WEBVTT - Watch Out 0:00:12.850 --> 0:00:15.570 You're listening to a Mother Mea podcast. 0:00:17.970 --> 0:00:21.290 Mamma Mea acknowledges the traditional owners of the land and waters. 0:00:21.330 --> 0:00:24.930 This podcast is recorded on. This episode deals with some 0:00:25.010 --> 0:00:35.410 strong themes. Listener discretion is advised. The trick to mastering 0:00:35.450 --> 0:00:38.890 manifestation is to speak what you seek until you see 0:00:38.970 --> 0:00:42.130 what you've said, and when the universe not only listens 0:00:42.170 --> 0:00:47.010 but delivers, it's truly a powerful thing. Just ask Jess. 0:00:47.610 --> 0:00:53.170 I felt so valued, so seen, so respected. I felt 0:00:53.210 --> 0:00:55.890 like my whole life had been building to this point 0:00:55.970 --> 0:01:00.410 where someone was finally seeing how amazing I was and 0:01:00.450 --> 0:01:02.850 I wasn't having to point it out to them. Yeah, 0:01:02.890 --> 0:01:07.130 I was on a pedestal, and I felt like I 0:01:07.210 --> 0:01:08.250 deserve to be there. 0:01:08.890 --> 0:01:12.810 But what's more powerful, the manifestation added, it's best, dear listener, 0:01:13.250 --> 0:01:16.530 It's that little thing called a gut feeling when everything 0:01:16.650 --> 0:01:21.530 seems perfect but your intuition suggests otherwise. Sometimes it's subtle, 0:01:21.810 --> 0:01:25.210 but other times it raises an internal alarm that can't 0:01:25.210 --> 0:01:25.770 be ignored. 0:01:26.490 --> 0:01:30.690 There were just so many disturbing experiences, and as the 0:01:31.090 --> 0:01:34.930 weeks rolled on, I became convinced that he was trying 0:01:34.930 --> 0:01:38.090 to kill me. It felt very orchestrated that he was 0:01:38.130 --> 0:01:40.330 in no way trying to make me feel good anymore. 0:01:40.770 --> 0:01:42.850 I felt like everything was a trap and a setup. 0:01:52.570 --> 0:01:55.570 I'm Georgia Love and this is everyone has an ex 0:01:55.890 --> 0:01:58.330 Come with me as we dive into a collection of 0:01:58.570 --> 0:02:03.170 unconventional stories about relationships past through the eyes and the 0:02:03.250 --> 0:02:07.490 hearts of the very people who live them. Meet Jess 0:02:07.930 --> 0:02:10.570 in twenty thirteen. She had the world at her feet, 0:02:10.810 --> 0:02:14.770 a good job, a wonderful family, and great friendships. There 0:02:14.810 --> 0:02:16.250 was only one thing missing. 0:02:16.970 --> 0:02:20.770 I was thirty, the most successful and happy I had 0:02:20.810 --> 0:02:24.930 ever been in my life, and absolutely ready to have 0:02:25.010 --> 0:02:28.450 a baby. And it was a driving force. It had 0:02:28.490 --> 0:02:32.970 me online on Tinder and every other dating app. 0:02:33.410 --> 0:02:37.090 Jess knew what she wanted. Love sounded great, but she 0:02:37.130 --> 0:02:39.570 didn't want to muck around with a dating and games 0:02:39.770 --> 0:02:42.890 back and forth. She wanted to find her baby daddy, 0:02:42.930 --> 0:02:45.530 and she wanted to find him now, and she made 0:02:45.570 --> 0:02:48.250 no secret of that. When she matched with Matt. 0:02:48.610 --> 0:02:52.210 Right from the get go, he stood out because he 0:02:52.330 --> 0:02:56.610 was actually having proper conversation on Tinder. He was not 0:02:56.690 --> 0:03:00.770 making any sexual references. It was very respectful. He was funny, 0:03:00.970 --> 0:03:03.930 he was personable. He was asking me questions instead of 0:03:03.970 --> 0:03:07.810 me having to ask him questions, he initiated the conversation 0:03:07.890 --> 0:03:10.810 all the things that you want to happen on online 0:03:10.890 --> 0:03:15.490 dating men don't do, and yeah, it was wonderful. We 0:03:15.850 --> 0:03:21.090 hit it off very quickly in messages and established that 0:03:21.130 --> 0:03:24.690 we had lots of things in common, including place where 0:03:24.690 --> 0:03:27.970 we both had played volleyball. I played volleyball there at 0:03:27.970 --> 0:03:32.090 the time and he had previously played volleyball there. And 0:03:32.210 --> 0:03:37.370 actually it was him saying that he had played volleyball 0:03:37.450 --> 0:03:42.690 at that particular venue that really reduced that anxiety that 0:03:42.690 --> 0:03:45.850 you have about meeting someone because we had a shared location, 0:03:47.170 --> 0:03:51.370 and on that basis, I agreed to meet him in 0:03:51.450 --> 0:03:55.290 real life. So we arranged to meet. He set the 0:03:55.330 --> 0:03:59.250 location and the time. It felt wonderful. I was so excited, 0:03:59.970 --> 0:04:04.170 and he picked a place that he told a beautiful 0:04:04.210 --> 0:04:06.690 little story about the name of the pub where we 0:04:06.690 --> 0:04:08.770 were going to meet, and what a beautiful name it was, 0:04:08.890 --> 0:04:13.090 because and he weaved it into a story that made 0:04:13.130 --> 0:04:15.130 it seem like it was just a pitch are perfect 0:04:15.210 --> 0:04:17.770 fairy tale place to meet. And I got to the 0:04:17.850 --> 0:04:20.890 venue at the time, and I was in my car 0:04:21.130 --> 0:04:24.610 and something felt wrong and I didn't know what felt wrong, 0:04:24.690 --> 0:04:27.450 and so I rang my best friend and she said, no, 0:04:27.650 --> 0:04:30.490 it's just that it's so right. All the stars are aligning, 0:04:31.170 --> 0:04:35.330 and it's just never been this good. That's what this is. 0:04:35.410 --> 0:04:37.450 Maybe this is it, this is the guy, this is 0:04:37.450 --> 0:04:40.490 going to be the baby daddy. That's what you're probably feeling. 0:04:40.850 --> 0:04:44.650 It's those nerves of it's so good you can't believe it. 0:04:45.250 --> 0:04:47.770 And then I got into the pub. He wasn't there, 0:04:48.370 --> 0:04:51.690 and I called. He didn't answer. I messaged, he didn't respond. 0:04:51.770 --> 0:04:55.410 I felt humiliated and I was so overwhelmed, went back 0:04:55.450 --> 0:04:59.090 to my car, burst into tears. I was almost ready 0:04:59.130 --> 0:05:02.290 to leave when he sent a message and the message 0:05:02.330 --> 0:05:04.730 said where are you? You're still coming. I'm feeling a 0:05:04.770 --> 0:05:08.690 little bit overwhelmed that you hadn't arrived yet. Are you okay? 0:05:09.530 --> 0:05:13.450 And I thought what? I was there and then he 0:05:13.490 --> 0:05:15.730 said where are you? And I said, I'll win my 0:05:15.770 --> 0:05:18.250 car and suggests, but did you go to? And he 0:05:18.330 --> 0:05:21.090 named the venue and I'm like, no, because that's not 0:05:21.130 --> 0:05:23.890 where you set the time or the place for us 0:05:23.930 --> 0:05:26.330 to meet. And he said no, no, no, I set 0:05:26.370 --> 0:05:29.970 the time for five o'clock at and he gave me 0:05:30.010 --> 0:05:31.650 the name and I was like, no, you said it 0:05:31.690 --> 0:05:34.450 for five point thirty and I gave him the name 0:05:34.570 --> 0:05:36.690 the actually said, and I was like, I can go 0:05:36.730 --> 0:05:40.570 back through the Tinder messages and find this, and he's like, no, no, no, no, no, 0:05:40.610 --> 0:05:42.650 we don't need to do that. It's okay, it's okay. 0:05:43.090 --> 0:05:45.210 Just come to where, come here, come here. 0:05:45.890 --> 0:05:49.530 Gosh, this was a mess. This is absolutely not the 0:05:49.570 --> 0:05:53.010 fairy tale start to a relationship anyone wants. But she'd 0:05:53.010 --> 0:05:56.130 got dressed up and she had been excited. What was 0:05:56.130 --> 0:05:56.730 there to lose? 0:05:57.450 --> 0:05:59.370 And then, of course I felt guilty because here I 0:05:59.490 --> 0:06:02.570 was being petulant. I'd probably been the one that's stuffed 0:06:02.650 --> 0:06:06.730 up the way that I'd interpreted the incorrect name to 0:06:06.810 --> 0:06:09.130 this pub and the incorrect time, and I felt bad. 0:06:09.170 --> 0:06:12.130 He'd been waiting there for half an hour, though he'd 0:06:12.130 --> 0:06:16.010 set the time, and it