WEBVTT - What Tammin Sursok Knows About Taking Up Space 0:00:10.960 --> 0:00:14.040 Said, you're listening to a mum and mea podcast. 0:00:14.600 --> 0:00:17.720 Mamma may I acknowledges the traditional owners of the land 0:00:17.840 --> 0:00:20.360 and waters that this podcast is recorded on. 0:00:22.280 --> 0:00:24.320 You know. In my podcast, I ask people, you know, 0:00:24.360 --> 0:00:26.920 what are your biggest regrets? And some people have some 0:00:26.920 --> 0:00:29.080 some people who don't have that many. But I think 0:00:29.120 --> 0:00:30.999 I would have done it all the same again, even 0:00:31.000 --> 0:00:34.240 the horrid stuff, even the pain that I've gone through, 0:00:34.320 --> 0:00:37.000 even the mistakes I've made, I think I would have 0:00:37.000 --> 0:00:38.560 done it all over again. 0:00:43.880 --> 0:00:46.920 Hello and welcome to But Are You Happy? The podcast 0:00:46.960 --> 0:00:49.960 that asks the questions you've always wanted to know from 0:00:50.000 --> 0:00:53.120 the people who appear to have it all. I'm Claire Stevens, 0:00:53.360 --> 0:00:56.760 and today's guest is tam And Sassock. She is an 0:00:56.800 --> 0:01:01.000 actor known for playing characters like Danny Sutherland on Home 0:01:01.040 --> 0:01:02.720 and Away, Danny, what are you doing? 0:01:02.960 --> 0:01:05.600 Show, mister Fisher what we think of his showmnist attitude. 0:01:05.319 --> 0:01:07.399 Colleen Carlton on The Young and the. 0:01:07.319 --> 0:01:10.279 Restless, Well, she isn't fond of the really. 0:01:10.600 --> 0:01:13.560 Hip and Jenna Marshall on Pretty Little Eyes, which I 0:01:13.600 --> 0:01:17.400 was obsessed with. She also owns her own production company 0:01:17.520 --> 0:01:20.800 with her husband called Charlie Baby Productions. She hosts a 0:01:20.839 --> 0:01:24.080 podcast called The Shit Show with Tamon Cursock and is 0:01:24.119 --> 0:01:27.279 a very very funny creator online. 0:01:27.920 --> 0:01:28.600 When I was. 0:01:28.559 --> 0:01:33.000 Growing up, Taman Cursock was everywhere in Australian media. She 0:01:33.160 --> 0:01:35.479 was on the cover of all the magazines. She was 0:01:35.520 --> 0:01:38.720 on TV, she was at the logis. She had music 0:01:38.759 --> 0:01:41.600 I listened to and film clips. I studied for fashion 0:01:41.679 --> 0:01:44.479 and styling tips. She had a great fringe. I was 0:01:44.520 --> 0:01:47.440 obsessed with her and if I could have chosen what 0:01:47.559 --> 0:01:49.919 I wanted to look like as a teenager, I would 0:01:49.920 --> 0:01:53.720 have just pointed to a photo of Taman Sursock. But 0:01:53.880 --> 0:01:58.840 behind the scenes things weren't so glamorous. She had experienced 0:01:58.840 --> 0:02:02.960 bullying in her early teenage years, which wreaked havoc on 0:02:03.040 --> 0:02:06.359 her self esteem, and then as her fame grew, she's 0:02:06.440 --> 0:02:10.400 spoken recently about how she developed an eating disorder. She 0:02:10.520 --> 0:02:13.840 moved to Hollywood, and she lived through all the frustrations 0:02:13.920 --> 0:02:17.720 that come with not having control over your work opportunities, 0:02:18.080 --> 0:02:21.480 and now she's grappling with the parts of making art 0:02:21.840 --> 0:02:24.919 that are really difficult, like the compromises you have to make, 0:02:25.320 --> 0:02:29.040 the relentlessness of it, and how things like envy still 0:02:29.080 --> 0:02:34.880 pop up Taman is so open and honest, and I 0:02:34.920 --> 0:02:37.480 started by asking her about her childhood. 0:02:39.800 --> 0:02:43.320 I actually think that the happiest part of my life 0:02:43.680 --> 0:02:49.360 was sort of before I became a teenager. We immigrated 0:02:49.400 --> 0:02:51.160 from South Africa when I was five years old, so 0:02:51.160 --> 0:02:53.800 I was actually born in Johannesburg. I've actually only spent 0:02:53.880 --> 0:02:57.639 about fifteen of years of my life in Sydney, Australia, 0:02:58.240 --> 0:03:01.600 but I'm still obviously Nausie and I have my Australian citizenship. 