Speaker 1: You're listening to another MIA podcast.
Speaker 2: Mumma Mea acknowledges the traditional owners of the land. We
Speaker 2: have recorded this podcast on the Gatagul people of the
Speaker 2: Eur Nation. We pay our respects to their elders past
Speaker 2: and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and
Speaker 2: torrest Rate islander cultures.
Speaker 3: Hi, it's Anal's Todd here from this Glorious Mess, introducing
Speaker 3: hot Pod Summer, one hundred hours of curated listening across
Speaker 3: the Mummamere network, just for you to escape the chaos
Speaker 3: and enjoy with the kids at home and the weather
Speaker 3: warming up. We've got episodes of Parents Anonymous to share.
Speaker 3: Parents Anonymous is part game show, part church confessional. You
Speaker 3: share your deepest parenting shame and myself and Stacey Hicks
Speaker 3: rate you, but the worst parenting wins the most points,
Speaker 3: so really you can't lose. And if you want more,
Speaker 3: there's a link in the show. Enjoy Parents Anonymous. Welcome
Speaker 3: to this Glorious Mess. I'm Analyst Todd, single parent to
Speaker 3: two tween aged sons, and despite the busy schedule, I
Speaker 3: still managed to prioritize and fit in impromptu dance sessions
Speaker 3: around the living room I love.
Speaker 1: That for you. And I'm Stacey Hicks.
Speaker 4: I'm the deputy editor at MMA MIA and the mum
Speaker 4: of a three year old girl who looks exactly like
Speaker 4: her dad.
Speaker 5: Which is just rude the worst when that happened.
Speaker 4: But she has inherited my daggy dance moves and insane
Speaker 4: clumsiness from me, so Apple doesn't for far.
Speaker 5: Good luck to her.
Speaker 3: Yes, So welcome back to Parents Anonymous.
Speaker 4: Yes, so you know the deal by now, but just
Speaker 4: in case you've somehow found yourself here for the first
Speaker 4: time and I am wondering what exactly is going on.
Speaker 4: Parents Anonymous is part church confessional, part game show where
Speaker 4: you tell us your confessions and get the guilt of
Speaker 4: your chest, and we give you points based on our
Speaker 4: very serious grading system.
Speaker 3: Some would say, yes, we do like to kick off
Speaker 3: with a little confession of our own, because it would
Speaker 3: just be awful for us to sit here on our
Speaker 3: high heel looking down and rating people's confessions without disclosing
Speaker 3: one of our own. Yeah, coming up, my sons have
Speaker 3: a dance recital like an official. The school is making
Speaker 3: them do it. This is not something voluntary. They have
Speaker 3: to do it. Oh, okay, otherwise they.
Speaker 5: Wouldn't do it.
Speaker 3: And I am more invested and excited about this than
Speaker 3: any other extracurricular sporting achievement that they've ever done in
Speaker 3: their life.
Speaker 1: Of course you are you are.
Speaker 4: I'm a dance mom, Jenna of this place, so of
Speaker 4: course you are excited.
Speaker 5: I'm a dance mom.
Speaker 3: Finally, after nine and twelve years of raising sons, I
Speaker 3: finally get to be a dance mom.
Speaker 5: I love Thank you.
Speaker 4: Okay, Well, I actually think that that's great. There's nothing
Speaker 4: to confess there. That's just fabulous and it just aligns
Speaker 4: with who you are.
Speaker 5: Yeah, unpaired, that's what I mean.
Speaker 3: Because the confession is because the anting is more about
Speaker 3: me than them, and they like sport more so it's
Speaker 3: kind of not ideal parenting.
Speaker 1: Well, they need to learn to give back to their mum.
Speaker 5: Well, yeah, it is about me. Yeah.
Speaker 4: So look, I think that's great. I think you get
Speaker 4: a nine out of ten. Thank you, absolutely fine, thank you. Okay,
Speaker 4: now I'll confess mine. Okay, So my daughter three learning
Speaker 4: to ride a bike, or I'm trying to teach her
Speaker 4: to ride.
Speaker 5: A bike with training wheels.
Speaker 4: With training wheels, yeah, just a pedal on a bike,
Speaker 4: like she doesn't get the concept of pedaling on a bike.
Speaker 1: But as you know, I'm a tall gal. She's also
Speaker 1: very tall, so leaning.
