WEBVTT - Blindside

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<v Speaker 1>You're listening to Amma Mia podcast. Mamma Mia acknowledges the

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<v Speaker 1>traditional owners of the land and waters. This podcast is

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<v Speaker 1>recorded on the blind side, a simple term, but it

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<v Speaker 1>can mean so much. It comes in many forms. There's,

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<v Speaker 1>of course, the good sort, where the unexpected is a welcome,

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<v Speaker 1>happy surprise.

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<v Speaker 2>I think because I was planning to move to Melbourne

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<v Speaker 2>and he had children, like all the things that were

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<v Speaker 2>big nos for me, I think I let my guard

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<v Speaker 2>down as well, big time, and I just didn't see

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<v Speaker 2>it coming. But yeah, here I was when you know,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, yeah, mushy.

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<v Speaker 1>But it can be a bad thing too. And for

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<v Speaker 1>Sarah there were other things she didn't see coming, that

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<v Speaker 1>other type of blindside that only other people experience, one

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<v Speaker 1>that turns a seemingly dreamy life together into a complete nightmare.

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<v Speaker 2>I wanted to warn women about him, for one, but

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<v Speaker 2>secondly I was curious what else has he done. I've

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<v Speaker 2>had at least forty women come forward with their own

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<v Speaker 2>stories about him.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm Georgia Love and this is everyone has an ex

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<v Speaker 1>Come with me as we dive into a collection of

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<v Speaker 1>unconventional stories about relationships past through the eyes and the

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<v Speaker 1>hearts of the very people who lived them. Sarah was

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<v Speaker 1>thirty three when she moved from Melbourne to London. We

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<v Speaker 1>all know someone who's done it. Life seems a little

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<v Speaker 1>dull at home and the pool to the UK is strong,

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<v Speaker 1>endless pub dinners, meeting new people, weekends and summers spent

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<v Speaker 1>in different European cities. Yes please. Plus she didn't really

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<v Speaker 1>have anything or any keeping her at home, so she

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<v Speaker 1>packed her bags and off she went for a couple

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<v Speaker 1>of years of good old English bun.

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<v Speaker 2>I was there for a couple of years and dated

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<v Speaker 2>a lot. I hadn't really dated in Melbourne at all,

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<v Speaker 2>and at one stage I was going on three dates

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<v Speaker 2>a week just for something to do. I didn't have

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<v Speaker 2>a job. It was fun and yeah, I spent a

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<v Speaker 2>couple of years there having a great time. I loved

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<v Speaker 2>it there, but I think two three years in I

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<v Speaker 2>decided it's probably time to move home and meet someone

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<v Speaker 2>back in Melbourne and settle down. And one morning I

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<v Speaker 2>deleted dating apps so many times in disgust. But one

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<v Speaker 2>Sunday morning, I was lying in bed, really hungover, feeling

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<v Speaker 2>sorry for myself, and I redownloaded Bumble for the hundredth

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<v Speaker 2>time and straight away this guy comes up and he

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<v Speaker 2>was just really handsome. His name was Phil. He was

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<v Speaker 2>so I think I was thirty five. He was thirty nine,

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<v Speaker 2>dark hair, beard, very much my type, really good photos,

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<v Speaker 2>six foot three. I matched him and we started chatting

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<v Speaker 2>straight away. So it was a Sunday morning, and he

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<v Speaker 2>said that he lived in Belfast, but he was just

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<v Speaker 2>in London for work. He had an office there. So

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<v Speaker 2>we sort of flirted and the banter was really really good,

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<v Speaker 2>like really really good. And I asked for his Instagram

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<v Speaker 2>and I can remember like he gave it to me

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<v Speaker 2>and he's like, oh, now you'll see why I'm single.

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<v Speaker 2>So I looked him up and he had two children,

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<v Speaker 2>and I was like, oh, okay, and I just said, look,

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<v Speaker 2>I'll be honest, I'm not planning on staying in the UK.

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<v Speaker 2>I don't want to date someone who's got children because

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<v Speaker 2>I don't want that. As a rule, I didn't date

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<v Speaker 2>anyone with children because I didn't see myself their long

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<v Speaker 2>term and if I met someone, I wanted them to

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<v Speaker 2>have the flexibility to move to Australia with me, so

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<v Speaker 2>it couldn't be someone that already had children. So this

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<v Speaker 2>was the start of June. Twenty eighteen. I also had

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<v Speaker 2>quit my job because I planned to do a europe

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<v Speaker 2>summer having a good time, like I was finishing my

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<v Speaker 2>role at the end of June and then just to

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<v Speaker 2>take some time off and move back to Australia. So

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<v Speaker 2>I said to him, oh, well, it doesn't matter. Like

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<v Speaker 2>when I saw her children, I just said, look, I'll

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<v Speaker 2>be honest, I'm moving back to Australia in October. I've

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<v Speaker 2>quit my job and I'm just going to enjoy one

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<v Speaker 2>more europe summer and then I'm going to get head home.

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<v Speaker 2>And he was like, yeah, absolutely, I'd love to take

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<v Speaker 2>you out, so I chose we went the following week

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<v Speaker 2>he was back for work again and we went to

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<v Speaker 2>my favorite pub in notting Hill, the Cockham Bottle, and

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<v Speaker 2>I was really surprised when I was waiting for him

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<v Speaker 2>at the front. I still remember being really shocked because

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<v Speaker 2>he didn't really look like his photos. He wasn't quite

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<v Speaker 2>as tall as expected. I don't know, he just didn't

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<v Speaker 2>look the same, but then kind of looked the same,

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<v Speaker 2>just looked different and I didn't find him very attractive

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<v Speaker 2>on site, but then we started talking and he was

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<v Speaker 2>just so funny and so charming. I had the greatest night.

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<v Speaker 2>We got really, really, really drunk, and it was probably

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<v Speaker 2>one of the best first dates of my life. We

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<v Speaker 2>come from completely different countries, backgrounds, we'd work in different industries,

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<v Speaker 2>but we got along so well and had so much

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<v Speaker 2>to talk about, which I think is quite rare.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

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<v Speaker 2>So that was the first day, and the next day

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<v Speaker 2>he was supposed to be flying to Portugal for work

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<v Speaker 2>and I just said to him he should just stay

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<v Speaker 2>another night, and he was like, really should I and

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<v Speaker 2>was like, yeah, you should, So he changed his flights,

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<v Speaker 2>he stayed another night, we went out again, and then

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<v Speaker 2>from there it was just really full on. He just said,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, I really like you. I want to hang

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<v Speaker 2>out with you with whatever time you've got left.

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<v Speaker 1>Isn't that always the case you meet the great guy

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<v Speaker 1>just as you're about to leave. But for Sarah that

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<v Speaker 1>didn't matter. She was just interested in having fun for

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<v Speaker 1>the last couple of months overseas and might not have

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<v Speaker 1>said fun with a great guy.

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<v Speaker 2>I think two weeks in he said, you know, I

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<v Speaker 2>want to plan a trip for us. Is that too soon?

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<v Speaker 2>Is that weird? And I was like, well, what are

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<v Speaker 2>you thinking? And he took in Paris for a week

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<v Speaker 2>and booked tickets to a music festival. We saw The Killers,

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<v Speaker 2>one of my favorite bands, and you know, we just

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<v Speaker 2>liked all the same things and it was fun and easy.

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<v Speaker 2>So we spent that week in Paris, just eating, drinking,

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<v Speaker 2>just drunk every day. It was really, really fun. I

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<v Speaker 2>wasn't in a headspace where I thought we would be

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<v Speaker 2>dating long term or anything. I was just enjoying his

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<v Speaker 2>company for what it was. I was kind of butterflies,

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<v Speaker 2>that kind of cliche. Yeah, I was quite giddy about it,

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<v Speaker 2>and I definitely know I was because I had all

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<v Speaker 2>these Europe trip plans with my friends. I was in

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<v Speaker 2>Mikinos with some friends, and I flew back and met

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<v Speaker 2>him in Dublin for two nights before flying back to

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<v Speaker 2>Obitha for another thing. So I made the f to

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<v Speaker 2>go back, so I knew I really liked him when

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<v Speaker 2>I did. That interrupted my trip. If I wasn't in

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<v Speaker 2>Europe with friends, doing all the travel plans with friends

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<v Speaker 2>coming over from Melbourne, I was in London, and London

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<v Speaker 2>summer is so much fun. And he was just always

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<v Speaker 2>there and always available, and he never spoke about his children.

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<v Speaker 2>I must say, like he you know if I asked

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<v Speaker 2>him questions, he would answer the questions about his children,

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<v Speaker 2>but he didn't ever bring them up ever. And he

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<v Speaker 2>was always available anytime he'd say, what do you want

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<v Speaker 2>to if I had free time, he was just available

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<v Speaker 2>and he's like, oh, work is quite at the moment,

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<v Speaker 2>I can take time off. So it was kind of

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<v Speaker 2>anytime I said that I had time, he would just

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<v Speaker 2>magically appear. And I had no responsibilities, I had no job.

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<v Speaker 2>I was just enjoying London life, just going to the pub,

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<v Speaker 2>having a boozy lunch and just yeah, that was just

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<v Speaker 2>the whole summer. And he joined me for the whole

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<v Speaker 2>thing and it was just so much fun. He booked

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<v Speaker 2>another trip in between the other trips that I was

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<v Speaker 2>doing with my friends to Auntie in France. We just

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<v Speaker 2>spent every day on the beach, drinking champagne, just enjoying

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<v Speaker 2>the sun. It was just so much fun. And one

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<v Speaker 2>of those days there he told me he loved me.

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<v Speaker 2>And I don't know if it was the googa or

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<v Speaker 2>the alcohol in my blood system, but cried. I remember

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<v Speaker 2>I cried and I said I love you too, which

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<v Speaker 2>is just very I don't think i've ever told a

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<v Speaker 2>guy that I love him before in my life, actually

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<v Speaker 2>I haven't, so there you go. That was the first time,

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<v Speaker 2>at thirty five years of age, and I can remember

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<v Speaker 2>I said to him, well, it took you long enough.

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<v Speaker 2>And that is just so cheesy and so silly in

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<v Speaker 2>honsight because it had been two months, but we had

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<v Speaker 2>been quite inseparable for those two months. I do trips,

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<v Speaker 2>i'd come back, and he was just always there and

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<v Speaker 2>there was big chunks of time spent together. And I

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<v Speaker 2>just did not see this coming. And I think because

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<v Speaker 2>I was planning to move home to Melbourne and he

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<v Speaker 2>had children, like all the things that were big nos

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<v Speaker 2>for me, I think I let my guard down as well,

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<v Speaker 2>big time. I know, I just didn't see it coming.

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<v Speaker 2>But yeah, here I was when you know, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>yeah mushy. So from then on we had the conversation.

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<v Speaker 2>We had some more serious conversations. I had told him

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<v Speaker 2>prior to this that I wanted to move back to

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<v Speaker 2>Australia because I wanted to meet someone, I wanted to

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<v Speaker 2>have a child and everything. So he brought it up.

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<v Speaker 2>He said, you know, I would love another child. I

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<v Speaker 2>really want a girl. He already had two sons, one

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<v Speaker 2>was three, one was eight, and he said, but I

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<v Speaker 2>really want a daughter. I've got two sons. I'd love

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<v Speaker 2>a daughter. And I said, I'd love to have a girl,

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<v Speaker 2>you know. And he said, okay, look, I have to

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<v Speaker 2>stay in the UK until my sons are old enough

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<v Speaker 2>to travel back and forth to Australia. But I want

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<v Speaker 2>to live in Australia, like it's my dream to live

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<v Speaker 2>in Australia, like I would love it so much. So

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<v Speaker 2>he said, just five more years here and then they'd

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<v Speaker 2>be old enough to travel together back to Australia. So

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<v Speaker 2>I thought, okay, excellent, I'm in love. He wants to

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<v Speaker 2>have a child, and I love life in London. I

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<v Speaker 2>get to spend another five years here and then I

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<v Speaker 2>get to go home and I have everything I want.

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<v Speaker 2>It was just all blissful and happy. And I said, well,

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<v Speaker 2>if this is going to work, you need to move

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<v Speaker 2>to London. So this was all the conversation we had

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<v Speaker 2>two months in and I didn't want to do back

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<v Speaker 2>and forward. I wanted a relationship with someone who was

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<v Speaker 2>going to be there most of the time. So he did.

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<v Speaker 2>He moved in with me and I was living with

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<v Speaker 2>a friend and after a trial period of three months.

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<v Speaker 2>Then we got our own place, so he had his

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<v Speaker 2>sons two days a week, so he was in London

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<v Speaker 2>with me five nights a week, and then he would

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<v Speaker 2>fly back and spend two nights a week with his sons.

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<v Speaker 2>And I just thought he was just such a fantastic

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<v Speaker 2>father because no matter what was happening in London, he

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<v Speaker 2>always went back. He never shirked his responsibilities, and he

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<v Speaker 2>was always so respectful of his ex wife. He spoke

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<v Speaker 2>about her respectfully. But he also like when I questioned

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<v Speaker 2>him because his youngest son was three, I said, you

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<v Speaker 2>know what happened. You know, he's still quite little. And

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<v Speaker 2>he said that his wife was quite cold and that

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<v Speaker 2>he got married too young because he just thought it

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<v Speaker 2>was the right thing to do, and that's what they

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<v Speaker 2>do in Belfast. If you're dating a nice girl, you

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<v Speaker 2>just you marry her and you have children. He didn't

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<v Speaker 2>say this all at once, but the story that came

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<v Speaker 2>out over a bit of time that he felt she

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<v Speaker 2>used him to have children because she was a bit

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<v Speaker 2>older and saw him as a good father and everything,

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<v Speaker 2>and that it was a loveless marriage. So he said,

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<v Speaker 2>when he said, you know, I'm leaving this isn't working.

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<v Speaker 2>She said, yeah, I agree, and she said he said,

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<v Speaker 2>it's all very amicable. And when he told her about me,

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<v Speaker 2>I think it was the two month mark because he

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<v Speaker 2>wanted me to meet his children.

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<v Speaker 1>This suited Sarah just fine. She wasn't super keen to

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<v Speaker 1>be flying back and forth to Ireland either, as it

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<v Speaker 1>was life in London she'd set up first on her

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<v Speaker 1>own and now with Phil. This was where her friends

0:11:54.250 --> 0:11:57.690
<v Speaker 1>were too, who soon of course became his friends as well.

0:11:58.210 --> 0:12:03.290
<v Speaker 2>He was just so funny and charismatic and charming, and

0:12:04.010 --> 0:12:08.410
<v Speaker 2>he's just absolutely hilarious, always engaging everybody in the room,

0:12:08.650 --> 0:12:11.610
<v Speaker 2>instant friends with everybody. My friends were just so through

0:12:11.930 --> 0:12:16.450
<v Speaker 2>for me. Everybody loved him so because he had moved

0:12:16.570 --> 0:12:18.410
<v Speaker 2>to London for me, I kind of felt like I

0:12:18.450 --> 0:12:21.810
<v Speaker 2>had to take him everywhere with me because he didn't

0:12:21.850 --> 0:12:24.810
<v Speaker 2>have his own friends. But I was a bit concerned

0:12:24.890 --> 0:12:27.490
<v Speaker 2>about that in the beginning. But he just fit in

0:12:27.570 --> 0:12:30.530
<v Speaker 2>so well with my friends. Everybody loved him. Everybody that

0:12:30.650 --> 0:12:33.170
<v Speaker 2>met him loved him, and I found him even building

0:12:33.170 --> 0:12:35.770
<v Speaker 2>friendships with some of my friend's partners and going out

0:12:35.810 --> 0:12:38.450
<v Speaker 2>with them, and it just could not have been more perfect.

0:12:39.610 --> 0:12:44.890
<v Speaker 2>I think It was around October, four months in started

0:12:44.930 --> 0:12:47.450
<v Speaker 2>asking me questions about what kind of engagement ring I

0:12:47.490 --> 0:12:51.130
<v Speaker 2>would like, and this is actually really embarrassing. So I

0:12:51.170 --> 0:12:54.530
<v Speaker 2>was taken aback by the comment, but then obviously went

0:12:54.570 --> 0:12:57.050
<v Speaker 2>back to my girl chat and was talking about it,

0:12:57.090 --> 0:13:00.210
<v Speaker 2>and I was super excited. This is embarrassing. I started

0:13:00.370 --> 0:13:03.250
<v Speaker 2>a Pinterest. I'd never been on Pinterest, and I started

0:13:03.930 --> 0:13:08.210
<v Speaker 2>for engagement rings. And my sister called me and she said, Sarah,

0:13:08.330 --> 0:13:13.170
<v Speaker 2>you do realize that your Pinterest is on Facebook. And

0:13:13.250 --> 0:13:16.050
<v Speaker 2>it was in the newsfeed of me adding all these

0:13:16.130 --> 0:13:23.330
<v Speaker 2>engagement reads to my Pinterest. I was so embarrassed. Oh

0:13:23.330 --> 0:13:28.610
<v Speaker 2>my god. She couldn't stop laughing. So I promptly deleted that.

