1 00:00:21,610 --> 00:00:24,330 Speaker 1: You're listening to another Mia podcast. 2 00:00:25,130 --> 00:00:28,410 Speaker 2: Mamma Mia acknowledges the traditional owners of the land. We 3 00:00:28,530 --> 00:00:31,930 Speaker 2: have recorded this podcast on the Gatagoul people of the 4 00:00:31,930 --> 00:00:35,650 Speaker 2: Eur Nation. We pay our respects to their elders past 5 00:00:35,730 --> 00:00:39,330 Speaker 2: and present, and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and 6 00:00:39,410 --> 00:00:43,530 Speaker 2: Torres Rate Islander cultures. Hi, it's Annalise Todd dropping into 7 00:00:43,530 --> 00:00:47,930 Speaker 2: your feed, host of Mamma MEA's parenting podcast, This Glorious Mess. 8 00:00:48,170 --> 00:00:50,570 Speaker 2: I wanted to share an episode with you because we 9 00:00:50,650 --> 00:00:54,050 Speaker 2: had Kath Mahoney come and visit us recently. She is 10 00:00:54,130 --> 00:00:56,490 Speaker 2: the host of Mamma MEA's four five. 11 00:00:56,530 --> 00:01:02,490 Speaker 3: Six Club podcast, and she talked about the hilarious, unfiltered 12 00:01:02,690 --> 00:01:06,530 Speaker 3: experience of the teenage years, from the endless food bills 13 00:01:06,610 --> 00:01:10,530 Speaker 3: to the impossible wake up mornings, and also some of 14 00:01:10,570 --> 00:01:15,210 Speaker 3: the sadness and the unexpected melancholy of the parenting moments 15 00:01:15,210 --> 00:01:18,010 Speaker 3: that you don't realize will be last. So I hope 16 00:01:18,050 --> 00:01:27,490 Speaker 3: you enjoy Hello and welcome to this Glorious Mess. We're 17 00:01:27,490 --> 00:01:31,250 Speaker 3: embracing the chaos together, ditching the judgment. I'm Anly's Todd 18 00:01:31,290 --> 00:01:35,410 Speaker 3: and help I have a teenager. My eldest just turned thirteen. 19 00:01:35,650 --> 00:01:39,890 Speaker 3: Send thoughts and press. Wow, Oh my gosh, it's happening. 20 00:01:40,250 --> 00:01:44,010 Speaker 3: I know, I'm teaking a tolly and I had three 21 00:01:44,090 --> 00:01:46,650 Speaker 3: kids in a year, so they're now six and seven. 22 00:01:46,690 --> 00:01:49,210 Speaker 3: And I'm so scared for you, because I don't know 23 00:01:49,250 --> 00:01:53,170 Speaker 3: what's worse, like three toddlers all at once or when 24 00:01:53,210 --> 00:01:57,370 Speaker 3: I have three teens all at once. I think three teenagers. Oh, 25 00:01:57,730 --> 00:02:04,410 Speaker 3: because it goes for longer. It's so true, especially when 26 00:02:04,410 --> 00:02:06,850 Speaker 3: they're like three of them spaced out of yet. 27 00:02:07,170 --> 00:02:08,010 Speaker 4: Oh my god. 28 00:02:08,570 --> 00:02:11,170 Speaker 3: And today on the show, we're bringing in a friend, writer, 29 00:02:11,370 --> 00:02:14,610 Speaker 3: comedian and host of Muma Meres four five six Club podcast, 30 00:02:14,770 --> 00:02:18,530 Speaker 3: Catherine Mahoney. She's a few years down the track than us, 31 00:02:18,970 --> 00:02:22,170 Speaker 3: as her son Lewis just turned six, so she's going 32 00:02:22,210 --> 00:02:25,250 Speaker 3: to be our oracle into the future and scare us 33 00:02:25,290 --> 00:02:28,970 Speaker 3: by sharing the pain points of her current stage of parenting. 34 00:02:29,610 --> 00:02:32,370 Speaker 3: And we're also going to be touching on the things 35 00:02:32,570 --> 00:02:36,450 Speaker 3: you don't realize you will miss about parenting until they're gone. Yes, 36 00:02:36,530 --> 00:02:40,850 Speaker 3: all those little irritating, challenging things that you might currently 37 00:02:40,930 --> 00:02:45,370 Speaker 3: loathe one day soon you'll actually might miss them, yep, 38 00:02:45,930 --> 00:02:48,330 Speaker 3: And how you never quite know when things will be. 39 00:02:48,410 --> 00:02:52,370 Speaker 4: Your last you know, the last last, get me and 40 00:02:53,010 --> 00:02:54,490 Speaker 4: the first and then all the last. 41 00:02:54,690 --> 00:02:57,490 Speaker 3: I think the lasts are so much sad because the 42 00:02:57,490 --> 00:03:01,770 Speaker 3: first exciting, and it's like they've achieved something. It's likest 43 00:03:02,330 --> 00:03:05,290 Speaker 3: is like and usually you don't realize it in that moment. 44 00:03:05,370 --> 00:03:08,010 Speaker 4: It's like you know, or you know the other day, I'm. 45 00:03:07,890 --> 00:03:10,010 Speaker 3: Like, I can't carry you guys to bed anymore, You're 46 00:03:10,050 --> 00:03:10,770 Speaker 3: too heavy. 47 00:03:11,690 --> 00:03:13,610 Speaker 5: I know, I still end up doing it. 48 00:03:14,050 --> 00:03:17,330 Speaker 3: I wish it was the bloody last that is coming 49 00:03:17,410 --> 00:03:19,450 Speaker 3: up very soon our chat with Kath and I cannot wait. 50 00:03:19,490 --> 00:03:20,490 Speaker 4: Oh, I cannot wait too. 51 00:03:20,690 --> 00:03:23,770 Speaker 3: But first, here's what's happening in my group chat. So 52 00:03:23,970 --> 00:03:25,450 Speaker 3: I came across. 53 00:03:24,970 --> 00:03:27,410 Speaker 1: A TikTok this week. Oh you love a tip? 54 00:03:27,850 --> 00:03:30,770 Speaker 3: Well, you've really got me into the cheek talking well 55 00:03:30,810 --> 00:03:31,130 Speaker 3: do you? 56 00:03:32,570 --> 00:03:32,970 Speaker 5: Anyway? 57 00:03:33,010 --> 00:03:36,330 Speaker 3: It's a well known actor Kira Kasara, and she shared 58 00:03:36,890 --> 00:03:39,930 Speaker 3: a TikTok hack on how to solve this dilemma and 59 00:03:40,050 --> 00:03:45,290 Speaker 3: save arguing. Oh okay, well now I'm in yes, So like, 60 00:03:45,370 --> 00:03:47,650 Speaker 3: are you are You're a decisive person? 61 00:03:47,850 --> 00:03:48,810 Speaker 4: Aren't you analie? 62 00:03:49,730 --> 00:03:50,210 Speaker 1: Mostly? 63 00:03:50,450 --> 00:03:50,690 Speaker 5: Yes? 64 00:03:51,170 --> 00:03:51,410 Speaker 4: Okay? 65 00:03:51,410 --> 00:03:53,930 Speaker 3: How about in relationships? You know, like when it's like, oh, 66 00:03:53,970 --> 00:03:55,570 Speaker 3: what do you feel like for dinner? Oh? No, I 67 00:03:55,570 --> 00:03:58,450 Speaker 3: am one trillion percent decis Yeah, you'd be like, I 68 00:03:58,530 --> 00:03:59,810 Speaker 3: absolutely need to eat this. 69 00:04:00,050 --> 00:04:04,210 Speaker 4: Yes. Yeah. So this hack is like a marriage hack 70 00:04:04,250 --> 00:04:06,890 Speaker 4: that saves arguments. So basically it's bringing in. 71 00:04:07,130 --> 00:04:09,730 Speaker 3: It's called the fifty to fifty marriage hack, and it's 72 00:04:09,810 --> 00:04:12,810 Speaker 3: all about the percentage of what you want to do 73 00:04:13,490 --> 00:04:16,930 Speaker 3: and then your partner's percentage of where they're at. And 74 00:04:16,970 --> 00:04:20,890 Speaker 3: that's like your negotiation percentage rates. Let me give you 75 00:04:20,970 --> 00:04:22,570 Speaker 3: a I've got. 76 00:04:22,890 --> 00:04:23,690 Speaker 4: Yes, I can see the. 77 00:04:25,290 --> 00:04:27,010 Speaker 1: I need pins and strings of your life. 78 00:04:27,010 --> 00:04:30,290 Speaker 3: Example, I'm your boyfriend, I have my friend had I 79 00:04:30,370 --> 00:04:32,650 Speaker 3: walk in and we're going to go out for dinner. 