WEBVTT - The Rudest Question You've Definitely Asked This Week 0:00:08.234 --> 0:00:10.914 You're listening to I'm MoMA Mia podcast. 0:00:14.154 --> 0:00:15.714 Have you decided what you want for your birthday? 0:00:16.074 --> 0:00:18.393 Oh? I've told Brent what I want and I hope 0:00:18.393 --> 0:00:20.674 he was paying attention. Yeah, yeah, because I want my 0:00:20.674 --> 0:00:26.514 little Bunning's glass greenhouse thing. Jesus crash this beautiful necklace. 0:00:27.234 --> 0:00:31.234 Okay, Okay, god no, I think it's better to have 0:00:31.274 --> 0:00:32.994 those lists because my mom. 0:00:33.354 --> 0:00:35.834 I used to be like nearly my whole life until 0:00:35.833 --> 0:00:37.874 the last few years. I'm like a surprise me person 0:00:37.914 --> 0:00:41.394 because I love surprises, like I genuinely do. But it's 0:00:41.434 --> 0:00:44.074 just twenty years of missus twenty years. 0:00:44.434 --> 0:00:47.194 Yeah, it's just like it's time to just ask. 0:00:47.354 --> 0:00:50.793 It's time exactly. He's a lovely man that this is 0:00:50.833 --> 0:00:54.874 not his strength. Yes, yeah, time to be specific, you know, 0:00:55.273 --> 0:01:00.434 save us all a little bit of aggs, send some cash. Hello, 0:01:00.674 --> 0:01:02.994 and welcome to MoMA Mia out Loud. It's what women 0:01:03.034 --> 0:01:06.394 are actually talking about on Friday, the twelfth of December. 0:01:06.714 --> 0:01:10.313 I'm Wayne right, I'm m vern Em and I'm Jesse Stevens. 0:01:10.394 --> 0:01:13.794 And here's what made our agenda for today. It's been 0:01:13.834 --> 0:01:17.554 a dilemma for the ages. Is a straight man cheating 0:01:17.874 --> 0:01:24.314 if he likes other women's posts on Instagram. Yes, Thankfully, 0:01:24.354 --> 0:01:25.634 for those of us who are a little bit more 0:01:25.634 --> 0:01:28.114 conflicted than them, a court has cleared this up. 0:01:28.354 --> 0:01:31.874 It is also social season, and we are well overdue 0:01:31.954 --> 0:01:34.874 for an Ediica guide where we tell you exactly how 0:01:34.874 --> 0:01:36.714 to behave because we're well equipped. 0:01:37.074 --> 0:01:39.594 And if you're struggling to make a decision at the moment, 0:01:39.674 --> 0:01:43.953 ask yourself, is it a hat, a haircut, or a tattoo. 0:01:44.474 --> 0:01:48.474 We stumbled across a decision framework that promises to change 0:01:48.514 --> 0:01:49.074 your life. 0:01:49.354 --> 0:01:52.874 But first, as I mentioned, there has often been debate 0:01:52.954 --> 0:01:56.834 about whether or not it's okay to like other people's 0:01:56.874 --> 0:01:59.554 posts on social media. So if you're a straight man 0:01:59.794 --> 0:02:01.994 in a relationship with a woman, is it okay for 0:02:02.114 --> 0:02:05.154 you to like other women's posts? Now? I have always 0:02:05.194 --> 0:02:08.353 said yes, I don't own your life likes, but you 0:02:08.633 --> 0:02:12.874 m say absolutely not. Give me some context here about it. 0:02:13.834 --> 0:02:15.714 Firstly, if it's going to be a like that's going 0:02:15.754 --> 0:02:19.354 to embarrass me as your girlfriend, you can't be liking 0:02:19.354 --> 0:02:19.834 that photo. 0:02:19.914 --> 0:02:21.434 What kind of light would embarrass you? 0:02:21.674 --> 0:02:25.594 A photo of a model who doesn't even know you exist, 0:02:25.834 --> 0:02:31.194 and you're constantly liking every single photo she posts, She's 0:02:31.234 --> 0:02:31.954 going to see. 0:02:31.714 --> 0:02:37.633 It so like Siddy Sweeney, let's say official account. Presumably 0:02:37.674 --> 0:02:40.754 she posts something she gets a million likes when she posts. 