1 00:00:01,279 --> 00:00:05,359 Speaker 1: Are exes, there's always that one, you know, the one 2 00:00:05,360 --> 00:00:08,439 Speaker 1: who hangs around who still wants to be friends but 3 00:00:08,439 --> 00:00:11,959 Speaker 1: all they do is cause problems, create trust issues and 4 00:00:11,960 --> 00:00:12,909 Speaker 1: make you super 5 00:00:12,909 --> 00:00:13,630 Speaker 1: anxious. 6 00:00:14,819 --> 00:00:18,419 Speaker 2: They had this friendship that was really oddly co-dependent, like, yeah, 7 00:00:18,659 --> 00:00:22,420 Speaker 2: still sharing the dogs, um, but also, you know, hanging 8 00:00:22,420 --> 00:00:24,340 Speaker 2: out in very similar social circumstances. 9 00:00:25,219 --> 00:00:28,299 Speaker 1: That's Bec. She knows what I'm talking about. She's got 10 00:00:28,299 --> 00:00:32,369 Speaker 1: big ex issues because here, I'm not even describing her ex. 11 00:00:32,700 --> 00:00:35,970 Speaker 1: Don't worry, we'll get to him. But I mean his ex. 12 00:00:36,459 --> 00:00:38,409 Speaker 1: She was one of those ones that were like, oh yeah, 13 00:00:38,459 --> 00:00:40,939 Speaker 1: I'm really good friends with my ex. There's nothing weird 14 00:00:40,939 --> 00:00:43,419 Speaker 1: about it. I could totally give you goss and him 15 00:00:43,418 --> 00:00:47,180 Speaker 1: when we were together, blah, blah blah. There's always that 16 00:00:47,180 --> 00:00:49,930 Speaker 1: one ex who just doesn't quite sit right with you. 17 00:00:50,389 --> 00:00:52,750 Speaker 1: Most of the time you know you're overthinking it, there's 18 00:00:52,750 --> 00:00:56,509 Speaker 1: absolutely nothing to worry about. You're an ex for a reason, right? 19 00:00:56,909 --> 00:01:01,819 Speaker 1: But sometimes, just sometimes, your spidey senses are bang on. 20 00:01:02,770 --> 00:01:05,789 Speaker 2: I realized after 6.5 years, I had no idea who 21 00:01:05,790 --> 00:01:07,660 Speaker 2: this human I was living with was. 22 00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:18,029 Speaker 1: I'm Georgia Love, 23 00:01:18,040 --> 00:01:21,039 Speaker 1: and this is Everyone Has an X. Come with me 24 00:01:21,040 --> 00:01:24,849 Speaker 1: as we dive into a collection of unconventional stories about 25 00:01:24,849 --> 00:01:28,479 Speaker 1: relationships past through the eyes and the hearts of the 26 00:01:28,480 --> 00:01:31,760 Speaker 1: very people who lived them. And just a language warning 27 00:01:31,760 --> 00:01:34,319 Speaker 1: for this episode around any little ears. 28 00:01:38,589 --> 00:01:42,019 Speaker 1: Beck was 33 and single when she found herself feeling 29 00:01:42,019 --> 00:01:45,429 Speaker 1: a little lonely. All her friends had partners, were getting 30 00:01:45,430 --> 00:01:48,669 Speaker 1: married and having babies, and she was single and still 31 00:01:48,669 --> 00:01:51,620 Speaker 1: wanting to go out, have fun, and meet new people. 32 00:01:52,069 --> 00:01:54,220 Speaker 2: I was at a point in my life where most 33 00:01:54,220 --> 00:01:57,790 Speaker 2: of my closest friends were in relationships. So through a 34 00:01:57,790 --> 00:01:59,589 Speaker 2: girl that I worked with, we went out one night, 35 00:01:59,690 --> 00:02:02,870 Speaker 2: we met some other girls, and, um, just kind of 36 00:02:02,870 --> 00:02:05,879 Speaker 2: struck up fast friends with a group of girls who, 37 00:02:06,379 --> 00:02:09,050 Speaker 2: We're still out on Saturday nights and having fun and, 38 00:02:09,220 --> 00:02:11,869 Speaker 2: you know, they were kind of bubblegum mates in some ways, 39 00:02:11,979 --> 00:02:14,089 Speaker 2: but I kind of figured pretty harmless. 40 00:02:14,538 --> 00:02:18,020 Speaker 1: They had a fab time drinking and dancing. They weren't 41 00:02:18,020 --> 00:02:21,809 Speaker 1: Beck's usual type of friends, but they were single and fun. 42 00:02:22,059 --> 00:02:24,929 Speaker 1: And that's exactly what she was after at that point 43 00:02:24,929 --> 00:02:25,729 Speaker 1: in her life. 44 00:02:27,070 --> 00:02:30,350 Speaker 2: They were in their 30s as well, pretty high disposable incomes, 45 00:02:30,429 --> 00:02:33,910 Speaker 2: possibly partying a wee bit too hard, possibly sleeping with 46 00:02:33,910 --> 00:02:36,839 Speaker 2: a few too many of each other's exes or recent flings, 47 00:02:36,850 --> 00:02:39,350 Speaker 2: or just a whole bunch of people living in apartment 48 00:02:39,350 --> 00:02:41,470 Speaker 2: buildings way too close to each other, drinking way too 49 00:02:41,470 --> 00:02:44,029 Speaker 2: much too often. You know, good fun to go out 50 00:02:44,029 --> 00:02:46,309 Speaker 2: with on Saturday night, but maybe, maybe not your, your 51 00:02:46,309 --> 00:02:47,149 Speaker 2: best mates. 52 00:02:47,389 --> 00:02:48,820 Speaker 1: One of those girls was Emily. 53 00:02:49,160 --> 00:02:52,190 Speaker 1: Emily was divorced, but had a little bit of a 54 00:02:52,190 --> 00:02:54,750 Speaker 1: weird relationship with her ex-husband. 55 00:02:55,190 --> 00:02:56,320 Speaker 2: One day I was like, Oh, come and come and 56 00:02:56,320 --> 00:03:01,149 Speaker 2: meet my dogs. And I'm a massive dog lover. So 57 00:03:01,149 --> 00:03:02,990 Speaker 2: I was very excited to meet a chocky lab and 58 00:03:02,990 --> 00:03:04,549 Speaker 2: a golden retriever, and I was like, Oh my God. 59 00:03:04,630 --> 00:03:06,509 Speaker 2: And then in the middle of meeting the dogs, we're 60 00:03:06,508 --> 00:03:09,070 Speaker 2: in this house, and, uh, I'm like, Oh, I really 61 00:03:09,070 --> 00:03:09,228 Speaker 2: like 62 00:03:09,229 --> 00:03:09,350 Speaker 1: your 63 00:03:09,350 --> 00:03:10,589 Speaker 2: house. And she's like, Oh, no, no, no, this is 64 00:03:10,589 --> 00:03:13,250 Speaker 2: my ex's house. And I'm like, What? 65 00:03:14,179 --> 00:03:15,809 Speaker 2: What am I doing here? And she's like, Oh, no, no, no. 66 00:03:15,899 --> 00:03:18,250 Speaker 2: He and I are still friends. Like, it's fine. Like, if, 67 00:03:18,258 --> 00:03:19,740 Speaker 2: if I don't meet anyone better, I'm just gonna go 68 00:03:19,740 --> 00:03:23,490 Speaker 2: back to him. And I remember thinking at the time, Jesus, 69 00:03:24,220 --> 00:03:25,899 Speaker 2: you're an interesting person. The 70 00:03:25,899 --> 00:03:30,270 Speaker 1: ex-husband was Mick. And without knowing anything else about him, 71 00:03:30,460 --> 00:03:33,899 Speaker 1: his surname or even what he looked like, Beck immediately 72 00:03:33,899 --> 00:03:34,809 Speaker 1: felt for him. 73 00:03:35,380 --> 00:03:38,770 Speaker 2: Always stuck with me. I just always thought, this poor guy. 74 00:03:38,979 --> 00:03:40,369 Speaker 2: I guess I just thought, 75 00:03:41,380 --> 00:03:44,419 Speaker 2: What an incredibly disrespectful way to treat someone that you've 76 00:03:44,419 --> 00:03:47,690 Speaker 2: ever been close to. So I guess I kind of, 77 00:03:47,789 --> 00:03:49,539 Speaker 2: in a way, I felt for him before I'd ever 78 00:03:49,539 --> 00:03:54,330 Speaker 2: even met him, um, as in felt sorry for him effectively. 79 00:03:54,800 --> 00:03:58,210 Speaker 1: Now, Emily wasn't exaggerating when she said they were still friends. 80 00:03:58,539 --> 00:04:01,210 Speaker 1: She didn't speak about him heaps but saw him a lot. 81 00:04:01,460 --> 00:04:03,500 Speaker 1: He even still hung out with her and her friendship 82 00:04:03,500 --> 00:04:04,100 Speaker 1: group all the 83 00:04:04,100 --> 00:04:04,570 Speaker 1: time. 84 00:04:04,949 --> 00:04:07,250 Speaker 2: I don't think I knew much. I knew they'd been. 85 00:04:08,119 --> 00:04:11,360 Speaker 2: Separated slash divorced for a chunk of time, she was 86 00:04:11,360 --> 00:04:15,039 Speaker 2: very much happily moving on and seeing the men and 87 00:04:15,039 --> 00:04:16,719 Speaker 2: da da da, um, 88 00:04:17,690 --> 00:04:20,519 Speaker 2: I guess what I, what I mostly understood was that 89 00:04:20,519 --> 00:04:24,040 Speaker 2: they had this friendship that was really oddly co-dependent. Like, yeah, 90 00:04:24,238 --> 00:04:28,039 Speaker 2: still sharing the dogs, um, but also, you know, hanging 91 00:04:28,040 --> 00:04:32,230 Speaker 2: out in very similar social circumstances. These sorts of stories about, um, 92 00:04:32,359 --> 00:04:34,959 Speaker 2: you know, horrible things that she said to women that 93 00:04:34,959 --> 00:04:38,640 Speaker 2: he'd attempted to date or whatever. Um, 94 00:04:39,290 --> 00:04:42,299 Speaker 2: And so I understood that whatever it was between them, like, 95 00:04:42,309 --> 00:04:44,709 Speaker 2: was long enough ago that I guess you were comfortable 96 00:04:44,709 --> 00:04:47,549 Speaker 2: to be social with one another, but I don't think 97 00:04:47,549 --> 00:04:50,869 Speaker 2: I invested in it all that hard, to be honest. 98 00:04:51,738 --> 00:04:54,000 Speaker 1: And given Beck was hanging out in the same group 99 00:04:54,000 --> 00:04:57,130 Speaker 1: now too, it didn't take long for them to meet. 100 00:04:57,678 --> 00:05:01,440 Speaker 2: So I met Mick, probably, I guess a couple of 101 00:05:01,440 --> 00:05:06,029 Speaker 2: months after I first met Emily. Um, I think I 102 00:05:06,029 --> 00:05:07,738 Speaker 2: might have been at the pub with him one night, 103 00:05:07,790 --> 00:05:10,119 Speaker 2: the same, like, one night in between those times, but 104 00:05:10,119 --> 00:05:12,700 Speaker 2: without ever properly meeting. Uh, the night I met him, 105 00:05:12,709 --> 00:05:16,250 Speaker 2: we were at the vineyard in St Kilda. I popped 106 00:05:16,250 --> 00:05:17,989 Speaker 2: out for a cigarette. I was smoking at the time, 107 00:05:18,100 --> 00:05:19,820 Speaker 2: and I noticed that he sort of came out with me, 108 00:05:19,859 --> 00:05:21,309 Speaker 2: and I'm like, Oh, you're paying a bit of attention. 