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Speaker 1: You're listening to a Mother with Me podcast. Muma Me

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Speaker 1: acknowledges the traditional owners of the land and waters. This

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Speaker 1: podcast is recorded on This episode contains discussion of domestic violence,

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Speaker 1: which may be distressing for some listeners. If you or

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Speaker 1: someone you know is affected, support resources are listed in

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Speaker 1: the show notes. Starting fresh it can be a wonderful, scary,

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Speaker 1: and exciting thing. You can leave an old life behind

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Speaker 1: and start discovering a whole new way of living, new experiences,

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Speaker 1: finding new people, and finding yourself.

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Speaker 2: I wanted to learn how to be naughty again because

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Speaker 2: I feel like before I met my ex husband, I

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Speaker 2: was a bit of a wild child, used to go

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Speaker 2: to parties and get crazy, and I'd forgotten that version

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Speaker 2: of me. And I knew that this man was going

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Speaker 2: to be the man to teach me how to find

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Speaker 2: her again. It was so exciting. It was the most

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Speaker 2: thing I'd done in my adult life.

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Speaker 1: While those new experiences may seem fun and exciting in

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Speaker 1: the beginning, they sometimes can take a dark and dangerous turn.

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Speaker 2: I reversed into a light post while he's throwing giant

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Speaker 2: logs of firewood at the car, smashing every panel on it.

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Speaker 2: He grabbed the side mirror and ripped it off. He

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Speaker 2: was kicking the doors. He was like jumping on the

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Speaker 2: bonnet while I'm trying to reverse and get away. And

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Speaker 2: then I managed to get away. All the windows were smashed.

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Speaker 2: I couldn't see out of the windscreen, so I was

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Speaker 2: just like driving kind of with my head out the window.

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Speaker 2: It was the middle of winter, I was freezing cold,

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Speaker 2: and I tried to drive into town to the police station.

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Speaker 1: I'm Georgia Love and this is everyone has an eggs.

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Speaker 1: Come with me as we dive into a collection of

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Speaker 1: unconventional stories about relationships past through the eyes and the

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Speaker 1: hearts of the very people who lived them. Meet Dee

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Speaker 1: married had been with her husband for sixteen years and

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Speaker 1: had two amazing daughters, but at this stage of life,

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Speaker 1: things with her husband just didn't feel right.

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Speaker 2: I was thirty two, I was working as a fitness

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Speaker 2: instructor at a gym, and I was going through a

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Speaker 2: rather toxic divorce with the father of my children. We

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Speaker 2: have two daughters together, and I just kind of realized

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Speaker 2: that I'd been living my entire life by his rules

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Speaker 2: and I was very much just his little wifey and

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Speaker 2: I had no say in anything that happened in my life,

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Speaker 2: and going to the gym became my escape. So I

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Speaker 2: started going more and more. I'd tell him that I

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Speaker 2: was working, and I would just go to the gym

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Speaker 2: and work on choreography and spend hours on end there

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Speaker 2: just to get away from him. And it was kind

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Speaker 2: of like my safe haven.

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Speaker 1: And it was there she noticed Adam.

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Speaker 2: When the divorce was all getting a bit crazy. I

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Speaker 2: started to notice this one particular person in the gym

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Speaker 2: who seemed to be there all hours of the day

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Speaker 2: as well, and he looked absolutely insane. He had a

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Speaker 2: bright red mullet, he was covered in tattoos. He didn't

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Speaker 2: seem to give any care to what anyone thought of him,

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Speaker 2: and I would always notice him noticing me in the gym.

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Speaker 2: I was like, nobody's looked at me. For a long time,

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Speaker 2: my relationship with my ex partner was very dull. We

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Speaker 2: slept in separate bedrooms for like the last three years

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Speaker 2: of our marriage, and I felt like a queen, Like

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Speaker 2: I felt like the way that he looked at me,

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Speaker 2: he would just worship the ground that I walked on,

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Speaker 2: this phenomenal set of pecks on him that I just

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Speaker 2: wanted to touch. And yeah, he just looked like a

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Speaker 2: real good time, like he had a sense of humor,

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Speaker 2: and the way that he walked, he walked like he

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Speaker 2: knew he was the shit. And I was attracted to

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Speaker 2: him like a moth to a flame to a literal flame.

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Speaker 1: So when she was officially separated d he made the

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Speaker 1: first move and asked for his number.

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Speaker 2: And then I went from there. We were texting each

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Speaker 2: other NonStop, like flat out all day long what I

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Speaker 2: wasn't at the gym. And it took another few weeks

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Speaker 2: for us to organize the time to actually get together

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Speaker 2: and talk like people in person. And I was so

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Speaker 2: nervous because I just thought, why would a cool guy

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Speaker 2: like this be interested in talking to a boring little

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Speaker 2: wifey of two kids. So we met up and we

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Speaker 2: just sat in the car park of the gym and

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Speaker 2: had a good chat, and he was hilarious. I'd never

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Speaker 2: met anybody as funny as him, Like my cheeks hurt

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Speaker 2: after an hour, and we just sat on the curb

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Speaker 2: in the car park and just talked about stuff, about nothing,

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Speaker 2: and the two of us were just laughing so much

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Speaker 2: that it felt amazing, like it was the best distraction

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Speaker 2: from all the crap that I was going through at home,

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Speaker 2: and we sort of talked for a few more weeks,

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Speaker 2: didn't really do anything. And then my ex husband refused

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Speaker 2: to leave the house. You refused to accept the fact

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Speaker 2: that we were separated, And so I was leaving the

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Speaker 2: house and staying in airbnb's as often as I could.

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Speaker 2: And then I'd wake up at five o'clock in the

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Speaker 2: morning to go get the kids ready for school. I'd

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Speaker 2: make their lunches, I'd go back there, I'd drop them

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Speaker 2: off at school. I'd then pick them up from school,

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Speaker 2: take them back home, put them to bed, and then

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Speaker 2: go to my airbnb. So I said to my ex husband,

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Speaker 2: the divorce is happening. There's going to be time Like

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Speaker 2: he wanted fifty to fifty custody. So I was like,

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Speaker 2: there's going to be times where I'm not here and

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Speaker 2: you're going to have to figure it out on your own.

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Speaker 2: So I'm getting an airbnb and I'm going to go

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Speaker 2: stay there for the weekend, and you're on your own

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Speaker 2: with the kids this weekend. And the dirty little hornbag

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Speaker 2: that I am invited Adam to come to the airbnb

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Speaker 2: with me, just because I wanted to have fun He

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Speaker 2: showed up to the Airbnb on his motorbike and he

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Speaker 2: was wearing a jacket which had the name of his

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Speaker 2: club on it, and I questioned him about what that meant,

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Speaker 2: and his responses were quite flippant. He said, Oh, you know,

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Speaker 2: you don't need to worry about us, where the good

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Speaker 2: guys bikes in our state aren't like they are in

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Speaker 2: other states where they have gun fights and all that

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Speaker 2: sort of thing. And it's nothing like what you've seen

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Speaker 2: in Sons of Anarchy. That's just dramatized things for TV.

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Speaker 2: And I ate it up. I ate up everything that

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Speaker 2: he said. I wanted to believe he was a good

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Speaker 2: guy because he made me feel so good, like he

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Speaker 2: did such a good job of making me want to

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Speaker 2: believe everything that came out of his mouth. Just having

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Speaker 2: his attention felt like sparkly, like it felt like a drug.

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Speaker 2: I felt like the most beautiful woman in the world.

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Speaker 2: He kept saying things like, I've never felt like this

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Speaker 2: about anyone before, and I don't think I've ever really

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Speaker 2: been in love until now, Like you seem to get me.

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Speaker 2: You feel amazing, like when we hug, it feels like heaven.

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Speaker 2: And I was feeling all the same things, but I

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Speaker 2: feel like because he said it, it made me feel

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Speaker 2: like I felt it more.

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Speaker 1: It felt natural with a side of fun and exciting.

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Speaker 1: A case of two worlds, and Adam was exposing d

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Speaker 1: to a whole new world.

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Speaker 2: The relationship kind of felt like this teacher student relationship.

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Speaker 2: Even though I was older than him, he'd lived so

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Speaker 2: much more life, He'd been through so many more experiences

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Speaker 2: than me. I'd never taken drugs, I'd never done anything

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Speaker 2: even slightly naughty. I was just your run of the mill,

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Speaker 2: white picket fence wife, and he'd done all the naughty things,

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Speaker 2: and I wanted some of that. I wanted to learn

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Speaker 2: how to be naughty again, because I feel like before

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Speaker 2: I met my ex husband, I was a bit of

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Speaker 2: a wild child. He used to go to parties and

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Speaker 2: get crazy, and I'd forgotten that version of me. And

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Speaker 2: I knew that this man was going to be the

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Speaker 2: man to teach me how to find her again. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: It was so exciting. It was the most exciting thing

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Speaker 2: I'd done in my adult life. He started to build

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Speaker 2: this reality that everybody takes drugs, everybody goes out, everybody parties,

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Speaker 2: everybody drinks until they're spewing in the bushes, everybody's cheating

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Speaker 2: on each other, everybody's got a criminal record. Like That's

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Speaker 2: what he normalized to me, and it made me feel

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Speaker 2: a little bit naive and inferior. So I wanted to

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Speaker 2: experience those things. We went into town that night and

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Speaker 2: had a few drinks and got a bit sloppy, and

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Speaker 2: then went back to my Airbnb, and in the uber

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Speaker 2: on the way home, he starts crying, and I was like,

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Speaker 2: what's the matter, and he's like, I just I love

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Speaker 2: you so much and I think you're too good for

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Speaker 2: me and you're going to leave me like everyone else

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Speaker 2: has left me, and my being a raging m path,

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Speaker 2: I was like, well, buddy, no, I love you too,

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Speaker 2: like let me fix you. And so he carried on

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Speaker 2: like that for like the whole night, just kept like

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Speaker 2: really pushing me away. He was getting really upset. He's like,

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Speaker 2: I really do think that you're out of my league,

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Speaker 2: and I kept trying to like reassure him, like, no,

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Speaker 2: we're just we're having fun, Like I really like you.

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Speaker 2: I've never felt this way about anyone else. I felt

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Speaker 2: like it was really pushing me to say those things

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Speaker 2: back to him, whether I felt it or not, and yeah,

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Speaker 2: the next morning when it slept, the booze off like.

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Speaker 2: I didn't quite believe what had happened because I never

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Speaker 2: really my ex husband was very dry, no emotions, and

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Speaker 2: I'm quite an emotional sensitive person. So for me to

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Speaker 2: see a man cry at triggered something in me. I

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Speaker 2: was like, Oh, this is special. He must really feel

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Speaker 2: real feelings for me, not like my ex husband, who

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Speaker 2: was a dry crack off. I pushed through and I

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Speaker 2: didn't really address it with him the next morning, and

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Speaker 2: then he sort of said to me, look, I'm sorry.

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Speaker 2: I don't really handle my drink well. And I was

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Speaker 2: like okay. He's like, I won't let it happen again,

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Speaker 2: like I'll keep my shit together in future, and I

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Speaker 2: was like, yeah, cool, it's like I just do feel

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Speaker 2: really strong feeling for you. And I was like, okay, cool.

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Speaker 2: First fight out of the way, and it.

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Speaker 1: Wasn't really a fight. They'd been seeing each other for

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Speaker 1: two months and she was having the time of her life.

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Speaker 1: She felt free. And to add to that freedom, do

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Speaker 1: you secured herself for rental her own space and Adam

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Speaker 1: was right there helping make her new space. Uh huh.

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Speaker 2: He would help me put together furniture, and I loved

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Speaker 2: watching him do things with his hands, like he.

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Speaker 1: Was so.

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Speaker 2: Dexterous and he knew how to build stuff and that

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Speaker 2: was hot. Yeah, he kind of was quite heavily involved

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Speaker 2: in getting me settled. As soon as I got my

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Speaker 2: own space, it was like he marked his territory on it.

