Speaker 1: You're listening to a MoMA Mia podcast. Mama Mea acknowledges
Speaker 1: the traditional owners of the land and waters. This podcast
Speaker 1: is recorded on we all know what they say. If
Speaker 1: there are question marks or gut feelings early on need
Speaker 1: a relationship, it's probably because it's not the right one.
Speaker 1: Your match should be someone with whom you have no doubts.
Speaker 1: It should be easy.
Speaker 2: We were just such a strong couple. We were very loud,
Speaker 2: extroverted couple. We had all the same things in common.
Speaker 2: I did have so many of my friends say to me,
Speaker 2: this is in game.
Speaker 1: But sometimes even the best, strongest and happiest relationships can
Speaker 1: carry secrets, some small and insignificant in the scheme of things,
Speaker 1: but others, no matter how hard they've been hidden, once
Speaker 1: out can destroy everything.
Speaker 2: I like sort of walked over to them and I
Speaker 2: was liked, And she came up and gave me a
Speaker 2: hugin I was like, what's going on? I like, saw
Speaker 2: my gray mattress in the back of the car. I
Speaker 2: went all fat and blimp.
Speaker 1: I'm Georgia Love and this is everyone has an ads.
Speaker 1: Come with me as we dive into a collection of
Speaker 1: unconventional stories about relationships past through the eyes and the
Speaker 1: hearts of the very people who lived them. Molly was
Speaker 1: nineteen when our story begins, living in New Zealand, a
Speaker 1: year out of school. Where else would you meet a
Speaker 1: guy but a music festival.
Speaker 2: We sort of met on the day on the dance floor,
Speaker 2: didn't really think much of it. And then I went
Speaker 2: to some afters following the event and got a random
Speaker 2: text message on my phone and he had got my
Speaker 2: number off of a friend and.
Speaker 3: He was like, what are you doing? Do you want
Speaker 3: to hang out?
Speaker 2: And I was like, no, I don't really want to
Speaker 2: hang out with you. I've only just met you. But
Speaker 2: he was obviously a friend of a friend that he
Speaker 2: was really nice, and so I was like, okay, fine,
Speaker 2: and I know you're not supposed to do this, but
Speaker 2: I was like, you can come around to where I
Speaker 2: was living. I was living with six girls, so I
Speaker 2: felt pretty safe and yeah, I was, I think watching
Speaker 2: Love Island and he just came round and sat on
Speaker 2: the couch with us girls and then I said to him,
Speaker 2: nothing is happening tonight, just so you know. When he
Speaker 2: was so fine with that. I was nineteen and he
Speaker 2: was twenty two at the time. I was at university
Speaker 2: in New Zealand.
Speaker 3: And yeah, I had.
Speaker 2: Been in a relationship a year previous for a while,
Speaker 2: since I was quite young. I was in a good place,
Speaker 2: just really happy, enjoying my life, enjoying the freedom of
Speaker 2: university and going to lots of parties.
Speaker 3: And he was working in the city, so he had.
Speaker 2: Gone to the same university as me, but he had
Speaker 2: actually graduated a couple of years earlier, and he was
Speaker 2: in his first year of working. When I initially met
Speaker 2: him at the fistal, I didn't quite realize until he
Speaker 2: came over just how good looking he was. He was
Speaker 2: very nice on the eyes, and yeah, we had a
Speaker 2: lot in common. I am really into surfing and so
Speaker 2: is he. So we sort of talked about that and
Speaker 2: started off pretty strong, just on common grounds, and yeah,
Speaker 2: it was one of those things where it was pretty
Speaker 2: hard and fast from the get go. After that first night,
Speaker 2: he ended up staying over at my place until about
Speaker 2: three pm the next day. He just didn't leave, and
Speaker 2: yet we were just like chatting and hanging out and yeah,
Speaker 2: and from then we stayed in touch, and it was
Speaker 2: only a couple days later he asked me to meet
Speaker 2: him for a drink. We had our first date, and
Speaker 2: it was pretty much all on from there. I think
Speaker 2: it was it's only maybe five weeks into us dating
Speaker 2: that he asked me to be his girlfriend. And in
Speaker 2: the same day we were drunk at the races and
Speaker 2: he said I love you as well. So it all, yeah,
Speaker 2: happened really quick. I was on cloud nine. I was like,
Speaker 2: this is my perfect guy on paper, just everything. He
Speaker 2: was really smart, really sporty, he loved the beach, he
Speaker 2: loved surfing, he was just yeah, he was really quite
Speaker 2: extroverted like me, and yeah, I was over the moon,
Speaker 2: really really happy. We both had said to each other,
Speaker 2: you know, we've never felt like this before. But yeah,
Speaker 2: I definitely didn't anticipate on getting into such a serious
Speaker 2: relationship so quickly after my last one, and I was
Speaker 2: wanting to just be young and dumb and do my
Speaker 2: own thing. But yeah, I think once I was in
Speaker 2: love again, the blinkers were on, and I was just
Speaker 2: very smitten and hopeful that we would go the distance.
Speaker 2: We were just such a strong couple. We were very loud,
Speaker 2: extroverted couple. We had all the same things in common.
Speaker 2: So I think, you know, when people saw us together
Speaker 2: you know, all my friends were just like, you've met
Speaker 2: this really nice guy who's just so similar, and he's
Speaker 2: all the things that you've ever looked for.
Speaker 3: And a guy this is in game.
Speaker 1: So far, so good.
Speaker 3: The first year, year and a half of our relationship
Speaker 3: was amazing. We had so much fun.
Speaker 2: The following year after we got together, we were supposed
Speaker 2: to go to Central America. He was flying over early
Speaker 2: February twenty twenty and I was going to meet him
Speaker 2: in March, and then pretty much as soon as he
Speaker 2: got there, we went into lockdown, so he had to
Speaker 2: fly back, and obviously my plans got canceled.
Speaker 3: So we went into life with his family.
Speaker 2: My family were living in another city, and yeah, it
Speaker 2: was the best time. It was me and him, one
Speaker 2: of my best friends dates his brother, so it was yeah,
Speaker 2: all four of us and then the parents.
Speaker 3: Was super super fun.
Speaker 2: So that was a big chunk of twenty twenty and
Speaker 2: after COVID we just sort of traveled a lot around
Speaker 2: New Zealand and just made the most of our backyard things.
Speaker 2: I guess started to feel a little bit rocky around
Speaker 2: the beginning of twenty twenty one.
Speaker 3: We were living.
Speaker 2: Over the summer at his parents' place, and he had
Speaker 2: sort of become a little bit distant all of a sudden,
Speaker 2: and I was sort of like, what's going on. He
Speaker 2: was always all in and just like very affectionate and loving,
Speaker 2: and he wasn't and he was really over his job.
Speaker 2: And he just kept saying, it's my mental health. I'm
Speaker 2: just not in a good place, not feeling great. And
Speaker 2: obviously I was just like, well, I'll do whatever to
Speaker 2: help you. He was acknowledging he was off, but he
Speaker 2: just kept putting it down to you know, he's just
Speaker 2: feeling like he's in a rut. He didn't get to
Speaker 2: go traveling the year before. He wants to move to Australia,
Speaker 2: and that was always our plan. It was pretty much
Speaker 2: ever since we met, was to move, but I had
Speaker 2: to finish university and I kept saying, like, we can
Speaker 2: go as soon as I finish. I had six more
Speaker 2: months left. He was just not really being as physical
Speaker 2: with me and just not talking as much. Yeah, we
Speaker 2: used to always have our arms around each other, always
Speaker 2: be holding your hands, always be really cuddled up close,
Speaker 2: and it'd sort of be sitting on the other side
Speaker 2: of the couch just whenever I sort of tried to,
Speaker 2: you know, be like come on, like cuddle me whatever.
Speaker 3: It's sort of be like, you know, you could.
Speaker 2: Just feel he just wasn't really, so of course my
Speaker 2: mind just keep going to well, you'd.
Speaker 3: Clearly like it it is me, and he was like, no, no, no,
Speaker 3: it's not, it's not you.
Speaker 2: It's not I love you and I'm you know, I
Speaker 2: want to be with you forever. A few weeks of
Speaker 2: that and it just really got to me. And there
Speaker 2: was one time we were supposed to go away together
Speaker 2: for the weekend and he was just being really often
Speaker 2: and I was like, look, I'm going to fly home
Speaker 2: for the weekend. It's a long weekend. I'm going to
Speaker 2: go see my family. You should go away with the boys.
