WEBVTT - Light Bulb Moment 

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<v Speaker 1>You're listening to Amma Mer podcast.

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<v Speaker 2>Muma Me acknowledges the traditional owners of the land and waters.

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<v Speaker 3>This podcast is recorded on religion.

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<v Speaker 2>We often talk about the role it plays in a

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<v Speaker 2>relationship to people coming from different backgrounds with different beliefs,

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<v Speaker 2>but when you find the right person, differences in those

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<v Speaker 2>systems don't mean a thing if you know you want

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<v Speaker 2>to be together.

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<v Speaker 1>I'd been brought up in an Anglican church, which is

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<v Speaker 1>pretty traditional, but I'd never really continued that after I

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<v Speaker 1>was a child, whereas he was still entrenched in that

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<v Speaker 1>the Pentecostal side of church. He didn't want to have

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<v Speaker 1>sex before we were married, and I suppose I thought,

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<v Speaker 1>oh my gosh, this guy, he has such good values.

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<v Speaker 1>I was willing to put up with that little bit

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<v Speaker 1>of torture for the sake of the relationship going forward.

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<v Speaker 2>So when a relationship starts and progress with that being

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<v Speaker 2>the only difference you'd never expected to be something else entirely,

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<v Speaker 2>that blows up your marriage and ultimately your life.

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<v Speaker 1>He jumped in the car, and I had my baby

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<v Speaker 1>in the back, and he pulled out a light globe

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<v Speaker 1>which bit of blue tack at the top, and the

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<v Speaker 1>straw and he even said to me, here, try some

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<v Speaker 1>you'll feel heaps better. That made me realize that I

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<v Speaker 1>could not have him around my children because he was

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<v Speaker 1>not a safe person. There was no way I was

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<v Speaker 1>going to let my babies be exposed or even near

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<v Speaker 1>him in this state.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm Georgia Love and this is everyone has an eggs.

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<v Speaker 2>Come with me as we dive into a collection of

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<v Speaker 2>unconventional stories about relationships past through the eyes and the

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<v Speaker 2>hearts of the very people who lived them. The year

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<v Speaker 2>was two thousand and nine, and a newly single, twenty

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<v Speaker 2>five year old Leah realized the hustle and noise of

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<v Speaker 2>big city life no longer felt like home. With a

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<v Speaker 2>new job waiting in her heart. Set on a fresh start,

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<v Speaker 2>she packed her bags and headed for a quite a

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<v Speaker 2>corner of the country.

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<v Speaker 1>I was really keen to move somewhere new, where there

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<v Speaker 1>was a whole new pool of people that I could

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<v Speaker 1>actually meet somebody, and I suppose down the track settled down.

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<v Speaker 1>I wasn't really ready for children and marriage straight away,

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<v Speaker 1>but I was very keen to get out there and

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<v Speaker 1>start dating somebody on a regular basis. I moved into

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<v Speaker 1>a house with some flatmates, so I could get out

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<v Speaker 1>and meet more people, as I hadn't known anybody in town,

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<v Speaker 1>and I had some really awesome flatmates I dated when

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<v Speaker 1>I first moved here with a couple of guys, but

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<v Speaker 1>nothing ever really evolved to anything more serious, and I

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<v Speaker 1>got a bit frustrated and I was ready to move away.

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<v Speaker 1>But just before I made that decision, I ended up

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<v Speaker 1>meeting Kyle, and yeah, everything sort of changed from there.

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<v Speaker 1>He had a cousin that was a friend with my

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<v Speaker 1>flat mate, so that's how she met him, because she

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<v Speaker 1>didn't know anybody in the town either. So the cousin said,

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<v Speaker 1>how about you go out and catch up with these guys.

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<v Speaker 1>They're about your age, they know all the people in town. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>go out and meet some new people. So I'd moved

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<v Speaker 1>out of the house into an unit closer to work,

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<v Speaker 1>and they came and met up with my flatmate and myself.

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<v Speaker 1>Him and his brother were there, and they were both lovely.

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<v Speaker 1>His brother had a girlfriend, but Kyle was on his

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<v Speaker 1>own and he came across to me at start really shy,

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<v Speaker 1>but as the night progressed, like we got chatting, and

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<v Speaker 1>of course the drinks were flowing, and as we went

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<v Speaker 1>we got quite close. And you know, while I was

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<v Speaker 1>out that night, there was actually a guy that I'd

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<v Speaker 1>previously dated that saw me, and I just grabbed Kyle

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<v Speaker 1>and hugged into him and just said, look, just go

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<v Speaker 1>with this for the moment, to try and make this

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<v Speaker 1>other guy jealous. And from there, I think that really

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<v Speaker 1>helped speed things along. We ended up going back from

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<v Speaker 1>the clubs and there was a whole heap of people

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<v Speaker 1>staying at my house, so there was a lack of beds.

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<v Speaker 1>There was a couch here and there, but he really

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<v Speaker 1>wanted to come and crash in my bed with me.

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<v Speaker 1>I was a bit like, oh, this is a bit weird,

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<v Speaker 1>but I said, okay, if you leave the door open,

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<v Speaker 1>that's fine. And that's where we had our first kiss.

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<v Speaker 1>We were just probably lying there awkwardly for a while,

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<v Speaker 1>and then yeah, things evolved and we had our first kiss.

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<v Speaker 1>And I kept saying to him, We've got to be

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<v Speaker 1>very quiet because everybody's sleeping right next door. And maybe

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<v Speaker 1>he thought from that that I was a girl with

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<v Speaker 1>some good morals and that probably didn't hurt.

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<v Speaker 2>It didn't take long for them to officially start dating,

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<v Speaker 2>and for Leah, things were looking up.

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<v Speaker 1>Literally our first date ended up being a rock climbing session,

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<v Speaker 1>so we ended up ab sailing off a cliff face.

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<v Speaker 1>So that showed me the saut of guy. He was

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<v Speaker 1>very outdoorsy, very into rock climbing and all that sort

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<v Speaker 1>of stuff. So and of course I was like, I'm

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<v Speaker 1>going to do this. It's not going to be a drama,

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<v Speaker 1>and off we went. Me and my flatmate went as well,

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<v Speaker 1>and we had to go at ab sailing and doing

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<v Speaker 1>some rock climbing. It showed me he's willing to teach,

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<v Speaker 1>and he was a really good teacher. He was really

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<v Speaker 1>good at showing us how to use all the equipment,

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<v Speaker 1>really patient, he yeah, just showed a great love for

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<v Speaker 1>what he was doing as well then was really passionate

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<v Speaker 1>about it. So I thought he was so hot. I

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<v Speaker 1>really I was excited that, you know, somebody that hot

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<v Speaker 1>actually was into me. I suppose I've never had a

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<v Speaker 1>guy like that into me, so that was a bit unusual.

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<v Speaker 1>I suppose I'm not a super confident people when it

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<v Speaker 1>is going out there and asking somebody out, so I've

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<v Speaker 1>always sort of taken a backstep to that. And yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>just I suppose he was hot and he was lovely

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<v Speaker 1>and I saw all these wonderful things that you know,

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<v Speaker 1>he did. I knew he was somebody who had certain values.

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<v Speaker 1>He was brought up Christian, and he had certain things

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<v Speaker 1>that he had discus with me previously. So one of

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<v Speaker 1>the big things was that he didn't want to have

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<v Speaker 1>sex before we were married. And that was a big

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<v Speaker 1>shock to me because previously that has never been an issue.

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<v Speaker 1>And I suppose I thought, oh my gosh, this guy,

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<v Speaker 1>he has such good values. I was willing to put

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<v Speaker 1>up with that little bit of torture for the sake

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<v Speaker 1>of the relationship going forward and move forward.

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<v Speaker 3>It did.

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<v Speaker 1>He wasn't great at talking about feelings like many men,

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<v Speaker 1>so I wasn't expecting anything too exciting and too major

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<v Speaker 1>straight away. So we were just dating for a little while.

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<v Speaker 1>And then at one point, I remember it was probably

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<v Speaker 1>about two months into the relationship, and we'd just been

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<v Speaker 1>to a wedding together one of his friends had gotten married,

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<v Speaker 1>and he'd taken me along, and I remember lying there

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<v Speaker 1>at night thinking gosh, like this is it. And I

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<v Speaker 1>remember telling my flatmate as well previously that I think

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<v Speaker 1>this is the dude, this is the one for me,

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<v Speaker 1>because yeah, everything has been going so well, we've had

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<v Speaker 1>amazing dates. We've been out kayaking and ab sailing and

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<v Speaker 1>bushwalking and camping and doing all these amazing things. And

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<v Speaker 1>that night after the wedding, I probably was a little

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<v Speaker 1>bit drunk, actually, and I tried to start having the

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<v Speaker 1>conversation and then I ended up in tears saying I

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<v Speaker 1>love you, and I remember him saying back to me,

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<v Speaker 1>of course I love you.

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<v Speaker 3>So that was.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, it was a different way of doing it, but yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>he'd obviously felt the same way, but it was a

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<v Speaker 1>matter of getting to that same point. Was a bit interesting.

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<v Speaker 2>A year into their relationship, during a camping weekend, surrounded

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<v Speaker 2>by the beauty of the great outdoors, Cale took the

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<v Speaker 2>next step and popped the question.

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<v Speaker 1>Somebody that comes from that sort of background, that is

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<v Speaker 1>the next step. It's to get married. Yeah, so it

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<v Speaker 1>wasn't very long. Everybody was super supportive. My mum and

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<v Speaker 1>dad absolutely loved him. They got along really really well.

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<v Speaker 1>I go along well with his family and his brother

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<v Speaker 1>and his partner, so everybody was supportive. Everybody said, look,

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<v Speaker 1>you guys have made for each other, like everything was

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<v Speaker 1>going so well. There was no hesitation whatsoever. I was

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<v Speaker 1>super stoked to be getting married and settling down. He

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<v Speaker 1>gave me a ring that didn't have any stone in it.

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<v Speaker 1>It was a platinum ring and he wanted me to

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<v Speaker 1>come up with a design for the engagement ring, which

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<v Speaker 1>I thought was the most amazing thing ever.

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<v Speaker 2>There was no point beating around the bush part in

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<v Speaker 2>the pun. Just eight months later, the wedding day was here.

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<v Speaker 1>We had about one hundred and fifty people, their friends

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<v Speaker 1>and family, plus his church community so they came to

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<v Speaker 1>just watch the ceremony and it was just incredible having

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<v Speaker 1>people travel from all over Australia to come and watch it.

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<v Speaker 1>He also had some family come from overseas, and it

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<v Speaker 1>was just amazing how many friends he has, Like he

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<v Speaker 1>had so many friends, he was so well respected that

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<v Speaker 1>all these people were there to support us, and it

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<v Speaker 1>was just an awesome wedding. It wasn't extravagant or expensive,

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<v Speaker 1>but it was just everybody there that we loved together

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<v Speaker 1>one spot. The whole day was just incredible and it

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<v Speaker 1>was pretty much how I had visaged a wedding, and

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<v Speaker 1>I even wore my mum's wedding dress that got altered

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<v Speaker 1>and it was great. We had it in a big

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<v Speaker 1>farmyard barn with a big fire. It was just, yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>it was stunning. Everybody kept joking because my family and

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<v Speaker 1>friends knew that we weren't having sex, and that that

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<v Speaker 1>was something that I had been patiently waiting for for

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<v Speaker 1>a long time. I knew there'd be no worries because

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<v Speaker 1>pretty much everything had happened but that and yeah, so

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<v Speaker 1>they kept joking, and of course I was super excited

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<v Speaker 1>for the end of the night, so they'd go back

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<v Speaker 1>and yeah, actually have some fun.

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<v Speaker 2>But it didn't take long for the fun to turn

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<v Speaker 2>to business, the business of baby making.

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<v Speaker 1>We'd both spoken previously about how many kids we want,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, what we want to see in the future,

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<v Speaker 1>so we were both on the same page. He'd come

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<v Speaker 1>from a family of two children and I had come

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<v Speaker 1>from a family of two, so we were both pretty

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<v Speaker 1>much on the same page. That was what we wanted,

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<v Speaker 1>and yeah, we wanted to live in the country, out

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<v Speaker 1>in the bush and raise our kids in nature. After

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<v Speaker 1>we got married, we actually decided to book a trip

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<v Speaker 1>to Kokoda and walk the Kokoda Track, and we did

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<v Speaker 1>that with his family and one of my friends, and

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<v Speaker 1>during that trip we decided that was it. We're going

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<v Speaker 1>to stop using contraception that we were going to just

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<v Speaker 1>see what happens. And not long after that trip, we'd

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<v Speaker 1>bought a property outside of town on some acreage, so

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<v Speaker 1>we had all this land and we had the bush

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<v Speaker 1>that we wanted, and it wasn't long after that that

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<v Speaker 1>we fell pregnant with our first child. I loved being pregnant.

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<v Speaker 1>I wasn't too crook. I was very lucky. I loved

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<v Speaker 1>the belly. He loved the belly. He thought a pregnant

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<v Speaker 1>woman is the most beautiful thing in the world. So

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<v Speaker 1>he was just overjoyed to be becoming a parent and

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<v Speaker 1>that was a really nice time. He did work away

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<v Speaker 1>a lot, so you know, I'd FaceTime him and send videos.

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<v Speaker 1>But yeah, he was super excited, like everybody else was.

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<v Speaker 1>This was the first grandchild on both sides of the family,

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<v Speaker 1>and everybody was just super keen to meet this. Literally,

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<v Speaker 1>we had a great relationship. Everything was going really smoothly.

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<v Speaker 1>He was working a lot. He also started a side

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<v Speaker 1>business with one of his hobbies, like doing survival things.

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<v Speaker 1>He was into that, and he was really excited to

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<v Speaker 1>be bringing a child into the world and just couldn't wait.

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<v Speaker 1>And I was the same. It was really exciting, and

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<v Speaker 1>I'd never been super maternal or super clucky, but this

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<v Speaker 1>time I was ready. I think because I was thirty

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<v Speaker 1>and I was ready, and about twelve hours of decent

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<v Speaker 1>active labor, we had our first child. It was horrible,

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<v Speaker 1>this little bean that came out and he had a

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<v Speaker 1>massive spot on his cheek. It was a massive little

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<v Speaker 1>mole on his cheek. But I didn't care. I thought

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<v Speaker 1>that was he was the most beautiful thing ever. And

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<v Speaker 1>Kyle was exactly the same. He was just besotted with him. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>we absolutely loved it. Having this newborn and taking him

0:12:07.648 --> 0:12:09.608
<v Speaker 1>home was just like, Wow, we're allowed to take this

0:12:09.848 --> 0:12:13.487
<v Speaker 1>child home. That's incredible. He was just loving giving him

0:12:13.528 --> 0:12:17.048
<v Speaker 1>cuddles and being as involved as possible while he was

0:12:17.088 --> 0:12:19.208
<v Speaker 1>home before he had to go away for work. I

0:12:19.248 --> 0:12:21.128
<v Speaker 1>had my mom and my dad staying up there on

0:12:21.168 --> 0:12:23.368
<v Speaker 1>the property as well, so we had that extra help.

0:12:24.008 --> 0:12:26.448
<v Speaker 1>He wasn't the easiest baby in the world. Let's just

0:12:26.488 --> 0:12:29.128
<v Speaker 1>say that he had a lot of issues happening, and

0:12:29.208 --> 0:12:32.248
<v Speaker 1>as a first time mum, I didn't really understand. I

0:12:32.288 --> 0:12:35.008
<v Speaker 1>suppose what wasn't normal and what was normal. We had

0:12:35.048 --> 0:12:37.728
<v Speaker 1>a lot of issues with feeding. We thought it was

0:12:37.808 --> 0:12:40.968
<v Speaker 1>reflux and all that sort of colic or whatever they

0:12:41.008 --> 0:12:44.688
<v Speaker 1>call it. He did cry a lot. He wouldn't sleep much,

0:12:44.728 --> 0:12:47.928
<v Speaker 1>he would cry all night, and we just thought that's

0:12:47.968 --> 0:12:51.168
<v Speaker 1>part of the normal parenting journey. Everybody has these dramas.

0:12:51.288 --> 0:12:54.368
<v Speaker 1>It's just a matter of getting through and you know,

0:12:54.928 --> 0:12:58.768
<v Speaker 1>putting up with this newborn time. We did struggle a

0:12:58.768 --> 0:13:00.968
<v Speaker 1>lot with I suppose lack of sleep, and I got

0:13:01.048 --> 0:13:05.208
<v Speaker 1>quite resentful and frustrated because I'd be doing all the

0:13:05.248 --> 0:13:07.688
<v Speaker 1>feedings and the night stuff. Because I understood that he

0:13:07.728 --> 0:13:10.448
<v Speaker 1>had to work a risky job, so I didn't want

0:13:10.568 --> 0:13:13.008
<v Speaker 1>him to be tied off going to work. So a

0:13:13.008 --> 0:13:14.888
<v Speaker 1>lot of the work did end up falling back on me.

