WEBVTT - Natalie Bassingthwaighte: “The Night That Ended My Marriage” 0:00:00.280 --> 0:00:04.559 Even after that night, I couldn't let my husband touch me, 0:00:06.200 --> 0:00:09.840 and he never touched me after that night ever again. 0:00:10.240 --> 0:00:11.600 We never kissed, ever again. 0:00:13.680 --> 0:00:18.000 Natalie Bassingthwaite has spent more than two decades moving between music, 0:00:18.280 --> 0:00:21.960 television and theater, building a career that's made her one 0:00:21.960 --> 0:00:26.680 of Australia's most recognizable performers. She began in musical theater, 0:00:26.840 --> 0:00:31.280 performing in the original Australian production of Rent before becoming 0:00:31.280 --> 0:00:35.080 the front woman of Rogue Traders, and became a household 0:00:35.159 --> 0:00:39.199 name when she stepped into Ramsey Street as easy On Neighbors, 0:00:39.640 --> 0:00:42.240 a character who quickly became one of the show's most 0:00:42.479 --> 0:00:48.400 iconic and unforgettable villains. Since then, Nat has worn a 0:00:48.400 --> 0:00:52.680 lot of hats, singer, actor, television host, coach on The 0:00:52.880 --> 0:00:56.480 X Factor, and now once again a musical theater lead 0:00:56.800 --> 0:00:59.160 as she prepares to step into the beloved role of 0:00:59.240 --> 0:01:04.800 Jenna in the Australian production of Waitress. But in recent years, 0:01:05.400 --> 0:01:10.520 Natalie's life has taken a turn she never expected. After 0:01:10.680 --> 0:01:13.840 years in a long term relationship and raising two children, 0:01:14.520 --> 0:01:19.080 Natalie has spoken publicly about the profound personal shift that 0:01:19.200 --> 0:01:23.119 came with falling in love with her now fiance Pip Loth. 0:01:23.959 --> 0:01:27.120 It's a relationship that's opened up an entirely new chapter 0:01:27.240 --> 0:01:31.000 in her life, one she writes about with striking honesty 0:01:31.200 --> 0:01:36.880 in her upcoming autobiography Love Like This. Today, she joins 0:01:36.920 --> 0:01:42.640 me to talk about that new chapter about love, identity, family, 0:01:43.440 --> 0:01:46.520 what it feels like to rebuild a life in full 0:01:46.640 --> 0:01:49.920 view of the public. We also talk about returning to 0:01:50.000 --> 0:01:54.680 musical theater, the place where her career first began, and 0:01:54.720 --> 0:01:57.920 why this moment in her life feels like a kind 0:01:57.960 --> 0:02:09.040 of second beginning. Nat Bass Natalie bassing Thweite, I don't 0:02:09.040 --> 0:02:12.480 think we've ever had on no filter, which is where 0:02:12.520 --> 0:02:19.960 you are anyone who's had such a breadth of how 0:02:20.040 --> 0:02:25.080 they are known to the Australian public as an actor, 0:02:26.280 --> 0:02:33.800 as a host, as a mother, as a lead singer, 0:02:34.560 --> 0:02:41.640 as a wife, as a woman in a committed heterosexual relationship, 0:02:42.400 --> 0:02:47.600 as a woman who's now with a non binary partner, 0:02:48.400 --> 0:02:52.080 as someone who is an author. And it seems like 0:02:52.320 --> 0:02:57.639 there might be a difference between Natalie Bassingthweite, the little 0:02:57.639 --> 0:03:02.040 girl that sprang up in Woollongong and that baths. 0:03:03.400 --> 0:03:05.440 Is there, who is that? 0:03:06.040 --> 0:03:07.880 Who is with that? 0:03:07.240 --> 0:03:09.720 And that is and where did that come from? Who 0:03:09.760 --> 0:03:12.519 came up with that? I don't know's been so long 0:03:12.600 --> 0:03:15.520 now that it was like when did that happen to be. 0:03:15.440 --> 0:03:16.120 In that bass? 0:03:17.000 --> 0:03:20.560 Yeah? I have read your body? 0:03:23.160 --> 0:03:25.480 What a read? What a life? 0:03:29.639 --> 0:03:32.320 Yeah, it's actually kind of strange to talk about it, 0:03:32.360 --> 0:03:35.240 to be honest, because it's been so long, obviously in 0:03:35.360 --> 0:03:39.000 life