80 00:04:32,850 --> 00:04:35,810 Speaker 3: All right, what are you leaning towards? What do you 81 00:04:35,810 --> 00:04:38,410 Speaker 3: feel like to eat for dinner? I feel like Indian 82 00:04:38,530 --> 00:04:43,170 Speaker 3: ninety percent? Okay, and tie ten percent. Oh that's really 83 00:04:43,250 --> 00:04:45,650 Speaker 3: uncomfortable for me because I don't like Indian food, but 84 00:04:46,250 --> 00:04:49,570 Speaker 3: because I know you want it so badly ninety percent, 85 00:04:49,650 --> 00:04:52,610 Speaker 3: Like that's a pretty high percentage. I might have been like, oh, look, 86 00:04:52,650 --> 00:04:56,290 Speaker 3: I only wanted Indian fifty percent. I could have done 87 00:04:56,330 --> 00:04:58,730 Speaker 3: tie fifty percent, but you know what, because you are 88 00:04:58,810 --> 00:05:02,730 Speaker 3: like ninety percent wanting your Indian food, Yes, we'll go 89 00:05:02,770 --> 00:05:07,010 Speaker 3: with Indian tonight, right, So it's about putting a compromising 90 00:05:07,090 --> 00:05:10,170 Speaker 3: It's like it's like putting your cards on the table 91 00:05:10,690 --> 00:05:13,690 Speaker 3: in terms of like no, this matters like this much 92 00:05:13,730 --> 00:05:17,090 Speaker 3: to me, and this doesn't really matter as much to me, 93 00:05:17,450 --> 00:05:20,170 Speaker 3: and then the other person can go, okay, well I 94 00:05:20,170 --> 00:05:22,410 Speaker 3: could see the that really matters to you and this 95 00:05:22,450 --> 00:05:24,370 Speaker 3: doesn't really matter to me, so let's meet here. 96 00:05:24,850 --> 00:05:28,610 Speaker 1: So it's like a communication compromise tool. 97 00:05:29,530 --> 00:05:34,290 Speaker 3: It is like compromise negotiation, meet in the middle, and 98 00:05:34,330 --> 00:05:37,290 Speaker 3: you can see it for anything anything like yes, whether 99 00:05:37,330 --> 00:05:39,570 Speaker 3: to go out on a Saturday, like yeah, do you 100 00:05:39,570 --> 00:05:41,010 Speaker 3: want to stay in or go out? Like how much 101 00:05:41,050 --> 00:05:43,370 Speaker 3: do you want to go out on? Like twenty percent 102 00:05:43,450 --> 00:05:46,690 Speaker 3: go out? And it's like, oh, but you know, I'm 103 00:05:46,770 --> 00:05:49,050 Speaker 3: like eighty percent want to go out. Okay, well I 104 00:05:49,170 --> 00:05:51,850 Speaker 3: can find another thirty percent and meet you there. Because 105 00:05:51,850 --> 00:05:55,210 Speaker 3: when you're making decisions, it's so easy to be indecisive 106 00:05:55,290 --> 00:05:57,410 Speaker 3: with language, so you don't really know where the other 107 00:05:57,450 --> 00:06:01,330 Speaker 3: person's coming from. And often like sometimes and you're like, oh, 108 00:06:01,370 --> 00:06:04,170 Speaker 3: I don't know, you do know, but you just don't 109 00:06:04,410 --> 00:06:06,770 Speaker 3: like you don't want to say it, or you're not 110 00:06:06,810 --> 00:06:09,290 Speaker 3: sure which one. But if you put your two options 111 00:06:09,330 --> 00:06:12,490 Speaker 3: like you're both picking two options at whatever percentage you want, 112 00:06:12,970 --> 00:06:15,250 Speaker 3: and then the other person brings their two options with 113 00:06:15,290 --> 00:06:18,850 Speaker 3: their percentages that they want, and then you together can 114 00:06:18,890 --> 00:06:23,290 Speaker 3: come up with a little and an equally decided decision. 115 00:06:23,810 --> 00:06:26,170 Speaker 3: I'm going to use this tactic and totally this is 116 00:06:26,210 --> 00:06:28,810 Speaker 3: my second favorite thing you've ever brought to job that 117 00:06:28,850 --> 00:06:32,610 Speaker 3: what was the first? The karaoke where there was women 118 00:06:32,650 --> 00:06:35,650 Speaker 3: fighting over the last time, that was my first favorite. 119 00:06:35,650 --> 00:06:39,370 Speaker 3: Sorry all you're going to say with my David, Oh yeah, 120 00:06:39,370 --> 00:06:48,770 Speaker 3: that's probably now third. Okay, So, Annalisea, you caught up 121 00:06:48,810 --> 00:06:52,450 Speaker 3: with your mate recently, the very funny comedian and author 122 00:06:52,650 --> 00:06:56,490 Speaker 3: Kath Mahoney, and she wanted to frighten you about having 123 00:06:56,570 --> 00:07:00,010 Speaker 3: a teenager. Well, you've already frightened me about you having 124 00:07:00,010 --> 00:07:04,890 Speaker 3: a teenager, and also frighten us about what you now 125 00:07:05,490 --> 00:07:08,410 Speaker 3: can expect now that you've got one. Her son, Lewis, 126 00:07:08,450 --> 00:07:10,690 Speaker 3: has just turned sixteen, and I can't wait to hear 127 00:07:10,690 --> 00:07:15,610 Speaker 3: what she had to say. Kath Mahoney, Hi, welcome to 128 00:07:15,650 --> 00:07:20,930 Speaker 3: this glorious mess. I've brought you in today because help 129 00:07:21,050 --> 00:07:21,890 Speaker 3: I have a teenager. 130 00:07:22,730 --> 00:07:25,530 Speaker 5: Congratulations, Thank you so both made it this far. I 131 00:07:25,570 --> 00:07:27,330 Speaker 5: know just but. 132 00:07:27,330 --> 00:07:30,890 Speaker 1: It's my first and so I'm scared. 133 00:07:31,010 --> 00:07:34,850 Speaker 3: And of course we've all been absolutely terrified by the 134 00:07:34,890 --> 00:07:38,010 Speaker 3: Netflix series Adolescence. Oh, I know, it couldn't be a 135 00:07:38,050 --> 00:07:42,210 Speaker 3: scarier time, literally to have a teenager. So you're a 136 00:07:42,250 --> 00:07:44,770 Speaker 3: few years down the track, Lewis is sixteen. 137 00:07:44,930 --> 00:07:48,290 Speaker 5: Yeah, just turned sixteen. My freak out because I keep 138 00:07:48,330 --> 00:07:50,090 Speaker 5: reverting to what I was doing at sixteen. 139 00:07:50,170 --> 00:07:53,250 Speaker 1: Oh gosh, I'm like, no, dying in a field. 140 00:07:53,410 --> 00:07:58,490 Speaker 5: No, it's literally literally in a jumpsuit catsuit situation that 141 00:07:58,570 --> 00:08:00,650 Speaker 5: never looked very good. That's probably too short in the lag, 142 00:08:00,730 --> 00:08:03,290 Speaker 5: dancing to rave music. Luckily, I think he won't be 143 00:08:03,330 --> 00:08:03,650 Speaker 5: doing that. 144 00:08:03,970 --> 00:08:05,370 Speaker 4: No, definitely not in a cat suit. 145 00:08:05,450 --> 00:08:09,130 Speaker 3: No, but you'd totally fine, be totally fine. 146 00:08:09,810 --> 00:08:12,890 Speaker 5: Yeah, it's it's just strange, strange time. 147 00:08:13,090 --> 00:08:15,210 Speaker 1: Do you know why I was thinking this morning? 148 00:08:15,690 --> 00:08:19,210 Speaker 3: I still feel like a teenager, so it doesn't feel 149 00:08:19,250 --> 00:08:20,330 Speaker 3: right that I have one. 150 00:08:21,090 --> 00:08:23,370 Speaker 5: As they get older, you realize more and more and 151 00:08:23,450 --> 00:08:25,970 Speaker 5: more how your parents were winging it. Like you look 152 00:08:26,010 --> 00:08:28,170 Speaker 5: to your parents when you're a kid and you were like, 153 00:08:28,210 --> 00:08:30,970 Speaker 5: they know everything. And now I have a sixteen year 154 00:08:31,010 --> 00:08:33,250 Speaker 5: old and I'm fifty, I still go, I know nothing. 155 00:08:34,410 --> 00:08:36,810 Speaker 5: What does reddits say about that. Let's get on Google. 156 00:08:37,410 --> 00:08:38,970 Speaker 5: Let's call a friend. 