WEBVTT - What It's Really Like Raising Multiracial Kids In Australia 0:00:00.040 --> 0:00:02.440 We acknowledged the traditional custodians of the land. 0:00:02.480 --> 0:00:03.720 We're recording on today. 0:00:07.320 --> 0:00:09.760 I never get it to men older women and they 0:00:09.800 --> 0:00:12.119 come up and they go, are you with mother? And 0:00:12.200 --> 0:00:14.560 I say yes, like could you look like the nanny 0:00:14.680 --> 0:00:15.600 or you look like the hell? 0:00:16.280 --> 0:00:22.720 Oh my god, Hello, and welcome back to eat, sleep, 0:00:22.800 --> 0:00:26.200 shit repeat in the podcast all about the madness that 0:00:26.360 --> 0:00:29.520 is motherhood and everything in between. It's quite an unhinged time, 0:00:29.560 --> 0:00:32.640 but it's a bloody jolly time. I am Kelly McCarron, 0:00:32.680 --> 0:00:35.080 I'm Kyrisels and we are thrilled to be back in 0:00:35.120 --> 0:00:36.400 your ears for another wild week. 0:00:36.800 --> 0:00:38.560 In case you missed it, last week, we had a 0:00:38.560 --> 0:00:41.240 little bit of a giggle chuckle. We were a gaggle 0:00:41.280 --> 0:00:43.440 of gigglers, if you will, about all the things I 0:00:44.120 --> 0:00:49.160 swear we'd weird, Holy moly, we'd never do before having kids, 0:00:49.159 --> 0:00:51.680 so we absolutely did do after we have them. And 0:00:51.800 --> 0:00:53.080 my neck is still hurting from. 0:00:53.000 --> 0:00:53.880 All that flash. 0:00:54.800 --> 0:00:57.080 Well, this week we're taking a little bit more of 0:00:57.120 --> 0:01:00.840 a serious turn. We're exploring the intricacies of race, biracial 0:01:00.840 --> 0:01:03.880 and multiracial babies, how to ensure that they're connected to 0:01:03.920 --> 0:01:07.120 their culture in a world that is largely whitewashed. 0:01:07.400 --> 0:01:10.440 Both Key and our lovely shitter Juliet will be chatting 0:01:10.480 --> 0:01:14.360 through their experiences. But first it is my turn. Yes, 0:01:14.400 --> 0:01:17.600 it is for peak and Hit. My hit is that 0:01:18.200 --> 0:01:20.640 I'm extremely. 0:01:20.040 --> 0:01:21.520 Overwhelmed at the moment. 0:01:22.240 --> 0:01:24.840 And my problem is that instead of I think a 0:01:24.880 --> 0:01:27.720 lot of people do this, Instead of actually getting through 0:01:27.720 --> 0:01:31.399 my to do list when I'm overwhelmed, I procrastinate, Oh yeah, class, 0:01:31.440 --> 0:01:33.920 And I sit there and I watch below Deck, and 0:01:33.959 --> 0:01:36.280 I play Candy Crush on my phone or Block Blast, 0:01:36.760 --> 0:01:40.319 or I do my puzzle and I just procrastinate and 0:01:40.360 --> 0:01:42.280 I do it all the time at the moment because 0:01:42.280 --> 0:01:44.720 I'm so overwhelmed, and then that makes me more stressed 0:01:44.720 --> 0:01:45.720 and overwhelmed. 0:01:45.319 --> 0:01:46.240 About my to do list. 0:01:46.319 --> 0:01:48.240 And I'm not that busy, and I'm so aware of 0:01:48.280 --> 0:01:50.840 my privilege, like I've got one kid, I work for myself. 0:01:50.960 --> 0:01:54.080 I'm not that busy. But it's just the mountain of crap, 0:01:54.560 --> 0:01:56.920 like just the top of my mind of the things 0:01:56.960 --> 0:01:57.440 that I have to do. 0:01:57.520 --> 0:01:58.520 Let me run you through them. 0:01:59.280 --> 0:02:02.600 No feelure like there's a bunch of new furniture that 0:02:02.600 --> 0:02:03.960 it's arriving at the moment. 0:02:03.760 --> 0:02:05.520 So I need to get rid of other furniture. 0:02:05.600 --> 0:02:07.480 Otherwise we're going to be in a horder's house where 0:02:07.480 --> 0:02:09.399 there's just furniture on top of furniture. 