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Speaker 2: He was like, I helped you build this, like I'm

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Speaker 2: familiar here, like this is my place too. And that

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Speaker 2: was a real challenge for USh, because there was that

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Speaker 2: real push pull of me trying to find my feet

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Speaker 2: as a single mum and him trying to figure out

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Speaker 2: where he fit in that equation, and me trying to

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Speaker 2: figure out where he fit in that equation. And was

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Speaker 2: he going to be a stepdad or was he just

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Speaker 2: someone that I wanted to have fun with. I was

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Speaker 2: of the thought that he was just somebody else going

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Speaker 2: to have fun with. I thought we were just going

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Speaker 2: to fool around, no commitment. And he was saying he

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Speaker 2: wanted to be exclusive with me and didn't want to

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Speaker 2: date anybody else, and he knew that I was the

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Speaker 2: person that he loved, so he said he wanted to

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Speaker 2: be exclusive, and I said I wasn't ready for that,

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Speaker 2: but he was so insistent that I believed that he

217
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Speaker 2: wanted to be exclusive, and so I was like, Okay,

218
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Speaker 2: well I have a boyfriend. Now you're my boyfriend, and

219
00:13:06,568 --> 00:13:09,768
Speaker 2: we're doing this relationship thing. There was just so much

220
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Speaker 2: much passion when we saw each other. We were all

221
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Speaker 2: over each other. I'd sneak him in the house in

222
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Speaker 2: the nighttime when my kids were asleep, and we'd have sex,

223
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Speaker 2: and then I'd be like waking him up at the

224
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Speaker 2: crack of dawn, like go on, get going, like sneak

225
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Speaker 2: out the front door. I felt like a real piece

226
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Speaker 2: of shit for doing that, but I feel like he

227
00:13:33,528 --> 00:13:37,888
Speaker 2: really pressured me into it. I wasn't obviously ready to

228
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Speaker 2: introduce him to my kids, so that's when I started

229
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Speaker 2: inviting him in when my kids were asleep and when

230
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Speaker 2: they were at their dad's house. I would spend all

231
00:13:51,008 --> 00:13:55,128
Speaker 2: of my time with him. We were inseparable. We would

232
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Speaker 2: just go on adventures everywhere. We'd go mountain biking, we'd

233
00:14:00,248 --> 00:14:03,448
Speaker 2: ride down to the coast and then go for lunch.

234
00:14:04,248 --> 00:14:07,048
Speaker 2: We'd just go on these wild adventures. We'd go bushwalking,

235
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Speaker 2: we would go to the beach, we'd take the dogs

236
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Speaker 2: to the beach, and I felt like these adventures that

237
00:14:14,128 --> 00:14:16,888
Speaker 2: we went on started to wake me up a bit.

238
00:14:17,168 --> 00:14:20,128
Speaker 2: I started to feel alive again, like I actually was

239
00:14:21,008 --> 00:14:26,128
Speaker 2: a person worthy of these kinds of experiences. And we

240
00:14:26,168 --> 00:14:31,128
Speaker 2: would just be cracking up all day long with everything

241
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Speaker 2: that we did. We were laughing until our cheeks hurt,

242
00:14:34,528 --> 00:14:40,888
Speaker 2: and just doing such silly stuff like running around the

243
00:14:40,888 --> 00:14:44,328
Speaker 2: bush like crazy people, like trying to jump out of

244
00:14:44,368 --> 00:14:46,528
Speaker 2: bushes and scare the crap out of each other, or

245
00:14:47,568 --> 00:14:51,728
Speaker 2: just fun, so much fun. I definitely was falling in

246
00:14:51,768 --> 00:14:54,168
Speaker 2: love with him. I was the one that said I

247
00:14:54,248 --> 00:14:59,088
Speaker 2: love you first, and it was quite scary for me.

248
00:14:59,968 --> 00:15:02,048
Speaker 2: I was absolutely head over heels for him. I felt

249
00:15:02,048 --> 00:15:04,448
Speaker 2: like this was the man that I was supposed to marry,

250
00:15:04,528 --> 00:15:07,448
Speaker 2: This was the man that was meant for me. We

251
00:15:07,448 --> 00:15:11,408
Speaker 2: were just on the same wavelength and it felt right.

252
00:15:12,328 --> 00:15:17,928
Speaker 2: He had skills in the bedroom. I just felt this

253
00:15:18,568 --> 00:15:23,728
Speaker 2: insane sexual awakening, which made the whole experience that much

254
00:15:23,768 --> 00:15:33,688
Speaker 2: more exciting and actually feel beautiful. Was a very new

255
00:15:33,768 --> 00:15:37,568
Speaker 2: experience for me. I'd never really looked at myself as

256
00:15:37,968 --> 00:15:41,648
Speaker 2: someone who was sexy. No one made me feel as

257
00:15:41,688 --> 00:15:44,528
Speaker 2: beautiful as he did. Like just the way that he

258
00:15:44,648 --> 00:15:46,928
Speaker 2: looked at me the way that he could read every

259
00:15:46,928 --> 00:15:49,768
Speaker 2: little thing about me, read every little emotion that I had,

260
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Speaker 2: and see a need and then fulfill it.

261
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Speaker 1: Six months in and Dee's life had completely changed, and

262
00:15:56,968 --> 00:15:59,328
Speaker 1: now it was about to take a turn socially as well.

263
00:15:59,808 --> 00:16:04,008
Speaker 2: I'd never really had a big friend group, so the

264
00:16:04,048 --> 00:16:07,008
Speaker 2: clicking group of the gym was all of these women

265
00:16:07,088 --> 00:16:09,808
Speaker 2: who were all too cool to talk to me, And

266
00:16:10,368 --> 00:16:13,928
Speaker 2: once they found out that I was dating Adam, they

267
00:16:13,928 --> 00:16:17,728
Speaker 2: seemed to change their minds about me. So they invited

268
00:16:17,808 --> 00:16:20,768
Speaker 2: us to their Melbourne cup lunch that they were having

269
00:16:20,768 --> 00:16:23,888
Speaker 2: at their place. So we went to the pub for

270
00:16:24,008 --> 00:16:26,928
Speaker 2: drinks and then went back to their place for the party,

271
00:16:27,408 --> 00:16:30,808
Speaker 2: and he started to do the thing again where he

272
00:16:30,888 --> 00:16:33,888
Speaker 2: gets a couple too many drinks in him and his

273
00:16:34,008 --> 00:16:39,688
Speaker 2: personality starts to change. And there was this girl and

274
00:16:39,768 --> 00:16:41,768
Speaker 2: her boyfriend at the party that were talking to me,

275
00:16:41,848 --> 00:16:44,928
Speaker 2: and I was talking to them and having a great time,

276
00:16:45,368 --> 00:16:48,328
Speaker 2: and he came up to me and he said, have

277
00:16:48,408 --> 00:16:51,008
Speaker 2: they invited you for a threesome yet? And I was like, no,

278
00:16:51,168 --> 00:16:53,408
Speaker 2: what do you mean? And he's like, you can't see

279
00:16:53,408 --> 00:16:57,168
Speaker 2: the way that she's flirting with you? And I was like, no,

280
00:16:57,288 --> 00:16:59,568
Speaker 2: we're just having a talk. And he's like, they want

281
00:16:59,568 --> 00:17:02,568
Speaker 2: to fuck you. And I was like, okay, well I

282
00:17:02,568 --> 00:17:05,407
Speaker 2: don't want to fuck them. He's like, well, why do

283
00:17:05,407 --> 00:17:07,648
Speaker 2: you keep talking to them then? And I was like,

284
00:17:07,687 --> 00:17:10,447
Speaker 2: I'm at a party. I'm socializing. This is what you

285
00:17:10,488 --> 00:17:12,408
Speaker 2: do when you socialize. He's like, you want to fuck

286
00:17:12,488 --> 00:17:17,528
Speaker 2: him too. I was like, no, I'm here with people

287
00:17:17,568 --> 00:17:20,447
Speaker 2: from the gym, which is where I work. Can you

288
00:17:20,528 --> 00:17:24,328
Speaker 2: keep a shit together please? And he was absolutely hammered

289
00:17:24,368 --> 00:17:28,328
Speaker 2: by this point. And then he gets on his motorbike

290
00:17:29,448 --> 00:17:32,528
Speaker 2: and everyone's like trying to take the keys off him

291
00:17:32,528 --> 00:17:37,088
Speaker 2: because he was obviously too drunk to ride, and he

292
00:17:38,168 --> 00:17:41,048
Speaker 2: fangs it out of the driveway, rides up the street

293
00:17:41,968 --> 00:17:48,927
Speaker 2: and crashes. And I had no phone reception where I was,

294
00:17:49,688 --> 00:17:55,407
Speaker 2: so I didn't know he'd crashed. And by that point,

295
00:17:55,488 --> 00:17:58,768
Speaker 2: you know, my mood had changed as well, because he'd

296
00:17:58,808 --> 00:18:00,447
Speaker 2: just accused me of wanting to have a threesome with

297
00:18:00,448 --> 00:18:02,328
Speaker 2: these people. So I asked one of the girls at

298
00:18:02,368 --> 00:18:06,528
Speaker 2: the party to take me home, and she took me home,

299
00:18:06,528 --> 00:18:08,248
Speaker 2: and then when I got home, I got all these messages.

300
00:18:09,008 --> 00:18:11,608
Speaker 2: He sent me a celf fear of himself covered in blood,

301
00:18:12,048 --> 00:18:16,407
Speaker 2: with his eyes closed, laying on the ground, and he said,

302
00:18:16,528 --> 00:18:21,168
Speaker 2: this is your fault. I tried calling him. I tried

303
00:18:21,208 --> 00:18:24,528
Speaker 2: calling him and he wouldn't answer his phone. I called

304
00:18:24,568 --> 00:18:27,928
Speaker 2: his mum because at this point I had a relationship

305
00:18:27,928 --> 00:18:30,487
Speaker 2: with his parents. He'd introduced me to his family. We

306
00:18:30,488 --> 00:18:34,328
Speaker 2: were quite friendly. He had a great family, very supportive family,

307
00:18:35,128 --> 00:18:38,248
Speaker 2: and they treated me well. I called his mom and

308
00:18:38,248 --> 00:18:42,288
Speaker 2: I was like, have you heard from Adam? I just

309
00:18:42,408 --> 00:18:45,008
Speaker 2: got a bunch of messages on my phone and he

310
00:18:45,048 --> 00:18:48,167
Speaker 2: said he's crashed his bike and he thinks he's broken

311
00:18:48,208 --> 00:18:51,088
Speaker 2: his leg and where is he? Do you know where

312
00:18:51,088 --> 00:18:55,128
Speaker 2: he is? And she's like, no where. We've just got

313
00:18:55,168 --> 00:18:57,168
Speaker 2: word and we're sending some people out to go find

314
00:18:57,248 --> 00:18:59,888
Speaker 2: him because it was a rural location, so there were

315
00:19:00,248 --> 00:19:02,248
Speaker 2: lots of places you could crash and not be found.

316
00:19:03,368 --> 00:19:06,967
Speaker 2: So I got in the car and I drove up

317
00:19:06,968 --> 00:19:11,088
Speaker 2: to their place and I walk in the house and

318
00:19:11,128 --> 00:19:13,248
Speaker 2: he's just sitting there on the couch being fed dinner

319
00:19:13,248 --> 00:19:16,488
Speaker 2: by his mum. And I said to her, what the fuck?

320
00:19:16,688 --> 00:19:19,768
Speaker 2: Why wouldn't you think to message me and tell me

321
00:19:19,768 --> 00:19:22,488
Speaker 2: that he's okay. He's just I thought he was dead,

322
00:19:22,888 --> 00:19:27,568
Speaker 2: And she was like, Okay, calm down. And I felt

323
00:19:27,568 --> 00:19:30,808
Speaker 2: like that was a bit of a setup, like he

324
00:19:30,928 --> 00:19:36,088
Speaker 2: wanted them to witness me losing it so that when

325
00:19:36,128 --> 00:19:39,248
Speaker 2: he lost it, there was proof that I was the

326
00:19:39,288 --> 00:19:40,528
Speaker 2: crazy one.

