Speaker 1: You're listening to a MoMA Mia podcast.
Speaker 2: Mamma Mia acknowledges the traditional owners of land and waters
Speaker 2: that this podcast is recorded on. We pay our respects
Speaker 2: to elders past, present and emerging, and feel privileged to
Speaker 2: continue the sharing of birth stories and knowledge that has
Speaker 2: been a fundamental part of Indigenous culture.
Speaker 3: Hi.
Speaker 2: I'm Conscena Lukit and this is diary of a birth.
Speaker 2: Today's birth brings us to the beautiful Sunshine Coast, where
Speaker 2: our mum had always dreamed of how her birth would
Speaker 2: play out.
Speaker 3: Imagining my birth, I like to be quite a natural,
Speaker 3: holistic person, so I started to get quite excited for labor.
Speaker 2: But working as a nurse herself, she was ready for anything.
Speaker 3: Seeing someone that works in healthcare, you know, I really
Speaker 3: wanted the natural side, but I also have seen things
Speaker 3: go haywire, and I wanted the option to have Western
Speaker 3: medicine behind me as well.
Speaker 2: Then, earlier than expected, things took a turn in ways
Speaker 2: she never imagined.
Speaker 3: I felt so alone. It was this kind of this
Speaker 3: thing where my brain hadn't really caught up to reality.
Speaker 2: So let's meet today's mum.
Speaker 1: Hi.
Speaker 3: My name is Charlotte, and this is the diary of
Speaker 3: my birth with color.
Speaker 2: For Charlotte. Life before Baby was Serene.
Speaker 3: I live on the Sunshine Coast with my partner Sam
Speaker 3: and our beautiful border Collige Marlowe. We had a really
Speaker 3: idyllic life. Sam and I met when I was twenty
Speaker 3: and he was twenty two. I'm now twenty eight and
Speaker 3: he's thirty. Been overseas and then with the boom of COVID,
Speaker 3: we decided to build a house. So we lived in
Speaker 3: the hinterland at the Sunshine Coast, built beautiful new home.
Speaker 3: As most women approaching their thirties start to do, I
Speaker 3: started being like, what else do I need? I would
Speaker 3: love a baby. Sam he always wanted kids, but it
Speaker 3: was never a right time. And then his thirtieth came
Speaker 3: around and his dad sat him down and said, you know,
Speaker 3: you're growing up now, you might want to start thinking
Speaker 3: about kids. And we had a big party on his
Speaker 3: thirtieth and lo and behold, we conceived car So we
Speaker 3: didn't muck around. Early pregnancy for us was super easy.
Speaker 3: I definitely had lots of fatigue during the first twelve weeks,
Speaker 3: so you know, we'd go to work, come home straight
Speaker 3: on the lounge, fall asleep. Sam would have to wake
Speaker 3: me up to have dinner and then I'd go back
Speaker 3: to sleep. But otherwise I was super fortunate didn't have
Speaker 3: any nausea. We went into our eight week scan. Everything
Speaker 3: was perfect with bub He was quite a big baby growing.
Speaker 3: I think he was in the ninetieth percentile.
Speaker 2: With her milestone scans all clear. Charlotte's mind began preparations.
Speaker 3: At about twenty weeks. I picked up the book What
Speaker 3: to Expect when You're Expecting. So then I did start
Speaker 3: to you know, go, okay, yep, no, that pain makes sense,
Speaker 3: this does make sense. Went to my first pregnancy yoga
Speaker 3: and it was beautiful. I then started imagining my birth
Speaker 3: and labor experience, and I like to be quite a
Speaker 3: natural holistic person, so I started to get quite excited
Speaker 3: for labor for my story. You know, I kept talking
Speaker 3: to people that had had children about, you know, what
Speaker 3: was birth like for you, And I was so excited.
Speaker 3: I just remember being so excited, like I can't wait
Speaker 3: to be a part of this club. It sounds absolutely wild,
Speaker 3: but I was almost excited to go through labor and
Speaker 3: pushing out a baby because I just wanted to know
Speaker 3: what those emotions and those pains feel like I'm a
Speaker 3: nurse by trade, so I always had that realistic expectation
Speaker 3: for me that intervention might be needed, and I definitely
Speaker 3: wanted the option to have Western medicine behind me as well.
Speaker 2: Everything had gone to plan by the half of her pregnancy,
Speaker 2: but then Charlotte woke up to every mom's worst nightmare.
Speaker 3: At twenty three weeks, at about midnight, I was fast
Speaker 3: asleep and I woke up to what felt like my
Speaker 3: period and just saw quite a bit of blood and
Speaker 3: I just freaked out. I just woke up. My partner
Speaker 3: shook him, and I just remember this. I just had
Speaker 3: this screen that I've never had before. And he panicked.