0:02:09.440 --> 0:02:12.160 And yeah, weirdly I can relate. You actually can relate 0:02:12.160 --> 0:02:12.360 to that. 0:02:12.400 --> 0:02:14.760 At the moment, I'm overdue for a skin check. And 0:02:14.800 --> 0:02:18.400 when you start like wigging out shout out to Keys' 0:02:18.440 --> 0:02:21.680 the pod about these things, then you're like you spiral 0:02:21.720 --> 0:02:23.440 and you're like, oh my god, I'm dying of skin cancer. 0:02:23.520 --> 0:02:25.079 Yeah, and on top of a brain aneurysm. 0:02:25.360 --> 0:02:27.680 So I'm like, oh my god, I'm so overdue for 0:02:27.760 --> 0:02:31.120 my skin check. And I also need to go see 0:02:31.160 --> 0:02:33.480 my psychologist again. Plus I need to make an appointment 0:02:33.520 --> 0:02:35.959 for my psychiatrist. These are all very expensive as well. 0:02:36.320 --> 0:02:37.839 I haven't been to the dentist for a few years, 0:02:37.840 --> 0:02:39.120 and I've got a really sore jaw. 0:02:40.160 --> 0:02:43.440 I reckon, you've got a cavity. That's great, too low. 0:02:43.520 --> 0:02:45.920 Great, that's great. So I need to make an appointment 0:02:45.919 --> 0:02:47.720 for the dentist. When am I supposed to fit all 0:02:47.720 --> 0:02:51.040 of these appointments in. I've got thirty different videos to edit. 0:02:51.080 --> 0:02:52.800 I've got so much content that I just don't have 0:02:52.840 --> 0:02:55.280 time to edit. I need to go get my uterus 0:02:55.320 --> 0:02:57.760 scanned again. I'm overdue with that, so then once again 0:02:57.840 --> 0:03:00.480 spiral into that. Well, it must be a big old tumor. 0:03:00.960 --> 0:03:03.040 In the time that it's taken me to waste time 0:03:03.080 --> 0:03:05.000 and not get the new scan, it's turned from a 0:03:05.120 --> 0:03:07.480 cyst to a tumor. That's how my brain works, of course, 0:03:07.480 --> 0:03:11.040 because health anxiety hyper contriact. It's probably just another cyst 0:03:11.639 --> 0:03:14.040 and also grows. I don't want to have be inserted 0:03:14.440 --> 0:03:17.120 I know, at all, let alone by a random and 0:03:17.480 --> 0:03:21.320 scan place. Yeah, so those things are on my mind, 0:03:21.680 --> 0:03:25.440 like Lenny constantly being sick. We've had chest infections. There's 0:03:25.520 --> 0:03:27.720 a fine apparently I ran a red light. I did 0:03:27.720 --> 0:03:30.480 not run a red light. The photos clearly show another car. 0:03:31.320 --> 0:03:34.480 All of these things collectively don't take time. I'm just 0:03:34.480 --> 0:03:36.680 so overwhelmed. Let alone, I haven't done my baths, I 0:03:36.720 --> 0:03:42.160 haven't done my tax so my pit is just very overwhelmed. 0:03:43.280 --> 0:03:46.360 All my own fault, and I'm a procrastinator. 0:03:46.480 --> 0:03:49.600 But can I just say, we weren't meant to have 0:03:49.720 --> 0:03:53.720 this many things to do. Life has become very overwhelming, 0:03:53.880 --> 0:03:56.760 very busy, very busy, very overwhelming, and I just actually 0:03:56.840 --> 0:03:58.720 don't think that we were meant to be this busy 0:03:58.800 --> 0:04:00.240 lit We definitely. 0:04:00.160 --> 0:04:01.800 And this is on top of trying to maintain a 0:04:01.840 --> 0:04:03.880 social life, trying to go to the gym. 0:04:03.480 --> 0:04:05.400 Twice a week, trying to run a business. 0:04:05.080 --> 0:04:07.040 Trying to run a business, trying to make sure income's 0:04:07.080 --> 0:04:08.880 coming in, trying to entertain your child. 0:04:09.040 --> 0:04:13.920 Like, there's just a lot. So I think it's really relatable. 0:04:14.000 --> 0:04:15.360 I'm seeing me right now, mirror. 0:04:15.720 --> 0:04:18.680 Yeah, you're not a procrastinator though, but you're very overwhelmed. 0:04:18.760 --> 0:04:20.480 Don't ever download a game onto your phone. 