0:13:28.690 --> 0:13:32.770
<v Speaker 2>But we had such a good, fun relationship where I

0:13:32.770 --> 0:13:35.290
<v Speaker 2>didn't have to actually feel that awkwardness because he had

0:13:35.290 --> 0:13:37.170
<v Speaker 2>brought it up and asked me what kind of ring

0:13:37.210 --> 0:13:40.010
<v Speaker 2>I wanted, and I just there was no question that

0:13:40.050 --> 0:13:43.930
<v Speaker 2>we were headed in that direction very soon. So I

0:13:44.010 --> 0:13:46.490
<v Speaker 2>told him about the Pinterest and we both laughed about it.

0:13:46.530 --> 0:13:49.370
<v Speaker 2>So I think I felt just so comfortable with him

0:13:49.370 --> 0:13:51.650
<v Speaker 2>I could tell him and we both really laughed about it,

0:13:52.250 --> 0:13:57.130
<v Speaker 2>and I showed him, I showed my Pinterest page, so yeah,

0:13:57.210 --> 0:14:00.490
<v Speaker 2>that was quite funny, and we were talking about babies

0:14:00.650 --> 0:14:03.570
<v Speaker 2>and I had one of my best friends in London.

0:14:04.250 --> 0:14:08.970
<v Speaker 2>She is a gynecologist and an obstetrician, and she said, well,

0:14:09.010 --> 0:14:11.490
<v Speaker 2>you need to go and get some fertility testing right

0:14:11.490 --> 0:14:14.330
<v Speaker 2>now out so you just know how long you guys have.

0:14:14.410 --> 0:14:16.010
<v Speaker 2>Of course you don't want to rush into it, but

0:14:16.170 --> 0:14:19.090
<v Speaker 2>you also you might need to. So he and I

0:14:19.170 --> 0:14:24.490
<v Speaker 2>attended fertility testing together and yeah, quite a few appointments.

0:14:24.530 --> 0:14:26.570
<v Speaker 2>We went down that road and decided we wanted to

0:14:26.570 --> 0:14:31.610
<v Speaker 2>start trying straight away. I had the AMH level of

0:14:31.730 --> 0:14:34.730
<v Speaker 2>a twenty six year old, which was fantastic. Plenty of

0:14:34.770 --> 0:14:37.530
<v Speaker 2>eggs so it wasn't an issue, but I had some

0:14:37.570 --> 0:14:40.170
<v Speaker 2>other things that they couldn't figure out why it wasn't happening.

0:14:40.210 --> 0:14:44.050
<v Speaker 2>I wasn't ovulating, so we just decided to get started

0:14:44.090 --> 0:14:44.610
<v Speaker 2>straight away.

0:14:46.530 --> 0:14:49.770
<v Speaker 1>Everything was perfect, our girl Sarah was not only in

0:14:49.810 --> 0:14:53.250
<v Speaker 1>love but trying for a family. So of course we

0:14:53.330 --> 0:14:56.770
<v Speaker 1>all know in any good X story, this is just

0:14:56.890 --> 0:14:59.970
<v Speaker 1>about exactly when the ifs and bats start to re

0:15:00.170 --> 0:15:01.650
<v Speaker 1>up their ugly heads.

0:15:02.490 --> 0:15:04.650
<v Speaker 2>So a little over the twelfth month mark, we were

0:15:04.690 --> 0:15:09.090
<v Speaker 2>on a holiday in Italy with friends and someone was

0:15:09.130 --> 0:15:11.530
<v Speaker 2>talking about who had just gotten engaged or something like that,

0:15:11.810 --> 0:15:14.810
<v Speaker 2>and so it had been six months since he dangled

0:15:14.810 --> 0:15:17.290
<v Speaker 2>the carrot to me, like he said, you know, what

0:15:17.330 --> 0:15:19.490
<v Speaker 2>sort of ring do you want? Whatever, and it hadn't

0:15:19.530 --> 0:15:22.370
<v Speaker 2>been brought up again really, So he went full pace,

0:15:22.530 --> 0:15:25.210
<v Speaker 2>but then sort of pulled back, and I was kind

0:15:25.210 --> 0:15:27.730
<v Speaker 2>of wondering when it was happening, because we were trying

0:15:27.730 --> 0:15:30.690
<v Speaker 2>to have a baby. Things were fantastic, we were living together,

0:15:30.930 --> 0:15:33.490
<v Speaker 2>We had the most beautiful apartment on a Hyde Park.

0:15:34.170 --> 0:15:36.930
<v Speaker 2>Life was just perfect. And I just wanted to know, like,

0:15:37.010 --> 0:15:39.970
<v Speaker 2>because he really wanted a child, if we were doing that,

0:15:40.090 --> 0:15:43.210
<v Speaker 2>when's this engagement happening? And I just kept kind of wondering,

0:15:43.290 --> 0:15:45.330
<v Speaker 2>and he brought it up. I remember we were him

0:15:45.370 --> 0:15:47.970
<v Speaker 2>Pullier and we were overlooking the ocean one night and

0:15:48.010 --> 0:15:49.450
<v Speaker 2>it was just the two of us. Our friends had

0:15:49.450 --> 0:15:52.770
<v Speaker 2>walked ahead a little and he said, oh, baby, you know,

0:15:52.810 --> 0:15:56.410
<v Speaker 2>I know you're probably wondering when that is, and it's coming,

0:15:56.850 --> 0:16:00.690
<v Speaker 2>Like the engagement, it's coming. I just when I get

0:16:00.730 --> 0:16:03.010
<v Speaker 2>my bonus, that's what I want to spend it on,

0:16:03.210 --> 0:16:05.530
<v Speaker 2>you know, when I get my bonus. And I was like, oh, yeah,

0:16:05.650 --> 0:16:07.730
<v Speaker 2>of course of course, like it kind of had become

0:16:07.730 --> 0:16:10.970
<v Speaker 2>a bit of an uncomfortable discussion for me, because you know,

0:16:11.010 --> 0:16:13.530
<v Speaker 2>that's awkward. Someone sort of brings up a conversation, Oh,

0:16:13.530 --> 0:16:15.490
<v Speaker 2>I know that I did ask you about this ring

0:16:15.690 --> 0:16:18.010
<v Speaker 2>six months ago. We're trying to have a baby, all

0:16:18.010 --> 0:16:21.930
<v Speaker 2>these things, and then they're saying, oh, by the way,

0:16:21.930 --> 0:16:23.730
<v Speaker 2>I can't really afford it. That was kind of a

0:16:23.730 --> 0:16:24.730
<v Speaker 2>bit uncomfortable for me.

0:16:25.930 --> 0:16:28.650
<v Speaker 1>It wasn't a big thing, But it turns out it

0:16:28.690 --> 0:16:31.650
<v Speaker 1>wasn't the first time money talks had made things a

0:16:31.690 --> 0:16:32.730
<v Speaker 1>little uncomfortable.

0:16:33.330 --> 0:16:36.130
<v Speaker 2>The first fight we had was a huge fight, a

0:16:36.250 --> 0:16:39.330
<v Speaker 2>huge fight, and it was we had signed the lease

0:16:39.570 --> 0:16:41.890
<v Speaker 2>on our new apartment that we were moving in together.

0:16:42.210 --> 0:16:44.250
<v Speaker 2>We were already living together, but with a friend of

0:16:44.290 --> 0:16:47.170
<v Speaker 2>mine where I had already. He just moved into where

0:16:47.170 --> 0:16:50.690
<v Speaker 2>I was living, and we had been apartment hunting. I

0:16:50.730 --> 0:16:52.770
<v Speaker 2>had done all the hunting because he was in Belfast

0:16:52.810 --> 0:16:55.490
<v Speaker 2>with his sons, So I was looking every weekend and

0:16:55.690 --> 0:16:59.450
<v Speaker 2>inspections and everything I looked at. He was like, it's

0:16:59.490 --> 0:17:03.730
<v Speaker 2>too small. The budget kept increasing because he was like,

0:17:03.770 --> 0:17:06.050
<v Speaker 2>I work from home, so I was looking at a

0:17:06.050 --> 0:17:08.410
<v Speaker 2>lot of places and I'd finally found the perfect place,

0:17:09.210 --> 0:17:13.050
<v Speaker 2>and once we sort of signed the least in everything,

0:17:13.810 --> 0:17:16.010
<v Speaker 2>I guess there must have been a few hints of

0:17:16.690 --> 0:17:21.410
<v Speaker 2>financial stuff then, because I do remember saying to him, look,

0:17:22.170 --> 0:17:25.330
<v Speaker 2>I think how our rent was eighteen hundred pounds plus

0:17:25.370 --> 0:17:30.210
<v Speaker 2>bills and I was already paying eleven hundred or something

0:17:30.250 --> 0:17:32.250
<v Speaker 2>like that where I was, And I said, well, I'm

0:17:32.250 --> 0:17:34.570
<v Speaker 2>already paying this, so I'll pay that and you just

0:17:34.610 --> 0:17:39.130
<v Speaker 2>pay the difference, and he was like, yep, fantastic, fantastic.

0:17:39.130 --> 0:17:42.730
<v Speaker 2>But then he kept complaining about finances. And it's from

0:17:42.770 --> 0:17:45.010
<v Speaker 2>when we met. He was always very generous. He was

0:17:45.050 --> 0:17:47.290
<v Speaker 2>a gentleman, like paying if I went out for dinner

0:17:47.290 --> 0:17:50.370
<v Speaker 2>with my friends, he would insist on paying for everybody

0:17:51.010 --> 0:17:53.530
<v Speaker 2>he wanted, you know, the best department in the best area.

0:17:54.290 --> 0:17:57.290
<v Speaker 2>And money wasn't a problem, and I was on a

0:17:57.330 --> 0:18:00.090
<v Speaker 2>really good salary, so that was fine. But then when

0:18:00.130 --> 0:18:04.050
<v Speaker 2>it came to actually getting the deposit together, so paying

0:18:04.050 --> 0:18:07.690
<v Speaker 2>the security bond and the rent upfront, he was like, oh, well, actually,

0:18:07.810 --> 0:18:10.970
<v Speaker 2>oh I can't. You know, I've just paid school fees.

0:18:11.690 --> 0:18:14.170
<v Speaker 2>And I went, oh, don't worry, I'll do it. And

0:18:14.490 --> 0:18:16.490
<v Speaker 2>so I'd done that first offer to pay the bulk

0:18:16.530 --> 0:18:19.930
<v Speaker 2>and him just pay the difference. But then he was

0:18:20.530 --> 0:18:24.930
<v Speaker 2>talking about other expenses and being a little bit stressed. Sorry, honey,

0:18:24.970 --> 0:18:26.770
<v Speaker 2>I'm a little bit stressed about money at the moment.

0:18:26.810 --> 0:18:29.330
<v Speaker 2>So I said, look, I'll pay the rent. Like you're

0:18:29.370 --> 0:18:32.530
<v Speaker 2>the one traveling back and forward, so I'll pay the rent.

0:18:33.090 --> 0:18:35.930
<v Speaker 2>He's got a house back in Belfast, which he told

0:18:35.930 --> 0:18:37.810
<v Speaker 2>me he'd nearly paid off. He said he bought it

0:18:37.810 --> 0:18:40.690
<v Speaker 2>out of UNI. So he's got a tiny mortgage with

0:18:40.850 --> 0:18:43.250
<v Speaker 2>not much left on it. Because he was such a

0:18:43.290 --> 0:18:45.610
<v Speaker 2>gentleman who loved to pay for the table and everything,

0:18:45.730 --> 0:18:47.650
<v Speaker 2>I didn't want him to feel he couldn't do that

0:18:47.690 --> 0:18:50.850
<v Speaker 2>anymore be himself. I didn't want our relationship to put

0:18:50.890 --> 0:18:53.050
<v Speaker 2>any financial pressure on him. So I just went, you

0:18:53.090 --> 0:18:55.850
<v Speaker 2>know what, I'll pay the rent. You just pay the bills.

0:18:56.330 --> 0:19:00.050
<v Speaker 2>I just remember seeing like the water bill constantly like

0:19:00.130 --> 0:19:01.810
<v Speaker 2>coming in the mail, and I didn't open it because

0:19:01.850 --> 0:19:06.690
<v Speaker 2>it was in his name, but yeah, there was just overdue, overdue, overdue,

0:19:06.970 --> 0:19:10.290
<v Speaker 2>And I mentioned him, oh the water bill came, and

0:19:10.410 --> 0:19:12.250
<v Speaker 2>you know, yeah, yeah, kind of like just brush off.

0:19:12.250 --> 0:19:14.450
<v Speaker 2>He didn't even open it, just sat there unopened. And

0:19:14.450 --> 0:19:16.450
<v Speaker 2>there was several of them. So eventually I opened it

0:19:16.490 --> 0:19:19.050
<v Speaker 2>myself and it was three hundred and thirty pounds, which

0:19:19.090 --> 0:19:21.210
<v Speaker 2>is like six hundred dollars. So I just paid it.

0:19:22.210 --> 0:19:24.810
<v Speaker 2>And that's just the first of many things. There would

0:19:24.810 --> 0:19:27.570
<v Speaker 2>just be bills and he would just kind of just

0:19:27.610 --> 0:19:31.170
<v Speaker 2>ignore things. And I am an accountant and I don't

0:19:31.250 --> 0:19:33.570
<v Speaker 2>like having any kind of debt. I pay things on time.

0:19:34.330 --> 0:19:37.730
<v Speaker 2>I can't remember exactly how it came up, but I

0:19:37.770 --> 0:19:40.090
<v Speaker 2>had an AMEX and I got lots of points on it,

0:19:40.130 --> 0:19:43.450
<v Speaker 2>and I used it for free flights. I'd get companion

0:19:43.490 --> 0:19:46.370
<v Speaker 2>vouchers for free flights, like you'd only buy one ticket.

0:19:46.410 --> 0:19:50.090
<v Speaker 2>And I've always like worked the points system. And he

0:19:50.170 --> 0:19:52.250
<v Speaker 2>just used a debit card. So he was like, oh, well,

0:19:52.290 --> 0:19:55.090
<v Speaker 2>maybe I should get a card, Like I said, get

0:19:55.130 --> 0:19:56.650
<v Speaker 2>one of these, and he's like, I could just get

0:19:56.650 --> 0:19:59.890
<v Speaker 2>a secondary card to yours and then we could get

0:19:59.930 --> 0:20:01.930
<v Speaker 2>lots of points. And I was like, oh, okay, fantastic,

0:20:02.010 --> 0:20:04.530
<v Speaker 2>So I just got him a supplementary card. I trusted

0:20:04.610 --> 0:20:07.650
<v Speaker 2>him completely, and we used the AMEX for everything, and

0:20:07.730 --> 0:20:10.130
<v Speaker 2>then when the bill came, it was idemized of his

0:20:10.210 --> 0:20:14.370
<v Speaker 2>spend and my spend, yeah, separate statements, and I would

0:20:14.410 --> 0:20:16.010
<v Speaker 2>just let him know how much it was, and he

0:20:16.050 --> 0:20:18.650
<v Speaker 2>would transfer it to me. So I was in New

0:20:18.730 --> 0:20:22.850
<v Speaker 2>York for work, and I think this is around maybe

0:20:22.890 --> 0:20:27.290
<v Speaker 2>eight months, no month mark I had got the credit,

0:20:27.330 --> 0:20:29.650
<v Speaker 2>I'd be while I was in New York. I emailed

0:20:29.730 --> 0:20:32.330
<v Speaker 2>him his statement and so, could you just send it

0:20:32.370 --> 0:20:35.050
<v Speaker 2>to me before the fifth because I have to pay it?

0:20:35.650 --> 0:20:38.090
<v Speaker 2>And he was like, oh, well I can't afford that,

0:20:38.290 --> 0:20:41.730
<v Speaker 2>like the boiler has busted and I need to pay

0:20:41.730 --> 0:20:44.410
<v Speaker 2>to get it done, and oh, I'm so stressed. Like

0:20:44.650 --> 0:20:46.610
<v Speaker 2>his messages was kind of a radic in coming through.