was just a mess. And anyway, 0:06:16.090 --> 0:06:18.250 when I got there, he'd already ordered me a drink, 0:06:18.290 --> 0:06:21.290 which was really lovely. He'd ordered me a second drink 0:06:21.410 --> 0:06:23.650 so that it was fresh. And then I felt extra 0:06:23.690 --> 0:06:26.690 guilty because now there were two drinks lined up. He 0:06:26.810 --> 0:06:30.570 was so eloquent, he was just so charming. He was 0:06:30.850 --> 0:06:34.010 better looking than he had been in the Tinder photos, 0:06:34.650 --> 0:06:40.330 and he just looked and behaved in such an immaculate 0:06:40.370 --> 0:06:44.450 way that I felt foolish that I had doubted meeting 0:06:44.450 --> 0:06:48.810 this guy. I was in a complete fog from the 0:06:48.810 --> 0:06:53.250 moment I met him, and it felt so different to 0:06:53.370 --> 0:06:56.970 every other first meeting. It was like being in a 0:06:56.970 --> 0:07:00.650 fairy tale, and no matter what I said or did, 0:07:01.010 --> 0:07:05.050 he found a way to compliment it, to make me 0:07:05.090 --> 0:07:08.890 feel good about it, to elicit a response out of me. 0:07:09.050 --> 0:07:14.450 Where I was being really vulnerable and honest and sincere 0:07:14.650 --> 0:07:18.370 and sharing things that I'd never shared before, and it 0:07:18.490 --> 0:07:23.250 just felt so honest. I was just feeling vulnerable, silly, 0:07:24.010 --> 0:07:27.330 beside myself with excitement that this wonderful person had come 0:07:27.370 --> 0:07:33.410 into my life. So it went from one drink to two, 0:07:34.010 --> 0:07:36.170 and then he asked if I'd like to have dinner, 0:07:36.210 --> 0:07:38.050 but he wasn't forward about it. He was like, I 0:07:38.050 --> 0:07:41.170 don't want to be disrespectful. I understand and appreciate that 0:07:41.170 --> 0:07:43.690 you might want to go home and debrief, and you've 0:07:43.690 --> 0:07:46.170 had a long day, if you'd like to have dinner 0:07:46.210 --> 0:07:49.130 Like it felt like there was no pressure whatsoever. And 0:07:49.210 --> 0:07:51.810 I loved the dinner. I loved everything about it. It 0:07:51.890 --> 0:07:54.690 was wonderful, It was respectful. I never felt like he 0:07:54.730 --> 0:07:56.690 was then going to ask if you could come back 0:07:56.730 --> 0:08:00.210 to my house. And there were several other dates that 0:08:00.370 --> 0:08:04.650 followed that where it was this same magical experience and 0:08:05.050 --> 0:08:10.490 no expectation of sex, no expectation of anything, and it 0:08:10.730 --> 0:08:14.530 just felt like the kind of fairytale story that you 0:08:14.530 --> 0:08:16.650 would tell at a wedding about how we meant and 0:08:16.650 --> 0:08:20.850 how magical it was. And it was such a wonderful story. 0:08:21.130 --> 0:08:25.530 Every day was wonderful fodder for taking into work and 0:08:25.570 --> 0:08:29.370 telling telling other girls about you know, like it was 0:08:29.410 --> 0:08:34.050 just so perfect. And he had all this very specific 0:08:34.170 --> 0:08:38.730 knowledge about places and things, and such an incredible memory 0:08:38.770 --> 0:08:41.730 for everything that I had said, even way back at 0:08:41.730 --> 0:08:45.370 the tinder point, and I was so impressed by everything 0:08:45.410 --> 0:08:45.890 he said. 0:08:46.890 --> 0:08:49.930 Jess had met her match, so it wasn't long until 0:08:49.970 --> 0:08:52.130 the other matches were no longer necessary. 