0:04:21.240 --> 0:04:25.360 If anyone does have a tangible hack for me, or 0:04:25.480 --> 0:04:29.039 if you're also a big procrastinator and get overwhelmed and 0:04:29.040 --> 0:04:31.599 you've got like a tangible hack, not delete all the 0:04:31.600 --> 0:04:34.120 games off your phone, okay, because they I also enjoy them. 0:04:34.360 --> 0:04:37.320 I saw this method. Basically, it said, like set your 0:04:37.400 --> 0:04:40.159 day up and allocate a certain amount of time to 0:04:40.240 --> 0:04:43.640 each activity or each item on your checklist that you 0:04:43.680 --> 0:04:46.640 need to do, and do that item for that amount 0:04:46.680 --> 0:04:49.720 of time and you stop, right, and then you move 0:04:49.720 --> 0:04:52.159 on to the next thing. Now. Then that then informs 0:04:52.279 --> 0:04:54.640 your to do list for the next day, right. But 0:04:54.680 --> 0:04:57.440 the trick is is that you chip off a little 0:04:57.440 --> 0:05:00.040 bit of each task. In some cases you can do 0:05:00.160 --> 0:05:02.080 all of it in one go. In some cases you 0:05:02.080 --> 0:05:05.000 get halfway through, but then the overwhelm is less because 0:05:05.040 --> 0:05:07.600 you are getting through a lot of things on your 0:05:07.640 --> 0:05:10.600 checklist in some capacity, maybe not one hundred percent, but 0:05:10.680 --> 0:05:14.680 things are going down. And that to me felt like, Okay, 0:05:14.680 --> 0:05:16.160 that could be good, Like because you know what happens, 0:05:16.200 --> 0:05:17.520 you do something in the morning and you blow out 0:05:17.520 --> 0:05:18.840 for the rest of the day. It's like, no, no, no, 0:05:19.160 --> 0:05:21.320 you do something for a certain amount of time. 0:05:21.400 --> 0:05:23.560 If something's really urgent, when you have to finish it. 0:05:23.480 --> 0:05:26.600 Well, then I think obviously there are exceptions to the rule, right, 0:05:26.640 --> 0:05:29.400 if something is urgent, you have to get that done first. Yes, 0:05:29.680 --> 0:05:32.200 But if we're talking about scheduling appointments, you can do 0:05:32.279 --> 0:05:37.000 half an hour schedule your dentist in yeah. Yeah, So 0:05:37.040 --> 0:05:38.280 you just say I'm going to do half an hour 0:05:38.320 --> 0:05:40.640 of calls to schedule and all my appointments done. 0:05:40.760 --> 0:05:42.960 I really like that the way that my brain works. 0:05:42.960 --> 0:05:44.760 I'd be like, okay, here you go, here's half an 0:05:44.800 --> 0:05:47.640 hour where you've got to like make all your scheduling things. 0:05:47.680 --> 0:05:50.240 So I'd pick up my phone and I'd open the 0:05:50.520 --> 0:05:53.800 caller thing to call the doctor or whatever, and then 0:05:53.800 --> 0:05:56.320 I'd be like, oh, fuck, five people called me s 0:05:56.360 --> 0:05:57.560 they didn't return one call. 0:05:57.640 --> 0:05:58.680 Oh, I'm just going to text them. 0:05:58.720 --> 0:06:00.960 Then I open my messages and I'm like, oh, three 0:06:01.040 --> 0:06:03.720 hundred text messages, and then shit, what are my email 0:06:03.760 --> 0:06:05.640 situations like? And then I'm going to open my email 0:06:05.720 --> 0:06:07.720 and then I'm going to get distracted by oh my god, 0:06:07.720 --> 0:06:11.839 I haven't posted anything on Insta for the like, and 0:06:11.880 --> 0:06:13.560 then the half an hour's up and I'm like, you 0:06:13.600 --> 0:06:15.400 didn't book one appointment, sis. 0:06:15.080 --> 0:06:17.960 But I think you have to catch yourself in those 0:06:18.000 --> 0:06:19.880 moments and not let yourself switch tasks. 0:06:20.680 --> 0:06:21.720 It's just about Yeah. 0:06:21.760 --> 0:06:23.719 I think with a bit of work, it could work 0:06:23.760 --> 0:06:25.800 for you. What is your peak? 0:06:25.920 --> 0:06:29.560 Then? My peak is so superficial. Oh I've been shopping 0:06:29.560 --> 0:06:30.159 a lot lately. 0:06:30.360 --> 0:06:33.560 Ah, I love it. I love it, and I. 0:06:33.480 --> 0:06:35.400 Just want to give a shout out to shopping. 