Speaker 2: That weekend when I went up to visit my family,
Speaker 2: I didn't even tell any of my friends that I
Speaker 2: was coming up because I was just like, I was
Speaker 2: almost embarrassed. You know, I'm coming up because I'm in
Speaker 2: such a bad headspace because I don't know what's going
Speaker 2: on with my own partner and with living together, and
Speaker 2: everybody has this view of us, and things went what
Speaker 2: it seemed. I'd even spoken to his mum before I
Speaker 2: had flown up. She drove me to the airport and
Speaker 2: I was just like crying. I was like, I don't
Speaker 2: know what more I can do. It's just getting to
Speaker 2: the point where he's adam minutes his mental health. But
Speaker 2: I can't live like this. He's just not himself. And
Speaker 2: she was really concerned about him too, and she said,
Speaker 2: this is sometimes what relationships are about. You know, you
Speaker 2: just got to help each other through. So just keep
Speaker 2: supporting him, and you know, if it gets too hard,
Speaker 2: just come talk to me.
Speaker 3: And we can sort it out. She was really supportive.
Speaker 2: When I came back from my hometown after that weekend,
Speaker 2: everything was sort of back to normal kind of. I
Speaker 2: wrote like a huge three page letter of that. You know,
Speaker 2: I'm here for him whatever he needs. I'm willing to
Speaker 2: do whatever it takes. He didn't say a whole lot,
Speaker 2: which I didn't really expect him to, but I just
Speaker 2: put it on the bit side table and he said, yeah,
Speaker 2: it's really nice, and he obviously knows all those things,
Speaker 2: and you know, any going on, you know, you're such
Speaker 2: a supportive, loyal girlfriend.
Speaker 1: Molly felt confident things were getting back on track. They'd
Speaker 1: taken the little break they needed and both realized what
Speaker 1: they really needed was each other.
Speaker 2: A couple of weeks later, it was my twenty first birthday,
Speaker 2: so my parents flew us up. I was sort of
Speaker 2: having a small ish get together, not a big event
Speaker 2: for my twenty first, but you know, all my girlfriends
Speaker 2: and my family and stuff, and he came up for that,
Speaker 2: and it's always nice when he would come visit my
Speaker 2: hometown and be around my friends. That night, on the
Speaker 2: night of my twenty first, we all went into the
Speaker 2: city afterwards, and I already didn't really want to go out.
Speaker 2: I was having a lot of fun just at home,
Speaker 2: like dancing with my aunties and my friends.
Speaker 3: But he was like, no, you know, we're in the
Speaker 3: big city. Let's go out.
Speaker 2: And he had had some friends also from his hometown visiting,
Speaker 2: so we went and meet up with them. It got
Speaker 2: super late, and I was just like, I'm going to
Speaker 2: go home, and he was like, I'm going to stay out.
Speaker 2: And I was already a little bit annoyed about that,
Speaker 2: because I was like, it's my birthday weekend and my
Speaker 2: parents are flowing you up, and all you really care
Speaker 2: about us just like seeing your mates. But I went
Speaker 2: home and he did come home the next day till
Speaker 2: about two pm. Eventually I got hold of him and
Speaker 2: he was like, I've crashed at this person's house. I'm
Speaker 2: gonna get I'm going to get an uber home soon.
Speaker 2: I'm just gonna go catch up with this other mate.
Speaker 3: And I was just like, what the hell?
Speaker 2: Like he was flying out at like maybe five pm
Speaker 2: that night. It was also Valentine's Day as well. I
Speaker 2: was with my parents.
Speaker 3: They were livid.
Speaker 2: I was on the couch, you know, just in like
Speaker 2: a fetal position, just so upset, like We've come up
Speaker 2: in such a nice weekend and now I can barely
Speaker 2: get hold of him and he's still not home, and
Speaker 2: you know, I'm embarrassed at.
Speaker 3: My parents have had to see that.
Speaker 2: So when he finally walked through the door at two pm,
Speaker 2: we went upstairs to my room and I was just like,
Speaker 2: I can't do this anymore. I'm done whatever's going on,
Speaker 2: I can't do it. And he was like, no, no,
Speaker 2: can't break up. I don't want to break up. I
Speaker 2: don't I love you, I'm so sorry, and so on
Speaker 2: so forth. He was adamant, you know, he really really
Speaker 2: didn't want to break up. Yeah, So I was like, okay, well,
Speaker 2: I'll give you one more chance, And of course I
Speaker 2: flew back to the town we were living, and it
Speaker 2: was good for the first few days, and then it
Speaker 2: just sort of went downhill again to the point where
Speaker 2: I was living back at my new place by then
Speaker 2: with my friends at UNI, and he just wasn't really
Speaker 2: making an effort and I just sort of I called
Speaker 2: his mum one day and I was like, I'm done.
Speaker 3: It's been you know, a.
Speaker 2: Couple months of this whatever, and yeah, I don't have
Speaker 2: the capacity to deal with this.
Speaker 3: So I tried to get.
Speaker 2: Him to come over, but he would not come over
Speaker 2: it and I was like, can we please meet to discuss,
Speaker 2: like to talk about this, but he knew I was
Speaker 2: going to break up with him and he was not
Speaker 2: going to have that, so he was like, no, not tonight,
Speaker 2: not tonight. He gave me a call and I just
Speaker 2: said to him, I was like, you know, we really
Speaker 2: need to talk, like I'm really unhappy, and he was like,
Speaker 2: I don't want you to break up with me, and
Speaker 2: I was like, you know, maybe this is what you need.
Speaker 3: I just can't keep doing this anymore. And he was
Speaker 3: really upset. He cried.
Speaker 2: At one point he had to go and get his mum,
Speaker 2: and he was really, yeah, really really upset.
Speaker 3: We ended up breaking up over the phone.
Speaker 1: It wasn't what either of them wanted, but Molly was
Speaker 1: adamant she couldn't keep putting up with this behavior. She
Speaker 1: was young, Yes she was in love, but it shouldn't
Speaker 1: look like this.
Speaker 3: I really really missed him. I was really sad.
Speaker 2: And we kept in touch a little bit, but it
Speaker 2: was really sad. But yeah, after maybe even only six weeks,
Speaker 2: he had messaged me to say that he had actually
Speaker 2: gotten a job in Perth, and that to me actually
Speaker 2: really indicated like, Okay, he was serious about really not
Speaker 2: liking his job, about really wanting to do something about
Speaker 2: it and wanting to you know, spread his wings. And
Speaker 2: he was like, yeah, I'm leaving in a month. I
Speaker 2: was like wow, okay, And we agreed to meet and
Speaker 2: it was supposed to be more like a bit of
Speaker 2: a is this going to be a goodbye? But I
Speaker 2: went over and we pretty much immediately just were we
Speaker 2: miss each other so much and we want.
Speaker 3: To get back together.
Speaker 2: And of course he was leaving to Perth in a month,
Speaker 2: and because I guess that had always been the plan,
Speaker 2: he sort of Yeah. He just was like, you know,
Speaker 2: well you can come over, you can come and visit me,
Speaker 2: and then when you finish university. It was only about
Speaker 2: four months away, but I was graduating, he said you
Speaker 2: can move over and join me.
Speaker 3: So that was sort of the plan.
Speaker 2: And the next month was just like amazing, just trying
Speaker 2: to make the most of our time together. I was
Speaker 2: sort of making up a decision. Am I going to
Speaker 2: trust this person again?
Speaker 3: He was adamant.
Speaker 2: You know, it was just my mental health. I just
Speaker 2: you know, I feel so much better now I've quit
Speaker 2: my job.
Speaker 3: I'm leaving.
Speaker 2: He's like, I just felt like so stuck, like I
Speaker 2: needed to get out of here. I was like, I'm
Speaker 2: so glad that you're out of that now. And I
Speaker 2: don't know, it just seemed like one of those sort
Speaker 2: of healthy breakup slash breaks. It worked and he sorted
Speaker 2: himself out. We got back together.
Speaker 1: During their time apart, Molly had decided she was going
Speaker 1: to move to Australia herself no matter what. So now
Speaker 1: they were back together and Tom was being the great
Speaker 1: boyfriend again. It was an easy decision. She'd finished her
Speaker 1: last few months of UNI, pack up her things and headworst.
Speaker 2: About three or four days before my flight, we went
Speaker 2: into lockdown and my light obviously got canceled because the
Speaker 2: borders closed immediately.
Speaker 3: This was in July that this happened.
Speaker 2: End of July, I think, And yeah, I spent until
Speaker 2: the end of December pretty much stuck in New Zealand
Speaker 2: because of, yeah, the lockdowns and the restrictions and things.
Speaker 3: So every day was hard because I didn't have a
Speaker 3: job anymore.
Speaker 2: And then obviously day to day just worried, you know,
Speaker 2: when am I going to be able to actually get there,
Speaker 2: When am I going to be able to see him?
Speaker 3: And we'd already been doing long distance since May.