0:08:52.890 --> 0:08:57.450 The second date, he and it wasn't abrupt, it wasn't creepy, 0:08:57.770 --> 0:09:00.610 like I must have said something like, oh, I can't 0:09:00.650 --> 0:09:03.410 remember what you said about that thing. I have to 0:09:03.450 --> 0:09:05.690 get Tinder out, and he was like, oh, I can't 0:09:05.770 --> 0:09:09.770 check Tinder because I deleted the app. He seemed to 0:09:09.930 --> 0:09:14.130 have completely stopped talking to every other girl on Tinder 0:09:14.170 --> 0:09:17.210 the second that we had connected, whereas I was still 0:09:17.210 --> 0:09:19.410 carrying on these conversations with other people. And then I 0:09:19.450 --> 0:09:21.850 felt like, Oh, I'm such a bad person that I'm 0:09:22.330 --> 0:09:25.810 considering these backup plans, and you're such a better person 0:09:25.850 --> 0:09:29.290 than me. You've really dedicated yourself to me, whereas I 0:09:29.330 --> 0:09:31.690 was struggling to remember, you know, what suburb he lived in, 0:09:31.810 --> 0:09:34.250 and he could remember what suburb I grew up in. 0:09:34.930 --> 0:09:37.210 So that was it. Really, there was no more Tinder, 0:09:37.450 --> 0:09:40.490 no one else. There was really only one more step 0:09:40.570 --> 0:09:42.490 to make this officially official. 0:09:42.970 --> 0:09:46.810 We had had maybe three dates that weren't long ones. 0:09:46.810 --> 0:09:48.570 There was the long one, the first one, then there 0:09:48.570 --> 0:09:50.410 were a couple of little ones that just fit in 0:09:50.450 --> 0:09:54.610 with my schedule around what I was doing in that week. 0:09:54.730 --> 0:09:56.730 And it was the second week that we had known 0:09:56.730 --> 0:09:59.370 each other, and his family had a Friday night dinner, 0:10:00.090 --> 0:10:02.450 and he invited me to the family's Friday night dinner. 0:10:03.730 --> 0:10:06.930 It didn't feel rushed, it didn't feel too full on, 0:10:07.290 --> 0:10:11.330 It just felt perfect. And he sent me a screenshot 0:10:11.410 --> 0:10:15.210 of of him asking his mom if he could bring 0:10:15.330 --> 0:10:19.250 a girl who he had just started seeing because it 0:10:19.290 --> 0:10:22.810 was just so magical, and would he mind? And I 0:10:22.970 --> 0:10:25.530 just thought, what a respectful guy that he's asking his 0:10:25.650 --> 0:10:28.810 mom if she's okay with it, And so he sent 0:10:28.850 --> 0:10:31.290 me the screenshot of this conversation with his mum, which 0:10:31.370 --> 0:10:36.010 then felt more abort and so I just felt honored 0:10:36.370 --> 0:10:39.690 to have been invited to this family dinner. And when 0:10:40.010 --> 0:10:43.010 I arrived at the family dinner, I was welcomed as 0:10:43.050 --> 0:10:46.890 if I was just part of the family, and that 0:10:47.450 --> 0:10:51.050 really solidified it for me, and I felt like this 0:10:51.250 --> 0:10:54.730 was meant to be. It was all the stars had aligned. 0:10:55.570 --> 0:11:01.130 I felt so valued, so seen, so respected. I felt 0:11:01.170 --> 0:11:03.850 like my whole life had been building to this point 0:11:03.930 --> 0:11:08.370 where someone was finally seeing how amazing I was and 0:11:08.410 --> 0:11:10.810 I wasn't having to point it out to them. Yeah, 0:11:10.850 --> 0:11:14.930 I was on a pedestal well, and I felt like 0:11:14.970 --> 0:11:19.210 I deserved to be there and validated. For all of 0:11:19.250 --> 0:11:23.610 the men that I had not followed through with previously, 0:11:23.650 --> 0:11:26.130 all of the breakups, it all felt like it was 0:11:26.170 --> 0:11:30.410 coming to this moment, this magical experience, and like I 0:11:30.410 --> 0:11:35.010 had won some sort of love lottery, and ah, yeah, 0:11:35.050 --> 0:11:39.570 it's the best feeling, best feeling. It was never a conversation, 0:11:40.370 --> 0:11:44.810 I think that he posted some photos perhaps of some dates, 0:11:44.930 --> 0:11:48.770 and it just sort of naturally kind of evolved and 0:11:48.850 --> 0:11:53.050 never needed to be sort of announced. And previously men 0:11:53.130 --> 0:11:57.010 hadn't posted things on Facebook, but here he was taking 0:11:57.050 --> 0:12:01.050 the lead and gently, respectfully posting photos of activities that 0:12:01.090 --> 0:12:04.490 we were doing and making little comments like this is 0:12:04.530 --> 0:12:07.170 when we changed our status updates because a decade ago now, 0:12:07.210 --> 0:12:10.290 but Matt is on a magical date with the most 0:12:10.290 --> 0:12:14.210 impressive