1 00:00:21,610 --> 00:00:26,410 Speaker 1: You're listening to a MoMA Mia podcast. Mumma Mia acknowledges 2 00:00:26,490 --> 00:00:29,330 Speaker 1: the traditional owners of the land. We have recorded this 3 00:00:29,450 --> 00:00:33,570 Speaker 1: podcast on the Gatagoul people of the Eora Nation. We 4 00:00:33,610 --> 00:00:36,730 Speaker 1: pay our respects to their elders past and present, and 5 00:00:36,850 --> 00:00:49,330 Speaker 1: extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures. 6 00:00:50,650 --> 00:00:54,130 Speaker 2: Welcome back, beautiful listeners. I'm Joe Lamble, a clinical psychologist 7 00:00:54,130 --> 00:00:55,050 Speaker 2: and a mum of two. 8 00:00:55,290 --> 00:00:57,650 Speaker 3: I'm Jinny Mansberg. I'm a GP and I'm a mum. 9 00:00:57,730 --> 00:01:01,730 Speaker 3: We've got six kids in our blended family. Now, before 10 00:01:01,730 --> 00:01:04,410 Speaker 3: we get into today's episode, this episode of Help I 11 00:01:04,450 --> 00:01:06,730 Speaker 3: Have a Teenager will be our last one for a 12 00:01:06,770 --> 00:01:09,130 Speaker 3: little while. The podcast is taking a break, but we 13 00:01:09,250 --> 00:01:11,250 Speaker 3: have an amazing episode for you today. 14 00:01:11,770 --> 00:01:13,770 Speaker 2: Later on in this episode, we're going to talk about 15 00:01:13,810 --> 00:01:16,770 Speaker 2: an interesting article that's given us great insight into how 16 00:01:16,850 --> 00:01:19,250 Speaker 2: teens are feeling in twenty twenty four. 17 00:01:19,610 --> 00:01:22,490 Speaker 3: But before when we get into that, we're answering a 18 00:01:22,570 --> 00:01:25,130 Speaker 3: question emailed to us by Sharon. It is a bit 19 00:01:25,130 --> 00:01:26,690 Speaker 3: of a long one, but I'm going to read it out. 20 00:01:26,730 --> 00:01:31,170 Speaker 3: She says, I'm seeking advice regarding teenage siblings who clash, 21 00:01:31,330 --> 00:01:34,850 Speaker 3: causing disruptions at school. I've got two teenage daughters, one 22 00:01:34,850 --> 00:01:36,810 Speaker 3: in year seven and the other in nar ten, both 23 00:01:36,850 --> 00:01:40,970 Speaker 3: attending the same high school this year. Despite their differing personalities, 24 00:01:40,970 --> 00:01:44,570 Speaker 3: they're quite strong willed. The older one consistently holds onto 25 00:01:44,610 --> 00:01:48,850 Speaker 3: grudges and insists on consequences for her sister's actions at school. 26 00:01:49,130 --> 00:01:51,850 Speaker 3: I receive conflicting accounts from each of them, and it 27 00:01:51,850 --> 00:01:55,690 Speaker 3: seems there's no clear victim. They both exhibit unkind behavior 28 00:01:55,730 --> 00:01:58,410 Speaker 3: towards each other at times. One thing that seems to 29 00:01:58,490 --> 00:02:01,370 Speaker 3: really annoy both of them is when they talk badly 30 00:02:01,410 --> 00:02:04,690 Speaker 3: about each other to their friends. They get embarrassed. It's 31 00:02:04,730 --> 00:02:07,490 Speaker 3: very stressful when I receive a long thread of messages 32 00:02:07,530 --> 00:02:10,210 Speaker 3: from them both after school while they're navigating the bus 33 00:02:10,290 --> 00:02:13,250 Speaker 3: ride home, each detailing the awful things their sister has 34 00:02:13,290 --> 00:02:16,090 Speaker 3: done to them. Any suggestions. I often advise them to 35 00:02:16,090 --> 00:02:18,850 Speaker 3: simply avoid each other, but they're never happy with that suggestion. 36 00:02:19,250 --> 00:02:21,130 Speaker 3: It's such a shame it would have been if they 37 00:02:21,170 --> 00:02:24,330 Speaker 3: looked out for each other, Joe, Any advice for Sharon? 