Speaker 3: And in my mind, no one had told me that
Speaker 3: you can have a bleed without having a miscarriage. I
Speaker 3: didn't know that was a thing. So immediately I was like,
Speaker 3: we've lost this baby. It's twenty two weeks having, you know,
Speaker 3: been in healthcare and knew at twenty two weeks I
Speaker 3: was going to have to deliver that would be still born,
Speaker 3: and so my mind just immediately went there. So I
Speaker 3: just panicked. And unfortunately we lived forty five minutes away
Speaker 3: from the hospital, so Sam was incredible. He just piled
Speaker 3: me into the car. I don't even think I had
Speaker 3: undermans and I just pull on some sweat pants and
Speaker 3: in we weren't And that was a really somber car trip.
Speaker 3: You know, the whole time I was just pushing my
Speaker 3: belly trying to get him to move. So he got
Speaker 3: to the hospital yet just after midnight, and they were amazing.
Speaker 3: They rushed us up, they checked everything, put the doctor on,
Speaker 3: and straight away we could hear babies heartbeat. So at
Speaker 3: that stage, I didn't know if something was going to happen,
Speaker 3: but I knew baby's alive, everything's okay. So we went
Speaker 3: home and the next two weeks was, you know, just
Speaker 3: normal tracking along. Bub was kicking a lot, my belly
Speaker 3: started to grow, which was exciting, and then at about
Speaker 3: the twenty five week mark, I had another bleed.
Speaker 2: Charlotte's medical team reassured her that not every bleed is
Speaker 2: a bad bleed, and that really put her mind at ease.
Speaker 3: So the lining of your cervix normally when you don't
Speaker 3: have a baby is up inside, but when you have
Speaker 3: a baby, it can put pressure on your cervix, so
Speaker 3: that lining comes out into your vaginal canal and it's
Speaker 3: exposed to different hormones and that can cause bleeding. So
Speaker 3: I was like, okay, So now it was nice, no, okay,
Speaker 3: I've got a reason why I'm bleeding, and they just said, unfortunately,
Speaker 3: this is probably going to happen your whole pregnancy, but
Speaker 3: you do have to come back to hospital every single
Speaker 3: time you bleed. We got to twenty seven weeks and
Speaker 3: I started to have some cramping and I wasn't really
Speaker 3: sure what it was, and then I started doing some
Speaker 3: reading and thought, potentially it could be early Braxton Hicks,
Speaker 3: so I just kind of pushed on with it. And
Speaker 3: then it had been consistently there throughout my shift. So
Speaker 3: then when I was driving home, I was starting to
Speaker 3: time them and they were pretty consistent every five minutes.
Speaker 3: And at the time I just thought, oh, this is
Speaker 3: just ligament pain or this is Braxton Hicks, but in hindsight,
Speaker 3: it was the start of something much bigger. So when
Speaker 3: I got home, I called my midwife and just said, look,
Speaker 3: I'm having these aches and pains, and she said, look,
Speaker 3: it probably is completely fine. What will get you to
Speaker 3: do is text and panadole. If the pains go away,
Speaker 3: then it should be okay. But if they don't go away,
Speaker 3: you definitely need to come back in. She said, if
Speaker 3: you're worried, you're more than welcome to come back in.
Speaker 2: With all of the possible complications, Charlotte's line of work
Speaker 2: proved to be pretty.
Speaker 3: Convenient, and I told myself, if I wake up in
Speaker 3: the morning and I've still got the pain, I'll just
Speaker 3: go and get checked at the maternity clinic. I was
Speaker 3: fortunate enough that I was a nurse at the same hospital,
Speaker 3: so it wasn't really too far out of the way.
Speaker 3: It was just upstairs, and I was in a position
Speaker 3: that was pretty flexible, and my colleagues were amazing at
Speaker 3: supporting me. So I went back to work and then
Speaker 3: I was like, I might just go to the toy
Speaker 3: And then as I was kind of walking to the toilet,
Speaker 3: I had some discharge, so I could feel the old
Speaker 3: blood the whole time it was coming out, but I
Speaker 3: had discharge that felt it like cliff through it like
Speaker 3: it's felt like I'd wet my pants a little bit.
Speaker 3: And I definitely didn't feel big enough to be at
Speaker 3: the stage that I would be incontinent. Called my midwife,
Speaker 3: which said, do you think it could be your waters. No,
Speaker 3: I'm only twenty seven weeks and three days. I just
Speaker 3: I'm lost for words. And then, because she knew I
Speaker 3: lived forty five minutes from the hospital, she said, look,
Speaker 3: you're at the hospital now working. Why don't you just
Speaker 3: go up to the maternity clinic get checked. It's probably nothing,
Speaker 3: but at least you know you can go home tonight,
Speaker 3: have a good night's sleep, and you won't be anxious.