Speaker 2: Part of me was like, he's going to be out
Speaker 2: there having so much fun in this new city, and
Speaker 2: he's going to meet all these new people, and you
Speaker 2: know what if he decides he doesn't want me, you know,
Speaker 2: as part of that new life anymore. But he was
Speaker 2: just so desperate to have me there, and he let
Speaker 2: me know that every day without a doubt. He was
Speaker 2: finding it just as hard, if not harder than I was,
Speaker 2: being away from me, and he just wanted nothing more
Speaker 2: than me to just be there and to join him.
Speaker 2: We were at facetiming multiple times a day. He'd sort
Speaker 2: of call me on his way to work, his way
Speaker 2: after work, we would have date nights over video call
Speaker 2: and get dressed up. It was actually a really nice time,
Speaker 2: even though at the time I was desperate to go.
Speaker 2: But yeah, one day, when I was in lockdown, I
Speaker 2: had gotten a message from a friend of mine who
Speaker 2: I had only met earlier that year, just because she
Speaker 2: had moved to the place that Tom and I were living,
Speaker 2: and she was actually my friend's cousin, so she sort
Speaker 2: of got introduced to the friend group and she's lovely,
Speaker 2: lovely girl, and she had messaged me saying like, hey, Molly,
Speaker 2: you're all doing well. Do you mind if I give
Speaker 2: you a call? I just want to talk about it
Speaker 2: a few things. My gut sort of told me like, no,
Speaker 2: you should go for a drive. And when she called me,
Speaker 2: she was just like immediately crying and she was like,
Speaker 2: I'm so sorry. I didn't know whether to tell you this.
Speaker 2: I've been sitting on it for so long. But me
Speaker 2: and Tom hooked up earlier in the year when he
Speaker 2: was down away on that voice weekend. She had no
Speaker 2: idea who I was at that time. I had no
Speaker 2: idea who she was, so it had absolutely nothing to
Speaker 2: do with her. She was actually living down where they went,
Speaker 2: and she had just you know, met this guy at
Speaker 2: a bar they you know, were talking, He walked her home,
Speaker 2: got her number, They hooked up and continued messaging for
Speaker 2: a few days, and then after that she obviously tried
Speaker 2: looking him up on like social media and all of that,
Speaker 2: and he actually has a very private social media account.
Speaker 2: So she was saying like it was so hard to
Speaker 2: find him and she only had a first name, and
Speaker 2: she actually just couldn't figure out who this guy was.
Speaker 2: She sort of gave up, he stopped texting her back
Speaker 2: when eventually she had figured it out. And the poor thing,
Speaker 2: when we had become rins around that exact same time,
Speaker 2: my Instagram had gotten deleted, and so I had no
Speaker 2: when she first met me. It wasn't even like she
Speaker 2: could go on to my Instagram and stalk and see
Speaker 2: this boyfriend I was talking about that I had just
Speaker 2: got back.
Speaker 3: With and was moving to Perth with.
Speaker 2: So she knew about this guy like Tom, but she
Speaker 2: never put two and two together. And then so when
Speaker 2: she did, I think I made a post, you know,
Speaker 2: when we were in lockdown and and she saw that
Speaker 2: and was like, oh my god, this is the same guy.
Speaker 2: So yeah, she was just devastated. So I was speech
Speaker 2: just like I felt so sick, like I had just
Speaker 2: you know, I was about to go move overseas for
Speaker 2: this guy. And I was just so blindsided. I was
Speaker 2: just like wait, what, Like how is this even? How
Speaker 2: is this happening? Like this doesn't happen to people like
Speaker 2: you never think it's going to happen to you. And
Speaker 2: I said to her, you know, she told me all
Speaker 2: the details, and she sent me the screenshots of them
Speaker 2: texting and you know, as him, let me know when
Speaker 2: you get home safe, and then him the next day
Speaker 2: asking her to send photos sort of organizing to potentially
Speaker 2: meet up again. And it was just a full blowing
Speaker 2: coincidence that she had moved to our town. So straight
Speaker 2: away I just called him. I was like calling him
Speaker 2: and he was at work in Perth, and I just
Speaker 2: said to him, like, I know everything, She's told me everything.
Speaker 2: How stupid do you think I am? Like, how do
Speaker 2: you think that I could not find this out? And
Speaker 2: I was like, it's not even what you did, it's
Speaker 2: the fact that you lied about it. And the fact
Speaker 2: that you knew I would find out eventually, and he
Speaker 2: was like, I know, I was in denial. I was
Speaker 2: just hoping that you wouldn't find out. I was like why,
Speaker 2: Like how did you not think that I wouldn't find out?
Speaker 2: And he was like, honestly, every day you messaged me,
Speaker 2: I just thought, today's the day she's going to find out.
Speaker 3: And I was like, what the heck? Why would you
Speaker 3: want to live like that?
Speaker 2: And at that time, I was trying to get an
Speaker 2: exemption to go in and do hotel quarantine and we
Speaker 2: were trying to do that, and we had to go
Speaker 2: through that whole process and go through the whole to
Speaker 2: facto relationship trying to get me into WA despite the
Speaker 2: borders closing. And I said to him, I was like,
Speaker 2: you knew I was going to find out eventually, Like
Speaker 2: were you just waiting for me to get to WA
Speaker 2: because you knew once I got there, I couldn't leave.
Speaker 2: And he was like, you know, I just hope that
Speaker 2: when we're in person, you know, I could, you know,
Speaker 2: explain things better.
Speaker 3: I didn't want to lose you.
Speaker 2: And then when we got back together, I didn't see
Speaker 2: the point in telling you I knew you'd never get
Speaker 2: back with me, and he knew my stance on cheating
Speaker 2: as well. Like, yeah, so it was a lot of
Speaker 2: back and forth. You know, he was cooling my parents
Speaker 2: and then you know, his mum was calling me. Everyone
Speaker 2: was really worried about him and his mental health while
Speaker 2: he was over there, and I was just like, oh, God,
Speaker 2: like you know, of course everything's now just you know,
Speaker 2: everyone's worried about him again. And yeah, I basically said
Speaker 2: to him, I'm not coming to birth cheatings of one thing,
Speaker 2: you know, like the one thing that I just do
Speaker 2: not stand for, and the lying on top of that
Speaker 2: to not even feel guilty enough to try and make
Speaker 2: it up to me on my twenty first birthday, you know,
Speaker 2: and that was only a week later.
Speaker 3: Yeah, so I was just like.
Speaker 2: Nah, I didn't say anything to anyone. I asked the
Speaker 2: girl not to talk to anyone about it. I didn't
Speaker 2: tell any of my friends. I had one friend, like
Speaker 2: our mutual friend with the other girl, that knew, but
Speaker 2: I didn't tell any of my friends at home. Only
Speaker 2: my family knew, and his family knew. I was just
Speaker 2: so humiliated, like so embarrassed. I said, this is so embarrassing.
Speaker 2: I was just about to move countries for someone and
Speaker 2: all along like he's been lying to me the last
Speaker 2: six months, and yeah, I was just like I was
Speaker 2: just livid and I just didn't want anyone to know.
Speaker 2: And I also had my kid also telling me, like
Speaker 2: the coincidence of this all like how could this be
Speaker 2: the first time, I don't know, you know, we've been
Speaker 2: together for over two years at this point, I doubt it.
Speaker 2: And yeah, I just you know, it explained all the
Speaker 2: weird behavior and all of that around the time. But
Speaker 2: it also was kind of like made me a bit sick.
Speaker 2: How also normal he.
Speaker 3: Could act straight after it.
Speaker 2: He was Adam, and he was like, I want to
Speaker 2: be with you forever. I would never do this to
Speaker 2: you again. He was willing to do whatever it took
Speaker 2: to make up for it, and he was putting in
Speaker 2: the hard yards. He was like, as soon as the
Speaker 2: border is open, I'm going to be back in New Zealand.
Speaker 3: I'm going to move back.
Speaker 2: I'm going to work this out. And I just said,
Speaker 2: all I need is just time. I'm so hurt and
Speaker 2: confused right now. I just need some space. So luckily
Speaker 2: I was in lockdown. Can do a lot of reflecting,
Speaker 2: and I just sort of eventually came to the conclusion that,
Speaker 2: you know, I was still going to go. This was
Speaker 2: has been the plan for me to go, and if
Speaker 2: I'm doing it for myself, like I'm going over for myself,
Speaker 2: and if he does this to me again, then shame
Speaker 2: on me sort of thing. And you know, I was
Speaker 2: still only twenty one. I really wanted to believe and
Speaker 2: he was telling me everything, you know, pulling out all
Speaker 2: the stops. He was just like, he was like, you know,
Speaker 2: I'm willing to give you as much space as you want.