in the making, but also in the actual pen 0:03:39.120 --> 0:03:43.360 to paper and to keyboard type process, and now talking 0:03:43.400 --> 0:03:48.800 about it is strange. What means to cut in the end, 0:03:48.960 --> 0:03:50.800 Like my head is so full, I'm like, where did 0:03:50.840 --> 0:03:51.120 we know? 0:03:51.600 --> 0:03:55.320 Well? Also, sometimes I think when you've written things, it's 0:03:55.440 --> 0:03:57.840 very different from saying them out loud. 0:03:59.040 --> 0:04:03.560 So different, Yeah, very much so, Like it's a lot 0:04:03.600 --> 0:04:09.560 more healing as well. You know, it's at times torturous, 0:04:10.400 --> 0:04:14.880 I think digging up stuff that you don't want to 0:04:14.920 --> 0:04:20.240 face or that you've forgotten about, or that you know, 0:04:21.520 --> 0:04:28.200 starts another little trigger spiral or like another little trauma spiral. 0:04:28.360 --> 0:04:33.320 But ultimately it was just so cathartic in the end. 0:04:33.800 --> 0:04:38.320 Took a while to feel that, but it feels like 0:04:38.360 --> 0:04:41.080 a release. It feels like a big sigh, a big 0:04:41.120 --> 0:04:43.680 breath out, you know, of like holding on for so 0:04:43.800 --> 0:04:45.480 long and then just being able to go. 0:04:47.480 --> 0:04:51.960 And there's also a part of you, I think from 0:04:52.000 --> 0:04:55.240 my own experience, when you tell the truth about things, 0:04:56.640 --> 0:05:00.560 that becomes its own reward and then it yates its 0:05:00.600 --> 0:05:05.320 own momentum. So it's almost like casting off things that 0:05:05.480 --> 0:05:08.920 you thought that you couldn't or aspects of yourself that 0:05:08.960 --> 0:05:13.000 you couldn't show. Yeah, and then when you start to 0:05:13.400 --> 0:05:16.080 reveal them, how does that feel? 0:05:16.480 --> 0:05:21.240 I Mean there's times when like telling your story feels 0:05:21.480 --> 0:05:24.279 too much. It's like I don't know if I want 0:05:24.560 --> 0:05:28.400 this out there, And I think that's honestly why I've 0:05:28.400 --> 0:05:31.680 avoided it so much. Like I was asked to write 0:05:31.920 --> 0:05:36.320 a book I don't know when five years ago, and 0:05:36.360 --> 0:05:39.680 I was like, hello, I don't want anyone knowing my deepest, 0:05:39.839 --> 0:05:44.760 dark as secret, and I'm not one to kind of hide. 0:05:44.839 --> 0:05:47.960 I'm definitely one to protect myself, but I'm not one 0:05:48.160 --> 0:05:52.400 to yeah too high. So it was look, it was 0:05:52.440 --> 0:05:56.520 an exploration in itself, but it was it's just really confronting. 0:05:57.240 --> 0:06:01.440 Where did the impetus come from to write the book? Now? 0:06:02.040 --> 0:06:05.359 Well, clearly the last few years have been crazy for me, 0:06:05.680 --> 0:06:10.360 like personally career wise as well, but more so personally 0:06:11.320 --> 0:06:16.200 and I felt like I had broken down so many 0:06:17.480 --> 0:06:21.479 barriers that I had held really close, like they were 0:06:21.520 --> 0:06:24.080 not coming. It was not coming apart at all. It 0:06:24.160 --> 0:06:27.120 was just going to be like protect, protect protected, or costs, 0:06:27.839 --> 0:06:31.800 cover up, cover up, cover up. And it just when 0:06:31.800 --> 0:06:34.440 I was doing jagged Little peel and I met peep, 0:06:34.480 --> 0:06:39.119 I started writing again, like poetry. And I remember saying 0:06:39.240 --> 0:06:42.440 to me, what music do you listen to? And I 0:06:42.480 --> 0:06:45.840 was like, I don't know. I mean, it was the 0:06:45.839 --> 0:06:49.359 weirdest question or ridest answer, and They're like, what do 0:06:49.400 --> 0:06:51.200 you mean? And I was like, I don't know. I 0:06:51.240 --> 0:06:55.320 don't I haven't listened, like really listened to music for 0:06:55.400 --> 0:06:59.000 so long. I've just been on this roller coaster of 0:06:59.640 --> 0:07:04.360 life and surviving and thriving. You know, life. Life's been 0:07:04.920 --> 0:07:08.760 pretty great, you know. But I mean, obviously I'm so 0:07:08.839 --> 0:07:10.960 menopausal like all of us ladies at this age, so 0:07:11.000 --> 0:07:13.720 my brain is just like, also, I've just done like 0:07:13.840 --> 0:07:16.360 seventy hour weeks where I'm like, I finished really late 0:07:16.400 --> 0:07:18.160 last night and another on a suit. So I'm like, 0:07:18.800 --> 0:07:19.800 did you ask me? 0:07:22.040 --> 0:07:24.440 So you were talking about the music and this you 0:07:24.560 --> 0:07:28.000 write about this here in love like this, and it's 0:07:28.120 --> 0:07:34.680 a very interesting thing. Because music has always been such 0:07:34.720 --> 0:07:40.480 a huge part of who you are, so that when 0:07:41.960 --> 0:07:46.520 someone says to you, what music do you like and 0:07:46.640 --> 0:07:51.200 you can't answer that, do you think that was almost 0:07:51.240 --> 0:07:54.800 a metaphor for where you were in your life at 0:07:54.840 --> 0:07:59.000 that time, in other words, that you were not connected 0:07:59.080 --> 0:08:00.000 with your inner. 0:07:59.800 --> 0:08:04.720 C Yeah, well I just thought major Cousto. Yeah, one 0:08:04.840 --> 0:08:08.360 hundred percent. I think I had learnt very early on 0:08:08.560 --> 0:08:14.960 to survive emotionally is just put a little bit of 0:08:15.080 --> 0:08:17.800 armor on and then put another bit, and then put 0:08:17.840 --> 0:08:20.560 another bit and another bit and another bit, and then 0:08:20.560 --> 0:08:24.240 you're not feeling anymore. Yeah, there's no like, there's like 0:08:24.480 --> 0:08:28.280 feeling at a surface level, which was really quite odd 0:08:28.280 --> 0:08:30.920 for me too, because I'm such an emotional human. But 0:08:30.960 --> 0:08:33.000 I still feel like there was this big protection up 0:08:33.080 --> 0:08:37.080 that to not really listen to music the way I 0:08:37.160 --> 0:08:40.320 listened to it, or then to write the way I wrote, 0:08:40.480 --> 0:08:43.319 or to lie really I honestly fell in my heart 0:08:43.360 --> 0:08:44.960 and I know I've written this in the book. My 0:08:45.040 --> 0:08:48.839 heart was just like had a little all around it, 0:08:48.960 --> 0:08:54.680 just protecting it so it wouldn't fully expose or be raw. 0:08:55.160 --> 0:09:00.199 And after doing that show and it was raw. 0:09:00.679 --> 0:09:04.240 Well, I have to tell you something, because Jagged Little 0:09:04.280 --> 0:09:06.880 Pill was such a if you look at your life 0:09:06.920 --> 0:09:11.720 at where there are critical defining moments, Jagged Little Pill 0:09:11.920 --> 0:09:16.280 the stage production seems to be one of those moments 0:09:16.320 --> 0:09:21.400 for you in which in which everything changed. But I 0:09:21.440 --> 0:09:26.840 actually saw you in that production in Melbourne. It was 0:09:26.920 --> 0:09:29.840 after lockdown, and I went with a girlfriend and I 0:09:29.880 --> 0:09:33.120 didn't know much about it at all at the time. 0:09:33.200 --> 0:09:34.800 I mean, I knew it was the music of Alanis 0:09:34.840 --> 0:09:38.040 Morrissett blah blah blah, yeah, and that the story had 0:09:38.040 --> 0:09:41.000 been kind of retro fitted to it. Anyway, I think 0:09:41.040 --> 0:09:43.960 an interval and the whole thing was significant because it 0:09:43.960 --> 0:09:46.360 was post lockdown, so it was the first time a 0:09:46.360 --> 0:09:48.160 lot of people had been in a theater with other 0:09:48.200 --> 0:09:52.120 people around, and just to be out was significant. But 0:09:52.280 --> 0:09:58.880 at interval, at interval, my girlfriend said Genatt bass is 0:09:58.960 --> 0:10:04.520 amazing and oh waiting, no, well, hang on, I said, 0:10:05.720 --> 0:10:12.360 which one's that bass? And I did not realize. I 0:10:12.480 --> 0:10:17.480 did not realize that you were MJ. I did not 0:10:17.760 --> 0:10:21.000 know that that was you, that I had been watching 0:10:21.320 --> 0:10:25.760 you and in fact, I'm so happy to say to you, 0:10:26.400 --> 0:10:29.880 not only watching you, but marveling, going gosh. She think 0:10:30.200 --> 0:10:32.679 this perform is incredible. 