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Speaker 1: You're listening to Amma Mia podcast.

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Speaker 2: One time, I was like copying a beating and I

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Speaker 2: remember laughing. I don't think this was common, but I

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Speaker 2: remember laughing, like zoning out, being like, oh this is pathetic,

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Speaker 2: Like I am so vulnerable. I'm just a girl and

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Speaker 2: you're a grown man kicking me, punching me, and I'm

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Speaker 2: making it worse.

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Speaker 3: My guest today is comedian and Triple J radio host

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Speaker 3: Concetto Caristo. A few weeks ago, millions of Australians watched

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Speaker 3: as she was crowned the winner of I'm a Celebrity,

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Speaker 3: Get Me out of Here, and walked away with the

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Speaker 3: title of Jungle Queen. But for Conchetta, the moment that

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Speaker 3: mattered most wasn't the crown. It was the one hundred

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Speaker 3: thousand dollars prize she won for charity. The charity she

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Speaker 3: chose was full Stop Australia, a national service supporting people

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Speaker 3: experiencing sexual, domestic and family violence, and the reason she

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Speaker 3: chose that charity is because of her own experiences as

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Speaker 3: a child and teenager. Concetta grew up in a home

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Speaker 3: where violence was a constant presence. When she was young,

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Speaker 3: her mother made a secret call to a domestic violence

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Speaker 3: hotline and began planning what the family would later describe

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Speaker 3: as their escape on television.

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Speaker 1: She may look like.

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Speaker 3: A free, fearless comic happily eating pigs penis in the jungle,

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Speaker 3: but behind the jokes is someone who has spent years

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Speaker 3: quietly working out who she is and what she.

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Speaker 1: Wants her life to look like.

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Speaker 3: Today we talk about the family she grew up in

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Speaker 3: the moment everything changed, the voice in her head that

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Speaker 3: tells her she's not good enough, and the strange power

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Speaker 3: of humor to turn pain into connection. This is the

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Speaker 3: one and only Conchetta Carristo. We are so thrilled to

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Speaker 3: have you on No Filter.

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Speaker 1: Welcome.

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Speaker 2: I kin'd deally what this means me to be here,

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Speaker 2: Like I'm so it's very pinched me to speak to you.

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Speaker 1: For you to want to speak to me an icon

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Speaker 1: like you, I'm like buzzing.

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Speaker 3: Well, speaking of icons, because you come to us and

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Speaker 3: people may know you through a number of routes. They

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Speaker 3: may have seen you doing stand up, they may have

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Speaker 3: heard you on your breakfast show on Triple J. But

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Speaker 3: most recently, you come to us as royalty, not the

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Speaker 3: creepy kind. It's fast but legitimate Australian royalty, the jungle

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Speaker 3: queen of the jungle. I'm a celebrity. Get me out

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Speaker 3: of here, conchettocharisto crown.

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Speaker 2: Oh thank you, hopefully a more wholesome type of royalty.

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Speaker 1: If I may say, well, that remains to be sane,

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Speaker 1: does it not?

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Speaker 3: If we know one thing uneasy lies the head that

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Speaker 3: weighs the crown.

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Speaker 1: Oh boy, very true power was the crowning moment. It

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Speaker 1: was true shock.

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Speaker 2: I know that's a boring thing to say, but it

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Speaker 2: was true disbelief. I one hundred percent did not think

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Speaker 2: it was gonna be me, Like I'm telling you, I

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Speaker 2: had been mentally preparing to like be lost if you

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Speaker 2: like could be last and it just I will never

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Speaker 2: forget that moment of seeing it. But it not feeling real,

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Speaker 2: like my brain being so slow, and it just like

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Speaker 2: feeling quite numb to it. And it really was only

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Speaker 2: like the people around me going ecstatic, our beautiful nath

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Speaker 2: Alva included where it was starting to be like, okay, babes,

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Speaker 2: pick up now, darling, It's not this fun to just

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Speaker 2: be like a stunned mullet.

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Speaker 1: So it took a second, but it was unreal.

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Speaker 3: And for people who don't know, three endings had been

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Speaker 3: filmed already, because the whole series had been pre recorded,

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Speaker 3: but nobody knew who was going to be crowned and

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Speaker 3: we were all in a pub. I happened to be

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Speaker 3: there as well, and they made the announcement live on

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Speaker 3: television that it was you. And in that moment, when

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Speaker 3: someone like you has had such a charge life with

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Speaker 3: so many elements in it, what was it that made

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Speaker 3: you think it couldn't be you because it was down

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Speaker 3: to three of you.

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Speaker 2: I think it was I thought, well, Gary is literally

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Speaker 2: the most famous person he is, Gary Sweet, He's the

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Speaker 2: most beloved actor in this country. So that's really strong

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Speaker 2: and would have a stronghold on the country. And then

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Speaker 2: I thought Luke Bateman one of the most to me,

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Speaker 2: the famous men in the world, with billion top yes,

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Speaker 2: So I just thought, I'm like, you know, I'm the

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Speaker 2: one that was like who like you know that one,

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Speaker 2: the one that's booked last Vibe. So I think it

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Speaker 2: was just a bit of that, And it also just felt,

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Speaker 2: if I can say, really huge.

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Speaker 1: It just felt like a really huge thing that.

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Speaker 2: I think it it felt just a bit too lofty

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Speaker 2: I did.

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Speaker 1: I have got to be honest.

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Speaker 2: I did like dream of it and picture it and

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Speaker 2: try to do that self talk to be like, no,

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Speaker 2: I am deserving and I also have a shot. But

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Speaker 2: really there was that other just that other reality room

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Speaker 2: like it's and it's okay.

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Speaker 1: Truly, I was like, it's okay if it's not.

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Speaker 3: I think the way that you had presented yourself in

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Speaker 3: the series, you'd already won. You came across as I'm

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Speaker 3: going to say, your authentic, unfiltered self.

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Speaker 1: Yep, how much of that was the case. That's a

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Speaker 1: really great way of putting it. Okay. I did walk

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Speaker 1: in feeling like I'd won.

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Speaker 2: I really felt that because I was so grateful to

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Speaker 2: be there and so grateful to be doing it, and

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Speaker 2: really walked in knowing that the one thing I could

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Speaker 2: control when you'd have no control over anything else who

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Speaker 2: you're there with, what they're going to put you through,

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Speaker 2: like you know, being there twenty four hours a day

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Speaker 2: and not knowing how you is just I wanted to

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Speaker 2: really embrace it and do that of just try and

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Speaker 2: be the most myself.

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Speaker 1: So I think I I think I did do that.

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Speaker 3: You were as everyone is in those circumstances you stripped

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Speaker 3: of everything. Yeah, so you have no phone and you're

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Speaker 3: a phone girly, that's right, correct. You have like no makeup,

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Speaker 3: oh so much, toilet trees, no no privacy, no bead

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Speaker 3: What did you learn about yourself in those circumstances?

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Speaker 1: Like was it liberating or was it?

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Speaker 3: Obviously initially I imagine that's oppressive.

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Speaker 1: Was oppressive?

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Speaker 2: I hated in the beginning. I felt like you know

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Speaker 2: when a dog puts on shoes and it walks really

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Speaker 2: funny and it's literally it can't get its head around it.

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Speaker 1: Waking up and being like what do I do?

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Speaker 2: Like, okay, I'm going to brush my teeth outside and

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Speaker 2: then you know, I can't do my makeup, Like I'm

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Speaker 2: just gonna wash my Literally I was like, okay, how

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Speaker 2: do I wash my face? And what routine am I

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Speaker 2: going to have? Like it really spun me out there.

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Speaker 2: No mirror kind of spun me out to We didn't

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Speaker 2: have a mirror the first few days. Yes, there's eventually

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Speaker 2: a mirror, but even that was being like not being like,

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Speaker 2: hey on, I'm always washing my face and looking in

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Speaker 2: a mirror.

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Speaker 1: How do I not have a mirror? What?

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Speaker 2: So? Yeah, I think it was pressive, but then you're right.

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Speaker 2: I think it was totally free. It was just being like, so,

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Speaker 2: you know, you realize how much you rely on one

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Speaker 2: million things, especially me, Like I have my laptop in

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Speaker 2: the background playing Seinfeld, I'm like eating snacks all the time.

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Speaker 1: I'd be having my phone.

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Speaker 2: I'd be just like, you're just using so much all

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Speaker 2: my one million little gadgets and gizmos and accessories and whatever.

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Speaker 2: And then it's just like, oh, you literally have nothing,

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Speaker 2: and your brain's initially gonna go no, no, no, no no,

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Speaker 2: and then you're just like, oh, I am fine, I

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Speaker 2: actually can do this. It'll be annoying for a bit

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Speaker 2: and then you fully just adjust and you just go, okay,

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Speaker 2: embrace it again.

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Speaker 1: It's not forever, so just see what it's like.

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Speaker 3: And because we I think there's so much distraction, and

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Speaker 3: a lot of us enjoyed the distraction, what did you

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Speaker 3: learn about yourself most fundamentally when you didn't have that distraction?

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Speaker 2: Okay, the massive thing that I was confronted with without

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Speaker 2: the one million distractions was my thoughts twenty four seven.

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Speaker 1: So I actually think.

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Speaker 2: I realized the real weight of running from my thoughts truly,

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Speaker 2: I think my self critic and just the voice that

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Speaker 2: I listened to in my head could be really really

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Speaker 2: really mean.

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Speaker 1: And really really critical.

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Speaker 2: And I actually realized before going into the jungle that

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Speaker 2: I didn't spend much time ever sitting with it.

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Speaker 1: I'm talking, I'm listening.

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Speaker 2: To music NonStop, I've got the TV on NonStop, like

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Speaker 2: whether I'm walking with you know, I'm like talking for

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Speaker 2: a job, and then I'm I'm just input.

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Speaker 1: Input, input.

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Speaker 2: And the one thing that without that gone was like, oh,

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Speaker 2: I just need to sit with myself, and that was

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Speaker 2: so uncomfortable in moments, and I was really forced to

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Speaker 2: be like to hear it and to sit with that discomfort,

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Speaker 2: and that was the main thing of then being like, oh,

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Speaker 2: this feels terrible when now's the time to decide how

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Speaker 2: long do I Why.

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Speaker 1: Is it like this? And why am I going to

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Speaker 1: keep letting it be like this? And why what does

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Speaker 1: your inner critics say to you?

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Speaker 2: M my in a critic can just be quite negative

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Speaker 2: about the future, and maybe just you know, it came up,

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Speaker 2: you know, there was that classic moment where even my

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Speaker 2: own looks and how I thought about myself of just

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Speaker 2: being like, you're ugly, like you're not you're you're not

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Speaker 2: you're not worthy, like no one would be no one

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Speaker 2: could see you as that like your skin everything gross great.

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Speaker 2: I don't know, it really can become a cacophony. I

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Speaker 2: find it. It's you know, I think a lot of

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Speaker 2: people would have this with that inner critic, where you

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Speaker 2: know it's there constantly, but then when you have to

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Speaker 2: just listen to it and be like, what is it saying?

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Speaker 2: That's actually a hard thing to like pinpoint what.

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Speaker 3: I guess what I'm asking is because there's this Dali

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Speaker 3: Lama quote that I love that says, the worst thing

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Speaker 3: about criticism is that it's true. And what I always

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Speaker 3: take from that is and particularly if you're public facing

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Speaker 3: like you are, people will fire shots and whatever, but

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Speaker 3: they don't all land. And the ones that don't land

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Speaker 3: are the ones that you actually don't believe, right, So

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Speaker 3: that's fine, And people can say, you know whatever, you know,

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Speaker 3: you're dumb, You're not dumb. That's not going to hurt particularly,

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Speaker 3: you know, but what is it? What was it in

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Speaker 3: your own voice coming at you that had the nub.