0:20:46.730 --> 0:20:48.810
<v Speaker 2>I'm stressed about this. How am I going to pay

0:20:48.850 --> 0:20:51.730
<v Speaker 2>for that? And I was like, oh, well, you've got

0:20:51.810 --> 0:20:54.050
<v Speaker 2>till next week, you know, and he's like, oh, like

0:20:54.130 --> 0:20:56.890
<v Speaker 2>I just don't get paid till this day whatever. Like

0:20:57.290 --> 0:20:59.130
<v Speaker 2>I was like, oh, can you pay me? He's like, oh,

0:20:59.130 --> 0:21:01.050
<v Speaker 2>I've got the money, but I need to fix my

0:21:01.290 --> 0:21:04.650
<v Speaker 2>boiler because otherwise the boys will be cold, Like when

0:21:04.690 --> 0:21:06.410
<v Speaker 2>the Good Boys are at my house, there's no heating.

0:21:06.410 --> 0:21:09.010
<v Speaker 2>It's winter. He was booking a lot of his work

0:21:09.250 --> 0:21:12.250
<v Speaker 2>expenses on there, and I just said, do your reinvestment

0:21:12.290 --> 0:21:15.490
<v Speaker 2>for work, so that's what you usually do, and he said, oh,

0:21:15.730 --> 0:21:17.810
<v Speaker 2>I've done it, but there's just like a delay. There's

0:21:17.810 --> 0:21:21.850
<v Speaker 2>a delay and getting the money. Okay, fine, I guess

0:21:21.850 --> 0:21:24.930
<v Speaker 2>my boys will have to be cold. I'll transfer it

0:21:24.970 --> 0:21:28.090
<v Speaker 2>to you now. But yeah, So there was that, like

0:21:28.090 --> 0:21:31.050
<v Speaker 2>that big guilt trip, the icky feeling that it gave me.

0:21:31.370 --> 0:21:34.490
<v Speaker 2>I don't like talking about money in that kind of way.

0:21:34.530 --> 0:21:36.770
<v Speaker 2>I just like things to be easy. When I got

0:21:36.770 --> 0:21:40.130
<v Speaker 2>those messages like talking about the him getting annoyed with

0:21:40.170 --> 0:21:43.090
<v Speaker 2>me about the money and bringing his kids into it

0:21:43.130 --> 0:21:45.290
<v Speaker 2>to kind of killed me. Like it just felt really

0:21:45.330 --> 0:21:47.810
<v Speaker 2>gross and it wasn't a conversation I wanted to have.

0:21:48.330 --> 0:21:50.650
<v Speaker 1>She did her best to ignore what she thought was

0:21:50.770 --> 0:21:54.690
<v Speaker 1>just a niggling issue about managing their finances, but it

0:21:54.730 --> 0:21:57.250
<v Speaker 1>wasn't the only issue in the relationship, if she was

0:21:57.330 --> 0:21:58.410
<v Speaker 1>really being honest.

0:21:59.210 --> 0:22:01.730
<v Speaker 2>We wake up one morning and he was just really

0:22:01.730 --> 0:22:04.370
<v Speaker 2>cold to me. He was lying in bed and he

0:22:04.570 --> 0:22:07.610
<v Speaker 2>was just giving me like a weird cold stare and

0:22:07.650 --> 0:22:10.650
<v Speaker 2>looking away from me, and I just keep saying to him,

0:22:10.770 --> 0:22:13.450
<v Speaker 2>is everything okay? He was just in a really, really

0:22:13.530 --> 0:22:15.730
<v Speaker 2>horrible mood. I'd never seen it. So I went to

0:22:15.810 --> 0:22:19.050
<v Speaker 2>work and it was probably my third or fourth stat

0:22:19.130 --> 0:22:22.130
<v Speaker 2>a new job, and then my phone just blew up

0:22:22.490 --> 0:22:26.130
<v Speaker 2>like it started with text. I get a text from

0:22:26.170 --> 0:22:28.730
<v Speaker 2>him saying how many people have you slept with? And

0:22:29.530 --> 0:22:32.170
<v Speaker 2>I went, I beg your pardon, and he's like, I

0:22:32.210 --> 0:22:34.610
<v Speaker 2>want to know how many people? And I was like,

0:22:35.290 --> 0:22:38.250
<v Speaker 2>what are you talking about? Like it was so left

0:22:38.250 --> 0:22:42.130
<v Speaker 2>a field, Like I've heard of guys speaking to girlfriends

0:22:42.170 --> 0:22:45.010
<v Speaker 2>and whatever, like in a fight like this before, but

0:22:45.090 --> 0:22:47.650
<v Speaker 2>usually there's a build up, you know. He'd been angry

0:22:47.730 --> 0:22:49.890
<v Speaker 2>that morning, but he'd never spoken to me like this before.

0:22:50.450 --> 0:22:53.330
<v Speaker 2>So he said how many people have you slept with?

0:22:53.530 --> 0:22:56.290
<v Speaker 2>And I was like, that's none of your business. What

0:22:56.330 --> 0:22:58.970
<v Speaker 2>are you talking about? And he just kept on asking

0:22:58.970 --> 0:23:02.850
<v Speaker 2>me all these weird questions and then he just unleashed

0:23:02.890 --> 0:23:05.810
<v Speaker 2>on me. And it turns out while I had been

0:23:05.850 --> 0:23:09.370
<v Speaker 2>going into the office those couple of days, I had

0:23:09.530 --> 0:23:11.930
<v Speaker 2>my Max sitting at home and my WhatsApp plugged in

0:23:11.930 --> 0:23:14.610
<v Speaker 2>to the deaktop. He'd just been reading all my messages

0:23:14.890 --> 0:23:18.770
<v Speaker 2>and he'd found this message from when we had been

0:23:18.890 --> 0:23:21.410
<v Speaker 2>dating for two weeks. So in that time, we've been

0:23:21.450 --> 0:23:24.530
<v Speaker 2>on I think three dates, and he read messages that

0:23:24.810 --> 0:23:27.450
<v Speaker 2>I had been at the pub with a couple of

0:23:27.450 --> 0:23:30.170
<v Speaker 2>my girlfriends and we were all talking about how hot

0:23:30.210 --> 0:23:32.530
<v Speaker 2>the bartender was and that he was flirting with me,

0:23:33.050 --> 0:23:35.210
<v Speaker 2>and one of my girlfriends was like, you should go there,

0:23:35.370 --> 0:23:38.730
<v Speaker 2>like he's so hot, he really likes you, and you know,

0:23:38.810 --> 0:23:41.410
<v Speaker 2>we were all joking about it, but nothing happened, and

0:23:41.450 --> 0:23:44.050
<v Speaker 2>he just went ballistic over it. So he was just

0:23:44.050 --> 0:23:47.010
<v Speaker 2>blowing up my phone and he said, I'm packing up

0:23:47.010 --> 0:23:51.810
<v Speaker 2>and leaving. I can't trust you, and I was like,

0:23:51.850 --> 0:23:54.650
<v Speaker 2>I'm coming home. So I made an excuse at work,

0:23:54.810 --> 0:23:57.410
<v Speaker 2>my brand new job, to say, look, I have to go.

0:23:57.570 --> 0:24:00.010
<v Speaker 2>I think I said that he had locked himself out

0:24:00.050 --> 0:24:01.530
<v Speaker 2>of the house, my partner had I had to go

0:24:01.650 --> 0:24:04.610
<v Speaker 2>let him in. And I get there and he'd literally

0:24:04.850 --> 0:24:07.930
<v Speaker 2>just moved over, you know, a couple of months before

0:24:08.050 --> 0:24:11.050
<v Speaker 2>to be with me, and he just packed up his stuff.

0:24:11.210 --> 0:24:14.090
<v Speaker 2>He'd packed up his suitcases and was sitting out the

0:24:14.130 --> 0:24:17.570
<v Speaker 2>front and when I got there, he was crying and

0:24:17.850 --> 0:24:21.370
<v Speaker 2>I was crying too. I was so upset, and he's like,

0:24:21.650 --> 0:24:23.770
<v Speaker 2>I can't believe this, Like I was just so in

0:24:23.770 --> 0:24:25.330
<v Speaker 2>love with you. I should have known it was too

0:24:25.370 --> 0:24:28.530
<v Speaker 2>good to be true. And I was so panicked at

0:24:28.530 --> 0:24:32.930
<v Speaker 2>the thought of losing him that I was apologizing. He

0:24:32.970 --> 0:24:35.970
<v Speaker 2>then agreed, like he said, yeah, I'm sorry, like, I'm

0:24:35.970 --> 0:24:39.370
<v Speaker 2>just so upset. I don't want to lose you. Backtracked

0:24:39.770 --> 0:24:41.850
<v Speaker 2>all by the time I got there, and I said, look,

0:24:41.970 --> 0:24:44.210
<v Speaker 2>I have to go back to work, but you know,

0:24:44.290 --> 0:24:47.850
<v Speaker 2>we'll talk about this tonight. So I went back to work,

0:24:47.850 --> 0:24:49.970
<v Speaker 2>and then that night he was just very sad and sorry,

0:24:50.010 --> 0:24:53.130
<v Speaker 2>but also cuddling me and saying, I'm so sorry. I

0:24:53.170 --> 0:24:54.970
<v Speaker 2>got so upset. I'm just so scared of losing you.

0:24:55.570 --> 0:24:59.090
<v Speaker 2>There was another incident, I think it was actually before

0:24:59.130 --> 0:25:01.370
<v Speaker 2>the big blow up, where he caught me looking at

0:25:01.370 --> 0:25:03.650
<v Speaker 2>a guy in a bar. I was standing at the

0:25:03.690 --> 0:25:06.410
<v Speaker 2>bar and this sort of silver fox, like a good

0:25:06.450 --> 0:25:09.490
<v Speaker 2>looking guy with gray hair, caught my eye and Phil

0:25:09.530 --> 0:25:12.970
<v Speaker 2>was staring at me and he was like, who's that guy?

0:25:13.210 --> 0:25:15.770
<v Speaker 2>And I said, I don't know, and he's like, you

0:25:15.850 --> 0:25:18.930
<v Speaker 2>were staring at each other, and I honestly was not staring.

0:25:18.970 --> 0:25:21.290
<v Speaker 2>I did look at him and look back again, like

0:25:21.370 --> 0:25:23.930
<v Speaker 2>I did a double take, because there was something about him.

0:25:24.210 --> 0:25:26.610
<v Speaker 2>He was harsh, but it's not like I was staring

0:25:26.650 --> 0:25:28.250
<v Speaker 2>at him and drooling over him. We were there with

0:25:28.250 --> 0:25:30.890
<v Speaker 2>a group of friends and the mood just changed. He

0:25:30.930 --> 0:25:34.290
<v Speaker 2>was just he was furious. He was bristling. It was

0:25:34.370 --> 0:25:38.610
<v Speaker 2>really awkward and I just instantly felt sick and uncomfortable.

0:25:39.490 --> 0:25:45.010
<v Speaker 2>He brought that up. That was his lamp post of

0:25:45.210 --> 0:25:47.410
<v Speaker 2>like this is an example that he would bring up

0:25:47.450 --> 0:25:50.210
<v Speaker 2>anytime something was wrong. He would say, I just can't

0:25:50.250 --> 0:25:53.690
<v Speaker 2>trust you. And I'd remember walking around Paddington and if

0:25:53.730 --> 0:25:55.570
<v Speaker 2>I saw a good looking guy coming our way on

0:25:55.610 --> 0:25:58.170
<v Speaker 2>the path, I would look at the ground because I

0:25:58.290 --> 0:26:02.490
<v Speaker 2>was so aware of him picking a fight with me

0:26:02.490 --> 0:26:05.290
<v Speaker 2>over jealousy. I'd go out with my friends and he

0:26:05.290 --> 0:26:07.210
<v Speaker 2>would blow up my phone, like he'd be back in

0:26:07.290 --> 0:26:10.290
<v Speaker 2>Belfast with his boys two nights a week, pretty much

0:26:10.330 --> 0:26:12.010
<v Speaker 2>from the first time he got really mad at me

0:26:12.050 --> 0:26:15.210
<v Speaker 2>about looking at that guy. Every week when he was

0:26:15.250 --> 0:26:18.610
<v Speaker 2>back in Belfast, he would just be constantly online and

0:26:18.690 --> 0:26:20.410
<v Speaker 2>he'd say, at the start of the night, have frun

0:26:20.450 --> 0:26:22.170
<v Speaker 2>with your friend's baby, Like, what are you doing tonight?

0:26:22.210 --> 0:26:24.330
<v Speaker 2>I'd be going up for dinner and drinks with my girls.

0:26:24.770 --> 0:26:27.210
<v Speaker 2>He would see on one of their Instagram stories that

0:26:27.250 --> 0:26:29.210
<v Speaker 2>there were guys at our table at a bar. All

0:26:29.250 --> 0:26:32.570
<v Speaker 2>my girlfriends were single, and he would just start blowing

0:26:32.650 --> 0:26:34.410
<v Speaker 2>up my phone, who is that guy? There's a guy

0:26:34.410 --> 0:26:37.690
<v Speaker 2>sitting beside you, so I would put my phone in

0:26:37.730 --> 0:26:40.490
<v Speaker 2>the end on aeroplane mode because he would just be

0:26:40.530 --> 0:26:42.170
<v Speaker 2>blowing up my phone. And he would then go to

0:26:42.290 --> 0:26:48.370
<v Speaker 2>Instagram when things weren't delivering, he would go I messages, WhatsApps, Instagram, Facebook, everything,

0:26:48.410 --> 0:26:51.730
<v Speaker 2>and he would also delete and block me from social media.

0:26:51.890 --> 0:26:54.330
<v Speaker 2>When they brought in the feature that you could unsend messages,

0:26:54.410 --> 0:26:58.090
<v Speaker 2>I would wake up to fifty unsent messages. But that

0:26:58.290 --> 0:27:01.530
<v Speaker 2>was I would say. At least once a month, there'd

0:27:01.570 --> 0:27:04.210
<v Speaker 2>be a huge blow up like that, and it would

0:27:04.210 --> 0:27:06.850
<v Speaker 2>all come down to I'm sorry, I just don't trust you.

0:27:06.970 --> 0:27:08.850
<v Speaker 2>After he lied about that guy you were looking at,

0:27:09.610 --> 0:27:12.890
<v Speaker 2>I don't trust you that I kind of it just

0:27:12.930 --> 0:27:15.650
<v Speaker 2>became the norm that I put up with it. But

0:27:15.690 --> 0:27:18.010
<v Speaker 2>then there was just so much good. The things that

0:27:18.050 --> 0:27:21.730
<v Speaker 2>worried me were really tiny in comparison to how many

0:27:21.770 --> 0:27:24.050
<v Speaker 2>good things like he was just amazing. And I had

0:27:24.090 --> 0:27:26.650
<v Speaker 2>my concerns about his jealousy that I spoke to my

0:27:26.690 --> 0:27:30.810
<v Speaker 2>friends about, but my friends were champion him. Everybody loved him.

0:27:31.410 --> 0:27:33.930
<v Speaker 1>But even those friends could see what was happening in

0:27:34.050 --> 0:27:34.690
<v Speaker 1>plain sight.

0:27:35.650 --> 0:27:37.610
<v Speaker 2>I was on this trip to Italy with some friends.

0:27:38.290 --> 0:27:40.370
<v Speaker 2>I don't know what his problem was, but he was

0:27:40.410 --> 0:27:43.290
<v Speaker 2>so angry with me and cold with me, and still

0:27:43.330 --> 0:27:46.290
<v Speaker 2>mister charming by the pool with our friends, but then

0:27:47.210 --> 0:27:50.810
<v Speaker 2>really cold in how he addressed me in every way.

