Speaker 1: You're listening to Amma Mia podcast.
Speaker 2: One time, I was like copying a beating and I
Speaker 2: remember laughing. I don't think this was common, but I
Speaker 2: remember laughing, like zoning out, being like, oh this is pathetic,
Speaker 2: Like I am so vulnerable. I'm just a girl and
Speaker 2: you're a grown man kicking me, punching me, and I'm
Speaker 2: making it worse.
Speaker 3: My guest today is comedian and Triple J radio host
Speaker 3: Concetto Caristo. A few weeks ago, millions of Australians watched
Speaker 3: as she was crowned the winner of I'm a Celebrity,
Speaker 3: Get Me out of Here, and walked away with the
Speaker 3: title of Jungle Queen. But for Conchetta, the moment that
Speaker 3: mattered most wasn't the crown. It was the one hundred
Speaker 3: thousand dollars prize she won for charity. The charity she
Speaker 3: chose was full Stop Australia, a national service supporting people
Speaker 3: experiencing sexual, domestic and family violence, and the reason she
Speaker 3: chose that charity is because of her own experiences as
Speaker 3: a child and teenager. Concetta grew up in a home
Speaker 3: where violence was a constant presence. When she was young,
Speaker 3: her mother made a secret call to a domestic violence
Speaker 3: hotline and began planning what the family would later describe
Speaker 3: as their escape on television.
Speaker 1: She may look like.
Speaker 3: A free, fearless comic happily eating pigs penis in the jungle,
Speaker 3: but behind the jokes is someone who has spent years
Speaker 3: quietly working out who she is and what she.
Speaker 1: Wants her life to look like.
Speaker 3: Today we talk about the family she grew up in
Speaker 3: the moment everything changed, the voice in her head that
Speaker 3: tells her she's not good enough, and the strange power
Speaker 3: of humor to turn pain into connection. This is the
Speaker 3: one and only Conchetta Carristo. We are so thrilled to
Speaker 3: have you on No Filter.
Speaker 1: Welcome.
Speaker 2: I kin'd deally what this means me to be here,
Speaker 2: Like I'm so it's very pinched me to speak to you.
Speaker 1: For you to want to speak to me an icon
Speaker 1: like you, I'm like buzzing.
Speaker 3: Well, speaking of icons, because you come to us and
Speaker 3: people may know you through a number of routes. They
Speaker 3: may have seen you doing stand up, they may have
Speaker 3: heard you on your breakfast show on Triple J. But
Speaker 3: most recently, you come to us as royalty, not the
Speaker 3: creepy kind. It's fast but legitimate Australian royalty, the jungle
Speaker 3: queen of the jungle. I'm a celebrity. Get me out
Speaker 3: of here, conchettocharisto crown.
Speaker 2: Oh thank you, hopefully a more wholesome type of royalty.
Speaker 1: If I may say, well, that remains to be sane,
Speaker 1: does it not?
Speaker 3: If we know one thing uneasy lies the head that
Speaker 3: weighs the crown.
Speaker 1: Oh boy, very true power was the crowning moment. It
Speaker 1: was true shock.
Speaker 2: I know that's a boring thing to say, but it
Speaker 2: was true disbelief. I one hundred percent did not think
Speaker 2: it was gonna be me, Like I'm telling you, I
Speaker 2: had been mentally preparing to like be lost if you
Speaker 2: like could be last and it just I will never
Speaker 2: forget that moment of seeing it. But it not feeling real,
Speaker 2: like my brain being so slow, and it just like
Speaker 2: feeling quite numb to it. And it really was only
Speaker 2: like the people around me going ecstatic, our beautiful nath
Speaker 2: Alva included where it was starting to be like, okay, babes,
Speaker 2: pick up now, darling, It's not this fun to just
Speaker 2: be like a stunned mullet.
Speaker 1: So it took a second, but it was unreal.
Speaker 3: And for people who don't know, three endings had been
Speaker 3: filmed already, because the whole series had been pre recorded,
Speaker 3: but nobody knew who was going to be crowned and
Speaker 3: we were all in a pub. I happened to be
Speaker 3: there as well, and they made the announcement live on
Speaker 3: television that it was you. And in that moment, when
Speaker 3: someone like you has had such a charge life with
Speaker 3: so many elements in it, what was it that made
Speaker 3: you think it couldn't be you because it was down
Speaker 3: to three of you.
Speaker 2: I think it was I thought, well, Gary is literally
Speaker 2: the most famous person he is, Gary Sweet, He's the
Speaker 2: most beloved actor in this country. So that's really strong
Speaker 2: and would have a stronghold on the country. And then
Speaker 2: I thought Luke Bateman one of the most to me,
Speaker 2: the famous men in the world, with billion top yes,
Speaker 2: So I just thought, I'm like, you know, I'm the
Speaker 2: one that was like who like you know that one,
Speaker 2: the one that's booked last Vibe. So I think it
Speaker 2: was just a bit of that, And it also just felt,
Speaker 2: if I can say, really huge.
Speaker 1: It just felt like a really huge thing that.
Speaker 2: I think it it felt just a bit too lofty
Speaker 2: I did.
Speaker 1: I have got to be honest.
Speaker 2: I did like dream of it and picture it and
Speaker 2: try to do that self talk to be like, no,
Speaker 2: I am deserving and I also have a shot. But
Speaker 2: really there was that other just that other reality room
Speaker 2: like it's and it's okay.
Speaker 1: Truly, I was like, it's okay if it's not.
Speaker 3: I think the way that you had presented yourself in
Speaker 3: the series, you'd already won. You came across as I'm
Speaker 3: going to say, your authentic, unfiltered self.
Speaker 1: Yep, how much of that was the case. That's a
Speaker 1: really great way of putting it. Okay. I did walk
Speaker 1: in feeling like I'd won.
Speaker 2: I really felt that because I was so grateful to
Speaker 2: be there and so grateful to be doing it, and
Speaker 2: really walked in knowing that the one thing I could
Speaker 2: control when you'd have no control over anything else who
Speaker 2: you're there with, what they're going to put you through,
Speaker 2: like you know, being there twenty four hours a day
Speaker 2: and not knowing how you is just I wanted to
Speaker 2: really embrace it and do that of just try and
Speaker 2: be the most myself.
Speaker 1: So I think I I think I did do that.
Speaker 3: You were as everyone is in those circumstances you stripped
Speaker 3: of everything. Yeah, so you have no phone and you're
Speaker 3: a phone girly, that's right, correct. You have like no makeup,
Speaker 3: oh so much, toilet trees, no no privacy, no bead
Speaker 3: What did you learn about yourself in those circumstances?
Speaker 1: Like was it liberating or was it?
Speaker 3: Obviously initially I imagine that's oppressive.
Speaker 1: Was oppressive?
Speaker 2: I hated in the beginning. I felt like you know
Speaker 2: when a dog puts on shoes and it walks really
Speaker 2: funny and it's literally it can't get its head around it.
Speaker 1: Waking up and being like what do I do?
Speaker 2: Like, okay, I'm going to brush my teeth outside and
Speaker 2: then you know, I can't do my makeup, Like I'm
Speaker 2: just gonna wash my Literally I was like, okay, how
Speaker 2: do I wash my face? And what routine am I
Speaker 2: going to have? Like it really spun me out there.
Speaker 2: No mirror kind of spun me out to We didn't
Speaker 2: have a mirror the first few days. Yes, there's eventually
Speaker 2: a mirror, but even that was being like not being like,
Speaker 2: hey on, I'm always washing my face and looking in
Speaker 2: a mirror.
Speaker 1: How do I not have a mirror? What?
Speaker 2: So? Yeah, I think it was pressive, but then you're right.
Speaker 2: I think it was totally free. It was just being like, so,
Speaker 2: you know, you realize how much you rely on one
Speaker 2: million things, especially me, Like I have my laptop in
Speaker 2: the background playing Seinfeld, I'm like eating snacks all the time.
Speaker 1: I'd be having my phone.
Speaker 2: I'd be just like, you're just using so much all
Speaker 2: my one million little gadgets and gizmos and accessories and whatever.
Speaker 2: And then it's just like, oh, you literally have nothing,
Speaker 2: and your brain's initially gonna go no, no, no, no no,
Speaker 2: and then you're just like, oh, I am fine, I
Speaker 2: actually can do this. It'll be annoying for a bit
Speaker 2: and then you fully just adjust and you just go, okay,
Speaker 2: embrace it again.
Speaker 1: It's not forever, so just see what it's like.
Speaker 3: And because we I think there's so much distraction, and
Speaker 3: a lot of us enjoyed the distraction, what did you
Speaker 3: learn about yourself most fundamentally when you didn't have that distraction?
Speaker 2: Okay, the massive thing that I was confronted with without
Speaker 2: the one million distractions was my thoughts twenty four seven.
Speaker 1: So I actually think.
Speaker 2: I realized the real weight of running from my thoughts truly,
Speaker 2: I think my self critic and just the voice that
Speaker 2: I listened to in my head could be really really
Speaker 2: really mean.
Speaker 1: And really really critical.
Speaker 2: And I actually realized before going into the jungle that
Speaker 2: I didn't spend much time ever sitting with it.
Speaker 1: I'm talking, I'm listening.
Speaker 2: To music NonStop, I've got the TV on NonStop, like
Speaker 2: whether I'm walking with you know, I'm like talking for
Speaker 2: a job, and then I'm I'm just input.
Speaker 1: Input, input.
Speaker 2: And the one thing that without that gone was like, oh,
Speaker 2: I just need to sit with myself, and that was
Speaker 2: so uncomfortable in moments, and I was really forced to
Speaker 2: be like to hear it and to sit with that discomfort,
Speaker 2: and that was the main thing of then being like, oh,
Speaker 2: this feels terrible when now's the time to decide how
Speaker 2: long do I Why.
