1
00:00:10,405 --> 00:00:15,005
Speaker 1: You're listening to a MoMA Mia podcast. Mamma Mia acknowledges

2
00:00:15,045 --> 00:00:17,685
Speaker 1: the traditional owners of land and waters that this podcast

3
00:00:17,765 --> 00:00:21,485
Speaker 1: is recorded on Hello, I'm in your ears twice in

4
00:00:21,525 --> 00:00:24,405
Speaker 1: a week. How lucky are we both? I have had

5
00:00:24,485 --> 00:00:28,125
Speaker 1: so much feedback on the Aida Nicodemo interview. A lot

6
00:00:28,125 --> 00:00:31,365
Speaker 1: of you have asked to hear the first conversation we had,

7
00:00:31,405 --> 00:00:34,845
Speaker 1: which was very different. In this week's episode, which you

8
00:00:34,885 --> 00:00:36,565
Speaker 1: can find if you just scroll back a little bit

9
00:00:36,605 --> 00:00:39,125
Speaker 1: in your feed we spoke about her new relationship with

10
00:00:39,165 --> 00:00:42,485
Speaker 1: her co star James Stewart, being followed by the paparazzi,

11
00:00:42,525 --> 00:00:45,365
Speaker 1: what that all has been like to unfold and blended

12
00:00:45,445 --> 00:00:48,525
Speaker 1: families and all of those things. In our first conversation,

13
00:00:48,725 --> 00:00:51,405
Speaker 1: which was a couple of years ago, we went to

14
00:00:51,525 --> 00:00:55,005
Speaker 1: some slightly darker places with her permission, asked her about

15
00:00:55,045 --> 00:01:00,445
Speaker 1: losing her son Harrison and getting started in the industry.

16
00:01:00,885 --> 00:01:04,525
Speaker 1: It was an awesome conversation. So here it is. Enjoy

17
00:01:05,765 --> 00:01:06,765
Speaker 1: Are you shooting today?

18
00:01:07,005 --> 00:01:10,685
Speaker 2: Yep? Yeah, time. I don't have to be there till twelve.

19
00:01:10,925 --> 00:01:13,005
Speaker 2: I've got a really good week this week, where like

20
00:01:13,045 --> 00:01:15,085
Speaker 2: it's annoying because I've got three days of location, so

21
00:01:15,165 --> 00:01:17,845
Speaker 2: a lot of driving to Palm Beach to Palm Beach,

22
00:01:18,045 --> 00:01:21,885
Speaker 2: but today's like two scenes. Yesterday was one scene, So

23
00:01:21,925 --> 00:01:24,165
Speaker 2: I spent most of my day driving and listening to

24
00:01:24,245 --> 00:01:24,605
Speaker 2: Mama me.

25
00:01:24,925 --> 00:01:28,605
Speaker 1: Ada is still playing the character of Leah. She's still

26
00:01:28,645 --> 00:01:31,725
Speaker 1: living in Summer Bay, and she's stayed in that same

27
00:01:31,845 --> 00:01:38,565
Speaker 1: job for one very good reason. My name is Mia Friedman,

28
00:01:38,725 --> 00:01:41,885
Speaker 1: and you're listening to No Filter, an interview podcast from

29
00:01:41,925 --> 00:01:45,245
Speaker 1: Mama Maya with people who tell their stories very candidly

30
00:01:45,805 --> 00:01:49,565
Speaker 1: and aren't afraid to be vulnerable. In the year two thousand,

31
00:01:50,125 --> 00:01:54,445
Speaker 1: Aida Nikodimou joined the cast of Home and Away, Australia's

32
00:01:54,485 --> 00:01:59,085
Speaker 1: second longest running soap opera after Neighbors. She signed on

33
00:01:59,245 --> 00:02:01,845
Speaker 1: for a six month contract to play the role of

34
00:02:01,965 --> 00:02:05,805
Speaker 1: Leah Paulos. But twenty one years and a few near

35
00:02:05,805 --> 00:02:09,605
Speaker 1: death experiences and a few husbands, Lea's had way more

36
00:02:09,645 --> 00:02:12,965
Speaker 1: husbands than Ada. She's only had one. One of Australia's

37
00:02:12,965 --> 00:02:16,365
Speaker 1: best known and most loved actors is still at Summer Bay,

38
00:02:17,245 --> 00:02:19,845
Speaker 1: and it is a much harder job than you may think.

39
00:02:20,885 --> 00:02:23,685
Speaker 1: I've wanted to speak to Ada for such a long time,

40
00:02:23,765 --> 00:02:27,045
Speaker 1: and I'm really glad that I finally have. On this episode,

41
00:02:27,165 --> 00:02:29,285
Speaker 1: we speak about creative burnout.

42
00:02:29,645 --> 00:02:32,125
Speaker 2: I feel like it's what I'm going through at the moment.

43
00:02:32,245 --> 00:02:35,885
Speaker 2: If I was being honest with you, loss just really shit.

44
00:02:36,525 --> 00:02:39,085
Speaker 1: And the big fat Book of Greek rules.

45
00:02:39,325 --> 00:02:41,045
Speaker 2: You can't wash your hair when you got your period.

46
00:02:41,365 --> 00:02:48,245
Speaker 1: Here's my chat with Aida Nicodemo. You've worked since you

47
00:02:48,245 --> 00:02:50,205
Speaker 1: were a kid. You grew up in a family business

48
00:02:51,125 --> 00:02:54,125
Speaker 1: and you just worked school holidays. How old were you

49
00:02:54,125 --> 00:02:55,325
Speaker 1: when you started working in the shop.

50
00:02:56,125 --> 00:02:58,565
Speaker 2: Oh, like, well from two weeks old. I was in

51
00:02:58,605 --> 00:03:02,325
Speaker 2: the shop. Yeah, and I was like counting back money,

52
00:03:02,765 --> 00:03:04,805
Speaker 2: you know before like I went to school, like I

53
00:03:04,885 --> 00:03:07,125
Speaker 2: knew how to sort of count back change and all that.

54
00:03:07,525 --> 00:03:11,405
Speaker 2: So I've always worked and working, and I like business

55
00:03:11,525 --> 00:03:14,085
Speaker 2: and I like people, And even when I'm at home,

56
00:03:14,205 --> 00:03:17,165
Speaker 2: I just don't relax a lot. I'm pretty bad at

57
00:03:17,245 --> 00:03:19,645
Speaker 2: just sitting down unless I just read a book or

58
00:03:19,685 --> 00:03:22,285
Speaker 2: something like that. But otherwise I just potter around the house.

59
00:03:22,285 --> 00:03:23,845
Speaker 2: I love cleaning. I'm one of those.

60
00:03:23,685 --> 00:03:24,765
Speaker 1: Freaks you like to clean.

61
00:03:24,765 --> 00:03:27,765
Speaker 2: I've head, Yeah, I love cleaning. I love a tidy house.

62
00:03:28,005 --> 00:03:29,525
Speaker 1: Do you listen this podcasts while you clean?

63
00:03:30,205 --> 00:03:32,885
Speaker 2: I don't, Actually, I don't do that.

64
00:03:33,005 --> 00:03:35,165
Speaker 1: A lot of people say that makes cleaning easier, but

65
00:03:35,205 --> 00:03:38,645
Speaker 1: you just don't want anything to distract from the pure

66
00:03:38,725 --> 00:03:40,165
Speaker 1: joy of the cleaning itself.

67
00:03:40,165 --> 00:03:43,165
Speaker 2: You are, so, yes, that's exactly right. I find it's

68
00:03:43,205 --> 00:03:46,165
Speaker 2: really my happy place. I really love to just potter

69
00:03:46,285 --> 00:03:49,125
Speaker 2: around the house and move pillows and.

70
00:03:49,325 --> 00:03:50,485
Speaker 1: Make order and order.

71
00:03:50,605 --> 00:03:53,005
Speaker 2: Yeah, rearrange my pantry.

72
00:03:53,685 --> 00:03:57,685
Speaker 1: A psychologist would say, did you have quite a chaotic childhood?

73
00:03:57,965 --> 00:04:00,365
Speaker 1: I know your parents divorced when you're about for ten. Yeah,

74
00:04:00,605 --> 00:04:02,285
Speaker 1: and I've heard you say that you were happy when

75
00:04:02,285 --> 00:04:03,245
Speaker 1: they divorced. Yeah.

76
00:04:03,285 --> 00:04:05,685
Speaker 2: I was happy. Yeah, it was a pretty yet that

77
00:04:05,765 --> 00:04:08,885
Speaker 2: they always fought. I feel like I was always stuck

78
00:04:08,925 --> 00:04:11,405
Speaker 2: in the middle. I was probably the adult a lot

79
00:04:11,445 --> 00:04:14,925
Speaker 2: of times looking after my parents. And I had a

80
00:04:14,965 --> 00:04:17,285
Speaker 2: happy upbringing. It wasn't like, I mean, I got everything

81
00:04:17,285 --> 00:04:20,285
Speaker 2: that I wanted. My parents were loving, but I just

82
00:04:20,445 --> 00:04:24,045
Speaker 2: never felt I guess, not so much safe, but there

83
00:04:24,085 --> 00:04:26,925
Speaker 2: was a lot of instability because of their arguing. Yeah.

84
00:04:27,085 --> 00:04:30,405
Speaker 2: I was very aware of both of their emotional states.

85
00:04:30,405 --> 00:04:32,165
Speaker 2: So yeah, when Mum sat me down and said we're

86
00:04:32,165 --> 00:04:35,765
Speaker 2: getting divorced, I'm like, oh, thank God. Like and that

87
00:04:35,965 --> 00:04:39,565
Speaker 2: was still very hard because they argue. They still don't talk.

88
00:04:40,205 --> 00:04:44,085
Speaker 1: Oh, that's rough. Yeah, what happened at your wedding, Well,

89
00:04:44,125 --> 00:04:44,765
Speaker 1: I didn't.

90
00:04:44,525 --> 00:04:48,485
Speaker 2: Invite my dad to my wedding, and I feel I

91
00:04:48,565 --> 00:04:50,965
Speaker 2: felt really at the time, I just thought that's what

92
00:04:50,965 --> 00:04:52,685
Speaker 2: I had to do because I was doing the right

93
00:04:52,725 --> 00:04:54,845
Speaker 2: thing by Mum, because that wasn't my dad left the

94
00:04:54,885 --> 00:04:56,165
Speaker 2: country and wasn't there for us.

95
00:04:56,365 --> 00:04:59,485
Speaker 1: So it's not like you they shared custody of your No.

96
00:04:59,485 --> 00:05:01,405
Speaker 2: No, no, no, they didn't. No, No, my mom did it.

97
00:05:01,525 --> 00:05:04,685
Speaker 2: Mum is an amazing woman. She's my hero. She brought

98
00:05:04,725 --> 00:05:07,645
Speaker 2: us up and I think we're quite well adjusted people

99
00:05:07,725 --> 00:05:10,925
Speaker 2: because of Mum. But I did feel like I wasn't

100
00:05:11,205 --> 00:05:11,845
Speaker 2: able to.

101
00:05:12,045 --> 00:05:13,885
Speaker 1: Invite he felt like disloyal.

102
00:05:14,245 --> 00:05:17,525
Speaker 2: Yeah, so I didn't. And it wasn't until I remember

103
00:05:17,605 --> 00:05:19,925
Speaker 2: after I got married and I saw my daddy came

104
00:05:19,965 --> 00:05:22,085
Speaker 2: to Australia and I saw him, and you know, he

105
00:05:22,125 --> 00:05:24,365
Speaker 2: was very upset that I didn't invite him and whatever.

106
00:05:24,485 --> 00:05:27,005
Speaker 2: But he opened up his wallet and he had these

107
00:05:27,005 --> 00:05:30,005
Speaker 2: two really old school pictures from when Costra and I

108
00:05:30,045 --> 00:05:32,205
Speaker 2: were really young, and they were all crinkled, and obviously

109
00:05:32,365 --> 00:05:35,125
Speaker 2: he might he'd been walking around with these pictures of

110
00:05:35,205 --> 00:05:38,605
Speaker 2: us ever since, you know, we were young, and I thought, oh, wow,

111
00:05:38,645 --> 00:05:41,965
Speaker 2: he does love us, and I felt really crappy that

112
00:05:42,085 --> 00:05:45,325
Speaker 2: I didn't invite him. My brother invited him to his wedding.

113
00:05:45,325 --> 00:05:47,965
Speaker 2: But look, I've made peace with all of that because

114
00:05:47,965 --> 00:05:49,485
Speaker 2: I think my dad and I just don't get on.

115
00:05:49,885 --> 00:05:52,765
Speaker 2: We're just really different people. I don't think he was

116
00:05:52,765 --> 00:05:55,245
Speaker 2: there for me. I think I reminded him a lot

117
00:05:55,285 --> 00:05:58,805
Speaker 2: of my mum. He's not a bad person. He brought

118
00:05:58,885 --> 00:06:01,005
Speaker 2: us up until I was fourteen, so he was in

119
00:06:01,085 --> 00:06:03,645
Speaker 2: my life, but we were never close. I was a

120
00:06:03,645 --> 00:06:05,405
Speaker 2: bit of a rat bag with him as well. I

121
00:06:05,405 --> 00:06:08,805
Speaker 2: always kind of just pushed buttons and tried to agitate him.

122
00:06:08,805 --> 00:06:10,365
Speaker 2: I just don't think where we get on.

123
00:06:10,885 --> 00:06:16,485
Speaker 1: Yeah, the Big Greek Book of Family Discipline. Yeah, what

124
00:06:16,805 --> 00:06:19,045
Speaker 1: would most people not know about growing up in a

125
00:06:19,085 --> 00:06:21,045
Speaker 1: Greek family and a Greek household.

126
00:06:21,205 --> 00:06:22,805
Speaker 2: Oh, there is a lot of rules. Like I thought

127
00:06:22,845 --> 00:06:24,365
Speaker 2: you were about to say the Greek Book of Rules

128
00:06:24,405 --> 00:06:25,685
Speaker 2: because I always joke about.

129
00:06:25,485 --> 00:06:27,485
Speaker 1: Well, yeah, the Big Greek Book of Rules. What's in

130
00:06:27,605 --> 00:06:28,925
Speaker 1: that Big Greek Book of rules?

131
00:06:28,925 --> 00:06:34,885
Speaker 2: Everything from you know, housework to when you've got your period.

132
00:06:35,005 --> 00:06:37,645
Speaker 2: You know, lad's lift anything heavy. You can't go into

133
00:06:37,685 --> 00:06:40,805
Speaker 2: a Greek church when you're hanging clothes on the line.

134
00:06:40,925 --> 00:06:43,005
Speaker 2: You know the pegs. I think that the little stuff

135
00:06:43,045 --> 00:06:45,765
Speaker 2: is inside on the hills hoist and the big stuff's

136
00:06:45,765 --> 00:06:49,845
Speaker 2: on the outside, and the pegs match, and you know fasting.

137
00:06:49,965 --> 00:06:52,605
Speaker 2: I mean, there's so many stupid rules where I don't know.

138
00:06:52,845 --> 00:06:55,045
Speaker 2: You can't wash your hair when you've got your period.

139
00:06:55,405 --> 00:06:56,405
Speaker 1: Why I don't know.