327
00:19:41,008 --> 00:19:43,488
Speaker 1: He needed time and space to think about what the

328
00:19:43,528 --> 00:19:46,528
Speaker 1: future held for her and Adam. As luck may have it,

329
00:19:46,608 --> 00:19:48,687
Speaker 1: she had a road trip planned for a friend's wedding,

330
00:19:48,968 --> 00:19:51,368
Speaker 1: the perfect time to clear the head and have a

331
00:19:51,408 --> 00:19:54,248
Speaker 1: little alone time. Also, she thought.

332
00:19:54,528 --> 00:19:56,408
Speaker 2: He knew when I was going, and he showed up

333
00:19:56,528 --> 00:20:00,568
Speaker 2: on my doorstep the day before and he was very apologetic.

334
00:20:00,648 --> 00:20:03,568
Speaker 2: He turned on the water works again and told me

335
00:20:03,608 --> 00:20:06,368
Speaker 2: how much he loved me and said, look, just let

336
00:20:06,408 --> 00:20:09,928
Speaker 2: me come on the road trip with you, and we'll

337
00:20:09,928 --> 00:20:11,888
Speaker 2: spend some time together and we'll sort it all out.

338
00:20:13,048 --> 00:20:15,888
Speaker 2: So of course I said yes. We went on the

339
00:20:15,968 --> 00:20:18,888
Speaker 2: road trip, and then everything was honky dory again and

340
00:20:19,608 --> 00:20:22,248
Speaker 2: we were loved up and it was the best road trip.

341
00:20:22,528 --> 00:20:26,128
Speaker 2: We had so much fun, frolicking around the beach and

342
00:20:26,408 --> 00:20:29,928
Speaker 2: listening to tragic music on the car ride down and back,

343
00:20:30,608 --> 00:20:33,288
Speaker 2: and yeah, we were back, we were back, And.

344
00:20:33,368 --> 00:20:36,488
Speaker 1: From then it was full steam ahead. They even got

345
00:20:36,528 --> 00:20:39,328
Speaker 1: their own house together, and soon DE started to see

346
00:20:39,328 --> 00:20:41,167
Speaker 1: what Adam's life was really like.

347
00:20:41,648 --> 00:20:43,407
Speaker 2: It was when we moved in together that I started

348
00:20:43,448 --> 00:20:47,328
Speaker 2: to get more of an idea of his life behind

349
00:20:47,328 --> 00:20:50,768
Speaker 2: the scenes and what that meant as far as being

350
00:20:50,808 --> 00:20:54,848
Speaker 2: in the club. I was told when we got a

351
00:20:54,888 --> 00:20:58,048
Speaker 2: house that all of the members of his club needed

352
00:20:58,048 --> 00:21:02,448
Speaker 2: to know where he lived and needed to be able

353
00:21:02,568 --> 00:21:07,528
Speaker 2: to come over at a moment's notice. And I said, no,

354
00:21:07,728 --> 00:21:09,768
Speaker 2: that's not going to fly with me. I have children.

355
00:21:10,168 --> 00:21:13,968
Speaker 2: I don't want Rando's in my house all the time.

356
00:21:14,888 --> 00:21:18,208
Speaker 2: And he would throw at me that I was judgmental

357
00:21:18,448 --> 00:21:24,368
Speaker 2: and stuck up and a rich bitch, and so I

358
00:21:25,288 --> 00:21:27,008
Speaker 2: bend a little bit and I would say, you can

359
00:21:27,008 --> 00:21:28,608
Speaker 2: have them over, but I need to know when they're

360
00:21:28,608 --> 00:21:31,208
Speaker 2: coming over. I need to know who they are. If

361
00:21:31,208 --> 00:21:33,648
Speaker 2: they do come over, then they don't come in the

362
00:21:33,648 --> 00:21:35,848
Speaker 2: house when my kids are there. There were people I

363
00:21:35,848 --> 00:21:38,568
Speaker 2: didn't know, and they were criminals. That's the assumption you

364
00:21:38,648 --> 00:21:41,328
Speaker 2: make about bikeys. Yeah, And then I started to meet

365
00:21:41,368 --> 00:21:43,687
Speaker 2: more of them, and I'm like, yeah, these dudes are rough.

366
00:21:44,688 --> 00:21:47,728
Speaker 2: And I understood why people would say that Adam didn't

367
00:21:47,728 --> 00:21:50,528
Speaker 2: look like a bikey because he had all of his teeth,

368
00:21:51,008 --> 00:21:59,407
Speaker 2: he didn't have face tattoos. He was washed and these

369
00:21:59,568 --> 00:22:03,687
Speaker 2: other guys were not. I was a bit naive about

370
00:22:03,688 --> 00:22:06,568
Speaker 2: what bikeys were, and he was always going to parties

371
00:22:06,568 --> 00:22:08,848
Speaker 2: and inviting me to these parties, but I wasn't really

372
00:22:08,968 --> 00:22:13,568
Speaker 2: keen on going to parties with bi keys. But after

373
00:22:13,648 --> 00:22:19,728
Speaker 2: a while my curiosity peaked. He invited me to a

374
00:22:19,928 --> 00:22:25,407
Speaker 2: party at their clubhouse, and so I went along, and

375
00:22:25,448 --> 00:22:31,528
Speaker 2: my first impression was that it was actually really nice,

376
00:22:31,648 --> 00:22:35,088
Speaker 2: like they had some carpentry skills. Everything was wood paneled

377
00:22:35,088 --> 00:22:38,768
Speaker 2: and varnished and custom built. There was like framed pictures

378
00:22:38,808 --> 00:22:44,168
Speaker 2: everywhere of like past club members and founding members, and

379
00:22:45,448 --> 00:22:47,888
Speaker 2: I'm a history nerd, so I found that quite interesting.

380
00:22:47,928 --> 00:22:50,048
Speaker 2: It was kind of like a museum in there, but

381
00:22:50,128 --> 00:22:52,648
Speaker 2: it was like a big party house museum. There were

382
00:22:52,648 --> 00:22:55,687
Speaker 2: pool tables, there was a stage, there was tripper poles,

383
00:22:56,208 --> 00:23:00,048
Speaker 2: there was a giant bar. There was big fire pits

384
00:23:00,088 --> 00:23:04,208
Speaker 2: in the back, and they had a band on and

385
00:23:05,368 --> 00:23:08,768
Speaker 2: we got drunk and danced. I danced with all the

386
00:23:08,808 --> 00:23:14,167
Speaker 2: girlfriends of the other club members, and they were all

387
00:23:14,248 --> 00:23:19,248
Speaker 2: pretty rough, and I did sort of notice a general

388
00:23:19,408 --> 00:23:22,608
Speaker 2: theme with most of the women that were hanging around

389
00:23:22,728 --> 00:23:25,927
Speaker 2: the club, and that was that they all had this

390
00:23:26,208 --> 00:23:31,808
Speaker 2: glazed overlook in their eyes, and they all looked like

391
00:23:31,928 --> 00:23:36,088
Speaker 2: they'd seen some shit, and I was ignorant enough to

392
00:23:36,168 --> 00:23:39,848
Speaker 2: believe that that would never be me. I was dating

393
00:23:39,968 --> 00:23:42,608
Speaker 2: the good bikey. All the rest of those bikeys were

394
00:23:42,608 --> 00:23:44,808
Speaker 2: the dirty, gross ones, and the one that I got

395
00:23:45,008 --> 00:23:49,488
Speaker 2: was the good guy, and we were the King and Queen.

396
00:23:50,688 --> 00:23:53,968
Speaker 2: When I started to meet more people from the club,

397
00:23:54,008 --> 00:23:58,608
Speaker 2: I became more familiar with them, and then I'd be like, Okay, well,

398
00:23:59,008 --> 00:24:03,168
Speaker 2: Martin can come over the drinks because I know him

399
00:24:03,408 --> 00:24:06,727
Speaker 2: and he doesn't gross me out that much. But then

400
00:24:06,728 --> 00:24:09,888
Speaker 2: Martin would come over and he'd bring Jack with him,

401
00:24:09,328 --> 00:24:11,808
Speaker 2: and I'm like, okay, well I'm meeting Jack, and then

402
00:24:11,848 --> 00:24:14,568
Speaker 2: I know Jack, and you know, they're nice to your face,

403
00:24:14,568 --> 00:24:16,528
Speaker 2: and you you don't want to be a bit about it,

404
00:24:16,528 --> 00:24:19,407
Speaker 2: so you're like, Okay. Then the next time it's Martin

405
00:24:19,408 --> 00:24:22,328
Speaker 2: and Jack are coming over, and then Martin and Jack

406
00:24:22,368 --> 00:24:26,568
Speaker 2: and Steve come over, and I guess I kind of

407
00:24:26,688 --> 00:24:32,048
Speaker 2: just got slowly indoctrinated to the things that you have

408
00:24:32,088 --> 00:24:35,687
Speaker 2: to turn a blind eye to as the girlfriend of

409
00:24:35,768 --> 00:24:39,207
Speaker 2: a bikey. They'd show up at all random times to

410
00:24:39,208 --> 00:24:40,808
Speaker 2: pick him up to go and do god knows what,

411
00:24:41,368 --> 00:24:42,888
Speaker 2: and I was just like, Okay, he's off to go

412
00:24:42,928 --> 00:24:47,648
Speaker 2: do BIKEI things, and that just became normal.

413
00:24:48,888 --> 00:24:51,288
Speaker 1: It was also when they moved in together, D started

414
00:24:51,328 --> 00:24:54,728
Speaker 1: to uncover a few of Adam's dirty little secrets.

415
00:24:55,048 --> 00:24:58,368
Speaker 2: He tells me that we had to apply for the

416
00:24:58,408 --> 00:25:03,848
Speaker 2: rental under my name and not his because he wouldn't

417
00:25:03,888 --> 00:25:07,927
Speaker 2: pass the checks that the real estate agents would do

418
00:25:08,928 --> 00:25:12,967
Speaker 2: because he had a creminal record. He told me about

419
00:25:13,008 --> 00:25:15,488
Speaker 2: the fact that the police liked to set him up

420
00:25:16,208 --> 00:25:19,728
Speaker 2: for certain things. He couldn't go anywhere without the police

421
00:25:19,768 --> 00:25:24,167
Speaker 2: stopping him. Apparently they would plant drugs on him, and

422
00:25:24,608 --> 00:25:27,328
Speaker 2: so I did sort of believe that his criminal record

423
00:25:27,488 --> 00:25:31,488
Speaker 2: would or could possibly have stemmed from that. I also

424
00:25:31,888 --> 00:25:35,088
Speaker 2: felt like I didn't want to know. The more that

425
00:25:35,128 --> 00:25:39,448
Speaker 2: I knew, then my options would be limited and I

426
00:25:39,448 --> 00:25:42,128
Speaker 2: would lose respect for him and fall out of love

427
00:25:42,168 --> 00:25:44,128
Speaker 2: with him, and I wasn't ready to do that. I

428
00:25:44,208 --> 00:25:46,408
Speaker 2: was so in love with him that I didn't want

429
00:25:46,408 --> 00:25:49,888
Speaker 2: to see any of the negative things. The area that

430
00:25:49,928 --> 00:25:53,728
Speaker 2: I lived in was quite a wealthy, upper class area

431
00:25:54,128 --> 00:25:57,088
Speaker 2: that my kids went to school in, and there was

432
00:25:57,128 --> 00:26:03,288
Speaker 2: a lot of judge people that went there. Word got

433
00:26:03,288 --> 00:26:05,488
Speaker 2: out about town that I was dating a bikey and

434
00:26:05,528 --> 00:26:07,688
Speaker 2: when i'd go to school drop off and pick up,

435
00:26:08,848 --> 00:26:11,168
Speaker 2: I could see everybody talking about me behind my back,

436
00:26:11,848 --> 00:26:13,648
Speaker 2: and so I feel like I sort of withdrew from

437
00:26:13,648 --> 00:26:16,008
Speaker 2: that community. I isolated myself a little bit more. I

438
00:26:16,048 --> 00:26:18,488
Speaker 2: was like, Oh, they all think I'm a biky mole.