0:10:34.040 --> 0:10:38.280 And it was so wild. That's so wild and such 0:10:38.320 --> 0:10:39.839 a huge compliment, Thank you. 0:10:40.120 --> 0:10:43.240 A massive compliment. There was something very significant about that 0:10:43.320 --> 0:10:46.760 stage show also for me in the audience. 0:10:46.400 --> 0:10:49.199 And everyone felt like that, you know, at different times. 0:10:49.200 --> 0:10:52.480 It was such a beautiful, vote heavy show because people 0:10:52.640 --> 0:10:57.960 did feel stuff themselves that they'd probably forgotten to like. 0:10:58.040 --> 0:11:01.320 It was such a connective piece of theater. You know, 0:11:02.240 --> 0:11:03.959 you selt what they selt. They saw what you saw. 0:11:03.960 --> 0:11:08.880 It was, Yeah, would you never know in the audience 0:11:08.960 --> 0:11:13.920 if it's just a really a remarkable cast doing remarkable things. 0:11:14.280 --> 0:11:16.920 But reading your book, it becomes apparent that there was 0:11:16.960 --> 0:11:20.760 a lot of stuff going on with the performers as well. 0:11:21.600 --> 0:11:23.960 Oh yeah, yeah, and with you. 0:11:24.280 --> 0:11:28.120 So you came to that production and this is what 0:11:28.160 --> 0:11:31.160 we all know of your life that you were with 0:11:31.280 --> 0:11:34.000 Cam who was in Rogue Traders with you. He was 0:11:34.040 --> 0:11:37.800 your husband, You had two beautiful kids. Oh you're still 0:11:37.880 --> 0:11:41.520 you're not. You've consciously uncoupled, but not legally. 0:11:42.360 --> 0:11:46.640 We still do gigs yeah all the time. Right yeah, yeah, 0:11:46.679 --> 0:11:49.280 so not still his husband, but still right. 0:11:49.640 --> 0:11:52.520 I was like, wait, what not his wife? You never 0:11:52.559 --> 0:11:53.080 were as. 0:11:55.600 --> 0:12:02.200 Shit? Someone put me to bed and so in. 0:12:02.720 --> 0:12:05.160 The process of that, and you had moved to the 0:12:05.200 --> 0:12:09.679 most significant thing that we're aware of in the you know, 0:12:09.760 --> 0:12:13.000 in that blur of what we know about celebrities, you know, 0:12:13.080 --> 0:12:16.600 through news or whatever. You had moved to Byron Bay 0:12:16.840 --> 0:12:18.400 a few years earlier. 0:12:19.280 --> 0:12:22.920 Which I loved. It was such an obviously significant move 0:12:22.960 --> 0:12:25.440 for all of us, but it was what we needed. 0:12:25.960 --> 0:12:28.120 And when you say it was what you needed as 0:12:28.120 --> 0:12:29.440 a family, what was. 0:12:29.360 --> 0:12:33.160 That, you know, it was just a sense. I mean personally, 0:12:33.280 --> 0:12:38.720 I really needed to ground myself. I feel like the 0:12:38.840 --> 0:12:42.120 life that we live is so flast case and you're here, 0:12:42.240 --> 0:12:45.839 there and everywhere. It's really hard to just stop and 0:12:46.120 --> 0:12:49.600 take stock of what is and isn't happening in your 0:12:49.600 --> 0:12:54.280 life and be together as a unit. Like Cam and 0:12:54.320 --> 0:12:56.360 I a couple of years before that were like where 0:12:56.400 --> 0:12:58.599 do we like, what are we doing? Like where do 0:12:58.720 --> 0:13:00.480 we want to be? And what do we want for 0:13:00.520 --> 0:13:03.240 our kids? Put like more importantly, you know, like what 0:13:03.280 --> 0:13:05.559 do we want for them? And we were looking at 0:13:05.640 --> 0:13:07.520 you know, it's that stage where you're looking at high 0:13:07.559 --> 0:13:09.480 schools and like what are they going to? What's the 0:13:09.520 --> 0:13:11.960 