0:06:38.160 --> 0:06:41.560 I know that you know, things aren't supposed to make 0:06:41.640 --> 0:06:44.159 us happy, no, but my golly do they. 0:06:44.640 --> 0:06:45.640 I love to shop. 0:06:45.720 --> 0:06:46.719 I love things. 0:06:47.040 --> 0:06:49.920 Some people are more into things and stuff than other people. 0:06:49.960 --> 0:06:50.799 I love stuff. 0:06:51.240 --> 0:06:54.160 I love things like little treats and all of that 0:06:54.279 --> 0:06:57.000 crap that is now like trendy. But I'm like, no, No, 0:06:57.080 --> 0:06:59.960 I've just done that my whole life, Like I really 0:07:00.160 --> 0:07:03.640 enjoy purchasing things, so I'm feeling very joyful at the 0:07:03.640 --> 0:07:06.120 moment as things are arriving that I bought in like 0:07:06.160 --> 0:07:08.120 a scramble for end of year sales, and. 0:07:08.200 --> 0:07:10.600 Oh yeah, I don't buy anything in the sales. I'm 0:07:10.600 --> 0:07:10.920 so dry. 0:07:11.240 --> 0:07:11.760 It's silly. 0:07:12.160 --> 0:07:14.880 And I just sometimes really love how unhinged I am 0:07:14.920 --> 0:07:17.560 and I just do not care. Yeah, and it bothers 0:07:17.600 --> 0:07:19.760 other people so much more than it bothers me, Like 0:07:20.120 --> 0:07:23.200 it's your money. I was shopping and I bought this 0:07:23.360 --> 0:07:27.760 dress and the lady was like, what's the occasion for, 0:07:27.840 --> 0:07:30.040 because it is an occasion dress, and I was like, oh, 0:07:30.080 --> 0:07:33.080 no occasion, it's just you know, good price. But I 0:07:33.120 --> 0:07:36.640 actually am building my summer holiday capsual wardrobe, like for 0:07:36.680 --> 0:07:39.120 all of my outfits. She goes, oh, where are you going, 0:07:39.160 --> 0:07:41.840 and I'm like, oh, no, I can't get anything booked, 0:07:41.840 --> 0:07:43.920 and she just looked at me like I was alien. 0:07:45.000 --> 0:07:47.240 And then I'm like, the next day, I'm sending key 0:07:47.280 --> 0:07:52.720 pictures of Lenny's little summer holiday. It's flat light, matching 0:07:52.800 --> 0:07:56.960 hat and nice shirt, all with those shorts and overalls 0:07:57.000 --> 0:07:59.200 like all of these things are arriving, and he's like, 0:07:59.240 --> 0:08:00.960 I think you need to book a holiday. 0:08:01.680 --> 0:08:02.520 But I've also just. 0:08:02.480 --> 0:08:05.880 Been ordering furniture, and there's just I've been spending a 0:08:05.880 --> 0:08:08.760 bit of money. Obviously, this is coming from a very 0:08:08.800 --> 0:08:11.960 privileged position in a time where there is a cost 0:08:12.000 --> 0:08:15.120 of living crisis, and it wasn't a great financial year 0:08:15.120 --> 0:08:18.880 for me last year. But the reason why we work 0:08:19.320 --> 0:08:22.800 is not just to pay for rent or mortgage or food. 0:08:22.840 --> 0:08:25.720 It is to be able to enjoy things. I've been 0:08:25.760 --> 0:08:30.440 buying furniture and the little So it's just a reminder 0:08:30.520 --> 0:08:32.720 that if you can, like, unless you're sort of just 0:08:32.800 --> 0:08:36.040 making ends meat, money is there to spend and enjoy. 0:08:36.320 --> 0:08:39.199 Yeah, Like, you know what I do. I buy fancy 0:08:39.200 --> 0:08:41.640 stuff at the supermarket if I want to feel it woe. 0:08:41.960 --> 0:08:46.840 I buy low pa but organic, free range eggs. 0:08:47.040 --> 0:08:48.160 Oh yeah, fancy. 0:08:48.440 --> 0:08:53.240 Yeah, I'm buying serena tuna. Okay, that's expensive, Okay, Okay, 0:08:53.400 --> 0:08:55.240 So those are how I like to treat myself in 0:08:55.320 --> 0:08:56.360 my every day It's. 0:08:56.200 --> 0:08:59.040 Like, that's like a lot less unhinged than me splashing 0:08:59.200 --> 0:09:02.280 hundreds of dollars dresses that I don't actually have a 0:09:02.320 --> 0:09:04.760 purpose to wear them anyway. 0:09:05.040 --> 0:09:07.240 Shopping shop to your drop go around. 