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Speaker 1: You're listening to Amma mea podcast.

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Speaker 2: Mama Mayor acknowledges the traditional owners of land and waters

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Speaker 2: that this podcast is recorded.

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Speaker 3: On Hello out Louders. It is Jesse here, And you

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Speaker 3: might remember a few months ago I talked about traveling

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Speaker 3: with a baby, the nightmare long haul flight back from

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Speaker 3: Europe that nearly destroyed me. You may also know that

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Speaker 3: I co host another podcast with my twin sister Claire.

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Speaker 3: She has a little baby of her own, Matilda. It

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Speaker 3: is called The Baby Bubble. And in season two of

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Speaker 3: The Baby Bubble, what we've been doing is interviewing comedians,

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Speaker 3: funny people about their experiences with babies, because if there

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Speaker 3: is one thing we have learned, it is that babies, toddlers,

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Speaker 3: kids can be very, very funny. This episode that you're

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Speaker 3: about to hear is a very chaotic account of traveling

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Speaker 3: with a baby. Comedian Sammy Shah has done it and

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Speaker 3: live to tell the tale, and it is a very

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Speaker 3: very funny tale. If you want more apisode of The

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Speaker 3: Baby Bubble, then you are in luck. There are two

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Speaker 3: full seasons ready and waiting for you. We will pop

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Speaker 3: a link to listen in the show notes.

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Speaker 1: Enjoy Everything's insane.

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Speaker 4: The whole world is hyper. Your hyper. You haven't slept

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Speaker 4: at all, your mind is just running NonStop. I've never

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Speaker 4: done cocaine. I just want to make that clear. Nor

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Speaker 4: I'm advocating it. Spot It is not different from that.

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Speaker 4: Look it is hell, there's no denying it. That first

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Speaker 4: month particularly is brutal. I think I have scoliosis from

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Speaker 4: that first month, like just bouncing her on a rubber

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Speaker 4: ball all night and everything. And if you get through

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Speaker 4: it at the end of it with the child still

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Speaker 4: alive and both of you still relatively intact, that's fine.

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Speaker 1: The Baby Bubble with Claire and Jesse Stevens. It's definitely

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Speaker 1: not a parenting advice podcast.

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Speaker 3: Claire, I've found this video series that we posted on

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Speaker 3: Instagram where we weighed up the pros and cons of

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Speaker 3: having a baby. It was about five and a half

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Speaker 3: years ago, Okay, and you and I had a chat

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Speaker 3: about what it would be like to have a baby.

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Speaker 3: I totally forgot about that, Yeah, and I totally forgot

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Speaker 3: about what I thought.

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Speaker 2: It would be like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

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Speaker 3: We were really candid about what we thought I could like, Like,

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Speaker 3: what I wanted to do was play you this audio

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Speaker 3: that I found we can compare. I want you to

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Speaker 3: tell me whether it's what you expected, whether we were naive, idealistic,

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Speaker 3: or weather it's even better than what we thought. I'm

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Speaker 3: gonna play it to you. So Clara and I were

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Speaker 3: just talking about reasons to have a baby.

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Speaker 2: Claire, what was your what some of your m something

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Speaker 2: to cuddle.

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Speaker 4: Yeat, tying to sniff.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I'd never liked my stomach, so I feel like

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Speaker 3: I'll quite like it when it's pregnant, because there'll.

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Speaker 2: Be something in it.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, to just like that's why my stomach is like that.

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Speaker 3: But I also think that I just want to day

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Speaker 3: off work. Do you machester a holiday?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, just a little six months, six months.

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Speaker 3: The big one that came out of that for me

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Speaker 3: was that I just wanted to spend a lot of

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Speaker 3: days in cafes. You go to cafes, spend a lot

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Speaker 3: of time in cafes, and it is actually the highlight.

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Speaker 2: Luna is a good cafe.

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Speaker 3: Baby Mummy and baby like too brunch. Yes, I've trained her.

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Speaker 3: We like our brunch.

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Speaker 2: We go along.

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Speaker 3: She brings a book, I might get some work done

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Speaker 3: or whatever. I have a coffee.

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Speaker 2: She has a.

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Speaker 3: Milk it's absolutely the highlight of parenting Matilda. She is

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Speaker 3: not a brunch she's I mean, she comes she is

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Speaker 3: more Friday night cocktails.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: No, genuinely, she comes from Friday night cocktails and she

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Speaker 3: has her full dinner. So we put on her smock,

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Speaker 3: we feed her at first course, the second.

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Speaker 2: Course at birst.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: And what's great there is that the work has clean

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Speaker 2: up the dinner. Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah.

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Speaker 3: Whereas cafes, she's a bit like I got a wiggle,

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Speaker 3: how am I going to wiggle? I will say the

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Speaker 3: idea that it's off and just a bit of a holiday,

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Speaker 3: you're not at work, you're not at work, and I

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Speaker 3: didn't kind of have like proper nutlet, but I really

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Speaker 3: liked that period. However, I do have this realization that

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Speaker 3: I'm never gonna have a day off ever again.

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Speaker 2: Problem because it's like, I don't know what we thought.

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Speaker 3: Matilda was sick the other day and I'm like, oh,

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Speaker 3: do I stay home with sick baby or do I

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Speaker 3: go to work?

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Speaker 2: And I'm like, either way, I'm working.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: In fact, the going of the office is easier. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: It's like you're not gonna have the sick day where

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Speaker 3: you lay in bed and you'll watch the TV show.

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Speaker 2: I've tried. I can't be done same.

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Speaker 3: I try to pat her and be like, we're just sleeping, babe, Yeah,

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Speaker 3: we're just sleeping today.

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Speaker 2: Absolutely not.

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Speaker 3: How about in terms of sniffing something to cuddle, absolutely cuddles,

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Speaker 3: having something to cuddle after a bad day.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, out of ten.

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Speaker 3: And she's getting quite koala vibes, like really clinging. Her

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Speaker 3: smell changes and the other day she had sardines for

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Speaker 3: the first time was choice. I was like, we're gonna

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Speaker 3: have a deep claim, gonna throw this one out and

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Speaker 3: get a new one that is not the naty smell.

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Speaker 3: It smells like sadays. Yes. Our guest this week is

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Speaker 3: Sammy shark Right, comedian, podcaster and father to two girls.