140
00:06:56,605 --> 00:07:00,245
Speaker 2: I don't actually know. Like so I'm going, I don't

141
00:07:00,245 --> 00:07:03,365
Speaker 2: actually know. So I christened my goddaughter, my brother's daughter,

142
00:07:03,725 --> 00:07:06,845
Speaker 2: on Sunday, and I've got to go today and wash

143
00:07:06,885 --> 00:07:09,125
Speaker 2: her because she's had all the oil from the church

144
00:07:09,485 --> 00:07:11,245
Speaker 2: and she hasn't been able to be washed for three days,

145
00:07:11,405 --> 00:07:13,365
Speaker 2: and because mom's in hospital. I said, so, Mum, what

146
00:07:13,405 --> 00:07:15,885
Speaker 2: do I need to do? She says, yell, you wash Sophia,

147
00:07:16,325 --> 00:07:20,045
Speaker 2: and then don't tip the bath water anywhere where you're walking.

148
00:07:20,125 --> 00:07:22,005
Speaker 2: You gotta tip it somewhere in the garden where you

149
00:07:22,085 --> 00:07:25,125
Speaker 2: don't walk, and you gotta put I've gotta wash all

150
00:07:25,165 --> 00:07:27,045
Speaker 2: the towels and everything that she's been wearing in that

151
00:07:27,125 --> 00:07:29,485
Speaker 2: same water as well. So why don't you tip the

152
00:07:29,525 --> 00:07:31,925
Speaker 2: water anywhere where you can watch? I don't know. It's

153
00:07:31,965 --> 00:07:32,645
Speaker 2: just what you do.

154
00:07:33,765 --> 00:07:34,485
Speaker 1: Don't question it.

155
00:07:35,005 --> 00:07:37,045
Speaker 2: So that's how I grew up. There's a lot of

156
00:07:37,125 --> 00:07:39,605
Speaker 2: rules that I have brought into my life that I

157
00:07:39,645 --> 00:07:42,565
Speaker 2: don't know why I have them. I save a lot

158
00:07:42,605 --> 00:07:46,285
Speaker 2: of money, that's a good rule. I have a lot

159
00:07:46,325 --> 00:07:49,365
Speaker 2: of stability in my life where I can. Yeah, I

160
00:07:49,405 --> 00:07:50,045
Speaker 2: don't know.

161
00:07:50,085 --> 00:07:53,045
Speaker 1: What about boys and dating and things like that.

162
00:07:53,045 --> 00:07:55,485
Speaker 2: That was that wasn't allowed?

163
00:07:55,605 --> 00:07:56,565
Speaker 1: Did it stop you though?

164
00:07:56,925 --> 00:07:59,525
Speaker 2: So I did have a boyfriend. I was fourteen. We're

165
00:07:59,565 --> 00:08:02,445
Speaker 2: going on a school camp and I'd never kissed a

166
00:08:02,485 --> 00:08:05,965
Speaker 2: boy before and We're on a train and Jack and

167
00:08:05,965 --> 00:08:08,165
Speaker 2: everyone else was like, okay, so we're all gonna have

168
00:08:08,525 --> 00:08:12,085
Speaker 2: a kissing company titian. I'm like, great. So I just

169
00:08:12,125 --> 00:08:14,925
Speaker 2: thought a kissing competition meant that who kissed for the longest.

170
00:08:14,925 --> 00:08:16,645
Speaker 2: So I just thought it meant I just like a peck,

171
00:08:16,685 --> 00:08:18,885
Speaker 2: a really long peck. So I went in for the kiss,

172
00:08:18,925 --> 00:08:22,365
Speaker 2: and I'm like and then he sort of started moving

173
00:08:22,405 --> 00:08:24,525
Speaker 2: his mouth and shoving his tongue, and I'm like, well,

174
00:08:25,125 --> 00:08:30,085
Speaker 2: I don't do that until I'm married. And I guess

175
00:08:30,085 --> 00:08:32,805
Speaker 2: that was part of the Greek book of rules. And anyway,

176
00:08:32,885 --> 00:08:34,845
Speaker 2: he broke up with me because I wouldn't kiss him

177
00:08:34,845 --> 00:08:38,885
Speaker 2: because I was frigid and then like or everyone at

178
00:08:38,885 --> 00:08:41,485
Speaker 2: school camp like, I was like like the laughing stop

179
00:08:41,525 --> 00:08:44,285
Speaker 2: because all the other schools were there. Anyway, everyone teased

180
00:08:44,325 --> 00:08:45,605
Speaker 2: me because I didn't know how to kiss, and I

181
00:08:45,605 --> 00:08:47,005
Speaker 2: wouldn't do it until I was married.

182
00:08:47,085 --> 00:08:48,885
Speaker 1: So did you wait until you were married?

183
00:08:49,005 --> 00:08:49,205
Speaker 2: No?

184
00:08:52,685 --> 00:08:54,805
Speaker 1: Because buying it after? I imagine you had to kiss

185
00:08:54,805 --> 00:08:57,125
Speaker 1: on screen at even Heartbreak Higher and Break It. Did

186
00:08:57,165 --> 00:08:58,925
Speaker 1: you have to kiss in those shows? Yeah?

187
00:08:58,965 --> 00:09:02,565
Speaker 2: I did, yeah, yeah, and it wasn't my first kiss,

188
00:09:02,685 --> 00:09:05,845
Speaker 2: but I was really nervous about it, yeah, because also

189
00:09:06,005 --> 00:09:08,605
Speaker 2: because Mum would see it, and also I was just

190
00:09:08,725 --> 00:09:11,125
Speaker 2: kissing him people, and I think it was probably only

191
00:09:11,205 --> 00:09:12,085
Speaker 2: my second kiss.

192
00:09:12,085 --> 00:09:13,565
Speaker 1: Actually, how old were you?

193
00:09:13,645 --> 00:09:14,205
Speaker 2: Sixteen?

194
00:09:15,285 --> 00:09:17,565
Speaker 1: Was your mum worried about you becoming an actor because

195
00:09:17,565 --> 00:09:19,005
Speaker 1: of this kind of thing?

196
00:09:19,285 --> 00:09:22,005
Speaker 2: Yeah? So mom didn't want me to become an actor.

197
00:09:22,045 --> 00:09:24,525
Speaker 2: So I was always like the kid that you know,

198
00:09:24,645 --> 00:09:27,885
Speaker 2: always a performer and whatever, And I got myself to

199
00:09:28,005 --> 00:09:30,685
Speaker 2: these auditions and wanted to be an actor. And when

200
00:09:30,725 --> 00:09:33,525
Speaker 2: I got the job because I had to leave school,

201
00:09:33,525 --> 00:09:35,565
Speaker 2: I was sixteen. I was doing Your eleven going into

202
00:09:35,645 --> 00:09:37,965
Speaker 2: year twelve I think it was, and Mom's like, well,

203
00:09:38,165 --> 00:09:40,605
Speaker 2: you know you're gonna have to do correspondence or so

204
00:09:40,845 --> 00:09:43,965
Speaker 2: she was okay with it, but so she wasn't okay

205
00:09:44,005 --> 00:09:46,285
Speaker 2: with it. But she's like, you know, you have to

206
00:09:46,285 --> 00:09:48,525
Speaker 2: do schooling and whatever. I said, look for you to

207
00:09:48,525 --> 00:09:50,645
Speaker 2: get comfortable with this, Why don't we just watch The

208
00:09:50,685 --> 00:09:54,685
Speaker 2: Heartbreak Kid and you could see what the show's about. Anyway,

209
00:09:55,125 --> 00:09:57,365
Speaker 2: I know, a bad idea, bad idea. She didn't talk

210
00:09:57,405 --> 00:09:59,525
Speaker 2: to me for two weeks. I know, I didn't know.

211
00:09:59,725 --> 00:10:02,165
Speaker 2: I forgot, I didn't think about it. So then that

212
00:10:02,205 --> 00:10:03,765
Speaker 2: was it. She didn't talk to me, she wouldn't watch

213
00:10:03,765 --> 00:10:08,405
Speaker 2: the show. And my character was was quite promiscuous on

214
00:10:08,445 --> 00:10:11,525
Speaker 2: the show as well, So yeah, she was a real like. Yeah,

215
00:10:11,645 --> 00:10:15,565
Speaker 2: she was writting short short skirts and shorts and was

216
00:10:15,645 --> 00:10:16,405
Speaker 2: kissing boys.

217
00:10:16,725 --> 00:10:20,845
Speaker 1: So your mom obviously really like had to struggle past

218
00:10:20,925 --> 00:10:27,365
Speaker 1: her own views because migrant families want stable professions for

219
00:10:27,445 --> 00:10:32,285
Speaker 1: their kids generally, right, Yeah, and acting in the arts, no,

220
00:10:32,445 --> 00:10:34,285
Speaker 1: it's not not stable.

221
00:10:34,725 --> 00:10:35,005
Speaker 2: Yeah.

222
00:10:35,165 --> 00:10:39,845
Speaker 1: Was she very nervous not just about your was characters promisecuity,

223
00:10:39,965 --> 00:10:42,405
Speaker 1: but just about your future prospects. Did she want you

224
00:10:42,485 --> 00:10:43,525
Speaker 1: to have a backup career?

225
00:10:43,645 --> 00:10:45,525
Speaker 2: Yeah, well my mom I always told my mom I

226
00:10:45,605 --> 00:10:47,125
Speaker 2: was going to be a lawyer. I was quite good

227
00:10:47,125 --> 00:10:49,845
Speaker 2: at school. I was getting good grades. So I was

228
00:10:49,885 --> 00:10:52,765
Speaker 2: only going to do Heartbreak for a year and do

229
00:10:53,005 --> 00:10:55,165
Speaker 2: school through correspondence, and then I was going to go

230
00:10:55,205 --> 00:10:57,765
Speaker 2: to university. I ended up doing it for three years,

231
00:10:57,805 --> 00:11:00,725
Speaker 2: so I postponed university. And then when I wanted to

232
00:11:00,805 --> 00:11:04,925
Speaker 2: leave Heartbreak, Mum realized how much money. I mean, it

233
00:11:04,965 --> 00:11:06,205
Speaker 2: wasn't it was a heaps of money, but it was

234
00:11:06,245 --> 00:11:08,605
Speaker 2: quite a bit of money for someone that age to

235
00:11:08,645 --> 00:11:10,645
Speaker 2: be earning, and she saved it all up for me

236
00:11:10,685 --> 00:11:12,645
Speaker 2: so I could buy a property. Once she saw how

237
00:11:12,725 --> 00:11:14,285
Speaker 2: much money I was earning, and then I wanted to

238
00:11:14,365 --> 00:11:16,805
Speaker 2: leave it all to go and do university, She's like,

239
00:11:17,325 --> 00:11:20,325
Speaker 2: maybe you should just stay, just stay for a bit.

240
00:11:20,365 --> 00:11:22,725
Speaker 2: So it was so funny that she just totally backflipped

241
00:11:22,725 --> 00:11:26,005
Speaker 2: because she saw that it could be a quite a

242
00:11:26,085 --> 00:11:27,485
Speaker 2: stable job, really.

243
00:11:27,325 --> 00:11:31,045
Speaker 1: Because for most people it's not not for you know,

244
00:11:31,085 --> 00:11:34,925
Speaker 1: maybe five percent or probably maybe even one percent as

245
00:11:34,925 --> 00:11:37,565
Speaker 1: the kind of career you have. Where have you had

246
00:11:37,565 --> 00:11:41,285
Speaker 1: that any stretches of unemployment as an actor only teenager,

247
00:11:41,805 --> 00:11:45,445
Speaker 1: I stopped working as an actor eventually after Heartbreak, I

248
00:11:45,445 --> 00:11:47,405
Speaker 1: thought I'm going to go and leave and do something else,

249
00:11:47,445 --> 00:11:51,365
Speaker 1: so I studied because I wanted something stable, and I

250
00:11:51,405 --> 00:11:52,125
Speaker 1: still didn't.

251
00:11:51,925 --> 00:11:53,845
Speaker 2: Know whether I wanted to act. I still don't know

252
00:11:53,885 --> 00:11:55,645
Speaker 2: whether I want to act. I always go I'm acting

253
00:11:55,685 --> 00:11:57,485
Speaker 2: at the moment. I don't know whether it's something I'll

254
00:11:57,525 --> 00:12:00,525
Speaker 2: continue to do. And maybe that is because I like

255
00:12:00,605 --> 00:12:03,605
Speaker 2: something stable, I don't know what it is, or I

256
00:12:03,605 --> 00:12:07,205
Speaker 2: feel like I don't know. I never feel like I'm

257
00:12:07,205 --> 00:12:09,925
Speaker 2: that good at it, or I just I just feel

258
00:12:09,925 --> 00:12:11,805
Speaker 2: like it's something that I've done naturally, but I haven't

259
00:12:11,805 --> 00:12:14,525
Speaker 2: trained for it. And you know, someone's going to realize

260
00:12:14,645 --> 00:12:15,245
Speaker 2: that I'm.

261
00:12:15,045 --> 00:12:17,365
Speaker 1: Not that great and impost syndrome.

262
00:12:17,485 --> 00:12:19,925
Speaker 2: Totally have imposter syndrome. I think all of us do

263
00:12:20,005 --> 00:12:22,245
Speaker 2: what I've realized when I talked to everyone, that everyone

264
00:12:22,285 --> 00:12:25,725
Speaker 2: has it. But my partner is a CEO, very successful,

265
00:12:25,765 --> 00:12:27,405
Speaker 2: and he's got it as well, like we all do.

266
00:12:27,645 --> 00:12:30,325
Speaker 2: So I left to do I did a travel and

267
00:12:30,405 --> 00:12:32,605
Speaker 2: tourism course, but I was going to be an event planner,

268
00:12:33,885 --> 00:12:35,845
Speaker 2: so I did that for a year and then we've.

269
00:12:35,685 --> 00:12:39,645
Speaker 1: Been very tidy events that would have looked amazing.

270
00:12:39,285 --> 00:12:41,525
Speaker 2: Amazing, and also the growing.

271
00:12:41,365 --> 00:12:46,485
Speaker 1: Up afterwards very efficient, completely thorough totally, but.

272
00:12:46,765 --> 00:12:49,845
Speaker 2: I actually hated it because I had an office job

273
00:12:50,205 --> 00:12:52,645
Speaker 2: and I got up at the same time, I caught

274
00:12:52,685 --> 00:12:55,365
Speaker 2: the same bus, the same train, lunch out at the

275
00:12:55,365 --> 00:12:58,245
Speaker 2: same time. I thought, this is so boring because I

276
00:12:58,325 --> 00:13:02,845
Speaker 2: was so used to just instability. Every day's different, every

277
00:13:02,925 --> 00:13:05,805
Speaker 2: day's different. So I realized I really liked it. And

278
00:13:05,845 --> 00:13:08,645
Speaker 2: then I got back into acting and ever since I

279
00:13:08,685 --> 00:13:10,925
Speaker 2: went back into I did Breakers, then I got Home

280
00:13:10,965 --> 00:13:12,645
Speaker 2: and Away, and I've been acting ever since. The only

281
00:13:12,645 --> 00:13:14,885
Speaker 2: time I've had off is when I had Jonas. I

282
00:13:14,925 --> 00:13:15,885
Speaker 2: had five months off.

283
00:13:16,725 --> 00:13:20,805
Speaker 1: When did the feeling of God, I hope my contract's renewed?