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Speaker 1: Of truth about it?

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Speaker 3: That is really what stabs you in the heart or

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Speaker 3: the psyche or the confidence.

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Speaker 2: What's coming up, I would say is that I wasn't

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Speaker 2: good enough, just that it not enough, like just not

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Speaker 2: pretty enough, not skilled enough, not funny enough, like just

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Speaker 2: just this always falling.

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Speaker 1: Short to be. Yeah, I don't know if that's even

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Speaker 1: more specific.

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Speaker 3: I wonder, and I wonder if you wonder how much

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Speaker 3: of that comes from essentially who you are, or from

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Speaker 3: your the fact that we live in modern life and

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Speaker 3: there's a lot of comparison in a modern life, or

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Speaker 3: how much comes from your background.

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Speaker 1: WHOA, that's a really good question.

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Speaker 2: I I'm not sure. I feel like it has to

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Speaker 2: be both. Comparison is a big one for me because

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Speaker 2: it's that really that's something I do know that was

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Speaker 2: in my childhood and like shown to me off. I

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Speaker 2: was constantly compared to my sister, to my cousin, to schoolmates,

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Speaker 2: and that's where I think I learned to build worthiness,

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Speaker 2: which is incredibly unsustainable and absolutely makes you miserable, but

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Speaker 2: it's because it had been what I was most used to.

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Speaker 2: And so then you just get into a pattern where

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Speaker 2: you just do it to yourself, and you're constantly measuring

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Speaker 2: yourself up to anyone else that you can, And all

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Speaker 2: I could realize was I was like, this is making

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Speaker 2: me miserable. I am so people around me are treating

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Speaker 2: me with such kind of Why can't I.

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Speaker 1: Do that for myself?

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Speaker 2: That is something I'm just like, I couldn't be more

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Speaker 2: adamant about making other people feel like. Nothing would mortify

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Speaker 2: me more than to put anyone down truly in any way,

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Speaker 2: unless like some sort of evil Disney villain. And then

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Speaker 2: it was like, but I could not do that in

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Speaker 2: a very like consistent way or enough that made me

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Speaker 2: not want to like run away from my thoughts. And

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Speaker 2: so that is the thing that I was most confronted

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Speaker 2: with without the distructions, and the thing that ultimately was

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Speaker 2: like what led to I think to a bit of

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Speaker 2: a transformation or something or like you know, it.

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Speaker 1: Broke the wow the flood gates.

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Speaker 3: At what point do you think that happened when.

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Speaker 1: They put the crown on my head? No, just kidding,

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Speaker 1: I Well.

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Speaker 3: That is external affirmation can serve a purpose, But if

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Speaker 3: you look at Hollywood, you see that just purely external

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Speaker 3: affirmation doesn't fill the yawning chasm in a lot of

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Speaker 3: particularly creative people or people who have to battle their

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Speaker 3: Ego with their work.

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Speaker 2: That is what I would be talking about with George,

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Speaker 2: Like I just think about it. I'm like, yeah, my

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Speaker 2: whole Columbar George Columbaris, Yeah, I was just talking about

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Speaker 2: I think there was a stage in my career sort

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Speaker 2: of before being there, before getting into the jungle, where

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Speaker 2: you know, yeah, my whole job is external about it's

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Speaker 2: getting laughs, it's performing outside, you know, and there was

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Speaker 2: this real dissonance of why am I so unhappy? There

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Speaker 2: was a part where I was really happy, and then

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Speaker 2: it's sort of things had gotten to a place where

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Speaker 2: I could tell I was just really comfortable doing these

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Speaker 2: external things and not being as tapped into what makes

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Speaker 2: me happy.

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Speaker 1: And you know, then you get to.

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Speaker 2: Talk to someone like George who's that's such a like

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Speaker 2: long career and can speak to being like, no, that

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Speaker 2: is important and like just what you said, It's like

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Speaker 2: it's not enough to just be but it also makes

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Speaker 2: sense that that can happen to you. You get caught

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Speaker 2: up in the you know, but it's like, at what

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Speaker 2: point do you decide, No, this should be fulfilling for me.

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Speaker 2: I should be enjoying this, especially when I think my

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Speaker 2: whole life has been geared to.

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Speaker 1: Like do comedy.

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Speaker 2: My whole dream in life is to have fun, make

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Speaker 2: other people have fun as much as possible, because joy

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Speaker 2: is like an important value to me.

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Speaker 1: From what aged were you comedically drawn?

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Speaker 2: Well? I think I think I have very early memories

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Speaker 2: of being in school and being the class clown and

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Speaker 2: always just yeah, being the silly one, and always in

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Speaker 2: school and even with my family. I loved making my

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Speaker 2: family laugh, and my dad made me laugh and my

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Speaker 2: sister made me laugh. So I think it's been yeah,

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Speaker 2: pretty pretty early.

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Speaker 3: It's interesting that you've chosen a path that contains the

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Speaker 3: antidote to some of the things that you were enduring

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Speaker 3: in your life, isn't that?

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Speaker 1: I think it's.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. I don't know if it's like that that cliche

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Speaker 2: thing where you know, yeah, out of the trauma, out

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Speaker 2: of the you know, growing up in a household that

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Speaker 2: was very.

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Speaker 1: Like I guess, being attuned to.

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Speaker 2: My father and his moods and that like that was

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Speaker 2: like the sun's setting and everything was. My whole day

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Speaker 2: was where is he at? Is he Is it a

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Speaker 2: good day? Is it a bad day? Am I going

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Speaker 2: to copy beating?

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Speaker 1: Am I not?

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Speaker 2: Has this thing triggered him like my safety was completely

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Speaker 2: tied to one person from the minute I was born,

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Speaker 2: Like that's all I knew from.

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Speaker 1: My entire family. It was like, and so.

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Speaker 2: Then you know, if we're laughing, if he's laughing for

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Speaker 2: whatever reason and things, I am safe, I am safe,

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Speaker 2: I'm happy. So how funny that that's something that you

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Speaker 2: chase and then you I don't know, then.

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Speaker 1: You make a career out of it too. Well, that's your.

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Speaker 3: Geared towards maybe trying to keep things light, trying to

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Speaker 3: project energy and good vibes. I had an acting teacher

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Speaker 3: once who used to say, mood backwards is doom. And

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Speaker 3: I always think that about moody people. You know, the

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Speaker 3: weight that they carry with you.

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Speaker 1: Oh yep.

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Speaker 3: And it gives me goosebumps now even thinking of the

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Speaker 3: that feeling that you get when like a dementa has

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Speaker 3: emptied enter the room and sucks all the joy out

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Speaker 3: of everyone.

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Speaker 2: Like you know when the sun like there's an eclipse,

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Speaker 2: Like that's what happens. And you're absolutely right. I can't

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Speaker 2: I actually can't top a demental. It's what it feels like.

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Speaker 2: It's like you know when you're watching the screen and

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Speaker 2: that it's that gray color, and it's like it's absolutely vacuum.

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Speaker 2: That is energy that I try to stay as far

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Speaker 2: away from as possible.

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Speaker 1: And yet, of course.

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Speaker 3: When you're a child, you can't yep, and you so

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Speaker 3: your mum and your sister.

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Speaker 1: So you're talking about your dad.

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Speaker 3: At what age did you become aware that your normal

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Speaker 3: was not.

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Speaker 1: Normal?

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Speaker 2: I feel like it's I feel like it's hard to pinpoint,

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Speaker 2: but I I guess, like I think about how I

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Speaker 2: found a journal of my little diary I had as

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Speaker 2: a little girl. Maybe I was like ten or something

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Speaker 2: like that, and I was just literally writing, being like I.

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Speaker 1: Love books, I love reading. Reading is the best I

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Speaker 1: love to read.

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Speaker 2: And then there's like a line in there being like,

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Speaker 2: but my dad gets really mad if I'm like not

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Speaker 2: reading the classics any Like it's this really like tragic

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Speaker 2: thing of just like I don't know, a little kid

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Speaker 2: just talking about what's happening, being like, oh, but I

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Speaker 2: get in big trouble if I'm not reading this specific.

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Speaker 1: Type of book. So it's been there forever.

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Speaker 2: All I know is I don't know if there was

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Speaker 2: a moment where I'm like, oh, this isn't normal, But

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Speaker 2: I guess I knew it was a normal and that

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Speaker 2: I never talked to anyone about it. I knew enough

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Speaker 2: to go, this isn't something I can share with literally anyone,

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Speaker 2: not my cousin who I grew up with, like an

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Speaker 2: extra sister who was around my dad, and probably sensing

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Speaker 2: I just I don't know. I guess I knew.

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Speaker 3: But.

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Speaker 2: I just thought, there's I have no agency here. I'm like,

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Speaker 2: this is my family, this is dad. So I just thought, well,

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Speaker 2: what can you do? You just deliver with it.

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Speaker 1: After the break.

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Speaker 3: Conchetta shares what it was like growing up in a

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Speaker 3: home where violence was a constant. I think one of

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Speaker 3: the most powerful things about any kind of violence, domestic

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Speaker 3: violence is.

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Speaker 1: The secrecy that goes with it.

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Speaker 3: And the wanting to keep it at bay so greatly

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Speaker 3: that you don't even want to speak about it when

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Speaker 3: it's not happening. Less, you sort of conjure it into

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Speaker 3: the room like a monster. Yeah, so did your mum

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Speaker 3: or your sister Did you ever get a chance to

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Speaker 3: talk about things? Were they escalating or de escalating? Things

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Speaker 3: were getting worse?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, things were getting worse, for sure. It's so funny

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Speaker 2: because I think about it, you go, oh, why wouldn't

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Speaker 2: you tell someone. The fear was so strong that I

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Speaker 2: just literally the fear of it, of telling someone, you know,

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Speaker 2: And this is something that's happened in micro moments your

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Speaker 2: entire life, in your most formative time as a kid

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Speaker 2: growing up, that I just couldn't see any way out.

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Speaker 2: I'd literally not the police, I go, this will only

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Speaker 2: end in misery. If that doesn't like paint the picture

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Speaker 2: of like, you know, psychologically that control that I go,

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Speaker 2: safety is just getting through the next and just getting to.

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Speaker 1: The next side. So that sort of speaks to that part.

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Speaker 2: But speaking about it, yeah, it was absolutely escalating my

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Speaker 2: I know because it was my little sister. My little sister,

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Speaker 2: she was really struggling at school. I think my sister,

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Speaker 2: I reckon. I had a better time at school generally.

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Speaker 2: I just enjoyed school. What would you know, with different personalities,

393
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Speaker 2: different people, Because my sister it harder and so she was, Yeah,

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Speaker 2: my sister copped it a lot worse than me. I

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Speaker 2: think my sister was just I don't know, I now

396
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Speaker 2: know like she I think I had she had ADHD

397
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Speaker 2: as a kid, so just maybe like harder to control.

398
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Speaker 2: I was more the golden child and so my sister

399
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Speaker 2: was really just it was getting worse and my mum

400
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Speaker 2: had to tell the school to stop sending reports. Like

401
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Speaker 2: she'd never done that for me, but for my sister

402
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Speaker 2: it was like actually alerting the school that things were happening, right,

403
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Speaker 2: you know.

404
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Speaker 3: Did the school have to stop sending reports because that

405
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Speaker 3: would make your dad angry?

406
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Speaker 2: Absolutely, whatever our results were, yep, that's a tense time.

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Speaker 1: Good or bad.

