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Speaker 1: You're listening to Amma Mer podcast.

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Speaker 2: Muma Me acknowledges the traditional owners of the land and waters.

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Speaker 3: This podcast is recorded on religion.

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Speaker 2: We often talk about the role it plays in a

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Speaker 2: relationship to people coming from different backgrounds with different beliefs,

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Speaker 2: but when you find the right person, differences in those

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Speaker 2: systems don't mean a thing if you know you want

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Speaker 2: to be together.

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Speaker 1: I'd been brought up in an Anglican church, which is

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Speaker 1: pretty traditional, but I'd never really continued that after I

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Speaker 1: was a child, whereas he was still entrenched in that

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Speaker 1: the Pentecostal side of church. He didn't want to have

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Speaker 1: sex before we were married, and I suppose I thought,

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Speaker 1: oh my gosh, this guy, he has such good values.

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Speaker 1: I was willing to put up with that little bit

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Speaker 1: of torture for the sake of the relationship going forward.

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Speaker 2: So when a relationship starts and progress with that being

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Speaker 2: the only difference you'd never expected to be something else entirely,

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Speaker 2: that blows up your marriage and ultimately your life.

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Speaker 1: He jumped in the car, and I had my baby

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Speaker 1: in the back, and he pulled out a light globe

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Speaker 1: which bit of blue tack at the top, and the

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Speaker 1: straw and he even said to me, here, try some

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Speaker 1: you'll feel heaps better. That made me realize that I

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Speaker 1: could not have him around my children because he was

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Speaker 1: not a safe person. There was no way I was

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Speaker 1: going to let my babies be exposed or even near

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Speaker 1: him in this state.

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Speaker 2: I'm Georgia Love and this is everyone has an eggs.

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Speaker 2: Come with me as we dive into a collection of

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Speaker 2: unconventional stories about relationships past through the eyes and the

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Speaker 2: hearts of the very people who lived them. The year

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Speaker 2: was two thousand and nine, and a newly single, twenty

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Speaker 2: five year old Leah realized the hustle and noise of

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Speaker 2: big city life no longer felt like home. With a

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Speaker 2: new job waiting in her heart. Set on a fresh start,

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Speaker 2: she packed her bags and headed for a quite a

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Speaker 2: corner of the country.

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Speaker 1: I was really keen to move somewhere new, where there

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Speaker 1: was a whole new pool of people that I could

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Speaker 1: actually meet somebody, and I suppose down the track settled down.

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Speaker 1: I wasn't really ready for children and marriage straight away,

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Speaker 1: but I was very keen to get out there and

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Speaker 1: start dating somebody on a regular basis. I moved into

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Speaker 1: a house with some flatmates, so I could get out

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Speaker 1: and meet more people, as I hadn't known anybody in town,

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Speaker 1: and I had some really awesome flatmates I dated when

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Speaker 1: I first moved here with a couple of guys, but

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Speaker 1: nothing ever really evolved to anything more serious, and I

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Speaker 1: got a bit frustrated and I was ready to move away.

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Speaker 1: But just before I made that decision, I ended up

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Speaker 1: meeting Kyle, and yeah, everything sort of changed from there.

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Speaker 1: He had a cousin that was a friend with my

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Speaker 1: flat mate, so that's how she met him, because she

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Speaker 1: didn't know anybody in the town either. So the cousin said,

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Speaker 1: how about you go out and catch up with these guys.

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Speaker 1: They're about your age, they know all the people in town. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: go out and meet some new people. So I'd moved

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Speaker 1: out of the house into an unit closer to work,

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Speaker 1: and they came and met up with my flatmate and myself.

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Speaker 1: Him and his brother were there, and they were both lovely.

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Speaker 1: His brother had a girlfriend, but Kyle was on his

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Speaker 1: own and he came across to me at start really shy,

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Speaker 1: but as the night progressed, like we got chatting, and

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Speaker 1: of course the drinks were flowing, and as we went

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Speaker 1: we got quite close. And you know, while I was

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Speaker 1: out that night, there was actually a guy that I'd

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Speaker 1: previously dated that saw me, and I just grabbed Kyle

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Speaker 1: and hugged into him and just said, look, just go

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Speaker 1: with this for the moment, to try and make this

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Speaker 1: other guy jealous. And from there, I think that really

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Speaker 1: helped speed things along. We ended up going back from

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Speaker 1: the clubs and there was a whole heap of people

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Speaker 1: staying at my house, so there was a lack of beds.

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Speaker 1: There was a couch here and there, but he really

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Speaker 1: wanted to come and crash in my bed with me.

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Speaker 1: I was a bit like, oh, this is a bit weird,

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Speaker 1: but I said, okay, if you leave the door open,

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Speaker 1: that's fine. And that's where we had our first kiss.

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Speaker 1: We were just probably lying there awkwardly for a while,

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Speaker 1: and then yeah, things evolved and we had our first kiss.

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Speaker 1: And I kept saying to him, We've got to be

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Speaker 1: very quiet because everybody's sleeping right next door. And maybe

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Speaker 1: he thought from that that I was a girl with

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Speaker 1: some good morals and that probably didn't hurt.

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Speaker 2: It didn't take long for them to officially start dating,

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Speaker 2: and for Leah, things were looking up.

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Speaker 1: Literally our first date ended up being a rock climbing session,

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Speaker 1: so we ended up ab sailing off a cliff face.

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Speaker 1: So that showed me the saut of guy. He was

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Speaker 1: very outdoorsy, very into rock climbing and all that sort

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Speaker 1: of stuff. So and of course I was like, I'm

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Speaker 1: going to do this. It's not going to be a drama,

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Speaker 1: and off we went. Me and my flatmate went as well,

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Speaker 1: and we had to go at ab sailing and doing

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Speaker 1: some rock climbing. It showed me he's willing to teach,

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Speaker 1: and he was a really good teacher. He was really

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Speaker 1: good at showing us how to use all the equipment,

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Speaker 1: really patient, he yeah, just showed a great love for

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Speaker 1: what he was doing as well then was really passionate

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Speaker 1: about it. So I thought he was so hot. I

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Speaker 1: really I was excited that, you know, somebody that hot

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Speaker 1: actually was into me. I suppose I've never had a

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Speaker 1: guy like that into me, so that was a bit unusual.

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Speaker 1: I suppose I'm not a super confident people when it

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Speaker 1: is going out there and asking somebody out, so I've

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Speaker 1: always sort of taken a backstep to that. And yeah,

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Speaker 1: just I suppose he was hot and he was lovely

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Speaker 1: and I saw all these wonderful things that you know,

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Speaker 1: he did. I knew he was somebody who had certain values.

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Speaker 1: He was brought up Christian, and he had certain things

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Speaker 1: that he had discus with me previously. So one of

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Speaker 1: the big things was that he didn't want to have

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Speaker 1: sex before we were married. And that was a big

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Speaker 1: shock to me because previously that has never been an issue.

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Speaker 1: And I suppose I thought, oh my gosh, this guy,

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Speaker 1: he has such good values. I was willing to put

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Speaker 1: up with that little bit of torture for the sake

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Speaker 1: of the relationship going forward and move forward.

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Speaker 3: It did.

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Speaker 1: He wasn't great at talking about feelings like many men,

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Speaker 1: so I wasn't expecting anything too exciting and too major

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Speaker 1: straight away. So we were just dating for a little while.

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Speaker 1: And then at one point, I remember it was probably

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Speaker 1: about two months into the relationship, and we'd just been

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Speaker 1: to a wedding together one of his friends had gotten married,

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Speaker 1: and he'd taken me along, and I remember lying there

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Speaker 1: at night thinking gosh, like this is it. And I

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Speaker 1: remember telling my flatmate as well previously that I think

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Speaker 1: this is the dude, this is the one for me,

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Speaker 1: because yeah, everything has been going so well, we've had

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Speaker 1: amazing dates. We've been out kayaking and ab sailing and

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Speaker 1: bushwalking and camping and doing all these amazing things. And

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Speaker 1: that night after the wedding, I probably was a little

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Speaker 1: bit drunk, actually, and I tried to start having the

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Speaker 1: conversation and then I ended up in tears saying I

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Speaker 1: love you, and I remember him saying back to me,

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Speaker 1: of course I love you.

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Speaker 3: So that was.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it was a different way of doing it, but yeah,

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Speaker 1: he'd obviously felt the same way, but it was a

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Speaker 1: matter of getting to that same point. Was a bit interesting.

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Speaker 2: A year into their relationship, during a camping weekend, surrounded

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Speaker 2: by the beauty of the great outdoors, Cale took the

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Speaker 2: next step and popped the question.

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Speaker 1: Somebody that comes from that sort of background, that is

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Speaker 1: the next step. It's to get married. Yeah, so it

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Speaker 1: wasn't very long. Everybody was super supportive. My mum and

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Speaker 1: dad absolutely loved him. They got along really really well.

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Speaker 1: I go along well with his family and his brother

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Speaker 1: and his partner, so everybody was supportive. Everybody said, look,

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Speaker 1: you guys have made for each other, like everything was

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Speaker 1: going so well. There was no hesitation whatsoever. I was

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Speaker 1: super stoked to be getting married and settling down. He

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Speaker 1: gave me a ring that didn't have any stone in it.

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Speaker 1: It was a platinum ring and he wanted me to

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Speaker 1: come up with a design for the engagement ring, which

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Speaker 1: I thought was the most amazing thing ever.

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Speaker 2: There was no point beating around the bush part in

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Speaker 2: the pun. Just eight months later, the wedding day was here.

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Speaker 1: We had about one hundred and fifty people, their friends

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Speaker 1: and family, plus his church community so they came to

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Speaker 1: just watch the ceremony and it was just incredible having

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Speaker 1: people travel from all over Australia to come and watch it.

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Speaker 1: He also had some family come from overseas, and it

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Speaker 1: was just amazing how many friends he has, Like he

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Speaker 1: had so many friends, he was so well respected that

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Speaker 1: all these people were there to support us, and it

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Speaker 1: was just an awesome wedding. It wasn't extravagant or expensive,

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Speaker 1: but it was just everybody there that we loved together

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Speaker 1: one spot. The whole day was just incredible and it

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Speaker 1: was pretty much how I had visaged a wedding, and

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Speaker 1: I even wore my mum's wedding dress that got altered

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Speaker 1: and it was great. We had it in a big

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Speaker 1: farmyard barn with a big fire. It was just, yeah,

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Speaker 1: it was stunning. Everybody kept joking because my family and

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Speaker 1: friends knew that we weren't having sex, and that that

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Speaker 1: was something that I had been patiently waiting for for

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Speaker 1: a long time. I knew there'd be no worries because

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Speaker 1: pretty much everything had happened but that and yeah, so

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Speaker 1: they kept joking, and of course I was super excited

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Speaker 1: for the end of the night, so they'd go back

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Speaker 1: and yeah, actually have some fun.

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Speaker 2: But it didn't take long for the fun to turn

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Speaker 2: to business, the business of baby making.

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Speaker 1: We'd both spoken previously about how many kids we want,

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Speaker 1: you know, what we want to see in the future,

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Speaker 1: so we were both on the same page. He'd come

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Speaker 1: from a family of two children and I had come

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Speaker 1: from a family of two, so we were both pretty

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Speaker 1: much on the same page. That was what we wanted,

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Speaker 1: and yeah, we wanted to live in the country, out

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Speaker 1: in the bush and raise our kids in nature. After

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Speaker 1: we got married, we actually decided to book a trip

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Speaker 1: to Kokoda and walk the Kokoda Track, and we did

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Speaker 1: that with his family and one of my friends, and

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Speaker 1: during that trip we decided that was it. We're going

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Speaker 1: to stop using contraception that we were going to just

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Speaker 1: see what happens. And not long after that trip, we'd

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Speaker 1: bought a property outside of town on some acreage, so

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Speaker 1: we had all this land and we had the bush

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Speaker 1: that we wanted, and it wasn't long after that that

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Speaker 1: we fell pregnant with our first child. I loved being pregnant.

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Speaker 1: I wasn't too crook. I was very lucky. I loved

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Speaker 1: the belly. He loved the belly. He thought a pregnant

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Speaker 1: woman is the most beautiful thing in the world. So

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Speaker 1: he was just overjoyed to be becoming a parent and

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Speaker 1: that was a really nice time. He did work away

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Speaker 1: a lot, so you know, I'd FaceTime him and send videos.

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Speaker 1: But yeah, he was super excited, like everybody else was.

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Speaker 1: This was the first grandchild on both sides of the family,

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Speaker 1: and everybody was just super keen to meet this. Literally,

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Speaker 1: we had a great relationship. Everything was going really smoothly.

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Speaker 1: He was working a lot. He also started a side

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Speaker 1: business with one of his hobbies, like doing survival things.

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Speaker 1: He was into that, and he was really excited to

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Speaker 1: be bringing a child into the world and just couldn't wait.

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Speaker 1: And I was the same. It was really exciting, and

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Speaker 1: I'd never been super maternal or super clucky, but this

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Speaker 1: time I was ready. I think because I was thirty

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Speaker 1: and I was ready, and about twelve hours of decent

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Speaker 1: active labor, we had our first child. It was horrible,

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Speaker 1: this little bean that came out and he had a

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Speaker 1: massive spot on his cheek. It was a massive little

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Speaker 1: mole on his cheek. But I didn't care. I thought

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Speaker 1: that was he was the most beautiful thing ever. And

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Speaker 1: Kyle was exactly the same. He was just besotted with him. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: we absolutely loved it. Having this newborn and taking him

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Speaker 1: home was just like, Wow, we're allowed to take this

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Speaker 1: child home. That's incredible. He was just loving giving him

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Speaker 1: cuddles and being as involved as possible while he was

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Speaker 1: home before he had to go away for work. I

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Speaker 1: had my mom and my dad staying up there on

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Speaker 1: the property as well, so we had that extra help.

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Speaker 1: He wasn't the easiest baby in the world. Let's just

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Speaker 1: say that he had a lot of issues happening, and

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Speaker 1: as a first time mum, I didn't really understand. I

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Speaker 1: suppose what wasn't normal and what was normal. We had

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Speaker 1: a lot of issues with feeding. We thought it was

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Speaker 1: reflux and all that sort of colic or whatever they

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Speaker 1: call it. He did cry a lot. He wouldn't sleep much,

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Speaker 1: he would cry all night, and we just thought that's

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Speaker 1: part of the normal parenting journey. Everybody has these dramas.

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Speaker 1: It's just a matter of getting through and you know,

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Speaker 1: putting up with this newborn time. We did struggle a

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Speaker 1: lot with I suppose lack of sleep, and I got

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Speaker 1: quite resentful and frustrated because I'd be doing all the

248
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Speaker 1: feedings and the night stuff. Because I understood that he

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Speaker 1: had to work a risky job, so I didn't want

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Speaker 1: him to be tied off going to work. So a

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Speaker 1: lot of the work did end up falling back on me.

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Speaker 1: I had my mum there to support as well, but

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Speaker 1: I was very reluctant to let her take the baby

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Speaker 1: away to then feed him. You know, I wanted to

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Speaker 1: make sure that I was there for everything. That first

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Speaker 1: mum guilt, I think it's always ever present. As time

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Speaker 1: went on and we found out that there was more

258
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Speaker 1: issues and more issues evolving from this little bub that

259
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Speaker 1: he wasn't developing as a normal baby would, that's when

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Speaker 1: things started to get more and more difficult in the relationship.

261
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Speaker 1: There's more stress and pressure put on everybody. He was

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Speaker 1: the most gorgeous little baby, really happy, but you know,

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Speaker 1: just would be crying and very hot. A lot a

264
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Speaker 1: lot of work, We had a lot of appointments, and

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Speaker 1: I suppose one of the big issues with having a

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Speaker 1: child that isn't developing as a normal child is the denial.