0:09:11.800 --> 0:09:14.840 So today we are talking about raising biracial or multi 0:09:15.000 --> 0:09:18.440 racial babies in Australia. It's something that we briefly touched 0:09:18.440 --> 0:09:20.400 on in a Q and A that we did towards 0:09:20.400 --> 0:09:22.199 the end of last year or beginning of the year 0:09:22.200 --> 0:09:25.920 I forget, and something that is becoming more kind of 0:09:25.960 --> 0:09:28.240 on my radar as Rue gets older. 0:09:28.480 --> 0:09:30.840 It is one of those topics that we always do 0:09:31.400 --> 0:09:34.959 get questions about, and not as much as some other topics. 0:09:34.960 --> 0:09:37.640 But I think that this is a really important episode. 0:09:37.640 --> 0:09:41.880 So even if you're not bi racial, I think that 0:09:41.920 --> 0:09:44.160 you need to listen to this episode because it's going 0:09:44.200 --> 0:09:48.560 to help you understand different things definitely people with biracial 0:09:48.640 --> 0:09:51.960 kids as well are going through. And also make sure 0:09:51.960 --> 0:09:55.000 that you're not using different microaggresses in your language. 0:09:55.080 --> 0:09:57.160 Definitely we can go through that sort of thing. 0:09:57.280 --> 0:09:59.040 Yeah, definitely. Well, when I was doing a bit of 0:09:59.040 --> 0:10:01.960 research for this, I came across two reasons why I 0:10:02.000 --> 0:10:04.559 think the topic is actually really important that we talk 0:10:04.559 --> 0:10:06.880 about on the pod. And I think a large majority 0:10:06.880 --> 0:10:09.440 of white people don't really understand why this might be 0:10:09.480 --> 0:10:11.040 a big deal to them personally. 0:10:11.320 --> 0:10:13.960 I don't think a lot of white people realize how 0:10:14.040 --> 0:10:19.240 bad racism is in Australia. Yeah, because I think that 0:10:19.280 --> 0:10:22.120 a lot of people think of racism as the most 0:10:22.200 --> 0:10:26.040 extreme version of racism or within that sort of. 0:10:27.480 --> 0:10:27.760 Orbit. 0:10:28.240 --> 0:10:31.760 But racism is a spectrum with everything, and there are 0:10:31.800 --> 0:10:34.720 some things that are minor, but they're still microaggressions and 0:10:34.760 --> 0:10:38.120 they still have a long term impact on people of color. 0:10:38.320 --> 0:10:41.120 And we also need to listen to people of color 0:10:41.120 --> 0:10:44.640 when they're saying, no, Australians is still really racist, Australia 0:10:44.760 --> 0:10:47.120 is so racist. Listen to them rather than going oh, no, 0:10:47.160 --> 0:10:47.440 we're not. 0:10:47.960 --> 0:10:48.480 Yeah. 0:10:48.640 --> 0:10:51.040 I'll never forget this one dude, he was like running 0:10:51.040 --> 0:10:54.240 a stall in Spain and he said he was like, oh, 0:10:54.360 --> 0:10:57.000 I lived in Australia for a while, and we were like, oh, 0:10:57.080 --> 0:10:59.080 what did you think? He was actually living in Brisbane. 0:10:59.160 --> 0:11:02.120 Funnily enough, and he said, oh I had to leave. 0:11:02.160 --> 0:11:04.400 It was the most racist place I've ever been to. 0:11:04.760 --> 0:11:05.400 Yeah. 0:11:05.480 --> 0:11:07.559 I did not expect that response, because most of the 0:11:07.559 --> 0:11:10.000 time when you speak that, oh azi, I don't know 0:11:10.000 --> 0:11:13.040 why he's American, he's not. It was Spanish, but like 0:11:13.160 --> 0:11:15.800 Australians is so friendly or it's so nice there. 0:11:15.880 --> 0:11:16.040 No. 0:11:16.040 --> 0:11:18.040 No, he was like I hated it. I had to leave. 