284
00:13:21,605 --> 00:13:25,405
Speaker 1: When did that go away? Because for every actor, I imagine,

285
00:13:26,525 --> 00:13:28,165
Speaker 1: do you come on it first with Home and Away

286
00:13:28,205 --> 00:13:30,045
Speaker 1: for a guest spot of a few months or is

287
00:13:30,085 --> 00:13:32,525
Speaker 1: it a annual contract? How does it work?

288
00:13:33,045 --> 00:13:36,125
Speaker 2: So most people get thirteen so you're asked for like

289
00:13:36,165 --> 00:13:39,005
Speaker 2: a three year contract, but it's a thirteen week option,

290
00:13:39,845 --> 00:13:42,205
Speaker 2: and so that's what I initially when I got asked

291
00:13:42,205 --> 00:13:43,885
Speaker 2: to go on. So I was quite lucky because I

292
00:13:43,885 --> 00:13:46,085
Speaker 2: was working on a show called Breakers, and they really

293
00:13:46,165 --> 00:13:49,125
Speaker 2: liked my characters. So when that got canned, they wrote

294
00:13:49,525 --> 00:13:52,525
Speaker 2: my characters on Home and Away for me, So that

295
00:13:52,645 --> 00:13:55,445
Speaker 2: was quite lucky. But I had such a bad experience

296
00:13:55,565 --> 00:13:57,405
Speaker 2: on Breakers doing a soap.

297
00:13:57,805 --> 00:13:58,765
Speaker 1: Why was it bad?

298
00:13:58,965 --> 00:14:01,765
Speaker 2: Oh, it was just it wasn't a great show to

299
00:14:01,805 --> 00:14:03,965
Speaker 2: work for. No one wanted to be there. It was

300
00:14:04,005 --> 00:14:07,285
Speaker 2: really disorganized. We'd be on for a few weeks, then

301
00:14:07,285 --> 00:14:09,645
Speaker 2: it would be off. There was a lot of problems

302
00:14:09,685 --> 00:14:12,645
Speaker 2: within the cast. There was addictionation, there was a whole

303
00:14:12,645 --> 00:14:15,165
Speaker 2: lot of stuff that was going on behind the scenes

304
00:14:15,165 --> 00:14:16,525
Speaker 2: that wasn't really pleasant.

305
00:14:16,605 --> 00:14:18,045
Speaker 1: How long were you on that show? For?

306
00:14:18,125 --> 00:14:21,405
Speaker 2: Two years? Two or three? I think nothing two But

307
00:14:21,445 --> 00:14:23,605
Speaker 2: I just hated it and I didn't really enjoy it.

308
00:14:23,645 --> 00:14:25,685
Speaker 1: But it was well paid and it was stable.

309
00:14:25,765 --> 00:14:27,685
Speaker 2: It was a job. It was a job, and I

310
00:14:27,725 --> 00:14:29,125
Speaker 2: was an actor, so what was it? And I was

311
00:14:29,165 --> 00:14:32,565
Speaker 2: living out of home at that point, so I was young. Yeah.

312
00:14:32,605 --> 00:14:34,885
Speaker 2: So when that finished, I was like, what am I

313
00:14:34,885 --> 00:14:37,045
Speaker 2: going to do? And then Home and Away came up

314
00:14:37,045 --> 00:14:39,165
Speaker 2: and said, you know, we'll write this part for you said,

315
00:14:39,205 --> 00:14:41,165
Speaker 2: oh great, so but I'll only do it. I think

316
00:14:41,205 --> 00:14:42,045
Speaker 2: I said I'd only.

317
00:14:41,925 --> 00:14:44,525
Speaker 1: Do it for a year in case it was like Breakers.

318
00:14:44,765 --> 00:14:47,045
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, And then I got on the show and

319
00:14:47,085 --> 00:14:50,685
Speaker 2: it was nothing like Breakers. It's such a beautiful show

320
00:14:50,725 --> 00:14:53,485
Speaker 2: to work on. The people really make the show, like

321
00:14:53,485 --> 00:14:55,845
Speaker 2: they just everyone's just so love. It's a real family.

322
00:14:56,445 --> 00:14:59,525
Speaker 2: I felt really stable. I loved what I was doing.

323
00:14:59,805 --> 00:15:01,885
Speaker 2: It was a really it was a hard time in

324
00:15:01,885 --> 00:15:04,485
Speaker 2: my life because of my personal life. So Home and

325
00:15:04,485 --> 00:15:06,965
Speaker 2: Away just was just a happy place to go to

326
00:15:07,085 --> 00:15:09,085
Speaker 2: every day. So I loved it. And I've been there

327
00:15:09,085 --> 00:15:11,605
Speaker 2: for two anyone years, Like I've always loved the show.

328
00:15:11,965 --> 00:15:14,285
Speaker 2: But in answer to your question, I still like, I

329
00:15:14,325 --> 00:15:17,685
Speaker 2: only just got renewed last year, and I was like, oh, okay,

330
00:15:17,725 --> 00:15:21,245
Speaker 2: they still want me, Like I still think that, yeah, because.

331
00:15:20,965 --> 00:15:25,645
Speaker 1: That's I guess every actor's fear on a long, long

332
00:15:25,725 --> 00:15:28,165
Speaker 1: running show. I was gonna ask if you feel now

333
00:15:28,165 --> 00:15:32,485
Speaker 1: that you've the power balance has shifted that you're just like, yeah,

334
00:15:32,565 --> 00:15:36,605
Speaker 1: I have status and I have power in this situation,

335
00:15:36,685 --> 00:15:38,605
Speaker 1: and they need me as much as I need a job.

336
00:15:38,765 --> 00:15:40,845
Speaker 2: I don't feel like that. And the only thing that

337
00:15:40,925 --> 00:15:45,045
Speaker 2: has shifted now is I go I just missed being

338
00:15:45,125 --> 00:15:48,845
Speaker 2: at home with Jonas I just ever since COVID, ever

339
00:15:48,845 --> 00:15:51,365
Speaker 2: since we had Lockdown, and I was at home with him,

340
00:15:51,925 --> 00:15:54,325
Speaker 2: and I realized what I'm missing out on. I'm like, oh,

341
00:15:54,405 --> 00:15:57,165
Speaker 2: if I could just find a bit more balance. Yeah,

342
00:15:57,165 --> 00:16:00,525
Speaker 2: And I've never felt like that before. I've always liked work, work, work, work,

343
00:16:00,645 --> 00:16:03,125
Speaker 2: as so as this rush to pay off the mortgage

344
00:16:03,205 --> 00:16:05,285
Speaker 2: or do that or whatever. Like I've just got that

345
00:16:05,445 --> 00:16:07,685
Speaker 2: Greek in me that I've just got to keep working,

346
00:16:07,725 --> 00:16:11,845
Speaker 2: whereas now I've gone it's enough, Like I just want

347
00:16:11,845 --> 00:16:13,885
Speaker 2: to you know, you don't how much money do you need?

348
00:16:13,965 --> 00:16:17,325
Speaker 2: How much stability do you need? You know? Like Jonas

349
00:16:17,405 --> 00:16:20,165
Speaker 2: is about to be nine, and I want to drop

350
00:16:20,245 --> 00:16:21,605
Speaker 2: him off and pick him up and.

351
00:16:21,765 --> 00:16:22,765
Speaker 1: Learn where the gate is.

352
00:16:23,085 --> 00:16:25,725
Speaker 2: Yeah, I do want to learn where the gate is.

353
00:16:26,045 --> 00:16:28,965
Speaker 2: I do. And I want to stop asking him what

354
00:16:29,125 --> 00:16:30,685
Speaker 2: uniform today is.

355
00:16:30,845 --> 00:16:33,245
Speaker 1: Oh no, that will never happen. Really, I don't think

356
00:16:33,245 --> 00:16:35,205
Speaker 1: it will ever happen. I mean I don't know. But

357
00:16:35,965 --> 00:16:38,285
Speaker 1: you know, you also like working. My mom said a

358
00:16:38,325 --> 00:16:40,885
Speaker 1: really wise thing to me when each time I have

359
00:16:41,005 --> 00:16:44,165
Speaker 1: gone on maternity leave and had a baby, I've completely

360
00:16:44,245 --> 00:16:46,085
Speaker 1: lost my ambition for about a year and I haven't

361
00:16:46,085 --> 00:16:49,005
Speaker 1: really wanted to work. And each time I've said to her, Mum,

362
00:16:49,045 --> 00:16:50,525
Speaker 1: I think maybe I just want to stay home and

363
00:16:50,525 --> 00:16:52,645
Speaker 1: folld teeny tiny socks, like that's just what I want

364
00:16:52,685 --> 00:16:55,165
Speaker 1: to do, and She's like, darling, it's very different being

365
00:16:55,165 --> 00:16:58,405
Speaker 1: on Matt leave than that is your full time gig.

366
00:16:59,125 --> 00:17:01,485
Speaker 1: And I think COVID was a little bit like that too,

367
00:17:01,525 --> 00:17:04,005
Speaker 1: because we knew, well we hoped, it was going to

368
00:17:04,045 --> 00:17:05,765
Speaker 1: come to an end. So it was almost like a

369
00:17:05,765 --> 00:17:09,165
Speaker 1: weird not a holiday, and everyone had different experiences of it.

370
00:17:09,325 --> 00:17:12,485
Speaker 1: But if you've been used to not being at home

371
00:17:12,525 --> 00:17:15,525
Speaker 1: with your kids much, it was a bit of a

372
00:17:15,565 --> 00:17:17,685
Speaker 1: moment in time, it really was.

373
00:17:17,885 --> 00:17:21,685
Speaker 2: And we cooked together and you know, we did arts

374
00:17:21,685 --> 00:17:24,965
Speaker 2: and crafts, and we walked in the rain and it

375
00:17:25,045 --> 00:17:28,085
Speaker 2: was just so lovely, you know. So it was a

376
00:17:28,205 --> 00:17:29,805
Speaker 2: very I mean, I know it was so hard for

377
00:17:29,845 --> 00:17:32,525
Speaker 2: so many people, but I really loved it.

378
00:17:32,845 --> 00:17:34,165
Speaker 1: It really suited some people.

379
00:17:34,445 --> 00:17:38,045
Speaker 2: Yeah, and look, you know I wasn't in a tiny apartment,

380
00:17:38,325 --> 00:17:39,965
Speaker 2: you know, and the weather.

381
00:17:39,805 --> 00:17:42,005
Speaker 1: Was beautiful and you weren't worried that you were going

382
00:17:42,045 --> 00:17:42,685
Speaker 1: to lose your job.

383
00:17:42,965 --> 00:17:44,645
Speaker 2: No, I knew we were going back.

384
00:17:44,805 --> 00:17:47,165
Speaker 1: I think the people who lots of different people did

385
00:17:47,205 --> 00:17:50,165
Speaker 1: it tougher. But in terms of parents at home, I

386
00:17:50,205 --> 00:17:53,485
Speaker 1: think parents with really little kids, yeah, that was hard. Man.

387
00:17:53,645 --> 00:17:58,565
Speaker 1: Oh Toddler entertained inside for eight weeks. Holy moly. So

388
00:17:58,565 --> 00:18:00,925
Speaker 1: how many days a week do you work or is

389
00:18:00,965 --> 00:18:02,645
Speaker 1: it different every week depending on the script.

390
00:18:02,805 --> 00:18:05,045
Speaker 2: It's different every week, but it tends to be five

391
00:18:05,725 --> 00:18:10,365
Speaker 2: sometimes six. Last year during COVID, we were doing six.

392
00:18:11,165 --> 00:18:13,765
Speaker 2: Why six because we had to work Saturdays, because we

393
00:18:13,845 --> 00:18:16,725
Speaker 2: had the eight weeks off, we had catch up to do,

394
00:18:17,445 --> 00:18:19,885
Speaker 2: so we were doing six, so there was like two studios.

395
00:18:20,005 --> 00:18:24,405
Speaker 2: It was crazy. It was crazy. The crew worked so hard.

396
00:18:24,485 --> 00:18:26,565
Speaker 2: We were all a mess by the end of the year.

397
00:18:26,645 --> 00:18:28,885
Speaker 2: But we caught up. We're pretty much caught up.

398
00:18:29,285 --> 00:18:30,805
Speaker 1: What sort of hours?

399
00:18:31,005 --> 00:18:33,205
Speaker 2: Okay, so my average day is probably I'd get to

400
00:18:33,245 --> 00:18:35,845
Speaker 2: make up about six if I'm in studio, and I

401
00:18:35,885 --> 00:18:38,805
Speaker 2: probably finished about seven, and Jonas goes to better.

402
00:18:38,605 --> 00:18:39,245
Speaker 1: Seven at night.

403
00:18:39,405 --> 00:18:42,125
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, And it's like pretty much

404
00:18:42,365 --> 00:18:44,445
Speaker 2: going the whole time. Like you might have the scene,

405
00:18:44,525 --> 00:18:46,605
Speaker 2: not a few scenes off here or there, or you

406
00:18:46,645 --> 00:18:49,925
Speaker 2: can be traveling from studio and location and studio and

407
00:18:49,925 --> 00:18:52,205
Speaker 2: location about an hour and a bit away from each other,

408
00:18:52,485 --> 00:18:55,365
Speaker 2: and sometimes you can be going to and from. So

409
00:18:56,165 --> 00:18:58,445
Speaker 2: a lot of my day can just be driving.

410
00:18:59,685 --> 00:19:02,005
Speaker 1: Is that pretty much the only time you get to

411
00:19:02,005 --> 00:19:02,765
Speaker 1: be by yourself?

412
00:19:02,885 --> 00:19:03,565
Speaker 2: Yeah?

413
00:19:03,765 --> 00:19:07,285
Speaker 1: Yeah, because six till seven being around other people, even

414
00:19:07,325 --> 00:19:11,485
Speaker 1: if they're lovely people, that's lot you obviously quite extroverted.

415
00:19:11,645 --> 00:19:16,565
Speaker 2: No, I'm actually I'm an introverted extrovert. Yeah, And the

416
00:19:16,605 --> 00:19:19,325
Speaker 2: older I get, the more I really miss my time.

417
00:19:19,525 --> 00:19:21,485
Speaker 2: That's why I love going for walks. But that's why

418
00:19:21,485 --> 00:19:23,965
Speaker 2: I love my car, because my car is just me

419
00:19:24,325 --> 00:19:27,445
Speaker 2: in my thoughts. And you don't as a mom, do you.

420
00:19:27,685 --> 00:19:27,925
Speaker 1: Yeah?

421
00:19:28,045 --> 00:19:28,205
Speaker 2: No.

422
00:19:28,325 --> 00:19:29,645
Speaker 1: And I was going to say, if you're in a

423
00:19:29,685 --> 00:19:32,005
Speaker 1: scene with someone and you're driving from the studio to

424
00:19:32,085 --> 00:19:35,085
Speaker 1: location or someone from the crew, do you have to

425
00:19:35,085 --> 00:19:36,805
Speaker 1: give them a lift or do you feel like you

426
00:19:36,845 --> 00:19:37,925
Speaker 1: should offer them a lift?