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Speaker 1: I think, especially from Kyle. He didn't believe that there

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Speaker 1: was anything wrong. He would eventually get there, it might

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Speaker 1: just be a bit slower. My mum used to work

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Speaker 1: with a lot of people disabilities, and I knew lots

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Speaker 1: of people with disabilities, so it wasn't strange to me,

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Speaker 1: and I always thought, well, if I have a child

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Speaker 1: like that, it's not going to be the end of

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Speaker 1: the world. But I suppose Kyle came from a background

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Speaker 1: where it was very much hasn't been exposed to that

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Speaker 1: doesn't understand that world. So having that new child looking

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Speaker 1: very differently to what he expected was probably something quite

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Speaker 1: confronting and scary for him. He really struggled, I think,

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Speaker 1: to accept that side of it. He absolutely loved him

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Speaker 1: and absolutely it was an amazing father, but there was, yeah,

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Speaker 1: that denial, and from his family as well. They were

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Speaker 1: very much in the point of view that we could

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Speaker 1: pray and that would help fix this child. You know

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Speaker 1: that he was broken, and that the Lord would be

285
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Speaker 1: able to help him talk or to help him walk

286
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Speaker 1: or anything like that. This was very difficult to sort

287
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Speaker 1: of reconcile that they didn't understand or they had that

288
00:15:02,688 --> 00:15:07,088
Speaker 1: massive denial towards him. And I suppose I saw him

289
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Speaker 1: as Yep, he has challenges, he has different things happening,

290
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Speaker 1: but he's still him. He's our little man. He's an

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Speaker 1: amazing little dude, and he brought joy to absolutely everybody

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Speaker 1: he met. And I suppose I didn't see the need

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Speaker 1: to fix him so much. I knew that we'd have

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Speaker 1: to work on a lot of things and it'd be

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Speaker 1: a tough journey, but he is who he is. And

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Speaker 1: I suppose I had a lot more realistic views and

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Speaker 1: that was very difficult. And as time progressed, Kyle really

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Speaker 1: stepped back from that parenting journey because as he got older.

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Speaker 1: I suppose usually dads find it easier as the kids

300
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Speaker 1: get older, they can actually relate to their children, But

301
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Speaker 1: this was the opposite. He found it harder and harder

302
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Speaker 1: because the Bubba or now a toddler wouldn't do anything

303
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Speaker 1: that he wanted to do. So Kyle wanted to be

304
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Speaker 1: outdoors and making fires and playing with rocks, whereas our

305
00:16:01,568 --> 00:16:04,488
Speaker 1: son he was just not interested in that whatsoever, and

306
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Speaker 1: there was that lack of connection there.

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Speaker 2: I think it was an incredibly tough time, but Lea

308
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Speaker 2: and I had always been a rock solid unit. Despite

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Speaker 2: the fact their belief systems were at longerheads at times,

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Speaker 2: they'd always found a way to talk through their issues

311
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Speaker 2: and work out what was best for their family.

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Speaker 1: We would have arguments around beliefs, I suppose in terms

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Speaker 1: of him and his family being very religious and very

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Speaker 1: probably to more the right wing extreme side of it,

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Speaker 1: whereas my family is more left and I was more

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Speaker 1: open to you know, homosexuality and climate change, whereas they

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Speaker 1: didn't agree with a lot of that stuff and were

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Speaker 1: into conspiracy. So I suppose I really struggled with that

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Speaker 1: side and with his support of his parents, and they

320
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Speaker 1: always had those very strong views which I did struggle

321
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Speaker 1: a fair bit to assimilate too. I also attended church

322
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Speaker 1: and really tried to fit into that church community, but

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Speaker 1: I suppose I always felt like a bit of a fraud,

324
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Speaker 1: like I was there trying to believe it and trying

325
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Speaker 1: to really accept it. But I suppose in the back

326
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Speaker 1: of my mind I was always very down full around

327
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Speaker 1: all of that. I've been brought up in an Anglican church,

328
00:17:13,568 --> 00:17:17,967
Speaker 1: which is pretty traditional, but I'd never really continued that

329
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Speaker 1: after I was a child, whereas he was still entrenched

330
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Speaker 1: in that the Pentecostal side of church, so they were

331
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Speaker 1: very involved in the church his family, and I suppose

332
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Speaker 1: I accepted it because I understood where they were coming from.

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Speaker 1: But I just sort of, yeah, I would just put

334
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Speaker 1: up with it. I would push those feelings down and

335
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Speaker 1: just be like, I'm not going to make waves. I'm

336
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Speaker 1: not into confrontations, so you know, I'll go along with

337
00:17:39,928 --> 00:17:43,008
Speaker 1: the with the conversations they're having, but I still have

338
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Speaker 1: my own beliefs and values. So I suppose we did

339
00:17:45,448 --> 00:17:48,407
Speaker 1: clash a lot on those certain things. It was often

340
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Speaker 1: easier to put those conversations to the side rather than

341
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Speaker 1: keep pushing them because other things in the relationship were great.

342
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Speaker 1: We both had great jobs, we both had the same goals,

343
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Speaker 1: we got along really well, all our friends were really great,

344
00:18:01,408 --> 00:18:03,447
Speaker 1: so we really didn't have other big issues. And I

345
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Speaker 1: understood that everybody has their issues in a relationship, you know,

346
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Speaker 1: and there's often lots of times that people from different

347
00:18:08,968 --> 00:18:13,848
Speaker 1: faiths or religions end up staying together and making it work.

348
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Speaker 1: So I thought, well, maybe, you know, this is just

349
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Speaker 1: one of those things that we have to have to

350
00:18:18,288 --> 00:18:21,288
Speaker 1: work with. Another big issue in our parenting journey was

351
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Speaker 1: the fact that I was very much the belief that

352
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Speaker 1: vaccines have a place and that they are needed to

353
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Speaker 1: assist with herd immunity, pretty much a science based approach,

354
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Speaker 1: whereas Kyle was very much from that Pentecostal religious side,

355
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Speaker 1: where a lot of them, not all, but a lot

356
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Speaker 1: of them have that view of that vaccines mandated by

357
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Speaker 1: government and that government can't be trusted, so a lot

358
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Speaker 1: of those conspiracy theories and that vaccines are bad. So

359
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Speaker 1: we had a lot of discussions around that, but at

360
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Speaker 1: the time, Kyle trusted me to make those decisions, and

361
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Speaker 1: I was quite happy that we'd had the discussions, and

362
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Speaker 1: I knew where he sat, but he was always sort

363
00:18:58,288 --> 00:19:02,128
Speaker 1: of willing to go with what I ultimately decided in

364
00:19:02,208 --> 00:19:04,528
Speaker 1: terms of the parenting role. It was always a bit

365
00:19:04,568 --> 00:19:07,008
Speaker 1: of a struggle, and it did create a lot of

366
00:19:07,048 --> 00:19:12,368
Speaker 1: difficult discussions in the relationship around those different beliefs sort

367
00:19:12,408 --> 00:19:15,648
Speaker 1: of impacting on big decisions in life, like schooling and

368
00:19:16,288 --> 00:19:18,448
Speaker 1: medical decisions. There's a lot of things that you don't

369
00:19:18,528 --> 00:19:21,528
Speaker 1: realize where you've really got to align, and they are

370
00:19:21,968 --> 00:19:24,608
Speaker 1: massive life decisions. He made me feel that I was

371
00:19:24,648 --> 00:19:27,088
Speaker 1: lucky that he was willing to let me make those decisions.

372
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Speaker 1: We had the discussions, and he might not have been

373
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Speaker 1: one hundred percent comfortable, but he wasn't as extreme as

374
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Speaker 1: his parents, or he wasn't as extreme as other people

375
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Speaker 1: at that point.

376
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Speaker 2: So with his son's well being the ultimate priority, LEAD

377
00:19:39,448 --> 00:19:40,288
Speaker 2: took charge.

378
00:19:40,448 --> 00:19:44,048
Speaker 1: I just got on with parenting and just continued to

379
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Speaker 1: do what I needed to do. I went to all

380
00:19:45,928 --> 00:19:48,488
Speaker 1: the appointments, and I listened to the doctors. I did

381
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Speaker 1: all the things. Whereas as Kyle would be more on

382
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Speaker 1: the side of, oh no, he's going to walk, he's

383
00:19:53,328 --> 00:19:55,648
Speaker 1: going to talk like that's not a problem, and he

384
00:19:55,688 --> 00:19:59,008
Speaker 1: wasn't as involved in the appointments or all that side

385
00:19:59,048 --> 00:20:01,088
Speaker 1: of things, and he did work a lot, so I

386
00:20:01,168 --> 00:20:04,768
Speaker 1: wasn't putting pressure on him to attend everything. But everything

387
00:20:04,848 --> 00:20:09,207
Speaker 1: fell to me, and ultimately, yeah, he pretty much stepped

388
00:20:09,208 --> 00:20:12,888
Speaker 1: aside and just let me handle parenting and being a mum.

389
00:20:13,448 --> 00:20:17,248
Speaker 1: This made a lot of resentment grow in the relationship.

390
00:20:17,408 --> 00:20:20,088
Speaker 1: I got really sick and tired of doing the bulk

391
00:20:20,128 --> 00:20:22,968
Speaker 1: of everything. So I'd be getting up in the morning

392
00:20:23,008 --> 00:20:26,407
Speaker 1: after having minimal sleep, and then he would be sitting

393
00:20:26,448 --> 00:20:28,568
Speaker 1: on the toilet like every man for about forty minutes,

394
00:20:28,608 --> 00:20:31,768
Speaker 1: avoiding any responsibility until it was his time to go

395
00:20:31,808 --> 00:20:34,008
Speaker 1: off to work. So I literally got no help in

396
00:20:34,048 --> 00:20:37,128
Speaker 1: the morning. And I ended up going back to work

397
00:20:37,328 --> 00:20:40,888
Speaker 1: after about ten months, and I was working about four

398
00:20:40,928 --> 00:20:44,088
Speaker 1: days a week, and I really struggled. I was tired, exhausted.

399
00:20:44,608 --> 00:20:46,848
Speaker 1: I had to drive about forty minutes in the country

400
00:20:46,928 --> 00:20:49,207
Speaker 1: to get to where I was, so at some points

401
00:20:49,208 --> 00:20:51,848
Speaker 1: I was super tired, Like I remember thinking this is

402
00:20:52,008 --> 00:20:55,568
Speaker 1: bordering on dangerous in terms of driving. And then I

403
00:20:55,608 --> 00:20:58,488
Speaker 1: pretty much had a bit of a breakdown. And after

404
00:20:58,568 --> 00:21:02,927
Speaker 1: about eighteen months of looking after this Bubba, who absolutely adored,

405
00:21:02,968 --> 00:21:06,728
Speaker 1: but I was diagnosed with post natal depression. Trying to

406
00:21:06,728 --> 00:21:09,288
Speaker 1: fit everything in. After I got diagnosed and the doctors

407
00:21:09,288 --> 00:21:12,568
Speaker 1: recommended that I go on antidepressants, that was a big issue.

408
00:21:12,688 --> 00:21:14,808
Speaker 1: He didn't want me to go on antidepressants because that

409
00:21:14,928 --> 00:21:17,688
Speaker 1: was something that, you know, I could just tough it out.

410
00:21:18,128 --> 00:21:20,968
Speaker 1: It was something that you know, you just work through.

411
00:21:21,088 --> 00:21:24,088
Speaker 1: You don't need that assistance. And he didn't agree with

412
00:21:24,128 --> 00:21:27,248
Speaker 1: me going on antidepressants whatsoever. So I held off on

413
00:21:27,328 --> 00:21:29,528
Speaker 1: doing that for a little while, probably a few weeks.

414
00:21:29,688 --> 00:21:32,288
Speaker 1: But in the end I had very strong support from

415
00:21:32,288 --> 00:21:34,927
Speaker 1: my mum, who has a mental health journey herself, and

416
00:21:34,968 --> 00:21:37,648
Speaker 1: from friends, and they said, no, you've got to go

417
00:21:37,768 --> 00:21:40,648
Speaker 1: onto these antidepressants just to get you through. I think

418
00:21:40,688 --> 00:21:42,687
Speaker 1: that really put a lot of pressure on more in

419
00:21:42,768 --> 00:21:46,128
Speaker 1: terms of creating that bigger wedge between us in terms

420
00:21:46,128 --> 00:21:49,848
Speaker 1: of our medical views. That he didn't agree with it,

421
00:21:50,168 --> 00:21:51,967
Speaker 1: but he wasn't going to stop me from doing what

422
00:21:52,088 --> 00:21:55,288
Speaker 1: I had to do. From that point, everything sort of

423
00:21:55,288 --> 00:21:57,328
Speaker 1: settled down a fair bit. I went back to work

424
00:21:57,408 --> 00:22:00,128
Speaker 1: just three days a week, which was more achievable he

425
00:22:00,368 --> 00:22:03,168
Speaker 1: was working away, and I managed to get our son

426
00:22:03,208 --> 00:22:05,488
Speaker 1: into daycare, so that took the pressure off a lot,

427
00:22:05,568 --> 00:22:08,128
Speaker 1: and everything sort of went back to normal for a

428
00:22:08,168 --> 00:22:08,688
Speaker 1: fair while.

429
00:22:09,048 --> 00:22:11,487
Speaker 2: And wild things were feeling normal again. There was no

430
00:22:11,568 --> 00:22:14,248
Speaker 2: better time to go on a little getaway and spend

431
00:22:14,248 --> 00:22:17,008
Speaker 2: some much needed quality time together alone.

432
00:22:17,088 --> 00:22:19,648
Speaker 1: We were really lucky that Nana decided to take a

433
00:22:19,768 --> 00:22:23,288
Speaker 1: little man for a few nights, and I was so excited.

434
00:22:23,328 --> 00:22:24,648
Speaker 1: I was like, this is amazing. We're going to go

435
00:22:24,688 --> 00:22:27,407
Speaker 1: and stay in an airbnb and a beautiful little country

436
00:22:27,448 --> 00:22:30,008
Speaker 1: town and have some great adult time and just not

437
00:22:30,088 --> 00:22:32,167
Speaker 1: have to deal with crying baby at night. So I

438
00:22:32,208 --> 00:22:35,688
Speaker 1: was super excited. And on the trip to the airbnb,

439
00:22:35,728 --> 00:22:38,488
Speaker 1: which was a few hours away, I had a headache.

440
00:22:38,528 --> 00:22:40,288
Speaker 1: I don't drink enough water, so I just had a

441
00:22:40,328 --> 00:22:42,048
Speaker 1: mic starting to get a migraine. So I thought I'll

442
00:22:42,048 --> 00:22:45,208
Speaker 1: pop a couple of panadines. Because back in the day,

443
00:22:45,288 --> 00:22:48,528
Speaker 1: that's when codine was not you didn't have to get

444
00:22:48,528 --> 00:22:51,167
Speaker 1: it prescribed by the doctor, so everybody could get some panadine.

445
00:22:51,848 --> 00:22:54,048
Speaker 1: And when I said, oh, look, I've just got to

446
00:22:54,048 --> 00:22:56,168
Speaker 1: pop a couple of panadine because I've got a headache,

447
00:22:56,608 --> 00:22:58,808
Speaker 1: Kyle said to me, oh, can you just chuck me

448
00:22:58,888 --> 00:23:01,568
Speaker 1: one as well? And I said to him, I was

449
00:23:01,688 --> 00:23:04,207
Speaker 1: just astounded because I was like, why, you don't have

450
00:23:04,248 --> 00:23:07,488
Speaker 1: a headache and he was like, no, no, no, just

451
00:23:07,488 --> 00:23:10,728
Speaker 1: give me one. It's fine, And so that really sent

452
00:23:10,808 --> 00:23:13,008
Speaker 1: some alarm bells off. I was like, what is going on?

453
00:23:13,128 --> 00:23:15,407
Speaker 1: And then we had a blown out argument on the

454
00:23:15,408 --> 00:23:18,768
Speaker 1: way to this romantic getaway about the fact that he

455
00:23:18,848 --> 00:23:20,808
Speaker 1: just does this every now and then because it makes

456
00:23:20,888 --> 00:23:24,007
Speaker 1: him feel nice and gives him a slight buzz, and

457
00:23:24,048 --> 00:23:26,088
Speaker 1: I was like, I'm not going to be giving you panadine.