0:02:41.074 --> 0:02:44.073 If your significant other is one of the people who 0:02:44.154 --> 0:02:46.154 likes that, you don't like that, yeah. 0:02:45.834 --> 0:02:47.274 I think that's a bit embarrassing. 0:02:47.354 --> 0:02:48.074 It's embarrassing. 0:02:48.114 --> 0:02:50.074 I actually have a story here, and I can't believe 0:02:50.114 --> 0:02:53.834 I witnessed this firsthand. I was dating a guy and 0:02:54.154 --> 0:02:57.954 he was looking at a photo from Selena Gomez and 0:02:57.994 --> 0:03:00.434 it was a carousel, and it was like, the first 0:03:00.434 --> 0:03:02.914 one was like her looking really really sexy, and he 0:03:03.154 --> 0:03:06.394 liked it, and the second one was her with Benny Blanco, 0:03:06.474 --> 0:03:07.434 and then he like. 0:03:09.954 --> 0:03:13.994 A witness that I was dating here. I think this 0:03:14.234 --> 0:03:17.314 lovely deluded gentleman thought that Selena might be like, I'm 0:03:17.314 --> 0:03:19.434 looking through the lists of all the names. She's the 0:03:19.434 --> 0:03:22.234 most followed person. I'm looking through the lists of all 0:03:22.234 --> 0:03:23.994 the names to decide who I might go on a 0:03:24.074 --> 0:03:24.794 random date with. 0:03:24.834 --> 0:03:27.714 You, and like, she doesn't need your like, whereas if 0:03:27.754 --> 0:03:30.674 your partner is liking a photo of Dame Judy dench 0:03:30.874 --> 0:03:31.714 yeplay on. 0:03:32.234 --> 0:03:35.234 Okay, this is confusing. So it's lucky that some courts 0:03:35.274 --> 0:03:37.634 around the world have ruled on this. You might have 0:03:37.714 --> 0:03:41.794 seen some headlines around the place that in the country Turkia, 0:03:41.914 --> 0:03:45.474 which is in like southeast Europe, a divorce court has 0:03:45.594 --> 0:03:48.994 just ruled that a husband's interacting with other women on 0:03:49.034 --> 0:03:53.674 social media platforms did constitute cheating, and it's being reported 0:03:53.674 --> 0:03:56.674 around the world this particular case as a kind of 0:03:56.794 --> 0:04:02.594 world first proof that Instagram liking is cheating. Now, obviously 0:04:02.674 --> 0:04:04.354 there's a lot more going on here, there's a lot 0:04:04.354 --> 0:04:06.274 more going on in this relationship. There's a lot more 0:04:06.274 --> 0:04:09.034 going on in this this particular divorce case, but it 0:04:09.114 --> 0:04:12.234 is the first time that the court held up an 0:04:12.274 --> 0:04:15.314 action that said social media, including likes on photos of 0:04:15.314 --> 0:04:19.794 the opposite sex, can be interpreted as conduct undermining trust 0:04:19.873 --> 0:04:24.633 and dignity in a marriage. Such online behavior, the court said, 0:04:25.034 --> 0:04:28.513 may justify divorce when it causes emotional harm and erodes 0:04:28.594 --> 0:04:32.274 the foundation of the relationship. And in that particular case, 0:04:32.953 --> 0:04:36.113 when the woman was saying, part of why I'm divorcing 0:04:36.154 --> 0:04:40.113 this dude, is he continually doing that liking connecting with 0:04:40.154 --> 0:04:43.113 women on Instagram. I don't like it was one of 0:04:43.154 --> 0:04:45.354 the reasons why the court ruled in her favor. So 0:04:45.553 --> 0:04:48.914 people are seeing this. It's not exactly as simplistic as this, 0:04:49.034 --> 0:04:52.113 of course, but they're saying this is the first time 0:04:52.953 --> 0:04:57.794 that liking an Instagram post has contributed to a cheating 0:04:58.354 --> 0:05:00.993 not prosecution. What's the word well inclaim. 0:05:01.234 --> 0:05:03.874 In Australia we have no fault divorce. Yeah, so if 0:05:03.914 --> 0:05:06.073 you and your partner get divorced, no one needs to 0:05:06.113 --> 0:05:08.234 prove that it was someone else is fault, right, whereas 0:05:08.234 --> 0:05:10.674 in other places in the world you do prove fault. 