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Speaker 3: You'll recognize Sammy as previously co hosting ABAC Radio Melbourne Breakfast,

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Speaker 3: as well as across lots of other ABAC projects from

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Speaker 3: Your stand Up Comedy and also his podcast News Weekly,

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Speaker 3: poking some gentle fun at the Australian news of the week,

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Speaker 3: kind of like what we do to babies on this podcast.

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Speaker 3: Here's with us for the baby bubble this week. Firstly,

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Speaker 3: give us a lay of the land. You have two girls.

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Speaker 3: How old are they now and what are their vibes?

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Speaker 4: Very different vibes because the older one is fifteen years

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Speaker 4: old and the younger one is one year four months old,

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Speaker 4: that's at this point, so they're vastly different in their

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Speaker 4: experiences and what they are putting me through individually.

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Speaker 1: The wonderful thing is they adore each other.

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Speaker 4: They completely love each other totally, and that's so cute because,

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Speaker 4: you know, especially the younger one, the moment her elder

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Speaker 4: sister walks into the house is just the best moment

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Speaker 4: of the day and all that. And with the elder

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Speaker 4: sister now we basically have free babysitting. That kind of

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Speaker 4: helps us out a decent amount, So not as much

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Speaker 4: as I prefer, but whatever, it's work in progress, and

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Speaker 4: is that they're very different in terms of where they

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Speaker 4: are in their lives. With a fifteen year old, I'm

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Speaker 4: at her school recitals and we're discussing whatever, you know,

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Speaker 4: new books she's reading. And with the one year old,

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Speaker 4: it's completely still changing nappies and being yelled at because

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Speaker 4: I didn't give her the right vegetable at the right

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Speaker 4: speed that she did.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I like your family planning choice there. I

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Speaker 3: think that that's a good hack.

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Speaker 4: I like the fact that she was assuming that there

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Speaker 4: was a plan as opposed to just like divorces and

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Speaker 4: weird life choices and all of a sudden, you know,

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Speaker 4: you're like, well, I guess this is what's.

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Speaker 2: Happening, the built in babysitter. I am loving it.

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Speaker 1: I know in retrospect is a good idea.

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Speaker 3: Yes, yes, you nailed it. You recently embarked on international try.

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Speaker 3: I hear, what were your plans? Where were you going?

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Speaker 3: What was the trick?

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Speaker 4: So basically it was interesting because my partner, Kylie was traveling,

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Speaker 4: so she had had to go for some work to

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Speaker 4: America in the UK, and so she was there for

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Speaker 4: three weeks. So for three weeks I was solo parenting

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Speaker 4: and I had, you know, one year old and the

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Speaker 4: fifteen year old at the same time. Largely the fifteen

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Speaker 4: year old went back and forth to her mom's place

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Speaker 4: and mind and that was great, like we had got

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Speaker 4: to ane schedule and rhythm and everything. But looming ahead

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Speaker 4: of us was a flight to London. From Melbourne to

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Speaker 4: London with me, the one year old and the fifteen

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Speaker 4: year old to meet Kylie in London. And that thing

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Speaker 4: that happens where everyone's like, Oh, it's going to be hell.

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Speaker 1: It's going to be hell. You're gonna go through hell.

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Speaker 1: It's going to be hell. And I was like, yeah, probably.

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Speaker 4: Like the thing is, I've flown before when my fifteen

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Speaker 4: year old was three years old. We flew alone, and

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Speaker 4: that was not so bad. With the three year old,

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Speaker 4: it's okay. And I remember like distinct moments of like,

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Speaker 4: you know, she was sitting on the chair on the

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Speaker 4: plane and watching the screen and she was happy, just

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Speaker 4: eating snacks. And the only real problem was the Bai airport,

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Speaker 4: where I needed to take her to the toilet because

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Speaker 4: she want to be the toilet and I can't go

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Speaker 4: into the women's toilet obviously, and their family toilets in

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Speaker 4: most of the Middle Eastern stuff are for women only

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Speaker 4: that no, men aren't loud in. So I'm like, as

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Speaker 4: his dad traveling. The idea that men can take care

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Speaker 4: of the children is very new to large parts of

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Speaker 4: the world. And so I walked into the men's toilet

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Speaker 4: and I yelled everyone get out, and it was just

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Speaker 4: like like ten Arab men looking confused, and yelled at them,

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Speaker 4: and then they all left and then my daughter went

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Speaker 4: to the toilet while they all waited outside. So I

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Speaker 4: remember that being the only challenge. So with Leah at

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Speaker 4: that point she was one year and I think two

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Speaker 4: months old. Basically I was like, well, I have my

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Speaker 4: fifteen year old to help me, no problem. We look

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Speaker 4: at a seat allocations and they've put my fifteen year

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Speaker 4: old on the seat behind me, and so she gets it.

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Speaker 1: She's like, look, I can't do anything.

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Speaker 4: She puts noise canceling headphones on, she checks out, and

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Speaker 4: then it was just like from Melbourne to Kuala Lumpur,

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Speaker 4: which is I think that's eight hours. That was hell

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Speaker 4: because she didn't sleep. She just stayed in the bassinet.

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Speaker 4: This stupid bassinet that they give you.

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Speaker 2: It doesn't fit them.

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Speaker 4: It doesn't fit them, it doesn't fit it doesn't fit

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Speaker 4: any child. It's made too small for every child in

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Speaker 4: the history of like, unless you have a premium, can

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Speaker 4: I curse on this fell? That fucking bacinet bullshit? And

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Speaker 4: then they put it there. And so what we did

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Speaker 4: was it was handy for one thing. I realized it's

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Speaker 4: just a handy for putting junk in there, all her toys,

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Speaker 4: all the everything else that they snacks and everything just

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Speaker 4: went in there.

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Speaker 1: She was running around at my feet. But then they

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Speaker 1: also put.

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Speaker 4: And here's the thing, like, I have no sympathy for

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Speaker 4: people who complain about children on planes, because you know,

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Speaker 4: like we sometimes you have people are like, oh my god,

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Speaker 4: the baby's crying. Well, buy a fucking private jet. If

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Speaker 4: you can't do that, shut up. I don't won't give

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Speaker 4: a shit. You're not running a private business from the plane.