458
00:23:26,128 --> 00:23:28,808
Speaker 1: This is a problem, Like this is not normal. And

459
00:23:28,848 --> 00:23:31,888
Speaker 1: by the time we got to the accommodation things had

460
00:23:31,888 --> 00:23:34,528
Speaker 1: settled down. We'd had a bit more of a chat

461
00:23:34,568 --> 00:23:36,768
Speaker 1: about it, and he was like, look, I'm not going

462
00:23:36,808 --> 00:23:39,288
Speaker 1: to keep doing this. Obviously you don't agree with it,

463
00:23:39,328 --> 00:23:42,448
Speaker 1: so I'm going to stop that. And I was under

464
00:23:42,488 --> 00:23:43,927
Speaker 1: the impression that he was going to stop it.

465
00:23:44,408 --> 00:23:47,568
Speaker 2: Lea didn't love this at all, but she knew Kyle

466
00:23:47,728 --> 00:23:49,968
Speaker 2: liked to have fun, and importantly, he knew how to

467
00:23:50,008 --> 00:23:52,648
Speaker 2: control himself, so there wasn't anything to worry about.

468
00:23:52,888 --> 00:23:56,407
Speaker 1: Kyle was always like to drink and he'd always finished

469
00:23:56,408 --> 00:24:01,167
Speaker 1: the first two drinks very quickly. He was a regular drinker,

470
00:24:01,288 --> 00:24:03,848
Speaker 1: and he'd just have a few after work generally, but

471
00:24:03,968 --> 00:24:06,848
Speaker 1: as time went on that grew and grew to like

472
00:24:06,928 --> 00:24:09,608
Speaker 1: sayb three to four to two a six pack, so

473
00:24:09,888 --> 00:24:12,407
Speaker 1: then he could fall asleep at night, which was quite frustrating.

474
00:24:12,848 --> 00:24:16,528
Speaker 1: But he also in his younger years had also dabbled

475
00:24:16,568 --> 00:24:20,448
Speaker 1: with recreational drugs like speed, and that was just something

476
00:24:20,528 --> 00:24:22,568
Speaker 1: that I knew was in his past. You know, lots

477
00:24:22,568 --> 00:24:24,368
Speaker 1: of people do that. It's just something you do when

478
00:24:24,368 --> 00:24:28,128
Speaker 1: you're a teenager and you're rebelling, as he would have

479
00:24:28,408 --> 00:24:30,568
Speaker 1: in the household. In school that he went to, it

480
00:24:30,648 --> 00:24:33,687
Speaker 1: was very strict religious, so that was not something that

481
00:24:33,728 --> 00:24:37,608
Speaker 1: really concerned me. Yeah, So the drinking, as drinking is

482
00:24:37,728 --> 00:24:40,648
Speaker 1: pretty socially accepted. He would drink a lot at parties too,

483
00:24:40,968 --> 00:24:44,528
Speaker 1: but he would never really seem affected. He was really

484
00:24:44,568 --> 00:24:47,208
Speaker 1: good at holding his drink. He would never get violent.

485
00:24:47,648 --> 00:24:50,288
Speaker 1: He just had a great time. Those alarm bells around

486
00:24:50,328 --> 00:24:52,608
Speaker 1: the fact that he was using codeine. I was just,

487
00:24:53,848 --> 00:24:57,648
Speaker 1: I suppose in a way, I was super alarmed, But

488
00:24:57,688 --> 00:24:59,528
Speaker 1: then I also just pushed it to the back of

489
00:24:59,568 --> 00:25:02,247
Speaker 1: my mind, like we dealt with it at that time,

490
00:25:02,928 --> 00:25:05,728
Speaker 1: and we didn't really need to keep bringing it up.

491
00:25:06,328 --> 00:25:08,168
Speaker 1: He said he was going to fix the problem, so

492
00:25:08,288 --> 00:25:09,768
Speaker 1: I had no reason not to believe it.

493
00:25:11,528 --> 00:25:15,448
Speaker 2: After a brief escape from everyday life, reality came rushing back.

494
00:25:15,768 --> 00:25:18,328
Speaker 2: Lea dived once again into the search for a clear

495
00:25:18,408 --> 00:25:21,927
Speaker 2: diagnosis for their son, while Kyle's mind was occupied with

496
00:25:22,168 --> 00:25:22,808
Speaker 2: something else.

497
00:25:22,888 --> 00:25:25,728
Speaker 1: Altogether, we were struggling to get a diagnosis for him.

498
00:25:25,928 --> 00:25:28,167
Speaker 1: We didn't know what was going on. None of the

499
00:25:28,208 --> 00:25:31,728
Speaker 1: doctors were helpful. We were having troubles with seizures. He

500
00:25:31,808 --> 00:25:34,688
Speaker 1: only walked when he was two, so we were struggling

501
00:25:34,728 --> 00:25:37,968
Speaker 1: with getting him walking and moving around. He wasn't talking.

502
00:25:38,328 --> 00:25:41,088
Speaker 1: So there was all this stuff going on that I

503
00:25:41,288 --> 00:25:44,247
Speaker 1: was so invested in and concentrating on that I suppose

504
00:25:44,288 --> 00:25:46,808
Speaker 1: I didn't really see a lot of what Kyle was

505
00:25:46,928 --> 00:25:48,728
Speaker 1: up to. He was doing his own thing. He was

506
00:25:48,768 --> 00:25:51,608
Speaker 1: working a lot. He started his own little business, so

507
00:25:51,648 --> 00:25:54,368
Speaker 1: that was going really well, and he would always be, Oh,

508
00:25:54,408 --> 00:25:56,248
Speaker 1: I've got to work, I've got to work. So he

509
00:25:56,328 --> 00:25:59,048
Speaker 1: wasn't in helping me. The main thing he wanted to

510
00:25:59,048 --> 00:26:01,848
Speaker 1: be was a really good provider for the family, not

511
00:26:01,928 --> 00:26:05,407
Speaker 1: only just in terms of monetary provision. He really wanted

512
00:26:05,448 --> 00:26:08,288
Speaker 1: to be able to if the world ended, as the

513
00:26:08,288 --> 00:26:11,408
Speaker 1: Bible says it will eventually. When that happens, he wanted

514
00:26:11,448 --> 00:26:13,528
Speaker 1: to have us ready to go. You know, we could

515
00:26:13,528 --> 00:26:15,408
Speaker 1: make our own fire, we could collect our own water,

516
00:26:15,728 --> 00:26:18,008
Speaker 1: we could make our own tools. He was into gardening,

517
00:26:18,088 --> 00:26:20,568
Speaker 1: so he really wanted to grow all these vegetables and

518
00:26:21,288 --> 00:26:23,407
Speaker 1: make sure that we were self sufficient. That was his

519
00:26:23,488 --> 00:26:26,848
Speaker 1: way of providing for the family. This really annoyed me sometimes,

520
00:26:26,848 --> 00:26:29,528
Speaker 1: Like I loved the fact that he was trying to

521
00:26:29,608 --> 00:26:32,088
Speaker 1: do these things, but it was always to the extreme.

522
00:26:32,208 --> 00:26:34,967
Speaker 1: He would pick everything to the extreme. He would go

523
00:26:35,008 --> 00:26:37,048
Speaker 1: down a rabbit hole of how to make stone tools

524
00:26:37,088 --> 00:26:39,888
Speaker 1: for so long, and then he'd move on to the

525
00:26:39,888 --> 00:26:42,088
Speaker 1: next topic, so then he'd be going into the how

526
00:26:42,128 --> 00:26:46,448
Speaker 1: to filter water or how to make rope from scratch.

527
00:26:46,488 --> 00:26:49,368
Speaker 1: So there'd be all these different things. And I liked

528
00:26:49,688 --> 00:26:52,167
Speaker 1: the fact that he had such a wonderful hobby that

529
00:26:52,328 --> 00:26:55,888
Speaker 1: was a positive hobby, but at the same time, it

530
00:26:56,008 --> 00:27:00,128
Speaker 1: really took away so much time from our family and concentration,

531
00:27:00,368 --> 00:27:02,288
Speaker 1: and that's all he wanted to talk about. So I

532
00:27:02,328 --> 00:27:05,448
Speaker 1: got very frustrated a lot of the time about these

533
00:27:05,488 --> 00:27:08,048
Speaker 1: things and just said, look, I don't need this to

534
00:27:08,088 --> 00:27:11,528
Speaker 1: be provided. I need come and stability. It was always

535
00:27:11,648 --> 00:27:14,288
Speaker 1: something that was always there, just chipping away a little

536
00:27:14,328 --> 00:27:15,328
Speaker 1: bit all the time.

537
00:27:15,768 --> 00:27:20,048
Speaker 2: Despite all this, breakthrough finally presented itself, as did another

538
00:27:20,168 --> 00:27:21,368
Speaker 2: life changing decision.

539
00:27:21,728 --> 00:27:24,927
Speaker 1: We had finally got the diagnosis for the other child,

540
00:27:24,968 --> 00:27:28,248
Speaker 1: and we decided since there was no red flags. He

541
00:27:28,448 --> 00:27:31,728
Speaker 1: had a red genetic condition, but that wasn't going to

542
00:27:31,728 --> 00:27:33,808
Speaker 1: be passed down to their next child because it wasn't

543
00:27:33,848 --> 00:27:36,248
Speaker 1: passed on from us. So we decided, let's go again.

544
00:27:36,648 --> 00:27:40,448
Speaker 1: We fell pregnant really really quickly, and yeah, that was great.

545
00:27:40,488 --> 00:27:42,648
Speaker 1: We were at a good point when we fell pregnant.

546
00:27:43,408 --> 00:27:46,207
Speaker 1: And yeah, he was again super excited to have a child.

547
00:27:46,608 --> 00:27:48,208
Speaker 1: There was going to be a big age gap about

548
00:27:48,248 --> 00:27:51,368
Speaker 1: five years between the two kids, so that at least

549
00:27:51,448 --> 00:27:53,528
Speaker 1: our other child would be close to going to school,

550
00:27:53,808 --> 00:27:55,608
Speaker 1: so we'd have a bit more ability to have a

551
00:27:55,608 --> 00:27:59,128
Speaker 1: baby around. And yeah, like I was excited. I was

552
00:27:59,248 --> 00:28:01,128
Speaker 1: a little bit nauseous at the start of this one,

553
00:28:01,168 --> 00:28:03,928
Speaker 1: which was a bit worse than the last pregnancy. But yeah, again,

554
00:28:04,008 --> 00:28:06,328
Speaker 1: I love being pregnant. I loved having the belly and

555
00:28:06,968 --> 00:28:10,208
Speaker 1: that was really exciting time of the life of our life.

556
00:28:10,528 --> 00:28:13,688
Speaker 1: When I was pregnant with my second child. We decided

557
00:28:13,728 --> 00:28:15,888
Speaker 1: to go again, and you know, everything was quite good,

558
00:28:15,968 --> 00:28:19,167
Speaker 1: apart from those few little hiccups. He had invited his

559
00:28:19,208 --> 00:28:21,407
Speaker 1: cousin to come and stay with us because he needed

560
00:28:21,408 --> 00:28:23,888
Speaker 1: somewhere to live, and they were really close and had

561
00:28:23,888 --> 00:28:27,168
Speaker 1: spent a lot of time in childhood together, and his

562
00:28:27,248 --> 00:28:29,848
Speaker 1: cousin was, you know, a lovely guy. I really supported him.

563
00:28:29,848 --> 00:28:32,248
Speaker 1: He had a lot of health issues. He was unemployed,

564
00:28:32,848 --> 00:28:34,407
Speaker 1: so and he wanted to come out and help with

565
00:28:34,408 --> 00:28:36,528
Speaker 1: the property. So I thought, this is fair. We've got

566
00:28:36,648 --> 00:28:38,608
Speaker 1: a donga that you can stay in. It's all a

567
00:28:38,648 --> 00:28:41,488
Speaker 1: non issue. So he came out, and then there'd be

568
00:28:42,168 --> 00:28:45,848
Speaker 1: a night here and there that they would go off

569
00:28:46,368 --> 00:28:51,688
Speaker 1: and they would have these spiritual experiences, which they tried

570
00:28:51,728 --> 00:28:54,328
Speaker 1: to sell to me that it was them talking to

571
00:28:54,408 --> 00:28:58,888
Speaker 1: God and having an actual experience with angels and demons.

572
00:29:00,008 --> 00:29:03,768
Speaker 1: And I was just so tired and I said to them,

573
00:29:03,808 --> 00:29:05,888
Speaker 1: look what is going on, Like this is crazy. And

574
00:29:05,928 --> 00:29:09,168
Speaker 1: in the middle of it, there was no sense being spoken.

575
00:29:09,208 --> 00:29:13,248
Speaker 1: They were clearly in another world literally, So I would

576
00:29:13,328 --> 00:29:15,808
Speaker 1: just try and ignore it go to sleep, but I

577
00:29:15,888 --> 00:29:19,408
Speaker 1: was so angry, like this was just ridiculous. And in

578
00:29:19,448 --> 00:29:21,728
Speaker 1: the morning he would usually come and say, look, I

579
00:29:22,008 --> 00:29:25,808
Speaker 1: yeah we did speed last night and say I'm sorry,

580
00:29:26,008 --> 00:29:28,288
Speaker 1: like this is what happened. And I felt like he

581
00:29:28,368 --> 00:29:31,048
Speaker 1: always owned up to what he was doing, so I

582
00:29:31,088 --> 00:29:34,608
Speaker 1: didn't feel like there was deception, and that's maybe why

583
00:29:35,088 --> 00:29:37,008
Speaker 1: I thought that, you know, he was doing the things.

584
00:29:37,008 --> 00:29:38,728
Speaker 1: He was saying. He was, you know, just here and there,

585
00:29:38,808 --> 00:29:41,288
Speaker 1: just having a little bit of speed, like once every

586
00:29:41,288 --> 00:29:44,168
Speaker 1: few months, and just to enjoy his time with his

587
00:29:44,248 --> 00:29:47,168
Speaker 1: mates and have those spiritual experiences. And I was trying

588
00:29:47,208 --> 00:29:50,328
Speaker 1: to support his spirituality as well and not just be

589
00:29:50,688 --> 00:29:54,688
Speaker 1: like the not understanding. I always try to be understanding

590
00:29:54,728 --> 00:29:56,888
Speaker 1: and empathetic. But yeah, I probably took it a little

591
00:29:56,888 --> 00:30:00,608
Speaker 1: bit too far. The second pregnancy flew by really really quickly,

592
00:30:01,488 --> 00:30:04,288
Speaker 1: so I went into labor naturally. With this birth, my

593
00:30:04,368 --> 00:30:08,208
Speaker 1: waters broke at home and I was like, this is

594
00:30:08,248 --> 00:30:10,248
Speaker 1: super exciting. I'm going to be on t I don't

595
00:30:10,288 --> 00:30:13,728
Speaker 1: need to be induced. This is amazing. Kyle was meant

596
00:30:13,768 --> 00:30:15,448
Speaker 1: to go and do some work that day, but he

597
00:30:15,488 --> 00:30:18,848
Speaker 1: managed to call up cancel it. All good done, and

598
00:30:19,408 --> 00:30:22,448
Speaker 1: we needed two cars in town for some reason. I'd

599
00:30:22,528 --> 00:30:25,968
Speaker 1: drive my car down Snana's house and drop off our child,

600
00:30:26,448 --> 00:30:28,088
Speaker 1: and then from there I would go straight to the

601
00:30:28,088 --> 00:30:31,448
Speaker 1: hospital and he would come and follow behind because he

602
00:30:31,488 --> 00:30:34,048
Speaker 1: had a few jobs to do before he left. And

603
00:30:34,088 --> 00:30:36,648
Speaker 1: I said, that's fine, I'll meet you at the hospital.

