Speaker 1: You're listening to a MoMA Mia podcast. Mamma Mia acknowledges
Speaker 1: the traditional owners of land and waters that this podcast
Speaker 1: is recorded on Hello, I'm in your ears twice in
Speaker 1: a week. How lucky are we both? I have had
Speaker 1: so much feedback on the Aida Nicodemo interview. A lot
Speaker 1: of you have asked to hear the first conversation we had,
Speaker 1: which was very different. In this week's episode, which you
Speaker 1: can find if you just scroll back a little bit
Speaker 1: in your feed we spoke about her new relationship with
Speaker 1: her co star James Stewart, being followed by the paparazzi,
Speaker 1: what that all has been like to unfold and blended
Speaker 1: families and all of those things. In our first conversation,
Speaker 1: which was a couple of years ago, we went to
Speaker 1: some slightly darker places with her permission, asked her about
Speaker 1: losing her son Harrison and getting started in the industry.
Speaker 1: It was an awesome conversation. So here it is. Enjoy
Speaker 1: Are you shooting today?
Speaker 2: Yep? Yeah, time. I don't have to be there till twelve.
Speaker 2: I've got a really good week this week, where like
Speaker 2: it's annoying because I've got three days of location, so
Speaker 2: a lot of driving to Palm Beach to Palm Beach,
Speaker 2: but today's like two scenes. Yesterday was one scene, So
Speaker 2: I spent most of my day driving and listening to
Speaker 2: Mama me.
Speaker 1: Ada is still playing the character of Leah. She's still
Speaker 1: living in Summer Bay, and she's stayed in that same
Speaker 1: job for one very good reason. My name is Mia Friedman,
Speaker 1: and you're listening to No Filter, an interview podcast from
Speaker 1: Mama Maya with people who tell their stories very candidly
Speaker 1: and aren't afraid to be vulnerable. In the year two thousand,
Speaker 1: Aida Nikodimou joined the cast of Home and Away, Australia's
Speaker 1: second longest running soap opera after Neighbors. She signed on
Speaker 1: for a six month contract to play the role of
Speaker 1: Leah Paulos. But twenty one years and a few near
Speaker 1: death experiences and a few husbands, Lea's had way more
Speaker 1: husbands than Ada. She's only had one. One of Australia's
Speaker 1: best known and most loved actors is still at Summer Bay,
Speaker 1: and it is a much harder job than you may think.
Speaker 1: I've wanted to speak to Ada for such a long time,
Speaker 1: and I'm really glad that I finally have. On this episode,
Speaker 1: we speak about creative burnout.
Speaker 2: I feel like it's what I'm going through at the moment.
Speaker 2: If I was being honest with you, loss just really shit.
Speaker 1: And the big fat Book of Greek rules.
Speaker 2: You can't wash your hair when you got your period.
Speaker 1: Here's my chat with Aida Nicodemo. You've worked since you
Speaker 1: were a kid. You grew up in a family business
Speaker 1: and you just worked school holidays. How old were you
Speaker 1: when you started working in the shop.
Speaker 2: Oh, like, well from two weeks old. I was in
Speaker 2: the shop. Yeah, and I was like counting back money,
Speaker 2: you know before like I went to school, like I
Speaker 2: knew how to sort of count back change and all that.
Speaker 2: So I've always worked and working, and I like business
Speaker 2: and I like people, And even when I'm at home,
Speaker 2: I just don't relax a lot. I'm pretty bad at
Speaker 2: just sitting down unless I just read a book or
Speaker 2: something like that. But otherwise I just potter around the house.
Speaker 2: I love cleaning. I'm one of those.
Speaker 1: Freaks you like to clean.
Speaker 2: I've head, Yeah, I love cleaning. I love a tidy house.
Speaker 1: Do you listen this podcasts while you clean?
Speaker 2: I don't, Actually, I don't do that.
Speaker 1: A lot of people say that makes cleaning easier, but
Speaker 1: you just don't want anything to distract from the pure
Speaker 1: joy of the cleaning itself.
Speaker 2: You are, so, yes, that's exactly right. I find it's
Speaker 2: really my happy place. I really love to just potter
Speaker 2: around the house and move pillows and.
Speaker 1: Make order and order.
Speaker 2: Yeah, rearrange my pantry.
Speaker 1: A psychologist would say, did you have quite a chaotic childhood?
Speaker 1: I know your parents divorced when you're about for ten. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and I've heard you say that you were happy when
Speaker 1: they divorced. Yeah.
Speaker 2: I was happy. Yeah, it was a pretty yet that
Speaker 2: they always fought. I feel like I was always stuck
Speaker 2: in the middle. I was probably the adult a lot
Speaker 2: of times looking after my parents. And I had a
Speaker 2: happy upbringing. It wasn't like, I mean, I got everything
Speaker 2: that I wanted. My parents were loving, but I just
Speaker 2: never felt I guess, not so much safe, but there
Speaker 2: was a lot of instability because of their arguing. Yeah.
Speaker 2: I was very aware of both of their emotional states.
Speaker 2: So yeah, when Mum sat me down and said we're
Speaker 2: getting divorced, I'm like, oh, thank God. Like and that
Speaker 2: was still very hard because they argue. They still don't talk.
Speaker 1: Oh, that's rough. Yeah, what happened at your wedding, Well,
Speaker 1: I didn't.
Speaker 2: Invite my dad to my wedding, and I feel I
Speaker 2: felt really at the time, I just thought that's what
Speaker 2: I had to do because I was doing the right
Speaker 2: thing by Mum, because that wasn't my dad left the
Speaker 2: country and wasn't there for us.
Speaker 1: So it's not like you they shared custody of your No.
Speaker 2: No, no, no, they didn't. No, No, my mom did it.
Speaker 2: Mum is an amazing woman. She's my hero. She brought
Speaker 2: us up and I think we're quite well adjusted people
Speaker 2: because of Mum. But I did feel like I wasn't
Speaker 2: able to.
Speaker 1: Invite he felt like disloyal.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so I didn't. And it wasn't until I remember
Speaker 2: after I got married and I saw my daddy came
Speaker 2: to Australia and I saw him, and you know, he
Speaker 2: was very upset that I didn't invite him and whatever.
Speaker 2: But he opened up his wallet and he had these
Speaker 2: two really old school pictures from when Costra and I
Speaker 2: were really young, and they were all crinkled, and obviously
Speaker 2: he might he'd been walking around with these pictures of
Speaker 2: us ever since, you know, we were young, and I thought, oh, wow,
Speaker 2: he does love us, and I felt really crappy that
Speaker 2: I didn't invite him. My brother invited him to his wedding.
Speaker 2: But look, I've made peace with all of that because
Speaker 2: I think my dad and I just don't get on.
Speaker 2: We're just really different people. I don't think he was
Speaker 2: there for me. I think I reminded him a lot
Speaker 2: of my mum. He's not a bad person. He brought
Speaker 2: us up until I was fourteen, so he was in
Speaker 2: my life, but we were never close. I was a
Speaker 2: bit of a rat bag with him as well. I
Speaker 2: always kind of just pushed buttons and tried to agitate him.
Speaker 2: I just don't think where we get on.
Speaker 1: Yeah, the Big Greek Book of Family Discipline. Yeah, what
Speaker 1: would most people not know about growing up in a
Speaker 1: Greek family and a Greek household.
Speaker 2: Oh, there is a lot of rules. Like I thought
Speaker 2: you were about to say the Greek Book of Rules
Speaker 2: because I always joke about.
Speaker 1: Well, yeah, the Big Greek Book of Rules. What's in
Speaker 1: that Big Greek Book of rules?
Speaker 2: Everything from you know, housework to when you've got your period.
Speaker 2: You know, lad's lift anything heavy. You can't go into
Speaker 2: a Greek church when you're hanging clothes on the line.
Speaker 2: You know the pegs. I think that the little stuff
Speaker 2: is inside on the hills hoist and the big stuff's
Speaker 2: on the outside, and the pegs match, and you know fasting.