Speaker 2: Any day I would ask him, can you just tell
Speaker 2: me exactly what you were thinking at that time? And
Speaker 2: his excuse was, I wasn't thinking, but I would never
Speaker 2: do that. I'm willing to do the work and all that.
Speaker 2: So this all sort of happened over the next couple
Speaker 2: of months, and yeah, come December, things were looking a
Speaker 2: little bit more positive. I was able to get a
Speaker 2: flight to Sydney and he was going to leave wa
Speaker 2: and come and meet me there and then we would
Speaker 2: just live in the Goal Coast until the border's opened,
Speaker 2: so for a couple months and he could just work
Speaker 2: out of the Gold Coast office.
Speaker 3: So yeah, that's what we did. But I felt at
Speaker 3: that point, you know, very very confident and very trusting
Speaker 3: because he had instilled a lot of trust in me
Speaker 3: over that time. He was putting in more effort than
Speaker 3: ever and sending me flowers and all that sort of stuff.
Speaker 2: Also, him leaving WA and doing all that and risking
Speaker 2: all of that was a lot as well, So that
Speaker 2: sort of really made me think, you know, he's Darius,
Speaker 2: He's not this.
Speaker 3: Type of person. He's not going to do that to
Speaker 3: me again.
Speaker 1: It was a roller coaster, but she loved him and
Speaker 1: believed him. She was willing to give him another chance.
Speaker 2: We finally got to Perth and it was amazing. Moved
Speaker 2: into our new place with our friends, and yeah, it
Speaker 2: was just such a fun burst few months we had
Speaker 2: the best time. We were living by the beach and yeah,
Speaker 2: living with my now best friend and one of his
Speaker 2: friends also from New Zealand. Our relationship was stronger than ever,
Speaker 2: really really nice. We were just, yeah, just so happy.
Speaker 2: I think having spent all this time apart and not
Speaker 2: being able to see each other, we just really cherished
Speaker 2: all of that time that we had together because you know,
Speaker 2: we knew what it was like not to be able
Speaker 2: to see each other, and that was so hard at
Speaker 2: the time. So it just felt so nice and to
Speaker 2: be experiencing all these new things together and being able
Speaker 2: to catch the train into work together. And I got
Speaker 2: a job at a place literally across the road from him.
Speaker 2: We go in together and every weekend we go down
Speaker 2: south and go surfing, and yeah, it was just lovely.
Speaker 2: I didn't really think about the cheating much at that point.
Speaker 3: I was well over it.
Speaker 2: I was just so happy with where we were at
Speaker 2: at the time. And yeah, he never gave me any
Speaker 2: reason to believe that he was going to do that
Speaker 2: to me again, So yeah, I was really happy. Every
Speaker 2: Friday night we would meet with some of his work
Speaker 2: colleagues for a drink after work, and so I made
Speaker 2: a couple of friends there through him. I honestly didn't
Speaker 2: know like anyone moving a Perth and so that was
Speaker 2: really nice. And I meet a girl one of his colleagues, Sophie,
Speaker 2: who we got along really well, and she had long
Speaker 2: term partner as well, and she would always be there
Speaker 2: at afterwork drinks, so I still of just sit and
Speaker 2: chat with her and some of the other girls.
Speaker 3: And yeah, it was really nice to get to know them.
Speaker 1: But after a couple of months, things started to slip
Speaker 1: back into the routine of Tom staying out later and later.
Speaker 1: They'd go out together, but Molly would always call it
Speaker 1: first and Tom would stay out. But she knew she
Speaker 1: was the one in the relationship who'd always call it early,
Speaker 1: and he just wasn't. It was nothing to worry about.
Speaker 3: He was with all of his work friends. They were
Speaker 3: just at the bars.
Speaker 2: They were just leading off steam on a Friday night,
Speaker 2: and I loved all of them, like they're all our friends,
Speaker 2: and I would just get tired and go home. It
Speaker 2: got to about June and we had his work ball,
Speaker 2: which I was super excited about. Sophie and I I
Speaker 2: planned our outfits together and I was just really excited
Speaker 2: to get glammed up.
Speaker 3: Hadn't done that in so long because of COVID.
Speaker 2: Got my dress and we all had drinks beforehands, like
Speaker 2: Tom and I and Sophie and her partner and a
Speaker 2: couple of our other friends that they worked with. And yeah,
Speaker 2: we had such a good night obviously. Yeah, we all
Speaker 2: got really really drunk and just had a good night
Speaker 2: on the dance floor and then afterwards we went into
Speaker 2: the city and went to a club and yeah, we
Speaker 2: were just having a really great night and I ended
Speaker 2: up losing them at one point, and by the time
Speaker 2: I sort of found them again, my friend had said
Speaker 2: Tom was looking for you, but now he's gone. She
Speaker 2: was like, Tom has gone to walk Sophie home, because
Speaker 2: Sophie doesn't live so far from the city and her
Speaker 2: partner had gone home earlier because they had had a
Speaker 2: bit of an argument, and she had told me in
Speaker 2: the bathroom he was annoyed that he wanted to go
Speaker 2: home early and she didn't, so Tom couldn't find me,
Speaker 2: and some reason decided he'd walk get her home safely instead. Yeah,
Speaker 2: so I was like, oh, okay, and I was trying
Speaker 2: to get in contact with him to see does he
Speaker 2: want me to wait to get an uber home together,
Speaker 2: like I'm a.
Speaker 3: Bit confused, but I couldn't get in contact with him.
Speaker 2: His phone was clearly off, so I was like, oh, whatever,
Speaker 2: really didn't think too much into it, and we all
Speaker 2: went home, me and the other housemates, and we fell
Speaker 2: asleep and in the morning I woke up around nine
Speaker 2: o'clock and I tried to call and text him and
Speaker 2: his phone didn't pick up and he hadn't come home
Speaker 2: all night, So I think because I was so used
Speaker 2: to him being out late and you know all of that.
Speaker 2: When I got home, you know, i'd had a fearbit
Speaker 2: to drink, I just sort of was like, he'll be
Speaker 2: home soon enough. He's probably walked to home and they're
Speaker 2: going to get an uber and he'll be back soon.
Speaker 2: And so I sort of just fell asleep. And so
Speaker 2: when I woke up in the morning and he wasn't
Speaker 2: in bed, I was like, wait what?
Speaker 3: And I went outside and.
Speaker 2: Thought maybe he's on the couch and he wasn't there,
Speaker 2: and I tried to call him and he wasn't picking up.
Speaker 2: For all we know, he could be dead in a gutter,
Speaker 2: like we don't actually know if he got her home or.
Speaker 3: Any of this.
Speaker 2: And yeah, I was just like an anxious miss like
Speaker 2: where is he?
Speaker 3: Like what's going on? I don't know?
Speaker 2: And so I was then calling her and messaging her
Speaker 2: to be like, have you seen Tom? Did he leave
Speaker 2: yours last night? Or did he crash you know, did
Speaker 2: you crash over? She also I couldn't get hold of her.
Speaker 2: I definitely had a bit of a gut feeling for sure,
Speaker 2: because she lived with her parents, not with her long
Speaker 2: term boyfriend. They had been together for six years or
Speaker 2: something like that, a long time, and they were also
Speaker 2: Tom's age, so I just was like, no, she lives
Speaker 2: at her parents. She honestly, if I couldn't trust him,
Speaker 2: I thought I could trust her. I was like, me
Speaker 2: and her, you know, we're good friends.
Speaker 3: Now.
Speaker 2: I know she wouldn't do that to her partner, she
Speaker 2: wouldn't do that to me. But I did always have
Speaker 2: a little bit of a feeling that maybe she had
Speaker 2: a bit of a crush on Tom, which, to be honest,
Speaker 2: he's good looking, he's charismatic. She's probably not the first
Speaker 2: one to have a little crush. I don't mind that
Speaker 2: so much. But it was more that I just really
Speaker 2: trusted her. So for me, I was like, you know,
Speaker 2: maybe his phone was did it was a convenie vedience thing.
Speaker 2: But I was anxious. I was an anxious miss I
Speaker 2: was thinking, like, has he fallen over and he's been
Speaker 2: too drunken, He's in a gutter somewhere, like I was thinking,
Speaker 2: has he tried to get to the train station and
Speaker 2: fallen asleep at the train station.
Speaker 3: Has he ouber to the wrong house, like all those
Speaker 3: things were going through my kids, just all the scenarios
Speaker 3: and worst case scenarios.
Speaker 2: At about eleven am, I finally heard from him. Wasn't
Speaker 2: even a cool back. He texted me back saying, sorry,
Speaker 2: crashed at Sophie's phone died, She's going to drop me
Speaker 2: home now.
Speaker 3: And obviously I was relieved to hear from him finally.