0:05:11.034 --> 0:05:13.273 And this is a way of going he was at 0:05:13.313 --> 0:05:15.153 fault because he was liking. 0:05:14.953 --> 0:05:17.753 And that thought you might be getting better, more favorable 0:05:17.993 --> 0:05:19.474 divorce settlement exactly. 0:05:19.513 --> 0:05:22.113 And what I want in court is I need that 0:05:22.193 --> 0:05:23.073 picture displayed. 0:05:23.714 --> 0:05:24.674 I need it displayed. 0:05:24.714 --> 0:05:27.433 I need us to prosecute the nuance of that photo. 0:05:28.154 --> 0:05:31.873 Is it a graduation photo of an ex where we're 0:05:31.914 --> 0:05:36.193 just encouraging her future endeavors clap clap, look at you go? 0:05:37.034 --> 0:05:40.313 Or is that allowed by the way I think we're 0:05:40.313 --> 0:05:41.313 allowed to do that. 0:05:41.594 --> 0:05:42.234 I think so. 0:05:42.753 --> 0:05:45.953 Whereas if it is a your ex is taken up 0:05:45.993 --> 0:05:51.354 bikini modeling and there's eleven photos in a carousel and 0:05:51.393 --> 0:05:54.914 he's like con zooming and he's going on the Instagram 0:05:54.993 --> 0:05:58.394 stories fire emojing exactly, and maybe a DM going it 0:05:58.433 --> 0:06:02.594 looks like you're well, that crossing a line and I 0:06:02.714 --> 0:06:05.433 need a judge to say that, like I need a 0:06:05.513 --> 0:06:06.873 judge to say it, and then a ward. 0:06:08.113 --> 0:06:11.113 And I think it's also the where in the claim 0:06:11.113 --> 0:06:13.634 it says that he was constantly doing that, so I 0:06:13.674 --> 0:06:15.753 can imagine there would have been a conversation of her going, 0:06:15.873 --> 0:06:18.234 I don't like when you do this, and he does it, 0:06:18.433 --> 0:06:20.914 And you can tell exactly how much they do it 0:06:21.113 --> 0:06:24.753 by their Instagram explore page. If you go onto someone's 0:06:24.794 --> 0:06:28.514 Instagram explore page, and I assume with this person here, 0:06:28.914 --> 0:06:31.113 his Instagram explore page is just all these. 0:06:30.953 --> 0:06:35.113 Women in bikinis. They are like, you have a tendency. 0:06:34.834 --> 0:06:37.633 To like a lot, whereas mine is all left one drivers, 0:06:37.674 --> 0:06:39.433 which is me in my personal business. 0:06:39.834 --> 0:06:43.313 But this is why this is murky, right Jesse, Like 0:06:43.914 --> 0:06:47.113 this particular divorce, ACiE, we don't know the particulars here, 0:06:47.154 --> 0:06:50.714 but like, in general, is it illegal for your partner 0:06:50.873 --> 0:06:53.713 to like looking at pictures of women and bikinis on Instagram? 0:06:53.753 --> 0:06:56.433 You heard the court It is a little bit legal. 0:06:56.553 --> 0:06:59.953 It is, And in fact, I would like I would 0:07:00.073 --> 0:07:03.594 like to have their eyes to add in another piece 0:07:03.633 --> 0:07:06.234 of legislation that I think is missing, okay, which is 0:07:06.753 --> 0:07:10.434 my mum in law does still like and I've spoken 0:07:10.474 --> 0:07:14.953 about this before, photos of Luca's X and I just 0:07:16.194 --> 0:07:17.114 it's time. 0:07:16.874 --> 0:07:17.394 To stop it. 0:07:17.714 --> 0:07:21.554 She's trolling you, She's trolling me, And it's like. 0:07:22.034 --> 0:07:24.314 Is Luca allowed to like those photos? Look? 0:07:24.354 --> 0:07:26.234 When I brought it up on this podcast a year ago, 0:07:26.274 --> 0:07:28.874 it does appear he has stopped. Mother in law was 0:07:28.874 --> 0:07:33.634 a different level though, because I feel as though she's 0:07:33.714 --> 0:07:34.634 too encouraging. 0:07:34.874 --> 0:07:36.994 Do you think she's also in the DMS going how 0:07:37.034 --> 0:07:37.554 are you doing? 