38 00:02:24,610 --> 00:02:24,890 Speaker 1: Lots? 39 00:02:26,010 --> 00:02:28,290 Speaker 2: Yeah, I bet it is tough, Sharon. And we're really 40 00:02:28,290 --> 00:02:31,090 Speaker 2: happy that you contacted us because we want you to 41 00:02:31,170 --> 00:02:33,730 Speaker 2: know you're not alone. I think there's this idea that 42 00:02:33,770 --> 00:02:37,210 Speaker 2: in households, oh, it is wonderful, or the kids especially 43 00:02:37,610 --> 00:02:40,770 Speaker 2: you know, sisters they're so closed, or brothers they're like 44 00:02:40,810 --> 00:02:44,090 Speaker 2: best friends. And that obviously happens in some households, but 45 00:02:44,170 --> 00:02:47,010 Speaker 2: there are plenty of households that are having the struggle 46 00:02:47,210 --> 00:02:50,290 Speaker 2: you're having, Sharon. And the three years between them is 47 00:02:50,410 --> 00:02:54,330 Speaker 2: quite significant at this age, between years seven and ten, 48 00:02:54,450 --> 00:02:56,330 Speaker 2: but it'll become less and less of a gap as 49 00:02:56,330 --> 00:02:59,010 Speaker 2: they get older, so it certainly won't matter. But that 50 00:02:59,130 --> 00:03:02,010 Speaker 2: is a big difference in maturity between those two things. 51 00:03:02,170 --> 00:03:05,410 Speaker 2: One thing never to say is your sisters, so you 52 00:03:05,450 --> 00:03:07,250 Speaker 2: have to get on or you've only got each other. 53 00:03:07,530 --> 00:03:09,850 Speaker 2: If I'm not here, you'll only have each other. Because 54 00:03:09,850 --> 00:03:12,890 Speaker 2: that never works. I think often the best way to 55 00:03:12,930 --> 00:03:15,770 Speaker 2: tackle this is to talk to them about empathy individually, 56 00:03:15,850 --> 00:03:18,130 Speaker 2: take them apart, and just say, what do you think 57 00:03:18,170 --> 00:03:20,850 Speaker 2: is going on for your sister? Why do you think 58 00:03:20,890 --> 00:03:24,690 Speaker 2: your sister is being mean to you? Get them and 59 00:03:24,810 --> 00:03:27,130 Speaker 2: do the same for each of them. If you try 60 00:03:27,170 --> 00:03:30,330 Speaker 2: to get them thinking about why their sister is acting 61 00:03:30,370 --> 00:03:33,490 Speaker 2: in this way, then you're actually, without them knowing it, 62 00:03:33,530 --> 00:03:35,690 Speaker 2: you're tapping into their empathy. It's the same sort of 63 00:03:35,690 --> 00:03:38,450 Speaker 2: thing we do when a child's being bullied. When a 64 00:03:38,530 --> 00:03:41,130 Speaker 2: child's being bullied, you give them heaps and heaps of empathy, 65 00:03:41,130 --> 00:03:43,490 Speaker 2: of course, but you also say, why do you think 66 00:03:43,530 --> 00:03:45,690 Speaker 2: the bully might be doing this? What do you think 67 00:03:45,810 --> 00:03:47,650 Speaker 2: might be going on for them? What might be going 68 00:03:47,650 --> 00:03:49,530 Speaker 2: on for them at home? What do you think being 69 00:03:49,650 --> 00:03:53,970 Speaker 2: mean is giving them? Because that helps us in life 70 00:03:54,010 --> 00:03:57,290 Speaker 2: to think, wow, it's not always about us. Somebody else's 71 00:03:57,330 --> 00:04:00,770 Speaker 2: behavior is normally because of what's going on with them. 72 00:04:00,890 --> 00:04:03,530 Speaker 2: So you can give some suggestions. Do you think your 73 00:04:03,570 --> 00:04:07,970 Speaker 2: sister's feeling a little bit awkward around your insecure or 74 00:04:08,090 --> 00:04:11,490 Speaker 2: jealous in some way or envious? Do you think she's 75 00:04:11,570 --> 00:04:15,210 Speaker 2: getting some sort of attention from her friends about talking 76 00:04:15,250 --> 00:04:17,650 Speaker 2: about an awful sister? What do you think might be 77 00:04:17,730 --> 00:04:18,810 Speaker 2: going on? What do you think? 78 00:04:18,970 --> 00:04:21,970 Speaker 3: Yeah, I think that's really great. I wanted to reiterate 79 00:04:22,010 --> 00:04:24,810 Speaker 3: what you were saying, Joe about Unfortunately in life there 80 00:04:24,810 --> 00:04:26,210 Speaker 3: are going to be people you don't get on with, 81 00:04:26,690 --> 00:04:29,330 Speaker 3: and sadly it might be within your own family. And 82 00:04:29,890 --> 00:04:33,370 Speaker 3: Joe and I both sit and hear all day every 83 00:04:33,490 --> 00:04:36,170 Speaker 3: day about conflict between siblings. It is very common. It 84 00:04:36,210 --> 00:04:38,650 Speaker 3: often comes out more when there's a will or when 85 00:04:38,810 --> 00:04:41,090 Speaker 3: you know Mum is going to go into a nursing 86 00:04:41,090 --> 00:04:43,650 Speaker 3: home and selling the family home. Whenever money is involved, 87 00:04:43,650 --> 00:04:46,810 Speaker 3: it just goes turbocharged to the next level. But unfortunately, 88 00:04:46,850 --> 00:04:48,730 Speaker 3: you don't like everybody in life, and it can happen 89 00:04:48,730 --> 00:04:52,090 Speaker 3: within siblings. And I don't want you to have Sharon 90 00:04:52,130 --> 00:04:56,370 Speaker 3: as your I guess nirvana is that they are best friends. 