0:03:01.680 --> 0:03:04.880 But the first part of my life I was in Johannesburg, 0:03:05.480 --> 0:03:08.919 and we immigrated when I was five years old, and 0:03:09.720 --> 0:03:11.880 you know, we came at a time that was really 0:03:12.760 --> 0:03:16.040 a really difficult time in South Africa, and my parents 0:03:16.160 --> 0:03:21.040 chose a better life for us. And what had happened 0:03:21.320 --> 0:03:23.880 is that when we immigrated, you can't take any money 0:03:23.880 --> 0:03:26.280 out of the country. So my parents, you know, had 0:03:27.000 --> 0:03:28.560 like a nest egg that they had set up in 0:03:28.560 --> 0:03:32.080 South Africa, and when we immigrated, we had to completely 0:03:32.120 --> 0:03:36.560 start again. And I really credit my parents' tenacity and 0:03:37.240 --> 0:03:41.600 hustle and just keeping everything together and making it seem 0:03:41.760 --> 0:03:44.040 like this was fun that we had to start over, 0:03:44.240 --> 0:03:48.320 rather than it was like this hard burden that we 0:03:48.360 --> 0:03:50.760 had to carry, and I really didn't know in the 0:03:50.800 --> 0:03:53.680 beginning how difficult it was for my parents to start 0:03:53.680 --> 0:03:57.640 over because it was always it never felt like we 0:03:57.640 --> 0:04:01.040 were going without in any way. My dad was very 0:04:01.080 --> 0:04:04.040 adamant to put us into private schools and that was 0:04:04.080 --> 0:04:07.520 where he spent his money, and we did go from 0:04:07.560 --> 0:04:10.960 rental property to rental property like every couple of years. 0:04:11.040 --> 0:04:14.320 But I didn't know that that wasn't, you know, normal, 0:04:14.520 --> 0:04:17.760 and I loved it all. You know, I had a 0:04:17.920 --> 0:04:22.640 very good childhood, Like I don't remember anything that was 0:04:22.680 --> 0:04:23.920 really that negative. 0:04:24.680 --> 0:04:27.799 What do you think was your you know, you say 0:04:27.840 --> 0:04:31.120 that kind of before you became a teenager was a 0:04:31.200 --> 0:04:34.680 really really happy time. What do you think changed? That's 0:04:34.720 --> 0:04:37.240 often a period as especially women. I think as we 0:04:37.400 --> 0:04:41.520 enter our teenage years, something changes, maybe an awareness of 0:04:41.760 --> 0:04:45.240 the world being a bit harder. What was that experience 0:04:45.400 --> 0:04:45.880 like for you? 0:04:47.760 --> 0:04:52.640 My I got bullied, So I was very happy until 0:04:52.800 --> 0:04:54.440 I started to get to that point where there's like 0:04:54.880 --> 0:04:57.560 pre pubescent and I was quite overweight. I was about 0:04:57.840 --> 0:05:02.320 ninety killers and I was severely bullied as a kid 0:05:02.800 --> 0:05:06.800 by my classmates. So when you at an old girls school, 0:05:06.800 --> 0:05:08.279 that's why I don't normal if I'll ever put my 0:05:08.320 --> 0:05:11.160 kids in a just single sex school, because there is, 0:05:11.440 --> 0:05:14.880 especially in young girls, there is that sort of pack mentality. 0:05:15.040 --> 0:05:18.719 And I was bullied a lot, and especially because of 0:05:18.720 --> 0:05:21.600 my size, and because of it, even though I was 0:05:21.680 --> 0:05:24.640 really happy being that size, because of that, I decided 0:05:24.680 --> 0:05:28.600 to lose weight in a healthy manner and it worked. 