WEBVTT - FROM THE VAULT: Why Ada Nicodemou Stayed

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<v Speaker 1>You're listening to a MoMA Mia podcast. Mamma Mia acknowledges

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<v Speaker 1>the traditional owners of land and waters that this podcast

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<v Speaker 1>is recorded on Hello, I'm in your ears twice in

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<v Speaker 1>a week. How lucky are we both? I have had

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<v Speaker 1>so much feedback on the Aida Nicodemo interview. A lot

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<v Speaker 1>of you have asked to hear the first conversation we had,

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<v Speaker 1>which was very different. In this week's episode, which you

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<v Speaker 1>can find if you just scroll back a little bit

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<v Speaker 1>in your feed we spoke about her new relationship with

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<v Speaker 1>her co star James Stewart, being followed by the paparazzi,

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<v Speaker 1>what that all has been like to unfold and blended

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<v Speaker 1>families and all of those things. In our first conversation,

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<v Speaker 1>which was a couple of years ago, we went to

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<v Speaker 1>some slightly darker places with her permission, asked her about

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<v Speaker 1>losing her son Harrison and getting started in the industry.

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<v Speaker 1>It was an awesome conversation. So here it is. Enjoy

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<v Speaker 1>Are you shooting today?

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<v Speaker 2>Yep? Yeah, time. I don't have to be there till twelve.

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<v Speaker 2>I've got a really good week this week, where like

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<v Speaker 2>it's annoying because I've got three days of location, so

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<v Speaker 2>a lot of driving to Palm Beach to Palm Beach,

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<v Speaker 2>but today's like two scenes. Yesterday was one scene, So

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<v Speaker 2>I spent most of my day driving and listening to

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<v Speaker 2>Mama me.

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<v Speaker 1>Ada is still playing the character of Leah. She's still

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<v Speaker 1>living in Summer Bay, and she's stayed in that same

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<v Speaker 1>job for one very good reason. My name is Mia Friedman,

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<v Speaker 1>and you're listening to No Filter, an interview podcast from

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<v Speaker 1>Mama Maya with people who tell their stories very candidly

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<v Speaker 1>and aren't afraid to be vulnerable. In the year two thousand,

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<v Speaker 1>Aida Nikodimou joined the cast of Home and Away, Australia's

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<v Speaker 1>second longest running soap opera after Neighbors. She signed on

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<v Speaker 1>for a six month contract to play the role of

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<v Speaker 1>Leah Paulos. But twenty one years and a few near

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<v Speaker 1>death experiences and a few husbands, Lea's had way more

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<v Speaker 1>husbands than Ada. She's only had one. One of Australia's

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<v Speaker 1>best known and most loved actors is still at Summer Bay,

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<v Speaker 1>and it is a much harder job than you may think.

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<v Speaker 1>I've wanted to speak to Ada for such a long time,

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<v Speaker 1>and I'm really glad that I finally have. On this episode,

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<v Speaker 1>we speak about creative burnout.

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<v Speaker 2>I feel like it's what I'm going through at the moment.

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<v Speaker 2>If I was being honest with you, loss just really shit.

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<v Speaker 1>And the big fat Book of Greek rules.

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<v Speaker 2>You can't wash your hair when you got your period.

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<v Speaker 1>Here's my chat with Aida Nicodemo. You've worked since you

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<v Speaker 1>were a kid. You grew up in a family business

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<v Speaker 1>and you just worked school holidays. How old were you

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<v Speaker 1>when you started working in the shop.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh, like, well from two weeks old. I was in

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<v Speaker 2>the shop. Yeah, and I was like counting back money,

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<v Speaker 2>you know before like I went to school, like I

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<v Speaker 2>knew how to sort of count back change and all that.

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<v Speaker 2>So I've always worked and working, and I like business

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<v Speaker 2>and I like people, And even when I'm at home,

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<v Speaker 2>I just don't relax a lot. I'm pretty bad at

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<v Speaker 2>just sitting down unless I just read a book or

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<v Speaker 2>something like that. But otherwise I just potter around the house.

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<v Speaker 2>I love cleaning. I'm one of those.

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<v Speaker 1>Freaks you like to clean.

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<v Speaker 2>I've head, Yeah, I love cleaning. I love a tidy house.

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<v Speaker 1>Do you listen this podcasts while you clean?

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<v Speaker 2>I don't, Actually, I don't do that.

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<v Speaker 1>A lot of people say that makes cleaning easier, but

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<v Speaker 1>you just don't want anything to distract from the pure

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<v Speaker 1>joy of the cleaning itself.

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<v Speaker 2>You are, so, yes, that's exactly right. I find it's

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<v Speaker 2>really my happy place. I really love to just potter

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<v Speaker 2>around the house and move pillows and.

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<v Speaker 1>Make order and order.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, rearrange my pantry.

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<v Speaker 1>A psychologist would say, did you have quite a chaotic childhood?

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<v Speaker 1>I know your parents divorced when you're about for ten. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>and I've heard you say that you were happy when

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<v Speaker 1>they divorced. Yeah.

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<v Speaker 2>I was happy. Yeah, it was a pretty yet that

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<v Speaker 2>they always fought. I feel like I was always stuck

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<v Speaker 2>in the middle. I was probably the adult a lot

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<v Speaker 2>of times looking after my parents. And I had a

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<v Speaker 2>happy upbringing. It wasn't like, I mean, I got everything

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<v Speaker 2>that I wanted. My parents were loving, but I just

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<v Speaker 2>never felt I guess, not so much safe, but there

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<v Speaker 2>was a lot of instability because of their arguing. Yeah.

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<v Speaker 2>I was very aware of both of their emotional states.

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<v Speaker 2>So yeah, when Mum sat me down and said we're

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<v Speaker 2>getting divorced, I'm like, oh, thank God. Like and that

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<v Speaker 2>was still very hard because they argue. They still don't talk.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh, that's rough. Yeah, what happened at your wedding, Well,

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<v Speaker 1>I didn't.

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<v Speaker 2>Invite my dad to my wedding, and I feel I

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<v Speaker 2>felt really at the time, I just thought that's what

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<v Speaker 2>I had to do because I was doing the right

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<v Speaker 2>thing by Mum, because that wasn't my dad left the

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<v Speaker 2>country and wasn't there for us.

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<v Speaker 1>So it's not like you they shared custody of your No.

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<v Speaker 2>No, no, no, they didn't. No, No, my mom did it.

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<v Speaker 2>Mum is an amazing woman. She's my hero. She brought

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<v Speaker 2>us up and I think we're quite well adjusted people

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<v Speaker 2>because of Mum. But I did feel like I wasn't

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<v Speaker 2>able to.

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<v Speaker 1>Invite he felt like disloyal.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, so I didn't. And it wasn't until I remember

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<v Speaker 2>after I got married and I saw my daddy came

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<v Speaker 2>to Australia and I saw him, and you know, he

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<v Speaker 2>was very upset that I didn't invite him and whatever.

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<v Speaker 2>But he opened up his wallet and he had these

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<v Speaker 2>two really old school pictures from when Costra and I

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<v Speaker 2>were really young, and they were all crinkled, and obviously

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<v Speaker 2>he might he'd been walking around with these pictures of

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<v Speaker 2>us ever since, you know, we were young, and I thought, oh, wow,

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<v Speaker 2>he does love us, and I felt really crappy that

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<v Speaker 2>I didn't invite him. My brother invited him to his wedding.

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<v Speaker 2>But look, I've made peace with all of that because

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<v Speaker 2>I think my dad and I just don't get on.

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<v Speaker 2>We're just really different people. I don't think he was

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<v Speaker 2>there for me. I think I reminded him a lot

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<v Speaker 2>of my mum. He's not a bad person. He brought

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<v Speaker 2>us up until I was fourteen, so he was in

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<v Speaker 2>my life, but we were never close. I was a

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<v Speaker 2>bit of a rat bag with him as well. I

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<v Speaker 2>always kind of just pushed buttons and tried to agitate him.

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<v Speaker 2>I just don't think where we get on.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, the Big Greek Book of Family Discipline. Yeah, what

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<v Speaker 1>would most people not know about growing up in a

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<v Speaker 1>Greek family and a Greek household.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh, there is a lot of rules. Like I thought

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<v Speaker 2>you were about to say the Greek Book of Rules

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<v Speaker 2>because I always joke about.

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<v Speaker 1>Well, yeah, the Big Greek Book of Rules. What's in

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<v Speaker 1>that Big Greek Book of rules?

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<v Speaker 2>Everything from you know, housework to when you've got your period.

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<v Speaker 2>You know, lad's lift anything heavy. You can't go into

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<v Speaker 2>a Greek church when you're hanging clothes on the line.

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<v Speaker 2>You know the pegs. I think that the little stuff

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<v Speaker 2>is inside on the hills hoist and the big stuff's

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<v Speaker 2>on the outside, and the pegs match, and you know fasting.

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<v Speaker 2>I mean, there's so many stupid rules where I don't know.

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<v Speaker 2>You can't wash your hair when you've got your period.

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<v Speaker 1>Why I don't know.

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<v Speaker 2>I don't actually know. Like so I'm going, I don't

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<v Speaker 2>actually know. So I christened my goddaughter, my brother's daughter,

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<v Speaker 2>on Sunday, and I've got to go today and wash

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<v Speaker 2>her because she's had all the oil from the church

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<v Speaker 2>and she hasn't been able to be washed for three days,

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<v Speaker 2>and because mom's in hospital. I said, so, Mum, what

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<v Speaker 2>do I need to do? She says, yell, you wash Sophia,

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<v Speaker 2>and then don't tip the bath water anywhere where you're walking.

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<v Speaker 2>You gotta tip it somewhere in the garden where you

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<v Speaker 2>don't walk, and you gotta put I've gotta wash all

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<v Speaker 2>the towels and everything that she's been wearing in that

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<v Speaker 2>same water as well. So why don't you tip the

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<v Speaker 2>water anywhere where you can watch? I don't know. It's

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<v Speaker 2>just what you do.

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<v Speaker 1>Don't question it.

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<v Speaker 2>So that's how I grew up. There's a lot of

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<v Speaker 2>rules that I have brought into my life that I

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<v Speaker 2>don't know why I have them. I save a lot

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<v Speaker 2>of money, that's a good rule. I have a lot

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<v Speaker 2>of stability in my life where I can. Yeah, I

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<v Speaker 2>don't know.

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<v Speaker 1>What about boys and dating and things like that.

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<v Speaker 2>That was that wasn't allowed?

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<v Speaker 1>Did it stop you though?

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<v Speaker 2>So I did have a boyfriend. I was fourteen. We're

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<v Speaker 2>going on a school camp and I'd never kissed a

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<v Speaker 2>boy before and We're on a train and Jack and

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<v Speaker 2>everyone else was like, okay, so we're all gonna have

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<v Speaker 2>a kissing company titian. I'm like, great. So I just

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<v Speaker 2>thought a kissing competition meant that who kissed for the longest.

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<v Speaker 2>So I just thought it meant I just like a peck,

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<v Speaker 2>a really long peck. So I went in for the kiss,

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<v Speaker 2>and I'm like and then he sort of started moving

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<v Speaker 2>his mouth and shoving his tongue, and I'm like, well,

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<v Speaker 2>I don't do that until I'm married. And I guess

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<v Speaker 2>that was part of the Greek book of rules. And anyway,

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<v Speaker 2>he broke up with me because I wouldn't kiss him

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<v Speaker 2>because I was frigid and then like or everyone at

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<v Speaker 2>school camp like, I was like like the laughing stop

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<v Speaker 2>because all the other schools were there. Anyway, everyone teased

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<v Speaker 2>me because I didn't know how to kiss, and I

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<v Speaker 2>wouldn't do it until I was married.

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<v Speaker 1>So did you wait until you were married?

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<v Speaker 2>No?

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<v Speaker 1>Because buying it after? I imagine you had to kiss

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<v Speaker 1>on screen at even Heartbreak Higher and Break It. Did

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<v Speaker 1>you have to kiss in those shows? Yeah?

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<v Speaker 2>I did, yeah, yeah, and it wasn't my first kiss,

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<v Speaker 2>but I was really nervous about it, yeah, because also

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<v Speaker 2>because Mum would see it, and also I was just

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<v Speaker 2>kissing him people, and I think it was probably only

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<v Speaker 2>my second kiss.

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<v Speaker 1>Actually, how old were you?

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<v Speaker 2>Sixteen?

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<v Speaker 1>Was your mum worried about you becoming an actor because

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<v Speaker 1>of this kind of thing?

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah? So mom didn't want me to become an actor.

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<v Speaker 2>So I was always like the kid that you know,

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<v Speaker 2>always a performer and whatever, And I got myself to

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<v Speaker 2>these auditions and wanted to be an actor. And when

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<v Speaker 2>I got the job because I had to leave school,

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<v Speaker 2>I was sixteen. I was doing Your eleven going into

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<v Speaker 2>year twelve I think it was, and Mom's like, well,

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<v Speaker 2>you know you're gonna have to do correspondence or so

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<v Speaker 2>she was okay with it, but so she wasn't okay

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<v Speaker 2>with it. But she's like, you know, you have to

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<v Speaker 2>do schooling and whatever. I said, look for you to

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<v Speaker 2>get comfortable with this, Why don't we just watch The

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<v Speaker 2>Heartbreak Kid and you could see what the show's about. Anyway,

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<v Speaker 2>I know, a bad idea, bad idea. She didn't talk

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<v Speaker 2>to me for two weeks. I know, I didn't know.

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<v Speaker 2>I forgot, I didn't think about it. So then that

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<v Speaker 2>was it. She didn't talk to me, she wouldn't watch

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<v Speaker 2>the show. And my character was was quite promiscuous on

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<v Speaker 2>the show as well, So yeah, she was a real like. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>she was writting short short skirts and shorts and was

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<v Speaker 2>kissing boys.

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<v Speaker 1>So your mom obviously really like had to struggle past

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<v Speaker 1>her own views because migrant families want stable professions for

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<v Speaker 1>their kids generally, right, Yeah, and acting in the arts, no,

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<v Speaker 1>it's not not stable.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah.