408
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Speaker 2: You're you're getting beaten, you're in trouble. I have this

409
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Speaker 2: memory of me and my sister literally, it's like something

410
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Speaker 2: out of a spy movie. We tried to open one

411
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Speaker 2: of the reports and change the results literally, like the

412
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Speaker 2: way that you'd get like a rubber and like try

413
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Speaker 2: and make an eight into it.

414
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Speaker 1: Like and I think.

415
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Speaker 2: About how skined, like in a way, like how brave

416
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Speaker 2: and crazy that is. Because like if dad even found

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Speaker 2: out that that we've like changed and the lying and

418
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Speaker 2: the deceited, he would go but listen. But like again

419
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Speaker 2: that fear of being like we need to stop this,

420
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Speaker 2: this bad mark because this is going to lead to

421
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Speaker 2: that Like we're like change. We're like like I actually, yeah,

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Speaker 2: kind of steaming it open. Yeah, that's right, Like like

423
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Speaker 2: scanning one sheet of your your geography mar and like

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Speaker 2: like change, you know, like insane and that's yeah, just

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Speaker 2: your way of coping in one way.

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Speaker 3: You say earlier that your dad was funny and your

427
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Speaker 3: dad made you laugh, which is I think another confusing

428
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Speaker 3: aspect to any situation like that, because you love this person, yep,

429
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Speaker 3: and this person can make you feel good, but the

430
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Speaker 3: flip side of that person is so dark. Were you

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Speaker 3: in the situation where you would be trying to protect

432
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Speaker 3: your mum or where you'd be covering for each other,

433
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Speaker 3: the three of you who were like locked in this

434
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Speaker 3: sort of painful trinity where you would be trying to

435
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Speaker 3: assume the responsibility for the mood to stop it affecting

436
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Speaker 3: the others.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's really complicated, right, Like sometimes so comp it is.

438
00:24:41,239 --> 00:24:45,199
Speaker 1: It's like you don't you don't know how to deal

439
00:24:45,239 --> 00:24:45,519
Speaker 1: with it.

440
00:24:45,719 --> 00:24:47,639
Speaker 2: You're not talking, you just say in it, and you're

441
00:24:47,719 --> 00:24:50,719
Speaker 2: going to react in different ways at different times. But

442
00:24:50,839 --> 00:24:58,279
Speaker 2: also little little children, absolutely, little children, totally. I think

443
00:24:58,319 --> 00:25:01,319
Speaker 2: there'd be times where yep, you'd be covering for the other.

444
00:25:02,319 --> 00:25:04,359
Speaker 2: There'd be times where you would have to we would

445
00:25:04,359 --> 00:25:07,439
Speaker 2: have to to freeze and wait for it to over

446
00:25:07,519 --> 00:25:12,599
Speaker 2: the idea of stepping in and stopping only escalates, which sounds,

447
00:25:13,159 --> 00:25:17,719
Speaker 2: if I might say, fucked and tragic, but being in it,

448
00:25:17,759 --> 00:25:21,399
Speaker 2: you're like, if I do this or if I stop it,

449
00:25:21,399 --> 00:25:25,199
Speaker 2: it will make it worse. So as sad really as

450
00:25:25,199 --> 00:25:27,959
Speaker 2: you would, just like watching on. I have this memory

451
00:25:27,999 --> 00:25:31,159
Speaker 2: of my sister, like one time I was like copying

452
00:25:31,239 --> 00:25:34,159
Speaker 2: a beating and I remember laughing. I don't think this

453
00:25:34,239 --> 00:25:37,639
Speaker 2: was common, but I remember laughing, like zoning out, being like,

454
00:25:38,559 --> 00:25:43,799
Speaker 2: oh this is pathetic, Like I am so vulnerable. I'm

455
00:25:43,879 --> 00:25:49,319
Speaker 2: just a girl and you're a grown man kicking me,

456
00:25:50,079 --> 00:25:52,559
Speaker 2: punching me, and I'm making it worse.

457
00:25:52,599 --> 00:25:53,799
Speaker 1: I'm actively making it worse.

458
00:25:53,839 --> 00:25:57,199
Speaker 2: But in that moment that by laughing, by yes, of course,

459
00:25:57,399 --> 00:25:59,519
Speaker 2: by yeah, there's a role to play of like I'm

460
00:25:59,519 --> 00:26:00,759
Speaker 2: being beaten, I should be set, you know.

461
00:26:01,919 --> 00:26:04,319
Speaker 1: And I remember my sister watching on being like what

462
00:26:04,399 --> 00:26:04,959
Speaker 1: are you doing?

463
00:26:05,199 --> 00:26:08,799
Speaker 2: I think she was telling me stop laughing, But in

464
00:26:08,799 --> 00:26:12,119
Speaker 2: that moment, I was like, oh, I actually don't. I'm

465
00:26:12,119 --> 00:26:14,639
Speaker 2: actually just making this choice that I this is the

466
00:26:14,679 --> 00:26:17,959
Speaker 2: way that I'm just reacting, and you know, I'm not

467
00:26:18,039 --> 00:26:18,879
Speaker 2: choosing that all the time.

468
00:26:18,879 --> 00:26:20,079
Speaker 1: But yeah, it's.

469
00:26:21,359 --> 00:26:22,639
Speaker 2: Just a memory that I have a lot of them

470
00:26:22,679 --> 00:26:24,999
Speaker 2: are blurry, but that one I remember.

471
00:26:25,279 --> 00:26:32,039
Speaker 3: So it can shadow your inappropriate laughter, which she is

472
00:26:33,399 --> 00:26:35,199
Speaker 3: like pouring petrol on a fire.

473
00:26:35,559 --> 00:26:40,639
Speaker 1: Yeah, how old are you? Then? I'm older. I think

474
00:26:40,679 --> 00:26:41,239
Speaker 1: I would be.

475
00:26:42,759 --> 00:26:48,319
Speaker 2: Like a teenager maybe like you know, seventeen eighteen or something.

476
00:26:48,399 --> 00:26:50,759
Speaker 3: You know, like so and your little sister who's trying

477
00:26:50,799 --> 00:26:52,839
Speaker 3: to warn you, how old was she at the time.

478
00:26:53,519 --> 00:26:54,479
Speaker 1: Well, she's four years.

479
00:26:54,359 --> 00:26:58,279
Speaker 2: Younger than me, so she'd be Yeah, I guess thirteen

480
00:26:58,359 --> 00:26:59,279
Speaker 2: fourteen or something.

481
00:27:00,119 --> 00:27:06,679
Speaker 3: And when you were changing her report card, what was

482
00:27:06,719 --> 00:27:07,279
Speaker 3: the subject?

483
00:27:07,359 --> 00:27:10,319
Speaker 1: By the way, that was the I actually couldn't tell you.

484
00:27:11,359 --> 00:27:13,639
Speaker 1: He could have been all of them, you know, any

485
00:27:13,679 --> 00:27:14,039
Speaker 1: of them.

486
00:27:14,119 --> 00:27:17,319
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's not like because he was a professional guy

487
00:27:17,399 --> 00:27:20,479
Speaker 3: and he was an optometrist, so as your mom. Yeah,

488
00:27:20,519 --> 00:27:24,559
Speaker 3: that he had an expectation that you'd be good at

489
00:27:24,319 --> 00:27:26,479
Speaker 3: dot dot you had to be good at everything.

490
00:27:26,559 --> 00:27:28,439
Speaker 2: Yeah, And again that I think that comes out of

491
00:27:29,479 --> 00:27:32,359
Speaker 2: wanting wanting the best for it, Like it's this tragic thing.

492
00:27:32,479 --> 00:27:34,959
Speaker 2: He's like, I want you to do well. I need

493
00:27:34,999 --> 00:27:36,279
Speaker 2: you to do out of school so that you are

494
00:27:36,319 --> 00:27:38,239
Speaker 2: set up for a good life. The way he's going

495
00:27:38,279 --> 00:27:43,319
Speaker 2: about it is clearly fucked but it's like this, it's

496
00:27:43,359 --> 00:27:45,439
Speaker 2: coming out of being like this is a parent, you know.

497
00:27:45,599 --> 00:27:49,719
Speaker 1: Yeah, did he think it was discipline? I think yes,

498
00:27:50,119 --> 00:27:50,679
Speaker 1: I think yes.

499
00:27:50,799 --> 00:27:54,479
Speaker 2: I think it was discipline of this is how it's

500
00:27:54,599 --> 00:27:56,559
Speaker 2: keeping you in the line so that you do better.

501
00:27:56,599 --> 00:27:58,039
Speaker 1: It was all to be like see wou do batter?

502
00:27:58,039 --> 00:28:00,919
Speaker 2: I didn't have a job growing up through school so

503
00:28:00,959 --> 00:28:02,159
Speaker 2: that I could focus on studying.

504
00:28:02,159 --> 00:28:02,479
Speaker 1: I didn't.

505
00:28:02,599 --> 00:28:04,399
Speaker 2: It's not to talk to boys, so you don't get

506
00:28:04,799 --> 00:28:07,559
Speaker 2: and you don't like all this classic like I don't know,

507
00:28:07,719 --> 00:28:12,119
Speaker 2: really like conservative it's And I also think it's in

508
00:28:12,159 --> 00:28:13,759
Speaker 2: a way what my dad grew up with.

509
00:28:13,879 --> 00:28:17,999
Speaker 1: And I'm not saying like it's just that patterns. Yeah,

510
00:28:18,519 --> 00:28:18,799
Speaker 1: I'm not.

511
00:28:19,079 --> 00:28:21,079
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's not like the abuse was the same or

512
00:28:21,119 --> 00:28:23,159
Speaker 2: the adviolence the same. But I think it's just his

513
00:28:23,239 --> 00:28:25,359
Speaker 2: way of like that is what he thought was like

514
00:28:26,279 --> 00:28:29,479
Speaker 2: the way of exerting control to lead to a good

515
00:28:30,919 --> 00:28:31,719
Speaker 2: life for us.

516
00:28:31,999 --> 00:28:32,279
Speaker 1: Yes.

517
00:28:32,639 --> 00:28:37,519
Speaker 3: Yes, So when you were helping your sister, which was

518
00:28:38,319 --> 00:28:43,239
Speaker 3: a very dangerous thing to be doing, did it occur

519
00:28:43,359 --> 00:28:46,599
Speaker 3: to you at the time that that was brave or

520
00:28:46,679 --> 00:28:50,519
Speaker 3: is it only in retrospect that you recognize that.

521
00:28:51,319 --> 00:28:54,279
Speaker 2: I think it's in retrospect because in it it's survival.

522
00:28:54,879 --> 00:28:57,919
Speaker 2: It's like I have to do this or the worst

523
00:28:57,959 --> 00:29:00,439
Speaker 2: thing ever is about to happen, Like everything is just

524
00:29:00,519 --> 00:29:03,119
Speaker 2: in survival of like I need to hide these crumbs,

525
00:29:03,279 --> 00:29:06,599
Speaker 2: like I always remember the the sound we remember is.

526
00:29:06,559 --> 00:29:07,799
Speaker 1: The garage door.

527
00:29:08,679 --> 00:29:09,999
Speaker 2: So it would be like we'd have a few hours

528
00:29:09,999 --> 00:29:11,999
Speaker 2: at home by ourselves before our parents would get home

529
00:29:12,039 --> 00:29:15,079
Speaker 2: after work and you know, like to decompress for like

530
00:29:15,119 --> 00:29:17,359
Speaker 2: I don't know, we're watching TV. We're like actually just

531
00:29:17,399 --> 00:29:20,639
Speaker 2: having a few times alone, not in that well, and

532
00:29:20,679 --> 00:29:21,279
Speaker 2: then as soon.

533
00:29:21,119 --> 00:29:24,599
Speaker 1: As we're hearing a garage door, it's like.

