WEBVTT - The Mortifying Ways We Tried To Get Our Exes Back 0:00:10.287 --> 0:00:13.047 You're listening to a MoMA Mia podcast. 0:00:13.727 --> 0:00:16.767 Mama Mia acknowledges the traditional owners of land and waters 0:00:16.807 --> 0:00:20.327 that this podcast is recorded on Hello and welcome to 0:00:20.447 --> 0:00:26.887 MoMA Mia. Oh and we're off to the races. Oh, funny, 0:00:26.967 --> 0:00:27.887 happened to Charlich. 0:00:28.327 --> 0:00:30.447 That's a glitch. Let's try that again. 0:00:34.207 --> 0:00:37.167 Hello and welcome to Mom and Mia out Loud and 0:00:37.167 --> 0:00:39.927 to our Friday show where we just take a break 0:00:39.927 --> 0:00:42.967 from the news cycle and holy moly, wanted news cycle 0:00:43.007 --> 0:00:43.487 it has been. 0:00:44.087 --> 0:00:45.087 Can we breathe out? 0:00:45.567 --> 0:00:48.967 Today is Friday, the nineteenth of July, and I am 0:00:49.047 --> 0:00:50.527 Holly Wainwright. 0:00:51.247 --> 0:00:53.927 And I'm Jesse Stevens. And this week, as of Wednesday, 0:00:53.967 --> 0:00:56.127 when we just made up this competition, we're running a 0:00:56.247 --> 0:00:59.287 Christmas in July gift from us. What we want you 0:00:59.367 --> 0:01:01.927 to do is regular write our social strategy. 0:01:02.687 --> 0:01:03.687 Come on out louders. 0:01:05.247 --> 0:01:08.127 I'd like it in a PowerPoint presentation or maybe designed 0:01:08.127 --> 0:01:10.127 it saying that someone gonna do that. 0:01:12.207 --> 0:01:14.687 No, all you need to do is post weare you 0:01:14.767 --> 0:01:17.087 listening to Mummy out Loud wherever it is tag Mummy 0:01:17.127 --> 0:01:19.607 Outloud on Instagram. We want to see and the weirdest, 0:01:20.007 --> 0:01:23.167 most interesting place The agular winner prize, and that prize 0:01:23.167 --> 0:01:25.167 may or may not be signed copies of our books. 0:01:25.167 --> 0:01:27.847 That are women arms each of us right now, so true. 0:01:27.367 --> 0:01:31.647 There on the show today, people are paying thousands of 0:01:31.687 --> 0:01:34.727 dollars to win back their exes. We give you a 0:01:34.807 --> 0:01:37.647 cheat sheet that you can then set on fire. Plus 0:01:37.887 --> 0:01:40.767 MEA's new passion project, a hair Confession, and an American 0:01:40.767 --> 0:01:44.927 horror show its recommendations time and the Best and Worse 0:01:45.007 --> 0:01:47.767 from our week, which include a panicked call from a teenager, 0:01:47.927 --> 0:01:52.687 a smug exerciser, and MIA's latest style reinvention. But first 0:01:52.767 --> 0:01:54.167 Jesse Stevens. 0:01:53.847 --> 0:01:55.847 In case you missed it. An airline has made it 0:01:55.887 --> 0:01:58.327 possible for women to choose to avoid sitting next to 0:01:58.407 --> 0:02:03.007 men on flights. The Indian low cost carrier it's called Indigo, 0:02:03.407 --> 0:02:07.007 is the first airline to allow female travelers to see 0:02:07.047 --> 0:02:11.767 which adjacent seats have been booked by other female passengers. Men, 0:02:11.847 --> 0:02:13.527 on the other hand, will be able to see which 0:02:13.567 --> 0:02:15.847 seats are free, but not the gender, so women are 0:02:15.887 --> 0:02:17.967 able to see the gender of people around them. This 0:02:18.167 --> 0:02:20.887 comes after the airline ran a survey on how they 0:02:20.887 --> 0:02:24.127 could make women feel more comfortable while traveling and actually 0:02:24.167 --> 0:02:27.887 in India. This isn't entirely new. All the countries long 0:02:27.927 --> 0:02:32.087 distance train services have women only compartments. The same exists 0:02:32.167 --> 0:02:35.367 in Japan in Iran. I want to know, would you 0:02:35.447 --> 0:02:37.087 choose not to sit next to a man? You can 0:02:37.087 --> 0:02:40.207 now decide whether would you unless. 