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Speaker 4: No one cares if you had a miserable fly. But

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Speaker 4: if you're going to get those bulkhead seats where they

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Speaker 4: put bacinet, don't get them.

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Speaker 1: If you don't have kids, Oh my god.

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Speaker 2: And then sit there and be like.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, don't judge me because you're twenty one years old,

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Speaker 4: so your brain is in mushy and you think you

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Speaker 4: deserve a better life for twenty one you deserve to

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Speaker 4: be strapped to the outside of the plane in the

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Speaker 4: best of circumstances.

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Speaker 1: Anyway, And this sitting.

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Speaker 4: There homping and halfing every time my daughter moves, I

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Speaker 4: wanted to elbow the guy in the throat.

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Speaker 1: At one point, Yeah.

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Speaker 4: She picked up my phone and just tossed it my daughter. Yeah,

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Speaker 4: and it went and hit him in the shins, and

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Speaker 4: I didn't feel that bad, but I had to pretend

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Speaker 4: like I felt bad. So I was like, oh, I'm

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Speaker 4: so sorry, and he's like, oh my god, my shin

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Speaker 4: had hurt so bad. And a part of me is like, also,

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Speaker 4: like tough enough, mate.

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Speaker 1: It calmed out. It's a one year old through the phone,

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Speaker 1: how hard can it be?

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Speaker 4: And then she picked up the phone and threw it

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Speaker 4: between my legs and it hit me in the balls

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Speaker 4: and I doubled over. I was like, this is agony,

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Speaker 4: Like these phones are rock hard, and it.

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Speaker 1: Really hurt bad.

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Speaker 4: So yeah, so that time was the only time that

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Speaker 4: in the one time I put her in the bassinet,

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Speaker 4: I pop her into the basket because I'm like, I

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Speaker 4: just need a break, I need one second, and she just.

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Speaker 1: Goes, okay, I don't want to be in here.

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Speaker 4: So she just jumps head first out of the basket

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Speaker 4: and I grab her inches from the ground and yeah,

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Speaker 4: so that was hard. I remember she didn't sleep the

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Speaker 4: day leading up to the flight, and the flight she

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Speaker 4: didn't sleep at all. So at this point she's been

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Speaker 4: up for twenty four hours. I don't know why. I

253
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Speaker 4: don't know how she's doing it. We land in Qualaampoor

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Speaker 4: airport and the smartest thing I've ever done, probably the

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Speaker 4: most intelligent decision I've made my entire life, was you

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Speaker 4: break journey.

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Speaker 1: You just break journey. So we stopped in qual Dumpoor

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Speaker 1: for a day.

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Speaker 3: Okay, because that's a risk, you're playing with fire.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, but but it was amazing. We checked into a

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Speaker 4: nice because hotels there are cheap. We checked into a

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Speaker 4: nice hotel and we get to the hotel and I'm like,

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Speaker 4: she'll sleep now. It's like, I think midnight at this

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Speaker 4: point in kl I'm like, she's going to find the sleep.

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Speaker 1: Of course she's going to sleep.

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Speaker 4: And in my head, I'm like, you know what, I'll

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Speaker 4: let her sleep as long as she wants. If she

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Speaker 4: sleeps at ten in the morning, let her sleep in

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Speaker 4: it's fine.

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Speaker 1: Two am. I hear hello and I was like, are

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Speaker 1: you kidding me? How are you awake? And then she

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Speaker 1: was up.

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Speaker 4: So in Quo Lampur we then spent the next like

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Speaker 4: twenty four hours wide awake, but she was happy. We

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Speaker 4: went to KLC see the towers and we did sightseeing

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Speaker 4: and ate food and she was happy and thrilled. And

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Speaker 4: then you get on the flight to London, which is

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Speaker 4: I think it's thirteen off, like yeah, and she passed

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Speaker 4: out on my shoulder as the plane was taking off,

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Speaker 4: but then wouldn't move and wouldn't let me move because

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Speaker 4: if I moved, she'd wake up. So I just got trapped,

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Speaker 4: you know, in that situation where like one leg is numb,

283
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Speaker 4: you're completely gone. The other leg is actually an agony

284
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Speaker 4: because somehow you're pinching it in the wrong way and

285
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Speaker 4: you're just stuck like I guess I'll pee myself. And

286
00:13:01,087 --> 00:13:04,247
Speaker 4: so that was like the flight to London. But the

287
00:13:04,287 --> 00:13:07,127
Speaker 4: thing is like when I did it and everything goes wrong,

288
00:13:07,287 --> 00:13:10,087
Speaker 4: like everything goes wrong. Like we went to Quaralampur. I

289
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Speaker 4: stand outside for my pram, which you know you check

290
00:13:12,407 --> 00:13:14,087
Speaker 4: in your pram and I was like, oh, can I

291
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Speaker 4: have it back now? And they're like, oh no, we

292
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Speaker 4: send it to oversized luggage area, which is in a

293
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Speaker 4: different hangar.

294
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Speaker 1: We have to get a bus to go. Why why

295
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Speaker 1: did you do this to me? Why that happened?

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Speaker 3: I kept waiting for the baggage carousel and I was like,

297
00:13:28,127 --> 00:13:31,127
Speaker 3: everything's out here, and then I'm like, oh oversized, Like

298
00:13:31,647 --> 00:13:33,887
Speaker 3: it's not that oversized.

299
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Speaker 4: And you know what, the person with it has a child,

300
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Speaker 4: why would you do that to them? And then like

301
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Speaker 4: even like when we got to the hotel, I'm standing

302
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Speaker 4: in line to check into the hotel and there's a

303
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Speaker 4: woman in front of me who's just the slowest check

304
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Speaker 4: in process ever, Like you know, it's always the one

305
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Speaker 4: person who's the slowest to be in front of you

306
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Speaker 4: when you are rush. She just took ages and until

307
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Speaker 4: finally at one point, like the woman behind her could

308
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Speaker 4: see me losing my mind just through my eyes, and

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Speaker 4: she called someone to help me.

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Speaker 1: Like little things like that.

311
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Speaker 4: But I will say after having done it, then flying

312
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Speaker 4: back with my partner and all of us together.

313
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Speaker 1: Was a breeze. Really.