Speaker 3: So I left my desk with my like half cup
Speaker 3: of tea. Everything's played out like all my job's not done,
Speaker 3: and then I went out to the maternity clinic. About
Speaker 3: three thirty, I called my partner and just said, look,
Speaker 3: I've just gone to the maternity ward to get checked.
Speaker 3: I've just had a bit of fluid lass and I'm
Speaker 3: still having the cramps, so I just want to make
Speaker 3: sure everything's okay. Five o'clock came. I've been there for
Speaker 3: two hours. Sam pupped up with some lollies and he
Speaker 3: was like, you can't be you know, you've had such
Speaker 3: a big day. I can't leave you by yourself. So
Speaker 3: he sat down next to me, and the doctor came
Speaker 3: in finally and did a ultrasound to check my fluid
Speaker 3: as really beautiful. We got to see barb and then
Speaker 3: he said, you know, we're not sure what these pains are. Also,
Speaker 3: we'll just get you to do a urine sample, just
Speaker 3: to make sure that you don't have an infection in
Speaker 3: your urine. So went to the toilet, got up to
Speaker 3: wash my hands, and it was just like this big
Speaker 3: gush of we essentially, and I'd never felt anything like it.
Speaker 3: I just went, oh my god, what is this. Also,
Speaker 3: not being a midwife, I was like, maybe it's not
Speaker 3: My water is trying to push it back down. So
Speaker 3: I just opened the door and like tried to yell
Speaker 3: out to one of the midwives and she came over
Speaker 3: and I just said, I think maybe my waters just broke.
Speaker 3: And she was like, oh no, no, no, they wouldn't
Speaker 3: have broken. I was like, no, like I think maybe
Speaker 3: they have. And they you sure you just didn't like
Speaker 3: wet your pants like some people do that with your
Speaker 3: own samples. They peel a little bit and then they
Speaker 3: stop and then they get up and they pee, and
Speaker 3: then I started to get a bit panicky. I was
Speaker 3: like no, no, no. I was like, can you just come in,
Speaker 3: like can you just check my pad? Like and I
Speaker 3: just pulled my pants down. I was like, just look, like,
Speaker 3: look at it. And then as I pulled my pants down,
Speaker 3: the rest of the waters just gushed out. And then
Speaker 3: it was just the confirmation of her saying, yeah, that's
Speaker 3: your waters. The floodgates open, and I just started bawling
Speaker 3: my eyes out and started to get a bit panicky.
Speaker 3: So then I like walked out of the toilet and
Speaker 3: she called the doctor back over and I just looked
Speaker 3: at my partner, Sam, and then he was like, what's wrong,
Speaker 3: and then I couldn't like get the words out. The
Speaker 3: midwife just said, you know, her waters are broken, and
Speaker 3: Sam is just my rock. He was amazing. He just
Speaker 3: came over and just hugged me. And then I just
Speaker 3: immediately went it's too soon. It's too soon, Like he's
Speaker 3: not big enough, it's too soon. He was like, it's okay,
Speaker 3: it's gonna be okay. And then the doctor was amazing.
Speaker 3: He came over and was, you know, the captain of
Speaker 3: the ship and just said, okay, let's all just be calm.
Speaker 3: I became very calm, got on the bed, he checked
Speaker 3: me out, and then he said, okay, so I can
Speaker 3: confirm that it was your waters. And your cervix is
Speaker 3: now dilated to two centimeters. You are an active labor.
Speaker 3: So immediately I started to cry again, but thought, you know,
Speaker 3: hold it together, hold it together. He was also very amazing,
Speaker 3: the doctor, because then he just stood up and said, Okay,
Speaker 3: everything's going to happen very quickly from here. You're in labor,
Speaker 3: so we need to get you to the birth suite.
Speaker 3: We just did an ultrasound and we saw that baby
Speaker 3: was in the breach position, which means you're going to
Speaker 3: have to have a cesarean. Unfortunately, the Sunshine Coast Hospital
Speaker 3: doesn't take babies under twenty nine weeks, so we're going
Speaker 3: to have to try and get you to Brisbane so
Speaker 3: they can look after baby, and we're also going to
Speaker 3: give you lots of drugs. I was like, okay, great.
Speaker 3: So the first two were for baby, so two doses
Speaker 3: of steroids that are twelve hours apart, and then the
Speaker 3: other one was magnesium self made. And the hope is
Speaker 3: you can get as much of the steroid and the
Speaker 3: magnesium in as you can because the steroid will help
Speaker 3: baby's lungs and the magnesium will help baby's brain. They
Speaker 3: started coming and putting all sorts of needles in me
Speaker 3: taking bloods. You know, I got an injection of morphine.