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<v Speaker 1>Was she very nervous not just about your was characters promisecuity,

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<v Speaker 1>but just about your future prospects. Did she want you

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<v Speaker 1>to have a backup career?

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, well my mom I always told my mom I

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<v Speaker 2>was going to be a lawyer. I was quite good

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<v Speaker 2>at school. I was getting good grades. So I was

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<v Speaker 2>only going to do Heartbreak for a year and do

0:10:53.005 --> 0:10:55.165
<v Speaker 2>school through correspondence, and then I was going to go

0:10:55.205 --> 0:10:57.765
<v Speaker 2>to university. I ended up doing it for three years,

0:10:57.805 --> 0:11:00.725
<v Speaker 2>so I postponed university. And then when I wanted to

0:11:00.805 --> 0:11:04.925
<v Speaker 2>leave Heartbreak, Mum realized how much money. I mean, it

0:11:04.965 --> 0:11:06.205
<v Speaker 2>wasn't it was a heaps of money, but it was

0:11:06.245 --> 0:11:08.605
<v Speaker 2>quite a bit of money for someone that age to

0:11:08.645 --> 0:11:10.645
<v Speaker 2>be earning, and she saved it all up for me

0:11:10.685 --> 0:11:12.645
<v Speaker 2>so I could buy a property. Once she saw how

0:11:12.725 --> 0:11:14.285
<v Speaker 2>much money I was earning, and then I wanted to

0:11:14.365 --> 0:11:16.805
<v Speaker 2>leave it all to go and do university, She's like,

0:11:17.325 --> 0:11:20.325
<v Speaker 2>maybe you should just stay, just stay for a bit.

0:11:20.365 --> 0:11:22.725
<v Speaker 2>So it was so funny that she just totally backflipped

0:11:22.725 --> 0:11:26.005
<v Speaker 2>because she saw that it could be a quite a

0:11:26.085 --> 0:11:27.485
<v Speaker 2>stable job, really.

0:11:27.325 --> 0:11:31.045
<v Speaker 1>Because for most people it's not not for you know,

0:11:31.085 --> 0:11:34.925
<v Speaker 1>maybe five percent or probably maybe even one percent as

0:11:34.925 --> 0:11:37.565
<v Speaker 1>the kind of career you have. Where have you had

0:11:37.565 --> 0:11:41.285
<v Speaker 1>that any stretches of unemployment as an actor only teenager,

0:11:41.805 --> 0:11:45.445
<v Speaker 1>I stopped working as an actor eventually after Heartbreak, I

0:11:45.445 --> 0:11:47.405
<v Speaker 1>thought I'm going to go and leave and do something else,

0:11:47.445 --> 0:11:51.365
<v Speaker 1>so I studied because I wanted something stable, and I

0:11:51.405 --> 0:11:52.125
<v Speaker 1>still didn't.

0:11:51.925 --> 0:11:53.845
<v Speaker 2>Know whether I wanted to act. I still don't know

0:11:53.885 --> 0:11:55.645
<v Speaker 2>whether I want to act. I always go I'm acting

0:11:55.685 --> 0:11:57.485
<v Speaker 2>at the moment. I don't know whether it's something I'll

0:11:57.525 --> 0:12:00.525
<v Speaker 2>continue to do. And maybe that is because I like

0:12:00.605 --> 0:12:03.605
<v Speaker 2>something stable, I don't know what it is, or I

0:12:03.605 --> 0:12:07.205
<v Speaker 2>feel like I don't know. I never feel like I'm

0:12:07.205 --> 0:12:09.925
<v Speaker 2>that good at it, or I just I just feel

0:12:09.925 --> 0:12:11.805
<v Speaker 2>like it's something that I've done naturally, but I haven't

0:12:11.805 --> 0:12:14.525
<v Speaker 2>trained for it. And you know, someone's going to realize

0:12:14.645 --> 0:12:15.245
<v Speaker 2>that I'm.

0:12:15.045 --> 0:12:17.365
<v Speaker 1>Not that great and impost syndrome.

0:12:17.485 --> 0:12:19.925
<v Speaker 2>Totally have imposter syndrome. I think all of us do

0:12:20.005 --> 0:12:22.245
<v Speaker 2>what I've realized when I talked to everyone, that everyone

0:12:22.285 --> 0:12:25.725
<v Speaker 2>has it. But my partner is a CEO, very successful,

0:12:25.765 --> 0:12:27.405
<v Speaker 2>and he's got it as well, like we all do.

0:12:27.645 --> 0:12:30.325
<v Speaker 2>So I left to do I did a travel and

0:12:30.405 --> 0:12:32.605
<v Speaker 2>tourism course, but I was going to be an event planner,

0:12:33.885 --> 0:12:35.845
<v Speaker 2>so I did that for a year and then we've.

0:12:35.685 --> 0:12:39.645
<v Speaker 1>Been very tidy events that would have looked amazing.

0:12:39.285 --> 0:12:41.525
<v Speaker 2>Amazing, and also the growing.

0:12:41.365 --> 0:12:46.485
<v Speaker 1>Up afterwards very efficient, completely thorough totally, but.

0:12:46.765 --> 0:12:49.845
<v Speaker 2>I actually hated it because I had an office job

0:12:50.205 --> 0:12:52.645
<v Speaker 2>and I got up at the same time, I caught

0:12:52.685 --> 0:12:55.365
<v Speaker 2>the same bus, the same train, lunch out at the

0:12:55.365 --> 0:12:58.245
<v Speaker 2>same time. I thought, this is so boring because I

0:12:58.325 --> 0:13:02.845
<v Speaker 2>was so used to just instability. Every day's different, every

0:13:02.925 --> 0:13:05.805
<v Speaker 2>day's different. So I realized I really liked it. And

0:13:05.845 --> 0:13:08.645
<v Speaker 2>then I got back into acting and ever since I

0:13:08.685 --> 0:13:10.925
<v Speaker 2>went back into I did Breakers, then I got Home

0:13:10.965 --> 0:13:12.645
<v Speaker 2>and Away, and I've been acting ever since. The only

0:13:12.645 --> 0:13:14.885
<v Speaker 2>time I've had off is when I had Jonas. I

0:13:14.925 --> 0:13:15.885
<v Speaker 2>had five months off.

0:13:16.725 --> 0:13:20.805
<v Speaker 1>When did the feeling of God, I hope my contract's renewed?

0:13:21.605 --> 0:13:25.405
<v Speaker 1>When did that go away? Because for every actor, I imagine,

0:13:26.525 --> 0:13:28.165
<v Speaker 1>do you come on it first with Home and Away

0:13:28.205 --> 0:13:30.045
<v Speaker 1>for a guest spot of a few months or is

0:13:30.085 --> 0:13:32.525
<v Speaker 1>it a annual contract? How does it work?

0:13:33.045 --> 0:13:36.125
<v Speaker 2>So most people get thirteen so you're asked for like

0:13:36.165 --> 0:13:39.005
<v Speaker 2>a three year contract, but it's a thirteen week option,

0:13:39.845 --> 0:13:42.205
<v Speaker 2>and so that's what I initially when I got asked

0:13:42.205 --> 0:13:43.885
<v Speaker 2>to go on. So I was quite lucky because I

0:13:43.885 --> 0:13:46.085
<v Speaker 2>was working on a show called Breakers, and they really

0:13:46.165 --> 0:13:49.125
<v Speaker 2>liked my characters. So when that got canned, they wrote

0:13:49.525 --> 0:13:52.525
<v Speaker 2>my characters on Home and Away for me, So that

0:13:52.645 --> 0:13:55.445
<v Speaker 2>was quite lucky. But I had such a bad experience

0:13:55.565 --> 0:13:57.405
<v Speaker 2>on Breakers doing a soap.

0:13:57.805 --> 0:13:58.765
<v Speaker 1>Why was it bad?

0:13:58.965 --> 0:14:01.765
<v Speaker 2>Oh, it was just it wasn't a great show to

0:14:01.805 --> 0:14:03.965
<v Speaker 2>work for. No one wanted to be there. It was

0:14:04.005 --> 0:14:07.285
<v Speaker 2>really disorganized. We'd be on for a few weeks, then

0:14:07.285 --> 0:14:09.645
<v Speaker 2>it would be off. There was a lot of problems

0:14:09.685 --> 0:14:12.645
<v Speaker 2>within the cast. There was addictionation, there was a whole

0:14:12.645 --> 0:14:15.165
<v Speaker 2>lot of stuff that was going on behind the scenes

0:14:15.165 --> 0:14:16.525
<v Speaker 2>that wasn't really pleasant.

0:14:16.605 --> 0:14:18.045
<v Speaker 1>How long were you on that show? For?

0:14:18.125 --> 0:14:21.405
<v Speaker 2>Two years? Two or three? I think nothing two But

0:14:21.445 --> 0:14:23.605
<v Speaker 2>I just hated it and I didn't really enjoy it.

0:14:23.645 --> 0:14:25.685
<v Speaker 1>But it was well paid and it was stable.

0:14:25.765 --> 0:14:27.685
<v Speaker 2>It was a job. It was a job, and I

0:14:27.725 --> 0:14:29.125
<v Speaker 2>was an actor, so what was it? And I was

0:14:29.165 --> 0:14:32.565
<v Speaker 2>living out of home at that point, so I was young. Yeah.

0:14:32.605 --> 0:14:34.885
<v Speaker 2>So when that finished, I was like, what am I

0:14:34.885 --> 0:14:37.045
<v Speaker 2>going to do? And then Home and Away came up

0:14:37.045 --> 0:14:39.165
<v Speaker 2>and said, you know, we'll write this part for you said,

0:14:39.205 --> 0:14:41.165
<v Speaker 2>oh great, so but I'll only do it. I think

0:14:41.205 --> 0:14:42.045
<v Speaker 2>I said I'd only.

0:14:41.925 --> 0:14:44.525
<v Speaker 1>Do it for a year in case it was like Breakers.

0:14:44.765 --> 0:14:47.045
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, yeah, And then I got on the show and

0:14:47.085 --> 0:14:50.685
<v Speaker 2>it was nothing like Breakers. It's such a beautiful show

0:14:50.725 --> 0:14:53.485
<v Speaker 2>to work on. The people really make the show, like

0:14:53.485 --> 0:14:55.845
<v Speaker 2>they just everyone's just so love. It's a real family.

0:14:56.445 --> 0:14:59.525
<v Speaker 2>I felt really stable. I loved what I was doing.

0:14:59.805 --> 0:15:01.885
<v Speaker 2>It was a really it was a hard time in

0:15:01.885 --> 0:15:04.485
<v Speaker 2>my life because of my personal life. So Home and

0:15:04.485 --> 0:15:06.965
<v Speaker 2>Away just was just a happy place to go to

0:15:07.085 --> 0:15:09.085
<v Speaker 2>every day. So I loved it. And I've been there

0:15:09.085 --> 0:15:11.605
<v Speaker 2>for two anyone years, Like I've always loved the show.

0:15:11.965 --> 0:15:14.285
<v Speaker 2>But in answer to your question, I still like, I

0:15:14.325 --> 0:15:17.685
<v Speaker 2>only just got renewed last year, and I was like, oh, okay,

0:15:17.725 --> 0:15:21.245
<v Speaker 2>they still want me, Like I still think that, yeah, because.

0:15:20.965 --> 0:15:25.645
<v Speaker 1>That's I guess every actor's fear on a long, long

0:15:25.725 --> 0:15:28.165
<v Speaker 1>running show. I was gonna ask if you feel now

0:15:28.165 --> 0:15:32.485
<v Speaker 1>that you've the power balance has shifted that you're just like, yeah,

0:15:32.565 --> 0:15:36.605
<v Speaker 1>I have status and I have power in this situation,

0:15:36.685 --> 0:15:38.605
<v Speaker 1>and they need me as much as I need a job.

0:15:38.765 --> 0:15:40.845
<v Speaker 2>I don't feel like that. And the only thing that

0:15:40.925 --> 0:15:45.045
<v Speaker 2>has shifted now is I go I just missed being

0:15:45.125 --> 0:15:48.845
<v Speaker 2>at home with Jonas I just ever since COVID, ever

0:15:48.845 --> 0:15:51.365
<v Speaker 2>since we had Lockdown, and I was at home with him,

0:15:51.925 --> 0:15:54.325
<v Speaker 2>and I realized what I'm missing out on. I'm like, oh,

0:15:54.405 --> 0:15:57.165
<v Speaker 2>if I could just find a bit more balance. Yeah,

0:15:57.165 --> 0:16:00.525
<v Speaker 2>And I've never felt like that before. I've always liked work, work, work, work,

0:16:00.645 --> 0:16:03.125
<v Speaker 2>as so as this rush to pay off the mortgage

0:16:03.205 --> 0:16:05.285
<v Speaker 2>or do that or whatever. Like I've just got that

0:16:05.445 --> 0:16:07.685
<v Speaker 2>Greek in me that I've just got to keep working,

0:16:07.725 --> 0:16:11.845
<v Speaker 2>whereas now I've gone it's enough, Like I just want

0:16:11.845 --> 0:16:13.885
<v Speaker 2>to you know, you don't how much money do you need?

0:16:13.965 --> 0:16:17.325
<v Speaker 2>How much stability do you need? You know? Like Jonas

0:16:17.405 --> 0:16:20.165
<v Speaker 2>is about to be nine, and I want to drop

0:16:20.245 --> 0:16:21.605
<v Speaker 2>him off and pick him up and.

0:16:21.765 --> 0:16:22.765
<v Speaker 1>Learn where the gate is.

0:16:23.085 --> 0:16:25.725
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I do want to learn where the gate is.

0:16:26.045 --> 0:16:28.965
<v Speaker 2>I do. And I want to stop asking him what

0:16:29.125 --> 0:16:30.685
<v Speaker 2>uniform today is.