Speaker 2: I mean, there's so many stupid rules where I don't know.
Speaker 2: You can't wash your hair when you've got your period.
Speaker 1: Why I don't know.
Speaker 2: I don't actually know. Like so I'm going, I don't
Speaker 2: actually know. So I christened my goddaughter, my brother's daughter,
Speaker 2: on Sunday, and I've got to go today and wash
Speaker 2: her because she's had all the oil from the church
Speaker 2: and she hasn't been able to be washed for three days,
Speaker 2: and because mom's in hospital. I said, so, Mum, what
Speaker 2: do I need to do? She says, yell, you wash Sophia,
Speaker 2: and then don't tip the bath water anywhere where you're walking.
Speaker 2: You gotta tip it somewhere in the garden where you
Speaker 2: don't walk, and you gotta put I've gotta wash all
Speaker 2: the towels and everything that she's been wearing in that
Speaker 2: same water as well. So why don't you tip the
Speaker 2: water anywhere where you can watch? I don't know. It's
Speaker 2: just what you do.
Speaker 1: Don't question it.
Speaker 2: So that's how I grew up. There's a lot of
Speaker 2: rules that I have brought into my life that I
Speaker 2: don't know why I have them. I save a lot
Speaker 2: of money, that's a good rule. I have a lot
Speaker 2: of stability in my life where I can. Yeah, I
Speaker 2: don't know.
Speaker 1: What about boys and dating and things like that.
Speaker 2: That was that wasn't allowed?
Speaker 1: Did it stop you though?
Speaker 2: So I did have a boyfriend. I was fourteen. We're
Speaker 2: going on a school camp and I'd never kissed a
Speaker 2: boy before and We're on a train and Jack and
Speaker 2: everyone else was like, okay, so we're all gonna have
Speaker 2: a kissing company titian. I'm like, great. So I just
Speaker 2: thought a kissing competition meant that who kissed for the longest.
Speaker 2: So I just thought it meant I just like a peck,
Speaker 2: a really long peck. So I went in for the kiss,
Speaker 2: and I'm like and then he sort of started moving
Speaker 2: his mouth and shoving his tongue, and I'm like, well,
Speaker 2: I don't do that until I'm married. And I guess
Speaker 2: that was part of the Greek book of rules. And anyway,
Speaker 2: he broke up with me because I wouldn't kiss him
Speaker 2: because I was frigid and then like or everyone at
Speaker 2: school camp like, I was like like the laughing stop
Speaker 2: because all the other schools were there. Anyway, everyone teased
Speaker 2: me because I didn't know how to kiss, and I
Speaker 2: wouldn't do it until I was married.
Speaker 1: So did you wait until you were married?
Speaker 2: No?
Speaker 1: Because buying it after? I imagine you had to kiss
Speaker 1: on screen at even Heartbreak Higher and Break It. Did
Speaker 1: you have to kiss in those shows? Yeah?
Speaker 2: I did, yeah, yeah, and it wasn't my first kiss,
Speaker 2: but I was really nervous about it, yeah, because also
Speaker 2: because Mum would see it, and also I was just
Speaker 2: kissing him people, and I think it was probably only
Speaker 2: my second kiss.
Speaker 1: Actually, how old were you?
Speaker 2: Sixteen?
Speaker 1: Was your mum worried about you becoming an actor because
Speaker 1: of this kind of thing?
Speaker 2: Yeah? So mom didn't want me to become an actor.
Speaker 2: So I was always like the kid that you know,
Speaker 2: always a performer and whatever, And I got myself to
Speaker 2: these auditions and wanted to be an actor. And when
Speaker 2: I got the job because I had to leave school,
Speaker 2: I was sixteen. I was doing Your eleven going into
Speaker 2: year twelve I think it was, and Mom's like, well,
Speaker 2: you know you're gonna have to do correspondence or so
Speaker 2: she was okay with it, but so she wasn't okay
Speaker 2: with it. But she's like, you know, you have to
Speaker 2: do schooling and whatever. I said, look for you to
Speaker 2: get comfortable with this, Why don't we just watch The
Speaker 2: Heartbreak Kid and you could see what the show's about. Anyway,
Speaker 2: I know, a bad idea, bad idea. She didn't talk
Speaker 2: to me for two weeks. I know, I didn't know.
Speaker 2: I forgot, I didn't think about it. So then that
Speaker 2: was it. She didn't talk to me, she wouldn't watch
Speaker 2: the show. And my character was was quite promiscuous on
Speaker 2: the show as well, So yeah, she was a real like. Yeah,
Speaker 2: she was writting short short skirts and shorts and was
Speaker 2: kissing boys.
Speaker 1: So your mom obviously really like had to struggle past
Speaker 1: her own views because migrant families want stable professions for
Speaker 1: their kids generally, right, Yeah, and acting in the arts, no,
Speaker 1: it's not not stable.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Was she very nervous not just about your was characters promisecuity,
Speaker 1: but just about your future prospects. Did she want you
Speaker 1: to have a backup career?
Speaker 2: Yeah, well my mom I always told my mom I
Speaker 2: was going to be a lawyer. I was quite good
Speaker 2: at school. I was getting good grades. So I was
Speaker 2: only going to do Heartbreak for a year and do
Speaker 2: school through correspondence, and then I was going to go
Speaker 2: to university. I ended up doing it for three years,
Speaker 2: so I postponed university. And then when I wanted to
Speaker 2: leave Heartbreak, Mum realized how much money. I mean, it
Speaker 2: wasn't it was a heaps of money, but it was
Speaker 2: quite a bit of money for someone that age to
Speaker 2: be earning, and she saved it all up for me
Speaker 2: so I could buy a property. Once she saw how
Speaker 2: much money I was earning, and then I wanted to
Speaker 2: leave it all to go and do university, She's like,
Speaker 2: maybe you should just stay, just stay for a bit.
Speaker 2: So it was so funny that she just totally backflipped
Speaker 2: because she saw that it could be a quite a
Speaker 2: stable job, really.
Speaker 1: Because for most people it's not not for you know,
Speaker 1: maybe five percent or probably maybe even one percent as
Speaker 1: the kind of career you have. Where have you had
Speaker 1: that any stretches of unemployment as an actor only teenager,
Speaker 1: I stopped working as an actor eventually after Heartbreak, I
Speaker 1: thought I'm going to go and leave and do something else,
Speaker 1: so I studied because I wanted something stable, and I
Speaker 1: still didn't.
Speaker 2: Know whether I wanted to act. I still don't know
Speaker 2: whether I want to act. I always go I'm acting
Speaker 2: at the moment. I don't know whether it's something I'll
Speaker 2: continue to do. And maybe that is because I like
Speaker 2: something stable, I don't know what it is, or I
Speaker 2: feel like I don't know. I never feel like I'm
Speaker 2: that good at it, or I just I just feel
Speaker 2: like it's something that I've done naturally, but I haven't
Speaker 2: trained for it. And you know, someone's going to realize
Speaker 2: that I'm.
Speaker 1: Not that great and impost syndrome.
Speaker 2: Totally have imposter syndrome. I think all of us do
Speaker 2: what I've realized when I talked to everyone, that everyone
Speaker 2: has it. But my partner is a CEO, very successful,
Speaker 2: and he's got it as well, like we all do.
Speaker 2: So I left to do I did a travel and
Speaker 2: tourism course, but I was going to be an event planner,
Speaker 2: so I did that for a year and then we've.
Speaker 1: Been very tidy events that would have looked amazing.
Speaker 2: Amazing, and also the growing.
Speaker 1: Up afterwards very efficient, completely thorough totally, but.
Speaker 2: I actually hated it because I had an office job
Speaker 2: and I got up at the same time, I caught
Speaker 2: the same bus, the same train, lunch out at the
Speaker 2: same time. I thought, this is so boring because I
Speaker 2: was so used to just instability. Every day's different, every
Speaker 2: day's different. So I realized I really liked it. And
Speaker 2: then I got back into acting and ever since I
Speaker 2: went back into I did Breakers, then I got Home
Speaker 2: and Away, and I've been acting ever since. The only
Speaker 2: time I've had off is when I had Jonas. I
Speaker 2: had five months off.