109 00:05:21,730 --> 00:05:23,839 Speaker 2: And then when we sat down, he said, Oh, can 110 00:05:23,839 --> 00:05:26,390 Speaker 2: I ask you a really direct question? And I'm like, Sure, man, like, 111 00:05:26,399 --> 00:05:28,519 Speaker 2: I'm pretty direct. He goes, Oh, what do you think 112 00:05:28,519 --> 00:05:31,839 Speaker 2: of my relationship with my ex-wife? And I said, Well, 113 00:05:31,959 --> 00:05:33,829 Speaker 2: I think it's fucked up and unhealthy. 114 00:05:34,760 --> 00:05:37,279 Speaker 1: So there's a truth bomb if there ever was one. 115 00:05:37,720 --> 00:05:40,390 Speaker 1: And he loved it. He loved that she was direct 116 00:05:40,390 --> 00:05:42,709 Speaker 1: and saw through what might have been seen as a 117 00:05:42,709 --> 00:05:45,390 Speaker 1: little bit of weirdness between him and Emily. They kept 118 00:05:45,390 --> 00:05:48,700 Speaker 1: chatting all night and got along really, really well. 119 00:05:49,059 --> 00:05:51,109 Speaker 2: When he got up to leave, he bashed me in 120 00:05:51,109 --> 00:05:54,299 Speaker 2: front of everyone, and I was kind of like, Whoa. 121 00:05:55,579 --> 00:05:56,570 Speaker 2: That was impressive. 122 00:05:57,790 --> 00:06:00,269 Speaker 2: Like, it was a pretty bold move given not just, uh, 123 00:06:00,350 --> 00:06:02,308 Speaker 2: you know, the 10 people we were there with were there, 124 00:06:02,399 --> 00:06:06,950 Speaker 2: but one of them, including his ex-wife. Um, so I 125 00:06:06,950 --> 00:06:09,709 Speaker 2: kind of, uh, wasn't that surprised when he sent me 126 00:06:09,709 --> 00:06:11,980 Speaker 2: a text later the same night asking me out. 127 00:06:12,390 --> 00:06:15,309 Speaker 1: She was pretty excited. It had been a while since 128 00:06:15,309 --> 00:06:18,070 Speaker 1: she'd met someone she got along with so well and 129 00:06:18,070 --> 00:06:20,790 Speaker 1: who she was genuinely keen to see again and get 130 00:06:20,790 --> 00:06:24,200 Speaker 1: to know. But Emily was her friend first, and 131 00:06:24,244 --> 00:06:26,364 Speaker 1: Beck was well versed in girl code. 132 00:06:26,875 --> 00:06:28,315 Speaker 2: So I thought, I'll do the right thing, and I 133 00:06:28,315 --> 00:06:31,084 Speaker 2: flicked her a quick texty during the week on Facebook. 134 00:06:31,154 --> 00:06:32,914 Speaker 2: I don't even think we had each other's phone numbers 135 00:06:33,234 --> 00:06:36,915 Speaker 2: at that time, um, being like, Hey, you know, probably 136 00:06:36,915 --> 00:06:38,803 Speaker 2: you already know this, but I just wanted to suss 137 00:06:38,803 --> 00:06:40,325 Speaker 2: out that it was all cool with you. You know, 138 00:06:40,434 --> 00:06:42,113 Speaker 2: Mick's asked me out for dinner. 139 00:06:42,619 --> 00:06:45,029 Speaker 2: And she was like, oh my god, yeah, of course, 140 00:06:45,160 --> 00:06:47,559 Speaker 2: you two would be amazing together, but you, you know, 141 00:06:47,760 --> 00:06:48,510 Speaker 2: go for it. 142 00:06:48,940 --> 00:06:51,519 Speaker 1: So they did. Their first date was dinner at a 143 00:06:51,519 --> 00:06:55,640 Speaker 1: restaurant in the city. They talked, laughed, ate, drank, and 144 00:06:55,640 --> 00:06:58,399 Speaker 1: picked up where they left off after that very first 145 00:06:58,399 --> 00:06:59,000 Speaker 1: night at the. 146 00:07:00,149 --> 00:07:03,899 Speaker 1: From there things just went on a pretty natural trajectory. 147 00:07:04,149 --> 00:07:06,380 Speaker 1: They'd see each other a couple of nights a week, 148 00:07:06,510 --> 00:07:08,989 Speaker 1: text and talk on the phone. In the space of 149 00:07:08,988 --> 00:07:12,309 Speaker 1: a couple of weeks, they were officially a couple. They 150 00:07:12,309 --> 00:07:14,779 Speaker 1: couldn't have been happier with how things were moving along 151 00:07:14,779 --> 00:07:15,510 Speaker 1: with Mick. 152 00:07:16,410 --> 00:07:18,579 Speaker 1: Until one night out of nowhere. 153 00:07:21,089 --> 00:07:22,010 Speaker 1: It was Emily. 154 00:07:22,459 --> 00:07:24,660 Speaker 2: Lose 30 kg if you want a chance of keeping 155 00:07:24,660 --> 00:07:26,899 Speaker 2: up with me. Until then you're nothing but a fat 156 00:07:26,899 --> 00:07:29,269 Speaker 2: bitch that will never do better than my slops. 157 00:07:30,839 --> 00:07:32,359 Speaker 2: I think then I knew we had a bit of 158 00:07:32,359 --> 00:07:33,040 Speaker 2: a problem. 159 00:07:34,019 --> 00:07:37,989 Speaker 1: While it had come out of nowhere, Beck wasn't totally surprised. 160 00:07:38,399 --> 00:07:40,440 Speaker 1: She'd been more surprised when Emily had said it was 161 00:07:40,440 --> 00:07:41,869 Speaker 1: cool all those weeks ago. 162 00:07:42,260 --> 00:07:47,440 Speaker 1: But what did surprise her was mixed reaction, or lack thereof. 163 00:07:47,700 --> 00:07:50,489 Speaker 2: It never sat with me that he didn't really jump 164 00:07:50,489 --> 00:07:53,190 Speaker 2: to my defense. It was a whole lot of, Oh, Becky, 165 00:07:53,269 --> 00:07:56,470 Speaker 2: that's just M being M, and you've gotta understand this, that, 166 00:07:56,510 --> 00:07:58,700 Speaker 2: and you've gotta, you know, she just this, that, you know, 167 00:07:58,750 --> 00:08:02,750 Speaker 2: and I'm like, Nah, grass green, water wet, that'd be crazy. Like, 168 00:08:02,910 --> 00:08:04,200 Speaker 2: that'd not be cool. 169 00:08:04,790 --> 00:08:07,670 Speaker 1: They had a huge fight about it, but in the end, 170 00:08:07,790 --> 00:08:10,829 Speaker 1: Beck's love, forgiveness, and understanding prevailed. 171 00:08:11,290 --> 00:08:13,660 Speaker 1: And in turn, it kind of made her want to 172 00:08:13,660 --> 00:08:15,170 Speaker 1: be with him even more. 173 00:08:16,630 --> 00:08:20,390 Speaker 2: I understood that their relationship was co-dependent and unhealthy, and, 174 00:08:20,410 --> 00:08:23,730 Speaker 2: and really felt that he'd kind of been brainwashed by 175 00:08:23,730 --> 00:08:29,010 Speaker 2: this manipulative. She's a very intelligent, emotionally intelligent, um, and 176 00:08:29,140 --> 00:08:32,299 Speaker 2: mentally intelligent person. So I just sort of thought that 177 00:08:32,299 --> 00:08:36,409 Speaker 2: he'd just effectively been pretty brainwashed, and he was just, 178 00:08:36,539 --> 00:08:38,159 Speaker 2: I just thought, it just really, 179 00:08:40,138 --> 00:08:42,448 Speaker 2: Would deserve someone that was gonna take care of him 180 00:08:42,448 --> 00:08:45,549 Speaker 2: and fucking back him and, you know, love him, and, 181 00:08:45,898 --> 00:08:48,419 Speaker 2: and for some reason I felt like that was gonna 182 00:08:48,419 --> 00:08:55,419 Speaker 2: be me. Um, and so I kind of endured imperfect behavior, um, 183 00:08:55,499 --> 00:08:56,218 Speaker 2: in that, 184 00:08:57,190 --> 00:09:01,109 Speaker 2: Context that he'd been living in this really emotionally messed 185 00:09:01,109 --> 00:09:03,869 Speaker 2: up space for quite a long time and had kind 186 00:09:03,869 --> 00:09:06,789 Speaker 2: of lost due north of how people could and couldn't 187 00:09:06,789 --> 00:09:09,260 Speaker 2: treat him, and so therefore as an extension of that, 188 00:09:09,270 --> 00:09:10,900 Speaker 2: how people could and couldn't treat me. 189 00:09:11,190 --> 00:09:14,349 Speaker 1: The messages kept coming, but Beck just ignored them. She 190 00:09:14,349 --> 00:09:17,189 Speaker 1: was in her mid-thirties, she didn't want or need the 191 00:09:17,190 --> 00:09:18,439 Speaker 1: mean girls drama. 192 00:09:19,010 --> 00:09:21,319 Speaker 1: She'd only known this girl a couple of months anyway. 193 00:09:21,609 --> 00:09:25,239 Speaker 1: Having Mick was a much higher priority than losing Emily. 194 00:09:25,570 --> 00:09:29,359 Speaker 2: We spent less time with that larger friendship group, um, 195 00:09:29,369 --> 00:09:31,289 Speaker 2: and more time together, which of course when you're new 196 00:09:31,289 --> 00:09:34,089 Speaker 2: together with someone is, is lovely, you know, so take 197 00:09:34,090 --> 00:09:37,890 Speaker 2: me down the coast for surf weekends and, you know, like. 198 00:09:38,869 --> 00:09:41,359 Speaker 2: Yeah, I met his friends and they're all like, telling 199 00:09:41,359 --> 00:09:43,200 Speaker 2: me how much he doesn't shut up gushing about how 200 00:09:43,200 --> 00:09:45,119 Speaker 2: amazing I'm I am, and his friends would be like, 201 00:09:45,200 --> 00:09:48,598 Speaker 2: you know, Mick just deserves a woman like you, and 202 00:09:48,599 --> 00:09:50,280 Speaker 2: so great to meet you. And I knew that these 203 00:09:50,280 --> 00:09:53,260 Speaker 2: friends hadn't liked her at all. And so, you know, he's, 204 00:09:53,359 --> 00:09:55,640 Speaker 2: I'm getting character references here. I'm like, No, no, I'm 205 00:09:55,640 --> 00:09:59,468 Speaker 2: doing the right thing. This is a really solid guy. And, um, 206 00:09:59,640 --> 00:10:02,119 Speaker 2: I just have to kind of weather this initial storm 207 00:10:02,119 --> 00:10:03,039 Speaker 2: a bit, and 208 00:10:04,510 --> 00:10:06,390 Speaker 2: That's how it's gonna go. And 209 00:10:06,390 --> 00:10:09,069 Speaker 1: that's how it did go. They spent more and more 210 00:10:09,070 --> 00:10:12,539 Speaker 1: time together, met each other's families, the conversation was great, 211 00:10:12,590 --> 00:10:15,510 Speaker 1: the sex was great. They just had 212 00:10:15,510 --> 00:10:16,109 Speaker 1: fun. 213 00:10:16,390 --> 00:10:19,190 Speaker 2: He was my first boyfriend, so it was all really 214 00:10:19,190 --> 00:10:21,218 Speaker 2: novel for me. 215 00:10:21,789 --> 00:10:24,909 Speaker 1: The only thing stopping this blossoming time in their relationship 216 00:10:24,909 --> 00:10:29,218 Speaker 1: being absolutely perfect, you guessed it, Emily. 