604
00:30:36,888 --> 00:30:40,248
Speaker 1: You come when you're ready, and yep. Off. I went

605
00:30:40,648 --> 00:30:44,528
Speaker 1: got to the hospital, settled in, started having mild contractions

606
00:30:44,568 --> 00:30:48,128
Speaker 1: and everything was going well, and he rocked up about

607
00:30:48,608 --> 00:30:52,008
Speaker 1: an hour and a half later, and yeah, from there

608
00:30:52,088 --> 00:30:58,448
Speaker 1: things got weird. So the whole way through the labor,

609
00:30:59,648 --> 00:31:03,808
Speaker 1: he was acting super strange. He was comparing to how

610
00:31:03,928 --> 00:31:07,848
Speaker 1: life was like creating a fire, how a woman and

611
00:31:07,888 --> 00:31:10,208
Speaker 1: a man, how they make the babies, like make fire

612
00:31:10,208 --> 00:31:13,888
Speaker 1: with sticks, and comparing it to natural things. And he

613
00:31:13,968 --> 00:31:16,928
Speaker 1: was just very strange, and I suppose I was in labor,

614
00:31:17,008 --> 00:31:19,488
Speaker 1: so I was sort of trying not to concentrate on him,

615
00:31:19,528 --> 00:31:22,288
Speaker 1: like he wasn't my biggest worry at that time. He

616
00:31:22,368 --> 00:31:25,888
Speaker 1: was very also very paranoid around people coming into the

617
00:31:25,968 --> 00:31:30,728
Speaker 1: room and who they were, and he was very paranoid

618
00:31:30,968 --> 00:31:35,488
Speaker 1: over the doctor's advice. He was causing me so much drama.

619
00:31:35,568 --> 00:31:38,288
Speaker 1: He didn't want me to have any drugs. And I

620
00:31:38,328 --> 00:31:42,568
Speaker 1: had been in labor for about about ten hours, and

621
00:31:43,648 --> 00:31:46,248
Speaker 1: normally with your second child, it comes and happens pretty

622
00:31:46,328 --> 00:31:50,328
Speaker 1: quickly and straightforward. But after ten hours nothing was really happening.

623
00:31:50,368 --> 00:31:54,248
Speaker 1: Everything had slowed down, and at that point I was like,

624
00:31:54,368 --> 00:31:57,208
Speaker 1: I'm done, I'm ready for an epidural. And he did

625
00:31:57,248 --> 00:31:59,368
Speaker 1: not want me to have an epidural. He said, no,

626
00:32:00,408 --> 00:32:02,048
Speaker 1: if you listen to me, We're going to get this

627
00:32:02,128 --> 00:32:05,208
Speaker 1: baby out in the next half an hour. And so

628
00:32:05,488 --> 00:32:08,808
Speaker 1: I remember thinking, oh my gosh, get him out. I

629
00:32:08,848 --> 00:32:11,008
Speaker 1: just wanted the nurse to take him out, but I

630
00:32:11,008 --> 00:32:14,328
Speaker 1: couldn't put it into words, and she was The nurses

631
00:32:14,328 --> 00:32:16,968
Speaker 1: were great, but they didn't understand what was going on,

632
00:32:17,088 --> 00:32:21,088
Speaker 1: and they didn't understand how frustrated I was. And the

633
00:32:21,168 --> 00:32:23,608
Speaker 1: doctor came in and he said, look, you've got this

634
00:32:23,648 --> 00:32:25,968
Speaker 1: thing called a bandal's ring, which is where the baby

635
00:32:25,968 --> 00:32:29,088
Speaker 1: gets stuck in your uterus, and we're going to have

636
00:32:29,128 --> 00:32:32,528
Speaker 1: to do an emergency caesar. And by that time I

637
00:32:32,688 --> 00:32:36,008
Speaker 1: was like, yep, do it. I don't care. I just

638
00:32:36,048 --> 00:32:38,848
Speaker 1: want this baby born. The epidural was the most wonderful

639
00:32:38,888 --> 00:32:43,888
Speaker 1: thing I'd ever had. I wanted to kiss the anethesis

640
00:32:43,048 --> 00:32:47,728
Speaker 1: and he was super grumpy because he didn't want this

641
00:32:47,808 --> 00:32:50,608
Speaker 1: to happen, and he decided he kept saying to me,

642
00:32:50,688 --> 00:32:52,928
Speaker 1: if you listen to me, we'll get this baby out.

643
00:32:52,968 --> 00:32:56,168
Speaker 1: You don't need to listen to the doctors. So I

644
00:32:56,248 --> 00:32:58,088
Speaker 1: just remember get him out of the room. I was

645
00:32:58,128 --> 00:33:00,488
Speaker 1: so angry. I even tried. I think I physically tried

646
00:33:00,528 --> 00:33:02,368
Speaker 1: to push him away from me. A couple of times,

647
00:33:03,528 --> 00:33:05,928
Speaker 1: and in the end the doctors took us off. He

648
00:33:06,008 --> 00:33:07,488
Speaker 1: had no choice. We had to go and get the

649
00:33:07,608 --> 00:33:11,208
Speaker 1: emergency caesar. Yeah, that all happened. That was all fine.

650
00:33:11,288 --> 00:33:13,088
Speaker 1: We had it. We met our baby and he was

651
00:33:13,128 --> 00:33:16,688
Speaker 1: just beautiful. I remember lying there thinking, this is just great.

652
00:33:17,288 --> 00:33:19,768
Speaker 1: But everything that had happened throughout the whole labor I

653
00:33:19,808 --> 00:33:23,528
Speaker 1: had completely forgotten about, and you know, I had to

654
00:33:23,528 --> 00:33:25,728
Speaker 1: get stitched up and everything. So he was off looking

655
00:33:25,808 --> 00:33:27,488
Speaker 1: after baby, and that I suppose gave me a bit

656
00:33:27,488 --> 00:33:30,448
Speaker 1: of a break from the crazy after that long day

657
00:33:30,728 --> 00:33:34,008
Speaker 1: and probably having the emergency birth happened at about ten pm,

658
00:33:34,288 --> 00:33:37,648
Speaker 1: went back to the rooms and I remember saying to him, Okay, look,

659
00:33:37,688 --> 00:33:40,088
Speaker 1: it's good. We'll tell everybody that he's been born. You

660
00:33:40,208 --> 00:33:42,848
Speaker 1: head home, like you can head home because the fathers

661
00:33:42,888 --> 00:33:47,688
Speaker 1: aren't meant to stay in the hospital. And he was like, nah, no, no,

662
00:33:47,808 --> 00:33:50,888
Speaker 1: I'm not going anywhere. I said, well, you're not allowed

663
00:33:50,888 --> 00:33:53,008
Speaker 1: to stay here. We asked the nurse and she said no, no,

664
00:33:53,088 --> 00:33:56,448
Speaker 1: you can't sleep in here, like it's just protocol. So

665
00:33:56,528 --> 00:33:59,368
Speaker 1: he was like, oh, I'll just sleep in my car.

666
00:34:00,168 --> 00:34:02,568
Speaker 1: So he decided to instead of going to a friend's

667
00:34:02,608 --> 00:34:05,128
Speaker 1: house that was just around the corner. He wanted to

668
00:34:05,128 --> 00:34:07,488
Speaker 1: go and sleep in the car, and he did this

669
00:34:07,568 --> 00:34:09,448
Speaker 1: for about three nights in a row that we were

670
00:34:09,448 --> 00:34:11,488
Speaker 1: in the hole hospital. He decided to keep going and

671
00:34:11,527 --> 00:34:14,968
Speaker 1: sleeping out in the car during the day. We're in

672
00:34:15,008 --> 00:34:17,368
Speaker 1: private hospital, so we got a bit longer. And they

673
00:34:17,448 --> 00:34:19,647
Speaker 1: understood that I had a child with a disability at home,

674
00:34:19,728 --> 00:34:21,768
Speaker 1: so I think that's why they gave me a little

675
00:34:21,808 --> 00:34:25,087
Speaker 1: bit longer. We had about five days. He would come

676
00:34:25,088 --> 00:34:28,127
Speaker 1: in and he would just sleep. Kyle would just lie

677
00:34:28,168 --> 00:34:31,248
Speaker 1: and sleep with the baby all day. But then if

678
00:34:31,288 --> 00:34:33,087
Speaker 1: somebody wanted to come in, and because it was a

679
00:34:33,128 --> 00:34:38,768
Speaker 1: Catholic hospital, he was so wary of the nurses or

680
00:34:38,808 --> 00:34:41,928
Speaker 1: anybody coming in. And we had a one of the

681
00:34:42,848 --> 00:34:45,408
Speaker 1: I suppose the guidance offices come in from the Catholic

682
00:34:45,448 --> 00:34:47,888
Speaker 1: Church to give us a little token of congratulations on

683
00:34:47,928 --> 00:34:50,888
Speaker 1: your baby being born. And he wanted me to throw

684
00:34:50,928 --> 00:34:53,568
Speaker 1: this little token away because he thought it was evil.

685
00:34:54,128 --> 00:34:56,808
Speaker 1: That was another thing, and there was just the paranoia.

686
00:34:57,488 --> 00:34:59,808
Speaker 1: We couldn't decide on a name, so I remember him

687
00:34:59,808 --> 00:35:02,448
Speaker 1: staring at the ceiling and asking for God to give

688
00:35:02,528 --> 00:35:05,408
Speaker 1: him a sign of what the name was, and I

689
00:35:05,448 --> 00:35:07,607
Speaker 1: remember him saying, can't you see it? Can't you see

690
00:35:07,648 --> 00:35:10,448
Speaker 1: the name? And I was like nah, And so I

691
00:35:10,528 --> 00:35:13,888
Speaker 1: ended up coming up with the name. But in the end,

692
00:35:13,928 --> 00:35:16,567
Speaker 1: it was just it was all so strange, and I

693
00:35:16,688 --> 00:35:19,527
Speaker 1: was crying every day because he was just doing my

694
00:35:19,608 --> 00:35:22,647
Speaker 1: head in but I didn't understand why, and I think

695
00:35:22,688 --> 00:35:25,008
Speaker 1: he was very good at making me feel like I

696
00:35:25,168 --> 00:35:27,488
Speaker 1: was in the wrong. I was the one who didn't

697
00:35:27,528 --> 00:35:29,888
Speaker 1: believe enough in God, and I didn't believe enough in

698
00:35:29,928 --> 00:35:33,008
Speaker 1: all the Catholics wanting to come in and give us

699
00:35:33,048 --> 00:35:37,167
Speaker 1: tokens of the evil God. So yeah, there was all

700
00:35:37,168 --> 00:35:37,808
Speaker 1: this happening.

701
00:35:37,888 --> 00:35:38,047
Speaker 2: You know.

702
00:35:38,088 --> 00:35:40,808
Speaker 1: We had lots of visitors coming as always. His family

703
00:35:40,848 --> 00:35:43,888
Speaker 1: always wanted to come in and see the baby, which

704
00:35:43,968 --> 00:35:47,288
Speaker 1: was good but frustrating because it was just not a

705
00:35:47,328 --> 00:35:49,008
Speaker 1: great time and he would put on a good act

706
00:35:49,008 --> 00:35:51,047
Speaker 1: for them, but then go back to sleep once they went.

707
00:35:51,768 --> 00:35:56,368
Speaker 1: It wasn't until my friend Shelley came in. She was

708
00:35:56,408 --> 00:35:59,808
Speaker 1: a neonatal nurse and so had a lot of experience

709
00:35:59,848 --> 00:36:02,408
Speaker 1: in this area and had seen all sorts of crazy

710
00:36:02,448 --> 00:36:06,208
Speaker 1: things as she worked in the public system, and she

711
00:36:06,328 --> 00:36:08,688
Speaker 1: was great to see. She came back out and I

712
00:36:08,688 --> 00:36:11,328
Speaker 1: remember a few days after I got home from the hospital,

713
00:36:11,728 --> 00:36:19,047
Speaker 1: she said to me, what's wrong with Kyle, And I said, yeah,

714
00:36:19,088 --> 00:36:21,488
Speaker 1: I don't know. He's just acting really weird. I don't

715
00:36:21,528 --> 00:36:25,408
Speaker 1: know what's going on. And she said to me, I

716
00:36:25,448 --> 00:36:32,607
Speaker 1: think he's on something, and that finally made it click

717
00:36:32,648 --> 00:36:36,888
Speaker 1: for me, and I said to her, Oh, he's had

718
00:36:36,888 --> 00:36:40,248
Speaker 1: this problem with codine in the past, maybe he's back

719
00:36:40,248 --> 00:36:43,208
Speaker 1: on that. And she just nodded and said, yeah, I

720
00:36:43,248 --> 00:36:45,047
Speaker 1: would ask him. I would have a chat with him

721
00:36:45,048 --> 00:36:48,208
Speaker 1: about that. So that gave me food for thought. In

722
00:36:48,248 --> 00:36:53,047
Speaker 1: that moment, everything sort of made sense. The sleeping all day,

723
00:36:53,368 --> 00:36:57,328
Speaker 1: the weird paranoia, trying to make decisions for me over

724
00:36:57,408 --> 00:37:00,207
Speaker 1: a doctor, all those things. It sort of was like, Oh,

725
00:37:00,328 --> 00:37:02,848
Speaker 1: maybe this is why he's acting weird. He's not normally

726
00:37:02,968 --> 00:37:06,047
Speaker 1: like this. So it really dropped a bomb on me,

727
00:37:07,088 --> 00:37:10,928
Speaker 1: and it scared me a lot, but it also gave

728
00:37:10,968 --> 00:37:14,008
Speaker 1: me a reason and it made me feel less crazy

729
00:37:14,928 --> 00:37:17,328
Speaker 1: because I was made to feel like the crazy one

730
00:37:17,368 --> 00:37:20,648
Speaker 1: that whole time. I felt like I wasn't being supportive

731
00:37:20,728 --> 00:37:22,688
Speaker 1: enough of him and his beliefs and his God. And

732
00:37:23,608 --> 00:37:25,768
Speaker 1: it was weird because it made me feel good, but

733
00:37:25,888 --> 00:37:28,328
Speaker 1: it also made me feel like crap, because I had

734
00:37:28,368 --> 00:37:31,607
Speaker 1: to then battle with this problem potentially.

735
00:37:31,528 --> 00:37:35,288
Speaker 2: With the newborn and with Kyle acting increasingly off. Leah

736
00:37:35,328 --> 00:37:37,768
Speaker 2: planned to spend the first week out of hospital in

737
00:37:37,848 --> 00:37:39,888
Speaker 2: familiar and comfortable surroundings.

738
00:37:40,288 --> 00:37:42,688
Speaker 1: I ended up moving into my dad's house because I

739
00:37:42,728 --> 00:37:45,448
Speaker 1: had to be in town and be closer to everything

740
00:37:45,488 --> 00:37:48,087
Speaker 1: because I'd had a caesar so I couldn't drive, so

741
00:37:48,168 --> 00:37:51,248
Speaker 1: I decided to stay at my dad's house. And he

742
00:37:51,328 --> 00:37:55,008
Speaker 1: was still staying at home with our other child. And

743
00:37:55,048 --> 00:37:57,488
Speaker 1: this was probably about a week after I'd given birth,

744
00:37:57,608 --> 00:38:00,328
Speaker 1: and we'd also been having trouble with our second child

745
00:38:00,328 --> 00:38:03,808
Speaker 1: having tongue ties. But apart from that, he was perfect.

746
00:38:03,808 --> 00:38:06,488
Speaker 1: I was amazed by how well a baby can actually sleep,

747
00:38:07,128 --> 00:38:09,328
Speaker 1: and so I was like, oh my gosh, this is

748
00:38:09,328 --> 00:38:13,127
Speaker 1: what it's like to have a quote normal baby. And

749
00:38:14,008 --> 00:38:16,448
Speaker 1: so I was just getting along with things again. But

750
00:38:16,688 --> 00:38:19,408
Speaker 1: he came in one day and I thought this is

751
00:38:19,448 --> 00:38:22,768
Speaker 1: the perfect time. My dad wasn't home. I said to him,

752
00:38:23,208 --> 00:38:26,488
Speaker 1: what is going on? What happened in hospital? What are

753
00:38:26,528 --> 00:38:31,288
Speaker 1: you taking? Are you on anything? And he sat there

754
00:38:32,408 --> 00:38:35,968
Speaker 1: and I could see his mind ticking over. He was

755
00:38:36,008 --> 00:38:38,087
Speaker 1: thinking do I actually tell her or do I just

756
00:38:38,808 --> 00:38:42,768
Speaker 1: but he decided. He said, yeah, I'm on something and

757
00:38:42,808 --> 00:38:47,408
Speaker 1: I said, oh, is it codeine? And he was like, nah, nah,

758
00:38:47,448 --> 00:38:54,608
Speaker 1: it's actually I'm on ice. That blew my world apart.