woman, and without naming me or tagging me or 0:12:14.250 --> 0:12:17.170 putting a photo of my face, I knew that he 0:12:17.210 --> 0:12:19.330 was talking about me because there was a picture of 0:12:19.370 --> 0:12:22.650 our feet over the water or something like that. And yeah, 0:12:22.770 --> 0:12:27.690 just naturally gradually happened, and he had me meeting his 0:12:28.050 --> 0:12:31.690 friends and family or within the first couple of weeks, 0:12:31.850 --> 0:12:36.170 but organically, so the dinner was an actual invite, but 0:12:36.290 --> 0:12:41.570 the other things that he organized, activities that were little that, 0:12:41.690 --> 0:12:43.530 you know, like a couple of hours here because I 0:12:43.570 --> 0:12:45.610 know you've got this important thing, and so I thought 0:12:45.610 --> 0:12:49.370 maybe we could just have this coffee and then you know, 0:12:49.410 --> 0:12:51.610 a friend would be walking by of his and I 0:12:51.650 --> 0:12:54.210 would be introduced to that friend, and that friend would say, 0:12:54.330 --> 0:12:57.330 oh my gosh, I've heard so much about you, and 0:12:57.330 --> 0:12:59.690 then I would feel so honored, and then that friend 0:12:59.690 --> 0:13:02.890 would invite me to something that was happening that weekend, 0:13:03.170 --> 0:13:07.930 and it was just overwhelming. It just consumed about three 0:13:07.970 --> 0:13:11.210 weeks of my life, and I met every single person 0:13:11.730 --> 0:13:14.930 in his inner circle within that first month. 0:13:15.810 --> 0:13:18.130 And then come those three little words. 0:13:18.890 --> 0:13:21.610 It wasn't during sex. And the reason I remember that 0:13:21.610 --> 0:13:24.250 it wasn't during sex was because I definitely had a 0:13:24.290 --> 0:13:26.250 thing and I'd written a blog about it, and he 0:13:26.330 --> 0:13:30.210 had read all of my blogs, my public blog, and 0:13:31.090 --> 0:13:36.210 I remember being impressed because it was at an organic, beautiful, 0:13:36.290 --> 0:13:40.330 natural time that it would happen in Hollywood. It wasn't 0:13:40.370 --> 0:13:42.810 at the same time though, as every other relationship, which 0:13:42.850 --> 0:13:46.530 is after sex, and so for me, I remember thinking, well, 0:13:46.570 --> 0:13:49.290 this must be real because it's not after sex, and 0:13:49.330 --> 0:13:51.930 I had alluded to that and my desire for that 0:13:51.970 --> 0:13:54.770 to one day happen in a blog. So it was 0:13:54.810 --> 0:13:57.130 something I definitely thought about, but I don't recall where 0:13:57.170 --> 0:14:00.970 it was. I just remember that the feeling I had 0:14:01.090 --> 0:14:04.450 was it has to be real this time. I did 0:14:04.490 --> 0:14:09.010 not immediately say it back, and I don't remember when 0:14:09.090 --> 0:14:14.330 I did, because the whole first month felt like I 0:14:14.410 --> 0:14:18.890 was being taken on a magic carpet. I didn't make 0:14:18.930 --> 0:14:22.530 any choices. I didn't plan any of the dates. I 0:14:22.770 --> 0:14:26.570 didn't plan anything. I was just going on this wonderful ride. 0:14:26.810 --> 0:14:32.890 And I wasn't leading the conversations or leading anything, and 0:14:32.930 --> 0:14:36.450 I was really enjoying that, so I was soaking it in. 0:14:36.970 --> 0:14:39.690 I don't remember it being a particular moment because I 0:14:39.730 --> 0:14:42.770 hadn't planned it or thought about it. It's not my 0:14:42.890 --> 0:14:45.570 style to have sat it so early or to have 0:14:45.610 --> 0:14:49.090 felt it. I was just responding, so at some point 0:14:49.210 --> 0:14:53.090 I imagined that I just started saying it back because 0:14:53.090 --> 0:14:57.890 I was overwhelmed, overwhelmed with happiness, not overwhelmed like, oh 0:14:58.010 --> 0:15:00.330 this is terrible and I should say it, but it 0:15:00.490 --> 0:15:06.050 just yeah, you just get swept up in emotions. Right 0:15:06.090 --> 0:15:10.850 from the very first time