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Speaker 1: You're listening to Amma Mia podcast. Mamma Mia acknowledges the

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Speaker 1: traditional owners of the land and waters. This podcast is

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Speaker 1: recorded on the blind side, a simple term, but it

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Speaker 1: can mean so much. It comes in many forms. There's,

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Speaker 1: of course, the good sort, where the unexpected is a welcome,

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Speaker 1: happy surprise.

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Speaker 2: I think because I was planning to move to Melbourne

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Speaker 2: and he had children, like all the things that were

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Speaker 2: big nos for me, I think I let my guard

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Speaker 2: down as well, big time, and I just didn't see

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Speaker 2: it coming. But yeah, here I was when you know,

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Speaker 2: you know, yeah, mushy.

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Speaker 1: But it can be a bad thing too. And for

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Speaker 1: Sarah there were other things she didn't see coming, that

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Speaker 1: other type of blindside that only other people experience, one

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Speaker 1: that turns a seemingly dreamy life together into a complete nightmare.

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Speaker 2: I wanted to warn women about him, for one, but

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Speaker 2: secondly I was curious what else has he done. I've

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Speaker 2: had at least forty women come forward with their own

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Speaker 2: stories about him.

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Speaker 1: I'm Georgia Love and this is everyone has an ex

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Speaker 1: Come with me as we dive into a collection of

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Speaker 1: unconventional stories about relationships past through the eyes and the

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Speaker 1: hearts of the very people who lived them. Sarah was

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Speaker 1: thirty three when she moved from Melbourne to London. We

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Speaker 1: all know someone who's done it. Life seems a little

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Speaker 1: dull at home and the pool to the UK is strong,

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Speaker 1: endless pub dinners, meeting new people, weekends and summers spent

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Speaker 1: in different European cities. Yes please. Plus she didn't really

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Speaker 1: have anything or any keeping her at home, so she

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Speaker 1: packed her bags and off she went for a couple

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Speaker 1: of years of good old English bun.

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Speaker 2: I was there for a couple of years and dated

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Speaker 2: a lot. I hadn't really dated in Melbourne at all,

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Speaker 2: and at one stage I was going on three dates

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Speaker 2: a week just for something to do. I didn't have

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Speaker 2: a job. It was fun and yeah, I spent a

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Speaker 2: couple of years there having a great time. I loved

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Speaker 2: it there, but I think two three years in I

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Speaker 2: decided it's probably time to move home and meet someone

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Speaker 2: back in Melbourne and settle down. And one morning I

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Speaker 2: deleted dating apps so many times in disgust. But one

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Speaker 2: Sunday morning, I was lying in bed, really hungover, feeling

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Speaker 2: sorry for myself, and I redownloaded Bumble for the hundredth

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Speaker 2: time and straight away this guy comes up and he

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Speaker 2: was just really handsome. His name was Phil. He was

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Speaker 2: so I think I was thirty five. He was thirty nine,

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Speaker 2: dark hair, beard, very much my type, really good photos,

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Speaker 2: six foot three. I matched him and we started chatting

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Speaker 2: straight away. So it was a Sunday morning, and he

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Speaker 2: said that he lived in Belfast, but he was just

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Speaker 2: in London for work. He had an office there. So

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Speaker 2: we sort of flirted and the banter was really really good,

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Speaker 2: like really really good. And I asked for his Instagram

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Speaker 2: and I can remember like he gave it to me

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Speaker 2: and he's like, oh, now you'll see why I'm single.

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Speaker 2: So I looked him up and he had two children,

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Speaker 2: and I was like, oh, okay, and I just said, look,

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Speaker 2: I'll be honest, I'm not planning on staying in the UK.

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Speaker 2: I don't want to date someone who's got children because

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Speaker 2: I don't want that. As a rule, I didn't date

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Speaker 2: anyone with children because I didn't see myself their long

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Speaker 2: term and if I met someone, I wanted them to

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Speaker 2: have the flexibility to move to Australia with me, so

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Speaker 2: it couldn't be someone that already had children. So this

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Speaker 2: was the start of June. Twenty eighteen. I also had

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Speaker 2: quit my job because I planned to do a europe

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Speaker 2: summer having a good time, like I was finishing my

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Speaker 2: role at the end of June and then just to

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Speaker 2: take some time off and move back to Australia. So

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Speaker 2: I said to him, oh, well, it doesn't matter. Like

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Speaker 2: when I saw her children, I just said, look, I'll

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Speaker 2: be honest, I'm moving back to Australia in October. I've

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Speaker 2: quit my job and I'm just going to enjoy one

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Speaker 2: more europe summer and then I'm going to get head home.

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Speaker 2: And he was like, yeah, absolutely, I'd love to take

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Speaker 2: you out, so I chose we went the following week

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Speaker 2: he was back for work again and we went to

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Speaker 2: my favorite pub in notting Hill, the Cockham Bottle, and

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Speaker 2: I was really surprised when I was waiting for him

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Speaker 2: at the front. I still remember being really shocked because

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Speaker 2: he didn't really look like his photos. He wasn't quite

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Speaker 2: as tall as expected. I don't know, he just didn't

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Speaker 2: look the same, but then kind of looked the same,

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Speaker 2: just looked different and I didn't find him very attractive

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Speaker 2: on site, but then we started talking and he was

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Speaker 2: just so funny and so charming. I had the greatest night.

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Speaker 2: We got really, really, really drunk, and it was probably

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Speaker 2: one of the best first dates of my life. We

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Speaker 2: come from completely different countries, backgrounds, we'd work in different industries,

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Speaker 2: but we got along so well and had so much

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Speaker 2: to talk about, which I think is quite rare.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: So that was the first day, and the next day

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Speaker 2: he was supposed to be flying to Portugal for work

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Speaker 2: and I just said to him he should just stay

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Speaker 2: another night, and he was like, really should I and

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Speaker 2: was like, yeah, you should, So he changed his flights,

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Speaker 2: he stayed another night, we went out again, and then

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Speaker 2: from there it was just really full on. He just said,

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Speaker 2: you know, I really like you. I want to hang

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Speaker 2: out with you with whatever time you've got left.

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Speaker 1: Isn't that always the case you meet the great guy

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Speaker 1: just as you're about to leave. But for Sarah that

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Speaker 1: didn't matter. She was just interested in having fun for

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Speaker 1: the last couple of months overseas and might not have

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Speaker 1: said fun with a great guy.

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Speaker 2: I think two weeks in he said, you know, I

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Speaker 2: want to plan a trip for us. Is that too soon?

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Speaker 2: Is that weird? And I was like, well, what are

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Speaker 2: you thinking? And he took in Paris for a week

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Speaker 2: and booked tickets to a music festival. We saw The Killers,

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Speaker 2: one of my favorite bands, and you know, we just

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Speaker 2: liked all the same things and it was fun and easy.

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Speaker 2: So we spent that week in Paris, just eating, drinking,

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Speaker 2: just drunk every day. It was really, really fun. I

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Speaker 2: wasn't in a headspace where I thought we would be

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Speaker 2: dating long term or anything. I was just enjoying his

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Speaker 2: company for what it was. I was kind of butterflies,

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Speaker 2: that kind of cliche. Yeah, I was quite giddy about it,

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Speaker 2: and I definitely know I was because I had all

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Speaker 2: these Europe trip plans with my friends. I was in

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Speaker 2: Mikinos with some friends, and I flew back and met

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Speaker 2: him in Dublin for two nights before flying back to

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Speaker 2: Obitha for another thing. So I made the f to

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Speaker 2: go back, so I knew I really liked him when

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Speaker 2: I did. That interrupted my trip. If I wasn't in

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Speaker 2: Europe with friends, doing all the travel plans with friends

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Speaker 2: coming over from Melbourne, I was in London, and London

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Speaker 2: summer is so much fun. And he was just always

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Speaker 2: there and always available, and he never spoke about his children.

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Speaker 2: I must say, like he you know if I asked

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Speaker 2: him questions, he would answer the questions about his children,

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Speaker 2: but he didn't ever bring them up ever. And he

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Speaker 2: was always available anytime he'd say, what do you want

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Speaker 2: to if I had free time, he was just available

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Speaker 2: and he's like, oh, work is quite at the moment,

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Speaker 2: I can take time off. So it was kind of

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Speaker 2: anytime I said that I had time, he would just

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Speaker 2: magically appear. And I had no responsibilities, I had no job.

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Speaker 2: I was just enjoying London life, just going to the pub,

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Speaker 2: having a boozy lunch and just yeah, that was just

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Speaker 2: the whole summer. And he joined me for the whole

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Speaker 2: thing and it was just so much fun. He booked

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Speaker 2: another trip in between the other trips that I was

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Speaker 2: doing with my friends to Auntie in France. We just

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Speaker 2: spent every day on the beach, drinking champagne, just enjoying

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Speaker 2: the sun. It was just so much fun. And one

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Speaker 2: of those days there he told me he loved me.

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Speaker 2: And I don't know if it was the googa or

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Speaker 2: the alcohol in my blood system, but cried. I remember

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Speaker 2: I cried and I said I love you too, which

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Speaker 2: is just very I don't think i've ever told a

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Speaker 2: guy that I love him before in my life, actually

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Speaker 2: I haven't, so there you go. That was the first time,

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Speaker 2: at thirty five years of age, and I can remember

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Speaker 2: I said to him, well, it took you long enough.

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Speaker 2: And that is just so cheesy and so silly in

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Speaker 2: honsight because it had been two months, but we had

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Speaker 2: been quite inseparable for those two months. I do trips,

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Speaker 2: i'd come back, and he was just always there and

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Speaker 2: there was big chunks of time spent together. And I

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Speaker 2: just did not see this coming. And I think because

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Speaker 2: I was planning to move home to Melbourne and he

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Speaker 2: had children, like all the things that were big nos

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Speaker 2: for me, I think I let my guard down as well,

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Speaker 2: big time. I know, I just didn't see it coming.

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Speaker 2: But yeah, here I was when you know, you know,

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Speaker 2: yeah mushy. So from then on we had the conversation.

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Speaker 2: We had some more serious conversations. I had told him

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Speaker 2: prior to this that I wanted to move back to

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Speaker 2: Australia because I wanted to meet someone, I wanted to

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Speaker 2: have a child and everything. So he brought it up.

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Speaker 2: He said, you know, I would love another child. I

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Speaker 2: really want a girl. He already had two sons, one

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Speaker 2: was three, one was eight, and he said, but I

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Speaker 2: really want a daughter. I've got two sons. I'd love

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Speaker 2: a daughter. And I said, I'd love to have a girl,

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Speaker 2: you know. And he said, okay, look, I have to

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Speaker 2: stay in the UK until my sons are old enough

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Speaker 2: to travel back and forth to Australia. But I want

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Speaker 2: to live in Australia, like it's my dream to live

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Speaker 2: in Australia, like I would love it so much. So

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Speaker 2: he said, just five more years here and then they'd

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Speaker 2: be old enough to travel together back to Australia. So

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Speaker 2: I thought, okay, excellent, I'm in love. He wants to

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Speaker 2: have a child, and I love life in London. I

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Speaker 2: get to spend another five years here and then I

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Speaker 2: get to go home and I have everything I want.

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Speaker 2: It was just all blissful and happy. And I said, well,

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Speaker 2: if this is going to work, you need to move

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Speaker 2: to London. So this was all the conversation we had

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Speaker 2: two months in and I didn't want to do back

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Speaker 2: and forward. I wanted a relationship with someone who was

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Speaker 2: going to be there most of the time. So he did.

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Speaker 2: He moved in with me and I was living with

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Speaker 2: a friend and after a trial period of three months.

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Speaker 2: Then we got our own place, so he had his

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Speaker 2: sons two days a week, so he was in London

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Speaker 2: with me five nights a week, and then he would

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Speaker 2: fly back and spend two nights a week with his sons.

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Speaker 2: And I just thought he was just such a fantastic

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Speaker 2: father because no matter what was happening in London, he

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Speaker 2: always went back. He never shirked his responsibilities, and he

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Speaker 2: was always so respectful of his ex wife. He spoke

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Speaker 2: about her respectfully. But he also like when I questioned

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Speaker 2: him because his youngest son was three, I said, you

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Speaker 2: know what happened. You know, he's still quite little. And

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Speaker 2: he said that his wife was quite cold and that

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Speaker 2: he got married too young because he just thought it

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Speaker 2: was the right thing to do, and that's what they

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Speaker 2: do in Belfast. If you're dating a nice girl, you

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Speaker 2: just you marry her and you have children. He didn't

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Speaker 2: say this all at once, but the story that came

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Speaker 2: out over a bit of time that he felt she

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Speaker 2: used him to have children because she was a bit

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Speaker 2: older and saw him as a good father and everything,

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Speaker 2: and that it was a loveless marriage. So he said,

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Speaker 2: when he said, you know, I'm leaving this isn't working.

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Speaker 2: She said, yeah, I agree, and she said he said,

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Speaker 2: it's all very amicable. And when he told her about me,

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Speaker 2: I think it was the two month mark because he

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Speaker 2: wanted me to meet his children.

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Speaker 1: This suited Sarah just fine. She wasn't super keen to

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Speaker 1: be flying back and forth to Ireland either, as it

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Speaker 1: was life in London she'd set up first on her

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Speaker 1: own and now with Phil. This was where her friends

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Speaker 1: were too, who soon of course became his friends as well.

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Speaker 2: He was just so funny and charismatic and charming, and

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Speaker 2: he's just absolutely hilarious, always engaging everybody in the room,

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Speaker 2: instant friends with everybody. My friends were just so through

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Speaker 2: for me. Everybody loved him so because he had moved

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Speaker 2: to London for me, I kind of felt like I

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Speaker 2: had to take him everywhere with me because he didn't

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Speaker 2: have his own friends. But I was a bit concerned

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Speaker 2: about that in the beginning. But he just fit in

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Speaker 2: so well with my friends. Everybody loved him. Everybody that

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Speaker 2: met him loved him, and I found him even building

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Speaker 2: friendships with some of my friend's partners and going out

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Speaker 2: with them, and it just could not have been more perfect.

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Speaker 2: I think It was around October, four months in started

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Speaker 2: asking me questions about what kind of engagement ring I

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Speaker 2: would like, and this is actually really embarrassing. So I

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Speaker 2: was taken aback by the comment, but then obviously went

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Speaker 2: back to my girl chat and was talking about it,

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Speaker 2: and I was super excited. This is embarrassing. I started

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Speaker 2: a Pinterest. I'd never been on Pinterest, and I started

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Speaker 2: for engagement rings. And my sister called me and she said, Sarah,

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Speaker 2: you do realize that your Pinterest is on Facebook. And

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Speaker 2: it was in the newsfeed of me adding all these

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Speaker 2: engagement reads to my Pinterest. I was so embarrassed. Oh

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Speaker 2: my god. She couldn't stop laughing. So I promptly deleted that.

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Speaker 2: But we had such a good, fun relationship where I

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Speaker 2: didn't have to actually feel that awkwardness because he had

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Speaker 2: brought it up and asked me what kind of ring

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Speaker 2: I wanted, and I just there was no question that

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Speaker 2: we were headed in that direction very soon. So I

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Speaker 2: told him about the Pinterest and we both laughed about it.

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Speaker 2: So I think I felt just so comfortable with him

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Speaker 2: I could tell him and we both really laughed about it,

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Speaker 2: and I showed him, I showed my Pinterest page, so yeah,

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Speaker 2: that was quite funny, and we were talking about babies

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Speaker 2: and I had one of my best friends in London.

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Speaker 2: She is a gynecologist and an obstetrician, and she said, well,

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Speaker 2: you need to go and get some fertility testing right

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Speaker 2: now out so you just know how long you guys have.

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Speaker 2: Of course you don't want to rush into it, but

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Speaker 2: you also you might need to. So he and I

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Speaker 2: attended fertility testing together and yeah, quite a few appointments.