157 00:08:39,090 --> 00:08:42,530 Speaker 3: I don't know I have called a friend. Yeah, So like, 158 00:08:42,610 --> 00:08:44,970 Speaker 3: what a what am I walking into here? What do 159 00:08:45,050 --> 00:08:47,930 Speaker 3: I need to expect? Look out for? 160 00:08:48,250 --> 00:08:51,050 Speaker 5: Look? I think they all you know you have a boy. 161 00:08:51,210 --> 00:08:53,250 Speaker 5: I have a boy. I have friends who've got daughters, 162 00:08:53,290 --> 00:08:56,330 Speaker 5: and I go, oh, glad, I've got the boy. I mean, 163 00:08:56,450 --> 00:08:59,290 Speaker 5: I think I feel very lucky that Lewis is a 164 00:08:59,330 --> 00:09:01,970 Speaker 5: delicious kid, Like he really is a good young man. 165 00:09:02,650 --> 00:09:05,170 Speaker 5: But you know, stuff happens, and it is and it 166 00:09:05,290 --> 00:09:08,890 Speaker 5: is as you're told. Suddenly you literally feel like the 167 00:09:09,530 --> 00:09:14,170 Speaker 5: uber chef money provider. Yeah, I mean, I mean, where 168 00:09:14,210 --> 00:09:17,010 Speaker 5: can I start? The fridge? So I'm a solo parent 169 00:09:17,170 --> 00:09:19,610 Speaker 5: like you. It's just me and lou or me, So 170 00:09:19,730 --> 00:09:21,730 Speaker 5: I kind of know what I've put in the fridge 171 00:09:22,170 --> 00:09:24,970 Speaker 5: will be there tomorrow. So if I overcook for dinner, 172 00:09:25,050 --> 00:09:27,010 Speaker 5: that's fine. I can have that for lunch or send 173 00:09:27,010 --> 00:09:30,250 Speaker 5: it off for louse school. Except teenagers do things like 174 00:09:30,290 --> 00:09:31,890 Speaker 5: when you go to bed, they just go back to 175 00:09:31,930 --> 00:09:35,450 Speaker 5: the fridge. He's sort of like a I don't know, 176 00:09:35,490 --> 00:09:38,370 Speaker 5: He's like a swarm of locusts through my fridge. Nothing 177 00:09:38,610 --> 00:09:43,010 Speaker 5: stays there so you've got food ahead of you got 178 00:09:43,050 --> 00:09:49,010 Speaker 5: really long showers? Good? Not good? If they indicate what 179 00:09:49,530 --> 00:09:52,370 Speaker 5: some other friends with older boys have said, they indicate right, 180 00:09:53,730 --> 00:09:54,570 Speaker 5: What else can I tell? 181 00:09:54,650 --> 00:09:55,330 Speaker 4: Food bill? 182 00:09:55,530 --> 00:09:56,170 Speaker 1: Water bill? 183 00:09:56,450 --> 00:10:00,250 Speaker 5: Food bill is ridiculous? Also, I want to go to 184 00:10:00,330 --> 00:10:03,690 Speaker 5: sleep now about nine o'clock. I would rather, like, I 185 00:10:03,690 --> 00:10:05,490 Speaker 5: would rather wake up at sort of five thirty or 186 00:10:05,530 --> 00:10:08,370 Speaker 5: six in the morning and be asleep for nine. Lewis 187 00:10:08,530 --> 00:10:10,530 Speaker 5: I have to like pitchfork him out of bed in 188 00:10:10,570 --> 00:10:14,610 Speaker 5: the morning. But he's still wide awake late into the night. 189 00:10:14,810 --> 00:10:18,290 Speaker 5: So we are definitely on a different trajectory when it 190 00:10:18,330 --> 00:10:19,690 Speaker 5: comes to sleep time. 191 00:10:19,850 --> 00:10:22,250 Speaker 1: Can you tell them to go to sleep? Still have 192 00:10:22,370 --> 00:10:23,370 Speaker 1: juris junctions? 193 00:10:23,610 --> 00:10:26,770 Speaker 5: No, you don't have a lot. You don't have the 194 00:10:27,130 --> 00:10:31,210 Speaker 5: power that you used to have when they were little. Sadly, yeah, no, 195 00:10:31,290 --> 00:10:32,690 Speaker 5: you don't have really any control. 196 00:10:33,090 --> 00:10:35,570 Speaker 3: When I look at the difference between like my girlfriends 197 00:10:35,610 --> 00:10:39,170 Speaker 3: who have daughters going through this, I think for girls 198 00:10:39,250 --> 00:10:42,290 Speaker 3: it's it's the emotions, a lot of emotions. And my 199 00:10:42,410 --> 00:10:44,650 Speaker 3: favorite story is, like my girlfriend the other day, she 200 00:10:44,770 --> 00:10:48,010 Speaker 3: was like, oh, we've both got our period. We're in sync. 201 00:10:48,330 --> 00:10:52,250 Speaker 3: My poor husband. Do people having their period at the 202 00:10:52,250 --> 00:10:52,810 Speaker 3: same time? 203 00:10:53,050 --> 00:10:55,690 Speaker 5: My girl's friend has been just in that situation whereas 204 00:10:55,770 --> 00:11:00,610 Speaker 5: Lewis and I are his teenage hormones, and I was like, perimenopause. Oh, 205 00:11:00,730 --> 00:11:04,050 Speaker 5: that's so that was hard. That was like he didn't 206 00:11:04,050 --> 00:11:06,330 Speaker 5: know what was going on with his body or his emotions. 207 00:11:06,610 --> 00:11:08,610 Speaker 5: I didn't know what was going on with my body 208 00:11:08,690 --> 00:11:11,810 Speaker 5: or emotions. At least I'm on the HRT. No, Paul 209 00:11:11,850 --> 00:11:14,890 Speaker 5: louis just having to push through. But we did. We 210 00:11:14,930 --> 00:11:16,970 Speaker 5: had the big discussion. You know, you're going through all 211 00:11:16,970 --> 00:11:20,890 Speaker 5: of these changes, so is mum. So if you do 212 00:11:21,330 --> 00:11:23,650 Speaker 5: not on the fourth time, I ask you to take 213 00:11:23,730 --> 00:11:25,690 Speaker 5: the Apple and Chris packets from the corner of the 214 00:11:25,730 --> 00:11:28,650 Speaker 5: room because it's not actually dedicated. Ben, you don't do 215 00:11:28,690 --> 00:11:31,530 Speaker 5: it on the fourth time, I will turn out like 216 00:11:31,610 --> 00:11:33,370 Speaker 5: the Banshee from Ghostbusters. 217 00:11:34,450 --> 00:11:37,610 Speaker 3: We had parenting Guru Jen Muir on the show a 218 00:11:37,650 --> 00:11:40,050 Speaker 3: while ago, and I remember she said to me, She's like, 219 00:11:40,090 --> 00:11:43,010 Speaker 3: the thing with teenage boys is it's and I know 220 00:11:43,210 --> 00:11:46,850 Speaker 3: this isn't scientific, but it's almost like the hormones that 221 00:11:46,890 --> 00:11:50,610 Speaker 3: they're experiencing sort of crumples their frontal lobe, so their 222 00:11:50,690 --> 00:11:54,450 Speaker 3: actual function is less than it used to be, and 223 00:11:54,490 --> 00:11:57,650 Speaker 3: so they could literally walk past a pair of shoes 224 00:11:57,690 --> 00:11:59,530 Speaker 3: and say, where are my shoes. It's like they don't 225 00:11:59,570 --> 00:12:02,170 Speaker 3: see things anymore. It's so frustrating. 226 00:12:02,330 --> 00:12:06,170 Speaker 5: It's really frustrating. I can have like bags of rubbish 227 00:12:06,250 --> 00:12:08,890 Speaker 5: by the front door and Lewis will step over them. 228 00:12:08,930 --> 00:12:11,010 Speaker 5: Like we're on the fourth floor of an Art deco building. 229 00:12:11,010 --> 00:12:13,370 Speaker 5: No lift, so you'll fill like a sherpa going up 230 00:12:13,410 --> 00:12:15,770 Speaker 5: and down. So it's like, if we're going, let's make 231 00:12:15,810 --> 00:12:19,770 Speaker 5: a job of it. He'll walk over that stuff. The towel. 232 00:12:20,130 --> 00:12:23,170 Speaker 5: The towel I've trained him to understand won't dry on 233 00:12:23,210 --> 00:12:27,050 Speaker 5: the floor, So that's been a really big shift for him. Yeah, 234 00:12:27,650 --> 00:12:33,650 Speaker 5: binsin bin's irrelevant. I started to notice things out near 235 00:12:33,690 --> 00:12:37,570 Speaker 5: the bins outside our block and lu said, I just 236 00:12:37,610 --> 00:12:41,970 Speaker 5: sometimes I'm just try and throw the apple call. I'm like, Lewis, 237 00:12:42,490 --> 00:12:46,250 Speaker 5: you know, come on, So bins are terrible, food is terrible, 238 00:12:46,850 --> 00:12:49,010 Speaker 5: Homework is a bit of a chore. 