91 00:04:56,450 --> 00:04:58,010 Speaker 3: And I would love to be able to tell you, Oh, 92 00:04:58,050 --> 00:05:00,730 Speaker 3: don't worry, they'll hit eighteen and fifteen and they'll be 93 00:05:00,730 --> 00:05:03,050 Speaker 3: best friends. You won't look back, they won't believe that 94 00:05:03,050 --> 00:05:05,930 Speaker 3: they used to bicker. They might not, but to a 95 00:05:05,930 --> 00:05:10,450 Speaker 3: certain extent. Learning how to have a business relationship because 96 00:05:10,450 --> 00:05:12,450 Speaker 3: as siblings they will always be in the business of 97 00:05:12,490 --> 00:05:13,970 Speaker 3: being in the same family. You don't want to have 98 00:05:14,010 --> 00:05:17,090 Speaker 3: such a big rift between them that Christmases and family 99 00:05:17,130 --> 00:05:21,290 Speaker 3: weddings are a disaster. Getting into the business of operating 100 00:05:21,330 --> 00:05:24,290 Speaker 3: with people that you don't like, you don't necessarily choose 101 00:05:24,330 --> 00:05:25,930 Speaker 3: to hang out with, but with whom you can learn 102 00:05:25,930 --> 00:05:30,170 Speaker 3: to be civil, find some points of commonality so you 103 00:05:30,170 --> 00:05:32,970 Speaker 3: can have a civil conversation. You can acknowledge where you 104 00:05:33,010 --> 00:05:35,650 Speaker 3: share some values. You can behave yourself in a family 105 00:05:35,690 --> 00:05:38,570 Speaker 3: event so it doesn't make everybody else feel awkward about it. 106 00:05:39,010 --> 00:05:41,490 Speaker 3: That is a skill that they can learn now. And 107 00:05:41,570 --> 00:05:44,450 Speaker 3: if from there, if that platform allows them to subsequently 108 00:05:44,530 --> 00:05:47,930 Speaker 3: go on and develop a greater friendship, fantastic. But if not, 109 00:05:48,570 --> 00:05:50,810 Speaker 3: they might end up having an ex partner. You're going 110 00:05:50,850 --> 00:05:52,450 Speaker 3: to be in the business of raising a child together. 111 00:05:52,450 --> 00:05:54,130 Speaker 3: You have to have a business like relationship. 112 00:05:54,290 --> 00:05:55,570 Speaker 2: We all work. People at work. 113 00:05:55,650 --> 00:05:58,490 Speaker 3: People at work you don't necessarily like, but you are 114 00:05:58,530 --> 00:06:01,050 Speaker 3: dependent on them to get a project done. This is 115 00:06:01,090 --> 00:06:03,850 Speaker 3: a skill that they need to learn. And if you 116 00:06:03,930 --> 00:06:05,810 Speaker 3: can come with that kind of empathy and this is 117 00:06:05,810 --> 00:06:10,170 Speaker 3: a good learning opportunity, then I think that from there 118 00:06:10,850 --> 00:06:12,810 Speaker 3: you can get rid of what I think you're feeling, 119 00:06:12,810 --> 00:06:15,050 Speaker 3: which has been caught in the middle of the victim Olympics, 120 00:06:15,090 --> 00:06:16,850 Speaker 3: which I think goes on with kids their age. There's 121 00:06:16,890 --> 00:06:19,010 Speaker 3: a lot of this going on. We're all on this 122 00:06:19,250 --> 00:06:22,010 Speaker 3: on social media for finding who's got the worst horror story. 123 00:06:22,250 --> 00:06:24,490 Speaker 3: It is a little bit about their times. Don't get 124 00:06:24,490 --> 00:06:27,090 Speaker 3: caught in the middle of that. Let's constructively work how 125 00:06:27,170 --> 00:06:28,450 Speaker 3: to manage this relationship. 