0:05:29.080 --> 0:05:32.640 I lost gosh. I was went down to forty nine 0:05:32.760 --> 0:05:37.000 kilos really fast, and it felt all of a sudden, 0:05:37.040 --> 0:05:39.680 I started to get attention and all these you know, 0:05:39.720 --> 0:05:41.719 people came out of the woodwork and were really nice 0:05:41.760 --> 0:05:46.400 to me, and it felt really good. And then I 0:05:46.480 --> 0:05:50.640 auditioned for Home and Away three to five months after 0:05:50.680 --> 0:05:53.320 I'd lost the weight, and I got the job. So 0:05:53.480 --> 0:05:59.840 there begins my struggle with self loathing and self worth 0:06:00.200 --> 0:06:03.560 and you know, from a very young age, when my 0:06:03.920 --> 0:06:07.360 brain was at a fertile environment to like really take 0:06:07.400 --> 0:06:13.080 on all this change in negativity. And I then didn't 0:06:13.280 --> 0:06:17.880 know how to stay small without not eating. And I 0:06:17.880 --> 0:06:21.000 think that was the part of my life that was 0:06:21.080 --> 0:06:25.480 interestingly some of the best parts of my life, but 0:06:25.560 --> 0:06:29.200 also some of the hardest. And it took me a 0:06:29.280 --> 0:06:30.920 very long time to be able to talk about it. 0:06:31.000 --> 0:06:33.360 I had to be fully recovered. I think most of 0:06:33.360 --> 0:06:35.200 the things that I talk about is because I've been 0:06:35.240 --> 0:06:36.920 able to come out on the other end. I don't 0:06:36.920 --> 0:06:39.560 know if I'm like in something, I just can't really 0:06:39.560 --> 0:06:44.040 communicate it in a succinct manner. But I think that 0:06:44.040 --> 0:06:46.880 that was it. I don't think that my quote unquote 0:06:46.920 --> 0:06:53.240 unhappiness came from anything other than getting successful at an 0:06:53.280 --> 0:06:57.520 age where like, I didn't really like myself, but then 0:06:57.560 --> 0:07:01.040 I also had this dichotomy of the world really liking me, 0:07:01.160 --> 0:07:03.160 but I didn't really know who I was, and I'm 0:07:03.160 --> 0:07:04.800 still trying to figure that out, and like, oh my god, 0:07:04.840 --> 0:07:05.599 who the fuck am I? 0:07:06.920 --> 0:07:12.280 You were in that really rare position of well, I 0:07:12.280 --> 0:07:15.880 guess it's not completely rare. Where your body changed and 0:07:16.560 --> 0:07:19.200 something happened, which was getting the role on Home and 0:07:19.240 --> 0:07:22.440 Away that you've said that you kind of internalized the 0:07:22.480 --> 0:07:27.120 belief that being thin meant being accepted and loved and adored. 0:07:27.200 --> 0:07:31.880 Because that happened at the same time, how did that 0:07:33.200 --> 0:07:35.600 manifest for you? Like, when you're on Home and Away, 0:07:35.680 --> 0:07:39.560 you were on magazine covers, you were winning awards, you 0:07:39.600 --> 0:07:44.240 were getting all this industry recognition. What did you feel 0:07:45.440 --> 0:07:47.920 internally about yourself. 0:07:48.400 --> 0:07:55.800 Oh that my worth was completely linked to the size 0:07:55.840 --> 0:07:58.880 of my genes. I mean, how could it not have been? Right? 0:07:59.040 --> 0:08:02.920 So the hero was this young kid who was bullied 0:08:02.960 --> 0:08:06.120 because of their size. They lose the weight and again 0:08:06.200 --> 0:08:08.400 Home and Away doesn't know this, like they just saw 0:08:08.600 --> 0:08:10.560 Rola came in and did a good job, and they 0:08:10.560 --> 0:08:13.480 gave me the job. But I knew that the girl 0:08:13.560 --> 0:08:17.720 before wasn't accepted, and the girl who looked a different 0:08:17.800 --> 0:08:21.080 way now and presented herself in a different way to 0:08:21.120 --> 0:08:25.360 the world was now accepted. So my self worth was 0:08:25.440 --> 0:08:30.560 dependent on my size. And also I lived through the nineties. 0:08:30.640 --> 0:08:33.319 I can't. I don't even know a woman who's able 0:08:33.360 --> 0:08:36.800 to come out of the nineties unscathed without some kind 0:08:36.840 --> 0:08:40.160 of distorted eating. I mean, the magazine covers. Everything in 0:08:40.199 --> 0:08:43.160 the media was you would feel better, you will love 0:08:43.160 --> 0:08:46.680 yourself more, ten kilo's lighter. You know. Everything was about 0:08:46.720 --> 0:08:49.800 like the next diet that would make you feel happier. 