next part of the life for them? And it just 0:13:12.000 --> 0:13:15.760 didn't feel like it fits for either of us, even 0:13:15.800 --> 0:13:17.960 though I was the one that was like, oh my gosh, 0:13:17.960 --> 0:13:21.280 I think we should go do this, and but ultimately 0:13:21.320 --> 0:13:23.120 it was Cam that made the decision. It went all right, 0:13:23.200 --> 0:13:24.959 let's go, let's sell the house, and I'm like, what 0:13:26.000 --> 0:13:28.520 we're doing this? And yeah, it was just a really 0:13:28.640 --> 0:13:32.800 nice shift in We were just so much more connected 0:13:32.840 --> 0:13:34.880 when we came up to Byron, you know you have 0:13:34.960 --> 0:13:38.800 more and thank goodness because it was we moved two 0:13:38.840 --> 0:13:43.600 months before COVID from Melbourne, so we missed that whole, like, 0:13:43.960 --> 0:13:48.400 you know, such gratitude because I, you know, my mental 0:13:48.400 --> 0:13:50.560 health hasn't been great on and off, like it's been 0:13:50.600 --> 0:13:53.560 amazing and it's been terrible. But I don't know if 0:13:53.600 --> 0:13:57.320 I would have handled that very well. It's not being 0:13:57.400 --> 0:14:00.520 outside or you know, being that contained. I think that 0:14:00.640 --> 0:14:03.439 might have sent me off with Yeah. 0:14:03.640 --> 0:14:07.480 Well there was there is a sense of people who 0:14:07.679 --> 0:14:12.960 injured those lockdowns in Melbourne being like crushed flowers. 0:14:13.360 --> 0:14:17.760 Yeah. I had two weeks in lockdown when I came 0:14:17.840 --> 0:14:22.080 back from New York, and yes, snowhere near as bad 0:14:22.120 --> 0:14:25.800 as so many people had it. But I need fresh air, 0:14:25.960 --> 0:14:30.840 like I feel very caged in, and so I got 0:14:31.000 --> 0:14:33.880 you know, we got thrown on this bus. I'm not thrown, 0:14:33.920 --> 0:14:36.080 but it felt like that there were, you know, soldiers 0:14:36.080 --> 0:14:38.680 and everything. It felt like I was a criminal and 0:14:38.720 --> 0:14:40.880 they put you on in the bus and they've got 0:14:40.880 --> 0:14:42.760 guns and they're like take you to this hotel. And 0:14:43.400 --> 0:14:47.760 it was the strangest thing, like I haven't done anything wrong. 0:14:47.800 --> 0:14:51.360 Why am I here? And then you're in this hotel 0:14:51.400 --> 0:14:55.000 and yeah, it's not a horrible hotel, but you're trying 0:14:55.040 --> 0:14:59.960 to a window for two weeks. I remember ringing or 0:15:00.040 --> 0:15:01.800 they would ring every day to ask if you had 0:15:01.840 --> 0:15:04.680 any symptoms, and then they'd be like, I said, I'm 0:15:04.720 --> 0:15:07.920 not doing so well. Okay, I'm really kind of freaking out, 0:15:08.000 --> 0:15:10.600 Like I'm feeling like I just need to get outside. 0:15:10.720 --> 0:15:13.600 Is there any way that I can just go take 0:15:13.640 --> 0:15:15.800 a big deep breath? And they're like no, unless you 0:15:15.840 --> 0:15:18.640 need an ambulance, you can't do that. It was really 0:15:19.520 --> 0:15:23.320 a very unraveling time, even just in that hotel room 0:15:23.320 --> 0:15:24.040 for two weeks. 0:15:24.160 --> 0:15:25.640 And who were you in lockdown? 0:15:25.680 --> 0:15:28.960 With other cast members like Leah Howard who was our 0:15:29.080 --> 0:15:33.680 associate director. I'm jagged, and also Peter Rutherford who's my 0:15:33.760 --> 0:15:36.480 musical director. So we all went over to America to 0:15:36.600 --> 0:15:41.240 learn the show. Because of COVID, they couldn't all come 0:15:41.280 --> 0:15:43.200 to Australia like they normally would, so it was a 0:15:43.200 --> 0:15:46.400 bit all over the place. But he was really confronting. 