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Speaker 2: We went down that road and decided we wanted to

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Speaker 2: start trying straight away. I had the AMH level of

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Speaker 2: a twenty six year old, which was fantastic. Plenty of

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Speaker 2: eggs so it wasn't an issue, but I had some

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Speaker 2: other things that they couldn't figure out why it wasn't happening.

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Speaker 2: I wasn't ovulating, so we just decided to get started

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Speaker 2: straight away.

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Speaker 1: Everything was perfect, our girl Sarah was not only in

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Speaker 1: love but trying for a family. So of course we

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Speaker 1: all know in any good X story, this is just

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Speaker 1: about exactly when the ifs and bats start to re

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Speaker 1: up their ugly heads.

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Speaker 2: So a little over the twelfth month mark, we were

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Speaker 2: on a holiday in Italy with friends and someone was

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Speaker 2: talking about who had just gotten engaged or something like that,

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Speaker 2: and so it had been six months since he dangled

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Speaker 2: the carrot to me, like he said, you know, what

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Speaker 2: sort of ring do you want? Whatever, and it hadn't

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Speaker 2: been brought up again really, So he went full pace,

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Speaker 2: but then sort of pulled back, and I was kind

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Speaker 2: of wondering when it was happening, because we were trying

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Speaker 2: to have a baby. Things were fantastic, we were living together,

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Speaker 2: We had the most beautiful apartment on a Hyde Park.

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Speaker 2: Life was just perfect. And I just wanted to know, like,

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Speaker 2: because he really wanted a child, if we were doing that,

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Speaker 2: when's this engagement happening? And I just kept kind of wondering,

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Speaker 2: and he brought it up. I remember we were him

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Speaker 2: Pullier and we were overlooking the ocean one night and

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Speaker 2: it was just the two of us. Our friends had

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Speaker 2: walked ahead a little and he said, oh, baby, you know,

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Speaker 2: I know you're probably wondering when that is, and it's coming,

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Speaker 2: Like the engagement, it's coming. I just when I get

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Speaker 2: my bonus, that's what I want to spend it on,

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Speaker 2: you know, when I get my bonus. And I was like, oh, yeah,

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Speaker 2: of course of course, like it kind of had become

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Speaker 2: a bit of an uncomfortable discussion for me, because you know,

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Speaker 2: that's awkward. Someone sort of brings up a conversation, Oh,

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Speaker 2: I know that I did ask you about this ring

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Speaker 2: six months ago. We're trying to have a baby, all

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Speaker 2: these things, and then they're saying, oh, by the way,

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Speaker 2: I can't really afford it. That was kind of a

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Speaker 2: bit uncomfortable for me.

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Speaker 1: It wasn't a big thing, But it turns out it

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Speaker 1: wasn't the first time money talks had made things a

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Speaker 1: little uncomfortable.

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Speaker 2: The first fight we had was a huge fight, a

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Speaker 2: huge fight, and it was we had signed the lease

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Speaker 2: on our new apartment that we were moving in together.

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Speaker 2: We were already living together, but with a friend of

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Speaker 2: mine where I had already. He just moved into where

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Speaker 2: I was living, and we had been apartment hunting. I

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Speaker 2: had done all the hunting because he was in Belfast

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Speaker 2: with his sons, So I was looking every weekend and

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Speaker 2: inspections and everything I looked at. He was like, it's

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Speaker 2: too small. The budget kept increasing because he was like,

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Speaker 2: I work from home, so I was looking at a

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Speaker 2: lot of places and I'd finally found the perfect place,

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Speaker 2: and once we sort of signed the least in everything,

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Speaker 2: I guess there must have been a few hints of

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Speaker 2: financial stuff then, because I do remember saying to him, look,

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Speaker 2: I think how our rent was eighteen hundred pounds plus

331
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Speaker 2: bills and I was already paying eleven hundred or something

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Speaker 2: like that where I was, And I said, well, I'm

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Speaker 2: already paying this, so I'll pay that and you just

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Speaker 2: pay the difference, and he was like, yep, fantastic, fantastic.

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Speaker 2: But then he kept complaining about finances. And it's from

336
00:17:42,770 --> 00:17:45,010
Speaker 2: when we met. He was always very generous. He was

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Speaker 2: a gentleman, like paying if I went out for dinner

338
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Speaker 2: with my friends, he would insist on paying for everybody

339
00:17:51,010 --> 00:17:53,530
Speaker 2: he wanted, you know, the best department in the best area.

340
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Speaker 2: And money wasn't a problem, and I was on a

341
00:17:57,330 --> 00:18:00,090
Speaker 2: really good salary, so that was fine. But then when

342
00:18:00,130 --> 00:18:04,050
Speaker 2: it came to actually getting the deposit together, so paying

343
00:18:04,050 --> 00:18:07,690
Speaker 2: the security bond and the rent upfront, he was like, oh, well, actually,

344
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Speaker 2: oh I can't. You know, I've just paid school fees.

345
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Speaker 2: And I went, oh, don't worry, I'll do it. And

346
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Speaker 2: so I'd done that first offer to pay the bulk

347
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Speaker 2: and him just pay the difference. But then he was

348
00:18:20,530 --> 00:18:24,930
Speaker 2: talking about other expenses and being a little bit stressed. Sorry, honey,

349
00:18:24,970 --> 00:18:26,770
Speaker 2: I'm a little bit stressed about money at the moment.

350
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Speaker 2: So I said, look, I'll pay the rent. Like you're

351
00:18:29,370 --> 00:18:32,530
Speaker 2: the one traveling back and forward, so I'll pay the rent.

352
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Speaker 2: He's got a house back in Belfast, which he told

353
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Speaker 2: me he'd nearly paid off. He said he bought it

354
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Speaker 2: out of UNI. So he's got a tiny mortgage with

355
00:18:40,850 --> 00:18:43,250
Speaker 2: not much left on it. Because he was such a

356
00:18:43,290 --> 00:18:45,610
Speaker 2: gentleman who loved to pay for the table and everything,

357
00:18:45,730 --> 00:18:47,650
Speaker 2: I didn't want him to feel he couldn't do that

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Speaker 2: anymore be himself. I didn't want our relationship to put

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00:18:50,890 --> 00:18:53,050
Speaker 2: any financial pressure on him. So I just went, you

360
00:18:53,090 --> 00:18:55,850
Speaker 2: know what, I'll pay the rent. You just pay the bills.

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Speaker 2: I just remember seeing like the water bill constantly like

362
00:19:00,130 --> 00:19:01,810
Speaker 2: coming in the mail, and I didn't open it because

363
00:19:01,850 --> 00:19:06,690
Speaker 2: it was in his name, but yeah, there was just overdue, overdue, overdue,

364
00:19:06,970 --> 00:19:10,290
Speaker 2: And I mentioned him, oh the water bill came, and

365
00:19:10,410 --> 00:19:12,250
Speaker 2: you know, yeah, yeah, kind of like just brush off.

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00:19:12,250 --> 00:19:14,450
Speaker 2: He didn't even open it, just sat there unopened. And

367
00:19:14,450 --> 00:19:16,450
Speaker 2: there was several of them. So eventually I opened it

368
00:19:16,490 --> 00:19:19,050
Speaker 2: myself and it was three hundred and thirty pounds, which

369
00:19:19,090 --> 00:19:21,210
Speaker 2: is like six hundred dollars. So I just paid it.

370
00:19:22,210 --> 00:19:24,810
Speaker 2: And that's just the first of many things. There would

371
00:19:24,810 --> 00:19:27,570
Speaker 2: just be bills and he would just kind of just

372
00:19:27,610 --> 00:19:31,170
Speaker 2: ignore things. And I am an accountant and I don't

373
00:19:31,250 --> 00:19:33,570
Speaker 2: like having any kind of debt. I pay things on time.

374
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Speaker 2: I can't remember exactly how it came up, but I

375
00:19:37,770 --> 00:19:40,090
Speaker 2: had an AMEX and I got lots of points on it,

376
00:19:40,130 --> 00:19:43,450
Speaker 2: and I used it for free flights. I'd get companion

377
00:19:43,490 --> 00:19:46,370
Speaker 2: vouchers for free flights, like you'd only buy one ticket.

378
00:19:46,410 --> 00:19:50,090
Speaker 2: And I've always like worked the points system. And he

379
00:19:50,170 --> 00:19:52,250
Speaker 2: just used a debit card. So he was like, oh, well,

380
00:19:52,290 --> 00:19:55,090
Speaker 2: maybe I should get a card, Like I said, get

381
00:19:55,130 --> 00:19:56,650
Speaker 2: one of these, and he's like, I could just get

382
00:19:56,650 --> 00:19:59,890
Speaker 2: a secondary card to yours and then we could get

383
00:19:59,930 --> 00:20:01,930
Speaker 2: lots of points. And I was like, oh, okay, fantastic,

384
00:20:02,010 --> 00:20:04,530
Speaker 2: So I just got him a supplementary card. I trusted

385
00:20:04,610 --> 00:20:07,650
Speaker 2: him completely, and we used the AMEX for everything, and

386
00:20:07,730 --> 00:20:10,130
Speaker 2: then when the bill came, it was idemized of his

387
00:20:10,210 --> 00:20:14,370
Speaker 2: spend and my spend, yeah, separate statements, and I would

388
00:20:14,410 --> 00:20:16,010
Speaker 2: just let him know how much it was, and he

389
00:20:16,050 --> 00:20:18,650
Speaker 2: would transfer it to me. So I was in New

390
00:20:18,730 --> 00:20:22,850
Speaker 2: York for work, and I think this is around maybe

391
00:20:22,890 --> 00:20:27,290
Speaker 2: eight months, no month mark I had got the credit,

392
00:20:27,330 --> 00:20:29,650
Speaker 2: I'd be while I was in New York. I emailed

393
00:20:29,730 --> 00:20:32,330
Speaker 2: him his statement and so, could you just send it

394
00:20:32,370 --> 00:20:35,050
Speaker 2: to me before the fifth because I have to pay it?

395
00:20:35,650 --> 00:20:38,090
Speaker 2: And he was like, oh, well I can't afford that,

396
00:20:38,290 --> 00:20:41,730
Speaker 2: like the boiler has busted and I need to pay

397
00:20:41,730 --> 00:20:44,410
Speaker 2: to get it done, and oh, I'm so stressed. Like

398
00:20:44,650 --> 00:20:46,610
Speaker 2: his messages was kind of a radic in coming through.

399
00:20:46,730 --> 00:20:48,810
Speaker 2: I'm stressed about this. How am I going to pay

400
00:20:48,850 --> 00:20:51,730
Speaker 2: for that? And I was like, oh, well, you've got

401
00:20:51,810 --> 00:20:54,050
Speaker 2: till next week, you know, and he's like, oh, like

402
00:20:54,130 --> 00:20:56,890
Speaker 2: I just don't get paid till this day whatever. Like

403
00:20:57,290 --> 00:20:59,130
Speaker 2: I was like, oh, can you pay me? He's like, oh,

404
00:20:59,130 --> 00:21:01,050
Speaker 2: I've got the money, but I need to fix my

405
00:21:01,290 --> 00:21:04,650
Speaker 2: boiler because otherwise the boys will be cold, Like when

406
00:21:04,690 --> 00:21:06,410
Speaker 2: the Good Boys are at my house, there's no heating.

407
00:21:06,410 --> 00:21:09,010
Speaker 2: It's winter. He was booking a lot of his work

408
00:21:09,250 --> 00:21:12,250
Speaker 2: expenses on there, and I just said, do your reinvestment

409
00:21:12,290 --> 00:21:15,490
Speaker 2: for work, so that's what you usually do, and he said, oh,

410
00:21:15,730 --> 00:21:17,810
Speaker 2: I've done it, but there's just like a delay. There's

411
00:21:17,810 --> 00:21:21,850
Speaker 2: a delay and getting the money. Okay, fine, I guess

412
00:21:21,850 --> 00:21:24,930
Speaker 2: my boys will have to be cold. I'll transfer it

413
00:21:24,970 --> 00:21:28,090
Speaker 2: to you now. But yeah, So there was that, like

414
00:21:28,090 --> 00:21:31,050
Speaker 2: that big guilt trip, the icky feeling that it gave me.

415
00:21:31,370 --> 00:21:34,490
Speaker 2: I don't like talking about money in that kind of way.

416
00:21:34,530 --> 00:21:36,770
Speaker 2: I just like things to be easy. When I got

417
00:21:36,770 --> 00:21:40,130
Speaker 2: those messages like talking about the him getting annoyed with

418
00:21:40,170 --> 00:21:43,090
Speaker 2: me about the money and bringing his kids into it

419
00:21:43,130 --> 00:21:45,290
Speaker 2: to kind of killed me. Like it just felt really

420
00:21:45,330 --> 00:21:47,810
Speaker 2: gross and it wasn't a conversation I wanted to have.

421
00:21:48,330 --> 00:21:50,650
Speaker 1: She did her best to ignore what she thought was

422
00:21:50,770 --> 00:21:54,690
Speaker 1: just a niggling issue about managing their finances, but it

423
00:21:54,730 --> 00:21:57,250
Speaker 1: wasn't the only issue in the relationship, if she was

424
00:21:57,330 --> 00:21:58,410
Speaker 1: really being honest.

425
00:21:59,210 --> 00:22:01,730
Speaker 2: We wake up one morning and he was just really

426
00:22:01,730 --> 00:22:04,370
Speaker 2: cold to me. He was lying in bed and he

427
00:22:04,570 --> 00:22:07,610
Speaker 2: was just giving me like a weird cold stare and

428
00:22:07,650 --> 00:22:10,650
Speaker 2: looking away from me, and I just keep saying to him,

429
00:22:10,770 --> 00:22:13,450
Speaker 2: is everything okay? He was just in a really, really

430
00:22:13,530 --> 00:22:15,730
Speaker 2: horrible mood. I'd never seen it. So I went to

431
00:22:15,810 --> 00:22:19,050
Speaker 2: work and it was probably my third or fourth stat

432
00:22:19,130 --> 00:22:22,130
Speaker 2: a new job, and then my phone just blew up

433
00:22:22,490 --> 00:22:26,130
Speaker 2: like it started with text. I get a text from

434
00:22:26,170 --> 00:22:28,730
Speaker 2: him saying how many people have you slept with? And

435
00:22:29,530 --> 00:22:32,170
Speaker 2: I went, I beg your pardon, and he's like, I

436
00:22:32,210 --> 00:22:34,610
Speaker 2: want to know how many people? And I was like,

437
00:22:35,290 --> 00:22:38,250
Speaker 2: what are you talking about? Like it was so left

438
00:22:38,250 --> 00:22:42,130
Speaker 2: a field, Like I've heard of guys speaking to girlfriends

439
00:22:42,170 --> 00:22:45,010
Speaker 2: and whatever, like in a fight like this before, but

440
00:22:45,090 --> 00:22:47,650
Speaker 2: usually there's a build up, you know. He'd been angry

441
00:22:47,730 --> 00:22:49,890
Speaker 2: that morning, but he'd never spoken to me like this before.

442
00:22:50,450 --> 00:22:53,330
Speaker 2: So he said how many people have you slept with?