0:16:30.845 --> 0:16:33.245
<v Speaker 1>Oh no, that will never happen. Really, I don't think

0:16:33.245 --> 0:16:35.205
<v Speaker 1>it will ever happen. I mean I don't know. But

0:16:35.965 --> 0:16:38.285
<v Speaker 1>you know, you also like working. My mom said a

0:16:38.325 --> 0:16:40.885
<v Speaker 1>really wise thing to me when each time I have

0:16:41.005 --> 0:16:44.165
<v Speaker 1>gone on maternity leave and had a baby, I've completely

0:16:44.245 --> 0:16:46.085
<v Speaker 1>lost my ambition for about a year and I haven't

0:16:46.085 --> 0:16:49.005
<v Speaker 1>really wanted to work. And each time I've said to her, Mum,

0:16:49.045 --> 0:16:50.525
<v Speaker 1>I think maybe I just want to stay home and

0:16:50.525 --> 0:16:52.645
<v Speaker 1>folld teeny tiny socks, like that's just what I want

0:16:52.685 --> 0:16:55.165
<v Speaker 1>to do, and She's like, darling, it's very different being

0:16:55.165 --> 0:16:58.405
<v Speaker 1>on Matt leave than that is your full time gig.

0:16:59.125 --> 0:17:01.485
<v Speaker 1>And I think COVID was a little bit like that too,

0:17:01.525 --> 0:17:04.005
<v Speaker 1>because we knew, well we hoped, it was going to

0:17:04.045 --> 0:17:05.765
<v Speaker 1>come to an end. So it was almost like a

0:17:05.765 --> 0:17:09.165
<v Speaker 1>weird not a holiday, and everyone had different experiences of it.

0:17:09.325 --> 0:17:12.485
<v Speaker 1>But if you've been used to not being at home

0:17:12.525 --> 0:17:15.525
<v Speaker 1>with your kids much, it was a bit of a

0:17:15.565 --> 0:17:17.685
<v Speaker 1>moment in time, it really was.

0:17:17.885 --> 0:17:21.685
<v Speaker 2>And we cooked together and you know, we did arts

0:17:21.685 --> 0:17:24.965
<v Speaker 2>and crafts, and we walked in the rain and it

0:17:25.045 --> 0:17:28.085
<v Speaker 2>was just so lovely, you know. So it was a

0:17:28.205 --> 0:17:29.805
<v Speaker 2>very I mean, I know it was so hard for

0:17:29.845 --> 0:17:32.525
<v Speaker 2>so many people, but I really loved it.

0:17:32.845 --> 0:17:34.165
<v Speaker 1>It really suited some people.

0:17:34.445 --> 0:17:38.045
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, and look, you know I wasn't in a tiny apartment,

0:17:38.325 --> 0:17:39.965
<v Speaker 2>you know, and the weather.

0:17:39.805 --> 0:17:42.005
<v Speaker 1>Was beautiful and you weren't worried that you were going

0:17:42.045 --> 0:17:42.685
<v Speaker 1>to lose your job.

0:17:42.965 --> 0:17:44.645
<v Speaker 2>No, I knew we were going back.

0:17:44.805 --> 0:17:47.165
<v Speaker 1>I think the people who lots of different people did

0:17:47.205 --> 0:17:50.165
<v Speaker 1>it tougher. But in terms of parents at home, I

0:17:50.205 --> 0:17:53.485
<v Speaker 1>think parents with really little kids, yeah, that was hard. Man.

0:17:53.645 --> 0:17:58.565
<v Speaker 1>Oh Toddler entertained inside for eight weeks. Holy moly. So

0:17:58.565 --> 0:18:00.925
<v Speaker 1>how many days a week do you work or is

0:18:00.965 --> 0:18:02.645
<v Speaker 1>it different every week depending on the script.

0:18:02.805 --> 0:18:05.045
<v Speaker 2>It's different every week, but it tends to be five

0:18:05.725 --> 0:18:10.365
<v Speaker 2>sometimes six. Last year during COVID, we were doing six.

0:18:11.165 --> 0:18:13.765
<v Speaker 2>Why six because we had to work Saturdays, because we

0:18:13.845 --> 0:18:16.725
<v Speaker 2>had the eight weeks off, we had catch up to do,

0:18:17.445 --> 0:18:19.885
<v Speaker 2>so we were doing six, so there was like two studios.

0:18:20.005 --> 0:18:24.405
<v Speaker 2>It was crazy. It was crazy. The crew worked so hard.

0:18:24.485 --> 0:18:26.565
<v Speaker 2>We were all a mess by the end of the year.

0:18:26.645 --> 0:18:28.885
<v Speaker 2>But we caught up. We're pretty much caught up.

0:18:29.285 --> 0:18:30.805
<v Speaker 1>What sort of hours?

0:18:31.005 --> 0:18:33.205
<v Speaker 2>Okay, so my average day is probably I'd get to

0:18:33.245 --> 0:18:35.845
<v Speaker 2>make up about six if I'm in studio, and I

0:18:35.885 --> 0:18:38.805
<v Speaker 2>probably finished about seven, and Jonas goes to better.

0:18:38.605 --> 0:18:39.245
<v Speaker 1>Seven at night.

0:18:39.405 --> 0:18:42.125
<v Speaker 2>Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, And it's like pretty much

0:18:42.365 --> 0:18:44.445
<v Speaker 2>going the whole time. Like you might have the scene,

0:18:44.525 --> 0:18:46.605
<v Speaker 2>not a few scenes off here or there, or you

0:18:46.645 --> 0:18:49.925
<v Speaker 2>can be traveling from studio and location and studio and

0:18:49.925 --> 0:18:52.205
<v Speaker 2>location about an hour and a bit away from each other,

0:18:52.485 --> 0:18:55.365
<v Speaker 2>and sometimes you can be going to and from. So

0:18:56.165 --> 0:18:58.445
<v Speaker 2>a lot of my day can just be driving.

0:18:59.685 --> 0:19:02.005
<v Speaker 1>Is that pretty much the only time you get to

0:19:02.005 --> 0:19:02.765
<v Speaker 1>be by yourself?

0:19:02.885 --> 0:19:03.565
<v Speaker 2>Yeah?

0:19:03.765 --> 0:19:07.285
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, because six till seven being around other people, even

0:19:07.325 --> 0:19:11.485
<v Speaker 1>if they're lovely people, that's lot you obviously quite extroverted.

0:19:11.645 --> 0:19:16.565
<v Speaker 2>No, I'm actually I'm an introverted extrovert. Yeah, And the

0:19:16.605 --> 0:19:19.325
<v Speaker 2>older I get, the more I really miss my time.

0:19:19.525 --> 0:19:21.485
<v Speaker 2>That's why I love going for walks. But that's why

0:19:21.485 --> 0:19:23.965
<v Speaker 2>I love my car, because my car is just me

0:19:24.325 --> 0:19:27.445
<v Speaker 2>in my thoughts. And you don't as a mom, do you.

0:19:27.685 --> 0:19:27.925
<v Speaker 1>Yeah?

0:19:28.045 --> 0:19:28.205
<v Speaker 2>No.

0:19:28.325 --> 0:19:29.645
<v Speaker 1>And I was going to say, if you're in a

0:19:29.685 --> 0:19:32.005
<v Speaker 1>scene with someone and you're driving from the studio to

0:19:32.085 --> 0:19:35.085
<v Speaker 1>location or someone from the crew, do you have to

0:19:35.085 --> 0:19:36.805
<v Speaker 1>give them a lift or do you feel like you

0:19:36.845 --> 0:19:37.925
<v Speaker 1>should offer them a lift?

0:19:38.845 --> 0:19:42.005
<v Speaker 2>No, because everyone tends to drive or they get driven,

0:19:42.325 --> 0:19:44.445
<v Speaker 2>Like unless it's like my friend Lynn or someone and

0:19:44.525 --> 0:19:47.245
<v Speaker 2>she isn't driving in my work life, Yeah, then I'll

0:19:47.245 --> 0:19:50.325
<v Speaker 2>give her a lift. But otherwise no, it's just I'll

0:19:50.365 --> 0:19:52.085
<v Speaker 2>just get there. What I do hate like as much

0:19:52.085 --> 0:19:54.805
<v Speaker 2>as sometimes I should be getting a driver because we

0:19:54.965 --> 0:19:58.005
<v Speaker 2>can get a driver, I don't have to talk because

0:19:58.045 --> 0:20:00.645
<v Speaker 2>I can't just be in a car and not talk

0:20:00.885 --> 0:20:02.925
<v Speaker 2>like Adam. My partner hates it because we'll get in

0:20:02.965 --> 0:20:04.845
<v Speaker 2>an uber and I'm like, so, how is your day?

0:20:04.965 --> 0:20:05.685
<v Speaker 2>What have you done?

0:20:06.645 --> 0:20:08.405
<v Speaker 1>But it's funny you say that, how much of it

0:20:08.445 --> 0:20:10.445
<v Speaker 1>do you think? That's because people know who you are,

0:20:10.685 --> 0:20:14.445
<v Speaker 1>and you feel the need to lift to their expectation

0:20:14.565 --> 0:20:17.365
<v Speaker 1>of totally. How does Jonas manage when you're out in public.

0:20:18.125 --> 0:20:20.205
<v Speaker 2>Oh, he's getting to the point now where he's pretty

0:20:20.245 --> 0:20:23.365
<v Speaker 2>excited about it, And I'm going to say, no, he

0:20:23.405 --> 0:20:25.645
<v Speaker 2>loves it, because I am always trying to shelter that

0:20:25.725 --> 0:20:28.485
<v Speaker 2>kid from everything. My son is exactly how I was

0:20:28.525 --> 0:20:30.325
<v Speaker 2>when that I was that age. But the difference is

0:20:30.405 --> 0:20:33.125
<v Speaker 2>now we've got YouTube and we've got all of this stuff.

0:20:33.645 --> 0:20:36.325
<v Speaker 2>So if Jonas could be the center of attention all

0:20:36.365 --> 0:20:39.165
<v Speaker 2>the time, Jonas would be. I don't let him watch

0:20:39.165 --> 0:20:41.165
<v Speaker 2>to look at Instagram because he's like, how many likes?

0:20:41.165 --> 0:20:42.925
<v Speaker 2>How did like? He's all about he.

0:20:42.965 --> 0:20:44.685
<v Speaker 1>Likes the reflected glory of your family.

0:20:44.765 --> 0:20:46.925
<v Speaker 2>He does. And he'll go to school and will say,

0:20:47.165 --> 0:20:49.205
<v Speaker 2>my mom's famous. Do you know I was famous? I

0:20:49.245 --> 0:20:51.525
<v Speaker 2>was in the Morning Show once. I'm like, oh my god, this.

0:20:51.485 --> 0:20:52.125
<v Speaker 1>Is so rossing.

0:20:52.885 --> 0:20:55.045
<v Speaker 2>So I try and shelter him from a lot of

0:20:55.085 --> 0:20:58.045
<v Speaker 2>that stuff. But whenever someone comes up, You're like, Mum,

0:20:58.085 --> 0:21:00.165
<v Speaker 2>they know you, what do they know you from? They

0:21:00.245 --> 0:21:02.845
<v Speaker 2>just know me from TV, you know. And I always

0:21:02.885 --> 0:21:05.845
<v Speaker 2>tell him, like, fame's not that important. What's more important

0:21:05.845 --> 0:21:08.365
<v Speaker 2>is that I work hard, you know, I provide for you.

0:21:08.845 --> 0:21:11.965
<v Speaker 2>But he he's got massive TV eyes. I took him

0:21:11.965 --> 0:21:16.925
<v Speaker 2>to a premiere once. He just took over the red carpet. Oh.

0:21:17.445 --> 0:21:20.525
<v Speaker 2>I can't take him there again. And it doesn't feel

0:21:20.565 --> 0:21:22.885
<v Speaker 2>like a shitty mm because I go clearly that's what

0:21:23.045 --> 0:21:25.605
<v Speaker 2>he loves. But I just don't want him to think

0:21:25.605 --> 0:21:28.285
<v Speaker 2>that that's important. You know. I don't want him to

0:21:28.285 --> 0:21:30.525
<v Speaker 2>be wanting to be famous just to be famous. If

0:21:30.565 --> 0:21:33.445
<v Speaker 2>he wants to be an international soccer style like he

0:21:33.485 --> 0:21:35.325
<v Speaker 2>does want to be, you know, he needs to work

0:21:35.365 --> 0:21:37.485
<v Speaker 2>hard and get there and then all that other stuff

0:21:37.525 --> 0:21:38.005
<v Speaker 2>comes later.

0:21:38.125 --> 0:21:41.285
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, it's famous for doing something, and you're a working actress.

0:21:41.285 --> 0:21:42.725
<v Speaker 1>That's why you're famous exactly.

0:21:42.925 --> 0:21:43.565
<v Speaker 2>Yeah.

0:21:43.645 --> 0:21:47.685
<v Speaker 1>Before today, I went back and reread an interview from

0:21:47.685 --> 0:21:50.165
<v Speaker 1>a couple of years ago by Ellen Pompeo, the star

0:21:50.205 --> 0:21:52.725
<v Speaker 1>of Gray's Anatomy. It was an interview that made a

0:21:52.725 --> 0:21:55.645
<v Speaker 1>lot of news because she's been doing that show for

0:21:55.685 --> 0:21:57.245
<v Speaker 1>about as long as you've been doing Home in Away,

0:21:57.285 --> 0:21:59.645
<v Speaker 1>about twenty years. She's the star of that show. But

0:21:59.685 --> 0:22:03.685
<v Speaker 1>she spoke very candidly about a lot of things about

0:22:03.725 --> 0:22:06.605
<v Speaker 1>the power that she has in being sort of the

0:22:06.645 --> 0:22:10.765
<v Speaker 1>star of that show. But also she spoke about she

0:22:10.925 --> 0:22:14.725
<v Speaker 1>had a decision to make as an actress, about whether

0:22:14.805 --> 0:22:18.285
<v Speaker 1>she would be on a show and playing the same

0:22:18.365 --> 0:22:22.525
<v Speaker 1>character essentially for twenty years, or whether she would go

0:22:22.805 --> 0:22:26.885
<v Speaker 1>the movie route or do different shows. And she said,

0:22:27.085 --> 0:22:30.525
<v Speaker 1>it's actually harder to play the same character and bring

0:22:30.605 --> 0:22:32.845
<v Speaker 1>something to it for twenty years. And I chose the

0:22:32.885 --> 0:22:35.525
<v Speaker 1>stability because I wanted to have children. I didn't want

0:22:35.525 --> 0:22:37.525
<v Speaker 1>to be in different locations. I didn't want to be

0:22:37.565 --> 0:22:41.605
<v Speaker 1>flying all over the world. And she basically said, it's

0:22:41.645 --> 0:22:44.965
<v Speaker 1>a mistake for actors to look down on actors who

0:22:45.005 --> 0:22:48.045
<v Speaker 1>are working actors in long running shows. And it made

0:22:48.085 --> 0:22:50.085
<v Speaker 1>me think about you, because that was obviously a choice

0:22:50.085 --> 0:22:50.565
<v Speaker 1>you made too.