Speaker 4: Down to hold the little bike quite annoying and uncomfortable
Speaker 4: for me.
Speaker 1: And she winsered a lot if I let go.
Speaker 4: So I saw a hack and I now do this
Speaker 4: when I'm too tired to take her to a park
Speaker 4: to teach her to ride her bike, I just put
Speaker 4: the little training wheels. You just prop them up on
Speaker 4: some shoes or some books, and they just sit and
Speaker 4: pedal and the bike doesn't go anywhere in your living room,
Speaker 4: and you just put on a little YouTube video of cycling.
Speaker 1: And that's how she's pattle on a bike.
Speaker 5: That's kind of a bit like a spin class.
Speaker 1: Yeah, she's doing a spin class at home.
Speaker 5: That's genius.
Speaker 1: While I said on my phone, it's heaven. Oh that's brilliant,
Speaker 1: And I wish I'd thought of green time.
Speaker 5: But it's a movement like peloton.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, she's on a peloton.
Speaker 5: Aligned she's having a great time. This show.
Speaker 3: It doesn't exist without your guilty confessions, Like we love
Speaker 3: hearing them from you. It is our source of joy.
Speaker 3: It is in our other very bleak world that we
Speaker 3: coexist in, so we would love to hear from you.
Speaker 3: You can completely stay anonymous. Yeah, we'll read out the
Speaker 3: confessions for you. No one will ever know. It cannot
Speaker 3: be traced back to you and all of the anonymous and.
Speaker 1: You're trying really hard not to say the word is I.
Speaker 3: Still can't say anonymity. All of the confession options are
Speaker 3: in the show notes. There's a link there and you
Speaker 3: can please share with us overshire.
Speaker 4: Yes, and Analys and I have both submitted anonymous confessions
Speaker 4: before to test the theory and haven't known that the
Speaker 4: other one did that, not even our producer Grace that
Speaker 4: they were us.
Speaker 1: So and it works, we promise it does.
Speaker 4: And on today's show, our mystery confessions are called homework
Speaker 4: only punishes parents, divorce, celebration, relater toy homicide.
Speaker 1: I love that one. It's very law in order.
Speaker 3: As for you, confession number one, I am going to
Speaker 3: read out on behalf of our anonymous person. I wish
Speaker 3: schools didn't give homework because it's actually just yet.
Speaker 5: Another job for parents.
Speaker 3: Maybe some parents like that time with their child, but
Speaker 3: I would rather spend time with them doing literally anything else.
Speaker 5: I'll be honest.
Speaker 3: The main reason I hate it is because it makes
Speaker 3: me feel very stupid, like where have all my basic
Speaker 3: maths or geography skills gone? The other night, I helped
Speaker 3: my seven year old with their homework, only to realize
Speaker 3: the next day that we did half of it completely wrong.
Speaker 5: I really can't be bothered redoing it.
Speaker 3: I have my own actual paid work homework to do.
Speaker 3: Can't they do homework in class and just call it work?
Speaker 5: Preach, preach and praise, be love this.
Speaker 3: I would just like to say that my children are
Speaker 3: still in primary school. Yea, we are a homework free
Speaker 3: school kind of a person.
Speaker 5: Drink.
Speaker 1: Can I enroll my daughter at your children's school immediately.
Speaker 3: Because it's beautiful and you know, when they're little, they
Speaker 3: don't need to do extra things high school. I'm very
Speaker 3: scared about next year because that will get real what
Speaker 3: I realized in the very traumatic period of our lives,
Speaker 3: which was lockdown. I realized in that time that I
Speaker 3: don't have year two level maths skills.
Speaker 5: It is beyond me.
Speaker 4: I'm sure that I'm in the same boat because I
Speaker 4: struggle with basic basic math skills.
Speaker 3: Here, I don't think that we are meant to help
Speaker 3: our children with homework. I think the whole point is
Speaker 3: a resilient skill that they should know how to do
Speaker 3: it themselves or ask Siri, ask chat GBT. There are
Speaker 3: many resources available to them, unlike there were to us
Speaker 3: in the days of encyclopedia, where they could actually fact
Speaker 3: check this.
Speaker 4: So you're just removing yourself from the homework scenario entirely,
Speaker 4: like don't go to mum, no, go to Siri. Yeah,
Speaker 4: I like it. Well that's going to be my strategy too. Look,
Speaker 4: I think that this person is just saying what every
Speaker 4: single parent is thinking. I'm not at this point, yes,
Speaker 4: but I know I'm going to feel the same way.