443
00:22:53,530 --> 00:22:56,290
Speaker 2: And I was like, that's none of your business. What

444
00:22:56,330 --> 00:22:58,970
Speaker 2: are you talking about? And he just kept on asking

445
00:22:58,970 --> 00:23:02,850
Speaker 2: me all these weird questions and then he just unleashed

446
00:23:02,890 --> 00:23:05,810
Speaker 2: on me. And it turns out while I had been

447
00:23:05,850 --> 00:23:09,370
Speaker 2: going into the office those couple of days, I had

448
00:23:09,530 --> 00:23:11,930
Speaker 2: my Max sitting at home and my WhatsApp plugged in

449
00:23:11,930 --> 00:23:14,610
Speaker 2: to the deaktop. He'd just been reading all my messages

450
00:23:14,890 --> 00:23:18,770
Speaker 2: and he'd found this message from when we had been

451
00:23:18,890 --> 00:23:21,410
Speaker 2: dating for two weeks. So in that time, we've been

452
00:23:21,450 --> 00:23:24,530
Speaker 2: on I think three dates, and he read messages that

453
00:23:24,810 --> 00:23:27,450
Speaker 2: I had been at the pub with a couple of

454
00:23:27,450 --> 00:23:30,170
Speaker 2: my girlfriends and we were all talking about how hot

455
00:23:30,210 --> 00:23:32,530
Speaker 2: the bartender was and that he was flirting with me,

456
00:23:33,050 --> 00:23:35,210
Speaker 2: and one of my girlfriends was like, you should go there,

457
00:23:35,370 --> 00:23:38,730
Speaker 2: like he's so hot, he really likes you, and you know,

458
00:23:38,810 --> 00:23:41,410
Speaker 2: we were all joking about it, but nothing happened, and

459
00:23:41,450 --> 00:23:44,050
Speaker 2: he just went ballistic over it. So he was just

460
00:23:44,050 --> 00:23:47,010
Speaker 2: blowing up my phone and he said, I'm packing up

461
00:23:47,010 --> 00:23:51,810
Speaker 2: and leaving. I can't trust you, and I was like,

462
00:23:51,850 --> 00:23:54,650
Speaker 2: I'm coming home. So I made an excuse at work,

463
00:23:54,810 --> 00:23:57,410
Speaker 2: my brand new job, to say, look, I have to go.

464
00:23:57,570 --> 00:24:00,010
Speaker 2: I think I said that he had locked himself out

465
00:24:00,050 --> 00:24:01,530
Speaker 2: of the house, my partner had I had to go

466
00:24:01,650 --> 00:24:04,610
Speaker 2: let him in. And I get there and he'd literally

467
00:24:04,850 --> 00:24:07,930
Speaker 2: just moved over, you know, a couple of months before

468
00:24:08,050 --> 00:24:11,050
Speaker 2: to be with me, and he just packed up his stuff.

469
00:24:11,210 --> 00:24:14,090
Speaker 2: He'd packed up his suitcases and was sitting out the

470
00:24:14,130 --> 00:24:17,570
Speaker 2: front and when I got there, he was crying and

471
00:24:17,850 --> 00:24:21,370
Speaker 2: I was crying too. I was so upset, and he's like,

472
00:24:21,650 --> 00:24:23,770
Speaker 2: I can't believe this, Like I was just so in

473
00:24:23,770 --> 00:24:25,330
Speaker 2: love with you. I should have known it was too

474
00:24:25,370 --> 00:24:28,530
Speaker 2: good to be true. And I was so panicked at

475
00:24:28,530 --> 00:24:32,930
Speaker 2: the thought of losing him that I was apologizing. He

476
00:24:32,970 --> 00:24:35,970
Speaker 2: then agreed, like he said, yeah, I'm sorry, like, I'm

477
00:24:35,970 --> 00:24:39,370
Speaker 2: just so upset. I don't want to lose you. Backtracked

478
00:24:39,770 --> 00:24:41,850
Speaker 2: all by the time I got there, and I said, look,

479
00:24:41,970 --> 00:24:44,210
Speaker 2: I have to go back to work, but you know,

480
00:24:44,290 --> 00:24:47,850
Speaker 2: we'll talk about this tonight. So I went back to work,

481
00:24:47,850 --> 00:24:49,970
Speaker 2: and then that night he was just very sad and sorry,

482
00:24:50,010 --> 00:24:53,130
Speaker 2: but also cuddling me and saying, I'm so sorry. I

483
00:24:53,170 --> 00:24:54,970
Speaker 2: got so upset. I'm just so scared of losing you.

484
00:24:55,570 --> 00:24:59,090
Speaker 2: There was another incident, I think it was actually before

485
00:24:59,130 --> 00:25:01,370
Speaker 2: the big blow up, where he caught me looking at

486
00:25:01,370 --> 00:25:03,650
Speaker 2: a guy in a bar. I was standing at the

487
00:25:03,690 --> 00:25:06,410
Speaker 2: bar and this sort of silver fox, like a good

488
00:25:06,450 --> 00:25:09,490
Speaker 2: looking guy with gray hair, caught my eye and Phil

489
00:25:09,530 --> 00:25:12,970
Speaker 2: was staring at me and he was like, who's that guy?

490
00:25:13,210 --> 00:25:15,770
Speaker 2: And I said, I don't know, and he's like, you

491
00:25:15,850 --> 00:25:18,930
Speaker 2: were staring at each other, and I honestly was not staring.

492
00:25:18,970 --> 00:25:21,290
Speaker 2: I did look at him and look back again, like

493
00:25:21,370 --> 00:25:23,930
Speaker 2: I did a double take, because there was something about him.

494
00:25:24,210 --> 00:25:26,610
Speaker 2: He was harsh, but it's not like I was staring

495
00:25:26,650 --> 00:25:28,250
Speaker 2: at him and drooling over him. We were there with

496
00:25:28,250 --> 00:25:30,890
Speaker 2: a group of friends and the mood just changed. He

497
00:25:30,930 --> 00:25:34,290
Speaker 2: was just he was furious. He was bristling. It was

498
00:25:34,370 --> 00:25:38,610
Speaker 2: really awkward and I just instantly felt sick and uncomfortable.

499
00:25:39,490 --> 00:25:45,010
Speaker 2: He brought that up. That was his lamp post of

500
00:25:45,210 --> 00:25:47,410
Speaker 2: like this is an example that he would bring up

501
00:25:47,450 --> 00:25:50,210
Speaker 2: anytime something was wrong. He would say, I just can't

502
00:25:50,250 --> 00:25:53,690
Speaker 2: trust you. And I'd remember walking around Paddington and if

503
00:25:53,730 --> 00:25:55,570
Speaker 2: I saw a good looking guy coming our way on

504
00:25:55,610 --> 00:25:58,170
Speaker 2: the path, I would look at the ground because I

505
00:25:58,290 --> 00:26:02,490
Speaker 2: was so aware of him picking a fight with me

506
00:26:02,490 --> 00:26:05,290
Speaker 2: over jealousy. I'd go out with my friends and he

507
00:26:05,290 --> 00:26:07,210
Speaker 2: would blow up my phone, like he'd be back in

508
00:26:07,290 --> 00:26:10,290
Speaker 2: Belfast with his boys two nights a week, pretty much

509
00:26:10,330 --> 00:26:12,010
Speaker 2: from the first time he got really mad at me

510
00:26:12,050 --> 00:26:15,210
Speaker 2: about looking at that guy. Every week when he was

511
00:26:15,250 --> 00:26:18,610
Speaker 2: back in Belfast, he would just be constantly online and

512
00:26:18,690 --> 00:26:20,410
Speaker 2: he'd say, at the start of the night, have frun

513
00:26:20,450 --> 00:26:22,170
Speaker 2: with your friend's baby, Like, what are you doing tonight?

514
00:26:22,210 --> 00:26:24,330
Speaker 2: I'd be going up for dinner and drinks with my girls.

515
00:26:24,770 --> 00:26:27,210
Speaker 2: He would see on one of their Instagram stories that

516
00:26:27,250 --> 00:26:29,210
Speaker 2: there were guys at our table at a bar. All

517
00:26:29,250 --> 00:26:32,570
Speaker 2: my girlfriends were single, and he would just start blowing

518
00:26:32,650 --> 00:26:34,410
Speaker 2: up my phone, who is that guy? There's a guy

519
00:26:34,410 --> 00:26:37,690
Speaker 2: sitting beside you, so I would put my phone in

520
00:26:37,730 --> 00:26:40,490
Speaker 2: the end on aeroplane mode because he would just be

521
00:26:40,530 --> 00:26:42,170
Speaker 2: blowing up my phone. And he would then go to

522
00:26:42,290 --> 00:26:48,370
Speaker 2: Instagram when things weren't delivering, he would go I messages, WhatsApps, Instagram, Facebook, everything,

523
00:26:48,410 --> 00:26:51,730
Speaker 2: and he would also delete and block me from social media.

524
00:26:51,890 --> 00:26:54,330
Speaker 2: When they brought in the feature that you could unsend messages,

525
00:26:54,410 --> 00:26:58,090
Speaker 2: I would wake up to fifty unsent messages. But that

526
00:26:58,290 --> 00:27:01,530
Speaker 2: was I would say. At least once a month, there'd

527
00:27:01,570 --> 00:27:04,210
Speaker 2: be a huge blow up like that, and it would

528
00:27:04,210 --> 00:27:06,850
Speaker 2: all come down to I'm sorry, I just don't trust you.

529
00:27:06,970 --> 00:27:08,850
Speaker 2: After he lied about that guy you were looking at,

530
00:27:09,610 --> 00:27:12,890
Speaker 2: I don't trust you that I kind of it just

531
00:27:12,930 --> 00:27:15,650
Speaker 2: became the norm that I put up with it. But

532
00:27:15,690 --> 00:27:18,010
Speaker 2: then there was just so much good. The things that

533
00:27:18,050 --> 00:27:21,730
Speaker 2: worried me were really tiny in comparison to how many

534
00:27:21,770 --> 00:27:24,050
Speaker 2: good things like he was just amazing. And I had

535
00:27:24,090 --> 00:27:26,650
Speaker 2: my concerns about his jealousy that I spoke to my

536
00:27:26,690 --> 00:27:30,810
Speaker 2: friends about, but my friends were champion him. Everybody loved him.

537
00:27:31,410 --> 00:27:33,930
Speaker 1: But even those friends could see what was happening in

538
00:27:34,050 --> 00:27:34,690
Speaker 1: plain sight.

539
00:27:35,650 --> 00:27:37,610
Speaker 2: I was on this trip to Italy with some friends.

540
00:27:38,290 --> 00:27:40,370
Speaker 2: I don't know what his problem was, but he was

541
00:27:40,410 --> 00:27:43,290
Speaker 2: so angry with me and cold with me, and still

542
00:27:43,330 --> 00:27:46,290
Speaker 2: mister charming by the pool with our friends, but then

543
00:27:47,210 --> 00:27:50,810
Speaker 2: really cold in how he addressed me in every way.

544
00:27:51,010 --> 00:27:55,330
Speaker 2: And it was just very tense, very tense. And at

545
00:27:55,330 --> 00:27:57,450
Speaker 2: the end of the trip, I had one of my

546
00:27:57,490 --> 00:27:59,610
Speaker 2: best friends that was on the trip with us, who's

547
00:27:59,610 --> 00:28:03,010
Speaker 2: a guy, and they got along really really well. He

548
00:28:03,170 --> 00:28:06,250
Speaker 2: was like, Sarah, look, I like him, but he's not

549
00:28:06,250 --> 00:28:09,410
Speaker 2: the guy for you. And I was like, what do

550
00:28:09,450 --> 00:28:11,850
Speaker 2: you mean, And he's like, he doesn't treat you well,

551
00:28:11,970 --> 00:28:15,010
Speaker 2: Like I'm just watching this and there's just something not

552
00:28:15,090 --> 00:28:17,450
Speaker 2: quite right. And I like him. I really like the

553
00:28:17,490 --> 00:28:20,730
Speaker 2: guy separate as a person, but I don't like how

554
00:28:20,770 --> 00:28:26,930
Speaker 2: he's treating you and you're not happy. And I knewish

555
00:28:27,130 --> 00:28:30,890
Speaker 2: this is just fourteen months in. I knew it then,

556
00:28:31,530 --> 00:28:35,850
Speaker 2: but I loved him so much, but I couldn't handle

557
00:28:36,450 --> 00:28:38,810
Speaker 2: the mountdowns anymore. It was at least once a month

558
00:28:38,930 --> 00:28:42,090
Speaker 2: at least, and they were big, and it was over nothing,

559
00:28:42,450 --> 00:28:45,970
Speaker 2: and it was really controlling. And I had said to

560
00:28:46,010 --> 00:28:47,810
Speaker 2: him that I thought he needed to speak to a

561
00:28:47,850 --> 00:28:50,930
Speaker 2: counselor or something. He would always bring it back to

562
00:28:51,050 --> 00:28:53,330
Speaker 2: I'm just so sorry, and he would say, you know,

563
00:28:53,370 --> 00:28:55,970
Speaker 2: I'm just so scared of losing you. After that trip,

564
00:28:56,810 --> 00:29:00,730
Speaker 2: I tried to break up with him because of my

565
00:29:00,810 --> 00:29:03,330
Speaker 2: friend seeing it and putting it back in my face

566
00:29:03,370 --> 00:29:06,010
Speaker 2: of what it really is in a kind way. So

567
00:29:06,050 --> 00:29:07,650
Speaker 2: I tried to break up with him, and he broke

568
00:29:07,690 --> 00:29:10,130
Speaker 2: down in tears and he begged me. He said, I'll

569
00:29:10,130 --> 00:29:13,570
Speaker 2: do whatever it takes. You can't leave me. I love you,

570
00:29:14,010 --> 00:29:15,490
Speaker 2: I want to be with you. I want a life

571
00:29:15,570 --> 00:29:18,970
Speaker 2: with you. I don't like myself like this. I've never

572
00:29:19,050 --> 00:29:21,890
Speaker 2: been like this with anyone before. I've never been in

573
00:29:21,930 --> 00:29:24,610
Speaker 2: love before, and I don't know how to handle it

574
00:29:24,650 --> 00:29:26,570
Speaker 2: because it always came back to you're going to move

575
00:29:26,690 --> 00:29:28,490
Speaker 2: back to Melbourne. You're going to move back to Melbourne,

576
00:29:28,490 --> 00:29:30,690
Speaker 2: and you're going to leave me. So I agreed to

577
00:29:30,690 --> 00:29:34,970
Speaker 2: give it another go, because you know, he beat and

578
00:29:35,010 --> 00:29:35,610
Speaker 2: I loved him.

579
00:29:37,490 --> 00:29:39,850
Speaker 1: The whole time this was going on, Sarah was going

580
00:29:39,850 --> 00:29:43,690
Speaker 1: through fertility tests. She hadn't fallen pregnant naturally, so doctors

581
00:29:43,690 --> 00:29:45,690
Speaker 1: had run a bunch of tests just to see what

582
00:29:45,770 --> 00:29:48,530
Speaker 1: was going on. Now. Getting pregnant at this time was

583
00:29:48,570 --> 00:29:51,530
Speaker 1: the last thing on Sarah's mind. She just tried to

584
00:29:51,570 --> 00:29:54,290
Speaker 1: break up with Phil she definitely knew she should not

585
00:29:54,370 --> 00:29:57,090
Speaker 1: be having a baby with him now and maybe not ever.

586
00:29:57,730 --> 00:30:01,130
Speaker 1: But dear listener, what always seems to happen when you're

587
00:30:01,130 --> 00:30:01,770
Speaker 1: not trying.

588
00:30:02,690 --> 00:30:05,050
Speaker 2: Three weeks later, I was pregnant. I think shocked and

589
00:30:05,050 --> 00:30:08,170
Speaker 2: scared more than anything, because even though I had wanted

590
00:30:08,170 --> 00:30:13,170
Speaker 2: it so badly prior and had worried I was infertile,

591
00:30:14,530 --> 00:30:16,530
Speaker 2: I was like, what the hell am I going to do? Like,

592
00:30:16,770 --> 00:30:18,850
Speaker 2: I'm not in a relationship where I should be pregnant.

593
00:30:19,530 --> 00:30:22,050
Speaker 2: How do you know? We're not in a good place.

594
00:30:22,890 --> 00:30:26,690
Speaker 2: And he was over the moon. And then from the

595
00:30:26,730 --> 00:30:29,890
Speaker 2: moment that, like I told him I was pregnant, it

596
00:30:30,010 --> 00:30:32,410
Speaker 2: was kind of like I had the old feelback.

597
00:30:33,290 --> 00:30:35,890
Speaker 1: From the moment Phil found out she was pregnant, that

598
00:30:35,970 --> 00:30:38,810
Speaker 1: he was going to be a dad again, everything calmed down.