Speaker 1: Is it like this? And why am I going to
Speaker 1: keep letting it be like this? And why what does
Speaker 1: your inner critics say to you?
Speaker 2: M my in a critic can just be quite negative
Speaker 2: about the future, and maybe just you know, it came up,
Speaker 2: you know, there was that classic moment where even my
Speaker 2: own looks and how I thought about myself of just
Speaker 2: being like, you're ugly, like you're not you're you're not
Speaker 2: you're not worthy, like no one would be no one
Speaker 2: could see you as that like your skin everything gross great.
Speaker 2: I don't know, it really can become a cacophony. I
Speaker 2: find it. It's you know, I think a lot of
Speaker 2: people would have this with that inner critic, where you
Speaker 2: know it's there constantly, but then when you have to
Speaker 2: just listen to it and be like, what is it saying?
Speaker 2: That's actually a hard thing to like pinpoint what.
Speaker 3: I guess what I'm asking is because there's this Dali
Speaker 3: Lama quote that I love that says, the worst thing
Speaker 3: about criticism is that it's true. And what I always
Speaker 3: take from that is and particularly if you're public facing
Speaker 3: like you are, people will fire shots and whatever, but
Speaker 3: they don't all land. And the ones that don't land
Speaker 3: are the ones that you actually don't believe, right, So
Speaker 3: that's fine, And people can say, you know whatever, you know,
Speaker 3: you're dumb, You're not dumb. That's not going to hurt particularly,
Speaker 3: you know, but what is it? What was it in
Speaker 3: your own voice coming at you that had the nub.
Speaker 1: Of truth about it?
Speaker 3: That is really what stabs you in the heart or
Speaker 3: the psyche or the confidence.
Speaker 2: What's coming up, I would say is that I wasn't
Speaker 2: good enough, just that it not enough, like just not
Speaker 2: pretty enough, not skilled enough, not funny enough, like just
Speaker 2: just this always falling.
Speaker 1: Short to be. Yeah, I don't know if that's even
Speaker 1: more specific.
Speaker 3: I wonder, and I wonder if you wonder how much
Speaker 3: of that comes from essentially who you are, or from
Speaker 3: your the fact that we live in modern life and
Speaker 3: there's a lot of comparison in a modern life, or
Speaker 3: how much comes from your background.
Speaker 1: WHOA, that's a really good question.
Speaker 2: I I'm not sure. I feel like it has to
Speaker 2: be both. Comparison is a big one for me because
Speaker 2: it's that really that's something I do know that was
Speaker 2: in my childhood and like shown to me off. I
Speaker 2: was constantly compared to my sister, to my cousin, to schoolmates,
Speaker 2: and that's where I think I learned to build worthiness,
Speaker 2: which is incredibly unsustainable and absolutely makes you miserable, but
Speaker 2: it's because it had been what I was most used to.
Speaker 2: And so then you just get into a pattern where
Speaker 2: you just do it to yourself, and you're constantly measuring
Speaker 2: yourself up to anyone else that you can, And all
Speaker 2: I could realize was I was like, this is making
Speaker 2: me miserable. I am so people around me are treating
Speaker 2: me with such kind of Why can't I.
Speaker 1: Do that for myself?
Speaker 2: That is something I'm just like, I couldn't be more
Speaker 2: adamant about making other people feel like. Nothing would mortify
Speaker 2: me more than to put anyone down truly in any way,
Speaker 2: unless like some sort of evil Disney villain. And then
Speaker 2: it was like, but I could not do that in
Speaker 2: a very like consistent way or enough that made me
Speaker 2: not want to like run away from my thoughts. And
Speaker 2: so that is the thing that I was most confronted
Speaker 2: with without the distructions, and the thing that ultimately was
Speaker 2: like what led to I think to a bit of
Speaker 2: a transformation or something or like you know, it.
Speaker 1: Broke the wow the flood gates.
Speaker 3: At what point do you think that happened when.
Speaker 1: They put the crown on my head? No, just kidding,
Speaker 1: I Well.
Speaker 3: That is external affirmation can serve a purpose, But if
Speaker 3: you look at Hollywood, you see that just purely external
Speaker 3: affirmation doesn't fill the yawning chasm in a lot of
Speaker 3: particularly creative people or people who have to battle their
Speaker 3: Ego with their work.
Speaker 2: That is what I would be talking about with George,
Speaker 2: Like I just think about it. I'm like, yeah, my
Speaker 2: whole Columbar George Columbaris, Yeah, I was just talking about
Speaker 2: I think there was a stage in my career sort
Speaker 2: of before being there, before getting into the jungle, where
Speaker 2: you know, yeah, my whole job is external about it's
Speaker 2: getting laughs, it's performing outside, you know, and there was
Speaker 2: this real dissonance of why am I so unhappy? There
Speaker 2: was a part where I was really happy, and then
Speaker 2: it's sort of things had gotten to a place where
Speaker 2: I could tell I was just really comfortable doing these
Speaker 2: external things and not being as tapped into what makes
Speaker 2: me happy.
Speaker 1: And you know, then you get to.
Speaker 2: Talk to someone like George who's that's such a like
Speaker 2: long career and can speak to being like, no, that
Speaker 2: is important and like just what you said, It's like
Speaker 2: it's not enough to just be but it also makes
Speaker 2: sense that that can happen to you. You get caught
Speaker 2: up in the you know, but it's like, at what
Speaker 2: point do you decide, No, this should be fulfilling for me.
Speaker 2: I should be enjoying this, especially when I think my
Speaker 2: whole life has been geared to.
Speaker 1: Like do comedy.
Speaker 2: My whole dream in life is to have fun, make
Speaker 2: other people have fun as much as possible, because joy
Speaker 2: is like an important value to me.
Speaker 1: From what aged were you comedically drawn?
Speaker 2: Well? I think I think I have very early memories
Speaker 2: of being in school and being the class clown and
Speaker 2: always just yeah, being the silly one, and always in
Speaker 2: school and even with my family. I loved making my
Speaker 2: family laugh, and my dad made me laugh and my
Speaker 2: sister made me laugh. So I think it's been yeah,
Speaker 2: pretty pretty early.
Speaker 3: It's interesting that you've chosen a path that contains the
Speaker 3: antidote to some of the things that you were enduring
Speaker 3: in your life, isn't that?
Speaker 1: I think it's.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I don't know if it's like that that cliche
Speaker 2: thing where you know, yeah, out of the trauma, out
Speaker 2: of the you know, growing up in a household that
Speaker 2: was very.
Speaker 1: Like I guess, being attuned to.
Speaker 2: My father and his moods and that like that was
Speaker 2: like the sun's setting and everything was. My whole day
Speaker 2: was where is he at? Is he Is it a
Speaker 2: good day? Is it a bad day? Am I going
Speaker 2: to copy beating?
Speaker 1: Am I not?
Speaker 2: Has this thing triggered him like my safety was completely
Speaker 2: tied to one person from the minute I was born,
Speaker 2: Like that's all I knew from.
Speaker 1: My entire family. It was like, and so.
Speaker 2: Then you know, if we're laughing, if he's laughing for
Speaker 2: whatever reason and things, I am safe, I am safe,
Speaker 2: I'm happy. So how funny that that's something that you
Speaker 2: chase and then you I don't know, then.
Speaker 1: You make a career out of it too. Well, that's your.
Speaker 3: Geared towards maybe trying to keep things light, trying to
Speaker 3: project energy and good vibes. I had an acting teacher
Speaker 3: once who used to say, mood backwards is doom. And
Speaker 3: I always think that about moody people. You know, the
Speaker 3: weight that they carry with you.
Speaker 1: Oh yep.
Speaker 3: And it gives me goosebumps now even thinking of the
Speaker 3: that feeling that you get when like a dementa has
Speaker 3: emptied enter the room and sucks all the joy out
Speaker 3: of everyone.
Speaker 2: Like you know when the sun like there's an eclipse,
Speaker 2: Like that's what happens. And you're absolutely right. I can't
Speaker 2: I actually can't top a demental. It's what it feels like.
Speaker 2: It's like you know when you're watching the screen and
Speaker 2: that it's that gray color, and it's like it's absolutely vacuum.
Speaker 2: That is energy that I try to stay as far
Speaker 2: away from as possible.
Speaker 1: And yet, of course.
Speaker 3: When you're a child, you can't yep, and you so
Speaker 3: your mum and your sister.
Speaker 1: So you're talking about your dad.
Speaker 3: At what age did you become aware that your normal
Speaker 3: was not.
Speaker 1: Normal?
Speaker 2: I feel like it's I feel like it's hard to pinpoint,
Speaker 2: but I I guess, like I think about how I
Speaker 2: found a journal of my little diary I had as
Speaker 2: a little girl. Maybe I was like ten or something
Speaker 2: like that, and I was just literally writing, being like I.
Speaker 1: Love books, I love reading. Reading is the best I
Speaker 1: love to read.
Speaker 2: And then there's like a line in there being like,
Speaker 2: but my dad gets really mad if I'm like not
Speaker 2: reading the classics any Like it's this really like tragic
Speaker 2: thing of just like I don't know, a little kid
Speaker 2: just talking about what's happening, being like, oh, but I
Speaker 2: get in big trouble if I'm not reading this specific.
Speaker 1: Type of book. So it's been there forever.
Speaker 2: All I know is I don't know if there was
Speaker 2: a moment where I'm like, oh, this isn't normal, But
Speaker 2: I guess I knew it was a normal and that
Speaker 2: I never talked to anyone about it. I knew enough
Speaker 2: to go, this isn't something I can share with literally anyone,
Speaker 2: not my cousin who I grew up with, like an
Speaker 2: extra sister who was around my dad, and probably sensing
Speaker 2: I just I don't know. I guess I knew.