Speaker 4: I barely know the answers to the questions that my
Speaker 4: three year old ask me now, like why does it
Speaker 4: take the fans so long to stop spinning?
Speaker 1: I don't know, darling, I'm not.
Speaker 5: The Newton law of physics.
Speaker 4: All right, I'll send it to you next time. Then
Speaker 4: what do the powerpoles do? Like?
Speaker 1: I never give her a proper answer. I just kind
Speaker 1: of make up.
Speaker 3: That's fine, cause remember we've talked about this before for
Speaker 3: before five no core memories.
Speaker 4: Okay, okay, So I can just lie absolutely now until
Speaker 4: she's five.
Speaker 5: I love that. For me, it's fine.
Speaker 4: But yeah, I think this person's just saying what we
Speaker 4: all think. Like they're going to school. There are trained
Speaker 4: professionals who are teaching them this stuff. They are much
Speaker 4: better at it than us. That's why we are not teachers.
Speaker 3: No, And when in doubt, as Siri, yep, what are
Speaker 3: we rating it? I don't even think it's a confession.
Speaker 3: I think it's just a chat yep, that I would
Speaker 3: have with you with any other friend.
Speaker 2: Ye.
Speaker 1: So are you deducting points for this? Or are you
Speaker 1: adding points for this?
Speaker 3: Add points to it because not many people would admit
Speaker 3: to it. Yeah, yeah, but it's what we're all thinking
Speaker 3: and saying. So I'm going to give this eight series
Speaker 3: out of ten.
Speaker 1: Love that.
Speaker 4: I'm just going to go rogue and instead of going
Speaker 4: with the point system, go with the grading system. Ah good,
Speaker 4: And she gets an AS.
Speaker 5: Okay, which is really good. That is really good.
Speaker 1: Okay. So this one says.
Speaker 4: I love being divorced because every second weekend.
Speaker 5: Relatable on ground from me.
Speaker 4: I love being divorced because every second weekend I get
Speaker 4: time to myself and away from the kids. Don't get
Speaker 4: me wrong, I adore my children. But the forty eight
Speaker 4: hour window of peace is like a mini vacation. I
Speaker 4: can actually finish a cup of coffee while it's still hot,
Speaker 4: or binge watch something that isn't animated. The guilt creeps
Speaker 4: in sometimes, but then I remember the chaos that awaits
Speaker 4: on Monday morning. Honestly, those weekends might just be saving
Speaker 4: my sanity.
Speaker 5: Aligned to proof.
Speaker 3: Now, this one isn't from me, because I actually have
Speaker 3: fifty to fifty custodys, So I.
Speaker 5: Don't say breaks another confession. No, I have more breaks
Speaker 5: than this person.
Speaker 3: Okay, okay, forty eight hours is the perfect break.
Speaker 5: There's two chunks. I get.
Speaker 3: One of them is forty eight hours, and then I
Speaker 3: get them back again, and then the next chunk is
Speaker 3: I would say it's too long. It's the five nights,
Speaker 3: six days, and I'm at the very end of that.
Speaker 3: This is my last day today. I do miss them
Speaker 3: after that giant stretch. Sure, it's a lot, but the
Speaker 3: forty eight hours is a refreshing reprieve.
Speaker 5: She gets half her life back.
Speaker 4: I mean, you said, I looked like I'd had work
Speaker 4: done when I came back from one weekend away from
Speaker 4: my child.
Speaker 3: So I thought well, she's jumped on the bowie train.
Speaker 3: She's glowy and fresh, and yeah, this is.
Speaker 4: Why you look younger than meat even though you're older
Speaker 4: than meat, because you get weekends alone sometimes.
Speaker 5: Thank you so much.
Speaker 1: This is why I figured it out.
Speaker 4: Okay, I need to chat to my husband, and I think, Look,
Speaker 4: it's natural to feel guilt because we do feel like
Speaker 4: we want to be around our kids all the time,
Speaker 4: but now so drive us nuts. So it's fine to
Speaker 4: have your time alone. I think i'd go as far
Speaker 4: as to say, you're probably the envy of a lot
Speaker 4: of your friends that you get a little bit of
Speaker 4: that regular me time, and you probably go back in
Speaker 4: as a lot better mum because you've had a little
Speaker 4: bit of time out.