534
00:29:23,599 --> 00:29:26,199
Speaker 2: Like energized baby, like quick, get high of it, like

535
00:29:26,279 --> 00:29:28,159
Speaker 2: you know, everything's just built. It's just about So I

536
00:29:28,199 --> 00:29:30,119
Speaker 2: don't think we're yeah sitting around being like oh my god,

537
00:29:30,159 --> 00:29:32,479
Speaker 2: I'm being so brave. No, it's only being like looking

538
00:29:32,479 --> 00:29:36,679
Speaker 2: back and being like Geese Louise, like that was brave

539
00:29:36,759 --> 00:29:40,159
Speaker 2: because you're taking this risk. You're just like on a

540
00:29:40,239 --> 00:29:43,039
Speaker 2: knife's edge. You know.

541
00:29:44,439 --> 00:29:47,919
Speaker 3: Also, how's your mom because she she and your dad

542
00:29:47,999 --> 00:29:49,199
Speaker 3: worked together as well.

543
00:29:49,919 --> 00:29:57,839
Speaker 1: Yeah, so she never had like a sip of oxygen. Nope,

544
00:29:59,359 --> 00:30:03,959
Speaker 1: yeah it's yeah.

545
00:30:03,799 --> 00:30:09,799
Speaker 2: It's yeah again, I go, there's a I see there's

546
00:30:09,799 --> 00:30:15,759
Speaker 2: a strength there to live this, to live in this too.

547
00:30:16,399 --> 00:30:19,239
Speaker 2: And I think about my mom. Mum's and was an

548
00:30:19,279 --> 00:30:22,599
Speaker 2: amazing optomicy. My mom was an amazing Like for her

549
00:30:22,799 --> 00:30:29,279
Speaker 2: carrying all this stuff when it's just unrelenting, is I mean,

550
00:30:29,279 --> 00:30:33,679
Speaker 2: it's it's it's very sad, you know, it's.

551
00:30:35,559 --> 00:30:37,079
Speaker 1: Yeah, it makes me really sad.

552
00:30:38,119 --> 00:30:41,639
Speaker 3: Your mom said that the catalyst for her to get

553
00:30:41,679 --> 00:30:46,039
Speaker 3: you girls out was when your sister was on the

554
00:30:46,119 --> 00:30:49,679
Speaker 3: cusp of basically running away from home.

555
00:30:50,439 --> 00:30:51,119
Speaker 1: Yep, that's right.

556
00:30:51,359 --> 00:30:54,759
Speaker 2: She had I apparently had packed a bag, like I

557
00:30:54,759 --> 00:30:57,079
Speaker 2: think my mom said she like noticed something a little

558
00:30:57,119 --> 00:31:00,679
Speaker 2: bit with Francesca, like a bit. Yeah, I don't I

559
00:31:00,719 --> 00:31:02,279
Speaker 2: can't speak for her in the way that mum could,

560
00:31:02,319 --> 00:31:06,159
Speaker 2: but she noticed something was up maybe and then yeah,

561
00:31:06,199 --> 00:31:08,399
Speaker 2: maybe she'd packed a bag. And I think my sister

562
00:31:08,519 --> 00:31:11,879
Speaker 2: was called my mom outside to school and just broke

563
00:31:11,919 --> 00:31:14,279
Speaker 2: down and was like I planned to run away, like

564
00:31:14,319 --> 00:31:17,359
Speaker 2: I don't want to go back, Like I can't do this.

565
00:31:17,639 --> 00:31:21,679
Speaker 2: I'm really scared. And I think it was that moment

566
00:31:21,719 --> 00:31:23,919
Speaker 2: where my mom's like, oh, I'm about to lose my daughter.

567
00:31:24,959 --> 00:31:27,559
Speaker 2: Like you know, it's functioned in this one way, but

568
00:31:28,399 --> 00:31:31,639
Speaker 2: to lose her like Mom was like, okay, I need

569
00:31:31,639 --> 00:31:33,999
Speaker 2: to I need to get us out. This has gotten

570
00:31:33,999 --> 00:31:35,239
Speaker 2: to a different point.

571
00:31:35,359 --> 00:31:42,999
Speaker 3: That's an amazing instinct of a mother that she could

572
00:31:43,119 --> 00:31:48,599
Speaker 3: endure it, but she couldn't endure it forcing you or

573
00:31:48,599 --> 00:31:55,359
Speaker 3: your sister out. Yeah, and so that galvanized her. And

574
00:31:55,399 --> 00:32:00,079
Speaker 3: then you did this amazing move. So you went from

575
00:32:00,559 --> 00:32:08,759
Speaker 3: Sydney suburban Sydney to Wa yep, yeah, which is huge.

576
00:32:08,839 --> 00:32:10,679
Speaker 3: That's the equivalent of teen countries.

577
00:32:11,519 --> 00:32:11,959
Speaker 1: Totally.

578
00:32:12,039 --> 00:32:14,759
Speaker 2: It really was like what's the furthest point from here,

579
00:32:15,559 --> 00:32:18,239
Speaker 2: the other side of the country and where we have

580
00:32:18,439 --> 00:32:20,839
Speaker 2: we know no one, we have no connection. But my

581
00:32:20,919 --> 00:32:23,439
Speaker 2: mum also said this beautiful thing where like my grandfather

582
00:32:23,479 --> 00:32:26,879
Speaker 2: who's a migrant from northern Italy, and he came over

583
00:32:26,959 --> 00:32:31,519
Speaker 2: and worked around the country and he worked I think

584
00:32:31,599 --> 00:32:34,479
Speaker 2: in w A and.

585
00:32:35,759 --> 00:32:39,479
Speaker 1: A lot of fruit and beage in Wa. Was it that, No,

586
00:32:39,639 --> 00:32:40,799
Speaker 1: he's a he's a builder.

587
00:32:40,799 --> 00:32:43,439
Speaker 2: So I think he was like yeah, using his hands

588
00:32:43,439 --> 00:32:47,159
Speaker 2: in like a building type way, or being disappointed. I

589
00:32:47,159 --> 00:32:50,719
Speaker 2: don't remembering the country building the country, building the country.

590
00:32:50,839 --> 00:32:52,519
Speaker 2: I think he worked on the is it the hydro

591
00:32:52,959 --> 00:32:55,359
Speaker 2: where a lot of it is the snowy, Yeah, snow

592
00:32:55,519 --> 00:32:56,559
Speaker 2: worked on that are.

593
00:32:56,479 --> 00:32:58,639
Speaker 1: The hydro scheme. Wow.

594
00:32:58,799 --> 00:33:01,919
Speaker 2: So anyways, I think he mentioned he worked in Perth,

595
00:33:01,959 --> 00:33:05,519
Speaker 2: and he just talked about like the beauty like blue

596
00:33:05,719 --> 00:33:07,839
Speaker 2: of the ocean, and he just I think my mom

597
00:33:07,879 --> 00:33:10,799
Speaker 2: said she like never forgot the imagery of my nominal

598
00:33:10,919 --> 00:33:12,799
Speaker 2: talking about that part.

599
00:33:12,599 --> 00:33:13,519
Speaker 1: Of the world.

600
00:33:13,639 --> 00:33:16,599
Speaker 2: And so that little bit of hope, you know, is

601
00:33:16,639 --> 00:33:19,119
Speaker 2: going to come to you in a bleak time of

602
00:33:19,119 --> 00:33:21,199
Speaker 2: being like, Okay, we need to up and move our

603
00:33:21,239 --> 00:33:22,959
Speaker 2: whole lives to escape.

604
00:33:23,039 --> 00:33:25,319
Speaker 1: Where should we go? And I think that popped into

605
00:33:25,359 --> 00:33:25,719
Speaker 1: her head.

606
00:33:26,119 --> 00:33:29,039
Speaker 3: But what does that look like like to anyone who's

607
00:33:29,119 --> 00:33:34,679
Speaker 3: moved house? Yeah, even in you know, normal circumstances, that's

608
00:33:34,719 --> 00:33:38,839
Speaker 3: a massive undertaking. Yeah, how did it play out for you?

609
00:33:38,879 --> 00:33:40,439
Speaker 3: Did it have to be done in secret?

610
00:33:40,799 --> 00:33:40,999
Speaker 1: Yeap?

611
00:33:41,679 --> 00:33:45,119
Speaker 2: Again, my mom is the the maestro of this. She

612
00:33:45,279 --> 00:33:49,879
Speaker 2: was the adult, right, Like even though I'm nineteen, I'm

613
00:33:50,799 --> 00:33:55,239
Speaker 2: Mom is sorting this all out and so I can't

614
00:33:55,359 --> 00:33:56,999
Speaker 2: speak to that level of detail, but you know there

615
00:33:57,039 --> 00:33:59,399
Speaker 2: would be stuff going on of like setting up a

616
00:33:59,439 --> 00:34:00,679
Speaker 2: secret bank account.

617
00:34:00,759 --> 00:34:04,679
Speaker 1: And I know for me and my sister it was literally.

618
00:34:04,319 --> 00:34:09,639
Speaker 2: Like setting aside clothes in your draw of like what

619
00:34:09,719 --> 00:34:14,239
Speaker 2: you will be ready to take an escape bag pretty much.

620
00:34:14,079 --> 00:34:15,319
Speaker 1: An escape bag. Yep.

621
00:34:15,479 --> 00:34:18,559
Speaker 2: I'm realizing, like, what's the essentials here? What are you

622
00:34:18,639 --> 00:34:23,319
Speaker 2: prepared to leave behind? And I think it would have

623
00:34:23,319 --> 00:34:26,279
Speaker 2: been mum, you know, having a conversation with this the school,

624
00:34:26,439 --> 00:34:30,119
Speaker 2: and you know, I seriously like for my mom to

625
00:34:30,199 --> 00:34:34,519
Speaker 2: handle still like working living with my dad full time

626
00:34:34,959 --> 00:34:38,279
Speaker 2: doing all this admin. You know, he monitors everything, like

627
00:34:38,559 --> 00:34:40,919
Speaker 2: there's only so few times that she's away from him

628
00:34:41,439 --> 00:34:45,879
Speaker 2: to like in amongst the fear to orchestrate as sort

629
00:34:45,919 --> 00:34:48,959
Speaker 2: of you know, get getting in touch with the hotline

630
00:34:49,039 --> 00:34:53,119
Speaker 2: and sorting out having a refugeeally somewhere to go, telling

631
00:34:53,119 --> 00:34:55,279
Speaker 2: her parents for the first time after all these years,

632
00:34:55,599 --> 00:34:58,479
Speaker 2: all that stuff, and then it culminating in one morning

633
00:34:58,519 --> 00:35:00,999
Speaker 2: where instead of doing the classic drop off me to

634
00:35:01,119 --> 00:35:03,999
Speaker 2: UNI and my sister's school, it's in the morning.

635
00:35:04,039 --> 00:35:04,999
Speaker 1: Dad's usually asleep.

636
00:35:05,919 --> 00:35:08,799
Speaker 2: We're packing the final pack, trying to you know, don't

637
00:35:08,799 --> 00:35:11,359
Speaker 2: want the boot to be too loud, like every little bit.

638
00:35:11,799 --> 00:35:15,079
Speaker 2: It's so tense, and just getting in the car and

639
00:35:15,119 --> 00:35:18,759
Speaker 2: then driving to my We went to my grandparents and

640
00:35:18,799 --> 00:35:20,559
Speaker 2: then we went to the refuge.

641
00:35:21,319 --> 00:35:23,319
Speaker 1: Are both your parents Italian? Yes?

642
00:35:24,519 --> 00:35:27,719
Speaker 3: And so you had two sets of grandparents or yep.