439
00:26:18,648 --> 00:26:20,648
Speaker 2: They aren't gonna want to be friends with me. So

440
00:26:20,688 --> 00:26:23,128
Speaker 2: I just kind of like backed off. I'd put my

441
00:26:23,128 --> 00:26:25,128
Speaker 2: sunglasses on and I'd walk up to the class grab

442
00:26:25,168 --> 00:26:29,128
Speaker 2: my kid, and I wouldn't say hih to anyone. And Yeah,

443
00:26:29,208 --> 00:26:33,568
Speaker 2: I isolated myself because I thought they don't understand him,

444
00:26:33,568 --> 00:26:36,008
Speaker 2: they don't understand me, they I don't understand us.

445
00:26:36,488 --> 00:26:38,927
Speaker 1: Well, things weren't all rosy behind closed doors.

446
00:26:39,208 --> 00:26:42,128
Speaker 2: There was a constant push pool while living with him.

447
00:26:42,208 --> 00:26:44,328
Speaker 2: I felt like when we were living together, he thought

448
00:26:44,328 --> 00:26:47,408
Speaker 2: he had me, and a lot of the bad behavior

449
00:26:47,528 --> 00:26:53,167
Speaker 2: started to get worse. He would go out all hours

450
00:26:53,168 --> 00:26:54,968
Speaker 2: of the night. He'd go to parties. It was kind

451
00:26:54,968 --> 00:26:59,008
Speaker 2: of his job to go to parties, and I was

452
00:26:59,048 --> 00:27:00,368
Speaker 2: fine with that because I was at home with my

453
00:27:00,448 --> 00:27:03,848
Speaker 2: kids doing my own thing. And after a while it

454
00:27:03,848 --> 00:27:07,648
Speaker 2: became a problem because he would come home drunk and

455
00:27:08,488 --> 00:27:13,687
Speaker 2: he would get nitpicky with me. It was usually a

456
00:27:13,728 --> 00:27:18,048
Speaker 2: space of about a month where everything would be fantastic,

457
00:27:19,288 --> 00:27:23,248
Speaker 2: and then at least once a month, he would do

458
00:27:23,328 --> 00:27:27,248
Speaker 2: something to just destroy all of our lives. He would

459
00:27:27,288 --> 00:27:32,328
Speaker 2: get drunk and he would start smashing things up because

460
00:27:32,328 --> 00:27:37,288
Speaker 2: this was our house. Now it wasn't my house. One

461
00:27:37,328 --> 00:27:39,407
Speaker 2: time we came home from a party and he told

462
00:27:39,408 --> 00:27:43,967
Speaker 2: me that I was dancing too sexy on the dance floor,

463
00:27:44,448 --> 00:27:46,967
Speaker 2: and when we got home he grabbed me by the

464
00:27:47,048 --> 00:27:50,528
Speaker 2: throat and helped me up against the wall until I

465
00:27:50,568 --> 00:27:53,768
Speaker 2: started to black out, and he were saying things like,

466
00:27:54,048 --> 00:27:56,648
Speaker 2: you're a slut, You're obviously cheating on me with everybody.

467
00:27:57,528 --> 00:28:01,808
Speaker 2: You don't love me, You're just using me for fun.

468
00:28:02,768 --> 00:28:06,808
Speaker 2: At that point when I started to black out, I realized,

469
00:28:06,888 --> 00:28:09,528
Speaker 2: this is the moment that I die, and I've got

470
00:28:09,528 --> 00:28:13,368
Speaker 2: to make choice as to whether I fight back. And

471
00:28:14,768 --> 00:28:18,728
Speaker 2: I thought, all right, just take a swing, so I did.

472
00:28:19,208 --> 00:28:21,687
Speaker 2: I hit him in the face and I chipped his

473
00:28:21,728 --> 00:28:25,968
Speaker 2: front tooth. It snapped him out of it. But then

474
00:28:26,048 --> 00:28:28,728
Speaker 2: he had proof from then on that I was the

475
00:28:28,768 --> 00:28:32,248
Speaker 2: abusive one, and he told his family that I got

476
00:28:32,288 --> 00:28:34,048
Speaker 2: drunk and I smacked him in the face and I

477
00:28:34,048 --> 00:28:36,888
Speaker 2: broke his tooth. And they already believed that I was

478
00:28:36,928 --> 00:28:38,888
Speaker 2: crazy because they'd seen me show up at his house

479
00:28:38,928 --> 00:28:42,328
Speaker 2: that night that he crashed his motorbike fuming, So it

480
00:28:42,408 --> 00:28:44,488
Speaker 2: was just small validation for them about the fact that

481
00:28:44,528 --> 00:28:47,728
Speaker 2: I was the problem. He liked to hit me in

482
00:28:47,768 --> 00:28:50,448
Speaker 2: the throat whenever there was a disagreement, like he would

483
00:28:50,448 --> 00:28:55,368
Speaker 2: do it so like really fast, Like he'd be screaming

484
00:28:55,368 --> 00:28:58,928
Speaker 2: at me, screaming in my face, telling me about how

485
00:28:58,928 --> 00:29:03,368
Speaker 2: I was gonna murder my kids and kill my dog

486
00:29:03,488 --> 00:29:07,928
Speaker 2: and smash everything I owned, and he would just hit

487
00:29:07,968 --> 00:29:10,888
Speaker 2: me really fast with like a a blade hand to

488
00:29:10,968 --> 00:29:14,688
Speaker 2: the throat to just go like really fast, and then

489
00:29:14,728 --> 00:29:17,808
Speaker 2: pretend like it never happened. So it was like it

490
00:29:17,888 --> 00:29:22,808
Speaker 2: happened so fast that I was like shocked. But then

491
00:29:22,808 --> 00:29:25,408
Speaker 2: when i'd say to him the next day, like you

492
00:29:25,648 --> 00:29:28,008
Speaker 2: hit me, it would be like, I don't remember doing that.

493
00:29:28,648 --> 00:29:31,128
Speaker 2: I just get amnesia when I drink. I can't remember.

494
00:29:31,568 --> 00:29:34,408
Speaker 2: I can't remember doing that. I think you made it up.

495
00:29:35,368 --> 00:29:38,088
Speaker 2: I told so many lies to cover for him. From

496
00:29:38,168 --> 00:29:40,888
Speaker 2: the outside looking in, I was doing great. I was

497
00:29:40,968 --> 00:29:44,968
Speaker 2: dating this crazy guy, and it was it was fine and.

498
00:29:44,968 --> 00:29:47,288
Speaker 1: On top of the physical abuse, d was about to

499
00:29:47,328 --> 00:29:49,448
Speaker 1: make it another sinister discovery.

500
00:29:49,928 --> 00:29:53,008
Speaker 2: We got together with that group from the gym again

501
00:29:53,088 --> 00:29:56,088
Speaker 2: for a barbecue. They invited us to a barbecue, and

502
00:29:56,968 --> 00:30:00,288
Speaker 2: We're having a great night until he started getting a

503
00:30:00,288 --> 00:30:03,208
Speaker 2: bit more drunk, and then he started to say things

504
00:30:03,208 --> 00:30:06,568
Speaker 2: to me like, look at Joey. She looks really cute tonight,

505
00:30:07,208 --> 00:30:09,688
Speaker 2: and I'd be like, yeah, she does. And then he

506
00:30:09,968 --> 00:30:12,128
Speaker 2: like come up to me again and be like, Joey's

507
00:30:12,168 --> 00:30:14,608
Speaker 2: really having a great time with those kids, and come

508
00:30:14,688 --> 00:30:17,088
Speaker 2: up to me again and I'd be like, you're having

509
00:30:17,088 --> 00:30:18,808
Speaker 2: a good time. He's like, I wonder where Joey got

510
00:30:18,848 --> 00:30:23,888
Speaker 2: those pants from, and I'd be like, yeah, okay. So

511
00:30:23,928 --> 00:30:27,448
Speaker 2: I started to get a bit jealous because this girl

512
00:30:27,488 --> 00:30:29,328
Speaker 2: was single and she was like the younger one of

513
00:30:29,328 --> 00:30:34,008
Speaker 2: the group, and I could see this was going to shit.

514
00:30:35,208 --> 00:30:38,648
Speaker 2: So I excused myself and I left the party and

515
00:30:38,688 --> 00:30:41,248
Speaker 2: I left him there, and when I went to leave,

516
00:30:41,888 --> 00:30:44,888
Speaker 2: I couldn't find my phone. I knew he'd taken my

517
00:30:44,928 --> 00:30:49,288
Speaker 2: phone and hidden it somewhere because he didn't want me.

518
00:30:50,408 --> 00:30:52,288
Speaker 2: He didn't want to start a text fight after that,

519
00:30:52,848 --> 00:30:55,688
Speaker 2: so I decided to go home anyway, and leave my

520
00:30:55,688 --> 00:30:58,128
Speaker 2: phone there. And when I got home, I got my

521
00:30:58,488 --> 00:31:01,968
Speaker 2: iPad out and I pined my phone just to double

522
00:31:02,008 --> 00:31:05,248
Speaker 2: check where it was. And I was like, I need

523
00:31:05,248 --> 00:31:07,528
Speaker 2: my phone because I know he's going to come home drunk.

524
00:31:08,288 --> 00:31:10,608
Speaker 2: He's going to start a fight, and I won't be

525
00:31:10,648 --> 00:31:12,448
Speaker 2: safe and I'll have no way to call for help.

526
00:31:12,488 --> 00:31:14,568
Speaker 2: Because where we lived it was quite isolated. No one

527
00:31:14,608 --> 00:31:17,928
Speaker 2: would hear you scream. So I took my iPad with me.

528
00:31:18,568 --> 00:31:22,488
Speaker 2: I drove back up the hill to this party. I

529
00:31:22,568 --> 00:31:27,648
Speaker 2: pined my phone and waited for the sound to happen.

530
00:31:28,208 --> 00:31:30,608
Speaker 2: It was in the bushes miles away. He'd thrown it

531
00:31:30,608 --> 00:31:34,288
Speaker 2: in the bushes, and so I found my phone and

532
00:31:35,088 --> 00:31:39,568
Speaker 2: I went back through the side gate just to let

533
00:31:39,608 --> 00:31:41,848
Speaker 2: everyone know that I'd found my phone, because everybody was

534
00:31:42,088 --> 00:31:43,968
Speaker 2: looking for my phone, trying to help me find it,

535
00:31:44,928 --> 00:31:49,728
Speaker 2: and I saw them all smoking myth. It was like

536
00:31:49,808 --> 00:31:53,728
Speaker 2: they'd waited for me, the good girl, to go home,

537
00:31:54,608 --> 00:31:58,568
Speaker 2: so they could all start smoking meth and then have

538
00:31:58,608 --> 00:32:01,128
Speaker 2: an orgy. He told me about this group of people,

539
00:32:01,168 --> 00:32:02,848
Speaker 2: how they were all fucking each other, and I was

540
00:32:02,888 --> 00:32:07,328
Speaker 2: just normal, that's what people did. So they didn't see

541
00:32:07,368 --> 00:32:09,368
Speaker 2: me because I was just looking through the window like

542
00:32:09,368 --> 00:32:14,168
Speaker 2: a little peeping tom. I was just like whoa and

543
00:32:14,368 --> 00:32:17,528
Speaker 2: got in my car and drove home. My head was spinning.