0:02:39.887 --> 0:02:42.607 It was someone I knew or lived with. 0:02:42.927 --> 0:02:44.967 Okay, so you're choosing. Let's say you're going for business, 0:02:44.967 --> 0:02:46.727 you're going on your own. You get on and you 0:02:46.767 --> 0:02:49.207 go which seat do I want to sit in? You 0:02:49.247 --> 0:02:50.927 decide to sit next to a woman instead of a man? 0:02:51.887 --> 0:02:52.567 Well, leg groom? 0:02:54.007 --> 0:02:56.207 Okay, you're using the generalization of men in height. 0:02:56.527 --> 0:03:00.087 No, man's breading is a thing, and I'm resting, and 0:03:00.167 --> 0:03:03.607 it's not necessarily their fault. Some men have very big 0:03:03.647 --> 0:03:06.487 testicles and their legs need to be wide apart. 0:03:06.767 --> 0:03:10.007 Some women but large flaps, and there need to be. 0:03:10.007 --> 0:03:11.807 Well less women. 0:03:12.007 --> 0:03:14.567 Clearly because so many men seem to have very big 0:03:14.607 --> 0:03:17.567 testicles and their legs need to be very far apart, 0:03:17.967 --> 0:03:21.127 and more power to them. But best that not infringe 0:03:21.367 --> 0:03:22.447 on my personal space. 0:03:22.527 --> 0:03:25.687 Sales discriminatory, Holly, do you discriminate against men based on 0:03:25.687 --> 0:03:26.647 the side of their testimony? 0:03:26.727 --> 0:03:26.807 No? 0:03:27.007 --> 0:03:30.247 I do not, although when I flew to Manchester for 0:03:30.287 --> 0:03:33.567 my dad's birthday not that long ago. On the flight over, 0:03:33.607 --> 0:03:35.127 I was in the window seat and next to me 0:03:35.207 --> 0:03:37.767 were two enormous men. And when I say enormous, I 0:03:37.807 --> 0:03:42.247 mean like muscly enormous, like bodybuilder dudes with the very 0:03:42.287 --> 0:03:48.487 involuntary mad spread as described, and it was very uncomfortable. 0:03:48.487 --> 0:03:50.927 But what I thought about this when I read it 0:03:51.007 --> 0:03:53.167 is I was like, that is really sad that that 0:03:53.207 --> 0:03:53.927 has to be a thing. 0:03:54.487 --> 0:03:57.807 I thought it was sad, no, because on the one hand, 0:03:58.167 --> 0:04:00.207 I get it, there are a lot of women walking 0:04:00.207 --> 0:04:02.967 around who have, in all seriousness, been the victim of 0:04:02.967 --> 0:04:05.247 some sort of sexual violence and sitting next to men 0:04:05.407 --> 0:04:08.607 can be scary. I get that. On the other hand, 0:04:09.327 --> 0:04:14.447 we are presupposing that every single man is a potential criminal. 0:04:14.527 --> 0:04:18.007 That That's not why I said I want to do it, 0:04:18.287 --> 0:04:20.207 But that's what this is. That's what the safety. 0:04:20.807 --> 0:04:22.887 It's about. Safety. Like the FBI have come out and 0:04:22.887 --> 0:04:25.207 said as well that like, instances of sexual violence on 0:04:25.287 --> 0:04:29.287 planes are high, have become higher, and that's why they 0:04:29.367 --> 0:04:31.207 do it in India to keep women safe, and that's 0:04:31.247 --> 0:04:31.967 what they think about it. 0:04:32.047 --> 0:04:34.087 Like that, I thought about it more in the same 0:04:34.127 --> 0:04:36.647 way that particularly if you're on a long flight, traveling 0:04:36.687 --> 0:04:41.087 can be vulnerable because you're asleep, you know, essentially you're unconscious. 