0:13:15.688 --> 0:13:17.528
<v Speaker 1>I had my mum there to support as well, but

0:13:17.608 --> 0:13:19.968
<v Speaker 1>I was very reluctant to let her take the baby

0:13:19.968 --> 0:13:22.528
<v Speaker 1>away to then feed him. You know, I wanted to

0:13:22.528 --> 0:13:25.128
<v Speaker 1>make sure that I was there for everything. That first

0:13:25.208 --> 0:13:29.488
<v Speaker 1>mum guilt, I think it's always ever present. As time

0:13:29.528 --> 0:13:31.648
<v Speaker 1>went on and we found out that there was more

0:13:31.648 --> 0:13:35.128
<v Speaker 1>issues and more issues evolving from this little bub that

0:13:35.168 --> 0:13:38.648
<v Speaker 1>he wasn't developing as a normal baby would, that's when

0:13:38.728 --> 0:13:41.688
<v Speaker 1>things started to get more and more difficult in the relationship.

0:13:41.688 --> 0:13:44.808
<v Speaker 1>There's more stress and pressure put on everybody. He was

0:13:44.808 --> 0:13:47.408
<v Speaker 1>the most gorgeous little baby, really happy, but you know,

0:13:47.728 --> 0:13:50.488
<v Speaker 1>just would be crying and very hot. A lot a

0:13:50.528 --> 0:13:53.288
<v Speaker 1>lot of work, We had a lot of appointments, and

0:13:53.328 --> 0:13:56.248
<v Speaker 1>I suppose one of the big issues with having a

0:13:56.328 --> 0:14:00.288
<v Speaker 1>child that isn't developing as a normal child is the denial.

0:14:00.528 --> 0:14:03.648
<v Speaker 1>I think, especially from Kyle. He didn't believe that there

0:14:03.728 --> 0:14:06.768
<v Speaker 1>was anything wrong. He would eventually get there, it might

0:14:06.808 --> 0:14:09.088
<v Speaker 1>just be a bit slower. My mum used to work

0:14:09.128 --> 0:14:11.808
<v Speaker 1>with a lot of people disabilities, and I knew lots

0:14:11.848 --> 0:14:14.408
<v Speaker 1>of people with disabilities, so it wasn't strange to me,

0:14:15.008 --> 0:14:16.928
<v Speaker 1>and I always thought, well, if I have a child

0:14:17.248 --> 0:14:18.728
<v Speaker 1>like that, it's not going to be the end of

0:14:18.728 --> 0:14:22.288
<v Speaker 1>the world. But I suppose Kyle came from a background

0:14:22.368 --> 0:14:25.048
<v Speaker 1>where it was very much hasn't been exposed to that

0:14:25.408 --> 0:14:28.848
<v Speaker 1>doesn't understand that world. So having that new child looking

0:14:28.968 --> 0:14:32.168
<v Speaker 1>very differently to what he expected was probably something quite

0:14:32.208 --> 0:14:35.968
<v Speaker 1>confronting and scary for him. He really struggled, I think,

0:14:36.048 --> 0:14:39.368
<v Speaker 1>to accept that side of it. He absolutely loved him

0:14:39.368 --> 0:14:42.248
<v Speaker 1>and absolutely it was an amazing father, but there was, yeah,

0:14:42.368 --> 0:14:45.128
<v Speaker 1>that denial, and from his family as well. They were

0:14:45.328 --> 0:14:47.288
<v Speaker 1>very much in the point of view that we could

0:14:47.328 --> 0:14:50.128
<v Speaker 1>pray and that would help fix this child. You know

0:14:50.208 --> 0:14:52.288
<v Speaker 1>that he was broken, and that the Lord would be

0:14:52.368 --> 0:14:55.448
<v Speaker 1>able to help him talk or to help him walk

0:14:55.568 --> 0:14:59.328
<v Speaker 1>or anything like that. This was very difficult to sort

0:14:59.328 --> 0:15:02.648
<v Speaker 1>of reconcile that they didn't understand or they had that

0:15:02.688 --> 0:15:07.088
<v Speaker 1>massive denial towards him. And I suppose I saw him

0:15:07.248 --> 0:15:10.288
<v Speaker 1>as Yep, he has challenges, he has different things happening,

0:15:10.928 --> 0:15:13.648
<v Speaker 1>but he's still him. He's our little man. He's an

0:15:13.688 --> 0:15:18.168
<v Speaker 1>amazing little dude, and he brought joy to absolutely everybody

0:15:18.328 --> 0:15:22.168
<v Speaker 1>he met. And I suppose I didn't see the need

0:15:22.288 --> 0:15:24.848
<v Speaker 1>to fix him so much. I knew that we'd have

0:15:24.888 --> 0:15:26.688
<v Speaker 1>to work on a lot of things and it'd be

0:15:26.728 --> 0:15:29.608
<v Speaker 1>a tough journey, but he is who he is. And

0:15:30.448 --> 0:15:33.328
<v Speaker 1>I suppose I had a lot more realistic views and

0:15:34.568 --> 0:15:38.368
<v Speaker 1>that was very difficult. And as time progressed, Kyle really

0:15:38.368 --> 0:15:42.848
<v Speaker 1>stepped back from that parenting journey because as he got older.

0:15:43.648 --> 0:15:46.728
<v Speaker 1>I suppose usually dads find it easier as the kids

0:15:46.728 --> 0:15:48.968
<v Speaker 1>get older, they can actually relate to their children, But

0:15:49.088 --> 0:15:51.368
<v Speaker 1>this was the opposite. He found it harder and harder

0:15:51.368 --> 0:15:55.368
<v Speaker 1>because the Bubba or now a toddler wouldn't do anything

0:15:55.408 --> 0:15:57.688
<v Speaker 1>that he wanted to do. So Kyle wanted to be

0:15:57.728 --> 0:16:01.488
<v Speaker 1>outdoors and making fires and playing with rocks, whereas our

0:16:01.568 --> 0:16:04.488
<v Speaker 1>son he was just not interested in that whatsoever, and

0:16:04.888 --> 0:16:06.568
<v Speaker 1>there was that lack of connection there.

0:16:06.608 --> 0:16:09.528
<v Speaker 2>I think it was an incredibly tough time, but Lea

0:16:09.528 --> 0:16:12.568
<v Speaker 2>and I had always been a rock solid unit. Despite

0:16:12.568 --> 0:16:15.328
<v Speaker 2>the fact their belief systems were at longerheads at times,

0:16:15.528 --> 0:16:18.008
<v Speaker 2>they'd always found a way to talk through their issues

0:16:18.248 --> 0:16:20.288
<v Speaker 2>and work out what was best for their family.

0:16:20.568 --> 0:16:24.208
<v Speaker 1>We would have arguments around beliefs, I suppose in terms

0:16:24.208 --> 0:16:27.808
<v Speaker 1>of him and his family being very religious and very

0:16:28.448 --> 0:16:31.368
<v Speaker 1>probably to more the right wing extreme side of it,

0:16:31.808 --> 0:16:34.088
<v Speaker 1>whereas my family is more left and I was more

0:16:34.128 --> 0:16:38.448
<v Speaker 1>open to you know, homosexuality and climate change, whereas they

0:16:38.968 --> 0:16:40.848
<v Speaker 1>didn't agree with a lot of that stuff and were

0:16:40.848 --> 0:16:43.648
<v Speaker 1>into conspiracy. So I suppose I really struggled with that

0:16:43.808 --> 0:16:47.848
<v Speaker 1>side and with his support of his parents, and they

0:16:47.888 --> 0:16:50.728
<v Speaker 1>always had those very strong views which I did struggle

0:16:50.728 --> 0:16:54.688
<v Speaker 1>a fair bit to assimilate too. I also attended church

0:16:54.728 --> 0:16:57.288
<v Speaker 1>and really tried to fit into that church community, but

0:16:57.328 --> 0:17:00.048
<v Speaker 1>I suppose I always felt like a bit of a fraud,

0:17:00.248 --> 0:17:04.168
<v Speaker 1>like I was there trying to believe it and trying

0:17:04.248 --> 0:17:08.288
<v Speaker 1>to really accept it. But I suppose in the back

0:17:08.328 --> 0:17:10.568
<v Speaker 1>of my mind I was always very down full around

0:17:10.608 --> 0:17:13.447
<v Speaker 1>all of that. I've been brought up in an Anglican church,

0:17:13.568 --> 0:17:17.967
<v Speaker 1>which is pretty traditional, but I'd never really continued that

0:17:18.168 --> 0:17:21.208
<v Speaker 1>after I was a child, whereas he was still entrenched

0:17:21.208 --> 0:17:23.928
<v Speaker 1>in that the Pentecostal side of church, so they were

0:17:24.008 --> 0:17:26.968
<v Speaker 1>very involved in the church his family, and I suppose

0:17:27.008 --> 0:17:30.407
<v Speaker 1>I accepted it because I understood where they were coming from.

0:17:30.488 --> 0:17:32.608
<v Speaker 1>But I just sort of, yeah, I would just put

0:17:32.688 --> 0:17:34.648
<v Speaker 1>up with it. I would push those feelings down and

0:17:34.688 --> 0:17:37.008
<v Speaker 1>just be like, I'm not going to make waves. I'm

0:17:37.008 --> 0:17:39.888
<v Speaker 1>not into confrontations, so you know, I'll go along with

0:17:39.928 --> 0:17:43.008
<v Speaker 1>the with the conversations they're having, but I still have

0:17:43.128 --> 0:17:45.448
<v Speaker 1>my own beliefs and values. So I suppose we did

0:17:45.448 --> 0:17:48.407
<v Speaker 1>clash a lot on those certain things. It was often

0:17:48.528 --> 0:17:51.768
<v Speaker 1>easier to put those conversations to the side rather than

0:17:51.848 --> 0:17:54.888
<v Speaker 1>keep pushing them because other things in the relationship were great.

0:17:54.928 --> 0:17:58.208
<v Speaker 1>We both had great jobs, we both had the same goals,

0:17:58.448 --> 0:18:01.328
<v Speaker 1>we got along really well, all our friends were really great,

0:18:01.408 --> 0:18:03.447
<v Speaker 1>so we really didn't have other big issues. And I

0:18:03.528 --> 0:18:06.687
<v Speaker 1>understood that everybody has their issues in a relationship, you know,

0:18:06.728 --> 0:18:08.927
<v Speaker 1>and there's often lots of times that people from different

0:18:08.968 --> 0:18:13.848
<v Speaker 1>faiths or religions end up staying together and making it work.

0:18:14.288 --> 0:18:15.927
<v Speaker 1>So I thought, well, maybe, you know, this is just

0:18:16.008 --> 0:18:18.288
<v Speaker 1>one of those things that we have to have to

0:18:18.288 --> 0:18:21.288
<v Speaker 1>work with. Another big issue in our parenting journey was

0:18:21.328 --> 0:18:24.688
<v Speaker 1>the fact that I was very much the belief that

0:18:24.848 --> 0:18:27.687
<v Speaker 1>vaccines have a place and that they are needed to

0:18:28.048 --> 0:18:31.328
<v Speaker 1>assist with herd immunity, pretty much a science based approach,

0:18:31.528 --> 0:18:35.368
<v Speaker 1>whereas Kyle was very much from that Pentecostal religious side,

0:18:35.368 --> 0:18:37.128
<v Speaker 1>where a lot of them, not all, but a lot

0:18:37.168 --> 0:18:40.648
<v Speaker 1>of them have that view of that vaccines mandated by

0:18:40.688 --> 0:18:43.168
<v Speaker 1>government and that government can't be trusted, so a lot

0:18:43.208 --> 0:18:46.487
<v Speaker 1>of those conspiracy theories and that vaccines are bad. So

0:18:46.528 --> 0:18:49.447
<v Speaker 1>we had a lot of discussions around that, but at

0:18:49.448 --> 0:18:52.967
<v Speaker 1>the time, Kyle trusted me to make those decisions, and

0:18:53.008 --> 0:18:55.888
<v Speaker 1>I was quite happy that we'd had the discussions, and

0:18:55.928 --> 0:18:58.288
<v Speaker 1>I knew where he sat, but he was always sort

0:18:58.288 --> 0:19:02.128
<v Speaker 1>of willing to go with what I ultimately decided in

0:19:02.208 --> 0:19:04.528
<v Speaker 1>terms of the parenting role. It was always a bit

0:19:04.568 --> 0:19:07.008
<v Speaker 1>of a struggle, and it did create a lot of

0:19:07.048 --> 0:19:12.368
<v Speaker 1>difficult discussions in the relationship around those different beliefs sort

0:19:12.408 --> 0:19:15.648
<v Speaker 1>of impacting on big decisions in life, like schooling and

0:19:16.288 --> 0:19:18.448
<v Speaker 1>medical decisions. There's a lot of things that you don't

0:19:18.528 --> 0:19:21.528
<v Speaker 1>realize where you've really got to align, and they are

0:19:21.968 --> 0:19:24.608
<v Speaker 1>massive life decisions. He made me feel that I was

0:19:24.648 --> 0:19:27.088
<v Speaker 1>lucky that he was willing to let me make those decisions.

0:19:27.688 --> 0:19:29.608
<v Speaker 1>We had the discussions, and he might not have been

0:19:29.688 --> 0:19:33.008
<v Speaker 1>one hundred percent comfortable, but he wasn't as extreme as

0:19:33.008 --> 0:19:35.208
<v Speaker 1>his parents, or he wasn't as extreme as other people

0:19:35.248 --> 0:19:35.928
<v Speaker 1>at that point.

0:19:36.208 --> 0:19:39.447
<v Speaker 2>So with his son's well being the ultimate priority, LEAD

0:19:39.448 --> 0:19:40.288
<v Speaker 2>took charge.

0:19:40.448 --> 0:19:44.048
<v Speaker 1>I just got on with parenting and just continued to

0:19:44.048 --> 0:19:45.888
<v Speaker 1>do what I needed to do. I went to all

0:19:45.928 --> 0:19:48.488
<v Speaker 1>the appointments, and I listened to the doctors. I did

0:19:48.488 --> 0:19:51.528
<v Speaker 1>all the things. Whereas as Kyle would be more on

0:19:51.568 --> 0:19:53.288
<v Speaker 1>the side of, oh no, he's going to walk, he's

0:19:53.328 --> 0:19:55.648
<v Speaker 1>going to talk like that's not a problem, and he

0:19:55.688 --> 0:19:59.008
<v Speaker 1>wasn't as involved in the appointments or all that side

0:19:59.048 --> 0:20:01.088
<v Speaker 1>of things, and he did work a lot, so I

0:20:01.168 --> 0:20:04.768
<v Speaker 1>wasn't putting pressure on him to attend everything. But everything

0:20:04.848 --> 0:20:09.207
<v Speaker 1>fell to me, and ultimately, yeah, he pretty much stepped

0:20:09.208 --> 0:20:12.888
<v Speaker 1>aside and just let me handle parenting and being a mum.

0:20:13.448 --> 0:20:17.248
<v Speaker 1>This made a lot of resentment grow in the relationship.

0:20:17.408 --> 0:20:20.088
<v Speaker 1>I got really sick and tired of doing the bulk

0:20:20.128 --> 0:20:22.968
<v Speaker 1>of everything. So I'd be getting up in the morning

0:20:23.008 --> 0:20:26.407
<v Speaker 1>after having minimal sleep, and then he would be sitting

0:20:26.448 --> 0:20:28.568
<v Speaker 1>on the toilet like every man for about forty minutes,

0:20:28.608 --> 0:20:31.768
<v Speaker 1>avoiding any responsibility until it was his time to go

0:20:31.808 --> 0:20:34.008
<v Speaker 1>off to work. So I literally got no help in

0:20:34.048 --> 0:20:37.128
<v Speaker 1>the morning. And I ended up going back to work

0:20:37.328 --> 0:20:40.888
<v Speaker 1>after about ten months, and I was working about four

0:20:40.928 --> 0:20:44.088
<v Speaker 1>days a week, and I really struggled. I was tired, exhausted.

0:20:44.608 --> 0:20:46.848
<v Speaker 1>I had to drive about forty minutes in the country

0:20:46.928 --> 0:20:49.207
<v Speaker 1>to get to where I was, so at some points

0:20:49.208 --> 0:20:51.848
<v Speaker 1>I was super tired, Like I remember thinking this is

0:20:52.008 --> 0:20:55.568
<v Speaker 1>bordering on dangerous in terms of driving. And then I

0:20:55.608 --> 0:20:58.488
<v Speaker 1>pretty much had a bit of a breakdown. And after

0:20:58.568 --> 0:21:02.927
<v Speaker 1>about eighteen months of looking after this Bubba, who absolutely adored,

0:21:02.968 --> 0:21:06.728
<v Speaker 1>but I was diagnosed with post natal depression. Trying to

0:21:06.728 --> 0:21:09.288
<v Speaker 1>fit everything in. After I got diagnosed and the doctors

0:21:09.288 --> 0:21:12.568
<v Speaker 1>recommended that I go on antidepressants, that was a big issue.