427
00:19:38,845 --> 00:19:42,005
Speaker 2: No, because everyone tends to drive or they get driven,

428
00:19:42,325 --> 00:19:44,445
Speaker 2: Like unless it's like my friend Lynn or someone and

429
00:19:44,525 --> 00:19:47,245
Speaker 2: she isn't driving in my work life, Yeah, then I'll

430
00:19:47,245 --> 00:19:50,325
Speaker 2: give her a lift. But otherwise no, it's just I'll

431
00:19:50,365 --> 00:19:52,085
Speaker 2: just get there. What I do hate like as much

432
00:19:52,085 --> 00:19:54,805
Speaker 2: as sometimes I should be getting a driver because we

433
00:19:54,965 --> 00:19:58,005
Speaker 2: can get a driver, I don't have to talk because

434
00:19:58,045 --> 00:20:00,645
Speaker 2: I can't just be in a car and not talk

435
00:20:00,885 --> 00:20:02,925
Speaker 2: like Adam. My partner hates it because we'll get in

436
00:20:02,965 --> 00:20:04,845
Speaker 2: an uber and I'm like, so, how is your day?

437
00:20:04,965 --> 00:20:05,685
Speaker 2: What have you done?

438
00:20:06,645 --> 00:20:08,405
Speaker 1: But it's funny you say that, how much of it

439
00:20:08,445 --> 00:20:10,445
Speaker 1: do you think? That's because people know who you are,

440
00:20:10,685 --> 00:20:14,445
Speaker 1: and you feel the need to lift to their expectation

441
00:20:14,565 --> 00:20:17,365
Speaker 1: of totally. How does Jonas manage when you're out in public.

442
00:20:18,125 --> 00:20:20,205
Speaker 2: Oh, he's getting to the point now where he's pretty

443
00:20:20,245 --> 00:20:23,365
Speaker 2: excited about it, And I'm going to say, no, he

444
00:20:23,405 --> 00:20:25,645
Speaker 2: loves it, because I am always trying to shelter that

445
00:20:25,725 --> 00:20:28,485
Speaker 2: kid from everything. My son is exactly how I was

446
00:20:28,525 --> 00:20:30,325
Speaker 2: when that I was that age. But the difference is

447
00:20:30,405 --> 00:20:33,125
Speaker 2: now we've got YouTube and we've got all of this stuff.

448
00:20:33,645 --> 00:20:36,325
Speaker 2: So if Jonas could be the center of attention all

449
00:20:36,365 --> 00:20:39,165
Speaker 2: the time, Jonas would be. I don't let him watch

450
00:20:39,165 --> 00:20:41,165
Speaker 2: to look at Instagram because he's like, how many likes?

451
00:20:41,165 --> 00:20:42,925
Speaker 2: How did like? He's all about he.

452
00:20:42,965 --> 00:20:44,685
Speaker 1: Likes the reflected glory of your family.

453
00:20:44,765 --> 00:20:46,925
Speaker 2: He does. And he'll go to school and will say,

454
00:20:47,165 --> 00:20:49,205
Speaker 2: my mom's famous. Do you know I was famous? I

455
00:20:49,245 --> 00:20:51,525
Speaker 2: was in the Morning Show once. I'm like, oh my god, this.

456
00:20:51,485 --> 00:20:52,125
Speaker 1: Is so rossing.

457
00:20:52,885 --> 00:20:55,045
Speaker 2: So I try and shelter him from a lot of

458
00:20:55,085 --> 00:20:58,045
Speaker 2: that stuff. But whenever someone comes up, You're like, Mum,

459
00:20:58,085 --> 00:21:00,165
Speaker 2: they know you, what do they know you from? They

460
00:21:00,245 --> 00:21:02,845
Speaker 2: just know me from TV, you know. And I always

461
00:21:02,885 --> 00:21:05,845
Speaker 2: tell him, like, fame's not that important. What's more important

462
00:21:05,845 --> 00:21:08,365
Speaker 2: is that I work hard, you know, I provide for you.

463
00:21:08,845 --> 00:21:11,965
Speaker 2: But he he's got massive TV eyes. I took him

464
00:21:11,965 --> 00:21:16,925
Speaker 2: to a premiere once. He just took over the red carpet. Oh.

465
00:21:17,445 --> 00:21:20,525
Speaker 2: I can't take him there again. And it doesn't feel

466
00:21:20,565 --> 00:21:22,885
Speaker 2: like a shitty mm because I go clearly that's what

467
00:21:23,045 --> 00:21:25,605
Speaker 2: he loves. But I just don't want him to think

468
00:21:25,605 --> 00:21:28,285
Speaker 2: that that's important. You know. I don't want him to

469
00:21:28,285 --> 00:21:30,525
Speaker 2: be wanting to be famous just to be famous. If

470
00:21:30,565 --> 00:21:33,445
Speaker 2: he wants to be an international soccer style like he

471
00:21:33,485 --> 00:21:35,325
Speaker 2: does want to be, you know, he needs to work

472
00:21:35,365 --> 00:21:37,485
Speaker 2: hard and get there and then all that other stuff

473
00:21:37,525 --> 00:21:38,005
Speaker 2: comes later.

474
00:21:38,125 --> 00:21:41,285
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's famous for doing something, and you're a working actress.

475
00:21:41,285 --> 00:21:42,725
Speaker 1: That's why you're famous exactly.

476
00:21:42,925 --> 00:21:43,565
Speaker 2: Yeah.

477
00:21:43,645 --> 00:21:47,685
Speaker 1: Before today, I went back and reread an interview from

478
00:21:47,685 --> 00:21:50,165
Speaker 1: a couple of years ago by Ellen Pompeo, the star

479
00:21:50,205 --> 00:21:52,725
Speaker 1: of Gray's Anatomy. It was an interview that made a

480
00:21:52,725 --> 00:21:55,645
Speaker 1: lot of news because she's been doing that show for

481
00:21:55,685 --> 00:21:57,245
Speaker 1: about as long as you've been doing Home in Away,

482
00:21:57,285 --> 00:21:59,645
Speaker 1: about twenty years. She's the star of that show. But

483
00:21:59,685 --> 00:22:03,685
Speaker 1: she spoke very candidly about a lot of things about

484
00:22:03,725 --> 00:22:06,605
Speaker 1: the power that she has in being sort of the

485
00:22:06,645 --> 00:22:10,765
Speaker 1: star of that show. But also she spoke about she

486
00:22:10,925 --> 00:22:14,725
Speaker 1: had a decision to make as an actress, about whether

487
00:22:14,805 --> 00:22:18,285
Speaker 1: she would be on a show and playing the same

488
00:22:18,365 --> 00:22:22,525
Speaker 1: character essentially for twenty years, or whether she would go

489
00:22:22,805 --> 00:22:26,885
Speaker 1: the movie route or do different shows. And she said,

490
00:22:27,085 --> 00:22:30,525
Speaker 1: it's actually harder to play the same character and bring

491
00:22:30,605 --> 00:22:32,845
Speaker 1: something to it for twenty years. And I chose the

492
00:22:32,885 --> 00:22:35,525
Speaker 1: stability because I wanted to have children. I didn't want

493
00:22:35,525 --> 00:22:37,525
Speaker 1: to be in different locations. I didn't want to be

494
00:22:37,565 --> 00:22:41,605
Speaker 1: flying all over the world. And she basically said, it's

495
00:22:41,645 --> 00:22:44,965
Speaker 1: a mistake for actors to look down on actors who

496
00:22:45,005 --> 00:22:48,045
Speaker 1: are working actors in long running shows. And it made

497
00:22:48,085 --> 00:22:50,085
Speaker 1: me think about you, because that was obviously a choice

498
00:22:50,085 --> 00:22:50,565
Speaker 1: you made too.

499
00:22:50,805 --> 00:22:52,965
Speaker 2: Yeah, it was a choice I made. And I love

500
00:22:53,045 --> 00:22:57,045
Speaker 2: television and I love stability, and you know, it's afforded

501
00:22:57,085 --> 00:22:59,725
Speaker 2: me a great life, and it's meant that, you know,

502
00:22:59,765 --> 00:23:02,525
Speaker 2: I have been here in this country and at home

503
00:23:02,565 --> 00:23:05,125
Speaker 2: as much as I came with Jonas, I did want

504
00:23:05,165 --> 00:23:06,925
Speaker 2: a big family, and I wanted to always be in

505
00:23:06,925 --> 00:23:08,725
Speaker 2: this country, and I love this country, and I couldn't

506
00:23:08,725 --> 00:23:12,885
Speaker 2: imagine bringing up a child overseas. I think for me,

507
00:23:13,365 --> 00:23:16,325
Speaker 2: I just think it'd be too hard, like hustling all

508
00:23:16,365 --> 00:23:19,845
Speaker 2: the time for different roles and being out of work.

509
00:23:19,925 --> 00:23:23,285
Speaker 2: And I don't love acting that much, you know, I

510
00:23:23,365 --> 00:23:27,445
Speaker 2: love working, and so it was a real conscious choice

511
00:23:27,445 --> 00:23:29,845
Speaker 2: for me. And I've always said, if Home and Away

512
00:23:30,045 --> 00:23:33,525
Speaker 2: ended tomorrow for me, I might not continue to act.

513
00:23:33,565 --> 00:23:36,645
Speaker 2: I might do something else because as much as acting

514
00:23:36,725 --> 00:23:38,605
Speaker 2: is a lot of fun and I do enjoy doing it,

515
00:23:38,845 --> 00:23:44,125
Speaker 2: the hustle of it is just not fun. Auditionssid the auditions, Yeah, Like,

516
00:23:44,205 --> 00:23:46,245
Speaker 2: you know, do they like me? Don't they like me?

517
00:23:46,525 --> 00:23:48,805
Speaker 2: All of that. I just don't think it's great for

518
00:23:48,885 --> 00:23:51,765
Speaker 2: your psyche, and I just don't want it that much,

519
00:23:52,005 --> 00:23:55,685
Speaker 2: you know. I think, you know, I have wanted this life,

520
00:23:55,725 --> 00:23:58,685
Speaker 2: and I'm you know, I have designed it this way

521
00:23:58,845 --> 00:23:59,885
Speaker 2: and I'm happy with it.

522
00:24:00,685 --> 00:24:04,405
Speaker 1: There's two types of burnout. There's the burnout from working

523
00:24:04,525 --> 00:24:07,045
Speaker 1: really long hours, yeah, which it sounds like you do.

524
00:24:07,525 --> 00:24:09,925
Speaker 1: There's also the burnout for creative peace of doing the

525
00:24:09,965 --> 00:24:13,765
Speaker 1: same thing again and again, which can feel quite exhausting.

526
00:24:14,405 --> 00:24:16,845
Speaker 1: Have you experienced those two different types of burnout and

527
00:24:16,885 --> 00:24:18,085
Speaker 1: how do you manage them?

528
00:24:18,685 --> 00:24:21,165
Speaker 2: I feel like it's what I'm going through at the moment.

529
00:24:21,285 --> 00:24:23,365
Speaker 2: If I was being honest with you, I do feel

530
00:24:23,365 --> 00:24:26,045
Speaker 2: like I am tired because I'm just working so much.

531
00:24:26,125 --> 00:24:30,045
Speaker 2: I haven't stopped for years, so I am feeling very tired.

532
00:24:30,245 --> 00:24:32,125
Speaker 2: I feel like I just need to stop for a bit,

533
00:24:32,525 --> 00:24:34,965
Speaker 2: you know, so I can be a bit more creative now.

534
00:24:35,005 --> 00:24:37,325
Speaker 2: In saying that, the good thing about Home and Away

535
00:24:37,605 --> 00:24:40,765
Speaker 2: is that because there's so many storylines, you are doing

536
00:24:40,805 --> 00:24:44,005
Speaker 2: different things all the time. And I do do other stuff,

537
00:24:44,005 --> 00:24:46,125
Speaker 2: like I just finished Dancing with the Stars, and I like,

538
00:24:46,765 --> 00:24:49,325
Speaker 2: we do have the opportunity to do other stuff. But

539
00:24:49,565 --> 00:24:53,245
Speaker 2: I just feel like I just need six months or something.

540
00:24:53,245 --> 00:24:55,445
Speaker 2: I just need to beabbatical. I just need a bit

541
00:24:55,485 --> 00:24:55,965
Speaker 2: of time.

542
00:24:56,125 --> 00:25:00,285
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm mea Friedman and you're listening to No Filter

543
00:25:00,565 --> 00:25:06,885
Speaker 1: with Ada Nikodemo. No one has a baby thinking that

544
00:25:06,965 --> 00:25:09,805
Speaker 1: they're not going to be with them full time. Yeah,

545
00:25:09,845 --> 00:25:12,525
Speaker 1: And when you and Chris split up, how did you

546
00:25:12,605 --> 00:25:16,045
Speaker 1: adjust to not having him with you sometimes, because I mean,

547
00:25:16,085 --> 00:25:17,085
Speaker 1: you guys are so close.

548
00:25:17,325 --> 00:25:21,125
Speaker 2: Yeah, it was really hard. I just I didn't know

549
00:25:21,165 --> 00:25:23,325
Speaker 2: what to do with myself. I used to just walk

550
00:25:23,365 --> 00:25:27,845
Speaker 2: around the house like feeling at a loss and not

551
00:25:28,005 --> 00:25:30,885
Speaker 2: knowing what to do. And I was quite depressed because

552
00:25:30,885 --> 00:25:33,965
Speaker 2: also I was just so depressed anyway, But I just

553
00:25:34,045 --> 00:25:36,285
Speaker 2: didn't want to see my friends. I just felt like

554
00:25:36,445 --> 00:25:41,565
Speaker 2: a part of me just was missing. But then then

555
00:25:41,605 --> 00:25:44,405
Speaker 2: what happens is what because once you do have kids,

556
00:25:44,445 --> 00:25:47,245
Speaker 2: you realize you don't have any time to yourself.

557
00:25:46,925 --> 00:25:48,085
Speaker 1: Especially as a single pairs.

558
00:25:48,125 --> 00:25:51,125
Speaker 2: As a single pair, I started going, this is actually amazing.

559
00:25:51,205 --> 00:25:53,965
Speaker 2: I could exercise, I could see my friends, I could

560
00:25:54,005 --> 00:25:58,045
Speaker 2: go shopping. So now I got to a really good

561
00:25:58,085 --> 00:26:00,245
Speaker 2: balance from me. I really loved you, and I love

562
00:26:00,325 --> 00:26:02,605
Speaker 2: my time with you, but I love my time by

563
00:26:02,725 --> 00:26:03,805
Speaker 2: myself as well.

564
00:26:03,965 --> 00:26:06,165
Speaker 1: How old was he when Adam came into his life?

565
00:26:06,405 --> 00:26:08,765
Speaker 2: Oh, Madam and I've been together. I think Adam and

566
00:26:08,765 --> 00:26:10,565
Speaker 2: I've been together four years.

567
00:26:10,765 --> 00:26:11,445
Speaker 1: How did you meet?

568
00:26:11,605 --> 00:26:16,365
Speaker 2: So? A Channel seven function? Actually at the upfronts you

569
00:26:16,365 --> 00:26:18,165
Speaker 2: know what upfront? Yeah?

570
00:26:18,405 --> 00:26:22,725
Speaker 1: So so it's a big fancy do where the television

571
00:26:22,725 --> 00:26:25,685
Speaker 1: station presents to all the potential advertisers all the shows

572
00:26:25,685 --> 00:26:26,605
Speaker 1: they've got coming up.

573
00:26:26,605 --> 00:26:29,805
Speaker 2: For the next ye. Yeah, and look, I didn't want

574
00:26:29,845 --> 00:26:33,005
Speaker 2: to go and I wasn't a grap like I hadn't

575
00:26:33,045 --> 00:26:35,885
Speaker 2: literally gone out for a year. I was severely depressed.

576
00:26:35,925 --> 00:26:37,005
Speaker 2: I just didn't want to see.