599
00:30:39,290 --> 00:30:41,970
Speaker 1: It was like a weight had been lifted, a cloud

600
00:30:42,010 --> 00:30:45,370
Speaker 1: around them cleared, and everything looked bright again. The weeks

601
00:30:45,410 --> 00:30:48,250
Speaker 1: went on and it stayed this way. Phil was attentive

602
00:30:48,330 --> 00:30:52,050
Speaker 1: and caring and supportive. And the best part they found

603
00:30:52,090 --> 00:30:53,610
Speaker 1: out they were having a girl.

604
00:30:54,330 --> 00:30:57,490
Speaker 2: I cried, He cried, It's what he wanted. It was

605
00:30:57,530 --> 00:31:00,770
Speaker 2: a girl. So we were just thrilled and I can

606
00:31:00,810 --> 00:31:05,010
Speaker 2: remember afterwards. We were meeting some friends at a restaurant

607
00:31:05,050 --> 00:31:08,010
Speaker 2: for lunch, and as we're walking in, he was just

608
00:31:08,090 --> 00:31:10,250
Speaker 2: so excited. He was just in such a good mood,

609
00:31:10,930 --> 00:31:13,330
Speaker 2: and he said, I really love the name Imagen for

610
00:31:13,450 --> 00:31:16,170
Speaker 2: a girl, Like what do you think? And I was

611
00:31:16,250 --> 00:31:18,890
Speaker 2: kind of taken it back that he was suggesting names

612
00:31:18,890 --> 00:31:20,930
Speaker 2: to me because we had agreed if it was a boy,

613
00:31:20,970 --> 00:31:22,210
Speaker 2: he could choose and if it was a girl, I

614
00:31:22,210 --> 00:31:24,690
Speaker 2: could choose because we'd sort of narrow down our list.

615
00:31:24,730 --> 00:31:27,530
Speaker 2: But we disagreed on names, and I was sort of

616
00:31:27,530 --> 00:31:30,170
Speaker 2: taken aback and I went, oh, okay, like I'll have

617
00:31:30,210 --> 00:31:32,530
Speaker 2: a think about it. It'll grow on me. I had

618
00:31:32,570 --> 00:31:34,650
Speaker 2: brought it up with my friends, what do you think

619
00:31:34,650 --> 00:31:38,650
Speaker 2: of the name Imagen? And then later on he was like, oh,

620
00:31:38,890 --> 00:31:40,610
Speaker 2: actually I've gone off for a bit and sort of

621
00:31:40,730 --> 00:31:43,210
Speaker 2: decided to kind of change his mind. But I was like, no,

622
00:31:43,290 --> 00:31:45,290
Speaker 2: it's growing on me. I really like the name image

623
00:31:45,290 --> 00:31:48,530
Speaker 2: and it's quite cute, and you know, it's pretty. We

624
00:31:48,610 --> 00:31:51,410
Speaker 2: decided that we would keep it quiet because I wanted

625
00:31:51,410 --> 00:31:53,730
Speaker 2: to tell my mum in person. So I found out

626
00:31:53,810 --> 00:31:58,010
Speaker 2: I was pregnant the start of December, and my next

627
00:31:58,010 --> 00:32:00,930
Speaker 2: trip back to Australia was booked in the March, so

628
00:32:01,010 --> 00:32:04,090
Speaker 2: I was four months pregnant by this stage. I told

629
00:32:04,090 --> 00:32:06,850
Speaker 2: a few friends, and the male friend i'd been on

630
00:32:06,850 --> 00:32:09,770
Speaker 2: the Italy trip with that had said to me, Sarah,

631
00:32:09,850 --> 00:32:12,810
Speaker 2: he's not the guy for you. He got along really

632
00:32:12,850 --> 00:32:15,290
Speaker 2: well with Phil, like they had a separate friendship, a

633
00:32:15,290 --> 00:32:18,050
Speaker 2: bit of a bromance. So I was talking to Alex

634
00:32:18,650 --> 00:32:21,210
Speaker 2: and I told him and he was happy for me,

635
00:32:21,410 --> 00:32:23,330
Speaker 2: but also a little bit worried because he knew where

636
00:32:23,410 --> 00:32:28,290
Speaker 2: things were. And then that night I can remember getting home,

637
00:32:28,370 --> 00:32:31,810
Speaker 2: getting ready for bed, and Phil was like, I'm so

638
00:32:32,010 --> 00:32:36,970
Speaker 2: excited to tell Alex. Let's tell him together. And in

639
00:32:37,010 --> 00:32:39,810
Speaker 2: that moment I had a panic, the sheer panic I

640
00:32:39,850 --> 00:32:43,890
Speaker 2: would get any time there was something he would get

641
00:32:43,890 --> 00:32:46,730
Speaker 2: annoyed with me about, because his temple was just so bad.

642
00:32:47,170 --> 00:32:50,490
Speaker 2: I remember panicking and I went, yeah, yeah, so I

643
00:32:50,490 --> 00:32:52,970
Speaker 2: should have in that instant said I actually told him today.

644
00:32:52,970 --> 00:32:56,130
Speaker 2: I couldn't help myself, but because it was just easier,

645
00:32:56,170 --> 00:33:00,490
Speaker 2: I thought, fuck, I'll tell Alex to say he doesn't know,

646
00:33:00,650 --> 00:33:04,490
Speaker 2: to pretend he doesn't know. So we go back to

647
00:33:04,490 --> 00:33:09,770
Speaker 2: Australia and told all of our friends as we saw them,

648
00:33:10,050 --> 00:33:13,570
Speaker 2: and Alex pretended to be surprised, and then we had

649
00:33:13,570 --> 00:33:15,850
Speaker 2: dinner one night with my best friend and her husband.

650
00:33:16,450 --> 00:33:19,770
Speaker 2: She said, and then, you know, we are like excited

651
00:33:19,810 --> 00:33:22,570
Speaker 2: about the baby. And Alex was round at our place

652
00:33:22,770 --> 00:33:26,410
Speaker 2: a couple of months ago. He said, oh, you guys know, yeah,

653
00:33:26,410 --> 00:33:28,650
Speaker 2: I know, and we were all like so excited for you,

654
00:33:28,730 --> 00:33:31,690
Speaker 2: and I could just feel feel tense up beside me,

655
00:33:31,970 --> 00:33:35,690
Speaker 2: and I thought, oh God, here we go. So at

656
00:33:35,690 --> 00:33:40,130
Speaker 2: this stage, I think I was twenty weeks pregnant. And

657
00:33:40,170 --> 00:33:42,730
Speaker 2: that night we got back to my friend's place where

658
00:33:42,730 --> 00:33:44,890
Speaker 2: we were staying, and he was so furious with me

659
00:33:45,250 --> 00:33:50,290
Speaker 2: and cold, like the stony treatment like you would expect

660
00:33:50,370 --> 00:33:52,650
Speaker 2: with silent treatment. But then he was also saying horrible

661
00:33:52,650 --> 00:33:56,530
Speaker 2: things to me. So I was exhausted. And the next

662
00:33:56,610 --> 00:33:59,370
Speaker 2: day I had my best friend's engagement party. He kept

663
00:33:59,410 --> 00:34:02,730
Speaker 2: me up all night fighting with me. I was just exhausted.

664
00:34:02,890 --> 00:34:06,290
Speaker 2: My eyes were puffy. The next day he said he

665
00:34:06,410 --> 00:34:09,690
Speaker 2: wasn't going. He refused to go. I'm a liar. Why

666
00:34:09,730 --> 00:34:12,330
Speaker 2: would he want to be here with a liar? I

667
00:34:12,370 --> 00:34:15,050
Speaker 2: can't be trusted. It was like I stared at that

668
00:34:15,090 --> 00:34:17,530
Speaker 2: guy that time. I just can't help myself. I'm just

669
00:34:17,570 --> 00:34:19,650
Speaker 2: a liar, and he doesn't even know if he wants

670
00:34:19,650 --> 00:34:23,050
Speaker 2: to have a child with a liar. And so I

671
00:34:23,130 --> 00:34:28,050
Speaker 2: went to my friend's engagement on my own. He called

672
00:34:28,130 --> 00:34:33,290
Speaker 2: Quantus and separated our flight bookings, canceled Hughes, and changed

673
00:34:33,290 --> 00:34:36,250
Speaker 2: it to fly home the next day. So while I

674
00:34:36,290 --> 00:34:38,570
Speaker 2: was at my friend's engagement party and just leave me,

675
00:34:38,690 --> 00:34:45,010
Speaker 2: they're pregnant. I was devastated. We had booked a holiday

676
00:34:45,050 --> 00:34:48,530
Speaker 2: house down in Sorrento with my family for me to

677
00:34:48,570 --> 00:34:50,170
Speaker 2: spend some time with my family. I said, well, I'm

678
00:34:50,210 --> 00:34:54,210
Speaker 2: still going. I'm going to that, and then he changed

679
00:34:54,210 --> 00:34:58,010
Speaker 2: his tune as he did the rollercoaster of Phil. Sorry,

680
00:34:58,130 --> 00:35:00,090
Speaker 2: I love you. I'm just really upset. How could you

681
00:35:00,130 --> 00:35:02,770
Speaker 2: do this? I feel really betrayed. You know, I'm worried

682
00:35:02,770 --> 00:35:05,530
Speaker 2: about your I'm just really worried about your dishonesty. Sarah.

683
00:35:05,650 --> 00:35:08,250
Speaker 2: You have a problem with lying, and would just bring

684
00:35:08,330 --> 00:35:10,130
Speaker 2: up the two lies that I had ever told him,

685
00:35:10,850 --> 00:35:14,170
Speaker 2: and he up changing his flight again so he could

686
00:35:14,770 --> 00:35:17,250
Speaker 2: stay and go down the coast with my family. But

687
00:35:17,290 --> 00:35:19,330
Speaker 2: then he spent his whole time hold up in a

688
00:35:19,410 --> 00:35:22,370
Speaker 2: room and not even mixing with my family, and they

689
00:35:22,410 --> 00:35:25,730
Speaker 2: were like, is everything okay? It was just really really

690
00:35:25,770 --> 00:35:28,450
Speaker 2: tense and awkward. So I don't know why he decided

691
00:35:28,490 --> 00:35:31,170
Speaker 2: to stay. Things got really bad while we were there

692
00:35:31,170 --> 00:35:34,170
Speaker 2: with COVID, so it became clear that we needed to

693
00:35:34,170 --> 00:35:36,850
Speaker 2: get back straight away. Our flights actually just got canceled,

694
00:35:36,970 --> 00:35:40,330
Speaker 2: so we had to just book the next available that

695
00:35:40,370 --> 00:35:44,330
Speaker 2: we could get. Most airlines had shut down. We have

696
00:35:44,530 --> 00:35:48,850
Speaker 2: to get this urgent flight back and it was probably

697
00:35:48,970 --> 00:35:51,330
Speaker 2: one of the last ones you could get. And when

698
00:35:51,330 --> 00:35:56,610
Speaker 2: we're in transit, I saw like because it was just hectic.

699
00:35:56,810 --> 00:36:01,050
Speaker 2: It was just absolute chaos. We're in masks, rushed, panicky, stressed,

700
00:36:01,170 --> 00:36:03,130
Speaker 2: and I can remember looking at my phone when we're

701
00:36:03,210 --> 00:36:06,570
Speaker 2: changing flights that it must have been Hong Kong or something,

702
00:36:07,370 --> 00:36:10,850
Speaker 2: and I had a pop up Facebook notification and it

703
00:36:10,970 --> 00:36:14,850
Speaker 2: said Imogen. I can't remember so her name wants to

704
00:36:14,850 --> 00:36:17,050
Speaker 2: send you a message, and I screenshot it because I thought,

705
00:36:17,050 --> 00:36:20,250
Speaker 2: so I've got that screenshot. How funny, Like I've never

706
00:36:20,290 --> 00:36:24,370
Speaker 2: heard that name before and now it's a name that

707
00:36:24,410 --> 00:36:26,730
Speaker 2: he likes. Now this is one messaging me. I didn't

708
00:36:26,770 --> 00:36:27,730
Speaker 2: think anything of it.

709
00:36:29,170 --> 00:36:32,570
Speaker 1: Chaos and random messages aside. They got back to the UK,

710
00:36:33,170 --> 00:36:36,010
Speaker 1: but what they didn't realize was the chaos was only

711
00:36:36,250 --> 00:36:37,090
Speaker 1: just beginning.

712
00:36:37,850 --> 00:36:40,810
Speaker 2: Because the world was shutting down and there was limited travel.

713
00:36:41,130 --> 00:36:43,210
Speaker 2: We had to go back to Belfast to the house

714
00:36:43,250 --> 00:36:45,290
Speaker 2: that he had there to be near his kids in

715
00:36:45,330 --> 00:36:48,490
Speaker 2: case we got stuck in London. So we went back

716
00:36:48,490 --> 00:36:51,290
Speaker 2: to Belfast. I got a phone call from my boss

717
00:36:51,810 --> 00:36:53,850
Speaker 2: saying I was put on furlough, which is kind of

718
00:36:53,850 --> 00:36:57,090
Speaker 2: like job keeper, which is a small payment would barely

719
00:36:57,130 --> 00:36:59,330
Speaker 2: cover rent. So we had to give up our apartment

720
00:36:59,370 --> 00:37:01,770
Speaker 2: in London, which meant we had to be full time

721
00:37:01,810 --> 00:37:05,250
Speaker 2: in Belfast, which was kind of a bit of a crash.

722
00:37:05,250 --> 00:37:10,010
Speaker 2: It's not somewhere I really I really enjoyed. I think

723
00:37:10,050 --> 00:37:12,410
Speaker 2: that's perhaps because of the area that Phil had a

724
00:37:12,410 --> 00:37:15,290
Speaker 2: house in. It was not very nice. It was about

725
00:37:15,330 --> 00:37:18,690
Speaker 2: twenty minutes out of the city proper and yeah, so

726
00:37:18,770 --> 00:37:22,250
Speaker 2: quite isolated. So I found out. Yeah, the day that

727
00:37:22,290 --> 00:37:25,010
Speaker 2: we got back to Belfast, I found out I was

728
00:37:25,050 --> 00:37:27,970
Speaker 2: being put on furlough, that we would have to be

729
00:37:28,010 --> 00:37:29,890
Speaker 2: in Belfast full time, had to give notice on the

730
00:37:29,930 --> 00:37:32,770
Speaker 2: apartment in London. And then a couple of days later

731
00:37:32,970 --> 00:37:34,970
Speaker 2: I was lying on the couch. Phil was in the

732
00:37:35,010 --> 00:37:39,090
Speaker 2: kitchen making lunch and I was really pregnant by that time.

733
00:37:39,090 --> 00:37:43,050
Speaker 2: I can still remember laying there and looking at my

734
00:37:43,130 --> 00:37:47,370
Speaker 2: phone scrolling through Instagram. Then I had a look at Facebook,

735
00:37:47,370 --> 00:37:50,370
Speaker 2: which I very rarely do. No one really uses Facebook anymore,

736
00:37:50,930 --> 00:37:53,210
Speaker 2: and I saw the red message request that there was

737
00:37:53,570 --> 00:37:55,330
Speaker 2: other messages, so I opened it up.

738
00:37:56,330 --> 00:37:58,970
Speaker 1: It was the message from someone called image It.

739
00:38:00,330 --> 00:38:02,210
Speaker 2: Hi. I didn't want to be the one to tell

740
00:38:02,290 --> 00:38:04,970
Speaker 2: you this, but Phil has cheated on you. I've seen

741
00:38:05,050 --> 00:38:06,970
Speaker 2: him on Tinder hear on and off for the last

742
00:38:06,970 --> 00:38:10,410
Speaker 2: two years, but I was the last person. I asked

743
00:38:10,450 --> 00:38:12,530
Speaker 2: from the get go if he was single. And I'm

744
00:38:12,530 --> 00:38:14,930
Speaker 2: really sorry, but I just can't let this go, especially

745
00:38:14,970 --> 00:38:21,250
Speaker 2: after what he said. Sorry. I didn't believe it at all.