Speaker 3: But.
Speaker 2: I just thought, there's I have no agency here. I'm like,
Speaker 2: this is my family, this is dad. So I just thought, well,
Speaker 2: what can you do? You just deliver with it.
Speaker 1: After the break.
Speaker 3: Conchetta shares what it was like growing up in a
Speaker 3: home where violence was a constant. I think one of
Speaker 3: the most powerful things about any kind of violence, domestic
Speaker 3: violence is.
Speaker 1: The secrecy that goes with it.
Speaker 3: And the wanting to keep it at bay so greatly
Speaker 3: that you don't even want to speak about it when
Speaker 3: it's not happening. Less, you sort of conjure it into
Speaker 3: the room like a monster. Yeah, so did your mum
Speaker 3: or your sister Did you ever get a chance to
Speaker 3: talk about things? Were they escalating or de escalating? Things
Speaker 3: were getting worse?
Speaker 2: Yeah, things were getting worse, for sure. It's so funny
Speaker 2: because I think about it, you go, oh, why wouldn't
Speaker 2: you tell someone. The fear was so strong that I
Speaker 2: just literally the fear of it, of telling someone, you know,
Speaker 2: And this is something that's happened in micro moments your
Speaker 2: entire life, in your most formative time as a kid
Speaker 2: growing up, that I just couldn't see any way out.
Speaker 2: I'd literally not the police, I go, this will only
Speaker 2: end in misery. If that doesn't like paint the picture
Speaker 2: of like, you know, psychologically that control that I go,
Speaker 2: safety is just getting through the next and just getting to.
Speaker 1: The next side. So that sort of speaks to that part.
Speaker 2: But speaking about it, yeah, it was absolutely escalating my
Speaker 2: I know because it was my little sister. My little sister,
Speaker 2: she was really struggling at school. I think my sister,
Speaker 2: I reckon. I had a better time at school generally.
Speaker 2: I just enjoyed school. What would you know, with different personalities,
Speaker 2: different people, Because my sister it harder and so she was, Yeah,
Speaker 2: my sister copped it a lot worse than me. I
Speaker 2: think my sister was just I don't know, I now
Speaker 2: know like she I think I had she had ADHD
Speaker 2: as a kid, so just maybe like harder to control.
Speaker 2: I was more the golden child and so my sister
Speaker 2: was really just it was getting worse and my mum
Speaker 2: had to tell the school to stop sending reports. Like
Speaker 2: she'd never done that for me, but for my sister
Speaker 2: it was like actually alerting the school that things were happening, right,
Speaker 2: you know.
Speaker 3: Did the school have to stop sending reports because that
Speaker 3: would make your dad angry?
Speaker 2: Absolutely, whatever our results were, yep, that's a tense time.
Speaker 1: Good or bad.
Speaker 2: You're you're getting beaten, you're in trouble. I have this
Speaker 2: memory of me and my sister literally, it's like something
Speaker 2: out of a spy movie. We tried to open one
Speaker 2: of the reports and change the results literally, like the
Speaker 2: way that you'd get like a rubber and like try
Speaker 2: and make an eight into it.
Speaker 1: Like and I think.
Speaker 2: About how skined, like in a way, like how brave
Speaker 2: and crazy that is. Because like if dad even found
Speaker 2: out that that we've like changed and the lying and
Speaker 2: the deceited, he would go but listen. But like again
Speaker 2: that fear of being like we need to stop this,
Speaker 2: this bad mark because this is going to lead to
Speaker 2: that Like we're like change. We're like like I actually, yeah,
Speaker 2: kind of steaming it open. Yeah, that's right, Like like
Speaker 2: scanning one sheet of your your geography mar and like
Speaker 2: like change, you know, like insane and that's yeah, just
Speaker 2: your way of coping in one way.
Speaker 3: You say earlier that your dad was funny and your
Speaker 3: dad made you laugh, which is I think another confusing
Speaker 3: aspect to any situation like that, because you love this person, yep,
Speaker 3: and this person can make you feel good, but the
Speaker 3: flip side of that person is so dark. Were you
Speaker 3: in the situation where you would be trying to protect
Speaker 3: your mum or where you'd be covering for each other,
Speaker 3: the three of you who were like locked in this
Speaker 3: sort of painful trinity where you would be trying to
Speaker 3: assume the responsibility for the mood to stop it affecting
Speaker 3: the others.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's really complicated, right, Like sometimes so comp it is.
Speaker 1: It's like you don't you don't know how to deal
Speaker 1: with it.
Speaker 2: You're not talking, you just say in it, and you're
Speaker 2: going to react in different ways at different times. But
Speaker 2: also little little children, absolutely, little children, totally. I think
Speaker 2: there'd be times where yep, you'd be covering for the other.
Speaker 2: There'd be times where you would have to we would
Speaker 2: have to to freeze and wait for it to over
Speaker 2: the idea of stepping in and stopping only escalates, which sounds,
Speaker 2: if I might say, fucked and tragic, but being in it,
Speaker 2: you're like, if I do this or if I stop it,
Speaker 2: it will make it worse. So as sad really as
Speaker 2: you would, just like watching on. I have this memory
Speaker 2: of my sister, like one time I was like copying
Speaker 2: a beating and I remember laughing. I don't think this
Speaker 2: was common, but I remember laughing, like zoning out, being like,
Speaker 2: oh this is pathetic, Like I am so vulnerable. I'm
Speaker 2: just a girl and you're a grown man kicking me,
Speaker 2: punching me, and I'm making it worse.
Speaker 1: I'm actively making it worse.
Speaker 2: But in that moment that by laughing, by yes, of course,
Speaker 2: by yeah, there's a role to play of like I'm
Speaker 2: being beaten, I should be set, you know.
Speaker 1: And I remember my sister watching on being like what
Speaker 1: are you doing?
Speaker 2: I think she was telling me stop laughing, But in
Speaker 2: that moment, I was like, oh, I actually don't. I'm
Speaker 2: actually just making this choice that I this is the
Speaker 2: way that I'm just reacting, and you know, I'm not
Speaker 2: choosing that all the time.
Speaker 1: But yeah, it's.
Speaker 2: Just a memory that I have a lot of them
Speaker 2: are blurry, but that one I remember.
Speaker 3: So it can shadow your inappropriate laughter, which she is
Speaker 3: like pouring petrol on a fire.
Speaker 1: Yeah, how old are you? Then? I'm older. I think
Speaker 1: I would be.
Speaker 2: Like a teenager maybe like you know, seventeen eighteen or something.
Speaker 3: You know, like so and your little sister who's trying
Speaker 3: to warn you, how old was she at the time.
Speaker 1: Well, she's four years.
Speaker 2: Younger than me, so she'd be Yeah, I guess thirteen
Speaker 2: fourteen or something.
Speaker 3: And when you were changing her report card, what was
Speaker 3: the subject?
Speaker 1: By the way, that was the I actually couldn't tell you.
Speaker 1: He could have been all of them, you know, any
Speaker 1: of them.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's not like because he was a professional guy
Speaker 3: and he was an optometrist, so as your mom. Yeah,
Speaker 3: that he had an expectation that you'd be good at
Speaker 3: dot dot you had to be good at everything.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And again that I think that comes out of
Speaker 2: wanting wanting the best for it, Like it's this tragic thing.
Speaker 2: He's like, I want you to do well. I need
Speaker 2: you to do out of school so that you are
Speaker 2: set up for a good life. The way he's going
Speaker 2: about it is clearly fucked but it's like this, it's
Speaker 2: coming out of being like this is a parent, you know.
Speaker 1: Yeah, did he think it was discipline? I think yes,
Speaker 1: I think yes.
Speaker 2: I think it was discipline of this is how it's
Speaker 2: keeping you in the line so that you do better.
Speaker 1: It was all to be like see wou do batter?
Speaker 2: I didn't have a job growing up through school so
Speaker 2: that I could focus on studying.
Speaker 1: I didn't.
Speaker 2: It's not to talk to boys, so you don't get
Speaker 2: and you don't like all this classic like I don't know,
Speaker 2: really like conservative it's And I also think it's in
Speaker 2: a way what my dad grew up with.
Speaker 1: And I'm not saying like it's just that patterns. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm not.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's not like the abuse was the same or
Speaker 2: the adviolence the same. But I think it's just his
Speaker 2: way of like that is what he thought was like
Speaker 2: the way of exerting control to lead to a good
Speaker 2: life for us.
Speaker 1: Yes.
Speaker 3: Yes, So when you were helping your sister, which was
Speaker 3: a very dangerous thing to be doing, did it occur
Speaker 3: to you at the time that that was brave or
Speaker 3: is it only in retrospect that you recognize that.
Speaker 2: I think it's in retrospect because in it it's survival.
Speaker 2: It's like I have to do this or the worst
Speaker 2: thing ever is about to happen, Like everything is just
Speaker 2: in survival of like I need to hide these crumbs,
Speaker 2: like I always remember the the sound we remember is.
Speaker 1: The garage door.
Speaker 2: So it would be like we'd have a few hours
Speaker 2: at home by ourselves before our parents would get home
Speaker 2: after work and you know, like to decompress for like
Speaker 2: I don't know, we're watching TV. We're like actually just
Speaker 2: having a few times alone, not in that well, and
Speaker 2: then as soon.
Speaker 1: As we're hearing a garage door, it's like.
Speaker 2: Like energized baby, like quick, get high of it, like
Speaker 2: you know, everything's just built. It's just about So I
Speaker 2: don't think we're yeah sitting around being like oh my god,
Speaker 2: I'm being so brave. No, it's only being like looking
Speaker 2: back and being like Geese Louise, like that was brave
Speaker 2: because you're taking this risk. You're just like on a
Speaker 2: knife's edge. You know.