217 00:10:29,549 --> 00:10:31,750 Speaker 2: He was still catching up with her as a friend. 218 00:10:32,479 --> 00:10:34,289 Speaker 2: I was having to explain to him that that was 219 00:10:34,289 --> 00:10:36,169 Speaker 2: all sorts of wrong. She still had a key to 220 00:10:36,169 --> 00:10:39,690 Speaker 2: the house because of, because of the dogs. I didn't 221 00:10:39,690 --> 00:10:41,608 Speaker 2: even have a key to the house. She would have 222 00:10:41,609 --> 00:10:43,770 Speaker 2: massive dramatic flare-ups and he would have to settle her 223 00:10:43,770 --> 00:10:46,010 Speaker 2: down and make sure she was OK. So, there was 224 00:10:46,010 --> 00:10:49,359 Speaker 2: a particular evening when he and I were together, when, 225 00:10:49,609 --> 00:10:50,789 Speaker 2: you know, we'd probably been 226 00:10:50,835 --> 00:10:54,064 Speaker 2: Out for a lovely night, come home, you know, gone 227 00:10:54,065 --> 00:10:56,864 Speaker 2: to bed, etc. etc. Middle of the night, we're well 228 00:10:56,864 --> 00:10:59,705 Speaker 2: and truly asleep, and she calls cause she can't get 229 00:10:59,705 --> 00:11:02,704 Speaker 2: a taxi, and then she's scared, so she has to 230 00:11:02,705 --> 00:11:05,984 Speaker 2: ring him. So he comes and leaves me in his 231 00:11:05,984 --> 00:11:09,215 Speaker 2: bed and goes to get her. That to me is 232 00:11:09,784 --> 00:11:13,744 Speaker 2: a pretty inappropriate thing to do on both of their accounts. 233 00:11:14,539 --> 00:11:18,450 Speaker 1: Fighting about Emily became a constant theme of their relationship. 234 00:11:18,780 --> 00:11:21,820 Speaker 1: She'd call, he'd go running, Beck would crack it, he'd 235 00:11:21,820 --> 00:11:25,010 Speaker 1: apologize and then it would all happen again. He'd say 236 00:11:25,010 --> 00:11:27,979 Speaker 1: he felt a responsibility to make sure Emily was OK. 237 00:11:28,419 --> 00:11:31,500 Speaker 1: And Becky was a healer. She wanted to help and 238 00:11:31,500 --> 00:11:34,260 Speaker 1: fix this guy who'd been so damaged by his ex. 239 00:11:35,130 --> 00:11:37,280 Speaker 2: I don't exactly remember why or how I got over it, 240 00:11:37,289 --> 00:11:40,119 Speaker 2: but I was just like, I guess I'd just become 241 00:11:40,119 --> 00:11:43,840 Speaker 2: conditioned to the crazy. Like, it was literally almost 242 00:11:43,840 --> 00:11:44,549 Speaker 2: constant. 243 00:11:44,840 --> 00:11:47,760 Speaker 1: Now, Emily wasn't the only thing they had to navigate 244 00:11:47,760 --> 00:11:51,080 Speaker 1: in those first few months. While Beck was only 33, 245 00:11:51,280 --> 00:11:53,840 Speaker 1: Mick was 10 years older than her, and he'd been 246 00:11:53,840 --> 00:11:57,280 Speaker 1: married before. His life experience meant he knew exactly what 247 00:11:57,280 --> 00:12:00,358 Speaker 1: he did and didn't want for future relationships. 248 00:12:00,640 --> 00:12:01,959 Speaker 2: I think it was like our 2nd or 3rd date 249 00:12:01,960 --> 00:12:03,319 Speaker 2: that Mick said to me he didn't want to get 250 00:12:03,320 --> 00:12:04,669 Speaker 2: married ever again. 251 00:12:05,070 --> 00:12:08,710 Speaker 2: Um, and then he said, and I, he didn't say 252 00:12:08,710 --> 00:12:11,469 Speaker 2: I don't want to have kids, he said, um, and 253 00:12:11,469 --> 00:12:12,669 Speaker 2: I have had a vasectomy. 254 00:12:12,950 --> 00:12:16,469 Speaker 1: This rattled Beck, the marriage part she could handle, it 255 00:12:16,469 --> 00:12:19,150 Speaker 1: was commitment that she wanted, she didn't really care about 256 00:12:19,150 --> 00:12:20,140 Speaker 1: the piece of paper. 257 00:12:20,580 --> 00:12:23,669 Speaker 1: But the kids' bit was different. She wasn't desperate to 258 00:12:23,669 --> 00:12:26,218 Speaker 1: be a mom, but she had still always thought that 259 00:12:26,229 --> 00:12:27,500 Speaker 1: that time would come. 260 00:12:27,840 --> 00:12:29,429 Speaker 2: The first time I ever thought about what sort of 261 00:12:29,429 --> 00:12:31,348 Speaker 2: a mother I would be, my friend who lives in 262 00:12:31,349 --> 00:12:33,669 Speaker 2: Holland when I was living in Amsterdam, he just turned 263 00:12:33,669 --> 00:12:36,059 Speaker 2: around to me at ridiculous o'clock one night and he goes, 264 00:12:36,309 --> 00:12:38,469 Speaker 2: Do you know what I love about you? Like, I 265 00:12:38,469 --> 00:12:39,829 Speaker 2: look at you and I can just see the mom 266 00:12:39,830 --> 00:12:40,189 Speaker 2: you're gonna. 267 00:12:40,335 --> 00:12:43,834 Speaker 2: Like, you're gonna be you, but you're gonna be a mom. 268 00:12:44,044 --> 00:12:45,924 Speaker 2: And it was like the most beautiful thing, and I 269 00:12:45,924 --> 00:12:48,325 Speaker 2: had literally never thought about that until he said it 270 00:12:48,325 --> 00:12:49,233 Speaker 2: to me that night. 271 00:12:49,765 --> 00:12:51,885 Speaker 1: So it was a big deal when the person she 272 00:12:51,885 --> 00:12:54,565 Speaker 1: loved and saw a future with said kids were off 273 00:12:54,565 --> 00:12:57,955 Speaker 1: the carts. They were only about 6 months into their relationship, 274 00:12:58,044 --> 00:13:00,044 Speaker 1: but she knew how she felt about him. 275 00:13:00,890 --> 00:13:02,809 Speaker 1: She certainly wouldn't have put up with all the Emily 276 00:13:02,809 --> 00:13:05,000 Speaker 1: drama if she didn't want to be with this man, 277 00:13:05,409 --> 00:13:08,369 Speaker 1: but there's no doubt it put a spanner in the works. 278 00:13:08,609 --> 00:13:11,369 Speaker 1: So they took a week's break. Beck wanted to be 279 00:13:11,369 --> 00:13:13,590 Speaker 1: on her own to think about whether or not this 280 00:13:13,590 --> 00:13:14,700 Speaker 1: was a deal breaker. 281 00:13:15,250 --> 00:13:18,690 Speaker 2: So we had this week apart, um, and, you know, 282 00:13:18,770 --> 00:13:20,130 Speaker 2: I did a whole bunch of yoga and I went 283 00:13:20,130 --> 00:13:22,640 Speaker 2: down the coast and kind of talked to people about 284 00:13:22,640 --> 00:13:23,210 Speaker 2: it and 285 00:13:25,450 --> 00:13:28,789 Speaker 2: I don't remember exactly how the coming back together happened, 286 00:13:28,880 --> 00:13:32,119 Speaker 2: but there was a coming back together and he had 287 00:13:32,119 --> 00:13:35,119 Speaker 2: written me a bunch of letters during that week about 288 00:13:35,119 --> 00:13:36,919 Speaker 2: wanting to be with me and how much he'd missed 289 00:13:36,919 --> 00:13:39,960 Speaker 2: me and how horrific this week of being apart and 290 00:13:39,960 --> 00:13:43,150 Speaker 2: making him realize how much he wanted to be with me, etc. etc. 291 00:13:43,679 --> 00:13:46,429 Speaker 1: But it didn't matter what he'd said after that week apart. 292 00:13:46,719 --> 00:13:49,130 Speaker 1: Beck's mind was already made up. 293 00:13:49,719 --> 00:13:51,359 Speaker 2: And I was just like, No, I'd rather have you. 294 00:13:51,479 --> 00:13:52,919 Speaker 2: I'd rather have you than children. 295 00:13:55,409 --> 00:13:59,190 Speaker 1: And that changed everything. It not only gave both Bec 296 00:13:59,190 --> 00:14:02,858 Speaker 1: and Mick confidence in their relationship and solidified their future, 297 00:14:03,150 --> 00:14:06,880 Speaker 1: it gave Bec the strength to finally give Mick an ultimatum. 298 00:14:07,229 --> 00:14:08,229 Speaker 1: It's me, or 299 00:14:08,229 --> 00:14:10,909 Speaker 2: Emily. She's gotta go. This, I told you she was 300 00:14:10,909 --> 00:14:13,390 Speaker 2: toxic all along, she's gotta go. So he changed the lot. 301 00:14:13,684 --> 00:14:17,244 Speaker 2: He put all of her stuff outside his house, messaged her, 302 00:14:17,284 --> 00:14:20,325 Speaker 2: being like, anything that's still in the house, at the 303 00:14:20,325 --> 00:14:22,474 Speaker 2: front's going to the salvos. At the time, I think 304 00:14:22,474 --> 00:14:24,724 Speaker 2: it was the week apart, and I think perhaps that 305 00:14:24,724 --> 00:14:26,885 Speaker 2: breaking up with me about the children and then me 306 00:14:26,885 --> 00:14:29,205 Speaker 2: coming back, I think he carried a lot of guilt 307 00:14:29,205 --> 00:14:32,695 Speaker 2: that he was somehow going to deprive me of some, um, 308 00:14:33,659 --> 00:14:38,010 Speaker 2: Life experience that was going to be unethical and immoral 309 00:14:38,010 --> 00:14:42,760 Speaker 2: to deprive me of. Um, and so when I took 310 00:14:42,760 --> 00:14:45,809 Speaker 2: considered thought for a week, and he had to live for, 311 00:14:45,890 --> 00:14:48,080 Speaker 2: you know, a week thinking he might have lost me, 312 00:14:48,380 --> 00:14:51,210 Speaker 2: coming back together where I made that decision, and I 313 00:14:51,210 --> 00:14:54,119 Speaker 2: think that was probably one of the things that gave 314 00:14:54,119 --> 00:14:57,210 Speaker 2: him the strength to, to do that and be willing 315 00:14:57,210 --> 00:14:58,520 Speaker 2: to proper cut ties. 316 00:14:59,530 --> 00:15:03,650 Speaker 1: She was gone, finally, and the cherry on top, Emily 317 00:15:03,650 --> 00:15:07,859 Speaker 1: moved to the United States. Pop the champagne. For the 318 00:15:07,859 --> 00:15:11,210 Speaker 1: first time in their relationship, it was just Mick and Beck, 319 00:15:11,580 --> 00:15:13,409 Speaker 1: and it was glorious. 320 00:15:13,619 --> 00:15:15,929 Speaker 2: It was the first time he told me he loved me, 321 00:15:16,020 --> 00:15:19,159 Speaker 2: we updated our Facebook status, it was a whole thing. 