0:11:18.320 --> 0:11:20.079 Yeah, it's really interesting and it is really true, and 0:11:20.120 --> 0:11:23.040 I think it's definitely because of kind of how our 0:11:23.080 --> 0:11:26.240 country started, how far away we are, the different people 0:11:26.280 --> 0:11:28.520 that have immigrated here. I just think that we're a 0:11:28.559 --> 0:11:32.160 little bit behind, and also just exposure, Like, yeah, I 0:11:32.160 --> 0:11:34.320 think it's getting better, but there's still a lot to 0:11:34.360 --> 0:11:37.160 talk about. So I came across this really great article 0:11:37.160 --> 0:11:38.640 that was written a couple of years ago by a 0:11:38.679 --> 0:11:41.440 former colleague. Her name is Nama Winston, and she wrote 0:11:41.480 --> 0:11:44.840 this for the ABC. It was called teaching Biracial Kids 0:11:44.840 --> 0:11:47.000 to be Proud of their Heritage, and in it she 0:11:47.040 --> 0:11:51.200 talks to other biracial and multiracial Australians the why because 0:11:51.240 --> 0:11:55.440 constantly explaining your identity feels exhausting. It's laborious to always 0:11:55.480 --> 0:11:58.000 have to explain yourself and the intricacies of your heritage 0:11:58.040 --> 0:12:00.440 to others just so that they can quote unquote placed you. 0:12:01.040 --> 0:12:04.680 And sometimes the answer isn't always good enough. Like I 0:12:04.679 --> 0:12:06.760 think I may have told you the story of a 0:12:06.760 --> 0:12:09.080 stranger who had never met that came up to meet 0:12:09.080 --> 0:12:11.719 the art gallery in Sydney. I was there to look 0:12:11.760 --> 0:12:14.720 at the Archer Bold and I was with my godmother 0:12:14.880 --> 0:12:17.240 and we were towards the end of the exhibition and 0:12:17.280 --> 0:12:20.120 this man, white man in his fifties comes up to me. 0:12:20.280 --> 0:12:22.800 Haven't spoken to him at all. That's weird as well, 0:12:22.840 --> 0:12:25.079 it's very weird. And so he said to me, oh, 0:12:25.080 --> 0:12:28.559 what's your heritage? And I said, I'm black and i'm 0:12:28.600 --> 0:12:33.040 might and he said what kind of black? And I said, well, 0:12:33.120 --> 0:12:36.120 I'm African American and he said, no, you look more 0:12:36.160 --> 0:12:38.400 like a Torres Stralia island. At the hair. You definitely 0:12:38.400 --> 0:12:39.480 look more Torri Australia. 0:12:39.640 --> 0:12:43.520 Then, Stuart, you must know better than me where I'm from, exactly. 0:12:43.600 --> 0:12:46.280 And I just also, what is his name Stewart because 0:12:46.480 --> 0:12:49.400 she sounds like a boomer. Yeah, bit of a racist 0:12:49.440 --> 0:12:51.679 dad name. No offense to any Stuarts. 0:12:51.679 --> 0:12:54.679 No, I've got a friend called Steward's okay, great, But 0:12:54.960 --> 0:12:58.480 in that moment, like anything you say sometimes just won't 0:12:58.520 --> 0:13:00.200 even be enough for someone. So it's like, why are 0:13:00.200 --> 0:13:03.360 you asking me if you've already predetermined the answer? And 0:13:03.400 --> 0:13:07.000 what I say Torres straight ilean exactly. And it's just 0:13:07.040 --> 0:13:09.400 as very much a sense of being othered. Yeah, like 0:13:09.480 --> 0:13:11.360 you know, it's just never good enough. 0:13:11.520 --> 0:13:14.400 It's just literally looking at one thing and making a 0:13:14.400 --> 0:13:17.040 assumption exactly, but it's stupid assumption. 0:13:17.600 --> 0:13:19.360 And the second thing that I got from this article 0:13:19.520 --> 0:13:23.840 was the direct result of constantly being questioned about your heritage. 0:13:24.000 --> 0:13:27.120 So NAMA rights, many biracial and multi racial people struggle 0:13:27.160 --> 0:13:29.880 with a perceived need to explain or even defend their 0:13:29.920 --> 0:13:33.320 identity like I did. Feeling inauthentic in some part of 0:13:33.360 --> 0:13:37.840 your heritage has been informally called racial imposter syndrome. For 0:13:37.960 --> 0:13:40.080 some of these feelings emerge from an early age and 0:13:40.120 --> 0:13:44.640 continue into adulthood. So my hope in having this conversation 0:13:44.720 --> 0:13:46.720 today on the pod is that we shed a little 0:13:46.720 --> 0:13:49.800 bit of light on this so that collectively we can 0:13:49.880 --> 0:13:53.800 all contribute to instilling pride amongst our biracial and multiracial 0:13:53.880 --> 0:13:56.600 kids that we are raising and that live in our communities. 