239 00:12:49,370 --> 00:12:50,570 Speaker 1: Did that start out well? 240 00:12:50,610 --> 00:12:52,650 Speaker 3: Because I feel like we're starting out well, yeah, you 241 00:12:52,690 --> 00:12:54,530 Speaker 3: start out well, Everything starts out well. 242 00:12:54,570 --> 00:12:57,890 Speaker 5: You're in the honeymoon period. You really are, you really are. 243 00:12:57,930 --> 00:13:00,850 Speaker 5: And there's this kind of smell that they have. You 244 00:13:00,930 --> 00:13:03,890 Speaker 5: probably haven't hit smell yet where they just it must 245 00:13:03,890 --> 00:13:06,290 Speaker 5: just be hormones. I've checked with friends who've got older 246 00:13:06,530 --> 00:13:08,490 Speaker 5: sons and they're like, there's just a smell about them. 247 00:13:08,810 --> 00:13:10,770 Speaker 1: Although if they showered oder eyes. 248 00:13:10,770 --> 00:13:14,250 Speaker 5: Showering, there's just like a smell. Although sometimes I will 249 00:13:14,290 --> 00:13:18,090 Speaker 5: catch Lewis just putting his deodrint like over his jumper. 250 00:13:18,570 --> 00:13:20,810 Speaker 1: Oh god, that we. 251 00:13:20,770 --> 00:13:24,210 Speaker 5: Need to we need to go into the armpit situation. 252 00:13:24,530 --> 00:13:27,730 Speaker 5: It's not going to help if it's just on your jumper. Yeah, 253 00:13:27,810 --> 00:13:29,770 Speaker 5: they're a joy. They also don't want you to talk 254 00:13:29,770 --> 00:13:33,210 Speaker 5: to them, so that lovely sort of two way conversation 255 00:13:33,530 --> 00:13:38,450 Speaker 5: that you have stops and only resumes if they want 256 00:13:38,450 --> 00:13:41,250 Speaker 5: to chat, so out of nowhere, they'll ask you something 257 00:13:42,010 --> 00:13:44,610 Speaker 5: and it will be quite a deep conversation. It's usually 258 00:13:44,690 --> 00:13:48,210 Speaker 5: in the car for me and I side by side, 259 00:13:48,970 --> 00:13:51,450 Speaker 5: the face to face, and you're like, I'm back in 260 00:13:52,210 --> 00:13:55,690 Speaker 5: a real person, let's have a conversation, you know. And 261 00:13:55,730 --> 00:13:58,010 Speaker 5: then other times, like on the weekend we went down 262 00:13:58,050 --> 00:13:59,850 Speaker 5: the coast to spend some time with my folks who 263 00:13:59,850 --> 00:14:02,370 Speaker 5: are here from the UK, and Lewis like, I'm so 264 00:14:02,410 --> 00:14:04,290 Speaker 5: excited we're all going to be together as a family, 265 00:14:05,090 --> 00:14:06,570 Speaker 5: and then he got in the car and for the 266 00:14:06,570 --> 00:14:08,730 Speaker 5: next hour and half put his ear pods in, sat 267 00:14:08,770 --> 00:14:09,650 Speaker 5: in the front with Mete. 268 00:14:10,010 --> 00:14:13,330 Speaker 3: I just was like, right, he's a great time. He's 269 00:14:13,410 --> 00:14:15,690 Speaker 3: usually much better, I promise, But. 270 00:14:15,690 --> 00:14:18,050 Speaker 5: This is all normal. Apparently this is all normal. And 271 00:14:18,090 --> 00:14:20,090 Speaker 5: I have to say, you know, so far touched woods. 272 00:14:20,410 --> 00:14:21,450 Speaker 5: He's a pretty good kid. 273 00:14:22,130 --> 00:14:26,130 Speaker 3: One of the things that I've heard is that can 274 00:14:26,170 --> 00:14:28,410 Speaker 3: be really tricky for people. And I think it was 275 00:14:28,410 --> 00:14:30,330 Speaker 3: different for you and I because we had the solo 276 00:14:30,450 --> 00:14:34,570 Speaker 3: parenting experience, so we had independence already. But it's that 277 00:14:35,010 --> 00:14:38,370 Speaker 3: it's that real letting go. And if you don't have 278 00:14:38,730 --> 00:14:41,330 Speaker 3: something else in your life other than your children and 279 00:14:41,330 --> 00:14:45,490 Speaker 3: they are your entire focus because they are pulling away 280 00:14:45,530 --> 00:14:48,610 Speaker 3: from you, that can be so tricky because then you're 281 00:14:48,650 --> 00:14:50,490 Speaker 3: a bit like, oh, what do I do now. 282 00:14:51,410 --> 00:14:56,370 Speaker 5: It's a funny thing, you know, I lou he was 283 00:14:56,490 --> 00:14:58,930 Speaker 5: five when my ex husband and I split up. So 284 00:14:59,050 --> 00:15:02,410 Speaker 5: for the last almost well eleven years now, we've never 285 00:15:02,490 --> 00:15:04,330 Speaker 5: we haven't been together all the time, so you do 286 00:15:04,410 --> 00:15:07,210 Speaker 5: get used to that. What I was talking to another 287 00:15:07,250 --> 00:15:09,930 Speaker 5: friend who's a solo parent with it with teenage kids 288 00:15:10,410 --> 00:15:13,330 Speaker 5: was as they get older, having them in the house 289 00:15:13,370 --> 00:15:16,610 Speaker 5: can feel more lonely because when they're not there, you're 290 00:15:16,650 --> 00:15:19,010 Speaker 5: out and about doing your own thing. When they are there, 291 00:15:19,050 --> 00:15:22,010 Speaker 5: they're still at an age where you have to be there, 292 00:15:22,410 --> 00:15:25,090 Speaker 5: cook the dinner, make sure they are doing the homework, 293 00:15:25,090 --> 00:15:27,610 Speaker 5: eventually going to bed. You know, you can't be out gallivanting. 294 00:15:27,970 --> 00:15:30,610 Speaker 5: You're still a parent, but they want zero to do 295 00:15:30,690 --> 00:15:33,290 Speaker 5: with you. So it's like you have gone at the 296 00:15:33,330 --> 00:15:35,170 Speaker 5: times where you're like, should we watch a show together? 297 00:15:35,650 --> 00:15:39,290 Speaker 5: Totally gone, no, So you literally will make the food. 298 00:15:39,850 --> 00:15:42,090 Speaker 5: They may or may not converse with you while you 299 00:15:42,130 --> 00:15:45,530 Speaker 5: eat the food together. Then they're in the bedroom. That's it. 300 00:15:45,730 --> 00:15:49,370 Speaker 5: So so you know, I find that more lonely, I 301 00:15:49,410 --> 00:15:51,730 Speaker 5: think sometimes and than when he's not there. 302 00:15:51,850 --> 00:15:55,050 Speaker 3: I love watching TI. I mean we don't watch kid shows. 303 00:15:55,410 --> 00:15:58,850 Speaker 3: We watch like Real Housewives of Sydney, bold ones that 304 00:15:59,010 --> 00:16:02,530 Speaker 3: may stop that stopped for us, that's actually happened. 305 00:16:02,650 --> 00:16:06,250 Speaker 5: Yeah. And also it's that moment where you realize that 306 00:16:06,330 --> 00:16:10,650 Speaker 5: they are their own person and not not not that 307 00:16:10,730 --> 00:16:14,170 Speaker 5: you ever think that they're like possession, but when they're smaller, 308 00:16:14,650 --> 00:16:16,970 Speaker 5: they hold hand, You hold hands with them walking across 309 00:16:16,970 --> 00:16:19,330 Speaker 5: the road, you hug them, you bath and whatever you do, 310 00:16:19,690 --> 00:16:21,330 Speaker 5: and then they get to point O obviously where it's 311 00:16:21,330 --> 00:16:23,730 Speaker 5: like it's their personal space, you know. So now I'm like, 312 00:16:23,770 --> 00:16:24,970 Speaker 5: can I have a hug? You know, you don't just 313 00:16:25,010 --> 00:16:26,970 Speaker 5: go in for the hug? Can I have a hug? 314 00:16:27,450 --> 00:16:30,410 Speaker 5: And nine eights out of ten it's like, oh, or 315 00:16:30,450 --> 00:16:34,810 Speaker 5: it's a cheek or it's okay, but can you put 316 00:16:34,810 --> 00:16:36,770 Speaker 5: some money in on my spriggy? Or are we having sushi? 317 00:16:36,890 --> 00:16:38,730 Speaker 5: Can you not cook? I'll give you a hug. 318 00:16:38,850 --> 00:16:41,290 Speaker 3: Like it's just real like trade off, and it's that 319 00:16:41,410 --> 00:16:44,570 Speaker 3: thing where you go from being the main character in 320 00:16:44,610 --> 00:16:46,650 Speaker 3: this story to the driver. 