322 00:15:19,380 --> 00:15:21,179 Speaker 2: And I was like, well, 6 months in this game 323 00:15:21,179 --> 00:15:23,309 Speaker 2: for the rest of your life with somebody, you know, 324 00:15:23,380 --> 00:15:25,650 Speaker 2: it's a bit of a bit of a rocky start, but, 325 00:15:26,059 --> 00:15:29,080 Speaker 2: OK, we got there, right? And it felt really good. 326 00:15:29,169 --> 00:15:32,289 Speaker 2: I was so happy, and I, I moved in not 327 00:15:32,289 --> 00:15:34,210 Speaker 2: too long after that. So I was living in his 328 00:15:34,210 --> 00:15:37,719 Speaker 2: house down by the beach, and we're just hanging out, and, um, 329 00:15:38,090 --> 00:15:40,210 Speaker 2: I think eventually his housemate even moved out, which is 330 00:15:40,210 --> 00:15:43,650 Speaker 2: just like triple bliss, and I changed jobs, and I 331 00:15:43,650 --> 00:15:45,369 Speaker 2: changed jobs so that we could save up to buy 332 00:15:45,369 --> 00:15:47,450 Speaker 2: a house, and, um, 333 00:15:48,700 --> 00:15:51,820 Speaker 2: Yeah, it was just, you know, everybody, I was so 334 00:15:51,820 --> 00:15:52,359 Speaker 2: loved up. 335 00:15:52,739 --> 00:15:55,299 Speaker 1: It went on like this for another 6 months. They'd 336 00:15:55,299 --> 00:15:57,700 Speaker 1: go to the gym together every morning, take the dogs 337 00:15:57,700 --> 00:16:00,549 Speaker 1: for walks along the beach, have dinner parties for their friends, 338 00:16:00,659 --> 00:16:04,979 Speaker 1: their live bands together, even bought a house, further solidifying 339 00:16:04,979 --> 00:16:08,460 Speaker 1: their commitment to each other and creating their own beautiful 340 00:16:08,460 --> 00:16:13,059 Speaker 1: life together. Nothing could have made it any better. But 341 00:16:13,059 --> 00:16:15,099 Speaker 1: you sure as hell know one thing could have made 342 00:16:15,099 --> 00:16:15,809 Speaker 1: it worse. 343 00:16:16,770 --> 00:16:18,400 Speaker 1: Emily was back. 344 00:16:19,090 --> 00:16:20,750 Speaker 2: But one of the girls that I still was in 345 00:16:20,750 --> 00:16:24,070 Speaker 2: touch with got an invite to her housewarming party, and 346 00:16:24,070 --> 00:16:26,710 Speaker 2: it was in an apartment literally across the road from 347 00:16:26,710 --> 00:16:27,309 Speaker 2: our house. 348 00:16:28,590 --> 00:16:30,059 Speaker 1: You've got to be kidding. 349 00:16:30,590 --> 00:16:34,150 Speaker 2: Above the IGA next door to the pub where we 350 00:16:34,150 --> 00:16:37,309 Speaker 2: hung out every night, where I got off my tram 351 00:16:37,309 --> 00:16:38,190 Speaker 2: every day. 352 00:16:38,710 --> 00:16:40,539 Speaker 2: Um, and I was like, Oh, this is cool. 353 00:16:40,789 --> 00:16:43,710 Speaker 1: Now this was serious cause for a breakdown, or at 354 00:16:43,710 --> 00:16:47,109 Speaker 1: the very least a complete freak out. Not only did 355 00:16:47,109 --> 00:16:50,349 Speaker 1: she have to see him everywhere, rumors started to 356 00:16:50,349 --> 00:16:50,940 Speaker 1: flow. 357 00:16:51,390 --> 00:16:54,590 Speaker 2: We'd see them at the pub, you drunken fools, like 358 00:16:54,590 --> 00:16:57,150 Speaker 2: this barfly idiots that thought they got to have an 359 00:16:57,150 --> 00:16:59,070 Speaker 2: opinion on my life, pulling me aside, being like, 360 00:16:59,539 --> 00:17:01,539 Speaker 2: Well, pulling him aside in front of me, being like, 361 00:17:01,700 --> 00:17:03,580 Speaker 2: So how are you going? Like, uh, playing the two 362 00:17:03,580 --> 00:17:05,739 Speaker 2: girls at once, you know, how's that working out for you? 363 00:17:05,939 --> 00:17:07,859 Speaker 2: And I'd heard it all so many times by then 364 00:17:07,859 --> 00:17:09,339 Speaker 2: that I'd just pick up my drink and go, like, 365 00:17:09,380 --> 00:17:11,849 Speaker 2: I'm going outside for a cigarette, man, I don't need this, like, 366 00:17:12,510 --> 00:17:17,170 Speaker 2: and so it was, it was constant. It was just horrific. 367 00:17:17,420 --> 00:17:18,410 Speaker 2: One night we're at the pub. 368 00:17:18,839 --> 00:17:22,920 Speaker 2: And the girl who I had previously been friends with, um, 369 00:17:23,010 --> 00:17:26,239 Speaker 2: who lived with Emily now, um, was like, you've got 370 00:17:26,239 --> 00:17:29,489 Speaker 2: to leave the pub because I'm not gonna support, E 371 00:17:29,489 --> 00:17:31,849 Speaker 2: in doing what she's gonna do, and I get these 372 00:17:31,849 --> 00:17:33,689 Speaker 2: dramatic texts about, you know, 373 00:17:35,479 --> 00:17:38,430 Speaker 2: I've always said that the two of you deserve better 374 00:17:38,430 --> 00:17:44,359 Speaker 2: and all this stuff. I just, ah, dramatic speak about 375 00:17:44,359 --> 00:17:44,869 Speaker 2: stuff. 376 00:17:45,160 --> 00:17:48,050 Speaker 1: Once again, their relationship was put to the test. 377 00:17:48,430 --> 00:17:50,359 Speaker 2: You can imagine how many conversations he and I had. 378 00:17:50,439 --> 00:17:53,319 Speaker 2: I was just like, this is really upsetting. And he'd 379 00:17:53,319 --> 00:17:55,198 Speaker 2: be like, Oh, Becky, if you really trusted me. And 380 00:17:55,199 --> 00:17:57,910 Speaker 2: I was like, Clearly I really trust you. I'm with you. 381 00:17:58,160 --> 00:17:58,770 Speaker 2: But 382 00:17:59,329 --> 00:18:01,889 Speaker 2: You know, these are the, these are the, the parameters. 383 00:18:01,969 --> 00:18:03,209 Speaker 2: If you see her at the pub, you're not to 384 00:18:03,209 --> 00:18:06,010 Speaker 2: fucking talk to her, man. Like, if you like, you know, 385 00:18:06,170 --> 00:18:07,688 Speaker 2: and he would be like, Oh, I'll just say hi. No, 386 00:18:07,770 --> 00:18:11,239 Speaker 2: you won't. You'll just go. You'll just leave right now, 387 00:18:11,250 --> 00:18:13,609 Speaker 2: because I can't be there every time looking at what 388 00:18:13,609 --> 00:18:18,050 Speaker 2: you're doing, and I can't cope with the fact that 389 00:18:18,050 --> 00:18:21,079 Speaker 2: she can be as close as she is in proximity 390 00:18:21,329 --> 00:18:23,849 Speaker 2: and thinking that you guys are gonna like be all 391 00:18:23,849 --> 00:18:24,839 Speaker 2: hanging outy. 392 00:18:25,380 --> 00:18:28,089 Speaker 2: Behind my back. So I was really, really clear on 393 00:18:28,089 --> 00:18:30,819 Speaker 2: my expectations on how much that they couldn't communicate, and 394 00:18:30,819 --> 00:18:33,339 Speaker 2: he was like, Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, we 395 00:18:33,339 --> 00:18:35,698 Speaker 2: spoke about it a lot, right? And whenever push came 396 00:18:35,699 --> 00:18:38,179 Speaker 2: to shove and I would kind of confess to him 397 00:18:38,180 --> 00:18:40,050 Speaker 2: that I was having a really bad week with stress 398 00:18:40,050 --> 00:18:43,219 Speaker 2: and uh seeing her face on strangers in the street 399 00:18:43,219 --> 00:18:43,520 Speaker 2: and 400 00:18:43,859 --> 00:18:45,780 Speaker 2: Like, oh, there were days that I got on the 401 00:18:45,780 --> 00:18:49,209 Speaker 2: train and tram and literally nearly accidentally sat next to her. Like, 402 00:18:49,339 --> 00:18:51,819 Speaker 2: it was so bizarre. So we had a number of 403 00:18:51,819 --> 00:18:53,459 Speaker 2: conversations and quite often he'd turn around to me and 404 00:18:53,459 --> 00:18:54,979 Speaker 2: be like, Becky, you know, I love you, and if 405 00:18:54,979 --> 00:18:57,369 Speaker 2: you really trusted me, we wouldn't be having this conversation, 406 00:18:57,479 --> 00:18:59,938 Speaker 2: and rah rah rah rah, and, you know, kind of 407 00:18:59,939 --> 00:19:02,930 Speaker 2: putting it back on me. And so then that is, 408 00:19:03,050 --> 00:19:06,380 Speaker 2: you know, a really disempowering conversation to have. That makes 409 00:19:06,380 --> 00:19:08,420 Speaker 2: you then turn around and be the reassurer. 410 00:19:08,780 --> 00:19:10,959 Speaker 2: And be like, No, dear, I do love you and 411 00:19:10,959 --> 00:19:11,869 Speaker 2: I do trust you. 412 00:19:12,479 --> 00:19:15,880 Speaker 1: This was Beck's life now, her new normal. He swore 413 00:19:15,880 --> 00:19:19,400 Speaker 1: the silly rumors were all white noise, gossip, bored, bitchy 414 00:19:19,400 --> 00:19:22,919 Speaker 1: girls being bored bitchy girls. He couldn't help that she 415 00:19:22,920 --> 00:19:26,159 Speaker 1: was around. It's where she lived. He swore he wouldn't 416 00:19:26,160 --> 00:19:28,589 Speaker 1: speak to her. And Beck believed him. 417 00:19:28,800 --> 00:19:30,639 Speaker 2: I loved him ferociously. 418 00:19:31,439 --> 00:19:34,800 Speaker 1: They decided to go to couples counseling. They'd invested 4 419 00:19:34,800 --> 00:19:38,310 Speaker 1: years into this relationship and both wanted to make it work, 420 00:19:38,510 --> 00:19:41,958 Speaker 1: but there were unresolved issues and trust issues that no 421 00:19:41,959 --> 00:19:45,300 Speaker 1: matter how happy they were, they just couldn't seem to shake. 422 00:19:45,640 --> 00:19:49,159 Speaker 1: Enter the professionals. And it really, really 423 00:19:49,160 --> 00:19:49,689 Speaker 1: helped. 