Speaker 3: They essentially just gave me everything they possibly could to
Speaker 3: stop my labor. When I got across the berth suite,
Speaker 3: the midwife brought in the magnesium to give me the
Speaker 3: big dose that was for baby's brain, and immediately I
Speaker 3: just started having this hectic chest pain, hurting, like I
Speaker 3: feel like I'm having a heart attack or something. I
Speaker 3: was like, you've got to stop that drug. You've got
Speaker 3: to stop that drug. And I just remember how awful
Speaker 3: it was, and then they just said, we'll just have
Speaker 3: a break from it and it went away. By this stage,
Speaker 3: some paramedics had arrived ready to take us. At this
Speaker 3: stage we were going to the Gold Coast. The doctor
Speaker 3: came in to do another check of my cervix, and
Speaker 3: he before he checked, he basically said, look, if you're
Speaker 3: any more dilated, then you've got to stay here on
Speaker 3: the Sunshine Coast. And luckily everything had slowed down. I
Speaker 3: was still at three centimeters. I was no longer tracting.
Speaker 3: He also, at the same time got a phone call,
Speaker 3: left the room, came back and said, great, we've got
Speaker 3: you in a Brisbane. I'm really glad because even though
Speaker 3: I said everything slowed down, I'm still really worried that
Speaker 3: you might make it to Brisbane on time. And with that,
Speaker 3: the poor paramedics just their face just went white because
Speaker 3: I think they were like, oh, no, we do not
Speaker 3: want to deliver a teeny tiny little baby in our
Speaker 3: ambulance tonight. So they got me on the trolley, got
Speaker 3: me all ready to go. My midwife came in the
Speaker 3: ambulance with us, and then they started that magnesium up
Speaker 3: again and then it was just again. I just had
Speaker 3: that awful, awful heart pain that started to worry the paramedics,
Speaker 3: so they put the ECG heart monitor on me. Just
Speaker 3: with that huge lose of magnesium you get, they often say,
Speaker 3: people report they feel like they're dying and it's just
Speaker 3: a side effect oh the drugs. So it's really awful,
Speaker 3: but it does go away. So because the my midwife
Speaker 3: didn't know about that, and they don't normally deliver such
Speaker 3: early babies, and the paramedics didn't know about that, they
Speaker 3: didn't want the drug running and the ambulance. So I
Speaker 3: got a bit of reprieve from the drug for a
Speaker 3: while just before we were going to go. Sam said, okay,
Speaker 3: well I'll just drive my car and i'll meet you
Speaker 3: guys there. Just so I've got my car down in
Speaker 3: Brisbane like in sync. The paramedics and the midwife and
Speaker 3: the doctor all Taranda. I was like, absolutely not, You're
Speaker 3: coming in this ambulance like she might give birth and
Speaker 3: you need to be there. So he was just like, oh, okay.
Speaker 3: So then we got to Brisbane at about eleven thirty
Speaker 3: in miracle time. Normally it takes us about an hour
Speaker 3: and a half to drive to Brisbane. I think we
Speaker 3: got there in about forty minutes, so they had definitely
Speaker 3: definitely got there quickly. Were wheeled into the birth suite.
Speaker 3: As soon as I got there, there was just this
Speaker 3: calmness and reassurance that everything was going to be okay.
Speaker 3: So I got into bed. They just got everything ready
Speaker 3: for a cesarean. Then the doctors came in and checked
Speaker 3: me again. I hadn't dilated anymore, which was really lucky.
Speaker 3: They basically just said, look from here on, we're just
Speaker 3: going to monitor you. We think baby's going to come
Speaker 3: very soon. We don't know when, but it's going to
Speaker 3: be soon. We don't think you'll make it through the night,
Speaker 3: so i'd had by this stage, they'd restarted the magnesium
Speaker 3: and luckily I'd finished it without any more chest pain.
Speaker 3: And then they started the twenty four hour dose and
Speaker 3: they said the goal now for you is to get
Speaker 3: twenty four hours of magnesium and to get two doses
Speaker 3: of steroids. I was just giving myself little checkpoints, so
Speaker 3: I was like, I just need to get to six
Speaker 3: o'clock and we've had the steroid in. I wasn't even
Speaker 3: thinking about baby, baby coming. I was like, we're just
Speaker 3: getting to these checkpoints. This is what we're doing, one
Speaker 3: foot in front of the other. Let's just take it
Speaker 3: them out. By the time.
Speaker 2: Charlotte and Sam waited and waited and waited, the.
Speaker 3: Next day came, we didn't get any sleep, and it
Speaker 3: was still just this kind of when's baby going to come?
Speaker 3: So the team came around and again explained what we knew.