577
00:26:36,925 --> 00:26:39,725
Speaker 1: How long ago had you become single probably about a year,

578
00:26:40,325 --> 00:26:42,045
Speaker 1: and I hadn't been doing much data.

579
00:26:42,765 --> 00:26:45,485
Speaker 2: No, like men physically repulsed me, like I didn't want

580
00:26:45,525 --> 00:26:47,965
Speaker 2: anyone to come near me. I think no one did

581
00:26:47,965 --> 00:26:50,365
Speaker 2: come to me because I was super attractive, you know,

582
00:26:50,805 --> 00:26:53,365
Speaker 2: like get away from me. I didn't want anything to

583
00:26:53,365 --> 00:26:56,445
Speaker 2: do with them. But the outfronts were happened to be

584
00:26:56,485 --> 00:26:59,565
Speaker 2: in the studio next to us at home, and and

585
00:27:00,245 --> 00:27:04,485
Speaker 2: actually I had to go and clear my managers, like literally,

586
00:27:04,525 --> 00:27:06,445
Speaker 2: all you've got to do is walk next door, just

587
00:27:06,485 --> 00:27:09,325
Speaker 2: go show your face and leave. I'm like all right,

588
00:27:09,405 --> 00:27:11,885
Speaker 2: and something in me went, look, I feel like I

589
00:27:11,885 --> 00:27:14,565
Speaker 2: should just go. And I don't know what that was about,

590
00:27:14,605 --> 00:27:18,045
Speaker 2: but anyway, I went and I just was like, oh here.

591
00:27:18,085 --> 00:27:20,285
Speaker 2: I wasn't really talking to anyone, but then this guy

592
00:27:20,405 --> 00:27:23,405
Speaker 2: came up and just started chatting to me. And it

593
00:27:23,445 --> 00:27:26,205
Speaker 2: was actually because I'm always, whenever going to a function,

594
00:27:26,205 --> 00:27:28,685
Speaker 2: I'm always looking for food, and somehow I think he

595
00:27:28,725 --> 00:27:30,765
Speaker 2: was looking for the chicken for the food or something,

596
00:27:30,805 --> 00:27:32,925
Speaker 2: or I just eating something. Anyway, somehow we started off

597
00:27:32,965 --> 00:27:35,725
Speaker 2: conversation about food and I said, look, FI go and

598
00:27:35,765 --> 00:27:38,085
Speaker 2: stand over there. That's where the food's coming out. So

599
00:27:38,125 --> 00:27:40,445
Speaker 2: I didn't really have much of a conversation with him,

600
00:27:40,445 --> 00:27:42,645
Speaker 2: and then he did come back later and started chatting

601
00:27:42,685 --> 00:27:45,325
Speaker 2: to me again, but I didn't think anything of it. Really,

602
00:27:45,725 --> 00:27:48,005
Speaker 2: I've spent most of the time talking to this other

603
00:27:48,085 --> 00:27:52,125
Speaker 2: guy and his colleague who were in advertising, and he

604
00:27:52,205 --> 00:27:55,525
Speaker 2: was married, right, nice enough guys. I was talking to

605
00:27:55,565 --> 00:27:58,245
Speaker 2: them anyway. The next day, I was in makeup and

606
00:27:58,325 --> 00:28:00,765
Speaker 2: my manager ring's up and goes, hey, hater, there's a

607
00:28:00,805 --> 00:28:04,285
Speaker 2: guy that wants to send flowers to your dressing room.

608
00:28:04,925 --> 00:28:06,645
Speaker 2: What do I do? And I'm like, oh, no, it's

609
00:28:06,725 --> 00:28:10,405
Speaker 2: the married man. I'm like Jesus, and she goes, look,

610
00:28:10,445 --> 00:28:12,445
Speaker 2: I've looked him like he seems pretty legit, like he

611
00:28:12,445 --> 00:28:14,885
Speaker 2: didn't know who you were and he had to google you,

612
00:28:14,965 --> 00:28:16,765
Speaker 2: and like he seems like he's gone to a lot

613
00:28:16,805 --> 00:28:19,165
Speaker 2: of effort. And then I thought a stalker, not a stalker,

614
00:28:19,165 --> 00:28:22,925
Speaker 2: because I was a bit worried and Leah, so she

615
00:28:23,005 --> 00:28:25,125
Speaker 2: did all the sort of checking and he seemed okay,

616
00:28:25,205 --> 00:28:28,045
Speaker 2: and I thought, I've never been sent flowers before, and

617
00:28:28,085 --> 00:28:30,485
Speaker 2: I was feeling like, all, no one's ever asked me

618
00:28:30,525 --> 00:28:33,245
Speaker 2: out on a date, like I've no literally like I

619
00:28:33,285 --> 00:28:36,365
Speaker 2: hadn't been ever romanced like that, and I thought, oh,

620
00:28:36,485 --> 00:28:38,485
Speaker 2: I was feeling pretty shitty about myself. So I thought,

621
00:28:38,925 --> 00:28:41,165
Speaker 2: how nice would it be to get like flowers?

622
00:28:41,205 --> 00:28:43,485
Speaker 1: Sense it works, bonus points, and it work.

623
00:28:43,925 --> 00:28:45,605
Speaker 2: So I did get them sent, and he wrote me

624
00:28:45,645 --> 00:28:48,965
Speaker 2: this really lovely card and asked whether I would just

625
00:28:49,005 --> 00:28:51,565
Speaker 2: go out for coffee or anything. And I thought, look,

626
00:28:51,605 --> 00:28:53,885
Speaker 2: I don't want to do that, but I thought I'd

627
00:28:53,925 --> 00:28:55,845
Speaker 2: just ring him up because it's just the polite thing

628
00:28:55,885 --> 00:28:57,445
Speaker 2: to do, because he went to Sweden.

629
00:28:57,445 --> 00:28:58,285
Speaker 1: Didn't you want to do that?

630
00:28:58,325 --> 00:29:00,165
Speaker 2: Because I just didn't want to see anyone. I just

631
00:29:00,285 --> 00:29:03,325
Speaker 2: wasn't in a state. So anyway, I rang him up,

632
00:29:03,405 --> 00:29:05,885
Speaker 2: and you know, we just got talking and then I thought,

633
00:29:05,885 --> 00:29:07,765
Speaker 2: I'll buger it. I'll just go out on a date

634
00:29:07,805 --> 00:29:10,725
Speaker 2: with him. But I had my sister in law waiting,

635
00:29:11,085 --> 00:29:13,845
Speaker 2: like not far just in case. I didn't really want

636
00:29:13,845 --> 00:29:16,565
Speaker 2: to be there. I just was touched. He was just

637
00:29:16,565 --> 00:29:18,565
Speaker 2: such a general. He stood up like I went to

638
00:29:18,605 --> 00:29:21,045
Speaker 2: go to the bathroom and he stood up like have

639
00:29:21,085 --> 00:29:23,925
Speaker 2: you ever had a guy do that? I see, I

640
00:29:24,045 --> 00:29:25,685
Speaker 2: never had a guy do that. You know, I never

641
00:29:25,725 --> 00:29:29,765
Speaker 2: had a guy room. Anyway, he was just lovely, and yeah,

642
00:29:29,805 --> 00:29:30,805
Speaker 2: that's how it started.

643
00:29:31,485 --> 00:29:36,485
Speaker 1: How did you feel about introducing him to Jonas.

644
00:29:36,245 --> 00:29:38,885
Speaker 2: Took about a year. We didn't introduce him straight away,

645
00:29:39,005 --> 00:29:41,845
Speaker 2: and it was actually Adam's decision. It was really lovely.

646
00:29:41,925 --> 00:29:45,285
Speaker 2: He said, look until we know where we are. He

647
00:29:45,365 --> 00:29:47,645
Speaker 2: had gone through that with his mum, where he'd been

648
00:29:47,645 --> 00:29:50,165
Speaker 2: introduced to guys and then they didn't sort of stick around,

649
00:29:50,245 --> 00:29:53,285
Speaker 2: and he didn't want to do that for Jonas. So

650
00:29:53,445 --> 00:29:57,525
Speaker 2: we waited until we were ready. And when we introduced him, yeah,

651
00:29:57,885 --> 00:30:01,245
Speaker 2: so's he's such a lovely guy. He's a real gentleman.

652
00:30:01,725 --> 00:30:04,965
Speaker 2: He loves Jonas like he loves Jonas like his own.

653
00:30:06,205 --> 00:30:08,245
Speaker 1: I want to ask you about Harrison. Is that all right?

654
00:30:08,325 --> 00:30:09,205
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's okay.

655
00:30:09,565 --> 00:30:13,525
Speaker 1: Before you and Chris split, you were pregnant again. Jonahs

656
00:30:13,565 --> 00:30:14,605
Speaker 1: must have been pretty young.

657
00:30:15,405 --> 00:30:18,205
Speaker 2: Yeah, we lost him, actually did Yeah, we lost him.

658
00:30:18,285 --> 00:30:19,805
Speaker 2: Think well, by the time I lost him, he was

659
00:30:20,045 --> 00:30:23,245
Speaker 2: just too I think, so he was pretty young. Harrison

660
00:30:23,285 --> 00:30:26,285
Speaker 2: was a hard pregnancy. It was unexpected, it wasn't planned,

661
00:30:26,365 --> 00:30:30,125
Speaker 2: and because Jonas was IVF, so I didn't realize I

662
00:30:30,125 --> 00:30:33,045
Speaker 2: could fall pregnant naturally, and it came at a really

663
00:30:33,165 --> 00:30:36,645
Speaker 2: hard time because Chris and I were already separate. Things

664
00:30:36,645 --> 00:30:38,285
Speaker 2: were never good with christ and I was a terrible

665
00:30:38,325 --> 00:30:41,725
Speaker 2: relationship and we were not doing well at that point

666
00:30:41,765 --> 00:30:43,965
Speaker 2: and we were probably going to separate. Then I found

667
00:30:44,005 --> 00:30:49,005
Speaker 2: out I was pregnant. So what do you do. You

668
00:30:49,085 --> 00:30:53,085
Speaker 2: have a lot of guilt when you don't enjoy the pregnancy,

669
00:30:53,965 --> 00:30:56,165
Speaker 2: you know. I loved being pregnant with Oh my god,

670
00:30:56,205 --> 00:30:59,805
Speaker 2: I'm gonna cry. I loved being pregnant with Jonas. I

671
00:30:59,925 --> 00:31:02,165
Speaker 2: wanted him for such a long time and I just

672
00:31:02,205 --> 00:31:05,285
Speaker 2: felt amazing, Whereas I just was really unhappy with the

673
00:31:05,325 --> 00:31:10,005
Speaker 2: pregnancy with Harrison. And it probably wasn't until maybe a month.

674
00:31:10,085 --> 00:31:13,605
Speaker 2: I didn't do the nursery, I didn't do anything, and

675
00:31:13,645 --> 00:31:17,245
Speaker 2: it wasn't until probably a month before we lost him

676
00:31:17,365 --> 00:31:21,965
Speaker 2: that I started getting a little bit excited about it. Yeah,

677
00:31:22,005 --> 00:31:25,405
Speaker 2: so I feel really bad about that. And a long time,

678
00:31:25,445 --> 00:31:28,485
Speaker 2: even after I lost him, I could still feel him.

679
00:31:28,565 --> 00:31:32,765
Speaker 2: I could feel It was just it's just it's one

680
00:31:32,765 --> 00:31:35,965
Speaker 2: of those things, as you know, that you'll never get over. Yeah.

681
00:31:36,085 --> 00:31:40,005
Speaker 1: How did you find out, Ladaris and it had passed away?

682
00:31:40,405 --> 00:31:43,565
Speaker 2: The doctors. Yeah, the doctors told me, Yeah, did.

683
00:31:43,405 --> 00:31:45,605
Speaker 1: You have to make the choice between giving birth and

684
00:31:45,645 --> 00:31:46,485
Speaker 1: having a cesarean?

685
00:31:46,565 --> 00:31:46,725
Speaker 2: Yeah?

686
00:31:46,725 --> 00:31:48,125
Speaker 1: I had going through labor.

687
00:31:47,965 --> 00:31:50,485
Speaker 2: Yeah, I had a caesar. What made you decide that

688
00:31:50,565 --> 00:31:53,565
Speaker 2: I didn't want to feel anything. It's all such a

689
00:31:53,605 --> 00:31:55,765
Speaker 2: blurmy like, I don't actually remember a lot of it,

690
00:31:55,805 --> 00:31:57,645
Speaker 2: to be honest with you. But I didn't want to

691
00:31:57,685 --> 00:32:00,965
Speaker 2: feel anything. I didn't think I wanted to see him.

692
00:32:01,285 --> 00:32:04,085
Speaker 2: And I'm so glad I did see him, but I

693
00:32:04,125 --> 00:32:05,885
Speaker 2: didn't think i'd wanted to see him. I ended up

694
00:32:05,925 --> 00:32:08,845
Speaker 2: seeing him and holding him for quite a long time,

695
00:32:10,005 --> 00:32:12,765
Speaker 2: and then I was ready to give him back. But

696
00:32:12,965 --> 00:32:15,125
Speaker 2: and I'm so glad I did because I have talked

697
00:32:15,165 --> 00:32:19,005
Speaker 2: to women who had steel births and they never knew

698
00:32:19,005 --> 00:32:21,685
Speaker 2: what their baby looked like. So I'm glad that I

699
00:32:21,725 --> 00:32:25,445
Speaker 2: did that. But I don't know it. It's just I

700
00:32:25,485 --> 00:32:28,085
Speaker 2: just could never I'll never get over it, you know.

701
00:32:28,685 --> 00:32:30,765
Speaker 2: I think about him a lot, and then sometimes I

702
00:32:30,765 --> 00:32:32,445
Speaker 2: don't think about him, and then I feel guilty that

703
00:32:32,485 --> 00:32:36,365
Speaker 2: I haven't thought about him. Bearing him was really difficult,

704
00:32:36,925 --> 00:32:41,525
Speaker 2: you know, just the image of like a little coffin, like, yeah,

705
00:32:41,645 --> 00:32:42,725
Speaker 2: it's just really shit.

706
00:32:43,125 --> 00:32:48,005
Speaker 1: It's just completely shit. It's just really show. Yeah, there's

707
00:32:48,045 --> 00:32:50,325
Speaker 1: no way of making it not shitn.

708
00:32:49,925 --> 00:32:52,725
Speaker 2: And and also I think I don't think I should

709
00:32:52,725 --> 00:32:56,805
Speaker 2: ever be okay with Adam says, I punish myself sometimes

710
00:32:56,805 --> 00:32:58,725
Speaker 2: with going. I have to always feel shit just so

711
00:32:58,805 --> 00:33:01,805
Speaker 2: I remember him and I think that that's actually okay.

712
00:33:03,205 --> 00:33:05,645
Speaker 2: Does Yeah, Yeah, you feel like that too.

713
00:33:05,845 --> 00:33:08,645
Speaker 1: Yeah. And I for a long time, I was like

714
00:33:09,565 --> 00:33:12,965
Speaker 1: because I was also pregnant at a really difficult time. No.

715
00:33:12,965 --> 00:33:15,285
Speaker 1: I remember thinking it's because I didn't want her enough

716
00:33:15,725 --> 00:33:17,845
Speaker 1: and because I felt ambivalent about it, and you know

717
00:33:18,005 --> 00:33:20,805
Speaker 1: that feeling. And you do feel like I had one

718
00:33:20,885 --> 00:33:22,525
Speaker 1: job and that was to bring my baby into the

719
00:33:22,525 --> 00:33:23,645
Speaker 1: world and I failed.