Speaker 1: When did the feeling of God, I hope my contract's renewed?
Speaker 1: When did that go away? Because for every actor, I imagine,
Speaker 1: do you come on it first with Home and Away
Speaker 1: for a guest spot of a few months or is
Speaker 1: it a annual contract? How does it work?
Speaker 2: So most people get thirteen so you're asked for like
Speaker 2: a three year contract, but it's a thirteen week option,
Speaker 2: and so that's what I initially when I got asked
Speaker 2: to go on. So I was quite lucky because I
Speaker 2: was working on a show called Breakers, and they really
Speaker 2: liked my characters. So when that got canned, they wrote
Speaker 2: my characters on Home and Away for me, So that
Speaker 2: was quite lucky. But I had such a bad experience
Speaker 2: on Breakers doing a soap.
Speaker 1: Why was it bad?
Speaker 2: Oh, it was just it wasn't a great show to
Speaker 2: work for. No one wanted to be there. It was
Speaker 2: really disorganized. We'd be on for a few weeks, then
Speaker 2: it would be off. There was a lot of problems
Speaker 2: within the cast. There was addictionation, there was a whole
Speaker 2: lot of stuff that was going on behind the scenes
Speaker 2: that wasn't really pleasant.
Speaker 1: How long were you on that show? For?
Speaker 2: Two years? Two or three? I think nothing two But
Speaker 2: I just hated it and I didn't really enjoy it.
Speaker 1: But it was well paid and it was stable.
Speaker 2: It was a job. It was a job, and I
Speaker 2: was an actor, so what was it? And I was
Speaker 2: living out of home at that point, so I was young. Yeah.
Speaker 2: So when that finished, I was like, what am I
Speaker 2: going to do? And then Home and Away came up
Speaker 2: and said, you know, we'll write this part for you said,
Speaker 2: oh great, so but I'll only do it. I think
Speaker 2: I said I'd only.
Speaker 1: Do it for a year in case it was like Breakers.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, And then I got on the show and
Speaker 2: it was nothing like Breakers. It's such a beautiful show
Speaker 2: to work on. The people really make the show, like
Speaker 2: they just everyone's just so love. It's a real family.
Speaker 2: I felt really stable. I loved what I was doing.
Speaker 2: It was a really it was a hard time in
Speaker 2: my life because of my personal life. So Home and
Speaker 2: Away just was just a happy place to go to
Speaker 2: every day. So I loved it. And I've been there
Speaker 2: for two anyone years, Like I've always loved the show.
Speaker 2: But in answer to your question, I still like, I
Speaker 2: only just got renewed last year, and I was like, oh, okay,
Speaker 2: they still want me, Like I still think that, yeah, because.
Speaker 1: That's I guess every actor's fear on a long, long
Speaker 1: running show. I was gonna ask if you feel now
Speaker 1: that you've the power balance has shifted that you're just like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I have status and I have power in this situation,
Speaker 1: and they need me as much as I need a job.
Speaker 2: I don't feel like that. And the only thing that
Speaker 2: has shifted now is I go I just missed being
Speaker 2: at home with Jonas I just ever since COVID, ever
Speaker 2: since we had Lockdown, and I was at home with him,
Speaker 2: and I realized what I'm missing out on. I'm like, oh,
Speaker 2: if I could just find a bit more balance. Yeah,
Speaker 2: And I've never felt like that before. I've always liked work, work, work, work,
Speaker 2: as so as this rush to pay off the mortgage
Speaker 2: or do that or whatever. Like I've just got that
Speaker 2: Greek in me that I've just got to keep working,
Speaker 2: whereas now I've gone it's enough, Like I just want
Speaker 2: to you know, you don't how much money do you need?
Speaker 2: How much stability do you need? You know? Like Jonas
Speaker 2: is about to be nine, and I want to drop
Speaker 2: him off and pick him up and.
Speaker 1: Learn where the gate is.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I do want to learn where the gate is.
Speaker 2: I do. And I want to stop asking him what
Speaker 2: uniform today is.
Speaker 1: Oh no, that will never happen. Really, I don't think
Speaker 1: it will ever happen. I mean I don't know. But
Speaker 1: you know, you also like working. My mom said a
Speaker 1: really wise thing to me when each time I have
Speaker 1: gone on maternity leave and had a baby, I've completely
Speaker 1: lost my ambition for about a year and I haven't
Speaker 1: really wanted to work. And each time I've said to her, Mum,
Speaker 1: I think maybe I just want to stay home and
Speaker 1: folld teeny tiny socks, like that's just what I want
Speaker 1: to do, and She's like, darling, it's very different being
Speaker 1: on Matt leave than that is your full time gig.
Speaker 1: And I think COVID was a little bit like that too,
Speaker 1: because we knew, well we hoped, it was going to
Speaker 1: come to an end. So it was almost like a
Speaker 1: weird not a holiday, and everyone had different experiences of it.
Speaker 1: But if you've been used to not being at home
Speaker 1: with your kids much, it was a bit of a
Speaker 1: moment in time, it really was.
Speaker 2: And we cooked together and you know, we did arts
Speaker 2: and crafts, and we walked in the rain and it
Speaker 2: was just so lovely, you know. So it was a
Speaker 2: very I mean, I know it was so hard for
Speaker 2: so many people, but I really loved it.
Speaker 1: It really suited some people.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and look, you know I wasn't in a tiny apartment,
Speaker 2: you know, and the weather.
Speaker 1: Was beautiful and you weren't worried that you were going
Speaker 1: to lose your job.
Speaker 2: No, I knew we were going back.
Speaker 1: I think the people who lots of different people did
Speaker 1: it tougher. But in terms of parents at home, I
Speaker 1: think parents with really little kids, yeah, that was hard. Man.
Speaker 1: Oh Toddler entertained inside for eight weeks. Holy moly. So
Speaker 1: how many days a week do you work or is
Speaker 1: it different every week depending on the script.
Speaker 2: It's different every week, but it tends to be five
Speaker 2: sometimes six. Last year during COVID, we were doing six.
Speaker 2: Why six because we had to work Saturdays, because we
Speaker 2: had the eight weeks off, we had catch up to do,
Speaker 2: so we were doing six, so there was like two studios.
Speaker 2: It was crazy. It was crazy. The crew worked so hard.
Speaker 2: We were all a mess by the end of the year.
Speaker 2: But we caught up. We're pretty much caught up.
Speaker 1: What sort of hours?
Speaker 2: Okay, so my average day is probably I'd get to
Speaker 2: make up about six if I'm in studio, and I
Speaker 2: probably finished about seven, and Jonas goes to better.
Speaker 1: Seven at night.
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, And it's like pretty much
Speaker 2: going the whole time. Like you might have the scene,
Speaker 2: not a few scenes off here or there, or you
Speaker 2: can be traveling from studio and location and studio and
Speaker 2: location about an hour and a bit away from each other,
Speaker 2: and sometimes you can be going to and from. So
Speaker 2: a lot of my day can just be driving.
Speaker 1: Is that pretty much the only time you get to
Speaker 1: be by yourself?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Yeah, because six till seven being around other people, even
Speaker 1: if they're lovely people, that's lot you obviously quite extroverted.
Speaker 2: No, I'm actually I'm an introverted extrovert. Yeah, And the
Speaker 2: older I get, the more I really miss my time.
Speaker 2: That's why I love going for walks. But that's why
Speaker 2: I love my car, because my car is just me
Speaker 2: in my thoughts. And you don't as a mom, do you.
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: No.
Speaker 1: And I was going to say, if you're in a
Speaker 1: scene with someone and you're driving from the studio to
Speaker 1: location or someone from the crew, do you have to
Speaker 1: give them a lift or do you feel like you
Speaker 1: should offer them a lift?