0:27:51.010 --> 0:27:55.330
<v Speaker 2>And it was just very tense, very tense. And at

0:27:55.330 --> 0:27:57.450
<v Speaker 2>the end of the trip, I had one of my

0:27:57.490 --> 0:27:59.610
<v Speaker 2>best friends that was on the trip with us, who's

0:27:59.610 --> 0:28:03.010
<v Speaker 2>a guy, and they got along really really well. He

0:28:03.170 --> 0:28:06.250
<v Speaker 2>was like, Sarah, look, I like him, but he's not

0:28:06.250 --> 0:28:09.410
<v Speaker 2>the guy for you. And I was like, what do

0:28:09.450 --> 0:28:11.850
<v Speaker 2>you mean, And he's like, he doesn't treat you well,

0:28:11.970 --> 0:28:15.010
<v Speaker 2>Like I'm just watching this and there's just something not

0:28:15.090 --> 0:28:17.450
<v Speaker 2>quite right. And I like him. I really like the

0:28:17.490 --> 0:28:20.730
<v Speaker 2>guy separate as a person, but I don't like how

0:28:20.770 --> 0:28:26.930
<v Speaker 2>he's treating you and you're not happy. And I knewish

0:28:27.130 --> 0:28:30.890
<v Speaker 2>this is just fourteen months in. I knew it then,

0:28:31.530 --> 0:28:35.850
<v Speaker 2>but I loved him so much, but I couldn't handle

0:28:36.450 --> 0:28:38.810
<v Speaker 2>the mountdowns anymore. It was at least once a month

0:28:38.930 --> 0:28:42.090
<v Speaker 2>at least, and they were big, and it was over nothing,

0:28:42.450 --> 0:28:45.970
<v Speaker 2>and it was really controlling. And I had said to

0:28:46.010 --> 0:28:47.810
<v Speaker 2>him that I thought he needed to speak to a

0:28:47.850 --> 0:28:50.930
<v Speaker 2>counselor or something. He would always bring it back to

0:28:51.050 --> 0:28:53.330
<v Speaker 2>I'm just so sorry, and he would say, you know,

0:28:53.370 --> 0:28:55.970
<v Speaker 2>I'm just so scared of losing you. After that trip,

0:28:56.810 --> 0:29:00.730
<v Speaker 2>I tried to break up with him because of my

0:29:00.810 --> 0:29:03.330
<v Speaker 2>friend seeing it and putting it back in my face

0:29:03.370 --> 0:29:06.010
<v Speaker 2>of what it really is in a kind way. So

0:29:06.050 --> 0:29:07.650
<v Speaker 2>I tried to break up with him, and he broke

0:29:07.690 --> 0:29:10.130
<v Speaker 2>down in tears and he begged me. He said, I'll

0:29:10.130 --> 0:29:13.570
<v Speaker 2>do whatever it takes. You can't leave me. I love you,

0:29:14.010 --> 0:29:15.490
<v Speaker 2>I want to be with you. I want a life

0:29:15.570 --> 0:29:18.970
<v Speaker 2>with you. I don't like myself like this. I've never

0:29:19.050 --> 0:29:21.890
<v Speaker 2>been like this with anyone before. I've never been in

0:29:21.930 --> 0:29:24.610
<v Speaker 2>love before, and I don't know how to handle it

0:29:24.650 --> 0:29:26.570
<v Speaker 2>because it always came back to you're going to move

0:29:26.690 --> 0:29:28.490
<v Speaker 2>back to Melbourne. You're going to move back to Melbourne,

0:29:28.490 --> 0:29:30.690
<v Speaker 2>and you're going to leave me. So I agreed to

0:29:30.690 --> 0:29:34.970
<v Speaker 2>give it another go, because you know, he beat and

0:29:35.010 --> 0:29:35.610
<v Speaker 2>I loved him.

0:29:37.490 --> 0:29:39.850
<v Speaker 1>The whole time this was going on, Sarah was going

0:29:39.850 --> 0:29:43.690
<v Speaker 1>through fertility tests. She hadn't fallen pregnant naturally, so doctors

0:29:43.690 --> 0:29:45.690
<v Speaker 1>had run a bunch of tests just to see what

0:29:45.770 --> 0:29:48.530
<v Speaker 1>was going on. Now. Getting pregnant at this time was

0:29:48.570 --> 0:29:51.530
<v Speaker 1>the last thing on Sarah's mind. She just tried to

0:29:51.570 --> 0:29:54.290
<v Speaker 1>break up with Phil she definitely knew she should not

0:29:54.370 --> 0:29:57.090
<v Speaker 1>be having a baby with him now and maybe not ever.

0:29:57.730 --> 0:30:01.130
<v Speaker 1>But dear listener, what always seems to happen when you're

0:30:01.130 --> 0:30:01.770
<v Speaker 1>not trying.

0:30:02.690 --> 0:30:05.050
<v Speaker 2>Three weeks later, I was pregnant. I think shocked and

0:30:05.050 --> 0:30:08.170
<v Speaker 2>scared more than anything, because even though I had wanted

0:30:08.170 --> 0:30:13.170
<v Speaker 2>it so badly prior and had worried I was infertile,

0:30:14.530 --> 0:30:16.530
<v Speaker 2>I was like, what the hell am I going to do? Like,

0:30:16.770 --> 0:30:18.850
<v Speaker 2>I'm not in a relationship where I should be pregnant.

0:30:19.530 --> 0:30:22.050
<v Speaker 2>How do you know? We're not in a good place.

0:30:22.890 --> 0:30:26.690
<v Speaker 2>And he was over the moon. And then from the

0:30:26.730 --> 0:30:29.890
<v Speaker 2>moment that, like I told him I was pregnant, it

0:30:30.010 --> 0:30:32.410
<v Speaker 2>was kind of like I had the old feelback.

0:30:33.290 --> 0:30:35.890
<v Speaker 1>From the moment Phil found out she was pregnant, that

0:30:35.970 --> 0:30:38.810
<v Speaker 1>he was going to be a dad again, everything calmed down.

0:30:39.290 --> 0:30:41.970
<v Speaker 1>It was like a weight had been lifted, a cloud

0:30:42.010 --> 0:30:45.370
<v Speaker 1>around them cleared, and everything looked bright again. The weeks

0:30:45.410 --> 0:30:48.250
<v Speaker 1>went on and it stayed this way. Phil was attentive

0:30:48.330 --> 0:30:52.050
<v Speaker 1>and caring and supportive. And the best part they found

0:30:52.090 --> 0:30:53.610
<v Speaker 1>out they were having a girl.

0:30:54.330 --> 0:30:57.490
<v Speaker 2>I cried, He cried, It's what he wanted. It was

0:30:57.530 --> 0:31:00.770
<v Speaker 2>a girl. So we were just thrilled and I can

0:31:00.810 --> 0:31:05.010
<v Speaker 2>remember afterwards. We were meeting some friends at a restaurant

0:31:05.050 --> 0:31:08.010
<v Speaker 2>for lunch, and as we're walking in, he was just

0:31:08.090 --> 0:31:10.250
<v Speaker 2>so excited. He was just in such a good mood,

0:31:10.930 --> 0:31:13.330
<v Speaker 2>and he said, I really love the name Imagen for

0:31:13.450 --> 0:31:16.170
<v Speaker 2>a girl, Like what do you think? And I was

0:31:16.250 --> 0:31:18.890
<v Speaker 2>kind of taken it back that he was suggesting names

0:31:18.890 --> 0:31:20.930
<v Speaker 2>to me because we had agreed if it was a boy,

0:31:20.970 --> 0:31:22.210
<v Speaker 2>he could choose and if it was a girl, I

0:31:22.210 --> 0:31:24.690
<v Speaker 2>could choose because we'd sort of narrow down our list.

0:31:24.730 --> 0:31:27.530
<v Speaker 2>But we disagreed on names, and I was sort of

0:31:27.530 --> 0:31:30.170
<v Speaker 2>taken aback and I went, oh, okay, like I'll have

0:31:30.210 --> 0:31:32.530
<v Speaker 2>a think about it. It'll grow on me. I had

0:31:32.570 --> 0:31:34.650
<v Speaker 2>brought it up with my friends, what do you think

0:31:34.650 --> 0:31:38.650
<v Speaker 2>of the name Imagen? And then later on he was like, oh,

0:31:38.890 --> 0:31:40.610
<v Speaker 2>actually I've gone off for a bit and sort of

0:31:40.730 --> 0:31:43.210
<v Speaker 2>decided to kind of change his mind. But I was like, no,

0:31:43.290 --> 0:31:45.290
<v Speaker 2>it's growing on me. I really like the name image

0:31:45.290 --> 0:31:48.530
<v Speaker 2>and it's quite cute, and you know, it's pretty. We

0:31:48.610 --> 0:31:51.410
<v Speaker 2>decided that we would keep it quiet because I wanted

0:31:51.410 --> 0:31:53.730
<v Speaker 2>to tell my mum in person. So I found out

0:31:53.810 --> 0:31:58.010
<v Speaker 2>I was pregnant the start of December, and my next

0:31:58.010 --> 0:32:00.930
<v Speaker 2>trip back to Australia was booked in the March, so

0:32:01.010 --> 0:32:04.090
<v Speaker 2>I was four months pregnant by this stage. I told

0:32:04.090 --> 0:32:06.850
<v Speaker 2>a few friends, and the male friend i'd been on

0:32:06.850 --> 0:32:09.770
<v Speaker 2>the Italy trip with that had said to me, Sarah,

0:32:09.850 --> 0:32:12.810
<v Speaker 2>he's not the guy for you. He got along really

0:32:12.850 --> 0:32:15.290
<v Speaker 2>well with Phil, like they had a separate friendship, a

0:32:15.290 --> 0:32:18.050
<v Speaker 2>bit of a bromance. So I was talking to Alex

0:32:18.650 --> 0:32:21.210
<v Speaker 2>and I told him and he was happy for me,

0:32:21.410 --> 0:32:23.330
<v Speaker 2>but also a little bit worried because he knew where

0:32:23.410 --> 0:32:28.290
<v Speaker 2>things were. And then that night I can remember getting home,

0:32:28.370 --> 0:32:31.810
<v Speaker 2>getting ready for bed, and Phil was like, I'm so

0:32:32.010 --> 0:32:36.970
<v Speaker 2>excited to tell Alex. Let's tell him together. And in

0:32:37.010 --> 0:32:39.810
<v Speaker 2>that moment I had a panic, the sheer panic I

0:32:39.850 --> 0:32:43.890
<v Speaker 2>would get any time there was something he would get

0:32:43.890 --> 0:32:46.730
<v Speaker 2>annoyed with me about, because his temple was just so bad.

0:32:47.170 --> 0:32:50.490
<v Speaker 2>I remember panicking and I went, yeah, yeah, so I

0:32:50.490 --> 0:32:52.970
<v Speaker 2>should have in that instant said I actually told him today.

0:32:52.970 --> 0:32:56.130
<v Speaker 2>I couldn't help myself, but because it was just easier,

0:32:56.170 --> 0:33:00.490
<v Speaker 2>I thought, fuck, I'll tell Alex to say he doesn't know,

0:33:00.650 --> 0:33:04.490
<v Speaker 2>to pretend he doesn't know. So we go back to

0:33:04.490 --> 0:33:09.770
<v Speaker 2>Australia and told all of our friends as we saw them,

0:33:10.050 --> 0:33:13.570
<v Speaker 2>and Alex pretended to be surprised, and then we had

0:33:13.570 --> 0:33:15.850
<v Speaker 2>dinner one night with my best friend and her husband.

0:33:16.450 --> 0:33:19.770
<v Speaker 2>She said, and then, you know, we are like excited

0:33:19.810 --> 0:33:22.570
<v Speaker 2>about the baby. And Alex was round at our place

0:33:22.770 --> 0:33:26.410
<v Speaker 2>a couple of months ago. He said, oh, you guys know, yeah,

0:33:26.410 --> 0:33:28.650
<v Speaker 2>I know, and we were all like so excited for you,

0:33:28.730 --> 0:33:31.690
<v Speaker 2>and I could just feel feel tense up beside me,

0:33:31.970 --> 0:33:35.690
<v Speaker 2>and I thought, oh God, here we go. So at

0:33:35.690 --> 0:33:40.130
<v Speaker 2>this stage, I think I was twenty weeks pregnant. And

0:33:40.170 --> 0:33:42.730
<v Speaker 2>that night we got back to my friend's place where

0:33:42.730 --> 0:33:44.890
<v Speaker 2>we were staying, and he was so furious with me

0:33:45.250 --> 0:33:50.290
<v Speaker 2>and cold, like the stony treatment like you would expect

0:33:50.370 --> 0:33:52.650
<v Speaker 2>with silent treatment. But then he was also saying horrible

0:33:52.650 --> 0:33:56.530
<v Speaker 2>things to me. So I was exhausted. And the next

0:33:56.610 --> 0:33:59.370
<v Speaker 2>day I had my best friend's engagement party. He kept

0:33:59.410 --> 0:34:02.730
<v Speaker 2>me up all night fighting with me. I was just exhausted.

0:34:02.890 --> 0:34:06.290
<v Speaker 2>My eyes were puffy. The next day he said he

0:34:06.410 --> 0:34:09.690
<v Speaker 2>wasn't going. He refused to go. I'm a liar. Why

0:34:09.730 --> 0:34:12.330
<v Speaker 2>would he want to be here with a liar? I

0:34:12.370 --> 0:34:15.050
<v Speaker 2>can't be trusted. It was like I stared at that

0:34:15.090 --> 0:34:17.530
<v Speaker 2>guy that time. I just can't help myself. I'm just

0:34:17.570 --> 0:34:19.650
<v Speaker 2>a liar, and he doesn't even know if he wants

0:34:19.650 --> 0:34:23.050
<v Speaker 2>to have a child with a liar. And so I

0:34:23.130 --> 0:34:28.050
<v Speaker 2>went to my friend's engagement on my own. He called

0:34:28.130 --> 0:34:33.290
<v Speaker 2>Quantus and separated our flight bookings, canceled Hughes, and changed

0:34:33.290 --> 0:34:36.250
<v Speaker 2>it to fly home the next day. So while I

0:34:36.290 --> 0:34:38.570
<v Speaker 2>was at my friend's engagement party and just leave me,

0:34:38.690 --> 0:34:45.010
<v Speaker 2>they're pregnant. I was devastated. We had booked a holiday

0:34:45.050 --> 0:34:48.530
<v Speaker 2>house down in Sorrento with my family for me to

0:34:48.570 --> 0:34:50.170
<v Speaker 2>spend some time with my family. I said, well, I'm

0:34:50.210 --> 0:34:54.210
<v Speaker 2>still going. I'm going to that, and then he changed

0:34:54.210 --> 0:34:58.010
<v Speaker 2>his tune as he did the rollercoaster of Phil. Sorry,

0:34:58.130 --> 0:35:00.090
<v Speaker 2>I love you. I'm just really upset. How could you

0:35:00.130 --> 0:35:02.770
<v Speaker 2>do this? I feel really betrayed. You know, I'm worried

0:35:02.770 --> 0:35:05.530
<v Speaker 2>about your I'm just really worried about your dishonesty. Sarah.

0:35:05.650 --> 0:35:08.250
<v Speaker 2>You have a problem with lying, and would just bring

0:35:08.330 --> 0:35:10.130
<v Speaker 2>up the two lies that I had ever told him,

0:35:10.850 --> 0:35:14.170
<v Speaker 2>and he up changing his flight again so he could

0:35:14.770 --> 0:35:17.250
<v Speaker 2>stay and go down the coast with my family. But

0:35:17.290 --> 0:35:19.330
<v Speaker 2>then he spent his whole time hold up in a

0:35:19.410 --> 0:35:22.370
<v Speaker 2>room and not even mixing with my family, and they

0:35:22.410 --> 0:35:25.730
<v Speaker 2>were like, is everything okay? It was just really really

0:35:25.770 --> 0:35:28.450
<v Speaker 2>tense and awkward. So I don't know why he decided

0:35:28.490 --> 0:35:31.170
<v Speaker 2>to stay. Things got really bad while we were there

0:35:31.170 --> 0:35:34.170
<v Speaker 2>with COVID, so it became clear that we needed to

0:35:34.170 --> 0:35:36.850
<v Speaker 2>get back straight away. Our flights actually just got canceled,

0:35:36.970 --> 0:35:40.330
<v Speaker 2>so we had to just book the next available that

0:35:40.370 --> 0:35:44.330
<v Speaker 2>we could get. Most airlines had shut down. We have

0:35:44.530 --> 0:35:48.850
<v Speaker 2>to get this urgent flight back and it was probably

0:35:48.970 --> 0:35:51.330
<v Speaker 2>one of the last ones you could get. And when

0:35:51.330 --> 0:35:56.610
<v Speaker 2>we're in transit, I saw like because it was just hectic.

0:35:56.810 --> 0:36:01.050
<v Speaker 2>It was just absolute chaos. We're in masks, rushed, panicky, stressed,

0:36:01.170 --> 0:36:03.130
<v Speaker 2>and I can remember looking at my phone when we're

0:36:03.210 --> 0:36:06.570
<v Speaker 2>changing flights that it must have been Hong Kong or something,

0:36:07.370 --> 0:36:10.850
<v Speaker 2>and I had a pop up Facebook notification and it

0:36:10.970 --> 0:36:14.850
<v Speaker 2>said Imogen. I can't remember so her name wants to

0:36:14.850 --> 0:36:17.050
<v Speaker 2>send you a message, and I screenshot it because I thought,

0:36:17.050 --> 0:36:20.250
<v Speaker 2>so I've got that screenshot. How funny, Like I've never

0:36:20.290 --> 0:36:24.370
<v Speaker 2>heard that name before and now it's a name that

0:36:24.410 --> 0:36:26.730
<v Speaker 2>he likes. Now this is one messaging me. I didn't

0:36:26.770 --> 0:36:27.730
<v Speaker 2>think anything of it.