0:13:56.960 --> 0:14:01.160 On that note, how did you find growing up? About 0:14:01.240 --> 0:14:05.800 how hard you found it? You were raised by your grandparents. 0:14:05.960 --> 0:14:08.720 They were obviously from a completely different generation and of 0:14:08.760 --> 0:14:13.400 white heritage, So how did they guide you and how 0:14:13.440 --> 0:14:14.320 did that impact on you? 0:14:15.360 --> 0:14:19.040 Yeah? Well, they didn't know how to like aunt me 0:14:19.160 --> 0:14:22.840 up on my heritage, right because they weren't from that 0:14:23.000 --> 0:14:26.840 heritage and they were from a different generation. I never 0:14:26.960 --> 0:14:31.000 felt bad or different because of my appearance or anything 0:14:31.040 --> 0:14:33.720 like that, or embarrassed of who I was, because our 0:14:33.760 --> 0:14:36.920 family was quite a multi cultural family, and that my 0:14:37.600 --> 0:14:40.680 mom's brother, so my uncle, so my mum's white. My 0:14:40.840 --> 0:14:44.200 uncle married my aunt who was Samoan, and I spent 0:14:44.280 --> 0:14:46.960 a lot of time with her and her three girls 0:14:47.000 --> 0:14:49.400 growing up when we lived in New Zealand, and she 0:14:49.600 --> 0:14:52.760 was just always so proud about being Somemoan and I 0:14:52.840 --> 0:14:55.640 just had that. I guess I had that role model 0:14:55.720 --> 0:14:58.400 in her, and so I never felt bad about it. It 0:14:58.240 --> 0:14:59.800 was never a weird thing. But also where I lived 0:14:59.840 --> 0:15:02.280 in you, New Zealand was such a melting pot, like 0:15:02.360 --> 0:15:04.600 I lived in the city in Wellington, and New Zealand 0:15:05.240 --> 0:15:09.080 super multicultural and diverse. I didn't stick out at all, 0:15:09.200 --> 0:15:12.720 like it was so normal. But I think really where 0:15:12.760 --> 0:15:15.240 a lot of my insecurity around my identity or my 0:15:15.280 --> 0:15:19.600 cultural identity came into play was when my grandparents retired 0:15:19.800 --> 0:15:23.440 and they made a decision to move to Australia, and 0:15:23.720 --> 0:15:27.480 because I was living with them, it meant that I 0:15:27.520 --> 0:15:29.000 also had to move to Australia. 0:15:29.200 --> 0:15:31.640 So and they didn't move to Sydney or Melbourne. 0:15:31.960 --> 0:15:37.880 No, Brisbane, Australia. And it wasn't even Brisbane the city, 0:15:38.000 --> 0:15:41.120 like it was a suburb. Yes, So it was like 0:15:41.360 --> 0:15:47.040 noticeably different. It was a really white, suburban Australian. 0:15:47.160 --> 0:15:50.720 Place like soundthing where I grew up exactly, And I 0:15:50.840 --> 0:15:51.160 just was. 0:15:51.160 --> 0:15:53.760 Very confused even walking down the street being in the 0:15:53.800 --> 0:15:58.520 city of Brisbane. I was like, where is the cultural diversity? 0:15:58.640 --> 0:16:02.840 It was so confusing as a young person, and then suddenly, 0:16:02.880 --> 0:16:05.520 all of a sudden, I just felt very different yep 0:16:05.560 --> 0:16:06.600 from everyone else. 0:16:06.840 --> 0:16:08.360 Which wouldn't have been nice at all. 0:16:08.600 --> 0:16:11.360 No, I mean, and it's when you're already questioning who 0:16:11.360 --> 0:16:11.960 you are as. 0:16:11.880 --> 0:16:14.800 A person, so you're a teenager, yeah, well I just 0:16:14.840 --> 0:16:17.480 have enough angst without having to deal with that. 0:16:18.120 --> 0:16:20.400 Yeah. It was a really trying time, and I think 0:16:20.520 --> 0:16:23.040 just the more older I got, it was just more, 0:16:23.760 --> 0:16:25.560 you know, different questions that would come up. 0:16:25.640 --> 0:16:25.800 You know. 0:16:26.000 --> 0:16:29.000 It was already feeling so different because my grandparents were 0:16:29.040 --> 0:16:31.720 raising me and my mum wasn't around, and I felt 0:16:31.720 --> 0:16:33.840 like I always had to kind of answer those questions. 