643
00:35:29,359 --> 00:35:31,879
Speaker 3: Did they have any idea of what was going on

644
00:35:31,959 --> 00:35:32,639
Speaker 3: in your home?

645
00:35:34,279 --> 00:35:38,399
Speaker 2: I don't think they did. I don't think they knew

646
00:35:39,159 --> 00:35:40,719
Speaker 2: how bad it was. I don't think they knew the

647
00:35:40,719 --> 00:35:44,079
Speaker 2: extent of it. I think they knew something was I

648
00:35:44,119 --> 00:35:46,639
Speaker 2: think they you know, I think they could see parts

649
00:35:46,639 --> 00:35:49,279
Speaker 2: of my dad's character and like streaks, and I don't

650
00:35:49,279 --> 00:35:52,959
Speaker 2: think they were his biggest fan. But no, I think

651
00:35:52,999 --> 00:35:56,599
Speaker 2: they Yeah, when Mum told them, I don't think they

652
00:35:56,679 --> 00:35:59,599
Speaker 2: knew the level it was at.

653
00:36:01,039 --> 00:36:01,959
Speaker 1: So they knew.

654
00:36:03,279 --> 00:36:10,759
Speaker 3: Go to wa and you, of course have to ensure

655
00:36:10,799 --> 00:36:15,999
Speaker 3: that he can't find you, because a person who's controlled

656
00:36:16,199 --> 00:36:21,199
Speaker 3: three other people and is used to that, I imagine he's

657
00:36:21,199 --> 00:36:22,959
Speaker 3: not going to let them go easily.

658
00:36:25,279 --> 00:36:28,999
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, that's what we had to what Once we

659
00:36:29,039 --> 00:36:30,599
Speaker 2: got to the refuge, then it was a matter of

660
00:36:31,319 --> 00:36:34,959
Speaker 2: looking for where to live and legally changing our names.

661
00:36:34,999 --> 00:36:37,039
Speaker 1: My sister was too young, but me and my mom did.

662
00:36:38,039 --> 00:36:42,719
Speaker 1: And what did you change your name to Siena as I.

663
00:36:42,959 --> 00:36:45,999
Speaker 2: E Ana the one n like like the Italian city

664
00:36:46,799 --> 00:36:49,239
Speaker 2: and the last name was Degraux. And that was like

665
00:36:49,319 --> 00:36:50,919
Speaker 2: again like a fun discussion of like.

666
00:36:51,039 --> 00:36:52,279
Speaker 1: What's our names going to be?

667
00:36:52,479 --> 00:36:56,519
Speaker 2: Like what I'm looking into Like what h I mean,

668
00:36:56,519 --> 00:37:01,159
Speaker 2: it was pretty It's like a rebirth and a taking

669
00:37:01,199 --> 00:37:04,039
Speaker 2: back control, I guess, of being like what I want

670
00:37:04,039 --> 00:37:04,879
Speaker 2: to call myself?

671
00:37:05,439 --> 00:37:09,479
Speaker 1: What's my name going to be? So yeah, I became Siena.

672
00:37:10,319 --> 00:37:14,119
Speaker 3: The survival instinct of that reminds me of the sound

673
00:37:14,159 --> 00:37:16,839
Speaker 3: of music almost where they're trying to make the escape

674
00:37:16,879 --> 00:37:17,559
Speaker 3: over the Alps.

675
00:37:17,599 --> 00:37:19,399
Speaker 1: Fun for your little children.

676
00:37:19,719 --> 00:37:24,079
Speaker 3: It's like that, yes totally, And once again the onus

677
00:37:24,119 --> 00:37:28,279
Speaker 3: on your mother to be the one that this is

678
00:37:28,359 --> 00:37:32,559
Speaker 3: going to be all right, when in many ways she's

679
00:37:32,719 --> 00:37:36,199
Speaker 3: the last person that you would expect to be able

680
00:37:36,239 --> 00:37:36,919
Speaker 3: to say that.

681
00:37:37,239 --> 00:37:39,239
Speaker 1: Yeah totally.

682
00:37:39,439 --> 00:37:42,199
Speaker 2: But I guess, you know, the three of us, no

683
00:37:42,279 --> 00:37:44,399
Speaker 2: one knew but us, like do you know what I mean?

684
00:37:44,439 --> 00:37:47,599
Speaker 2: Like that is the joy of having each other in

685
00:37:47,639 --> 00:37:49,599
Speaker 2: the ups and the downs of like nothing can be

686
00:37:49,919 --> 00:37:52,519
Speaker 2: worse than what we've gone through. And you've got all

687
00:37:52,519 --> 00:37:57,239
Speaker 2: the same fear and guilt and and just.

688
00:37:57,519 --> 00:37:59,399
Speaker 1: All of that running through your brain.

689
00:37:59,559 --> 00:38:01,359
Speaker 2: But and all of us at different points, you know,

690
00:38:01,479 --> 00:38:04,559
Speaker 2: like we can't say we're all completely feeling the same

691
00:38:04,719 --> 00:38:07,519
Speaker 2: things at the same time, no way, but we were

692
00:38:07,519 --> 00:38:08,159
Speaker 2: in it together.

693
00:38:08,759 --> 00:38:13,359
Speaker 3: So that's And then did you have a period where

694
00:38:13,399 --> 00:38:17,319
Speaker 3: you decompressed together, where you could like take a breath.

695
00:38:17,559 --> 00:38:23,559
Speaker 1: Did you feel safe as Siena. Did you feel safe?

696
00:38:22,799 --> 00:38:25,159
Speaker 1: I think I did.

697
00:38:26,119 --> 00:38:30,199
Speaker 2: I think there's always that back of your mind anxiety

698
00:38:30,959 --> 00:38:34,679
Speaker 2: of being like is this real? Is this possible? Will

699
00:38:34,679 --> 00:38:37,239
Speaker 2: we find out? But I would say being in this

700
00:38:37,279 --> 00:38:43,879
Speaker 2: totally new place and having that literal freedom living somewhere new,

701
00:38:43,959 --> 00:38:49,279
Speaker 2: being somewhere totally new, I definitely felt safe and had

702
00:38:49,319 --> 00:38:52,919
Speaker 2: like a totally different life, like literally just like getting

703
00:38:52,959 --> 00:38:57,279
Speaker 2: on the bus, going on a train by myself, Like yeah,

704
00:38:57,319 --> 00:38:59,519
Speaker 2: all those little things, but just being in a house

705
00:38:59,599 --> 00:39:04,399
Speaker 2: like we had an apartment and just I don't know,

706
00:39:04,679 --> 00:39:06,959
Speaker 2: getting to make that whatever we wanted it to be

707
00:39:07,159 --> 00:39:10,519
Speaker 2: pink and decorated like there was. There was so much

708
00:39:10,639 --> 00:39:15,199
Speaker 2: joy in those moments in Perth together for sure.

709
00:39:19,399 --> 00:39:23,479
Speaker 3: Next, Concetta reflects on the transformation she saw in her

710
00:39:23,519 --> 00:39:31,839
Speaker 3: mother once they were finally free from the violence. What

711
00:39:32,119 --> 00:39:35,279
Speaker 3: change did you see in your mouth? That is such

712
00:39:35,279 --> 00:39:36,039
Speaker 3: an amazing question.

713
00:39:36,159 --> 00:39:39,519
Speaker 2: I actually will never forget it of watching it was

714
00:39:39,559 --> 00:39:42,759
Speaker 2: literally like a flower blossoming. I think about my mom

715
00:39:42,959 --> 00:39:46,319
Speaker 2: and like how she would dress. She started to like

716
00:39:47,519 --> 00:39:48,519
Speaker 2: you could just see it.

717
00:39:48,519 --> 00:39:49,199
Speaker 1: It went from like.

718
00:39:49,359 --> 00:39:52,799
Speaker 2: The palette of like brown and like frumpy and stuff

719
00:39:52,839 --> 00:39:55,439
Speaker 2: that she just did it to actually like watching her

720
00:39:55,479 --> 00:39:57,839
Speaker 2: find a sense of style, watching her find joy in

721
00:39:59,079 --> 00:40:03,039
Speaker 2: op shopping and pieces that like dresses, and you know,

722
00:40:03,199 --> 00:40:06,879
Speaker 2: like actually watching the way she like her, the way

723
00:40:06,879 --> 00:40:09,239
Speaker 2: she walked, the way she carried herself, the way she like.

724
00:40:10,399 --> 00:40:12,639
Speaker 2: I remember that was really clear of her coming home

725
00:40:12,639 --> 00:40:14,359
Speaker 2: and us having been like look at this dress.

726
00:40:14,559 --> 00:40:15,399
Speaker 1: This too.

727
00:40:15,599 --> 00:40:17,919
Speaker 2: There's like a shop in Perth called like good Sammy,

728
00:40:17,999 --> 00:40:20,079
Speaker 2: we don't have it in the in the East, and

729
00:40:20,359 --> 00:40:21,479
Speaker 2: we'd be like wow, like.

730
00:40:21,439 --> 00:40:23,679
Speaker 1: I found this like oriton top like two dollars, and.

731
00:40:23,639 --> 00:40:27,279
Speaker 2: Like I just remember thinking that was so amazing, Like

732
00:40:27,479 --> 00:40:31,119
Speaker 2: just in that way of just seeing color come back

733
00:40:31,159 --> 00:40:33,399
Speaker 2: to someone literally in their eyes and their face and

734
00:40:33,399 --> 00:40:35,759
Speaker 2: in the way they show up for every day literally

735
00:40:35,799 --> 00:40:40,319
Speaker 2: like finding joy and hope. And that's a very like physical,

736
00:40:40,399 --> 00:40:41,639
Speaker 2: clear like manifestation.

737
00:40:42,839 --> 00:40:45,479
Speaker 1: And did you because you'd always found.

738
00:40:46,799 --> 00:40:50,479
Speaker 3: That joy outside that home as well, because you enjoyed

739
00:40:51,119 --> 00:40:54,479
Speaker 3: you know, school, yep, very social.

740
00:40:54,679 --> 00:40:56,799
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know you've got a you've got.

741
00:40:56,639 --> 00:41:00,639
Speaker 3: A good engine, I do you know it's geared towards

742
00:41:00,839 --> 00:41:10,039
Speaker 3: joy and uplift. How was Sienna different to Concertta, whoa, whoa.

743
00:41:12,439 --> 00:41:15,519
Speaker 1: Hmm, how is he different to Concertta?

744
00:41:16,319 --> 00:41:24,879
Speaker 2: I think I think there was maybe Sienna like more

745
00:41:24,959 --> 00:41:30,279
Speaker 2: just trying to figure figure out who she wanted to.

746
00:41:30,559 --> 00:41:32,759
Speaker 2: I felt like I needed to catch up to everyone.

747
00:41:34,319 --> 00:41:35,799
Speaker 1: I think racted development.

748
00:41:36,279 --> 00:41:38,359
Speaker 2: I was like, I should know all this stuff by now.

749
00:41:38,439 --> 00:41:42,719
Speaker 2: I should know how to like like have a sense

750
00:41:42,759 --> 00:41:44,559
Speaker 2: of style and know how to have a job and like, no,

751
00:41:44,639 --> 00:41:46,279
Speaker 2: what I took to ball and like all this stuff.

752
00:41:46,319 --> 00:41:48,919
Speaker 2: I think there was a bit of that kind of

753
00:41:50,599 --> 00:41:55,159
Speaker 2: not giving myself a break, if that makes sense. And

754
00:41:55,239 --> 00:41:58,679
Speaker 2: also I think there's also this idea of like this

755
00:41:58,879 --> 00:42:02,759
Speaker 2: real conflicting of I'm totally free, but I also I am

756
00:42:02,799 --> 00:42:05,639
Speaker 2: hiding this giant secret and I left behind people who

757
00:42:05,759 --> 00:42:09,359
Speaker 2: actually know me, and I had to just completely severtize

758
00:42:09,439 --> 00:42:13,079
Speaker 2: with best friends and I didn't tell anyone what had happened,

759
00:42:13,159 --> 00:42:15,519
Speaker 2: or that I was leaving and just disappearing.