746
00:38:21,650 --> 00:38:24,130
Speaker 2: So I don't know how to describe how that makes sense,

747
00:38:24,250 --> 00:38:28,090
Speaker 2: because I remember feeling sick to my stomach and feeling

748
00:38:28,170 --> 00:38:32,090
Speaker 2: like I've been punched, but I didn't believe it. I

749
00:38:32,130 --> 00:38:33,810
Speaker 2: just showed it to him straight away and I was like,

750
00:38:33,810 --> 00:38:36,690
Speaker 2: what is this and he looked at me call as

751
00:38:36,690 --> 00:38:40,290
Speaker 2: a cucumber. He said, I don't know, just block them,

752
00:38:41,130 --> 00:38:44,930
Speaker 2: and I was like, but like, I don't understand. Maybe

753
00:38:44,970 --> 00:38:48,250
Speaker 2: someone's used your pictures for a profile, like there was

754
00:38:48,330 --> 00:38:51,650
Speaker 2: just no way that I could ever believe that he

755
00:38:51,650 --> 00:38:54,490
Speaker 2: would do that. So he's like, oh, I'm sorry, and

756
00:38:55,010 --> 00:38:57,810
Speaker 2: just just ignore it like whatever, and he changed the subject.

757
00:38:58,530 --> 00:39:00,890
Speaker 2: And I think that didn't sit well with me because

758
00:39:00,930 --> 00:39:03,530
Speaker 2: I think, like, but I was still kind of I

759
00:39:03,570 --> 00:39:06,730
Speaker 2: don't know, it was just upsetting and I laid there

760
00:39:07,330 --> 00:39:09,330
Speaker 2: and I just burst into tears like half an hour later,

761
00:39:09,330 --> 00:39:11,650
Speaker 2: and he's like, oh, honey, what's wrong, Like, oh my god,

762
00:39:11,970 --> 00:39:14,850
Speaker 2: just just block them, don't listen, and I just said,

763
00:39:14,930 --> 00:39:17,690
Speaker 2: I'm just upset, like I know it's not true, but

764
00:39:17,850 --> 00:39:20,970
Speaker 2: like why this now? You know, I've just lost my job,

765
00:39:21,010 --> 00:39:24,290
Speaker 2: why this now? I just everything's shit. I just had

766
00:39:24,290 --> 00:39:26,810
Speaker 2: to leave my family really abruptly. I don't know when

767
00:39:26,810 --> 00:39:29,570
Speaker 2: I'm going to see them again. I'm here in Belfast.

768
00:39:29,610 --> 00:39:31,610
Speaker 2: I don't know anyone. And I just like I cried

769
00:39:32,330 --> 00:39:35,610
Speaker 2: and he was like, you know, comforting me, and all

770
00:39:35,770 --> 00:39:37,450
Speaker 2: was fine. We went to bed later that night and

771
00:39:37,490 --> 00:39:39,850
Speaker 2: I just tossed and turned. I just could not sleep,

772
00:39:40,610 --> 00:39:43,010
Speaker 2: and I think it got to like five o'clock in

773
00:39:43,050 --> 00:39:47,010
Speaker 2: the morning or something, and I text a screenshot of

774
00:39:47,050 --> 00:39:50,090
Speaker 2: it to my best friend back in Melbourne. She was like,

775
00:39:50,610 --> 00:39:53,410
Speaker 2: oh my god, like what did you reply? And I said, oh, well,

776
00:39:53,450 --> 00:39:55,690
Speaker 2: I haven't replied. I mean, it's not true. I looked

777
00:39:55,690 --> 00:39:58,610
Speaker 2: to this girl up on Instagram. She's twenty two years old.

778
00:39:59,610 --> 00:40:02,690
Speaker 2: She looks even younger than that, like there's emojis all

779
00:40:02,730 --> 00:40:05,730
Speaker 2: over her profile, like she's a young girl. Phil is

780
00:40:06,130 --> 00:40:08,850
Speaker 2: forty five, Like there's no way. Plus he would never

781
00:40:08,890 --> 00:40:12,850
Speaker 2: do that. I don't question him whatsoever. But you know,

782
00:40:12,850 --> 00:40:15,370
Speaker 2: I can't sleep. And my friend said, look, why don't

783
00:40:15,370 --> 00:40:18,490
Speaker 2: you just say prove it? So I wrote back and

784
00:40:18,530 --> 00:40:20,170
Speaker 2: I just said, thanks for letting us know it's a

785
00:40:20,210 --> 00:40:22,890
Speaker 2: fake profile. Could you please report it? My friend said,

786
00:40:22,970 --> 00:40:25,850
Speaker 2: us for proof, So I did, and she sent proof.

787
00:40:26,210 --> 00:40:29,730
Speaker 2: She sent so many screenshots. He had matched with her

788
00:40:29,770 --> 00:40:32,730
Speaker 2: on Tinder, deleted Tinder really quickly, come back and spend

789
00:40:32,770 --> 00:40:34,810
Speaker 2: a couple of days in London with me, then went

790
00:40:34,890 --> 00:40:37,370
Speaker 2: back to look after his boys the next week for

791
00:40:37,370 --> 00:40:40,170
Speaker 2: the two days. At eleven thirty am on a Friday,

792
00:40:40,210 --> 00:40:42,610
Speaker 2: while his kids were at school, the first time he

793
00:40:42,650 --> 00:40:45,610
Speaker 2: met Imogen was by showing up to her house do

794
00:40:45,650 --> 00:40:47,930
Speaker 2: you have sex with her? For forty five minutes and

795
00:40:47,970 --> 00:40:51,170
Speaker 2: then leaving again? And I know the timeline because the

796
00:40:51,210 --> 00:40:54,450
Speaker 2: screenshots that she sent me he said, I'm here, and

797
00:40:54,490 --> 00:40:58,410
Speaker 2: then afterwards he said that was amazing. The filth that

798
00:40:59,050 --> 00:41:01,690
Speaker 2: Phil sent to her. I just couldn't believe what I

799
00:41:01,730 --> 00:41:03,530
Speaker 2: was reading. It wasn't the guy that I was in

800
00:41:03,570 --> 00:41:07,770
Speaker 2: a relationship with. He had never been so disgusting with me.

801
00:41:08,010 --> 00:41:12,050
Speaker 2: I was just sickened, absolutely sickened. I'm not a rude

802
00:41:12,050 --> 00:41:14,770
Speaker 2: by any means, but the things that he said to

803
00:41:14,810 --> 00:41:17,890
Speaker 2: her were just filth. The whole time that we were

804
00:41:17,930 --> 00:41:23,650
Speaker 2: in Australia with my family, he was texting her, making

805
00:41:23,690 --> 00:41:27,690
Speaker 2: plans with her, but then canceling the plants. We're in Australia,

806
00:41:27,730 --> 00:41:29,170
Speaker 2: like he's not going to see her. So he would

807
00:41:29,210 --> 00:41:31,490
Speaker 2: be making plans with her and then say sorry.

808
00:41:31,170 --> 00:41:31,570
Speaker 1: My love.

809
00:41:32,010 --> 00:41:35,130
Speaker 2: He would say, my love, I can't come. I'm stuck

810
00:41:35,210 --> 00:41:39,050
Speaker 2: doing this. Yeah, he was leading her on. He was saying,

811
00:41:39,090 --> 00:41:42,010
Speaker 2: you know, I'm daydreaming about a life with you. He

812
00:41:42,050 --> 00:41:45,210
Speaker 2: told her loved her. It was crazy, It was absolutely crazy,

813
00:41:45,730 --> 00:41:49,570
Speaker 2: and I was just in shock, in shock. I just

814
00:41:49,770 --> 00:41:53,090
Speaker 2: laid there reading the screenshots. It was just a sample

815
00:41:53,130 --> 00:41:55,850
Speaker 2: to start with, and he was asleep beside me in bed,

816
00:41:55,890 --> 00:41:57,850
Speaker 2: and I turn around and I just started punching him

817
00:41:58,490 --> 00:42:03,770
Speaker 2: and screaming I was so furious, but absolutely in shock,

818
00:42:04,450 --> 00:42:08,930
Speaker 2: and I feel so stupid because I just never believed

819
00:42:09,370 --> 00:42:11,610
Speaker 2: that he would do something like this to me. Was

820
00:42:11,810 --> 00:42:15,210
Speaker 2: naked photos that he was sending her from my parents' house,

821
00:42:15,770 --> 00:42:17,890
Speaker 2: from the holiday house when he was hold up in

822
00:42:17,890 --> 00:42:19,770
Speaker 2: his room refusing to speak twenty one because he was

823
00:42:19,770 --> 00:42:22,450
Speaker 2: so angry with me from my friend's place the day

824
00:42:22,530 --> 00:42:24,650
Speaker 2: of the engagement party that he refused to come to

825
00:42:24,730 --> 00:42:27,330
Speaker 2: that he blew up my phone all day saying that

826
00:42:27,770 --> 00:42:29,210
Speaker 2: he didn't know if he could be with someone who

827
00:42:29,290 --> 00:42:35,210
Speaker 2: is dishonest. He was sending her naked photos. And in

828
00:42:35,250 --> 00:42:38,330
Speaker 2: case you missed it, the real kicker is that he

829
00:42:38,410 --> 00:42:40,770
Speaker 2: suggested her name when we found out we were having

830
00:42:40,810 --> 00:42:43,530
Speaker 2: a girl. This twenty two year old girl.

831
00:42:44,850 --> 00:42:48,530
Speaker 1: Sarah was living a nightmare. All this time. She'd been

832
00:42:48,570 --> 00:42:52,290
Speaker 1: the one for giving him, making excuses for him, apologizing

833
00:42:52,330 --> 00:42:55,890
Speaker 1: to him, and he'd been cheating on her. Now she

834
00:42:56,050 --> 00:42:58,650
Speaker 1: was here in his space, in a country where she

835
00:42:58,770 --> 00:43:01,410
Speaker 1: knew no one else, in the middle of COVID.

836
00:43:01,890 --> 00:43:08,210
Speaker 2: Pregnant bellfirst was in full lockdown. I had my lifeline

837
00:43:08,410 --> 00:43:11,050
Speaker 2: best friend in Australia like talking to her in all

838
00:43:11,050 --> 00:43:14,490
Speaker 2: her waking hours about what the hell I was going

839
00:43:14,530 --> 00:43:17,170
Speaker 2: to do. I just knew I needed to get away

840
00:43:17,210 --> 00:43:21,330
Speaker 2: from him. He was just busy trying to smooth thing.

841
00:43:21,370 --> 00:43:25,610
Speaker 2: So I love you, begging me, crying, I'll kill myself

842
00:43:25,690 --> 00:43:28,130
Speaker 2: if you leave me. I can't live without you. I

843
00:43:28,170 --> 00:43:31,130
Speaker 2: can't live without you, all that sort of usual stuff,

844
00:43:31,770 --> 00:43:34,050
Speaker 2: and I just knew I needed some space from him.

845
00:43:34,130 --> 00:43:37,090
Speaker 2: So I got a flight back to London. I still

846
00:43:37,130 --> 00:43:39,730
Speaker 2: had my apartment there for another month, so I spent

847
00:43:40,010 --> 00:43:43,970
Speaker 2: some time there without him. Was really isolating and depressing,

848
00:43:44,050 --> 00:43:46,650
Speaker 2: to be completely honest. I would grab a baguett I'd

849
00:43:46,690 --> 00:43:49,050
Speaker 2: go to a hyde park and sit down to have

850
00:43:49,170 --> 00:43:51,010
Speaker 2: something to eat, and the police would come along and

851
00:43:51,010 --> 00:43:52,690
Speaker 2: tell me to get up and keep moving. But I

852
00:43:52,770 --> 00:43:55,570
Speaker 2: was really questioning myself and what to do because I

853
00:43:55,610 --> 00:43:58,650
Speaker 2: was bringing a child into the world and I just

854
00:43:58,650 --> 00:44:00,810
Speaker 2: didn't know what the best thing to do was. And

855
00:44:00,850 --> 00:44:03,410
Speaker 2: I was so scared of doing it alone. But I

856
00:44:03,450 --> 00:44:07,250
Speaker 2: felt so unsafe with him, and I was just really scared.

857
00:44:07,250 --> 00:44:10,450
Speaker 2: I felt like I didn't know him anymore. The cheating

858
00:44:10,570 --> 00:44:13,410
Speaker 2: obviously is up setting, but I think the most upsetting

859
00:44:13,450 --> 00:44:15,450
Speaker 2: thing was that I felt like I didn't know him

860
00:44:15,610 --> 00:44:18,290
Speaker 2: at all. This is the person that I had wanted

861
00:44:18,330 --> 00:44:21,290
Speaker 2: to spend the rest of my life with and he

862
00:44:21,330 --> 00:44:24,010
Speaker 2: was a stranger to me because it was like a

863
00:44:24,010 --> 00:44:27,050
Speaker 2: whole different person the way he spoke to her. I

864
00:44:27,130 --> 00:44:31,170
Speaker 2: called another close friend who was a barrister, and I

865
00:44:31,210 --> 00:44:33,290
Speaker 2: told her the situation and I said, I don't know

866
00:44:33,330 --> 00:44:34,970
Speaker 2: what to do, and she said, you need to come

867
00:44:35,010 --> 00:44:37,370
Speaker 2: back to Australia and you need to have the baby

868
00:44:37,410 --> 00:44:41,090
Speaker 2: here that will protect you. So okay, I have to

869
00:44:41,130 --> 00:44:44,690
Speaker 2: do that. So in the meantime he comes back, I'm

870
00:44:44,730 --> 00:44:47,290
Speaker 2: still in love with him. I'm so torn, I'm so upset.

871
00:44:47,810 --> 00:44:51,170
Speaker 2: There's just daily fights and discussions. Like when I say fights,

872
00:44:51,250 --> 00:44:54,890
Speaker 2: now the tables have turned. It's me angry with him, him,

873
00:44:54,890 --> 00:44:57,970
Speaker 2: begging him, trying to smooth things over. There was the

874
00:44:58,010 --> 00:45:00,490
Speaker 2: possibility that I wouldn't be able to get back to Australia.

875
00:45:00,530 --> 00:45:02,530
Speaker 2: There was no flights. I was trying to get on

876
00:45:02,530 --> 00:45:04,970
Speaker 2: one of the ones to get the Australian citizens back,

877
00:45:05,850 --> 00:45:07,890
Speaker 2: So in the mix, I had to register at a

878
00:45:07,890 --> 00:45:10,050
Speaker 2: hospital in Belfast in case I had to give Bertha,

879
00:45:10,930 --> 00:45:13,730
Speaker 2: and I can remember going to the registration appointment. He

880
00:45:13,770 --> 00:45:17,250
Speaker 2: wasn't allowed to go in because of COVID rules and

881
00:45:17,490 --> 00:45:20,090
Speaker 2: I'm sitting in there with the midwife. They're doing all

882
00:45:20,090 --> 00:45:22,850
Speaker 2: the registration for me and going through all the questions

883
00:45:23,170 --> 00:45:25,730
Speaker 2: and I can't remember what the question was, but I

884
00:45:25,730 --> 00:45:28,570
Speaker 2: burst into tears and she was like, are you're okay?

885
00:45:28,730 --> 00:45:30,570
Speaker 2: And now that's when she said she asked me if

886
00:45:30,610 --> 00:45:33,090
Speaker 2: I was okay, and I burst into tears and told

887
00:45:33,130 --> 00:45:36,730
Speaker 2: her everything. So they kept me longer, got in a counselor.

888
00:45:37,490 --> 00:45:39,770
Speaker 2: It did full blood work to do an STD check,

889
00:45:39,810 --> 00:45:42,170
Speaker 2: which is something that had not even crossed my mind.