720
00:33:24,245 --> 00:33:26,685
Speaker 2: Oh. I feel like my body's failed me so many times.

721
00:33:26,725 --> 00:33:30,045
Speaker 2: Like I had a miscarriage before Jonas, and that was

722
00:33:30,085 --> 00:33:33,645
Speaker 2: in a time when no one talked about miscarriage. I didn't,

723
00:33:33,965 --> 00:33:36,965
Speaker 2: so I just woulent what is wrong with me? And

724
00:33:37,005 --> 00:33:41,125
Speaker 2: I think there has been Like even after Harrison, I

725
00:33:41,245 --> 00:33:43,325
Speaker 2: just didn't want to have a baby. I didn't want,

726
00:33:43,365 --> 00:33:44,925
Speaker 2: Like I just don't want. I didn't want to go

727
00:33:44,965 --> 00:33:48,365
Speaker 2: through that again and I didn't. Yeah, I just wasn't ready.

728
00:33:48,765 --> 00:33:51,485
Speaker 2: Now I probably would be ready, but I'm forty four

729
00:33:51,605 --> 00:33:53,565
Speaker 2: and I don't know. I don't even know how i'd

730
00:33:53,605 --> 00:33:55,605
Speaker 2: be if I was pregnant again, Like have you and.

731
00:33:55,565 --> 00:33:58,045
Speaker 1: Adam talked about it, Yeah, did you have because he

732
00:33:58,045 --> 00:33:59,925
Speaker 1: doesn't have kids? No, he own does he?

733
00:34:00,125 --> 00:34:02,325
Speaker 2: No, he doesn't. And I would want to have a

734
00:34:02,365 --> 00:34:05,885
Speaker 2: baby for Adam, and I think Adam would. I think

735
00:34:05,885 --> 00:34:08,245
Speaker 2: if it happened, it happened, and I would be ready

736
00:34:08,285 --> 00:34:11,805
Speaker 2: to do that now. But I can't guarantee how I

737
00:34:11,845 --> 00:34:14,325
Speaker 2: would be during the pregnancy. I don't know.

738
00:34:14,925 --> 00:34:20,565
Speaker 1: It's ahead it's a really mentally challenging experience. I mean,

739
00:34:20,565 --> 00:34:22,965
Speaker 1: you've been pregnant after a miscarriage, so you know a

740
00:34:23,005 --> 00:34:25,845
Speaker 1: little bit of what it's like. Yeah, But I remember

741
00:34:25,885 --> 00:34:30,205
Speaker 1: talking to my friend Rebecca Sparrow when the news came

742
00:34:30,245 --> 00:34:35,005
Speaker 1: out about Harrison, and I remember your very close friend

743
00:34:35,125 --> 00:34:39,405
Speaker 1: at the time, Becky Hewett, was pregnant, and I remember

744
00:34:39,445 --> 00:34:42,125
Speaker 1: back when I talked about that that was going to

745
00:34:42,165 --> 00:34:43,925
Speaker 1: be an extra layer of toughness for you.

746
00:34:45,765 --> 00:34:48,965
Speaker 2: Yeah, it was. I had another friend of mine who

747
00:34:49,045 --> 00:34:51,405
Speaker 2: was pregnant and we're both do around the same time,

748
00:34:51,845 --> 00:34:54,005
Speaker 2: and she came to the funeral and I could see

749
00:34:54,045 --> 00:34:58,125
Speaker 2: she was just so nervous, and I really felt for

750
00:34:58,165 --> 00:35:00,965
Speaker 2: her at that point because I know she was trying

751
00:35:00,965 --> 00:35:02,165
Speaker 2: to make a real effort. And then I was trying

752
00:35:02,165 --> 00:35:03,925
Speaker 2: to make an effort to make her feel better. But

753
00:35:04,005 --> 00:35:07,845
Speaker 2: then after she had the baby and then she was

754
00:35:07,885 --> 00:35:09,645
Speaker 2: like still weird around me. Then I started get really

755
00:35:09,685 --> 00:35:12,605
Speaker 2: angry because I'm like, stop making it weird for me.

756
00:35:12,685 --> 00:35:16,365
Speaker 2: I just you go through all this like stuff, don't you,

757
00:35:16,445 --> 00:35:20,005
Speaker 2: because like, obviously you're you're so happy for everyone else,

758
00:35:20,525 --> 00:35:22,325
Speaker 2: and just let me just be happy and don't be

759
00:35:22,405 --> 00:35:24,005
Speaker 2: weird around me. But of course they're going to be

760
00:35:24,005 --> 00:35:26,405
Speaker 2: weird around me because I have just lost my baby

761
00:35:26,445 --> 00:35:29,405
Speaker 2: and I still look at children around.

762
00:35:29,165 --> 00:35:31,605
Speaker 1: That age, that age he would have been.

763
00:35:31,725 --> 00:35:35,605
Speaker 2: Absolutely every time I see the name Harrison every obviously.

764
00:35:35,365 --> 00:35:39,725
Speaker 1: I've been seven. Yeah, yeah, Do you mark the day

765
00:35:39,885 --> 00:35:41,845
Speaker 1: he was born? Do you mark the day he was

766
00:35:41,885 --> 00:35:44,165
Speaker 1: meant to be born? I always found it very hard,

767
00:35:44,685 --> 00:35:47,765
Speaker 1: and for a while I marked every anniversary, and then

768
00:35:47,805 --> 00:35:50,205
Speaker 1: I was like, I can't do this, like five or six,

769
00:35:50,245 --> 00:35:52,045
Speaker 1: and then I'd forget and then I'd feel terrible.

770
00:35:52,685 --> 00:35:56,125
Speaker 2: What day do you mark? I mark the day that

771
00:35:56,525 --> 00:35:59,285
Speaker 2: we actually had him at the seventh. Yeah, but it's

772
00:35:59,285 --> 00:36:03,605
Speaker 2: always a really hard, lonely day for me because I've

773
00:36:03,605 --> 00:36:05,765
Speaker 2: got and I don't like talking about it with anyone.

774
00:36:05,805 --> 00:36:09,045
Speaker 2: I don't like going to the grave with anyone very

775
00:36:09,565 --> 00:36:12,805
Speaker 2: it's a really private thing, and I don't because Mums

776
00:36:12,805 --> 00:36:14,805
Speaker 2: always wanted to go with me, and I'm like, I

777
00:36:14,805 --> 00:36:17,325
Speaker 2: don't want to have to think about you, and I

778
00:36:17,445 --> 00:36:20,965
Speaker 2: kind of don't want anyone to see me like that

779
00:36:21,445 --> 00:36:22,005
Speaker 2: as well.

780
00:36:23,045 --> 00:36:26,005
Speaker 1: Yeah, you can, even the other parent doesn't grieve in

781
00:36:26,045 --> 00:36:28,485
Speaker 1: the same way you do. It's such a solitary experience.

782
00:36:28,525 --> 00:36:31,085
Speaker 1: I found the most solace from other women who'd been

783
00:36:31,125 --> 00:36:33,645
Speaker 1: through it. Beck helped me a lot, even though it

784
00:36:33,645 --> 00:36:36,845
Speaker 1: had happened quite a few years before, I hadn't really

785
00:36:36,845 --> 00:36:39,005
Speaker 1: processed it. I just sort of stuck it in my pocket,

786
00:36:39,485 --> 00:36:42,725
Speaker 1: and in helping her, she actually helped me a lot.

787
00:36:43,125 --> 00:36:46,125
Speaker 2: Well. I did a lot of therapy after Harrison, and

788
00:36:46,565 --> 00:36:50,005
Speaker 2: my therapist was amazing and she actually there was a

789
00:36:50,085 --> 00:36:53,165
Speaker 2: lady working in that same center who'd had a steelborn

790
00:36:53,765 --> 00:36:56,605
Speaker 2: and she brought her in for a session and she goes,

791
00:36:56,725 --> 00:36:58,485
Speaker 2: just ask a whole lot of questions. Both of you

792
00:36:58,565 --> 00:37:01,325
Speaker 2: just ask a lot of questions, and I did, and

793
00:37:01,405 --> 00:37:04,765
Speaker 2: that really that was the first time that I felt

794
00:37:04,805 --> 00:37:07,525
Speaker 2: good about seeing him, and I just asked.

795
00:37:07,285 --> 00:37:09,605
Speaker 1: Her, see, I'm so envious that you got to see him,

796
00:37:10,165 --> 00:37:13,285
Speaker 1: because it was to a like I had a procedure.

797
00:37:13,605 --> 00:37:15,565
Speaker 1: She wasn't far enough for long to have a caesar,

798
00:37:15,725 --> 00:37:19,085
Speaker 1: so there was nobody And I'm just like, it's not

799
00:37:19,165 --> 00:37:21,285
Speaker 1: a weird thing to be jealous of. I'm so jealous

800
00:37:21,325 --> 00:37:22,925
Speaker 1: that you got to hold your dead baby. No.

801
00:37:23,005 --> 00:37:26,125
Speaker 2: I totally understand that though, No, because.

802
00:37:26,565 --> 00:37:28,165
Speaker 1: It's all on a spectrum, isn't it.

803
00:37:28,645 --> 00:37:29,125
Speaker 2: Yeah.

804
00:37:29,205 --> 00:37:31,285
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I think it's something that only other women

805
00:37:31,325 --> 00:37:32,725
Speaker 1: who've been through it can understand.

806
00:37:32,925 --> 00:37:33,285
Speaker 2: Yeah.

807
00:37:33,365 --> 00:37:36,765
Speaker 1: Yeah, How did you feel different the first miscarriage, which

808
00:37:36,805 --> 00:37:39,965
Speaker 1: was what early in the pregnancy, and then with Harrison.

809
00:37:41,285 --> 00:37:44,005
Speaker 2: I feel like I've got over the first miscarriage, and

810
00:37:44,045 --> 00:37:46,125
Speaker 2: I feel like because it was so early on and

811
00:37:46,205 --> 00:37:48,605
Speaker 2: I just think the baby wasn't meant to be. I

812
00:37:48,605 --> 00:37:52,845
Speaker 2: don't know, like it was just I don't At the time,

813
00:37:52,885 --> 00:37:54,645
Speaker 2: I felt guilty, But then I had Jonas and I

814
00:37:54,685 --> 00:37:57,205
Speaker 2: had such a beautiful experience. Now I feel guilty about

815
00:37:57,245 --> 00:38:01,365
Speaker 2: Jona's not having a brother. It is just something so

816
00:38:01,885 --> 00:38:04,925
Speaker 2: awful that has totally changed who I am as a

817
00:38:04,965 --> 00:38:11,805
Speaker 2: person that I just could never come back from.

818
00:38:11,845 --> 00:38:14,605
Speaker 1: There's a type of grief that I think from losing

819
00:38:15,205 --> 00:38:19,965
Speaker 1: a pregnancy or a baby that is only not healed.

820
00:38:20,805 --> 00:38:24,925
Speaker 1: But there's a stage of healing that can only happen

821
00:38:24,965 --> 00:38:28,405
Speaker 1: after you have another baby after that time, and if

822
00:38:28,445 --> 00:38:31,125
Speaker 1: it's the last pregnancy that you have and you haven't

823
00:38:31,165 --> 00:38:33,325
Speaker 1: had another child that you've been able to hold in

824
00:38:33,365 --> 00:38:36,685
Speaker 1: your arms after that, I think that that makes it's

825
00:38:36,725 --> 00:38:37,445
Speaker 1: another level.

826
00:38:38,285 --> 00:38:41,725
Speaker 2: And I think it's also changed me as a mother,

827
00:38:41,805 --> 00:38:45,125
Speaker 2: as in I always thought like I was always been

828
00:38:45,245 --> 00:38:48,605
Speaker 2: very maternal, and I wanted two to three kids, and

829
00:38:49,485 --> 00:38:51,685
Speaker 2: I always wanted to be pregnant. I tried so hard

830
00:38:51,725 --> 00:38:55,125
Speaker 2: to be pregnant after Harrison. I didn't want anything to

831
00:38:55,165 --> 00:38:56,005
Speaker 2: do with pregnancy.

832
00:38:57,085 --> 00:38:59,125
Speaker 1: It was too painful case it happened again.

833
00:38:59,245 --> 00:39:01,645
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, So I think it's changed me that.

834
00:39:01,725 --> 00:39:03,565
Speaker 1: Which is funny because the other way to go is

835
00:39:03,565 --> 00:39:06,165
Speaker 1: that you get obsessed with getting here again and putting

836
00:39:06,205 --> 00:39:09,525
Speaker 1: that baby back or putting a baby back, which is

837
00:39:09,565 --> 00:39:10,765
Speaker 1: how I was afterwards.

838
00:39:10,845 --> 00:39:12,405
Speaker 2: I think I was for a few years.

839
00:39:12,445 --> 00:39:14,605
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, you're right. I was after my miscarriages, but

840
00:39:14,725 --> 00:39:18,165
Speaker 1: not after that happened. Then I just wanted to be

841
00:39:18,285 --> 00:39:19,845
Speaker 1: alone and you know.

842
00:39:20,405 --> 00:39:22,805
Speaker 2: Yeah, and it's look, I think it's good that we're

843
00:39:22,845 --> 00:39:25,205
Speaker 2: all talking about it because it is so common and

844
00:39:25,245 --> 00:39:27,525
Speaker 2: for a long time I couldn't talk about it, and

845
00:39:27,605 --> 00:39:30,365
Speaker 2: I still hate it. I hate it in the media

846
00:39:30,445 --> 00:39:32,685
Speaker 2: every time, every time an article was written about me,

847
00:39:33,165 --> 00:39:36,085
Speaker 2: they bring up Harrison, and I'm like, don't you know

848
00:39:36,165 --> 00:39:37,245
Speaker 2: how much that hurts.

849
00:39:37,445 --> 00:39:39,525
Speaker 1: I know that's why I was no, no, no, But

850
00:39:39,565 --> 00:39:39,925
Speaker 1: this is.

851
00:39:40,085 --> 00:39:43,245
Speaker 2: No no, this is different because this is obviously a very

852
00:39:43,245 --> 00:39:45,245
Speaker 2: different form. But if you're talking about you know, the

853
00:39:45,325 --> 00:39:47,765
Speaker 2: stupid like what was our new idea? Oh, he is

854
00:39:47,805 --> 00:39:50,365
Speaker 2: getting pregnant at is getting married this week. Oh and

855
00:39:50,365 --> 00:39:52,125
Speaker 2: by the way, well, you know, it's like stop it

856
00:39:52,565 --> 00:39:56,085
Speaker 2: or you know. And I also hate that. I think

857
00:39:56,765 --> 00:40:00,325
Speaker 2: it's such a private it's a private thing, and I

858
00:40:00,365 --> 00:40:03,605
Speaker 2: don't want to keep seeing it because it's it triggers

859
00:40:03,645 --> 00:40:06,485
Speaker 2: me off. And I also don't like that people think

860
00:40:06,525 --> 00:40:10,005
Speaker 2: that Chris and I broke up because of Harrison, you know,

861
00:40:10,125 --> 00:40:12,925
Speaker 2: because I don't want to give it wasn't It was

862
00:40:12,925 --> 00:40:15,565
Speaker 2: a terrible relationship. We didn't break up because of Harrison.