0:04:41.207 --> 0:04:44.207 Some people might be drunk. Don't recommend it, But my 0:04:44.367 --> 0:04:49.967 point is I saw it more as just in the 0:04:50.007 --> 0:04:52.087 same yeah, in the same way that there's a ride 0:04:52.087 --> 0:04:55.207 share company called Siba where if you prefer a female 0:04:55.447 --> 0:04:57.367 ride share driver you. 0:04:57.247 --> 0:04:57.807 Can choose that. 0:04:58.087 --> 0:05:00.767 But again, that's a good thing, but the reason for 0:05:00.807 --> 0:05:04.407 it is sad. How much would you pay to get 0:05:04.447 --> 0:05:07.087 your X back? Look, there are plenty of people listening 0:05:07.087 --> 0:05:08.807 to this who'd be like I would pay for them 0:05:08.847 --> 0:05:13.087 to have contact me please. But I learned this week 0:05:13.127 --> 0:05:15.687 that you can employ someone to help you win back 0:05:15.727 --> 0:05:18.887 your ex and the ex back coaching, as it's called, 0:05:19.047 --> 0:05:23.127 is big business. Now I've added this to the very 0:05:23.127 --> 0:05:26.287 long list of things to worry about, because generally speaking, 0:05:26.327 --> 0:05:29.327 but not always, getting your X back is a terrible idea. 0:05:29.567 --> 0:05:33.767 Just ask j Lo anyway, YouTube, TikTok Facebook are crawling 0:05:33.767 --> 0:05:37.007 with coaches who are getting millions of views telling people 0:05:37.087 --> 0:05:39.447 how to win back their exes. Here is a little 0:05:39.447 --> 0:05:41.727 grab of some of the kind of advice they're giving. 0:05:41.727 --> 0:05:44.087 Especially for guys that are needy. They're desperate. They're looking 0:05:44.127 --> 0:05:46.767 for any reason. Oh, she's liking my Facebook posts? Again, 0:05:46.927 --> 0:05:48.287 does that mean I call her and ask her on 0:05:48.327 --> 0:05:52.247 a date? Fucking no way. So they're liking your Facebook 0:05:52.287 --> 0:05:55.687 posts or even commenting on social media posts does not 0:05:55.807 --> 0:06:00.007 count as them contacting you. Do not engage in any 0:06:00.047 --> 0:06:05.047 BS conversation or nonsensical chit chat when they contact you. Again, 0:06:05.807 --> 0:06:09.207 be direct, be decisive, and go for what you want 0:06:09.367 --> 0:06:12.887 by saying this, Hey, it's great to hear from I'd 0:06:12.927 --> 0:06:15.647 love to see you. When are you free to get together? 0:06:16.167 --> 0:06:18.927 I was super scared a number of months ago when 0:06:19.607 --> 0:06:21.487 Gabriel coached me to text my ex. 0:06:21.767 --> 0:06:24.527 But now I rely on Gabriel to give me a. 0:06:24.447 --> 0:06:28.047 Little remindsers and little preps as I go along the path. 0:06:27.847 --> 0:06:31.607 And you start to dominantly focus on you and having 0:06:31.607 --> 0:06:34.487 this incredible life, incredible life. 0:06:34.807 --> 0:06:35.607 The more you. 0:06:35.527 --> 0:06:39.647 Are doing you, the less you are doing then the 0:06:39.687 --> 0:06:42.767 more they we fool the miss in you, and they 0:06:42.807 --> 0:06:48.087 will feel something has shifted because we are all energetically connected. 0:06:48.287 --> 0:06:50.687 Yes, this is a shit. My mum told me at 0:06:50.727 --> 0:06:53.207 fourteen when I was jumped by my first boyfriend. This 0:06:53.247 --> 0:06:54.047 is not profound. 0:06:54.447 --> 0:06:57.327 So all these people, how do they make money well. 0:06:57.327 --> 0:07:00.967 As Jesse beautifully explained on Wednesday when we were explaining 0:07:01.007 --> 0:07:04.447 TikTok to Andrew Take, social media is marketing. So these 0:07:04.447 --> 0:07:07.887 people get millions of views with their advice on these 0:07:07.967 --> 0:07:10.567 various platforms, and then people reach out and say can 0:07:10.607 --> 0:07:12.367 you help me? And they say, funnily enough, I can. 0:07:12.407 --> 0:07:14.287 I'll give you one on one coaching session for five 0:07:14.367 --> 0:07:14.887 hundred bucks. 