890
00:45:42,650 --> 00:45:44,730
Speaker 2: I just had so much stuff going on. I just

891
00:45:44,770 --> 00:45:46,530
Speaker 2: did not even think of that, but they were like,

892
00:45:46,570 --> 00:45:49,570
Speaker 2: it could be a concern for your unborn baby, and

893
00:45:50,050 --> 00:45:52,330
Speaker 2: I was just bawling the whole time. When I finished

894
00:45:52,330 --> 00:45:54,370
Speaker 2: that appointment, I text him and I said, look, I've

895
00:45:54,410 --> 00:45:57,970
Speaker 2: gotten really upset in this apartment. I'm barely keeping it together,

896
00:45:58,010 --> 00:46:00,010
Speaker 2: so when I come out side, I don't want to

897
00:46:00,050 --> 00:46:04,130
Speaker 2: talk about it, okay. And it was his eldest boy's birthday,

898
00:46:04,250 --> 00:46:07,290
Speaker 2: so I come out and he demanded to know what

899
00:46:07,330 --> 00:46:10,370
Speaker 2: was wrong, demanded to know. So I told him and

900
00:46:10,490 --> 00:46:13,170
Speaker 2: he was so angry. He said, well, I hope you're

901
00:46:13,210 --> 00:46:18,570
Speaker 2: happy with yourself. They're going to send child protective services around,

902
00:46:18,890 --> 00:46:21,810
Speaker 2: probably because you've done that, because you've told them about this.

903
00:46:22,570 --> 00:46:25,490
Speaker 2: And I can remember sitting there in the car and

904
00:46:25,570 --> 00:46:27,850
Speaker 2: I was like, how are you putting this back on me?

905
00:46:28,050 --> 00:46:30,610
Speaker 2: Like he still had a way of trying to beat

906
00:46:30,650 --> 00:46:33,570
Speaker 2: me down and try to make me feel guilty about things.

907
00:46:33,610 --> 00:46:35,770
Speaker 2: He said, they might take my boys away from me

908
00:46:35,890 --> 00:46:39,370
Speaker 2: because this is like domestic abuse, da da da da da,

909
00:46:39,530 --> 00:46:42,690
Speaker 2: and somehow that was my fault. So yeah, I was

910
00:46:42,810 --> 00:46:46,410
Speaker 2: really scared. I guess I was scared of him. I

911
00:46:46,450 --> 00:46:48,610
Speaker 2: was frantically looking for flights, but I had to keep

912
00:46:48,650 --> 00:46:50,450
Speaker 2: the peace. I might be stuck there, So I was

913
00:46:50,490 --> 00:46:55,450
Speaker 2: sort of trapped between trying to keep things smooth, trying

914
00:46:55,450 --> 00:46:58,450
Speaker 2: to work out my broken heart, and all my confusion,

915
00:46:58,570 --> 00:47:01,810
Speaker 2: like what I was going to do. Because also, I mean,

916
00:47:01,890 --> 00:47:04,890
Speaker 2: even though I planned to live in Australia eventually, I

917
00:47:05,010 --> 00:47:08,690
Speaker 2: definitely did not plan to come crashing back without a

918
00:47:08,770 --> 00:47:14,490
Speaker 2: job and with a baby on my own. I didn't

919
00:47:14,530 --> 00:47:18,170
Speaker 2: know if our relationship was going to continue. I couldn't

920
00:47:18,210 --> 00:47:22,730
Speaker 2: really think too far ahead. I was just focusing on

921
00:47:23,810 --> 00:47:27,130
Speaker 2: getting this baby into the world safely. I sort of

922
00:47:27,170 --> 00:47:29,370
Speaker 2: had that as my goalpost, and I just didn't know

923
00:47:29,370 --> 00:47:30,730
Speaker 2: what I was going to do. But I was still

924
00:47:30,850 --> 00:47:33,730
Speaker 2: so in love with him the way I felt being

925
00:47:33,770 --> 00:47:37,850
Speaker 2: back in Australia really pregnant. I loved him so much.

926
00:47:38,730 --> 00:47:40,570
Speaker 2: I didn't know if I could trust him. The thing

927
00:47:40,610 --> 00:47:42,730
Speaker 2: that I couldn't get past it wasn't the cheating again.

928
00:47:42,770 --> 00:47:45,050
Speaker 2: It was just that it was like he was another

929
00:47:45,130 --> 00:47:48,530
Speaker 2: person and I just didn't the trust was gone for me,

930
00:47:48,690 --> 00:47:51,330
Speaker 2: and I didn't know what to believe. So I just

931
00:47:51,330 --> 00:47:53,370
Speaker 2: didn't know what the right thing was to do. I

932
00:47:53,410 --> 00:47:58,130
Speaker 2: was really really confused. So I was back here. He

933
00:47:58,290 --> 00:48:03,890
Speaker 2: flew here for the birth. I had Emily, a perfect

934
00:48:04,290 --> 00:48:08,130
Speaker 2: baby girl. She's absolutely adorable. She was a very cute baby,

935
00:48:08,730 --> 00:48:12,250
Speaker 2: and he spent the first three weeks of her life

936
00:48:12,690 --> 00:48:14,650
Speaker 2: here with me in Australia, and then he had to

937
00:48:14,690 --> 00:48:19,730
Speaker 2: fly back to Belfast. But he's got two kids, and

938
00:48:20,010 --> 00:48:21,810
Speaker 2: you know, I thought he would sort of really take charge.

939
00:48:21,850 --> 00:48:23,850
Speaker 2: I didn't know what the hell I was doing. I

940
00:48:23,930 --> 00:48:25,370
Speaker 2: knew i'd know, and I really wanted a kid, but

941
00:48:25,410 --> 00:48:27,410
Speaker 2: it was such a weird thing. I loved being pregnant,

942
00:48:27,410 --> 00:48:29,690
Speaker 2: and then it's just all of a sudden, Oh Gold,

943
00:48:29,730 --> 00:48:31,490
Speaker 2: she's here, and now I have to look after her

944
00:48:31,490 --> 00:48:35,610
Speaker 2: and keep her alive. It's actually quite stressful. And she

945
00:48:35,810 --> 00:48:38,410
Speaker 2: was a baby who needed to be held to sleep,

946
00:48:39,050 --> 00:48:42,730
Speaker 2: so I had a c section. I was so exhausted.

947
00:48:42,770 --> 00:48:45,970
Speaker 2: I was breastfeeding and during the night I had to

948
00:48:46,050 --> 00:48:50,010
Speaker 2: sleep with I ended up having all these pillows around

949
00:48:50,130 --> 00:48:53,010
Speaker 2: me to sleep upright, holding her with my head like

950
00:48:53,170 --> 00:48:55,810
Speaker 2: uncomfortable to the side, like with a travel pillow on,

951
00:48:56,530 --> 00:48:59,130
Speaker 2: because if I put her down, she would just lose it.

952
00:48:59,730 --> 00:49:02,410
Speaker 2: And Phil didn't take any turns on that. He was

953
00:49:02,410 --> 00:49:04,610
Speaker 2: actually getting frustrated every time I put her down when

954
00:49:04,650 --> 00:49:06,810
Speaker 2: she cried. He'd be like, oh, like I can still

955
00:49:06,890 --> 00:49:10,450
Speaker 2: remember his impatience. But then by day, in front of

956
00:49:10,490 --> 00:49:14,170
Speaker 2: everybody else, he was just missed a charming, attentive dad.

957
00:49:14,210 --> 00:49:16,530
Speaker 2: Wanted to give her the baths, wanted me to record everything,

958
00:49:16,810 --> 00:49:22,010
Speaker 2: lots of photos. So he goes back And because I

959
00:49:22,050 --> 00:49:25,770
Speaker 2: think it was just that fear I just being a

960
00:49:25,810 --> 00:49:30,090
Speaker 2: single mother isn't something I even wanted to Like, that

961
00:49:30,250 --> 00:49:32,650
Speaker 2: was just the most daunting thing I could you could

962
00:49:32,730 --> 00:49:35,650
Speaker 2: think of. And I think as well, like it's just

963
00:49:35,770 --> 00:49:39,650
Speaker 2: I had my whole life ripped away in a week.

964
00:49:40,290 --> 00:49:44,370
Speaker 2: I'd lost my job, my apartment, everything, and now I'm

965
00:49:44,570 --> 00:49:47,130
Speaker 2: back at home and my parents live in regional Victoria.

966
00:49:47,650 --> 00:49:49,970
Speaker 2: I'm back at home in my old bedroom with a

967
00:49:50,010 --> 00:49:52,170
Speaker 2: cot shoved in the side, and I just knew it.

968
00:49:52,170 --> 00:49:55,970
Speaker 2: I was just so depressed it COVID meant I couldn't

969
00:49:56,250 --> 00:49:58,930
Speaker 2: come to visit my friends. I didn't know anyone back

970
00:49:59,650 --> 00:50:02,570
Speaker 2: around my parents' place. I just had My sister eventually

971
00:50:02,650 --> 00:50:06,570
Speaker 2: told my parents what had happened. They were shocked and

972
00:50:06,770 --> 00:50:08,530
Speaker 2: upset and furious.

973
00:50:09,210 --> 00:50:12,330
Speaker 1: Everything within Sarah was telling her not to go back

974
00:50:12,370 --> 00:50:15,250
Speaker 1: to Phil. Her friends and family were telling her that too,

975
00:50:15,810 --> 00:50:19,250
Speaker 1: but she just couldn't let go. This was her baby's father.

976
00:50:19,770 --> 00:50:22,130
Speaker 1: So she got her lawyer friend back on the phone,

977
00:50:22,210 --> 00:50:24,250
Speaker 1: who said the only way she would allow her to

978
00:50:24,290 --> 00:50:26,930
Speaker 1: go back to Belfast was if she put legal documents

979
00:50:26,930 --> 00:50:30,010
Speaker 1: in place, called a parenting plan, so Phil couldn't turn

980
00:50:30,050 --> 00:50:33,370
Speaker 1: around and prevent her from bringing baby Emily back to Australia.

981
00:50:33,810 --> 00:50:37,250
Speaker 2: I was really really scared. I started the process though,

982
00:50:37,250 --> 00:50:40,050
Speaker 2: because in my head I wasn't ready to let go

983
00:50:40,130 --> 00:50:42,490
Speaker 2: of him, I guess, and I didn't want her to

984
00:50:42,490 --> 00:50:45,170
Speaker 2: be without a father. I felt really guilty. So I

985
00:50:45,210 --> 00:50:48,250
Speaker 2: was looking at rental places in Belfast. I said, if

986
00:50:48,290 --> 00:50:51,090
Speaker 2: I come back there, I'm not living in that house.

987
00:50:51,290 --> 00:50:52,690
Speaker 2: I don't want to live in that house, Like it

988
00:50:52,770 --> 00:50:55,210
Speaker 2: just had awful memories for me. The time I spent

989
00:50:55,250 --> 00:50:59,890
Speaker 2: there fighting with him was just so depressing. Anyway, So

990
00:51:00,530 --> 00:51:03,130
Speaker 2: I write this parenting plan and I read it back

991
00:51:03,170 --> 00:51:05,690
Speaker 2: to myself. It was just an a four page I

992
00:51:05,730 --> 00:51:08,810
Speaker 2: read back to myself about like reading it in black

993
00:51:08,850 --> 00:51:13,970
Speaker 2: and white. When I summarized our relationship the abuse, I went,

994
00:51:14,210 --> 00:51:16,370
Speaker 2: what the fuck am I doing? What the fuck am

995
00:51:16,410 --> 00:51:19,770
Speaker 2: I doing? What am I doing? I paid three grand

996
00:51:19,930 --> 00:51:23,690
Speaker 2: to write this page that made me. It was just

997
00:51:23,890 --> 00:51:26,850
Speaker 2: in black and white, like pretty much, Sarah, You're an idiot.

998
00:51:27,090 --> 00:51:29,650
Speaker 2: It's crazy, I guess, because there was just so much

999
00:51:29,690 --> 00:51:32,810
Speaker 2: good there, which doesn't really sound like it does it.

1000
00:51:32,890 --> 00:51:34,890
Speaker 2: But he was charming, He was funny, and he just

1001
00:51:35,010 --> 00:51:37,250
Speaker 2: doted on me. I got a foot massage every night.

1002
00:51:37,530 --> 00:51:41,570
Speaker 2: He hooked me dinner every night. He was the partner

1003
00:51:41,730 --> 00:51:44,210
Speaker 2: who would walk me to work in the morning, have

1004
00:51:44,250 --> 00:51:46,250
Speaker 2: a coffee with me, and then I'd go to the

1005
00:51:46,290 --> 00:51:48,410
Speaker 2: office and then he'd meet me for lunch as well.

1006
00:51:48,450 --> 00:51:50,610
Speaker 2: Like he was just always wanted to be around me

1007
00:51:50,690 --> 00:51:54,330
Speaker 2: and do nice things for me. The abuse aside. So

1008
00:51:54,370 --> 00:51:56,410
Speaker 2: when I read this page about the things that he

1009
00:51:56,450 --> 00:52:00,370
Speaker 2: had done. It was the emotional abuse more than the cheating.

1010
00:52:00,690 --> 00:52:03,530
Speaker 2: It was just and the secrets and the lies, and

1011
00:52:03,570 --> 00:52:05,690
Speaker 2: I just I couldn't. I was just in shock and

1012
00:52:05,730 --> 00:52:07,250
Speaker 2: I just said, there's no way. And that was in

1013
00:52:07,290 --> 00:52:11,450
Speaker 2: October twenty twenty. I said to him, not coming back.

1014
00:52:11,850 --> 00:52:13,690
Speaker 2: I'm staying in Australia. If you want to work on

1015
00:52:13,690 --> 00:52:16,570
Speaker 2: this relationship, you can come back here. I'm not coming back.

1016
00:52:16,770 --> 00:52:21,250
Speaker 2: So I made that decision then, and yeah, the next

1017
00:52:21,330 --> 00:52:24,410
Speaker 2: couple of months were just fights, just that roller coaster

1018
00:52:24,530 --> 00:52:28,410
Speaker 2: of him first agreeing like he would agree, going yep, yep,

1019
00:52:28,530 --> 00:52:30,130
Speaker 2: like I want to make it work with you. I

1020
00:52:30,130 --> 00:52:31,570
Speaker 2: love you so much. But then he would be like,

1021
00:52:31,610 --> 00:52:34,090
Speaker 2: you know what, I'm going to start dating again because

1022
00:52:34,170 --> 00:52:36,170
Speaker 2: you're never going to come back, and that thread of it,

1023
00:52:36,210 --> 00:52:38,330
Speaker 2: and I would be like, are you fucking kidding me?

1024
00:52:38,730 --> 00:52:41,090
Speaker 2: I looked back over the messages recently and it's just

1025
00:52:41,170 --> 00:52:45,810
Speaker 2: an absolute rollercoaster of him at first meaning that I

1026
00:52:45,890 --> 00:52:47,570
Speaker 2: love you, I want to come back, I want to

1027
00:52:47,570 --> 00:52:50,170
Speaker 2: live in Australia. How do I come back? Like like

1028
00:52:50,210 --> 00:52:53,650
Speaker 2: where some kind of Romeo and Juliet torn apart by COVID,

1029
00:52:54,290 --> 00:52:58,450
Speaker 2: But then getting abusive with me as well, threatening to

1030
00:52:58,530 --> 00:53:01,930
Speaker 2: kill himself. Yeah, all that kind of stuff, up and down,

1031
00:53:02,090 --> 00:53:02,690
Speaker 2: up and down.

1032
00:53:04,610 --> 00:53:07,890
Speaker 1: It went on like this for months. Sarah had finally

1033
00:53:07,890 --> 00:53:09,730
Speaker 1: put her foot down and wasn't going to bend over

1034
00:53:09,770 --> 00:53:13,050
Speaker 1: backwards for this man anymore, and he seemed to respond.

1035
00:53:13,490 --> 00:53:15,570
Speaker 1: After a few months, he booked to come and see

1036
00:53:15,570 --> 00:53:17,850
Speaker 1: them whether he and Sarah were going to work as

1037
00:53:17,850 --> 00:53:20,330
Speaker 1: a couple aside they still had a daughter.