0:08:50.480 --> 0:08:57.040 I remember with my adolescence, you were the most beautiful 0:08:57.240 --> 0:08:59.760 girl in the world, like like like I looked at 0:08:59.800 --> 0:09:02.040 magazine covers and I remember thinking, if I could draw 0:09:02.200 --> 0:09:05.559 how I wanted to look, it would be Tamansas, and 0:09:05.720 --> 0:09:08.720 so I think it's actually really insightful to know that 0:09:08.760 --> 0:09:14.280 the person that I was so admiring was suffering from 0:09:14.680 --> 0:09:17.480 what I was suffering from, which was feeling like I 0:09:17.600 --> 0:09:22.840 wasn't good enough. You have shared a story which I 0:09:22.840 --> 0:09:27.240 remember reading years ago and being really moved by. Wait, 0:09:27.360 --> 0:09:30.880 you talked about being a kid and a boy approaching 0:09:30.880 --> 0:09:35.560 me and making a Jenny Craig joke. Yeah, can you 0:09:35.680 --> 0:09:38.000 share that story and how you felt in that moment? 0:09:38.160 --> 0:09:40.840 And I was at the knock School dance actually, and I. 0:09:40.760 --> 0:09:43.199 Was I went to a knock school dance, I know. 0:09:44.720 --> 0:09:47.600 And I remember I felt so cute, and my mom 0:09:47.720 --> 0:09:50.400 was there supporting me, and she dropped me off and 0:09:50.880 --> 0:09:53.680 we like, you know, gotten their nails done and bought 0:09:53.680 --> 0:09:56.120 the formal dress. And my brother actually went to the 0:09:56.160 --> 0:09:58.200 same school, and there was a boy that I was 0:09:58.240 --> 0:10:01.680 just super crushing on and he made eyes at me, 0:10:01.720 --> 0:10:04.559 and I just remember like the whole world began to 0:10:04.640 --> 0:10:08.199 decolor and I just everything was like in slow motion, 0:10:08.320 --> 0:10:11.160 and I could see him walking towards and I thought, 0:10:11.720 --> 0:10:14.360 this is it, Like this is the moment where you 0:10:14.400 --> 0:10:18.960 know the guy that I've been feverishly anticipating will one 0:10:19.040 --> 0:10:20.680 day come up to me in my dreams. 0:10:21.040 --> 0:10:21.520 This was it. 0:10:21.560 --> 0:10:24.000 This was the moment, and he walked up to me 0:10:24.240 --> 0:10:27.199 and he said, you need to go to Jenny Craig. 0:10:27.800 --> 0:10:30.640 And I remember it so well because I don't even 0:10:30.760 --> 0:10:34.920 know if in that moment I thought I'm broken, but 0:10:34.960 --> 0:10:37.120 I almost want to. I don't even know who he 0:10:37.280 --> 0:10:39.360 is these days, who he is, but I'd almost like 0:10:39.400 --> 0:10:42.160 to thank him if he ever finds out about my 0:10:42.240 --> 0:10:46.160 story and this so he probably doesn't remember, but that 0:10:46.960 --> 0:10:50.080 comment changed the course of my life for the rest 0:10:50.200 --> 0:10:54.439 of my life. Now, were there peaks and valleys? Absolutely? 0:10:55.360 --> 0:10:57.920 Was my head in a toilet bowl for the better 0:10:57.960 --> 0:11:02.880 part of four years. Absolutely, But something in that moment 0:11:03.200 --> 0:11:06.880 made me want change. I thought it was healthy to 0:11:06.920 --> 0:11:09.520 start with, and it was, and then it diverted into 0:11:09.560 --> 0:11:10.240 not being healthy. 0:11:10.920 --> 0:11:16.280 When you got to Hollywood. Was the body image stuff exacerbated? 0:11:16.600 --> 0:11:21.360 Like is Hollywood just a completely different level in terms 0:11:21.360 --> 0:11:25.200 of the self criticism comparing yourself to other people? 