Speaker 3: They checked me. They gave me the next dose of steroids,
Speaker 3: which was super exciting because I was like, that's another
Speaker 3: checkpoint off. They said, we're also going to send in
Speaker 3: the neonatal team to come and talk to you about
Speaker 3: what to expect with baby, which I hadn't even really
Speaker 3: thought about since my initial waters broke. They were really
Speaker 3: matter of fact. They told us exactly what to expect,
Speaker 3: that he would be in a humidic crib, that there
Speaker 3: would be a lot of doctors in the room, and
Speaker 3: that when he came out, they were going to take
Speaker 3: him straight away, so I wouldn't be able to hold him,
Speaker 3: I wouldn't be able to see him. They would take him,
Speaker 3: and Sam was allowed to go with them and go
Speaker 3: down to the Nickeu and seek Coha in his first
Speaker 3: minutes of life. And then they went through the risks
Speaker 3: of he could have a brain bleed, his lungs may
Speaker 3: not be functioning, he could be both, and then it
Speaker 3: went through his whole lifespan. He could have cerebral palsy,
Speaker 3: he could be blind, he could have all of this.
Speaker 3: And then they gave us a leaflet of what to expect,
Speaker 3: and with that, straight away, Sam and I just folded
Speaker 3: up and put it away and decided we didn't want
Speaker 3: to read into it and we were just going to
Speaker 3: take everything step by step. It was in the evening
Speaker 3: and then I was so excited because I had got
Speaker 3: to the checkpoints, so the magnesium was in, so I
Speaker 3: was like, great, We've given baby everything we can for
Speaker 3: his brain. This is awesome. The next checkpoint was just
Speaker 3: to get to the next twelve hour march to the
Speaker 3: forty eight hour mark for the steroids to be in
Speaker 3: to fully help his lungs. So I went in on
Speaker 3: Thursday afternoon and we were now Friday afternoon, and everything
Speaker 3: had still slow pretty much no contractions. They were here
Speaker 3: and there, and then my cervix wasn't dilating. So I
Speaker 3: managed to go to sleep with some comfort, and then
Speaker 3: at about five point thirty in the morning, the midwife
Speaker 3: came in. She just tapped me on the shoulder and
Speaker 3: it's time. We're going to deliver the baby now. And
Speaker 3: then with that I just had like I don't know,
Speaker 3: it just all hit me again and I just had
Speaker 3: these soft tears roll down my face. Okay, it's happening.
Speaker 3: So then I just like slowly did the same same
Speaker 3: thing to Sam. I just slowly, you know, patterns Sam,
Speaker 3: and then he like looked over at me and I said,
Speaker 3: it's time babies coming. It was a bit surreal. And
Speaker 3: then someone gave me a little beanie that would be
Speaker 3: on his head. Then that's like I just started having
Speaker 3: like tears. That almost went into a sub because it
Speaker 3: was just the smallest little beanie that I'd ever seen,
Speaker 3: and I just couldn't comprehend how that was going to
Speaker 3: be ahead. It was almost like a planet Cesarean. We
Speaker 3: knew it was going to happen. It was peaceful, I think,
Speaker 3: you know, all the medical stuff had a vested interest
Speaker 3: because it's not something that happens every day. And then
Speaker 3: they wheeled me into the theater and Sam had to
Speaker 3: wait outside where they were doing my spinal block. But
Speaker 3: they had you know, portable the Man playing, which is
Speaker 3: a band that I like. So that was really calming,
Speaker 3: I think because I work in a hospital, you know,
Speaker 3: the environment wasn't unusual to me. It was actually more
Speaker 3: calming as I'd been in theaters before. Then there was
Speaker 3: lots of people, so there was obviously all the theater staff,
Speaker 3: there was the abstetric's team, and then there was all
Speaker 3: the knee and needle team, so there was almost twenty
Speaker 3: people in the room, so it was a crowd. Sam
Speaker 3: came and sat next to me, and then yeah, they
Speaker 3: started the procedure. COI came out, so our obstitution was amazing.