we met, we had very intense, 0:15:11.050 --> 0:15:15.930 very deep, serious conversations about you know, that I wanted 0:15:16.090 --> 0:15:19.050 a child, and that at thirty, I wanted a child yesterday, 0:15:19.170 --> 0:15:22.810 and I couldn't wait to sell my unit and buy 0:15:22.810 --> 0:15:26.050 a white picket fence house. And I shared all of 0:15:26.090 --> 0:15:30.610 those things because he was so interested in them, and 0:15:30.850 --> 0:15:35.530 he agreed with every aspiration I had. I wanted children 0:15:35.570 --> 0:15:37.810 he wanted children. I was hoping for two. He was 0:15:37.850 --> 0:15:41.250 hoping for two. I wanted to live in the suburbs 0:15:41.290 --> 0:15:43.250 and get out of the city. He wanted to live 0:15:43.250 --> 0:15:46.010 in the suburbs. I was very attached to the beach. 0:15:46.170 --> 0:15:49.450 He didn't mind where it was. It was all so 0:15:50.490 --> 0:15:54.450 perfect and aligned, and there were never any you know, 0:15:54.530 --> 0:15:59.850 bombshell conversations because everything I said he agreed with, and 0:15:59.970 --> 0:16:04.250 if he expressed any kind of disagreement, it was in 0:16:04.290 --> 0:16:07.450 such a positive Oh that's not how I was thinking. 0:16:07.450 --> 0:16:10.210 But you know, that's a better idea. The one you 0:16:10.290 --> 0:16:13.290 have is so much better than my own. Everything just 0:16:14.210 --> 0:16:16.090 was aligned. I felt like I was on the verge 0:16:16.090 --> 0:16:19.970 of getting everything I'd ever wanted, and that thirty years 0:16:20.010 --> 0:16:23.090 of waiting was all coming to fruition. I was about 0:16:23.090 --> 0:16:26.770 to be delivered my Prince Charming. It was only moments, 0:16:26.770 --> 0:16:29.210 it felt like before he was going to whip out 0:16:29.330 --> 0:16:32.370 a glass shoe and put it on my foot, and 0:16:32.410 --> 0:16:34.370 I was like, bring it on. I was so ready 0:16:34.410 --> 0:16:34.690 for it. 0:16:36.970 --> 0:16:39.610 So it's safe to say it was a fairly intense 0:16:39.730 --> 0:16:43.210 first few weeks together. Surely the whirlwind would soon slow 0:16:43.290 --> 0:16:46.570 down and they could fall into that beautiful mundaneity of 0:16:46.650 --> 0:16:47.890 normal relationships. 0:16:48.410 --> 0:16:51.250 At the end of the first month, he organized a 0:16:51.290 --> 0:16:54.170 dinner at a place that I had really wanted to 0:16:54.210 --> 0:16:57.130 go to that i'd only ever been to in the day. 0:16:57.570 --> 0:17:00.770 We'd been on a day date there, and I'd expressed 0:17:00.770 --> 0:17:06.010 how much I enjoyed the really beautiful place, beautiful venue. 0:17:06.370 --> 0:17:09.090 And he took me there on what was a month 0:17:09.170 --> 0:17:13.690 since we had first met, and I hadn't actually because 0:17:13.730 --> 0:17:16.050 it was such a whirlwind, hadn't counted the days, hadn't 0:17:16.050 --> 0:17:18.930 counted the weeks. But when we got there, he told 0:17:18.930 --> 0:17:20.450 me that it had been a month and that he 0:17:20.530 --> 0:17:22.890 was marking the month by bringing me to this wonderful 0:17:22.890 --> 0:17:25.650 place that on date two I had said that I 0:17:25.690 --> 0:17:28.810 really wanted to go to. And he said something like, 0:17:29.770 --> 0:17:33.250 wouldn't it be wonderful if we got married here? And 0:17:33.330 --> 0:17:36.650 I said, yeah, yeah, that would be wonderful. Yeah, And 0:17:36.730 --> 0:17:42.290 I was hypothetically talking, and he said, well, exactly two 0:17:42.330 --> 0:17:45.810 months from now will be your birthday, your thirty first birthday. 0:17:45.890 --> 0:17:50.770 Why don't we get married here on your birthday? I 0:17:50.810 --> 0:17:54.450 was like what. And it was the first time that 0:17:54.530 --> 0:17:58.930 I felt like that's too fast, that's too fast. But 0:17:58.970 --> 0:18:01.330 then he said, look, you know, let's let fate decide. 