1038
00:53:21,090 --> 00:53:23,490
Speaker 2: He was supposed to come out here for a holiday

1039
00:53:23,770 --> 00:53:26,810
Speaker 2: because some states were open. I booked a trip to

1040
00:53:26,850 --> 00:53:28,770
Speaker 2: Port Douglas, and I thought you could barry a reef.

1041
00:53:28,810 --> 00:53:30,570
Speaker 2: I still wanted to make it nice for him while

1042
00:53:30,570 --> 00:53:34,090
Speaker 2: he was here. He canceled a week before. I was

1043
00:53:34,170 --> 00:53:36,530
Speaker 2: just beyond furious because I had paid for everything as

1044
00:53:36,610 --> 00:53:39,370
Speaker 2: usual and had to cancel. I was looking forward to

1045
00:53:39,450 --> 00:53:44,850
Speaker 2: having time with another parent, sharing the nice things about

1046
00:53:44,850 --> 00:53:48,490
Speaker 2: our child. She's growing quick, she's adorable, and I was

1047
00:53:48,530 --> 00:53:52,090
Speaker 2: just really looking forward to sharing that experience with someone else.

1048
00:53:52,810 --> 00:53:55,010
Speaker 2: And yeah, he just canceled. I was just so angry.

1049
00:53:55,130 --> 00:53:58,210
Speaker 2: And then if flipped again like he couldn't afford it.

1050
00:53:58,250 --> 00:54:01,130
Speaker 2: That's what it was about. Then two weeks later, he

1051
00:54:01,290 --> 00:54:05,650
Speaker 2: was desperately trying to book that. Now, Oh, shock, horror,

1052
00:54:05,770 --> 00:54:08,210
Speaker 2: there's no flights. Yeah, the world is pretty much shut down.

1053
00:54:08,290 --> 00:54:11,210
Speaker 2: Like I planned all those for you months in the making.

1054
00:54:11,250 --> 00:54:11,450
Speaker 1: I did.

1055
00:54:11,490 --> 00:54:15,490
Speaker 2: He is application for the waiver to get into Australia

1056
00:54:15,530 --> 00:54:17,730
Speaker 2: because he wasn't a citizen. I did all of that.

1057
00:54:17,770 --> 00:54:22,050
Speaker 2: I organized everything, and he just canceled a week out.

1058
00:54:22,330 --> 00:54:24,730
Speaker 2: So then that whole process starts again, and now it's

1059
00:54:24,770 --> 00:54:27,570
Speaker 2: just all, yeah, desperation and what am I going to

1060
00:54:27,650 --> 00:54:29,610
Speaker 2: do now, I'm desperate to come. I miss you, I

1061
00:54:29,650 --> 00:54:32,610
Speaker 2: love you, I love her, blah blah blah. So he

1062
00:54:32,650 --> 00:54:39,010
Speaker 2: comes out and he gets here in June. Emily was

1063
00:54:39,090 --> 00:54:42,570
Speaker 2: about to turn one, so her birthday is in August.

1064
00:54:42,610 --> 00:54:44,330
Speaker 2: So he said to me, well, at least you know,

1065
00:54:44,490 --> 00:54:46,570
Speaker 2: like trying to smooth things over with me after the

1066
00:54:46,610 --> 00:54:49,930
Speaker 2: canceled made trip. Because this is the trip, by the way,

1067
00:54:50,090 --> 00:54:52,010
Speaker 2: where I said to him that I'm not coming back.

1068
00:54:52,250 --> 00:54:54,770
Speaker 2: He works from home anyway, He said, I can just

1069
00:54:54,930 --> 00:54:58,410
Speaker 2: do European hours in Australia. It'll be tough, but it's

1070
00:54:58,450 --> 00:55:00,370
Speaker 2: worth it. It's worth it because I want to be with

1071
00:55:00,410 --> 00:55:04,770
Speaker 2: you and Emily. We were sleeping in separate bedrooms because

1072
00:55:04,810 --> 00:55:07,410
Speaker 2: I co sleep with Emily. But it was just so

1073
00:55:07,530 --> 00:55:10,690
Speaker 2: nice having someone to parent with. There were no fights,

1074
00:55:10,730 --> 00:55:13,330
Speaker 2: like everything was great. And he had said, you know,

1075
00:55:13,370 --> 00:55:15,890
Speaker 2: at least I'll be here for Emily's first birthday now,

1076
00:55:15,930 --> 00:55:17,530
Speaker 2: like you know, I can stay a couple of months.

1077
00:55:17,970 --> 00:55:21,290
Speaker 2: Two weeks, ten days before her birthday, he sent me

1078
00:55:21,330 --> 00:55:24,170
Speaker 2: a screenshot of an email from his boss saying that

1079
00:55:24,210 --> 00:55:26,210
Speaker 2: he had to go to a conference in Dublin, and

1080
00:55:26,290 --> 00:55:29,410
Speaker 2: I'm like, I just remember feeling sick. I was just

1081
00:55:29,530 --> 00:55:33,450
Speaker 2: so furious ten days shy of Emily's first birthday. So

1082
00:55:34,210 --> 00:55:37,370
Speaker 2: he goes back, I have her first birthday without him.

1083
00:55:37,930 --> 00:55:41,210
Speaker 1: She couldn't keep doing this, but she still did want

1084
00:55:41,250 --> 00:55:44,450
Speaker 1: Emily to have her father in her life. So Sarah

1085
00:55:44,530 --> 00:55:46,730
Speaker 1: took it into her own hands and took their little

1086
00:55:46,730 --> 00:55:49,450
Speaker 1: girl to visit her dad back in Belfast.

1087
00:55:50,090 --> 00:55:52,650
Speaker 2: I said to his mom, like, I'll come and visit

1088
00:55:52,650 --> 00:55:55,090
Speaker 2: you while Peel's working one day and so you can

1089
00:55:55,090 --> 00:55:57,650
Speaker 2: have some time with Emily. And I went over and

1090
00:55:57,690 --> 00:56:01,250
Speaker 2: I told them everything. I said, well, hasn't Phil told

1091
00:56:01,290 --> 00:56:05,970
Speaker 2: you anything? And she said no, he doesn't tell us anything.

1092
00:56:06,650 --> 00:56:09,810
Speaker 2: And I said, well, this is what happened. And she

1093
00:56:09,850 --> 00:56:11,570
Speaker 2: burst into tears and she said I can't believe this

1094
00:56:11,730 --> 00:56:17,010
Speaker 2: is all happening again. And yeah, so he had cheated

1095
00:56:17,090 --> 00:56:20,650
Speaker 2: on his wife the whole marriage. She'd thrown him out,

1096
00:56:20,850 --> 00:56:23,770
Speaker 2: finally took him back, accepted all his excuses. They had

1097
00:56:23,770 --> 00:56:26,410
Speaker 2: a second child. He did it again, like she was

1098
00:56:26,450 --> 00:56:28,370
Speaker 2: holding a newborn and he was having an affair with

1099
00:56:28,410 --> 00:56:30,970
Speaker 2: another woman. There was photos on social media of them,

1100
00:56:31,090 --> 00:56:34,090
Speaker 2: like having his romantic trip to Paris while his wife

1101
00:56:34,170 --> 00:56:36,890
Speaker 2: is at home with their six week old baby. He

1102
00:56:37,010 --> 00:56:40,530
Speaker 2: left her in debt, He maxed her credit cards out,

1103
00:56:40,770 --> 00:56:44,930
Speaker 2: he left their shared account in overdraft. Her credit rating

1104
00:56:44,930 --> 00:56:49,010
Speaker 2: hasn't recovered from being with him. And I'm finding out

1105
00:56:49,050 --> 00:56:52,130
Speaker 2: all of this years later, years in, I've got a

1106
00:56:52,130 --> 00:56:54,850
Speaker 2: one year old child with him. That he's a really

1107
00:56:54,890 --> 00:56:56,570
Speaker 2: bad guy. He's a bad.

1108
00:56:56,370 --> 00:57:00,090
Speaker 1: Guy, And it turned out it wasn't just relationships he

1109
00:57:00,210 --> 00:57:00,770
Speaker 1: lied about.

1110
00:57:01,210 --> 00:57:03,850
Speaker 2: While I was in Belfast, there was a giant stack

1111
00:57:03,890 --> 00:57:07,890
Speaker 2: of like I'm talking thirty centimeters high of you know,

1112
00:57:07,970 --> 00:57:10,450
Speaker 2: bills and whatever its sitting in the kitchen. I hate clutter.

1113
00:57:11,170 --> 00:57:13,810
Speaker 2: I went through it. There was so many mortgage statements.

1114
00:57:13,890 --> 00:57:16,850
Speaker 2: I picked up one that was open and read it.

1115
00:57:17,530 --> 00:57:19,290
Speaker 2: The house that he'd nearly paid off that didn't cost

1116
00:57:19,370 --> 00:57:22,210
Speaker 2: him anything. He hasn't paid it off at all, and

1117
00:57:22,210 --> 00:57:25,050
Speaker 2: he's paying a huge, huge interest rate, which means that

1118
00:57:25,050 --> 00:57:29,810
Speaker 2: he's borrowed against it many times his income statement as well,

1119
00:57:30,010 --> 00:57:33,090
Speaker 2: he lied to me about how much he earned huge

1120
00:57:33,090 --> 00:57:36,170
Speaker 2: council tax bills. He hasn't paid them since twenty fifteen,

1121
00:57:36,170 --> 00:57:40,530
Speaker 2: twenty sixteen, credit card debt, all totally as much as

1122
00:57:40,610 --> 00:57:44,370
Speaker 2: I could see in the bills, mortgage aside twenty thousand

1123
00:57:44,370 --> 00:57:48,410
Speaker 2: pounds twenty thousand pounds, So it was all just coming down,

1124
00:57:48,450 --> 00:57:50,930
Speaker 2: falling down around me. I could no longer make excuses

1125
00:57:50,970 --> 00:57:56,050
Speaker 2: for this man. The moment that I snapped was I

1126
00:57:56,130 --> 00:57:59,690
Speaker 2: went to London for a couple of days with Emily

1127
00:58:00,050 --> 00:58:03,610
Speaker 2: in December twenty twenty one, and he was coming over

1128
00:58:03,650 --> 00:58:05,170
Speaker 2: in a couple of days to join me, and we

1129
00:58:05,250 --> 00:58:09,530
Speaker 2: had plans with friends over there, and I messaged him

1130
00:58:09,530 --> 00:58:11,050
Speaker 2: and I said, one of my best friends lives in

1131
00:58:11,050 --> 00:58:13,050
Speaker 2: Paris and some friends from Australia are going to be

1132
00:58:13,130 --> 00:58:16,490
Speaker 2: there between Christmas in years how would you feel about

1133
00:58:16,530 --> 00:58:18,930
Speaker 2: having Emily for a night of two on your own

1134
00:58:19,090 --> 00:58:21,330
Speaker 2: so I can go? And he said, I was waiting

1135
00:58:21,370 --> 00:58:24,570
Speaker 2: for this. You didn't come here to spend time with me.

1136
00:58:25,170 --> 00:58:28,250
Speaker 2: You came here because you wanted to party with your friends.

1137
00:58:28,570 --> 00:58:32,650
Speaker 2: And I snapped. I said, yeah right, Phil, I've just

1138
00:58:32,730 --> 00:58:36,210
Speaker 2: spent six weeks in your shithole of a house in Belfast,

1139
00:58:36,610 --> 00:58:39,690
Speaker 2: just for two nights off. It's not babysitking, she is

1140
00:58:39,730 --> 00:58:41,850
Speaker 2: your child. And I snapped and I told him to

1141
00:58:41,890 --> 00:58:45,290
Speaker 2: go fuck himself. My flight had been booked to stay

1142
00:58:45,330 --> 00:58:48,210
Speaker 2: there till February the next year, and I changed it

1143
00:58:48,290 --> 00:58:51,210
Speaker 2: to Christmas Day and I said, you've got two weeks

1144
00:58:51,210 --> 00:58:53,890
Speaker 2: to come to London if you'd like to say goodbye

1145
00:58:53,930 --> 00:58:55,810
Speaker 2: to Emily, but I'm going back to Australia. You can

1146
00:58:55,850 --> 00:58:59,450
Speaker 2: go fuck yourself. And he didn't come. He said good

1147
00:58:59,570 --> 00:59:03,730
Speaker 2: safe flight. He didn't care I get back now, I

1148
00:59:03,810 --> 00:59:06,530
Speaker 2: mean business. I'm done with him. I'm furious. I found

1149
00:59:06,530 --> 00:59:08,250
Speaker 2: out what he did to his wife. I found out

1150
00:59:08,290 --> 00:59:10,730
Speaker 2: that the guy that I was with does not exist.

1151
00:59:10,970 --> 00:59:14,090
Speaker 2: He just read me. He read me like a book.

1152
00:59:14,930 --> 00:59:17,570
Speaker 2: He just sort of married me and tried to be

1153
00:59:17,610 --> 00:59:19,370
Speaker 2: everything that I wanted, and he did a very good

1154
00:59:19,410 --> 00:59:23,490
Speaker 2: job of it. I mean abuse aside. But yeah, I

1155
00:59:23,610 --> 00:59:26,050
Speaker 2: was done, and I applied for child support. So far,

1156
00:59:26,090 --> 00:59:28,730
Speaker 2: I'd just been doing everything myself. I was made redundant

1157
00:59:28,770 --> 00:59:30,650
Speaker 2: to by the way, during all this, I didn't have

1158
00:59:30,650 --> 00:59:31,050
Speaker 2: a job.

1159
00:59:31,690 --> 00:59:34,650
Speaker 1: I think we know feel well enough by now. Do

1160
00:59:34,730 --> 00:59:37,610
Speaker 1: you think he made the child support process easy? Of

1161
00:59:37,850 --> 00:59:41,810
Speaker 1: course not. He cried poor, he refused to provide his income,

1162
00:59:41,890 --> 00:59:43,570
Speaker 1: and he tried to get away with leaving it all

1163
00:59:43,610 --> 00:59:47,770
Speaker 1: to Sarah yet again. But we also know Sarah well

1164
00:59:47,890 --> 00:59:50,450
Speaker 1: enough by now too to know she was not going

1165
00:59:50,490 --> 00:59:51,490
Speaker 1: to let this slide.

1166
00:59:53,330 --> 00:59:56,130
Speaker 2: So I was back. I'd applied for child support. I

1167
00:59:56,210 --> 00:59:57,890
Speaker 2: was moving on with my life. I got a place

1168
00:59:57,890 --> 01:00:00,970
Speaker 2: in Melbourne, COVID was over, got Emily into a great

1169
01:00:01,050 --> 01:00:05,210
Speaker 2: daycare center, and yeah, getting my life back again. And

1170
01:00:05,770 --> 01:00:07,850
Speaker 2: he would just do anything to try and get my attention.

1171
01:00:08,130 --> 01:00:10,450
Speaker 2: I had him blocked. He was just talking to himself

1172
01:00:10,450 --> 01:00:14,370
Speaker 2: and my spam folder. At one stage it was once,

1173
01:00:14,690 --> 01:00:17,090
Speaker 2: sometimes more a day he was viewing my LinkedIn. We

1174
01:00:17,130 --> 01:00:20,090
Speaker 2: had never been connected on LinkedIn, We're in different industries,

1175
01:00:20,210 --> 01:00:24,050
Speaker 2: no need. He just kept viewing my LinkedIn profile. Finally,

1176
01:00:24,130 --> 01:00:26,290
Speaker 2: one night I just got fed up. I'd had a

1177
01:00:26,330 --> 01:00:29,570
Speaker 2: few drinks and open it up and it was just

1178
01:00:29,650 --> 01:00:30,890
Speaker 2: like he wanted me to see that he's got this

1179
01:00:30,970 --> 01:00:35,650
Speaker 2: fancy new job, and I felt rage. I felt rage

1180
01:00:35,690 --> 01:00:39,050
Speaker 2: beyond belief. I went and he worked for a rather

1181
01:00:39,170 --> 01:00:42,250
Speaker 2: large company, an American company. I just went and on

1182
01:00:42,450 --> 01:00:46,170
Speaker 2: every post where someone had written congratulations mate, la da

1183
01:00:46,250 --> 01:00:50,770
Speaker 2: da da da. I commented on any colleague, neural company,

1184
01:00:50,770 --> 01:00:53,970
Speaker 2: and any friend that I knew his friends. Yeah, isn't

1185
01:00:54,010 --> 01:00:57,770
Speaker 2: it great? Hopefully now he'll start paying child support hopefully now, Yeah,

1186
01:00:57,930 --> 01:01:01,330
Speaker 2: great work Phil. Hopefully now you might start contributing to

1187
01:01:01,490 --> 01:01:04,370
Speaker 2: your daughter, who's now two or three at the time.