Speaker 3: Also, how's your mom because she she and your dad
Speaker 3: worked together as well.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so she never had like a sip of oxygen. Nope,
Speaker 1: yeah it's yeah.
Speaker 2: It's yeah again, I go, there's a I see there's
Speaker 2: a strength there to live this, to live in this too.
Speaker 2: And I think about my mom. Mum's and was an
Speaker 2: amazing optomicy. My mom was an amazing Like for her
Speaker 2: carrying all this stuff when it's just unrelenting, is I mean,
Speaker 2: it's it's it's very sad, you know, it's.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it makes me really sad.
Speaker 3: Your mom said that the catalyst for her to get
Speaker 3: you girls out was when your sister was on the
Speaker 3: cusp of basically running away from home.
Speaker 1: Yep, that's right.
Speaker 2: She had I apparently had packed a bag, like I
Speaker 2: think my mom said she like noticed something a little
Speaker 2: bit with Francesca, like a bit. Yeah, I don't I
Speaker 2: can't speak for her in the way that mum could,
Speaker 2: but she noticed something was up maybe and then yeah,
Speaker 2: maybe she'd packed a bag. And I think my sister
Speaker 2: was called my mom outside to school and just broke
Speaker 2: down and was like I planned to run away, like
Speaker 2: I don't want to go back, Like I can't do this.
Speaker 2: I'm really scared. And I think it was that moment
Speaker 2: where my mom's like, oh, I'm about to lose my daughter.
Speaker 2: Like you know, it's functioned in this one way, but
Speaker 2: to lose her like Mom was like, okay, I need
Speaker 2: to I need to get us out. This has gotten
Speaker 2: to a different point.
Speaker 3: That's an amazing instinct of a mother that she could
Speaker 3: endure it, but she couldn't endure it forcing you or
Speaker 3: your sister out. Yeah, and so that galvanized her. And
Speaker 3: then you did this amazing move. So you went from
Speaker 3: Sydney suburban Sydney to Wa yep, yeah, which is huge.
Speaker 3: That's the equivalent of teen countries.
Speaker 1: Totally.
Speaker 2: It really was like what's the furthest point from here,
Speaker 2: the other side of the country and where we have
Speaker 2: we know no one, we have no connection. But my
Speaker 2: mum also said this beautiful thing where like my grandfather
Speaker 2: who's a migrant from northern Italy, and he came over
Speaker 2: and worked around the country and he worked I think
Speaker 2: in w A and.
Speaker 1: A lot of fruit and beage in Wa. Was it that, No,
Speaker 1: he's a he's a builder.
Speaker 2: So I think he was like yeah, using his hands
Speaker 2: in like a building type way, or being disappointed. I
Speaker 2: don't remembering the country building the country, building the country.
Speaker 2: I think he worked on the is it the hydro
Speaker 2: where a lot of it is the snowy, Yeah, snow
Speaker 2: worked on that are.
Speaker 1: The hydro scheme. Wow.
Speaker 2: So anyways, I think he mentioned he worked in Perth,
Speaker 2: and he just talked about like the beauty like blue
Speaker 2: of the ocean, and he just I think my mom
Speaker 2: said she like never forgot the imagery of my nominal
Speaker 2: talking about that part.
Speaker 1: Of the world.
Speaker 2: And so that little bit of hope, you know, is
Speaker 2: going to come to you in a bleak time of
Speaker 2: being like, Okay, we need to up and move our
Speaker 2: whole lives to escape.
Speaker 1: Where should we go? And I think that popped into
Speaker 1: her head.
Speaker 3: But what does that look like like to anyone who's
Speaker 3: moved house? Yeah, even in you know, normal circumstances, that's
Speaker 3: a massive undertaking. Yeah, how did it play out for you?
Speaker 3: Did it have to be done in secret?
Speaker 1: Yeap?
Speaker 2: Again, my mom is the the maestro of this. She
Speaker 2: was the adult, right, Like even though I'm nineteen, I'm
Speaker 2: Mom is sorting this all out and so I can't
Speaker 2: speak to that level of detail, but you know there
Speaker 2: would be stuff going on of like setting up a
Speaker 2: secret bank account.
Speaker 1: And I know for me and my sister it was literally.
Speaker 2: Like setting aside clothes in your draw of like what
Speaker 2: you will be ready to take an escape bag pretty much.
Speaker 1: An escape bag. Yep.
Speaker 2: I'm realizing, like, what's the essentials here? What are you
Speaker 2: prepared to leave behind? And I think it would have
Speaker 2: been mum, you know, having a conversation with this the school,
Speaker 2: and you know, I seriously like for my mom to
Speaker 2: handle still like working living with my dad full time
Speaker 2: doing all this admin. You know, he monitors everything, like
Speaker 2: there's only so few times that she's away from him
Speaker 2: to like in amongst the fear to orchestrate as sort
Speaker 2: of you know, get getting in touch with the hotline
Speaker 2: and sorting out having a refugeeally somewhere to go, telling
Speaker 2: her parents for the first time after all these years,
Speaker 2: all that stuff, and then it culminating in one morning
Speaker 2: where instead of doing the classic drop off me to
Speaker 2: UNI and my sister's school, it's in the morning.
Speaker 1: Dad's usually asleep.
Speaker 2: We're packing the final pack, trying to you know, don't
Speaker 2: want the boot to be too loud, like every little bit.
Speaker 2: It's so tense, and just getting in the car and
Speaker 2: then driving to my We went to my grandparents and
Speaker 2: then we went to the refuge.
Speaker 1: Are both your parents Italian? Yes?
Speaker 3: And so you had two sets of grandparents or yep.
Speaker 3: Did they have any idea of what was going on
Speaker 3: in your home?
Speaker 2: I don't think they did. I don't think they knew
Speaker 2: how bad it was. I don't think they knew the
Speaker 2: extent of it. I think they knew something was I
Speaker 2: think they you know, I think they could see parts
Speaker 2: of my dad's character and like streaks, and I don't
Speaker 2: think they were his biggest fan. But no, I think
Speaker 2: they Yeah, when Mum told them, I don't think they
Speaker 2: knew the level it was at.
Speaker 1: So they knew.
Speaker 3: Go to wa and you, of course have to ensure
Speaker 3: that he can't find you, because a person who's controlled
Speaker 3: three other people and is used to that, I imagine he's
Speaker 3: not going to let them go easily.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, that's what we had to what Once we
Speaker 2: got to the refuge, then it was a matter of
Speaker 2: looking for where to live and legally changing our names.
Speaker 1: My sister was too young, but me and my mom did.
Speaker 1: And what did you change your name to Siena as I.
Speaker 2: E Ana the one n like like the Italian city
Speaker 2: and the last name was Degraux. And that was like
Speaker 2: again like a fun discussion of like.
Speaker 1: What's our names going to be?
Speaker 2: Like what I'm looking into Like what h I mean,
Speaker 2: it was pretty It's like a rebirth and a taking
Speaker 2: back control, I guess, of being like what I want
Speaker 2: to call myself?
Speaker 1: What's my name going to be? So yeah, I became Siena.
Speaker 3: The survival instinct of that reminds me of the sound
Speaker 3: of music almost where they're trying to make the escape
Speaker 3: over the Alps.
Speaker 1: Fun for your little children.
Speaker 3: It's like that, yes totally, And once again the onus
Speaker 3: on your mother to be the one that this is
Speaker 3: going to be all right, when in many ways she's
Speaker 3: the last person that you would expect to be able
Speaker 3: to say that.
Speaker 1: Yeah totally.
Speaker 2: But I guess, you know, the three of us, no
Speaker 2: one knew but us, like do you know what I mean?
Speaker 2: Like that is the joy of having each other in
Speaker 2: the ups and the downs of like nothing can be
Speaker 2: worse than what we've gone through. And you've got all
Speaker 2: the same fear and guilt and and just.
Speaker 1: All of that running through your brain.
Speaker 2: But and all of us at different points, you know,
Speaker 2: like we can't say we're all completely feeling the same
Speaker 2: things at the same time, no way, but we were
Speaker 2: in it together.
Speaker 3: So that's And then did you have a period where
Speaker 3: you decompressed together, where you could like take a breath.
Speaker 1: Did you feel safe as Siena. Did you feel safe?
Speaker 1: I think I did.
Speaker 2: I think there's always that back of your mind anxiety
Speaker 2: of being like is this real? Is this possible? Will
Speaker 2: we find out? But I would say being in this
Speaker 2: totally new place and having that literal freedom living somewhere new,
Speaker 2: being somewhere totally new, I definitely felt safe and had
Speaker 2: like a totally different life, like literally just like getting
Speaker 2: on the bus, going on a train by myself, Like yeah,
Speaker 2: all those little things, but just being in a house
Speaker 2: like we had an apartment and just I don't know,
Speaker 2: getting to make that whatever we wanted it to be
Speaker 2: pink and decorated like there was. There was so much
Speaker 2: joy in those moments in Perth together for sure.
Speaker 3: Next, Concetta reflects on the transformation she saw in her
Speaker 3: mother once they were finally free from the violence. What
Speaker 3: change did you see in your mouth? That is such
Speaker 3: an amazing question.
Speaker 2: I actually will never forget it of watching it was
Speaker 2: literally like a flower blossoming. I think about my mom
Speaker 2: and like how she would dress. She started to like
Speaker 2: you could just see it.
Speaker 1: It went from like.
Speaker 2: The palette of like brown and like frumpy and stuff
Speaker 2: that she just did it to actually like watching her
Speaker 2: find a sense of style, watching her find joy in
Speaker 2: op shopping and pieces that like dresses, and you know,
Speaker 2: like actually watching the way she like her, the way
Speaker 2: she walked, the way she carried herself, the way she like.