321 00:16:47,050 --> 00:16:52,090 Speaker 5: Yeah. Literally, but I think it comes back round apparently. 322 00:16:52,650 --> 00:16:55,250 Speaker 5: And as my mum said, as I said, she's here 323 00:16:55,250 --> 00:16:58,930 Speaker 5: from the UK, we're talking about it at sixteen. If 324 00:16:58,930 --> 00:17:01,850 Speaker 5: he didn't have the life that he had and his 325 00:17:02,090 --> 00:17:05,250 Speaker 5: you know, fishing and surfing and sports and school friends 326 00:17:05,610 --> 00:17:07,650 Speaker 5: and he just wanted to spend twenty four to seven 327 00:17:07,690 --> 00:17:14,330 Speaker 5: with me watching watch, that would also be concerning. So 328 00:17:14,410 --> 00:17:18,450 Speaker 5: you know that everything that they're doing touch Wood is 329 00:17:18,490 --> 00:17:21,970 Speaker 5: on track for life, but it's not easy as a parent. No, 330 00:17:22,090 --> 00:17:22,490 Speaker 5: it's not. 331 00:17:27,610 --> 00:17:28,090 Speaker 1: Coming up. 332 00:17:28,130 --> 00:17:31,330 Speaker 3: After this short break, kath shares the moments she misses 333 00:17:31,690 --> 00:17:34,170 Speaker 3: and some of the last that you don't realize will 334 00:17:34,210 --> 00:17:36,170 Speaker 3: be your last until they're gone. 335 00:17:36,290 --> 00:17:40,410 Speaker 1: I'm going to tissue for this text that's next. 336 00:17:41,090 --> 00:17:44,050 Speaker 3: So Kath Mahoney, we've just been talking about the pain 337 00:17:44,210 --> 00:17:49,530 Speaker 3: points of parenting teens, and you know, you're with a 338 00:17:49,570 --> 00:17:52,130 Speaker 3: son at age sixteen. You've only got two more years 339 00:17:52,210 --> 00:17:55,210 Speaker 3: until he's an actual grown up. 340 00:17:55,130 --> 00:17:58,330 Speaker 5: Which is just scare We're about to start driving lessons. 341 00:17:58,370 --> 00:17:59,370 Speaker 5: It's very scary. 342 00:18:01,890 --> 00:18:04,370 Speaker 3: I wanted to sort of reflect and think back for 343 00:18:04,410 --> 00:18:08,810 Speaker 3: people who are listening, they're in the trenches. They have 344 00:18:08,930 --> 00:18:11,810 Speaker 3: what we're experiencing and going through to look forward to, 345 00:18:12,610 --> 00:18:16,330 Speaker 3: but what they're currently in. Sometimes, you know, at the 346 00:18:16,450 --> 00:18:19,010 Speaker 3: end of the day, you're like, oh, I've been pushing 347 00:18:19,010 --> 00:18:22,410 Speaker 3: that kid on the swing for fifty hours this week, 348 00:18:22,450 --> 00:18:24,690 Speaker 3: and it's just like the little things that grete you. 349 00:18:24,770 --> 00:18:28,010 Speaker 1: But when you're coming out the other side, how does it. 350 00:18:27,930 --> 00:18:33,890 Speaker 3: Feel looking back retrospectively that that was like the last Oh. 351 00:18:33,730 --> 00:18:35,930 Speaker 5: It's very sad. Fun I mean it's funny. 352 00:18:35,930 --> 00:18:37,610 Speaker 1: You do put your rose colored glasses on. 353 00:18:37,890 --> 00:18:40,530 Speaker 5: You know. I did think about pushing lou on the 354 00:18:40,530 --> 00:18:41,970 Speaker 5: swing the other day. I was like, I can't never 355 00:18:42,050 --> 00:18:43,810 Speaker 5: do that again. I mean I will, but he would 356 00:18:43,850 --> 00:18:45,930 Speaker 5: be a big person on the swing and then I 357 00:18:45,970 --> 00:18:48,570 Speaker 5: have to snap out of it and go Remember how 358 00:18:48,810 --> 00:18:51,610 Speaker 5: much you hated the park, especially as a solo parent. 359 00:18:51,810 --> 00:18:56,250 Speaker 5: You hated that. Why the other day my boobs did 360 00:18:56,250 --> 00:18:57,050 Speaker 5: this weird thing. 361 00:18:57,250 --> 00:18:57,930 Speaker 1: Did they tingle? 362 00:18:58,130 --> 00:19:01,850 Speaker 5: They tingled? And I was like, oh my gosh, breastfeeding. 363 00:19:02,250 --> 00:19:04,970 Speaker 5: I have a breastfeed again. And again I'm like, why 364 00:19:05,010 --> 00:19:09,210 Speaker 5: am I missing the soreness? But it's kind of you 365 00:19:09,250 --> 00:19:11,290 Speaker 5: don't know it's your last you know, you don't know 366 00:19:11,370 --> 00:19:13,250 Speaker 5: it's the last time you're going to breastfeed, if that 367 00:19:13,330 --> 00:19:15,730 Speaker 5: was what you chose to do, until it's over. You 368 00:19:15,810 --> 00:19:18,370 Speaker 5: don't realize that it's going to be the last time 369 00:19:18,410 --> 00:19:20,290 Speaker 5: that they want to hold your hat that they try 370 00:19:20,330 --> 00:19:24,290 Speaker 5: to hold turned across the road. So it is. It 371 00:19:24,370 --> 00:19:27,010 Speaker 5: is sad. Things like I want to put Cars, the 372 00:19:27,050 --> 00:19:29,970 Speaker 5: movie on which was the bane of my life. Now 373 00:19:29,970 --> 00:19:33,010 Speaker 5: I want to watch Lightning McQueen, yeah with lou because 374 00:19:33,050 --> 00:19:35,530 Speaker 5: we but you know, on the millionths time, you were like, 375 00:19:35,570 --> 00:19:38,090 Speaker 5: I can't watch this anymore. But now I'm like, I'd 376 00:19:38,130 --> 00:19:40,930 Speaker 5: love to just watch Cars, but he won't watch anything anything, 377 00:19:41,130 --> 00:19:42,130 Speaker 5: not really No. 378 00:19:43,690 --> 00:19:46,530 Speaker 3: That's I honestly like, this will be a dark day 379 00:19:46,570 --> 00:19:48,850 Speaker 3: for me, I love watching TV with my kids. 380 00:19:49,450 --> 00:19:53,850 Speaker 5: Also, what what do I miss? I miss the baby smell? Yes, 381 00:19:54,130 --> 00:19:56,890 Speaker 5: kind of, it just goes so quickly. And you do 382 00:19:57,010 --> 00:19:59,690 Speaker 5: you just those those mornings when they wake you up 383 00:19:59,690 --> 00:20:02,290 Speaker 5: at five in the morning, You're like, I cannot wait 384 00:20:02,370 --> 00:20:04,090 Speaker 5: till you're a teenager and you don't want to get 385 00:20:04,130 --> 00:20:06,610 Speaker 5: out of bed. Yeah, and yet now I think I 386 00:20:06,690 --> 00:20:12,410 Speaker 5: miss that. I miss being the stylist. Oh right, miss 387 00:20:12,450 --> 00:20:14,770 Speaker 5: I miss being like in charge of the wardrobe and 388 00:20:14,850 --> 00:20:17,970 Speaker 5: the hair. That is really difficult to let go of 389 00:20:18,170 --> 00:20:21,730 Speaker 5: because as my mum did not like the way that 390 00:20:21,770 --> 00:20:24,970 Speaker 5: I dressed at sixteen, all my hairstyles, I'm feeling the 391 00:20:25,010 --> 00:20:26,010 Speaker 5: sort of same a baut Loo. 392 00:20:26,290 --> 00:20:26,530 Speaker 3: Yeah. 393 00:20:26,610 --> 00:20:27,970 Speaker 5: I liked when I could put him in his little 394 00:20:28,010 --> 00:20:31,290 Speaker 5: navy white stripe, and I like the little sailor. I 395 00:20:31,370 --> 00:20:33,330 Speaker 5: liked when I could be like, oh, could we just 396 00:20:33,450 --> 00:20:36,370 Speaker 5: have the peaky blinders kind of can we have that 397 00:20:36,450 --> 00:20:39,530 Speaker 5: kind of nineteen twenties undercut that's really cool? Now it's 398 00:20:39,570 --> 00:20:43,770 Speaker 5: that horrible kind of straight line mullet thing that's still 399 00:20:43,850 --> 00:20:47,130 Speaker 5: hanging around like a bad smell. Let that go. What 400 00:20:47,210 --> 00:20:47,890 Speaker 5: do you think you'll miss? 401 00:20:48,650 --> 00:20:52,370 Speaker 3: I remember when you've got two and they're little, so 402 00:20:52,370 --> 00:20:55,130 Speaker 3: you've got like a little baby and a toddler and 403 00:20:55,170 --> 00:20:58,810 Speaker 3: it's like that witching hour. And I remember like having 404 00:20:58,850 --> 00:21:01,890 Speaker 3: anxiety leading up to like four point thirty five o'clock 405 00:21:01,890 --> 00:21:03,930 Speaker 3: because I knew it was coming, because you've got to 406 00:21:03,930 --> 00:21:05,730 Speaker 3: do the bath and the dinner and then everyone's got 407 00:21:05,770 --> 00:21:10,770 Speaker 3: different schedules and feeding and everyone's just cranky. But now 408 00:21:10,850 --> 00:21:15,130 Speaker 3: I think, oh, just having them like giggling and gurgling 409 00:21:15,170 --> 00:21:17,730 Speaker 3: in a bath and playing with little. 