544
00:32:18,208 --> 00:32:20,608
Speaker 2: He told me that he had involvement with drugs, but

545
00:32:20,648 --> 00:32:22,768
Speaker 2: I didn't really want to know anything about that because

546
00:32:22,808 --> 00:32:24,288
Speaker 2: I kind of felt like the more that I knew,

547
00:32:24,848 --> 00:32:27,368
Speaker 2: the more danger I was in, and he sort of

548
00:32:27,408 --> 00:32:29,048
Speaker 2: led me to believe that as well, like the less

549
00:32:29,088 --> 00:32:32,288
Speaker 2: I knew about what he did, the better because if

550
00:32:32,448 --> 00:32:35,488
Speaker 2: whatever reason, the police did ever come after him, I

551
00:32:35,528 --> 00:32:38,968
Speaker 2: wouldn't be a source of information. So I had no

552
00:32:39,048 --> 00:32:43,848
Speaker 2: idea what level of involvement he had with drugs. That night,

553
00:32:43,848 --> 00:32:47,048
Speaker 2: when I got back home, my dog was playing with something,

554
00:32:47,528 --> 00:32:49,608
Speaker 2: and I was like, what have you got? She's running

555
00:32:49,648 --> 00:32:53,448
Speaker 2: around the house with this big plastic ziplock bag and

556
00:32:53,808 --> 00:32:56,968
Speaker 2: I grabbed it off her and I like studied it,

557
00:32:57,008 --> 00:32:59,248
Speaker 2: and I was like, what are those crystals in there?

558
00:32:59,288 --> 00:33:01,648
Speaker 2: That looks like it must be some kind of drug.

559
00:33:02,288 --> 00:33:05,128
Speaker 2: So I googled what meth looked like, and sure enough,

560
00:33:05,448 --> 00:33:09,208
Speaker 2: it was meth. Then I realized that the source of

561
00:33:09,248 --> 00:33:13,488
Speaker 2: that meth at the party was my boyfriend. He'd snuck

562
00:33:13,888 --> 00:33:16,008
Speaker 2: back to my house, which is where he was keeping

563
00:33:16,208 --> 00:33:21,968
Speaker 2: his drugs. Buried in the garden, and while he was drunk,

564
00:33:22,368 --> 00:33:23,848
Speaker 2: I think one of his mates from the party had

565
00:33:23,888 --> 00:33:25,648
Speaker 2: driven him back to my house to get the drugs

566
00:33:25,728 --> 00:33:28,328
Speaker 2: and then drive back when I didn't notice, I was

567
00:33:28,368 --> 00:33:31,768
Speaker 2: talking with somebody else, and I realized there was meth

568
00:33:32,128 --> 00:33:36,968
Speaker 2: all over my kitchen bench where I make my children sandwiches,

569
00:33:37,608 --> 00:33:40,088
Speaker 2: and I thought to myself, how many times has he

570
00:33:40,328 --> 00:33:46,368
Speaker 2: done this? And how much contraband is being stored at

571
00:33:46,368 --> 00:33:51,448
Speaker 2: my house that I don't know about. I lost a

572
00:33:51,488 --> 00:33:56,128
Speaker 2: lot of respect for him when I figured out that

573
00:33:56,208 --> 00:34:00,128
Speaker 2: he was the person that supplied that. And then after

574
00:34:00,168 --> 00:34:04,568
Speaker 2: that I sort of said to him, look, I don't

575
00:34:05,208 --> 00:34:07,968
Speaker 2: know how to get past this. And he was like,

576
00:34:08,607 --> 00:34:11,888
Speaker 2: let's go to couple's therapy and I was like, oh, okay,

577
00:34:12,567 --> 00:34:16,607
Speaker 2: let's do that. So we did therapy. He found this

578
00:34:16,688 --> 00:34:19,328
Speaker 2: lady who did therapy from home. She was retired, and

579
00:34:20,288 --> 00:34:23,087
Speaker 2: she went through a few sessions with us. He usually

580
00:34:23,208 --> 00:34:26,328
Speaker 2: ended up storming out in a fit of rage whenever

581
00:34:26,368 --> 00:34:29,047
Speaker 2: I called him out on anything, but it felt good

582
00:34:29,088 --> 00:34:32,488
Speaker 2: because I had a witness and I could say things

583
00:34:32,848 --> 00:34:35,728
Speaker 2: in front of her, and if he did get wild,

584
00:34:36,048 --> 00:34:38,928
Speaker 2: then I was somewhat safe because there was a witness,

585
00:34:40,008 --> 00:34:42,568
Speaker 2: and so I thought couple's therapy was a good option.

586
00:34:43,288 --> 00:34:45,648
Speaker 2: At least he was acknowledging that there was a problem,

587
00:34:46,608 --> 00:34:51,688
Speaker 2: But it came apparent pretty quickly that the problem was me,

588
00:34:52,688 --> 00:34:57,567
Speaker 2: and I felt like the couple's therapist found him quite

589
00:34:57,608 --> 00:35:02,608
Speaker 2: attractive and ate up everything he said. And I was

590
00:35:02,608 --> 00:35:07,448
Speaker 2: spending thousands on this couple's therapy because I was in turmoil.

591
00:35:08,008 --> 00:35:11,728
Speaker 2: I trusted this woman to fix the situation, and I

592
00:35:11,848 --> 00:35:15,127
Speaker 2: was paying two hundred and fifty bucks a session. I

593
00:35:15,168 --> 00:35:19,328
Speaker 2: never felt actually hurt like. I never felt like she

594
00:35:20,288 --> 00:35:22,808
Speaker 2: would acknowledge the fact. I wanted her so badly to

595
00:35:22,808 --> 00:35:26,248
Speaker 2: say to me, you're in an abusive relationship, but she

596
00:35:26,288 --> 00:35:31,448
Speaker 2: didn't see it. She thought I was immature and I

597
00:35:31,488 --> 00:35:35,408
Speaker 2: had some growing up to do, and basically validated everything

598
00:35:35,808 --> 00:35:40,448
Speaker 2: that he had said. In the end, she did eventually

599
00:35:41,168 --> 00:35:43,368
Speaker 2: say to me, look, you need to run, You need

600
00:35:43,368 --> 00:35:44,848
Speaker 2: a change phone number, you need to leave him, you

601
00:35:44,888 --> 00:35:48,087
Speaker 2: need to run. That was the only genuine moment that

602
00:35:48,128 --> 00:35:49,968
Speaker 2: I got out of her, and we were in therapy

603
00:35:50,048 --> 00:35:55,368
Speaker 2: for months. My mental health was never worse. I was

604
00:35:55,568 --> 00:36:00,008
Speaker 2: a broken shell of my former self. I had such

605
00:36:00,128 --> 00:36:03,087
Speaker 2: low self esteem. I never left the house and never

606
00:36:03,128 --> 00:36:05,768
Speaker 2: went out with my friends, because every time I did,

607
00:36:05,848 --> 00:36:07,848
Speaker 2: he would find a way to start a fight with

608
00:36:07,888 --> 00:36:10,288
Speaker 2: me before I left or while I was out, so

609
00:36:10,328 --> 00:36:13,087
Speaker 2: that I would have a terrible time. Whenever he went

610
00:36:13,128 --> 00:36:15,848
Speaker 2: away on one of his runs, he would make sure

611
00:36:15,848 --> 00:36:17,728
Speaker 2: he started a fight with me before he left, so

612
00:36:17,768 --> 00:36:22,728
Speaker 2: I would spend the entire time anxious waiting for the

613
00:36:22,728 --> 00:36:25,808
Speaker 2: fight that's about to come. He would tell me that

614
00:36:26,168 --> 00:36:27,567
Speaker 2: he was done with me, and he was going to

615
00:36:27,568 --> 00:36:30,207
Speaker 2: go find some girl in town tonight and have sex

616
00:36:30,248 --> 00:36:33,047
Speaker 2: with her, and I would just be beside myself, and

617
00:36:33,088 --> 00:36:35,488
Speaker 2: I would spend the entire weekend that he was away

618
00:36:35,888 --> 00:36:38,567
Speaker 2: crying and texting and crying and texting and texting and

619
00:36:38,608 --> 00:36:40,848
Speaker 2: crying and crying and texting and trying to call him.

620
00:36:41,208 --> 00:36:46,408
Speaker 2: Then he'd block my number, and I was just spinning

621
00:36:46,648 --> 00:36:49,128
Speaker 2: out of control. I didn't know who I was anymore.

622
00:36:49,328 --> 00:36:53,008
Speaker 1: D was trapped both physically and emotionally. This had become

623
00:36:53,088 --> 00:36:55,448
Speaker 1: her new normal, but she knew what made them both

624
00:36:55,488 --> 00:36:58,608
Speaker 1: the happiest, so she said about trying to make that happen.

625
00:36:58,768 --> 00:37:00,608
Speaker 2: We were going to go on a road trip to

626
00:37:00,648 --> 00:37:03,248
Speaker 2: a place that I'd always wanted to go to, and

627
00:37:03,288 --> 00:37:06,688
Speaker 2: he'd always wanted to go to. It was a four

628
00:37:06,768 --> 00:37:11,208
Speaker 2: hour drive away. I'd booked this beautiful air that was

629
00:37:11,208 --> 00:37:15,768
Speaker 2: a cabin in the mountains that overlooked the beach, and

630
00:37:16,688 --> 00:37:18,648
Speaker 2: I thought we were just going to go have this lovely,

631
00:37:19,008 --> 00:37:24,008
Speaker 2: loved up little weekend away in a cabin. And the

632
00:37:24,128 --> 00:37:25,888
Speaker 2: day that we were packing the car and leaving, he

633
00:37:25,928 --> 00:37:30,167
Speaker 2: said to me, oh, by the way, Roy's coming as

634
00:37:30,168 --> 00:37:33,888
Speaker 2: well and his wife. And I was like pardon, and

635
00:37:33,928 --> 00:37:35,848
Speaker 2: he's like, well, one of the rules of the club

636
00:37:35,928 --> 00:37:38,608
Speaker 2: is that when we go away, we have to invite

637
00:37:38,648 --> 00:37:40,567
Speaker 2: everyone else, and if anyone wants to come, then they're

638
00:37:40,568 --> 00:37:44,488
Speaker 2: always welcome. I was like, okay, could be fun. Roy

639
00:37:44,648 --> 00:37:49,288
Speaker 2: was an older gentleman who had had a hit replacement.

640
00:37:50,128 --> 00:37:54,248
Speaker 2: And when we're halfway on the drive down, he informs

641
00:37:54,288 --> 00:37:58,408
Speaker 2: me that Roy and his wife will be taking the bedroom.

642
00:37:58,968 --> 00:38:02,488
Speaker 2: It was only a one bedroom cabin, but there were

643
00:38:02,608 --> 00:38:04,648
Speaker 2: pull out beds. I just assumed they would take the

644
00:38:04,648 --> 00:38:06,488
Speaker 2: pull out beds, and because I was paying for it,

645
00:38:06,528 --> 00:38:10,168
Speaker 2: I would get the bed. But no, he was his

646
00:38:10,208 --> 00:38:13,408
Speaker 2: superior and he'd had a hit replacement, so him and

647
00:38:13,448 --> 00:38:17,248
Speaker 2: his wife got the bed. I wasn't actually that well

648
00:38:17,808 --> 00:38:19,288
Speaker 2: at that time. I had a bit of a cold,

649
00:38:20,128 --> 00:38:22,488
Speaker 2: and the drive down there was like four and a

650
00:38:22,528 --> 00:38:25,688
Speaker 2: half hours, so by the time we got there, I

651
00:38:25,728 --> 00:38:29,288
Speaker 2: was pretty tired. It was nighttime and they all smoked,

652
00:38:29,568 --> 00:38:32,248
Speaker 2: and the smoke was really like irritating my throat and

653
00:38:32,248 --> 00:38:34,728
Speaker 2: my cough. So I decided to go to bed and

654
00:38:34,808 --> 00:38:37,047
Speaker 2: let them have their fun. So they're out on the

655
00:38:37,088 --> 00:38:41,328
Speaker 2: deck smoking and playing music and having a great time,

656
00:38:41,968 --> 00:38:43,768
Speaker 2: and so I pulled my little trundle bed out in

657
00:38:43,808 --> 00:38:47,168
Speaker 2: the kitchen and went to sleep on that and I

658
00:38:47,208 --> 00:38:50,127
Speaker 2: woke up to him standing over me, and I just

659
00:38:51,048 --> 00:38:54,207
Speaker 2: woke up. It was like, I don't think he touched

660
00:38:54,248 --> 00:38:56,448
Speaker 2: me or anything. I just knew he was there. And

661
00:38:56,488 --> 00:38:58,608
Speaker 2: he just said to me, what's your problem? And I

662
00:38:58,648 --> 00:39:00,488
Speaker 2: was like, I'm not feeling well. I've just gone I'm

663
00:39:00,568 --> 00:39:02,368
Speaker 2: going to bed, and he's like, you've been a bitch,

664
00:39:02,448 --> 00:39:05,008
Speaker 2: and I was like, can you just apologize to everyone?