Speaker 3: He's one of the head obstitutions in Australia and has
Speaker 3: a vested interest in na and ates and doing well
Speaker 3: when they're pre term, so he wanted him to get
Speaker 3: as much as he possibly could from the placenta before
Speaker 3: they cut it. And initially it was quiet. They pulled
Speaker 3: him out and then there was a laugh and I
Speaker 3: was like, that's odd, and then everyone started laughing and
Speaker 3: co I had peede on me and they said obviously
Speaker 3: I couldn't see the screen was up and they said, oh,
Speaker 3: he's just peed on you. I was like, great, so
Speaker 3: it's pretty much peeing on my insides. They started the
Speaker 3: countdown for the clock of the placenta, so he ended
Speaker 3: up getting almost the whole amount, but they had to
Speaker 3: stop it, and both doctors were very calm. They were
Speaker 3: just both discussing, and then the head knee and atrologists
Speaker 3: just said, yep, that's enough. They took Coor over to
Speaker 3: the little bay where the recess bae for neonates, and
Speaker 3: I started to get really panicky because I knew what
Speaker 3: to look for, and having been a nurse, I was
Speaker 3: just looking at these oxygen numbers and I was just
Speaker 3: wanting to they need to be aboup ninety five and
Speaker 3: at that stage they were fifty, and I just remember
Speaker 3: like he was crying, but the oxygen level was still
Speaker 3: way too low at fifty and Sam was like, it's
Speaker 3: fun and everything's there. But I was just the han
Speaker 3: accounts no, no, like the number needs to be high. He's like, no, no,
Speaker 3: like he's crying. Everything's good. Finally I saw that it
Speaker 3: hit one hunt they'd obviously put oxygen on him and
Speaker 3: everything was okay. So that was such a beautiful moment,
Speaker 3: and I could have a sigh of relief, and they
Speaker 3: brought him over. I wasn't allowed to touch him, but
Speaker 3: they brought him over and he'd been pretty much he'd
Speaker 3: had a little cry, but he was pretty much quiet
Speaker 3: this whole time. He looked at me and he made
Speaker 3: a little cry as like they faced himTo me, and
Speaker 3: it was just so beautiful. It was just like the
Speaker 3: perfect meeting. Knowing that I couldn't touch him, but at
Speaker 3: least he like he cried out and he knew that
Speaker 3: it was me. They took him to the Niku and
Speaker 3: Sam went with them, and then all of a sudden,
Speaker 3: it was just me, the aneathist, and the two surgeons.
Speaker 3: So I'd gone from this room full of people to
Speaker 3: absolutely no one essentially, and it was really weird. I
Speaker 3: felt so alone. It was this kind of this thing
Speaker 3: where my brain hadn't really caught up to reality of
Speaker 3: oh my god, okay, you've had a baby. You're just
Speaker 3: you're all of a sudden by yourself. And then it
Speaker 3: sounds really bizarre, but they obviously have a screen between
Speaker 3: you and your stomach, so you can't see but the
Speaker 3: light of reflection where I could see the surgeons, you know,
Speaker 3: sewing up my stomach, and because I'm quite interested in
Speaker 3: healthcare whatnot, I ended up just watching them sew at
Speaker 3: my stomach and it was actually so cathartic and calmed
Speaker 3: me down. Before we went to the maternity ward, they
Speaker 3: wheeled me down to the niku so I was in
Speaker 3: my bed and that was bizarre. I guess I was
Speaker 3: still exhausted. I wieled in. Everything was bright light, and
Speaker 3: then they wheeled my bed up next to his humida
Speaker 3: crib and I just looked at him and he was
Speaker 3: so little and so red and so not what a
Speaker 3: baby looks like. It was just so bizarre. Only the
Speaker 3: parents were allowed to touch him, so Sam and I
Speaker 3: were fortunate enough that moment we got to touch him,
Speaker 3: I wash my hands and I managed to put my
Speaker 3: hand in and just his little fingers they didn't even
Speaker 3: wrap around my finger. They were so tiny. It was
Speaker 3: so warm that they had to get me out of there.
Speaker 3: So it was kind of I didn't want to leave him,
Speaker 3: but at the same time, I couldn't hold him, so
Speaker 3: I may as well go and recover and get the
Speaker 3: good drugs and what.
Speaker 2: Charlotte didn't know what lay ahead at the neonatal intensive
Speaker 2: care unit.
Speaker 3: From there, our Nicou journey began, and it was a
Speaker 3: really bizarre, heart wrenching, tough, but beautiful journey. It's a
Speaker 3: journey that you know, I wouldn't wish upon anyone. I
Speaker 3: wouldn't want anyone to have to go to. Nikud's honestly
Speaker 3: the hardest thing. And we were so fortunate the whole
Speaker 3: way that Coha didn't have any hiccups and he's now
Speaker 3: five months corrected, but was born eight months ago and
Speaker 3: so far, you know, he's meeting all these milestones. He's
Speaker 3: pretty much been discharged from the hospital clinics, and we're
Speaker 3: so fortunate and so grateful because there are a lot
Speaker 3: of babies that don't have the same journey post that.
Speaker 3: So I went back up to the ward and the
Speaker 3: hospital I was in it had four people mums and
Speaker 3: bumbs to a room and that was really tough. So
Speaker 3: I was super exhausted. Sam went back to Ronald McDonald.
Speaker 3: Were super fortunate that we got a room at Ronal
Speaker 3: McDonald and then I settled in to go to sleep.