0:07:37.674 --> 0:07:39.593 We miss you? We miss you in this family? 0:07:40.354 --> 0:07:43.634 And I think that when there's a court, when Luca 0:07:43.674 --> 0:07:45.074 and I go to court over something, I'm going to 0:07:45.114 --> 0:07:48.874 be bringing that up. This lady has been too encouraging 0:07:48.914 --> 0:07:50.514 to the exes, and I don't appreciate it. 0:07:50.514 --> 0:07:51.393 It feels pointed. 0:07:52.514 --> 0:07:56.994 So social season is amongst us, which means that it's 0:07:57.074 --> 0:07:59.914 time where people on the internet tell other people on 0:07:59.953 --> 0:08:02.154 the internet how to behave Yes. 0:08:01.914 --> 0:08:03.154 Us included Yes. 0:08:03.194 --> 0:08:06.353 A subject writer named Hannah Park published a piece titled 0:08:06.634 --> 0:08:09.153 modern day social Etiquette you should live. 0:08:09.114 --> 0:08:09.794 And die by. 0:08:10.274 --> 0:08:10.474 Now. 0:08:10.514 --> 0:08:13.153 This is not like a fancy, fancy etiquette guide where 0:08:13.154 --> 0:08:15.234 you're making like a five course meal. This is for 0:08:15.274 --> 0:08:18.994 people who just happen to attend things during the social season. 0:08:18.754 --> 0:08:19.754 And get easily confused. 0:08:20.714 --> 0:08:23.033 And we've done a few of these for our subscriber 0:08:23.154 --> 0:08:23.714 out Louders. 0:08:23.834 --> 0:08:27.594 In fact, we have one subscriber episode coming up specifically 0:08:27.634 --> 0:08:30.874 about Christmas, New Year and the holiday season. But then 0:08:30.914 --> 0:08:33.114 this one I just found during like a very busy 0:08:33.194 --> 0:08:37.034 social period. I just need some guidance. And there are 0:08:37.034 --> 0:08:39.274 a few things on there that I'm doing that I 0:08:39.274 --> 0:08:39.954 didn't realize. 0:08:40.194 --> 0:08:43.554 We're rude, Okay, can I read out some Yes, always 0:08:43.594 --> 0:08:46.434 pour someone else's water or wine before your own. 0:08:46.714 --> 0:08:48.314 This is a lesson that Jesse has learned. 0:08:48.394 --> 0:08:50.953 Yeah, I'd be explicitly told by someone I used to 0:08:50.994 --> 0:08:52.674 work with, and I think of her every time I 0:08:52.714 --> 0:08:52.954 do it. 0:08:52.994 --> 0:08:55.154 Now. I didn't know we had to do that. Of 0:08:55.154 --> 0:08:58.394 course you have to do that, oh my god, because 0:08:58.394 --> 0:08:59.954 sometime sometimes. 0:08:59.714 --> 0:09:01.514 They're quite heavy, so you know when you pick it up, 0:09:01.514 --> 0:09:04.394 and I can't be doing this. 0:09:04.354 --> 0:09:05.794 Before God, or at least you offer. 0:09:05.914 --> 0:09:08.554 You have to offer an intolerance to water, and you 0:09:08.594 --> 0:09:09.114 don't want. 0:09:08.994 --> 0:09:12.074 To, you don't want to present them. It tastes like spin. 0:09:12.154 --> 0:09:16.434 No, that's why you should always just give you. 0:09:16.474 --> 0:09:22.394 So if you go like this and they go you up, 0:09:22.474 --> 0:09:26.554 that's fine. Don't lick your fingers. Oh, I always like 0:09:26.794 --> 0:09:31.714 tricky because the thing like finger food is tricky. You know, 0:09:31.834 --> 0:09:34.434 like if you're at a fancy event and somebody is 0:09:34.434 --> 0:09:37.514 bringing around finger food, you know how they always offer 0:09:37.554 --> 0:09:39.954 you a CANape and a napkin. 0:09:40.034 --> 0:09:40.914 Do you call it a CANape? 0:09:40.954 --> 0:09:43.114 I call it a cap It's called a can I 0:09:43.114 --> 0:09:44.634 think I'm just being stupid. 0:09:45.114 --> 0:09:46.954 Cannot pey and a napkin. 