Speaker 2: But I was also a bit Okay, why is it
Speaker 2: eleven o'clock? You know, if you're sleeping over at her place,
Speaker 2: at her parents house, you know, I would expect him
Speaker 2: to be on the couch or something and probably wouldn't
Speaker 2: be sleeping into eleven am on your friend's parents couch.
Speaker 3: So I was just a bit bit weirded out. So
Speaker 3: ended up being another.
Speaker 2: Couple of hours till he finally got home in his suit,
Speaker 2: still from the ball. And when he finally got home,
Speaker 2: and I've been calling him, like you said you were
Speaker 2: getting dropped home an hour ago, like where are you now,
Speaker 2: and he just wouldn't answer again. And when he finally
Speaker 2: came through the door and he was like, oh, sorry,
Speaker 2: we just went out for lunch. That was what really
Speaker 2: just took me back because I was like, wait what
Speaker 2: He was like, yeah, we were hungry, so we stopped
Speaker 2: for lunch on the way back. But I remember thinking,
Speaker 2: not that anything had happened, but thinking worrying to myself,
Speaker 2: does he want to spend time with her more than
Speaker 2: he wants to spend time with me? Like should I
Speaker 2: be worrying that he's not excited to come home to
Speaker 2: his partner of four years when he can just hang
Speaker 2: out with her and go out for lunch with her
Speaker 2: while I'm at home in albeit And so that was hurtfull.
Speaker 2: He wasn't apologetic at all. No, he was just blase.
Speaker 2: He was like like, oh, I need to have a
Speaker 2: shower and hungover. And I was more just like, you
Speaker 2: need to tell me when things like that are happening,
Speaker 2: Like I can't.
Speaker 3: I was so worried.
Speaker 2: I was like, if that was me and you couldn't
Speaker 2: get in hold in touch with me for you know,
Speaker 2: twelve hours, you'd be calling the police, like you'd be
Speaker 2: so worried.
Speaker 3: You can't just go.
Speaker 2: That long without telling me, you know, especially you know
Speaker 2: when we lived together and you are my one support
Speaker 2: person here and without you, I don't have any family.
Speaker 3: I don't have. I have the people that I lived with,
Speaker 3: but I hadn't even had the chance to form those
Speaker 3: really strong friendships yet.
Speaker 1: For all of these reasons, Molly didn't harp on her
Speaker 1: any longer. She let Tom know how it made her
Speaker 1: feel that day, and they moved on. It was one
Speaker 1: drunken night of people in their early twenties making poor decisions.
Speaker 2: I really don't think I thought too much of it
Speaker 2: after that. I just sort of push it under the bug,
Speaker 2: I guess, and sort of continued on. And then there
Speaker 2: was one time where we went out for after work
Speaker 2: drinks and I met them. We were supposed to go
Speaker 2: away that week, Hint and me and his brother. His
Speaker 2: brother had just moved over from New Zealand and was
Speaker 2: living with us, and we were supposed to go away.
Speaker 3: So me and his brother had like packed up the car,
Speaker 3: put all the surfboards.
Speaker 2: In everything, and then we said to him, we'll pick
Speaker 2: you up on our way through and we'll drive straight down.
Speaker 2: And so we get there and he was like, park,
Speaker 2: you know, just park up and we'll have one drink
Speaker 2: and then you know, comes so hard to the work friends,
Speaker 2: and then we'll go from there. And so I was
Speaker 2: literally in my puffa jacket, like in my full camping. Yeah,
Speaker 2: and we show up and you know, of course he
Speaker 2: looks already half smashed. So I was like, great, okay,
Speaker 2: and you know, I went and sat next to Sophie
Speaker 2: and we were chatting and sort of got like an
Speaker 2: hour we'd passing, got a you know, seven eight pm,
Speaker 2: and I was like to the boys, okay, like, you
Speaker 2: guys have both had too much a drink, so I'm
Speaker 2: going to need to drive now, but like we should go.
Speaker 2: He's like, no, we should just have a night out
Speaker 2: instead it and we will drive down really early tomorrow.
Speaker 2: He even said we can sleep in the car in
Speaker 2: the car park and then just drive down. He said
Speaker 2: we could just send it tonight. And I was like,
Speaker 2: oh my god. And at that point I was at
Speaker 2: my WIT's end, and Sophie noticed and she took me
Speaker 2: to the bathroom. She looked at me and she was like,
Speaker 2: I don't know how you do it. I was crying,
Speaker 2: and I was just like, there's no point in me
Speaker 2: even trying it. It's just like my whole weekends already
Speaker 2: just ruins, because you know, we're supposed to drive down
Speaker 2: and have this weaken away camping and now it's all
Speaker 2: gone out the window. So yeah, I stayed with them
Speaker 2: for a little bit, and then I was like, I'm
Speaker 2: just going to go home. And Tom was just being
Speaker 2: like super rude this whole night, you know, just like
Speaker 2: you know, lighting up.
Speaker 3: Who cares.
Speaker 2: We'll go down tomorrow morning, it will be fine. And
Speaker 2: I was just like, all right, well, I'm going to
Speaker 2: go back home. We did end up going away early
Speaker 2: next morning, and me and him had a really big
Speaker 2: chat while we were down and down south, and I
Speaker 2: said to him like, I'm just over this whole situation.
Speaker 2: I just can't be doing stuff like that. But I
Speaker 2: have nowhere to go. Even if I wanted to break
Speaker 2: up with him, I didn't have any family I could
Speaker 2: just go stay with His brother was now living with us.
Speaker 2: You know, I didn't really have friends that had speared
Speaker 2: rooms in their house. It was just really hard to
Speaker 2: And then I was also had that pressure of I
Speaker 2: don't want to go back to New Zealand and be like, hey, guys,
Speaker 2: like I'm back six months later, and so I was
Speaker 2: just sort of like getting on with it, and maybe
Speaker 2: even only a few weeks later. There's another incident where
Speaker 2: we meet up on a Thursday night for drinks, it was,
Speaker 2: but at this time it was just me, Tom, his brother,
Speaker 2: and our other friend and they were just having a
Speaker 2: drink after work and I we'd to meet them and
Speaker 2: you know, super chill. It got to about like nineteen
Speaker 2: o'clock and I was like, all right, I'm going to go,
Speaker 2: and he's like, yep, love you. I'm going to the
Speaker 2: next train home. You know, I'll finish my beer and
Speaker 2: me and the boys be home soon. Then at about midnight,
Speaker 2: I woke up, so I remember going to sleep thinking,
Speaker 2: but I hope he's home soon, because it's definitely been
Speaker 2: longer than like an hour at this point. But it's
Speaker 2: a Thursday night, so I really wasn't expecting him to
Speaker 2: be home that late. And then I woke up at
Speaker 2: about midnight to the sound of the boys coming home
Speaker 2: and they'd gone around.
Speaker 3: The side of the house. So I was sort of
Speaker 3: like woke up and I was waiting.
Speaker 2: For Tom to come through the door, and when he didn't,
Speaker 2: I got up and I went outside into the living
Speaker 2: room and all who was sitting there was his brother
Speaker 2: and our other friend, and they sort of looked at me,
Speaker 2: and I looked at them, and I was like, oh,
Speaker 2: where's Tom And.
Speaker 3: They were like, oh, he left not long after you.
Speaker 3: Is he not home.
Speaker 2: I tried to call Tom, his phone.
Speaker 3: Wasn't going through, was completely off. So I was freaking out,
Speaker 3: like more so than the other night. I was absolutely
Speaker 3: freaking out.
Speaker 2: And I said to them, I was like, I'm gonna
Speaker 2: like his car's at the train station, like maybe he's
Speaker 2: fallen asleep at his car or had too much to
Speaker 2: drink and then decided to take a nap before you know,
Speaker 2: he could drive, or maybe he's crashed, like I don't know.
Speaker 3: And I was freaking out.
Speaker 2: And so they were like, well, we can drive you
Speaker 2: and I was like, no, I'll drive. And so eventually
Speaker 2: I'd got in the car and started driving to the
Speaker 2: train station. At this point, it's you know, almost one
Speaker 2: in the morning, and he finally, guess his phone turned
Speaker 2: on and he called me and he was like, I'm sorry,
Speaker 2: I bumped into Pat from work. We're having a couple
Speaker 2: of beers.
Speaker 3: I'm in the city. I'll uber home now.
Speaker 2: I went back home and got into bed again, and
Speaker 2: I couldn't sleep because I was just waiting for him
Speaker 2: to come home and he just didn't come home again
Speaker 2: for an hour, and every time I went to go
Speaker 2: call him to chick rears, it's like his phone was
Speaker 2: turned off again.