0:11:25.840 --> 0:11:28.880 Oh, the comparison I still struggle with on a daily basis, 0:11:28.920 --> 0:11:32.280 to the point where I don't suffer depression, but it 0:11:32.360 --> 0:11:35.079 can get me in a depressive state if I spend 0:11:35.120 --> 0:11:38.360 too much time looking through other people's social media. The 0:11:38.400 --> 0:11:40.560 funny thing is that by the time I got to 0:11:40.640 --> 0:11:43.360 Los Angeles, I had gotten through the worst of my 0:11:43.400 --> 0:11:46.959 eating disorder. And I actually met my husband Sean, who 0:11:47.000 --> 0:11:50.079 have been with for eighteen years now, six months after 0:11:50.160 --> 0:11:53.640 I got to America, and I had only I was 0:11:53.720 --> 0:11:56.559 kind of on the edge of my eating disorder. And 0:11:57.560 --> 0:12:04.000 I remember one time purging while we were together and 0:12:04.040 --> 0:12:07.880 the look of like sadness in his eyes. I'll never 0:12:07.960 --> 0:12:11.480 forget because he knew what I did and why I 0:12:11.520 --> 0:12:13.439 did it, and I guess the self loathing I had 0:12:13.480 --> 0:12:15.920 at that time, and I looked at him and I thought, 0:12:16.600 --> 0:12:19.640 I don't ever want to feel like this again, Like 0:12:19.720 --> 0:12:22.520 I don't ever want to feel sick again. I don't 0:12:22.520 --> 0:12:26.640 ever want to feel like someone feels I feel shame 0:12:26.680 --> 0:12:30.800 in front of but also feel sorry for me. And 0:12:30.920 --> 0:12:34.200 in that moment, I just was like, that was it, 0:12:34.240 --> 0:12:36.520 Like I never did it again. And that was the 0:12:36.600 --> 0:12:39.360 beginning of getting to Los Angeles. And I realized also 0:12:39.480 --> 0:12:42.800 about addiction is that you can try to help someone 0:12:42.800 --> 0:12:46.200 through addiction as much as you can, but unless that 0:12:46.240 --> 0:12:49.720 person hits their rock bottom and unless they fully want 0:12:49.760 --> 0:12:51.840 to change, or there's a light bulb moment or an 0:12:51.880 --> 0:12:55.480 epiphany that happens, nothing is going to change, And that 0:12:55.640 --> 0:12:59.320 was my moment. I was twenty twenty three and I 0:12:59.360 --> 0:13:01.760 never did it again. I didn't even get sick when 0:13:02.200 --> 0:13:05.240 I was pregnant, so God was like, you're done. 0:13:05.600 --> 0:13:08.319 You're done, No more sickness is for you, and enough 0:13:08.360 --> 0:13:08.720 of that? 0:13:09.320 --> 0:13:13.520 Did you find mind that the body image stuff came 0:13:13.600 --> 0:13:18.120 up again through pregnancy and both partum, Like when when 0:13:18.160 --> 0:13:21.959 you've been through that and you've had that experience in 0:13:22.000 --> 0:13:26.000 your younger years and you've come through it, was that 0:13:26.080 --> 0:13:27.800 a trigger for you going through that period. 0:13:28.440 --> 0:13:31.280 I actually really loved being pregnant. I think women hate that. 0:13:31.360 --> 0:13:33.880 I say this because I really loved. And I think 0:13:33.880 --> 0:13:36.360 it's because my mental health. I struggle with anxiety and 0:13:36.440 --> 0:13:40.480 generalized anxiety disorder, and I think that the hormones so 0:13:40.560 --> 0:13:44.280 much progesteron made me really chill, so like I was 0:13:44.600 --> 0:13:46.880 cruising through pregnancy like I never I was like, is 0:13:46.920 --> 0:13:48.880 this what people feel like on a daily basis? I 0:13:48.920 --> 0:13:54.200 felt very calm that being said, I yes, did I 0:13:54.280 --> 0:13:57.480 despise my body afterwards? Yes? Did it ever get back 0:13:57.520 --> 0:13:59.800 to It's like some people bounce back whatever the f 0:13:59.960 --> 0:14:03.280 that means I did not. I had two five kilo 0:14:03.360 --> 0:14:06.960 babies ten pound babies. They cut them out. I have 0:14:07.080 --> 0:14:10.479 stretch marks, I have loose skin. I might or mightn't 0:14:11.040 --> 0:14:13.320 fix it one day. I have a tear in my 0:14:13.520 --> 0:14:16.520 abdomen from my kids. I don't know. Maybe I will, 0:14:16.560 --> 0:14:20.880 maybe I won't. But I don't think I've ever truly 0:14:20.920 --> 0:14:25.080 loved my body. And I don't really know any woman 0:14:25.160 --> 0:14:29.040 that has. I don't know anyone of my friendship group 0:14:29.360 --> 0:14:33.520 that walks around loving their body. And I think it's 0:14:33.600 --> 0:14:36.400 really sad because I know what happens to men too. 0:14:36.520 --> 