0:36:29.170 --> 0:36:32.570
<v Speaker 1>Chaos and random messages aside. They got back to the UK,

0:36:33.170 --> 0:36:36.010
<v Speaker 1>but what they didn't realize was the chaos was only

0:36:36.250 --> 0:36:37.090
<v Speaker 1>just beginning.

0:36:37.850 --> 0:36:40.810
<v Speaker 2>Because the world was shutting down and there was limited travel.

0:36:41.130 --> 0:36:43.210
<v Speaker 2>We had to go back to Belfast to the house

0:36:43.250 --> 0:36:45.290
<v Speaker 2>that he had there to be near his kids in

0:36:45.330 --> 0:36:48.490
<v Speaker 2>case we got stuck in London. So we went back

0:36:48.490 --> 0:36:51.290
<v Speaker 2>to Belfast. I got a phone call from my boss

0:36:51.810 --> 0:36:53.850
<v Speaker 2>saying I was put on furlough, which is kind of

0:36:53.850 --> 0:36:57.090
<v Speaker 2>like job keeper, which is a small payment would barely

0:36:57.130 --> 0:36:59.330
<v Speaker 2>cover rent. So we had to give up our apartment

0:36:59.370 --> 0:37:01.770
<v Speaker 2>in London, which meant we had to be full time

0:37:01.810 --> 0:37:05.250
<v Speaker 2>in Belfast, which was kind of a bit of a crash.

0:37:05.250 --> 0:37:10.010
<v Speaker 2>It's not somewhere I really I really enjoyed. I think

0:37:10.050 --> 0:37:12.410
<v Speaker 2>that's perhaps because of the area that Phil had a

0:37:12.410 --> 0:37:15.290
<v Speaker 2>house in. It was not very nice. It was about

0:37:15.330 --> 0:37:18.690
<v Speaker 2>twenty minutes out of the city proper and yeah, so

0:37:18.770 --> 0:37:22.250
<v Speaker 2>quite isolated. So I found out. Yeah, the day that

0:37:22.290 --> 0:37:25.010
<v Speaker 2>we got back to Belfast, I found out I was

0:37:25.050 --> 0:37:27.970
<v Speaker 2>being put on furlough, that we would have to be

0:37:28.010 --> 0:37:29.890
<v Speaker 2>in Belfast full time, had to give notice on the

0:37:29.930 --> 0:37:32.770
<v Speaker 2>apartment in London. And then a couple of days later

0:37:32.970 --> 0:37:34.970
<v Speaker 2>I was lying on the couch. Phil was in the

0:37:35.010 --> 0:37:39.090
<v Speaker 2>kitchen making lunch and I was really pregnant by that time.

0:37:39.090 --> 0:37:43.050
<v Speaker 2>I can still remember laying there and looking at my

0:37:43.130 --> 0:37:47.370
<v Speaker 2>phone scrolling through Instagram. Then I had a look at Facebook,

0:37:47.370 --> 0:37:50.370
<v Speaker 2>which I very rarely do. No one really uses Facebook anymore,

0:37:50.930 --> 0:37:53.210
<v Speaker 2>and I saw the red message request that there was

0:37:53.570 --> 0:37:55.330
<v Speaker 2>other messages, so I opened it up.

0:37:56.330 --> 0:37:58.970
<v Speaker 1>It was the message from someone called image It.

0:38:00.330 --> 0:38:02.210
<v Speaker 2>Hi. I didn't want to be the one to tell

0:38:02.290 --> 0:38:04.970
<v Speaker 2>you this, but Phil has cheated on you. I've seen

0:38:05.050 --> 0:38:06.970
<v Speaker 2>him on Tinder hear on and off for the last

0:38:06.970 --> 0:38:10.410
<v Speaker 2>two years, but I was the last person. I asked

0:38:10.450 --> 0:38:12.530
<v Speaker 2>from the get go if he was single. And I'm

0:38:12.530 --> 0:38:14.930
<v Speaker 2>really sorry, but I just can't let this go, especially

0:38:14.970 --> 0:38:21.250
<v Speaker 2>after what he said. Sorry. I didn't believe it at all.

0:38:21.650 --> 0:38:24.130
<v Speaker 2>So I don't know how to describe how that makes sense,

0:38:24.250 --> 0:38:28.090
<v Speaker 2>because I remember feeling sick to my stomach and feeling

0:38:28.170 --> 0:38:32.090
<v Speaker 2>like I've been punched, but I didn't believe it. I

0:38:32.130 --> 0:38:33.810
<v Speaker 2>just showed it to him straight away and I was like,

0:38:33.810 --> 0:38:36.690
<v Speaker 2>what is this and he looked at me call as

0:38:36.690 --> 0:38:40.290
<v Speaker 2>a cucumber. He said, I don't know, just block them,

0:38:41.130 --> 0:38:44.930
<v Speaker 2>and I was like, but like, I don't understand. Maybe

0:38:44.970 --> 0:38:48.250
<v Speaker 2>someone's used your pictures for a profile, like there was

0:38:48.330 --> 0:38:51.650
<v Speaker 2>just no way that I could ever believe that he

0:38:51.650 --> 0:38:54.490
<v Speaker 2>would do that. So he's like, oh, I'm sorry, and

0:38:55.010 --> 0:38:57.810
<v Speaker 2>just just ignore it like whatever, and he changed the subject.

0:38:58.530 --> 0:39:00.890
<v Speaker 2>And I think that didn't sit well with me because

0:39:00.930 --> 0:39:03.530
<v Speaker 2>I think, like, but I was still kind of I

0:39:03.570 --> 0:39:06.730
<v Speaker 2>don't know, it was just upsetting and I laid there

0:39:07.330 --> 0:39:09.330
<v Speaker 2>and I just burst into tears like half an hour later,

0:39:09.330 --> 0:39:11.650
<v Speaker 2>and he's like, oh, honey, what's wrong, Like, oh my god,

0:39:11.970 --> 0:39:14.850
<v Speaker 2>just just block them, don't listen, and I just said,

0:39:14.930 --> 0:39:17.690
<v Speaker 2>I'm just upset, like I know it's not true, but

0:39:17.850 --> 0:39:20.970
<v Speaker 2>like why this now? You know, I've just lost my job,

0:39:21.010 --> 0:39:24.290
<v Speaker 2>why this now? I just everything's shit. I just had

0:39:24.290 --> 0:39:26.810
<v Speaker 2>to leave my family really abruptly. I don't know when

0:39:26.810 --> 0:39:29.570
<v Speaker 2>I'm going to see them again. I'm here in Belfast.

0:39:29.610 --> 0:39:31.610
<v Speaker 2>I don't know anyone. And I just like I cried

0:39:32.330 --> 0:39:35.610
<v Speaker 2>and he was like, you know, comforting me, and all

0:39:35.770 --> 0:39:37.450
<v Speaker 2>was fine. We went to bed later that night and

0:39:37.490 --> 0:39:39.850
<v Speaker 2>I just tossed and turned. I just could not sleep,

0:39:40.610 --> 0:39:43.010
<v Speaker 2>and I think it got to like five o'clock in

0:39:43.050 --> 0:39:47.010
<v Speaker 2>the morning or something, and I text a screenshot of

0:39:47.050 --> 0:39:50.090
<v Speaker 2>it to my best friend back in Melbourne. She was like,

0:39:50.610 --> 0:39:53.410
<v Speaker 2>oh my god, like what did you reply? And I said, oh, well,

0:39:53.450 --> 0:39:55.690
<v Speaker 2>I haven't replied. I mean, it's not true. I looked

0:39:55.690 --> 0:39:58.610
<v Speaker 2>to this girl up on Instagram. She's twenty two years old.

0:39:59.610 --> 0:40:02.690
<v Speaker 2>She looks even younger than that, like there's emojis all

0:40:02.730 --> 0:40:05.730
<v Speaker 2>over her profile, like she's a young girl. Phil is

0:40:06.130 --> 0:40:08.850
<v Speaker 2>forty five, Like there's no way. Plus he would never

0:40:08.890 --> 0:40:12.850
<v Speaker 2>do that. I don't question him whatsoever. But you know,

0:40:12.850 --> 0:40:15.370
<v Speaker 2>I can't sleep. And my friend said, look, why don't

0:40:15.370 --> 0:40:18.490
<v Speaker 2>you just say prove it? So I wrote back and

0:40:18.530 --> 0:40:20.170
<v Speaker 2>I just said, thanks for letting us know it's a

0:40:20.210 --> 0:40:22.890
<v Speaker 2>fake profile. Could you please report it? My friend said,

0:40:22.970 --> 0:40:25.850
<v Speaker 2>us for proof, So I did, and she sent proof.

0:40:26.210 --> 0:40:29.730
<v Speaker 2>She sent so many screenshots. He had matched with her

0:40:29.770 --> 0:40:32.730
<v Speaker 2>on Tinder, deleted Tinder really quickly, come back and spend

0:40:32.770 --> 0:40:34.810
<v Speaker 2>a couple of days in London with me, then went

0:40:34.890 --> 0:40:37.370
<v Speaker 2>back to look after his boys the next week for

0:40:37.370 --> 0:40:40.170
<v Speaker 2>the two days. At eleven thirty am on a Friday,

0:40:40.210 --> 0:40:42.610
<v Speaker 2>while his kids were at school, the first time he

0:40:42.650 --> 0:40:45.610
<v Speaker 2>met Imogen was by showing up to her house do

0:40:45.650 --> 0:40:47.930
<v Speaker 2>you have sex with her? For forty five minutes and

0:40:47.970 --> 0:40:51.170
<v Speaker 2>then leaving again? And I know the timeline because the

0:40:51.210 --> 0:40:54.450
<v Speaker 2>screenshots that she sent me he said, I'm here, and

0:40:54.490 --> 0:40:58.410
<v Speaker 2>then afterwards he said that was amazing. The filth that

0:40:59.050 --> 0:41:01.690
<v Speaker 2>Phil sent to her. I just couldn't believe what I

0:41:01.730 --> 0:41:03.530
<v Speaker 2>was reading. It wasn't the guy that I was in

0:41:03.570 --> 0:41:07.770
<v Speaker 2>a relationship with. He had never been so disgusting with me.

0:41:08.010 --> 0:41:12.050
<v Speaker 2>I was just sickened, absolutely sickened. I'm not a rude

0:41:12.050 --> 0:41:14.770
<v Speaker 2>by any means, but the things that he said to

0:41:14.810 --> 0:41:17.890
<v Speaker 2>her were just filth. The whole time that we were

0:41:17.930 --> 0:41:23.650
<v Speaker 2>in Australia with my family, he was texting her, making

0:41:23.690 --> 0:41:27.690
<v Speaker 2>plans with her, but then canceling the plants. We're in Australia,

0:41:27.730 --> 0:41:29.170
<v Speaker 2>like he's not going to see her. So he would

0:41:29.210 --> 0:41:31.490
<v Speaker 2>be making plans with her and then say sorry.

0:41:31.170 --> 0:41:31.570
<v Speaker 1>My love.

0:41:32.010 --> 0:41:35.130
<v Speaker 2>He would say, my love, I can't come. I'm stuck

0:41:35.210 --> 0:41:39.050
<v Speaker 2>doing this. Yeah, he was leading her on. He was saying,

0:41:39.090 --> 0:41:42.010
<v Speaker 2>you know, I'm daydreaming about a life with you. He

0:41:42.050 --> 0:41:45.210
<v Speaker 2>told her loved her. It was crazy, It was absolutely crazy,

0:41:45.730 --> 0:41:49.570
<v Speaker 2>and I was just in shock, in shock. I just

0:41:49.770 --> 0:41:53.090
<v Speaker 2>laid there reading the screenshots. It was just a sample

0:41:53.130 --> 0:41:55.850
<v Speaker 2>to start with, and he was asleep beside me in bed,

0:41:55.890 --> 0:41:57.850
<v Speaker 2>and I turn around and I just started punching him

0:41:58.490 --> 0:42:03.770
<v Speaker 2>and screaming I was so furious, but absolutely in shock,

0:42:04.450 --> 0:42:08.930
<v Speaker 2>and I feel so stupid because I just never believed

0:42:09.370 --> 0:42:11.610
<v Speaker 2>that he would do something like this to me. Was

0:42:11.810 --> 0:42:15.210
<v Speaker 2>naked photos that he was sending her from my parents' house,

0:42:15.770 --> 0:42:17.890
<v Speaker 2>from the holiday house when he was hold up in

0:42:17.890 --> 0:42:19.770
<v Speaker 2>his room refusing to speak twenty one because he was

0:42:19.770 --> 0:42:22.450
<v Speaker 2>so angry with me from my friend's place the day

0:42:22.530 --> 0:42:24.650
<v Speaker 2>of the engagement party that he refused to come to

0:42:24.730 --> 0:42:27.330
<v Speaker 2>that he blew up my phone all day saying that

0:42:27.770 --> 0:42:29.210
<v Speaker 2>he didn't know if he could be with someone who

0:42:29.290 --> 0:42:35.210
<v Speaker 2>is dishonest. He was sending her naked photos. And in

0:42:35.250 --> 0:42:38.330
<v Speaker 2>case you missed it, the real kicker is that he

0:42:38.410 --> 0:42:40.770
<v Speaker 2>suggested her name when we found out we were having

0:42:40.810 --> 0:42:43.530
<v Speaker 2>a girl. This twenty two year old girl.

0:42:44.850 --> 0:42:48.530
<v Speaker 1>Sarah was living a nightmare. All this time. She'd been

0:42:48.570 --> 0:42:52.290
<v Speaker 1>the one for giving him, making excuses for him, apologizing

0:42:52.330 --> 0:42:55.890
<v Speaker 1>to him, and he'd been cheating on her. Now she

0:42:56.050 --> 0:42:58.650
<v Speaker 1>was here in his space, in a country where she

0:42:58.770 --> 0:43:01.410
<v Speaker 1>knew no one else, in the middle of COVID.

0:43:01.890 --> 0:43:08.210
<v Speaker 2>Pregnant bellfirst was in full lockdown. I had my lifeline

0:43:08.410 --> 0:43:11.050
<v Speaker 2>best friend in Australia like talking to her in all

0:43:11.050 --> 0:43:14.490
<v Speaker 2>her waking hours about what the hell I was going

0:43:14.530 --> 0:43:17.170
<v Speaker 2>to do. I just knew I needed to get away

0:43:17.210 --> 0:43:21.330
<v Speaker 2>from him. He was just busy trying to smooth thing.

0:43:21.370 --> 0:43:25.610
<v Speaker 2>So I love you, begging me, crying, I'll kill myself

0:43:25.690 --> 0:43:28.130
<v Speaker 2>if you leave me. I can't live without you. I

0:43:28.170 --> 0:43:31.130
<v Speaker 2>can't live without you, all that sort of usual stuff,

0:43:31.770 --> 0:43:34.050
<v Speaker 2>and I just knew I needed some space from him.

0:43:34.130 --> 0:43:37.090
<v Speaker 2>So I got a flight back to London. I still

0:43:37.130 --> 0:43:39.730
<v Speaker 2>had my apartment there for another month, so I spent

0:43:40.010 --> 0:43:43.970
<v Speaker 2>some time there without him. Was really isolating and depressing,

0:43:44.050 --> 0:43:46.650
<v Speaker 2>to be completely honest. I would grab a baguett I'd

0:43:46.690 --> 0:43:49.050
<v Speaker 2>go to a hyde park and sit down to have

0:43:49.170 --> 0:43:51.010
<v Speaker 2>something to eat, and the police would come along and

0:43:51.010 --> 0:43:52.690
<v Speaker 2>tell me to get up and keep moving. But I

0:43:52.770 --> 0:43:55.570
<v Speaker 2>was really questioning myself and what to do because I

0:43:55.610 --> 0:43:58.650
<v Speaker 2>was bringing a child into the world and I just

0:43:58.650 --> 0:44:00.810
<v Speaker 2>didn't know what the best thing to do was. And

0:44:00.850 --> 0:44:03.410
<v Speaker 2>I was so scared of doing it alone. But I

0:44:03.450 --> 0:44:07.250
<v Speaker 2>felt so unsafe with him, and I was just really scared.