Speaker 3: And then eventually again it turned on and he called
Speaker 3: me and he was like, sorry, sorry, I'm in the
Speaker 3: uber now I'm coming through and he said this area
Speaker 3: and I immediately clicked and I was like, well, you
Speaker 3: wouldn't go through that area if you were coming from
Speaker 3: the city though, and then he was like, oh, I
Speaker 3: don't know.
Speaker 2: They must have just gone that way and I was
Speaker 2: like okay, And in my head, I was like, he's
Speaker 2: not coming from the city.
Speaker 3: He's coming from somewhere else. He's coming from like a
Speaker 3: girl's place. This isn't on.
Speaker 2: So when he got home, he walks in and he
Speaker 2: can't even look at me and hit it straight for
Speaker 2: the shower and we had an on sweet and I
Speaker 2: was like, give me your phone and I was like,
Speaker 2: I want to see your uber. He was like, no,
Speaker 2: I'm not giving you my phone. And I was like,
Speaker 2: if you're not lying about where you came from, then
Speaker 2: you can show me your uber. And I was like,
Speaker 2: where did you uber from? And he was like, I
Speaker 2: ubered from the city. I told you, And I was like, no,
Speaker 2: I don't believe you.
Speaker 3: I'm sorry.
Speaker 2: Can you just show me if you're really telling the truth?
Speaker 2: Can show me your uber ride? And I was like,
Speaker 2: this is is an ending up and he was like fine.
Speaker 2: He gave me his phone and I looked at it
Speaker 2: and it was from a random suburb, not the city,
Speaker 2: and he was like, we ended up going back to
Speaker 2: Pat's house.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I just didn't mention it.
Speaker 2: And I was like, Pat is in his mid forties,
Speaker 2: he's married with three kids. You're not going back to
Speaker 2: his for kick ons on a Thursday. That just is
Speaker 2: not happening. And he just like looked at me in
Speaker 2: the eyes and he was like, I'm not lying to you.
Speaker 2: And it's funny because he's done this before. And I
Speaker 2: just remember thinking you were so lying, like it's so obvious,
Speaker 2: like just such a terrible liar. And he just couldn't
Speaker 2: even believe his own lies. I don't think at that
Speaker 2: point he was like I'm not lying to you. And
Speaker 2: I was like, yes, you are, Like you are lying
Speaker 2: to me and there's just no doubt in my mind
Speaker 2: and he was like I'm not. And then yeah, I
Speaker 2: went to sleep and I made a decision in that moment,
Speaker 2: I was like, I don't care what I have to do.
Speaker 3: I'm getting out of this situation.
Speaker 1: But it wasn't that easy. Well, Molly knew she wanted
Speaker 1: to get out. She literally didn't have anywhere else to go,
Speaker 1: and to get further in the way of her finding
Speaker 1: somewhere else and upending her whole life, she was booked
Speaker 1: in for a hip reconstruction back in New Zealand. Life
Speaker 1: and timing right to absolute bitches.
Speaker 2: When I came back, I was on crutches, couldn't move,
Speaker 2: couldn't go to the bathroom or the shower by myself.
Speaker 3: So I was in a very very vulnerable position.
Speaker 2: I was had to be on crutches for I think
Speaker 2: three months, three to six months, and about a week
Speaker 2: after I got home, literally not even a week, I
Speaker 2: don't think. I think he picked me up from the
Speaker 2: airport on the Sunday. The following Saturday, it was Sophie's birthday,
Speaker 2: and so she had invited us to go to out
Speaker 2: to a bar for her birthday, you know, with her family,
Speaker 2: her partner and few of her friends.
Speaker 3: Both.
Speaker 2: You know, you got ready and we went, and you know,
Speaker 2: it was a really nice night. Tom was actually being
Speaker 2: really caring, and you know, he's making sure I've got
Speaker 2: everything I needed. And she kept being like, oh, let
Speaker 2: my dad get you a drink. Don't pay for your drinks,
Speaker 2: and da da da, and I remember her saying like,
Speaker 2: I'm so so mad that you came.
Speaker 3: I'm so glad that you're here.
Speaker 2: And yeah, I obviously because I was on crutches, I
Speaker 2: couldn't go out or anything, and they all wanted to
Speaker 2: go out into town and into the city, and so
Speaker 2: I was like, oh, I'm just going to go home.
Speaker 2: And Tom walked me to the uber, you know, said
Speaker 2: you know, I'm not gonna have a late one, love you,
Speaker 2: you know, it was all good, and just put me
Speaker 2: in the Uber and I went home. Of course, that
Speaker 2: same night I did not hear from him, went home,
Speaker 2: went to bed, and woke up around like three or
Speaker 2: four am. Nothing, couldn't get hold of him. Phone was
Speaker 2: off again, and I just was like, you are kidding.
Speaker 3: I've just had surgery. I can't do anything on my
Speaker 3: own litt alone.
Speaker 2: I've already got enough on my plate and he can't
Speaker 2: even come home to me, Like this is a millionth
Speaker 2: time that this has happened, and I'm just so I can't.
Speaker 3: Do it anymore.
Speaker 2: So he finally comes home at seven am that morning,
Speaker 2: and he can't tell me where he is. And I
Speaker 2: have actually messaged Sophia quite a few times at this point,
Speaker 2: you know, okay, have you seen him?
Speaker 3: Yeah? And nothing.
Speaker 2: She messaged me back the next morning saying, sorry, we
Speaker 2: came home at this time, not sure where he is.
Speaker 2: When he came home, I just got up and I
Speaker 2: didn't talk to him for the whole day. We went
Speaker 2: to our brien's birthday and he was trying to help
Speaker 2: me with my crutches and everything, and I was like,
Speaker 2: don't help me, and then he didn't talk to me
Speaker 2: for the rest of the day. He went to bed
Speaker 2: really early that night because he.
Speaker 3: Was hungover and tired.
Speaker 2: And the next day it was a Monday, and he
Speaker 2: got up super early and went to work and.
Speaker 3: Didn't say goodbye or anything. I think he knew what
Speaker 3: I was thinking and what was coming.
Speaker 2: His brother had just moved into a place down the road,
Speaker 2: and I knew they had a sphere room, so it
Speaker 2: was kind of like my perfect opportunity to be like,
Speaker 2: you're out, you've got a place to go. I said, okay,
Speaker 2: when you get home tonight. We should have a talk.
Speaker 2: And then he says, I'm not actually going to come home.
Speaker 2: I'm going to stay at his brother's place. And I
Speaker 2: was like, I really think we need to have a talk,
Speaker 2: like I really appreciate if you came home, and he
Speaker 2: was like no, like I'm not I'm not coming home.
Speaker 2: And so I called him after he finished work. He
Speaker 2: was on his way to his brothers and I just said,
Speaker 2: you know the conversation that we're going to have, like
Speaker 2: I just need you to come home because.
Speaker 3: I cannot do this over the phone again. You cannot.
Speaker 2: This is just cruel at this point, Like you know
Speaker 2: how unhappy I I've been like a shell of myself
Speaker 2: the last few weeks months. I can't go one more second.
Speaker 2: Like that was my final straw. He just kept saying
Speaker 2: that we're not breaking up, we're not breaking up, and
Speaker 2: I was like, you've left me no choice and I
Speaker 2: was like, give me one black reason to stay with
Speaker 2: you and that he just said nothing, And I was like,
Speaker 2: if you can't come home, then you know that's on you.
Speaker 3: But I don't. I'm done. I'm so done.
Speaker 2: Now he went silent and I hung up. I was
Speaker 2: so broken, so sad. This person I loved so much
Speaker 2: and was supposed to starting our life together over here
Speaker 2: was supposed to be you know, the beginning of something
Speaker 2: like a new chapter, and it's just all gone to
Speaker 2: shit really quickly. Yeah, And I was, yeah, a shell
Speaker 2: of myself. And the next night I had some my
Speaker 2: friends over and he came over to click some stuff
Speaker 2: and I hadn't seen him in person yet, and I
Speaker 2: went into our bedroom and he was standing in our
Speaker 2: wardrobe and he was like, oh, I'm just grabbing some
Speaker 2: things to stay my brother's for a couple more nights.
Speaker 3: And I was like a couple more nights, Like what
Speaker 3: do you mean?
Speaker 2: And he was like, well, I'm just going to stay
Speaker 2: there for a couple more nights. And I was like
Speaker 2: I don't think you understand. I've broken up with you,
Speaker 2: Like this is it? And then he like sat on
Speaker 2: the beard and he was like, is this what you
Speaker 2: really want? And I was like yes, like this is
Speaker 2: obviously the situation. None of this is what I want,
Speaker 2: but like I can't do it anymore. And then he
Speaker 2: was like okay.
Speaker 3: And you know, all of our stuff at that point,
Speaker 3: everything's tied up. We've got a car together.