126 00:06:28,530 --> 00:06:31,650 Speaker 2: Yeah, I love that. Whenever we can take the opportunity 127 00:06:31,770 --> 00:06:35,050 Speaker 2: to teach them life skills, things that are applicable to 128 00:06:35,090 --> 00:06:37,370 Speaker 2: this situation. But you know what, in life, it's going 129 00:06:37,410 --> 00:06:39,370 Speaker 2: to help you to have a business relationship with people 130 00:06:39,410 --> 00:06:41,930 Speaker 2: you don't necessarily get on with. And likewise, I think 131 00:06:41,930 --> 00:06:44,370 Speaker 2: it would be a good idea, Sharon that if you 132 00:06:44,490 --> 00:06:46,530 Speaker 2: talk to your girls and say, hey, this sort of 133 00:06:46,530 --> 00:06:48,970 Speaker 2: behavior is not going to help you as an individual 134 00:06:49,010 --> 00:06:51,690 Speaker 2: in life. In life, forget about your sister right now. 135 00:06:51,810 --> 00:06:55,810 Speaker 2: In life, to hold grudges and to just be determined 136 00:06:55,810 --> 00:06:57,530 Speaker 2: that someone who does the wrong thing needs to be 137 00:06:57,570 --> 00:06:59,850 Speaker 2: punished is not going to help you down the track. 138 00:07:00,290 --> 00:07:02,330 Speaker 2: And in life, it's not going to help you if 139 00:07:02,330 --> 00:07:05,170 Speaker 2: you talk really meanly about someone behind their back. What 140 00:07:05,210 --> 00:07:08,410 Speaker 2: do we all think when we hear somebody saying horrible 141 00:07:08,450 --> 00:07:11,130 Speaker 2: things about someone to us, We think, oh, what do 142 00:07:11,170 --> 00:07:14,210 Speaker 2: they say about me to everyone else? So sometimes that 143 00:07:14,370 --> 00:07:17,650 Speaker 2: lands better on your teenager if you can say, hey, 144 00:07:18,090 --> 00:07:20,610 Speaker 2: put in the relationship you have with your sister aside. 145 00:07:20,890 --> 00:07:23,450 Speaker 2: Right now, what you are doing, this sort of behavior, 146 00:07:23,490 --> 00:07:27,450 Speaker 2: the way you are tackling the managing this class you 147 00:07:27,490 --> 00:07:29,650 Speaker 2: have with your sister is not going to be a 148 00:07:29,650 --> 00:07:31,650 Speaker 2: good habit to get into. It's not going to help 149 00:07:31,690 --> 00:07:34,410 Speaker 2: you as an adult, and as an adult, that is 150 00:07:34,490 --> 00:07:36,890 Speaker 2: when life really happens. And that's why you want to 151 00:07:36,930 --> 00:07:40,170 Speaker 2: just get rid of these behaviors now for your own sake, 152 00:07:40,290 --> 00:07:51,090 Speaker 2: not just for the sake of the family. Ginny. Last week, 153 00:07:51,130 --> 00:07:54,210 Speaker 2: Hannah Mansur wrote an article for Mumma Mia title this 154 00:07:54,370 --> 00:07:56,450 Speaker 2: is Actually what It's Like to be a fourteen year 155 00:07:56,490 --> 00:07:59,970 Speaker 2: old girl in twenty twenty four. With permission from their parents, 156 00:08:00,050 --> 00:08:02,890 Speaker 2: Hannah spoke with five different fourteen year old girls to 157 00:08:02,930 --> 00:08:05,530 Speaker 2: get some of their thoughts on friendship, technology, and what 158 00:08:05,610 --> 00:08:08,250 Speaker 2: life is like as a teenager. In twenty twenty four, 159 00:08:08,730 --> 00:08:12,130 Speaker 2: these fourteen year olds spoke about how technology has added 160 00:08:12,130 --> 00:08:15,210 Speaker 2: this extra layer of pressure to make everything perfect. Some 161 00:08:15,290 --> 00:08:17,650 Speaker 2: of the teams talked about how technology has added this 162 00:08:17,730 --> 00:08:20,610 Speaker 2: extra pressure to make everything perfect, like having the best 163 00:08:20,770 --> 00:08:24,810 Speaker 2: presentation because of people using all these different apps, or 164 00:08:24,890 --> 00:08:26,770 Speaker 2: some felt like they were just wanted to be a kid. 165 00:08:26,810 --> 00:08:29,210 Speaker 2: They just wanted to play with their lego or barbies 166 00:08:29,250 --> 00:08:31,290 Speaker 2: and they didn't want to really have to talk about 167 00:08:31,290 --> 00:08:33,690 Speaker 2: their latest crush or what they saw on TikTok. And 168 00:08:33,730 --> 00:08:35,810 Speaker 2: some were feeling like they had to grow up really 169 00:08:35,850 --> 00:08:38,210 Speaker 2: quickly because a parent had an issue that they had 170 00:08:38,250 --> 00:08:41,010 Speaker 2: to deal with, and lots of kids are talking about 171 00:08:41,010 --> 00:08:43,970 Speaker 2: being bullied and hiding it and then finally telling parents 172 00:08:44,010 --> 00:08:47,210 Speaker 2: or teachers, and then nothing really changes even though they've 173 00:08:47,250 --> 00:08:49,810 Speaker 2: spoken up. What did you think about this article, Jinny? 