0:22:50.805 --> 0:22:52.965
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, it was a choice I made. And I love

0:22:53.045 --> 0:22:57.045
<v Speaker 2>television and I love stability, and you know, it's afforded

0:22:57.085 --> 0:22:59.725
<v Speaker 2>me a great life, and it's meant that, you know,

0:22:59.765 --> 0:23:02.525
<v Speaker 2>I have been here in this country and at home

0:23:02.565 --> 0:23:05.125
<v Speaker 2>as much as I came with Jonas, I did want

0:23:05.165 --> 0:23:06.925
<v Speaker 2>a big family, and I wanted to always be in

0:23:06.925 --> 0:23:08.725
<v Speaker 2>this country, and I love this country, and I couldn't

0:23:08.725 --> 0:23:12.885
<v Speaker 2>imagine bringing up a child overseas. I think for me,

0:23:13.365 --> 0:23:16.325
<v Speaker 2>I just think it'd be too hard, like hustling all

0:23:16.365 --> 0:23:19.845
<v Speaker 2>the time for different roles and being out of work.

0:23:19.925 --> 0:23:23.285
<v Speaker 2>And I don't love acting that much, you know, I

0:23:23.365 --> 0:23:27.445
<v Speaker 2>love working, and so it was a real conscious choice

0:23:27.445 --> 0:23:29.845
<v Speaker 2>for me. And I've always said, if Home and Away

0:23:30.045 --> 0:23:33.525
<v Speaker 2>ended tomorrow for me, I might not continue to act.

0:23:33.565 --> 0:23:36.645
<v Speaker 2>I might do something else because as much as acting

0:23:36.725 --> 0:23:38.605
<v Speaker 2>is a lot of fun and I do enjoy doing it,

0:23:38.845 --> 0:23:44.125
<v Speaker 2>the hustle of it is just not fun. Auditionssid the auditions, Yeah, Like,

0:23:44.205 --> 0:23:46.245
<v Speaker 2>you know, do they like me? Don't they like me?

0:23:46.525 --> 0:23:48.805
<v Speaker 2>All of that. I just don't think it's great for

0:23:48.885 --> 0:23:51.765
<v Speaker 2>your psyche, and I just don't want it that much,

0:23:52.005 --> 0:23:55.685
<v Speaker 2>you know. I think, you know, I have wanted this life,

0:23:55.725 --> 0:23:58.685
<v Speaker 2>and I'm you know, I have designed it this way

0:23:58.845 --> 0:23:59.885
<v Speaker 2>and I'm happy with it.

0:24:00.685 --> 0:24:04.405
<v Speaker 1>There's two types of burnout. There's the burnout from working

0:24:04.525 --> 0:24:07.045
<v Speaker 1>really long hours, yeah, which it sounds like you do.

0:24:07.525 --> 0:24:09.925
<v Speaker 1>There's also the burnout for creative peace of doing the

0:24:09.965 --> 0:24:13.765
<v Speaker 1>same thing again and again, which can feel quite exhausting.

0:24:14.405 --> 0:24:16.845
<v Speaker 1>Have you experienced those two different types of burnout and

0:24:16.885 --> 0:24:18.085
<v Speaker 1>how do you manage them?

0:24:18.685 --> 0:24:21.165
<v Speaker 2>I feel like it's what I'm going through at the moment.

0:24:21.285 --> 0:24:23.365
<v Speaker 2>If I was being honest with you, I do feel

0:24:23.365 --> 0:24:26.045
<v Speaker 2>like I am tired because I'm just working so much.

0:24:26.125 --> 0:24:30.045
<v Speaker 2>I haven't stopped for years, so I am feeling very tired.

0:24:30.245 --> 0:24:32.125
<v Speaker 2>I feel like I just need to stop for a bit,

0:24:32.525 --> 0:24:34.965
<v Speaker 2>you know, so I can be a bit more creative now.

0:24:35.005 --> 0:24:37.325
<v Speaker 2>In saying that, the good thing about Home and Away

0:24:37.605 --> 0:24:40.765
<v Speaker 2>is that because there's so many storylines, you are doing

0:24:40.805 --> 0:24:44.005
<v Speaker 2>different things all the time. And I do do other stuff,

0:24:44.005 --> 0:24:46.125
<v Speaker 2>like I just finished Dancing with the Stars, and I like,

0:24:46.765 --> 0:24:49.325
<v Speaker 2>we do have the opportunity to do other stuff. But

0:24:49.565 --> 0:24:53.245
<v Speaker 2>I just feel like I just need six months or something.

0:24:53.245 --> 0:24:55.445
<v Speaker 2>I just need to beabbatical. I just need a bit

0:24:55.485 --> 0:24:55.965
<v Speaker 2>of time.

0:24:56.125 --> 0:25:00.285
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I'm mea Friedman and you're listening to No Filter

0:25:00.565 --> 0:25:06.885
<v Speaker 1>with Ada Nikodemo. No one has a baby thinking that

0:25:06.965 --> 0:25:09.805
<v Speaker 1>they're not going to be with them full time. Yeah,

0:25:09.845 --> 0:25:12.525
<v Speaker 1>And when you and Chris split up, how did you

0:25:12.605 --> 0:25:16.045
<v Speaker 1>adjust to not having him with you sometimes, because I mean,

0:25:16.085 --> 0:25:17.085
<v Speaker 1>you guys are so close.

0:25:17.325 --> 0:25:21.125
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, it was really hard. I just I didn't know

0:25:21.165 --> 0:25:23.325
<v Speaker 2>what to do with myself. I used to just walk

0:25:23.365 --> 0:25:27.845
<v Speaker 2>around the house like feeling at a loss and not

0:25:28.005 --> 0:25:30.885
<v Speaker 2>knowing what to do. And I was quite depressed because

0:25:30.885 --> 0:25:33.965
<v Speaker 2>also I was just so depressed anyway, But I just

0:25:34.045 --> 0:25:36.285
<v Speaker 2>didn't want to see my friends. I just felt like

0:25:36.445 --> 0:25:41.565
<v Speaker 2>a part of me just was missing. But then then

0:25:41.605 --> 0:25:44.405
<v Speaker 2>what happens is what because once you do have kids,

0:25:44.445 --> 0:25:47.245
<v Speaker 2>you realize you don't have any time to yourself.

0:25:46.925 --> 0:25:48.085
<v Speaker 1>Especially as a single pairs.

0:25:48.125 --> 0:25:51.125
<v Speaker 2>As a single pair, I started going, this is actually amazing.

0:25:51.205 --> 0:25:53.965
<v Speaker 2>I could exercise, I could see my friends, I could

0:25:54.005 --> 0:25:58.045
<v Speaker 2>go shopping. So now I got to a really good

0:25:58.085 --> 0:26:00.245
<v Speaker 2>balance from me. I really loved you, and I love

0:26:00.325 --> 0:26:02.605
<v Speaker 2>my time with you, but I love my time by

0:26:02.725 --> 0:26:03.805
<v Speaker 2>myself as well.

0:26:03.965 --> 0:26:06.165
<v Speaker 1>How old was he when Adam came into his life?

0:26:06.405 --> 0:26:08.765
<v Speaker 2>Oh, Madam and I've been together. I think Adam and

0:26:08.765 --> 0:26:10.565
<v Speaker 2>I've been together four years.

0:26:10.765 --> 0:26:11.445
<v Speaker 1>How did you meet?

0:26:11.605 --> 0:26:16.365
<v Speaker 2>So? A Channel seven function? Actually at the upfronts you

0:26:16.365 --> 0:26:18.165
<v Speaker 2>know what upfront? Yeah?

0:26:18.405 --> 0:26:22.725
<v Speaker 1>So so it's a big fancy do where the television

0:26:22.725 --> 0:26:25.685
<v Speaker 1>station presents to all the potential advertisers all the shows

0:26:25.685 --> 0:26:26.605
<v Speaker 1>they've got coming up.

0:26:26.605 --> 0:26:29.805
<v Speaker 2>For the next ye. Yeah, and look, I didn't want

0:26:29.845 --> 0:26:33.005
<v Speaker 2>to go and I wasn't a grap like I hadn't

0:26:33.045 --> 0:26:35.885
<v Speaker 2>literally gone out for a year. I was severely depressed.

0:26:35.925 --> 0:26:37.005
<v Speaker 2>I just didn't want to see.

0:26:36.925 --> 0:26:39.725
<v Speaker 1>How long ago had you become single probably about a year,

0:26:40.325 --> 0:26:42.045
<v Speaker 1>and I hadn't been doing much data.

0:26:42.765 --> 0:26:45.485
<v Speaker 2>No, like men physically repulsed me, like I didn't want

0:26:45.525 --> 0:26:47.965
<v Speaker 2>anyone to come near me. I think no one did

0:26:47.965 --> 0:26:50.365
<v Speaker 2>come to me because I was super attractive, you know,

0:26:50.805 --> 0:26:53.365
<v Speaker 2>like get away from me. I didn't want anything to

0:26:53.365 --> 0:26:56.445
<v Speaker 2>do with them. But the outfronts were happened to be

0:26:56.485 --> 0:26:59.565
<v Speaker 2>in the studio next to us at home, and and

0:27:00.245 --> 0:27:04.485
<v Speaker 2>actually I had to go and clear my managers, like literally,

0:27:04.525 --> 0:27:06.445
<v Speaker 2>all you've got to do is walk next door, just

0:27:06.485 --> 0:27:09.325
<v Speaker 2>go show your face and leave. I'm like all right,

0:27:09.405 --> 0:27:11.885
<v Speaker 2>and something in me went, look, I feel like I

0:27:11.885 --> 0:27:14.565
<v Speaker 2>should just go. And I don't know what that was about,

0:27:14.605 --> 0:27:18.045
<v Speaker 2>but anyway, I went and I just was like, oh here.

0:27:18.085 --> 0:27:20.285
<v Speaker 2>I wasn't really talking to anyone, but then this guy

0:27:20.405 --> 0:27:23.405
<v Speaker 2>came up and just started chatting to me. And it

0:27:23.445 --> 0:27:26.205
<v Speaker 2>was actually because I'm always, whenever going to a function,

0:27:26.205 --> 0:27:28.685
<v Speaker 2>I'm always looking for food, and somehow I think he

0:27:28.725 --> 0:27:30.765
<v Speaker 2>was looking for the chicken for the food or something,

0:27:30.805 --> 0:27:32.925
<v Speaker 2>or I just eating something. Anyway, somehow we started off

0:27:32.965 --> 0:27:35.725
<v Speaker 2>conversation about food and I said, look, FI go and

0:27:35.765 --> 0:27:38.085
<v Speaker 2>stand over there. That's where the food's coming out. So

0:27:38.125 --> 0:27:40.445
<v Speaker 2>I didn't really have much of a conversation with him,

0:27:40.445 --> 0:27:42.645
<v Speaker 2>and then he did come back later and started chatting

0:27:42.685 --> 0:27:45.325
<v Speaker 2>to me again, but I didn't think anything of it. Really,

0:27:45.725 --> 0:27:48.005
<v Speaker 2>I've spent most of the time talking to this other

0:27:48.085 --> 0:27:52.125
<v Speaker 2>guy and his colleague who were in advertising, and he

0:27:52.205 --> 0:27:55.525
<v Speaker 2>was married, right, nice enough guys. I was talking to

0:27:55.565 --> 0:27:58.245
<v Speaker 2>them anyway. The next day, I was in makeup and

0:27:58.325 --> 0:28:00.765
<v Speaker 2>my manager ring's up and goes, hey, hater, there's a

0:28:00.805 --> 0:28:04.285
<v Speaker 2>guy that wants to send flowers to your dressing room.

0:28:04.925 --> 0:28:06.645
<v Speaker 2>What do I do? And I'm like, oh, no, it's

0:28:06.725 --> 0:28:10.405
<v Speaker 2>the married man. I'm like Jesus, and she goes, look,

0:28:10.445 --> 0:28:12.445
<v Speaker 2>I've looked him like he seems pretty legit, like he

0:28:12.445 --> 0:28:14.885
<v Speaker 2>didn't know who you were and he had to google you,

0:28:14.965 --> 0:28:16.765
<v Speaker 2>and like he seems like he's gone to a lot

0:28:16.805 --> 0:28:19.165
<v Speaker 2>of effort. And then I thought a stalker, not a stalker,

0:28:19.165 --> 0:28:22.925
<v Speaker 2>because I was a bit worried and Leah, so she

0:28:23.005 --> 0:28:25.125
<v Speaker 2>did all the sort of checking and he seemed okay,

0:28:25.205 --> 0:28:28.045
<v Speaker 2>and I thought, I've never been sent flowers before, and

0:28:28.085 --> 0:28:30.485
<v Speaker 2>I was feeling like, all, no one's ever asked me

0:28:30.525 --> 0:28:33.245
<v Speaker 2>out on a date, like I've no literally like I

0:28:33.285 --> 0:28:36.365
<v Speaker 2>hadn't been ever romanced like that, and I thought, oh,

0:28:36.485 --> 0:28:38.485
<v Speaker 2>I was feeling pretty shitty about myself. So I thought,

0:28:38.925 --> 0:28:41.165
<v Speaker 2>how nice would it be to get like flowers?

