shop.
Speaker 8: I don't know whether you knew. My mum never wanted
Speaker 8: me to tell you. She didn't want any of you
Speaker 8: to know that we didn't have money for food.
Speaker 6: The rest of this episode of I never told you
Speaker 6: this right after the break. What's something you wish you
Speaker 6: knew about your family? Get together and play the Medibank
Speaker 6: Family Roast to find out. It's the card game design
Speaker 6: to get families connecting and talking because when the bonds
Speaker 6: of family are stronger, Australia is stronger. So get around
Speaker 6: the dinner table, a tasty conversation is about to be served.
Speaker 1: Search Medibank Family Roast. Live better with Medibank.
Speaker 8: I remember some weeks we would eat nothing but oiled potatoes.
Speaker 8: We would often go days without any food. We were
Speaker 8: literally starving and just seeing that car and all the
Speaker 8: food and things that I would never be able to
Speaker 8: afford to buy, like chips and chocolates was just like
Speaker 8: our lifeline.
Speaker 4: Wow. I'm sorry, that's huge. I had no idea. I'm
Speaker 4: just actually feeling really freaking angry right now because it
Speaker 4: just goes to show what a wasted emotion pride is.
Speaker 4: You know, you're cousins. We never wanted for anything. We
Speaker 4: didn't have lots of everything. We had enough, and to
Speaker 4: think that you guys didn't have enough breaks my heart.
Speaker 8: And I'm sure if my family, my parents reached out,
Speaker 8: your parents would have absolutely helped us.
Speaker 4: You always look after the children. It's not anything to
Speaker 4: put an extra plate out, do you know what I mean?
Speaker 4: I know things were hard, like you know, especially for
Speaker 4: immigrant families, you know, with parents learning English as a
Speaker 4: second language, things were quited up. I remember my dad
Speaker 4: telling me, you know that he'd often work three or
Speaker 4: four jobs at a time just to try and make
Speaker 4: ends meet. But I just assumed that you guys were
Speaker 4: always okay.
Speaker 7: You know.
Speaker 8: My dad had his own issues and couldn't keep a
Speaker 8: job down. My mum had mental health issues. Both our
Speaker 8: families migrated. Your parents opened up a shop and were
Speaker 8: doing well. Mine was struggling to make ends meet or
Speaker 8: hold down any regular work. Your parents were successful and
Speaker 8: they were failures.
Speaker 4: Well, I think that's something that it's just endemic and bunks,
Speaker 4: not just Greeks, but lots of cultures. They waste their
Speaker 4: time worrying about what are the people going to think,
Speaker 4: when actually no one's thinking about them at all. If
Speaker 4: my dad had known that things were that difficult for you,
Speaker 4: he would have employed your parents. You know, we could
Speaker 4: have all lived together and worked together, because God knows
Speaker 4: we needed worses. You know something it didn't have to happen.
Speaker 8: Moving forward. It's how do we make it better for
Speaker 8: us and our children and how important it is to
Speaker 8: ask for help. It might be the norm to suffer
Speaker 8: in silence, so we know in our culture it's a
Speaker 8: pride thing. But we need to change that, and we
Speaker 8: change that by coming out setting an exam.
Speaker 4: Well, I mean remember when we were kids. You couldn't
Speaker 4: find any You couldn't find a translator. How many times
Speaker 4: did you get dragged to an office with you Mum
Speaker 4: and dad? I want to explain something, you know. So
Speaker 4: I think definitely is a social thing. We are progressing
Speaker 4: as a society, but as you said, it is very
Speaker 4: important that newcomers understand everybody needs to understand it's okay.
Speaker 4: You know, there's nothing wrong with asking for help, and
Speaker 4: all you're doing by hanging on to some ridiculous pride
Speaker 4: is just injuring yourself.
Speaker 8: I feel like this whole weight has come off and
Speaker 8: that I can sleep well tonight, you know, decades later.
Speaker 8: As soon as I see your car pulling up, it
Speaker 8: just takes me back to that childhood, and the instinct
Speaker 8: is the happiness, the happiness, the food, and I just
Speaker 8: feel eternally obligated to give something back, which is why
Speaker 8: I will not let you leave my house without things,
Speaker 8: whether it's olives or sweets.
Speaker 4: It's just you've held onto this for so many years,
Speaker 4: and how many hours have we waste and try to
Speaker 4: goag knows what kind of disorder.
Speaker 1: You have we called a reverse hoarding. Audi. Thank you.
Speaker 8: I really appreciate you coming on board today. I know
Speaker 8: it's been suspenseful, and I hope you are able to
Speaker 8: accept what happened and not take any responsibility for it
Speaker 8: and just appreciate what you did and what a big
Speaker 8: impact you had in my life, because that's what I
Speaker 8: want this to be about.
Speaker 4: I don't think there's anything I couldn't ask you for
Speaker 4: and I hope that you feel the same genuine time to.
Speaker 3: Mumma. Mia acknowledges the traditional owners of the land and
Speaker 3: waters that this podcast is recorded on.