Speaker 5: You do, you have way more patience.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so what are we rading this one?
Speaker 5: Oh? I mean, she's just on brand.
Speaker 3: She's great, she's in her glow up era, she's loving life,
Speaker 3: and she's relatable. And I'm going to give her nine
Speaker 3: stilettos out of ten.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm giving her ten weekends away out of ten.
Speaker 4: Love it for her.
Speaker 5: Good on you, all right, let's bring it home space.
Speaker 3: Confession number three toy homicide. I accidentally drove over my
Speaker 3: toddler's beloved scooter, and I'm still hoping he won't notice.
Speaker 3: I've stashed the mangled remains in the garage and will
Speaker 3: put it in the red bin on bin night when
Speaker 3: he is asleep.
Speaker 5: He seems to be obsessed with.
Speaker 3: Another toy at the moment, so I hope he doesn't
Speaker 3: remember how he loved the scooter. If he asks, I'm
Speaker 3: totally blaming my partner. Don't even care. Okay, bit to unpack.
Speaker 5: M red bin. Would we recycle?
Speaker 3: That's probably the most pressing matter.
Speaker 1: Do you think that's the most important? Can we recycle
Speaker 1: the scooter?
Speaker 5: Okay? So I don't think so, all right, putting that
Speaker 5: to the side.
Speaker 3: I think the toddler will notice at some point scooter's
Speaker 3: a pretty big thing in their day, Like let's go
Speaker 3: to the park.
Speaker 5: I want to scoot there.
Speaker 4: Yeah, but they're little goldfish at this age. Like, honestly,
Speaker 4: my daughter will be gone to get a teddy and
Speaker 4: come back later with ten different items that were nothing
Speaker 4: to do with what she was getting at the first time.
Speaker 5: Scooter is a mode of transport.
Speaker 4: Yeah, true, true, it's quite a big item, but you
Speaker 4: know what she giveth. She can take it away, like
Speaker 4: she probably bought that scooter with her money.
Speaker 1: Yes, she can say it's gone. Now we're moving on
Speaker 1: to the next thing.
Speaker 3: I love as well, the pre planned lie, like you
Speaker 3: could just pretend you don't know where it is, but
Speaker 3: there's actually pre meditated lying and blaming of the partner.
Speaker 5: That's quite intense.
Speaker 4: She could even do one of those chalk outlines on it,
Speaker 4: like a dead body on the driveway.
Speaker 1: It's a scooter. Yeah, the last place that was seeing
Speaker 1: daddy did this.
Speaker 4: Maybe she should write a confession in his handwrite it
Speaker 4: coerce a confession out of him.
Speaker 3: Well, I think out of the three that we've heard today,
Speaker 3: I feel like this is the best worst.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, definitely, because.
Speaker 3: You've completely murdered one of the favorite toys, which we've
Speaker 3: discussed is a mode of transport and something that they
Speaker 3: probably won't forget about, like a little toy car that
Speaker 3: you push along with your hand. This is a mode
Speaker 3: of transport. I think this is the best worst one
Speaker 3: because there's also a premeditated lie ready to go where
Speaker 3: we're blaming the child's are the parent.
Speaker 4: I want details of how she's blaming him, Like is
Speaker 4: she going to say he run it over intentionally, or
Speaker 4: is she going to come up with another way that
Speaker 4: the scooter disappeared, dropped from the sky. The possibilities endless.
Speaker 4: I feel like she should be more creative here. I
Speaker 4: don't think she needs to blame the partner. I think
Speaker 4: she can come up with some other way that it disappeared.
Speaker 4: Blame it on him, toddler, don't remember, I won't traumatize him.
Speaker 3: Yes, but that's why I think this is the best.
Speaker 3: Worst part is blaming the other parent. Yeah, okay, all right,
Speaker 3: let's let's play this out.
Speaker 5: Okay, how would this go down?
Speaker 3: So if you're the toddler yep, and I am the
Speaker 3: murdering scooter parent.
Speaker 5: Okay, how would the conversation go?
Speaker 1: In a pepper big voice, Mummy, where's my scooter?