0:28:41.205 --> 0:28:43.485
<v Speaker 1>Sense it works, bonus points, and it work.

0:28:43.925 --> 0:28:45.605
<v Speaker 2>So I did get them sent, and he wrote me

0:28:45.645 --> 0:28:48.965
<v Speaker 2>this really lovely card and asked whether I would just

0:28:49.005 --> 0:28:51.565
<v Speaker 2>go out for coffee or anything. And I thought, look,

0:28:51.605 --> 0:28:53.885
<v Speaker 2>I don't want to do that, but I thought I'd

0:28:53.925 --> 0:28:55.845
<v Speaker 2>just ring him up because it's just the polite thing

0:28:55.885 --> 0:28:57.445
<v Speaker 2>to do, because he went to Sweden.

0:28:57.445 --> 0:28:58.285
<v Speaker 1>Didn't you want to do that?

0:28:58.325 --> 0:29:00.165
<v Speaker 2>Because I just didn't want to see anyone. I just

0:29:00.285 --> 0:29:03.325
<v Speaker 2>wasn't in a state. So anyway, I rang him up,

0:29:03.405 --> 0:29:05.885
<v Speaker 2>and you know, we just got talking and then I thought,

0:29:05.885 --> 0:29:07.765
<v Speaker 2>I'll buger it. I'll just go out on a date

0:29:07.805 --> 0:29:10.725
<v Speaker 2>with him. But I had my sister in law waiting,

0:29:11.085 --> 0:29:13.845
<v Speaker 2>like not far just in case. I didn't really want

0:29:13.845 --> 0:29:16.565
<v Speaker 2>to be there. I just was touched. He was just

0:29:16.565 --> 0:29:18.565
<v Speaker 2>such a general. He stood up like I went to

0:29:18.605 --> 0:29:21.045
<v Speaker 2>go to the bathroom and he stood up like have

0:29:21.085 --> 0:29:23.925
<v Speaker 2>you ever had a guy do that? I see, I

0:29:24.045 --> 0:29:25.685
<v Speaker 2>never had a guy do that. You know, I never

0:29:25.725 --> 0:29:29.765
<v Speaker 2>had a guy room. Anyway, he was just lovely, and yeah,

0:29:29.805 --> 0:29:30.805
<v Speaker 2>that's how it started.

0:29:31.485 --> 0:29:36.485
<v Speaker 1>How did you feel about introducing him to Jonas.

0:29:36.245 --> 0:29:38.885
<v Speaker 2>Took about a year. We didn't introduce him straight away,

0:29:39.005 --> 0:29:41.845
<v Speaker 2>and it was actually Adam's decision. It was really lovely.

0:29:41.925 --> 0:29:45.285
<v Speaker 2>He said, look until we know where we are. He

0:29:45.365 --> 0:29:47.645
<v Speaker 2>had gone through that with his mum, where he'd been

0:29:47.645 --> 0:29:50.165
<v Speaker 2>introduced to guys and then they didn't sort of stick around,

0:29:50.245 --> 0:29:53.285
<v Speaker 2>and he didn't want to do that for Jonas. So

0:29:53.445 --> 0:29:57.525
<v Speaker 2>we waited until we were ready. And when we introduced him, yeah,

0:29:57.885 --> 0:30:01.245
<v Speaker 2>so's he's such a lovely guy. He's a real gentleman.

0:30:01.725 --> 0:30:04.965
<v Speaker 2>He loves Jonas like he loves Jonas like his own.

0:30:06.205 --> 0:30:08.245
<v Speaker 1>I want to ask you about Harrison. Is that all right?

0:30:08.325 --> 0:30:09.205
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, that's okay.

0:30:09.565 --> 0:30:13.525
<v Speaker 1>Before you and Chris split, you were pregnant again. Jonahs

0:30:13.565 --> 0:30:14.605
<v Speaker 1>must have been pretty young.

0:30:15.405 --> 0:30:18.205
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, we lost him, actually did Yeah, we lost him.

0:30:18.285 --> 0:30:19.805
<v Speaker 2>Think well, by the time I lost him, he was

0:30:20.045 --> 0:30:23.245
<v Speaker 2>just too I think, so he was pretty young. Harrison

0:30:23.285 --> 0:30:26.285
<v Speaker 2>was a hard pregnancy. It was unexpected, it wasn't planned,

0:30:26.365 --> 0:30:30.125
<v Speaker 2>and because Jonas was IVF, so I didn't realize I

0:30:30.125 --> 0:30:33.045
<v Speaker 2>could fall pregnant naturally, and it came at a really

0:30:33.165 --> 0:30:36.645
<v Speaker 2>hard time because Chris and I were already separate. Things

0:30:36.645 --> 0:30:38.285
<v Speaker 2>were never good with christ and I was a terrible

0:30:38.325 --> 0:30:41.725
<v Speaker 2>relationship and we were not doing well at that point

0:30:41.765 --> 0:30:43.965
<v Speaker 2>and we were probably going to separate. Then I found

0:30:44.005 --> 0:30:49.005
<v Speaker 2>out I was pregnant. So what do you do. You

0:30:49.085 --> 0:30:53.085
<v Speaker 2>have a lot of guilt when you don't enjoy the pregnancy,

0:30:53.965 --> 0:30:56.165
<v Speaker 2>you know. I loved being pregnant with Oh my god,

0:30:56.205 --> 0:30:59.805
<v Speaker 2>I'm gonna cry. I loved being pregnant with Jonas. I

0:30:59.925 --> 0:31:02.165
<v Speaker 2>wanted him for such a long time and I just

0:31:02.205 --> 0:31:05.285
<v Speaker 2>felt amazing, Whereas I just was really unhappy with the

0:31:05.325 --> 0:31:10.005
<v Speaker 2>pregnancy with Harrison. And it probably wasn't until maybe a month.

0:31:10.085 --> 0:31:13.605
<v Speaker 2>I didn't do the nursery, I didn't do anything, and

0:31:13.645 --> 0:31:17.245
<v Speaker 2>it wasn't until probably a month before we lost him

0:31:17.365 --> 0:31:21.965
<v Speaker 2>that I started getting a little bit excited about it. Yeah,

0:31:22.005 --> 0:31:25.405
<v Speaker 2>so I feel really bad about that. And a long time,

0:31:25.445 --> 0:31:28.485
<v Speaker 2>even after I lost him, I could still feel him.

0:31:28.565 --> 0:31:32.765
<v Speaker 2>I could feel It was just it's just it's one

0:31:32.765 --> 0:31:35.965
<v Speaker 2>of those things, as you know, that you'll never get over. Yeah.

0:31:36.085 --> 0:31:40.005
<v Speaker 1>How did you find out, Ladaris and it had passed away?

0:31:40.405 --> 0:31:43.565
<v Speaker 2>The doctors. Yeah, the doctors told me, Yeah, did.

0:31:43.405 --> 0:31:45.605
<v Speaker 1>You have to make the choice between giving birth and

0:31:45.645 --> 0:31:46.485
<v Speaker 1>having a cesarean?

0:31:46.565 --> 0:31:46.725
<v Speaker 2>Yeah?

0:31:46.725 --> 0:31:48.125
<v Speaker 1>I had going through labor.

0:31:47.965 --> 0:31:50.485
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I had a caesar. What made you decide that

0:31:50.565 --> 0:31:53.565
<v Speaker 2>I didn't want to feel anything. It's all such a

0:31:53.605 --> 0:31:55.765
<v Speaker 2>blurmy like, I don't actually remember a lot of it,

0:31:55.805 --> 0:31:57.645
<v Speaker 2>to be honest with you. But I didn't want to

0:31:57.685 --> 0:32:00.965
<v Speaker 2>feel anything. I didn't think I wanted to see him.

0:32:01.285 --> 0:32:04.085
<v Speaker 2>And I'm so glad I did see him, but I

0:32:04.125 --> 0:32:05.885
<v Speaker 2>didn't think i'd wanted to see him. I ended up

0:32:05.925 --> 0:32:08.845
<v Speaker 2>seeing him and holding him for quite a long time,

0:32:10.005 --> 0:32:12.765
<v Speaker 2>and then I was ready to give him back. But

0:32:12.965 --> 0:32:15.125
<v Speaker 2>and I'm so glad I did because I have talked

0:32:15.165 --> 0:32:19.005
<v Speaker 2>to women who had steel births and they never knew

0:32:19.005 --> 0:32:21.685
<v Speaker 2>what their baby looked like. So I'm glad that I

0:32:21.725 --> 0:32:25.445
<v Speaker 2>did that. But I don't know it. It's just I

0:32:25.485 --> 0:32:28.085
<v Speaker 2>just could never I'll never get over it, you know.

0:32:28.685 --> 0:32:30.765
<v Speaker 2>I think about him a lot, and then sometimes I

0:32:30.765 --> 0:32:32.445
<v Speaker 2>don't think about him, and then I feel guilty that

0:32:32.485 --> 0:32:36.365
<v Speaker 2>I haven't thought about him. Bearing him was really difficult,

0:32:36.925 --> 0:32:41.525
<v Speaker 2>you know, just the image of like a little coffin, like, yeah,

0:32:41.645 --> 0:32:42.725
<v Speaker 2>it's just really shit.

0:32:43.125 --> 0:32:48.005
<v Speaker 1>It's just completely shit. It's just really show. Yeah, there's

0:32:48.045 --> 0:32:50.325
<v Speaker 1>no way of making it not shitn.

0:32:49.925 --> 0:32:52.725
<v Speaker 2>And and also I think I don't think I should

0:32:52.725 --> 0:32:56.805
<v Speaker 2>ever be okay with Adam says, I punish myself sometimes

0:32:56.805 --> 0:32:58.725
<v Speaker 2>with going. I have to always feel shit just so

0:32:58.805 --> 0:33:01.805
<v Speaker 2>I remember him and I think that that's actually okay.

0:33:03.205 --> 0:33:05.645
<v Speaker 2>Does Yeah, Yeah, you feel like that too.

0:33:05.845 --> 0:33:08.645
<v Speaker 1>Yeah. And I for a long time, I was like

0:33:09.565 --> 0:33:12.965
<v Speaker 1>because I was also pregnant at a really difficult time. No.

0:33:12.965 --> 0:33:15.285
<v Speaker 1>I remember thinking it's because I didn't want her enough

0:33:15.725 --> 0:33:17.845
<v Speaker 1>and because I felt ambivalent about it, and you know

0:33:18.005 --> 0:33:20.805
<v Speaker 1>that feeling. And you do feel like I had one

0:33:20.885 --> 0:33:22.525
<v Speaker 1>job and that was to bring my baby into the

0:33:22.525 --> 0:33:23.645
<v Speaker 1>world and I failed.

0:33:24.245 --> 0:33:26.685
<v Speaker 2>Oh. I feel like my body's failed me so many times.

0:33:26.725 --> 0:33:30.045
<v Speaker 2>Like I had a miscarriage before Jonas, and that was

0:33:30.085 --> 0:33:33.645
<v Speaker 2>in a time when no one talked about miscarriage. I didn't,

0:33:33.965 --> 0:33:36.965
<v Speaker 2>so I just woulent what is wrong with me? And

0:33:37.005 --> 0:33:41.125
<v Speaker 2>I think there has been Like even after Harrison, I

0:33:41.245 --> 0:33:43.325
<v Speaker 2>just didn't want to have a baby. I didn't want,

0:33:43.365 --> 0:33:44.925
<v Speaker 2>Like I just don't want. I didn't want to go

0:33:44.965 --> 0:33:48.365
<v Speaker 2>through that again and I didn't. Yeah, I just wasn't ready.

0:33:48.765 --> 0:33:51.485
<v Speaker 2>Now I probably would be ready, but I'm forty four

0:33:51.605 --> 0:33:53.565
<v Speaker 2>and I don't know. I don't even know how i'd

0:33:53.605 --> 0:33:55.605
<v Speaker 2>be if I was pregnant again, Like have you and.

0:33:55.565 --> 0:33:58.045
<v Speaker 1>Adam talked about it, Yeah, did you have because he

0:33:58.045 --> 0:33:59.925
<v Speaker 1>doesn't have kids? No, he own does he?

0:34:00.125 --> 0:34:02.325
<v Speaker 2>No, he doesn't. And I would want to have a

0:34:02.365 --> 0:34:05.885
<v Speaker 2>baby for Adam, and I think Adam would. I think

0:34:05.885 --> 0:34:08.245
<v Speaker 2>if it happened, it happened, and I would be ready

0:34:08.285 --> 0:34:11.805
<v Speaker 2>to do that now. But I can't guarantee how I

0:34:11.845 --> 0:34:14.325
<v Speaker 2>would be during the pregnancy. I don't know.

0:34:14.925 --> 0:34:20.565
<v Speaker 1>It's ahead it's a really mentally challenging experience. I mean,

0:34:20.565 --> 0:34:22.965
<v Speaker 1>you've been pregnant after a miscarriage, so you know a

0:34:23.005 --> 0:34:25.845
<v Speaker 1>little bit of what it's like. Yeah, But I remember

0:34:25.885 --> 0:34:30.205
<v Speaker 1>talking to my friend Rebecca Sparrow when the news came

0:34:30.245 --> 0:34:35.005
<v Speaker 1>out about Harrison, and I remember your very close friend

0:34:35.125 --> 0:34:39.405
<v Speaker 1>at the time, Becky Hewett, was pregnant, and I remember

0:34:39.445 --> 0:34:42.125
<v Speaker 1>back when I talked about that that was going to

0:34:42.165 --> 0:34:43.925
<v Speaker 1>be an extra layer of toughness for you.