665
00:39:05,048 --> 00:39:08,728
Speaker 2: I'm not well. I've had this cold. And the drive

666
00:39:08,888 --> 00:39:10,568
Speaker 2: was he didn't have his life since at the time,

667
00:39:10,728 --> 00:39:13,888
Speaker 2: so i'd driven down and I was like, I just

668
00:39:13,968 --> 00:39:17,168
Speaker 2: really need to go to sleep. Tomorrow we'll go explore

669
00:39:17,168 --> 00:39:19,288
Speaker 2: around the rocks and have a good time. I could

670
00:39:19,328 --> 00:39:21,727
Speaker 2: see because he get this glazed overlook in his eyes.

671
00:39:21,848 --> 00:39:24,047
Speaker 2: It was like his eyes would change color, his voice

672
00:39:24,048 --> 00:39:27,208
Speaker 2: would change, his posture would change, everything about him would change.

673
00:39:27,288 --> 00:39:30,848
Speaker 2: There was like this different person that would show up

674
00:39:30,848 --> 00:39:34,448
Speaker 2: when he got to a certain level of intoxication, and

675
00:39:34,488 --> 00:39:36,368
Speaker 2: I would just know that I was in trouble and

676
00:39:36,408 --> 00:39:38,968
Speaker 2: I had to do everything I could to make sure

677
00:39:39,248 --> 00:39:41,728
Speaker 2: that I smoothed it over. But at that point I

678
00:39:41,848 --> 00:39:44,648
Speaker 2: was in full form mode. I froze. I was just

679
00:39:44,688 --> 00:39:46,888
Speaker 2: like I'm fine, I'm just going to go back to sleep,

680
00:39:46,928 --> 00:39:49,288
Speaker 2: and trying to close my eyes and go back to sleep,

681
00:39:49,328 --> 00:39:53,127
Speaker 2: and he just started unzipped my bag. And I used

682
00:39:53,168 --> 00:39:55,408
Speaker 2: to be really into photography and I had this very

683
00:39:55,448 --> 00:39:59,368
Speaker 2: expensive camera and he picked it up and I was like, fuck,

684
00:39:59,408 --> 00:40:03,608
Speaker 2: here we go. He said, show me a phone or

685
00:40:03,608 --> 00:40:06,728
Speaker 2: I'll smash the camera, and I was like, yeah, I

686
00:40:06,728 --> 00:40:11,288
Speaker 2: have my phone. Whatever. Then he opened my fe and

687
00:40:11,408 --> 00:40:14,168
Speaker 2: he I don't even think he could read at that point,

688
00:40:14,208 --> 00:40:17,928
Speaker 2: he was so drunk, but he just instantly was like

689
00:40:17,968 --> 00:40:20,047
Speaker 2: I knew it. You fucking slart. You're cheating on me,

690
00:40:20,768 --> 00:40:23,448
Speaker 2: You're always fucking cheating on me. And then he just

691
00:40:23,488 --> 00:40:29,208
Speaker 2: grabbed my phone and snapped it into and smashed my camera,

692
00:40:29,968 --> 00:40:34,127
Speaker 2: just started trashing this airbnb that was in my name,

693
00:40:35,728 --> 00:40:39,968
Speaker 2: and I was just like trying my best. I was like, peepe,

694
00:40:39,968 --> 00:40:41,928
Speaker 2: I love you. I'm sorry, just calm down, Come sit

695
00:40:41,968 --> 00:40:44,687
Speaker 2: with me, We'll have a cuddle, we'll sort this out.

696
00:40:44,768 --> 00:40:46,087
Speaker 2: Like I'm not cheating on you. I love you more

697
00:40:46,088 --> 00:40:47,808
Speaker 2: than anything in the entire world. And I was just

698
00:40:47,848 --> 00:40:49,808
Speaker 2: like begging him to lay down with me and just

699
00:40:50,088 --> 00:40:53,688
Speaker 2: cuddle with me. At this point, the other people that

700
00:40:53,728 --> 00:40:57,728
Speaker 2: were staying with us had gone to bed, and I

701
00:40:57,808 --> 00:41:00,168
Speaker 2: realized he wasn't going to calm down and I was

702
00:41:00,168 --> 00:41:05,127
Speaker 2: in trouble. So thankfully I had my car key right

703
00:41:05,168 --> 00:41:10,088
Speaker 2: next to me on the bedside table, and I i

704
00:41:10,128 --> 00:41:12,368
Speaker 2: grabbed it while he was trashing the house, and I

705
00:41:12,448 --> 00:41:16,008
Speaker 2: ran to my car, and this cabin was down like

706
00:41:16,048 --> 00:41:19,248
Speaker 2: a really long gravel track, and my car was parked

707
00:41:20,168 --> 00:41:22,087
Speaker 2: forwards down the track, so it meant I had to

708
00:41:22,128 --> 00:41:26,567
Speaker 2: reverse up this gravel track to get away, and there

709
00:41:26,608 --> 00:41:29,928
Speaker 2: was this stack of firewood next to the house. He

710
00:41:30,008 --> 00:41:34,087
Speaker 2: saw when I started to get out that I was

711
00:41:34,088 --> 00:41:37,608
Speaker 2: going to get away, and I couldn't get my car started.

712
00:41:37,608 --> 00:41:39,288
Speaker 2: It was that nervous. I couldn't figure out how to

713
00:41:39,368 --> 00:41:41,048
Speaker 2: use the key. I couldn't figure out how to unlock

714
00:41:41,088 --> 00:41:43,328
Speaker 2: the car. I was just so terrified at that point,

715
00:41:43,368 --> 00:41:46,728
Speaker 2: I wanted to vomit everywhere, and so I got in

716
00:41:46,808 --> 00:41:48,608
Speaker 2: the car. And as I get in the car and

717
00:41:48,648 --> 00:41:51,687
Speaker 2: I start the engine, he picks up this giant log

718
00:41:51,808 --> 00:41:55,968
Speaker 2: and just throws it at the driver's window. Thankfully, it

719
00:41:56,088 --> 00:41:59,328
Speaker 2: bounced off the window, and I got the car started

720
00:42:00,048 --> 00:42:04,208
Speaker 2: and I started reversing up this gravel track. I reversed

721
00:42:04,208 --> 00:42:09,047
Speaker 2: into a light post while he's throwing giant logs of

722
00:42:09,088 --> 00:42:11,968
Speaker 2: firewood at the car, smashing every panel on it. He

723
00:42:12,008 --> 00:42:14,408
Speaker 2: grabbed the side mirror and ripped it off. He was

724
00:42:14,488 --> 00:42:17,648
Speaker 2: kicking the doors. He was like jumping on the bonnet

725
00:42:17,808 --> 00:42:20,527
Speaker 2: while I'm trying to reverse and get away. And then

726
00:42:20,568 --> 00:42:23,168
Speaker 2: I managed to get away. All the windows were smashed.

727
00:42:24,008 --> 00:42:25,968
Speaker 2: I couldn't see out of the windscreen, so I was

728
00:42:26,088 --> 00:42:29,968
Speaker 2: just like driving kind of with my head out the window.

729
00:42:30,088 --> 00:42:32,088
Speaker 2: It was the middle of winter. I was freezing cold,

730
00:42:32,648 --> 00:42:35,448
Speaker 2: and I tried to drive into town to the police station.

731
00:42:36,168 --> 00:42:38,128
Speaker 2: It was about two o'clock in the morning, and I

732
00:42:38,168 --> 00:42:43,768
Speaker 2: get to the police station and I was really rattled.

733
00:42:44,408 --> 00:42:46,248
Speaker 2: But they were like on the end of their shift.

734
00:42:46,328 --> 00:42:49,368
Speaker 2: Being a small country town, they closed the cop shop

735
00:42:49,368 --> 00:42:51,527
Speaker 2: at like two am and they were ready to go home,

736
00:42:51,568 --> 00:42:55,567
Speaker 2: and they sort of took my statement, and then they

737
00:42:55,608 --> 00:42:59,928
Speaker 2: gave me the address for a home where women go

738
00:43:00,048 --> 00:43:04,127
Speaker 2: like a refuge. And I was kind of insulted because

739
00:43:04,168 --> 00:43:06,728
Speaker 2: I was like, I'm not I'm not a battered wife.

740
00:43:06,728 --> 00:43:09,808
Speaker 2: I don't need a refuge. I just need you to

741
00:43:09,848 --> 00:43:12,127
Speaker 2: call someone for me and tell them to come pick

742
00:43:12,168 --> 00:43:16,488
Speaker 2: me up. And it was a long weekend. This was Saturday,

743
00:43:16,808 --> 00:43:19,368
Speaker 2: Saturday night, and so they knocked off and they were like,

744
00:43:19,448 --> 00:43:20,888
Speaker 2: just sleep in your car in the car park of

745
00:43:20,888 --> 00:43:23,488
Speaker 2: the cop shop. You'll be safe there. I couldn't sleep

746
00:43:23,488 --> 00:43:25,808
Speaker 2: because it was freezing cold. It was like minus two degrees.

747
00:43:25,848 --> 00:43:28,288
Speaker 2: I had no blankets or anything in my car, leather interior.

748
00:43:28,328 --> 00:43:31,968
Speaker 2: It was freezing. My car didn't want to drive because

749
00:43:32,248 --> 00:43:35,168
Speaker 2: it was throwing up all these fault warnings about you know,

750
00:43:35,288 --> 00:43:37,648
Speaker 2: just I smashed everything on it. Well, the next morning,

751
00:43:37,648 --> 00:43:39,968
Speaker 2: I got up and I walked about town trying to

752
00:43:39,968 --> 00:43:44,728
Speaker 2: find a payphone because I didn't have a phone. And

753
00:43:44,768 --> 00:43:48,608
Speaker 2: then I realized I didn't know anyone's phone number, so

754
00:43:48,768 --> 00:43:51,688
Speaker 2: payphone would have been useless to me. Anyway, so I

755
00:43:51,728 --> 00:43:53,368
Speaker 2: was going up to strangers and saying, Hey, do you

756
00:43:53,408 --> 00:43:55,328
Speaker 2: think I could use your phone for a minute. I

757
00:43:55,368 --> 00:43:57,848
Speaker 2: just want to try and find I need to call

758
00:43:57,888 --> 00:44:00,288
Speaker 2: the tow truck so I can get my car towed home.

759
00:44:01,328 --> 00:44:03,848
Speaker 2: I tried to call some tow truck companies, but they

760
00:44:03,848 --> 00:44:07,008
Speaker 2: didn't work on long weekends, so I was stranded there.