0:21:12.688 --> 0:21:14.808
<v Speaker 1>He didn't want me to go on antidepressants because that

0:21:14.928 --> 0:21:17.688
<v Speaker 1>was something that, you know, I could just tough it out.

0:21:18.128 --> 0:21:20.968
<v Speaker 1>It was something that you know, you just work through.

0:21:21.088 --> 0:21:24.088
<v Speaker 1>You don't need that assistance. And he didn't agree with

0:21:24.128 --> 0:21:27.248
<v Speaker 1>me going on antidepressants whatsoever. So I held off on

0:21:27.328 --> 0:21:29.528
<v Speaker 1>doing that for a little while, probably a few weeks.

0:21:29.688 --> 0:21:32.288
<v Speaker 1>But in the end I had very strong support from

0:21:32.288 --> 0:21:34.927
<v Speaker 1>my mum, who has a mental health journey herself, and

0:21:34.968 --> 0:21:37.648
<v Speaker 1>from friends, and they said, no, you've got to go

0:21:37.768 --> 0:21:40.648
<v Speaker 1>onto these antidepressants just to get you through. I think

0:21:40.688 --> 0:21:42.687
<v Speaker 1>that really put a lot of pressure on more in

0:21:42.768 --> 0:21:46.128
<v Speaker 1>terms of creating that bigger wedge between us in terms

0:21:46.128 --> 0:21:49.848
<v Speaker 1>of our medical views. That he didn't agree with it,

0:21:50.168 --> 0:21:51.967
<v Speaker 1>but he wasn't going to stop me from doing what

0:21:52.088 --> 0:21:55.288
<v Speaker 1>I had to do. From that point, everything sort of

0:21:55.288 --> 0:21:57.328
<v Speaker 1>settled down a fair bit. I went back to work

0:21:57.408 --> 0:22:00.128
<v Speaker 1>just three days a week, which was more achievable he

0:22:00.368 --> 0:22:03.168
<v Speaker 1>was working away, and I managed to get our son

0:22:03.208 --> 0:22:05.488
<v Speaker 1>into daycare, so that took the pressure off a lot,

0:22:05.568 --> 0:22:08.128
<v Speaker 1>and everything sort of went back to normal for a

0:22:08.168 --> 0:22:08.688
<v Speaker 1>fair while.

0:22:09.048 --> 0:22:11.487
<v Speaker 2>And wild things were feeling normal again. There was no

0:22:11.568 --> 0:22:14.248
<v Speaker 2>better time to go on a little getaway and spend

0:22:14.248 --> 0:22:17.008
<v Speaker 2>some much needed quality time together alone.

0:22:17.088 --> 0:22:19.648
<v Speaker 1>We were really lucky that Nana decided to take a

0:22:19.768 --> 0:22:23.288
<v Speaker 1>little man for a few nights, and I was so excited.

0:22:23.328 --> 0:22:24.648
<v Speaker 1>I was like, this is amazing. We're going to go

0:22:24.688 --> 0:22:27.407
<v Speaker 1>and stay in an airbnb and a beautiful little country

0:22:27.448 --> 0:22:30.008
<v Speaker 1>town and have some great adult time and just not

0:22:30.088 --> 0:22:32.167
<v Speaker 1>have to deal with crying baby at night. So I

0:22:32.208 --> 0:22:35.688
<v Speaker 1>was super excited. And on the trip to the airbnb,

0:22:35.728 --> 0:22:38.488
<v Speaker 1>which was a few hours away, I had a headache.

0:22:38.528 --> 0:22:40.288
<v Speaker 1>I don't drink enough water, so I just had a

0:22:40.328 --> 0:22:42.048
<v Speaker 1>mic starting to get a migraine. So I thought I'll

0:22:42.048 --> 0:22:45.208
<v Speaker 1>pop a couple of panadines. Because back in the day,

0:22:45.288 --> 0:22:48.528
<v Speaker 1>that's when codine was not you didn't have to get

0:22:48.528 --> 0:22:51.167
<v Speaker 1>it prescribed by the doctor, so everybody could get some panadine.

0:22:51.848 --> 0:22:54.048
<v Speaker 1>And when I said, oh, look, I've just got to

0:22:54.048 --> 0:22:56.168
<v Speaker 1>pop a couple of panadine because I've got a headache,

0:22:56.608 --> 0:22:58.808
<v Speaker 1>Kyle said to me, oh, can you just chuck me

0:22:58.888 --> 0:23:01.568
<v Speaker 1>one as well? And I said to him, I was

0:23:01.688 --> 0:23:04.207
<v Speaker 1>just astounded because I was like, why, you don't have

0:23:04.248 --> 0:23:07.488
<v Speaker 1>a headache and he was like, no, no, no, just

0:23:07.488 --> 0:23:10.728
<v Speaker 1>give me one. It's fine, And so that really sent

0:23:10.808 --> 0:23:13.008
<v Speaker 1>some alarm bells off. I was like, what is going on?

0:23:13.128 --> 0:23:15.407
<v Speaker 1>And then we had a blown out argument on the

0:23:15.408 --> 0:23:18.768
<v Speaker 1>way to this romantic getaway about the fact that he

0:23:18.848 --> 0:23:20.808
<v Speaker 1>just does this every now and then because it makes

0:23:20.888 --> 0:23:24.007
<v Speaker 1>him feel nice and gives him a slight buzz, and

0:23:24.048 --> 0:23:26.088
<v Speaker 1>I was like, I'm not going to be giving you panadine.

0:23:26.128 --> 0:23:28.808
<v Speaker 1>This is a problem, Like this is not normal. And

0:23:28.848 --> 0:23:31.888
<v Speaker 1>by the time we got to the accommodation things had

0:23:31.888 --> 0:23:34.528
<v Speaker 1>settled down. We'd had a bit more of a chat

0:23:34.568 --> 0:23:36.768
<v Speaker 1>about it, and he was like, look, I'm not going

0:23:36.808 --> 0:23:39.288
<v Speaker 1>to keep doing this. Obviously you don't agree with it,

0:23:39.328 --> 0:23:42.448
<v Speaker 1>so I'm going to stop that. And I was under

0:23:42.488 --> 0:23:43.927
<v Speaker 1>the impression that he was going to stop it.

0:23:44.408 --> 0:23:47.568
<v Speaker 2>Lea didn't love this at all, but she knew Kyle

0:23:47.728 --> 0:23:49.968
<v Speaker 2>liked to have fun, and importantly, he knew how to

0:23:50.008 --> 0:23:52.648
<v Speaker 2>control himself, so there wasn't anything to worry about.

0:23:52.888 --> 0:23:56.407
<v Speaker 1>Kyle was always like to drink and he'd always finished

0:23:56.408 --> 0:24:01.167
<v Speaker 1>the first two drinks very quickly. He was a regular drinker,

0:24:01.288 --> 0:24:03.848
<v Speaker 1>and he'd just have a few after work generally, but

0:24:03.968 --> 0:24:06.848
<v Speaker 1>as time went on that grew and grew to like

0:24:06.928 --> 0:24:09.608
<v Speaker 1>sayb three to four to two a six pack, so

0:24:09.888 --> 0:24:12.407
<v Speaker 1>then he could fall asleep at night, which was quite frustrating.

0:24:12.848 --> 0:24:16.528
<v Speaker 1>But he also in his younger years had also dabbled

0:24:16.568 --> 0:24:20.448
<v Speaker 1>with recreational drugs like speed, and that was just something

0:24:20.528 --> 0:24:22.568
<v Speaker 1>that I knew was in his past. You know, lots

0:24:22.568 --> 0:24:24.368
<v Speaker 1>of people do that. It's just something you do when

0:24:24.368 --> 0:24:28.128
<v Speaker 1>you're a teenager and you're rebelling, as he would have

0:24:28.408 --> 0:24:30.568
<v Speaker 1>in the household. In school that he went to, it

0:24:30.648 --> 0:24:33.687
<v Speaker 1>was very strict religious, so that was not something that

0:24:33.728 --> 0:24:37.608
<v Speaker 1>really concerned me. Yeah, So the drinking, as drinking is

0:24:37.728 --> 0:24:40.648
<v Speaker 1>pretty socially accepted. He would drink a lot at parties too,

0:24:40.968 --> 0:24:44.528
<v Speaker 1>but he would never really seem affected. He was really

0:24:44.568 --> 0:24:47.208
<v Speaker 1>good at holding his drink. He would never get violent.

0:24:47.648 --> 0:24:50.288
<v Speaker 1>He just had a great time. Those alarm bells around

0:24:50.328 --> 0:24:52.608
<v Speaker 1>the fact that he was using codeine. I was just,

0:24:53.848 --> 0:24:57.648
<v Speaker 1>I suppose in a way, I was super alarmed, But

0:24:57.688 --> 0:24:59.528
<v Speaker 1>then I also just pushed it to the back of

0:24:59.568 --> 0:25:02.247
<v Speaker 1>my mind, like we dealt with it at that time,

0:25:02.928 --> 0:25:05.728
<v Speaker 1>and we didn't really need to keep bringing it up.

0:25:06.328 --> 0:25:08.168
<v Speaker 1>He said he was going to fix the problem, so

0:25:08.288 --> 0:25:09.768
<v Speaker 1>I had no reason not to believe it.

0:25:11.528 --> 0:25:15.448
<v Speaker 2>After a brief escape from everyday life, reality came rushing back.

0:25:15.768 --> 0:25:18.328
<v Speaker 2>Lea dived once again into the search for a clear

0:25:18.408 --> 0:25:21.927
<v Speaker 2>diagnosis for their son, while Kyle's mind was occupied with

0:25:22.168 --> 0:25:22.808
<v Speaker 2>something else.

0:25:22.888 --> 0:25:25.728
<v Speaker 1>Altogether, we were struggling to get a diagnosis for him.

0:25:25.928 --> 0:25:28.167
<v Speaker 1>We didn't know what was going on. None of the

0:25:28.208 --> 0:25:31.728
<v Speaker 1>doctors were helpful. We were having troubles with seizures. He

0:25:31.808 --> 0:25:34.688
<v Speaker 1>only walked when he was two, so we were struggling

0:25:34.728 --> 0:25:37.968
<v Speaker 1>with getting him walking and moving around. He wasn't talking.

0:25:38.328 --> 0:25:41.088
<v Speaker 1>So there was all this stuff going on that I

0:25:41.288 --> 0:25:44.247
<v Speaker 1>was so invested in and concentrating on that I suppose

0:25:44.288 --> 0:25:46.808
<v Speaker 1>I didn't really see a lot of what Kyle was

0:25:46.928 --> 0:25:48.728
<v Speaker 1>up to. He was doing his own thing. He was

0:25:48.768 --> 0:25:51.608
<v Speaker 1>working a lot. He started his own little business, so

0:25:51.648 --> 0:25:54.368
<v Speaker 1>that was going really well, and he would always be, Oh,

0:25:54.408 --> 0:25:56.248
<v Speaker 1>I've got to work, I've got to work. So he

0:25:56.328 --> 0:25:59.048
<v Speaker 1>wasn't in helping me. The main thing he wanted to

0:25:59.048 --> 0:26:01.848
<v Speaker 1>be was a really good provider for the family, not

0:26:01.928 --> 0:26:05.407
<v Speaker 1>only just in terms of monetary provision. He really wanted

0:26:05.448 --> 0:26:08.288
<v Speaker 1>to be able to if the world ended, as the

0:26:08.288 --> 0:26:11.408
<v Speaker 1>Bible says it will eventually. When that happens, he wanted

0:26:11.448 --> 0:26:13.528
<v Speaker 1>to have us ready to go. You know, we could

0:26:13.528 --> 0:26:15.408
<v Speaker 1>make our own fire, we could collect our own water,

0:26:15.728 --> 0:26:18.008
<v Speaker 1>we could make our own tools. He was into gardening,

0:26:18.088 --> 0:26:20.568
<v Speaker 1>so he really wanted to grow all these vegetables and

0:26:21.288 --> 0:26:23.407
<v Speaker 1>make sure that we were self sufficient. That was his

0:26:23.488 --> 0:26:26.848
<v Speaker 1>way of providing for the family. This really annoyed me sometimes,

0:26:26.848 --> 0:26:29.528
<v Speaker 1>Like I loved the fact that he was trying to

0:26:29.608 --> 0:26:32.088
<v Speaker 1>do these things, but it was always to the extreme.

0:26:32.208 --> 0:26:34.967
<v Speaker 1>He would pick everything to the extreme. He would go

0:26:35.008 --> 0:26:37.048
<v Speaker 1>down a rabbit hole of how to make stone tools

0:26:37.088 --> 0:26:39.888
<v Speaker 1>for so long, and then he'd move on to the

0:26:39.888 --> 0:26:42.088
<v Speaker 1>next topic, so then he'd be going into the how

0:26:42.128 --> 0:26:46.448
<v Speaker 1>to filter water or how to make rope from scratch.

0:26:46.488 --> 0:26:49.368
<v Speaker 1>So there'd be all these different things. And I liked

0:26:49.688 --> 0:26:52.167
<v Speaker 1>the fact that he had such a wonderful hobby that

0:26:52.328 --> 0:26:55.888
<v Speaker 1>was a positive hobby, but at the same time, it

0:26:56.008 --> 0:27:00.128
<v Speaker 1>really took away so much time from our family and concentration,

0:27:00.368 --> 0:27:02.288
<v Speaker 1>and that's all he wanted to talk about. So I

0:27:02.328 --> 0:27:05.448
<v Speaker 1>got very frustrated a lot of the time about these

0:27:05.488 --> 0:27:08.048
<v Speaker 1>things and just said, look, I don't need this to

0:27:08.088 --> 0:27:11.528
<v Speaker 1>be provided. I need come and stability. It was always

0:27:11.648 --> 0:27:14.288
<v Speaker 1>something that was always there, just chipping away a little

0:27:14.328 --> 0:27:15.328
<v Speaker 1>bit all the time.

0:27:15.768 --> 0:27:20.048
<v Speaker 2>Despite all this, breakthrough finally presented itself, as did another

0:27:20.168 --> 0:27:21.368
<v Speaker 2>life changing decision.

0:27:21.728 --> 0:27:24.927
<v Speaker 1>We had finally got the diagnosis for the other child,

0:27:24.968 --> 0:27:28.248
<v Speaker 1>and we decided since there was no red flags. He

0:27:28.448 --> 0:27:31.728
<v Speaker 1>had a red genetic condition, but that wasn't going to

0:27:31.728 --> 0:27:33.808
<v Speaker 1>be passed down to their next child because it wasn't

0:27:33.848 --> 0:27:36.248
<v Speaker 1>passed on from us. So we decided, let's go again.

0:27:36.648 --> 0:27:40.448
<v Speaker 1>We fell pregnant really really quickly, and yeah, that was great.

0:27:40.488 --> 0:27:42.648
<v Speaker 1>We were at a good point when we fell pregnant.

0:27:43.408 --> 0:27:46.207
<v Speaker 1>And yeah, he was again super excited to have a child.

0:27:46.608 --> 0:27:48.208
<v Speaker 1>There was going to be a big age gap about

0:27:48.248 --> 0:27:51.368
<v Speaker 1>five years between the two kids, so that at least

0:27:51.448 --> 0:27:53.528
<v Speaker 1>our other child would be close to going to school,

0:27:53.808 --> 0:27:55.608
<v Speaker 1>so we'd have a bit more ability to have a

0:27:55.608 --> 0:27:59.128
<v Speaker 1>baby around. And yeah, like I was excited. I was

0:27:59.248 --> 0:28:01.128
<v Speaker 1>a little bit nauseous at the start of this one,

0:28:01.168 --> 0:28:03.928
<v Speaker 1>which was a bit worse than the last pregnancy. But yeah, again,

0:28:04.008 --> 0:28:06.328
<v Speaker 1>I love being pregnant. I loved having the belly and

0:28:06.968 --> 0:28:10.208
<v Speaker 1>that was really exciting time of the life of our life.

0:28:10.528 --> 0:28:13.688
<v Speaker 1>When I was pregnant with my second child. We decided

0:28:13.728 --> 0:28:15.888
<v Speaker 1>to go again, and you know, everything was quite good,

0:28:15.968 --> 0:28:19.167
<v Speaker 1>apart from those few little hiccups. He had invited his

0:28:19.208 --> 0:28:21.407
<v Speaker 1>cousin to come and stay with us because he needed

0:28:21.408 --> 0:28:23.888
<v Speaker 1>somewhere to live, and they were really close and had

0:28:23.888 --> 0:28:27.168
<v Speaker 1>spent a lot of time in childhood together, and his

0:28:27.248 --> 0:28:29.848
<v Speaker 1>cousin was, you know, a lovely guy. I really supported him.