Speaker 2: No, because everyone tends to drive or they get driven,
Speaker 2: Like unless it's like my friend Lynn or someone and
Speaker 2: she isn't driving in my work life, Yeah, then I'll
Speaker 2: give her a lift. But otherwise no, it's just I'll
Speaker 2: just get there. What I do hate like as much
Speaker 2: as sometimes I should be getting a driver because we
Speaker 2: can get a driver, I don't have to talk because
Speaker 2: I can't just be in a car and not talk
Speaker 2: like Adam. My partner hates it because we'll get in
Speaker 2: an uber and I'm like, so, how is your day?
Speaker 2: What have you done?
Speaker 1: But it's funny you say that, how much of it
Speaker 1: do you think? That's because people know who you are,
Speaker 1: and you feel the need to lift to their expectation
Speaker 1: of totally. How does Jonas manage when you're out in public.
Speaker 2: Oh, he's getting to the point now where he's pretty
Speaker 2: excited about it, And I'm going to say, no, he
Speaker 2: loves it, because I am always trying to shelter that
Speaker 2: kid from everything. My son is exactly how I was
Speaker 2: when that I was that age. But the difference is
Speaker 2: now we've got YouTube and we've got all of this stuff.
Speaker 2: So if Jonas could be the center of attention all
Speaker 2: the time, Jonas would be. I don't let him watch
Speaker 2: to look at Instagram because he's like, how many likes?
Speaker 2: How did like? He's all about he.
Speaker 1: Likes the reflected glory of your family.
Speaker 2: He does. And he'll go to school and will say,
Speaker 2: my mom's famous. Do you know I was famous? I
Speaker 2: was in the Morning Show once. I'm like, oh my god, this.
Speaker 1: Is so rossing.
Speaker 2: So I try and shelter him from a lot of
Speaker 2: that stuff. But whenever someone comes up, You're like, Mum,
Speaker 2: they know you, what do they know you from? They
Speaker 2: just know me from TV, you know. And I always
Speaker 2: tell him, like, fame's not that important. What's more important
Speaker 2: is that I work hard, you know, I provide for you.
Speaker 2: But he he's got massive TV eyes. I took him
Speaker 2: to a premiere once. He just took over the red carpet. Oh.
Speaker 2: I can't take him there again. And it doesn't feel
Speaker 2: like a shitty mm because I go clearly that's what
Speaker 2: he loves. But I just don't want him to think
Speaker 2: that that's important. You know. I don't want him to
Speaker 2: be wanting to be famous just to be famous. If
Speaker 2: he wants to be an international soccer style like he
Speaker 2: does want to be, you know, he needs to work
Speaker 2: hard and get there and then all that other stuff
Speaker 2: comes later.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's famous for doing something, and you're a working actress.
Speaker 1: That's why you're famous exactly.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Before today, I went back and reread an interview from
Speaker 1: a couple of years ago by Ellen Pompeo, the star
Speaker 1: of Gray's Anatomy. It was an interview that made a
Speaker 1: lot of news because she's been doing that show for
Speaker 1: about as long as you've been doing Home in Away,
Speaker 1: about twenty years. She's the star of that show. But
Speaker 1: she spoke very candidly about a lot of things about
Speaker 1: the power that she has in being sort of the
Speaker 1: star of that show. But also she spoke about she
Speaker 1: had a decision to make as an actress, about whether
Speaker 1: she would be on a show and playing the same
Speaker 1: character essentially for twenty years, or whether she would go
Speaker 1: the movie route or do different shows. And she said,
Speaker 1: it's actually harder to play the same character and bring
Speaker 1: something to it for twenty years. And I chose the
Speaker 1: stability because I wanted to have children. I didn't want
Speaker 1: to be in different locations. I didn't want to be
Speaker 1: flying all over the world. And she basically said, it's
Speaker 1: a mistake for actors to look down on actors who
Speaker 1: are working actors in long running shows. And it made
Speaker 1: me think about you, because that was obviously a choice
Speaker 1: you made too.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it was a choice I made. And I love
Speaker 2: television and I love stability, and you know, it's afforded
Speaker 2: me a great life, and it's meant that, you know,
Speaker 2: I have been here in this country and at home
Speaker 2: as much as I came with Jonas, I did want
Speaker 2: a big family, and I wanted to always be in
Speaker 2: this country, and I love this country, and I couldn't
Speaker 2: imagine bringing up a child overseas. I think for me,
Speaker 2: I just think it'd be too hard, like hustling all
Speaker 2: the time for different roles and being out of work.
Speaker 2: And I don't love acting that much, you know, I
Speaker 2: love working, and so it was a real conscious choice
Speaker 2: for me. And I've always said, if Home and Away
Speaker 2: ended tomorrow for me, I might not continue to act.
Speaker 2: I might do something else because as much as acting
Speaker 2: is a lot of fun and I do enjoy doing it,
Speaker 2: the hustle of it is just not fun. Auditionssid the auditions, Yeah, Like,
Speaker 2: you know, do they like me? Don't they like me?
Speaker 2: All of that. I just don't think it's great for
Speaker 2: your psyche, and I just don't want it that much,
Speaker 2: you know. I think, you know, I have wanted this life,
Speaker 2: and I'm you know, I have designed it this way
Speaker 2: and I'm happy with it.
Speaker 1: There's two types of burnout. There's the burnout from working
Speaker 1: really long hours, yeah, which it sounds like you do.
Speaker 1: There's also the burnout for creative peace of doing the
Speaker 1: same thing again and again, which can feel quite exhausting.
Speaker 1: Have you experienced those two different types of burnout and
Speaker 1: how do you manage them?
Speaker 2: I feel like it's what I'm going through at the moment.
Speaker 2: If I was being honest with you, I do feel
Speaker 2: like I am tired because I'm just working so much.
Speaker 2: I haven't stopped for years, so I am feeling very tired.
Speaker 2: I feel like I just need to stop for a bit,
Speaker 2: you know, so I can be a bit more creative now.
Speaker 2: In saying that, the good thing about Home and Away
Speaker 2: is that because there's so many storylines, you are doing
Speaker 2: different things all the time. And I do do other stuff,
Speaker 2: like I just finished Dancing with the Stars, and I like,
Speaker 2: we do have the opportunity to do other stuff. But
Speaker 2: I just feel like I just need six months or something.
Speaker 2: I just need to beabbatical. I just need a bit
Speaker 2: of time.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm mea Friedman and you're listening to No Filter
Speaker 1: with Ada Nikodemo. No one has a baby thinking that
Speaker 1: they're not going to be with them full time. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And when you and Chris split up, how did you
Speaker 1: adjust to not having him with you sometimes, because I mean,
Speaker 1: you guys are so close.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it was really hard. I just I didn't know
Speaker 2: what to do with myself. I used to just walk
Speaker 2: around the house like feeling at a loss and not
Speaker 2: knowing what to do. And I was quite depressed because
Speaker 2: also I was just so depressed anyway, But I just
Speaker 2: didn't want to see my friends. I just felt like
Speaker 2: a part of me just was missing. But then then
Speaker 2: what happens is what because once you do have kids,
Speaker 2: you realize you don't have any time to yourself.
Speaker 1: Especially as a single pairs.
Speaker 2: As a single pair, I started going, this is actually amazing.
Speaker 2: I could exercise, I could see my friends, I could
Speaker 2: go shopping. So now I got to a really good
Speaker 2: balance from me. I really loved you, and I love
Speaker 2: my time with you, but I love my time by
Speaker 2: myself as well.
Speaker 1: How old was he when Adam came into his life?
Speaker 2: Oh, Madam and I've been together. I think Adam and
Speaker 2: I've been together four years.
Speaker 1: How did you meet?
Speaker 2: So? A Channel seven function? Actually at the upfronts you
Speaker 2: know what upfront? Yeah?
Speaker 1: So so it's a big fancy do where the television
Speaker 1: station presents to all the potential advertisers all the shows
Speaker 1: they've got coming up.