759
00:38:55,408 --> 00:38:58,647
Speaker 1: I'd never realized how serious this had gone, it would

760
00:38:58,768 --> 00:39:03,448
Speaker 1: gone to the next level. Everything started to fall into place.

761
00:39:03,568 --> 00:39:05,968
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, that's what you were doing with

762
00:39:06,008 --> 00:39:08,648
Speaker 1: your cousin. Your cousin used to make that back in

763
00:39:08,688 --> 00:39:11,648
Speaker 1: the day. Clearly, you guys have got your hands on it.

764
00:39:11,688 --> 00:39:15,768
Speaker 1: So even though how much I hated it, everything started

765
00:39:16,128 --> 00:39:19,168
Speaker 1: to make sense. I stayed at my dad's for longer

766
00:39:19,328 --> 00:39:22,688
Speaker 1: because I decided I needed a break. At that point,

767
00:39:22,768 --> 00:39:26,608
Speaker 1: I wanted him gone, I wanted him out. I just thought,

768
00:39:26,808 --> 00:39:30,688
Speaker 1: at that point, he will stop taking this. Now. We

769
00:39:30,728 --> 00:39:33,928
Speaker 1: know that's it. He's going to come off it. We

770
00:39:34,008 --> 00:39:38,248
Speaker 1: know he's going to go and get help. And you know,

771
00:39:38,328 --> 00:39:40,528
Speaker 1: I've got all this support. He's got all this support,

772
00:39:41,808 --> 00:39:43,848
Speaker 1: he'll be able to fix himself up. And I thought, oh,

773
00:39:44,008 --> 00:39:45,968
Speaker 1: give it a couple of weeks and he'll get himself good.

774
00:39:46,528 --> 00:39:48,968
Speaker 1: So at that point I didn't know exactly how long

775
00:39:49,008 --> 00:39:51,928
Speaker 1: he'd been doing it for, but I know on the

776
00:39:52,008 --> 00:39:54,368
Speaker 1: day that I gave birth, he had done ice that

777
00:39:54,448 --> 00:39:56,208
Speaker 1: morning before he left to come and see me at

778
00:39:56,248 --> 00:40:02,408
Speaker 1: the hospital, and he told me that, and I think

779
00:40:02,448 --> 00:40:06,368
Speaker 1: he obviously played it down because I wanted him out

780
00:40:06,408 --> 00:40:09,247
Speaker 1: to go and get himself sorted. But I didn't see

781
00:40:09,288 --> 00:40:11,808
Speaker 1: this as a risk to our relationship. I thought, this

782
00:40:11,928 --> 00:40:14,888
Speaker 1: is just this is just one of those issues. I

783
00:40:14,968 --> 00:40:18,448
Speaker 1: knew his dad had had addictive problems back in the past,

784
00:40:18,488 --> 00:40:20,728
Speaker 1: and you know, I've seen it in families, and I

785
00:40:20,768 --> 00:40:24,567
Speaker 1: knew that people can get over their addictions. So I'd

786
00:40:24,608 --> 00:40:26,888
Speaker 1: put these rose colored glasses on that he's going to

787
00:40:26,928 --> 00:40:29,567
Speaker 1: get himself sorted. He he's an amazing dad, He's got

788
00:40:29,568 --> 00:40:32,087
Speaker 1: an amazing job. Like people like this, they don't they

789
00:40:32,088 --> 00:40:34,527
Speaker 1: don't turn to drugs like these people don't end up

790
00:40:35,128 --> 00:40:37,607
Speaker 1: being drug addicts to the rest of their lives. It's

791
00:40:37,648 --> 00:40:39,207
Speaker 1: just a little bit of an issue we're going through

792
00:40:39,248 --> 00:40:43,047
Speaker 1: right now, and we're going to get it sorted. So

793
00:40:43,088 --> 00:40:44,888
Speaker 1: I stayed at my dad's for the next four or

794
00:40:44,928 --> 00:40:48,608
Speaker 1: so weeks for a few reasons, to be closer to everybody,

795
00:40:48,648 --> 00:40:50,368
Speaker 1: and the fact that I couldn't drive, so I wanted

796
00:40:50,408 --> 00:40:53,047
Speaker 1: to be in town. I also wanted to have that

797
00:40:53,168 --> 00:40:56,688
Speaker 1: distance and to make sure that I could get some

798
00:40:56,808 --> 00:41:00,888
Speaker 1: rest and be closely supported as well by family, and

799
00:41:00,968 --> 00:41:03,808
Speaker 1: then yeah, like just have that a bit of a

800
00:41:03,848 --> 00:41:06,128
Speaker 1: separation for a little while, Like it wasn't official, Like,

801
00:41:06,288 --> 00:41:07,848
Speaker 1: just have a bit of a break from him and

802
00:41:07,848 --> 00:41:10,568
Speaker 1: his drama for a few weeks while he got himself

803
00:41:10,608 --> 00:41:14,928
Speaker 1: sorted over that time, I believe that he'd got himself

804
00:41:14,968 --> 00:41:17,368
Speaker 1: off it. He'd continued to drink, like that was just

805
00:41:17,408 --> 00:41:19,768
Speaker 1: a thing he did, but he seemed to get back

806
00:41:19,808 --> 00:41:23,968
Speaker 1: on track. He was starting to act normally again. There

807
00:41:24,048 --> 00:41:27,128
Speaker 1: was no issues with work. Yeah, he'd said he's not

808
00:41:27,288 --> 00:41:30,968
Speaker 1: taking it and I'd ask him, and he'd always get

809
00:41:31,008 --> 00:41:33,527
Speaker 1: so angry if I'd ask him about it, because that's

810
00:41:33,528 --> 00:41:37,408
Speaker 1: something just believe me. Why don't you believe me? That

811
00:41:37,528 --> 00:41:39,648
Speaker 1: was a big thing. It's always like my fault if

812
00:41:39,688 --> 00:41:42,848
Speaker 1: I don't believe him, because you know, why wouldn't you

813
00:41:43,008 --> 00:41:45,408
Speaker 1: Why wouldn't you believe me? Because I'm telling you this,

814
00:41:45,408 --> 00:41:48,368
Speaker 1: this is how it is. I'm the man, you're the woman.

815
00:41:48,968 --> 00:41:51,008
Speaker 1: And that was another thing. He'd always have this thing about,

816
00:41:51,008 --> 00:41:54,208
Speaker 1: I'm the head of the house, so I make decisions

817
00:41:54,208 --> 00:41:58,048
Speaker 1: with you, but ultimately, I'm going to sail this ship.

818
00:41:58,088 --> 00:42:01,768
Speaker 2: And this is what's happening, So Lee decided to believe

819
00:42:01,808 --> 00:42:03,608
Speaker 2: him and they gave it another shot.

820
00:42:03,808 --> 00:42:05,728
Speaker 1: So he got his act together for a little while,

821
00:42:06,488 --> 00:42:09,008
Speaker 1: and we decided to move into a house in a

822
00:42:09,008 --> 00:42:11,247
Speaker 1: town that was a bit closer to the main, bigger town,

823
00:42:11,688 --> 00:42:14,048
Speaker 1: away from the farm, and we'd still keep the farm

824
00:42:14,128 --> 00:42:17,848
Speaker 1: area for his business that he'd set up. And that

825
00:42:18,048 --> 00:42:21,087
Speaker 1: was a really good move for me, as in we'd

826
00:42:21,088 --> 00:42:24,128
Speaker 1: be closer to the help I needed and closer to

827
00:42:24,208 --> 00:42:27,688
Speaker 1: his family, and the house was his grandma's old house

828
00:42:27,728 --> 00:42:29,288
Speaker 1: so that we could move in there and not pay

829
00:42:29,288 --> 00:42:32,168
Speaker 1: any rent. So yeah, so that was all going really well.

830
00:42:32,568 --> 00:42:38,688
Speaker 1: But then COVID happened, and he'd actually so he'd had

831
00:42:38,768 --> 00:42:41,928
Speaker 1: all this excitement happening and bubbling away. He'd been doing

832
00:42:41,968 --> 00:42:45,208
Speaker 1: all these amazing things with his business, and he'd been

833
00:42:45,208 --> 00:42:48,607
Speaker 1: now working full time on this business, and he'd had

834
00:42:48,648 --> 00:42:52,248
Speaker 1: all these opportunities to go overseas and actually film a

835
00:42:52,328 --> 00:42:56,408
Speaker 1: show overseas. He was ready to pack and get ready

836
00:42:56,408 --> 00:42:59,208
Speaker 1: to head overseas to shoot this new show that was happening,

837
00:42:59,848 --> 00:43:02,608
Speaker 1: and that was just keeping him alive. He was so excited.

838
00:43:02,848 --> 00:43:07,207
Speaker 1: He was doing really well. And yeah, then COVID hit

839
00:43:08,288 --> 00:43:11,808
Speaker 1: and so we called up defat to check to see

840
00:43:11,808 --> 00:43:15,128
Speaker 1: what was going on because of COVID and the restrictions

841
00:43:15,128 --> 00:43:17,528
Speaker 1: that were starting to pile on from different countries. Because

842
00:43:17,528 --> 00:43:20,328
Speaker 1: we had a return ticket booked, he was going to

843
00:43:20,368 --> 00:43:22,288
Speaker 1: be able to get in, stay there for a couple

844
00:43:22,288 --> 00:43:25,408
Speaker 1: of months, and then come back, and they said to us,

845
00:43:25,528 --> 00:43:29,208
Speaker 1: do not go. You will not be getting back. So

846
00:43:29,528 --> 00:43:33,328
Speaker 1: in a snap, like it was, within a couple of days,

847
00:43:33,608 --> 00:43:36,648
Speaker 1: he had had to cancel that, cancel the show, cancel

848
00:43:36,688 --> 00:43:39,607
Speaker 1: all these plans that he had going forward to move

849
00:43:39,728 --> 00:43:43,648
Speaker 1: his next step in his career. And we were restricted.

850
00:43:43,648 --> 00:43:46,488
Speaker 1: We couldn't go and do the business stuff that we'd

851
00:43:46,488 --> 00:43:50,047
Speaker 1: been doing previously. And yes, so we ended up just

852
00:43:50,088 --> 00:43:53,408
Speaker 1: being stuck at home together like the rest of the world.

853
00:43:54,328 --> 00:43:57,728
Speaker 1: So I had a say, a four month old and

854
00:43:58,128 --> 00:44:00,648
Speaker 1: a four and a half year old with me at

855
00:44:00,648 --> 00:44:04,527
Speaker 1: that point, and so we were hunkered down like everybody else.

856
00:44:04,768 --> 00:44:07,727
Speaker 1: And he decided he was going to garden his butt off.

857
00:44:07,968 --> 00:44:12,087
Speaker 1: He went nuts with the gardening because that was the

858
00:44:12,088 --> 00:44:14,368
Speaker 1: way he was going to provide for our family. He

859
00:44:14,528 --> 00:44:17,527
Speaker 1: was going to plant all the veggies and make sure

860
00:44:17,528 --> 00:44:21,088
Speaker 1: that we had a solid food supply going forward, especially

861
00:44:21,168 --> 00:44:26,047
Speaker 1: when the world ended and As COVID went on and

862
00:44:26,128 --> 00:44:29,248
Speaker 1: things got harder and harder, he gardened more and more,

863
00:44:29,288 --> 00:44:31,368
Speaker 1: and he had lots of more and more in depth

864
00:44:31,488 --> 00:44:35,567
Speaker 1: religious conversations with his friends and family, and started that

865
00:44:35,728 --> 00:44:39,768
Speaker 1: paranoia started to build up again. After I suppose the

866
00:44:39,808 --> 00:44:42,848
Speaker 1: worst of it passed and we decided to purchase a

867
00:44:42,928 --> 00:44:46,488
Speaker 1: van for our business, and so we went away and

868
00:44:46,528 --> 00:44:48,128
Speaker 1: we had to also pick up the van, and we

869
00:44:48,168 --> 00:44:50,207
Speaker 1: also had to go and get an EEG for our son,

870
00:44:50,408 --> 00:44:53,087
Speaker 1: our oldest son, who had all these problems, and we

871
00:44:53,128 --> 00:44:55,288
Speaker 1: thought all make it into one trip. But I remember

872
00:44:55,408 --> 00:44:59,888
Speaker 1: driving back he pretty much slept the whole time and

873
00:45:00,328 --> 00:45:03,368
Speaker 1: was going back into that pattern of sleeping all the time,

874
00:45:04,168 --> 00:45:09,128
Speaker 1: being paranoid, having these weird, long religious conversations with his family,

875
00:45:09,448 --> 00:45:12,128
Speaker 1: and just doing my head in in terms of wanting

876
00:45:12,128 --> 00:45:14,047
Speaker 1: to provide for the family and make sure that we

877
00:45:14,088 --> 00:45:17,608
Speaker 1: had food when the world ended. So at that point

878
00:45:18,088 --> 00:45:19,728
Speaker 1: I'd gone back to his mum and dad had said, look,

879
00:45:19,728 --> 00:45:22,408
Speaker 1: I think this is happening again, and they didn't believe me.

880
00:45:22,808 --> 00:45:24,688
Speaker 1: That was another thing is that his family was always

881
00:45:24,688 --> 00:45:27,768
Speaker 1: in denial around it, and they thought, oh no, this

882
00:45:27,848 --> 00:45:30,288
Speaker 1: is just a little issue, a bump, that's happened, and

883
00:45:30,448 --> 00:45:31,968
Speaker 1: we're going to get over this. It's not a biggie.

884
00:45:33,008 --> 00:45:37,008
Speaker 1: So an incident happened one afternoon, and I knew I

885
00:45:37,088 --> 00:45:41,288
Speaker 1: had to go back and ask him about what he

886
00:45:41,528 --> 00:45:44,128
Speaker 1: has been doing in terms of his drug use, because

887
00:45:44,168 --> 00:45:47,848
Speaker 1: all the signs were leading back to that addiction pattern.

888
00:45:48,808 --> 00:45:51,928
Speaker 1: And his mum came over and I remember sitting there

889
00:45:52,568 --> 00:45:55,208
Speaker 1: on the couch with him, saying, what is going on?

890
00:45:56,328 --> 00:45:59,288
Speaker 1: Are you taking drugs again? And he was like, I'm

891
00:45:59,328 --> 00:46:03,087
Speaker 1: not on anything, nothing's going on, blah blah blah, and

892
00:46:03,168 --> 00:46:05,448
Speaker 1: he just stood up and stormed out of the house.

893
00:46:05,928 --> 00:46:09,328
Speaker 1: And I knew at that point that it was happening,

894
00:46:09,968 --> 00:46:14,488
Speaker 1: and his mum's sat there and yep. I was just yeah, okay,

895
00:46:14,648 --> 00:46:16,968
Speaker 1: this is happening again. But we'll be able to get

896
00:46:17,008 --> 00:46:19,127
Speaker 1: over it. Yep, we'll be able to deal with this.