410 00:21:17,490 --> 00:21:20,410 Speaker 1: Toys, like how delight. 411 00:21:20,810 --> 00:21:22,730 Speaker 3: But at the time it was the most stressful thing 412 00:21:22,810 --> 00:21:24,370 Speaker 3: in the universe ever. 413 00:21:24,650 --> 00:21:27,610 Speaker 5: It was horrible. But I'm the same. I miss that 414 00:21:27,890 --> 00:21:31,010 Speaker 5: washing the hair, the toys that come on. You've been 415 00:21:31,050 --> 00:21:33,890 Speaker 5: in long enough, let's get out, and exactly that knowing 416 00:21:33,930 --> 00:21:36,130 Speaker 5: that you're on that kind of bedtime role where it's 417 00:21:36,130 --> 00:21:39,890 Speaker 5: like all going to be smacked down by seven. Yeah. 418 00:21:40,050 --> 00:21:43,290 Speaker 3: And I even just I loved because I had quite 419 00:21:43,330 --> 00:21:46,490 Speaker 3: a lot of time at home with babies and on 420 00:21:46,610 --> 00:21:49,010 Speaker 3: Matt leave and I did freelancing, so I was really lucky. 421 00:21:49,050 --> 00:21:52,090 Speaker 3: I had a lot of time at home and I loved. 422 00:21:52,890 --> 00:21:57,810 Speaker 3: This sounds ridiculous, but just make believe play like I loved, 423 00:21:58,530 --> 00:22:01,810 Speaker 3: you know, making up pretend worlds and doing vets and 424 00:22:01,930 --> 00:22:04,250 Speaker 3: all of that silly stuff. Well, just even just flying 425 00:22:04,330 --> 00:22:07,130 Speaker 3: around toys to music. We used to How to Train 426 00:22:07,290 --> 00:22:10,450 Speaker 3: Your Drag Dragon was our cars, and so we had 427 00:22:10,490 --> 00:22:13,530 Speaker 3: all the dragon figurines and we put the movie soundtrack 428 00:22:13,570 --> 00:22:15,450 Speaker 3: on and just like run around flying. 429 00:22:15,210 --> 00:22:18,050 Speaker 1: Dragons like, oh, it's so fun. 430 00:22:18,170 --> 00:22:20,290 Speaker 5: It's hard, isn't it when it goes? And you also 431 00:22:20,370 --> 00:22:23,290 Speaker 5: know what's in the fridge because they can't reach the fridge. Yes, 432 00:22:23,610 --> 00:22:26,210 Speaker 5: so that was I do miss that, and they miss being, 433 00:22:26,290 --> 00:22:28,370 Speaker 5: you know, again, being the chef, but going like this 434 00:22:28,450 --> 00:22:30,530 Speaker 5: is the option. There is no other option. You don't 435 00:22:30,530 --> 00:22:32,450 Speaker 5: even know. You don't like this yet, so you'll be 436 00:22:32,490 --> 00:22:37,250 Speaker 5: eating this, yes, and being asked things Mom, Mom, Like that'snow. 437 00:22:37,250 --> 00:22:39,530 Speaker 5: I'm like, there is now anything. 438 00:22:39,290 --> 00:22:42,970 Speaker 1: Because they just ask Siri. Yes, they don't need to ask. 439 00:22:43,090 --> 00:22:44,610 Speaker 5: They don't ask us anymore. 440 00:22:44,850 --> 00:22:45,930 Speaker 1: Siri is their new parent. 441 00:22:46,010 --> 00:22:48,850 Speaker 5: Now. I almost miss the car seat because I thought 442 00:22:48,890 --> 00:22:51,490 Speaker 5: he was strapped in the back, and then I thought, no, 443 00:22:51,650 --> 00:22:53,570 Speaker 5: I don't miss the car seat, and that sort of point, 444 00:22:53,570 --> 00:22:55,490 Speaker 5: whether you're about to break you back, they're getting a 445 00:22:55,490 --> 00:22:57,650 Speaker 5: bit too heavy to put them in the car seat. Yes, 446 00:22:57,810 --> 00:22:58,810 Speaker 5: don't miss the prams. 447 00:22:59,170 --> 00:23:01,290 Speaker 1: No, I definitely don't miss a prem. 448 00:23:01,290 --> 00:23:04,490 Speaker 5: Don't miss nappy changing. No, don't miss having to have 449 00:23:04,570 --> 00:23:07,530 Speaker 5: a handbag the size of a house with all of 450 00:23:07,570 --> 00:23:10,370 Speaker 5: the stuff in. Yeah, do you? I don't miss I've 451 00:23:10,410 --> 00:23:11,690 Speaker 5: got it? Are you still on that? 452 00:23:11,730 --> 00:23:13,450 Speaker 3: Oh? I've got a big hambag, but it's mostly full 453 00:23:13,490 --> 00:23:15,250 Speaker 3: of like makeup and do I don't like stuff for me? 454 00:23:15,450 --> 00:23:20,650 Speaker 5: Your stuff exactly much better than raisins and tissues and nappy. 455 00:23:20,330 --> 00:23:21,610 Speaker 1: White and corn thins. 456 00:23:21,810 --> 00:23:27,210 Speaker 5: Oh, kids parties. I never thought I would miss kids parties. 457 00:23:27,210 --> 00:23:27,690 Speaker 1: Oh you do? 458 00:23:27,850 --> 00:23:31,090 Speaker 5: Miss well, I miss the fact that you get to 459 00:23:31,130 --> 00:23:35,250 Speaker 5: a point where you're not even included in the birthday. Yeah, 460 00:23:35,330 --> 00:23:37,050 Speaker 5: so that's you know, you go from I used to 461 00:23:37,130 --> 00:23:40,210 Speaker 5: have real trauma around the party and the cake and 462 00:23:40,210 --> 00:23:44,290 Speaker 5: what you're doing and the lolli bags, TV, the activities 463 00:23:44,330 --> 00:23:46,170 Speaker 5: that was always really stressful. Then you get to a 464 00:23:46,210 --> 00:23:48,530 Speaker 5: point where you can do the let's go bowling or 465 00:23:48,610 --> 00:23:50,450 Speaker 5: pick four friends or go to the movies, And then 466 00:23:50,450 --> 00:23:51,970 Speaker 5: you get to the point where it's like, can you 467 00:23:52,050 --> 00:23:54,970 Speaker 5: just put some money on my card? Mom? And Christmas? 468 00:23:55,010 --> 00:24:00,130 Speaker 5: That would be my last big miss. Oh no, Christmas changes, 469 00:24:00,210 --> 00:24:03,370 Speaker 5: doesn't it when their thoughts around the big Man in 470 00:24:03,410 --> 00:24:05,650 Speaker 5: Red Change. I don't know who's listening to this, so 471 00:24:05,690 --> 00:24:08,730 Speaker 5: I don't want any spoiler alerts around Santa. But yeah, 472 00:24:08,810 --> 00:24:12,130 Speaker 5: Christmas Christmas when they would wake up at five and 473 00:24:12,170 --> 00:24:14,410 Speaker 5: you would say, we're not going downstairs to see if 474 00:24:14,410 --> 00:24:17,650 Speaker 5: he's been for another two hours now, it would be 475 00:24:17,690 --> 00:24:22,370 Speaker 5: about eleven o'clock, relue, And it's my birthday on Christmas, 476 00:24:22,410 --> 00:24:24,770 Speaker 5: so I'm a bit like, let's go, what do we got? 477 00:24:25,610 --> 00:24:29,610 Speaker 3: No, that's half the day. The magic of Christmas is gone. 478 00:24:29,730 --> 00:24:31,170 Speaker 3: The greech has taken over. 479 00:24:31,410 --> 00:24:34,730 Speaker 5: Yes, And Lo's good when he's with Dad because they 480 00:24:34,770 --> 00:24:37,770 Speaker 5: have he's got a little sister, so he allows the 481 00:24:37,810 --> 00:24:41,570 Speaker 5: magic when he's you know, he's if it's a dad Christmas. 