Speaker 2: For the next ye. Yeah, and look, I didn't want
Speaker 2: to go and I wasn't a grap like I hadn't
Speaker 2: literally gone out for a year. I was severely depressed.
Speaker 2: I just didn't want to see.
Speaker 1: How long ago had you become single probably about a year,
Speaker 1: and I hadn't been doing much data.
Speaker 2: No, like men physically repulsed me, like I didn't want
Speaker 2: anyone to come near me. I think no one did
Speaker 2: come to me because I was super attractive, you know,
Speaker 2: like get away from me. I didn't want anything to
Speaker 2: do with them. But the outfronts were happened to be
Speaker 2: in the studio next to us at home, and and
Speaker 2: actually I had to go and clear my managers, like literally,
Speaker 2: all you've got to do is walk next door, just
Speaker 2: go show your face and leave. I'm like all right,
Speaker 2: and something in me went, look, I feel like I
Speaker 2: should just go. And I don't know what that was about,
Speaker 2: but anyway, I went and I just was like, oh here.
Speaker 2: I wasn't really talking to anyone, but then this guy
Speaker 2: came up and just started chatting to me. And it
Speaker 2: was actually because I'm always, whenever going to a function,
Speaker 2: I'm always looking for food, and somehow I think he
Speaker 2: was looking for the chicken for the food or something,
Speaker 2: or I just eating something. Anyway, somehow we started off
Speaker 2: conversation about food and I said, look, FI go and
Speaker 2: stand over there. That's where the food's coming out. So
Speaker 2: I didn't really have much of a conversation with him,
Speaker 2: and then he did come back later and started chatting
Speaker 2: to me again, but I didn't think anything of it. Really,
Speaker 2: I've spent most of the time talking to this other
Speaker 2: guy and his colleague who were in advertising, and he
Speaker 2: was married, right, nice enough guys. I was talking to
Speaker 2: them anyway. The next day, I was in makeup and
Speaker 2: my manager ring's up and goes, hey, hater, there's a
Speaker 2: guy that wants to send flowers to your dressing room.
Speaker 2: What do I do? And I'm like, oh, no, it's
Speaker 2: the married man. I'm like Jesus, and she goes, look,
Speaker 2: I've looked him like he seems pretty legit, like he
Speaker 2: didn't know who you were and he had to google you,
Speaker 2: and like he seems like he's gone to a lot
Speaker 2: of effort. And then I thought a stalker, not a stalker,
Speaker 2: because I was a bit worried and Leah, so she
Speaker 2: did all the sort of checking and he seemed okay,
Speaker 2: and I thought, I've never been sent flowers before, and
Speaker 2: I was feeling like, all, no one's ever asked me
Speaker 2: out on a date, like I've no literally like I
Speaker 2: hadn't been ever romanced like that, and I thought, oh,
Speaker 2: I was feeling pretty shitty about myself. So I thought,
Speaker 2: how nice would it be to get like flowers?
Speaker 1: Sense it works, bonus points, and it work.
Speaker 2: So I did get them sent, and he wrote me
Speaker 2: this really lovely card and asked whether I would just
Speaker 2: go out for coffee or anything. And I thought, look,
Speaker 2: I don't want to do that, but I thought I'd
Speaker 2: just ring him up because it's just the polite thing
Speaker 2: to do, because he went to Sweden.
Speaker 1: Didn't you want to do that?
Speaker 2: Because I just didn't want to see anyone. I just
Speaker 2: wasn't in a state. So anyway, I rang him up,
Speaker 2: and you know, we just got talking and then I thought,
Speaker 2: I'll buger it. I'll just go out on a date
Speaker 2: with him. But I had my sister in law waiting,
Speaker 2: like not far just in case. I didn't really want
Speaker 2: to be there. I just was touched. He was just
Speaker 2: such a general. He stood up like I went to
Speaker 2: go to the bathroom and he stood up like have
Speaker 2: you ever had a guy do that? I see, I
Speaker 2: never had a guy do that. You know, I never
Speaker 2: had a guy room. Anyway, he was just lovely, and yeah,
Speaker 2: that's how it started.
Speaker 1: How did you feel about introducing him to Jonas.
Speaker 2: Took about a year. We didn't introduce him straight away,
Speaker 2: and it was actually Adam's decision. It was really lovely.
Speaker 2: He said, look until we know where we are. He
Speaker 2: had gone through that with his mum, where he'd been
Speaker 2: introduced to guys and then they didn't sort of stick around,
Speaker 2: and he didn't want to do that for Jonas. So
Speaker 2: we waited until we were ready. And when we introduced him, yeah,
Speaker 2: so's he's such a lovely guy. He's a real gentleman.
Speaker 2: He loves Jonas like he loves Jonas like his own.
Speaker 1: I want to ask you about Harrison. Is that all right?
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's okay.
Speaker 1: Before you and Chris split, you were pregnant again. Jonahs
Speaker 1: must have been pretty young.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we lost him, actually did Yeah, we lost him.
Speaker 2: Think well, by the time I lost him, he was
Speaker 2: just too I think, so he was pretty young. Harrison
Speaker 2: was a hard pregnancy. It was unexpected, it wasn't planned,
Speaker 2: and because Jonas was IVF, so I didn't realize I
Speaker 2: could fall pregnant naturally, and it came at a really
Speaker 2: hard time because Chris and I were already separate. Things
Speaker 2: were never good with christ and I was a terrible
Speaker 2: relationship and we were not doing well at that point
Speaker 2: and we were probably going to separate. Then I found
Speaker 2: out I was pregnant. So what do you do. You
Speaker 2: have a lot of guilt when you don't enjoy the pregnancy,
Speaker 2: you know. I loved being pregnant with Oh my god,
Speaker 2: I'm gonna cry. I loved being pregnant with Jonas. I
Speaker 2: wanted him for such a long time and I just
Speaker 2: felt amazing, Whereas I just was really unhappy with the
Speaker 2: pregnancy with Harrison. And it probably wasn't until maybe a month.
Speaker 2: I didn't do the nursery, I didn't do anything, and
Speaker 2: it wasn't until probably a month before we lost him
Speaker 2: that I started getting a little bit excited about it. Yeah,
Speaker 2: so I feel really bad about that. And a long time,
Speaker 2: even after I lost him, I could still feel him.
Speaker 2: I could feel It was just it's just it's one
Speaker 2: of those things, as you know, that you'll never get over. Yeah.
Speaker 1: How did you find out, Ladaris and it had passed away?
Speaker 2: The doctors. Yeah, the doctors told me, Yeah, did.
Speaker 1: You have to make the choice between giving birth and
Speaker 1: having a cesarean?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: I had going through labor.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I had a caesar. What made you decide that
Speaker 2: I didn't want to feel anything. It's all such a
Speaker 2: blurmy like, I don't actually remember a lot of it,
Speaker 2: to be honest with you. But I didn't want to
Speaker 2: feel anything. I didn't think I wanted to see him.
Speaker 2: And I'm so glad I did see him, but I
Speaker 2: didn't think i'd wanted to see him. I ended up
Speaker 2: seeing him and holding him for quite a long time,
Speaker 2: and then I was ready to give him back. But
Speaker 2: and I'm so glad I did because I have talked
Speaker 2: to women who had steel births and they never knew
Speaker 2: what their baby looked like. So I'm glad that I
Speaker 2: did that. But I don't know it. It's just I
Speaker 2: just could never I'll never get over it, you know.
Speaker 2: I think about him a lot, and then sometimes I
Speaker 2: don't think about him, and then I feel guilty that
Speaker 2: I haven't thought about him. Bearing him was really difficult,
Speaker 2: you know, just the image of like a little coffin, like, yeah,
Speaker 2: it's just really shit.
Speaker 1: It's just completely shit. It's just really show. Yeah, there's
Speaker 1: no way of making it not shitn.
Speaker 2: And and also I think I don't think I should
Speaker 2: ever be okay with Adam says, I punish myself sometimes
Speaker 2: with going. I have to always feel shit just so
Speaker 2: I remember him and I think that that's actually okay.