0:14:38.800 But the men in my life look in the mirror 0:14:38.800 --> 0:14:42.080 and think they're hot stuff, which is wonderful. But I 0:14:42.120 --> 0:14:44.840 don't think I love my body now. I don't think 0:14:44.880 --> 0:14:47.000 I love my body. Then, I don't think I love 0:14:47.080 --> 0:14:50.400 my body being pregnant, not being pregnant. So your question is, 0:14:50.440 --> 0:14:52.840 did it trigger anything. I don't think I've ever really 0:14:52.880 --> 0:14:56.480 been on the other side of loving my figure. I 0:14:56.480 --> 0:14:58.880 mean there are moments of it, right, there's like sparks 0:14:59.360 --> 0:15:02.400 and flex of like, oh, I think I look great today, 0:15:02.920 --> 0:15:05.120 But I will say that the shit that I give 0:15:05.160 --> 0:15:08.840 about my body is so meaningless now as I've gotten older, 0:15:09.240 --> 0:15:13.200 I really just don't care. Do I care about my health, yes? 0:15:13.240 --> 0:15:15.440 Do I care about being able to bend down to 0:15:15.440 --> 0:15:18.360 pick up my kids? Yes? Do I care about my body? Like, 0:15:18.440 --> 0:15:22.200 I just really don't care. I've worked so much internally 0:15:22.240 --> 0:15:25.560 that I just think there's so much more to focus 0:15:25.600 --> 0:15:28.440 on that I kind of find it now boring. Yeah, 0:15:28.440 --> 0:15:31.080 Like if I have a conversation with a friend who 0:15:31.160 --> 0:15:35.000 starts just talking about body image, I really check out. 0:15:35.520 --> 0:15:36.280 It just bores me. 0:15:37.280 --> 0:15:41.960 You After Home and Away, you pursued a music career, 0:15:42.080 --> 0:15:45.560 and I remember it so vividly. You had such bangers 0:15:45.600 --> 0:15:47.040 as perfect relationships. 0:15:52.440 --> 0:15:56.520 She placed all that time and whatever will be. 0:15:56.520 --> 0:16:01.280 Whatever will be will be, and then. 0:16:03.520 --> 0:16:08.680 The good, bad and. 0:16:07.000 --> 0:16:11.080 The whole Those film clips have on me, the fringe, 0:16:11.320 --> 0:16:16.120 the fashion, they were absolutely everything. Did you choose to 0:16:16.160 --> 0:16:19.120 move on from music or was it not giving you 0:16:19.600 --> 0:16:20.440 what you wanted it to? 0:16:21.040 --> 0:16:24.240 So I've been writing this last month, this part of 0:16:24.280 --> 0:16:27.000 the chapter of my book, which was about the music 0:16:27.040 --> 0:16:30.920 business and moving to London. I actually moved to London 0:16:31.280 --> 0:16:36.360 after Australia for LA to release music, and the week 0:16:36.400 --> 0:16:38.640 before my album was going to be released, I left 0:16:39.080 --> 0:16:41.640 on my own accord I was done. I guess I 0:16:41.640 --> 0:16:42.880 should just say you have to read it all in 0:16:42.880 --> 0:16:46.680 the book, because unfortunately, if I give little snippets of it, 0:16:46.680 --> 0:16:49.920 it can come out wrong. But it wasn't exactly what 0:16:50.080 --> 0:16:54.400 I thought it was going to be record labels, and 0:16:54.480 --> 0:16:57.400 I'm really I was really young. I'm not sure it 0:16:57.440 --> 0:17:00.920 was completely what I wanted if it was handled the 0:17:00.960 --> 0:17:03.800 way that I wanted it to be. There's just a 0:17:03.840 --> 0:17:05.959 lot that goes on in the music business, and I 0:17:06.000 --> 0:17:09.879 think it's different now, but I will share all of it, 0:17:10.280 --> 0:17:13.800 going to name names. It just didn't feel right, and 0:17:14.080 --> 0:17:18.399 I am proud of myself at twenty two that I 0:17:18.480 --> 0:17:20.440 knew I had to get out of it. It doesn't 0:17:20.440 --> 0:17:22.840 mean I don't love music, and it doesn't mean I 0:17:22.880 --> 0:17:26.120 haven't been writing music. It just means that I think 0:17:26.160 --> 0:17:30.160 I just wasn't ready for it, and I was not 0:17:30.280 --> 0:17:32.800 releasing the music that I really wanted to release. Although 0:17:32.800 --> 