0:09:47.594 --> 0:09:50.154 But you've got a glass in hand, so you never 0:09:50.234 --> 0:09:53.234 take the napkin because then you're in a pickle, a pickle. 0:09:53.274 --> 0:09:56.314 Then you don't know what what to do, so you eat, 0:09:56.554 --> 0:09:58.354 and then you've got to lick your fingers or wipe 0:09:58.394 --> 0:09:59.194 a mod dress? 0:09:59.394 --> 0:10:01.194 You do you got a fancy dress. 0:10:01.394 --> 0:10:03.154 You don't want to do that. Some people who lick 0:10:03.194 --> 0:10:04.754 their fingers make it quite audible. 0:10:05.354 --> 0:10:06.434 Yeah, I know what you may. 0:10:07.114 --> 0:10:09.714 I also think over the way kend I was indulging 0:10:09.914 --> 0:10:13.194 in a cheesel, which I hadn't had. No, while you 0:10:13.234 --> 0:10:15.314 can't eat a cheesel without looking, licking. 0:10:15.194 --> 0:10:16.034 Fingers is the best bit. 0:10:16.154 --> 0:10:18.474 It's the best bit because you've got the salt on it. Like, 0:10:18.514 --> 0:10:19.714 what am I meant to do with my cheesel? 0:10:19.914 --> 0:10:22.674 You know what you do? You roll it between. 0:10:23.874 --> 0:10:25.834 And I like, sprinkle it into your mouth. 0:10:25.874 --> 0:10:26.914 I'm really glad that. 0:10:26.874 --> 0:10:30.314 We've nailed the cheesel etiquette in this holiday guide. Early on. 0:10:30.514 --> 0:10:33.914 That is the weirdest shit I've ever heard. It's so good. 0:10:34.154 --> 0:10:36.074 It's extra flavor. It's like an extra back. 0:10:37.634 --> 0:10:39.874 Okay, if you know the name of a bird or 0:10:39.914 --> 0:10:43.434 plant while walking outside with friend, share it with the group. 0:10:43.634 --> 0:10:44.434 Such nonsense. 0:10:44.474 --> 0:10:46.914 I just disagree, like, I rather not. I rather walk 0:10:46.914 --> 0:10:47.434 to silence. 0:10:48.154 --> 0:10:50.554 You know that. I will totally do that, Yeah, because 0:10:50.594 --> 0:10:53.634 you know how I am with my nature and even 0:10:53.714 --> 0:10:55.874 I know that's annoying when people come to stay with 0:10:55.954 --> 0:10:57.754 us where we live down the coast and walk around, 0:10:57.794 --> 0:10:59.754 I go, look at that, that's a great heron. 0:11:00.034 --> 0:11:00.474 Look at that. 0:11:00.514 --> 0:11:00.953 I don't care. 0:11:00.994 --> 0:11:03.074 That's a plover. Look at that it's a Pelican. Nobody 0:11:03.194 --> 0:11:05.434 wants They all look like the same bird. Nobody wants that. 0:11:05.554 --> 0:11:08.194 So I just have to say it inside my head, like, yes, Holly, 0:11:08.274 --> 0:11:10.554 you do know things, Okay. 0:11:11.194 --> 0:11:13.874 When someone tells a story, ask a follow up question 0:11:13.994 --> 0:11:15.154 before telling your own. 0:11:15.274 --> 0:11:15.874 I loved this. 0:11:16.514 --> 0:11:20.714 I think it's a really simple way to make sure 0:11:20.754 --> 0:11:23.074 that you don't get into that dynamic of both of 0:11:23.114 --> 0:11:26.754 you just monologuing or whatever. And sometimes I go, you know, 0:11:26.794 --> 0:11:28.874 you'll find yourself midway through a conversation and go I've 0:11:28.914 --> 0:11:31.354 been talking too much, and you try and diffuse it. 0:11:31.834 --> 0:11:34.594 I like that as just like, yeah, always ask something 0:11:34.634 --> 0:11:35.634 else or I just wait for your. 0:11:35.594 --> 0:11:37.554 T If you're telling a story and you can tell 0:11:37.594 --> 0:11:40.594 they just want to say something, yeah what they think 0:11:40.634 --> 0:11:41.034 is better. 0:11:41.234 --> 0:11:44.314 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, this is very nice, polite. 0:11:44.754 --> 0:11:44.914 Yeah. 0:11:44.994 --> 0:11:45.114 Light. 0:11:46.034 --> 0:11:48.674 If you're telling a story and then someone else starts 0:11:48.714 --> 0:11:51.074 telling their story, don't look at your phone. 