0:34:45.765 --> 0:34:48.965
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, it was. I had another friend of mine who

0:34:49.045 --> 0:34:51.405
<v Speaker 2>was pregnant and we're both do around the same time,

0:34:51.845 --> 0:34:54.005
<v Speaker 2>and she came to the funeral and I could see

0:34:54.045 --> 0:34:58.125
<v Speaker 2>she was just so nervous, and I really felt for

0:34:58.165 --> 0:35:00.965
<v Speaker 2>her at that point because I know she was trying

0:35:00.965 --> 0:35:02.165
<v Speaker 2>to make a real effort. And then I was trying

0:35:02.165 --> 0:35:03.925
<v Speaker 2>to make an effort to make her feel better. But

0:35:04.005 --> 0:35:07.845
<v Speaker 2>then after she had the baby and then she was

0:35:07.885 --> 0:35:09.645
<v Speaker 2>like still weird around me. Then I started get really

0:35:09.685 --> 0:35:12.605
<v Speaker 2>angry because I'm like, stop making it weird for me.

0:35:12.685 --> 0:35:16.365
<v Speaker 2>I just you go through all this like stuff, don't you,

0:35:16.445 --> 0:35:20.005
<v Speaker 2>because like, obviously you're you're so happy for everyone else,

0:35:20.525 --> 0:35:22.325
<v Speaker 2>and just let me just be happy and don't be

0:35:22.405 --> 0:35:24.005
<v Speaker 2>weird around me. But of course they're going to be

0:35:24.005 --> 0:35:26.405
<v Speaker 2>weird around me because I have just lost my baby

0:35:26.445 --> 0:35:29.405
<v Speaker 2>and I still look at children around.

0:35:29.165 --> 0:35:31.605
<v Speaker 1>That age, that age he would have been.

0:35:31.725 --> 0:35:35.605
<v Speaker 2>Absolutely every time I see the name Harrison every obviously.

0:35:35.365 --> 0:35:39.725
<v Speaker 1>I've been seven. Yeah, yeah, Do you mark the day

0:35:39.885 --> 0:35:41.845
<v Speaker 1>he was born? Do you mark the day he was

0:35:41.885 --> 0:35:44.165
<v Speaker 1>meant to be born? I always found it very hard,

0:35:44.685 --> 0:35:47.765
<v Speaker 1>and for a while I marked every anniversary, and then

0:35:47.805 --> 0:35:50.205
<v Speaker 1>I was like, I can't do this, like five or six,

0:35:50.245 --> 0:35:52.045
<v Speaker 1>and then I'd forget and then I'd feel terrible.

0:35:52.685 --> 0:35:56.125
<v Speaker 2>What day do you mark? I mark the day that

0:35:56.525 --> 0:35:59.285
<v Speaker 2>we actually had him at the seventh. Yeah, but it's

0:35:59.285 --> 0:36:03.605
<v Speaker 2>always a really hard, lonely day for me because I've

0:36:03.605 --> 0:36:05.765
<v Speaker 2>got and I don't like talking about it with anyone.

0:36:05.805 --> 0:36:09.045
<v Speaker 2>I don't like going to the grave with anyone very

0:36:09.565 --> 0:36:12.805
<v Speaker 2>it's a really private thing, and I don't because Mums

0:36:12.805 --> 0:36:14.805
<v Speaker 2>always wanted to go with me, and I'm like, I

0:36:14.805 --> 0:36:17.325
<v Speaker 2>don't want to have to think about you, and I

0:36:17.445 --> 0:36:20.965
<v Speaker 2>kind of don't want anyone to see me like that

0:36:21.445 --> 0:36:22.005
<v Speaker 2>as well.

0:36:23.045 --> 0:36:26.005
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, you can, even the other parent doesn't grieve in

0:36:26.045 --> 0:36:28.485
<v Speaker 1>the same way you do. It's such a solitary experience.

0:36:28.525 --> 0:36:31.085
<v Speaker 1>I found the most solace from other women who'd been

0:36:31.125 --> 0:36:33.645
<v Speaker 1>through it. Beck helped me a lot, even though it

0:36:33.645 --> 0:36:36.845
<v Speaker 1>had happened quite a few years before, I hadn't really

0:36:36.845 --> 0:36:39.005
<v Speaker 1>processed it. I just sort of stuck it in my pocket,

0:36:39.485 --> 0:36:42.725
<v Speaker 1>and in helping her, she actually helped me a lot.

0:36:43.125 --> 0:36:46.125
<v Speaker 2>Well. I did a lot of therapy after Harrison, and

0:36:46.565 --> 0:36:50.005
<v Speaker 2>my therapist was amazing and she actually there was a

0:36:50.085 --> 0:36:53.165
<v Speaker 2>lady working in that same center who'd had a steelborn

0:36:53.765 --> 0:36:56.605
<v Speaker 2>and she brought her in for a session and she goes,

0:36:56.725 --> 0:36:58.485
<v Speaker 2>just ask a whole lot of questions. Both of you

0:36:58.565 --> 0:37:01.325
<v Speaker 2>just ask a lot of questions, and I did, and

0:37:01.405 --> 0:37:04.765
<v Speaker 2>that really that was the first time that I felt

0:37:04.805 --> 0:37:07.525
<v Speaker 2>good about seeing him, and I just asked.

0:37:07.285 --> 0:37:09.605
<v Speaker 1>Her, see, I'm so envious that you got to see him,

0:37:10.165 --> 0:37:13.285
<v Speaker 1>because it was to a like I had a procedure.

0:37:13.605 --> 0:37:15.565
<v Speaker 1>She wasn't far enough for long to have a caesar,

0:37:15.725 --> 0:37:19.085
<v Speaker 1>so there was nobody And I'm just like, it's not

0:37:19.165 --> 0:37:21.285
<v Speaker 1>a weird thing to be jealous of. I'm so jealous

0:37:21.325 --> 0:37:22.925
<v Speaker 1>that you got to hold your dead baby. No.

0:37:23.005 --> 0:37:26.125
<v Speaker 2>I totally understand that though, No, because.

0:37:26.565 --> 0:37:28.165
<v Speaker 1>It's all on a spectrum, isn't it.

0:37:28.645 --> 0:37:29.125
<v Speaker 2>Yeah.

0:37:29.205 --> 0:37:31.285
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, And I think it's something that only other women

0:37:31.325 --> 0:37:32.725
<v Speaker 1>who've been through it can understand.

0:37:32.925 --> 0:37:33.285
<v Speaker 2>Yeah.

0:37:33.365 --> 0:37:36.765
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, How did you feel different the first miscarriage, which

0:37:36.805 --> 0:37:39.965
<v Speaker 1>was what early in the pregnancy, and then with Harrison.

0:37:41.285 --> 0:37:44.005
<v Speaker 2>I feel like I've got over the first miscarriage, and

0:37:44.045 --> 0:37:46.125
<v Speaker 2>I feel like because it was so early on and

0:37:46.205 --> 0:37:48.605
<v Speaker 2>I just think the baby wasn't meant to be. I

0:37:48.605 --> 0:37:52.845
<v Speaker 2>don't know, like it was just I don't At the time,

0:37:52.885 --> 0:37:54.645
<v Speaker 2>I felt guilty, But then I had Jonas and I

0:37:54.685 --> 0:37:57.205
<v Speaker 2>had such a beautiful experience. Now I feel guilty about

0:37:57.245 --> 0:38:01.365
<v Speaker 2>Jona's not having a brother. It is just something so

0:38:01.885 --> 0:38:04.925
<v Speaker 2>awful that has totally changed who I am as a

0:38:04.965 --> 0:38:11.805
<v Speaker 2>person that I just could never come back from.

0:38:11.845 --> 0:38:14.605
<v Speaker 1>There's a type of grief that I think from losing

0:38:15.205 --> 0:38:19.965
<v Speaker 1>a pregnancy or a baby that is only not healed.

0:38:20.805 --> 0:38:24.925
<v Speaker 1>But there's a stage of healing that can only happen

0:38:24.965 --> 0:38:28.405
<v Speaker 1>after you have another baby after that time, and if

0:38:28.445 --> 0:38:31.125
<v Speaker 1>it's the last pregnancy that you have and you haven't

0:38:31.165 --> 0:38:33.325
<v Speaker 1>had another child that you've been able to hold in

0:38:33.365 --> 0:38:36.685
<v Speaker 1>your arms after that, I think that that makes it's

0:38:36.725 --> 0:38:37.445
<v Speaker 1>another level.

0:38:38.285 --> 0:38:41.725
<v Speaker 2>And I think it's also changed me as a mother,

0:38:41.805 --> 0:38:45.125
<v Speaker 2>as in I always thought like I was always been

0:38:45.245 --> 0:38:48.605
<v Speaker 2>very maternal, and I wanted two to three kids, and

0:38:49.485 --> 0:38:51.685
<v Speaker 2>I always wanted to be pregnant. I tried so hard

0:38:51.725 --> 0:38:55.125
<v Speaker 2>to be pregnant after Harrison. I didn't want anything to

0:38:55.165 --> 0:38:56.005
<v Speaker 2>do with pregnancy.

0:38:57.085 --> 0:38:59.125
<v Speaker 1>It was too painful case it happened again.

0:38:59.245 --> 0:39:01.645
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, yeah, yeah, So I think it's changed me that.

0:39:01.725 --> 0:39:03.565
<v Speaker 1>Which is funny because the other way to go is

0:39:03.565 --> 0:39:06.165
<v Speaker 1>that you get obsessed with getting here again and putting

0:39:06.205 --> 0:39:09.525
<v Speaker 1>that baby back or putting a baby back, which is

0:39:09.565 --> 0:39:10.765
<v Speaker 1>how I was afterwards.

0:39:10.845 --> 0:39:12.405
<v Speaker 2>I think I was for a few years.

0:39:12.445 --> 0:39:14.605
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, yeah, you're right. I was after my miscarriages, but

0:39:14.725 --> 0:39:18.165
<v Speaker 1>not after that happened. Then I just wanted to be

0:39:18.285 --> 0:39:19.845
<v Speaker 1>alone and you know.

0:39:20.405 --> 0:39:22.805
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, and it's look, I think it's good that we're

0:39:22.845 --> 0:39:25.205
<v Speaker 2>all talking about it because it is so common and

0:39:25.245 --> 0:39:27.525
<v Speaker 2>for a long time I couldn't talk about it, and

0:39:27.605 --> 0:39:30.365
<v Speaker 2>I still hate it. I hate it in the media

0:39:30.445 --> 0:39:32.685
<v Speaker 2>every time, every time an article was written about me,

0:39:33.165 --> 0:39:36.085
<v Speaker 2>they bring up Harrison, and I'm like, don't you know

0:39:36.165 --> 0:39:37.245
<v Speaker 2>how much that hurts.

0:39:37.445 --> 0:39:39.525
<v Speaker 1>I know that's why I was no, no, no, But

0:39:39.565 --> 0:39:39.925
<v Speaker 1>this is.

0:39:40.085 --> 0:39:43.245
<v Speaker 2>No no, this is different because this is obviously a very

0:39:43.245 --> 0:39:45.245
<v Speaker 2>different form. But if you're talking about you know, the

0:39:45.325 --> 0:39:47.765
<v Speaker 2>stupid like what was our new idea? Oh, he is

0:39:47.805 --> 0:39:50.365
<v Speaker 2>getting pregnant at is getting married this week. Oh and

0:39:50.365 --> 0:39:52.125
<v Speaker 2>by the way, well, you know, it's like stop it

0:39:52.565 --> 0:39:56.085
<v Speaker 2>or you know. And I also hate that. I think

0:39:56.765 --> 0:40:00.325
<v Speaker 2>it's such a private it's a private thing, and I

0:40:00.365 --> 0:40:03.605
<v Speaker 2>don't want to keep seeing it because it's it triggers

0:40:03.645 --> 0:40:06.485
<v Speaker 2>me off. And I also don't like that people think

0:40:06.525 --> 0:40:10.005
<v Speaker 2>that Chris and I broke up because of Harrison, you know,

0:40:10.125 --> 0:40:12.925
<v Speaker 2>because I don't want to give it wasn't It was

0:40:12.925 --> 0:40:15.565
<v Speaker 2>a terrible relationship. We didn't break up because of Harrison.

0:40:15.605 --> 0:40:17.725
<v Speaker 2>So I don't like seeing that stuff in the media

0:40:17.765 --> 0:40:20.245
<v Speaker 2>all the time. But I guess that's just my I know,

0:40:20.445 --> 0:40:22.885
<v Speaker 2>it's so hard when you're in the public eye because

0:40:22.925 --> 0:40:26.485
<v Speaker 2>you have to deal with all this grief or it's

0:40:26.485 --> 0:40:28.445
<v Speaker 2>always in front of you, you know, and it doesn't

0:40:28.485 --> 0:40:30.005
<v Speaker 2>allow you to move on sometimes.

0:40:30.365 --> 0:40:33.765
<v Speaker 1>Grace Tame, Australian of the Year, made a speech that's

0:40:33.765 --> 0:40:36.085
<v Speaker 1>made me really think about what I do in here

0:40:36.165 --> 0:40:40.605
<v Speaker 1>as well. In this podcast studio. She said, you know

0:40:41.845 --> 0:40:44.725
<v Speaker 1>you've got to be careful when you're rummaging in someone's grief.

0:40:45.085 --> 0:40:47.165
<v Speaker 1>Like she said, she'll do interviews with journalists and I'll

0:40:47.165 --> 0:40:49.125
<v Speaker 1>be like, tell us about the darkest day when you

0:40:49.125 --> 0:40:53.685
<v Speaker 1>were abused, and she said, that is trauma and you've

0:40:53.765 --> 0:40:56.245
<v Speaker 1>got to She said, I understand that. That's why I'm

0:40:56.245 --> 0:40:58.005
<v Speaker 1>Australian of the Year. And I will talk about those

0:40:58.045 --> 0:41:01.285
<v Speaker 1>things because it's important. But don't ask me to relive

0:41:01.365 --> 0:41:04.805
<v Speaker 1>my trauma for your entertainment. And this sounds completely hypocritical

0:41:04.845 --> 0:41:08.445
<v Speaker 1>because I asked you about Harrison, but I also asked

0:41:08.485 --> 0:41:10.925
<v Speaker 1>you before we start, and if you'd have said I

0:41:10.965 --> 0:41:13.285
<v Speaker 1>don't want to talk about that, I wouldn't have brought

0:41:13.285 --> 0:41:13.565
<v Speaker 1>it up.