760
00:42:15,039 --> 00:42:18,039
Speaker 1: Or where you were going or so there's.

761
00:42:17,799 --> 00:42:21,879
Speaker 2: Probably that inside me, two of this grief, but being

762
00:42:21,919 --> 00:42:24,239
Speaker 2: like no, got to keep got to keep positive, like

763
00:42:24,519 --> 00:42:25,799
Speaker 2: you know, there's no looking back.

764
00:42:26,639 --> 00:42:27,719
Speaker 1: Did you end up working?

765
00:42:28,159 --> 00:42:31,199
Speaker 2: Yeah, I got my first job at City Beach, and

766
00:42:31,919 --> 00:42:32,919
Speaker 2: that was so cool.

767
00:42:33,039 --> 00:42:36,879
Speaker 1: Working in retail and said, no, wonder.

768
00:42:38,039 --> 00:42:40,199
Speaker 2: I know, this girl's the happiest girl ever to like

769
00:42:40,319 --> 00:42:41,879
Speaker 2: have a job in retail.

770
00:42:43,279 --> 00:42:48,159
Speaker 1: So that was pretty pretty exciting. I want to ask

771
00:42:48,239 --> 00:42:50,159
Speaker 1: you something. You don't have to answer it, but.

772
00:42:52,159 --> 00:42:56,919
Speaker 3: When you're in that situation and your mother's got is

773
00:42:56,959 --> 00:42:59,959
Speaker 3: the only one who's an adult who can exercise that

774
00:43:00,079 --> 00:43:05,279
Speaker 3: control to leave the situation that you're in, that untenable

775
00:43:06,359 --> 00:43:11,759
Speaker 3: and she doesn't do it. Did you and your sister

776
00:43:12,519 --> 00:43:14,679
Speaker 3: have periods when you were angry at her?

777
00:43:16,319 --> 00:43:18,839
Speaker 2: I don't want to stick with my sister, but I

778
00:43:19,359 --> 00:43:23,519
Speaker 2: definitely know that I I did. I think that, and

779
00:43:23,559 --> 00:43:26,039
Speaker 2: I think it can be conscious, it can be unconscious,

780
00:43:26,639 --> 00:43:33,439
Speaker 2: but that one hundred makes things really hard and just

781
00:43:34,119 --> 00:43:39,919
Speaker 2: feeling like, yeah, it's just this really uncomfortable and sad

782
00:43:40,879 --> 00:43:42,039
Speaker 2: reality where you just.

783
00:43:41,999 --> 00:43:44,039
Speaker 1: You're like, is anyone protecting me? I guess?

784
00:43:45,719 --> 00:43:50,719
Speaker 3: But then of course she's in this situation where you're

785
00:43:50,759 --> 00:43:55,999
Speaker 3: angry at her and she's already dealing with your dad.

786
00:43:57,039 --> 00:43:57,359
Speaker 1: That's why.

787
00:43:57,439 --> 00:44:00,399
Speaker 2: And the thing is like, you can't put the blame

788
00:44:00,439 --> 00:44:04,559
Speaker 2: on each other. The person who deserves the blame is

789
00:44:04,559 --> 00:44:07,199
Speaker 2: the bus it was inflicting this and we are just

790
00:44:08,119 --> 00:44:09,879
Speaker 2: you know, you're just going to have emotions and it's

791
00:44:09,999 --> 00:44:10,559
Speaker 2: very compliment.

792
00:44:10,559 --> 00:44:11,919
Speaker 1: It's not fair to each of us.

793
00:44:11,959 --> 00:44:13,679
Speaker 2: But you're human, right, so it's just going to go

794
00:44:13,719 --> 00:44:16,679
Speaker 2: in different directions you're a kid or whatever. But I

795
00:44:16,719 --> 00:44:18,919
Speaker 2: also just think about I was really isolated from my

796
00:44:18,999 --> 00:44:22,319
Speaker 2: mom from the start. I have a relationship where my

797
00:44:22,359 --> 00:44:25,999
Speaker 2: mom says, like, as soon as I was born, there

798
00:44:26,039 --> 00:44:27,839
Speaker 2: was pressure for her to go back to work, and

799
00:44:27,879 --> 00:44:31,199
Speaker 2: we didn't. I didn't get a bonding time with her,

800
00:44:31,479 --> 00:44:34,039
Speaker 2: unlike my sister. And I also know that you know,

801
00:44:34,839 --> 00:44:38,799
Speaker 2: with some abuses and had relationships like that, who the control.

802
00:44:38,839 --> 00:44:41,759
Speaker 2: It's like isolating you from each other. So I really

803
00:44:41,799 --> 00:44:44,599
Speaker 2: remember growing up thinking like I would hear girls at

804
00:44:44,599 --> 00:44:46,919
Speaker 2: school talk about being best friends with their mom and

805
00:44:46,959 --> 00:44:48,959
Speaker 2: like going shopping with their mom and having mom dates,

806
00:44:48,959 --> 00:44:51,679
Speaker 2: and that just never happened. I had five minutes with

807
00:44:51,679 --> 00:44:53,759
Speaker 2: my mom before bed where she just like tucked me in,

808
00:44:54,319 --> 00:44:57,159
Speaker 2: or it's the school drop offs, like we're not actually

809
00:44:57,159 --> 00:44:59,679
Speaker 2: having any meaningful connection. My dad would be taking up

810
00:44:59,719 --> 00:45:01,839
Speaker 2: a lot of that time with me.

811
00:45:02,839 --> 00:45:07,039
Speaker 1: And so we like a dad's girl. Yeah, yeah, So

812
00:45:07,079 --> 00:45:07,559
Speaker 1: you had to.

813
00:45:07,559 --> 00:45:10,559
Speaker 3: Leave that behind as well. As part of the complexity

814
00:45:10,599 --> 00:45:14,199
Speaker 3: of what we're talking about absolutely absolutely.

815
00:45:14,239 --> 00:45:16,079
Speaker 2: And the thing I wanted to go back and say

816
00:45:16,199 --> 00:45:17,799
Speaker 2: is like I think, yeah, of course, it's hard to

817
00:45:17,879 --> 00:45:21,319
Speaker 2: hear someone who can inflict such pain also be someone

818
00:45:21,359 --> 00:45:24,159
Speaker 2: that you love and love. But that's the thing, right,

819
00:45:24,199 --> 00:45:27,799
Speaker 2: And like, actually, humans they're not clear like a dementor.

820
00:45:28,479 --> 00:45:31,639
Speaker 2: They're not They're people who have personalities and have good

821
00:45:31,679 --> 00:45:35,319
Speaker 2: parts and bad parts. It's not like easy circle that

822
00:45:36,079 --> 00:45:39,039
Speaker 2: person's all bad all the time. It just can't work

823
00:45:39,159 --> 00:45:39,359
Speaker 2: like that.

824
00:45:40,279 --> 00:45:45,079
Speaker 3: Well, that's why the situations also exist because you know

825
00:45:45,239 --> 00:45:50,039
Speaker 3: the capacity of this person to be their essential, untainted self,

826
00:45:50,759 --> 00:45:53,239
Speaker 3: and every time you see that beautiful part of them,

827
00:45:53,719 --> 00:45:57,039
Speaker 3: you're that part of you, the faith part of you

828
00:45:58,399 --> 00:46:00,639
Speaker 3: is restored and you're like, maybe this is how it

829
00:46:00,679 --> 00:46:02,279
Speaker 3: will be now.

830
00:46:02,199 --> 00:46:04,559
Speaker 1: Yeah, totally.

831
00:46:04,599 --> 00:46:08,119
Speaker 2: It's like also, it's like my dad in particular, like

832
00:46:08,999 --> 00:46:13,319
Speaker 2: he could be very loving, he could be That's what

833
00:46:13,359 --> 00:46:14,959
Speaker 2: a lot of perpetrates with people don't understand, is like

834
00:46:15,039 --> 00:46:17,199
Speaker 2: they're humans, so they can be charming, they can be

835
00:46:17,679 --> 00:46:19,639
Speaker 2: So my dad could be loving, and but it was

836
00:46:19,759 --> 00:46:21,439
Speaker 2: very I would say the love that I grew up with,

837
00:46:21,479 --> 00:46:22,319
Speaker 2: it was conditional.

838
00:46:22,559 --> 00:46:24,399
Speaker 1: It was am I doing the right thing? Am I

839
00:46:24,439 --> 00:46:24,879
Speaker 1: being sure?

840
00:46:24,959 --> 00:46:27,599
Speaker 2: Then I will receive love and if I'm not, it's

841
00:46:27,639 --> 00:46:30,479
Speaker 2: the stark opposite. And that's a very specific way of

842
00:46:30,479 --> 00:46:33,119
Speaker 2: growing up, conditional love versus uncondition And.

843
00:46:33,079 --> 00:46:37,159
Speaker 3: Did that definition of you doing the right thing change

844
00:46:37,279 --> 00:46:37,919
Speaker 3: all the time?

845
00:46:38,519 --> 00:46:42,439
Speaker 2: Hmmm, I'm sure yes, But I would say that, like

846
00:46:43,519 --> 00:46:45,959
Speaker 2: the top line would be the same of being a

847
00:46:45,999 --> 00:46:50,199
Speaker 2: good girl and studying hard and you know, not speaking

848
00:46:50,319 --> 00:46:52,479
Speaker 2: up and not talking to boy like, you know, the

849
00:46:52,599 --> 00:46:55,039
Speaker 2: through lines are kind of the same of if I'm

850
00:46:55,119 --> 00:46:57,119
Speaker 2: doing good at school, we're all good.

851
00:46:58,079 --> 00:46:59,319
Speaker 1: If I'm studying, we're all good.

852
00:46:59,839 --> 00:47:03,039
Speaker 2: If I'm you know, like on the path that we'd

853
00:47:03,319 --> 00:47:07,279
Speaker 2: hope of, just like going to UNI and not being

854
00:47:07,319 --> 00:47:09,959
Speaker 2: a slut and not dressing like a slut and not

855
00:47:10,079 --> 00:47:12,159
Speaker 2: like I don't know, like those things are kind of

856
00:47:13,319 --> 00:47:13,759
Speaker 2: the same.

857
00:47:13,879 --> 00:47:21,999
Speaker 1: And I find this hard to hear because you are

858
00:47:22,159 --> 00:47:30,079
Speaker 1: such a good girl. Thank you. You're such a good girl.

859
00:47:31,279 --> 00:47:31,759
Speaker 1: Thank you.

860
00:47:32,559 --> 00:47:34,679
Speaker 2: And I think that's what that's where the not enough

861
00:47:34,759 --> 00:47:37,239
Speaker 2: comes in. If I was a good girl, but it

862
00:47:37,279 --> 00:47:39,399
Speaker 2: wasn't enough because it couldn't be all the time?

863
00:47:40,119 --> 00:47:40,799
Speaker 1: Well who can?

864
00:47:41,119 --> 00:47:46,359
Speaker 3: You can? And then so was Seeina when you had

865
00:47:46,399 --> 00:47:51,399
Speaker 3: you like your rubber band, your explosion of you know

866
00:47:51,599 --> 00:47:56,039
Speaker 3: or not explosion, but you're your rebellion from that, and

867
00:47:56,479 --> 00:47:58,199
Speaker 3: you know you've talked about this in your stand up

868
00:47:58,279 --> 00:48:02,759
Speaker 3: and stuff as well. Wait your wild face, how did

869
00:48:02,799 --> 00:48:03,639
Speaker 3: that manifest?