Speaker 2: Does Yeah, Yeah, you feel like that too.
Speaker 1: Yeah. And I for a long time, I was like
Speaker 1: because I was also pregnant at a really difficult time. No.
Speaker 1: I remember thinking it's because I didn't want her enough
Speaker 1: and because I felt ambivalent about it, and you know
Speaker 1: that feeling. And you do feel like I had one
Speaker 1: job and that was to bring my baby into the
Speaker 1: world and I failed.
Speaker 2: Oh. I feel like my body's failed me so many times.
Speaker 2: Like I had a miscarriage before Jonas, and that was
Speaker 2: in a time when no one talked about miscarriage. I didn't,
Speaker 2: so I just woulent what is wrong with me? And
Speaker 2: I think there has been Like even after Harrison, I
Speaker 2: just didn't want to have a baby. I didn't want,
Speaker 2: Like I just don't want. I didn't want to go
Speaker 2: through that again and I didn't. Yeah, I just wasn't ready.
Speaker 2: Now I probably would be ready, but I'm forty four
Speaker 2: and I don't know. I don't even know how i'd
Speaker 2: be if I was pregnant again, Like have you and.
Speaker 1: Adam talked about it, Yeah, did you have because he
Speaker 1: doesn't have kids? No, he own does he?
Speaker 2: No, he doesn't. And I would want to have a
Speaker 2: baby for Adam, and I think Adam would. I think
Speaker 2: if it happened, it happened, and I would be ready
Speaker 2: to do that now. But I can't guarantee how I
Speaker 2: would be during the pregnancy. I don't know.
Speaker 1: It's ahead it's a really mentally challenging experience. I mean,
Speaker 1: you've been pregnant after a miscarriage, so you know a
Speaker 1: little bit of what it's like. Yeah, But I remember
Speaker 1: talking to my friend Rebecca Sparrow when the news came
Speaker 1: out about Harrison, and I remember your very close friend
Speaker 1: at the time, Becky Hewett, was pregnant, and I remember
Speaker 1: back when I talked about that that was going to
Speaker 1: be an extra layer of toughness for you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it was. I had another friend of mine who
Speaker 2: was pregnant and we're both do around the same time,
Speaker 2: and she came to the funeral and I could see
Speaker 2: she was just so nervous, and I really felt for
Speaker 2: her at that point because I know she was trying
Speaker 2: to make a real effort. And then I was trying
Speaker 2: to make an effort to make her feel better. But
Speaker 2: then after she had the baby and then she was
Speaker 2: like still weird around me. Then I started get really
Speaker 2: angry because I'm like, stop making it weird for me.
Speaker 2: I just you go through all this like stuff, don't you,
Speaker 2: because like, obviously you're you're so happy for everyone else,
Speaker 2: and just let me just be happy and don't be
Speaker 2: weird around me. But of course they're going to be
Speaker 2: weird around me because I have just lost my baby
Speaker 2: and I still look at children around.
Speaker 1: That age, that age he would have been.
Speaker 2: Absolutely every time I see the name Harrison every obviously.
Speaker 1: I've been seven. Yeah, yeah, Do you mark the day
Speaker 1: he was born? Do you mark the day he was
Speaker 1: meant to be born? I always found it very hard,
Speaker 1: and for a while I marked every anniversary, and then
Speaker 1: I was like, I can't do this, like five or six,
Speaker 1: and then I'd forget and then I'd feel terrible.
Speaker 2: What day do you mark? I mark the day that
Speaker 2: we actually had him at the seventh. Yeah, but it's
Speaker 2: always a really hard, lonely day for me because I've
Speaker 2: got and I don't like talking about it with anyone.
Speaker 2: I don't like going to the grave with anyone very
Speaker 2: it's a really private thing, and I don't because Mums
Speaker 2: always wanted to go with me, and I'm like, I
Speaker 2: don't want to have to think about you, and I
Speaker 2: kind of don't want anyone to see me like that
Speaker 2: as well.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you can, even the other parent doesn't grieve in
Speaker 1: the same way you do. It's such a solitary experience.
Speaker 1: I found the most solace from other women who'd been
Speaker 1: through it. Beck helped me a lot, even though it
Speaker 1: had happened quite a few years before, I hadn't really
Speaker 1: processed it. I just sort of stuck it in my pocket,
Speaker 1: and in helping her, she actually helped me a lot.
Speaker 2: Well. I did a lot of therapy after Harrison, and
Speaker 2: my therapist was amazing and she actually there was a
Speaker 2: lady working in that same center who'd had a steelborn
Speaker 2: and she brought her in for a session and she goes,
Speaker 2: just ask a whole lot of questions. Both of you
Speaker 2: just ask a lot of questions, and I did, and
Speaker 2: that really that was the first time that I felt
Speaker 2: good about seeing him, and I just asked.
Speaker 1: Her, see, I'm so envious that you got to see him,
Speaker 1: because it was to a like I had a procedure.
Speaker 1: She wasn't far enough for long to have a caesar,
Speaker 1: so there was nobody And I'm just like, it's not
Speaker 1: a weird thing to be jealous of. I'm so jealous
Speaker 1: that you got to hold your dead baby. No.
Speaker 2: I totally understand that though, No, because.
Speaker 1: It's all on a spectrum, isn't it.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I think it's something that only other women
Speaker 1: who've been through it can understand.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, How did you feel different the first miscarriage, which
Speaker 1: was what early in the pregnancy, and then with Harrison.
Speaker 2: I feel like I've got over the first miscarriage, and
Speaker 2: I feel like because it was so early on and
Speaker 2: I just think the baby wasn't meant to be. I
Speaker 2: don't know, like it was just I don't At the time,
Speaker 2: I felt guilty, But then I had Jonas and I
Speaker 2: had such a beautiful experience. Now I feel guilty about
Speaker 2: Jona's not having a brother. It is just something so
Speaker 2: awful that has totally changed who I am as a
Speaker 2: person that I just could never come back from.
Speaker 1: There's a type of grief that I think from losing
Speaker 1: a pregnancy or a baby that is only not healed.
Speaker 1: But there's a stage of healing that can only happen
Speaker 1: after you have another baby after that time, and if
Speaker 1: it's the last pregnancy that you have and you haven't
Speaker 1: had another child that you've been able to hold in
Speaker 1: your arms after that, I think that that makes it's
Speaker 1: another level.
Speaker 2: And I think it's also changed me as a mother,
Speaker 2: as in I always thought like I was always been
Speaker 2: very maternal, and I wanted two to three kids, and
Speaker 2: I always wanted to be pregnant. I tried so hard
Speaker 2: to be pregnant after Harrison. I didn't want anything to
Speaker 2: do with pregnancy.
Speaker 1: It was too painful case it happened again.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, So I think it's changed me that.
Speaker 1: Which is funny because the other way to go is
Speaker 1: that you get obsessed with getting here again and putting
Speaker 1: that baby back or putting a baby back, which is
Speaker 1: how I was afterwards.
Speaker 2: I think I was for a few years.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, you're right. I was after my miscarriages, but
Speaker 1: not after that happened. Then I just wanted to be
Speaker 1: alone and you know.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and it's look, I think it's good that we're
Speaker 2: all talking about it because it is so common and
Speaker 2: for a long time I couldn't talk about it, and
Speaker 2: I still hate it. I hate it in the media
Speaker 2: every time, every time an article was written about me,
Speaker 2: they bring up Harrison, and I'm like, don't you know
Speaker 2: how much that hurts.
Speaker 1: I know that's why I was no, no, no, But
Speaker 1: this is.
Speaker 2: No no, this is different because this is obviously a very
Speaker 2: different form. But if you're talking about you know, the
Speaker 2: stupid like what was our new idea? Oh, he is
Speaker 2: getting pregnant at is getting married this week. Oh and
Speaker 2: by the way, well, you know, it's like stop it
Speaker 2: or you know. And I also hate that. I think
Speaker 2: it's such a private it's a private thing, and I
Speaker 2: don't want to keep seeing it because it's it triggers
Speaker 2: me off. And I also don't like that people think
Speaker 2: that Chris and I broke up because of Harrison, you know,
Speaker 2: because I don't want to give it wasn't It was
Speaker 2: a terrible relationship. We didn't break up because of Harrison.