0:17:35.800 I loved the songs, I was really really at that 0:17:35.880 --> 0:17:38.760 time wanting to do more of a Dido, Natalie and 0:17:38.800 --> 0:17:42.520 Brulia thing, and I just wasn't seen in that light, 0:17:43.280 --> 0:17:47.080 which is okay. You have to also, you know, respect 0:17:47.080 --> 0:17:49.280 the people who know the business more than you do 0:17:49.440 --> 0:17:52.720 at twenty one. But music is still there. It's still 0:17:52.720 --> 0:17:55.280 in my soul. And I'm writing actually funnily enough in 0:17:55.359 --> 0:17:59.240 Nashville because it's the epicenter of music, and I think 0:17:59.280 --> 0:18:02.680 when the time is right, then I think music will 0:18:03.120 --> 0:18:07.040 come along. Sorry to be so not that's fascinating, really 0:18:07.080 --> 0:18:12.280 open about it, but yeah, I just it was an interesting, difficult, tough, 0:18:12.400 --> 0:18:14.359 exhilarating time. 0:18:16.480 --> 0:18:19.960 After the break, I asked Hammond whether comparing herself to 0:18:20.000 --> 0:18:26.640 others was amplified when she moved to Hollywood. You seem 0:18:26.720 --> 0:18:32.240 to have had a really strong sense of self awareness 0:18:32.359 --> 0:18:35.320 or sense of what you wanted from a very young age. 0:18:35.520 --> 0:18:40.440 Even you did Home and Away and then you pursued music, 0:18:40.640 --> 0:18:43.600 and then you went to Hollywood. You were very It 0:18:43.680 --> 0:18:46.679 seemed like you knew what you wanted and you weren't 0:18:46.720 --> 0:18:50.560 afraid to make what were probably a series of quite 0:18:50.560 --> 0:18:53.119 tough decisions. Like I can imagine you're on Home and Away, 0:18:53.440 --> 0:18:56.680 Australia is obsessed with you. It's a risk to then 0:18:56.720 --> 0:19:02.080 go and try something new. Was that intimidating? Was it scary? 0:19:02.160 --> 0:19:05.359 Did you after you weren't doing music anymore and you 0:19:05.400 --> 0:19:10.480 went to Hollywood, did you kind of dwell in the 0:19:10.520 --> 0:19:12.840 disappointment of it, or were you just excited for what 0:19:12.920 --> 0:19:13.359 was next. 0:19:14.840 --> 0:19:17.400 I think as I've gotten older, I don't really give 0:19:17.440 --> 0:19:20.000 myself props a lot, and that's what I'm working on 0:19:20.080 --> 0:19:23.000 in therapy, like actually complimenting myself because I always say 0:19:23.000 --> 0:19:25.680 the negative. But I think I have a really good 0:19:25.720 --> 0:19:28.280 sense of what is right for me, Like I don't 0:19:28.280 --> 0:19:33.400 have a plan B. This is it. There is no well, 0:19:33.520 --> 0:19:38.120 if acting doesn't work out, then I'll become a real 0:19:38.240 --> 0:19:40.640 estate agent. Like there is no plan B. There's nothing 0:19:40.720 --> 0:19:44.240 that I'm designed for. There's nothing I've studied more than acting. 0:19:44.640 --> 0:19:47.000 There's nothing that I love more than it. I think 0:19:47.040 --> 0:19:49.960 that I've been lucky enough that my content creation on 0:19:50.040 --> 0:19:52.920 my social media has actually been my side job for 0:19:53.240 --> 0:19:55.800 many years, and I'm so grateful to work with great brands. 0:19:55.800 --> 0:19:57.320 But at the end of the day, it's still acting, right, 0:19:57.400 --> 0:20:00.600 I'm still acting in these things for social media. So 0:20:00.680 --> 0:20:05.000 I guess my basis has always been entertaining people. And 0:20:05.080 --> 0:20:08.639 I think because there's no plan B, if it doesn't 0:20:08.640 --> 0:20:12.720 feel right in my gut, I'm there isn't really any dwelling. 