870
00:48:03,959 --> 00:48:04,479
Speaker 1: Oh my god?

871
00:48:05,399 --> 00:48:11,199
Speaker 2: It involved me joining a society at UNI, which I

872
00:48:11,239 --> 00:48:14,919
Speaker 2: hadn't realized, like is you know, all the orientation stuff

873
00:48:14,959 --> 00:48:17,999
Speaker 2: and all the events have pretty much just like been shrinking.

874
00:48:18,399 --> 00:48:20,119
Speaker 1: Excuse us to bin drink.

875
00:48:19,999 --> 00:48:24,319
Speaker 2: Right, And I would traditionally yeah, that's right, and i'd

876
00:48:24,359 --> 00:48:27,479
Speaker 2: grown up, you know, not drinking, but again being scared

877
00:48:27,479 --> 00:48:30,959
Speaker 2: off drugs, alcohol like all that kind of stuff. Boys, boys,

878
00:48:31,039 --> 00:48:33,719
Speaker 2: all of it, and I'm thrown into it, and also

879
00:48:33,799 --> 00:48:35,799
Speaker 2: adding the expectation of I should be able to do this.

880
00:48:35,879 --> 00:48:37,439
Speaker 2: I need to keep up with everyone. I can't seem

881
00:48:37,519 --> 00:48:40,919
Speaker 2: like a fish out of water and tell them that

882
00:48:40,959 --> 00:48:45,999
Speaker 2: I have like a crazy like dad. So it resulted

883
00:48:46,039 --> 00:48:49,359
Speaker 2: in me like literally been drinking, like going like and

884
00:48:49,399 --> 00:48:52,439
Speaker 2: being around boys, and it's so funny.

885
00:48:52,439 --> 00:48:53,679
Speaker 1: I was talking about this with my mum recently.

886
00:48:53,759 --> 00:48:57,839
Speaker 2: I would be like hugging the toilet bowl, vomiting like

887
00:48:58,479 --> 00:49:03,959
Speaker 2: in the most like scream like terrible hangovers and Mum

888
00:49:03,999 --> 00:49:07,799
Speaker 2: being like this is really not okay. But I'm like, oh,

889
00:49:07,839 --> 00:49:09,199
Speaker 2: but I have to do this, Like this is what

890
00:49:09,199 --> 00:49:10,839
Speaker 2: you do when you need to make friends. I need

891
00:49:10,879 --> 00:49:12,279
Speaker 2: to like go to the Uni van and I need

892
00:49:12,319 --> 00:49:14,319
Speaker 2: to like drink with everyone. Everyone else is drinking, like

893
00:49:14,519 --> 00:49:16,559
Speaker 2: but clearly I had like a much lower tolerance than

894
00:49:16,599 --> 00:49:19,319
Speaker 2: everyone else. You know, I'm like pissing myself while I'm

895
00:49:19,359 --> 00:49:23,239
Speaker 2: like vomiting in a toilet, like it's that violent. And

896
00:49:23,239 --> 00:49:25,319
Speaker 2: and just yeah, like being around boys for the first

897
00:49:25,319 --> 00:49:28,959
Speaker 2: time and just being like just not chill, like you know,

898
00:49:29,159 --> 00:49:31,479
Speaker 2: like I don't know, just it's so but at the

899
00:49:31,519 --> 00:49:35,719
Speaker 2: same time, you know, meeting amazing people, but just totally

900
00:49:36,559 --> 00:49:37,879
Speaker 2: out of my element, being like do.

901
00:49:37,839 --> 00:49:40,359
Speaker 1: I like partying? Like do I enjoying this stuff?

902
00:49:40,359 --> 00:49:42,879
Speaker 2: Like look what it's doing to my body, but just

903
00:49:42,879 --> 00:49:44,879
Speaker 2: being like what do you I'm just following everyone else and.

904
00:49:44,879 --> 00:49:45,559
Speaker 1: Just trying to fit in.

905
00:49:46,199 --> 00:49:49,359
Speaker 3: Because also, if you think about adolescence sort of like

906
00:49:49,399 --> 00:49:53,919
Speaker 3: a flight of steps you had missed you went straight

907
00:49:53,959 --> 00:49:57,679
Speaker 3: to the top land like he didn't. He hadn't learned

908
00:49:57,799 --> 00:50:01,079
Speaker 3: any of that ascent because it was denied to you.

909
00:50:01,799 --> 00:50:04,439
Speaker 2: Absolutely, Like that's the part. There's so many things like

910
00:50:04,679 --> 00:50:06,079
Speaker 2: not being allowed to go to sleep of is not

911
00:50:06,079 --> 00:50:08,319
Speaker 2: being allowed to go to like I just had these

912
00:50:08,399 --> 00:50:09,039
Speaker 2: big gaps.

913
00:50:09,039 --> 00:50:11,199
Speaker 1: When people like still go, you're so sheltered.

914
00:50:11,279 --> 00:50:14,319
Speaker 2: I was just really sheltered, and in a way where

915
00:50:14,319 --> 00:50:16,079
Speaker 2: you get to be like the way I'm able to

916
00:50:16,079 --> 00:50:17,999
Speaker 2: be open about it now and be like, oh, I

917
00:50:18,039 --> 00:50:18,919
Speaker 2: have these blind spots.

918
00:50:18,959 --> 00:50:21,319
Speaker 1: Here's why I wasn't able to do that.

919
00:50:21,959 --> 00:50:24,279
Speaker 2: So I'm just pretending. I'm just trading water. I'm just

920
00:50:24,279 --> 00:50:28,079
Speaker 2: being like la la la la la, just to seem normal.

921
00:50:29,079 --> 00:50:35,319
Speaker 3: So when you're in Wa and you're Siena one in Siena.

922
00:50:34,559 --> 00:50:37,359
Speaker 2: Very important to see that you're so specific about that.

923
00:50:39,959 --> 00:50:42,319
Speaker 2: I thought it was better with the one and sorry anyways,

924
00:50:42,399 --> 00:50:42,799
Speaker 2: keeping me.

925
00:50:43,239 --> 00:50:47,599
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's like Danny Minogue double I. Yeah, you know

926
00:50:47,639 --> 00:50:48,839
Speaker 3: you're making a statement.

927
00:50:48,879 --> 00:50:49,359
Speaker 1: That's right.

928
00:50:50,319 --> 00:50:54,039
Speaker 3: But at what point did you transition out of Siena

929
00:50:54,599 --> 00:50:58,719
Speaker 3: and was that like a critical defining moment where you

930
00:50:58,759 --> 00:51:01,119
Speaker 3: went tomorrow I'm going to be conchetah or I'm going

931
00:51:01,159 --> 00:51:04,279
Speaker 3: to tell people how does that work? Oh?

932
00:51:04,719 --> 00:51:06,039
Speaker 1: Yeah it was.

933
00:51:07,359 --> 00:51:10,719
Speaker 2: Yeah, It's it's like it's not like a clear definition, right,

934
00:51:10,759 --> 00:51:13,959
Speaker 2: it's like a a longer process of the realizing, like

935
00:51:14,039 --> 00:51:16,119
Speaker 2: we're making the decision to go back again.

936
00:51:16,159 --> 00:51:19,039
Speaker 1: You've just done this huge thing of Oh my god.

937
00:51:19,039 --> 00:51:19,999
Speaker 1: I can't even explain.

938
00:51:20,039 --> 00:51:23,319
Speaker 2: It was just so crazy and messy and conflicting to

939
00:51:23,359 --> 00:51:27,799
Speaker 2: be like, okay, now I'm going back to Conchetta. What

940
00:51:27,799 --> 00:51:31,079
Speaker 2: I can say is I I was selective about who

941
00:51:31,119 --> 00:51:33,519
Speaker 2: I told in Perth. You know, it's not like you

942
00:51:33,559 --> 00:51:35,799
Speaker 2: throw one big party and you're like, hey, everyone, here's

943
00:51:35,799 --> 00:51:37,839
Speaker 2: the story. I'm getting everyone on the same page. It's

944
00:51:37,879 --> 00:51:40,519
Speaker 2: the Conchetta launch party, and here's the story of me

945
00:51:40,919 --> 00:51:41,559
Speaker 2: telling you.

946
00:51:41,519 --> 00:51:42,359
Speaker 1: About my trot.

947
00:51:42,399 --> 00:51:44,759
Speaker 2: No, it was like, oh my god, I now have

948
00:51:44,839 --> 00:51:47,319
Speaker 2: to rip myself from what another reality.

949
00:51:47,479 --> 00:51:48,759
Speaker 1: I've just gone one gear.

950
00:51:48,959 --> 00:51:52,359
Speaker 2: Now the next gear to try and you know, build

951
00:51:52,519 --> 00:51:55,679
Speaker 2: have this better future and build the next step. And

952
00:51:55,719 --> 00:52:00,879
Speaker 2: I remember I pretty much like slow faded from people.

953
00:52:00,919 --> 00:52:03,079
Speaker 2: You can still find the Facebook. It is still active,

954
00:52:03,159 --> 00:52:07,959
Speaker 2: the Cianna Degrach Facebook. And I told a few friends

955
00:52:08,559 --> 00:52:11,199
Speaker 2: and I'm still in contact with one of those beautiful friends, Mira.

956
00:52:11,319 --> 00:52:12,999
Speaker 1: She's so incredible, and.

957
00:52:12,919 --> 00:52:16,439
Speaker 2: I yeah, again, it's like evaluating, what are these relationships?

958
00:52:16,479 --> 00:52:18,799
Speaker 2: Are you able to like share this really messy and

959
00:52:18,879 --> 00:52:22,839
Speaker 2: complicated story at the same point, you know, being worried

960
00:52:22,839 --> 00:52:25,679
Speaker 2: about safety and all these different things. But I was

961
00:52:25,679 --> 00:52:27,239
Speaker 2: telling a few people and then the rest it was

962
00:52:27,239 --> 00:52:29,479
Speaker 2: again like what I did before, just like leaving and

963
00:52:29,519 --> 00:52:32,919
Speaker 2: assuming like, oh, I won't bother anyone and I'm just

964
00:52:32,999 --> 00:52:35,279
Speaker 2: going to leave and no one will ask me questions

965
00:52:35,279 --> 00:52:40,159
Speaker 2: and I'll again then just slip on out type of situation.

966
00:52:40,799 --> 00:52:43,119
Speaker 1: But also this must be.

967
00:52:45,599 --> 00:52:50,639
Speaker 3: Tasting because to draw people in and share this with

968
00:52:50,679 --> 00:52:54,159
Speaker 3: them requires a certain amount of intimacy and a relationship

969
00:52:54,159 --> 00:52:55,959
Speaker 3: that you've developed with them. And then you also have

970
00:52:56,039 --> 00:52:59,199
Speaker 3: to say to them I've been lying to you. Yeah,

971
00:53:00,519 --> 00:53:03,839
Speaker 3: So that's very nuanced and strange.

972
00:53:04,039 --> 00:53:08,759
Speaker 2: Absolutely, but I would say, you know what a reason

973
00:53:08,799 --> 00:53:11,999
Speaker 2: to lie? Like no one was like you bitch, like you,

974
00:53:13,079 --> 00:53:14,119
Speaker 2: how dare you?

975
00:53:14,399 --> 00:53:14,519
Speaker 3: Like?

976
00:53:14,999 --> 00:53:16,639
Speaker 1: You know, they go, They're like.