174 00:08:50,170 --> 00:08:53,530 Speaker 3: Look, all of those things were pretty devastating, and I 175 00:08:53,530 --> 00:08:56,090 Speaker 3: think it would be really devastating as a parent of 176 00:08:56,170 --> 00:08:59,610 Speaker 3: a fourteen year old to be reading this stuff. But 177 00:09:00,410 --> 00:09:03,250 Speaker 3: I think this article is fantastic because it's great fodder 178 00:09:03,250 --> 00:09:04,050 Speaker 3: for a family dinner. 179 00:09:04,130 --> 00:09:04,290 Speaker 1: Right. 180 00:09:04,370 --> 00:09:08,450 Speaker 3: There's so many conversations here that are conversation starters where 181 00:09:08,490 --> 00:09:12,010 Speaker 3: you can say this article has completely opened my eyes. 182 00:09:12,130 --> 00:09:16,690 Speaker 3: I had no idea that levels of presentations are ahead 183 00:09:16,690 --> 00:09:20,250 Speaker 3: of industry relations in a top ten company on ASX. 184 00:09:20,730 --> 00:09:23,170 Speaker 3: These are really big problems to have. I had no 185 00:09:23,210 --> 00:09:25,890 Speaker 3: idea what's going on. Is bullying such a big thing, 186 00:09:26,050 --> 00:09:29,050 Speaker 3: And this allows you to have points of connection with 187 00:09:29,130 --> 00:09:32,250 Speaker 3: your children, and connection is just so important for keeping 188 00:09:32,290 --> 00:09:36,570 Speaker 3: them safe. So I guess, taking the silver lining from 189 00:09:36,610 --> 00:09:39,370 Speaker 3: this particularly nasty cloud, I did think, go and have 190 00:09:39,410 --> 00:09:41,930 Speaker 3: a chat with your kids, maybe together, email it to them, 191 00:09:42,370 --> 00:09:44,770 Speaker 3: maybe DM it to them because they probably won't have 192 00:09:44,810 --> 00:09:46,530 Speaker 3: an email address, because that's so old school. 193 00:09:46,650 --> 00:09:49,130 Speaker 2: At us and which issues they do relate to, because 194 00:09:49,170 --> 00:09:52,210 Speaker 2: I think that's what I learned from Hannah's article the 195 00:09:52,250 --> 00:09:55,370 Speaker 2: most was how different fourteen year olds are from each other. 196 00:09:55,770 --> 00:09:59,290 Speaker 2: So we can't just assume, oh, that's just a typical adolescent, 197 00:09:59,370 --> 00:10:01,530 Speaker 2: or that's a typical teenager, because some want to be 198 00:10:01,530 --> 00:10:04,690 Speaker 2: playing with Lego and their younger siblings, and others are 199 00:10:04,690 --> 00:10:08,450 Speaker 2: trying to create this immaculate presentation, and some are growing 200 00:10:08,490 --> 00:10:12,410 Speaker 2: up too quickly, and some are quietly and hiddenly dealing 201 00:10:12,450 --> 00:10:15,690 Speaker 2: with being bullied. So I think that's really good. And 202 00:10:15,810 --> 00:10:19,010 Speaker 2: as ever, it's really important to understand what's going on 203 00:10:19,090 --> 00:10:21,090 Speaker 2: for your team because it may not be what you 204 00:10:21,170 --> 00:10:24,170 Speaker 2: expected to be. And yes, Ginny and I always talk 205 00:10:24,210 --> 00:10:26,610 Speaker 2: about how it's great to talk to other parents. It's 206 00:10:26,650 --> 00:10:29,010 Speaker 2: great that you know that our teenagers know that we 207 00:10:29,170 --> 00:10:31,930 Speaker 2: all chat, not about them behind their back, but we're 208 00:10:31,930 --> 00:10:34,450 Speaker 2: all aware so we can sort of be there on 209 00:10:34,530 --> 00:10:37,330 Speaker 2: call for each other when something happens. But talking to 210 00:10:37,370 --> 00:10:40,010 Speaker 2: other parents doesn't mean what is going on for other 211 00:10:40,050 --> 00:10:43,330 Speaker 2: teenagers is necessarily going on for yours. So you don't 212 00:10:43,330 --> 00:10:46,210 Speaker 2: have to freak out if you hear from other parents, oh, 213 00:10:46,330 --> 00:10:49,290 Speaker 2: this teenager is having a terrible time. They're being bullied, 214 00:10:49,290 --> 00:10:51,890 Speaker 2: and just assume your child is too. You can, have, 215 00:10:52,330 --> 00:10:56,290 Speaker 2: of course empathy for any teen who's struggling, but don't assume. 