0:20:12.840 --> 0:20:15.200 Because I always say to my therapist, I just sometimes 0:20:15.280 --> 0:20:17.919 I wafft between and She's like, but you always end 0:20:18.000 --> 0:20:22.720 up making the decision that feels right and you never 0:20:23.840 --> 0:20:26.200 regret it. You know. In my podcast, I ask people, 0:20:26.920 --> 0:20:29.040 you know, what are your biggest regrets? And some people 0:20:29.080 --> 0:20:32.119 have some and some people don't have that many. But 0:20:32.160 --> 0:20:33.720 I think I would have done it all the same again, 0:20:35.040 --> 0:20:38.520 even the hard stuff, even the pain that I've gone through, 0:20:38.560 --> 0:20:41.439 even the mistakes I've made, I think I would have 0:20:41.480 --> 0:20:44.000 done it all over again. I mean there's some times 0:20:44.000 --> 0:20:46.639 that I kick myself that I was so close to 0:20:46.760 --> 0:20:50.480 like me Megan Fox are another girl for Transformers, and 0:20:50.720 --> 0:20:53.720 me Kaylee Kuoko and two other girls for Big Bang Theory. 0:20:54.320 --> 0:20:56.760 I mean, those are the type of jobs that are 0:20:56.840 --> 0:21:01.160 so life changing for many reasons that I think if 0:21:01.160 --> 0:21:04.200 only I got those jobs, but then my children wouldn't exist. Yeah, 0:21:04.400 --> 0:21:06.879 you know, and my children are my family, is my 0:21:06.920 --> 0:21:10.919 whole world. So would I give up Transformers for them? Absolutely? 0:21:11.040 --> 0:21:13.640 I wouldn't even think about it. I kind of think 0:21:13.680 --> 0:21:16.760 it all was meant to be. And the funny thing, 0:21:16.800 --> 0:21:19.520 which is not your question, but they've come to terms 0:21:19.520 --> 0:21:21.320 with this too, is I don't think I've even begun 0:21:22.320 --> 0:21:25.440 I haven't even sorted. I haven't even scratched the surface 0:21:25.720 --> 0:21:27.360 of what I want to do, what I think I'm 0:21:27.400 --> 0:21:28.320 capable of doing. 0:21:28.480 --> 0:21:32.119 It's interesting, though, that you think that about yourself, whereas 0:21:32.120 --> 0:21:38.360 from the outside you are incredibly ambitious. You've taken big risks. 0:21:38.840 --> 0:21:41.960 You made it in Australia, and then we're clearly like, 0:21:42.000 --> 0:21:43.680 well that's not enough. I'm going to make it in America. 0:21:44.200 --> 0:21:48.159 And you went to Hollywood. You got roles on The 0:21:48.200 --> 0:21:51.240 Young and the Wrestlers, Hannah Montana and my personal favorite 0:21:51.359 --> 0:21:55.800 as Jenna on Pretty Little Liars. What were the differences 0:21:56.200 --> 0:21:59.399 that you noticed working in the industry in Australia and 0:21:59.440 --> 0:22:02.719 working in the industry in the US. Is it a 0:22:02.760 --> 0:22:04.160 different culture. 0:22:04.800 --> 0:22:09.240 Yeah. Australia will always have the you'll be right sort 0:22:09.280 --> 0:22:14.000 of attitude. The nothing's that much of a drama, which 0:22:14.040 --> 0:22:17.439 is great, you know, oh yeah, whatever you need. I 0:22:17.760 --> 0:22:23.360 felt like filming in places like austro Australia and even 0:22:23.440 --> 0:22:26.400 like the UK, it seemed more like a family dynamic. 0:22:26.840 --> 0:22:29.000 I mean again, I started when I was really young, 0:22:29.120 --> 0:22:31.000 so I still wanted to make sure that I was, 0:22:31.280 --> 0:22:34.119 you know, professional, and I didn't screw up. I had 0:22:34.120 --> 0:22:37.000 a bit of a perfectionist issue when I was younger too, 0:22:37.840 --> 0:22:40.680 and I didn't want to let anyone down. But going 0:22:40.720 --> 0:22:43.160 back to neighbors recently, I was like, oh my goodness, 0:22:43.240 --> 0:22:47.480 this is such an easier mentality than the States. And 0:22:47.520 --> 0:22:49.960 we were talking about this before we started the podcast. 0:22:50.480 --> 0:22:53.440 There's so many great things about Australia and so many 0:22:53.440 --> 0:22:56.879 great things about America too, and sometimes people can look 0:22:56.880 --> 0:22:58.520 at America and go, well, why do you live there? 0:22:58.560 --> 0:23:01.800 And for me, whether you like it or not, with 0:23:01.880 --> 0:23:05.200 three hundred million people, it is the land of opportunity. 0:23:06.000 --> 0:23:09.320