Speaker 2: I remember that was really clear of her coming home
Speaker 2: and us having been like look at this dress.
Speaker 1: This too.
Speaker 2: There's like a shop in Perth called like good Sammy,
Speaker 2: we don't have it in the in the East, and
Speaker 2: we'd be like wow, like.
Speaker 1: I found this like oriton top like two dollars, and.
Speaker 2: Like I just remember thinking that was so amazing, Like
Speaker 2: just in that way of just seeing color come back
Speaker 2: to someone literally in their eyes and their face and
Speaker 2: in the way they show up for every day literally
Speaker 2: like finding joy and hope. And that's a very like physical,
Speaker 2: clear like manifestation.
Speaker 1: And did you because you'd always found.
Speaker 3: That joy outside that home as well, because you enjoyed
Speaker 3: you know, school, yep, very social.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know you've got a you've got.
Speaker 3: A good engine, I do you know it's geared towards
Speaker 3: joy and uplift. How was Sienna different to Concertta, whoa, whoa.
Speaker 1: Hmm, how is he different to Concertta?
Speaker 2: I think I think there was maybe Sienna like more
Speaker 2: just trying to figure figure out who she wanted to.
Speaker 2: I felt like I needed to catch up to everyone.
Speaker 1: I think racted development.
Speaker 2: I was like, I should know all this stuff by now.
Speaker 2: I should know how to like like have a sense
Speaker 2: of style and know how to have a job and like, no,
Speaker 2: what I took to ball and like all this stuff.
Speaker 2: I think there was a bit of that kind of
Speaker 2: not giving myself a break, if that makes sense. And
Speaker 2: also I think there's also this idea of like this
Speaker 2: real conflicting of I'm totally free, but I also I am
Speaker 2: hiding this giant secret and I left behind people who
Speaker 2: actually know me, and I had to just completely severtize
Speaker 2: with best friends and I didn't tell anyone what had happened,
Speaker 2: or that I was leaving and just disappearing.
Speaker 1: Or where you were going or so there's.
Speaker 2: Probably that inside me, two of this grief, but being
Speaker 2: like no, got to keep got to keep positive, like
Speaker 2: you know, there's no looking back.
Speaker 1: Did you end up working?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I got my first job at City Beach, and
Speaker 2: that was so cool.
Speaker 1: Working in retail and said, no, wonder.
Speaker 2: I know, this girl's the happiest girl ever to like
Speaker 2: have a job in retail.
Speaker 1: So that was pretty pretty exciting. I want to ask
Speaker 1: you something. You don't have to answer it, but.
Speaker 3: When you're in that situation and your mother's got is
Speaker 3: the only one who's an adult who can exercise that
Speaker 3: control to leave the situation that you're in, that untenable
Speaker 3: and she doesn't do it. Did you and your sister
Speaker 3: have periods when you were angry at her?
Speaker 2: I don't want to stick with my sister, but I
Speaker 2: definitely know that I I did. I think that, and
Speaker 2: I think it can be conscious, it can be unconscious,
Speaker 2: but that one hundred makes things really hard and just
Speaker 2: feeling like, yeah, it's just this really uncomfortable and sad
Speaker 2: reality where you just.
Speaker 1: You're like, is anyone protecting me? I guess?
Speaker 3: But then of course she's in this situation where you're
Speaker 3: angry at her and she's already dealing with your dad.
Speaker 1: That's why.
Speaker 2: And the thing is like, you can't put the blame
Speaker 2: on each other. The person who deserves the blame is
Speaker 2: the bus it was inflicting this and we are just
Speaker 2: you know, you're just going to have emotions and it's
Speaker 2: very compliment.
Speaker 1: It's not fair to each of us.
Speaker 2: But you're human, right, so it's just going to go
Speaker 2: in different directions you're a kid or whatever. But I
Speaker 2: also just think about I was really isolated from my
Speaker 2: mom from the start. I have a relationship where my
Speaker 2: mom says, like, as soon as I was born, there
Speaker 2: was pressure for her to go back to work, and
Speaker 2: we didn't. I didn't get a bonding time with her,
Speaker 2: unlike my sister. And I also know that you know,
Speaker 2: with some abuses and had relationships like that, who the control.
Speaker 2: It's like isolating you from each other. So I really
Speaker 2: remember growing up thinking like I would hear girls at
Speaker 2: school talk about being best friends with their mom and
Speaker 2: like going shopping with their mom and having mom dates,
Speaker 2: and that just never happened. I had five minutes with
Speaker 2: my mom before bed where she just like tucked me in,
Speaker 2: or it's the school drop offs, like we're not actually
Speaker 2: having any meaningful connection. My dad would be taking up
Speaker 2: a lot of that time with me.
Speaker 1: And so we like a dad's girl. Yeah, yeah, So
Speaker 1: you had to.
Speaker 3: Leave that behind as well. As part of the complexity
Speaker 3: of what we're talking about absolutely absolutely.
Speaker 2: And the thing I wanted to go back and say
Speaker 2: is like I think, yeah, of course, it's hard to
Speaker 2: hear someone who can inflict such pain also be someone
Speaker 2: that you love and love. But that's the thing, right,
Speaker 2: And like, actually, humans they're not clear like a dementor.
Speaker 2: They're not They're people who have personalities and have good
Speaker 2: parts and bad parts. It's not like easy circle that
Speaker 2: person's all bad all the time. It just can't work
Speaker 2: like that.
Speaker 3: Well, that's why the situations also exist because you know
Speaker 3: the capacity of this person to be their essential, untainted self,
Speaker 3: and every time you see that beautiful part of them,
Speaker 3: you're that part of you, the faith part of you
Speaker 3: is restored and you're like, maybe this is how it
Speaker 3: will be now.
Speaker 1: Yeah, totally.
Speaker 2: It's like also, it's like my dad in particular, like
Speaker 2: he could be very loving, he could be That's what
Speaker 2: a lot of perpetrates with people don't understand, is like
Speaker 2: they're humans, so they can be charming, they can be
Speaker 2: So my dad could be loving, and but it was
Speaker 2: very I would say the love that I grew up with,
Speaker 2: it was conditional.
Speaker 1: It was am I doing the right thing? Am I
Speaker 1: being sure?
Speaker 2: Then I will receive love and if I'm not, it's
Speaker 2: the stark opposite. And that's a very specific way of
Speaker 2: growing up, conditional love versus uncondition And.
Speaker 3: Did that definition of you doing the right thing change
Speaker 3: all the time?
Speaker 2: Hmmm, I'm sure yes, But I would say that, like
Speaker 2: the top line would be the same of being a
Speaker 2: good girl and studying hard and you know, not speaking
Speaker 2: up and not talking to boy like, you know, the
Speaker 2: through lines are kind of the same of if I'm
Speaker 2: doing good at school, we're all good.
Speaker 1: If I'm studying, we're all good.
Speaker 2: If I'm you know, like on the path that we'd
Speaker 2: hope of, just like going to UNI and not being
Speaker 2: a slut and not dressing like a slut and not
Speaker 2: like I don't know, like those things are kind of
Speaker 2: the same.
Speaker 1: And I find this hard to hear because you are
Speaker 1: such a good girl. Thank you. You're such a good girl.
Speaker 1: Thank you.
Speaker 2: And I think that's what that's where the not enough
Speaker 2: comes in. If I was a good girl, but it
Speaker 2: wasn't enough because it couldn't be all the time?
Speaker 1: Well who can?
Speaker 3: You can? And then so was Seeina when you had
Speaker 3: you like your rubber band, your explosion of you know
Speaker 3: or not explosion, but you're your rebellion from that, and
Speaker 3: you know you've talked about this in your stand up
Speaker 3: and stuff as well. Wait your wild face, how did
Speaker 3: that manifest?
Speaker 1: Oh my god?
Speaker 2: It involved me joining a society at UNI, which I
Speaker 2: hadn't realized, like is you know, all the orientation stuff
Speaker 2: and all the events have pretty much just like been shrinking.
Speaker 1: Excuse us to bin drink.
Speaker 2: Right, And I would traditionally yeah, that's right, and i'd
Speaker 2: grown up, you know, not drinking, but again being scared
Speaker 2: off drugs, alcohol like all that kind of stuff. Boys, boys,
Speaker 2: all of it, and I'm thrown into it, and also
Speaker 2: adding the expectation of I should be able to do this.
Speaker 2: I need to keep up with everyone. I can't seem
Speaker 2: like a fish out of water and tell them that
Speaker 2: I have like a crazy like dad. So it resulted
Speaker 2: in me like literally been drinking, like going like and
Speaker 2: being around boys, and it's so funny.
Speaker 1: I was talking about this with my mum recently.
Speaker 2: I would be like hugging the toilet bowl, vomiting like
Speaker 2: in the most like scream like terrible hangovers and Mum
Speaker 2: being like this is really not okay. But I'm like, oh,
Speaker 2: but I have to do this, Like this is what
Speaker 2: you do when you need to make friends. I need
Speaker 2: to like go to the Uni van and I need
Speaker 2: to like drink with everyone. Everyone else is drinking, like
Speaker 2: but clearly I had like a much lower tolerance than
Speaker 2: everyone else. You know, I'm like pissing myself while I'm
Speaker 2: like vomiting in a toilet, like it's that violent. And
Speaker 2: and just yeah, like being around boys for the first
Speaker 2: time and just being like just not chill, like you know,
Speaker 2: like I don't know, just it's so but at the
Speaker 2: same time, you know, meeting amazing people, but just totally
Speaker 2: out of my element, being like do.
Speaker 1: I like partying? Like do I enjoying this stuff?
Speaker 2: Like look what it's doing to my body, but just
Speaker 2: being like what do you I'm just following everyone else and.