0:16:33.840 --> 0:16:36.440 But then it was also like, well why are you black? Yeah, 0:16:36.440 --> 0:16:39.240 if your grandparents are why And it's like, so. 0:16:39.240 --> 0:16:42.680 I'm thinking about that mean girl scene, but why are 0:16:42.680 --> 0:16:45.120 you wait so far from Africa? 0:16:45.280 --> 0:16:48.640 Why are you wait? Oh my god, Karen, you can't 0:16:48.680 --> 0:16:51.680 just ask people why they're white exactly. You can't ask 0:16:51.720 --> 0:16:55.840 someone no why they're black. And it's really difficult because again, 0:16:55.960 --> 0:16:58.320 asking a kid to give you all the answers. 0:16:58.400 --> 0:16:59.440 It's like we. 0:16:59.400 --> 0:17:03.160 Shouldn't be asking children to explain themselves, especially about things 0:17:03.200 --> 0:17:05.920 that are actually really personal, Like excuse me if I 0:17:05.920 --> 0:17:09.320 don't want to stand there and be interrogated about my 0:17:10.280 --> 0:17:12.200 historical because. 0:17:11.840 --> 0:17:15.120 I've got a different skin color and hair. 0:17:15.240 --> 0:17:19.399 And also, like I get it, you're curious wonder in 0:17:19.400 --> 0:17:22.960 your heads, Like normal things need to be said out loud, 0:17:23.600 --> 0:17:29.360 especially about something that's who I am. You can compliment me, sure, 0:17:29.400 --> 0:17:31.480 if you need to compliment me, but I don't need 0:17:31.520 --> 0:17:35.800 to be interrogated. And I think that's what is obviously 0:17:36.000 --> 0:17:39.000 front of mind when I'm thinking about raising Roe as well. 0:17:39.320 --> 0:17:43.000 Yeah, and it's quite funny that you say that it 0:17:43.119 --> 0:17:46.120 is front of mind because that's what you're thinking, because 0:17:46.119 --> 0:17:48.359 then you assume, my guess that everyone's thinking now, because 0:17:48.400 --> 0:17:52.119 recently I asked someone what their background was and he 0:17:52.200 --> 0:17:54.639 went into like I grew up here and then moved 0:17:54.640 --> 0:17:56.720 here and then but I've been here for fifteen years 0:17:56.760 --> 0:17:57.000 or whatever. 0:17:57.040 --> 0:18:02.840 And I was like, I meant, like with work, but oh. 0:18:02.720 --> 0:18:05.960 Great, Okay. He obviously gets asked that all the time. 0:18:06.240 --> 0:18:08.399 Yeah, but I was just so funny because yeah, it 0:18:08.440 --> 0:18:09.520 was obviously the thing that. 0:18:09.440 --> 0:18:12.399 He and he was like like, totally funny. 0:18:12.400 --> 0:18:14.080 It was just like olah blah blah, grubb your butt. 0:18:14.400 --> 0:18:16.360 But I sort of meant, how long have you been 0:18:16.359 --> 0:18:19.119 doing this? Like what's your work background? Yeah, that was 0:18:19.200 --> 0:18:22.440 my fault. Clearly, I didn't articulate enough. It's just it's 0:18:22.520 --> 0:18:25.000 quite funny because I guess the assumption is is that's 0:18:25.040 --> 0:18:27.119 what a white person must always mean if they're asking 0:18:27.200 --> 0:18:27.800 right exactly. 0:18:27.840 --> 0:18:29.240 And I think that that proves the point of just 0:18:29.280 --> 0:18:31.840 like what happened to say, Yeah, how kind of textbook 0:18:31.840 --> 0:18:34.719 we get without answers? And look, I get it in 0:18:34.920 --> 0:18:38.399 some ways because sometimes it's like when someone says, what 0:18:38.400 --> 0:18:39.159 school did you go to? 0:18:40.080 --> 0:18:40.240