0:44:07.250 --> 0:44:10.450
<v Speaker 2>I felt like I didn't know him anymore. The cheating

0:44:10.570 --> 0:44:13.410
<v Speaker 2>obviously is up setting, but I think the most upsetting

0:44:13.450 --> 0:44:15.450
<v Speaker 2>thing was that I felt like I didn't know him

0:44:15.610 --> 0:44:18.290
<v Speaker 2>at all. This is the person that I had wanted

0:44:18.330 --> 0:44:21.290
<v Speaker 2>to spend the rest of my life with and he

0:44:21.330 --> 0:44:24.010
<v Speaker 2>was a stranger to me because it was like a

0:44:24.010 --> 0:44:27.050
<v Speaker 2>whole different person the way he spoke to her. I

0:44:27.130 --> 0:44:31.170
<v Speaker 2>called another close friend who was a barrister, and I

0:44:31.210 --> 0:44:33.290
<v Speaker 2>told her the situation and I said, I don't know

0:44:33.330 --> 0:44:34.970
<v Speaker 2>what to do, and she said, you need to come

0:44:35.010 --> 0:44:37.370
<v Speaker 2>back to Australia and you need to have the baby

0:44:37.410 --> 0:44:41.090
<v Speaker 2>here that will protect you. So okay, I have to

0:44:41.130 --> 0:44:44.690
<v Speaker 2>do that. So in the meantime he comes back, I'm

0:44:44.730 --> 0:44:47.290
<v Speaker 2>still in love with him. I'm so torn, I'm so upset.

0:44:47.810 --> 0:44:51.170
<v Speaker 2>There's just daily fights and discussions. Like when I say fights,

0:44:51.250 --> 0:44:54.890
<v Speaker 2>now the tables have turned. It's me angry with him, him,

0:44:54.890 --> 0:44:57.970
<v Speaker 2>begging him, trying to smooth things over. There was the

0:44:58.010 --> 0:45:00.490
<v Speaker 2>possibility that I wouldn't be able to get back to Australia.

0:45:00.530 --> 0:45:02.530
<v Speaker 2>There was no flights. I was trying to get on

0:45:02.530 --> 0:45:04.970
<v Speaker 2>one of the ones to get the Australian citizens back,

0:45:05.850 --> 0:45:07.890
<v Speaker 2>So in the mix, I had to register at a

0:45:07.890 --> 0:45:10.050
<v Speaker 2>hospital in Belfast in case I had to give Bertha,

0:45:10.930 --> 0:45:13.730
<v Speaker 2>and I can remember going to the registration appointment. He

0:45:13.770 --> 0:45:17.250
<v Speaker 2>wasn't allowed to go in because of COVID rules and

0:45:17.490 --> 0:45:20.090
<v Speaker 2>I'm sitting in there with the midwife. They're doing all

0:45:20.090 --> 0:45:22.850
<v Speaker 2>the registration for me and going through all the questions

0:45:23.170 --> 0:45:25.730
<v Speaker 2>and I can't remember what the question was, but I

0:45:25.730 --> 0:45:28.570
<v Speaker 2>burst into tears and she was like, are you're okay?

0:45:28.730 --> 0:45:30.570
<v Speaker 2>And now that's when she said she asked me if

0:45:30.610 --> 0:45:33.090
<v Speaker 2>I was okay, and I burst into tears and told

0:45:33.130 --> 0:45:36.730
<v Speaker 2>her everything. So they kept me longer, got in a counselor.

0:45:37.490 --> 0:45:39.770
<v Speaker 2>It did full blood work to do an STD check,

0:45:39.810 --> 0:45:42.170
<v Speaker 2>which is something that had not even crossed my mind.

0:45:42.650 --> 0:45:44.730
<v Speaker 2>I just had so much stuff going on. I just

0:45:44.770 --> 0:45:46.530
<v Speaker 2>did not even think of that, but they were like,

0:45:46.570 --> 0:45:49.570
<v Speaker 2>it could be a concern for your unborn baby, and

0:45:50.050 --> 0:45:52.330
<v Speaker 2>I was just bawling the whole time. When I finished

0:45:52.330 --> 0:45:54.370
<v Speaker 2>that appointment, I text him and I said, look, I've

0:45:54.410 --> 0:45:57.970
<v Speaker 2>gotten really upset in this apartment. I'm barely keeping it together,

0:45:58.010 --> 0:46:00.010
<v Speaker 2>so when I come out side, I don't want to

0:46:00.050 --> 0:46:04.130
<v Speaker 2>talk about it, okay. And it was his eldest boy's birthday,

0:46:04.250 --> 0:46:07.290
<v Speaker 2>so I come out and he demanded to know what

0:46:07.330 --> 0:46:10.370
<v Speaker 2>was wrong, demanded to know. So I told him and

0:46:10.490 --> 0:46:13.170
<v Speaker 2>he was so angry. He said, well, I hope you're

0:46:13.210 --> 0:46:18.570
<v Speaker 2>happy with yourself. They're going to send child protective services around,

0:46:18.890 --> 0:46:21.810
<v Speaker 2>probably because you've done that, because you've told them about this.

0:46:22.570 --> 0:46:25.490
<v Speaker 2>And I can remember sitting there in the car and

0:46:25.570 --> 0:46:27.850
<v Speaker 2>I was like, how are you putting this back on me?

0:46:28.050 --> 0:46:30.610
<v Speaker 2>Like he still had a way of trying to beat

0:46:30.650 --> 0:46:33.570
<v Speaker 2>me down and try to make me feel guilty about things.

0:46:33.610 --> 0:46:35.770
<v Speaker 2>He said, they might take my boys away from me

0:46:35.890 --> 0:46:39.370
<v Speaker 2>because this is like domestic abuse, da da da da da,

0:46:39.530 --> 0:46:42.690
<v Speaker 2>and somehow that was my fault. So yeah, I was

0:46:42.810 --> 0:46:46.410
<v Speaker 2>really scared. I guess I was scared of him. I

0:46:46.450 --> 0:46:48.610
<v Speaker 2>was frantically looking for flights, but I had to keep

0:46:48.650 --> 0:46:50.450
<v Speaker 2>the peace. I might be stuck there, So I was

0:46:50.490 --> 0:46:55.450
<v Speaker 2>sort of trapped between trying to keep things smooth, trying

0:46:55.450 --> 0:46:58.450
<v Speaker 2>to work out my broken heart, and all my confusion,

0:46:58.570 --> 0:47:01.810
<v Speaker 2>like what I was going to do. Because also, I mean,

0:47:01.890 --> 0:47:04.890
<v Speaker 2>even though I planned to live in Australia eventually, I

0:47:05.010 --> 0:47:08.690
<v Speaker 2>definitely did not plan to come crashing back without a

0:47:08.770 --> 0:47:14.490
<v Speaker 2>job and with a baby on my own. I didn't

0:47:14.530 --> 0:47:18.170
<v Speaker 2>know if our relationship was going to continue. I couldn't

0:47:18.210 --> 0:47:22.730
<v Speaker 2>really think too far ahead. I was just focusing on

0:47:23.810 --> 0:47:27.130
<v Speaker 2>getting this baby into the world safely. I sort of

0:47:27.170 --> 0:47:29.370
<v Speaker 2>had that as my goalpost, and I just didn't know

0:47:29.370 --> 0:47:30.730
<v Speaker 2>what I was going to do. But I was still

0:47:30.850 --> 0:47:33.730
<v Speaker 2>so in love with him the way I felt being

0:47:33.770 --> 0:47:37.850
<v Speaker 2>back in Australia really pregnant. I loved him so much.

0:47:38.730 --> 0:47:40.570
<v Speaker 2>I didn't know if I could trust him. The thing

0:47:40.610 --> 0:47:42.730
<v Speaker 2>that I couldn't get past it wasn't the cheating again.

0:47:42.770 --> 0:47:45.050
<v Speaker 2>It was just that it was like he was another

0:47:45.130 --> 0:47:48.530
<v Speaker 2>person and I just didn't the trust was gone for me,

0:47:48.690 --> 0:47:51.330
<v Speaker 2>and I didn't know what to believe. So I just

0:47:51.330 --> 0:47:53.370
<v Speaker 2>didn't know what the right thing was to do. I

0:47:53.410 --> 0:47:58.130
<v Speaker 2>was really really confused. So I was back here. He

0:47:58.290 --> 0:48:03.890
<v Speaker 2>flew here for the birth. I had Emily, a perfect

0:48:04.290 --> 0:48:08.130
<v Speaker 2>baby girl. She's absolutely adorable. She was a very cute baby,

0:48:08.730 --> 0:48:12.250
<v Speaker 2>and he spent the first three weeks of her life

0:48:12.690 --> 0:48:14.650
<v Speaker 2>here with me in Australia, and then he had to

0:48:14.690 --> 0:48:19.730
<v Speaker 2>fly back to Belfast. But he's got two kids, and

0:48:20.010 --> 0:48:21.810
<v Speaker 2>you know, I thought he would sort of really take charge.

0:48:21.850 --> 0:48:23.850
<v Speaker 2>I didn't know what the hell I was doing. I

0:48:23.930 --> 0:48:25.370
<v Speaker 2>knew i'd know, and I really wanted a kid, but

0:48:25.410 --> 0:48:27.410
<v Speaker 2>it was such a weird thing. I loved being pregnant,

0:48:27.410 --> 0:48:29.690
<v Speaker 2>and then it's just all of a sudden, Oh Gold,

0:48:29.730 --> 0:48:31.490
<v Speaker 2>she's here, and now I have to look after her

0:48:31.490 --> 0:48:35.610
<v Speaker 2>and keep her alive. It's actually quite stressful. And she

0:48:35.810 --> 0:48:38.410
<v Speaker 2>was a baby who needed to be held to sleep,

0:48:39.050 --> 0:48:42.730
<v Speaker 2>so I had a c section. I was so exhausted.

0:48:42.770 --> 0:48:45.970
<v Speaker 2>I was breastfeeding and during the night I had to

0:48:46.050 --> 0:48:50.010
<v Speaker 2>sleep with I ended up having all these pillows around

0:48:50.130 --> 0:48:53.010
<v Speaker 2>me to sleep upright, holding her with my head like

0:48:53.170 --> 0:48:55.810
<v Speaker 2>uncomfortable to the side, like with a travel pillow on,

0:48:56.530 --> 0:48:59.130
<v Speaker 2>because if I put her down, she would just lose it.

0:48:59.730 --> 0:49:02.410
<v Speaker 2>And Phil didn't take any turns on that. He was

0:49:02.410 --> 0:49:04.610
<v Speaker 2>actually getting frustrated every time I put her down when

0:49:04.650 --> 0:49:06.810
<v Speaker 2>she cried. He'd be like, oh, like I can still

0:49:06.890 --> 0:49:10.450
<v Speaker 2>remember his impatience. But then by day, in front of

0:49:10.490 --> 0:49:14.170
<v Speaker 2>everybody else, he was just missed a charming, attentive dad.

0:49:14.210 --> 0:49:16.530
<v Speaker 2>Wanted to give her the baths, wanted me to record everything,

0:49:16.810 --> 0:49:22.010
<v Speaker 2>lots of photos. So he goes back And because I

0:49:22.050 --> 0:49:25.770
<v Speaker 2>think it was just that fear I just being a

0:49:25.810 --> 0:49:30.090
<v Speaker 2>single mother isn't something I even wanted to Like, that

0:49:30.250 --> 0:49:32.650
<v Speaker 2>was just the most daunting thing I could you could

0:49:32.730 --> 0:49:35.650
<v Speaker 2>think of. And I think as well, like it's just

0:49:35.770 --> 0:49:39.650
<v Speaker 2>I had my whole life ripped away in a week.

0:49:40.290 --> 0:49:44.370
<v Speaker 2>I'd lost my job, my apartment, everything, and now I'm

0:49:44.570 --> 0:49:47.130
<v Speaker 2>back at home and my parents live in regional Victoria.

0:49:47.650 --> 0:49:49.970
<v Speaker 2>I'm back at home in my old bedroom with a

0:49:50.010 --> 0:49:52.170
<v Speaker 2>cot shoved in the side, and I just knew it.

0:49:52.170 --> 0:49:55.970
<v Speaker 2>I was just so depressed it COVID meant I couldn't

0:49:56.250 --> 0:49:58.930
<v Speaker 2>come to visit my friends. I didn't know anyone back

0:49:59.650 --> 0:50:02.570
<v Speaker 2>around my parents' place. I just had My sister eventually

0:50:02.650 --> 0:50:06.570
<v Speaker 2>told my parents what had happened. They were shocked and

0:50:06.770 --> 0:50:08.530
<v Speaker 2>upset and furious.

0:50:09.210 --> 0:50:12.330
<v Speaker 1>Everything within Sarah was telling her not to go back

0:50:12.370 --> 0:50:15.250
<v Speaker 1>to Phil. Her friends and family were telling her that too,

0:50:15.810 --> 0:50:19.250
<v Speaker 1>but she just couldn't let go. This was her baby's father.

0:50:19.770 --> 0:50:22.130
<v Speaker 1>So she got her lawyer friend back on the phone,

0:50:22.210 --> 0:50:24.250
<v Speaker 1>who said the only way she would allow her to

0:50:24.290 --> 0:50:26.930
<v Speaker 1>go back to Belfast was if she put legal documents

0:50:26.930 --> 0:50:30.010
<v Speaker 1>in place, called a parenting plan, so Phil couldn't turn

0:50:30.050 --> 0:50:33.370
<v Speaker 1>around and prevent her from bringing baby Emily back to Australia.

0:50:33.810 --> 0:50:37.250
<v Speaker 2>I was really really scared. I started the process though,

0:50:37.250 --> 0:50:40.050
<v Speaker 2>because in my head I wasn't ready to let go

0:50:40.130 --> 0:50:42.490
<v Speaker 2>of him, I guess, and I didn't want her to

0:50:42.490 --> 0:50:45.170
<v Speaker 2>be without a father. I felt really guilty. So I

0:50:45.210 --> 0:50:48.250
<v Speaker 2>was looking at rental places in Belfast. I said, if

0:50:48.290 --> 0:50:51.090
<v Speaker 2>I come back there, I'm not living in that house.

0:50:51.290 --> 0:50:52.690
<v Speaker 2>I don't want to live in that house, Like it

0:50:52.770 --> 0:50:55.210
<v Speaker 2>just had awful memories for me. The time I spent

0:50:55.250 --> 0:50:59.890
<v Speaker 2>there fighting with him was just so depressing. Anyway, So

0:51:00.530 --> 0:51:03.130
<v Speaker 2>I write this parenting plan and I read it back

0:51:03.170 --> 0:51:05.690
<v Speaker 2>to myself. It was just an a four page I

0:51:05.730 --> 0:51:08.810
<v Speaker 2>read back to myself about like reading it in black

0:51:08.850 --> 0:51:13.970
<v Speaker 2>and white. When I summarized our relationship the abuse, I went,

0:51:14.210 --> 0:51:16.370
<v Speaker 2>what the fuck am I doing? What the fuck am

0:51:16.410 --> 0:51:19.770
<v Speaker 2>I doing? What am I doing? I paid three grand

0:51:19.930 --> 0:51:23.690
<v Speaker 2>to write this page that made me. It was just

0:51:23.890 --> 0:51:26.850
<v Speaker 2>in black and white, like pretty much, Sarah, You're an idiot.

0:51:27.090 --> 0:51:29.650
<v Speaker 2>It's crazy, I guess, because there was just so much

0:51:29.690 --> 0:51:32.810
<v Speaker 2>good there, which doesn't really sound like it does it.

0:51:32.890 --> 0:51:34.890
<v Speaker 2>But he was charming, He was funny, and he just

0:51:35.010 --> 0:51:37.250
<v Speaker 2>doted on me. I got a foot massage every night.

0:51:37.530 --> 0:51:41.570
<v Speaker 2>He hooked me dinner every night. He was the partner

0:51:41.730 --> 0:51:44.210
<v Speaker 2>who would walk me to work in the morning, have

0:51:44.250 --> 0:51:46.250
<v Speaker 2>a coffee with me, and then I'd go to the

0:51:46.290 --> 0:51:48.410
<v Speaker 2>office and then he'd meet me for lunch as well.

0:51:48.450 --> 0:51:50.610
<v Speaker 2>Like he was just always wanted to be around me

0:51:50.690 --> 0:51:54.330
<v Speaker 2>and do nice things for me. The abuse aside. So

0:51:54.370 --> 0:51:56.410
<v Speaker 2>when I read this page about the things that he

0:51:56.450 --> 0:52:00.370
<v Speaker 2>had done. It was the emotional abuse more than the cheating.

0:52:00.690 --> 0:52:03.530
<v Speaker 2>It was just and the secrets and the lies, and

0:52:03.570 --> 0:52:05.690
<v Speaker 2>I just I couldn't. I was just in shock and

0:52:05.730 --> 0:52:07.250
<v Speaker 2>I just said, there's no way. And that was in

0:52:07.290 --> 0:52:11.450
<v Speaker 2>October twenty twenty. I said to him, not coming back.

0:52:11.850 --> 0:52:13.690
<v Speaker 2>I'm staying in Australia. If you want to work on

0:52:13.690 --> 0:52:16.570
<v Speaker 2>this relationship, you can come back here. I'm not coming back.