0:15:47.160 --> 0:15:50.120 And I never video really. I don't know people, you know, 0:15:50.120 --> 0:15:52.560 we all video ourselves, won't the Lafe's amazing, but like, 0:15:53.200 --> 0:15:56.040 never really video myself when I'm unraveling, and they're like, 0:15:56.080 --> 0:15:58.720 have this video of myself? Just kind of I watched 0:15:58.760 --> 0:16:00.560 it not that long ago, so I, oh, my god, 0:16:01.440 --> 0:16:03.360 that was at my headspace, Like I kind of looked 0:16:03.440 --> 0:16:06.120 really vacant, like it wasn't me. I wasn't there, So 0:16:06.120 --> 0:16:08.160 it was awful to watch. 0:16:08.360 --> 0:16:12.840 And do you think at the time that the unraveling, obviously, 0:16:12.880 --> 0:16:16.239 which was exacerbated by the lack of air and the 0:16:16.280 --> 0:16:19.320 confinement and the very strange times that we lived in, 0:16:20.160 --> 0:16:25.760 was there a sense that in your life there was 0:16:25.800 --> 0:16:29.280 an unraveling or a picking a part of the threads 0:16:29.360 --> 0:16:31.360 or things fraying? Then do you. 0:16:31.400 --> 0:16:34.800 Think, Yeah, I think in homesight, absolutely, but I don't 0:16:34.800 --> 0:16:36.480 think I realized it at the time. 0:16:37.320 --> 0:16:41.040 Because you talk about in your book, you talk about 0:16:41.080 --> 0:16:46.840 this euphoric I think it was at your your wrap drinks. 0:16:47.720 --> 0:16:49.640 Oh yeah, where. 0:16:49.480 --> 0:16:51.280 You ended up dancing on a table. 0:16:51.840 --> 0:16:55.320 I always dance and you said, I mean it's been 0:16:55.360 --> 0:16:57.600 a while. I went, lie, you know that was my 0:16:57.760 --> 0:16:58.840 signature moves. 0:16:58.920 --> 0:17:03.760 Well, as long as as long as there were tables. 0:17:04.119 --> 0:17:08.840 But Peepe, who had worked on Jagged Little Pill, you 0:17:09.280 --> 0:17:13.680 said to them in the midst of this euphoria, tell 0:17:13.720 --> 0:17:14.520 me what you said. 0:17:15.280 --> 0:17:17.679 I said, if I wasn't married, i'd turned for you. 0:17:18.800 --> 0:17:22.080 Now this was about five or six years before Jagged 0:17:22.080 --> 0:17:24.320 Little Pill. And then I hardly saw that. 0:17:24.480 --> 0:17:27.680 Well, oh that's right, Yes it was Chicago. 0:17:28.280 --> 0:17:29.320 Was it not Chicago? 0:17:29.840 --> 0:17:30.080 Right? 0:17:30.200 --> 0:17:32.560 And I only did like a month or something in 0:17:32.640 --> 0:17:36.159 the Brisbane season, and we hardly even spoke. It was 0:17:36.200 --> 0:17:39.440 the strangest thing. They were just very sweet. I remember 0:17:39.480 --> 0:17:42.639 that my grandma had passed away at the time, and 0:17:42.680 --> 0:17:44.600 it was I was really emotional because you know, the 0:17:44.600 --> 0:17:47.320 show must go on, but then life still goes on too, 0:17:47.400 --> 0:17:49.479 and death still goes on, so you have to manage 0:17:49.520 --> 0:17:54.520 those emotions. And pipp had bought me a little vegan chocolate, 0:17:54.640 --> 0:17:58.760 so I was veeking at time and just said, you know, 0:18:00.119 --> 0:18:03.960 times chocolates, see anything that can help in these moments. 0:18:03.960 --> 0:18:06.959 And I just thought, wow, that's so sweet. Times it like, 0:18:07.000 --> 0:18:10.520 we didn't hang out, we didn't have coffee, I did 0:18:10.640 --> 0:18:13.760 like nothing. It was the strangest thing. I think Casey 0:18:14.400 --> 0:18:16.840 Donovan and I were on a mission to like, I 0:18:16.840 --> 0:18:19.399 don't know, we were just being a little bit tissy 0:18:19.400 --> 0:18:22.239 at the time, because you hold yourself together doing these shows, right, 0:18:22.280 --> 0:18:25.720 and you have to I've got to be so you know, good, 0:18:25.840 --> 0:18:27.600 I don't drink, you've got a better you know all 0:18:27.600 --> 0:18:30.040 of that. But then at the end you're like, all right, 0:18:30.280 --> 0:18:34.520 give me a table. I don't ready to like let 0:18:34.560 --> 0:18:38.320 it all lose. So it was the It was the 0:18:38.359 --> 0:18:42.000 stranger at the time, but clearly now in hindsight even stranger. 