424 00:19:50,119 --> 00:19:51,030 Speaker 2: So we went back over. 425 00:19:51,349 --> 00:19:55,910 Speaker 2: You know, the decision to not have children, we discussed, um, 426 00:19:55,949 --> 00:20:00,430 Speaker 2: you know, everything from our sex life to how we 427 00:20:00,430 --> 00:20:02,550 Speaker 2: related to one another, to, you know, becoming, 428 00:20:03,369 --> 00:20:08,329 Speaker 2: Better at communicating. Yeah, it was during those, um, sessions 429 00:20:08,329 --> 00:20:09,020 Speaker 2: where we just 430 00:20:09,680 --> 00:20:11,719 Speaker 2: We were talking about, well, what will it take you, 431 00:20:11,959 --> 00:20:14,239 Speaker 2: you know, for you guys to know that you really 432 00:20:14,239 --> 00:20:17,489 Speaker 2: want to be together forever, and what would that look like? And, um, 433 00:20:17,520 --> 00:20:20,129 Speaker 2: I think it just came up in that sort of a, 434 00:20:20,160 --> 00:20:23,479 Speaker 2: a hypothetical context. And one day we went down the 435 00:20:23,479 --> 00:20:24,959 Speaker 2: waterfront here and we were having a beer and we 436 00:20:24,959 --> 00:20:26,479 Speaker 2: were talking about what it would look like in a 437 00:20:26,479 --> 00:20:29,920 Speaker 2: really nice sort of hypothetical way. We were talking about, OK, 438 00:20:30,000 --> 00:20:31,839 Speaker 2: you don't want to get married, but, you know, what 439 00:20:31,839 --> 00:20:33,938 Speaker 2: does that mean and what does that look like? And 440 00:20:34,760 --> 00:20:37,010 Speaker 2: So we started talking about this concept of not getting 441 00:20:37,010 --> 00:20:40,119 Speaker 2: married and having a, just a fuck off party with 442 00:20:40,119 --> 00:20:42,560 Speaker 2: all of our mates and just a, a night that 443 00:20:42,560 --> 00:20:45,839 Speaker 2: was exactly what we wanted, and it didn't prescribe to 444 00:20:45,839 --> 00:20:51,719 Speaker 2: any religious or traditional or governmental or familial, you know, norms. 445 00:20:51,760 --> 00:20:54,400 Speaker 2: We could just blank slate it, come up with our 446 00:20:54,400 --> 00:20:55,479 Speaker 2: own thing. 447 00:20:55,599 --> 00:20:56,459 Speaker 1: So if you're not 448 00:20:56,510 --> 00:21:01,579 Speaker 1: Getting married, do you then not get engaged? Oh, hell no. 449 00:21:01,939 --> 00:21:04,619 Speaker 1: If she wasn't getting a wedding or babies, she was 450 00:21:04,619 --> 00:21:06,410 Speaker 1: sure as hell gonna make sure she got a 451 00:21:06,410 --> 00:21:06,930 Speaker 1: ring. 452 00:21:07,180 --> 00:21:09,520 Speaker 2: Mick had told me there was this particular Tuesday that 453 00:21:09,520 --> 00:21:11,179 Speaker 2: he was taking me out. Who knows what you have 454 00:21:11,180 --> 00:21:15,879 Speaker 2: to propose on a fucking Tuesday. Like, how inconvenient. Anyway, um, 455 00:21:16,459 --> 00:21:19,459 Speaker 2: there's this Tuesday, and we're gonna go, it's just for 456 00:21:19,459 --> 00:21:21,099 Speaker 2: a whole night, and he's not saying where we're going 457 00:21:21,099 --> 00:21:23,099 Speaker 2: and what we're doing. So, um, 458 00:21:24,020 --> 00:21:28,339 Speaker 2: It was dinner at Tippoozero in the city and I 459 00:21:28,339 --> 00:21:30,170 Speaker 2: had a beautiful dress and my friend did my hair, 460 00:21:30,219 --> 00:21:33,670 Speaker 2: and then we we were staying at the Langham, so um. 461 00:21:34,329 --> 00:21:36,679 Speaker 2: Yeah, it was fantastic. It was a full moon. It 462 00:21:36,680 --> 00:21:40,629 Speaker 2: was a super moon actually, and I'm such a moon baby. Um, 463 00:21:40,839 --> 00:21:44,280 Speaker 2: and super late at night after tip of 00, we 464 00:21:44,280 --> 00:21:46,280 Speaker 2: got back to the, um, the hotel and it was 465 00:21:46,280 --> 00:21:48,599 Speaker 2: beautiful big corner suite with the view of the city 466 00:21:48,599 --> 00:21:51,228 Speaker 2: and the moon and everything. And I just remember lying 467 00:21:51,229 --> 00:21:53,150 Speaker 2: there thinking, if he's not gonna give me this ring tonight, 468 00:21:53,280 --> 00:21:55,438 Speaker 2: I'm flat out just gonna ask him myself. Like, this 469 00:21:55,439 --> 00:21:57,879 Speaker 2: is ridiculous, because if you're not gonna do this now, right, you, 470 00:21:58,119 --> 00:22:00,800 Speaker 2: you're literally like, this is, this is now. This is 471 00:22:00,800 --> 00:22:01,670 Speaker 2: what we're here for. 472 00:22:02,180 --> 00:22:04,800 Speaker 2: Um, and then he did, and, um. 473 00:22:05,939 --> 00:22:08,959 Speaker 2: Yeah, I said yes, and it was all super lovely and. 474 00:22:09,640 --> 00:22:12,030 Speaker 2: I think he asked me, I can't remember the exact words, 475 00:22:12,109 --> 00:22:15,188 Speaker 2: but it was, you know, it was our not wedding proposal, 476 00:22:15,229 --> 00:22:16,750 Speaker 2: you know? Um. 477 00:22:17,949 --> 00:22:22,349 Speaker 2: Right down with the champagne and the beautiful moonlight and everything. 478 00:22:23,780 --> 00:22:25,560 Speaker 1: It had all been worth it. 479 00:22:27,589 --> 00:22:30,310 Speaker 2: So happy, so happy, and I remember talking to friends 480 00:22:30,310 --> 00:22:34,459 Speaker 2: afterwards being like, so proud of us for getting through. 481 00:22:35,300 --> 00:22:38,890 Speaker 2: You know, most particularly that long chunk of therapy and 482 00:22:38,890 --> 00:22:40,770 Speaker 2: really really hard time. 483 00:22:41,770 --> 00:22:42,290 Speaker 2: And 484 00:22:43,380 --> 00:22:48,260 Speaker 2: Just realizing how ferociously I loved him and that if 485 00:22:48,260 --> 00:22:50,139 Speaker 2: you really, you know, 486 00:22:52,040 --> 00:22:55,239 Speaker 2: Throw yourself into something, you can get through it, like 487 00:22:55,239 --> 00:22:58,989 Speaker 2: you can really get through all sorts of different nightmares, 488 00:22:59,030 --> 00:23:03,280 Speaker 2: and I was so proud of us for getting through that. 489 00:23:04,310 --> 00:23:08,380 Speaker 1: Their not proposal sparked a whole new chapter of their relationship. 490 00:23:08,689 --> 00:23:11,479 Speaker 1: More than 5 years after that first meeting in the pub, 491 00:23:11,689 --> 00:23:14,530 Speaker 1: it was like they were high school sweethearts going through 492 00:23:14,530 --> 00:23:18,489 Speaker 1: the honeymoon period all over again. They were connecting over 493 00:23:18,489 --> 00:23:21,849 Speaker 1: new things, making life plans and promising to commit to 494 00:23:21,849 --> 00:23:24,410 Speaker 1: each other in front of the people they loved most 495 00:23:24,410 --> 00:23:25,050 Speaker 1: in the world. 496 00:23:25,939 --> 00:23:28,689 Speaker 1: Whether it included the legal piece of paper, just 497 00:23:28,689 --> 00:23:29,449 Speaker 1: didn't matter. 498 00:23:29,660 --> 00:23:32,420 Speaker 2: The experience of, of, of not getting married, but we, 499 00:23:33,060 --> 00:23:35,459 Speaker 2: we planned the whole day from a blank sheet of paper, 500 00:23:35,500 --> 00:23:39,579 Speaker 2: you know, you hear stories about pagan hand fasting ceremonies, oh, 501 00:23:39,660 --> 00:23:40,739 Speaker 2: that sounds like us and. 502 00:23:41,020 --> 00:23:43,409 Speaker 2: You know, I'm such a word nerd and I love music. Yeah, 503 00:23:43,479 --> 00:23:46,089 Speaker 2: you know, writing my own vows from scratch was one 504 00:23:46,089 --> 00:23:48,969 Speaker 2: of the most beautiful things I've ever done, and interspersed 505 00:23:48,969 --> 00:23:51,729 Speaker 2: with a whole bunch of song lyrics from, um, bands 506 00:23:51,729 --> 00:23:54,079 Speaker 2: that we'd seen and, and that meant something to me 507 00:23:54,079 --> 00:23:56,209 Speaker 2: or that were a part of a time that we'd 508 00:23:56,209 --> 00:23:58,250 Speaker 2: had together. Um. 509 00:23:59,989 --> 00:24:02,030 Speaker 2: Yeah, it was just incredible. I was so excited about 510 00:24:02,030 --> 00:24:04,630 Speaker 2: this day. I bought my dress on 5th Avenue in 511 00:24:04,630 --> 00:24:06,790 Speaker 2: New York with my mum cos I went for this 512 00:24:06,790 --> 00:24:07,458 Speaker 2: work trip. 513 00:24:08,650 --> 00:24:11,400 Speaker 2: And it was just absolutely perfect. I still love it. 514 00:24:11,599 --> 00:24:14,040 Speaker 2: We set a date. The date was exactly so the 515 00:24:14,040 --> 00:24:15,760 Speaker 2: day he proposed, the reason we had to wait till 516 00:24:15,760 --> 00:24:18,679 Speaker 2: this particular Tuesday was, we always talked about, you know, 517 00:24:18,800 --> 00:24:21,589 Speaker 2: the concept of our relationship being meeting each other halfway. 518 00:24:21,800 --> 00:24:24,650 Speaker 2: And so the particular day in November was exactly halfway 519 00:24:24,650 --> 00:24:28,359 Speaker 2: between our birthdays. Um, and then the 520 00:24:29,589 --> 00:24:33,229 Speaker 2: Engagement that the proposal was also the other 6 months 521 00:24:33,229 --> 00:24:36,109 Speaker 2: halfway between our birthdays. So, the party was gonna be 522 00:24:36,109 --> 00:24:39,060 Speaker 2: in November because that was halfway and we, we were engaged, 523 00:24:39,349 --> 00:24:41,510 Speaker 2: not engaged for 6 months. And 524 00:24:41,510 --> 00:24:44,069 Speaker 1: whether it's a traditional marriage or not, you can't have 525 00:24:44,069 --> 00:24:47,260 Speaker 1: a wedding without a hen's party, right? Or at least 526 00:24:47,550 --> 00:24:48,699 Speaker 1: some version of. 527 00:24:49,030 --> 00:24:51,750 Speaker 2: So I decided I wasn't having a hen's day because 528 00:24:51,750 --> 00:24:53,900 Speaker 2: I'm not a chicken, so. 529 00:24:55,390 --> 00:24:58,319 Speaker 2: I decided that we would have a vixen fest. 530 00:24:58,750 --> 00:25:02,150 Speaker 1: Exactly one week before their not wedding, Beck's friends and 531 00:25:02,150 --> 00:25:05,260 Speaker 1: family put on the most epic vixen's fest there was. 532 00:25:05,510 --> 00:25:08,188 Speaker 1: It was music festival themed. They dressed up like they 533 00:25:08,189 --> 00:25:11,469 Speaker 1: were going to Coachella. They drank and danced all night 534 00:25:11,469 --> 00:25:13,709 Speaker 1: while Mick and his mates spent their weekend away to 535 00:25:13,709 --> 00:25:16,369 Speaker 1: surf shack, being boys. It 536 00:25:16,415 --> 00:25:17,313 Speaker 1: It was perfect. 537 00:25:17,765 --> 00:25:21,665 Speaker 2: Legit, one of the funnest days I've ever had. Like, 538 00:25:22,125 --> 00:25:25,244 Speaker 2: everything about it was just amazing. Everything. My mom did 539 00:25:25,244 --> 00:25:28,805 Speaker 2: this beautiful speech. Everyone signed a copy of my favorite book, 540 00:25:28,814 --> 00:25:32,073 Speaker 2: or the Places You'll go. Like, it was just stunning. 