863
00:40:15,605 --> 00:40:17,725
Speaker 2: So I don't like seeing that stuff in the media

864
00:40:17,765 --> 00:40:20,245
Speaker 2: all the time. But I guess that's just my I know,

865
00:40:20,445 --> 00:40:22,885
Speaker 2: it's so hard when you're in the public eye because

866
00:40:22,925 --> 00:40:26,485
Speaker 2: you have to deal with all this grief or it's

867
00:40:26,485 --> 00:40:28,445
Speaker 2: always in front of you, you know, and it doesn't

868
00:40:28,485 --> 00:40:30,005
Speaker 2: allow you to move on sometimes.

869
00:40:30,365 --> 00:40:33,765
Speaker 1: Grace Tame, Australian of the Year, made a speech that's

870
00:40:33,765 --> 00:40:36,085
Speaker 1: made me really think about what I do in here

871
00:40:36,165 --> 00:40:40,605
Speaker 1: as well. In this podcast studio. She said, you know

872
00:40:41,845 --> 00:40:44,725
Speaker 1: you've got to be careful when you're rummaging in someone's grief.

873
00:40:45,085 --> 00:40:47,165
Speaker 1: Like she said, she'll do interviews with journalists and I'll

874
00:40:47,165 --> 00:40:49,125
Speaker 1: be like, tell us about the darkest day when you

875
00:40:49,125 --> 00:40:53,685
Speaker 1: were abused, and she said, that is trauma and you've

876
00:40:53,765 --> 00:40:56,245
Speaker 1: got to She said, I understand that. That's why I'm

877
00:40:56,245 --> 00:40:58,005
Speaker 1: Australian of the Year. And I will talk about those

878
00:40:58,045 --> 00:41:01,285
Speaker 1: things because it's important. But don't ask me to relive

879
00:41:01,365 --> 00:41:04,805
Speaker 1: my trauma for your entertainment. And this sounds completely hypocritical

880
00:41:04,845 --> 00:41:08,445
Speaker 1: because I asked you about Harrison, but I also asked

881
00:41:08,485 --> 00:41:10,925
Speaker 1: you before we start, and if you'd have said I

882
00:41:10,965 --> 00:41:13,285
Speaker 1: don't want to talk about that, I wouldn't have brought

883
00:41:13,285 --> 00:41:13,565
Speaker 1: it up.

884
00:41:13,685 --> 00:41:16,365
Speaker 2: But I also knew that I wanted to talk to

885
00:41:16,405 --> 00:41:18,325
Speaker 2: you about it because I know you've gone through it

886
00:41:18,605 --> 00:41:21,805
Speaker 2: and I was prepared for it. Now when it's completely different.

887
00:41:21,885 --> 00:41:23,485
Speaker 1: You do have to be prepared, don't you.

888
00:41:23,565 --> 00:41:27,845
Speaker 2: It's like, okay, but for a long time like fundraisers

889
00:41:27,885 --> 00:41:29,845
Speaker 2: to deal with still birth, like I don't.

890
00:41:30,125 --> 00:41:32,445
Speaker 1: The post a child you did. People try to make

891
00:41:32,485 --> 00:41:33,085
Speaker 1: you the faces and.

892
00:41:33,845 --> 00:41:35,725
Speaker 2: Want and instilled to this. I don't want to be

893
00:41:35,765 --> 00:41:37,285
Speaker 2: the person. I don't want to talk about it. I

894
00:41:37,285 --> 00:41:40,445
Speaker 2: want to turn and even when other women come up, like,

895
00:41:40,765 --> 00:41:42,605
Speaker 2: it's different if it's just the two of us talking

896
00:41:42,605 --> 00:41:45,565
Speaker 2: about it. But I find I will talk about your grief,

897
00:41:45,605 --> 00:41:48,245
Speaker 2: but I don't want to relive mine because I'm just

898
00:41:48,325 --> 00:41:49,685
Speaker 2: so private about it.

899
00:41:49,965 --> 00:41:53,645
Speaker 1: Yeah, how do you have private things like you know,

900
00:41:54,045 --> 00:41:57,405
Speaker 1: your marriage, breaking up, your new relationship with Adham.

901
00:41:58,085 --> 00:42:03,965
Speaker 2: Yeah. I struggle with that because I am really private.

902
00:42:05,205 --> 00:42:11,885
Speaker 2: But unfortunately early on in my marriage I did talk

903
00:42:11,925 --> 00:42:17,325
Speaker 2: to the media about stuff. And now I can't not talk.

904
00:42:17,405 --> 00:42:20,245
Speaker 2: I mean, you can't go oh like here, I'll tell

905
00:42:20,285 --> 00:42:22,285
Speaker 2: you this story. But now I don't want to talk

906
00:42:22,285 --> 00:42:24,965
Speaker 2: to you. And soonetol, something really major happens. You go,

907
00:42:25,045 --> 00:42:29,805
Speaker 2: oh my god, why did I allow everyone in? But

908
00:42:29,885 --> 00:42:32,725
Speaker 2: then I go, well, it's probably a good thing that

909
00:42:32,805 --> 00:42:36,205
Speaker 2: people like people do relate to me and people if

910
00:42:36,205 --> 00:42:38,845
Speaker 2: they have had a still bone or whatever. You know,

911
00:42:39,165 --> 00:42:41,045
Speaker 2: now people can come up and go, look, you know,

912
00:42:41,125 --> 00:42:43,525
Speaker 2: thank you, Like I found even when you were talking

913
00:42:43,565 --> 00:42:47,045
Speaker 2: about it. I'd never heard anyone talk about miscarriage and

914
00:42:47,085 --> 00:42:49,525
Speaker 2: steel wirth before, so I was like, oh, wow, okay,

915
00:42:49,565 --> 00:42:51,285
Speaker 2: there's someone talking about it. That's good.

916
00:42:51,405 --> 00:42:54,845
Speaker 1: So yeah, but you are allowed boundaries as well.

917
00:42:54,965 --> 00:42:56,845
Speaker 2: I try and create those more so now.

918
00:42:56,885 --> 00:42:59,125
Speaker 1: And just because you did something once ten years ago,

919
00:42:59,165 --> 00:43:01,725
Speaker 1: twenty years ago at a different time in your life, yeah,

920
00:43:02,165 --> 00:43:05,605
Speaker 1: in a different climate, doesn't mean you have to always

921
00:43:05,685 --> 00:43:06,445
Speaker 1: leave the gate open.

922
00:43:06,805 --> 00:43:10,725
Speaker 2: I had this really awful experience not after Harrison, where

923
00:43:10,765 --> 00:43:12,805
Speaker 2: I went to go and get my nails done, might

924
00:43:12,805 --> 00:43:15,885
Speaker 2: have been like two months after or whatever, and so

925
00:43:15,925 --> 00:43:18,445
Speaker 2: you're stuck there getting your nails done, and this woman,

926
00:43:18,805 --> 00:43:21,045
Speaker 2: like this other person getting a nails done. It's like

927
00:43:21,445 --> 00:43:24,165
Speaker 2: asking me, like literally a million or one question, So

928
00:43:24,205 --> 00:43:25,285
Speaker 2: where you're bury and what is he?

929
00:43:25,405 --> 00:43:25,485
Speaker 1: Like?

930
00:43:25,525 --> 00:43:27,045
Speaker 2: Did you see it? Blah blah blah, you gonna have

931
00:43:27,045 --> 00:43:31,045
Speaker 2: another baby? Like for an hour, you should have another baby,

932
00:43:31,085 --> 00:43:33,485
Speaker 2: blah blah. When I like and just and I felt

933
00:43:33,845 --> 00:43:36,125
Speaker 2: I just couldn't go anywhere. And then I felt like

934
00:43:36,165 --> 00:43:37,925
Speaker 2: I had to answer your questions. And she asked me

935
00:43:37,965 --> 00:43:40,325
Speaker 2: stuff that even my mom hadn't asked me, like you

936
00:43:40,365 --> 00:43:42,685
Speaker 2: need to have another baby? Why aren't you having another baby.

937
00:43:42,885 --> 00:43:45,445
Speaker 2: And I walked out of there bawling my eyes out, crying,

938
00:43:45,445 --> 00:43:49,725
Speaker 2: and I just felt so exposed. And I remember talking

939
00:43:49,725 --> 00:43:52,125
Speaker 2: to my friend about it and she said, well, why

940
00:43:52,125 --> 00:43:54,085
Speaker 2: did you sit there and listen? I said, well, I

941
00:43:54,085 --> 00:43:56,445
Speaker 2: felt like I had to. I felt like I had

942
00:43:56,485 --> 00:43:58,485
Speaker 2: to give her that. And it's like, no, you don't

943
00:43:58,645 --> 00:44:01,125
Speaker 2: have to do that. You can actually say this is

944
00:44:01,205 --> 00:44:04,645
Speaker 2: really difficult, and you're asking really personal questions. And I

945
00:44:04,685 --> 00:44:08,565
Speaker 2: really struggle with that. So when the media or anyone

946
00:44:08,605 --> 00:44:11,685
Speaker 2: does ask questions, and I really struggle going, that's actually

947
00:44:11,765 --> 00:44:12,565
Speaker 2: really private.

948
00:44:13,405 --> 00:44:16,325
Speaker 1: I think as women, and particularly being in the public eye,

949
00:44:16,365 --> 00:44:18,245
Speaker 1: you don't want anyone, anyone to be over as a

950
00:44:18,325 --> 00:44:22,925
Speaker 1: diva and unfriendly and everything. But what is Glennand I say,

951
00:44:23,325 --> 00:44:26,685
Speaker 1: you have a choice between disappointing someone else and disappointing yourself. Yeah,

952
00:44:26,805 --> 00:44:30,245
Speaker 1: that's what boundaries are about. Yeah, and you need to

953
00:44:30,325 --> 00:44:34,365
Speaker 1: choose yourself when it's something that's so personal and so upsetting.

954
00:44:34,645 --> 00:44:36,445
Speaker 2: Yeah, and that's what I'm trying to do.

955
00:44:36,645 --> 00:44:36,805
Speaker 1: Yeah.

956
00:44:36,845 --> 00:44:39,285
Speaker 2: I mean, my therapist always is to me, would you

957
00:44:39,365 --> 00:44:41,485
Speaker 2: talk to a stranger the way you talk to yourself

958
00:44:41,725 --> 00:44:43,965
Speaker 2: in your head? I'm like, oh my god, I know never,

959
00:44:44,365 --> 00:44:48,125
Speaker 2: I know, I know, so I do. I recognize that

960
00:44:48,205 --> 00:44:50,125
Speaker 2: a lot more now, Like when I do start doing

961
00:44:50,125 --> 00:44:53,045
Speaker 2: that negative stuff for my hair and I'm like stop it,

962
00:44:53,205 --> 00:44:56,285
Speaker 2: like stop saying that about yourself. And it's the same

963
00:44:56,285 --> 00:44:59,285
Speaker 2: thing with boundaries. Yeah, I've got Yeah, I'm trying to

964
00:44:59,285 --> 00:45:00,725
Speaker 2: stick up for myself a lot more.

965
00:45:00,765 --> 00:45:01,205
Speaker 1: You should.

966
00:45:01,325 --> 00:45:02,325
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah.

967
00:45:02,405 --> 00:45:04,645
Speaker 1: How do you learn your lines? I want to end

968
00:45:04,685 --> 00:45:07,805
Speaker 1: by asking some basic questions. Do you get a script,

969
00:45:07,885 --> 00:45:08,565
Speaker 1: how do you do it?

970
00:45:08,605 --> 00:45:10,325
Speaker 2: How do you learn the I think I'm really good

971
00:45:10,365 --> 00:45:12,485
Speaker 2: at learning and really fast because I just sort of

972
00:45:12,485 --> 00:45:15,205
Speaker 2: read over them a few times and they're just sort

973
00:45:15,205 --> 00:45:16,925
Speaker 2: of in there. So I'll read over them before I

974
00:45:16,965 --> 00:45:19,765
Speaker 2: go to bed, and I'll read over them again in

975
00:45:19,805 --> 00:45:22,245
Speaker 2: the morning, and then in the makeup chair. I pretty

976
00:45:22,285 --> 00:45:25,045
Speaker 2: much learn them and maybe after the first rehearsal they're

977
00:45:25,085 --> 00:45:25,685
Speaker 2: in my head.

978
00:45:26,605 --> 00:45:28,045
Speaker 1: So you get to do a rehearsal.

979
00:45:28,565 --> 00:45:31,725
Speaker 2: You get probably three or four rehearsals now to block.

980
00:45:31,485 --> 00:45:32,205
Speaker 1: Out the scene.

981
00:45:32,365 --> 00:45:35,885
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, and then you start shooting. We shoot pretty fast, now,

982
00:45:35,925 --> 00:45:37,965
Speaker 2: insaane what I just said about learning lines. If I

983
00:45:38,045 --> 00:45:42,325
Speaker 2: had ten scenes straight, I wouldn't just learn them that quickly,

984
00:45:42,405 --> 00:45:44,445
Speaker 2: Like you have to sit.

985
00:45:43,725 --> 00:45:45,565
Speaker 1: There for a while how long does the scene go? For?

986
00:45:45,925 --> 00:45:46,885
Speaker 2: About forty minutes?

987
00:45:47,965 --> 00:45:51,445
Speaker 1: Forty minutes to film a scene, yeah, and how much

988
00:45:51,565 --> 00:45:54,605
Speaker 1: talking will there be in that? How much waiting around?

989
00:45:56,245 --> 00:45:58,045
Speaker 2: You're not winning around because you're doing like three or

990
00:45:58,045 --> 00:46:00,485
Speaker 2: four rehearsals. Then you do checks and then you start

991
00:46:00,525 --> 00:46:02,445
Speaker 2: filming and you've got different shots.

992
00:46:02,165 --> 00:46:04,405
Speaker 1: Go to woe in forty minutes. Yeh yeah, including rehearsal.

993
00:46:04,485 --> 00:46:05,565
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

994
00:46:05,645 --> 00:46:05,805
Speaker 1: Yeah.

995
00:46:06,045 --> 00:46:08,445
Speaker 2: We shoot really fast. I think we shoot the fastest

996
00:46:08,445 --> 00:46:09,325
Speaker 2: out of any.

997
00:46:09,765 --> 00:46:13,205
Speaker 1: So I'm making half an hour five times away. Yeah yeah,

998
00:46:13,245 --> 00:46:15,045
Speaker 1: and a half hours of television.

999
00:46:14,685 --> 00:46:16,605
Speaker 2: And we do a really good job, like I'm so

1000
00:46:16,645 --> 00:46:19,325
Speaker 2: proud of the product. And then we shoot sort of

1001
00:46:19,405 --> 00:46:23,085
Speaker 2: like film does with the different angles and the different

1002
00:46:23,125 --> 00:46:25,805
Speaker 2: sort of setups with lighting and whatever. It's not just

1003
00:46:25,845 --> 00:46:28,845
Speaker 2: grid lighting anymore, so it looks quite good.

1004
00:46:28,885 --> 00:46:30,125
Speaker 1: Do you shoot chronologically?