0:07:14.927 --> 0:07:15.087 Here. 0:07:15.327 --> 0:07:18.487 If we want to add on text message coaching, yeah, 0:07:18.567 --> 0:07:21.487 my course, here's more by my book. Yeah. And apparently 0:07:21.887 --> 0:07:24.247 you know, the coaches are saying that there could be 0:07:24.287 --> 0:07:27.487 no more important way to invest your money. As coach Benny, 0:07:27.487 --> 0:07:28.887 who's one of the guys you heard there and who's 0:07:28.887 --> 0:07:31.287 one of the big deals in this space, says, think 0:07:31.287 --> 0:07:33.327 of the worst breakup you've had, would you try to 0:07:33.367 --> 0:07:35.607 solve it for the price of a PlayStation? I think 0:07:35.607 --> 0:07:37.407 if they're X said hey, give me a PlayStation and 0:07:37.407 --> 0:07:39.447 we'll be back together, they do it. So I can 0:07:39.447 --> 0:07:41.767 sleep at night just fine, because I love that I'm 0:07:41.807 --> 0:07:43.807 helping people. We want to save you the money. 0:07:43.887 --> 0:07:44.327 Friends. 0:07:45.487 --> 0:07:48.367 Most of this advice is play hard to get and 0:07:48.447 --> 0:07:49.287 work on yourself. 0:07:49.647 --> 0:07:52.687 What do we think I want to ask? Is it 0:07:52.967 --> 0:07:55.447 ever a good idea to get back with an X, like, 0:07:55.487 --> 0:07:57.487 it's not they're an X for a reason. 0:07:57.807 --> 0:07:59.767 I can think of a few examples in my life 0:07:59.847 --> 0:08:02.927 where there has been a small like a breakup that 0:08:03.007 --> 0:08:04.447 lasted a very short amount of time. 0:08:04.567 --> 0:08:08.247 Shit which last of the year. 0:08:08.767 --> 0:08:10.407 Your husband is your ex. 0:08:10.527 --> 0:08:12.207 You're one of the people I was thinking about when 0:08:12.367 --> 0:08:12.927 because I. 0:08:12.887 --> 0:08:14.527 Why don't I make these videos? Yes? 0:08:14.687 --> 0:08:15.927 Yeah, you get your expack. 0:08:16.087 --> 0:08:18.727 My general position is that it's never a good idea 0:08:18.847 --> 0:08:21.007 because all the problems you've got are still there. But 0:08:21.047 --> 0:08:22.767 then I was like, oh, but Maya did it? 0:08:22.847 --> 0:08:24.607 And wait, Maya, how'd you get your X back? 0:08:25.007 --> 0:08:29.887 Well, Jesse, if you do my coaching cass and watch 0:08:29.967 --> 0:08:33.407 my video with my YouTube ads in it, you too 0:08:34.167 --> 0:08:38.447 could get back with your ex. The thing is ole 0:08:38.567 --> 0:08:41.487 I watched and listened to none of these, But I 0:08:41.607 --> 0:08:43.687 just listened to those then, and no, that's true, I 0:08:43.727 --> 0:08:46.847 didn't before. There's a difference between the advice that the 0:08:46.847 --> 0:08:49.047 men give and the women give. So the women who 0:08:49.087 --> 0:08:53.727 do this coaching, their advice is basically, believe in yourself, 0:08:54.287 --> 0:09:00.007 manifest him back, and also go complete yourself. Essentially, she's like, 0:09:00.087 --> 0:09:04.247 don't pine, go be great, fill up your own cup. 0:09:04.407 --> 0:09:07.287 And then you'll be more attractive to him, whereas men 0:09:07.487 --> 0:09:11.567 is more about tricking. Yeah, like trickery and play hard 0:09:11.607 --> 0:09:13.367 to get, you know, do this, And I just thought 0:09:13.407 --> 0:09:16.887 that's really interesting. So I actually think that the woman's advice, 0:09:16.927 --> 0:09:21.647 which is to go work on yourself, is not bad advice. 0:09:21.807 --> 0:09:23.167 It's not. But to be honest, a lot of the 0:09:23.247 --> 0:09:25.327 men in this space say the same thing too. They say, 0:09:25.367 --> 0:09:29.087 go exercise, make yourself desirable, date other people, and then 0:09:29.127 --> 0:09:31.287 she'll want you back, which is not exactly rocket science, 0:09:31.887 --> 0:09:34.127 but you're right here that there are some very specific 0:09:34.327 --> 0:09:36.487 strategies to be employed, and I'd love to put some 0:09:36.527 --> 0:09:37.847 of them to you, Jesse and see what you think, 0:09:37.967 --> 0:09:39.287 because you know you're an expert. 