Speaker 3: Unfortunately, I've got some bad news. You need to come
Speaker 3: and sit down because your dad murdered your scooter. It
Speaker 3: was on purpose, it was intentional. He didn't like the
Speaker 3: schoo In fact, I'm not sure if he even likes you,
Speaker 3: and so we've got no one to blame but dad
Speaker 3: on this. It's got nothing to do with me. You
Speaker 3: can go and see your dead mangled scooter. It's in
Speaker 3: the garage, and it's got chalk outlining it like a
Speaker 3: murdered body.
Speaker 1: And assigned confession next to it from your dad.
Speaker 5: From your dad. Rip.
Speaker 4: Look, I think he's thrown in a bit of unnecessary drama.
Speaker 1: Maybe using the word murdered. It's not a great idea
Speaker 1: to explain it.
Speaker 5: To the toddler.
Speaker 3: Yes, but because we set it up the actually, because
Speaker 3: we set up like a true crime. So that's where
Speaker 3: I went, murdered scooter.
Speaker 1: Case closed the end. Okay.
Speaker 4: So now that you've suggested that we tell the toddler
Speaker 4: that the scooter was murdered by the toddler's father, yes,
Speaker 4: and created a rift in the family and a crime scene,
Speaker 4: I feel like we should role play my tactic, which
Speaker 4: is blaming it on the toddler.
Speaker 3: Gaslighting, gas lighting the toddler a much more whole Okay,
Speaker 3: I'll be the toddlers. Okay, Okay, Mummy, where's my scooter?
Speaker 3: I don't know why that the todd has become a
Speaker 3: little chav but a bit more company than.
Speaker 5: Mummy. Where's my scooter? Where's my scooter?
Speaker 1: What scooter?
Speaker 5: Oh? Like, there's the scooter, the red scooter. I used yesterday.
Speaker 4: You have so many toys and belongings that it's hard
Speaker 4: for me to keep track of all the things you have.
Speaker 1: You're so lucky. Look at all the other things you
Speaker 1: have to play with.
Speaker 3: Now, I want the scooter, okay, But if you're insisting
Speaker 3: on the scooter, you think you left it in the garage.
Speaker 1: Is that where you think you left it, Darling.
Speaker 5: I don't know.
Speaker 3: I'm a toddler. I don't have memory recalled. But I
Speaker 3: just want my scooter.
Speaker 4: I think you left it in the garage. So why
Speaker 4: don't we just go out there and have a look
Speaker 4: and see if we can find it. Okay, so let's
Speaker 4: go out there. Cut scene, Peter Patter. I probably had
Speaker 4: to carry you because you've tracked a tantrum mid mid
Speaker 4: journey to the garage.
Speaker 3: As you'll see, no scooter. I definitely have a scooter
Speaker 3: and I want to use it now.
Speaker 4: Oh, honey, you probably imagined that you had a scooter.
Speaker 4: You know how you imagine the monsters under your bed,
Speaker 4: You imagine that they'll come to get you. I think
Speaker 4: you've imagined the scooter.
Speaker 1: But look, if you're really, really.
Speaker 4: Good for the rest of the year, Santa might bring
Speaker 4: you a scooter and then you'll have a.
Speaker 1: Scooter to blame you.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yours is better because I do. I feel ghasly,
Speaker 3: like I literally just I wasn't sure.
Speaker 1: I feel crazy.
Speaker 5: Yes, okay, gaslighting works.
Speaker 1: Yeah, sadly.
Speaker 3: I think that the murdering excuse was actually less traumatizing
Speaker 3: than ghasoline. Yeah, more honest, except for the blaming of
Speaker 3: the day added lie, which we agree.
Speaker 5: Was amazing.
Speaker 1: Giving this one.
Speaker 3: I think this one is getting. It's my highest squad.
Speaker 3: It's the worst.
Speaker 1: It's the best. Worst of the.
Speaker 3: Day because of the blaming of the other parent is
Speaker 3: so weird. But I'm here for it. I admire it,
Speaker 3: and for that, I'm going to go ten murdered scooters
Speaker 3: out of ten.
Speaker 4: I'm going to go ten Dundun's out of ten. So
Speaker 4: if you've got a confession, we would love to hear it.
Speaker 4: Please send us your secret shame. All the details are
Speaker 4: in the show notes.
Speaker 5: See you next time, you next time.
Speaker 3: If you're looking for something else to listen to, Mama
Speaker 3: Miya is officially presenting one hundred hours of summer listens,
Speaker 3: from meaningful conversations to incredible stories, fashion, beauty, and more.
Speaker 3: There's a link in the show notes