1005
00:46:30,485 --> 00:46:33,085
Speaker 2: No, we shoot more about like sets, so the diner

1006
00:46:33,165 --> 00:46:36,205
Speaker 2: sets or the Morgan house or but we're two crews

1007
00:46:36,245 --> 00:46:39,005
Speaker 2: working at once, So one block is on location the

1008
00:46:39,045 --> 00:46:41,525
Speaker 2: first week, and then you go into studio, and then

1009
00:46:41,565 --> 00:46:44,325
Speaker 2: the block that was on location the week beforehand is

1010
00:46:44,325 --> 00:46:45,445
Speaker 2: in studio, So you do.

1011
00:46:45,365 --> 00:46:47,045
Speaker 1: Some things out of order, so you might do what

1012
00:46:47,245 --> 00:46:50,005
Speaker 1: like a week's worth of dinoscenes or like two weeks

1013
00:46:50,005 --> 00:46:50,285
Speaker 1: worth of.

1014
00:46:50,605 --> 00:46:54,165
Speaker 2: A week, because that's the studio element of that week.

1015
00:46:54,285 --> 00:46:57,045
Speaker 2: So you'll shoot like a diner day on one day,

1016
00:46:58,245 --> 00:47:00,085
Speaker 2: so yeah, it's out of order, and then another day

1017
00:47:00,085 --> 00:47:00,965
Speaker 2: will be another set.

1018
00:47:01,125 --> 00:47:02,845
Speaker 1: And do you just get scene sent to you one

1019
00:47:02,885 --> 00:47:04,645
Speaker 1: at a time or are you like, well, hang on,

1020
00:47:04,685 --> 00:47:07,405
Speaker 1: why am I crying here? And it's something that happened

1021
00:47:07,645 --> 00:47:09,085
Speaker 1: in an episode you haven't shot yet.

1022
00:47:09,365 --> 00:47:11,405
Speaker 2: Get the episode? So you read the whole episode?

1023
00:47:11,685 --> 00:47:11,885
Speaker 1: Yeah?

1024
00:47:11,965 --> 00:47:13,805
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, so you know, we you've got to sort

1025
00:47:13,845 --> 00:47:16,685
Speaker 2: of understand your own continuity. But in saying that, like

1026
00:47:16,885 --> 00:47:19,205
Speaker 2: I don't spend like I sort of go, You're just

1027
00:47:19,205 --> 00:47:21,645
Speaker 2: gonna be truthful in the moment. I don't really know

1028
00:47:21,685 --> 00:47:24,725
Speaker 2: what you did before you came into this room, and

1029
00:47:24,765 --> 00:47:27,245
Speaker 2: I don't really know what you're gonna do after, And

1030
00:47:27,285 --> 00:47:28,765
Speaker 2: same goes for me. I don't really know what I'm

1031
00:47:28,765 --> 00:47:31,365
Speaker 2: going to do after. I'm my character my character. Yeah,

1032
00:47:31,445 --> 00:47:34,565
Speaker 2: so I don't spend too long on continuity, but some

1033
00:47:34,565 --> 00:47:36,845
Speaker 2: people do. Some people read the whole episode. I just

1034
00:47:36,925 --> 00:47:37,805
Speaker 2: read my scenes.

1035
00:47:38,525 --> 00:47:40,805
Speaker 1: What's the dynamic with people who come in and out

1036
00:47:40,805 --> 00:47:45,765
Speaker 1: for guest stints? Like, is there a core cast of regulars?

1037
00:47:45,805 --> 00:47:49,045
Speaker 2: Yes, I think there's twenty odd of us, and who are.

1038
00:47:48,925 --> 00:47:52,605
Speaker 1: The solid regulars? And then people come in.

1039
00:47:52,845 --> 00:47:54,805
Speaker 2: We have heaps of guests, and we have some long

1040
00:47:54,925 --> 00:47:57,205
Speaker 2: running guests and like sort of some that might just

1041
00:47:57,245 --> 00:47:58,925
Speaker 2: be in for a fifty word or which it might

1042
00:47:59,005 --> 00:48:02,205
Speaker 2: just be one scene. So it depends, but I'd like

1043
00:48:02,245 --> 00:48:04,405
Speaker 2: to think we treat our guests really well. We make

1044
00:48:04,445 --> 00:48:07,245
Speaker 2: them feel really welcome, because it's really hard coming in,

1045
00:48:07,325 --> 00:48:10,205
Speaker 2: as you would go into a workplace whereveryone knows each

1046
00:48:10,245 --> 00:48:13,485
Speaker 2: other really well, and they're very nervous, so I try

1047
00:48:13,525 --> 00:48:14,965
Speaker 2: and make them feel really comfortable.

1048
00:48:15,565 --> 00:48:18,365
Speaker 1: There've been a lot of really interesting fun people going

1049
00:48:18,365 --> 00:48:19,925
Speaker 1: through the show, haven't there.

1050
00:48:20,085 --> 00:48:20,445
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1051
00:48:20,485 --> 00:48:23,805
Speaker 1: Do you bond with some more than others? I imagine absolutely?

1052
00:48:24,085 --> 00:48:25,285
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, is.

1053
00:48:25,205 --> 00:48:29,085
Speaker 1: It quite intense, and then it's like we're so close,

1054
00:48:29,125 --> 00:48:31,045
Speaker 1: but then I probably will never speak to you again.

1055
00:48:31,125 --> 00:48:34,045
Speaker 2: Absolutely, And a lot even with like people that you've

1056
00:48:34,085 --> 00:48:35,645
Speaker 2: worked with for three or four years and you're like,

1057
00:48:35,765 --> 00:48:38,045
Speaker 2: I love you and I'm going to see you every week,

1058
00:48:38,085 --> 00:48:42,325
Speaker 2: and then life just happens, and because the schedules are

1059
00:48:42,445 --> 00:48:45,165
Speaker 2: so fast, you don't get to catch up as much.

1060
00:48:45,285 --> 00:48:47,125
Speaker 2: But then in saying that with some people, I mean,

1061
00:48:47,165 --> 00:48:49,325
Speaker 2: I'm still friends with some people from heartbreak hyh. So

1062
00:48:49,925 --> 00:48:51,885
Speaker 2: you know there is some friendships that are you know,

1063
00:48:51,885 --> 00:48:52,885
Speaker 2: for the rest of your life.

1064
00:48:53,365 --> 00:48:57,485
Speaker 1: Is when you're on location, where do you go between scenes?

1065
00:48:57,565 --> 00:48:59,365
Speaker 1: Like do you have like a big trailer with.

1066
00:48:59,485 --> 00:49:02,565
Speaker 2: Like it's not fancy. No. So I sit in my

1067
00:49:02,605 --> 00:49:04,365
Speaker 2: car a lot of the time. But we do have

1068
00:49:04,405 --> 00:49:08,085
Speaker 2: a green room that we share with everyone, but it's

1069
00:49:08,165 --> 00:49:10,405
Speaker 2: really tiny and it's not.

1070
00:49:10,285 --> 00:49:12,165
Speaker 1: The best and you probably want to be just.

1071
00:49:12,405 --> 00:49:14,045
Speaker 2: I just like being in my car.

1072
00:49:14,245 --> 00:49:16,485
Speaker 1: Yeah, And you don't have to wear like bikinis on

1073
00:49:16,605 --> 00:49:17,645
Speaker 1: the beach and stuff anymore.

1074
00:49:17,925 --> 00:49:20,925
Speaker 2: Well, so I did it for a really long time.

1075
00:49:20,765 --> 00:49:21,925
Speaker 1: And I would like it if you did.

1076
00:49:22,325 --> 00:49:24,925
Speaker 2: No, I did it for a long time, and then

1077
00:49:24,925 --> 00:49:26,925
Speaker 2: I happen to say in media somewhere, I don't know

1078
00:49:26,965 --> 00:49:29,805
Speaker 2: why they don't put me in a bikini. Oh anyway,

1079
00:49:29,845 --> 00:49:32,525
Speaker 2: Then I started wearing a bikini as a flight last

1080
00:49:32,605 --> 00:49:36,365
Speaker 2: year or the year before, and I'm really uncomfortable about it.

1081
00:49:36,445 --> 00:49:39,285
Speaker 2: Not because of my body. I'm very comfortable with my body,

1082
00:49:39,605 --> 00:49:43,685
Speaker 2: but all the crew are like my brothers and my uncles,

1083
00:49:44,765 --> 00:49:48,565
Speaker 2: so it's weird. And also there's also a pap that

1084
00:49:48,805 --> 00:49:51,805
Speaker 2: likes to take photos of you when you're bending down

1085
00:49:52,005 --> 00:49:54,645
Speaker 2: or whatever, and they're like, he tries to get the

1086
00:49:54,725 --> 00:49:57,645
Speaker 2: worst angle. It's really yucky.

1087
00:49:57,765 --> 00:50:00,165
Speaker 1: And those photos get sold to the women's magazines.

1088
00:50:01,285 --> 00:50:04,885
Speaker 2: And it's never like, oh, Ada, you know, looks great.

1089
00:50:04,965 --> 00:50:08,285
Speaker 2: It's I just it's all iky. I just don't. I

1090
00:50:08,365 --> 00:50:11,085
Speaker 2: just don't like it. I love you, Oh May, I

1091
00:50:11,165 --> 00:50:14,045
Speaker 2: love you so much. I'm going to stop vangirling now.

1092
00:50:14,205 --> 00:50:16,005
Speaker 2: Thank you so much.

1093
00:50:18,925 --> 00:50:21,325
Speaker 1: I hope you enjoyed that. I was going to say,

1094
00:50:21,485 --> 00:50:25,245
Speaker 1: I don't know if Ada did, because it was it

1095
00:50:25,285 --> 00:50:30,365
Speaker 1: was a journey, wasn't it. I knew that I wanted

1096
00:50:30,365 --> 00:50:33,085
Speaker 1: to ask her about Harrison before she came in, and

1097
00:50:33,845 --> 00:50:37,325
Speaker 1: I think she knew that she was going to talk

1098
00:50:37,365 --> 00:50:41,285
Speaker 1: about it, and I felt, I'm so glad she was

1099
00:50:41,325 --> 00:50:43,725
Speaker 1: honest about the part where she doesn't just want to

1100
00:50:43,725 --> 00:50:45,845
Speaker 1: be the poster child and she doesn't just want to

1101
00:50:45,885 --> 00:50:47,925
Speaker 1: chat about it in every interview because it is such

1102
00:50:47,925 --> 00:50:51,325
Speaker 1: a deeply personal thing. And that took me off guard

1103
00:50:51,365 --> 00:50:55,085
Speaker 1: a little bit, because then I suddenly thought, have I

1104
00:50:55,085 --> 00:50:59,285
Speaker 1: pushed on a button that's too sensitive? Have I pushed

1105
00:50:59,285 --> 00:51:01,045
Speaker 1: on a really sore spot? And I mean of course

1106
00:51:01,045 --> 00:51:03,285
Speaker 1: it's going to be sore. It's like pushing on a bruise.

1107
00:51:03,565 --> 00:51:08,525
Speaker 1: It's always going to hurt. But there's something about having

1108
00:51:08,605 --> 00:51:13,405
Speaker 1: gone through losing a pregnancy, particularly a late in late

1109
00:51:13,485 --> 00:51:16,885
Speaker 1: term pregnancy, And I don't mean it's necessarily worse than

1110
00:51:16,965 --> 00:51:21,965
Speaker 1: losing your pregnancy earlier, but it is a very specific experience.

1111
00:51:22,085 --> 00:51:26,165
Speaker 1: This experience of the physicality of it, the experience of

1112
00:51:26,205 --> 00:51:29,125
Speaker 1: everybody knowing that you're pregnant, of visibly being pregnant, of

1113
00:51:29,165 --> 00:51:34,005
Speaker 1: having felt your baby move, of having to make decisions

1114
00:51:34,165 --> 00:51:39,845
Speaker 1: around how after that baby has died you help it

1115
00:51:39,885 --> 00:51:42,725
Speaker 1: be brought into the world, and about what you do

1116
00:51:42,805 --> 00:51:49,285
Speaker 1: with its remains. They're all horrible, horrible decisions and experiences

1117
00:51:49,285 --> 00:51:51,965
Speaker 1: that no one signs up for, that no one wants

1118
00:51:52,005 --> 00:51:55,965
Speaker 1: to have, and that only other women who've been through

1119
00:51:55,965 --> 00:51:59,645
Speaker 1: it can relate to. And I say that with the

1120
00:51:59,645 --> 00:52:02,245
Speaker 1: greatest respect of the men who have their own journey

1121
00:52:02,285 --> 00:52:04,885
Speaker 1: of grief, or the partners of women who've been through it,

1122
00:52:04,925 --> 00:52:07,445
Speaker 1: I should say, who have their own journey of grief

1123
00:52:07,485 --> 00:52:09,885
Speaker 1: as a partner. But when it's happening in your body,

1124
00:52:10,685 --> 00:52:13,125
Speaker 1: it's very, very specific. And I remember Beck and I

1125
00:52:13,245 --> 00:52:17,165
Speaker 1: talking as I said to Aida that thing of oh no,

1126
00:52:17,405 --> 00:52:19,685
Speaker 1: he's another member of our club. It's the club no

1127
00:52:19,765 --> 00:52:23,005
Speaker 1: one wants to join. And I've met some amazing women

1128
00:52:23,685 --> 00:52:28,005
Speaker 1: through that club. And the important thing to say, if

1129
00:52:28,045 --> 00:52:31,925
Speaker 1: you're going through that now, or know someone who is,

1130
00:52:32,525 --> 00:52:36,245
Speaker 1: or have done recently, is that you get through it.

1131
00:52:36,565 --> 00:52:39,725
Speaker 1: You are forever changed. But as you could hear with Aida,

1132
00:52:39,965 --> 00:52:43,885
Speaker 1: you get through it if you are after more of Aida,

1133
00:52:44,005 --> 00:52:48,045
Speaker 1: and why wouldn't you be. She's an absolute bloody delight.

1134
00:52:49,445 --> 00:52:52,925
Speaker 1: You can follow her on Instagram. She runs this great

1135
00:52:52,925 --> 00:52:58,005
Speaker 1: book club with her work wife, Lynn McGranger, and we

1136
00:52:58,085 --> 00:53:02,525
Speaker 1: have a podcast called Quizish and we chose like iconic

1137
00:53:03,045 --> 00:53:05,485
Speaker 1: couples to be on this podcast, and we had Aida

1138
00:53:05,525 --> 00:53:09,085
Speaker 1: and Lynn and I didn't even I don't even watch

1139
00:53:09,365 --> 00:53:12,405
Speaker 1: Home in a way that much. But their friendship and

1140
00:53:12,445 --> 00:53:16,045
Speaker 1: the dynamic between them is just so delightful to listen to.

1141
00:53:16,165 --> 00:53:20,005
Speaker 1: I'll put a link in the show notes. Yeah, it's

1142
00:53:20,125 --> 00:53:23,085
Speaker 1: work wives at their best. Thank you so much for

1143
00:53:23,165 --> 00:53:25,965
Speaker 1: listening to No Filter. Please share this podcast with someone

1144
00:53:26,045 --> 00:53:28,645
Speaker 1: who you know might appreciate it or enjoy it, or

1145
00:53:28,725 --> 00:53:31,485
Speaker 1: might need to hear it. The assistant producer of No

1146
00:53:31,565 --> 00:53:34,605
Speaker 1: Filter is Lucy Neville. The executive producer on No Filter

1147
00:53:34,725 --> 00:53:37,845
Speaker 1: is Eliza Ratliffe. I'm Meya Friedman and I'll see you

1148
00:53:37,885 --> 00:53:38,965
Speaker 1: on the Mum and mea app.