Speaker 1: Just trying to fit in.
Speaker 3: Because also, if you think about adolescence sort of like
Speaker 3: a flight of steps you had missed you went straight
Speaker 3: to the top land like he didn't. He hadn't learned
Speaker 3: any of that ascent because it was denied to you.
Speaker 2: Absolutely, Like that's the part. There's so many things like
Speaker 2: not being allowed to go to sleep of is not
Speaker 2: being allowed to go to like I just had these
Speaker 2: big gaps.
Speaker 1: When people like still go, you're so sheltered.
Speaker 2: I was just really sheltered, and in a way where
Speaker 2: you get to be like the way I'm able to
Speaker 2: be open about it now and be like, oh, I
Speaker 2: have these blind spots.
Speaker 1: Here's why I wasn't able to do that.
Speaker 2: So I'm just pretending. I'm just trading water. I'm just
Speaker 2: being like la la la la la, just to seem normal.
Speaker 3: So when you're in Wa and you're Siena one in Siena.
Speaker 2: Very important to see that you're so specific about that.
Speaker 2: I thought it was better with the one and sorry anyways,
Speaker 2: keeping me.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's like Danny Minogue double I. Yeah, you know
Speaker 3: you're making a statement.
Speaker 1: That's right.
Speaker 3: But at what point did you transition out of Siena
Speaker 3: and was that like a critical defining moment where you
Speaker 3: went tomorrow I'm going to be conchetah or I'm going
Speaker 3: to tell people how does that work? Oh?
Speaker 1: Yeah it was.
Speaker 2: Yeah, It's it's like it's not like a clear definition, right,
Speaker 2: it's like a a longer process of the realizing, like
Speaker 2: we're making the decision to go back again.
Speaker 1: You've just done this huge thing of Oh my god.
Speaker 1: I can't even explain.
Speaker 2: It was just so crazy and messy and conflicting to
Speaker 2: be like, okay, now I'm going back to Conchetta. What
Speaker 2: I can say is I I was selective about who
Speaker 2: I told in Perth. You know, it's not like you
Speaker 2: throw one big party and you're like, hey, everyone, here's
Speaker 2: the story. I'm getting everyone on the same page. It's
Speaker 2: the Conchetta launch party, and here's the story of me
Speaker 2: telling you.
Speaker 1: About my trot.
Speaker 2: No, it was like, oh my god, I now have
Speaker 2: to rip myself from what another reality.
Speaker 1: I've just gone one gear.
Speaker 2: Now the next gear to try and you know, build
Speaker 2: have this better future and build the next step. And
Speaker 2: I remember I pretty much like slow faded from people.
Speaker 2: You can still find the Facebook. It is still active,
Speaker 2: the Cianna Degrach Facebook. And I told a few friends
Speaker 2: and I'm still in contact with one of those beautiful friends, Mira.
Speaker 1: She's so incredible, and.
Speaker 2: I yeah, again, it's like evaluating, what are these relationships?
Speaker 2: Are you able to like share this really messy and
Speaker 2: complicated story at the same point, you know, being worried
Speaker 2: about safety and all these different things. But I was
Speaker 2: telling a few people and then the rest it was
Speaker 2: again like what I did before, just like leaving and
Speaker 2: assuming like, oh, I won't bother anyone and I'm just
Speaker 2: going to leave and no one will ask me questions
Speaker 2: and I'll again then just slip on out type of situation.
Speaker 1: But also this must be.
Speaker 3: Tasting because to draw people in and share this with
Speaker 3: them requires a certain amount of intimacy and a relationship
Speaker 3: that you've developed with them. And then you also have
Speaker 3: to say to them I've been lying to you. Yeah,
Speaker 3: So that's very nuanced and strange.
Speaker 2: Absolutely, but I would say, you know what a reason
Speaker 2: to lie? Like no one was like you bitch, like you,
Speaker 2: how dare you?
Speaker 3: Like?
Speaker 1: You know, they go, They're like.
Speaker 2: This is the most insane thing I've ever heard, and
Speaker 2: I was only ever met with like you know, the
Speaker 2: people I told like an empathy and a sympathy and
Speaker 2: a and a just like a I guess a real
Speaker 2: like whoa like a shock of you know, what can
Speaker 2: you do?
Speaker 1: And then you're also and so they were like what
Speaker 1: do I call you now? Yeah? And that's a kind
Speaker 1: thing to ask someone.
Speaker 2: And it's people who allowed me space to this sort
Speaker 2: of like complicated reality. And then also the crazy part
Speaker 2: is then like you I'll get then I'm like Conchatta
Speaker 2: on Triple J and I got message of people being.
Speaker 1: Like hang on your concertto like, you know, like it's.
Speaker 2: So life's crazy, dude. Imagine being a person to be
Speaker 2: like what I knew? This girl called Siena in pert
Speaker 2: what is she?
Speaker 1: And she looked exactly like yeah, but.
Speaker 2: There's a lot of yeah, just a lot of emotional
Speaker 2: stuff they carrying them coming back in to Sydney and
Speaker 2: deciding who I tell and reconnecting with my best friend
Speaker 2: whose life I missed the better part of a year.
Speaker 2: She's got a long term Boyfri and I don't know,
Speaker 2: like it was just what a thing to navigate the
Speaker 2: three of us.
Speaker 1: You know, how long will you see Enna?
Speaker 2: I think I was Sienaugh for maybe like nine months,
Speaker 2: like seven to nine months. It was like the better
Speaker 2: part of twenty fourteen.
Speaker 1: Where is she now? S She's on Facebook? Go find
Speaker 1: her at her as a friend? I gotta Yeah.
Speaker 2: I sometimes would go back in and read the conversations,
Speaker 2: and you know, it's a it's a very unique thing
Speaker 2: to have. It's like a time capsule. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2: And then when was comedy born?
Speaker 3: In this in this period, your desire to stand up
Speaker 3: in front of her people and they sit in the
Speaker 3: dark and you've had the light on you and you
Speaker 3: make them laugh.
Speaker 1: Actually not in the Perth era.
Speaker 2: What it got me to was I did a whopper
Speaker 2: short course of acting for screen and stage.
Speaker 1: The WI Performing Arts Academy or that's right.
Speaker 2: So it got me to you know, I think I
Speaker 2: was watching stand up shows over in Perth, but wasn't.
Speaker 2: I wasn't signing up to open micause I wasn't actually
Speaker 2: practically doing comedy. But I think I started to be like,
Speaker 2: what if I wanted to perform?
Speaker 1: And I did this.
Speaker 2: Acting course, which I think I enjoyed, but I also
Speaker 2: struggled with it. It was very serious and I think I
Speaker 2: was like, oh, I don't know about acting. And then
Speaker 2: it wasn't until eventually getting back to Sydney, and it
Speaker 2: actually was a bit of a journey to get to
Speaker 2: stand up.
Speaker 1: It wasn't straight into stand up. There was acting.
Speaker 2: Then there was reviews, university reviews like those plays.
Speaker 1: That you make at UNI.
Speaker 3: Yes, fun theater, sports ensemble, ensemble, that's right, theater, sports improv.
Speaker 1: Stand up.
Speaker 2: Stand up to me seemed the most far out and
Speaker 2: scary and vulnerable thing of like performing to do so
Speaker 2: it took me a journey just to get to stand up.
Speaker 1: And what was it in you? Do you think.
Speaker 3: That your desire to do that was born from the
Speaker 3: essential Concertta or was it a reaction to what Conchetta
Speaker 3: had lived?
Speaker 2: I think that's hard to answer, but my instinct is
Speaker 2: to say it surely must be a combination of both.
Speaker 1: I do think, like if we.
Speaker 2: Ask my mom or people who know me, like my
Speaker 2: personality is one that thrives off people and interaction, and
Speaker 2: I don't know, I guess just like being fully myself
Speaker 2: or something and sharing that. But then I also think
Speaker 2: there's something in the control, there's something in the being,
Speaker 2: like I'm putting myself out there and trying to find
Speaker 2: celebration in that where I wasn't able to have that
Speaker 2: in a full way at home. Like I think about
Speaker 2: that's why I probably strive at school, because my dad
Speaker 2: will be like, you're not the class clown, are you.
Speaker 2: That's a distraction that's taking you away from being studious
Speaker 2: and being the ducks and all that kind of stuff.
Speaker 1: So I'd have to be like, oh, yeah, no, I'm
Speaker 1: not the class clown.
Speaker 2: But then I'm going out there and doing that and
Speaker 2: feeling the joy from being my full self but not
Speaker 2: being able to be my full self at home, having
Speaker 2: to be a version of myself.
Speaker 1: And on it.
Speaker 2: So I think, yeah, then the art of getting up
Speaker 2: there and for better or for worth being, like here's me,
Speaker 2: here's my thoughts, here's my personality, here's my daughter. Like
Speaker 2: that truly has to be something of like that freedom
Speaker 2: feeling really powerful when.
Speaker 3: You've had to hide so many parts of yourself, your
Speaker 3: comedy is very take a three sixty few of me,
Speaker 3: Like really, it's like, I'll do the spin.
Speaker 1: Then you're sorry, right.
Speaker 2: Like I think about my beautiful ex boyfriend Ben, who
Speaker 2: was also a comedian, and a big part of our
Speaker 2: relationship was, you know, finding each other.
Speaker 1: So did the show together? Did the show together and
Speaker 1: get emotion?
Speaker 2: But I think about him and both loving comedy, both
Speaker 2: have really similar comedy sensibilities, but getting to learn about
Speaker 2: the different kinds of comedians that you can have where
Speaker 2: it's like my ex he loved writing jokes, like he
Speaker 2: grew up listening to centup albums and the love for
Speaker 2: him was performing and thinking and writing jokes. And a
Speaker 2: lot of his jokes. Literally, you would learn nothing about
Speaker 2: my boyfriend. You wouldn't know like you know, it's like
Speaker 2: the art of the joke and being really surreal.