0:18:01.890 --> 0:18:04.450 Let's see if the venue's even available. You know what, 0:18:04.530 --> 0:18:07.250 this is such a popular venue. Let's just see if 0:18:07.290 --> 0:18:11.130 the stars align and if they have a vacancy in 0:18:11.210 --> 0:18:14.570 any of the areas. And he called the waiter over 0:18:14.770 --> 0:18:17.890 and he asked, could you just humor me, could you 0:18:17.930 --> 0:18:21.010 tell me if the wedding area here is available on 0:18:21.050 --> 0:18:24.090 this particular date. And that person was like, oh, okay, yeah, 0:18:24.130 --> 0:18:25.890 I'll go check. And he went and checked and he said, 0:18:25.890 --> 0:18:27.970 oh no, look that area isn't available, but we have 0:18:28.010 --> 0:18:30.810 a separate area that we could create, but you would 0:18:30.810 --> 0:18:33.850 have to have under one hundred guests. And then my 0:18:34.210 --> 0:18:38.370 boyfriend said, oh, I've never seen that, Jesse. Have you've 0:18:38.410 --> 0:18:39.890 seen that? And I was like no, I didn't even 0:18:39.930 --> 0:18:42.770 know that existed as a venue. And he said, could 0:18:42.770 --> 0:18:46.730 we have a tour now? He had orchestrated this. It 0:18:46.770 --> 0:18:50.730 was a surprise, and so this was a wonderful build 0:18:50.810 --> 0:18:55.050 up to me being taken off into this area and 0:18:55.090 --> 0:18:58.290 then him saying, will you marry me? I've picked out 0:18:58.330 --> 0:19:00.690 a ring, this is a venue. I just think we 0:19:00.730 --> 0:19:04.770 should start our lives now. And I laughed and said no. 0:19:05.370 --> 0:19:07.930 And because it was the first time that I had 0:19:07.930 --> 0:19:10.850 felt like no too soon alarm bells. It was my 0:19:10.930 --> 0:19:14.250 first alarm else. And then I just thought, you know, 0:19:14.290 --> 0:19:16.250 I had this other voice in my head, Oh, yes, 0:19:16.770 --> 0:19:18.770 you're a bit of a schmuck. You need to say 0:19:18.890 --> 0:19:23.130 yes to this. And I thought, me as a person, 0:19:23.170 --> 0:19:27.690 would usually be more reserved, be more cautious, be more rational, 0:19:27.930 --> 0:19:30.450 say no to this. And I thought, that's why you're 0:19:30.490 --> 0:19:34.170 thirty and until recently single, because you don't say yes 0:19:34.210 --> 0:19:37.650 to things like this. And in this really quick moment 0:19:37.770 --> 0:19:40.690 with this guy who's giving us a tour, and my 0:19:40.770 --> 0:19:43.530 birthday is coming up, and now I really wanted a baby, 0:19:43.650 --> 0:19:46.210 all of these things and I just thought, oh, just 0:19:46.450 --> 0:19:49.530 do it. And so I said yes, and he picked 0:19:49.530 --> 0:19:53.170 me up and spun me around, and it was so exciting, 0:19:53.570 --> 0:19:56.570 like a fairy tale. We just felt there was no 0:19:56.610 --> 0:19:58.970 point in waiting. We knew what we wanted from life. 0:19:59.810 --> 0:20:02.730 When it's meant to be, it's meant to be, and 0:20:02.810 --> 0:20:06.890 everything just felt so right. I mean pretty much everything. 0:20:07.450 --> 0:20:11.970 The next two months prior to my birthday and day 0:20:11.970 --> 0:20:14.570 we got married. In the back of my head, I 0:20:14.610 --> 0:20:17.770 still had that weird feeling, that gut feeling, that i'd 0:20:17.810 --> 0:20:20.370 had right back on the first date, but I had 0:20:20.450 --> 0:20:27.610 absolutely no reason to believe that that feeling was anything 0:20:27.730 --> 0:20:31.610 except for me being overwhelmed with how wonderful it was. 0:20:31.650 --> 0:20:35.370 But also now I had a solid reason for the feeling, 0:20:35.450 --> 0:20:39.890 and that was that it was very soon. But everyone 0:20:40.490 --> 0:20:47.050 in my life and his seemed so excited when we 0:20:47.210 --> 0:20:51.250 told them, and I had really expected people to raise eyebrows, 0:20:51.730 --> 0:20:55.970 but he was just so charismatic, and everyone knew how 0:20:56.050 --> 0:20:58.530 much I wanted to have a baby and get married 0:20:58.570 --> 0:21:00.810 and have the picket fence, and all of my friends 0:21:00.810 --> 0:21:03.930 had done it already. Everyone knew, and so it just 0:21:03.970 --> 0:21:07.050 seemed too good to be true, and what's the worst 0:21:07.090 --> 0:21:09.930 that could happen? Was the sort of general response. 