Speaker 2: We've got beard, like all of our furniture everything, and
Speaker 2: you know, his car. He loved his car, and I
Speaker 2: was like, you have the car. He was like, you
Speaker 2: have the bed, all the camping stuff, all the other
Speaker 2: stuff sought out. We'll just divvy it up. And yeah,
Speaker 2: that was the start of what felt like.
Speaker 3: Divorce.
Speaker 2: The first few weeks were fine, and then all of
Speaker 2: a sudden, he messages me out of the blue, have
Speaker 2: you got a new beard yet?
Speaker 3: That's my beard and I need it. And I just.
Speaker 2: Kept playing super nice, and because I knew he wanted
Speaker 2: to reaction, I just kept saying, sure, yep, I'll buy
Speaker 2: a new beard, no worries, not that you've already taken
Speaker 2: the car and the bed, and not to mention you know,
Speaker 2: I moved here for your job and you've literally left
Speaker 2: me with like nothing.
Speaker 3: Two months are probably one of the hardest times of
Speaker 3: my life.
Speaker 2: Like I was a absolute shell, like not being able
Speaker 2: to walk, still being in pain, but then just being
Speaker 2: so heartbroken, like I didn't know should I go home,
Speaker 2: Like all of me was saying go home, go home,
Speaker 2: but then the other part of me was saying, like
Speaker 2: I really love my job, you know, I made all
Speaker 2: these friends here. I also just was so worried about
Speaker 2: giving up, and like what that looks like? I felt
Speaker 2: like such a failure, Like I've moved countries and everything's
Speaker 2: gone to shit and I've blacked the relationship has failed.
Speaker 2: And yeah, it was just awful, like really really awful time.
Speaker 2: I had no proof that he had cheated on me again,
Speaker 2: but I knew in my cart that he had, but
Speaker 2: I just had nothing, like I couldn't say you cheated
Speaker 2: on me, or I couldn't go forward going I don't
Speaker 2: love this person anymore because they did this to me.
Speaker 3: You know. It was just so hard.
Speaker 1: So here she was, after everything, all the trust she'd
Speaker 1: given him and all the chances, it still ended up
Speaker 1: this way. So as best she could, she tried to
Speaker 1: heal the hurt and move on with her life. What
Speaker 1: she needed was a good old fashioned girls trip with
Speaker 1: no boys and no drama.
Speaker 2: I went down South get away. It was like a
Speaker 2: long weekend. It was just a girl's trip. We were
Speaker 2: going surfing. And that week he had messaged me. I'd
Speaker 2: actually told him in Simma, can you stop?
Speaker 3: It's time? I can't need it.
Speaker 2: A really needs space, And I said let's just cut
Speaker 2: Combs New Year's rolls around and he had texted me
Speaker 2: Happy New Year, Molly, do you still have our gray
Speaker 2: camping mattress? I was already annoyed that he even messaged
Speaker 2: me to begin with, because he had messaged one of
Speaker 2: my friends that who we used to live together with
Speaker 2: and said, do you know if Molly still has this
Speaker 2: gray mattress? And my friend was like, well, yeah, it's
Speaker 2: at our place, but I can drop it round.
Speaker 3: You don't need to message her for it. But of
Speaker 3: course he messages.
Speaker 2: Me and I said, yeah, I'll leave it outside and
Speaker 2: he was like cool, sweet, thanks.
Speaker 3: So I knew that he was going away that weekend
Speaker 3: as well.
Speaker 2: So fast forward to the weekend away and we get
Speaker 2: up really early on the Saturday morning to go check
Speaker 2: the surf and I was literally just looking out to
Speaker 2: the surf and I see his car in the corner
Speaker 2: of my eye and I was like, to the girls,
Speaker 2: oh God, it's Tom. And it was just so busy
Speaker 2: because we were in a random car park, random surf break.
Speaker 2: There's so many other places he could have been. And
Speaker 2: then I see the side passenger door open and I
Speaker 2: see Sophie get out and my stomach just dropped, and
Speaker 2: I was so confused, and I was like, to the
Speaker 2: girl's wait, why is Sophie here?
Speaker 3: I'm so confused. This is a work trip.
Speaker 2: And I was really confused because it had only been
Speaker 2: a week or so before that that Sophie had been
Speaker 2: in Japan with her partner. So they had been away
Speaker 2: over like the New Year's period or whatever Christmas, and
Speaker 2: so that was the last thing I saw sort of
Speaker 2: on social media of her, and I had missage how
Speaker 2: to be like, you know, let me know when you're back,
Speaker 2: you can meet up black ketch up, and you know,
Speaker 2: she had said to me, you.
Speaker 3: Know, she's sorry to hear about Tom and I. So
Speaker 3: I was really confused because I was like, she was
Speaker 3: just away with her partner, What on earth is going on.
Speaker 2: I like sort of walked over to them and I
Speaker 2: was like hey, and she sort of came up and
Speaker 2: gave me a hug, and I was like, what's going on?
Speaker 2: What are you guys doing down here? And then Tom
Speaker 2: was like, oh, you just came down for the night,
Speaker 2: just camping, you know. I like saw like my gray
Speaker 2: mattress in the back of the car. I was like,
Speaker 2: are you guys here together, and he just looked at
Speaker 2: me and I was like, are you guys together now?
Speaker 2: And he was just like, yeah, we are. And I
Speaker 2: was just in shock. I didn't even say anything. I
Speaker 2: just looked at him and then walked away and went
Speaker 2: to the girls, and I was like, we've got to go,
Speaker 2: and I went all faint and limp, and I was
Speaker 2: just yeah, I was beside myself. I was so so
Speaker 2: upset and just so confused. My friend drove me back
Speaker 2: to her and I put flight home for a few days,
Speaker 2: back to New Zealand. I'm done, like I'm not. I
Speaker 2: can't do this, Like I'm not strong enough to handle
Speaker 2: this on my own. I need to go home and
Speaker 2: be with my friends and my family, and I don't
Speaker 2: know if I'll ever come back. It all makes sense now,
Speaker 2: like it all just completely makes sense. The uber situation
Speaker 2: makes so much more sense because it was from her area.
Speaker 2: Like of course, it all made sense. Why he never
Speaker 2: told me about the first one. I think he just
Speaker 2: never even really felt proper guilt about it. I think
Speaker 2: he can just do that and sort of keep moving on.
Speaker 3: I messaged him. It was a long message.
Speaker 2: It was basically I knew something was up. I knew
Speaker 2: you were cheating on me, and you deny and I denied,
Speaker 2: and I never thought it'd be her. You stayed over
Speaker 2: at her house when we were together. She was always there,
Speaker 2: and I thought I had a friendship with this girl,
Speaker 2: and I trusted you around her, and I trusted her
Speaker 2: around you, and I just trusted both of you, and
Speaker 2: this whole time, like it all makes sense that things
Speaker 2: were going on, And of course I wanted to know,
Speaker 2: like how long this had been going on for and when.
Speaker 3: Did it start? But I also was just like, it
Speaker 3: doesn't even matter at this point.
Speaker 2: I didn't want to have any conversation with him.
Speaker 3: I didn't need any closure from.
Speaker 2: The situation because I just knew that whatever he told
Speaker 2: me was just going to make him feel less guilty,
Speaker 2: and it's also going to make he's going to spin
Speaker 2: it however he wants to spin it and make it
Speaker 2: sound better than what it was.
Speaker 3: And how do I know that.
Speaker 2: Anything he's saying is even the truth anyway, Like, let's
Speaker 2: be real, he's not going to admit anything now.
Speaker 3: I went home and back in New Zealand.
Speaker 2: I went home for about like eight weeks or something,
Speaker 2: and I was, yeah, lack a shallow myself. I was
Speaker 2: not myself and just very lost and just so her.
Speaker 3: I've only ever been.
Speaker 2: So supportive and loyal, and I've never ever done anything
Speaker 2: like that. So I just couldn't comprehend somebody doing that
Speaker 2: to me and then in the same breath, you know,
Speaker 2: coming home and saying you know how much they love
Speaker 2: me and talking about the future and all that stuff,
Speaker 2: and you know, I'd moved countries for this person, and
Speaker 2: they just completely betrayed me. I was thinking about all
Speaker 2: those times that we spent together on a Friday night
Speaker 2: after work, every time we hung out outside of that
Speaker 2: and you know, sat there and talked about our relationships.
Speaker 2: She saw Tom and I together, and she knew how
Speaker 2: much I cared for him, And to think that all
Speaker 2: those times that we were together and chatting, and to
Speaker 2: know that there was something deeper going on there and
Speaker 2: that they had something going on and I just wasn't
Speaker 2: privy to it. It's actually wild to me that two
Speaker 2: people could be so nice to you and especially for her,
Speaker 2: and then also go home with my boyfriend. My whole
Speaker 2: thought process was, why wouldn't he want to break up?