314
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Speaker 4: Once you do it alone, you're like, whatever, there there's

315
00:14:18,407 --> 00:14:20,767
Speaker 4: two of us, we can take shifts. Now it's a

316
00:14:20,807 --> 00:14:23,327
Speaker 4: piece of cake, Like there's no problem here at all.

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Speaker 4: And now I also feel like, you know, my partner's like, oh,

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Speaker 4: I got some work there. I'm gonna go for it.

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Speaker 4: I'll travel with Leah alone because I've done it. Now, Yeah,

320
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Speaker 4: how hard can it be?

321
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Speaker 3: Yep, that's as hard as it's ever going to get.

322
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Speaker 3: I I did the Europe thing about the same age

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Speaker 3: and I said, this competes with labor for the hardest

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Speaker 3: thing I've ever done.

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Speaker 4: I'm going to quote you to my partner because I

326
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Speaker 4: don't dare say that without sources to back me up.

327
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Speaker 2: You should.

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Speaker 3: I want to ask you about packing, because you had

329
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Speaker 3: to do all the packing on your own, and packing

330
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Speaker 3: for her would have just been a lot.

331
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Speaker 4: But there was this moment because my partner three weeks

332
00:15:02,967 --> 00:15:06,047
Speaker 4: before backed the suitcase for Leah, which I was very

333
00:15:06,047 --> 00:15:08,847
Speaker 4: insulted by because that was like, I was like, are

334
00:15:08,887 --> 00:15:11,247
Speaker 4: you saying that I can't do the packing? Like I

335
00:15:11,247 --> 00:15:12,767
Speaker 4: can do it? And she's like, no, what if you

336
00:15:12,807 --> 00:15:14,687
Speaker 4: mess it up? I'm like, look, I did raise the

337
00:15:14,767 --> 00:15:17,567
Speaker 4: older one, or you know, I have done this before.

338
00:15:17,927 --> 00:15:20,367
Speaker 4: I was very offended that she thought I couldn't pack

339
00:15:20,487 --> 00:15:22,647
Speaker 4: on my own. But yeah, so a large one of

340
00:15:22,687 --> 00:15:25,247
Speaker 4: the packing was already done for me. That decision and

341
00:15:25,287 --> 00:15:28,167
Speaker 4: power was taken away from me. But it's fine, it's fine.

342
00:15:28,407 --> 00:15:30,807
Speaker 4: I didn't forget anything. I just want to point that out.

343
00:15:30,887 --> 00:15:33,287
Speaker 4: Everyone thought I'd forget it. I didn't forget anything. The

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Speaker 4: child is alive, she was fed, you know. I just

345
00:15:36,367 --> 00:15:39,207
Speaker 4: didn't want people to come over and say, oh, she

346
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Speaker 4: looks like she's lost weight, because then they're like, oh,

347
00:15:41,247 --> 00:15:44,727
Speaker 4: you're not feeding the child properly. I stuffed her just

348
00:15:45,447 --> 00:15:49,207
Speaker 4: seven meals a day, just anything that get her fat,

349
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Speaker 4: and so that when Kylie saw her off for three weeks.

350
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Speaker 1: He's like, just put on so much weight.

351
00:15:52,607 --> 00:15:55,447
Speaker 4: I'm like, like, that was my thing, but I didn't.

352
00:15:56,007 --> 00:15:57,887
Speaker 4: I didn't get to do the packing. I'm still a

353
00:15:57,927 --> 00:15:59,327
Speaker 4: bit offended and hurt by that.

354
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Speaker 3: What was the most surprising thing, Like, once you're actually

355
00:16:03,607 --> 00:16:07,687
Speaker 3: in London and you're traveling with a baby, what was

356
00:16:07,727 --> 00:16:09,207
Speaker 3: the most surprising thing to.

357
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Speaker 4: I come from Pakistan, which is the third world country,

358
00:16:11,887 --> 00:16:14,167
Speaker 4: and I thought Australia is the first world country. London's

359
00:16:14,207 --> 00:16:18,127
Speaker 4: the first world country. Oh, London's one point five. They're

360
00:16:18,167 --> 00:16:22,007
Speaker 4: not where we are way ahead. You realize when you

361
00:16:22,127 --> 00:16:24,247
Speaker 4: visit Europe, you're like, oh, this first world and then

362
00:16:24,287 --> 00:16:26,607
Speaker 4: this first world like you know, like you can go

363
00:16:26,727 --> 00:16:30,087
Speaker 4: anywhere in Australia and there's the ramps for the prams

364
00:16:30,127 --> 00:16:34,127
Speaker 4: and the elevators to replace any stairs, and we take

365
00:16:34,167 --> 00:16:35,727
Speaker 4: these considerations.

366
00:16:35,047 --> 00:16:36,687
Speaker 1: Into account over there.

367
00:16:36,807 --> 00:16:39,367
Speaker 4: The subway system and I know it was built in

368
00:16:39,687 --> 00:16:41,887
Speaker 4: pre World War One, and whatever, what the hell did

369
00:16:41,927 --> 00:16:44,807
Speaker 4: you take all the money from India floor upgrade your

370
00:16:44,847 --> 00:16:45,807
Speaker 4: goddamn subways.

371
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Speaker 1: There's no place to go.

372
00:16:47,287 --> 00:16:50,567
Speaker 4: You're carrying this goddamn pram up and downstairs, yes, and

373
00:16:50,607 --> 00:16:52,687
Speaker 4: there's no one to help you, because London is under

374
00:16:52,727 --> 00:16:56,007
Speaker 4: notoriously rude. So thank god my fifteen year old was

375
00:16:56,047 --> 00:16:59,167
Speaker 4: with me, because she would then take Leah out and

376
00:16:59,367 --> 00:17:01,167
Speaker 4: carry her up and down the stairs, and I'd be

377
00:17:01,287 --> 00:17:04,127
Speaker 4: plugging this giant pram the whole time. And it's not

378
00:17:04,207 --> 00:17:06,327
Speaker 4: just me, it's other moms and dads doing the same thing.

379
00:17:06,647 --> 00:17:08,967
Speaker 4: And then they're like, you know, oh, this subway station

380
00:17:09,367 --> 00:17:11,727
Speaker 4: has an elevator, but then to get the elevator is

381
00:17:11,767 --> 00:17:14,407
Speaker 4: such a long journey, and you're like, what did.