541 00:25:32,244 --> 00:25:32,405 Speaker 2: It 542 00:25:32,405 --> 00:25:36,083 Speaker 1: wasn't the clearest night, memory wise. There was a little 543 00:25:36,084 --> 00:25:37,484 Speaker 1: bit of champagne consumed. 544 00:25:38,050 --> 00:25:41,650 Speaker 1: What Beck does remember is breaking her thumb, being a 545 00:25:41,650 --> 00:25:45,810 Speaker 1: bit too overzealous opening an umbrella, as you do, traditional 546 00:25:45,810 --> 00:25:47,920 Speaker 1: vixen fest custom and all that. 547 00:25:48,680 --> 00:25:50,920 Speaker 1: But she was about to find out a broken thumb 548 00:25:50,920 --> 00:25:53,359 Speaker 1: a week before her wedding was the least of her 549 00:25:53,359 --> 00:25:54,030 Speaker 1: worries. 550 00:25:54,359 --> 00:25:56,260 Speaker 2: Yeah, I woke up the next morning. 551 00:25:57,130 --> 00:26:02,300 Speaker 2: And um I had a message from Instagram and an 552 00:26:02,300 --> 00:26:06,010 Speaker 2: Instagram alert that said that Emily wanted to send me 553 00:26:06,010 --> 00:26:07,920 Speaker 2: a message, and I'm like, 554 00:26:08,089 --> 00:26:08,560 Speaker 1: what? 555 00:26:17,170 --> 00:26:20,329 Speaker 1: Was she dreaming? Was she still drunk? It had been 556 00:26:20,329 --> 00:26:24,130 Speaker 1: years since Emily had injected herself into their relationship. Years 557 00:26:24,130 --> 00:26:26,689 Speaker 1: since they'd fought over her, worried about her, or thought 558 00:26:26,689 --> 00:26:29,770 Speaker 1: they might ever hear from her again. Years since either 559 00:26:29,770 --> 00:26:33,060 Speaker 1: of them had had any contact with her. Yet here 560 00:26:33,060 --> 00:26:36,729 Speaker 1: she was, her name staring out of Bec's DMs a 561 00:26:36,729 --> 00:26:37,770 Speaker 1: week before her 562 00:26:37,770 --> 00:26:38,280 Speaker 1: wedding. 563 00:26:38,689 --> 00:26:41,889 Speaker 2: I just the full, uh, like cold shivers from the 564 00:26:41,890 --> 00:26:43,489 Speaker 2: stomach up, do you know what I mean? Like. 565 00:26:43,989 --> 00:26:47,890 Speaker 2: And suddenly, despite the hangover and everything, you're just so awake. 566 00:26:48,640 --> 00:26:51,400 Speaker 1: She didn't know what to do. So, what to do 567 00:26:51,400 --> 00:26:54,160 Speaker 1: in a time of potential crisis that may or may 568 00:26:54,160 --> 00:26:56,319 Speaker 1: not involve the man you're meant to be marrying in 569 00:26:56,319 --> 00:26:59,040 Speaker 1: a week, you call your bestie. 570 00:26:59,719 --> 00:27:02,160 Speaker 2: So yeah, I rang my best friend and we chewed 571 00:27:02,160 --> 00:27:05,349 Speaker 2: it through and then eventually decided that we'd open, we, 572 00:27:05,439 --> 00:27:09,560 Speaker 2: I would open the message. Um, and yeah, it turned 573 00:27:09,560 --> 00:27:12,040 Speaker 2: out to be a whole bunch of messages. I just 574 00:27:12,040 --> 00:27:13,550 Speaker 2: went white, cold. 575 00:27:14,109 --> 00:27:17,510 Speaker 2: I think the first message said something like. 576 00:27:21,939 --> 00:27:26,579 Speaker 2: If you wanna go ahead and fake marry him, you 577 00:27:26,579 --> 00:27:29,540 Speaker 2: can just know that I've been fucking him for the 578 00:27:29,540 --> 00:27:34,209 Speaker 2: last 6 months. Well, actually your whole relationship, ha ha ha. 579 00:27:39,589 --> 00:27:40,420 Speaker 1: But that wasn't 580 00:27:40,420 --> 00:27:40,869 Speaker 1: all. 581 00:27:44,219 --> 00:27:45,780 Speaker 2: If you don't believe me, just have a look at 582 00:27:45,780 --> 00:27:46,380 Speaker 2: my Instagram. 583 00:27:47,430 --> 00:27:50,069 Speaker 2: So, um, when I looked at her Instagram, there were 584 00:27:50,069 --> 00:27:54,390 Speaker 2: photos of them naked in bed together, publicly available on 585 00:27:54,390 --> 00:27:58,859 Speaker 2: her Instagram. Only of his hands and her like naked 586 00:27:58,859 --> 00:28:03,280 Speaker 2: thigh or whatever. But I'm a hand person. As I 587 00:28:03,280 --> 00:28:05,869 Speaker 2: said to him, probably 85 times afterwards, I would have 588 00:28:05,869 --> 00:28:08,458 Speaker 2: preferred it was a photo of your penis. I don't, like, 589 00:28:09,290 --> 00:28:12,329 Speaker 2: How dare you think I don't recognize your hands, like, 590 00:28:13,750 --> 00:28:16,708 Speaker 2: It was more intimate to me, and there were photos 591 00:28:16,709 --> 00:28:19,550 Speaker 2: that were obviously framed of him holding a beer next 592 00:28:19,550 --> 00:28:23,709 Speaker 2: to her champagne. So she's taking these romantic getaway photos 593 00:28:24,030 --> 00:28:28,629 Speaker 2: of them during our relationship, um, when I thought he 594 00:28:28,630 --> 00:28:31,300 Speaker 2: was on business trips or whatever I thought he was doing, 595 00:28:31,589 --> 00:28:35,669 Speaker 2: and they're very framed photos of his hands on her 596 00:28:35,670 --> 00:28:38,689 Speaker 2: naked body or choosing champagne with her or da da da. 597 00:28:38,729 --> 00:28:40,400 Speaker 2: And it was to me just 598 00:28:41,160 --> 00:28:43,439 Speaker 2: I feel physically sick thinking about it now, like if 599 00:28:43,439 --> 00:28:45,310 Speaker 2: like he's like. 600 00:28:47,119 --> 00:28:49,670 Speaker 2: They were so obvious, he knew that she was taking 601 00:28:49,670 --> 00:28:51,160 Speaker 2: those photos like. 602 00:28:52,750 --> 00:28:56,290 Speaker 2: And yeah, during our relationship. So her Instagram was like 603 00:28:56,290 --> 00:29:03,719 Speaker 2: this fucking time capsule to what ended up being their story, 604 00:29:03,890 --> 00:29:08,569 Speaker 2: which had existed for our entire relationship. And I just collapsed. 605 00:29:08,609 --> 00:29:11,939 Speaker 2: I showed her my phone and I just, I was howling. 606 00:29:12,089 --> 00:29:14,250 Speaker 2: I just couldn't, I couldn't breathe. 607 00:29:18,410 --> 00:29:23,089 Speaker 1: There it was, evidence, proof that the whole time she'd 608 00:29:23,089 --> 00:29:27,650 Speaker 1: trusted her partner, despite numerous signs, red flags, and even 609 00:29:27,650 --> 00:29:31,689 Speaker 1: people telling her stories, she'd loved and trusted him, and 610 00:29:31,689 --> 00:29:35,930 Speaker 1: the whole time he'd been lying, recklessly at that, but 611 00:29:35,930 --> 00:29:38,890 Speaker 1: she'd trusted him enough to not be that girl who 612 00:29:38,890 --> 00:29:41,400 Speaker 1: stalked her partner's ex on social media. 613 00:29:48,060 --> 00:29:51,040 Speaker 1: The next part, Beck says, is a bit of a blur. 614 00:29:51,430 --> 00:29:54,170 Speaker 1: The shock took over and sent her into a daze. 615 00:29:55,420 --> 00:29:57,810 Speaker 1: She remembers calling him and asking him to come home, 616 00:29:58,500 --> 00:30:00,180 Speaker 1: but she doesn't even remember crying. 617 00:30:03,959 --> 00:30:06,239 Speaker 2: Such a weird time. How did I even drive home? 618 00:30:06,400 --> 00:30:08,910 Speaker 2: I was in so much shock. I look back at 619 00:30:08,910 --> 00:30:12,829 Speaker 2: that immediate period, especially. I didn't cry, or maybe I 620 00:30:12,829 --> 00:30:15,160 Speaker 2: yelled at him a tiny bit. I remember him telling 621 00:30:15,160 --> 00:30:18,479 Speaker 2: me not to drink and smoke, um, because I was 622 00:30:18,479 --> 00:30:20,900 Speaker 2: still smoking a wee bit at that time in my life. 623 00:30:21,160 --> 00:30:22,800 Speaker 2: And it was, by the time we met here, it 624 00:30:22,800 --> 00:30:24,719 Speaker 2: was still really early. It was probably only 10 or 625 00:30:24,719 --> 00:30:25,689 Speaker 2: 11 in the morning. 626 00:30:26,479 --> 00:30:29,060 Speaker 2: And I remember him telling me that I shouldn't be drinking. 627 00:30:29,349 --> 00:30:31,390 Speaker 2: And he'd brought back an esky full of booze from 628 00:30:31,390 --> 00:30:34,349 Speaker 2: the surfing weekend. And like that was one of the 629 00:30:34,349 --> 00:30:36,699 Speaker 2: only vivid memories I have of being really pissed off. 630 00:30:36,790 --> 00:30:40,229 Speaker 2: I'm like, Really? Really? That's our problem. Like, open the 631 00:30:40,229 --> 00:30:42,310 Speaker 2: next bottle of wine, light the next cigarette, and be like, 632 00:30:42,430 --> 00:30:45,140 Speaker 2: Fuck you, mate, I'm gonna do what I want. Like, yeah. 633 00:30:45,189 --> 00:30:46,780 Speaker 2: And other than that, I think that was the only 634 00:30:46,780 --> 00:30:48,750 Speaker 2: time I remember being angry with him that day, was 635 00:30:48,750 --> 00:30:50,390 Speaker 2: when he told me not to drink and smoke. The 636 00:30:50,390 --> 00:30:53,270 Speaker 2: rest of the time was just, I need to understand. 637 00:30:54,089 --> 00:30:57,209 Speaker 2: What I don't know, like just tell me everything. I've 638 00:30:57,209 --> 00:31:00,160 Speaker 2: always coped much better when I have the information, whatever 639 00:31:00,160 --> 00:31:02,930 Speaker 2: the information is, and it obviously became really clear to 640 00:31:02,930 --> 00:31:05,449 Speaker 2: me at that point that I was seriously lacking. 641 00:31:06,599 --> 00:31:10,880 Speaker 2: 6.5 years of information, um, and. 642 00:31:11,800 --> 00:31:15,140 Speaker 2: I don't know. I just, I, obviously shock has to 643 00:31:15,140 --> 00:31:15,619 Speaker 2: be part of 644 00:31:15,619 --> 00:31:16,050 Speaker 2: it. 645 00:31:16,459 --> 00:31:19,780 Speaker 1: So he explained. In front of her best friend, he 646 00:31:19,780 --> 00:31:21,829 Speaker 1: explained that he'd had an on and off relationship with 647 00:31:21,829 --> 00:31:25,819 Speaker 1: Emily the whole time. Since that very first night she 648 00:31:25,819 --> 00:31:28,849 Speaker 1: saw Mick kissing Beck at the pub, she'd gone back 649 00:31:28,849 --> 00:31:29,260 Speaker 1: to it. 650 00:31:29,880 --> 00:31:31,939 Speaker 1: He told Bec it had been on and off, but 651 00:31:31,939 --> 00:31:35,380 Speaker 1: for the last 6 months it had escalated. Trips away 652 00:31:35,380 --> 00:31:37,939 Speaker 1: together when he said he was on business, nights at 653 00:31:37,939 --> 00:31:40,170 Speaker 1: her house when he said he was staying late at work. 654 00:31:40,540 --> 00:31:43,540 Speaker 1: Mick and his ex-wife had had a full-blown 655 00:31:43,540 --> 00:31:44,160 Speaker 1: affair. 