897
00:46:20,288 --> 00:46:23,648
Speaker 1: His family were very of the mindset that we're going

898
00:46:23,688 --> 00:46:25,928
Speaker 1: to get him into rehab. We're going to be able

899
00:46:25,968 --> 00:46:28,607
Speaker 1: to deal with this. This is not an issue that's

900
00:46:28,648 --> 00:46:31,448
Speaker 1: going to blow our lives up or anything. It's just

901
00:46:31,488 --> 00:46:33,928
Speaker 1: something we have to deal with. They were ringing rehabs,

902
00:46:33,928 --> 00:46:36,488
Speaker 1: they were ringing the family Support Service, all those different

903
00:46:36,488 --> 00:46:39,087
Speaker 1: things to make sure that he could get the help

904
00:46:39,128 --> 00:46:41,047
Speaker 1: he needed. But you know, it took a lot of

905
00:46:41,048 --> 00:46:44,328
Speaker 1: time for him to actually then admit he actually needed

906
00:46:44,328 --> 00:46:47,408
Speaker 1: that help. And so that afternoon I kicked him out

907
00:46:47,408 --> 00:46:49,448
Speaker 1: of the house and said, you need to go and

908
00:46:49,448 --> 00:46:51,408
Speaker 1: stay with your mum and dad because you're not welcome here.

909
00:46:52,288 --> 00:46:56,008
Speaker 1: It was absolutely horrible. I hated it, but I suppose

910
00:46:56,048 --> 00:46:59,248
Speaker 1: I'd been through these conversations before and I was just

911
00:46:59,328 --> 00:47:02,848
Speaker 1: done at this point. One thing that kept reoccurring is

912
00:47:02,848 --> 00:47:04,328
Speaker 1: the more and more I moved on with all these

913
00:47:04,408 --> 00:47:07,527
Speaker 1: dramas and hassles, I felt less and less invested, and

914
00:47:07,568 --> 00:47:10,687
Speaker 1: I felt less upset as time went on, because even

915
00:47:10,688 --> 00:47:14,687
Speaker 1: when we had arguments, if I wasn't super upset and

916
00:47:15,568 --> 00:47:18,687
Speaker 1: super wanting to make it all better, I could tell

917
00:47:18,688 --> 00:47:20,408
Speaker 1: that this was not going in a good direction. I

918
00:47:20,448 --> 00:47:23,567
Speaker 1: just didn't care, and I knew I really wanted him

919
00:47:23,568 --> 00:47:25,968
Speaker 1: to go to rehab. I thought, like them, oh, this

920
00:47:26,288 --> 00:47:31,328
Speaker 1: would really really help. So about three months after this

921
00:47:31,368 --> 00:47:33,728
Speaker 1: incident happened and I had to kick him out, they

922
00:47:33,768 --> 00:47:37,768
Speaker 1: managed to finally get into a rehab and he had

923
00:47:37,808 --> 00:47:42,328
Speaker 1: finally admitted that he was using again, and he decided,

924
00:47:42,448 --> 00:47:43,888
Speaker 1: with the help of his mom and dad and his

925
00:47:43,888 --> 00:47:47,048
Speaker 1: brother that he would go to a rehab and start

926
00:47:47,048 --> 00:47:50,888
Speaker 1: the process of detoxing and getting well again. And his

927
00:47:50,928 --> 00:47:53,488
Speaker 1: mom and dad actually even helped him detox And it's

928
00:47:53,568 --> 00:47:57,408
Speaker 1: the worst thing I've ever seen a grown man squirming

929
00:47:57,608 --> 00:48:01,368
Speaker 1: and groaning on the ground. And it's definitely taken a

930
00:48:01,408 --> 00:48:04,168
Speaker 1: toll on his mum and dad. His dad's had a

931
00:48:04,208 --> 00:48:07,648
Speaker 1: herd attack and lots of health problems, and that's probably

932
00:48:07,728 --> 00:48:09,647
Speaker 1: exacerbated by the fact that they've had to go through

933
00:48:09,968 --> 00:48:14,288
Speaker 1: trauma watching their own son virtually nearly dying from withdrawal

934
00:48:14,328 --> 00:48:15,688
Speaker 1: of drugs and alcohol.

935
00:48:17,608 --> 00:48:20,728
Speaker 2: With Kyle in rehab, there was hope he would get better,

936
00:48:21,248 --> 00:48:24,648
Speaker 2: but that hope soon came crashing down. Right before he

937
00:48:24,728 --> 00:48:25,648
Speaker 2: was due to come home.

938
00:48:26,048 --> 00:48:28,328
Speaker 1: It was New Year's Eve, and I think a few

939
00:48:28,328 --> 00:48:30,568
Speaker 1: of them from the rehabit decided to go out and party.

940
00:48:30,928 --> 00:48:33,288
Speaker 1: So and it's a voluntary thing, you're not forced to

941
00:48:33,288 --> 00:48:35,528
Speaker 1: be there in rehab. So they had left the rehab

942
00:48:35,528 --> 00:48:38,567
Speaker 1: to go on news and then the rehab said Nope,

943
00:48:38,568 --> 00:48:43,048
Speaker 1: you're not welcome back, and that was just devastating. Yeah,

944
00:48:43,048 --> 00:48:45,848
Speaker 1: that was devastating because he had been calling me and

945
00:48:45,888 --> 00:48:48,207
Speaker 1: I had been in contact with him during his stay

946
00:48:48,208 --> 00:48:51,688
Speaker 1: in that rehab, and he rang me that night of

947
00:48:51,728 --> 00:48:53,688
Speaker 1: New Year's Eve and I was alone with the kids,

948
00:48:53,848 --> 00:48:56,328
Speaker 1: all on my own. I was already so depressed because

949
00:48:56,368 --> 00:48:58,128
Speaker 1: I'm like, how this is not how I want to

950
00:48:58,128 --> 00:49:01,087
Speaker 1: be spending New Year's Eve. But he was calling me

951
00:49:01,208 --> 00:49:03,047
Speaker 1: and he was off his face, and I could tell

952
00:49:03,088 --> 00:49:08,127
Speaker 1: that he was just making everything worse and worse. And

953
00:49:08,328 --> 00:49:10,208
Speaker 1: I ended up having to hang up on him multiple

954
00:49:10,208 --> 00:49:13,968
Speaker 1: times because he was just yeah, talking crazy things and

955
00:49:14,488 --> 00:49:16,488
Speaker 1: still trying to you know, I love you. I'm going

956
00:49:16,568 --> 00:49:18,808
Speaker 1: to come back. It's all going to be fine. So

957
00:49:18,928 --> 00:49:21,728
Speaker 1: then he got kicked out, and I think I think

958
00:49:21,728 --> 00:49:24,208
Speaker 1: his dad ended up driving down to get him and

959
00:49:24,248 --> 00:49:26,808
Speaker 1: bring him back. And he's always been welcome at his

960
00:49:26,888 --> 00:49:29,808
Speaker 1: mum and dad's house. He's got a spot there for him. Yeah,

961
00:49:29,848 --> 00:49:33,168
Speaker 1: he's always had that place to go if he's really

962
00:49:33,528 --> 00:49:37,408
Speaker 1: has nowhere else to go. So after our his first

963
00:49:37,488 --> 00:49:40,087
Speaker 1: in in rehab, he moved back to his mum and

964
00:49:40,128 --> 00:49:42,888
Speaker 1: dad's house, and he still had contact with the kids.

965
00:49:43,128 --> 00:49:45,167
Speaker 1: He would try and come around and visit and make

966
00:49:45,208 --> 00:49:47,607
Speaker 1: sure he caught up with them, and they would love

967
00:49:47,688 --> 00:49:49,768
Speaker 1: seeing Dad. It was so exciting to have Dad back

968
00:49:49,808 --> 00:49:52,167
Speaker 1: home but he would only just stay for a little

969
00:49:52,248 --> 00:49:54,368
Speaker 1: amount of time, and I would often have Nana come

970
00:49:54,408 --> 00:49:57,248
Speaker 1: around as well. The few times he did come around

971
00:49:57,248 --> 00:50:00,288
Speaker 1: on his own, generally it ended in an argument. The

972
00:50:00,328 --> 00:50:02,928
Speaker 1: first hour might go okay, but then after that it

973
00:50:02,968 --> 00:50:06,127
Speaker 1: would end up into that paranoia, Oh you know, I'm

974
00:50:06,168 --> 00:50:08,087
Speaker 1: just doing this, this is what I need to do.

975
00:50:08,688 --> 00:50:11,408
Speaker 1: You know, you don't trust me, trying to make me

976
00:50:11,528 --> 00:50:13,848
Speaker 1: feel like the bad guy of course for kicking him out.

977
00:50:14,528 --> 00:50:16,888
Speaker 1: And in the end, yeah, he just went back to

978
00:50:16,968 --> 00:50:19,328
Speaker 1: Mum and Dad's. And this pattern went on for about

979
00:50:19,368 --> 00:50:19,687
Speaker 1: a year.

980
00:50:20,048 --> 00:50:23,247
Speaker 2: Throughout this, Leah still tried to support her husband where

981
00:50:23,248 --> 00:50:23,728
Speaker 2: she could.

982
00:50:23,968 --> 00:50:26,087
Speaker 1: He'd called me and he was at the Pokey's and

983
00:50:26,128 --> 00:50:27,848
Speaker 1: he wanted a lift home. So I thought, okay, I'll

984
00:50:27,848 --> 00:50:30,368
Speaker 1: give him a lift home because I at that point

985
00:50:30,408 --> 00:50:32,568
Speaker 1: still had a bit of hope for him. He jumped

986
00:50:32,568 --> 00:50:35,368
Speaker 1: in the car and I had my baby in the back,

987
00:50:36,008 --> 00:50:41,408
Speaker 1: and he pulled out a light globe which had had

988
00:50:41,648 --> 00:50:43,608
Speaker 1: a bit of blue tack at the top and the straw,

989
00:50:44,288 --> 00:50:47,288
Speaker 1: and he even said to me, here, try some you'll

990
00:50:47,288 --> 00:50:51,008
Speaker 1: feel heats better. And he just about started to try

991
00:50:51,128 --> 00:50:54,048
Speaker 1: smoking meth in the car with the baby in the back,

992
00:50:54,728 --> 00:50:58,128
Speaker 1: and I just remember screaming at him get out of

993
00:50:58,168 --> 00:51:01,808
Speaker 1: the car, and yeah, he left, and I just drove away, thinking,

994
00:51:01,848 --> 00:51:04,368
Speaker 1: my goodness, this is really how bad it is. I'd

995
00:51:04,408 --> 00:51:07,648
Speaker 1: never in my life seen a meth pipe or anything

996
00:51:07,688 --> 00:51:10,168
Speaker 1: like that in real life, and it was the biggest

997
00:51:10,168 --> 00:51:14,288
Speaker 1: shock that made me realize that I could not have

998
00:51:14,448 --> 00:51:18,048
Speaker 1: him around my children because he was not a safe person.

999
00:51:18,688 --> 00:51:20,328
Speaker 1: There was no way I was going to let my

1000
00:51:20,488 --> 00:51:24,768
Speaker 1: babies be exposed or even near him in this state.

1001
00:51:25,488 --> 00:51:29,808
Speaker 1: Probably about four months after his first rehab stint, and

1002
00:51:29,888 --> 00:51:31,888
Speaker 1: nothing had been changing. He was still living with his

1003
00:51:31,968 --> 00:51:36,128
Speaker 1: mum and dad. I decided to go and try to

1004
00:51:36,168 --> 00:51:40,087
Speaker 1: do a bit of counseling, not necessarily to save the relationship,

1005
00:51:40,648 --> 00:51:47,047
Speaker 1: but to just see if I'd done enough to try

1006
00:51:47,088 --> 00:51:50,607
Speaker 1: and fix the relationship and try, and I suppose get

1007
00:51:50,648 --> 00:51:52,768
Speaker 1: somebody else to have another set of eyes over what

1008
00:51:52,848 --> 00:51:57,448
Speaker 1: was going on. And that was great. The counselor there

1009
00:51:57,568 --> 00:52:00,848
Speaker 1: was absolutely amazing, And she said to me, she pulled

1010
00:52:00,848 --> 00:52:05,288
Speaker 1: me aside and said, look, Leah, I honestly recommend that

1011
00:52:05,368 --> 00:52:09,608
Speaker 1: you finish this relationship. This is not working. He's not

1012
00:52:10,008 --> 00:52:16,048
Speaker 1: to change. Please just look after yourself and separate and honestly,

1013
00:52:16,568 --> 00:52:20,527
Speaker 1: you'll do fine. In one way, it was super devastating

1014
00:52:20,608 --> 00:52:23,448
Speaker 1: to know that that was the end, But in another

1015
00:52:23,448 --> 00:52:26,928
Speaker 1: way I was super relieved because in a way, that

1016
00:52:27,008 --> 00:52:31,368
Speaker 1: gave me permission then to give up, to say enough

1017
00:52:31,408 --> 00:52:33,848
Speaker 1: is enough. I'm not going to be able to save this,

1018
00:52:35,128 --> 00:52:37,608
Speaker 1: and it gave me that line in the sand to

1019
00:52:37,808 --> 00:52:41,768
Speaker 1: end things. I knew it was over even before starting

1020
00:52:41,808 --> 00:52:46,328
Speaker 1: that counseling. I think I knew really after that night,

1021
00:52:46,488 --> 00:52:48,928
Speaker 1: that New Year's Eve night, when he was calling me

1022
00:52:50,008 --> 00:52:54,288
Speaker 1: and he was left rehab, I knew that if he

1023
00:52:54,328 --> 00:52:58,087
Speaker 1: wasn't willing to do this for his kids and his marriage,

1024
00:52:58,328 --> 00:53:02,527
Speaker 1: then nothing would make him do this. We couldn't make

1025
00:53:02,608 --> 00:53:04,087
Speaker 1: him do it. He had to want to do it

1026
00:53:04,088 --> 00:53:08,448
Speaker 1: for himself. And after that counseling and when the counselor

1027
00:53:08,488 --> 00:53:12,808
Speaker 1: said end it, I decided to try and make a

1028
00:53:12,848 --> 00:53:15,968
Speaker 1: time to meet up with him in person, and he

1029
00:53:16,048 --> 00:53:19,008
Speaker 1: just kept flaking on me. I said, meet me here,

1030
00:53:19,088 --> 00:53:20,688
Speaker 1: meet me there. I want to have a chat. I

1031
00:53:20,728 --> 00:53:23,848
Speaker 1: need to talk to you, And in the end he

1032
00:53:23,928 --> 00:53:26,167
Speaker 1: rang me and he said I'm not coming to catch

1033
00:53:26,208 --> 00:53:28,808
Speaker 1: up with you, and I said, well, I don't want

1034
00:53:28,848 --> 00:53:31,648
Speaker 1: to do this on the phone. But we are done.

1035
00:53:31,888 --> 00:53:35,168
Speaker 1: He said, I saw this coming. I knew this was

1036
00:53:35,208 --> 00:53:38,768
Speaker 1: going to happen, and I just didn't want to face it.

1037
00:53:39,568 --> 00:53:45,368
Speaker 1: He knew that I was done, and he was super upset.

1038
00:53:45,648 --> 00:53:49,968
Speaker 1: But I think at that point he knew that he

1039
00:53:50,168 --> 00:53:54,248
Speaker 1: had pushed me too far. He always would say, even

1040
00:53:54,288 --> 00:53:56,408
Speaker 1: when I caught up with him after this point in time,

1041
00:53:56,408 --> 00:53:58,648
Speaker 1: but you know, I always love you, know I always

1042
00:53:58,728 --> 00:54:00,768
Speaker 1: want to be with you. But I said, look, you

1043
00:54:00,808 --> 00:54:05,968
Speaker 1: know you're not changing, so I can't do it. And yeah,

1044
00:54:06,008 --> 00:54:08,047
Speaker 1: and I suppose he was also very angry at me

1045
00:54:08,088 --> 00:54:10,527
Speaker 1: as well. I think that it's just a thing that

1046
00:54:10,568 --> 00:54:13,488
Speaker 1: comes with addiction, is that everybody else is doing this

1047
00:54:13,528 --> 00:54:16,808
Speaker 1: to me. It's everybody else's fault. It's not my fault.

1048
00:54:17,448 --> 00:54:20,328
Speaker 1: This person has treated me like that. You know, this

1049
00:54:20,368 --> 00:54:23,087
Speaker 1: person's doing the wrong thing. The government's doing the wrong thing.