382
00:17:14,327 --> 00:17:17,607
Speaker 1: Disabled people do? What do people in wheelchairs do? Like

383
00:17:18,007 --> 00:17:19,327
Speaker 1: it was shocking to me.

384
00:17:19,527 --> 00:17:21,567
Speaker 4: And then you know, for example, at one point she

385
00:17:21,687 --> 00:17:23,767
Speaker 4: ate a snack, She ate half of the banana and

386
00:17:23,767 --> 00:17:24,927
Speaker 4: gave me the rest and I have to look for

387
00:17:24,967 --> 00:17:28,367
Speaker 4: a bin. There's no bins all of London. There are

388
00:17:28,367 --> 00:17:30,727
Speaker 4: no fucking bins in the whole of I don't know what.

389
00:17:30,967 --> 00:17:33,247
Speaker 4: They just throw shit like in the nineteen eighties, like

390
00:17:33,287 --> 00:17:35,407
Speaker 4: the throwing things on the floor and walking off, and

391
00:17:35,447 --> 00:17:35,807
Speaker 4: that's what.

392
00:17:35,847 --> 00:17:36,527
Speaker 1: Happened in the end.

393
00:17:36,527 --> 00:17:39,447
Speaker 4: There was a mountain of rubbish under one light post

394
00:17:39,527 --> 00:17:43,247
Speaker 4: and I just ginger like carefully placed my banana peel

395
00:17:43,327 --> 00:17:44,967
Speaker 4: over there, being like, what am I going.

396
00:17:44,967 --> 00:17:47,887
Speaker 1: To get shot for this? What? No one cares?

397
00:17:48,207 --> 00:17:51,567
Speaker 4: I was really amazed at, like how hard it is

398
00:17:51,967 --> 00:17:56,287
Speaker 4: to have a child there compared to a strange.

399
00:17:56,727 --> 00:17:59,447
Speaker 3: I have heard that from a lot of friends who

400
00:17:59,567 --> 00:18:03,127
Speaker 3: came back and said London is hostile to children, was

401
00:18:03,167 --> 00:18:06,287
Speaker 3: how they described it, especially their public transport. That was

402
00:18:06,327 --> 00:18:07,327
Speaker 3: the big one that I heard.

403
00:18:07,767 --> 00:18:09,927
Speaker 4: That was a huge one for me. Go, look, it's

404
00:18:09,967 --> 00:18:11,807
Speaker 4: not as bad as parts of Europe. I know, Like

405
00:18:11,887 --> 00:18:14,567
Speaker 4: I have friends in Spain who told me that people

406
00:18:14,607 --> 00:18:17,607
Speaker 4: just blow cigaret smoke onto your baby's face there, like

407
00:18:17,687 --> 00:18:20,407
Speaker 4: it's just no one cares there, Like everyone's just smoking

408
00:18:20,447 --> 00:18:23,327
Speaker 4: all the time. And even London, I was surprised by

409
00:18:23,327 --> 00:18:26,567
Speaker 4: how many people still smoke, Like, you know, the NHS

410
00:18:26,647 --> 00:18:29,007
Speaker 4: is falling apart. Maybe take better care of your lungs.

411
00:18:29,047 --> 00:18:31,727
Speaker 4: But I don't understand their choices, but yeah, I was

412
00:18:31,807 --> 00:18:34,527
Speaker 4: quite shocked, Like it's one of those things where I

413
00:18:34,607 --> 00:18:37,927
Speaker 4: live in Melbourne, which is notoriously a hipster city, but

414
00:18:38,087 --> 00:18:42,167
Speaker 4: I haven't smelled cigarette smoke in my face in years

415
00:18:42,927 --> 00:18:44,647
Speaker 4: and to have that and then be like, but my

416
00:18:44,767 --> 00:18:45,967
Speaker 4: baby's right here.

417
00:18:45,807 --> 00:18:48,287
Speaker 1: As well, like what are you doing? I was quite

418
00:18:48,367 --> 00:18:49,007
Speaker 1: taken aback.

419
00:18:49,167 --> 00:18:51,207
Speaker 2: Yeah, your souvenir has a bit of the emphasema.

420
00:18:51,367 --> 00:18:55,007
Speaker 4: Yeah yeah, yeah, absolutely, yeah. And your muscles are built

421
00:18:55,047 --> 00:18:56,607
Speaker 4: up anyway from carrying the prim everywhere.

422
00:18:57,767 --> 00:19:02,367
Speaker 3: Yes, you're built from carrying like nine kilos and solid

423
00:19:02,407 --> 00:19:03,687
Speaker 3: baby constantly.

424
00:19:04,287 --> 00:19:04,807
Speaker 1: Yeah.

425
00:19:04,927 --> 00:19:07,447
Speaker 3: That you've also bolked that baby, so she's probably wearing

426
00:19:07,447 --> 00:19:08,487
Speaker 3: about twenty five cares.

427
00:19:08,567 --> 00:19:10,007
Speaker 4: Yeah, that was on me, to be fair, that was

428
00:19:10,087 --> 00:19:12,967
Speaker 4: metali by fault. Yeah, I scar bloading her before.

429
00:19:12,767 --> 00:19:13,367
Speaker 1: We left here.

430
00:19:13,847 --> 00:19:17,407
Speaker 3: Can you give us a ten second play by play

431
00:19:17,647 --> 00:19:19,007
Speaker 3: the chaos of.

432
00:19:18,967 --> 00:19:20,967
Speaker 2: Your morning before you got here.

433
00:19:21,327 --> 00:19:23,327
Speaker 4: So the fifteen year olds are now self sufficient, so

434
00:19:23,367 --> 00:19:25,847
Speaker 4: that's largely good. I still like check things as your

435
00:19:25,927 --> 00:19:28,007
Speaker 4: room clean and stuff like that and like have you

436
00:19:28,087 --> 00:19:31,207
Speaker 4: had breakfast? But largely she can keep herself alive. So

437
00:19:31,247 --> 00:19:34,527
Speaker 4: that's you know, yeah exactly, that's my main concern. As

438
00:19:34,527 --> 00:19:37,127
Speaker 4: long as Social Services doesn't have any questions, I'm fine.