0:18:42.600 --> 0:18:45.320 Well, because sometimes I think you have those connections with 0:18:45.440 --> 0:18:50.320 people and they don't necessarily evolve into something else, and 0:18:50.359 --> 0:18:52.800 often they're more reflective of what's going on with you. 0:18:52.960 --> 0:18:54.560 Do you know what I mean? You see something in 0:18:54.600 --> 0:18:56.720 that person and it's about you. 0:18:56.840 --> 0:18:57.280 Yeah. 0:18:58.400 --> 0:19:03.200 You and Pip. Yeah, cross paths again, Dean, As you 0:19:03.240 --> 0:19:06.440 said four or five years later on Jag a Little Pill. Yeah, 0:19:06.480 --> 0:19:08.360 well they were the stage manager. 0:19:08.760 --> 0:19:11.840 Yeah, they only did the second again. It was a 0:19:11.840 --> 0:19:14.080 bit like Chicago, you know, we'd done like the whole 0:19:15.240 --> 0:19:18.399 country or whatever wherever we went, and then Brisbane was 0:19:18.440 --> 0:19:20.359 the last bit, and same with Jagged. I think we 0:19:20.400 --> 0:19:22.200 did Sydney, then we went to Melbourne and went back 0:19:22.240 --> 0:19:25.920 to Sydney. So before the full unraveling, I think I 0:19:26.000 --> 0:19:29.240 knew them for three weeks, which flows my mind even 0:19:29.280 --> 0:19:32.680 to this day. I'm like, that's so strange. 0:19:32.560 --> 0:19:35.960 When you say the full unraveling. What did the full 0:19:36.040 --> 0:19:37.040 unraveling look like? 0:19:37.760 --> 0:19:42.719 Well, honestly, it's so I feel like it sounds so strange. 0:19:42.960 --> 0:19:49.000 But that night on stage when I sang Forgiven, I'm 0:19:49.080 --> 0:19:52.040 standing there and like every night I would, I mean, 0:19:52.040 --> 0:19:53.600 you saw it, you know, like I don't know what 0:19:53.680 --> 0:19:57.280 night you saw, but this show really like I really 0:19:57.320 --> 0:20:01.560 immersed myself into this role and it was weird because 0:20:02.200 --> 0:20:04.919 you're not that role. But then things start overlapping and 0:20:04.960 --> 0:20:07.520 things start going, oh that's me. Oh wow. I didn't 0:20:07.520 --> 0:20:10.000 think I even I didn't even think I even took 0:20:10.040 --> 0:20:13.720 the role for me. I thought I took it for 0:20:14.400 --> 0:20:16.600 my manager who had passedway, which the whole other story, 0:20:16.640 --> 0:20:18.040 but I was like, oh, I think I need to 0:20:18.040 --> 0:20:22.960 do this for him. You know, the unraveling to me 0:20:23.760 --> 0:20:30.359 was standing there singing Forgiven. I felt you for it 0:20:30.560 --> 0:20:33.919 on that stage, on that Second Life opening night, I 0:20:34.080 --> 0:20:38.600 felt free, I felt seen that, I felt exposed, and 0:20:38.680 --> 0:20:41.280 I felt wow. But I felt like it was such 0:20:41.320 --> 0:20:45.520 a contradiction of life, like everything that was going on 0:20:45.560 --> 0:20:47.679 for me. I think I fell to the ground, tears 0:20:47.720 --> 0:20:51.440 fell down my face. I mean that was pretty standard. 0:20:51.440 --> 0:20:53.640 I did that most nights, and I think I'm sure 0:20:53.680 --> 0:20:56.760 I wrote that in the book where you know you 0:20:56.880 --> 0:20:59.280 just immerse yourself. But I just walked off stage and 0:20:59.359 --> 0:21:04.960 I it was like there was no one else so strange. 0:21:04.960 --> 0:21:06.320 It was like there was no one else around, but 0:21:06.400 --> 0:21:10.160 yet everyone was there. It was just like this feeling 0:21:10.400 --> 0:21:14.199 of there's no going back, and I still didn't even 0:21:14.240 --> 0:21:16.560 know what that meant. It was just like this right. 