0:09:39.527 --> 0:09:42.007 Have you two ever got back with X's yes, just 0:09:42.247 --> 0:09:45.567 XX or actually actually other ones? 0:09:45.887 --> 0:09:47.847 Was not a good idea, And in fact, you know what, 0:09:47.927 --> 0:09:49.727 when I did watch a few of these videos for this, 0:09:49.807 --> 0:09:51.647 a lot of them said, and this is how I 0:09:51.647 --> 0:09:53.007 got my X back. We're not together. 0:09:52.767 --> 0:09:56.927 Anything, but anyway they always go. But it was my choice. 0:09:57.687 --> 0:10:00.607 No contact is very big, right. One of the OG 0:10:00.767 --> 0:10:02.807 guys in this space is a go I called Corey Wayne, 0:10:02.847 --> 0:10:04.807 and he did this big video like seven Ways to 0:10:04.807 --> 0:10:07.167 get your expack that's had like millions of views, and 0:10:07.207 --> 0:10:08.487 you heard a bit of him in there. He was 0:10:08.527 --> 0:10:10.847 the one who said, just she's liking your Facebook photos 0:10:11.567 --> 0:10:15.607 so very very big. Here is no contact, he says, 0:10:15.687 --> 0:10:17.847 walk away if they dump you. This is if they 0:10:17.887 --> 0:10:20.847 dump you, ye right, and never contact them again for 0:10:20.927 --> 0:10:24.327 any reason. No birthday, no, sorry your father died, no, 0:10:24.607 --> 0:10:28.407 like happy Christmas whatever. In order for them to miss you, 0:10:28.847 --> 0:10:31.927 they need to realize that you're serious and that you 0:10:31.967 --> 0:10:34.247 are gone, and that there is a space there to 0:10:34.287 --> 0:10:34.767 be missed. 0:10:34.847 --> 0:10:36.007 Do we agree with this. 0:10:35.887 --> 0:10:37.767 One hundred percent? So the best advice anymore I can 0:10:37.767 --> 0:10:41.807 give you, I have followed it precisely. Never to do 0:10:41.887 --> 0:10:44.407 it's impossible to do. I was told you need to 0:10:44.447 --> 0:10:46.207 go no contact, and I was like, yeah, yeah, no 0:10:46.247 --> 0:10:46.847 I'm not texting. 0:10:46.927 --> 0:10:49.487 Can I ask, is this advice? Like the market for 0:10:49.567 --> 0:10:52.567 these videos and courses and stuff, is it always people 0:10:52.607 --> 0:10:56.007 who were dumped? Or sometimes it's the dumper. 0:10:56.167 --> 0:10:58.767 It's almost regret people who were dump It's. 0:10:58.687 --> 0:11:00.327 Nearly it was probably were dumped. But I watched a 0:11:00.327 --> 0:11:02.367 few that were like, were you dumped because you did 0:11:02.407 --> 0:11:06.087 something stupid like cheap or and they will they tailor 0:11:06.127 --> 0:11:07.527 a bit there. They're like, you have to make her 0:11:07.567 --> 0:11:10.247 understand that you're very sorry. See him. But this guy 0:11:10.367 --> 0:11:13.447 would be like you state that. He's like, you need 0:11:13.487 --> 0:11:16.407 to absolutely put your intention out there. So you're like, 0:11:16.447 --> 0:11:18.207 I want to get back together. I don't want to 0:11:18.207 --> 0:11:20.727 be friends. Being friends apparently very bad. I want to 0:11:20.727 --> 0:11:22.607 get back together. I'm very sorry for what I did. 0:11:22.647 --> 0:11:25.647 And then no contact. Like, so you state your case. 0:11:25.527 --> 0:11:27.567 So you do say I want to get back together, 0:11:27.607 --> 0:11:28.367 if that's what you want. 0:11:28.607 --> 0:11:28.847 See. 0:11:28.887 --> 0:11:33.607 I think that this is capitalizing on literal addiction. And 0:11:33.647 --> 0:11:36.167 there's all the studies that you know, we've all heard about. 0:11:36.207 --> 0:11:38.687 I'm sure about brain scans and how they can tell that. 0:11:38.727 --> 0:11:41.567 It's like the dopamine centers. It's the same as drug addiction. 