656 00:31:44,380 --> 00:31:46,540 Speaker 2: It was such a shock to everybody. 657 00:31:47,189 --> 00:31:49,709 Speaker 2: That we were all in shock. He's this lovely guy 658 00:31:49,709 --> 00:31:52,400 Speaker 2: that we all just thought was such a lovely guy. 659 00:31:52,670 --> 00:31:54,510 Speaker 2: And now he's sitting in front of us saying that 660 00:31:54,510 --> 00:31:58,430 Speaker 2: he's been sleeping with his ex-wife for our entire relationship, 661 00:31:58,709 --> 00:32:02,209 Speaker 2: and that the, the 6 months, the the last 6 662 00:32:02,209 --> 00:32:03,310 Speaker 2: months in the lead up. 663 00:32:04,290 --> 00:32:09,619 Speaker 2: To the big reveal was, um, a full-blown affair that 664 00:32:09,619 --> 00:32:12,239 Speaker 2: during which he'd been choosing between the two of us. 665 00:32:12,510 --> 00:32:12,949 Speaker 2: And 666 00:32:13,630 --> 00:32:16,180 Speaker 2: It it it was literally like a cricket bat to 667 00:32:16,180 --> 00:32:19,150 Speaker 2: the head, you just stood there sort of mute. 668 00:32:19,540 --> 00:32:22,650 Speaker 1: He told Bec all of this to finally be truthful. 669 00:32:23,020 --> 00:32:24,859 Speaker 1: They were meant to be committing to each other for 670 00:32:24,859 --> 00:32:26,969 Speaker 1: life next week, after all. 671 00:32:27,979 --> 00:32:30,310 Speaker 2: He wanted the ceremony to go ahead. 672 00:32:31,520 --> 00:32:37,160 Speaker 2: Because he'd ended the affair with Emily 4 days before that, 673 00:32:37,520 --> 00:32:40,040 Speaker 2: and in his mind, and he'd been apparently trying to 674 00:32:40,040 --> 00:32:42,680 Speaker 2: end the affair with Emily for a number of weeks. 675 00:32:43,479 --> 00:32:46,910 Speaker 2: And he'd finally ended it, and he was sure that 676 00:32:46,910 --> 00:32:48,709 Speaker 2: I was the person he wanted to spend the rest 677 00:32:48,709 --> 00:32:51,380 Speaker 2: of his life with, and he was completely committed, so 678 00:32:51,380 --> 00:32:53,270 Speaker 2: he wanted the ceremony to go ahead. 679 00:32:53,689 --> 00:32:55,489 Speaker 2: So I guess that's probably part of the reason that 680 00:32:55,489 --> 00:32:58,569 Speaker 2: I didn't get angry, because I had to fix that 681 00:32:58,569 --> 00:32:59,520 Speaker 2: fucking problem. 682 00:32:59,890 --> 00:33:02,609 Speaker 1: While Bec's brain was a mess, she was sure of 683 00:33:02,609 --> 00:33:07,750 Speaker 1: one thing, the ceremony absolutely wasn't going ahead. So while 684 00:33:07,750 --> 00:33:12,000 Speaker 1: she was dealing with this world shattering, gut-wrenching, life-changing news, 685 00:33:12,410 --> 00:33:15,010 Speaker 1: wanting to just lay in bed alone and ignore the 686 00:33:15,010 --> 00:33:19,500 Speaker 1: whole world, she had to cancel a non-wedding. Oh, 687 00:33:19,569 --> 00:33:20,420 Speaker 1: the irony. 688 00:33:21,020 --> 00:33:24,000 Speaker 2: The trauma of that was the admin, like just the 689 00:33:24,000 --> 00:33:26,790 Speaker 2: bizarre experience of. 690 00:33:28,160 --> 00:33:29,380 Speaker 2: The humiliation. 691 00:33:30,150 --> 00:33:32,689 Speaker 2: Of saying that out loud to strangers. 692 00:33:33,140 --> 00:33:35,890 Speaker 1: There was one thing she wasn't going to cancel, though. 693 00:33:36,180 --> 00:33:38,260 Speaker 1: You remember in the Sex and the City movie when 694 00:33:38,260 --> 00:33:40,979 Speaker 1: Big leaves Carrie at the altar and her friends go 695 00:33:40,979 --> 00:33:44,369 Speaker 1: on her honeymoon with her? Yeah, that's what happened here. 696 00:33:44,660 --> 00:33:47,449 Speaker 1: Beck's best friend wasn't gonna let her miss this holiday 697 00:33:47,449 --> 00:33:50,609 Speaker 1: she'd looked forward to for over a year. Plus, she 698 00:33:50,609 --> 00:33:54,300 Speaker 1: still hadn't really broken down. Her friend was really worried 699 00:33:54,300 --> 00:33:56,849 Speaker 1: about her and wanted to take her away from it all. 700 00:33:57,219 --> 00:33:59,770 Speaker 1: God knew she needed it now, more than ever. 701 00:34:00,729 --> 00:34:03,859 Speaker 1: And whether it was being removed from the situation, removed 702 00:34:03,859 --> 00:34:06,979 Speaker 1: from him, or just the cabin pressure, it was the 703 00:34:06,979 --> 00:34:10,300 Speaker 1: plane trip to her would-be honeymoon that set her grief 704 00:34:10,300 --> 00:34:11,209 Speaker 1: into motion. 705 00:34:11,899 --> 00:34:14,500 Speaker 2: Gang of Youths go farther in Lightness album was in 706 00:34:14,500 --> 00:34:16,830 Speaker 2: the Qantas app? Fuck, I can't even say it without crying. 707 00:34:17,020 --> 00:34:20,139 Speaker 2: And I'd heard the album before, but I hadn't like 708 00:34:20,139 --> 00:34:23,659 Speaker 2: heard the album before, and the album took exactly the 709 00:34:23,659 --> 00:34:27,860 Speaker 2: length of the flight from Melbourne to Brisbane, and I cried, 710 00:34:27,959 --> 00:34:29,659 Speaker 2: that it was the first time I cried. 711 00:34:29,958 --> 00:34:31,768 Speaker 2: And I don't know if you know that album very well, 712 00:34:31,888 --> 00:34:35,769 Speaker 2: but it they refer to it as like the healing album, right, it's, 713 00:34:37,628 --> 00:34:39,858 Speaker 2: There's a song on it called Do Not Let Your 714 00:34:39,858 --> 00:34:42,188 Speaker 2: Spirit Wane. There's a song on it called The Heart 715 00:34:42,188 --> 00:34:45,108 Speaker 2: Is a Muscle, which is about, you know, 716 00:34:45,780 --> 00:34:47,399 Speaker 2: The heart is a muscle, and we have to make 717 00:34:47,399 --> 00:34:50,489 Speaker 2: it strong. There's a song on it called Persevere. Like, 718 00:34:50,840 --> 00:34:54,270 Speaker 2: it was literally like, um, that whole album was written 719 00:34:54,270 --> 00:34:57,399 Speaker 2: for me to listen to on that fucking day. So 720 00:34:57,399 --> 00:34:59,629 Speaker 2: I didn't think about the fact that I was supposed 721 00:34:59,629 --> 00:35:03,239 Speaker 2: to be going on this wonderful romantic journey. I thought 722 00:35:03,239 --> 00:35:06,350 Speaker 2: about the fact that music was piecing my soul back together, 723 00:35:06,840 --> 00:35:10,949 Speaker 2: and I think I let myself feel pain for the 724 00:35:10,949 --> 00:35:12,589 Speaker 2: first time on that flight. 725 00:35:13,360 --> 00:35:16,989 Speaker 1: That album and that band, she says, saved her. 726 00:35:17,479 --> 00:35:19,189 Speaker 2: So I ended up writing them a letter. 727 00:35:19,979 --> 00:35:22,419 Speaker 2: And so that's what I spent a lot of the 728 00:35:22,419 --> 00:35:25,689 Speaker 2: honeymoon doing. I didn't sit there thinking about what I 729 00:35:25,689 --> 00:35:27,370 Speaker 2: would've been doing with him. I listened. 730 00:35:28,389 --> 00:35:31,260 Speaker 2: To music that my, my, my soul needed to hear 731 00:35:31,260 --> 00:35:33,669 Speaker 2: and then I wrote letters to those bands, so I 732 00:35:33,669 --> 00:35:36,699 Speaker 2: wrote letters to the bands that were in my vows, 733 00:35:36,909 --> 00:35:39,870 Speaker 2: and I sent them um these letters about, 734 00:35:41,149 --> 00:35:44,229 Speaker 2: Yeah, like, cheers for getting me through the last week. 735 00:35:44,939 --> 00:35:45,750 Speaker 2: And um. 736 00:35:47,280 --> 00:35:50,879 Speaker 2: It was really cathartic, like I was on this beautiful 737 00:35:50,879 --> 00:35:53,959 Speaker 2: tropical island, and I just had my music and my 738 00:35:53,959 --> 00:35:55,949 Speaker 2: pen and my best friend and. 739 00:35:57,469 --> 00:35:59,388 Speaker 2: I didn't think about him being there that much, I 740 00:35:59,389 --> 00:36:00,040 Speaker 2: don't think. 741 00:36:02,300 --> 00:36:05,569 Speaker 1: The confusion didn't end when she got home. Mick was 742 00:36:05,570 --> 00:36:08,689 Speaker 1: there waiting, telling her he was sorry and wanted to 743 00:36:08,689 --> 00:36:11,850 Speaker 1: make it work. She knew she couldn't trust him, but 744 00:36:12,010 --> 00:36:15,250 Speaker 1: her whole world was also crashing down around her. She'd 745 00:36:15,250 --> 00:36:18,408 Speaker 1: given up everything for this man. What was her life 746 00:36:18,409 --> 00:36:21,529 Speaker 1: now without him, without the kids she'd chosen not to 747 00:36:21,530 --> 00:36:25,330 Speaker 1: have because of him, it was so tempting to forgive him, 748 00:36:25,580 --> 00:36:26,520 Speaker 1: to try again. 749 00:36:28,790 --> 00:36:31,750 Speaker 1: But she knew what she had to do. I was 750 00:36:31,750 --> 00:36:35,259 Speaker 2: like, there's no, there's absolutely no chance of a future here, man. 751 00:36:35,389 --> 00:36:38,859 Speaker 2: And I felt so strong and clear. 752 00:36:40,439 --> 00:36:43,189 Speaker 2: Because yeah, it just all made sense, like I said, 753 00:36:43,439 --> 00:36:45,069 Speaker 2: whatever decisions I was making. 754 00:36:45,949 --> 00:36:48,469 Speaker 2: I was making them for myself and. 755 00:36:50,590 --> 00:36:54,909 Speaker 2: Yeah, it was a fucking awful time, but I guess 756 00:36:54,909 --> 00:36:57,469 Speaker 2: I feel like everything else was so out of my 757 00:36:57,469 --> 00:37:02,069 Speaker 2: control for those 6.5 years, that once I had the information, 758 00:37:02,310 --> 00:37:05,629 Speaker 2: it was my fucking information. And I was gonna do 759 00:37:05,629 --> 00:37:06,419 Speaker 2: it worked 760 00:37:06,419 --> 00:37:07,429 Speaker 1: for me. 761 00:37:23,850 --> 00:37:26,959 Speaker 1: It took a long time to start to heal, and 762 00:37:26,959 --> 00:37:30,199 Speaker 1: a lot of therapy, but what came as a surprise 763 00:37:30,199 --> 00:37:33,239 Speaker 1: even to herself was that cutting ties with Mick and 764 00:37:33,239 --> 00:37:36,429 Speaker 1: their former life was easier than she'd ever expected. 