Speaker 2: So I don't like seeing that stuff in the media
Speaker 2: all the time. But I guess that's just my I know,
Speaker 2: it's so hard when you're in the public eye because
Speaker 2: you have to deal with all this grief or it's
Speaker 2: always in front of you, you know, and it doesn't
Speaker 2: allow you to move on sometimes.
Speaker 1: Grace Tame, Australian of the Year, made a speech that's
Speaker 1: made me really think about what I do in here
Speaker 1: as well. In this podcast studio. She said, you know
Speaker 1: you've got to be careful when you're rummaging in someone's grief.
Speaker 1: Like she said, she'll do interviews with journalists and I'll
Speaker 1: be like, tell us about the darkest day when you
Speaker 1: were abused, and she said, that is trauma and you've
Speaker 1: got to She said, I understand that. That's why I'm
Speaker 1: Australian of the Year. And I will talk about those
Speaker 1: things because it's important. But don't ask me to relive
Speaker 1: my trauma for your entertainment. And this sounds completely hypocritical
Speaker 1: because I asked you about Harrison, but I also asked
Speaker 1: you before we start, and if you'd have said I
Speaker 1: don't want to talk about that, I wouldn't have brought
Speaker 1: it up.
Speaker 2: But I also knew that I wanted to talk to
Speaker 2: you about it because I know you've gone through it
Speaker 2: and I was prepared for it. Now when it's completely different.
Speaker 1: You do have to be prepared, don't you.
Speaker 2: It's like, okay, but for a long time like fundraisers
Speaker 2: to deal with still birth, like I don't.
Speaker 1: The post a child you did. People try to make
Speaker 1: you the faces and.
Speaker 2: Want and instilled to this. I don't want to be
Speaker 2: the person. I don't want to talk about it. I
Speaker 2: want to turn and even when other women come up, like,
Speaker 2: it's different if it's just the two of us talking
Speaker 2: about it. But I find I will talk about your grief,
Speaker 2: but I don't want to relive mine because I'm just
Speaker 2: so private about it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, how do you have private things like you know,
Speaker 1: your marriage, breaking up, your new relationship with Adham.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I struggle with that because I am really private.
Speaker 2: But unfortunately early on in my marriage I did talk
Speaker 2: to the media about stuff. And now I can't not talk.
Speaker 2: I mean, you can't go oh like here, I'll tell
Speaker 2: you this story. But now I don't want to talk
Speaker 2: to you. And soonetol, something really major happens. You go,
Speaker 2: oh my god, why did I allow everyone in? But
Speaker 2: then I go, well, it's probably a good thing that
Speaker 2: people like people do relate to me and people if
Speaker 2: they have had a still bone or whatever. You know,
Speaker 2: now people can come up and go, look, you know,
Speaker 2: thank you, Like I found even when you were talking
Speaker 2: about it. I'd never heard anyone talk about miscarriage and
Speaker 2: steel wirth before, so I was like, oh, wow, okay,
Speaker 2: there's someone talking about it. That's good.
Speaker 1: So yeah, but you are allowed boundaries as well.
Speaker 2: I try and create those more so now.
Speaker 1: And just because you did something once ten years ago,
Speaker 1: twenty years ago at a different time in your life, yeah,
Speaker 1: in a different climate, doesn't mean you have to always
Speaker 1: leave the gate open.
Speaker 2: I had this really awful experience not after Harrison, where
Speaker 2: I went to go and get my nails done, might
Speaker 2: have been like two months after or whatever, and so
Speaker 2: you're stuck there getting your nails done, and this woman,
Speaker 2: like this other person getting a nails done. It's like
Speaker 2: asking me, like literally a million or one question, So
Speaker 2: where you're bury and what is he?
Speaker 1: Like?
Speaker 2: Did you see it? Blah blah blah, you gonna have
Speaker 2: another baby? Like for an hour, you should have another baby,
Speaker 2: blah blah. When I like and just and I felt
Speaker 2: I just couldn't go anywhere. And then I felt like
Speaker 2: I had to answer your questions. And she asked me
Speaker 2: stuff that even my mom hadn't asked me, like you
Speaker 2: need to have another baby? Why aren't you having another baby.
Speaker 2: And I walked out of there bawling my eyes out, crying,
Speaker 2: and I just felt so exposed. And I remember talking
Speaker 2: to my friend about it and she said, well, why
Speaker 2: did you sit there and listen? I said, well, I
Speaker 2: felt like I had to. I felt like I had
Speaker 2: to give her that. And it's like, no, you don't
Speaker 2: have to do that. You can actually say this is
Speaker 2: really difficult, and you're asking really personal questions. And I
Speaker 2: really struggle with that. So when the media or anyone
Speaker 2: does ask questions, and I really struggle going, that's actually
Speaker 2: really private.
Speaker 1: I think as women, and particularly being in the public eye,
Speaker 1: you don't want anyone, anyone to be over as a
Speaker 1: diva and unfriendly and everything. But what is Glennand I say,
Speaker 1: you have a choice between disappointing someone else and disappointing yourself. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's what boundaries are about. Yeah, and you need to
Speaker 1: choose yourself when it's something that's so personal and so upsetting.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and that's what I'm trying to do.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I mean, my therapist always is to me, would you
Speaker 2: talk to a stranger the way you talk to yourself
Speaker 2: in your head? I'm like, oh my god, I know never,
Speaker 2: I know, I know, so I do. I recognize that
Speaker 2: a lot more now, Like when I do start doing
Speaker 2: that negative stuff for my hair and I'm like stop it,
Speaker 2: like stop saying that about yourself. And it's the same
Speaker 2: thing with boundaries. Yeah, I've got Yeah, I'm trying to
Speaker 2: stick up for myself a lot more.
Speaker 1: You should.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 1: How do you learn your lines? I want to end
Speaker 1: by asking some basic questions. Do you get a script,
Speaker 1: how do you do it?
Speaker 2: How do you learn the I think I'm really good
Speaker 2: at learning and really fast because I just sort of
Speaker 2: read over them a few times and they're just sort
Speaker 2: of in there. So I'll read over them before I
Speaker 2: go to bed, and I'll read over them again in
Speaker 2: the morning, and then in the makeup chair. I pretty
Speaker 2: much learn them and maybe after the first rehearsal they're
Speaker 2: in my head.
Speaker 1: So you get to do a rehearsal.
Speaker 2: You get probably three or four rehearsals now to block.
Speaker 1: Out the scene.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, and then you start shooting. We shoot pretty fast, now,
Speaker 2: insaane what I just said about learning lines. If I
Speaker 2: had ten scenes straight, I wouldn't just learn them that quickly,
Speaker 2: Like you have to sit.
Speaker 1: There for a while how long does the scene go? For?
Speaker 2: About forty minutes?
Speaker 1: Forty minutes to film a scene, yeah, and how much
Speaker 1: talking will there be in that? How much waiting around?
Speaker 2: You're not winning around because you're doing like three or
Speaker 2: four rehearsals. Then you do checks and then you start
Speaker 2: filming and you've got different shots.
Speaker 1: Go to woe in forty minutes. Yeh yeah, including rehearsal.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: We shoot really fast. I think we shoot the fastest
Speaker 2: out of any.
Speaker 1: So I'm making half an hour five times away. Yeah yeah,
Speaker 1: and a half hours of television.
Speaker 2: And we do a really good job, like I'm so
Speaker 2: proud of the product. And then we shoot sort of
Speaker 2: like film does with the different angles and the different
Speaker 2: sort of setups with lighting and whatever. It's not just
Speaker 2: grid lighting anymore, so it looks quite good.
Speaker 1: Do you shoot chronologically?