482 00:24:41,570 --> 00:24:45,530 Speaker 5: But at mine, yeah, zero Christmas feels, and that that 483 00:24:45,690 --> 00:24:48,850 Speaker 5: feeling when he would when he officially stopped wanting to 484 00:24:48,850 --> 00:24:53,450 Speaker 5: watch any Christmas movie in the lead up, or want 485 00:24:53,450 --> 00:24:55,730 Speaker 5: to put the tree up, or help with the tree, 486 00:24:56,210 --> 00:24:58,410 Speaker 5: or decorate the tree, that I would then redecorate when 487 00:24:58,450 --> 00:25:00,490 Speaker 5: he went to bed because it's so bad. Every time 488 00:25:00,850 --> 00:25:04,650 Speaker 5: that was crushing as a Christmas person. That's probably that's 489 00:25:04,650 --> 00:25:06,290 Speaker 5: probably one of the things I miss the most. 490 00:25:06,490 --> 00:25:09,330 Speaker 1: I cannot believe that Christmas will be dead soon. 491 00:25:09,810 --> 00:25:14,010 Speaker 5: Hallowe. No, you've got how old are youngest? Ten? You've 492 00:25:14,010 --> 00:25:17,530 Speaker 5: got You've got a few years because they hang on 493 00:25:17,650 --> 00:25:19,730 Speaker 5: for a while because they don't want to admit they're 494 00:25:19,770 --> 00:25:21,530 Speaker 5: not sure in case presents do stop. 495 00:25:21,730 --> 00:25:25,650 Speaker 1: Oh no, we're definitely beyond the fantasy of Christmas. 496 00:25:25,170 --> 00:25:28,090 Speaker 5: Okay, but they're still so easy to fall into it. Yeah, 497 00:25:28,250 --> 00:25:30,770 Speaker 5: love it. I enjoy that, Yes, enjoy that. 498 00:25:31,170 --> 00:25:34,130 Speaker 3: So for anyone listening, if you're waking up at five 499 00:25:34,170 --> 00:25:37,930 Speaker 3: am this coming Christmas, just remember kath Mahony will be. 500 00:25:37,970 --> 00:25:43,890 Speaker 5: Would love to join it because it's like I just 501 00:25:44,010 --> 00:25:46,650 Speaker 5: you get to do it. You forget. You don't realize 502 00:25:46,650 --> 00:25:48,970 Speaker 5: that you're going to miss all of these festivities. 503 00:25:49,050 --> 00:25:52,130 Speaker 3: So it's the rituals. Yes, I hadn't really thought about 504 00:25:52,170 --> 00:25:55,410 Speaker 3: the rituals. It's like, yeah, the trick or treating, the 505 00:25:55,450 --> 00:25:58,570 Speaker 3: egg hunting, they're putting out the little carrots for Santa, and. 506 00:25:58,690 --> 00:26:03,970 Speaker 5: The tooth fairy. Yeah, when they get between fifty cents 507 00:26:04,010 --> 00:26:07,170 Speaker 5: and fifty dollars depending on what you've got, and when 508 00:26:07,210 --> 00:26:09,410 Speaker 5: the tooth comes out. So yeah, there would be some 509 00:26:09,450 --> 00:26:10,170 Speaker 5: of the things I miss. 510 00:26:10,850 --> 00:26:11,890 Speaker 1: I hadn't thought about that. 511 00:26:11,970 --> 00:26:15,930 Speaker 5: The rituals. Maybe maybe the upside is enjoy all of 512 00:26:15,970 --> 00:26:19,170 Speaker 5: the bits, yes, even the pushing of the swing in 513 00:26:19,170 --> 00:26:23,370 Speaker 5: the park and the prem Yeah, even even knowing that 514 00:26:23,410 --> 00:26:25,210 Speaker 5: the stuff in your hair may or may not be 515 00:26:25,250 --> 00:26:26,250 Speaker 5: regogated food. 516 00:26:26,530 --> 00:26:29,690 Speaker 3: No, And you didn't eat the joy in the giggles 517 00:26:29,690 --> 00:26:32,530 Speaker 3: of the bath. That would be my thing, Like, I 518 00:26:32,570 --> 00:26:35,530 Speaker 3: wish I didn't dread that so much. And I just 519 00:26:36,050 --> 00:26:39,090 Speaker 3: really like lapped up the magic and the joy of 520 00:26:39,250 --> 00:26:42,210 Speaker 3: little babies playing in water, so. 521 00:26:42,330 --> 00:26:46,050 Speaker 5: Silly, silly and fun fun because they That's another thing 522 00:26:46,050 --> 00:26:49,490 Speaker 5: with teenager. I guess their fun doesn't necessarily involve you anymore. 523 00:26:49,850 --> 00:26:52,170 Speaker 5: When they're little and they're joyful and fun, you get 524 00:26:52,250 --> 00:26:56,050 Speaker 5: to experience it when they're a bit older. Yeah, you're 525 00:26:56,090 --> 00:26:58,850 Speaker 5: not invited to the fun bit. Yeah, because you're not 526 00:26:58,890 --> 00:27:01,530 Speaker 5: the main character. Not the main character. You are the 527 00:27:01,610 --> 00:27:05,130 Speaker 5: chef or the driver. Yeah, and you also have all this. 528 00:27:06,290 --> 00:27:09,290 Speaker 5: What I've noticed about being a parent to a teenager 529 00:27:09,530 --> 00:27:12,410 Speaker 5: is you hold on to things, you know, Like if 530 00:27:12,530 --> 00:27:15,410 Speaker 5: Lou's upset about a situation about not being picked for 531 00:27:15,490 --> 00:27:19,330 Speaker 5: something or sport, I will then have trauma for like 532 00:27:19,410 --> 00:27:21,450 Speaker 5: the next week, and then the next time I mentioned it, 533 00:27:21,450 --> 00:27:23,730 Speaker 5: he said, I can't have moved on. Yeah, he had 534 00:27:23,770 --> 00:27:26,370 Speaker 5: a school dance. He's a bit taller now, but he's 535 00:27:26,410 --> 00:27:27,930 Speaker 5: quite little. A couple of years ago he had a 536 00:27:27,930 --> 00:27:30,490 Speaker 5: school dance. With it that he's in a same sex school. 537 00:27:30,530 --> 00:27:33,210 Speaker 5: They had a school dance and he was quite upset 538 00:27:33,250 --> 00:27:34,770 Speaker 5: because some of the girls wouldn't dance with him and 539 00:27:34,850 --> 00:27:37,250 Speaker 5: laugh because he was little. Oh, and I mentioned it 540 00:27:37,250 --> 00:27:38,930 Speaker 5: the other day because's had a gross spurt now he's 541 00:27:38,930 --> 00:27:42,210 Speaker 5: getting quite tall. And I said, I said I would 542 00:27:42,210 --> 00:27:44,570 Speaker 5: still if I met those girls, I would end to them. 543 00:27:44,970 --> 00:27:47,810 Speaker 5: And Lewis was like, oh, mom, I can't even remember that. 544 00:27:50,050 --> 00:27:53,450 Speaker 5: I lie in bed wondering who they were and you've 545 00:27:53,530 --> 00:27:55,770 Speaker 5: let it go. Yeah, So I think that's my other 546 00:27:55,810 --> 00:27:58,810 Speaker 5: bit of advice. Yet, don't fester on things. They seem 547 00:27:58,850 --> 00:28:02,810 Speaker 5: to move through stuff pretty quickly. Teenagers resilience. Resilience that's 548 00:28:02,850 --> 00:28:07,330 Speaker 5: a soy resilience and a spriggy card. Spriggy card. Lewis 549 00:28:07,330 --> 00:28:09,970 Speaker 5: has learnt now to say when he calls how are you, 550 00:28:10,530 --> 00:28:13,090 Speaker 5: how's your day, It's like he's reading it for a card, 551 00:28:13,250 --> 00:28:16,690 Speaker 5: like a Telly kind of caller. Can I have some 552 00:28:16,690 --> 00:28:18,050 Speaker 5: money in my card? You used to just be can 553 00:28:18,090 --> 00:28:20,210 Speaker 5: you put somebody on my spriggy. Now he knows well 554 00:28:20,330 --> 00:28:21,530 Speaker 5: enough to ask how I am. 555 00:28:21,690 --> 00:28:23,330 Speaker 1: He's probably got a little script. 556 00:28:23,210 --> 00:28:25,330 Speaker 5: He does he does? I think he also works for 557 00:28:25,330 --> 00:28:28,370 Speaker 5: an electricity company. The other answer when those numbers you 558 00:28:28,370 --> 00:28:31,890 Speaker 5: don't know, it's probably Lewis. How are you? How's your day? 559 00:28:32,490 --> 00:28:35,570 Speaker 5: You put somebody in my speed and try our electricity brand? 560 00:28:36,530 --> 00:28:36,770 Speaker 1: Right? 