0:28:29.848 --> 0:28:32.248
<v Speaker 1>He had a lot of health issues. He was unemployed,

0:28:32.848 --> 0:28:34.407
<v Speaker 1>so and he wanted to come out and help with

0:28:34.408 --> 0:28:36.528
<v Speaker 1>the property. So I thought, this is fair. We've got

0:28:36.648 --> 0:28:38.608
<v Speaker 1>a donga that you can stay in. It's all a

0:28:38.648 --> 0:28:41.488
<v Speaker 1>non issue. So he came out, and then there'd be

0:28:42.168 --> 0:28:45.848
<v Speaker 1>a night here and there that they would go off

0:28:46.368 --> 0:28:51.688
<v Speaker 1>and they would have these spiritual experiences, which they tried

0:28:51.728 --> 0:28:54.328
<v Speaker 1>to sell to me that it was them talking to

0:28:54.408 --> 0:28:58.888
<v Speaker 1>God and having an actual experience with angels and demons.

0:29:00.008 --> 0:29:03.768
<v Speaker 1>And I was just so tired and I said to them,

0:29:03.808 --> 0:29:05.888
<v Speaker 1>look what is going on, Like this is crazy. And

0:29:05.928 --> 0:29:09.168
<v Speaker 1>in the middle of it, there was no sense being spoken.

0:29:09.208 --> 0:29:13.248
<v Speaker 1>They were clearly in another world literally, So I would

0:29:13.328 --> 0:29:15.808
<v Speaker 1>just try and ignore it go to sleep, but I

0:29:15.888 --> 0:29:19.408
<v Speaker 1>was so angry, like this was just ridiculous. And in

0:29:19.448 --> 0:29:21.728
<v Speaker 1>the morning he would usually come and say, look, I

0:29:22.008 --> 0:29:25.808
<v Speaker 1>yeah we did speed last night and say I'm sorry,

0:29:26.008 --> 0:29:28.288
<v Speaker 1>like this is what happened. And I felt like he

0:29:28.368 --> 0:29:31.048
<v Speaker 1>always owned up to what he was doing, so I

0:29:31.088 --> 0:29:34.608
<v Speaker 1>didn't feel like there was deception, and that's maybe why

0:29:35.088 --> 0:29:37.008
<v Speaker 1>I thought that, you know, he was doing the things.

0:29:37.008 --> 0:29:38.728
<v Speaker 1>He was saying. He was, you know, just here and there,

0:29:38.808 --> 0:29:41.288
<v Speaker 1>just having a little bit of speed, like once every

0:29:41.288 --> 0:29:44.168
<v Speaker 1>few months, and just to enjoy his time with his

0:29:44.248 --> 0:29:47.168
<v Speaker 1>mates and have those spiritual experiences. And I was trying

0:29:47.208 --> 0:29:50.328
<v Speaker 1>to support his spirituality as well and not just be

0:29:50.688 --> 0:29:54.688
<v Speaker 1>like the not understanding. I always try to be understanding

0:29:54.728 --> 0:29:56.888
<v Speaker 1>and empathetic. But yeah, I probably took it a little

0:29:56.888 --> 0:30:00.608
<v Speaker 1>bit too far. The second pregnancy flew by really really quickly,

0:30:01.488 --> 0:30:04.288
<v Speaker 1>so I went into labor naturally. With this birth, my

0:30:04.368 --> 0:30:08.208
<v Speaker 1>waters broke at home and I was like, this is

0:30:08.248 --> 0:30:10.248
<v Speaker 1>super exciting. I'm going to be on t I don't

0:30:10.288 --> 0:30:13.728
<v Speaker 1>need to be induced. This is amazing. Kyle was meant

0:30:13.768 --> 0:30:15.448
<v Speaker 1>to go and do some work that day, but he

0:30:15.488 --> 0:30:18.848
<v Speaker 1>managed to call up cancel it. All good done, and

0:30:19.408 --> 0:30:22.448
<v Speaker 1>we needed two cars in town for some reason. I'd

0:30:22.528 --> 0:30:25.968
<v Speaker 1>drive my car down Snana's house and drop off our child,

0:30:26.448 --> 0:30:28.088
<v Speaker 1>and then from there I would go straight to the

0:30:28.088 --> 0:30:31.448
<v Speaker 1>hospital and he would come and follow behind because he

0:30:31.488 --> 0:30:34.048
<v Speaker 1>had a few jobs to do before he left. And

0:30:34.088 --> 0:30:36.648
<v Speaker 1>I said, that's fine, I'll meet you at the hospital.

0:30:36.888 --> 0:30:40.248
<v Speaker 1>You come when you're ready, and yep. Off. I went

0:30:40.648 --> 0:30:44.528
<v Speaker 1>got to the hospital, settled in, started having mild contractions

0:30:44.568 --> 0:30:48.128
<v Speaker 1>and everything was going well, and he rocked up about

0:30:48.608 --> 0:30:52.008
<v Speaker 1>an hour and a half later, and yeah, from there

0:30:52.088 --> 0:30:58.448
<v Speaker 1>things got weird. So the whole way through the labor,

0:30:59.648 --> 0:31:03.808
<v Speaker 1>he was acting super strange. He was comparing to how

0:31:03.928 --> 0:31:07.848
<v Speaker 1>life was like creating a fire, how a woman and

0:31:07.888 --> 0:31:10.208
<v Speaker 1>a man, how they make the babies, like make fire

0:31:10.208 --> 0:31:13.888
<v Speaker 1>with sticks, and comparing it to natural things. And he

0:31:13.968 --> 0:31:16.928
<v Speaker 1>was just very strange, and I suppose I was in labor,

0:31:17.008 --> 0:31:19.488
<v Speaker 1>so I was sort of trying not to concentrate on him,

0:31:19.528 --> 0:31:22.288
<v Speaker 1>like he wasn't my biggest worry at that time. He

0:31:22.368 --> 0:31:25.888
<v Speaker 1>was very also very paranoid around people coming into the

0:31:25.968 --> 0:31:30.728
<v Speaker 1>room and who they were, and he was very paranoid

0:31:30.968 --> 0:31:35.488
<v Speaker 1>over the doctor's advice. He was causing me so much drama.

0:31:35.568 --> 0:31:38.288
<v Speaker 1>He didn't want me to have any drugs. And I

0:31:38.328 --> 0:31:42.568
<v Speaker 1>had been in labor for about about ten hours, and

0:31:43.648 --> 0:31:46.248
<v Speaker 1>normally with your second child, it comes and happens pretty

0:31:46.328 --> 0:31:50.328
<v Speaker 1>quickly and straightforward. But after ten hours nothing was really happening.

0:31:50.368 --> 0:31:54.248
<v Speaker 1>Everything had slowed down, and at that point I was like,

0:31:54.368 --> 0:31:57.208
<v Speaker 1>I'm done, I'm ready for an epidural. And he did

0:31:57.248 --> 0:31:59.368
<v Speaker 1>not want me to have an epidural. He said, no,

0:32:00.408 --> 0:32:02.048
<v Speaker 1>if you listen to me, We're going to get this

0:32:02.128 --> 0:32:05.208
<v Speaker 1>baby out in the next half an hour. And so

0:32:05.488 --> 0:32:08.808
<v Speaker 1>I remember thinking, oh my gosh, get him out. I

0:32:08.848 --> 0:32:11.008
<v Speaker 1>just wanted the nurse to take him out, but I

0:32:11.008 --> 0:32:14.328
<v Speaker 1>couldn't put it into words, and she was The nurses

0:32:14.328 --> 0:32:16.968
<v Speaker 1>were great, but they didn't understand what was going on,

0:32:17.088 --> 0:32:21.088
<v Speaker 1>and they didn't understand how frustrated I was. And the

0:32:21.168 --> 0:32:23.608
<v Speaker 1>doctor came in and he said, look, you've got this

0:32:23.648 --> 0:32:25.968
<v Speaker 1>thing called a bandal's ring, which is where the baby

0:32:25.968 --> 0:32:29.088
<v Speaker 1>gets stuck in your uterus, and we're going to have

0:32:29.128 --> 0:32:32.528
<v Speaker 1>to do an emergency caesar. And by that time I

0:32:32.688 --> 0:32:36.008
<v Speaker 1>was like, yep, do it. I don't care. I just

0:32:36.048 --> 0:32:38.848
<v Speaker 1>want this baby born. The epidural was the most wonderful

0:32:38.888 --> 0:32:43.888
<v Speaker 1>thing I'd ever had. I wanted to kiss the anethesis

0:32:43.048 --> 0:32:47.728
<v Speaker 1>and he was super grumpy because he didn't want this

0:32:47.808 --> 0:32:50.608
<v Speaker 1>to happen, and he decided he kept saying to me,

0:32:50.688 --> 0:32:52.928
<v Speaker 1>if you listen to me, we'll get this baby out.

0:32:52.968 --> 0:32:56.168
<v Speaker 1>You don't need to listen to the doctors. So I

0:32:56.248 --> 0:32:58.088
<v Speaker 1>just remember get him out of the room. I was

0:32:58.128 --> 0:33:00.488
<v Speaker 1>so angry. I even tried. I think I physically tried

0:33:00.528 --> 0:33:02.368
<v Speaker 1>to push him away from me. A couple of times,

0:33:03.528 --> 0:33:05.928
<v Speaker 1>and in the end the doctors took us off. He

0:33:06.008 --> 0:33:07.488
<v Speaker 1>had no choice. We had to go and get the

0:33:07.608 --> 0:33:11.208
<v Speaker 1>emergency caesar. Yeah, that all happened. That was all fine.

0:33:11.288 --> 0:33:13.088
<v Speaker 1>We had it. We met our baby and he was

0:33:13.128 --> 0:33:16.688
<v Speaker 1>just beautiful. I remember lying there thinking, this is just great.

0:33:17.288 --> 0:33:19.768
<v Speaker 1>But everything that had happened throughout the whole labor I

0:33:19.808 --> 0:33:23.528
<v Speaker 1>had completely forgotten about, and you know, I had to

0:33:23.528 --> 0:33:25.728
<v Speaker 1>get stitched up and everything. So he was off looking

0:33:25.808 --> 0:33:27.488
<v Speaker 1>after baby, and that I suppose gave me a bit

0:33:27.488 --> 0:33:30.448
<v Speaker 1>of a break from the crazy after that long day

0:33:30.728 --> 0:33:34.008
<v Speaker 1>and probably having the emergency birth happened at about ten pm,

0:33:34.288 --> 0:33:37.648
<v Speaker 1>went back to the rooms and I remember saying to him, Okay, look,

0:33:37.688 --> 0:33:40.088
<v Speaker 1>it's good. We'll tell everybody that he's been born. You

0:33:40.208 --> 0:33:42.848
<v Speaker 1>head home, like you can head home because the fathers

0:33:42.888 --> 0:33:47.688
<v Speaker 1>aren't meant to stay in the hospital. And he was like, nah, no, no,

0:33:47.808 --> 0:33:50.888
<v Speaker 1>I'm not going anywhere. I said, well, you're not allowed

0:33:50.888 --> 0:33:53.008
<v Speaker 1>to stay here. We asked the nurse and she said no, no,

0:33:53.088 --> 0:33:56.448
<v Speaker 1>you can't sleep in here, like it's just protocol. So

0:33:56.528 --> 0:33:59.368
<v Speaker 1>he was like, oh, I'll just sleep in my car.

0:34:00.168 --> 0:34:02.568
<v Speaker 1>So he decided to instead of going to a friend's

0:34:02.608 --> 0:34:05.128
<v Speaker 1>house that was just around the corner. He wanted to

0:34:05.128 --> 0:34:07.488
<v Speaker 1>go and sleep in the car, and he did this

0:34:07.568 --> 0:34:09.448
<v Speaker 1>for about three nights in a row that we were

0:34:09.448 --> 0:34:11.488
<v Speaker 1>in the hole hospital. He decided to keep going and

0:34:11.527 --> 0:34:14.968
<v Speaker 1>sleeping out in the car during the day. We're in

0:34:15.008 --> 0:34:17.368
<v Speaker 1>private hospital, so we got a bit longer. And they

0:34:17.448 --> 0:34:19.647
<v Speaker 1>understood that I had a child with a disability at home,

0:34:19.728 --> 0:34:21.768
<v Speaker 1>so I think that's why they gave me a little

0:34:21.808 --> 0:34:25.087
<v Speaker 1>bit longer. We had about five days. He would come

0:34:25.088 --> 0:34:28.127
<v Speaker 1>in and he would just sleep. Kyle would just lie

0:34:28.168 --> 0:34:31.248
<v Speaker 1>and sleep with the baby all day. But then if

0:34:31.288 --> 0:34:33.087
<v Speaker 1>somebody wanted to come in, and because it was a

0:34:33.128 --> 0:34:38.768
<v Speaker 1>Catholic hospital, he was so wary of the nurses or

0:34:38.808 --> 0:34:41.928
<v Speaker 1>anybody coming in. And we had a one of the

0:34:42.848 --> 0:34:45.408
<v Speaker 1>I suppose the guidance offices come in from the Catholic

0:34:45.448 --> 0:34:47.888
<v Speaker 1>Church to give us a little token of congratulations on

0:34:47.928 --> 0:34:50.888
<v Speaker 1>your baby being born. And he wanted me to throw

0:34:50.928 --> 0:34:53.568
<v Speaker 1>this little token away because he thought it was evil.

0:34:54.128 --> 0:34:56.808
<v Speaker 1>That was another thing, and there was just the paranoia.

0:34:57.488 --> 0:34:59.808
<v Speaker 1>We couldn't decide on a name, so I remember him

0:34:59.808 --> 0:35:02.448
<v Speaker 1>staring at the ceiling and asking for God to give

0:35:02.528 --> 0:35:05.408
<v Speaker 1>him a sign of what the name was, and I

0:35:05.448 --> 0:35:07.607
<v Speaker 1>remember him saying, can't you see it? Can't you see

0:35:07.648 --> 0:35:10.448
<v Speaker 1>the name? And I was like nah, And so I

0:35:10.528 --> 0:35:13.888
<v Speaker 1>ended up coming up with the name. But in the end,

0:35:13.928 --> 0:35:16.567
<v Speaker 1>it was just it was all so strange, and I

0:35:16.688 --> 0:35:19.527
<v Speaker 1>was crying every day because he was just doing my

0:35:19.608 --> 0:35:22.647
<v Speaker 1>head in but I didn't understand why, and I think

0:35:22.688 --> 0:35:25.008
<v Speaker 1>he was very good at making me feel like I

0:35:25.168 --> 0:35:27.488
<v Speaker 1>was in the wrong. I was the one who didn't

0:35:27.528 --> 0:35:29.888
<v Speaker 1>believe enough in God, and I didn't believe enough in

0:35:29.928 --> 0:35:33.008
<v Speaker 1>all the Catholics wanting to come in and give us

0:35:33.048 --> 0:35:37.167
<v Speaker 1>tokens of the evil God. So yeah, there was all

0:35:37.168 --> 0:35:37.808
<v Speaker 1>this happening.

0:35:37.888 --> 0:35:38.047
<v Speaker 2>You know.

0:35:38.088 --> 0:35:40.808
<v Speaker 1>We had lots of visitors coming as always. His family

0:35:40.848 --> 0:35:43.888
<v Speaker 1>always wanted to come in and see the baby, which

0:35:43.968 --> 0:35:47.288
<v Speaker 1>was good but frustrating because it was just not a

0:35:47.328 --> 0:35:49.008
<v Speaker 1>great time and he would put on a good act

0:35:49.008 --> 0:35:51.047
<v Speaker 1>for them, but then go back to sleep once they went.