Speaker 3: But little did I know that then I would wake
Speaker 3: up an hour later and there's all of these mums
Speaker 3: in the room with their babies crying, and that was
Speaker 3: just horrendous. Like I just all I wanted was my baby,
Speaker 3: and then it became very apparent that I had my
Speaker 3: baby and my belly anymore. I couldn't cuddle my baby,
Speaker 3: and I just I hadn't been even without Sam in
Speaker 3: my bed, you know, for ages that I just all
Speaker 3: of a sudden felt so alone and I felt so lonely.
Speaker 3: I just couldn't deal with it. And fortunately enough, my
Speaker 3: midwife was amazing and she said, you know, you can
Speaker 3: go down to the niku at any stage you want.
Speaker 3: So I think it was midnight and she ordered me
Speaker 3: a wardie and we went down to the Niicu and
Speaker 3: I just sat with cor I think I was with
Speaker 3: him for two hours because I just didn't want to
Speaker 3: be alone, and I didn't want to be in that
Speaker 3: room with screaming babies again because it was just too
Speaker 3: heart ranching and a reminder that he wasn't with me.
Speaker 2: Charlotte has some words of wisdom for anyone who might
Speaker 2: go through what she did.
Speaker 3: The niku experience was very intense for me. I worked
Speaker 3: with a psychologist once I got to the Sunshine Coast,
Speaker 3: and something that we broke down was because I was
Speaker 3: a nurse and my waters broke at work. I essentially
Speaker 3: never left work. I was still on that nurse brain.
Speaker 3: So every time I was in the nickeu, I was
Speaker 3: watching his heart right, I was watching his oxygen levels.
Speaker 3: I was thinking, Okay, someone'm going to do something about this.
Speaker 3: I'd never really switched off to be like, oh, I'm
Speaker 3: just mum now. So it was a really amazing transition
Speaker 3: when the psychologist pointed that out to me, and she said,
Speaker 3: all those numbers don't mean anything to you, your mum.
Speaker 3: You know, think about every time you start to get anxious,
Speaker 3: think about how he smells, how he feels, how he sounds,
Speaker 3: and just being mum and that was just a hugely
Speaker 3: transformative moment for me because up until then I was
Speaker 3: just watching all of his numbers, thinking about will he
Speaker 3: yet an infection, will he have a brain fleet when
Speaker 3: it's his ultrasound? All of those things. But for me,
Speaker 3: just switching that all off and going okay, someone will
Speaker 3: tell me when I need to know that was just
Speaker 3: really therapeutic and I ended up having a little saying that,
Speaker 3: so don't worry until there's something to worry about, because
Speaker 3: otherwise you're just worrying twice. And you're also missing out
Speaker 3: on those first beautiful moments with your baby, and even
Speaker 3: though they're not at home with you, there's still beautiful
Speaker 3: moments in the nicku.
Speaker 2: Having a premature baby can be a really scary experience.
Speaker 2: So we've got Australia's favorite pediatrician, doctor Gollie, to explain
Speaker 2: what a medical team's immediate focus is when a premature
Speaker 2: baby is born.
Speaker 1: Well, it's quite an extraordinary thing to be a part of.
Speaker 1: It's one of those things where you never want it
Speaker 1: to happen, but when it does happen, it's a real
Speaker 1: I guess the word is privileged to be a part
Speaker 1: of such a team, and the word team is the
Speaker 1: most important thing because there are so many people involved
Speaker 1: and you're all working to a singular focus. But that
Speaker 1: singular focus is the size of a coke can you know,
Speaker 1: it's absolutely tiny. So everyone has a job, but there's
Speaker 1: just no space in order to do it, and you're
Speaker 1: often doing it right next to the parents' mums just
Speaker 1: had a delivery, dad's there or partners there, So when
Speaker 1: that baby does arrive amidst the hurricane, you get this
Speaker 1: sense of calm. It's quite fascinating as a pediatrician. There
Speaker 1: is a lot of calm within those moments, which I
Speaker 1: think is really important so that you can see things clearly.
Speaker 1: But also I think that other people in the room,
Speaker 1: team members, family members, they imbibe that calm as well.
Speaker 1: And so it's not just the doctors. The midwives are
Speaker 1: absolutely invaluable. There are lots and lots of things going on,
Speaker 1: lots of noises, lots of sounds, lots of smells, but
Speaker 1: our singular focus is that newborn and we prioritize breathing. Airway.
Speaker 1: That's the key, so airway and breathing as well as circulation.
Speaker 1: So that's a heartbeat we're constantly monitoring what the heart
Speaker 1: rate is, whether or not compressions are required as a
Speaker 1: part of CPR, or whether we need to use other
Speaker 1: forms of support to try to improve the heart rate.