561 00:28:37,890 --> 00:28:42,010 Speaker 3: Well, cathermoney, thank you so much. I don't feel terrified. No, 562 00:28:42,410 --> 00:28:46,690 Speaker 3: I thought i'd feel terrified. I think it's just about 563 00:28:46,890 --> 00:28:48,690 Speaker 3: embracing whatever stage you're at. 564 00:28:48,730 --> 00:28:52,250 Speaker 5: Really, I think so andre, realizing that what you might 565 00:28:52,290 --> 00:28:55,290 Speaker 5: want is different to what you're actually going to get. 566 00:28:55,810 --> 00:28:57,410 Speaker 5: But as I said, I wouldn't want Louis to just 567 00:28:57,490 --> 00:28:59,250 Speaker 5: want to be hanging out with his mum at sixteen. 568 00:28:59,810 --> 00:29:00,050 Speaker 4: No. 569 00:29:00,290 --> 00:29:02,250 Speaker 1: Well, but now I understand why. 570 00:29:02,370 --> 00:29:04,450 Speaker 5: Right, I'd like him to acknowledge me in a group 571 00:29:04,490 --> 00:29:06,530 Speaker 5: of people. But you know, that's just different. 572 00:29:06,770 --> 00:29:09,570 Speaker 1: And now I understand why my mum and my parents 573 00:29:09,570 --> 00:29:13,090 Speaker 1: are so insufferable with my kids, because it's like, that's 574 00:29:13,130 --> 00:29:14,730 Speaker 1: when you get to live it again. 575 00:29:14,930 --> 00:29:18,530 Speaker 5: Yes, grand and they really love the grandparents, don't. 576 00:29:18,610 --> 00:29:22,290 Speaker 3: Yes, and you and that's why they're so obsessed and insufferable. 577 00:29:22,410 --> 00:29:24,650 Speaker 3: And clinging on to them because they know that they 578 00:29:24,730 --> 00:29:26,490 Speaker 3: one day also don't want. 579 00:29:26,330 --> 00:29:30,010 Speaker 5: To borrow them. No, no, oh god, so much, so 580 00:29:30,170 --> 00:29:31,010 Speaker 5: much sad stuff. 581 00:29:31,930 --> 00:29:35,530 Speaker 3: Great, Thank you so much, Catherinhoney, we love you and 582 00:29:36,050 --> 00:29:38,850 Speaker 3: thanks for coming on this glorious meis thanks for having me. 583 00:29:40,450 --> 00:29:42,890 Speaker 1: Oh tee, that was an emotion journey. 584 00:29:43,090 --> 00:29:47,130 Speaker 3: Yeah she's so but she's so funny she is, I laugh. 585 00:29:47,210 --> 00:29:50,370 Speaker 3: But she got me thinking, Yeah, she could be thinking 586 00:29:50,410 --> 00:29:55,170 Speaker 3: about like the last that, Like I didn't really like that. 587 00:29:55,210 --> 00:29:57,090 Speaker 3: My kids are only six and seven. You know, it's 588 00:29:57,130 --> 00:30:00,090 Speaker 3: not as they're moving out or you know, yeah, but 589 00:30:00,250 --> 00:30:03,330 Speaker 3: you don't appreciate them. It's like that song you don't 590 00:30:03,330 --> 00:30:07,370 Speaker 3: know what til it's gone. Literally life is a song. 591 00:30:07,450 --> 00:30:12,450 Speaker 3: But like I I know that I absolutely wish my 592 00:30:12,570 --> 00:30:15,130 Speaker 3: kids baby days away because I had three in a 593 00:30:15,210 --> 00:30:18,250 Speaker 3: year and then so I had three babies at one 594 00:30:18,330 --> 00:30:20,610 Speaker 3: time and it was a dead set, logistical nightmare. 595 00:30:20,770 --> 00:30:23,330 Speaker 4: So I literally woke up every day going. 596 00:30:23,210 --> 00:30:25,650 Speaker 3: I can't wait till they're older, or I can't wait 597 00:30:25,650 --> 00:30:27,570 Speaker 3: till they're at school, or I can't wait till they 598 00:30:27,570 --> 00:30:30,050 Speaker 3: can walk, I can't wait till they can get them 599 00:30:30,050 --> 00:30:32,050 Speaker 3: Pour themselves a cup of jews I can't wait. 600 00:30:32,170 --> 00:30:35,570 Speaker 4: I would like literally wished away the goo goo gaga. 601 00:30:35,610 --> 00:30:39,770 Speaker 3: But with hindsight, now, do you have any regrets about 602 00:30:39,770 --> 00:30:42,530 Speaker 3: wishing those moments or that time away? Ah? 603 00:30:42,770 --> 00:30:44,010 Speaker 4: Yeah, I do a little bit. 604 00:30:44,090 --> 00:30:47,730 Speaker 3: I know that I look at like photos and videos 605 00:30:47,770 --> 00:30:50,850 Speaker 3: of when especially the twins, like Lum Banjo too, but 606 00:30:50,890 --> 00:30:55,170 Speaker 3: I think I didn't get to enjoy Well, I did 607 00:30:55,210 --> 00:30:56,970 Speaker 3: get to enjoy it, because I did enjoy it, but. 608 00:30:56,890 --> 00:30:58,330 Speaker 4: It also it was mayhem. 609 00:30:58,930 --> 00:31:01,290 Speaker 3: But I know that if like I didn't have another 610 00:31:01,330 --> 00:31:06,330 Speaker 3: one so close together after having the twins, I would 611 00:31:06,370 --> 00:31:09,410 Speaker 3: have probably been a lot more relaxed and soaked it 612 00:31:09,490 --> 00:31:11,770 Speaker 3: up a little bit more like you know, having the 613 00:31:11,850 --> 00:31:14,730 Speaker 3: twins and then you know, end my time with Banjo 614 00:31:14,890 --> 00:31:16,850 Speaker 3: in his time, you know what I mean. I feel 615 00:31:16,890 --> 00:31:20,730 Speaker 3: like I definitely wished it away, and I just I 616 00:31:20,770 --> 00:31:22,890 Speaker 3: look back at those videos of them, you know, like 617 00:31:22,930 --> 00:31:27,570 Speaker 3: when they're just starting to string words together and sentences 618 00:31:27,570 --> 00:31:31,410 Speaker 3: and little voice and they're cute little walks, like they're 619 00:31:31,450 --> 00:31:34,010 Speaker 3: like wattles and stuff like that. Like I look at 620 00:31:34,010 --> 00:31:35,970 Speaker 3: that now and like, I don't know, maybe every mom 621 00:31:36,050 --> 00:31:39,370 Speaker 3: does that, though, yes, oh definitely, I cannot look at 622 00:31:39,370 --> 00:31:42,450 Speaker 3: a video of my child being a toddler without going yeah, 623 00:31:42,490 --> 00:31:44,930 Speaker 3: so maybe it's like, yeah, maybe I'm not as regretful 624 00:31:44,970 --> 00:31:46,850 Speaker 3: as I think I am, because you know, you only 625 00:31:47,090 --> 00:31:49,930 Speaker 3: you only go into whatever mode you're feeling at the time, right, 626 00:31:50,010 --> 00:31:53,570 Speaker 3: which for me was probably utter overwhelm. But even I 627 00:31:53,610 --> 00:31:55,730 Speaker 3: look at photos of like my kids twelve months ago 628 00:31:55,810 --> 00:31:56,250 Speaker 3: and I'm. 629 00:31:56,090 --> 00:31:58,170 Speaker 4: Like, oh, look how tiny they were. 630 00:31:58,210 --> 00:32:01,330 Speaker 3: Compared to now, Like, they just grow up. They just 631 00:32:01,410 --> 00:32:04,170 Speaker 3: grow up so bloody fast, don't they. Yeah, And it's 632 00:32:04,210 --> 00:32:07,850 Speaker 3: true what they say that the days are long, but 633 00:32:08,170 --> 00:32:11,890 Speaker 3: the years are short, and that flyby is my dead 634 00:32:11,930 --> 00:32:15,890 Speaker 3: set motto. They are because my days was so long 635 00:32:16,810 --> 00:32:19,290 Speaker 3: and they're just as long now, but the years are 636 00:32:19,610 --> 00:32:21,130 Speaker 3: getting shorter and shorter and shorter. 637 00:32:21,450 --> 00:32:22,850 Speaker 4: I think everyone would agree. 638 00:32:22,890 --> 00:32:25,650 Speaker 3: Well, thank you so much for listening to this glorious mess. 639 00:32:25,690 --> 00:32:27,490 Speaker 3: We hope you enjoyed the episode, and if you did, 640 00:32:27,530 --> 00:32:30,450 Speaker 3: we'd love it if you left a rating and a review. 641 00:32:30,610 --> 00:32:33,770 Speaker 3: This episode was produced by Tina Madalov with audio production 642 00:32:33,850 --> 00:32:34,570 Speaker 3: by Jacob Brown. 643 00:32:34,890 --> 00:32:36,850 Speaker 1: So yeah, I'll see you next time.