0:35:51.768 --> 0:35:56.368
<v Speaker 1>It wasn't until my friend Shelley came in. She was

0:35:56.408 --> 0:35:59.808
<v Speaker 1>a neonatal nurse and so had a lot of experience

0:35:59.848 --> 0:36:02.408
<v Speaker 1>in this area and had seen all sorts of crazy

0:36:02.448 --> 0:36:06.208
<v Speaker 1>things as she worked in the public system, and she

0:36:06.328 --> 0:36:08.688
<v Speaker 1>was great to see. She came back out and I

0:36:08.688 --> 0:36:11.328
<v Speaker 1>remember a few days after I got home from the hospital,

0:36:11.728 --> 0:36:19.047
<v Speaker 1>she said to me, what's wrong with Kyle, And I said, yeah,

0:36:19.088 --> 0:36:21.488
<v Speaker 1>I don't know. He's just acting really weird. I don't

0:36:21.528 --> 0:36:25.408
<v Speaker 1>know what's going on. And she said to me, I

0:36:25.448 --> 0:36:32.607
<v Speaker 1>think he's on something, and that finally made it click

0:36:32.648 --> 0:36:36.888
<v Speaker 1>for me, and I said to her, Oh, he's had

0:36:36.888 --> 0:36:40.248
<v Speaker 1>this problem with codine in the past, maybe he's back

0:36:40.248 --> 0:36:43.208
<v Speaker 1>on that. And she just nodded and said, yeah, I

0:36:43.248 --> 0:36:45.047
<v Speaker 1>would ask him. I would have a chat with him

0:36:45.048 --> 0:36:48.208
<v Speaker 1>about that. So that gave me food for thought. In

0:36:48.248 --> 0:36:53.047
<v Speaker 1>that moment, everything sort of made sense. The sleeping all day,

0:36:53.368 --> 0:36:57.328
<v Speaker 1>the weird paranoia, trying to make decisions for me over

0:36:57.408 --> 0:37:00.207
<v Speaker 1>a doctor, all those things. It sort of was like, Oh,

0:37:00.328 --> 0:37:02.848
<v Speaker 1>maybe this is why he's acting weird. He's not normally

0:37:02.968 --> 0:37:06.047
<v Speaker 1>like this. So it really dropped a bomb on me,

0:37:07.088 --> 0:37:10.928
<v Speaker 1>and it scared me a lot, but it also gave

0:37:10.968 --> 0:37:14.008
<v Speaker 1>me a reason and it made me feel less crazy

0:37:14.928 --> 0:37:17.328
<v Speaker 1>because I was made to feel like the crazy one

0:37:17.368 --> 0:37:20.648
<v Speaker 1>that whole time. I felt like I wasn't being supportive

0:37:20.728 --> 0:37:22.688
<v Speaker 1>enough of him and his beliefs and his God. And

0:37:23.608 --> 0:37:25.768
<v Speaker 1>it was weird because it made me feel good, but

0:37:25.888 --> 0:37:28.328
<v Speaker 1>it also made me feel like crap, because I had

0:37:28.368 --> 0:37:31.607
<v Speaker 1>to then battle with this problem potentially.

0:37:31.528 --> 0:37:35.288
<v Speaker 2>With the newborn and with Kyle acting increasingly off. Leah

0:37:35.328 --> 0:37:37.768
<v Speaker 2>planned to spend the first week out of hospital in

0:37:37.848 --> 0:37:39.888
<v Speaker 2>familiar and comfortable surroundings.

0:37:40.288 --> 0:37:42.688
<v Speaker 1>I ended up moving into my dad's house because I

0:37:42.728 --> 0:37:45.448
<v Speaker 1>had to be in town and be closer to everything

0:37:45.488 --> 0:37:48.087
<v Speaker 1>because I'd had a caesar so I couldn't drive, so

0:37:48.168 --> 0:37:51.248
<v Speaker 1>I decided to stay at my dad's house. And he

0:37:51.328 --> 0:37:55.008
<v Speaker 1>was still staying at home with our other child. And

0:37:55.048 --> 0:37:57.488
<v Speaker 1>this was probably about a week after I'd given birth,

0:37:57.608 --> 0:38:00.328
<v Speaker 1>and we'd also been having trouble with our second child

0:38:00.328 --> 0:38:03.808
<v Speaker 1>having tongue ties. But apart from that, he was perfect.

0:38:03.808 --> 0:38:06.488
<v Speaker 1>I was amazed by how well a baby can actually sleep,

0:38:07.128 --> 0:38:09.328
<v Speaker 1>and so I was like, oh my gosh, this is

0:38:09.328 --> 0:38:13.127
<v Speaker 1>what it's like to have a quote normal baby. And

0:38:14.008 --> 0:38:16.448
<v Speaker 1>so I was just getting along with things again. But

0:38:16.688 --> 0:38:19.408
<v Speaker 1>he came in one day and I thought this is

0:38:19.448 --> 0:38:22.768
<v Speaker 1>the perfect time. My dad wasn't home. I said to him,

0:38:23.208 --> 0:38:26.488
<v Speaker 1>what is going on? What happened in hospital? What are

0:38:26.528 --> 0:38:31.288
<v Speaker 1>you taking? Are you on anything? And he sat there

0:38:32.408 --> 0:38:35.968
<v Speaker 1>and I could see his mind ticking over. He was

0:38:36.008 --> 0:38:38.087
<v Speaker 1>thinking do I actually tell her or do I just

0:38:38.808 --> 0:38:42.768
<v Speaker 1>but he decided. He said, yeah, I'm on something and

0:38:42.808 --> 0:38:47.408
<v Speaker 1>I said, oh, is it codeine? And he was like, nah, nah,

0:38:47.448 --> 0:38:54.608
<v Speaker 1>it's actually I'm on ice. That blew my world apart.

0:38:55.408 --> 0:38:58.647
<v Speaker 1>I'd never realized how serious this had gone, it would

0:38:58.768 --> 0:39:03.448
<v Speaker 1>gone to the next level. Everything started to fall into place.

0:39:03.568 --> 0:39:05.968
<v Speaker 1>I was like, oh, that's what you were doing with

0:39:06.008 --> 0:39:08.648
<v Speaker 1>your cousin. Your cousin used to make that back in

0:39:08.688 --> 0:39:11.648
<v Speaker 1>the day. Clearly, you guys have got your hands on it.

0:39:11.688 --> 0:39:15.768
<v Speaker 1>So even though how much I hated it, everything started

0:39:16.128 --> 0:39:19.168
<v Speaker 1>to make sense. I stayed at my dad's for longer

0:39:19.328 --> 0:39:22.688
<v Speaker 1>because I decided I needed a break. At that point,

0:39:22.768 --> 0:39:26.608
<v Speaker 1>I wanted him gone, I wanted him out. I just thought,

0:39:26.808 --> 0:39:30.688
<v Speaker 1>at that point, he will stop taking this. Now. We

0:39:30.728 --> 0:39:33.928
<v Speaker 1>know that's it. He's going to come off it. We

0:39:34.008 --> 0:39:38.248
<v Speaker 1>know he's going to go and get help. And you know,

0:39:38.328 --> 0:39:40.528
<v Speaker 1>I've got all this support. He's got all this support,

0:39:41.808 --> 0:39:43.848
<v Speaker 1>he'll be able to fix himself up. And I thought, oh,

0:39:44.008 --> 0:39:45.968
<v Speaker 1>give it a couple of weeks and he'll get himself good.

0:39:46.528 --> 0:39:48.968
<v Speaker 1>So at that point I didn't know exactly how long

0:39:49.008 --> 0:39:51.928
<v Speaker 1>he'd been doing it for, but I know on the

0:39:52.008 --> 0:39:54.368
<v Speaker 1>day that I gave birth, he had done ice that

0:39:54.448 --> 0:39:56.208
<v Speaker 1>morning before he left to come and see me at

0:39:56.248 --> 0:40:02.408
<v Speaker 1>the hospital, and he told me that, and I think

0:40:02.448 --> 0:40:06.368
<v Speaker 1>he obviously played it down because I wanted him out

0:40:06.408 --> 0:40:09.247
<v Speaker 1>to go and get himself sorted. But I didn't see

0:40:09.288 --> 0:40:11.808
<v Speaker 1>this as a risk to our relationship. I thought, this

0:40:11.928 --> 0:40:14.888
<v Speaker 1>is just this is just one of those issues. I

0:40:14.968 --> 0:40:18.448
<v Speaker 1>knew his dad had had addictive problems back in the past,

0:40:18.488 --> 0:40:20.728
<v Speaker 1>and you know, I've seen it in families, and I

0:40:20.768 --> 0:40:24.567
<v Speaker 1>knew that people can get over their addictions. So I'd

0:40:24.608 --> 0:40:26.888
<v Speaker 1>put these rose colored glasses on that he's going to

0:40:26.928 --> 0:40:29.567
<v Speaker 1>get himself sorted. He he's an amazing dad, He's got

0:40:29.568 --> 0:40:32.087
<v Speaker 1>an amazing job. Like people like this, they don't they

0:40:32.088 --> 0:40:34.527
<v Speaker 1>don't turn to drugs like these people don't end up

0:40:35.128 --> 0:40:37.607
<v Speaker 1>being drug addicts to the rest of their lives. It's

0:40:37.648 --> 0:40:39.207
<v Speaker 1>just a little bit of an issue we're going through

0:40:39.248 --> 0:40:43.047
<v Speaker 1>right now, and we're going to get it sorted. So

0:40:43.088 --> 0:40:44.888
<v Speaker 1>I stayed at my dad's for the next four or

0:40:44.928 --> 0:40:48.608
<v Speaker 1>so weeks for a few reasons, to be closer to everybody,

0:40:48.648 --> 0:40:50.368
<v Speaker 1>and the fact that I couldn't drive, so I wanted

0:40:50.408 --> 0:40:53.047
<v Speaker 1>to be in town. I also wanted to have that

0:40:53.168 --> 0:40:56.688
<v Speaker 1>distance and to make sure that I could get some

0:40:56.808 --> 0:41:00.888
<v Speaker 1>rest and be closely supported as well by family, and

0:41:00.968 --> 0:41:03.808
<v Speaker 1>then yeah, like just have that a bit of a

0:41:03.848 --> 0:41:06.128
<v Speaker 1>separation for a little while, Like it wasn't official, Like,

0:41:06.288 --> 0:41:07.848
<v Speaker 1>just have a bit of a break from him and

0:41:07.848 --> 0:41:10.568
<v Speaker 1>his drama for a few weeks while he got himself

0:41:10.608 --> 0:41:14.928
<v Speaker 1>sorted over that time, I believe that he'd got himself

0:41:14.968 --> 0:41:17.368
<v Speaker 1>off it. He'd continued to drink, like that was just

0:41:17.408 --> 0:41:19.768
<v Speaker 1>a thing he did, but he seemed to get back

0:41:19.808 --> 0:41:23.968
<v Speaker 1>on track. He was starting to act normally again. There

0:41:24.048 --> 0:41:27.128
<v Speaker 1>was no issues with work. Yeah, he'd said he's not

0:41:27.288 --> 0:41:30.968
<v Speaker 1>taking it and I'd ask him, and he'd always get

0:41:31.008 --> 0:41:33.527
<v Speaker 1>so angry if I'd ask him about it, because that's

0:41:33.528 --> 0:41:37.408
<v Speaker 1>something just believe me. Why don't you believe me? That

0:41:37.528 --> 0:41:39.648
<v Speaker 1>was a big thing. It's always like my fault if

0:41:39.688 --> 0:41:42.848
<v Speaker 1>I don't believe him, because you know, why wouldn't you

0:41:43.008 --> 0:41:45.408
<v Speaker 1>Why wouldn't you believe me? Because I'm telling you this,

0:41:45.408 --> 0:41:48.368
<v Speaker 1>this is how it is. I'm the man, you're the woman.

0:41:48.968 --> 0:41:51.008
<v Speaker 1>And that was another thing. He'd always have this thing about,

0:41:51.008 --> 0:41:54.208
<v Speaker 1>I'm the head of the house, so I make decisions

0:41:54.208 --> 0:41:58.048
<v Speaker 1>with you, but ultimately, I'm going to sail this ship.

0:41:58.088 --> 0:42:01.768
<v Speaker 2>And this is what's happening, So Lee decided to believe

0:42:01.808 --> 0:42:03.608
<v Speaker 2>him and they gave it another shot.

0:42:03.808 --> 0:42:05.728
<v Speaker 1>So he got his act together for a little while,

0:42:06.488 --> 0:42:09.008
<v Speaker 1>and we decided to move into a house in a

0:42:09.008 --> 0:42:11.247
<v Speaker 1>town that was a bit closer to the main, bigger town,

0:42:11.688 --> 0:42:14.048
<v Speaker 1>away from the farm, and we'd still keep the farm

0:42:14.128 --> 0:42:17.848
<v Speaker 1>area for his business that he'd set up. And that

0:42:18.048 --> 0:42:21.087
<v Speaker 1>was a really good move for me, as in we'd

0:42:21.088 --> 0:42:24.128
<v Speaker 1>be closer to the help I needed and closer to

0:42:24.208 --> 0:42:27.688
<v Speaker 1>his family, and the house was his grandma's old house

0:42:27.728 --> 0:42:29.288
<v Speaker 1>so that we could move in there and not pay

0:42:29.288 --> 0:42:32.168
<v Speaker 1>any rent. So yeah, so that was all going really well.

0:42:32.568 --> 0:42:38.688
<v Speaker 1>But then COVID happened, and he'd actually so he'd had

0:42:38.768 --> 0:42:41.928
<v Speaker 1>all this excitement happening and bubbling away. He'd been doing

0:42:41.968 --> 0:42:45.208
<v Speaker 1>all these amazing things with his business, and he'd been

0:42:45.208 --> 0:42:48.607
<v Speaker 1>now working full time on this business, and he'd had

0:42:48.648 --> 0:42:52.248
<v Speaker 1>all these opportunities to go overseas and actually film a

0:42:52.328 --> 0:42:56.408
<v Speaker 1>show overseas. He was ready to pack and get ready

0:42:56.408 --> 0:42:59.208
<v Speaker 1>to head overseas to shoot this new show that was happening,

0:42:59.848 --> 0:43:02.608
<v Speaker 1>and that was just keeping him alive. He was so excited.

0:43:02.848 --> 0:43:07.207
<v Speaker 1>He was doing really well. And yeah, then COVID hit

0:43:08.288 --> 0:43:11.808
<v Speaker 1>and so we called up defat to check to see

0:43:11.808 --> 0:43:15.128
<v Speaker 1>what was going on because of COVID and the restrictions

0:43:15.128 --> 0:43:17.528
<v Speaker 1>that were starting to pile on from different countries. Because

0:43:17.528 --> 0:43:20.328
<v Speaker 1>we had a return ticket booked, he was going to

0:43:20.368 --> 0:43:22.288
<v Speaker 1>be able to get in, stay there for a couple

0:43:22.288 --> 0:43:25.408
<v Speaker 1>of months, and then come back, and they said to us,

0:43:25.528 --> 0:43:29.208
<v Speaker 1>do not go. You will not be getting back. So

0:43:29.528 --> 0:43:33.328
<v Speaker 1>in a snap, like it was, within a couple of days,

0:43:33.608 --> 0:43:36.648
<v Speaker 1>he had had to cancel that, cancel the show, cancel

0:43:36.688 --> 0:43:39.607
<v Speaker 1>all these plans that he had going forward to move

0:43:39.728 --> 0:43:43.648
<v Speaker 1>his next step in his career. And we were restricted.

0:43:43.648 --> 0:43:46.488
<v Speaker 1>We couldn't go and do the business stuff that we'd

0:43:46.488 --> 0:43:50.047
<v Speaker 1>been doing previously. And yes, so we ended up just

0:43:50.088 --> 0:43:53.408
<v Speaker 1>being stuck at home together like the rest of the world.

0:43:54.328 --> 0:43:57.728
<v Speaker 1>So I had a say, a four month old and

0:43:58.128 --> 0:44:00.648
<v Speaker 1>a four and a half year old with me at

0:44:00.648 --> 0:44:04.527
<v Speaker 1>that point, and so we were hunkered down like everybody else.

0:44:04.768 --> 0:44:07.727
<v Speaker 1>And he decided he was going to garden his butt off.

0:44:07.968 --> 0:44:12.087
<v Speaker 1>He went nuts with the gardening because that was the

0:44:12.088 --> 0:44:14.368
<v Speaker 1>way he was going to provide for our family. He

0:44:14.528 --> 0:44:17.527
<v Speaker 1>was going to plant all the veggies and make sure

0:44:17.528 --> 0:44:21.088
<v Speaker 1>that we had a solid food supply going forward, especially

0:44:21.168 --> 0:44:26.047
<v Speaker 1>when the world ended and As COVID went on and

0:44:26.128 --> 0:44:29.248
<v Speaker 1>things got harder and harder, he gardened more and more,

0:44:29.288 --> 0:44:31.368
<v Speaker 1>and he had lots of more and more in depth

0:44:31.488 --> 0:44:35.567
<v Speaker 1>religious conversations with his friends and family, and started that

0:44:35.728 --> 0:44:39.768
<v Speaker 1>paranoia started to build up again. After I suppose the

0:44:39.808 --> 0:44:42.848
<v Speaker 1>worst of it passed and we decided to purchase a

0:44:42.928 --> 0:44:46.488
<v Speaker 1>van for our business, and so we went away and

0:44:46.528 --> 0:44:48.128
<v Speaker 1>we had to also pick up the van, and we

0:44:48.168 --> 0:44:50.207
<v Speaker 1>also had to go and get an EEG for our son,

0:44:50.408 --> 0:44:53.087
<v Speaker 1>our oldest son, who had all these problems, and we

0:44:53.128 --> 0:44:55.288
<v Speaker 1>thought all make it into one trip. But I remember

0:44:55.408 --> 0:44:59.888
<v Speaker 1>driving back he pretty much slept the whole time and

0:45:00.328 --> 0:45:03.368
<v Speaker 1>was going back into that pattern of sleeping all the time,

0:45:04.168 --> 0:45:09.128
<v Speaker 1>being paranoid, having these weird, long religious conversations with his family,

0:45:09.448 --> 0:45:12.128
<v Speaker 1>and just doing my head in in terms of wanting

0:45:12.128 --> 0:45:14.047
<v Speaker 1>to provide for the family and make sure that we

0:45:14.088 --> 0:45:17.608
<v Speaker 1>had food when the world ended. So at that point

0:45:18.088 --> 0:45:19.728
<v Speaker 1>I'd gone back to his mum and dad had said, look,

0:45:19.728 --> 0:45:22.408
<v Speaker 1>I think this is happening again, and they didn't believe me.