1050
00:54:23,528 --> 00:54:25,968
Speaker 1: He had every excuse in the world to why he

1051
00:54:26,048 --> 00:54:29,848
Speaker 1: was angry. But yeah, and even at me, Oh, she

1052
00:54:30,008 --> 00:54:32,928
Speaker 1: kicked me out, she's taken me away from seeing the kids,

1053
00:54:33,728 --> 00:54:37,408
Speaker 1: but not taking any accountability for his own actions. I

1054
00:54:37,448 --> 00:54:41,127
Speaker 1: was a mess during that time. I had a lot

1055
00:54:41,168 --> 00:54:43,488
Speaker 1: of support from my mum and dad, which was amazing,

1056
00:54:43,488 --> 00:54:46,448
Speaker 1: and they had only divorced about four years before that,

1057
00:54:46,848 --> 00:54:48,928
Speaker 1: so they had been through that and after forty two

1058
00:54:49,008 --> 00:54:52,208
Speaker 1: years of marriage, so I had their support. They were

1059
00:54:52,328 --> 00:54:55,128
Speaker 1: very angry at him. My dad was so angry at

1060
00:54:55,208 --> 00:54:58,928
Speaker 1: him that he couldn't see past the anger. He was

1061
00:54:58,968 --> 00:55:01,968
Speaker 1: so devastated, and because they had had such a good

1062
00:55:02,008 --> 00:55:05,288
Speaker 1: relationship with this man and he was now nothing that

1063
00:55:05,328 --> 00:55:08,648
Speaker 1: they could recognize. He was just a completely different person

1064
00:55:09,968 --> 00:55:12,288
Speaker 1: to this, you know, person that everybody looked up to

1065
00:55:12,528 --> 00:55:15,047
Speaker 1: and was such a great teacher and role model and

1066
00:55:15,688 --> 00:55:18,248
Speaker 1: you know, I was doing youth development courses and is

1067
00:55:18,328 --> 00:55:22,688
Speaker 1: now a drug addict. I always missed him because he

1068
00:55:22,768 --> 00:55:24,608
Speaker 1: was my person that I would go to for everything.

1069
00:55:24,648 --> 00:55:26,848
Speaker 1: I'd miss being able to call him for certain things,

1070
00:55:27,008 --> 00:55:29,567
Speaker 1: or we would have so much fun. We would just

1071
00:55:29,728 --> 00:55:32,328
Speaker 1: laugh and laugh, and we would play fight and we would,

1072
00:55:32,608 --> 00:55:35,128
Speaker 1: you know, just have the best time. And he was

1073
00:55:35,168 --> 00:55:37,328
Speaker 1: my person, Like he got me, even though he had

1074
00:55:37,408 --> 00:55:40,167
Speaker 1: very different values and beliefs, Like we had the same

1075
00:55:40,248 --> 00:55:43,328
Speaker 1: level of crazy in a way that he wasn't when

1076
00:55:43,328 --> 00:55:46,328
Speaker 1: he wasn't addicted. I could just one hundred percent be

1077
00:55:46,488 --> 00:55:49,648
Speaker 1: myself around him, and I think he was the same.

1078
00:55:49,768 --> 00:55:52,208
Speaker 1: He felt the same because he couldn't really be one

1079
00:55:52,288 --> 00:55:55,527
Speaker 1: hundred percent himself around his own family, whereas with me

1080
00:55:55,608 --> 00:55:58,087
Speaker 1: he could. It's like mourning the death of somebody that's

1081
00:55:58,128 --> 00:55:58,648
Speaker 1: still alive.

1082
00:55:59,568 --> 00:56:02,888
Speaker 2: Leah had never faced a tougher decision, yet, deep down

1083
00:56:02,968 --> 00:56:05,288
Speaker 2: she knew it was the right one. A new beginning

1084
00:56:05,368 --> 00:56:08,008
Speaker 2: lay ahead for her and her boys, but it wouldn't

1085
00:56:08,008 --> 00:56:08,808
Speaker 2: be an easy road.

1086
00:56:09,128 --> 00:56:12,527
Speaker 1: So few after the official separation, it gave me a

1087
00:56:12,568 --> 00:56:14,527
Speaker 1: lot of relief. I could just move on with my life.

1088
00:56:14,568 --> 00:56:17,008
Speaker 1: I could get things set up. In that time too,

1089
00:56:17,048 --> 00:56:19,687
Speaker 1: his mum and dad decided that I was no longer

1090
00:56:19,728 --> 00:56:23,127
Speaker 1: welcome in Grandma's house, that I wasn't paying grant him.

1091
00:56:23,568 --> 00:56:26,688
Speaker 1: I think they were angry because I was giving up

1092
00:56:26,728 --> 00:56:29,207
Speaker 1: on him. That's what they thought. We had a big,

1093
00:56:29,328 --> 00:56:31,608
Speaker 1: like a lot of big fights at that time that

1094
00:56:32,088 --> 00:56:34,728
Speaker 1: you're leaving him, you're giving up. You know, you're taking

1095
00:56:34,768 --> 00:56:38,607
Speaker 1: the children away from him, which I never did because

1096
00:56:38,608 --> 00:56:41,087
Speaker 1: I'd always let them visit Nana and Poppy and go

1097
00:56:41,128 --> 00:56:45,087
Speaker 1: and see them. But yeah, it was really hard because

1098
00:56:45,088 --> 00:56:47,087
Speaker 1: I was battling with them hating me, and then I

1099
00:56:47,088 --> 00:56:49,648
Speaker 1: was battling with him hating me. But then I was

1100
00:56:49,648 --> 00:56:52,208
Speaker 1: also able to get on with life and not have

1101
00:56:52,288 --> 00:56:55,488
Speaker 1: to worry so much about trying to rebuild this relationship

1102
00:56:55,568 --> 00:57:00,368
Speaker 1: that wasn't any hope of saving. He would still message me,

1103
00:57:00,488 --> 00:57:02,968
Speaker 1: and he would still try and contact me. I would

1104
00:57:02,968 --> 00:57:05,647
Speaker 1: try and send him photos, and he would also try

1105
00:57:05,688 --> 00:57:08,808
Speaker 1: and call the kids, but that was very sporadic. He

1106
00:57:08,848 --> 00:57:11,127
Speaker 1: would never do it on a regular basis. He would

1107
00:57:11,168 --> 00:57:14,368
Speaker 1: blame me for not calling him, even though, like he

1108
00:57:14,368 --> 00:57:18,247
Speaker 1: wouldn't answer his phone half the time. Sometimes we didn't

1109
00:57:18,288 --> 00:57:20,848
Speaker 1: know where he was. He would come and go. He

1110
00:57:20,888 --> 00:57:23,248
Speaker 1: would sometimes beat his mum and dad's house, and sometimes

1111
00:57:23,248 --> 00:57:26,848
Speaker 1: he wouldn't. So there's no reliability or regularity about what

1112
00:57:26,888 --> 00:57:29,408
Speaker 1: was going on. And I just had to make sure

1113
00:57:29,408 --> 00:57:32,328
Speaker 1: the kids had a stable life and that we could

1114
00:57:32,368 --> 00:57:35,247
Speaker 1: just keep doing what we needed to. So I moved

1115
00:57:35,288 --> 00:57:38,248
Speaker 1: back into the bigger town and ended up renting a

1116
00:57:38,408 --> 00:57:43,408
Speaker 1: unit really close to my dad's house and started to

1117
00:57:43,488 --> 00:57:46,568
Speaker 1: get in the mindset of we need to sell our property,

1118
00:57:46,768 --> 00:57:50,088
Speaker 1: the farm. And he was living there on his own,

1119
00:57:50,208 --> 00:57:54,808
Speaker 1: doing his own thing, and that was horrendous because the

1120
00:57:54,808 --> 00:57:57,848
Speaker 1: neighbors kept telling me that he was having these friends around,

1121
00:57:58,408 --> 00:58:01,448
Speaker 1: they were shooting at things, they were having parties. It

1122
00:58:01,568 --> 00:58:05,728
Speaker 1: was just an absolute shit show. Up there, so I

1123
00:58:05,768 --> 00:58:07,888
Speaker 1: was trying to deal with the neighbors and tell them, look,

1124
00:58:08,368 --> 00:58:12,288
Speaker 1: I'm trying to get him out. So down the track,

1125
00:58:12,328 --> 00:58:17,168
Speaker 1: he eventually did move out, and the house was just

1126
00:58:18,488 --> 00:58:21,608
Speaker 1: left in a bit of a disarray, and it was

1127
00:58:21,688 --> 00:58:26,528
Speaker 1: left to me to then paint everything, renovate, deal with furniture,

1128
00:58:27,288 --> 00:58:30,128
Speaker 1: and get it ready for sale. Once we did manage

1129
00:58:30,128 --> 00:58:32,768
Speaker 1: to sell it, that was a big relief that I

1130
00:58:32,808 --> 00:58:35,888
Speaker 1: could then sort of move on with my life and

1131
00:58:36,648 --> 00:58:38,648
Speaker 1: make sure we had everything in place to then have

1132
00:58:38,888 --> 00:58:40,288
Speaker 1: some stability going forward.

1133
00:58:40,928 --> 00:58:43,968
Speaker 2: Around this time, Kyle returned to rehab for a second

1134
00:58:44,008 --> 00:58:48,008
Speaker 2: attempt at recovery, but sadly, it didn't bring the results

1135
00:58:48,048 --> 00:58:49,128
Speaker 2: everyone had hoped for.

1136
00:58:49,488 --> 00:58:51,688
Speaker 1: So the second stint he had in rehab, that was

1137
00:58:51,728 --> 00:58:55,768
Speaker 1: the local rehab, he probably didn't last very long. It

1138
00:58:55,808 --> 00:58:58,968
Speaker 1: was probably about a few weeks in and he found

1139
00:58:59,248 --> 00:59:02,808
Speaker 1: apparently the love of his life in there, who already

1140
00:59:02,888 --> 00:59:07,608
Speaker 1: had about four children to four different fathers, and he

1141
00:59:07,648 --> 00:59:10,648
Speaker 1: then found out that he had potentially got her pregnant.

1142
00:59:11,728 --> 00:59:16,368
Speaker 1: So I remember him saying to me, I'm going to

1143
00:59:16,368 --> 00:59:19,048
Speaker 1: be such a great dad to this one. I'm going

1144
00:59:19,088 --> 00:59:21,488
Speaker 1: to really not make all the mistakes I made with

1145
00:59:21,608 --> 00:59:25,728
Speaker 1: my first two and he was so chuffed. And then

1146
00:59:25,928 --> 00:59:28,848
Speaker 1: a couple of weeks after that he had found out

1147
00:59:28,848 --> 00:59:31,848
Speaker 1: that that was not his baby. The more I saw

1148
00:59:31,928 --> 00:59:35,448
Speaker 1: him after his stints away from his mum and dad's

1149
00:59:35,488 --> 00:59:38,088
Speaker 1: house and coming back, every time I saw him he

1150
00:59:38,288 --> 00:59:40,808
Speaker 1: was more of a shell of a human being. And

1151
00:59:40,848 --> 00:59:43,248
Speaker 1: the more I realized that the man that I married

1152
00:59:43,328 --> 00:59:47,288
Speaker 1: was not in him. His brain was changing, his looks

1153
00:59:47,288 --> 00:59:51,408
Speaker 1: were changing, He'd become skinny. He couldn't make any sense

1154
00:59:51,688 --> 00:59:55,168
Speaker 1: of his thoughts or his feelings and emotions and would

1155
00:59:55,208 --> 00:59:58,688
Speaker 1: just it would take nothing to set him off. So really,

1156
00:59:58,728 --> 01:00:01,848
Speaker 1: I just slowly saw the man that I married die

1157
01:00:02,728 --> 01:00:06,808
Speaker 1: over a couple of years. Really, for a long time,

1158
01:00:07,488 --> 01:00:09,848
Speaker 1: I had the hope that he could get better, and

1159
01:00:09,888 --> 01:00:13,488
Speaker 1: I saw glimpses of that, but as time progressed, there

1160
01:00:13,568 --> 01:00:17,928
Speaker 1: was less and less of him there, and that reality

1161
01:00:17,968 --> 01:00:22,368
Speaker 1: really hit me that this man is disappearing slowly and sadly,

1162
01:00:23,168 --> 01:00:26,168
Speaker 1: and he won't come back. That man that I married

1163
01:00:26,648 --> 01:00:30,568
Speaker 1: has completely gone and he's a completely different person. Now.

1164
01:00:31,768 --> 01:00:35,248
Speaker 1: Last time I had contact with Kyle was when he

1165
01:00:35,368 --> 01:00:38,328
Speaker 1: was back at his mum and dad's house about seven

1166
01:00:38,368 --> 01:00:43,408
Speaker 1: months ago. He was staying there after being away for

1167
01:00:43,448 --> 01:00:46,608
Speaker 1: a long time. He had been living down south in

1168
01:00:46,648 --> 01:00:52,048
Speaker 1: a homeless community and continually taking drugs. So his dad

1169
01:00:52,088 --> 01:00:54,808
Speaker 1: had gone down there and got him, tried to rescue him,

1170
01:00:55,408 --> 01:00:57,888
Speaker 1: brought him back home, and we'd just made sure the

1171
01:00:57,968 --> 01:00:59,688
Speaker 1: kids could catch up with him every now and then

1172
01:00:59,728 --> 01:01:01,648
Speaker 1: if he was in the right state of mind, and

1173
01:01:02,208 --> 01:01:06,248
Speaker 1: the kids were very excited to see him, and you know,

1174
01:01:06,448 --> 01:01:09,248
Speaker 1: we managed that. And the last time I saw him,

1175
01:01:09,288 --> 01:01:10,808
Speaker 1: I remember he was in the back of the car

1176
01:01:11,088 --> 01:01:16,288
Speaker 1: trying to buckle in his son, and he kept checking

1177
01:01:16,608 --> 01:01:18,728
Speaker 1: the car seat because he didn't believe that I had

1178
01:01:18,768 --> 01:01:21,288
Speaker 1: the car seat buckled in right. He didn't trust me

1179
01:01:21,448 --> 01:01:26,128
Speaker 1: that I had that safely installed, and that I just

1180
01:01:26,168 --> 01:01:28,848
Speaker 1: remember getting so angry at him and telling him get

1181
01:01:28,848 --> 01:01:30,488
Speaker 1: out of the car because he wouldn't move and he

1182
01:01:30,488 --> 01:01:34,328
Speaker 1: wouldn't get out. And it's really sad that we haven't

1183
01:01:34,368 --> 01:01:38,408
Speaker 1: heard anything from him since that time for about seven months.

1184
01:01:39,208 --> 01:01:45,008
Speaker 1: Apparently he's still down there. He's still homeless, sometimes accessing

1185
01:01:45,048 --> 01:01:49,408
Speaker 1: mental health support, but we have only heard through some

1186
01:01:49,568 --> 01:01:53,048
Speaker 1: social workers down there. His parents haven't been able to

1187
01:01:53,088 --> 01:01:58,048
Speaker 1: make contact and see him. They are just honestly devastated,

1188
01:01:58,448 --> 01:02:01,408
Speaker 1: but they understand how bad his addiction is and that

1189
01:02:01,408 --> 01:02:04,568
Speaker 1: they can't save him. They have had done a lot

1190
01:02:04,608 --> 01:02:07,848
Speaker 1: of work themselves through Family Drug Support, which is an

1191
01:02:07,848 --> 01:02:13,368
Speaker 1: amazing organization supporting families through that process, and they are

1192
01:02:13,448 --> 01:02:18,568
Speaker 1: now the most amazing supports they I suppose seen how

1193
01:02:19,048 --> 01:02:22,808
Speaker 1: much of being put through. They just support me one

1194
01:02:22,888 --> 01:02:26,528
Speaker 1: hundred percent, even though we've got differing, differing values and

1195
01:02:26,568 --> 01:02:30,688
Speaker 1: different beliefs. They are the other parent that I've been missing.