0:11:41.967 --> 0:11:44.367 So it's like the same as if you're an addict 0:11:44.407 --> 0:11:47.047 and someone offers you something, you'll pay any amount of 0:11:47.087 --> 0:11:49.327 money because of how desperately you want it. Like there 0:11:49.327 --> 0:11:51.567 were stages in my life where I would have given 0:11:51.647 --> 0:11:53.727 every cent to my name to get back with an X. 0:11:54.007 --> 0:11:56.887 That money would have been seventy two dollars, but like 0:11:57.327 --> 0:11:58.327 there was a lot of more of it. 0:11:58.527 --> 0:11:59.487 So what did you do? 0:11:59.727 --> 0:12:00.767 Did you try anything. 0:12:01.167 --> 0:12:04.807 Yeah, Yeah, there's definitely been some tearful phone calls where 0:12:05.007 --> 0:12:07.407 upon reflection, it was begging. Begging. 0:12:08.007 --> 0:12:10.847 Begging is on the no Begging is very much on 0:12:10.887 --> 0:12:13.927 the no list for both men and women in these guys. 0:12:13.527 --> 0:12:16.287 Weird because there's something about selling yourself to someone who 0:12:16.327 --> 0:12:19.807 doesn't want you, which is particularly bad for the ego, 0:12:19.927 --> 0:12:21.967 because I think that when you get dumped, I don't 0:12:21.967 --> 0:12:23.967 think you're chasing your ex. I think you're chasing your 0:12:24.007 --> 0:12:27.207 ego because it has been obliterated and you're just like 0:12:27.327 --> 0:12:31.007 to restore some sense of myself and my self worth. 0:12:31.087 --> 0:12:33.247 I need you back, which is not what you want. 0:12:33.647 --> 0:12:36.767 But the saddest thing I ever did, and I hadn't 0:12:36.767 --> 0:12:40.527 thought about it in more than ten years, was I 0:12:40.607 --> 0:12:44.487 got dumped by this ex boyfriend and his birthday was 0:12:44.527 --> 0:12:45.887 coming out, and I was trying to do the no 0:12:46.167 --> 0:12:51.887 contact thing unsuccessfully, and I made him hand made him 0:12:52.247 --> 0:12:55.047 photo albums from the trip to Europe we've taken together. 0:12:55.687 --> 0:12:58.687 So I printed out photos with like little comments like 0:12:58.727 --> 0:13:02.367 for his birthday and no chill in the chill, And 0:13:02.447 --> 0:13:05.327 I had UNI assignments due and like they were late 0:13:05.407 --> 0:13:10.207 because I was making the fucking saddest album photos he 0:13:10.207 --> 0:13:11.007 didn't want to look at. 0:13:12.567 --> 0:13:16.127 Maybe that's part of your grieving process. That's the general restor. 0:13:16.247 --> 0:13:17.967 You should have made it and then said it on fire. 0:13:18.047 --> 0:13:18.727 Yeah, no, I gave it. 0:13:18.767 --> 0:13:22.087 This guy says his vision for this is no contact, 0:13:22.087 --> 0:13:25.527 no contact, no contact. Then she or he whoever you know, 0:13:25.687 --> 0:13:27.767 is going to reach out to you and say, hey, 0:13:28.847 --> 0:13:31.647 thinking about you today, or how you doing, wondering how 0:13:31.687 --> 0:13:34.767 you doing? He says, at that point, you engage in 0:13:34.887 --> 0:13:39.127 no bullshit chit chat, two messages tops. You say, let's 0:13:39.127 --> 0:13:41.767 get together and have dinner. Like no, don't accept. 0:13:41.447 --> 0:13:43.167 Any sexy even just the way you sit. 0:13:43.287 --> 0:13:45.967 Yeah, He's like, don't mess around with any like, oh, 0:13:46.127 --> 0:13:47.607 you know, what are you doing? I'm just sitting around 0:13:47.647 --> 0:13:49.847 watching TV. He says this, and this is what you 0:13:49.887 --> 0:13:52.407 have to do. Make a dinner date. It's got to 0:13:52.447 --> 0:13:54.527 be evening. It's got to be at your house. You're 0:13:54.527 --> 0:13:58.007 cooking dinner together, because the idea is we're hanging out, 0:13:58.047 --> 0:14:00.687 having fun, hooking up. He says, you have to start again, 0:14:00.767 --> 0:14:03.527 so you have to treat it like a new relationship, 0:14:03.607 --> 0:14:06.647 no looking back, no credits for previous things. You're like, 0:14:06.727 --> 0:14:09.607 come around, we'll make dinner together. It'll be great. And 0:14:09.687 --> 0:14:12.367 if she's not ready to do that, you just go, oh, 0:14:12.687 --> 0:14:15.447 gotta go really busy, give me a call when you are. 0:14:15.727 --> 0:14:16.087 That's it. 0:14:17.367 --> 0:14:18.487 That's really sexy. 0:14:18.647 --> 0:14:21.047 I want to get you. And we never even broke up. 0:14:22.967 --> 0:14:25.567 Do we think this is good advice? I do a 0:14:25.567 --> 0:14:26.247 lot of pressure. 