0:45:22.808 --> 0:45:24.688
<v Speaker 1>That was another thing is that his family was always

0:45:24.688 --> 0:45:27.768
<v Speaker 1>in denial around it, and they thought, oh no, this

0:45:27.848 --> 0:45:30.288
<v Speaker 1>is just a little issue, a bump, that's happened, and

0:45:30.448 --> 0:45:31.968
<v Speaker 1>we're going to get over this. It's not a biggie.

0:45:33.008 --> 0:45:37.008
<v Speaker 1>So an incident happened one afternoon, and I knew I

0:45:37.088 --> 0:45:41.288
<v Speaker 1>had to go back and ask him about what he

0:45:41.528 --> 0:45:44.128
<v Speaker 1>has been doing in terms of his drug use, because

0:45:44.168 --> 0:45:47.848
<v Speaker 1>all the signs were leading back to that addiction pattern.

0:45:48.808 --> 0:45:51.928
<v Speaker 1>And his mum came over and I remember sitting there

0:45:52.568 --> 0:45:55.208
<v Speaker 1>on the couch with him, saying, what is going on?

0:45:56.328 --> 0:45:59.288
<v Speaker 1>Are you taking drugs again? And he was like, I'm

0:45:59.328 --> 0:46:03.087
<v Speaker 1>not on anything, nothing's going on, blah blah blah, and

0:46:03.168 --> 0:46:05.448
<v Speaker 1>he just stood up and stormed out of the house.

0:46:05.928 --> 0:46:09.328
<v Speaker 1>And I knew at that point that it was happening,

0:46:09.968 --> 0:46:14.488
<v Speaker 1>and his mum's sat there and yep. I was just yeah, okay,

0:46:14.648 --> 0:46:16.968
<v Speaker 1>this is happening again. But we'll be able to get

0:46:17.008 --> 0:46:19.127
<v Speaker 1>over it. Yep, we'll be able to deal with this.

0:46:20.288 --> 0:46:23.648
<v Speaker 1>His family were very of the mindset that we're going

0:46:23.688 --> 0:46:25.928
<v Speaker 1>to get him into rehab. We're going to be able

0:46:25.968 --> 0:46:28.607
<v Speaker 1>to deal with this. This is not an issue that's

0:46:28.648 --> 0:46:31.448
<v Speaker 1>going to blow our lives up or anything. It's just

0:46:31.488 --> 0:46:33.928
<v Speaker 1>something we have to deal with. They were ringing rehabs,

0:46:33.928 --> 0:46:36.488
<v Speaker 1>they were ringing the family Support Service, all those different

0:46:36.488 --> 0:46:39.087
<v Speaker 1>things to make sure that he could get the help

0:46:39.128 --> 0:46:41.047
<v Speaker 1>he needed. But you know, it took a lot of

0:46:41.048 --> 0:46:44.328
<v Speaker 1>time for him to actually then admit he actually needed

0:46:44.328 --> 0:46:47.408
<v Speaker 1>that help. And so that afternoon I kicked him out

0:46:47.408 --> 0:46:49.448
<v Speaker 1>of the house and said, you need to go and

0:46:49.448 --> 0:46:51.408
<v Speaker 1>stay with your mum and dad because you're not welcome here.

0:46:52.288 --> 0:46:56.008
<v Speaker 1>It was absolutely horrible. I hated it, but I suppose

0:46:56.048 --> 0:46:59.248
<v Speaker 1>I'd been through these conversations before and I was just

0:46:59.328 --> 0:47:02.848
<v Speaker 1>done at this point. One thing that kept reoccurring is

0:47:02.848 --> 0:47:04.328
<v Speaker 1>the more and more I moved on with all these

0:47:04.408 --> 0:47:07.527
<v Speaker 1>dramas and hassles, I felt less and less invested, and

0:47:07.568 --> 0:47:10.687
<v Speaker 1>I felt less upset as time went on, because even

0:47:10.688 --> 0:47:14.687
<v Speaker 1>when we had arguments, if I wasn't super upset and

0:47:15.568 --> 0:47:18.687
<v Speaker 1>super wanting to make it all better, I could tell

0:47:18.688 --> 0:47:20.408
<v Speaker 1>that this was not going in a good direction. I

0:47:20.448 --> 0:47:23.567
<v Speaker 1>just didn't care, and I knew I really wanted him

0:47:23.568 --> 0:47:25.968
<v Speaker 1>to go to rehab. I thought, like them, oh, this

0:47:26.288 --> 0:47:31.328
<v Speaker 1>would really really help. So about three months after this

0:47:31.368 --> 0:47:33.728
<v Speaker 1>incident happened and I had to kick him out, they

0:47:33.768 --> 0:47:37.768
<v Speaker 1>managed to finally get into a rehab and he had

0:47:37.808 --> 0:47:42.328
<v Speaker 1>finally admitted that he was using again, and he decided,

0:47:42.448 --> 0:47:43.888
<v Speaker 1>with the help of his mom and dad and his

0:47:43.888 --> 0:47:47.048
<v Speaker 1>brother that he would go to a rehab and start

0:47:47.048 --> 0:47:50.888
<v Speaker 1>the process of detoxing and getting well again. And his

0:47:50.928 --> 0:47:53.488
<v Speaker 1>mom and dad actually even helped him detox And it's

0:47:53.568 --> 0:47:57.408
<v Speaker 1>the worst thing I've ever seen a grown man squirming

0:47:57.608 --> 0:48:01.368
<v Speaker 1>and groaning on the ground. And it's definitely taken a

0:48:01.408 --> 0:48:04.168
<v Speaker 1>toll on his mum and dad. His dad's had a

0:48:04.208 --> 0:48:07.648
<v Speaker 1>herd attack and lots of health problems, and that's probably

0:48:07.728 --> 0:48:09.647
<v Speaker 1>exacerbated by the fact that they've had to go through

0:48:09.968 --> 0:48:14.288
<v Speaker 1>trauma watching their own son virtually nearly dying from withdrawal

0:48:14.328 --> 0:48:15.688
<v Speaker 1>of drugs and alcohol.

0:48:17.608 --> 0:48:20.728
<v Speaker 2>With Kyle in rehab, there was hope he would get better,

0:48:21.248 --> 0:48:24.648
<v Speaker 2>but that hope soon came crashing down. Right before he

0:48:24.728 --> 0:48:25.648
<v Speaker 2>was due to come home.

0:48:26.048 --> 0:48:28.328
<v Speaker 1>It was New Year's Eve, and I think a few

0:48:28.328 --> 0:48:30.568
<v Speaker 1>of them from the rehabit decided to go out and party.

0:48:30.928 --> 0:48:33.288
<v Speaker 1>So and it's a voluntary thing, you're not forced to

0:48:33.288 --> 0:48:35.528
<v Speaker 1>be there in rehab. So they had left the rehab

0:48:35.528 --> 0:48:38.567
<v Speaker 1>to go on news and then the rehab said Nope,

0:48:38.568 --> 0:48:43.048
<v Speaker 1>you're not welcome back, and that was just devastating. Yeah,

0:48:43.048 --> 0:48:45.848
<v Speaker 1>that was devastating because he had been calling me and

0:48:45.888 --> 0:48:48.207
<v Speaker 1>I had been in contact with him during his stay

0:48:48.208 --> 0:48:51.688
<v Speaker 1>in that rehab, and he rang me that night of

0:48:51.728 --> 0:48:53.688
<v Speaker 1>New Year's Eve and I was alone with the kids,

0:48:53.848 --> 0:48:56.328
<v Speaker 1>all on my own. I was already so depressed because

0:48:56.368 --> 0:48:58.128
<v Speaker 1>I'm like, how this is not how I want to

0:48:58.128 --> 0:49:01.087
<v Speaker 1>be spending New Year's Eve. But he was calling me

0:49:01.208 --> 0:49:03.047
<v Speaker 1>and he was off his face, and I could tell

0:49:03.088 --> 0:49:08.127
<v Speaker 1>that he was just making everything worse and worse. And

0:49:08.328 --> 0:49:10.208
<v Speaker 1>I ended up having to hang up on him multiple

0:49:10.208 --> 0:49:13.968
<v Speaker 1>times because he was just yeah, talking crazy things and

0:49:14.488 --> 0:49:16.488
<v Speaker 1>still trying to you know, I love you. I'm going

0:49:16.568 --> 0:49:18.808
<v Speaker 1>to come back. It's all going to be fine. So

0:49:18.928 --> 0:49:21.728
<v Speaker 1>then he got kicked out, and I think I think

0:49:21.728 --> 0:49:24.208
<v Speaker 1>his dad ended up driving down to get him and

0:49:24.248 --> 0:49:26.808
<v Speaker 1>bring him back. And he's always been welcome at his

0:49:26.888 --> 0:49:29.808
<v Speaker 1>mum and dad's house. He's got a spot there for him. Yeah,

0:49:29.848 --> 0:49:33.168
<v Speaker 1>he's always had that place to go if he's really

0:49:33.528 --> 0:49:37.408
<v Speaker 1>has nowhere else to go. So after our his first

0:49:37.488 --> 0:49:40.087
<v Speaker 1>in in rehab, he moved back to his mum and

0:49:40.128 --> 0:49:42.888
<v Speaker 1>dad's house, and he still had contact with the kids.

0:49:43.128 --> 0:49:45.167
<v Speaker 1>He would try and come around and visit and make

0:49:45.208 --> 0:49:47.607
<v Speaker 1>sure he caught up with them, and they would love

0:49:47.688 --> 0:49:49.768
<v Speaker 1>seeing Dad. It was so exciting to have Dad back

0:49:49.808 --> 0:49:52.167
<v Speaker 1>home but he would only just stay for a little

0:49:52.248 --> 0:49:54.368
<v Speaker 1>amount of time, and I would often have Nana come

0:49:54.408 --> 0:49:57.248
<v Speaker 1>around as well. The few times he did come around

0:49:57.248 --> 0:50:00.288
<v Speaker 1>on his own, generally it ended in an argument. The

0:50:00.328 --> 0:50:02.928
<v Speaker 1>first hour might go okay, but then after that it

0:50:02.968 --> 0:50:06.127
<v Speaker 1>would end up into that paranoia, Oh you know, I'm

0:50:06.168 --> 0:50:08.087
<v Speaker 1>just doing this, this is what I need to do.

0:50:08.688 --> 0:50:11.408
<v Speaker 1>You know, you don't trust me, trying to make me

0:50:11.528 --> 0:50:13.848
<v Speaker 1>feel like the bad guy of course for kicking him out.

0:50:14.528 --> 0:50:16.888
<v Speaker 1>And in the end, yeah, he just went back to

0:50:16.968 --> 0:50:19.328
<v Speaker 1>Mum and Dad's. And this pattern went on for about

0:50:19.368 --> 0:50:19.687
<v Speaker 1>a year.

0:50:20.048 --> 0:50:23.247
<v Speaker 2>Throughout this, Leah still tried to support her husband where

0:50:23.248 --> 0:50:23.728
<v Speaker 2>she could.

0:50:23.968 --> 0:50:26.087
<v Speaker 1>He'd called me and he was at the Pokey's and

0:50:26.128 --> 0:50:27.848
<v Speaker 1>he wanted a lift home. So I thought, okay, I'll

0:50:27.848 --> 0:50:30.368
<v Speaker 1>give him a lift home because I at that point

0:50:30.408 --> 0:50:32.568
<v Speaker 1>still had a bit of hope for him. He jumped

0:50:32.568 --> 0:50:35.368
<v Speaker 1>in the car and I had my baby in the back,

0:50:36.008 --> 0:50:41.408
<v Speaker 1>and he pulled out a light globe which had had

0:50:41.648 --> 0:50:43.608
<v Speaker 1>a bit of blue tack at the top and the straw,

0:50:44.288 --> 0:50:47.288
<v Speaker 1>and he even said to me, here, try some you'll

0:50:47.288 --> 0:50:51.008
<v Speaker 1>feel heats better. And he just about started to try

0:50:51.128 --> 0:50:54.048
<v Speaker 1>smoking meth in the car with the baby in the back,

0:50:54.728 --> 0:50:58.128
<v Speaker 1>and I just remember screaming at him get out of

0:50:58.168 --> 0:51:01.808
<v Speaker 1>the car, and yeah, he left, and I just drove away, thinking,

0:51:01.848 --> 0:51:04.368
<v Speaker 1>my goodness, this is really how bad it is. I'd

0:51:04.408 --> 0:51:07.648
<v Speaker 1>never in my life seen a meth pipe or anything

0:51:07.688 --> 0:51:10.168
<v Speaker 1>like that in real life, and it was the biggest

0:51:10.168 --> 0:51:14.288
<v Speaker 1>shock that made me realize that I could not have

0:51:14.448 --> 0:51:18.048
<v Speaker 1>him around my children because he was not a safe person.

0:51:18.688 --> 0:51:20.328
<v Speaker 1>There was no way I was going to let my

0:51:20.488 --> 0:51:24.768
<v Speaker 1>babies be exposed or even near him in this state.

0:51:25.488 --> 0:51:29.808
<v Speaker 1>Probably about four months after his first rehab stint, and

0:51:29.888 --> 0:51:31.888
<v Speaker 1>nothing had been changing. He was still living with his

0:51:31.968 --> 0:51:36.128
<v Speaker 1>mum and dad. I decided to go and try to

0:51:36.168 --> 0:51:40.087
<v Speaker 1>do a bit of counseling, not necessarily to save the relationship,

0:51:40.648 --> 0:51:47.047
<v Speaker 1>but to just see if I'd done enough to try

0:51:47.088 --> 0:51:50.607
<v Speaker 1>and fix the relationship and try, and I suppose get

0:51:50.648 --> 0:51:52.768
<v Speaker 1>somebody else to have another set of eyes over what

0:51:52.848 --> 0:51:57.448
<v Speaker 1>was going on. And that was great. The counselor there

0:51:57.568 --> 0:52:00.848
<v Speaker 1>was absolutely amazing, And she said to me, she pulled

0:52:00.848 --> 0:52:05.288
<v Speaker 1>me aside and said, look, Leah, I honestly recommend that

0:52:05.368 --> 0:52:09.608
<v Speaker 1>you finish this relationship. This is not working. He's not

0:52:10.008 --> 0:52:16.048
<v Speaker 1>to change. Please just look after yourself and separate and honestly,

0:52:16.568 --> 0:52:20.527
<v Speaker 1>you'll do fine. In one way, it was super devastating

0:52:20.608 --> 0:52:23.448
<v Speaker 1>to know that that was the end, But in another

0:52:23.448 --> 0:52:26.928
<v Speaker 1>way I was super relieved because in a way, that

0:52:27.008 --> 0:52:31.368
<v Speaker 1>gave me permission then to give up, to say enough

0:52:31.408 --> 0:52:33.848
<v Speaker 1>is enough. I'm not going to be able to save this,

0:52:35.128 --> 0:52:37.608
<v Speaker 1>and it gave me that line in the sand to

0:52:37.808 --> 0:52:41.768
<v Speaker 1>end things. I knew it was over even before starting

0:52:41.808 --> 0:52:46.328
<v Speaker 1>that counseling. I think I knew really after that night,

0:52:46.488 --> 0:52:48.928
<v Speaker 1>that New Year's Eve night, when he was calling me

0:52:50.008 --> 0:52:54.288
<v Speaker 1>and he was left rehab, I knew that if he

0:52:54.328 --> 0:52:58.087
<v Speaker 1>wasn't willing to do this for his kids and his marriage,

0:52:58.328 --> 0:53:02.527
<v Speaker 1>then nothing would make him do this. We couldn't make

0:53:02.608 --> 0:53:04.087
<v Speaker 1>him do it. He had to want to do it

0:53:04.088 --> 0:53:08.448
<v Speaker 1>for himself. And after that counseling and when the counselor

0:53:08.488 --> 0:53:12.808
<v Speaker 1>said end it, I decided to try and make a

0:53:12.848 --> 0:53:15.968
<v Speaker 1>time to meet up with him in person, and he

0:53:16.048 --> 0:53:19.008
<v Speaker 1>just kept flaking on me. I said, meet me here,

0:53:19.088 --> 0:53:20.688
<v Speaker 1>meet me there. I want to have a chat. I

0:53:20.728 --> 0:53:23.848
<v Speaker 1>need to talk to you, And in the end he

0:53:23.928 --> 0:53:26.167
<v Speaker 1>rang me and he said I'm not coming to catch

0:53:26.208 --> 0:53:28.808
<v Speaker 1>up with you, and I said, well, I don't want

0:53:28.848 --> 0:53:31.648
<v Speaker 1>to do this on the phone. But we are done.