Speaker 1: And then you've got me who is.
Speaker 3: I learned he had diary from you, not from him.
Speaker 1: And that shade constant a.
Speaker 2: You would learn more about him from me than you
Speaker 2: would from his own our comedy shows and and yeah,
Speaker 2: mine is very like who I am off is on
Speaker 2: I'm sharing what's happening in my life.
Speaker 1: It's very like personal. It's very like la la la la.
Speaker 2: And and I just remember seeing that like, oh, that's
Speaker 2: a different way of being a comedian or doing comedy
Speaker 2: of like for him it was in the joke, writing
Speaker 2: the and he just thought about it differently. But we
Speaker 2: both appreciated each other, but it was very different. So, yeah,
Speaker 2: hearing you said that, I was like, yes, it's very
Speaker 2: three sixty, it's very Yeah.
Speaker 3: So, relationship wise, how much of your background do you
Speaker 3: take into a relationship. I mean, we all It's hard
Speaker 3: to answer because we are all, you know, the sum
Speaker 3: of the experiences that we've had.
Speaker 1: But are you wary?
Speaker 3: Are you are your antenna honed for any signs of
Speaker 3: you know, controlling behavior, or do you feel that you
Speaker 3: have taken off that cloak of history and that you
Speaker 3: can step, you know, unweighted into the romantic future.
Speaker 2: I think where I am now, I would be stepping
Speaker 2: in the most unweighted. But I would say that was
Speaker 2: a long journey. I've been in therapy for maybe like
Speaker 2: I don't know, like seven or eight years, you know,
Speaker 2: the better part of like ten years. And the only
Speaker 2: thing that got me into therapy. It's not being like,
Speaker 2: oh I've had I grew up with violence and I.
Speaker 1: Blah blah lah.
Speaker 2: No, it was it was because of a relationship, because,
Speaker 2: like you say, you take yourself and your pass into
Speaker 2: your relationships, and my first proper relationship, I was really erratic.
Speaker 2: I was very like really high highs and then really
Speaker 2: low low is, meaning like he would one time he
Speaker 2: was like running late. He like lived in Manly or something.
Speaker 2: He's like got a big trek to meet me, and
Speaker 2: he's like running late. He's like sorry, I was like
Speaker 2: playing on my video game. I'm like freaking out, being
Speaker 2: like what you're late? This means you don't care about me,
Speaker 2: you don't love My brain's got like done like just
Speaker 2: jumped from A to C where someone else would be
Speaker 2: like potentially be like, oh, okay, you're a bit late,
Speaker 2: Well i'll see you soon, Like oh that's Obama.
Speaker 1: You're a little bit late.
Speaker 2: You'd miss it, like, you know, there were things like
Speaker 2: that where I'm having really high reactions to maybe small
Speaker 2: things and it's unconscious, right, and then my partner's being like, oh,
Speaker 2: this is a trend, this is happening.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 2: It was through this relationship of them finding it really
Speaker 2: hard and sort of noticing like, I think there's stuff
Speaker 2: here that maybe you should speak to someone about. It
Speaker 2: was through trying to love someone and seeing what was
Speaker 2: being done to me of like how I'm wrecked and
Speaker 2: being like what am I psycho? Like that got me
Speaker 2: into the chair to speak to someone.
Speaker 1: And what sort of therapy? Well, like how did you
Speaker 1: know what? Or did you try a few? Was it
Speaker 1: suck at? And see? Well?
Speaker 2: Actually, I think I went to my local medical center
Speaker 2: and just went I need to see a therapist. And
Speaker 2: I remember I was put with one, and I remember
Speaker 2: sitting in the session and you know, you do the
Speaker 2: classic questions just getting to know them type thing, and
Speaker 2: I just remembered for like, all, this feels like someone
Speaker 2: who's like a dad. It was a man and just
Speaker 2: not being like is my abusive dad? I mor mean
Speaker 2: like it was just like, oh, I just didn't feel
Speaker 2: like we were getting each other or he was getting me,
Speaker 2: or it.
Speaker 1: Just felt like not the right fit.
Speaker 2: And I think I was like, oh, and it was
Speaker 2: my mom who was seeing someone. And I can't remember
Speaker 2: how she found our therapist. And she had a history
Speaker 2: in working with people who flee war and people who
Speaker 2: come from violence, and there's trauma, and that kind of trauma,
Speaker 2: even that sounds crazy, is like similar because it's I
Speaker 2: think what connects them as you're constantly on edge, you're
Speaker 2: constantly in fid or flight, like if you're fleeing war,
Speaker 2: and if you've got like someone who could turn at
Speaker 2: any time.
Speaker 1: So my mom, I don't think that sounds crazy.
Speaker 2: Yes, so true, it's actually so normal. And then she
Speaker 2: was like, I'm seeing someone, why don't you try her?
Speaker 2: And so then I went I was lucky in having
Speaker 2: I guess that recommendation and just finding that fit and
Speaker 2: it being one of like my salvations in my life
Speaker 2: of you know, coming and being like I'm in the relationship.
Speaker 1: I'm struggling. Here's what's going on.
Speaker 2: And she's like, Okay, well let's talk about where it
Speaker 2: all started. And I'm like, well, why, Like I'm not
Speaker 2: being beaten anymore. Everything should be normal, right, And then
Speaker 2: I literally am starting to learn about what that environment
Speaker 2: growing up with, how that shapes the way you see love,
Speaker 2: how you receive love, how you see yourself, how you
Speaker 2: you know. And then I was just on the journey
Speaker 2: of learning about myself and learning a lot through the
Speaker 2: relationships and my attraction to men and love and all
Speaker 2: that sort of stuff.
Speaker 1: It's been a big journey of what sort of man
Speaker 1: are you attracted to?
Speaker 2: Funny me funny funny, they've got a hold on it.
Speaker 1: I mean that's every woman. Yeah, just about totally. What else?
Speaker 1: I mean?
Speaker 2: I think I really like I remember with my last partner,
Speaker 2: he was just very kind and very very I guess
Speaker 2: just maybe like assured in himself, a calmness, maybe calm
Speaker 2: and quiet men I've been attracted to.
Speaker 1: You're describing Yin and yang. That's all right, But you.
Speaker 2: Know when you were like, oh do you like there
Speaker 2: were I remember thinking, like, you know, I'm not going
Speaker 2: to go for someone violent. But what I learned was
Speaker 2: I was there was a sort of trajectory where I
Speaker 2: was maybe attracted to.
Speaker 1: Men or a man where they it was that.
Speaker 2: Similar thing of up and down if we're talking right,
Speaker 2: the love bombing and then the take it away. And
Speaker 2: I had a relationship definitely like that where it wasn't
Speaker 2: violence or anything, but it was this very like toxic
Speaker 2: kind of up and that is what I had felt
Speaker 2: comfortable in. That is all I'd known, And again it
Speaker 2: was only through therapy, and honestly a lot of it's
Speaker 2: also then in hindsight and moving on to the next
Speaker 2: thing that you realize, Okay, you can fall in patterns.
Speaker 2: It's different for everyone, but that was maybe something that
Speaker 2: I was involved in, and then just watching myself sort
Speaker 2: of grow and change, and then I reckon by my
Speaker 2: exit was more seeing that growth in myself to be
Speaker 2: attracted to someone who wasn't like that and was calm
Speaker 2: and steady and always a very like, I don't know,
Speaker 2: healthy kind of love and build not like a complete
Speaker 2: love bomb type thing.
Speaker 3: YEA, that there's something about the regularity of the heartbeat
Speaker 3: of the relationship and that you also break the pattern
Speaker 3: of maybe needing the adrenaline. Yes, sheefs because it's something
Speaker 3: you are familiar with.
Speaker 2: Yes, And if I may say, now, I'm just sort
Speaker 2: of like saying stuff and not waiting for you to
Speaker 2: ask me.
Speaker 1: But can I just say what I.
Speaker 2: Think I got from my last relationship that was like
Speaker 2: the next chapter and it ties to the jungle, right,
Speaker 2: is I think I relied on my ex to build
Speaker 2: up that love and kindness to me that I couldn't
Speaker 2: give myself potentially in an unsustainable way because I did not.
Speaker 2: I was not able to do that for myself. And
Speaker 2: I think that is the way that I sucked from
Speaker 2: my partner because he always was able to give that.
Speaker 2: But again, coming to the Jungle, having this growth, having
Speaker 2: that breakup, it's realizing, like I need to do that
Speaker 2: for myself, that you can't put that on someone else,
Speaker 2: do you know what I mean? Like, of course I
Speaker 2: plind of can do that, but it can't be supplementing
Speaker 2: you not able to do that. So that is to
Speaker 2: me what I think my next chapter is for love
Speaker 2: and relationships of how do I now operate where I'm
Speaker 2: now doing that for myself, of having that self love
Speaker 2: and having that self kindness more than it has ever
Speaker 2: been in my entire life. And what kind of partner
Speaker 2: am I going to go with? I'm I literally I'm
Speaker 2: not sure.
Speaker 1: We'll see.
Speaker 3: Well, Luke in the Jungle Tract and Luke, come on,
Speaker 3: he had something shocking for you, Baby.
Speaker 1: Didn't, Baby didn't, Babe, he did.
Speaker 3: I actually said to him on our podcast The House
Speaker 3: I Do with n Valvox. These two likes maya for
Speaker 3: vols in one like Conceetta's in the other, like you
Speaker 3: can only save one, and Valvo was going, stop it,
Speaker 3: stop it, you I can And you know what he said.