0:21:16.800 --> 0:21:19.199 I felt like my manager whod passed away, was like 0:21:19.600 --> 0:21:23.920 in me or around me, or supporting me, but yet 0:21:24.359 --> 0:21:27.439 everyone was watching that unraveling, Like I felt like the 0:21:27.520 --> 0:21:32.639 audience were there witnessing me just being raw and exposed 0:21:32.640 --> 0:21:35.199 for the first time in such a long time. You know, 0:21:35.359 --> 0:21:38.119 I turned fifty last year, so it was close to 0:21:38.160 --> 0:21:40.600 my fiftieth birthday a couple of years before. You know, 0:21:41.480 --> 0:21:46.119 I don't feel like I've ever really immersed myself into 0:21:46.160 --> 0:21:50.320 something creatively as much as that show, and I do 0:21:50.480 --> 0:21:54.639 believe in it was the right time. Maybe it was. 0:21:55.359 --> 0:21:59.080 It was the constant reliving and telling of this story 0:21:59.200 --> 0:22:04.679 of abuse and gender identity and sexuality and whatever that 0:22:04.720 --> 0:22:08.000 we all in the cast were like feeling and thinking 0:22:08.640 --> 0:22:11.480 night after night that that was the moment that I 0:22:11.520 --> 0:22:14.520 was like, whoa, I just felt changed and it was 0:22:14.560 --> 0:22:17.760 really hard to understand what. And then obviously later on 0:22:17.800 --> 0:22:21.840 in that night when I had this like it was 0:22:21.920 --> 0:22:24.600 like I was so high and I wasn't high, but 0:22:24.720 --> 0:22:28.840 I had this like high and it was very weird. 0:22:29.800 --> 0:22:34.040 It was very unusual, and I just yeah, I had 0:22:34.040 --> 0:22:37.479 this electricity. It was like electricity through my body and 0:22:37.520 --> 0:22:40.280 we weren't touching. It was like a magnet, you know 0:22:40.280 --> 0:22:42.680 where there's this like oh like it was like that. 0:22:43.760 --> 0:22:46.119 And I remember turning to fifth and I think you 0:22:46.200 --> 0:22:50.000 need to go, and they went, yeah, it was so weird. 0:22:50.680 --> 0:22:56.840 They felt it also, Yeah, yeah weird. After a short break, 0:22:56.880 --> 0:22:59.480 we'll be back with more of my conversation with Natalie 0:22:59.520 --> 0:23:06.600 bassing Through. You were so consumed, at once consumed and 0:23:06.640 --> 0:23:12.000 at once projecting this extraordinary energy field that was happening 0:23:12.040 --> 0:23:19.560 to you. How did you look to Pip who was 0:23:19.600 --> 0:23:24.520 watching you night after night on stage but also seeing 0:23:24.560 --> 0:23:27.040 you seeing you backstage. 0:23:27.600 --> 0:23:31.160 I don't know, that's probably a question. I don't know. 0:23:32.119 --> 0:23:34.040 Have you ever discussed. 0:23:34.000 --> 0:23:37.639 I told them, like, after that night happened. The next morning, 0:23:37.680 --> 0:23:39.440 I rang my friend and went, I need a therapist. 0:23:39.520 --> 0:23:42.720 I don't know what happened last night. Like between you 0:23:42.720 --> 0:23:45.720 would think that it was like a big weekend bender 0:23:45.800 --> 0:23:49.159 on drugs or something like. It was like that. It 0:23:49.240 --> 0:23:52.840 was like a out of body something that I went with, 0:23:53.040 --> 0:23:56.160 you know, it wasn't even Yeah, So I did their 0:23:56.200 --> 0:24:00.000 therapy first, and then I think I was at home 0:24:00.080 --> 0:24:01.399 for a few days, and then I came back to 0:24:01.440 --> 0:24:03.119 the show and that's right, and we went out on 0:24:03.119 --> 0:24:06.840 the Thursday night and I was telling him about how 0:24:06.920 --> 0:24:09.280 I was feeling, just going, I don't know what happened. 0:24:09.320 --> 0:24:11.959 So yes, we have discussed what I felt happened on 0:24:12.000 --> 0:24:17.280 the stage. And I'm quite a spiritual. My kids folk 0:24:17.320 --> 0:24:21.080 on me woo person. Kip's not like that. So they're like, well, 0:24:22.760 --> 0:24:25.080 this is strange, and I'm like, I know, but they 0:24:25.200 --> 0:24:29.840 also very beautiful and supportive and open that they just 0:24:30.040 --> 0:24:34.840 listened to me going, I mean I even after that night, 0:24:35.880 --> 0:24:40.560