439
00:19:37,367 --> 00:19:39,727
Speaker 4: So we take turns every morning on who gets up

440
00:19:39,767 --> 00:19:43,207
Speaker 4: with Leah, because she wakes up usually between six thirty

441
00:19:43,247 --> 00:19:44,447
Speaker 4: and seven am.

442
00:19:44,687 --> 00:19:46,767
Speaker 1: I don't know. She has stuff to do. I guess

443
00:19:46,447 --> 00:19:47,567
Speaker 1: then because.

444
00:19:47,527 --> 00:19:49,767
Speaker 4: She's, you know, working with the New York Times Zone

445
00:19:49,767 --> 00:19:52,527
Speaker 4: and she's got meetings over there. I don't understand. This

446
00:19:52,567 --> 00:19:54,967
Speaker 4: morning was my turn, Like six twenty five she woke up.

447
00:19:55,927 --> 00:20:00,527
Speaker 1: You just hear like, hi you God, damn it my life.

448
00:20:01,047 --> 00:20:03,367
Speaker 4: Yeah, and then you to think of, like, how can

449
00:20:03,407 --> 00:20:06,687
Speaker 4: I convince my partner just do that double ship like

450
00:20:06,767 --> 00:20:07,887
Speaker 4: take today is what?

451
00:20:08,047 --> 00:20:11,047
Speaker 1: Like what like can I come? Oh my, I had

452
00:20:11,087 --> 00:20:14,607
Speaker 1: a horrible night of dreams like bundi shit Like it's fine.

453
00:20:14,887 --> 00:20:17,327
Speaker 4: So then you take her out for some reason, even

454
00:20:17,367 --> 00:20:20,007
Speaker 4: though we've changed her nappy on the same changing table

455
00:20:20,287 --> 00:20:22,967
Speaker 4: since the day she was born. Treats it like it

456
00:20:23,047 --> 00:20:25,887
Speaker 4: is a trauma experience that she's now undergoing for the

457
00:20:25,927 --> 00:20:28,687
Speaker 4: first time ever, and it's shocked and appalled that you're

458
00:20:28,727 --> 00:20:31,687
Speaker 4: subjecting her to this. So yeah, six point thirty in

459
00:20:31,727 --> 00:20:35,127
Speaker 4: the morning, she's screaming, and she's discovered recently that not

460
00:20:35,167 --> 00:20:36,847
Speaker 4: only can she scream, but she can shriek.

461
00:20:37,607 --> 00:20:38,647
Speaker 2: It's a new.

462
00:20:38,567 --> 00:20:40,487
Speaker 1: Level of screaming. Is wonderful.

463
00:20:41,007 --> 00:20:45,927
Speaker 4: It's so invigorating to hear just a bloody murder being conducted.

464
00:20:45,607 --> 00:20:48,087
Speaker 2: Right way to stop the day.

465
00:20:47,487 --> 00:20:49,967
Speaker 4: So that and then I'm just like, yeah, okay, whatever,

466
00:20:50,127 --> 00:20:53,807
Speaker 4: because I'm said asleep, and so I'm like changing her

467
00:20:53,847 --> 00:20:56,407
Speaker 4: nappy and all of that. Then after that it's breakfast.

468
00:20:56,407 --> 00:20:58,647
Speaker 4: So first thing is that pop her into her high chair,

469
00:20:59,207 --> 00:21:01,407
Speaker 4: lock her in place so I can move around freely.

470
00:21:01,927 --> 00:21:04,847
Speaker 4: I chug your coffee, and then it's you know whatever breakfast.

471
00:21:04,887 --> 00:21:07,527
Speaker 4: She's going to reject the first three. So today she

472
00:21:07,607 --> 00:21:11,207
Speaker 4: rejected the wa to Bix. You rejected the cream cheese

473
00:21:11,207 --> 00:21:15,927
Speaker 4: on toes. Then she had cherry tomatoes, why not? Then

474
00:21:15,967 --> 00:21:19,087
Speaker 4: she said yes to the Weta Bix after that, and

475
00:21:19,127 --> 00:21:21,567
Speaker 4: then yes to the cream cheese sandwich, and then she

476
00:21:21,687 --> 00:21:24,527
Speaker 4: had blueberries. So yeah, it was a good, you know,

477
00:21:24,647 --> 00:21:28,247
Speaker 4: well proportioned breakfast, I suppose. And by that point it's

478
00:21:28,287 --> 00:21:31,287
Speaker 4: like seven, I guess seven thirty, So my fifteen year

479
00:21:31,287 --> 00:21:33,247
Speaker 4: old is now down as well, so they're talking to

480
00:21:33,287 --> 00:21:36,207
Speaker 4: each other, which lets me had one other coffee, and

481
00:21:36,247 --> 00:21:39,647
Speaker 4: then I discreetly go into the bathroom in back in

482
00:21:39,647 --> 00:21:42,167
Speaker 4: our bedroom and my partner's sleeping, by which I mean

483
00:21:42,247 --> 00:21:44,207
Speaker 4: I do it in a way that will guarantee to wake.

484
00:21:44,047 --> 00:21:45,767
Speaker 1: It up so that you can get up, get up,

485
00:21:45,767 --> 00:21:47,927
Speaker 1: and you woke up. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean

486
00:21:47,967 --> 00:21:49,807
Speaker 1: for you to wake up anyway. Can you take her now?

487
00:21:49,887 --> 00:21:51,767
Speaker 4: So I need to give the bathroom, and so then

488
00:21:51,847 --> 00:21:53,807
Speaker 4: she is forced to take over while I go in

489
00:21:53,887 --> 00:21:54,807
Speaker 4: for a shower and stuff.

490
00:21:55,127 --> 00:21:58,607
Speaker 1: And then yeah, so that's basically I love it.

491
00:21:58,767 --> 00:22:01,567
Speaker 2: I love it. That's my husband has started just opening

492
00:22:01,647 --> 00:22:02,927
Speaker 2: the blands and I'm like.

493
00:22:03,127 --> 00:22:05,367
Speaker 1: Oh, really, that's a bold move.

494
00:22:05,847 --> 00:22:08,887
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, those clothes actually yeah, a little bit.

495
00:22:08,927 --> 00:22:09,527
Speaker 1: No, don't.