0:41:13.685 --> 0:41:16.365
<v Speaker 2>But I also knew that I wanted to talk to

0:41:16.405 --> 0:41:18.325
<v Speaker 2>you about it because I know you've gone through it

0:41:18.605 --> 0:41:21.805
<v Speaker 2>and I was prepared for it. Now when it's completely different.

0:41:21.885 --> 0:41:23.485
<v Speaker 1>You do have to be prepared, don't you.

0:41:23.565 --> 0:41:27.845
<v Speaker 2>It's like, okay, but for a long time like fundraisers

0:41:27.885 --> 0:41:29.845
<v Speaker 2>to deal with still birth, like I don't.

0:41:30.125 --> 0:41:32.445
<v Speaker 1>The post a child you did. People try to make

0:41:32.485 --> 0:41:33.085
<v Speaker 1>you the faces and.

0:41:33.845 --> 0:41:35.725
<v Speaker 2>Want and instilled to this. I don't want to be

0:41:35.765 --> 0:41:37.285
<v Speaker 2>the person. I don't want to talk about it. I

0:41:37.285 --> 0:41:40.445
<v Speaker 2>want to turn and even when other women come up, like,

0:41:40.765 --> 0:41:42.605
<v Speaker 2>it's different if it's just the two of us talking

0:41:42.605 --> 0:41:45.565
<v Speaker 2>about it. But I find I will talk about your grief,

0:41:45.605 --> 0:41:48.245
<v Speaker 2>but I don't want to relive mine because I'm just

0:41:48.325 --> 0:41:49.685
<v Speaker 2>so private about it.

0:41:49.965 --> 0:41:53.645
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, how do you have private things like you know,

0:41:54.045 --> 0:41:57.405
<v Speaker 1>your marriage, breaking up, your new relationship with Adham.

0:41:58.085 --> 0:42:03.965
<v Speaker 2>Yeah. I struggle with that because I am really private.

0:42:05.205 --> 0:42:11.885
<v Speaker 2>But unfortunately early on in my marriage I did talk

0:42:11.925 --> 0:42:17.325
<v Speaker 2>to the media about stuff. And now I can't not talk.

0:42:17.405 --> 0:42:20.245
<v Speaker 2>I mean, you can't go oh like here, I'll tell

0:42:20.285 --> 0:42:22.285
<v Speaker 2>you this story. But now I don't want to talk

0:42:22.285 --> 0:42:24.965
<v Speaker 2>to you. And soonetol, something really major happens. You go,

0:42:25.045 --> 0:42:29.805
<v Speaker 2>oh my god, why did I allow everyone in? But

0:42:29.885 --> 0:42:32.725
<v Speaker 2>then I go, well, it's probably a good thing that

0:42:32.805 --> 0:42:36.205
<v Speaker 2>people like people do relate to me and people if

0:42:36.205 --> 0:42:38.845
<v Speaker 2>they have had a still bone or whatever. You know,

0:42:39.165 --> 0:42:41.045
<v Speaker 2>now people can come up and go, look, you know,

0:42:41.125 --> 0:42:43.525
<v Speaker 2>thank you, Like I found even when you were talking

0:42:43.565 --> 0:42:47.045
<v Speaker 2>about it. I'd never heard anyone talk about miscarriage and

0:42:47.085 --> 0:42:49.525
<v Speaker 2>steel wirth before, so I was like, oh, wow, okay,

0:42:49.565 --> 0:42:51.285
<v Speaker 2>there's someone talking about it. That's good.

0:42:51.405 --> 0:42:54.845
<v Speaker 1>So yeah, but you are allowed boundaries as well.

0:42:54.965 --> 0:42:56.845
<v Speaker 2>I try and create those more so now.

0:42:56.885 --> 0:42:59.125
<v Speaker 1>And just because you did something once ten years ago,

0:42:59.165 --> 0:43:01.725
<v Speaker 1>twenty years ago at a different time in your life, yeah,

0:43:02.165 --> 0:43:05.605
<v Speaker 1>in a different climate, doesn't mean you have to always

0:43:05.685 --> 0:43:06.445
<v Speaker 1>leave the gate open.

0:43:06.805 --> 0:43:10.725
<v Speaker 2>I had this really awful experience not after Harrison, where

0:43:10.765 --> 0:43:12.805
<v Speaker 2>I went to go and get my nails done, might

0:43:12.805 --> 0:43:15.885
<v Speaker 2>have been like two months after or whatever, and so

0:43:15.925 --> 0:43:18.445
<v Speaker 2>you're stuck there getting your nails done, and this woman,

0:43:18.805 --> 0:43:21.045
<v Speaker 2>like this other person getting a nails done. It's like

0:43:21.445 --> 0:43:24.165
<v Speaker 2>asking me, like literally a million or one question, So

0:43:24.205 --> 0:43:25.285
<v Speaker 2>where you're bury and what is he?

0:43:25.405 --> 0:43:25.485
<v Speaker 1>Like?

0:43:25.525 --> 0:43:27.045
<v Speaker 2>Did you see it? Blah blah blah, you gonna have

0:43:27.045 --> 0:43:31.045
<v Speaker 2>another baby? Like for an hour, you should have another baby,

0:43:31.085 --> 0:43:33.485
<v Speaker 2>blah blah. When I like and just and I felt

0:43:33.845 --> 0:43:36.125
<v Speaker 2>I just couldn't go anywhere. And then I felt like

0:43:36.165 --> 0:43:37.925
<v Speaker 2>I had to answer your questions. And she asked me

0:43:37.965 --> 0:43:40.325
<v Speaker 2>stuff that even my mom hadn't asked me, like you

0:43:40.365 --> 0:43:42.685
<v Speaker 2>need to have another baby? Why aren't you having another baby.

0:43:42.885 --> 0:43:45.445
<v Speaker 2>And I walked out of there bawling my eyes out, crying,

0:43:45.445 --> 0:43:49.725
<v Speaker 2>and I just felt so exposed. And I remember talking

0:43:49.725 --> 0:43:52.125
<v Speaker 2>to my friend about it and she said, well, why

0:43:52.125 --> 0:43:54.085
<v Speaker 2>did you sit there and listen? I said, well, I

0:43:54.085 --> 0:43:56.445
<v Speaker 2>felt like I had to. I felt like I had

0:43:56.485 --> 0:43:58.485
<v Speaker 2>to give her that. And it's like, no, you don't

0:43:58.645 --> 0:44:01.125
<v Speaker 2>have to do that. You can actually say this is

0:44:01.205 --> 0:44:04.645
<v Speaker 2>really difficult, and you're asking really personal questions. And I

0:44:04.685 --> 0:44:08.565
<v Speaker 2>really struggle with that. So when the media or anyone

0:44:08.605 --> 0:44:11.685
<v Speaker 2>does ask questions, and I really struggle going, that's actually

0:44:11.765 --> 0:44:12.565
<v Speaker 2>really private.

0:44:13.405 --> 0:44:16.325
<v Speaker 1>I think as women, and particularly being in the public eye,

0:44:16.365 --> 0:44:18.245
<v Speaker 1>you don't want anyone, anyone to be over as a

0:44:18.325 --> 0:44:22.925
<v Speaker 1>diva and unfriendly and everything. But what is Glennand I say,

0:44:23.325 --> 0:44:26.685
<v Speaker 1>you have a choice between disappointing someone else and disappointing yourself. Yeah,

0:44:26.805 --> 0:44:30.245
<v Speaker 1>that's what boundaries are about. Yeah, and you need to

0:44:30.325 --> 0:44:34.365
<v Speaker 1>choose yourself when it's something that's so personal and so upsetting.

0:44:34.645 --> 0:44:36.445
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, and that's what I'm trying to do.

0:44:36.645 --> 0:44:36.805
<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

0:44:36.845 --> 0:44:39.285
<v Speaker 2>I mean, my therapist always is to me, would you

0:44:39.365 --> 0:44:41.485
<v Speaker 2>talk to a stranger the way you talk to yourself

0:44:41.725 --> 0:44:43.965
<v Speaker 2>in your head? I'm like, oh my god, I know never,

0:44:44.365 --> 0:44:48.125
<v Speaker 2>I know, I know, so I do. I recognize that

0:44:48.205 --> 0:44:50.125
<v Speaker 2>a lot more now, Like when I do start doing

0:44:50.125 --> 0:44:53.045
<v Speaker 2>that negative stuff for my hair and I'm like stop it,

0:44:53.205 --> 0:44:56.285
<v Speaker 2>like stop saying that about yourself. And it's the same

0:44:56.285 --> 0:44:59.285
<v Speaker 2>thing with boundaries. Yeah, I've got Yeah, I'm trying to

0:44:59.285 --> 0:45:00.725
<v Speaker 2>stick up for myself a lot more.

0:45:00.765 --> 0:45:01.205
<v Speaker 1>You should.

0:45:01.325 --> 0:45:02.325
<v Speaker 2>Yeah. Yeah.

0:45:02.405 --> 0:45:04.645
<v Speaker 1>How do you learn your lines? I want to end

0:45:04.685 --> 0:45:07.805
<v Speaker 1>by asking some basic questions. Do you get a script,

0:45:07.885 --> 0:45:08.565
<v Speaker 1>how do you do it?

0:45:08.605 --> 0:45:10.325
<v Speaker 2>How do you learn the I think I'm really good

0:45:10.365 --> 0:45:12.485
<v Speaker 2>at learning and really fast because I just sort of

0:45:12.485 --> 0:45:15.205
<v Speaker 2>read over them a few times and they're just sort

0:45:15.205 --> 0:45:16.925
<v Speaker 2>of in there. So I'll read over them before I

0:45:16.965 --> 0:45:19.765
<v Speaker 2>go to bed, and I'll read over them again in

0:45:19.805 --> 0:45:22.245
<v Speaker 2>the morning, and then in the makeup chair. I pretty

0:45:22.285 --> 0:45:25.045
<v Speaker 2>much learn them and maybe after the first rehearsal they're

0:45:25.085 --> 0:45:25.685
<v Speaker 2>in my head.

0:45:26.605 --> 0:45:28.045
<v Speaker 1>So you get to do a rehearsal.

0:45:28.565 --> 0:45:31.725
<v Speaker 2>You get probably three or four rehearsals now to block.

0:45:31.485 --> 0:45:32.205
<v Speaker 1>Out the scene.

0:45:32.365 --> 0:45:35.885
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, yeah, and then you start shooting. We shoot pretty fast, now,

0:45:35.925 --> 0:45:37.965
<v Speaker 2>insaane what I just said about learning lines. If I

0:45:38.045 --> 0:45:42.325
<v Speaker 2>had ten scenes straight, I wouldn't just learn them that quickly,

0:45:42.405 --> 0:45:44.445
<v Speaker 2>Like you have to sit.

0:45:43.725 --> 0:45:45.565
<v Speaker 1>There for a while how long does the scene go? For?

0:45:45.925 --> 0:45:46.885
<v Speaker 2>About forty minutes?

0:45:47.965 --> 0:45:51.445
<v Speaker 1>Forty minutes to film a scene, yeah, and how much

0:45:51.565 --> 0:45:54.605
<v Speaker 1>talking will there be in that? How much waiting around?

0:45:56.245 --> 0:45:58.045
<v Speaker 2>You're not winning around because you're doing like three or

0:45:58.045 --> 0:46:00.485
<v Speaker 2>four rehearsals. Then you do checks and then you start

0:46:00.525 --> 0:46:02.445
<v Speaker 2>filming and you've got different shots.

0:46:02.165 --> 0:46:04.405
<v Speaker 1>Go to woe in forty minutes. Yeh yeah, including rehearsal.

0:46:04.485 --> 0:46:05.565
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

0:46:05.645 --> 0:46:05.805
<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

0:46:06.045 --> 0:46:08.445
<v Speaker 2>We shoot really fast. I think we shoot the fastest

0:46:08.445 --> 0:46:09.325
<v Speaker 2>out of any.

0:46:09.765 --> 0:46:13.205
<v Speaker 1>So I'm making half an hour five times away. Yeah yeah,

0:46:13.245 --> 0:46:15.045
<v Speaker 1>and a half hours of television.

0:46:14.685 --> 0:46:16.605
<v Speaker 2>And we do a really good job, like I'm so

0:46:16.645 --> 0:46:19.325
<v Speaker 2>proud of the product. And then we shoot sort of

0:46:19.405 --> 0:46:23.085
<v Speaker 2>like film does with the different angles and the different

0:46:23.125 --> 0:46:25.805
<v Speaker 2>sort of setups with lighting and whatever. It's not just

0:46:25.845 --> 0:46:28.845
<v Speaker 2>grid lighting anymore, so it looks quite good.

0:46:28.885 --> 0:46:30.125
<v Speaker 1>Do you shoot chronologically?

0:46:30.485 --> 0:46:33.085
<v Speaker 2>No, we shoot more about like sets, so the diner

0:46:33.165 --> 0:46:36.205
<v Speaker 2>sets or the Morgan house or but we're two crews

0:46:36.245 --> 0:46:39.005
<v Speaker 2>working at once, So one block is on location the

0:46:39.045 --> 0:46:41.525
<v Speaker 2>first week, and then you go into studio, and then

0:46:41.565 --> 0:46:44.325
<v Speaker 2>the block that was on location the week beforehand is

0:46:44.325 --> 0:46:45.445
<v Speaker 2>in studio, So you do.

0:46:45.365 --> 0:46:47.045
<v Speaker 1>Some things out of order, so you might do what

0:46:47.245 --> 0:46:50.005
<v Speaker 1>like a week's worth of dinoscenes or like two weeks

0:46:50.005 --> 0:46:50.285
<v Speaker 1>worth of.

0:46:50.605 --> 0:46:54.165
<v Speaker 2>A week, because that's the studio element of that week.