0:14:26.447 --> 0:14:29.527 It is, and there is something that happens when a 0:14:29.567 --> 0:14:31.087 relation the way you. 0:14:31.047 --> 0:14:31.647 Just saddle that. 0:14:31.927 --> 0:14:33.767 I'm like, okay, that's what. 0:14:34.327 --> 0:14:35.207 Okay, I'll come around. 0:14:35.367 --> 0:14:37.327 I'll bring some fish. 0:14:37.527 --> 0:14:40.447 I think the relationship, Yeah, there's something that happens when 0:14:40.687 --> 0:14:45.167 it deteriorates, where even I have dumped someone, the relationship 0:14:45.207 --> 0:14:47.247 is ended. They've been trying to do no contact on me. 0:14:47.367 --> 0:14:49.527 I don't want them back, but I still would like 0:14:49.567 --> 0:14:52.007 their attention. You have done that, and then you kind 0:14:52.047 --> 0:14:54.727 of put your line out to be like which is me? 0:14:55.207 --> 0:14:55.687 Which is me? 0:14:56.007 --> 0:14:59.367 It's really cral just checking and see if you're okay, Oh. 0:14:59.247 --> 0:15:00.807 We're going to be friends. I still want to be 0:15:00.847 --> 0:15:03.367 friends because I like how you made me feel abound. 0:15:03.927 --> 0:15:05.887 Oh I hope she's not swimming too far away. I'm 0:15:05.927 --> 0:15:07.287 just going to tug on that. I don't want to 0:15:07.287 --> 0:15:08.967 catch the fish, but I'm just going to tug on it. 0:15:09.927 --> 0:15:12.087 I mean, most of my breakups in my life have 0:15:12.167 --> 0:15:14.167 not been like a someone was dumped. It's just been 0:15:14.207 --> 0:15:15.567 a kind of collapse, do you know. 0:15:15.567 --> 0:15:15.927 What I mean? 0:15:15.967 --> 0:15:18.967 The relationships just collapsed and somebody ultimately has to be 0:15:19.007 --> 0:15:21.207 the person to call it. But it hasn't been as 0:15:21.247 --> 0:15:24.567 clear as like you dump me dump So then you're 0:15:24.607 --> 0:15:28.327 on this like roller coaster of but we really liked 0:15:28.367 --> 0:15:30.647 each other, maybe we could just be friends and all that. 0:15:30.687 --> 0:15:33.767 And he's like, never ever agree to that. If friendship 0:15:33.807 --> 0:15:37.207 isn't what you want, then do not say it, because 0:15:37.367 --> 0:15:40.247 he's like, this guy is very much If you agree 0:15:40.287 --> 0:15:42.687 a friendship, you're going to stay in the friendship zone. 0:15:42.807 --> 0:15:46.207 Except no excuses, he says. If she says or he says, 0:15:46.247 --> 0:15:47.887 I don't want to come over and make dinner, you 0:15:47.967 --> 0:15:50.247 have to always say I've got to run, get in 0:15:50.287 --> 0:15:52.207 touch when you change your mind, and then walk away 0:15:52.287 --> 0:15:54.487 and never look back. If they refuse to set a 0:15:54.567 --> 0:15:57.047 date twice, never ask them again. 0:15:58.127 --> 0:16:01.687 I think that's true because what my mistake was, I 0:16:02.007 --> 0:16:06.767 just gave all of myself freely, and they have untangled 0:16:06.767 --> 0:16:09.847 themselves from the relationship part, so they owe you literally nothing, 0:16:09.967 --> 0:16:12.407 but they still have your friendship. So whenever they want 0:16:12.407 --> 0:16:14.767 something from you, whenever they want the chad or to 0:16:14.767 --> 0:16:17.167 feel good or whatever, you can such other people exactly right. 