216 00:10:56,650 --> 00:10:58,810 Speaker 2: That's why I love your idea, Ginny. Bring the article 217 00:10:58,890 --> 00:11:01,650 Speaker 2: to your kids attention and just see what they think 218 00:11:01,690 --> 00:11:03,770 Speaker 2: of it, Just see what they relate to. And at 219 00:11:03,810 --> 00:11:07,290 Speaker 2: dinner table conversation is a perfect example, especially if you 220 00:11:07,330 --> 00:11:09,730 Speaker 2: do have different age kids, because if you've got a 221 00:11:09,770 --> 00:11:12,930 Speaker 2: seventeen year old who is relating to oh, that's I 222 00:11:12,930 --> 00:11:15,890 Speaker 2: didn't feel like that at fourteen, but another one said, well, 223 00:11:15,930 --> 00:11:18,410 Speaker 2: I did you know that? Again is showing Wow, we're 224 00:11:18,450 --> 00:11:21,250 Speaker 2: all different, but let's all hear what's going on for 225 00:11:21,290 --> 00:11:21,690 Speaker 2: each other. 226 00:11:22,130 --> 00:11:25,650 Speaker 3: As a parent, I always wanted my kids to assume responsibility. 227 00:11:25,690 --> 00:11:27,930 Speaker 3: I was trying to pass that that enough competency so 228 00:11:28,090 --> 00:11:30,210 Speaker 3: hard to them, you know, come on, you've got this. 229 00:11:30,650 --> 00:11:33,090 Speaker 3: And then reading that in fact, trying to get your 230 00:11:33,170 --> 00:11:35,810 Speaker 3: kid to grow up too quickly and take responsibility for themselves, 231 00:11:35,850 --> 00:11:37,850 Speaker 3: they're finding that really stressful. 232 00:11:38,170 --> 00:11:39,290 Speaker 2: I would have loved to have had. 233 00:11:39,130 --> 00:11:42,530 Speaker 3: That conversation with my kids when they were younger, and 234 00:11:42,930 --> 00:11:45,810 Speaker 3: I didn't because I hadn't read anything like this. 235 00:11:45,970 --> 00:11:48,730 Speaker 2: But and they might not all. Yes, the thing, some 236 00:11:48,810 --> 00:11:51,970 Speaker 2: kids want to grab that independence as early as possible. 237 00:11:51,650 --> 00:11:53,770 Speaker 3: And they're frustrated by being held back by their parents. 238 00:11:53,850 --> 00:11:55,490 Speaker 2: That's right. And some are saying, please, don't ask me 239 00:11:55,490 --> 00:11:57,210 Speaker 2: to do anything. I really just want to sit in 240 00:11:57,250 --> 00:11:59,730 Speaker 2: my room and build little towels, which is great. 241 00:11:59,970 --> 00:12:02,130 Speaker 3: Which is great, except that that's not life. You might 242 00:12:02,210 --> 00:12:05,490 Speaker 3: actually need to unstack a dish washer, because that's sure 243 00:12:05,890 --> 00:12:06,970 Speaker 3: our family. 244 00:12:06,810 --> 00:12:09,410 Speaker 2: Sure they can stack the dish washer, but they might 245 00:12:09,450 --> 00:12:13,530 Speaker 2: not need to, you know, be totally independent before they're ready. 246 00:12:13,650 --> 00:12:17,130 Speaker 3: Yes, perhaps, maybe not, you know, cleaning the toilets well, 247 00:12:17,570 --> 00:12:18,130 Speaker 3: I mean. 248 00:12:18,050 --> 00:12:21,130 Speaker 2: More going out or you know, just say hey, can 249 00:12:21,170 --> 00:12:24,010 Speaker 2: you do this? Errand to the shop. Come on, you 250 00:12:24,050 --> 00:12:26,250 Speaker 2: can do all these extra things for me that they 251 00:12:26,330 --> 00:12:29,370 Speaker 2: might not be ready for because they're fourteen going on twelve, 252 00:12:29,610 --> 00:12:33,130 Speaker 2: whereas other kids are fourteen going on eighteen. Gotcha, everyone's 253 00:12:33,130 --> 00:12:34,650 Speaker 2: doing the dishwasher, Jinny, yes. 254 00:12:34,530 --> 00:12:43,450 Speaker 3: And cleaning the toilet. Before we go, we wanted to 255 00:12:43,490 --> 00:12:46,450 Speaker 3: talk about what we've both learned from being on this 256 00:12:46,690 --> 00:12:49,690 Speaker 3: amazing help I have a teenager podcast and how much 257 00:12:49,730 --> 00:12:53,250 Speaker 3: we've just I guess enjoyed giving advice, in my case, 258 00:12:53,330 --> 00:12:57,770 Speaker 3: receiving advice for a whopping one hundred and fifteen episodes. 