761
00:44:08,008 --> 00:44:13,448
Speaker 2: The police had called my so she was fretting, but

762
00:44:13,488 --> 00:44:15,168
Speaker 2: I had no way of contacting her. She had no

763
00:44:15,208 --> 00:44:18,568
Speaker 2: way of contacting me, so I couldn't call her and

764
00:44:18,648 --> 00:44:21,608
Speaker 2: let her know I was okay. So I'd been wandering

765
00:44:21,648 --> 00:44:25,168
Speaker 2: around town all day trying to figure out what I

766
00:44:25,208 --> 00:44:27,128
Speaker 2: was going to do. There were no tow trucks. It

767
00:44:27,168 --> 00:44:28,567
Speaker 2: was a long weekend. I was going to have to wait,

768
00:44:28,728 --> 00:44:30,648
Speaker 2: like hang around on the streets in my smashed up

769
00:44:30,648 --> 00:44:33,248
Speaker 2: car for another three days until I could get a

770
00:44:33,288 --> 00:44:36,247
Speaker 2: tow truck home. And I knew that he would still

771
00:44:36,248 --> 00:44:39,208
Speaker 2: be at the airbnb because he didn't have his license,

772
00:44:40,328 --> 00:44:44,448
Speaker 2: and so I was like, well, I've got no other option.

773
00:44:45,408 --> 00:44:47,648
Speaker 2: I know he'll be able to fix this. He's got

774
00:44:47,688 --> 00:44:51,688
Speaker 2: a phone. I drove back to the airbnb and he

775
00:44:51,768 --> 00:44:53,888
Speaker 2: answered the door and he said, I'm so sorry, and

776
00:44:53,928 --> 00:44:55,968
Speaker 2: he just started crying and he just melted into my

777
00:44:56,088 --> 00:44:58,288
Speaker 2: arms and he said, I love you so much. I

778
00:44:58,288 --> 00:45:00,728
Speaker 2: don't want to lose you. I'm so sorry. I just

779
00:45:00,728 --> 00:45:03,248
Speaker 2: can't handle alcohol. I'm going to try to do better.

780
00:45:03,248 --> 00:45:06,008
Speaker 2: I'm going to stop drinking. And we both just cried

781
00:45:06,048 --> 00:45:09,768
Speaker 2: together and it felt amazing and we were in love again.

782
00:45:10,368 --> 00:45:13,328
Speaker 2: Then the police showed up and they said that they'd

783
00:45:13,328 --> 00:45:15,448
Speaker 2: had reports from the neighbors about what had happened last

784
00:45:15,528 --> 00:45:17,768
Speaker 2: night and they saw me the previous night and they

785
00:45:17,768 --> 00:45:20,488
Speaker 2: needed us to come down to the station. So we

786
00:45:20,528 --> 00:45:22,648
Speaker 2: went down to the station. They kept him in the

787
00:45:22,648 --> 00:45:25,127
Speaker 2: front and they walked me out the back and they said, look,

788
00:45:25,128 --> 00:45:28,888
Speaker 2: we've put a three day order on him. You are

789
00:45:28,888 --> 00:45:31,568
Speaker 2: not allowed to have any contact with him for three days.

790
00:45:32,088 --> 00:45:33,728
Speaker 2: You need time to cool off and think about whether

791
00:45:33,768 --> 00:45:37,408
Speaker 2: this relationship is going anywhere. This behavior is not normal.

792
00:45:38,408 --> 00:45:41,208
Speaker 2: And I was like, what do I do? Like his

793
00:45:41,328 --> 00:45:43,448
Speaker 2: mum was going to come pick us up and take

794
00:45:43,528 --> 00:45:45,888
Speaker 2: us home. How do I get home. It's a four

795
00:45:45,888 --> 00:45:47,488
Speaker 2: and a half hour drive and I've got a smashed

796
00:45:47,528 --> 00:45:52,008
Speaker 2: up car. He was like, just drive home, take smash

797
00:45:52,088 --> 00:45:55,928
Speaker 2: up car and drive home. So I was heading out

798
00:45:55,928 --> 00:45:58,448
Speaker 2: of town. I sat in my car for a minute

799
00:45:58,448 --> 00:46:00,968
Speaker 2: to contemplate what I was going to do. I had

800
00:46:00,968 --> 00:46:03,208
Speaker 2: no phone. I realized how dangerous it was driving on

801
00:46:03,248 --> 00:46:06,848
Speaker 2: those roads at night in a smashed up car, but

802
00:46:06,928 --> 00:46:08,167
Speaker 2: I just had to do it. It was what I had

803
00:46:08,168 --> 00:46:10,527
Speaker 2: to do. So I got it the car and I

804
00:46:10,568 --> 00:46:13,808
Speaker 2: started to drive out of town, and then I saw

805
00:46:13,928 --> 00:46:21,008
Speaker 2: Adam walking up the street and he saw me, and

806
00:46:21,088 --> 00:46:24,408
Speaker 2: so I quickly turned into a car park of a

807
00:46:24,528 --> 00:46:26,448
Speaker 2: shop a few streets up. He saw where I turned,

808
00:46:26,488 --> 00:46:28,768
Speaker 2: he jumped in the car. We started to make our

809
00:46:28,808 --> 00:46:32,647
Speaker 2: way home. About twenty minutes up the street, I think

810
00:46:32,648 --> 00:46:34,368
Speaker 2: the police had gone to check in with him to

811
00:46:34,368 --> 00:46:36,288
Speaker 2: see where he was staying that night, and realized he

812
00:46:36,408 --> 00:46:39,607
Speaker 2: wasn't in town anymore and realized I'd picked him up.

813
00:46:40,688 --> 00:46:44,928
Speaker 2: So about twenty minutes out of town, I see lights flashing.

814
00:46:45,008 --> 00:46:48,408
Speaker 2: They see my car coming, and I quickly said do

815
00:46:48,448 --> 00:46:51,568
Speaker 2: a you turn. Quickly did a U turn, started driving

816
00:46:51,568 --> 00:46:53,408
Speaker 2: full pelt back in the opposite direction, because if he

817
00:46:53,448 --> 00:46:57,607
Speaker 2: got caught with me it would mean chargers. He wound

818
00:46:57,648 --> 00:46:59,607
Speaker 2: the window down and just jumped out of the moving car,

819
00:47:00,648 --> 00:47:05,128
Speaker 2: and I pulled into a service station and started fueling

820
00:47:05,168 --> 00:47:11,928
Speaker 2: my car up the police officer approached and said, so

821
00:47:12,048 --> 00:47:14,208
Speaker 2: you're heading home and I was like yep. He's like,

822
00:47:14,208 --> 00:47:15,968
Speaker 2: you haven't seen him, have you. I was like nope.

823
00:47:16,728 --> 00:47:18,448
Speaker 2: He's like, you're just putting fuel in your car. I

824
00:47:18,488 --> 00:47:21,968
Speaker 2: was like yep, and then I just took a really

825
00:47:21,968 --> 00:47:25,608
Speaker 2: long time to put the fuel in my car. He left,

826
00:47:26,728 --> 00:47:30,168
Speaker 2: and then I knew what area he'd jumped out of

827
00:47:30,208 --> 00:47:33,648
Speaker 2: the car. All he'd done is walked around behind the

828
00:47:33,648 --> 00:47:37,688
Speaker 2: service station and waited for the cop to leave and

829
00:47:38,648 --> 00:47:40,008
Speaker 2: jump back in the car. And then we made our

830
00:47:40,048 --> 00:47:45,368
Speaker 2: way home. And from that point on, I feel like

831
00:47:45,408 --> 00:47:50,527
Speaker 2: I checked out. I'd realized the situation that I was

832
00:47:50,568 --> 00:47:52,207
Speaker 2: in and it was probably going to get me killed

833
00:47:52,208 --> 00:47:54,728
Speaker 2: if I didn't put an end to it. But I

834
00:47:54,848 --> 00:47:59,488
Speaker 2: just had to make strategic moves about how I was

835
00:47:59,528 --> 00:48:02,208
Speaker 2: going to get away from him with my life, because

836
00:48:02,208 --> 00:48:05,127
Speaker 2: every time I tried to leave, he would threaten my

837
00:48:05,128 --> 00:48:05,968
Speaker 2: life essentially.

838
00:48:06,328 --> 00:48:08,208
Speaker 1: So she left and took action.

839
00:48:11,608 --> 00:48:14,848
Speaker 2: I went to get a vro, I went to the

840
00:48:14,848 --> 00:48:19,928
Speaker 2: courthouse because I knew that he was going to make

841
00:48:19,928 --> 00:48:25,848
Speaker 2: my life hell. When I tried to leave, I put

842
00:48:25,888 --> 00:48:29,448
Speaker 2: on my makeup to try and not look like a

843
00:48:29,528 --> 00:48:32,448
Speaker 2: biky whore. So that they would believe me when I

844
00:48:32,528 --> 00:48:36,488
Speaker 2: said all of the stuff that he's done. When I

845
00:48:36,528 --> 00:48:39,047
Speaker 2: stood in front of the judge, I told him everything,

846
00:48:39,088 --> 00:48:40,608
Speaker 2: and he was like, yeah, it sounds like you've got

847
00:48:40,728 --> 00:48:44,728
Speaker 2: pretty good grounds for a VRO and told me that

848
00:48:44,768 --> 00:48:46,608
Speaker 2: he will have a hearing and if I didn't want to,

849
00:48:46,648 --> 00:48:48,368
Speaker 2: I didn't need to attend that hearing if it would

850
00:48:48,368 --> 00:48:49,888
Speaker 2: be too traumatic for me to be in the same

851
00:48:49,928 --> 00:48:53,168
Speaker 2: space as him or too dangerous. So it was of

852
00:48:53,248 --> 00:48:56,368
Speaker 2: my understanding that I didn't need to attend his hearing

853
00:48:56,448 --> 00:49:01,208
Speaker 2: for the VRO. It took three weeks for the police

854
00:49:01,248 --> 00:49:06,768
Speaker 2: to serve him with his VRO. So at this point

855
00:49:06,768 --> 00:49:11,127
Speaker 2: I'd moved house. My girlfriends had come and they'd helped

856
00:49:11,128 --> 00:49:16,488
Speaker 2: me pack everything up and clean everything. And my uncle

857
00:49:16,528 --> 00:49:18,848
Speaker 2: had a house a rental that was vacant at the time,

858
00:49:18,928 --> 00:49:21,928
Speaker 2: and he kindly let me move in there, which was

859
00:49:21,928 --> 00:49:25,328
Speaker 2: a long way away from where we lived. I got

860
00:49:25,368 --> 00:49:29,047
Speaker 2: myself set up, I got the paperwork in the mail

861
00:49:29,128 --> 00:49:32,368
Speaker 2: to say that he had his hearing, and I thought

862
00:49:32,368 --> 00:49:33,928
Speaker 2: I didn't need to attend that because that's what the

863
00:49:34,008 --> 00:49:37,048
Speaker 2: judge had told me on the day, So I didn't attend.

864
00:49:37,768 --> 00:49:41,408
Speaker 2: And then a couple weeks later, I got another letter

865
00:49:41,448 --> 00:49:46,647
Speaker 2: saying that my VRO had been dropped because I didn't

866
00:49:46,688 --> 00:49:49,488
Speaker 2: troub up for the hearing, and so I called up.

867
00:49:49,568 --> 00:49:52,208
Speaker 2: I was like, I was told that I didn't need

868
00:49:52,248 --> 00:49:54,488
Speaker 2: to attend by the judge, and the person that I

869
00:49:54,488 --> 00:49:56,527
Speaker 2: spoke to said, no, you did need to attend, you

870
00:49:56,608 --> 00:49:58,728
Speaker 2: just didn't need to be in court room at the time,

871
00:50:00,288 --> 00:50:03,408
Speaker 2: and so they said, unfortunately, all the evidence that you've

872
00:50:03,408 --> 00:50:06,647
Speaker 2: given us is now null and void. If you want

873
00:50:06,688 --> 00:50:09,768
Speaker 2: to apply for another VRO, you have to submit new evidence.

874
00:50:11,648 --> 00:50:15,968
Speaker 2: And at that point he'd mostly left me alone because

875
00:50:17,208 --> 00:50:19,288
Speaker 2: I hadn't seen or heard from him, but I knew

876
00:50:19,328 --> 00:50:20,647
Speaker 2: it was only a matter of time before he found

877
00:50:20,648 --> 00:50:22,527
Speaker 2: out where I was, because I was told by the

878
00:50:22,568 --> 00:50:25,488
Speaker 2: removalists that moved all my furniture there that he'd contacted

879
00:50:25,528 --> 00:50:28,488
Speaker 2: them to find out where I was moving to. He

880
00:50:28,568 --> 00:50:32,128
Speaker 2: was bombarding my phone and my social media with messages.