0:16:17.207 --> 0:16:19.167 So that's what happened. 0:16:19.207 --> 0:16:22.767 When you gave him that, we actually did get back 0:16:22.807 --> 0:16:24.527 together for a short period of time worked. 0:16:24.727 --> 0:16:26.527 I think that was a pathetic low point. I think 0:16:26.527 --> 0:16:28.447 it was actually when I tried the no contact thing, 0:16:28.567 --> 0:16:31.047 he came back, we got back together, realized that it 0:16:31.087 --> 0:16:33.527 wasn't working, and then I think I ended it. It 0:16:33.687 --> 0:16:36.487 was like being a mad person, Like what happened to 0:16:36.527 --> 0:16:40.447 my head? My sense of priority, my sense of self 0:16:40.527 --> 0:16:44.327 worth was so in the toilet, Like I look back 0:16:44.367 --> 0:16:46.767 and I'm just horrified by some of the things I did. 0:16:46.767 --> 0:16:49.767 I mean, clearly, the best thing is no contact. Go 0:16:49.967 --> 0:16:51.807 and I don't know, learn a language. 0:16:52.327 --> 0:16:56.407 It's interesting about these coaches, right because from where I 0:16:56.447 --> 0:17:00.287 am now, that'll do it all my wisdom under my belt, 0:17:00.327 --> 0:17:00.727 et cetera. 0:17:00.847 --> 0:17:01.887 Blah blah. 0:17:02.087 --> 0:17:03.527 You were what twenty. 0:17:03.127 --> 0:17:04.687 Five younger like nineteen? 0:17:04.767 --> 0:17:06.207 So what the hell did you know? Do you know 0:17:06.247 --> 0:17:08.887 what I mean? And that is where these people step in, right. 0:17:09.287 --> 0:17:10.767 Why these people have made that album. 0:17:10.847 --> 0:17:12.767 But also this is why they're making all their money. 0:17:12.727 --> 0:17:14.367 Had in my first baby twenty five. 0:17:14.567 --> 0:17:17.247 Yeah, but like, even so you're nineteen, you're twenty or 0:17:17.247 --> 0:17:19.847 twenty one, what do you know about relationships really and 0:17:19.847 --> 0:17:22.367 how they work and and all that stuff. So that's 0:17:22.407 --> 0:17:25.447 why everybody's talking to these people because we don't know. 0:17:25.727 --> 0:17:28.527 I just think it's for the same reason that sometimes 0:17:28.687 --> 0:17:33.247 psychics and fortune tellers know that the most common time 0:17:33.287 --> 0:17:36.327 for people to come to them is around a breakup. 0:17:36.767 --> 0:17:40.887 And I think that heartbroken people are really easy to exploit. 0:17:40.967 --> 0:17:44.887 I'm not saying that everybody does exploit them, but as 0:17:44.927 --> 0:17:47.287 you said, Jesse, you would do anything, like when someone 0:17:47.327 --> 0:17:50.527 breaks your heart, you would do anything to put it 0:17:50.607 --> 0:17:54.367 back together again, and you invariably think that the only. 0:17:54.087 --> 0:17:57.327 Way to do that is getting back together with your ex. 0:17:57.367 --> 0:17:59.887 Now, I would actually say that the best thing to 0:17:59.927 --> 0:18:03.887 do is to go to therapy to understand what just happened, 0:18:04.047 --> 0:18:06.407 to make sense of what just happened, And I think 0:18:06.527 --> 0:18:10.807 that's probably the best way to not get pulled back 0:18:10.807 --> 0:18:13.407 into something that Ultimately, if someone breaks up with you, 0:18:13.447 --> 0:18:16.447 they're freeing your future. I think you have to reframe it. 0:18:16.767 --> 0:18:20.127 They're freeing your future because they're saying you're not right 0:18:20.167 --> 0:18:22.527 for me. Or I'm not right for you for each other, 0:18:22.607 --> 0:18:24.447 I don't want to be with you. They're basically saying that. 0:18:24.487 --> 0:18:25.967 Remember when we did the live show, Jesse, and you're 0:18:25.967 --> 0:18:27.527 talking about some really bad breakups. 0:18:27.847 --> 0:18:29.567 This was a few live shows ago. 0:18:29.447 --> 0:18:33.167