0:21:10.410 --> 0:21:12.610 So it was time to plan a with it. 0:21:17.930 --> 0:21:21.130 I love exciting things like that. I love planning trips 0:21:21.130 --> 0:21:26.010 on a whim. I love adventures, and at the time, 0:21:26.970 --> 0:21:29.530 because I was at the peak of my life, I 0:21:29.530 --> 0:21:32.290 could afford to do it. There were no barriers to that, 0:21:33.050 --> 0:21:38.730 and I felt like it was exciting and special and 0:21:38.770 --> 0:21:41.930 made us unique that it wasn't this drawn out, long process, 0:21:42.290 --> 0:21:46.370 and I wasn't much for pomp and ceremony, so I 0:21:46.530 --> 0:21:49.010 liked that there wasn't a Hen's Night, and that there 0:21:49.090 --> 0:21:52.610 wasn't a kitchen tea or any of that. That it 0:21:52.770 --> 0:21:56.610 just was here's what's happening. We're getting married, come to 0:21:56.650 --> 0:22:00.090 the wedding, and it was just one big celebration rather 0:22:00.130 --> 0:22:03.290 than being a drawn out one. And I was aware 0:22:03.330 --> 0:22:05.530 that also there were people who were going to come 0:22:05.570 --> 0:22:08.210 to that wedding who'd never met him and who'd never 0:22:08.250 --> 0:22:10.530 heard of him, and who their first mention of him 0:22:10.890 --> 0:22:14.330 was in an invitation to the wedding. So I was 0:22:14.370 --> 0:22:18.530 a bit embarrassed by that, and I was glad to 0:22:18.530 --> 0:22:20.730 be done with the rigmarole that goes with you know, 0:22:20.770 --> 0:22:23.130 you meet a guy and you follow this timeline and 0:22:23.570 --> 0:22:25.290 you do this, you do that, you go on your 0:22:25.330 --> 0:22:28.570 first trip together, and you see how you go, and yeah, 0:22:28.650 --> 0:22:31.330 I just thought people do that all the time. And then, 0:22:31.330 --> 0:22:34.490 of course, when you start telling people on Facebook and 0:22:34.610 --> 0:22:36.290 just in your day to day life that you're going 0:22:36.330 --> 0:22:38.170 to get married to someone you just met, all of 0:22:38.210 --> 0:22:41.370 a sudden, everyone's telling you all their stories of people 0:22:41.370 --> 0:22:44.690 they know that were successful and who got married after 0:22:44.730 --> 0:22:46.850 knowing each other a week a month, And everyone starts 0:22:46.850 --> 0:22:49.170 coming out of the woodworks with their stories and their 0:22:49.770 --> 0:22:52.810 bailed opportunities. That time they didn't say yes, and that 0:22:52.890 --> 0:22:55.650 guy was the one and they missed out. And there's 0:22:55.650 --> 0:22:59.970 a lot of confirmation bias coming at you that reinforces 0:23:00.010 --> 0:23:03.530 your decision because people want to be supportive. There were 0:23:03.810 --> 0:23:06.810 lots of things that made him an imperfect person and 0:23:06.970 --> 0:23:12.370 us an imperfect couple, but nothing that seemed like red flag. 0:23:13.090 --> 0:23:15.490 One of the things was that him spelling things on 0:23:15.570 --> 0:23:19.730 me never stopped. He was very clumsy, but he was 0:23:19.770 --> 0:23:23.210 always so embarrassed by it, and so even though it 0:23:23.250 --> 0:23:27.370 was annoying, it wasn't a deal breaker. You can't break 0:23:27.490 --> 0:23:30.290 up with someone because they're clumsy. But he broke a 0:23:30.290 --> 0:23:34.810 lot of my things in my house. He moved in 0:23:35.690 --> 0:23:38.090 like immediately, it was never even a thing. He didn't 0:23:38.090 --> 0:23:44.050 pay rent or anything, and I didn't like that. I'd 0:23:44.050 --> 0:23:46.450 never had someone just move in and not pay rent. 0:23:46.490 --> 0:23:50.210 But he just sort of was always there and just 0:23:50.210 --> 0:23:54.450