0:52:16.770 --> 0:52:21.250
<v Speaker 2>So I made that decision then, and yeah, the next

0:52:21.330 --> 0:52:24.410
<v Speaker 2>couple of months were just fights, just that roller coaster

0:52:24.530 --> 0:52:28.410
<v Speaker 2>of him first agreeing like he would agree, going yep, yep,

0:52:28.530 --> 0:52:30.130
<v Speaker 2>like I want to make it work with you. I

0:52:30.130 --> 0:52:31.570
<v Speaker 2>love you so much. But then he would be like,

0:52:31.610 --> 0:52:34.090
<v Speaker 2>you know what, I'm going to start dating again because

0:52:34.170 --> 0:52:36.170
<v Speaker 2>you're never going to come back, and that thread of it,

0:52:36.210 --> 0:52:38.330
<v Speaker 2>and I would be like, are you fucking kidding me?

0:52:38.730 --> 0:52:41.090
<v Speaker 2>I looked back over the messages recently and it's just

0:52:41.170 --> 0:52:45.810
<v Speaker 2>an absolute rollercoaster of him at first meaning that I

0:52:45.890 --> 0:52:47.570
<v Speaker 2>love you, I want to come back, I want to

0:52:47.570 --> 0:52:50.170
<v Speaker 2>live in Australia. How do I come back? Like like

0:52:50.210 --> 0:52:53.650
<v Speaker 2>where some kind of Romeo and Juliet torn apart by COVID,

0:52:54.290 --> 0:52:58.450
<v Speaker 2>But then getting abusive with me as well, threatening to

0:52:58.530 --> 0:53:01.930
<v Speaker 2>kill himself. Yeah, all that kind of stuff, up and down,

0:53:02.090 --> 0:53:02.690
<v Speaker 2>up and down.

0:53:04.610 --> 0:53:07.890
<v Speaker 1>It went on like this for months. Sarah had finally

0:53:07.890 --> 0:53:09.730
<v Speaker 1>put her foot down and wasn't going to bend over

0:53:09.770 --> 0:53:13.050
<v Speaker 1>backwards for this man anymore, and he seemed to respond.

0:53:13.490 --> 0:53:15.570
<v Speaker 1>After a few months, he booked to come and see

0:53:15.570 --> 0:53:17.850
<v Speaker 1>them whether he and Sarah were going to work as

0:53:17.850 --> 0:53:20.330
<v Speaker 1>a couple aside they still had a daughter.

0:53:21.090 --> 0:53:23.490
<v Speaker 2>He was supposed to come out here for a holiday

0:53:23.770 --> 0:53:26.810
<v Speaker 2>because some states were open. I booked a trip to

0:53:26.850 --> 0:53:28.770
<v Speaker 2>Port Douglas, and I thought you could barry a reef.

0:53:28.810 --> 0:53:30.570
<v Speaker 2>I still wanted to make it nice for him while

0:53:30.570 --> 0:53:34.090
<v Speaker 2>he was here. He canceled a week before. I was

0:53:34.170 --> 0:53:36.530
<v Speaker 2>just beyond furious because I had paid for everything as

0:53:36.610 --> 0:53:39.370
<v Speaker 2>usual and had to cancel. I was looking forward to

0:53:39.450 --> 0:53:44.850
<v Speaker 2>having time with another parent, sharing the nice things about

0:53:44.850 --> 0:53:48.490
<v Speaker 2>our child. She's growing quick, she's adorable, and I was

0:53:48.530 --> 0:53:52.090
<v Speaker 2>just really looking forward to sharing that experience with someone else.

0:53:52.810 --> 0:53:55.010
<v Speaker 2>And yeah, he just canceled. I was just so angry.

0:53:55.130 --> 0:53:58.210
<v Speaker 2>And then if flipped again like he couldn't afford it.

0:53:58.250 --> 0:54:01.130
<v Speaker 2>That's what it was about. Then two weeks later, he

0:54:01.290 --> 0:54:05.650
<v Speaker 2>was desperately trying to book that. Now, Oh, shock, horror,

0:54:05.770 --> 0:54:08.210
<v Speaker 2>there's no flights. Yeah, the world is pretty much shut down.

0:54:08.290 --> 0:54:11.210
<v Speaker 2>Like I planned all those for you months in the making.

0:54:11.250 --> 0:54:11.450
<v Speaker 1>I did.

0:54:11.490 --> 0:54:15.490
<v Speaker 2>He is application for the waiver to get into Australia

0:54:15.530 --> 0:54:17.730
<v Speaker 2>because he wasn't a citizen. I did all of that.

0:54:17.770 --> 0:54:22.050
<v Speaker 2>I organized everything, and he just canceled a week out.

0:54:22.330 --> 0:54:24.730
<v Speaker 2>So then that whole process starts again, and now it's

0:54:24.770 --> 0:54:27.570
<v Speaker 2>just all, yeah, desperation and what am I going to

0:54:27.650 --> 0:54:29.610
<v Speaker 2>do now, I'm desperate to come. I miss you, I

0:54:29.650 --> 0:54:32.610
<v Speaker 2>love you, I love her, blah blah blah. So he

0:54:32.650 --> 0:54:39.010
<v Speaker 2>comes out and he gets here in June. Emily was

0:54:39.090 --> 0:54:42.570
<v Speaker 2>about to turn one, so her birthday is in August.

0:54:42.610 --> 0:54:44.330
<v Speaker 2>So he said to me, well, at least you know,

0:54:44.490 --> 0:54:46.570
<v Speaker 2>like trying to smooth things over with me after the

0:54:46.610 --> 0:54:49.930
<v Speaker 2>canceled made trip. Because this is the trip, by the way,

0:54:50.090 --> 0:54:52.010
<v Speaker 2>where I said to him that I'm not coming back.

0:54:52.250 --> 0:54:54.770
<v Speaker 2>He works from home anyway, He said, I can just

0:54:54.930 --> 0:54:58.410
<v Speaker 2>do European hours in Australia. It'll be tough, but it's

0:54:58.450 --> 0:55:00.370
<v Speaker 2>worth it. It's worth it because I want to be with

0:55:00.410 --> 0:55:04.770
<v Speaker 2>you and Emily. We were sleeping in separate bedrooms because

0:55:04.810 --> 0:55:07.410
<v Speaker 2>I co sleep with Emily. But it was just so

0:55:07.530 --> 0:55:10.690
<v Speaker 2>nice having someone to parent with. There were no fights,

0:55:10.730 --> 0:55:13.330
<v Speaker 2>like everything was great. And he had said, you know,

0:55:13.370 --> 0:55:15.890
<v Speaker 2>at least I'll be here for Emily's first birthday now,

0:55:15.930 --> 0:55:17.530
<v Speaker 2>like you know, I can stay a couple of months.

0:55:17.970 --> 0:55:21.290
<v Speaker 2>Two weeks, ten days before her birthday, he sent me

0:55:21.330 --> 0:55:24.170
<v Speaker 2>a screenshot of an email from his boss saying that

0:55:24.210 --> 0:55:26.210
<v Speaker 2>he had to go to a conference in Dublin, and

0:55:26.290 --> 0:55:29.410
<v Speaker 2>I'm like, I just remember feeling sick. I was just

0:55:29.530 --> 0:55:33.450
<v Speaker 2>so furious ten days shy of Emily's first birthday. So

0:55:34.210 --> 0:55:37.370
<v Speaker 2>he goes back, I have her first birthday without him.

0:55:37.930 --> 0:55:41.210
<v Speaker 1>She couldn't keep doing this, but she still did want

0:55:41.250 --> 0:55:44.450
<v Speaker 1>Emily to have her father in her life. So Sarah

0:55:44.530 --> 0:55:46.730
<v Speaker 1>took it into her own hands and took their little

0:55:46.730 --> 0:55:49.450
<v Speaker 1>girl to visit her dad back in Belfast.

0:55:50.090 --> 0:55:52.650
<v Speaker 2>I said to his mom, like, I'll come and visit

0:55:52.650 --> 0:55:55.090
<v Speaker 2>you while Peel's working one day and so you can

0:55:55.090 --> 0:55:57.650
<v Speaker 2>have some time with Emily. And I went over and

0:55:57.690 --> 0:56:01.250
<v Speaker 2>I told them everything. I said, well, hasn't Phil told

0:56:01.290 --> 0:56:05.970
<v Speaker 2>you anything? And she said no, he doesn't tell us anything.

0:56:06.650 --> 0:56:09.810
<v Speaker 2>And I said, well, this is what happened. And she

0:56:09.850 --> 0:56:11.570
<v Speaker 2>burst into tears and she said I can't believe this

0:56:11.730 --> 0:56:17.010
<v Speaker 2>is all happening again. And yeah, so he had cheated

0:56:17.090 --> 0:56:20.650
<v Speaker 2>on his wife the whole marriage. She'd thrown him out,

0:56:20.850 --> 0:56:23.770
<v Speaker 2>finally took him back, accepted all his excuses. They had

0:56:23.770 --> 0:56:26.410
<v Speaker 2>a second child. He did it again, like she was

0:56:26.450 --> 0:56:28.370
<v Speaker 2>holding a newborn and he was having an affair with

0:56:28.410 --> 0:56:30.970
<v Speaker 2>another woman. There was photos on social media of them,

0:56:31.090 --> 0:56:34.090
<v Speaker 2>like having his romantic trip to Paris while his wife

0:56:34.170 --> 0:56:36.890
<v Speaker 2>is at home with their six week old baby. He

0:56:37.010 --> 0:56:40.530
<v Speaker 2>left her in debt, He maxed her credit cards out,

0:56:40.770 --> 0:56:44.930
<v Speaker 2>he left their shared account in overdraft. Her credit rating

0:56:44.930 --> 0:56:49.010
<v Speaker 2>hasn't recovered from being with him. And I'm finding out

0:56:49.050 --> 0:56:52.130
<v Speaker 2>all of this years later, years in, I've got a

0:56:52.130 --> 0:56:54.850
<v Speaker 2>one year old child with him. That he's a really

0:56:54.890 --> 0:56:56.570
<v Speaker 2>bad guy. He's a bad.

0:56:56.370 --> 0:57:00.090
<v Speaker 1>Guy, And it turned out it wasn't just relationships he

0:57:00.210 --> 0:57:00.770
<v Speaker 1>lied about.

0:57:01.210 --> 0:57:03.850
<v Speaker 2>While I was in Belfast, there was a giant stack

0:57:03.890 --> 0:57:07.890
<v Speaker 2>of like I'm talking thirty centimeters high of you know,

0:57:07.970 --> 0:57:10.450
<v Speaker 2>bills and whatever its sitting in the kitchen. I hate clutter.

0:57:11.170 --> 0:57:13.810
<v Speaker 2>I went through it. There was so many mortgage statements.

0:57:13.890 --> 0:57:16.850
<v Speaker 2>I picked up one that was open and read it.

0:57:17.530 --> 0:57:19.290
<v Speaker 2>The house that he'd nearly paid off that didn't cost

0:57:19.370 --> 0:57:22.210
<v Speaker 2>him anything. He hasn't paid it off at all, and

0:57:22.210 --> 0:57:25.050
<v Speaker 2>he's paying a huge, huge interest rate, which means that

0:57:25.050 --> 0:57:29.810
<v Speaker 2>he's borrowed against it many times his income statement as well,

0:57:30.010 --> 0:57:33.090
<v Speaker 2>he lied to me about how much he earned huge

0:57:33.090 --> 0:57:36.170
<v Speaker 2>council tax bills. He hasn't paid them since twenty fifteen,

0:57:36.170 --> 0:57:40.530
<v Speaker 2>twenty sixteen, credit card debt, all totally as much as

0:57:40.610 --> 0:57:44.370
<v Speaker 2>I could see in the bills, mortgage aside twenty thousand

0:57:44.370 --> 0:57:48.410
<v Speaker 2>pounds twenty thousand pounds, So it was all just coming down,

0:57:48.450 --> 0:57:50.930
<v Speaker 2>falling down around me. I could no longer make excuses

0:57:50.970 --> 0:57:56.050
<v Speaker 2>for this man. The moment that I snapped was I

0:57:56.130 --> 0:57:59.690
<v Speaker 2>went to London for a couple of days with Emily

0:58:00.050 --> 0:58:03.610
<v Speaker 2>in December twenty twenty one, and he was coming over

0:58:03.650 --> 0:58:05.170
<v Speaker 2>in a couple of days to join me, and we

0:58:05.250 --> 0:58:09.530
<v Speaker 2>had plans with friends over there, and I messaged him

0:58:09.530 --> 0:58:11.050
<v Speaker 2>and I said, one of my best friends lives in

0:58:11.050 --> 0:58:13.050
<v Speaker 2>Paris and some friends from Australia are going to be

0:58:13.130 --> 0:58:16.490
<v Speaker 2>there between Christmas in years how would you feel about

0:58:16.530 --> 0:58:18.930
<v Speaker 2>having Emily for a night of two on your own

0:58:19.090 --> 0:58:21.330
<v Speaker 2>so I can go? And he said, I was waiting

0:58:21.370 --> 0:58:24.570
<v Speaker 2>for this. You didn't come here to spend time with me.

0:58:25.170 --> 0:58:28.250
<v Speaker 2>You came here because you wanted to party with your friends.

0:58:28.570 --> 0:58:32.650
<v Speaker 2>And I snapped. I said, yeah right, Phil, I've just

0:58:32.730 --> 0:58:36.210
<v Speaker 2>spent six weeks in your shithole of a house in Belfast,

0:58:36.610 --> 0:58:39.690
<v Speaker 2>just for two nights off. It's not babysitking, she is

0:58:39.730 --> 0:58:41.850
<v Speaker 2>your child. And I snapped and I told him to

0:58:41.890 --> 0:58:45.290
<v Speaker 2>go fuck himself. My flight had been booked to stay

0:58:45.330 --> 0:58:48.210
<v Speaker 2>there till February the next year, and I changed it

0:58:48.290 --> 0:58:51.210
<v Speaker 2>to Christmas Day and I said, you've got two weeks

0:58:51.210 --> 0:58:53.890
<v Speaker 2>to come to London if you'd like to say goodbye

0:58:53.930 --> 0:58:55.810
<v Speaker 2>to Emily, but I'm going back to Australia. You can

0:58:55.850 --> 0:58:59.450
<v Speaker 2>go fuck yourself. And he didn't come. He said good

0:58:59.570 --> 0:59:03.730
<v Speaker 2>safe flight. He didn't care I get back now, I

0:59:03.810 --> 0:59:06.530
<v Speaker 2>mean business. I'm done with him. I'm furious. I found

0:59:06.530 --> 0:59:08.250
<v Speaker 2>out what he did to his wife. I found out

0:59:08.290 --> 0:59:10.730
<v Speaker 2>that the guy that I was with does not exist.

0:59:10.970 --> 0:59:14.090
<v Speaker 2>He just read me. He read me like a book.

0:59:14.930 --> 0:59:17.570
<v Speaker 2>He just sort of married me and tried to be

0:59:17.610 --> 0:59:19.370
<v Speaker 2>everything that I wanted, and he did a very good

0:59:19.410 --> 0:59:23.490
<v Speaker 2>job of it. I mean abuse aside. But yeah, I

0:59:23.610 --> 0:59:26.050
<v Speaker 2>was done, and I applied for child support. So far,

0:59:26.090 --> 0:59:28.730
<v Speaker 2>I'd just been doing everything myself. I was made redundant

0:59:28.770 --> 0:59:30.650
<v Speaker 2>to by the way, during all this, I didn't have

0:59:30.650 --> 0:59:31.050
<v Speaker 2>a job.

0:59:31.690 --> 0:59:34.650
<v Speaker 1>I think we know feel well enough by now. Do

0:59:34.730 --> 0:59:37.610
<v Speaker 1>you think he made the child support process easy? Of

0:59:37.850 --> 0:59:41.810
<v Speaker 1>course not. He cried poor, he refused to provide his income,

0:59:41.890 --> 0:59:43.570
<v Speaker 1>and he tried to get away with leaving it all

0:59:43.610 --> 0:59:47.770
<v Speaker 1>to Sarah yet again. But we also know Sarah well

0:59:47.890 --> 0:59:50.450
<v Speaker 1>enough by now too to know she was not going

0:59:50.490 --> 0:59:51.490
<v Speaker 1>to let this slide.

0:59:53.330 --> 0:59:56.130
<v Speaker 2>So I was back. I'd applied for child support. I

0:59:56.210 --> 0:59:57.890
<v Speaker 2>was moving on with my life. I got a place

0:59:57.890 --> 1:00:00.970
<v Speaker 2>in Melbourne, COVID was over, got Emily into a great

1:00:01.050 --> 1:00:05.210
<v Speaker 2>daycare center, and yeah, getting my life back again. And

1:00:05.770 --> 1:00:07.850
<v Speaker 2>he would just do anything to try and get my attention.