881
00:50:32,128 --> 00:50:34,608
Speaker 2: He was calling all of my friends, all of my family,

882
00:50:34,728 --> 00:50:36,768
Speaker 2: like random people that I hadn't seen for ages would

883
00:50:36,768 --> 00:50:38,328
Speaker 2: message me and go, hey, do you know this guy?

884
00:50:38,728 --> 00:50:42,047
Speaker 2: He's messaging me telling me I'm a fucking fag and

885
00:50:42,328 --> 00:50:45,368
Speaker 2: that you're available for me to have sex with now

886
00:50:45,448 --> 00:50:49,808
Speaker 2: and because you know, just completely unhinged crap. And so

887
00:50:49,888 --> 00:50:52,248
Speaker 2: I realized the law was not going to help me,

888
00:50:52,728 --> 00:50:58,808
Speaker 2: and I just need to block, forget, deflect, and just

889
00:50:59,168 --> 00:51:01,648
Speaker 2: move on with my life. So that's what I did.

890
00:51:01,808 --> 00:51:05,008
Speaker 1: It's been six years since their relationship bended, and Dee's

891
00:51:05,048 --> 00:51:07,288
Speaker 1: recovery has been slow and reflective.

892
00:51:07,568 --> 00:51:10,128
Speaker 2: I was terrified for a really long time because I

893
00:51:10,168 --> 00:51:13,168
Speaker 2: knew that he owned guns. He'd shown me his sniper rifle.

894
00:51:14,328 --> 00:51:16,127
Speaker 2: I was always scared that he was going to show

895
00:51:16,168 --> 00:51:19,448
Speaker 2: up somewhere. His mates would show up everywhere. I felt

896
00:51:19,488 --> 00:51:23,888
Speaker 2: like they were always keeping tabs on me. Took probably

897
00:51:24,048 --> 00:51:25,968
Speaker 2: three years for me to stop looking over my shoulder.

898
00:51:27,368 --> 00:51:29,607
Speaker 2: Now I know what a pathetic little man baby he is.

899
00:51:29,688 --> 00:51:32,568
Speaker 2: I'm not scared of him anymore, but it took a

900
00:51:32,608 --> 00:51:36,208
Speaker 2: long time for me to get over that. I did

901
00:51:36,248 --> 00:51:43,408
Speaker 2: a lot of therapy. I joined communities. I strengthened my

902
00:51:43,488 --> 00:51:48,168
Speaker 2: bonds with my women around me, I strengthened my bonds

903
00:51:48,168 --> 00:51:54,368
Speaker 2: with my family, and I really worked on myself. I

904
00:51:54,408 --> 00:51:56,888
Speaker 2: will get random messages from fake accounts all the time.

905
00:51:58,048 --> 00:52:00,488
Speaker 2: It's been about six months since the last one and

906
00:52:00,528 --> 00:52:03,328
Speaker 2: I haven't heard from him. He liked to talk crap

907
00:52:03,368 --> 00:52:05,087
Speaker 2: about one of his exes that he was in a

908
00:52:05,088 --> 00:52:07,808
Speaker 2: relationship before me, and say that she was crazy and

909
00:52:08,568 --> 00:52:11,168
Speaker 2: that she was cheating on him. So I had a

910
00:52:11,168 --> 00:52:12,888
Speaker 2: lot of empathy towards him for that. I thought he

911
00:52:12,928 --> 00:52:14,808
Speaker 2: had trauma. She cheated on him in the past, and

912
00:52:14,808 --> 00:52:16,448
Speaker 2: that's why he's going to accuse me of cheating all

913
00:52:16,448 --> 00:52:18,888
Speaker 2: the time. When I contacted her, I found out that

914
00:52:18,968 --> 00:52:21,888
Speaker 2: wasn't true. He'd lied about that he was cheating on

915
00:52:21,928 --> 00:52:25,248
Speaker 2: her the entire time. I found her through social media.

916
00:52:25,888 --> 00:52:27,408
Speaker 2: She turned out to be a really cool chick, and

917
00:52:28,088 --> 00:52:31,768
Speaker 2: she really helped me through the breakup. She validated a

918
00:52:31,768 --> 00:52:33,848
Speaker 2: lot of the feelings that I had because I felt

919
00:52:33,888 --> 00:52:36,687
Speaker 2: absolutely insane, and he left her feeling the same way

920
00:52:36,768 --> 00:52:39,687
Speaker 2: when their relationship ended, and I think it was quite

921
00:52:39,808 --> 00:52:42,648
Speaker 2: healing for her to hear the same things from me,

922
00:52:42,808 --> 00:52:45,648
Speaker 2: so that she knew she wasn't crazy. And when I

923
00:52:45,648 --> 00:52:49,368
Speaker 2: started dating again, I made so many mistakes. I was

924
00:52:49,368 --> 00:52:53,607
Speaker 2: instantly attracted to the shitheads, and it took a lot

925
00:52:53,648 --> 00:52:58,008
Speaker 2: of learning to identify what all of those horrible red

926
00:52:58,008 --> 00:53:01,848
Speaker 2: flags were and how to avoid them. Dating is a skill,

927
00:53:01,888 --> 00:53:04,087
Speaker 2: and I feel like I didn't learn it when I

928
00:53:04,128 --> 00:53:07,567
Speaker 2: was younger, because I was married so soon. I was

929
00:53:07,608 --> 00:53:10,488
Speaker 2: in a relationship from the age of sixteen to thirty two,

930
00:53:10,848 --> 00:53:15,527
Speaker 2: so I never had that experience of dating guys and

931
00:53:15,608 --> 00:53:19,047
Speaker 2: learning what the red flags were. I learned that really

932
00:53:19,128 --> 00:53:23,607
Speaker 2: late in life. Now I know. Now I have a

933
00:53:23,648 --> 00:53:29,928
Speaker 2: new partner, and he's nothing like that guy. He's emotionally intelligent.

934
00:53:31,168 --> 00:53:35,768
Speaker 2: He's never once activated my nervous system, never felt unsafe

935
00:53:35,808 --> 00:53:40,848
Speaker 2: around him. He's a grown up and he's lovely. I

936
00:53:40,888 --> 00:53:45,928
Speaker 2: feel like it is my dirty little secret. I feel

937
00:53:45,968 --> 00:53:50,008
Speaker 2: like it's the one fuck up I made in my life.

938
00:53:50,128 --> 00:53:54,687
Speaker 2: I've done everything right my entire life except for date him.

939
00:53:55,848 --> 00:53:58,607
Speaker 2: I feel like I'm a good girl to the core,

940
00:53:59,768 --> 00:54:01,928
Speaker 2: and I think he knew that, and he just saw

941
00:54:01,968 --> 00:54:07,768
Speaker 2: me as an easy kill. He saw how naive I was,

942
00:54:08,848 --> 00:54:12,368
Speaker 2: he saw how I was. I make it a habit

943
00:54:12,448 --> 00:54:14,728
Speaker 2: to have nothing to do with him. I'm not interested,

944
00:54:14,848 --> 00:54:17,208
Speaker 2: don't care, don't look up his name. The only thing

945
00:54:17,208 --> 00:54:21,608
Speaker 2: I look for is his name in the obituaries. Everybody

946
00:54:22,088 --> 00:54:27,408
Speaker 2: has to have that one guy who teaches you. Hopefully

947
00:54:27,408 --> 00:54:29,888
Speaker 2: it's only one guy who teaches you what an asshole

948
00:54:30,448 --> 00:54:37,688
Speaker 2: is or what a manipulator is, and then once you learn,

949
00:54:37,928 --> 00:54:40,568
Speaker 2: you grow and you know how to identify these things

950
00:54:40,608 --> 00:54:42,647
Speaker 2: in future relationships and you don't fall into the same

951
00:54:42,648 --> 00:54:46,087
Speaker 2: traps again. Narcissists are so good at hiding who they

952
00:54:46,128 --> 00:54:50,328
Speaker 2: are until the perfect opportunity, and you need to stay

953
00:54:50,408 --> 00:54:53,888
Speaker 2: vigilant at all times. You can be in a relationship

954
00:54:53,928 --> 00:54:58,328
Speaker 2: for one year, two years, three years, ten years. It's

955
00:54:58,328 --> 00:55:02,288
Speaker 2: not until you move in together, or until you get married,

956
00:55:02,448 --> 00:55:05,727
Speaker 2: or until you have children, or until you become ill

957
00:55:05,768 --> 00:55:09,047
Speaker 2: that they start to show who they really are and

958
00:55:09,048 --> 00:55:11,088
Speaker 2: that they never gave it about you in the first place.

959
00:55:11,168 --> 00:55:15,288
Speaker 2: And once they realize they've got you, they will start

960
00:55:15,608 --> 00:55:22,448
Speaker 2: manipulating you and taking you down and destroying you. I've

961
00:55:22,528 --> 00:55:26,648
Speaker 2: learned how to speak my feelings. I've learned how to

962
00:55:28,048 --> 00:55:31,928
Speaker 2: feel my feelings when they show up and not squash them. Basically,

963
00:55:31,968 --> 00:55:36,888
Speaker 2: I've learned how to communicate fearlessly. I know I'm not

964
00:55:36,888 --> 00:55:40,608
Speaker 2: going to waste any time not saying what I want. Now.

965
00:55:40,968 --> 00:55:44,928
Speaker 2: I'm too old, too old to take shit. I've had enough.

966
00:55:45,048 --> 00:55:48,448
Speaker 2: I am done now, I'm forty years old. I'm moving

967
00:55:48,448 --> 00:55:51,208
Speaker 2: on with my life. I have a beautiful house, my

968
00:55:51,288 --> 00:55:54,968
Speaker 2: girls are growing up beautifully, and I have a great

969
00:55:55,088 --> 00:55:59,208
Speaker 2: life of great people around me, and I don't know

970
00:55:59,288 --> 00:56:01,408
Speaker 2: if I would have got to this place if I

971
00:56:01,488 --> 00:56:08,128
Speaker 2: had stayed in the shit, I definitely wouldn't have my girls.

972
00:56:08,768 --> 00:56:11,328
Speaker 2: I don't know if they'll come out of it unscathed.

973
00:56:11,408 --> 00:56:15,328
Speaker 2: I don't like that I modeled that behavior to them,

974
00:56:15,728 --> 00:56:19,488
Speaker 2: and that was a big driving motivator for getting away.

975
00:56:19,888 --> 00:56:22,567
Speaker 2: I don't want my girls to see me in a

976
00:56:22,608 --> 00:56:26,567
Speaker 2: relationship like that and normalize it, and then them sort

977
00:56:26,608 --> 00:56:29,408
Speaker 2: of model that as an appropriate relationship and find that

978
00:56:29,448 --> 00:56:32,127
Speaker 2: for themselves. I don't want for them what I had

979
00:56:32,928 --> 00:56:39,248
Speaker 2: not in a million years.

980
00:56:49,968 --> 00:56:52,488
Speaker 1: Everyone has an x He is a Minti Media production

981
00:56:52,648 --> 00:56:54,888
Speaker 1: and proudly part of the Mum and Me Network. This

982
00:56:55,008 --> 00:56:58,568
Speaker 1: episode is written and produced by Linda Scott. Interview conducted

983
00:56:58,608 --> 00:57:01,488
Speaker 1: and episode narrated by me Georgia Love. If you have

984
00:57:01,488 --> 00:57:04,368
Speaker 1: a story you'd like to share, email podcast at momameya

985
00:57:04,448 --> 00:57:07,368
Speaker 1: dot com dot au. You can support us by following

986
00:57:07,408 --> 00:57:09,567
Speaker 1: the show in your favorite podcast app and leaving us

987
00:57:09,608 --> 00:57:14,087
Speaker 1: the five star review. We'll see you for the next episode.