1188
01:01:05,010 --> 01:01:07,050
Speaker 2: Good to see you advancing in your career. Now can

1189
01:01:07,090 --> 01:01:09,770
Speaker 2: you start paying child support? I commented on every post,

1190
01:01:09,850 --> 01:01:12,490
Speaker 2: and he emailed me and he said you better stop

1191
01:01:12,530 --> 01:01:15,210
Speaker 2: that or I'll get a restraining order. And I wrote

1192
01:01:15,290 --> 01:01:17,850
Speaker 2: back and I said, mate, you've been asking for this

1193
01:01:17,890 --> 01:01:23,090
Speaker 2: for three weeks. Go ahead, go ahead. So time goes on,

1194
01:01:23,410 --> 01:01:26,130
Speaker 2: and I'm feeling good. I've moved on. He doesn't consume

1195
01:01:26,130 --> 01:01:28,010
Speaker 2: my thoughts at all. I don't even check my spam

1196
01:01:28,050 --> 01:01:31,490
Speaker 2: folder anymore. And I hear about this page on Facebook

1197
01:01:31,530 --> 01:01:34,090
Speaker 2: called are We Dating the same guy? And it's by location.

1198
01:01:34,250 --> 01:01:36,370
Speaker 2: There's a Melbourne one, there's a Sydney one. There is

1199
01:01:36,410 --> 01:01:39,890
Speaker 2: a London, Belfast and Dublin one. I posted him on

1200
01:01:40,010 --> 01:01:44,010
Speaker 2: all three London, Belfast and Dublin pictures of his dating profile.

1201
01:01:44,610 --> 01:01:49,530
Speaker 2: I posted him because I wanted to warn women about him,

1202
01:01:49,650 --> 01:01:52,610
Speaker 2: for one, but secondly, I was curious, what else has

1203
01:01:52,610 --> 01:01:55,570
Speaker 2: he done because Imagen said to me he'd been on

1204
01:01:55,650 --> 01:01:58,170
Speaker 2: tender on and off for two years. He always swore

1205
01:01:58,170 --> 01:01:59,930
Speaker 2: to me she was the only one. There was just

1206
01:01:59,930 --> 01:02:03,450
Speaker 2: never anyone else, So I was still a bit curious.

1207
01:02:03,570 --> 01:02:06,770
Speaker 2: Plus I wanted to warn women because he's charming, he's

1208
01:02:06,810 --> 01:02:09,890
Speaker 2: a good liar. So I post him on this and

1209
01:02:10,250 --> 01:02:14,930
Speaker 2: oh my god, I could never have been prepared for

1210
01:02:15,170 --> 01:02:19,010
Speaker 2: the stories that have come forward. It is unbelievable. He

1211
01:02:19,290 --> 01:02:22,410
Speaker 2: cheated on me several times I know of now. He

1212
01:02:22,610 --> 01:02:26,210
Speaker 2: cheated on his wife NonStop. There's just so many, so

1213
01:02:26,290 --> 01:02:30,130
Speaker 2: many stories. Girls go, oh my god, shook that this

1214
01:02:30,170 --> 01:02:33,970
Speaker 2: guy is still doing this fifteen years ago, twenty years ago.

1215
01:02:34,250 --> 01:02:36,610
Speaker 2: He lied about his name, he lied about his age.

1216
01:02:36,770 --> 01:02:40,250
Speaker 2: He's just the talented mister. Really, he just keeps creating

1217
01:02:40,290 --> 01:02:43,890
Speaker 2: these fake lives and lying to women. And I connected

1218
01:02:43,930 --> 01:02:48,450
Speaker 2: with his ex girlfriend before me, who he had told

1219
01:02:48,530 --> 01:02:51,010
Speaker 2: me about her, not that they were in a relationship.

1220
01:02:51,010 --> 01:02:53,810
Speaker 2: He talked about her and said I dated this lovely girl.

1221
01:02:53,810 --> 01:02:55,650
Speaker 2: But she had a lot of problems, so I couldn't

1222
01:02:55,890 --> 01:02:57,490
Speaker 2: take it seriously when they went on a few dates

1223
01:02:57,490 --> 01:02:59,690
Speaker 2: and then I more was her friend and taking care

1224
01:02:59,730 --> 01:03:01,330
Speaker 2: of her. I thought he was such a nice guy

1225
01:03:01,330 --> 01:03:05,130
Speaker 2: because she had anorexia and some mental health problems. Well,

1226
01:03:05,210 --> 01:03:08,410
Speaker 2: Olivia reaches out to me. It turns out that they

1227
01:03:08,450 --> 01:03:11,210
Speaker 2: were together on and off for a year and a half.

1228
01:03:11,370 --> 01:03:13,850
Speaker 2: They tried to have a baby together, she actually did.

1229
01:03:14,250 --> 01:03:16,610
Speaker 2: He wanted a little girl that actually got pregnant, but

1230
01:03:16,730 --> 01:03:20,330
Speaker 2: she had a miscarriage. He tormented her so badly she

1231
01:03:20,530 --> 01:03:22,930
Speaker 2: ended up in a mental health institution for a month.

1232
01:03:23,530 --> 01:03:28,010
Speaker 2: So the stress. She sent me screenshots. He harassed her,

1233
01:03:28,170 --> 01:03:32,370
Speaker 2: he stalked her, he abused her. The way he spoke

1234
01:03:32,410 --> 01:03:37,170
Speaker 2: to her was scary and disgusting, and I was just

1235
01:03:37,210 --> 01:03:41,170
Speaker 2: an absolute shock seeing it all in black and white,

1236
01:03:41,450 --> 01:03:44,370
Speaker 2: from his phone number, from his email address. It was

1237
01:03:44,450 --> 01:03:47,690
Speaker 2: just another person again. You know, there was the disgusting

1238
01:03:47,730 --> 01:03:50,490
Speaker 2: guy that had the foul affair with a young girl,

1239
01:03:50,530 --> 01:03:55,530
Speaker 2: but then there's this absolutely psychotic, threatening, scary guy, and

1240
01:03:55,770 --> 01:03:58,530
Speaker 2: both of them. I still couldn't compute with the guy

1241
01:03:58,570 --> 01:04:04,170
Speaker 2: I knew so on the pages, particularly the Dublin and

1242
01:04:04,250 --> 01:04:06,770
Speaker 2: Belfast one, there's a lot of activity. There's a lot

1243
01:04:06,770 --> 01:04:10,210
Speaker 2: of women commenting. Women that he's promised the world and ghosted,

1244
01:04:10,770 --> 01:04:15,050
Speaker 2: women that he's mormented. One girl that he started dating

1245
01:04:15,170 --> 01:04:18,410
Speaker 2: when Emily was her newborn babut and we were doing

1246
01:04:18,690 --> 01:04:21,290
Speaker 2: skype counseling sessions because he was trying to convince me

1247
01:04:21,330 --> 01:04:25,210
Speaker 2: to come back to Belfast. He had another girlfriend, you know,

1248
01:04:25,290 --> 01:04:28,130
Speaker 2: when he blew up at me one of the first times,

1249
01:04:28,650 --> 01:04:31,410
Speaker 2: just before we moved into our apartment together. Well, that

1250
01:04:31,490 --> 01:04:35,570
Speaker 2: week he also had slept with another woman, so she

1251
01:04:35,690 --> 01:04:38,210
Speaker 2: reached out to me. He had said. I went back

1252
01:04:38,210 --> 01:04:40,130
Speaker 2: and I checked the messages. He had said to me,

1253
01:04:40,170 --> 01:04:42,130
Speaker 2: I'm so sorry, baby, I need to get back to

1254
01:04:42,130 --> 01:04:44,770
Speaker 2: Belfast early this week. I'm going back tomorrow and I

1255
01:04:44,810 --> 01:04:46,890
Speaker 2: went no problems. I didn't even ask why. I just

1256
01:04:46,930 --> 01:04:49,610
Speaker 2: assumed it was something for his children. He went back

1257
01:04:49,650 --> 01:04:53,010
Speaker 2: to have sex with her. He was on fab Swingers,

1258
01:04:53,610 --> 01:04:59,170
Speaker 2: sugar Daddy dot Com, Hinge, Bumble, Tinder, you name it.

1259
01:04:59,690 --> 01:05:02,770
Speaker 2: I first posted on that site eighteen months ago, and

1260
01:05:02,930 --> 01:05:05,690
Speaker 2: I'm still getting women come forward. I've had at least

1261
01:05:05,970 --> 01:05:08,810
Speaker 2: forty women come forward with their own stories about him.

1262
01:05:10,210 --> 01:05:15,010
Speaker 2: In the beginning, it was shock, it was still painful,

1263
01:05:15,290 --> 01:05:20,010
Speaker 2: still hurtful, because this man pretended that he loved me,

1264
01:05:20,490 --> 01:05:23,010
Speaker 2: so that you know, that's hard. It's also a lot

1265
01:05:23,010 --> 01:05:26,090
Speaker 2: of disgust, and it sickens me that I didn't make

1266
01:05:26,090 --> 01:05:30,770
Speaker 2: a better choice for my daughter Emily, because she doesn't

1267
01:05:30,770 --> 01:05:33,170
Speaker 2: have a father in her life, and she definitely lacks it.

1268
01:05:33,650 --> 01:05:35,890
Speaker 2: When I say lacks it, she wants for nothing. But

1269
01:05:36,530 --> 01:05:39,530
Speaker 2: she compares herself to her friends and asks me why.

1270
01:05:39,690 --> 01:05:40,970
Speaker 2: I don't know what to say to her, so I

1271
01:05:41,050 --> 01:05:43,490
Speaker 2: just say, well, you do have a father. His name's Phil.

1272
01:05:43,610 --> 01:05:45,650
Speaker 2: Here's a picture of him holding you when you're a baby.

1273
01:05:45,690 --> 01:05:48,410
Speaker 2: He lives in another country. So the rest of it

1274
01:05:48,450 --> 01:05:50,890
Speaker 2: I'll work out down the track. But that's enough for

1275
01:05:50,930 --> 01:05:54,290
Speaker 2: her for now. Now. When I still hear from new women,

1276
01:05:54,330 --> 01:05:57,690
Speaker 2: which I do, I find myself telling them what they

1277
01:05:57,730 --> 01:06:00,850
Speaker 2: need to know, warning them, you know, having a private conversation,

1278
01:06:01,130 --> 01:06:04,690
Speaker 2: but also counseling them kind of because I'm so far

1279
01:06:04,810 --> 01:06:07,450
Speaker 2: down the road of healing where I'm okay and it

1280
01:06:07,490 --> 01:06:09,530
Speaker 2: doesn't hurt me anymore. It did in the beginning, but

1281
01:06:09,650 --> 01:06:12,610
Speaker 2: it does not hurt me at all, and helping them

1282
01:06:12,850 --> 01:06:17,010
Speaker 2: through that process of disbelief, I will believe it here's

1283
01:06:17,050 --> 01:06:20,370
Speaker 2: the evidence. And in a weird way, I've made some

1284
01:06:20,410 --> 01:06:22,730
Speaker 2: friends out of it. Two of the girls in particular,

1285
01:06:22,770 --> 01:06:24,890
Speaker 2: they're just so great and we kind of chat from

1286
01:06:24,890 --> 01:06:28,090
Speaker 2: time to time, even about other things going on. Bizarrely,

1287
01:06:28,130 --> 01:06:32,490
Speaker 2: it's become sort of a safe space for me. I'm

1288
01:06:32,770 --> 01:06:38,490
Speaker 2: great now. Life is fantastic. My daughter Emily is amazing.

1289
01:06:38,650 --> 01:06:41,090
Speaker 2: I think everyone's a little bit biased about their own child,

1290
01:06:41,130 --> 01:06:45,490
Speaker 2: but in my case, she is amazing. Everybody tells me.

1291
01:06:45,570 --> 01:06:48,250
Speaker 2: So we have a very happy little life together. I'm

1292
01:06:48,410 --> 01:06:51,530
Speaker 2: very settled in Melbourne. I've got all my old friends,

1293
01:06:51,610 --> 01:06:54,210
Speaker 2: I've got new friends. I've met a great group of

1294
01:06:54,290 --> 01:06:58,370
Speaker 2: mums I've met through her daycare center. And yeah, life

1295
01:06:58,450 --> 01:07:03,610
Speaker 2: is really really good. I have no desire whatsoever to date.

1296
01:07:03,930 --> 01:07:06,970
Speaker 2: I think having an almost four year old takes enough

1297
01:07:07,090 --> 01:07:10,890
Speaker 2: energy as it is, and I know enough about it,

1298
01:07:11,210 --> 01:07:14,610
Speaker 2: and I a realist enough to know that it's just

1299
01:07:15,410 --> 01:07:20,050
Speaker 2: recovering from narcissism abuse. I now realize very much struggled

1300
01:07:20,090 --> 01:07:22,170
Speaker 2: to believe because I thought, no, he has empathy, he's

1301
01:07:22,170 --> 01:07:24,490
Speaker 2: got all these things, but he just he's faking it.

1302
01:07:24,930 --> 01:07:29,210
Speaker 2: He is a textbook narcissist, and I now recognize that

1303
01:07:29,810 --> 01:07:32,930
Speaker 2: I'm just recovering from that narcissistic abuse. Even though I'm fine,

1304
01:07:33,010 --> 01:07:35,970
Speaker 2: I don't want to date and that's why. So actually,

1305
01:07:36,050 --> 01:07:38,370
Speaker 2: one of the girls I've connected with that he dated

1306
01:07:38,770 --> 01:07:41,370
Speaker 2: one of my friends. She's recommended a fantastic book I'm

1307
01:07:41,370 --> 01:07:44,170
Speaker 2: reading at the moment on healing from that, so we'll

1308
01:07:44,170 --> 01:07:48,770
Speaker 2: see where that goes. I couldn't change anything because then

1309
01:07:48,770 --> 01:07:51,730
Speaker 2: I wouldn't have Emily and she wouldn't be her. So

1310
01:07:52,130 --> 01:07:54,730
Speaker 2: it killed me how much she looked like him as

1311
01:07:54,770 --> 01:07:57,490
Speaker 2: a baby, But now she doesn't. She just looks like her,

1312
01:07:57,650 --> 01:08:01,170
Speaker 2: so it's okay. So yeah, I wouldn't change the thing

1313
01:08:01,170 --> 01:08:02,850
Speaker 2: because I wouldn't have her.

1314
01:08:07,530 --> 01:08:10,290
Speaker 1: Everyone has an Eggs is a Minti Media production and

1315
01:08:10,370 --> 01:08:13,930
Speaker 1: proudly You're part of the network. Is written and narrated

1316
01:08:13,970 --> 01:08:17,490
Speaker 1: by me Georgia Love and produced by Linda Scott. If

1317
01:08:17,530 --> 01:08:20,130
Speaker 1: you have a story you'd like to share, email podcast

1318
01:08:20,210 --> 01:08:23,570
Speaker 1: at momamea dot com dot au. You can support us

1319
01:08:23,610 --> 01:08:26,090
Speaker 1: by following the show in your favorite podcast app and

1320
01:08:26,170 --> 01:08:28,730
Speaker 1: leaving a five star review. We'll see you for the

1321
01:08:28,770 --> 01:08:31,290
Speaker 1: next episode.