Speaker 2: No, we shoot more about like sets, so the diner
Speaker 2: sets or the Morgan house or but we're two crews
Speaker 2: working at once, So one block is on location the
Speaker 2: first week, and then you go into studio, and then
Speaker 2: the block that was on location the week beforehand is
Speaker 2: in studio, So you do.
Speaker 1: Some things out of order, so you might do what
Speaker 1: like a week's worth of dinoscenes or like two weeks
Speaker 1: worth of.
Speaker 2: A week, because that's the studio element of that week.
Speaker 2: So you'll shoot like a diner day on one day,
Speaker 2: so yeah, it's out of order, and then another day
Speaker 2: will be another set.
Speaker 1: And do you just get scene sent to you one
Speaker 1: at a time or are you like, well, hang on,
Speaker 1: why am I crying here? And it's something that happened
Speaker 1: in an episode you haven't shot yet.
Speaker 2: Get the episode? So you read the whole episode?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, so you know, we you've got to sort
Speaker 2: of understand your own continuity. But in saying that, like
Speaker 2: I don't spend like I sort of go, You're just
Speaker 2: gonna be truthful in the moment. I don't really know
Speaker 2: what you did before you came into this room, and
Speaker 2: I don't really know what you're gonna do after, And
Speaker 2: same goes for me. I don't really know what I'm
Speaker 2: going to do after. I'm my character my character. Yeah,
Speaker 2: so I don't spend too long on continuity, but some
Speaker 2: people do. Some people read the whole episode. I just
Speaker 2: read my scenes.
Speaker 1: What's the dynamic with people who come in and out
Speaker 1: for guest stints? Like, is there a core cast of regulars?
Speaker 2: Yes, I think there's twenty odd of us, and who are.
Speaker 1: The solid regulars? And then people come in.
Speaker 2: We have heaps of guests, and we have some long
Speaker 2: running guests and like sort of some that might just
Speaker 2: be in for a fifty word or which it might
Speaker 2: just be one scene. So it depends, but I'd like
Speaker 2: to think we treat our guests really well. We make
Speaker 2: them feel really welcome, because it's really hard coming in,
Speaker 2: as you would go into a workplace whereveryone knows each
Speaker 2: other really well, and they're very nervous, so I try
Speaker 2: and make them feel really comfortable.
Speaker 1: There've been a lot of really interesting fun people going
Speaker 1: through the show, haven't there.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Do you bond with some more than others? I imagine absolutely?
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, is.
Speaker 1: It quite intense, and then it's like we're so close,
Speaker 1: but then I probably will never speak to you again.
Speaker 2: Absolutely, And a lot even with like people that you've
Speaker 2: worked with for three or four years and you're like,
Speaker 2: I love you and I'm going to see you every week,
Speaker 2: and then life just happens, and because the schedules are
Speaker 2: so fast, you don't get to catch up as much.
Speaker 2: But then in saying that with some people, I mean,
Speaker 2: I'm still friends with some people from heartbreak hyh. So
Speaker 2: you know there is some friendships that are you know,
Speaker 2: for the rest of your life.
Speaker 1: Is when you're on location, where do you go between scenes?
Speaker 1: Like do you have like a big trailer with.
Speaker 2: Like it's not fancy. No. So I sit in my
Speaker 2: car a lot of the time. But we do have
Speaker 2: a green room that we share with everyone, but it's
Speaker 2: really tiny and it's not.
Speaker 1: The best and you probably want to be just.
Speaker 2: I just like being in my car.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And you don't have to wear like bikinis on
Speaker 1: the beach and stuff anymore.
Speaker 2: Well, so I did it for a really long time.
Speaker 1: And I would like it if you did.
Speaker 2: No, I did it for a long time, and then
Speaker 2: I happen to say in media somewhere, I don't know
Speaker 2: why they don't put me in a bikini. Oh anyway,
Speaker 2: Then I started wearing a bikini as a flight last
Speaker 2: year or the year before, and I'm really uncomfortable about it.
Speaker 2: Not because of my body. I'm very comfortable with my body,
Speaker 2: but all the crew are like my brothers and my uncles,
Speaker 2: so it's weird. And also there's also a pap that
Speaker 2: likes to take photos of you when you're bending down
Speaker 2: or whatever, and they're like, he tries to get the
Speaker 2: worst angle. It's really yucky.
Speaker 1: And those photos get sold to the women's magazines.
Speaker 2: And it's never like, oh, Ada, you know, looks great.
Speaker 2: It's I just it's all iky. I just don't. I
Speaker 2: just don't like it. I love you, Oh May, I
Speaker 2: love you so much. I'm going to stop vangirling now.
Speaker 2: Thank you so much.
Speaker 1: I hope you enjoyed that. I was going to say,
Speaker 1: I don't know if Ada did, because it was it
Speaker 1: was a journey, wasn't it. I knew that I wanted
Speaker 1: to ask her about Harrison before she came in, and
Speaker 1: I think she knew that she was going to talk
Speaker 1: about it, and I felt, I'm so glad she was
Speaker 1: honest about the part where she doesn't just want to
Speaker 1: be the poster child and she doesn't just want to
Speaker 1: chat about it in every interview because it is such
Speaker 1: a deeply personal thing. And that took me off guard
Speaker 1: a little bit, because then I suddenly thought, have I
Speaker 1: pushed on a button that's too sensitive? Have I pushed
Speaker 1: on a really sore spot? And I mean of course
Speaker 1: it's going to be sore. It's like pushing on a bruise.
Speaker 1: It's always going to hurt. But there's something about having
Speaker 1: gone through losing a pregnancy, particularly a late in late
Speaker 1: term pregnancy, And I don't mean it's necessarily worse than
Speaker 1: losing your pregnancy earlier, but it is a very specific experience.
Speaker 1: This experience of the physicality of it, the experience of
Speaker 1: everybody knowing that you're pregnant, of visibly being pregnant, of
Speaker 1: having felt your baby move, of having to make decisions
Speaker 1: around how after that baby has died you help it
Speaker 1: be brought into the world, and about what you do
Speaker 1: with its remains. They're all horrible, horrible decisions and experiences
Speaker 1: that no one signs up for, that no one wants
Speaker 1: to have, and that only other women who've been through
Speaker 1: it can relate to. And I say that with the
Speaker 1: greatest respect of the men who have their own journey
Speaker 1: of grief, or the partners of women who've been through it,
Speaker 1: I should say, who have their own journey of grief
Speaker 1: as a partner. But when it's happening in your body,
Speaker 1: it's very, very specific. And I remember Beck and I
Speaker 1: talking as I said to Aida that thing of oh no,
Speaker 1: he's another member of our club. It's the club no
Speaker 1: one wants to join. And I've met some amazing women
Speaker 1: through that club. And the important thing to say, if
Speaker 1: you're going through that now, or know someone who is,
Speaker 1: or have done recently, is that you get through it.
Speaker 1: You are forever changed. But as you could hear with Aida,
Speaker 1: you get through it if you are after more of Aida,
Speaker 1: and why wouldn't you be. She's an absolute bloody delight.
Speaker 1: You can follow her on Instagram. She runs this great
Speaker 1: book club with her work wife, Lynn McGranger, and we
Speaker 1: have a podcast called Quizish and we chose like iconic
Speaker 1: couples to be on this podcast, and we had Aida
Speaker 1: and Lynn and I didn't even I don't even watch
Speaker 1: Home in a way that much. But their friendship and
Speaker 1: the dynamic between them is just so delightful to listen to.
Speaker 1: I'll put a link in the show notes. Yeah, it's
Speaker 1: work wives at their best. Thank you so much for
Speaker 1: listening to No Filter. Please share this podcast with someone
Speaker 1: who you know might appreciate it or enjoy it, or
Speaker 1: might need to hear it. The assistant producer of No
Speaker 1: Filter is Lucy Neville. The executive producer on No Filter
Speaker 1: is Eliza Ratliffe. I'm Meya Friedman and I'll see you
Speaker 1: on the Mum and mea app.