0:11:51.394 --> 0:11:52.914 Well, if you're one up in my story, I'm looking 0:11:52.954 --> 0:11:53.314 at my phone. 0:11:53.354 --> 0:11:56.234 Who I see this all the time. I see this 0:11:56.314 --> 0:11:56.714 all the time. 0:11:56.714 --> 0:11:58.594 In a group setting, someone will speak and then when 0:11:58.594 --> 0:12:01.114 they're done speaking and someone else starts speaking. 0:12:01.194 --> 0:12:02.434 And often it'll be one person. 0:12:02.434 --> 0:12:04.394 It could be the quieter person at the table, could 0:12:04.394 --> 0:12:06.914 be someone who said less, I see someone touch the 0:12:07.194 --> 0:12:08.874 and I think that is the root of single pin. 0:12:09.354 --> 0:12:11.394 Okay, where should the phone be? 0:12:11.994 --> 0:12:15.434 Never within eyesight, not on the table or anything, unless 0:12:15.514 --> 0:12:18.194 you are my obstecution. 0:12:17.994 --> 0:12:20.274 Or maybe a parent with the baby at home with 0:12:20.314 --> 0:12:24.554 a babysitter. Yeah, but then these days we've often got watches. 0:12:24.594 --> 0:12:27.314 Vibrate for that, aren't we Aren't we paying the babysitter 0:12:27.354 --> 0:12:28.994 to sort it. 0:12:29.074 --> 0:12:30.554 I just feel like that's none of your business. 0:12:30.594 --> 0:12:34.394 Or maybe a single girl, if you have a better lineup, yeah, true, true, yeah, 0:12:34.434 --> 0:12:36.234 but if you can check that. 0:12:36.234 --> 0:12:39.394 That's why phone belongs in pocket. When you go do 0:12:39.434 --> 0:12:41.234 a way, check your phone. But I don't think we 0:12:41.274 --> 0:12:44.714 are doing it within because when one person pulls their 0:12:44.754 --> 0:12:48.194 phone out, everything's ruined. Everyone's checking their phone and we've 0:12:48.234 --> 0:12:51.114 just broken the like social. 0:12:50.794 --> 0:12:54.994 Code its bond offer to help old people walk up 0:12:55.034 --> 0:12:57.434 the stairs or across the streets. 0:12:57.194 --> 0:13:00.154 Well, of course, duh. But just be careful what your 0:13:00.154 --> 0:13:01.594 boundary of old people. 0:13:01.354 --> 0:13:07.314 Is, because Holly hates it when I offer. When I 0:13:07.354 --> 0:13:08.953 say to her, do you need help in the lift? 0:13:09.434 --> 0:13:12.554 You can really poised at the social event if you 0:13:12.714 --> 0:13:13.474 get that wrong. 0:13:13.554 --> 0:13:15.914 Oh my god. 0:13:15.954 --> 0:13:20.674 Okay, I understand the difference between nice questions versus nosy questions. 0:13:20.914 --> 0:13:24.514 This is very tricky. I don't think I know what 0:13:24.554 --> 0:13:25.034 this is. 0:13:25.554 --> 0:13:28.714 So apparently it's nosy and rude to ask what someone 0:13:28.714 --> 0:13:31.674 does for living, or like how's work going? 0:13:31.754 --> 0:13:32.394 Or something to do? 0:13:32.434 --> 0:13:32.994 With work. 0:13:33.594 --> 0:13:36.394 The general consensus, and what this article said was that 0:13:36.394 --> 0:13:38.634 that's a rude question and you have to get more creative. 0:13:38.834 --> 0:13:41.754 That's that's the first thing I asked me too. So 0:13:41.914 --> 0:13:45.154 this is interesting because I'm finding that I've got less 0:13:45.154 --> 0:13:47.354 and less tolerance for small talk as I get older. 