Speaker 2: I was the one, you know that was really I
Speaker 2: wanted to walk away. I was willing. He had such
Speaker 2: an easy out if they you know, if he loved
Speaker 2: this girl and wanted to be with her, he had
Speaker 2: the easiest out, because you know, I tried multiple occasions
Speaker 2: to break up with him, but he was adamant that
Speaker 2: he didn't want to break up. So that's what was
Speaker 2: confusing me, is why weren't you willing to leave your
Speaker 2: current partners for each other? And like, why weren't you
Speaker 2: you know, like were they having these conversations.
Speaker 3: I don't know.
Speaker 2: I wouldn't be surprised if he'd told her, was telling
Speaker 2: her now that he was the one that broke up
Speaker 2: with me for her. I did reach out to Sophie afterwards.
Speaker 2: I just sent her a message. I honestly wasn't even
Speaker 2: going to bother calling or anything. I just said to her, like,
Speaker 2: you know, I honestly just am so shocked and her
Speaker 2: I thought we were friends and spoke to you about
Speaker 2: being cheated on. What had it happened in New Zealand?
Speaker 2: And to think all those times I'd been so welcoming
Speaker 2: with you and trusted my boyfriend to stay at your parents' house.
Speaker 2: I just was like I just can't believe it, and
Speaker 2: just how could you do.
Speaker 3: That to me? Basically?
Speaker 2: And then I blocked her after that because I was like,
Speaker 2: there's nothing like she could say to me either.
Speaker 1: After spending a couple of months back at home with
Speaker 1: her family trying to grapple with all of these questions,
Speaker 1: Molly realized she didn't want to let this man defind
Speaker 1: her life and her choices anymore. She loved Australia and
Speaker 1: was making a life for herself there. She wanted to
Speaker 1: prove to herself that not everything she did need it
Speaker 1: to be about him.
Speaker 2: I had to sort of continue to see them, like
Speaker 2: he lives not far from me, and I would purposefully go,
Speaker 2: you know, to the train station really early, or go
Speaker 2: to the supermarket at different times that I knew that
Speaker 2: he wouldn't be there. I remember one time I was
Speaker 2: at yoga and us you know, my one time of
Speaker 2: the day where I was just really being able to
Speaker 2: just you know, relax and try and not think about.
Speaker 3: This because it was just consuming me all the time.
Speaker 2: And I was coming out of the yoga studio and
Speaker 2: then of course I'm like waiting for the traffic to
Speaker 2: go to pull out, and they walk right in front
Speaker 2: of my car. They're on their way down to the beach.
Speaker 2: And that was like the first time that I saw
Speaker 2: them since I'd got back from New Zealand, and I
Speaker 2: had already not been sleeping or eating or you know.
Speaker 3: I was just so.
Speaker 2: So sad, Like I'm as sad to think how it
Speaker 2: was just the most horrible time. This was two years ago,
Speaker 2: so beginning of twenty twenty three, all of this happened. Yeah,
Speaker 2: they're still together to this day. You think time will
Speaker 2: make things easier, and I guess it does, But whenever
Speaker 2: I see them still, like it's like my whole body
Speaker 2: just completely gives way and I just feel sick and
Speaker 2: I can't eat for the rest of the day. Like
Speaker 2: I just feel I just still feel that hurt, and
Speaker 2: I don't feel like I can trust probably the same way.
Speaker 2: And I did say that to him in my last
Speaker 2: text they sent to him, was your actions have bigger implications,
Speaker 2: Like it's not just about the hurt. I now will
Speaker 2: never be able to perceive relationships the same way. I'll
Speaker 2: never be able to trust the same way. Like I
Speaker 2: was such a trustworthy person, never seeking guest anyone because
Speaker 2: I just couldn't imagine ever doing that to somebody. So
Speaker 2: now to like know that someone can be so loving
Speaker 2: and such a good partner and all these things, and
Speaker 2: then also in the same breath they can be doing
Speaker 2: these other things whenever I do bump into them. Not
Speaker 2: that we would ever say hello or anything like that,
Speaker 2: but it literally happened last weekend down at the same place.
Speaker 2: And yeah, the audacity of it though. For example, this
Speaker 2: is two years on and I'm down at the same
Speaker 2: place that I saw them the first time, and everything
Speaker 2: unfolded and I was literally getting ready for a surf
Speaker 2: and getting my board off the roof and I was
Speaker 2: like on top of the roof and I look down
Speaker 2: and I see Sophie and I my heart just dropped.
Speaker 3: I was just like, oh my god, no, I'm be
Speaker 3: doing this right now.
Speaker 2: And then of course she looks up and sees me,
Speaker 2: and then I see him walk over and put his
Speaker 2: arm around her there you know, all the fictionate and
Speaker 2: She's rubbing his.
Speaker 3: Back and I was just like, oh God.
Speaker 2: And then we all left and went to another beach
Speaker 2: because I was I can't be here like around them,
Speaker 2: and I went to another beach to escape them. And
Speaker 2: when we got to the other beach was sort of
Speaker 2: around the bay, and I was just I'd suited up
Speaker 2: and I was ready to go out for a surf,
Speaker 2: like finally after a couple breakdowns later, and I was
Speaker 2: waiting for my sunblock to dry, and I look over
Speaker 2: and they've just appeared on the beach next to us,
Speaker 2: and they've obviously paddled around and they've come and they're
Speaker 2: sitting down, and I was just like, you've got to
Speaker 2: be kidding me, like and I.
Speaker 3: Was just like, oh my god.
Speaker 2: And then they had to walk past, and it was
Speaker 2: just like, yeah, I don't think it'll ever get easier
Speaker 2: to see them.
Speaker 1: But in hindsight, even though she wished so many times
Speaker 1: it didn't happen, the one thing Molly thinks did actually
Speaker 1: make it easier was the fact that Tom had cheated
Speaker 1: and lied about it before.
Speaker 2: It would have been a lot harder for me because
Speaker 2: I would have really felt a lot more pain, like
Speaker 2: a lot more hurt and a lot more feelings were involved.
Speaker 2: But I think because of the whole cheating that had
Speaker 2: happened the first time, I just knew I probably wouldn't
Speaker 2: have left the relationship when I did, like I would
Speaker 2: have just stuck it out because I probably wouldn't have
Speaker 2: clocked on as you know, as I did, but because
Speaker 2: it had happened a time before, I just knew this
Speaker 2: is all of my fears confirmed. That these people just
Speaker 2: don't change and they'll continue to do that. I would
Speaker 2: say that it took me at least like a year
Speaker 2: to feel okay again mentally. And I think the first year,
Speaker 2: you know, I went traveling and all these things, but
Speaker 2: I still thought about it a lot, like it was
Speaker 2: still a still upset me a lot. I was so
Speaker 2: close to moving home, but at that point I'd sort
Speaker 2: of made these friendships.
Speaker 3: And I guess being single does that.
Speaker 2: I feel like this last year, I think I've been
Speaker 2: like the happiest I've ever felt, just on my own.
Speaker 2: Just honestly, at the time, you feel like you just
Speaker 2: cannot leave a situation because you feel like there is
Speaker 2: just nothing else out there for you and you're going
Speaker 2: to be so lost without them. But if I can
Speaker 2: do it in another country away from my family and
Speaker 2: not many friends here and nowhere to go and no
Speaker 2: bed to sleep on, people can do it, And like
Speaker 2: it's so hard, but it's so worth it to get
Speaker 2: to this.
Speaker 3: Point where you're just on your own. I feel like
Speaker 3: I'm at a point where I'm so happy on my
Speaker 3: own that I don't need anyone.
Speaker 2: But if you know, someone comes along and it feels
Speaker 2: like the right person, then one hundred percent.
Speaker 3: But for now, I'm just I've got.
Speaker 2: Some travel plans and I'm really excited to just go
Speaker 2: and see more of the world on my own, do
Speaker 2: some solo traveling, and I'm just super excited for all
Speaker 2: of that.
Speaker 3: And who knows who held me along the way, But yeah,
Speaker 3: for now, I'm very very happy filling up my own cup.
Speaker 2: I know that it might have changed the way that
Speaker 2: I trust now, but I think that that's just because
Speaker 2: I haven't met the right person yet.
Speaker 1: Everyone Has an Ex is a Minti Media production and
Speaker 1: proudly part of the Mum and mea network. It's written
Speaker 1: and narrated by me Georgia Love and produced by Linda Scott.
Speaker 1: If you like We've heard, support the podcast by hitting subscribe,
Speaker 1: writing a review, and leaving us five stars. You can
Speaker 1: also follow us on Instagram and Everyone has an X
Speaker 1: And if you have a story you'd like to share,
Speaker 1: you can contact us that Everyone has an Ex at
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