0:46:54.285 --> 0:46:57.045
<v Speaker 2>So you'll shoot like a diner day on one day,

0:46:58.245 --> 0:47:00.085
<v Speaker 2>so yeah, it's out of order, and then another day

0:47:00.085 --> 0:47:00.965
<v Speaker 2>will be another set.

0:47:01.125 --> 0:47:02.845
<v Speaker 1>And do you just get scene sent to you one

0:47:02.885 --> 0:47:04.645
<v Speaker 1>at a time or are you like, well, hang on,

0:47:04.685 --> 0:47:07.405
<v Speaker 1>why am I crying here? And it's something that happened

0:47:07.645 --> 0:47:09.085
<v Speaker 1>in an episode you haven't shot yet.

0:47:09.365 --> 0:47:11.405
<v Speaker 2>Get the episode? So you read the whole episode?

0:47:11.685 --> 0:47:11.885
<v Speaker 1>Yeah?

0:47:11.965 --> 0:47:13.805
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, yeah, so you know, we you've got to sort

0:47:13.845 --> 0:47:16.685
<v Speaker 2>of understand your own continuity. But in saying that, like

0:47:16.885 --> 0:47:19.205
<v Speaker 2>I don't spend like I sort of go, You're just

0:47:19.205 --> 0:47:21.645
<v Speaker 2>gonna be truthful in the moment. I don't really know

0:47:21.685 --> 0:47:24.725
<v Speaker 2>what you did before you came into this room, and

0:47:24.765 --> 0:47:27.245
<v Speaker 2>I don't really know what you're gonna do after, And

0:47:27.285 --> 0:47:28.765
<v Speaker 2>same goes for me. I don't really know what I'm

0:47:28.765 --> 0:47:31.365
<v Speaker 2>going to do after. I'm my character my character. Yeah,

0:47:31.445 --> 0:47:34.565
<v Speaker 2>so I don't spend too long on continuity, but some

0:47:34.565 --> 0:47:36.845
<v Speaker 2>people do. Some people read the whole episode. I just

0:47:36.925 --> 0:47:37.805
<v Speaker 2>read my scenes.

0:47:38.525 --> 0:47:40.805
<v Speaker 1>What's the dynamic with people who come in and out

0:47:40.805 --> 0:47:45.765
<v Speaker 1>for guest stints? Like, is there a core cast of regulars?

0:47:45.805 --> 0:47:49.045
<v Speaker 2>Yes, I think there's twenty odd of us, and who are.

0:47:48.925 --> 0:47:52.605
<v Speaker 1>The solid regulars? And then people come in.

0:47:52.845 --> 0:47:54.805
<v Speaker 2>We have heaps of guests, and we have some long

0:47:54.925 --> 0:47:57.205
<v Speaker 2>running guests and like sort of some that might just

0:47:57.245 --> 0:47:58.925
<v Speaker 2>be in for a fifty word or which it might

0:47:59.005 --> 0:48:02.205
<v Speaker 2>just be one scene. So it depends, but I'd like

0:48:02.245 --> 0:48:04.405
<v Speaker 2>to think we treat our guests really well. We make

0:48:04.445 --> 0:48:07.245
<v Speaker 2>them feel really welcome, because it's really hard coming in,

0:48:07.325 --> 0:48:10.205
<v Speaker 2>as you would go into a workplace whereveryone knows each

0:48:10.245 --> 0:48:13.485
<v Speaker 2>other really well, and they're very nervous, so I try

0:48:13.525 --> 0:48:14.965
<v Speaker 2>and make them feel really comfortable.

0:48:15.565 --> 0:48:18.365
<v Speaker 1>There've been a lot of really interesting fun people going

0:48:18.365 --> 0:48:19.925
<v Speaker 1>through the show, haven't there.

0:48:20.085 --> 0:48:20.445
<v Speaker 2>Yeah.

0:48:20.485 --> 0:48:23.805
<v Speaker 1>Do you bond with some more than others? I imagine absolutely?

0:48:24.085 --> 0:48:25.285
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, yeah, is.

0:48:25.205 --> 0:48:29.085
<v Speaker 1>It quite intense, and then it's like we're so close,

0:48:29.125 --> 0:48:31.045
<v Speaker 1>but then I probably will never speak to you again.

0:48:31.125 --> 0:48:34.045
<v Speaker 2>Absolutely, And a lot even with like people that you've

0:48:34.085 --> 0:48:35.645
<v Speaker 2>worked with for three or four years and you're like,

0:48:35.765 --> 0:48:38.045
<v Speaker 2>I love you and I'm going to see you every week,

0:48:38.085 --> 0:48:42.325
<v Speaker 2>and then life just happens, and because the schedules are

0:48:42.445 --> 0:48:45.165
<v Speaker 2>so fast, you don't get to catch up as much.

0:48:45.285 --> 0:48:47.125
<v Speaker 2>But then in saying that with some people, I mean,

0:48:47.165 --> 0:48:49.325
<v Speaker 2>I'm still friends with some people from heartbreak hyh. So

0:48:49.925 --> 0:48:51.885
<v Speaker 2>you know there is some friendships that are you know,

0:48:51.885 --> 0:48:52.885
<v Speaker 2>for the rest of your life.

0:48:53.365 --> 0:48:57.485
<v Speaker 1>Is when you're on location, where do you go between scenes?

0:48:57.565 --> 0:48:59.365
<v Speaker 1>Like do you have like a big trailer with.

0:48:59.485 --> 0:49:02.565
<v Speaker 2>Like it's not fancy. No. So I sit in my

0:49:02.605 --> 0:49:04.365
<v Speaker 2>car a lot of the time. But we do have

0:49:04.405 --> 0:49:08.085
<v Speaker 2>a green room that we share with everyone, but it's

0:49:08.165 --> 0:49:10.405
<v Speaker 2>really tiny and it's not.

0:49:10.285 --> 0:49:12.165
<v Speaker 1>The best and you probably want to be just.

0:49:12.405 --> 0:49:14.045
<v Speaker 2>I just like being in my car.

0:49:14.245 --> 0:49:16.485
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, And you don't have to wear like bikinis on

0:49:16.605 --> 0:49:17.645
<v Speaker 1>the beach and stuff anymore.

0:49:17.925 --> 0:49:20.925
<v Speaker 2>Well, so I did it for a really long time.

0:49:20.765 --> 0:49:21.925
<v Speaker 1>And I would like it if you did.

0:49:22.325 --> 0:49:24.925
<v Speaker 2>No, I did it for a long time, and then

0:49:24.925 --> 0:49:26.925
<v Speaker 2>I happen to say in media somewhere, I don't know

0:49:26.965 --> 0:49:29.805
<v Speaker 2>why they don't put me in a bikini. Oh anyway,

0:49:29.845 --> 0:49:32.525
<v Speaker 2>Then I started wearing a bikini as a flight last

0:49:32.605 --> 0:49:36.365
<v Speaker 2>year or the year before, and I'm really uncomfortable about it.

0:49:36.445 --> 0:49:39.285
<v Speaker 2>Not because of my body. I'm very comfortable with my body,

0:49:39.605 --> 0:49:43.685
<v Speaker 2>but all the crew are like my brothers and my uncles,

0:49:44.765 --> 0:49:48.565
<v Speaker 2>so it's weird. And also there's also a pap that

0:49:48.805 --> 0:49:51.805
<v Speaker 2>likes to take photos of you when you're bending down

0:49:52.005 --> 0:49:54.645
<v Speaker 2>or whatever, and they're like, he tries to get the

0:49:54.725 --> 0:49:57.645
<v Speaker 2>worst angle. It's really yucky.

0:49:57.765 --> 0:50:00.165
<v Speaker 1>And those photos get sold to the women's magazines.

0:50:01.285 --> 0:50:04.885
<v Speaker 2>And it's never like, oh, Ada, you know, looks great.

0:50:04.965 --> 0:50:08.285
<v Speaker 2>It's I just it's all iky. I just don't. I

0:50:08.365 --> 0:50:11.085
<v Speaker 2>just don't like it. I love you, Oh May, I

0:50:11.165 --> 0:50:14.045
<v Speaker 2>love you so much. I'm going to stop vangirling now.

0:50:14.205 --> 0:50:16.005
<v Speaker 2>Thank you so much.

0:50:18.925 --> 0:50:21.325
<v Speaker 1>I hope you enjoyed that. I was going to say,

0:50:21.485 --> 0:50:25.245
<v Speaker 1>I don't know if Ada did, because it was it

0:50:25.285 --> 0:50:30.365
<v Speaker 1>was a journey, wasn't it. I knew that I wanted

0:50:30.365 --> 0:50:33.085
<v Speaker 1>to ask her about Harrison before she came in, and

0:50:33.845 --> 0:50:37.325
<v Speaker 1>I think she knew that she was going to talk

0:50:37.365 --> 0:50:41.285
<v Speaker 1>about it, and I felt, I'm so glad she was

0:50:41.325 --> 0:50:43.725
<v Speaker 1>honest about the part where she doesn't just want to

0:50:43.725 --> 0:50:45.845
<v Speaker 1>be the poster child and she doesn't just want to

0:50:45.885 --> 0:50:47.925
<v Speaker 1>chat about it in every interview because it is such

0:50:47.925 --> 0:50:51.325
<v Speaker 1>a deeply personal thing. And that took me off guard

0:50:51.365 --> 0:50:55.085
<v Speaker 1>a little bit, because then I suddenly thought, have I

0:50:55.085 --> 0:50:59.285
<v Speaker 1>pushed on a button that's too sensitive? Have I pushed

0:50:59.285 --> 0:51:01.045
<v Speaker 1>on a really sore spot? And I mean of course

0:51:01.045 --> 0:51:03.285
<v Speaker 1>it's going to be sore. It's like pushing on a bruise.

0:51:03.565 --> 0:51:08.525
<v Speaker 1>It's always going to hurt. But there's something about having

0:51:08.605 --> 0:51:13.405
<v Speaker 1>gone through losing a pregnancy, particularly a late in late

0:51:13.485 --> 0:51:16.885
<v Speaker 1>term pregnancy, And I don't mean it's necessarily worse than

0:51:16.965 --> 0:51:21.965
<v Speaker 1>losing your pregnancy earlier, but it is a very specific experience.

0:51:22.085 --> 0:51:26.165
<v Speaker 1>This experience of the physicality of it, the experience of

0:51:26.205 --> 0:51:29.125
<v Speaker 1>everybody knowing that you're pregnant, of visibly being pregnant, of

0:51:29.165 --> 0:51:34.005
<v Speaker 1>having felt your baby move, of having to make decisions

0:51:34.165 --> 0:51:39.845
<v Speaker 1>around how after that baby has died you help it

0:51:39.885 --> 0:51:42.725
<v Speaker 1>be brought into the world, and about what you do

0:51:42.805 --> 0:51:49.285
<v Speaker 1>with its remains. They're all horrible, horrible decisions and experiences

0:51:49.285 --> 0:51:51.965
<v Speaker 1>that no one signs up for, that no one wants

0:51:52.005 --> 0:51:55.965
<v Speaker 1>to have, and that only other women who've been through

0:51:55.965 --> 0:51:59.645
<v Speaker 1>it can relate to. And I say that with the

0:51:59.645 --> 0:52:02.245
<v Speaker 1>greatest respect of the men who have their own journey

0:52:02.285 --> 0:52:04.885
<v Speaker 1>of grief, or the partners of women who've been through it,

0:52:04.925 --> 0:52:07.445
<v Speaker 1>I should say, who have their own journey of grief

0:52:07.485 --> 0:52:09.885
<v Speaker 1>as a partner. But when it's happening in your body,

0:52:10.685 --> 0:52:13.125
<v Speaker 1>it's very, very specific. And I remember Beck and I

0:52:13.245 --> 0:52:17.165
<v Speaker 1>talking as I said to Aida that thing of oh no,

0:52:17.405 --> 0:52:19.685
<v Speaker 1>he's another member of our club. It's the club no

0:52:19.765 --> 0:52:23.005
<v Speaker 1>one wants to join. And I've met some amazing women

0:52:23.685 --> 0:52:28.005
<v Speaker 1>through that club. And the important thing to say, if

0:52:28.045 --> 0:52:31.925
<v Speaker 1>you're going through that now, or know someone who is,

0:52:32.525 --> 0:52:36.245
<v Speaker 1>or have done recently, is that you get through it.

0:52:36.565 --> 0:52:39.725
<v Speaker 1>You are forever changed. But as you could hear with Aida,

0:52:39.965 --> 0:52:43.885
<v Speaker 1>you get through it if you are after more of Aida,

0:52:44.005 --> 0:52:48.045
<v Speaker 1>and why wouldn't you be. She's an absolute bloody delight.

0:52:49.445 --> 0:52:52.925
<v Speaker 1>You can follow her on Instagram. She runs this great

0:52:52.925 --> 0:52:58.005
<v Speaker 1>book club with her work wife, Lynn McGranger, and we

0:52:58.085 --> 0:53:02.525
<v Speaker 1>have a podcast called Quizish and we chose like iconic

0:53:03.045 --> 0:53:05.485
<v Speaker 1>couples to be on this podcast, and we had Aida

0:53:05.525 --> 0:53:09.085
<v Speaker 1>and Lynn and I didn't even I don't even watch

0:53:09.365 --> 0:53:12.405
<v Speaker 1>Home in a way that much. But their friendship and

0:53:12.445 --> 0:53:16.045
<v Speaker 1>the dynamic between them is just so delightful to listen to.

0:53:16.165 --> 0:53:20.005
<v Speaker 1>I'll put a link in the show notes. Yeah, it's

0:53:20.125 --> 0:53:23.085
<v Speaker 1>work wives at their best. Thank you so much for

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<v Speaker 1>listening to No Filter. Please share this podcast with someone

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<v Speaker 1>who you know might appreciate it or enjoy it, or

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<v Speaker 1>might need to hear it. The assistant producer of No

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<v Speaker 1>Filter is Lucy Neville. The executive producer on No Filter

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<v Speaker 1>is Eliza Ratliffe. I'm Meya Friedman and I'll see you

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<v Speaker 1>on the Mum and mea app.