496
00:22:09,567 --> 00:22:10,927
Speaker 4: I don't have the courage to do that, because that

497
00:22:11,047 --> 00:22:14,247
Speaker 4: is openly declaring war. I think, yeah, that is Yeah,

498
00:22:14,247 --> 00:22:16,047
Speaker 4: there's no such I did that once, like a few

499
00:22:16,127 --> 00:22:18,767
Speaker 4: days ago. I switched on the light because I was like, well,

500
00:22:18,807 --> 00:22:22,047
Speaker 4: I need to get something, get back a thing like

501
00:22:22,167 --> 00:22:25,207
Speaker 4: not even passive aggressive, just aggressive aggressive. And then after

502
00:22:25,327 --> 00:22:27,287
Speaker 4: I was like, wow, that was a dick My part,

503
00:22:27,487 --> 00:22:29,527
Speaker 4: like that was just purely.

504
00:22:29,407 --> 00:22:30,167
Speaker 1: I was at the end of my.

505
00:22:32,687 --> 00:22:35,727
Speaker 2: Thank you so much for your time today. It is

506
00:22:36,647 --> 00:22:38,807
Speaker 2: such a lovely chat. Thank you so much.

507
00:22:45,487 --> 00:22:48,567
Speaker 1: Crap crap, crap advice.

508
00:22:52,807 --> 00:22:56,367
Speaker 3: It's time for our dilemma, Claire. This is perhaps the

509
00:22:56,447 --> 00:23:01,647
Speaker 3: thorniest of all dilemmas. Hi, ladies, I have a really

510
00:23:01,687 --> 00:23:05,007
Speaker 3: awkward predicament for you today, and I'm totally stuck. My

511
00:23:05,127 --> 00:23:07,687
Speaker 3: best friend felt pregnant a few months after me, and

512
00:23:07,807 --> 00:23:10,967
Speaker 3: we were so excited. We've been since kindergarten, and we

513
00:23:11,087 --> 00:23:14,567
Speaker 3: couldn't believe we were having two girls. We planned their

514
00:23:14,607 --> 00:23:17,927
Speaker 3: friendship and how our maternity leave would align. But there's

515
00:23:18,207 --> 00:23:21,967
Speaker 3: just one problem. Just tell me that those two women

516
00:23:22,047 --> 00:23:22,887
Speaker 3: didn't just plan to be at a.

517
00:23:22,887 --> 00:23:27,487
Speaker 2: Cafe to hard relate. This is her problem, Claire.

518
00:23:28,287 --> 00:23:30,887
Speaker 3: I don't like her baby. I don't know how to

519
00:23:30,967 --> 00:23:33,167
Speaker 3: explain it. I just get a weird vibe. I'm not

520
00:23:33,287 --> 00:23:36,687
Speaker 3: a super clucky person. I adore my baby, but otherwise

521
00:23:36,727 --> 00:23:40,847
Speaker 3: I'm not fussed. This baby is quite slobbery and always sticky.

522
00:23:41,167 --> 00:23:41,607
Speaker 1: I like the.

523
00:23:41,647 --> 00:23:44,887
Speaker 3: Details, to be honest, and she just gives me the

524
00:23:45,007 --> 00:23:49,407
Speaker 3: equal so brutal. Sometimes she thrusts her baby onto me

525
00:23:49,687 --> 00:23:52,127
Speaker 3: and I don't want to hold her. I spend enough

526
00:23:52,247 --> 00:23:53,687
Speaker 3: time holding a baby.

527
00:23:54,167 --> 00:24:02,847
Speaker 2: What should I do? Okay, well, I've got a few ideas.

528
00:24:03,287 --> 00:24:06,687
Speaker 3: Firstly, Jesse, is this a passive aggressive way of telling

529
00:24:06,767 --> 00:24:11,327
Speaker 3: me that Matilda is sticky? Matilda is sticky, and in

530
00:24:11,407 --> 00:24:14,647
Speaker 3: fact she's actually quite slobbery with teething. But I love

531
00:24:14,727 --> 00:24:16,447
Speaker 3: Matilda like my own and I did not write this.

532
00:24:16,607 --> 00:24:18,527
Speaker 3: This was written in by a listener who wanted some

533
00:24:18,647 --> 00:24:22,167
Speaker 3: bad advice. All right, well, I have one word and

534
00:24:22,367 --> 00:24:25,967
Speaker 3: one word only, ex communica though, oh.

535
00:24:27,647 --> 00:24:31,447
Speaker 2: Excommunicate. It's done. It's done.

536
00:24:31,527 --> 00:24:33,847
Speaker 3: The friend and her baby are just the baby, friend

537
00:24:33,887 --> 00:24:38,007
Speaker 3: and baby. Oh wow, that's one. That's one approach. Okay, well, okay,

538
00:24:38,127 --> 00:24:41,047
Speaker 3: on that on, Hold on, hold on, hold on. I

539
00:24:41,287 --> 00:24:44,927
Speaker 3: also have I don't know, can you make it cute?

540
00:24:46,207 --> 00:24:49,087
Speaker 3: Because if it's sticky, can you wipe it down and

541
00:24:49,287 --> 00:24:51,567
Speaker 3: wipe it down? If it's slobbery, can you ask it

542
00:24:51,767 --> 00:24:55,927
Speaker 3: to not be Maybe buy a headband or some silly shoes.

543
00:24:56,007 --> 00:24:58,887
Speaker 3: Shoes help with cuteness levels, that's true, like a few

544
00:24:58,927 --> 00:25:00,967
Speaker 3: bow's or something. And just if you give it a

545
00:25:01,007 --> 00:25:04,287
Speaker 3: little bib for its slobberiness, the slobberiness might be a

546
00:25:04,367 --> 00:25:05,007
Speaker 3: moment in time.

547
00:25:05,367 --> 00:25:05,607
Speaker 1: Yeah.

548
00:25:05,807 --> 00:25:07,887
Speaker 3: And I guess my other thing would be, if you

549
00:25:07,887 --> 00:25:10,607
Speaker 3: don't want to go full ex community, you're gonna have

550
00:25:10,687 --> 00:25:13,367
Speaker 3: to talk to your baby and work out how to

551
00:25:13,447 --> 00:25:18,047
Speaker 3: bully it. Oh yeah, so you say, honey, look at it,

552
00:25:18,407 --> 00:25:21,807
Speaker 3: look at it. That's what we bully, like Luna does

553
00:25:21,847 --> 00:25:22,407
Speaker 3: to Matilda.