0:13:47.394 --> 0:13:49.234 I don't know if it's the hormones. I don't know if 0:13:49.234 --> 0:13:51.434 it's the age or what it is. But I used 0:13:51.474 --> 0:13:53.074 to be quite a fan of small talk. I remember 0:13:53.194 --> 0:13:56.314 years ago coaching you Jesse on office small talk, because 0:13:56.474 --> 0:13:58.674 I was like, it's important, it's the social code. You 0:13:58.834 --> 0:14:01.114 just how is your weekend fine? How was your weekend fine? 0:14:01.434 --> 0:14:04.234 But my tolerance for it is dropping. And do you 0:14:04.234 --> 0:14:06.074 remember there was an article in The Guardian a while 0:14:06.074 --> 0:14:08.754 ago from a woman who even up small talk. Yes, 0:14:08.914 --> 0:14:11.914 And this was interesting because she had some suggestions, because 0:14:11.954 --> 0:14:14.834 often the suggestions for this are too intense, things like 0:14:14.874 --> 0:14:16.953 what's bringing you joy today? Like I don't want a 0:14:16.994 --> 0:14:19.634 stranger to ask me that, But she said that was. 0:14:21.994 --> 0:14:23.754 Exactly I find that question. 0:14:24.754 --> 0:14:27.954 This article was written by Claire Easton, was in the Guardian. 0:14:27.994 --> 0:14:29.714 She's a writer and she had to go to like 0:14:29.754 --> 0:14:31.394 a sort of event where she didn't know very many 0:14:31.434 --> 0:14:33.874 people that normally would be small talk, but she'd sworn 0:14:33.874 --> 0:14:35.594 off it. The first person I spoke to at the 0:14:35.594 --> 0:14:39.634 show as a freelance photographer, what's your star side? I asked, Oh, 0:14:40.954 --> 0:14:43.074 I feel like I have to know about star signs 0:14:43.474 --> 0:14:46.754 I believe, looked pleasantly surprised, and then answered Aquarius and 0:14:46.754 --> 0:14:49.554 we spoke comfortably for ten minutes. The next person I encountered, 0:14:49.594 --> 0:14:51.994 I asked, what was your art teacher at school? Like? 0:14:52.194 --> 0:14:53.954 By the end of the evening I had several fun 0:14:54.034 --> 0:14:57.634 and enjoyable conversations. My rules were simple without being rude. 0:14:57.674 --> 0:15:00.794 I would quickly deflect all questions about well being, where 0:15:00.794 --> 0:15:04.914 they're transport, or children's academic achievements, and offer instead something 0:15:04.994 --> 0:15:08.674 I found genuinely interesting. When Barista asks, how are you 0:15:08.794 --> 0:15:11.754 enjoying the sun? I pivoted to I like spring, but 0:15:11.794 --> 0:15:14.074 autumn is my favorite season. What's yours? What do we 0:15:14.074 --> 0:15:17.794 think about this? What do we think about more interesting questions? 0:15:18.554 --> 0:15:21.754 I agree that we can get to more interesting places. 0:15:21.794 --> 0:15:23.994 I think you can sound like you're forcing it a bit. 0:15:24.474 --> 0:15:26.194 You can't row a dog in an interesting question. 0:15:26.394 --> 0:15:29.234 The one that I like is because I will see 0:15:29.234 --> 0:15:31.354 a lot of people over this period where, to be 0:15:31.394 --> 0:15:33.954 completely honest, I've forgotten what they do for work. I'm 0:15:33.954 --> 0:15:35.794 not sure if they're working at the moment. Yep, I 0:15:35.794 --> 0:15:38.074 don't know if they're retired. I don't like I just 0:15:38.114 --> 0:15:40.554 haven't been keeping up. And so what you're meant to 0:15:40.554 --> 0:15:42.394 say is what's been keeping you busy? 0:15:42.874 --> 0:15:43.634 And I quite like. 0:15:43.634 --> 0:15:47.074 That, Hey, uncle, blah, what's been keeping you busy? And 0:15:47.114 --> 0:15:49.714 then at least it's open, and then you can kind 0:15:49.714 --> 0:15:52.354 of follow them there rather than making any assumptions about 0:15:52.354 --> 0:15:53.514 what their life looks like at the moment. 0:15:53.594 --> 0:15:56.794 Yeah, I actually like that. I have one uncle who 0:15:57.194 --> 0:16:00.794 known since I was born. Every single year at Christmas, 0:16:00.874 --> 0:16:02.514 he always asks me where do I work? 0:16:02.994 --> 0:16:04.674 And I've only worked at one place. 