1:00:08.130 --> 1:00:10.450
<v Speaker 2>I had him blocked. He was just talking to himself

1:00:10.450 --> 1:00:14.370
<v Speaker 2>and my spam folder. At one stage it was once,

1:00:14.690 --> 1:00:17.090
<v Speaker 2>sometimes more a day he was viewing my LinkedIn. We

1:00:17.130 --> 1:00:20.090
<v Speaker 2>had never been connected on LinkedIn, We're in different industries,

1:00:20.210 --> 1:00:24.050
<v Speaker 2>no need. He just kept viewing my LinkedIn profile. Finally,

1:00:24.130 --> 1:00:26.290
<v Speaker 2>one night I just got fed up. I'd had a

1:00:26.330 --> 1:00:29.570
<v Speaker 2>few drinks and open it up and it was just

1:00:29.650 --> 1:00:30.890
<v Speaker 2>like he wanted me to see that he's got this

1:00:30.970 --> 1:00:35.650
<v Speaker 2>fancy new job, and I felt rage. I felt rage

1:00:35.690 --> 1:00:39.050
<v Speaker 2>beyond belief. I went and he worked for a rather

1:00:39.170 --> 1:00:42.250
<v Speaker 2>large company, an American company. I just went and on

1:00:42.450 --> 1:00:46.170
<v Speaker 2>every post where someone had written congratulations mate, la da

1:00:46.250 --> 1:00:50.770
<v Speaker 2>da da da. I commented on any colleague, neural company,

1:00:50.770 --> 1:00:53.970
<v Speaker 2>and any friend that I knew his friends. Yeah, isn't

1:00:54.010 --> 1:00:57.770
<v Speaker 2>it great? Hopefully now he'll start paying child support hopefully now, Yeah,

1:00:57.930 --> 1:01:01.330
<v Speaker 2>great work Phil. Hopefully now you might start contributing to

1:01:01.490 --> 1:01:04.370
<v Speaker 2>your daughter, who's now two or three at the time.

1:01:05.010 --> 1:01:07.050
<v Speaker 2>Good to see you advancing in your career. Now can

1:01:07.090 --> 1:01:09.770
<v Speaker 2>you start paying child support? I commented on every post,

1:01:09.850 --> 1:01:12.490
<v Speaker 2>and he emailed me and he said you better stop

1:01:12.530 --> 1:01:15.210
<v Speaker 2>that or I'll get a restraining order. And I wrote

1:01:15.290 --> 1:01:17.850
<v Speaker 2>back and I said, mate, you've been asking for this

1:01:17.890 --> 1:01:23.090
<v Speaker 2>for three weeks. Go ahead, go ahead. So time goes on,

1:01:23.410 --> 1:01:26.130
<v Speaker 2>and I'm feeling good. I've moved on. He doesn't consume

1:01:26.130 --> 1:01:28.010
<v Speaker 2>my thoughts at all. I don't even check my spam

1:01:28.050 --> 1:01:31.490
<v Speaker 2>folder anymore. And I hear about this page on Facebook

1:01:31.530 --> 1:01:34.090
<v Speaker 2>called are We Dating the same guy? And it's by location.

1:01:34.250 --> 1:01:36.370
<v Speaker 2>There's a Melbourne one, there's a Sydney one. There is

1:01:36.410 --> 1:01:39.890
<v Speaker 2>a London, Belfast and Dublin one. I posted him on

1:01:40.010 --> 1:01:44.010
<v Speaker 2>all three London, Belfast and Dublin pictures of his dating profile.

1:01:44.610 --> 1:01:49.530
<v Speaker 2>I posted him because I wanted to warn women about him,

1:01:49.650 --> 1:01:52.610
<v Speaker 2>for one, but secondly, I was curious, what else has

1:01:52.610 --> 1:01:55.570
<v Speaker 2>he done because Imagen said to me he'd been on

1:01:55.650 --> 1:01:58.170
<v Speaker 2>tender on and off for two years. He always swore

1:01:58.170 --> 1:01:59.930
<v Speaker 2>to me she was the only one. There was just

1:01:59.930 --> 1:02:03.450
<v Speaker 2>never anyone else, So I was still a bit curious.

1:02:03.570 --> 1:02:06.770
<v Speaker 2>Plus I wanted to warn women because he's charming, he's

1:02:06.810 --> 1:02:09.890
<v Speaker 2>a good liar. So I post him on this and

1:02:10.250 --> 1:02:14.930
<v Speaker 2>oh my god, I could never have been prepared for

1:02:15.170 --> 1:02:19.010
<v Speaker 2>the stories that have come forward. It is unbelievable. He

1:02:19.290 --> 1:02:22.410
<v Speaker 2>cheated on me several times I know of now. He

1:02:22.610 --> 1:02:26.210
<v Speaker 2>cheated on his wife NonStop. There's just so many, so

1:02:26.290 --> 1:02:30.130
<v Speaker 2>many stories. Girls go, oh my god, shook that this

1:02:30.170 --> 1:02:33.970
<v Speaker 2>guy is still doing this fifteen years ago, twenty years ago.

1:02:34.250 --> 1:02:36.610
<v Speaker 2>He lied about his name, he lied about his age.

1:02:36.770 --> 1:02:40.250
<v Speaker 2>He's just the talented mister. Really, he just keeps creating

1:02:40.290 --> 1:02:43.890
<v Speaker 2>these fake lives and lying to women. And I connected

1:02:43.930 --> 1:02:48.450
<v Speaker 2>with his ex girlfriend before me, who he had told

1:02:48.530 --> 1:02:51.010
<v Speaker 2>me about her, not that they were in a relationship.

1:02:51.010 --> 1:02:53.810
<v Speaker 2>He talked about her and said I dated this lovely girl.

1:02:53.810 --> 1:02:55.650
<v Speaker 2>But she had a lot of problems, so I couldn't

1:02:55.890 --> 1:02:57.490
<v Speaker 2>take it seriously when they went on a few dates

1:02:57.490 --> 1:02:59.690
<v Speaker 2>and then I more was her friend and taking care

1:02:59.730 --> 1:03:01.330
<v Speaker 2>of her. I thought he was such a nice guy

1:03:01.330 --> 1:03:05.130
<v Speaker 2>because she had anorexia and some mental health problems. Well,

1:03:05.210 --> 1:03:08.410
<v Speaker 2>Olivia reaches out to me. It turns out that they

1:03:08.450 --> 1:03:11.210
<v Speaker 2>were together on and off for a year and a half.

1:03:11.370 --> 1:03:13.850
<v Speaker 2>They tried to have a baby together, she actually did.

1:03:14.250 --> 1:03:16.610
<v Speaker 2>He wanted a little girl that actually got pregnant, but

1:03:16.730 --> 1:03:20.330
<v Speaker 2>she had a miscarriage. He tormented her so badly she

1:03:20.530 --> 1:03:22.930
<v Speaker 2>ended up in a mental health institution for a month.

1:03:23.530 --> 1:03:28.010
<v Speaker 2>So the stress. She sent me screenshots. He harassed her,

1:03:28.170 --> 1:03:32.370
<v Speaker 2>he stalked her, he abused her. The way he spoke

1:03:32.410 --> 1:03:37.170
<v Speaker 2>to her was scary and disgusting, and I was just

1:03:37.210 --> 1:03:41.170
<v Speaker 2>an absolute shock seeing it all in black and white,

1:03:41.450 --> 1:03:44.370
<v Speaker 2>from his phone number, from his email address. It was

1:03:44.450 --> 1:03:47.690
<v Speaker 2>just another person again. You know, there was the disgusting

1:03:47.730 --> 1:03:50.490
<v Speaker 2>guy that had the foul affair with a young girl,

1:03:50.530 --> 1:03:55.530
<v Speaker 2>but then there's this absolutely psychotic, threatening, scary guy, and

1:03:55.770 --> 1:03:58.530
<v Speaker 2>both of them. I still couldn't compute with the guy

1:03:58.570 --> 1:04:04.170
<v Speaker 2>I knew so on the pages, particularly the Dublin and

1:04:04.250 --> 1:04:06.770
<v Speaker 2>Belfast one, there's a lot of activity. There's a lot

1:04:06.770 --> 1:04:10.210
<v Speaker 2>of women commenting. Women that he's promised the world and ghosted,

1:04:10.770 --> 1:04:15.050
<v Speaker 2>women that he's mormented. One girl that he started dating

1:04:15.170 --> 1:04:18.410
<v Speaker 2>when Emily was her newborn babut and we were doing

1:04:18.690 --> 1:04:21.290
<v Speaker 2>skype counseling sessions because he was trying to convince me

1:04:21.330 --> 1:04:25.210
<v Speaker 2>to come back to Belfast. He had another girlfriend, you know,

1:04:25.290 --> 1:04:28.130
<v Speaker 2>when he blew up at me one of the first times,

1:04:28.650 --> 1:04:31.410
<v Speaker 2>just before we moved into our apartment together. Well, that

1:04:31.490 --> 1:04:35.570
<v Speaker 2>week he also had slept with another woman, so she

1:04:35.690 --> 1:04:38.210
<v Speaker 2>reached out to me. He had said. I went back

1:04:38.210 --> 1:04:40.130
<v Speaker 2>and I checked the messages. He had said to me,

1:04:40.170 --> 1:04:42.130
<v Speaker 2>I'm so sorry, baby, I need to get back to

1:04:42.130 --> 1:04:44.770
<v Speaker 2>Belfast early this week. I'm going back tomorrow and I

1:04:44.810 --> 1:04:46.890
<v Speaker 2>went no problems. I didn't even ask why. I just

1:04:46.930 --> 1:04:49.610
<v Speaker 2>assumed it was something for his children. He went back

1:04:49.650 --> 1:04:53.010
<v Speaker 2>to have sex with her. He was on fab Swingers,

1:04:53.610 --> 1:04:59.170
<v Speaker 2>sugar Daddy dot Com, Hinge, Bumble, Tinder, you name it.

1:04:59.690 --> 1:05:02.770
<v Speaker 2>I first posted on that site eighteen months ago, and

1:05:02.930 --> 1:05:05.690
<v Speaker 2>I'm still getting women come forward. I've had at least

1:05:05.970 --> 1:05:08.810
<v Speaker 2>forty women come forward with their own stories about him.

1:05:10.210 --> 1:05:15.010
<v Speaker 2>In the beginning, it was shock, it was still painful,

1:05:15.290 --> 1:05:20.010
<v Speaker 2>still hurtful, because this man pretended that he loved me,

1:05:20.490 --> 1:05:23.010
<v Speaker 2>so that you know, that's hard. It's also a lot

1:05:23.010 --> 1:05:26.090
<v Speaker 2>of disgust, and it sickens me that I didn't make

1:05:26.090 --> 1:05:30.770
<v Speaker 2>a better choice for my daughter Emily, because she doesn't

1:05:30.770 --> 1:05:33.170
<v Speaker 2>have a father in her life, and she definitely lacks it.

1:05:33.650 --> 1:05:35.890
<v Speaker 2>When I say lacks it, she wants for nothing. But

1:05:36.530 --> 1:05:39.530
<v Speaker 2>she compares herself to her friends and asks me why.

1:05:39.690 --> 1:05:40.970
<v Speaker 2>I don't know what to say to her, so I

1:05:41.050 --> 1:05:43.490
<v Speaker 2>just say, well, you do have a father. His name's Phil.

1:05:43.610 --> 1:05:45.650
<v Speaker 2>Here's a picture of him holding you when you're a baby.

1:05:45.690 --> 1:05:48.410
<v Speaker 2>He lives in another country. So the rest of it

1:05:48.450 --> 1:05:50.890
<v Speaker 2>I'll work out down the track. But that's enough for

1:05:50.930 --> 1:05:54.290
<v Speaker 2>her for now. Now. When I still hear from new women,

1:05:54.330 --> 1:05:57.690
<v Speaker 2>which I do, I find myself telling them what they

1:05:57.730 --> 1:06:00.850
<v Speaker 2>need to know, warning them, you know, having a private conversation,

1:06:01.130 --> 1:06:04.690
<v Speaker 2>but also counseling them kind of because I'm so far

1:06:04.810 --> 1:06:07.450
<v Speaker 2>down the road of healing where I'm okay and it

1:06:07.490 --> 1:06:09.530
<v Speaker 2>doesn't hurt me anymore. It did in the beginning, but

1:06:09.650 --> 1:06:12.610
<v Speaker 2>it does not hurt me at all, and helping them

1:06:12.850 --> 1:06:17.010
<v Speaker 2>through that process of disbelief, I will believe it here's

1:06:17.050 --> 1:06:20.370
<v Speaker 2>the evidence. And in a weird way, I've made some

1:06:20.410 --> 1:06:22.730
<v Speaker 2>friends out of it. Two of the girls in particular,

1:06:22.770 --> 1:06:24.890
<v Speaker 2>they're just so great and we kind of chat from

1:06:24.890 --> 1:06:28.090
<v Speaker 2>time to time, even about other things going on. Bizarrely,

1:06:28.130 --> 1:06:32.490
<v Speaker 2>it's become sort of a safe space for me. I'm

1:06:32.770 --> 1:06:38.490
<v Speaker 2>great now. Life is fantastic. My daughter Emily is amazing.

1:06:38.650 --> 1:06:41.090
<v Speaker 2>I think everyone's a little bit biased about their own child,

1:06:41.130 --> 1:06:45.490
<v Speaker 2>but in my case, she is amazing. Everybody tells me.

1:06:45.570 --> 1:06:48.250
<v Speaker 2>So we have a very happy little life together. I'm

1:06:48.410 --> 1:06:51.530
<v Speaker 2>very settled in Melbourne. I've got all my old friends,

1:06:51.610 --> 1:06:54.210
<v Speaker 2>I've got new friends. I've met a great group of

1:06:54.290 --> 1:06:58.370
<v Speaker 2>mums I've met through her daycare center. And yeah, life

1:06:58.450 --> 1:07:03.610
<v Speaker 2>is really really good. I have no desire whatsoever to date.

1:07:03.930 --> 1:07:06.970
<v Speaker 2>I think having an almost four year old takes enough

1:07:07.090 --> 1:07:10.890
<v Speaker 2>energy as it is, and I know enough about it,

1:07:11.210 --> 1:07:14.610
<v Speaker 2>and I a realist enough to know that it's just

1:07:15.410 --> 1:07:20.050
<v Speaker 2>recovering from narcissism abuse. I now realize very much struggled

1:07:20.090 --> 1:07:22.170
<v Speaker 2>to believe because I thought, no, he has empathy, he's

1:07:22.170 --> 1:07:24.490
<v Speaker 2>got all these things, but he just he's faking it.

1:07:24.930 --> 1:07:29.210
<v Speaker 2>He is a textbook narcissist, and I now recognize that

1:07:29.810 --> 1:07:32.930
<v Speaker 2>I'm just recovering from that narcissistic abuse. Even though I'm fine,

1:07:33.010 --> 1:07:35.970
<v Speaker 2>I don't want to date and that's why. So actually,

1:07:36.050 --> 1:07:38.370
<v Speaker 2>one of the girls I've connected with that he dated

1:07:38.770 --> 1:07:41.370
<v Speaker 2>one of my friends. She's recommended a fantastic book I'm

1:07:41.370 --> 1:07:44.170
<v Speaker 2>reading at the moment on healing from that, so we'll

1:07:44.170 --> 1:07:48.770
<v Speaker 2>see where that goes. I couldn't change anything because then

1:07:48.770 --> 1:07:51.730
<v Speaker 2>I wouldn't have Emily and she wouldn't be her. So

1:07:52.130 --> 1:07:54.730
<v Speaker 2>it killed me how much she looked like him as

1:07:54.770 --> 1:07:57.490
<v Speaker 2>a baby, But now she doesn't. She just looks like her,

1:07:57.650 --> 1:08:01.170
<v Speaker 2>so it's okay. So yeah, I wouldn't change the thing

1:08:01.170 --> 1:08:02.850
<v Speaker 2>because I wouldn't have her.

1:08:07.530 --> 1:08:10.290
<v Speaker 1>Everyone has an Eggs is a Minti Media production and

1:08:10.370 --> 1:08:13.930
<v Speaker 1>proudly You're part of the network. Is written and narrated

1:08:13.970 --> 1:08:17.490
<v Speaker 1>by me Georgia Love and produced by Linda Scott. If

1:08:17.530 --> 1:08:20.130
<v Speaker 1>you have a story you'd like to share, email podcast

1:08:20.210 --> 1:08:23.570
<v Speaker 1>at momamea dot com dot au. You can support us

1:08:23.610 --> 1:08:26.090
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1:08:26.170 --> 1:08:28.730
<v Speaker 1>leaving a five star review. We'll see you for the

1:08:28.770 --> 1:08:31.290
<v Speaker 1>next episode.