554
00:25:22,807 --> 00:25:23,367
Speaker 2: Yeah, she does.

555
00:25:23,527 --> 00:25:26,047
Speaker 3: Luna does bully Matilda, it's not my fault, but there's

556
00:25:26,047 --> 00:25:30,447
Speaker 3: also nothing I can do. I would say, resort to

557
00:25:30,567 --> 00:25:33,167
Speaker 3: year eight. That's my mantra. And by that I mean,

558
00:25:34,407 --> 00:25:37,247
Speaker 3: let's say the baby's name is Gretel. You say to

559
00:25:37,327 --> 00:25:39,367
Speaker 3: your friend, Ugh, is Gretel coming?

560
00:25:39,927 --> 00:25:40,367
Speaker 2: Oh wow?

561
00:25:40,607 --> 00:25:42,647
Speaker 3: And she's like, that's my baby, and then you say,

562
00:25:42,887 --> 00:25:46,487
Speaker 3: do you even like Gretel? Things like that happened to

563
00:25:46,647 --> 00:25:49,247
Speaker 3: us in year eight. And then remember we're at a

564
00:25:49,247 --> 00:25:52,407
Speaker 3: sleepover in year eight and we're this friend that she

565
00:25:52,527 --> 00:25:54,447
Speaker 3: was just a bit and she would always start a

566
00:25:54,487 --> 00:25:56,607
Speaker 3: game that was like everyone go around and say something

567
00:25:56,647 --> 00:25:58,727
Speaker 3: positive and negative, like we'll start with Claire a good thing,

568
00:25:58,767 --> 00:26:00,447
Speaker 3: about a good thing and a bad thing, and everyone'd

569
00:26:00,487 --> 00:26:04,967
Speaker 3: be like, oh, bad thing, you're annoying good thing, and

570
00:26:05,047 --> 00:26:07,327
Speaker 3: then everyone would get stuck, and then they'd go over

571
00:26:07,407 --> 00:26:09,687
Speaker 3: to Lauren over here and they'd go, a good thing,

572
00:26:09,727 --> 00:26:12,567
Speaker 3: you're really pretty bad thing. I can't think of any yeah,

573
00:26:12,807 --> 00:26:16,047
Speaker 3: and I'd be like, I'm gonna go flush my head. Yes,

574
00:26:16,527 --> 00:26:18,727
Speaker 3: I think we play that game with Gretel. Yeah, So

575
00:26:19,207 --> 00:26:22,607
Speaker 3: it gets to Gretel and you're like, don't like your face? Easy,

576
00:26:22,967 --> 00:26:25,887
Speaker 3: and then positive ponder until you move on.

577
00:26:27,807 --> 00:26:30,927
Speaker 2: Yeah, nothing. Here's another idiot. Start a WhatsApp group with

578
00:26:30,967 --> 00:26:33,447
Speaker 2: that Gretel and call it no Gretel.

579
00:26:34,047 --> 00:26:37,927
Speaker 3: And lastly, and include your baby in it. Oh yeah, absolutely,

580
00:26:39,007 --> 00:26:41,007
Speaker 3: or hang your baby out to dry. And by that

581
00:26:41,127 --> 00:26:44,087
Speaker 3: I mean you meet up right, you're going out to dinner.

582
00:26:44,367 --> 00:26:47,327
Speaker 3: It's you, your baby, friend and Gretel and you, And

583
00:26:47,487 --> 00:26:49,687
Speaker 3: it's all about who you sit next to. Yeah, so

584
00:26:49,807 --> 00:26:52,247
Speaker 3: sit with your friend. That's fine. Get Gretel and your

585
00:26:52,287 --> 00:26:54,047
Speaker 3: baby down the other end, and your baby has to

586
00:26:54,087 --> 00:26:56,967
Speaker 3: talk to Gretel. And you don't have to talk to Gretel.

587
00:26:57,047 --> 00:26:58,847
Speaker 3: You don't have to look at her, you don't have

588
00:26:59,007 --> 00:27:03,447
Speaker 3: to hold her, just siphon them at the end of

589
00:27:03,487 --> 00:27:06,247
Speaker 3: the table. And your baby's like, mom, I don't like it,

590
00:27:06,327 --> 00:27:07,887
Speaker 3: and you're like, shut up. We have to be nice

591
00:27:07,927 --> 00:27:08,487
Speaker 3: to people.

592
00:27:08,247 --> 00:27:16,887
Speaker 2: Who are different. Ah, poor Gretel. Fine, I'm sure she's

593
00:27:16,927 --> 00:27:17,647
Speaker 2: a lotta blessed.

594
00:27:20,567 --> 00:27:23,367
Speaker 3: We hope you enjoyed this episode of the Baby Bubble

595
00:27:23,487 --> 00:27:25,727
Speaker 3: and didn't find anything remotely helpful.

596
00:27:26,007 --> 00:27:29,367
Speaker 2: Don't start a WhatsApp group withdaut your friend's baby. Oh yeah.

597
00:27:30,047 --> 00:27:32,767
Speaker 3: This season, we've asked a bunch of comedians to join

598
00:27:32,927 --> 00:27:36,167
Speaker 3: us in the Baby Bubble to debrief about the funniest

599
00:27:36,207 --> 00:27:39,287
Speaker 3: thing we've ever done, which is parenting. If you're new here,

600
00:27:39,607 --> 00:27:42,727
Speaker 3: make sure you subscribe so you never miss an episode,

601
00:27:43,047 --> 00:27:45,607
Speaker 3: and while you're already in the business tapping your screen,

602
00:27:45,767 --> 00:27:48,887
Speaker 3: give us a rating and a review tube. The Baby

603
00:27:48,887 --> 00:27:52,047
Speaker 3: Bubble is produced by Taylor Strano, with audio production by

604
00:27:52,087 --> 00:27:52,927
Speaker 3: Teak and Sad Luck.

605
00:27:53,007 --> 00:27:53,887
Speaker 2: We'll see you next week.

606
00:27:54,207 --> 00:27:54,527
Speaker 3: Bye,