0:53:31.888 --> 0:53:35.168
<v Speaker 1>He said, I saw this coming. I knew this was

0:53:35.208 --> 0:53:38.768
<v Speaker 1>going to happen, and I just didn't want to face it.

0:53:39.568 --> 0:53:45.368
<v Speaker 1>He knew that I was done, and he was super upset.

0:53:45.648 --> 0:53:49.968
<v Speaker 1>But I think at that point he knew that he

0:53:50.168 --> 0:53:54.248
<v Speaker 1>had pushed me too far. He always would say, even

0:53:54.288 --> 0:53:56.408
<v Speaker 1>when I caught up with him after this point in time,

0:53:56.408 --> 0:53:58.648
<v Speaker 1>but you know, I always love you, know I always

0:53:58.728 --> 0:54:00.768
<v Speaker 1>want to be with you. But I said, look, you

0:54:00.808 --> 0:54:05.968
<v Speaker 1>know you're not changing, so I can't do it. And yeah,

0:54:06.008 --> 0:54:08.047
<v Speaker 1>and I suppose he was also very angry at me

0:54:08.088 --> 0:54:10.527
<v Speaker 1>as well. I think that it's just a thing that

0:54:10.568 --> 0:54:13.488
<v Speaker 1>comes with addiction, is that everybody else is doing this

0:54:13.528 --> 0:54:16.808
<v Speaker 1>to me. It's everybody else's fault. It's not my fault.

0:54:17.448 --> 0:54:20.328
<v Speaker 1>This person has treated me like that. You know, this

0:54:20.368 --> 0:54:23.087
<v Speaker 1>person's doing the wrong thing. The government's doing the wrong thing.

0:54:23.528 --> 0:54:25.968
<v Speaker 1>He had every excuse in the world to why he

0:54:26.048 --> 0:54:29.848
<v Speaker 1>was angry. But yeah, and even at me, Oh, she

0:54:30.008 --> 0:54:32.928
<v Speaker 1>kicked me out, she's taken me away from seeing the kids,

0:54:33.728 --> 0:54:37.408
<v Speaker 1>but not taking any accountability for his own actions. I

0:54:37.448 --> 0:54:41.127
<v Speaker 1>was a mess during that time. I had a lot

0:54:41.168 --> 0:54:43.488
<v Speaker 1>of support from my mum and dad, which was amazing,

0:54:43.488 --> 0:54:46.448
<v Speaker 1>and they had only divorced about four years before that,

0:54:46.848 --> 0:54:48.928
<v Speaker 1>so they had been through that and after forty two

0:54:49.008 --> 0:54:52.208
<v Speaker 1>years of marriage, so I had their support. They were

0:54:52.328 --> 0:54:55.128
<v Speaker 1>very angry at him. My dad was so angry at

0:54:55.208 --> 0:54:58.928
<v Speaker 1>him that he couldn't see past the anger. He was

0:54:58.968 --> 0:55:01.968
<v Speaker 1>so devastated, and because they had had such a good

0:55:02.008 --> 0:55:05.288
<v Speaker 1>relationship with this man and he was now nothing that

0:55:05.328 --> 0:55:08.648
<v Speaker 1>they could recognize. He was just a completely different person

0:55:09.968 --> 0:55:12.288
<v Speaker 1>to this, you know, person that everybody looked up to

0:55:12.528 --> 0:55:15.047
<v Speaker 1>and was such a great teacher and role model and

0:55:15.688 --> 0:55:18.248
<v Speaker 1>you know, I was doing youth development courses and is

0:55:18.328 --> 0:55:22.688
<v Speaker 1>now a drug addict. I always missed him because he

0:55:22.768 --> 0:55:24.608
<v Speaker 1>was my person that I would go to for everything.

0:55:24.648 --> 0:55:26.848
<v Speaker 1>I'd miss being able to call him for certain things,

0:55:27.008 --> 0:55:29.567
<v Speaker 1>or we would have so much fun. We would just

0:55:29.728 --> 0:55:32.328
<v Speaker 1>laugh and laugh, and we would play fight and we would,

0:55:32.608 --> 0:55:35.128
<v Speaker 1>you know, just have the best time. And he was

0:55:35.168 --> 0:55:37.328
<v Speaker 1>my person, Like he got me, even though he had

0:55:37.408 --> 0:55:40.167
<v Speaker 1>very different values and beliefs, Like we had the same

0:55:40.248 --> 0:55:43.328
<v Speaker 1>level of crazy in a way that he wasn't when

0:55:43.328 --> 0:55:46.328
<v Speaker 1>he wasn't addicted. I could just one hundred percent be

0:55:46.488 --> 0:55:49.648
<v Speaker 1>myself around him, and I think he was the same.

0:55:49.768 --> 0:55:52.208
<v Speaker 1>He felt the same because he couldn't really be one

0:55:52.288 --> 0:55:55.527
<v Speaker 1>hundred percent himself around his own family, whereas with me

0:55:55.608 --> 0:55:58.087
<v Speaker 1>he could. It's like mourning the death of somebody that's

0:55:58.128 --> 0:55:58.648
<v Speaker 1>still alive.

0:55:59.568 --> 0:56:02.888
<v Speaker 2>Leah had never faced a tougher decision, yet, deep down

0:56:02.968 --> 0:56:05.288
<v Speaker 2>she knew it was the right one. A new beginning

0:56:05.368 --> 0:56:08.008
<v Speaker 2>lay ahead for her and her boys, but it wouldn't

0:56:08.008 --> 0:56:08.808
<v Speaker 2>be an easy road.

0:56:09.128 --> 0:56:12.527
<v Speaker 1>So few after the official separation, it gave me a

0:56:12.568 --> 0:56:14.527
<v Speaker 1>lot of relief. I could just move on with my life.

0:56:14.568 --> 0:56:17.008
<v Speaker 1>I could get things set up. In that time too,

0:56:17.048 --> 0:56:19.687
<v Speaker 1>his mum and dad decided that I was no longer

0:56:19.728 --> 0:56:23.127
<v Speaker 1>welcome in Grandma's house, that I wasn't paying grant him.

0:56:23.568 --> 0:56:26.688
<v Speaker 1>I think they were angry because I was giving up

0:56:26.728 --> 0:56:29.207
<v Speaker 1>on him. That's what they thought. We had a big,

0:56:29.328 --> 0:56:31.608
<v Speaker 1>like a lot of big fights at that time that

0:56:32.088 --> 0:56:34.728
<v Speaker 1>you're leaving him, you're giving up. You know, you're taking

0:56:34.768 --> 0:56:38.607
<v Speaker 1>the children away from him, which I never did because

0:56:38.608 --> 0:56:41.087
<v Speaker 1>I'd always let them visit Nana and Poppy and go

0:56:41.128 --> 0:56:45.087
<v Speaker 1>and see them. But yeah, it was really hard because

0:56:45.088 --> 0:56:47.087
<v Speaker 1>I was battling with them hating me, and then I

0:56:47.088 --> 0:56:49.648
<v Speaker 1>was battling with him hating me. But then I was

0:56:49.648 --> 0:56:52.208
<v Speaker 1>also able to get on with life and not have

0:56:52.288 --> 0:56:55.488
<v Speaker 1>to worry so much about trying to rebuild this relationship

0:56:55.568 --> 0:57:00.368
<v Speaker 1>that wasn't any hope of saving. He would still message me,

0:57:00.488 --> 0:57:02.968
<v Speaker 1>and he would still try and contact me. I would

0:57:02.968 --> 0:57:05.647
<v Speaker 1>try and send him photos, and he would also try

0:57:05.688 --> 0:57:08.808
<v Speaker 1>and call the kids, but that was very sporadic. He

0:57:08.848 --> 0:57:11.127
<v Speaker 1>would never do it on a regular basis. He would

0:57:11.168 --> 0:57:14.368
<v Speaker 1>blame me for not calling him, even though, like he

0:57:14.368 --> 0:57:18.247
<v Speaker 1>wouldn't answer his phone half the time. Sometimes we didn't

0:57:18.288 --> 0:57:20.848
<v Speaker 1>know where he was. He would come and go. He

0:57:20.888 --> 0:57:23.248
<v Speaker 1>would sometimes beat his mum and dad's house, and sometimes

0:57:23.248 --> 0:57:26.848
<v Speaker 1>he wouldn't. So there's no reliability or regularity about what

0:57:26.888 --> 0:57:29.408
<v Speaker 1>was going on. And I just had to make sure

0:57:29.408 --> 0:57:32.328
<v Speaker 1>the kids had a stable life and that we could

0:57:32.368 --> 0:57:35.247
<v Speaker 1>just keep doing what we needed to. So I moved

0:57:35.288 --> 0:57:38.248
<v Speaker 1>back into the bigger town and ended up renting a

0:57:38.408 --> 0:57:43.408
<v Speaker 1>unit really close to my dad's house and started to

0:57:43.488 --> 0:57:46.568
<v Speaker 1>get in the mindset of we need to sell our property,

0:57:46.768 --> 0:57:50.088
<v Speaker 1>the farm. And he was living there on his own,

0:57:50.208 --> 0:57:54.808
<v Speaker 1>doing his own thing, and that was horrendous because the

0:57:54.808 --> 0:57:57.848
<v Speaker 1>neighbors kept telling me that he was having these friends around,

0:57:58.408 --> 0:58:01.448
<v Speaker 1>they were shooting at things, they were having parties. It

0:58:01.568 --> 0:58:05.728
<v Speaker 1>was just an absolute shit show. Up there, so I

0:58:05.768 --> 0:58:07.888
<v Speaker 1>was trying to deal with the neighbors and tell them, look,

0:58:08.368 --> 0:58:12.288
<v Speaker 1>I'm trying to get him out. So down the track,

0:58:12.328 --> 0:58:17.168
<v Speaker 1>he eventually did move out, and the house was just

0:58:18.488 --> 0:58:21.608
<v Speaker 1>left in a bit of a disarray, and it was

0:58:21.688 --> 0:58:26.528
<v Speaker 1>left to me to then paint everything, renovate, deal with furniture,

0:58:27.288 --> 0:58:30.128
<v Speaker 1>and get it ready for sale. Once we did manage

0:58:30.128 --> 0:58:32.768
<v Speaker 1>to sell it, that was a big relief that I

0:58:32.808 --> 0:58:35.888
<v Speaker 1>could then sort of move on with my life and

0:58:36.648 --> 0:58:38.648
<v Speaker 1>make sure we had everything in place to then have

0:58:38.888 --> 0:58:40.288
<v Speaker 1>some stability going forward.

0:58:40.928 --> 0:58:43.968
<v Speaker 2>Around this time, Kyle returned to rehab for a second

0:58:44.008 --> 0:58:48.008
<v Speaker 2>attempt at recovery, but sadly, it didn't bring the results

0:58:48.048 --> 0:58:49.128
<v Speaker 2>everyone had hoped for.

0:58:49.488 --> 0:58:51.688
<v Speaker 1>So the second stint he had in rehab, that was

0:58:51.728 --> 0:58:55.768
<v Speaker 1>the local rehab, he probably didn't last very long. It

0:58:55.808 --> 0:58:58.968
<v Speaker 1>was probably about a few weeks in and he found

0:58:59.248 --> 0:59:02.808
<v Speaker 1>apparently the love of his life in there, who already

0:59:02.888 --> 0:59:07.608
<v Speaker 1>had about four children to four different fathers, and he

0:59:07.648 --> 0:59:10.648
<v Speaker 1>then found out that he had potentially got her pregnant.

0:59:11.728 --> 0:59:16.368
<v Speaker 1>So I remember him saying to me, I'm going to

0:59:16.368 --> 0:59:19.048
<v Speaker 1>be such a great dad to this one. I'm going

0:59:19.088 --> 0:59:21.488
<v Speaker 1>to really not make all the mistakes I made with

0:59:21.608 --> 0:59:25.728
<v Speaker 1>my first two and he was so chuffed. And then

0:59:25.928 --> 0:59:28.848
<v Speaker 1>a couple of weeks after that he had found out

0:59:28.848 --> 0:59:31.848
<v Speaker 1>that that was not his baby. The more I saw

0:59:31.928 --> 0:59:35.448
<v Speaker 1>him after his stints away from his mum and dad's

0:59:35.488 --> 0:59:38.088
<v Speaker 1>house and coming back, every time I saw him he

0:59:38.288 --> 0:59:40.808
<v Speaker 1>was more of a shell of a human being. And

0:59:40.848 --> 0:59:43.248
<v Speaker 1>the more I realized that the man that I married

0:59:43.328 --> 0:59:47.288
<v Speaker 1>was not in him. His brain was changing, his looks

0:59:47.288 --> 0:59:51.408
<v Speaker 1>were changing, He'd become skinny. He couldn't make any sense

0:59:51.688 --> 0:59:55.168
<v Speaker 1>of his thoughts or his feelings and emotions and would

0:59:55.208 --> 0:59:58.688
<v Speaker 1>just it would take nothing to set him off. So really,

0:59:58.728 --> 1:00:01.848
<v Speaker 1>I just slowly saw the man that I married die

1:00:02.728 --> 1:00:06.808
<v Speaker 1>over a couple of years. Really, for a long time,

1:00:07.488 --> 1:00:09.848
<v Speaker 1>I had the hope that he could get better, and

1:00:09.888 --> 1:00:13.488
<v Speaker 1>I saw glimpses of that, but as time progressed, there

1:00:13.568 --> 1:00:17.928
<v Speaker 1>was less and less of him there, and that reality

1:00:17.968 --> 1:00:22.368
<v Speaker 1>really hit me that this man is disappearing slowly and sadly,

1:00:23.168 --> 1:00:26.168
<v Speaker 1>and he won't come back. That man that I married

1:00:26.648 --> 1:00:30.568
<v Speaker 1>has completely gone and he's a completely different person. Now.

1:00:31.768 --> 1:00:35.248
<v Speaker 1>Last time I had contact with Kyle was when he

1:00:35.368 --> 1:00:38.328
<v Speaker 1>was back at his mum and dad's house about seven

1:00:38.368 --> 1:00:43.408
<v Speaker 1>months ago. He was staying there after being away for

1:00:43.448 --> 1:00:46.608
<v Speaker 1>a long time. He had been living down south in

1:00:46.648 --> 1:00:52.048
<v Speaker 1>a homeless community and continually taking drugs. So his dad

1:00:52.088 --> 1:00:54.808
<v Speaker 1>had gone down there and got him, tried to rescue him,

1:00:55.408 --> 1:00:57.888
<v Speaker 1>brought him back home, and we'd just made sure the

1:00:57.968 --> 1:00:59.688
<v Speaker 1>kids could catch up with him every now and then

1:00:59.728 --> 1:01:01.648
<v Speaker 1>if he was in the right state of mind, and

1:01:02.208 --> 1:01:06.248
<v Speaker 1>the kids were very excited to see him, and you know,

1:01:06.448 --> 1:01:09.248
<v Speaker 1>we managed that. And the last time I saw him,

1:01:09.288 --> 1:01:10.808
<v Speaker 1>I remember he was in the back of the car

1:01:11.088 --> 1:01:16.288
<v Speaker 1>trying to buckle in his son, and he kept checking

1:01:16.608 --> 1:01:18.728
<v Speaker 1>the car seat because he didn't believe that I had

1:01:18.768 --> 1:01:21.288
<v Speaker 1>the car seat buckled in right. He didn't trust me

1:01:21.448 --> 1:01:26.128
<v Speaker 1>that I had that safely installed, and that I just

1:01:26.168 --> 1:01:28.848
<v Speaker 1>remember getting so angry at him and telling him get

1:01:28.848 --> 1:01:30.488
<v Speaker 1>out of the car because he wouldn't move and he

1:01:30.488 --> 1:01:34.328
<v Speaker 1>wouldn't get out. And it's really sad that we haven't

1:01:34.368 --> 1:01:38.408
<v Speaker 1>heard anything from him since that time for about seven months.