1196
01:02:31,408 --> 01:02:33,648
Speaker 1: So yeah, so they helped me a lot with especially

1197
01:02:33,648 --> 01:02:38,168
Speaker 1: the one with the disability. They are amazing. And yeah,

1198
01:02:38,288 --> 01:02:41,288
Speaker 1: the other day we were at a family event and

1199
01:02:41,448 --> 01:02:44,728
Speaker 1: everybody was there except for him, And I get invited

1200
01:02:44,768 --> 01:02:47,488
Speaker 1: to his family events all the time because everybody is

1201
01:02:47,528 --> 01:02:52,448
Speaker 1: so supportive. And his dad was just so upset that

1202
01:02:52,568 --> 01:02:54,728
Speaker 1: he wasn't there because he was the only one missing.

1203
01:02:54,888 --> 01:02:57,808
Speaker 1: And he decided a few days later to try and

1204
01:02:57,848 --> 01:03:01,648
Speaker 1: go down there and find him, and he didn't manage

1205
01:03:01,688 --> 01:03:04,888
Speaker 1: to He managed to hear from the social workers, but yeah,

1206
01:03:04,968 --> 01:03:08,568
Speaker 1: that he didn't get to see him. Yeah, he's devastated. Also,

1207
01:03:08,648 --> 01:03:11,208
Speaker 1: his brother has given up on him. His brother doesn't

1208
01:03:11,248 --> 01:03:14,728
Speaker 1: even make an effort anymore to try and be in contact.

1209
01:03:14,808 --> 01:03:17,328
Speaker 1: He's just and they are now pregnant with a child,

1210
01:03:17,488 --> 01:03:20,408
Speaker 1: so he's going to be missing out on a nephew

1211
01:03:20,488 --> 01:03:23,928
Speaker 1: or a niece, and that's his only nephew on that

1212
01:03:24,008 --> 01:03:26,848
Speaker 1: side of the family. I suppose his survival skills have

1213
01:03:26,888 --> 01:03:30,808
Speaker 1: come in handy, but it's really sad to know this

1214
01:03:30,888 --> 01:03:33,568
Speaker 1: is not something that anybody would choose. This is something

1215
01:03:33,648 --> 01:03:36,168
Speaker 1: that is a disease, and I now understand that this

1216
01:03:36,288 --> 01:03:40,968
Speaker 1: is something that has taken away his family, his business,

1217
01:03:41,208 --> 01:03:44,008
Speaker 1: his success that he's had, the respect that he had

1218
01:03:44,048 --> 01:03:46,848
Speaker 1: from the community, his own family. Like in terms of

1219
01:03:46,888 --> 01:03:52,208
Speaker 1: his family, it's taken his health everything. He's just a

1220
01:03:52,248 --> 01:03:55,768
Speaker 1: shell of a human now. And honestly, which is the

1221
01:03:55,768 --> 01:03:58,128
Speaker 1: really sad thing is if I get a phone call

1222
01:03:58,168 --> 01:04:01,168
Speaker 1: from the police saying that he has passed away, I

1223
01:04:01,248 --> 01:04:05,648
Speaker 1: won't be surprised, but that would be an end to

1224
01:04:05,688 --> 01:04:07,008
Speaker 1: the pain that he must be feeling.

1225
01:04:07,768 --> 01:04:10,848
Speaker 2: While this whole situation had been complet de letely heartbreaking,

1226
01:04:11,328 --> 01:04:13,848
Speaker 2: Leah has found the strength to keep moving forward.

1227
01:04:14,368 --> 01:04:17,768
Speaker 1: I think about him, probably not as much as I

1228
01:04:17,848 --> 01:04:20,768
Speaker 1: used to, obviously, as time goes on, your heart heels,

1229
01:04:21,248 --> 01:04:23,448
Speaker 1: but I'm always going to miss that connection I had

1230
01:04:23,928 --> 01:04:27,568
Speaker 1: with him. I do think about him. I suppose every

1231
01:04:27,608 --> 01:04:29,808
Speaker 1: time I look at my oldest son, he's a spitting

1232
01:04:29,848 --> 01:04:33,128
Speaker 1: image of him. He's got the same body. He's a

1233
01:04:33,168 --> 01:04:36,368
Speaker 1: little mini Kyle. You know, he's good looking, he's tall,

1234
01:04:37,848 --> 01:04:40,608
Speaker 1: and the other one is a mini me. So he's

1235
01:04:40,608 --> 01:04:45,488
Speaker 1: got the white skin and the stumpy look. But yeah,

1236
01:04:45,528 --> 01:04:49,448
Speaker 1: but like even this morning, my youngest son said to me, Mum,

1237
01:04:49,488 --> 01:04:54,208
Speaker 1: I really miss Dad And all you can say is

1238
01:04:54,568 --> 01:04:56,808
Speaker 1: I know, buddy, it's it's a really hard hay. And

1239
01:04:56,848 --> 01:05:02,288
Speaker 1: I said, no, Dad's really really sick, and he said, yeah, yeah,

1240
01:05:02,328 --> 01:05:06,328
Speaker 1: I know. So yeah, that's really hard. I said to him, oh,

1241
01:05:06,408 --> 01:05:09,528
Speaker 1: do you think about Dad a lot? And he said, oh,

1242
01:05:09,768 --> 01:05:13,288
Speaker 1: not really, I think just maybe every now and then

1243
01:05:13,328 --> 01:05:17,848
Speaker 1: he probably gets reminded that Dad's not well, and he

1244
01:05:17,888 --> 01:05:20,768
Speaker 1: thinks Dad's trying to get a job so he can

1245
01:05:20,768 --> 01:05:22,768
Speaker 1: make enough money to get a train ticket to come

1246
01:05:22,808 --> 01:05:26,928
Speaker 1: back home. That's his belief. Whereas the other the older child,

1247
01:05:26,968 --> 01:05:30,328
Speaker 1: is a bit easier because he has an intellectually disability,

1248
01:05:30,368 --> 01:05:34,448
Speaker 1: so he I don't know what he understands, but he

1249
01:05:34,528 --> 01:05:36,688
Speaker 1: definitely lights up when he sees a picture of Dad.

1250
01:05:37,408 --> 01:05:40,288
Speaker 1: Since separation, really I knew I had to move on.

1251
01:05:40,448 --> 01:05:43,008
Speaker 1: I don't have a choice. I've got two kids that

1252
01:05:43,048 --> 01:05:48,288
Speaker 1: really need me, and luckily with NDIS, even though it

1253
01:05:48,328 --> 01:05:51,648
Speaker 1: has its faults, I have a huge amount of support

1254
01:05:51,888 --> 01:05:54,528
Speaker 1: in terms of cares and I have the best, amazing

1255
01:05:54,608 --> 01:05:59,208
Speaker 1: care a team. They're like second parents. I couldn't work

1256
01:05:59,488 --> 01:06:03,168
Speaker 1: without them. Now my youngest is in school. That makes

1257
01:06:03,208 --> 01:06:06,568
Speaker 1: life so much easier. So both kids are in school

1258
01:06:06,568 --> 01:06:09,888
Speaker 1: and I can actually work a really awesome job, and

1259
01:06:09,928 --> 01:06:15,288
Speaker 1: I love my work. I've tried dating. It's a minefield

1260
01:06:15,288 --> 01:06:20,408
Speaker 1: out there, especially the town we live in. It's always

1261
01:06:20,448 --> 01:06:23,688
Speaker 1: the same people on there. A lot of miners, a

1262
01:06:23,728 --> 01:06:27,568
Speaker 1: lot of farmers, a lot of those sorts of people,

1263
01:06:27,648 --> 01:06:30,888
Speaker 1: so it makes it really difficult to find the sort

1264
01:06:30,888 --> 01:06:34,247
Speaker 1: of person that I would have a connection with. I'm

1265
01:06:34,288 --> 01:06:37,408
Speaker 1: currently dating a bloke at the moment from Bumble, so

1266
01:06:38,408 --> 01:06:41,968
Speaker 1: it's very early days, but we'll see. I'm ready to

1267
01:06:42,168 --> 01:06:44,888
Speaker 1: try and get out there again after having numerous breaks

1268
01:06:45,648 --> 01:06:49,288
Speaker 1: off the apps. But yeah, hopefully this will go okay

1269
01:06:49,328 --> 01:06:51,848
Speaker 1: and we'll see where we go from here. I think

1270
01:06:52,208 --> 01:06:55,208
Speaker 1: after seeing my own parents separate and divorce and they're

1271
01:06:55,248 --> 01:06:58,928
Speaker 1: both repartnered and having great lives, I definitely believe it's

1272
01:06:58,928 --> 01:07:02,048
Speaker 1: out there. I'm probably a bit more realistic about life

1273
01:07:02,088 --> 01:07:05,648
Speaker 1: now and very fussy. I'm very fussy, and that's probably

1274
01:07:06,168 --> 01:07:08,408
Speaker 1: why I'm happy to stay single unless I find the

1275
01:07:08,448 --> 01:07:12,808
Speaker 1: absolute right to settle down with. And I'm not going

1276
01:07:12,848 --> 01:07:16,888
Speaker 1: to just pick anybody to be involved in my life,

1277
01:07:16,928 --> 01:07:20,208
Speaker 1: because they have to earn that, and especially to be

1278
01:07:20,208 --> 01:07:24,168
Speaker 1: involved with my two boys. There's nobody to blame for

1279
01:07:24,248 --> 01:07:29,808
Speaker 1: his addiction. I believe that addictions can run in families,

1280
01:07:29,888 --> 01:07:32,528
Speaker 1: and they can be caused by mental health conditions. It's

1281
01:07:32,608 --> 01:07:37,008
Speaker 1: not something that I blame him for. I feel sorry

1282
01:07:37,008 --> 01:07:38,848
Speaker 1: that he's had to battle it because it must be

1283
01:07:39,008 --> 01:07:41,928
Speaker 1: so hard. It must be absolutely horrible to go through

1284
01:07:41,928 --> 01:07:45,048
Speaker 1: that every day. I think it's really important for everybody

1285
01:07:45,048 --> 01:07:47,728
Speaker 1: to remember that it's not something that people choose, and

1286
01:07:47,768 --> 01:07:52,008
Speaker 1: that it is something that people battling. Addiction doesn't affect

1287
01:07:52,128 --> 01:07:54,768
Speaker 1: the person going through it. It affects the whole family

1288
01:07:54,848 --> 01:07:58,248
Speaker 1: and the community, and there is help out there, not

1289
01:07:58,368 --> 01:08:01,168
Speaker 1: only for the person going through it, but for everybody else.

1290
01:08:01,808 --> 01:08:04,328
Speaker 1: And I strongly encourage people to reach out and seek

1291
01:08:04,368 --> 01:08:08,008
Speaker 1: those supports because that's what's helped me and the family

1292
01:08:08,048 --> 01:08:12,288
Speaker 1: get through these really tough times. What I've learned from

1293
01:08:12,288 --> 01:08:16,048
Speaker 1: this whole experience is that I don't regret any of it.

1294
01:08:16,808 --> 01:08:19,728
Speaker 1: That I was where I was meant to be. I

1295
01:08:19,768 --> 01:08:21,727
Speaker 1: was meant to meet him, and we had the most

1296
01:08:21,728 --> 01:08:24,968
Speaker 1: amazing time when we were together and things were good.

1297
01:08:26,088 --> 01:08:30,247
Speaker 1: I don't regret my children. They are just fantastic. And

1298
01:08:31,408 --> 01:08:33,688
Speaker 1: I think this is just life. Life throws things at

1299
01:08:33,688 --> 01:08:35,568
Speaker 1: you and you just have to try and learn how

1300
01:08:35,568 --> 01:08:40,448
Speaker 1: to be resilient and move on and try and live

1301
01:08:40,488 --> 01:08:44,447
Speaker 1: your life. But that addiction is a disease, and that

1302
01:08:45,288 --> 01:08:47,808
Speaker 1: no matter how hard you push somebody, you can't make

1303
01:08:47,848 --> 01:08:51,568
Speaker 1: them do things they don't want to do. So I

1304
01:08:51,608 --> 01:08:55,088
Speaker 1: feel sad for his family and for him that it's

1305
01:08:55,208 --> 01:08:58,568
Speaker 1: ended up this way. And I suppose until the point

1306
01:08:58,608 --> 01:09:01,808
Speaker 1: where he's passed away that there is still hope. There's

1307
01:09:01,808 --> 01:09:06,447
Speaker 1: always hope. He probably won't be the person that I married.

1308
01:09:06,528 --> 01:09:09,567
Speaker 1: He never will, but there is hope that he could

1309
01:09:10,688 --> 01:09:12,848
Speaker 1: fix his life and then be able to be to

1310
01:09:12,888 --> 01:09:16,367
Speaker 1: see his own children and experience the good things down

1311
01:09:16,408 --> 01:09:20,768
Speaker 1: the track. I want other people to understand that it's

1312
01:09:20,808 --> 01:09:25,528
Speaker 1: okay to separate, like it's okay to end a relationship

1313
01:09:25,688 --> 01:09:27,968
Speaker 1: that's just a chapter of your life. You don't have

1314
01:09:28,088 --> 01:09:32,408
Speaker 1: to be with that person forever just because of your beliefs,

1315
01:09:32,888 --> 01:09:36,208
Speaker 1: and that's not a failure. That marriage is not a failure.

1316
01:09:36,288 --> 01:09:40,247
Speaker 1: That's just a chapter and now we're up to the

1317
01:09:40,288 --> 01:09:45,287
Speaker 1: next chapter, so it's not a failure. And that women

1318
01:09:45,368 --> 01:09:50,247
Speaker 1: are so resilient and amazing. Yeah, especially so mums with

1319
01:09:50,328 --> 01:09:54,328
Speaker 1: kids of disabilities. I have the most amazing network of

1320
01:09:54,408 --> 01:09:58,008
Speaker 1: mums who are single because the blokes can't handle it

1321
01:09:58,088 --> 01:10:03,848
Speaker 1: because it is just it's hard, and it's honestly yeah,

1322
01:10:03,888 --> 01:10:07,407
Speaker 1: but it's worth it. I'm super happy that my six

1323
01:10:07,488 --> 01:10:12,088
Speaker 1: year old is a normal little man. He's super talkative

1324
01:10:12,328 --> 01:10:14,768
Speaker 1: and he is like the big brother to the family.

1325
01:10:15,448 --> 01:10:19,088
Speaker 1: So we've got a really awesome little three person family

1326
01:10:19,488 --> 01:10:22,848
Speaker 1: and we have lots of fun. We're such a happy

1327
01:10:23,008 --> 01:10:27,048
Speaker 1: little family at this stage in life. I'm really blessed

1328
01:10:27,088 --> 01:10:29,168
Speaker 1: with all the support that I've got around me, and

1329
01:10:29,208 --> 01:10:31,888
Speaker 1: that I'm really looking forward to what the future holds

1330
01:10:31,888 --> 01:10:34,208
Speaker 1: as the boys grow older and become more and more

1331
01:10:34,247 --> 01:10:38,688
Speaker 1: independent and as life changes into the future. There's so

1332
01:10:38,848 --> 01:10:41,407
Speaker 1: much more exciting things to happen in our future. And

1333
01:10:41,488 --> 01:10:45,367
Speaker 1: this has just been one chapter of our book.

1334
01:10:45,448 --> 01:11:06,128
Speaker 3: Really, everyone has an eggs.

1335
01:11:06,168 --> 01:11:08,648
Speaker 2: He's a MINTI Media Production and proudly part of the

1336
01:11:08,728 --> 01:11:11,287
Speaker 2: Mum and me a Network. This episode is written and

1337
01:11:11,328 --> 01:11:15,367
Speaker 2: produced by Linda Scott. Interview conducted and episode narrated by

1338
01:11:15,408 --> 01:11:17,848
Speaker 2: me Georgia Love. If you have a story you'd like

1339
01:11:17,888 --> 01:11:20,768
Speaker 2: to share, email podcast at momameia dot com dot a.

1340
01:11:20,848 --> 01:11:23,208
Speaker 2: You You can support us by following the show in

1341
01:11:23,247 --> 01:11:26,088
Speaker 2: your favorite podcast app and leaving a five star review.

1342
01:11:26,288 --> 01:11:28,928
Speaker 2: We'll see you for the next episode.