765 00:37:36,760 --> 00:37:36,919 Speaker 2: The 766 00:37:36,919 --> 00:37:40,879 Speaker 2: depth of the portrayal was so magnificent that it was 767 00:37:40,879 --> 00:37:43,199 Speaker 2: hard to miss him because I just felt like I 768 00:37:43,199 --> 00:37:46,500 Speaker 2: never knew who he was anyway. So what did I miss? 769 00:37:47,080 --> 00:37:50,919 Speaker 2: An imaginary person or the shell of a man that 770 00:37:50,919 --> 00:37:52,270 Speaker 2: presented a certain way. 771 00:37:52,590 --> 00:37:56,570 Speaker 2: He was like a chameleon. He had no inner substance. 772 00:37:57,010 --> 00:37:59,530 Speaker 2: Who he was when he was around me was a 773 00:37:59,530 --> 00:38:01,158 Speaker 2: completely different man to who he was when he was 774 00:38:01,159 --> 00:38:03,409 Speaker 2: around Emily, and probably a completely different man to who 775 00:38:03,409 --> 00:38:06,699 Speaker 2: he was when he was at work. And you can't 776 00:38:06,699 --> 00:38:11,050 Speaker 2: live that sort of ethical duality and have any sort 777 00:38:11,050 --> 00:38:12,290 Speaker 2: of moral compass. 778 00:38:13,209 --> 00:38:15,770 Speaker 2: So I didn't, I missed. 779 00:38:18,699 --> 00:38:20,879 Speaker 2: The version of him I thought he was, but I 780 00:38:20,879 --> 00:38:24,399 Speaker 2: don't think I, I, I knew very early that that 781 00:38:24,399 --> 00:38:25,570 Speaker 2: was potentially a, 782 00:38:26,330 --> 00:38:30,520 Speaker 2: A fictional character, I realized after 6.5 years, I had 783 00:38:30,520 --> 00:38:33,219 Speaker 2: no idea who this human I was living with was. 784 00:38:33,760 --> 00:38:36,959 Speaker 1: Their breakup was 2 years ago now. In that time, 785 00:38:37,080 --> 00:38:40,839 Speaker 1: Beck's done a lot of healing, and rightfully, she's pretty 786 00:38:40,840 --> 00:38:42,219 Speaker 1: damn proud of herself. 787 00:38:42,600 --> 00:38:43,870 Speaker 2: So I just tried to do all the right things. 788 00:38:44,000 --> 00:38:46,000 Speaker 2: So I got a really good therapist and I journaled 789 00:38:46,000 --> 00:38:50,030 Speaker 2: every day, and I did some yoga teacher training and, 790 00:38:50,639 --> 00:38:54,370 Speaker 2: you know, I meditated and I adopted a dog, and, 791 00:38:54,479 --> 00:38:54,719 Speaker 2: you know. 792 00:38:55,530 --> 00:38:57,929 Speaker 2: I did all the right things. And 793 00:38:58,870 --> 00:39:01,090 Speaker 2: Yeah, lo and behold, if it didn't fucking work. Like 794 00:39:01,090 --> 00:39:04,239 Speaker 2: it wasn't great fun, but you'd just do the work. 795 00:39:04,250 --> 00:39:07,689 Speaker 2: And I learned a lot about myself, and I wouldn't 796 00:39:07,689 --> 00:39:10,449 Speaker 2: wish that experience on anybody, but I wouldn't take it 797 00:39:10,449 --> 00:39:13,010 Speaker 2: back from myself because I would have no idea how 798 00:39:13,010 --> 00:39:15,770 Speaker 2: powerful I am if I hadn't had to survive that. 799 00:39:15,929 --> 00:39:17,879 Speaker 2: And I wouldn't be as proud of who I am 800 00:39:17,879 --> 00:39:20,319 Speaker 2: as a person if I hadn't had to survive that. 801 00:39:20,649 --> 00:39:22,330 Speaker 2: And I don't think I'd be as good at my 802 00:39:22,330 --> 00:39:25,729 Speaker 2: job if I didn't have to survive that. Like, you. 803 00:39:26,149 --> 00:39:28,550 Speaker 2: Have to survive something really difficult like that, you don't 804 00:39:28,550 --> 00:39:30,659 Speaker 2: have time to doubt yourself, you've just got to get 805 00:39:30,659 --> 00:39:33,909 Speaker 2: the fuck on with it, man, like, so it was 806 00:39:33,909 --> 00:39:36,870 Speaker 2: a really empowering experience for me. It took me a 807 00:39:36,870 --> 00:39:39,310 Speaker 2: long time to feel the humiliation because of course there's 808 00:39:39,310 --> 00:39:40,669 Speaker 2: a humiliation aspect. 809 00:39:41,570 --> 00:39:45,169 Speaker 2: Um, but by the time the shock wore off and 810 00:39:45,169 --> 00:39:47,899 Speaker 2: I realized that I probably should feel humiliated, it's like, 811 00:39:47,929 --> 00:39:50,250 Speaker 2: oh well, I've been walking around for the last 6 812 00:39:50,250 --> 00:39:52,649 Speaker 2: months not feeling humiliated, there's probably not much point doing 813 00:39:52,649 --> 00:39:53,290 Speaker 2: it now. 814 00:39:54,189 --> 00:39:57,590 Speaker 1: And while she's found solace and even gratitude in her strength, 815 00:39:57,800 --> 00:40:01,479 Speaker 1: there's still a lot of hurt, anger, and resentment. She 816 00:40:01,479 --> 00:40:04,669 Speaker 1: not only gave 6.5 years of her life to this man, 817 00:40:05,179 --> 00:40:07,949 Speaker 1: she possibly gave up the chance to have children. 818 00:40:08,600 --> 00:40:12,029 Speaker 2: I was really angry. I was ferociously angry for a 819 00:40:12,030 --> 00:40:17,929 Speaker 2: very long time, um, specifically about that. A 33-year-old woman 820 00:40:17,929 --> 00:40:21,428 Speaker 2: has a whole list of different options that a 39-year-old 821 00:40:21,429 --> 00:40:26,270 Speaker 2: woman doesn't, um, and 40 by the time we broke up. 822 00:40:26,550 --> 00:40:29,549 Speaker 2: I do think that it's the cruelest part of our relationship, 823 00:40:29,909 --> 00:40:32,669 Speaker 2: but in some ways, um, 824 00:40:33,520 --> 00:40:35,340 Speaker 2: But only because it's the only one that. 825 00:40:36,260 --> 00:40:39,479 Speaker 2: You can't fix, you know what I mean? You can't 826 00:40:39,479 --> 00:40:45,000 Speaker 2: get back 7 years of ovary health, but, you know, 827 00:40:45,159 --> 00:40:47,679 Speaker 2: it's not, it's hardly the worst thing anyone's ever survived, 828 00:40:47,699 --> 00:40:49,870 Speaker 2: and it's certainly, I was afraid that it would make 829 00:40:49,870 --> 00:40:53,750 Speaker 2: me bitter, that it's going to somehow take my optimistic 830 00:40:53,750 --> 00:40:55,799 Speaker 2: and positive nature and turn me into like a bitter 831 00:40:55,800 --> 00:41:00,239 Speaker 2: resentful human. Um, but I, I'm pretty confident that's not 832 00:41:00,239 --> 00:41:03,399 Speaker 2: gonna happen now. And, and maybe that's enough. Like maybe 833 00:41:03,399 --> 00:41:06,000 Speaker 2: now you can just sort of show up and live. 834 00:41:06,870 --> 00:41:09,469 Speaker 2: As for love, and I imagine that it will be 835 00:41:09,469 --> 00:41:11,229 Speaker 2: hard when I fall in love again, cause I will 836 00:41:11,229 --> 00:41:17,110 Speaker 2: have triggers and insecurities and panic. But dating again's been 837 00:41:17,110 --> 00:41:19,500 Speaker 2: fun cause you kind of get your head around those. 838 00:41:20,439 --> 00:41:23,479 Speaker 2: In different increments with different people, and I've met some 839 00:41:23,479 --> 00:41:24,669 Speaker 2: really cool guys. 840 00:41:25,530 --> 00:41:27,919 Speaker 2: But nothing that's stuck yet. 841 00:41:28,850 --> 00:41:31,850 Speaker 1: Despite it all, Bec looks back on this horrendous period 842 00:41:31,850 --> 00:41:36,800 Speaker 1: of her life with amazing clarity and undeniable positivity. 843 00:41:37,129 --> 00:41:39,009 Speaker 2: I would not give back a day of the last 844 00:41:39,010 --> 00:41:42,590 Speaker 2: 2.5 years. Even the worst days when I was snot 845 00:41:42,590 --> 00:41:45,969 Speaker 2: crying all over the dog, home alone, not wanting to 846 00:41:45,969 --> 00:41:47,929 Speaker 2: call friend after friend because you don't want to burden, 847 00:41:48,010 --> 00:41:49,879 Speaker 2: oh so and so works late or they've got kids 848 00:41:49,879 --> 00:41:50,609 Speaker 2: or da da da. 849 00:41:51,189 --> 00:41:53,750 Speaker 2: Even on the loneliest and saddest days, I wouldn't give 850 00:41:53,750 --> 00:41:57,350 Speaker 2: back a day of it because I'm happier now than 851 00:41:57,350 --> 00:42:01,259 Speaker 2: I have ever been in my entire life and I 852 00:42:01,949 --> 00:42:05,520 Speaker 2: can't be sure that I would be as comfortable with 853 00:42:05,520 --> 00:42:08,819 Speaker 2: who I am if I hadn't had to get through that. 854 00:42:19,020 --> 00:42:22,699 Speaker 1: Next time on everyone has an X. So he was 855 00:42:22,699 --> 00:42:25,009 Speaker 1: found guilty of attempted murder. 856 00:42:26,070 --> 00:42:29,899 Speaker 1: Of Nanette Clark, and he got sentenced to 20 years, 857 00:42:30,469 --> 00:42:35,469 Speaker 1: 13 years non-parole, so that on top of his sentence 858 00:42:35,469 --> 00:42:38,949 Speaker 1: for fraud is 30 years with 20 years non-parole. It's 859 00:42:38,949 --> 00:42:42,300 Speaker 1: a hefty sentence, like people get less for murder. 860 00:42:43,149 --> 00:42:46,139 Speaker 1: Everyone Has an X is written and narrated by me, 861 00:42:46,270 --> 00:42:50,510 Speaker 1: Georgia Love, produced by Linda Scott and edited by Matt Sofo. 862 00:42:51,189 --> 00:42:53,899 Speaker 1: Thank you for listening, we would love to hear from you. 863 00:42:54,110 --> 00:42:56,469 Speaker 1: If you like what you've just heard, please hit subscribe, 864 00:42:56,629 --> 00:42:57,969 Speaker 1: write a review and leave us. 865 00:42:59,189 --> 00:43:01,270 Speaker 1: If you think you've got a better story, send it 866 00:43:01,270 --> 00:43:06,949 Speaker 1: to us at everyonehasanx at mintymedia.com.au. That's M I N 867 00:43:06,949 --> 00:43:13,259 Speaker 1: T Y Media.com.au and follow us on Instagram at at everyonehasanex.