1:01:39.208 --> 1:01:45.008
<v Speaker 1>Apparently he's still down there. He's still homeless, sometimes accessing

1:01:45.048 --> 1:01:49.408
<v Speaker 1>mental health support, but we have only heard through some

1:01:49.568 --> 1:01:53.048
<v Speaker 1>social workers down there. His parents haven't been able to

1:01:53.088 --> 1:01:58.048
<v Speaker 1>make contact and see him. They are just honestly devastated,

1:01:58.448 --> 1:02:01.408
<v Speaker 1>but they understand how bad his addiction is and that

1:02:01.408 --> 1:02:04.568
<v Speaker 1>they can't save him. They have had done a lot

1:02:04.608 --> 1:02:07.848
<v Speaker 1>of work themselves through Family Drug Support, which is an

1:02:07.848 --> 1:02:13.368
<v Speaker 1>amazing organization supporting families through that process, and they are

1:02:13.448 --> 1:02:18.568
<v Speaker 1>now the most amazing supports they I suppose seen how

1:02:19.048 --> 1:02:22.808
<v Speaker 1>much of being put through. They just support me one

1:02:22.888 --> 1:02:26.528
<v Speaker 1>hundred percent, even though we've got differing, differing values and

1:02:26.568 --> 1:02:30.688
<v Speaker 1>different beliefs. They are the other parent that I've been missing.

1:02:31.408 --> 1:02:33.648
<v Speaker 1>So yeah, so they helped me a lot with especially

1:02:33.648 --> 1:02:38.168
<v Speaker 1>the one with the disability. They are amazing. And yeah,

1:02:38.288 --> 1:02:41.288
<v Speaker 1>the other day we were at a family event and

1:02:41.448 --> 1:02:44.728
<v Speaker 1>everybody was there except for him, And I get invited

1:02:44.768 --> 1:02:47.488
<v Speaker 1>to his family events all the time because everybody is

1:02:47.528 --> 1:02:52.448
<v Speaker 1>so supportive. And his dad was just so upset that

1:02:52.568 --> 1:02:54.728
<v Speaker 1>he wasn't there because he was the only one missing.

1:02:54.888 --> 1:02:57.808
<v Speaker 1>And he decided a few days later to try and

1:02:57.848 --> 1:03:01.648
<v Speaker 1>go down there and find him, and he didn't manage

1:03:01.688 --> 1:03:04.888
<v Speaker 1>to He managed to hear from the social workers, but yeah,

1:03:04.968 --> 1:03:08.568
<v Speaker 1>that he didn't get to see him. Yeah, he's devastated. Also,

1:03:08.648 --> 1:03:11.208
<v Speaker 1>his brother has given up on him. His brother doesn't

1:03:11.248 --> 1:03:14.728
<v Speaker 1>even make an effort anymore to try and be in contact.

1:03:14.808 --> 1:03:17.328
<v Speaker 1>He's just and they are now pregnant with a child,

1:03:17.488 --> 1:03:20.408
<v Speaker 1>so he's going to be missing out on a nephew

1:03:20.488 --> 1:03:23.928
<v Speaker 1>or a niece, and that's his only nephew on that

1:03:24.008 --> 1:03:26.848
<v Speaker 1>side of the family. I suppose his survival skills have

1:03:26.888 --> 1:03:30.808
<v Speaker 1>come in handy, but it's really sad to know this

1:03:30.888 --> 1:03:33.568
<v Speaker 1>is not something that anybody would choose. This is something

1:03:33.648 --> 1:03:36.168
<v Speaker 1>that is a disease, and I now understand that this

1:03:36.288 --> 1:03:40.968
<v Speaker 1>is something that has taken away his family, his business,

1:03:41.208 --> 1:03:44.008
<v Speaker 1>his success that he's had, the respect that he had

1:03:44.048 --> 1:03:46.848
<v Speaker 1>from the community, his own family. Like in terms of

1:03:46.888 --> 1:03:52.208
<v Speaker 1>his family, it's taken his health everything. He's just a

1:03:52.248 --> 1:03:55.768
<v Speaker 1>shell of a human now. And honestly, which is the

1:03:55.768 --> 1:03:58.128
<v Speaker 1>really sad thing is if I get a phone call

1:03:58.168 --> 1:04:01.168
<v Speaker 1>from the police saying that he has passed away, I

1:04:01.248 --> 1:04:05.648
<v Speaker 1>won't be surprised, but that would be an end to

1:04:05.688 --> 1:04:07.008
<v Speaker 1>the pain that he must be feeling.

1:04:07.768 --> 1:04:10.848
<v Speaker 2>While this whole situation had been complet de letely heartbreaking,

1:04:11.328 --> 1:04:13.848
<v Speaker 2>Leah has found the strength to keep moving forward.

1:04:14.368 --> 1:04:17.768
<v Speaker 1>I think about him, probably not as much as I

1:04:17.848 --> 1:04:20.768
<v Speaker 1>used to, obviously, as time goes on, your heart heels,

1:04:21.248 --> 1:04:23.448
<v Speaker 1>but I'm always going to miss that connection I had

1:04:23.928 --> 1:04:27.568
<v Speaker 1>with him. I do think about him. I suppose every

1:04:27.608 --> 1:04:29.808
<v Speaker 1>time I look at my oldest son, he's a spitting

1:04:29.848 --> 1:04:33.128
<v Speaker 1>image of him. He's got the same body. He's a

1:04:33.168 --> 1:04:36.368
<v Speaker 1>little mini Kyle. You know, he's good looking, he's tall,

1:04:37.848 --> 1:04:40.608
<v Speaker 1>and the other one is a mini me. So he's

1:04:40.608 --> 1:04:45.488
<v Speaker 1>got the white skin and the stumpy look. But yeah,

1:04:45.528 --> 1:04:49.448
<v Speaker 1>but like even this morning, my youngest son said to me, Mum,

1:04:49.488 --> 1:04:54.208
<v Speaker 1>I really miss Dad And all you can say is

1:04:54.568 --> 1:04:56.808
<v Speaker 1>I know, buddy, it's it's a really hard hay. And

1:04:56.848 --> 1:05:02.288
<v Speaker 1>I said, no, Dad's really really sick, and he said, yeah, yeah,

1:05:02.328 --> 1:05:06.328
<v Speaker 1>I know. So yeah, that's really hard. I said to him, oh,

1:05:06.408 --> 1:05:09.528
<v Speaker 1>do you think about Dad a lot? And he said, oh,

1:05:09.768 --> 1:05:13.288
<v Speaker 1>not really, I think just maybe every now and then

1:05:13.328 --> 1:05:17.848
<v Speaker 1>he probably gets reminded that Dad's not well, and he

1:05:17.888 --> 1:05:20.768
<v Speaker 1>thinks Dad's trying to get a job so he can

1:05:20.768 --> 1:05:22.768
<v Speaker 1>make enough money to get a train ticket to come

1:05:22.808 --> 1:05:26.928
<v Speaker 1>back home. That's his belief. Whereas the other the older child,

1:05:26.968 --> 1:05:30.328
<v Speaker 1>is a bit easier because he has an intellectually disability,

1:05:30.368 --> 1:05:34.448
<v Speaker 1>so he I don't know what he understands, but he

1:05:34.528 --> 1:05:36.688
<v Speaker 1>definitely lights up when he sees a picture of Dad.

1:05:37.408 --> 1:05:40.288
<v Speaker 1>Since separation, really I knew I had to move on.

1:05:40.448 --> 1:05:43.008
<v Speaker 1>I don't have a choice. I've got two kids that

1:05:43.048 --> 1:05:48.288
<v Speaker 1>really need me, and luckily with NDIS, even though it

1:05:48.328 --> 1:05:51.648
<v Speaker 1>has its faults, I have a huge amount of support

1:05:51.888 --> 1:05:54.528
<v Speaker 1>in terms of cares and I have the best, amazing

1:05:54.608 --> 1:05:59.208
<v Speaker 1>care a team. They're like second parents. I couldn't work

1:05:59.488 --> 1:06:03.168
<v Speaker 1>without them. Now my youngest is in school. That makes

1:06:03.208 --> 1:06:06.568
<v Speaker 1>life so much easier. So both kids are in school

1:06:06.568 --> 1:06:09.888
<v Speaker 1>and I can actually work a really awesome job, and

1:06:09.928 --> 1:06:15.288
<v Speaker 1>I love my work. I've tried dating. It's a minefield

1:06:15.288 --> 1:06:20.408
<v Speaker 1>out there, especially the town we live in. It's always

1:06:20.448 --> 1:06:23.688
<v Speaker 1>the same people on there. A lot of miners, a

1:06:23.728 --> 1:06:27.568
<v Speaker 1>lot of farmers, a lot of those sorts of people,

1:06:27.648 --> 1:06:30.888
<v Speaker 1>so it makes it really difficult to find the sort

1:06:30.888 --> 1:06:34.247
<v Speaker 1>of person that I would have a connection with. I'm

1:06:34.288 --> 1:06:37.408
<v Speaker 1>currently dating a bloke at the moment from Bumble, so

1:06:38.408 --> 1:06:41.968
<v Speaker 1>it's very early days, but we'll see. I'm ready to

1:06:42.168 --> 1:06:44.888
<v Speaker 1>try and get out there again after having numerous breaks

1:06:45.648 --> 1:06:49.288
<v Speaker 1>off the apps. But yeah, hopefully this will go okay

1:06:49.328 --> 1:06:51.848
<v Speaker 1>and we'll see where we go from here. I think

1:06:52.208 --> 1:06:55.208
<v Speaker 1>after seeing my own parents separate and divorce and they're

1:06:55.248 --> 1:06:58.928
<v Speaker 1>both repartnered and having great lives, I definitely believe it's

1:06:58.928 --> 1:07:02.048
<v Speaker 1>out there. I'm probably a bit more realistic about life

1:07:02.088 --> 1:07:05.648
<v Speaker 1>now and very fussy. I'm very fussy, and that's probably

1:07:06.168 --> 1:07:08.408
<v Speaker 1>why I'm happy to stay single unless I find the

1:07:08.448 --> 1:07:12.808
<v Speaker 1>absolute right to settle down with. And I'm not going

1:07:12.848 --> 1:07:16.888
<v Speaker 1>to just pick anybody to be involved in my life,

1:07:16.928 --> 1:07:20.208
<v Speaker 1>because they have to earn that, and especially to be

1:07:20.208 --> 1:07:24.168
<v Speaker 1>involved with my two boys. There's nobody to blame for

1:07:24.248 --> 1:07:29.808
<v Speaker 1>his addiction. I believe that addictions can run in families,

1:07:29.888 --> 1:07:32.528
<v Speaker 1>and they can be caused by mental health conditions. It's

1:07:32.608 --> 1:07:37.008
<v Speaker 1>not something that I blame him for. I feel sorry

1:07:37.008 --> 1:07:38.848
<v Speaker 1>that he's had to battle it because it must be

1:07:39.008 --> 1:07:41.928
<v Speaker 1>so hard. It must be absolutely horrible to go through

1:07:41.928 --> 1:07:45.048
<v Speaker 1>that every day. I think it's really important for everybody

1:07:45.048 --> 1:07:47.728
<v Speaker 1>to remember that it's not something that people choose, and

1:07:47.768 --> 1:07:52.008
<v Speaker 1>that it is something that people battling. Addiction doesn't affect

1:07:52.128 --> 1:07:54.768
<v Speaker 1>the person going through it. It affects the whole family

1:07:54.848 --> 1:07:58.248
<v Speaker 1>and the community, and there is help out there, not

1:07:58.368 --> 1:08:01.168
<v Speaker 1>only for the person going through it, but for everybody else.

1:08:01.808 --> 1:08:04.328
<v Speaker 1>And I strongly encourage people to reach out and seek

1:08:04.368 --> 1:08:08.008
<v Speaker 1>those supports because that's what's helped me and the family

1:08:08.048 --> 1:08:12.288
<v Speaker 1>get through these really tough times. What I've learned from

1:08:12.288 --> 1:08:16.048
<v Speaker 1>this whole experience is that I don't regret any of it.

1:08:16.808 --> 1:08:19.728
<v Speaker 1>That I was where I was meant to be. I

1:08:19.768 --> 1:08:21.727
<v Speaker 1>was meant to meet him, and we had the most

1:08:21.728 --> 1:08:24.968
<v Speaker 1>amazing time when we were together and things were good.

1:08:26.088 --> 1:08:30.247
<v Speaker 1>I don't regret my children. They are just fantastic. And

1:08:31.408 --> 1:08:33.688
<v Speaker 1>I think this is just life. Life throws things at

1:08:33.688 --> 1:08:35.568
<v Speaker 1>you and you just have to try and learn how

1:08:35.568 --> 1:08:40.448
<v Speaker 1>to be resilient and move on and try and live

1:08:40.488 --> 1:08:44.447
<v Speaker 1>your life. But that addiction is a disease, and that

1:08:45.288 --> 1:08:47.808
<v Speaker 1>no matter how hard you push somebody, you can't make

1:08:47.848 --> 1:08:51.568
<v Speaker 1>them do things they don't want to do. So I

1:08:51.608 --> 1:08:55.088
<v Speaker 1>feel sad for his family and for him that it's

1:08:55.208 --> 1:08:58.568
<v Speaker 1>ended up this way. And I suppose until the point

1:08:58.608 --> 1:09:01.808
<v Speaker 1>where he's passed away that there is still hope. There's

1:09:01.808 --> 1:09:06.447
<v Speaker 1>always hope. He probably won't be the person that I married.

1:09:06.528 --> 1:09:09.567
<v Speaker 1>He never will, but there is hope that he could

1:09:10.688 --> 1:09:12.848
<v Speaker 1>fix his life and then be able to be to

1:09:12.888 --> 1:09:16.367
<v Speaker 1>see his own children and experience the good things down

1:09:16.408 --> 1:09:20.768
<v Speaker 1>the track. I want other people to understand that it's

1:09:20.808 --> 1:09:25.528
<v Speaker 1>okay to separate, like it's okay to end a relationship

1:09:25.688 --> 1:09:27.968
<v Speaker 1>that's just a chapter of your life. You don't have

1:09:28.088 --> 1:09:32.408
<v Speaker 1>to be with that person forever just because of your beliefs,

1:09:32.888 --> 1:09:36.208
<v Speaker 1>and that's not a failure. That marriage is not a failure.

1:09:36.288 --> 1:09:40.247
<v Speaker 1>That's just a chapter and now we're up to the

1:09:40.288 --> 1:09:45.287
<v Speaker 1>next chapter, so it's not a failure. And that women

1:09:45.368 --> 1:09:50.247
<v Speaker 1>are so resilient and amazing. Yeah, especially so mums with

1:09:50.328 --> 1:09:54.328
<v Speaker 1>kids of disabilities. I have the most amazing network of

1:09:54.408 --> 1:09:58.008
<v Speaker 1>mums who are single because the blokes can't handle it

1:09:58.088 --> 1:10:03.848
<v Speaker 1>because it is just it's hard, and it's honestly yeah,

1:10:03.888 --> 1:10:07.407
<v Speaker 1>but it's worth it. I'm super happy that my six

1:10:07.488 --> 1:10:12.088
<v Speaker 1>year old is a normal little man. He's super talkative

1:10:12.328 --> 1:10:14.768
<v Speaker 1>and he is like the big brother to the family.

1:10:15.448 --> 1:10:19.088
<v Speaker 1>So we've got a really awesome little three person family

1:10:19.488 --> 1:10:22.848
<v Speaker 1>and we have lots of fun. We're such a happy

1:10:23.008 --> 1:10:27.048
<v Speaker 1>little family at this stage in life. I'm really blessed

1:10:27.088 --> 1:10:29.168
<v Speaker 1>with all the support that I've got around me, and

1:10:29.208 --> 1:10:31.888
<v Speaker 1>that I'm really looking forward to what the future holds

1:10:31.888 --> 1:10:34.208
<v Speaker 1>as the boys grow older and become more and more

1:10:34.247 --> 1:10:38.688
<v Speaker 1>independent and as life changes into the future. There's so

1:10:38.848 --> 1:10:41.407
<v Speaker 1>much more exciting things to happen in our future. And

1:10:41.488 --> 1:10:45.367
<v Speaker 1>this has just been one chapter of our book.

1:10:45.448 --> 1:11:06.128
<v Speaker 3>Really, everyone has an eggs.

1:11:06.168 --> 1:11:08.648
<v Speaker 2>He's a MINTI Media Production and proudly part of the

1:11:08.728 --> 1:11:11.287
<v Speaker 2>Mum and me a Network. This episode is written and

1:11:11.328 --> 1:11:15.367
<v Speaker 2>produced by Linda Scott. Interview conducted and episode narrated by

1:11:15.408 --> 1:11:17.848
<v Speaker 2>me Georgia Love. If you have a story you'd like

1:11:17.888 --> 1:11:20.768
<v Speaker 2>to share, email podcast at momameia dot com dot a.

1:11:20.848 --> 1:11:23.208
<v Speaker 2>You You can support us by following the show in

1:11:23.247 --> 1:11:26.088
<v Speaker 2>your favorite podcast app and leaving a five star review.

1:11:26.288 --> 1:11:28.928
<v Speaker 2>We'll see you for the next episode.