259 00:12:57,850 --> 00:12:58,930 Speaker 1: Joe, can you believe it? No? 260 00:12:59,050 --> 00:13:02,330 Speaker 2: I can't. It certainly has flown. And you know, what 261 00:13:02,370 --> 00:13:06,610 Speaker 2: I've really learned is such a massive range of issues 262 00:13:06,690 --> 00:13:10,610 Speaker 2: when it comes to parents and teenagers, and so many stories, 263 00:13:10,650 --> 00:13:13,690 Speaker 2: so many questions, but all with a similar theme, which 264 00:13:13,770 --> 00:13:16,730 Speaker 2: is wanted to do the best job you can as 265 00:13:16,770 --> 00:13:20,730 Speaker 2: a parent. And for the fast, fast majority, nearly every 266 00:13:20,730 --> 00:13:23,370 Speaker 2: one is doing a fabulous job, far better than I 267 00:13:23,370 --> 00:13:26,530 Speaker 2: would have done in a range of really difficult situations. 268 00:13:26,530 --> 00:13:30,170 Speaker 2: Because we've heard some really really tough situations and parents 269 00:13:30,250 --> 00:13:34,090 Speaker 2: doing amazingly well. I've also learned, just personally, that I'm 270 00:13:34,130 --> 00:13:36,530 Speaker 2: not alone in my own guilt about not being a 271 00:13:36,570 --> 00:13:39,490 Speaker 2: good enough parent or even a good enough psychologist or 272 00:13:39,530 --> 00:13:42,770 Speaker 2: good enough podcaster. You know, no, but it is good 273 00:13:42,810 --> 00:13:45,090 Speaker 2: to know. That's a lovely feeling, because you've got to 274 00:13:45,370 --> 00:13:47,890 Speaker 2: all the listeners need to know we are also people. 275 00:13:47,890 --> 00:13:53,530 Speaker 2: We're also parents, we are professionals who often feel subpar 276 00:13:53,650 --> 00:13:56,450 Speaker 2: at times too, so we're all united in that. What 277 00:13:56,490 --> 00:13:57,210 Speaker 2: about you, Ginny? 278 00:13:57,490 --> 00:14:00,850 Speaker 3: Oh, the absolute, hands down best thing is spending time 279 00:14:00,850 --> 00:14:03,530 Speaker 3: with my beautiful friends, Oh, Joe, and I look forward 280 00:14:03,570 --> 00:14:07,810 Speaker 3: to this that we've worked with some amazing people. We 281 00:14:07,930 --> 00:14:10,810 Speaker 3: started off with our beautiful Emma Line who's off traveling 282 00:14:10,850 --> 00:14:13,450 Speaker 3: the world, and then you know, justin we thought, oh no, 283 00:14:13,930 --> 00:14:17,130 Speaker 3: she's irreplaceable. We got the beautiful Tali. So we've worked 284 00:14:17,170 --> 00:14:20,770 Speaker 3: with the most incredible team here at Mama Maas So 285 00:14:20,850 --> 00:14:23,450 Speaker 3: that has been amazing. And the other thing that I 286 00:14:23,650 --> 00:14:29,210 Speaker 3: have truly valued is your psychobabble, Joe, because for me, 287 00:14:30,290 --> 00:14:34,250 Speaker 3: understanding what the brain is doing and why we think 288 00:14:34,330 --> 00:14:37,610 Speaker 3: certain ways and why we behave certain ways is so 289 00:14:37,970 --> 00:14:42,130 Speaker 3: helpful because it allows us to feel empowered to go, Okay, 290 00:14:42,210 --> 00:14:44,410 Speaker 3: get why I'm doing that, And I don't. 291 00:14:44,250 --> 00:14:44,850 Speaker 2: Have to do that. 292 00:14:44,970 --> 00:14:47,450 Speaker 3: You know, I could do something differently, And I think 293 00:14:47,490 --> 00:14:50,810 Speaker 3: putting power back into the hands of parents at a 294 00:14:50,850 --> 00:14:55,490 Speaker 3: time where they often feel completely powerless and completely overwhelmed 295 00:14:55,810 --> 00:14:58,250 Speaker 3: by what's happening to them, I think that is just 296 00:14:58,690 --> 00:15:00,090 Speaker 3: such a gift. 297 00:15:00,450 --> 00:15:02,490 Speaker 2: I just wish I could be as articular as you 298 00:15:02,650 --> 00:15:04,250 Speaker 2: that would be good if I And that's something you 299 00:15:04,290 --> 00:15:06,890 Speaker 2: can't learn. You can take such a difficult concept and 300 00:15:07,250 --> 00:15:09,690 Speaker 2: whether it's medical or psychological, and make it sound so 301 00:15:10,330 --> 00:15:13,890 Speaker 2: easy to understand. So you know, I love listening to it. 302 00:15:13,930 --> 00:15:16,690 Speaker 2: I just wish I could learn it a bit of myself. 