Speaker 1: We want a newborn's heart rate to be over one
Speaker 1: hundred at all times, and we assist either with the
Speaker 1: heart rate or with breathing or both, and then we
Speaker 1: start to look at the bigger picture in terms of
Speaker 1: temperature control. So often, and what certainly what Charlotte and
Speaker 1: Sam would have seen was one of the first things
Speaker 1: that we do with the babies. We actually put them
Speaker 1: in a bag. And I know that sounds really unusual,
Speaker 1: but we use almost like an oversized ziplock bag because
Speaker 1: one of the biggest problems with premature babies because they
Speaker 1: come out wet, they don't have much fat on them,
Speaker 1: if any, and although we are working under heaters, it's
Speaker 1: a very very cold environment and so they lose temperature
Speaker 1: very quickly. So the first, first first thing we do
Speaker 1: before the baby lands on the resuscitation table is we
Speaker 1: put them into a bag, and that's when we begin
Speaker 1: the resuscitation attempts.
Speaker 2: After birth, the instinct of any mother is to hold
Speaker 2: the baby and take them home. I know for both
Speaker 2: of my babies, it was the first thing that I
Speaker 2: wanted to do. But doctor Golly explains why the next
Speaker 2: period of time in the nicqueue is so vital.
Speaker 1: After the birth, the instinct of any parent is to
Speaker 1: hold that baby. And while sometimes there is this perception
Speaker 1: that we are fighting against the parents, we have the
Speaker 1: exact same instinct. We would love nothing more. Me certainly,
Speaker 1: I would love nothing more than to put a baby
Speaker 1: straight to a mum's chest and to have that connection
Speaker 1: and that skin to skin time. The problem is is
Speaker 1: that sometimes it's far too dangerous, and it's too dangerous
Speaker 1: in this setting as it was with CoA, and also
Speaker 1: certainly others where that kind of activity could result in
Speaker 1: the baby not surviving. And so we have to make
Speaker 1: sure that that baby is stable, as we talked about
Speaker 1: from a breathing point of view, from a circulation, heart
Speaker 1: rate point of view, and then there's all this other
Speaker 1: long list of things that we need to consider. So
Speaker 1: babies don't have any immune protection, you know, they barely
Speaker 1: have a layer of skin, So handing a baby around,
Speaker 1: having a baby on someone's chest, this poses an extreme
Speaker 1: infection risk. And so we've got to be very, very,
Speaker 1: very careful. We don't have visitors coming in and out
Speaker 1: of a nicu, we don't have older siblings coming in playing,
Speaker 1: and that's not because we're mean and nasty. It's just
Speaker 1: simply because we always have the survival and outcome of
Speaker 1: the newborn as our utmost priority. Everything we do in
Speaker 1: a NICU is to the point a one of a
Speaker 1: measurement in medicine in general. You know, if you calculate
Speaker 1: a dose for a medicine and it comes out as
Speaker 1: two hundred and forty eight, you can give two hundred
Speaker 1: and fifty, that's fine. But in NICU you're giving two
Speaker 1: hundred and forty seven point three four. You know, it
Speaker 1: is really really exact, because small mistakes or small fluctuations
Speaker 1: can be the difference between life and death, as Charlotte
Speaker 1: and Sam experienced. You know, when you think about it
Speaker 1: in its most simplest form, this is a baby that's
Speaker 1: been born weeks before they were expecting to be and
Speaker 1: they are intended to be, and so we are asking
Speaker 1: of them an extraordinary amount. Where asked them to use
Speaker 1: their lungs weeks before they were meant to be used, Well,
Speaker 1: asked them to use their gut to feed, to get sugar,
Speaker 1: and to get sustenance, and to grow weeks before it
Speaker 1: was meant to be used their protective systems to fight infection,
Speaker 1: all of these things, and they're not ready. It's quite
Speaker 1: incredible in terms of the advances that we've made over
Speaker 1: the years, what we can achieve now compared to even
Speaker 1: just ten years ago. So we're not just helping these
Speaker 1: babies survive, we're actually helping them thrive and lead normal
Speaker 1: or close to normal lives, which is really really special
Speaker 1: and it's incredible to be a part of. And Charlotte
Speaker 1: and sam Co are really really lucky to be born
Speaker 1: in this country at this time. I'm grateful that they've
Speaker 1: shared their experience and I hope that those going through
Speaker 1: a similar journey will be empowered from that.
Speaker 2: Thank you for joining us on Diary of a Birth,
Speaker 2: where we celebrate all the amazing ways that we as
Speaker 2: women bring life into the world. If you'd like to
Speaker 2: share your birth story with us, we'd love to hear
Speaker 2: from you. Details are in the show notes. Diary of
Speaker 2: a Birth was hosted by me Kasenya Lukic with expert
Speaker 2: input from doctor Gollie. This episode was produced by Tom
Speaker 2: Lyon with audio production by Scott Stronik.