0:16:05.354 --> 0:16:06.514 Yeah, every single year. 0:16:06.594 --> 0:16:10.474 I was thirty before one uncle stopped saying how's boost juice? 0:16:12.474 --> 0:16:13.314 Fifteen years. 0:16:13.514 --> 0:16:17.874 But I still enjoy This is the problem with small talk, right, 0:16:17.954 --> 0:16:20.314 is that no one's really listening, no one really cares, 0:16:20.434 --> 0:16:23.514 no one's going to remember. Obviously, I find it awkward 0:16:23.514 --> 0:16:25.634 to jump into something deep with people you don't know 0:16:25.714 --> 0:16:27.474 very well. I don't think you should necessarily do that. 0:16:27.674 --> 0:16:32.034 But something about the world, something about the day that's 0:16:32.154 --> 0:16:34.034 not you know, just how are you busy? How are 0:16:34.114 --> 0:16:36.114 you busy? Or you know, like, I don't know. I 0:16:36.194 --> 0:16:37.714 just think we've got to be better than that. And 0:16:37.794 --> 0:16:39.314 I haven't quite cracked it. 0:16:39.114 --> 0:16:41.514 But I think sometimes it's stepping stones, right, And then 0:16:41.554 --> 0:16:45.234 you come across something really interesting, but you can't force it, 0:16:45.234 --> 0:16:46.994 and you also don't want to sound like you're prying, 0:16:47.074 --> 0:16:48.994 which I guess is the point about being nosy. There 0:16:48.994 --> 0:16:51.714 are some people who are going into this season with 0:16:51.834 --> 0:16:54.474 things they really don't want to talk about, well with bruises, 0:16:54.514 --> 0:16:55.554 they don't want pressed. 0:16:55.754 --> 0:16:58.954 If you're emotionally intelligent, you can tell that. So if 0:16:58.994 --> 0:17:01.034 I say to you, how are you and your eyes 0:17:01.074 --> 0:17:04.633 filled with I'm going to change your subject ye pretty fast. 0:17:05.634 --> 0:17:07.594 I like saying, what have you been watching lately? 0:17:08.154 --> 0:17:08.634 Yeah? 0:17:08.793 --> 0:17:11.154 No, no, I do. I do like that. I do 0:17:11.274 --> 0:17:14.954 like everyone reads yeah, but everyone watches something. 0:17:15.114 --> 0:17:16.034 It's very true. 0:17:16.554 --> 0:17:18.994 We want to jump into though, Hi, uncle Bob, what 0:17:19.034 --> 0:17:22.514 have you been watching lately? That over watch your. 0:17:22.394 --> 0:17:25.154 Start signed Bob, And then like Aquarius, I'm like, I 0:17:25.154 --> 0:17:26.033 don't know anything. 0:17:28.314 --> 0:17:30.714 Anything about that, and now we're stuck. 0:17:31.034 --> 0:17:31.954 And now it was stuck. 0:17:32.154 --> 0:17:34.874 There was one that I realized I've been doing that 0:17:34.954 --> 0:17:37.674 I didn't know was rude. But I will stop, which 0:17:37.754 --> 0:17:40.513 is apparently you've got to stop walking into places, whether 0:17:40.554 --> 0:17:43.994 that is a restaurant, a venue, a home and ask 0:17:44.074 --> 0:17:44.794 for a phone charge. 0:17:46.474 --> 0:17:49.714 That apparently is very rude, rude. I've done it at 0:17:49.754 --> 0:17:50.273 the gym. 0:17:50.474 --> 0:17:53.474 I've done it at like I am constantly asking strangers 0:17:53.514 --> 0:17:55.594 to charge my phone and it's like, I need to 0:17:55.674 --> 0:17:58.314 sort out the battery life on my phone. 0:17:58.634 --> 0:17:59.513 That's what I need. 0:17:59.634 --> 0:18:01.754 Yeah, but then you have to remember to charge the portable. 0:18:01.834 --> 0:18:04.033 I never do. People bought me those before, and I'm like, 0:18:04.154 --> 0:18:06.793 you are assuming that I have ever gott to charge 0:18:06.834 --> 0:18:09.714 this if I can't charge my phone, But it's correct. 0:18:09.714 --> 0:18:11.314 I do like that one in here where the etiquette 0:18:11.354 --> 0:18:14.634