303 00:15:17,330 --> 00:15:19,290 Speaker 3: What I would like to say that I still think 304 00:15:19,410 --> 00:15:22,730 Speaker 3: that The New Teenage is one of the best books 305 00:15:22,730 --> 00:15:25,370 Speaker 3: you'll ever read. But Joe's written of plenty other books, 306 00:15:25,450 --> 00:15:28,330 Speaker 3: and ours has Ginny, and so I would highly recommend 307 00:15:28,330 --> 00:15:29,930 Speaker 3: to all of them. If you're going to miss Joe 308 00:15:29,970 --> 00:15:32,490 Speaker 3: in your ears every single week, as I will miss 309 00:15:32,490 --> 00:15:35,970 Speaker 3: my beautiful friend every few weeks recording with you, then 310 00:15:36,050 --> 00:15:38,330 Speaker 3: I can well, I can go and have coffee with her, 311 00:15:38,330 --> 00:15:40,890 Speaker 3: But the rest of you can can ever listened to 312 00:15:40,930 --> 00:15:43,370 Speaker 3: the back catalog of the other one hundred and fourteen 313 00:15:43,490 --> 00:15:45,810 Speaker 3: episodes that are on Help I have a teenager. They're 314 00:15:45,850 --> 00:15:47,490 Speaker 3: not not going anywhere. They're still going to be around, 315 00:15:47,850 --> 00:15:49,450 Speaker 3: or pick up one of Joe's books, My. 316 00:15:49,490 --> 00:15:52,410 Speaker 2: Gosh, Genny's favoritous new edition of the best seller The 317 00:15:52,530 --> 00:15:55,250 Speaker 2: m Words just come out, so yes, we can still 318 00:15:55,290 --> 00:15:58,850 Speaker 2: be accessed and found. But yes, remember this podcast feed 319 00:15:58,930 --> 00:16:01,930 Speaker 2: isn't going anywhere. You can look at the full back catalog, 320 00:16:01,930 --> 00:16:04,010 Speaker 2: as Ginny said, of all the episodes, They'll always be 321 00:16:04,050 --> 00:16:07,130 Speaker 2: available in your feed. So if you have a parenting dilemma, 322 00:16:07,410 --> 00:16:09,010 Speaker 2: all you need to do is scroll back and find 323 00:16:09,050 --> 00:16:12,050 Speaker 2: an episode that will answer your question or maybe even 324 00:16:12,210 --> 00:16:15,250 Speaker 2: just remind you that you're you're not alone, You're you're 325 00:16:16,370 --> 00:16:20,570 Speaker 2: with other parents. We're all doing the best we can altogether. 326 00:16:20,930 --> 00:16:24,210 Speaker 3: And you remember that that little one is in there, 327 00:16:24,410 --> 00:16:26,290 Speaker 3: even at times where they behave in a way that 328 00:16:26,330 --> 00:16:29,610 Speaker 3: you just think, I actually am going to brain them, 329 00:16:29,610 --> 00:16:33,410 Speaker 3: the driving min nuts, that little toddler that you adored 330 00:16:33,450 --> 00:16:35,410 Speaker 3: when they were toddl like, that little person is still 331 00:16:35,450 --> 00:16:38,050 Speaker 3: in there and they're going to come back. There's just 332 00:16:38,090 --> 00:16:42,730 Speaker 3: a necessary brain development phase that makes them need to 333 00:16:43,610 --> 00:16:45,530 Speaker 3: spread their wings. Let's just say, and make them really 334 00:16:45,610 --> 00:16:48,890 Speaker 3: dumb decisions from which they can learn and you can 335 00:16:48,930 --> 00:16:50,730 Speaker 3: be there and fall. 336 00:16:50,610 --> 00:16:53,010 Speaker 2: Back on when they do make those dumb decisions, and 337 00:16:53,010 --> 00:16:54,690 Speaker 2: we can relate to that because we've all made our 338 00:16:54,690 --> 00:16:56,250 Speaker 2: own dumb decisions we have. 339 00:16:57,170 --> 00:17:00,410 Speaker 3: If you would love unlimited access to everything women are 340 00:17:00,450 --> 00:17:04,170 Speaker 3: talking about right now, subscribe Tomma Mia and and your 341 00:17:04,250 --> 00:17:08,130 Speaker 3: Muma MEA subscription includes discount of tickets to mumamea live events. 342 00:17:08,490 --> 00:17:13,890 Speaker 3: Subscriber exclusive stories, podcasts and videos from Australia's leading independent 343 00:17:13,930 --> 00:17:21,130 Speaker 3: women's media brand.