Speaker 3: I've heard he said me, I'd have to save my
Speaker 3: little check out and he even did that he pronounced
Speaker 3: your name properly.
Speaker 1: Romantic but not that. Yeah, I don't think it is.
Speaker 2: I honestly think uh he I mean, I understand, and
Speaker 2: it was the big thing, that one of the big
Speaker 2: things that came out of it.
Speaker 1: But I wonder if it's small like a friendship.
Speaker 2: He just felt we've bonded more as friends or we
Speaker 2: just were more.
Speaker 1: I don't know. There we go with the comparison.
Speaker 3: You don't see yourself as a lumberjack's wife living in
Speaker 3: western Queensland while he fills timber and reads books on
Speaker 3: his track.
Speaker 2: I mean I did think about it trad I probably would. God,
Speaker 2: there's worse, worse, worst way, sure, God, But no, I don't.
Speaker 2: I don't think that's my I don't. I somehow don't
Speaker 2: think that's my future.
Speaker 3: How you know, your you and your mom, and when
Speaker 3: your mom came into the jungle, which was very moving,
Speaker 3: the bond between you was extraordinary, forged in a fire,
Speaker 3: you know. But how is your dad about this?
Speaker 1: Now?
Speaker 2: I'm not really in contact with my dad very much.
Speaker 2: I might send a text here or there, so I
Speaker 2: don't know.
Speaker 3: But he would have seen you, yeah, and he would
Speaker 3: have heard these conversations and knew that your charity that
Speaker 3: you were supporting in the jungle for instance.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: He he sent me a text saying congratulations on winning,
Speaker 2: but not about anything, not anything else.
Speaker 1: So I really don't. I haven't spoken to him.
Speaker 2: I don't know what he feels about it, and I
Speaker 2: assume it's very complicated and I definitely had and I
Speaker 2: know my mum does too. Of like that reality of
Speaker 2: it being out there and him seeing it like that's
Speaker 2: still something that I.
Speaker 1: Brings me anxiety and makes me feel.
Speaker 2: Still guilt about again, because it's that classic of like
Speaker 2: I was taught for safety, it's not speaking about it
Speaker 2: and not you know, I pushed through it and did
Speaker 2: it anyway, and I just tried to, you know, be
Speaker 2: like I'm entitled to speak about what's happened to me,
Speaker 2: and I'm doing it for good reasons.
Speaker 3: You were talking about your dad, and I think you've
Speaker 3: showed capacity for an enormous amount of understanding towards where
Speaker 3: his you know, abhorrent behaviors came from. When you left,
Speaker 3: you and your sister and your mom, that must have
Speaker 3: come as an enormous shock to him.
Speaker 1: In the intervening.
Speaker 3: Years, has he ever addressed the issues that led to
Speaker 3: you leaving with your mom or your sister or you.
Speaker 1: Has he acknowledged what role he played in you having
Speaker 1: to leave? Or has he apologized? Absolutely?
Speaker 2: Yeah, he like multiple times he said sorry, and he,
Speaker 2: you know, I guess was realizing it was getting out
Speaker 2: of hand. It is complicated his response. I also think
Speaker 2: there was he would also play the victim too, you know,
Speaker 2: it's not this easy, like, yeah, all one clear, I'm sorry.
Speaker 1: There was a lot. There was a lot.
Speaker 3: And also I think in abusive relationships is often a
Speaker 3: pattern where the abuse that is very contrite and very
Speaker 3: apologetic afterwards.
Speaker 1: So how do you know that? How do you know
Speaker 1: which is which?
Speaker 3: You know, which is a permanent state of self reflection
Speaker 3: and acknowledgment of fault, and which is just part of
Speaker 3: that pattern that cycle.
Speaker 1: Totally, And I think I've probably seen it all.
Speaker 2: We all have at different moments, and I think it's
Speaker 2: hit him in different waves of different things happening in
Speaker 2: our lives and him, I mean, I know it's something
Speaker 2: that he feels. Yeah, I know he feels remorse for it.
Speaker 2: I also don't know if he understands it. I remember
Speaker 2: early wanting him to go to therapy and I don't
Speaker 2: know if he has or if he's done that to
Speaker 2: sort of understand deeper. But I gave up on waiting
Speaker 2: for that and just working on my healing because you
Speaker 2: can't wait for someone, you know. But I know, Yeah, again,
Speaker 2: like I said, there's no one easy answer. It's but
Speaker 2: it's cost him everything, Yeah, and I think he knows that.
Speaker 2: And it's cost you your dad, yeah, mm hmm, totally, it.
Speaker 1: Has Yeah, and that's and that's hard.
Speaker 2: Of course, But I don't excuse what he's done, and.
Speaker 1: But I just yeah, it's just it's just a sad.
Speaker 2: But I think about this, I'm like, family's complicated. Family
Speaker 2: is complicated, Relationships are complicated, and it's holding space for
Speaker 2: all the millions of colors in between for however you feel.
Speaker 2: So he's someone who I will always love because he's
Speaker 2: my dad and he's someone who makes me incredibly sad
Speaker 2: and brought me a lot of pain and the people
Speaker 2: around me inexcusable things. And he's also in my blood.
Speaker 2: I look like him. There's I have manner. Isn't like
Speaker 2: like there's just it's just this very.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's yeah, it's it's big ship, you know.
Speaker 3: And does the truth set you free?
Speaker 2: The truth absolutely sets me free. And I think what
Speaker 2: the most amazing thing of this journey has been is
Speaker 2: the messages I've gotten Kate, of how people have felt like, Hope,
Speaker 2: I can't tell you what that's like.
Speaker 1: That's that's crazy, that's been, that's what.
Speaker 2: That's really it of being like, oh damn, that's why
Speaker 2: you do it. I can't know, I can't see it,
Speaker 2: but I did it because it's just in a way
Speaker 2: of helping people, making people not feel alone.
Speaker 1: Or that's the thing that soothes all that other stuff.
Speaker 1: And also the.
Speaker 3: You know what Winston Churchill said, if you ever find
Speaker 3: yourself going through hell, keep going, but you couldn't stop
Speaker 3: where you were, and for people to see that, to
Speaker 3: see that a life of joy and you know, wearing
Speaker 3: a tiara is possible is an extraordinary thing to witness
Speaker 3: when you're in your own kind of hell. And you
Speaker 3: don't see that on television very often because it's very sanitized.
Speaker 2: That's yeah, that's a good a good point, if I
Speaker 2: can say. I at the end of it, and after winning,
Speaker 2: I texted my my therapist, my first therapist, and I said,
Speaker 2: I don't know if you'd know, but there's the show
Speaker 2: and I want it. And it was off the back of.
Speaker 4: Being being myself and telling my story with my mum,
Speaker 4: my sister, and I said, I wouldn't be where I
Speaker 4: am if it wasn't for the work that we did
Speaker 4: and the lessons that you taught me and the belief
Speaker 4: that she had, because I would never forget she would.
Speaker 4: I'd be making her laugh talking about and she's just like, God,
Speaker 4: get chat to your Seinfeld. You have this way of
Speaker 4: being really observational and seeing things around you, and she's like,
Speaker 4: you're you have this power where you're going to share
Speaker 4: your story and do it in your way and you're.
Speaker 2: Gonna help people. And I just had to thank her.
Speaker 2: It's like, I can't not be thinking of you at
Speaker 2: this time. I want you to know I'm eternally grateful.
Speaker 1: And the message that she.
Speaker 2: Sent me back, it's just sort of what you're saying. Okay,
Speaker 2: I've just being like, she's like you, I was only
Speaker 2: ever mirroring what you were doing, the hard and messy
Speaker 2: work to fight to not let it define you and to.
Speaker 1: You know, to show that you can have hope and
Speaker 1: be hope.
Speaker 2: And that's something that's like, I would say, one of
Speaker 2: the biggest I don't know, do you know what?
Speaker 1: Any Like, that's a.
Speaker 2: Moment I'm going to have with me for forever and
Speaker 2: it feels shared, you know, and so that makes me
Speaker 2: it's never in isolation.
Speaker 1: It couldn't be, do.
Speaker 3: You know what. And and even though you have been
Speaker 3: you know, blessed the gift of external beauty.
Speaker 1: Nothing makes someone.
Speaker 3: As beautiful as bravery, I think, and you are exquisite.
Speaker 2: Thank you.
Speaker 1: That's so beautiful.
Speaker 3: Okay, thank you so much, and you know what, Australia
Speaker 3: also decided to work.
Speaker 1: You don't have to take my no word for it.
Speaker 2: Your word means a lot. Thank you, Kate, Conctta Cristo.
Speaker 3: Thank you for joining us on No Filter, and thank
Speaker 3: you for showing yourself.
Speaker 2: Thank you for this beautiful interview, for your incredible questions.
Speaker 2: It's truly and I want to speak to you. Thank you.
Speaker 3: Listening to Concertta speak about her childhood, It's impossible not
Speaker 3: to think about the courage it takes for families to
Speaker 3: leave situations like that, and the people and services who
Speaker 3: make those escapes possible. If this conversation has raised anything
Speaker 3: for you, please see our show notes for where you
Speaker 3: can find support. You can listen to Conchetta a Ray
Speaker 3: of Sunshine on Triple Jay Breakfast. Thanks for listening to
Speaker 3: No Filter. The executive producer of No Filter is bre Player.
Speaker 3: The assistant producer is Coco Levine. Audio production by Jacob
Speaker 3: Brown and video editing by Josh Green. This episode of
Speaker 3: No Filter was recorded at Session in Progress Studios.
Speaker 1: I'm Kate Langbrook and I will see you next Monday.
Speaker 1: It's a date.
Speaker 3: Mumma Mia acknowledges the traditional owners of the land and
Speaker 3: waters that this podcast is recorded on.