977
00:53:16,559 --> 00:53:19,319
Speaker 2: This is the most insane thing I've ever heard, and

978
00:53:19,399 --> 00:53:22,359
Speaker 2: I was only ever met with like you know, the

979
00:53:22,399 --> 00:53:24,799
Speaker 2: people I told like an empathy and a sympathy and

980
00:53:24,879 --> 00:53:27,519
Speaker 2: a and a just like a I guess a real

981
00:53:27,599 --> 00:53:30,439
Speaker 2: like whoa like a shock of you know, what can

982
00:53:30,479 --> 00:53:30,879
Speaker 2: you do?

983
00:53:31,239 --> 00:53:33,079
Speaker 1: And then you're also and so they were like what

984
00:53:33,079 --> 00:53:36,359
Speaker 1: do I call you now? Yeah? And that's a kind

985
00:53:36,479 --> 00:53:37,399
Speaker 1: thing to ask someone.

986
00:53:37,439 --> 00:53:41,239
Speaker 2: And it's people who allowed me space to this sort

987
00:53:41,279 --> 00:53:45,399
Speaker 2: of like complicated reality. And then also the crazy part

988
00:53:45,479 --> 00:53:48,479
Speaker 2: is then like you I'll get then I'm like Conchatta

989
00:53:48,519 --> 00:53:52,399
Speaker 2: on Triple J and I got message of people being.

990
00:53:52,239 --> 00:53:55,519
Speaker 1: Like hang on your concertto like, you know, like it's.

991
00:53:55,399 --> 00:53:58,919
Speaker 2: So life's crazy, dude. Imagine being a person to be

992
00:53:58,999 --> 00:54:01,039
Speaker 2: like what I knew? This girl called Siena in pert

993
00:54:01,359 --> 00:54:01,799
Speaker 2: what is she?

994
00:54:01,879 --> 00:54:04,999
Speaker 1: And she looked exactly like yeah, but.

995
00:54:04,919 --> 00:54:08,039
Speaker 2: There's a lot of yeah, just a lot of emotional

996
00:54:08,039 --> 00:54:11,479
Speaker 2: stuff they carrying them coming back in to Sydney and

997
00:54:11,479 --> 00:54:14,719
Speaker 2: deciding who I tell and reconnecting with my best friend

998
00:54:14,759 --> 00:54:16,599
Speaker 2: whose life I missed the better part of a year.

999
00:54:16,639 --> 00:54:17,999
Speaker 2: She's got a long term Boyfri and I don't know,

1000
00:54:18,079 --> 00:54:21,159
Speaker 2: like it was just what a thing to navigate the

1001
00:54:21,239 --> 00:54:22,039
Speaker 2: three of us.

1002
00:54:22,399 --> 00:54:24,199
Speaker 1: You know, how long will you see Enna?

1003
00:54:25,439 --> 00:54:31,479
Speaker 2: I think I was Sienaugh for maybe like nine months,

1004
00:54:31,519 --> 00:54:33,679
Speaker 2: like seven to nine months. It was like the better

1005
00:54:33,679 --> 00:54:36,119
Speaker 2: part of twenty fourteen.

1006
00:54:36,559 --> 00:54:39,999
Speaker 1: Where is she now? S She's on Facebook? Go find

1007
00:54:39,999 --> 00:54:42,279
Speaker 1: her at her as a friend? I gotta Yeah.

1008
00:54:42,519 --> 00:54:46,079
Speaker 2: I sometimes would go back in and read the conversations,

1009
00:54:46,159 --> 00:54:51,439
Speaker 2: and you know, it's a it's a very unique thing

1010
00:54:51,639 --> 00:54:55,519
Speaker 2: to have. It's like a time capsule. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1011
00:54:55,559 --> 00:54:57,359
Speaker 2: And then when was comedy born?

1012
00:54:57,999 --> 00:55:03,959
Speaker 3: In this in this period, your desire to stand up

1013
00:55:03,999 --> 00:55:06,119
Speaker 3: in front of her people and they sit in the

1014
00:55:06,199 --> 00:55:08,319
Speaker 3: dark and you've had the light on you and you

1015
00:55:08,399 --> 00:55:09,159
Speaker 3: make them laugh.

1016
00:55:09,599 --> 00:55:11,839
Speaker 1: Actually not in the Perth era.

1017
00:55:12,439 --> 00:55:15,399
Speaker 2: What it got me to was I did a whopper

1018
00:55:15,559 --> 00:55:19,679
Speaker 2: short course of acting for screen and stage.

1019
00:55:19,719 --> 00:55:23,039
Speaker 1: The WI Performing Arts Academy or that's right.

1020
00:55:23,519 --> 00:55:25,319
Speaker 2: So it got me to you know, I think I

1021
00:55:25,399 --> 00:55:28,799
Speaker 2: was watching stand up shows over in Perth, but wasn't.

1022
00:55:29,119 --> 00:55:31,359
Speaker 2: I wasn't signing up to open micause I wasn't actually

1023
00:55:31,359 --> 00:55:34,079
Speaker 2: practically doing comedy. But I think I started to be like,

1024
00:55:34,119 --> 00:55:35,199
Speaker 2: what if I wanted to perform?

1025
00:55:35,319 --> 00:55:36,479
Speaker 1: And I did this.

1026
00:55:36,479 --> 00:55:39,679
Speaker 2: Acting course, which I think I enjoyed, but I also

1027
00:55:39,759 --> 00:55:42,239
Speaker 2: struggled with it. It was very serious and I think I

1028
00:55:42,279 --> 00:55:44,599
Speaker 2: was like, oh, I don't know about acting. And then

1029
00:55:44,639 --> 00:55:50,239
Speaker 2: it wasn't until eventually getting back to Sydney, and it

1030
00:55:50,279 --> 00:55:51,959
Speaker 2: actually was a bit of a journey to get to

1031
00:55:51,959 --> 00:55:52,359
Speaker 2: stand up.

1032
00:55:52,359 --> 00:55:54,959
Speaker 1: It wasn't straight into stand up. There was acting.

1033
00:55:55,119 --> 00:55:58,919
Speaker 2: Then there was reviews, university reviews like those plays.

1034
00:55:58,639 --> 00:55:59,519
Speaker 1: That you make at UNI.

1035
00:55:59,639 --> 00:56:07,239
Speaker 3: Yes, fun theater, sports ensemble, ensemble, that's right, theater, sports improv.

1036
00:56:07,759 --> 00:56:08,239
Speaker 1: Stand up.

1037
00:56:08,279 --> 00:56:11,399
Speaker 2: Stand up to me seemed the most far out and

1038
00:56:11,599 --> 00:56:15,479
Speaker 2: scary and vulnerable thing of like performing to do so

1039
00:56:15,519 --> 00:56:18,679
Speaker 2: it took me a journey just to get to stand up.

1040
00:56:19,879 --> 00:56:24,479
Speaker 1: And what was it in you? Do you think.

1041
00:56:26,199 --> 00:56:30,399
Speaker 3: That your desire to do that was born from the

1042
00:56:30,599 --> 00:56:36,199
Speaker 3: essential Concertta or was it a reaction to what Conchetta

1043
00:56:36,359 --> 00:56:37,279
Speaker 3: had lived?

1044
00:56:39,119 --> 00:56:43,319
Speaker 2: I think that's hard to answer, but my instinct is

1045
00:56:43,359 --> 00:56:45,999
Speaker 2: to say it surely must be a combination of both.

1046
00:56:46,399 --> 00:56:48,079
Speaker 1: I do think, like if we.

1047
00:56:48,039 --> 00:56:49,839
Speaker 2: Ask my mom or people who know me, like my

1048
00:56:50,079 --> 00:56:55,679
Speaker 2: personality is one that thrives off people and interaction, and

1049
00:56:55,879 --> 00:56:58,759
Speaker 2: I don't know, I guess just like being fully myself

1050
00:56:59,079 --> 00:57:03,639
Speaker 2: or something and sharing that. But then I also think

1051
00:57:03,679 --> 00:57:07,879
Speaker 2: there's something in the control, there's something in the being,

1052
00:57:07,919 --> 00:57:11,679
Speaker 2: like I'm putting myself out there and trying to find

1053
00:57:11,799 --> 00:57:14,159
Speaker 2: celebration in that where I wasn't able to have that

1054
00:57:14,199 --> 00:57:16,519
Speaker 2: in a full way at home. Like I think about

1055
00:57:17,279 --> 00:57:20,399
Speaker 2: that's why I probably strive at school, because my dad

1056
00:57:20,399 --> 00:57:22,079
Speaker 2: will be like, you're not the class clown, are you.

1057
00:57:22,159 --> 00:57:25,719
Speaker 2: That's a distraction that's taking you away from being studious

1058
00:57:25,759 --> 00:57:27,279
Speaker 2: and being the ducks and all that kind of stuff.

1059
00:57:27,319 --> 00:57:29,559
Speaker 1: So I'd have to be like, oh, yeah, no, I'm

1060
00:57:29,559 --> 00:57:30,439
Speaker 1: not the class clown.

1061
00:57:30,479 --> 00:57:32,639
Speaker 2: But then I'm going out there and doing that and

1062
00:57:32,639 --> 00:57:35,079
Speaker 2: feeling the joy from being my full self but not

1063
00:57:35,119 --> 00:57:37,399
Speaker 2: being able to be my full self at home, having

1064
00:57:37,439 --> 00:57:38,879
Speaker 2: to be a version of myself.

1065
00:57:38,519 --> 00:57:38,959
Speaker 1: And on it.

1066
00:57:39,039 --> 00:57:41,439
Speaker 2: So I think, yeah, then the art of getting up

1067
00:57:41,479 --> 00:57:44,119
Speaker 2: there and for better or for worth being, like here's me,

1068
00:57:44,199 --> 00:57:46,879
Speaker 2: here's my thoughts, here's my personality, here's my daughter. Like

1069
00:57:46,959 --> 00:57:49,799
Speaker 2: that truly has to be something of like that freedom

1070
00:57:49,879 --> 00:57:52,559
Speaker 2: feeling really powerful when.

1071
00:57:52,439 --> 00:57:57,559
Speaker 3: You've had to hide so many parts of yourself, your

1072
00:57:57,639 --> 00:58:01,639
Speaker 3: comedy is very take a three sixty few of me,

1073
00:58:02,359 --> 00:58:04,319
Speaker 3: Like really, it's like, I'll do the spin.

1074
00:58:04,639 --> 00:58:08,359
Speaker 1: Then you're sorry, right.

1075
00:58:08,479 --> 00:58:11,159
Speaker 2: Like I think about my beautiful ex boyfriend Ben, who

1076
00:58:11,239 --> 00:58:13,759
Speaker 2: was also a comedian, and a big part of our

1077
00:58:13,759 --> 00:58:15,719
Speaker 2: relationship was, you know, finding each other.

1078
00:58:15,759 --> 00:58:17,879
Speaker 1: So did the show together? Did the show together and

1079
00:58:18,639 --> 00:58:19,039
Speaker 1: get emotion?

1080
00:58:19,199 --> 00:58:21,599
Speaker 2: But I think about him and both loving comedy, both

1081
00:58:21,599 --> 00:58:26,159
Speaker 2: have really similar comedy sensibilities, but getting to learn about

1082
00:58:26,159 --> 00:58:27,999
Speaker 2: the different kinds of comedians that you can have where

1083
00:58:27,999 --> 00:58:30,879
Speaker 2: it's like my ex he loved writing jokes, like he

1084
00:58:30,919 --> 00:58:33,359
Speaker 2: grew up listening to centup albums and the love for

1085
00:58:33,479 --> 00:58:35,399
Speaker 2: him was performing and thinking and writing jokes. And a

1086
00:58:35,439 --> 00:58:37,599
Speaker 2: lot of his jokes. Literally, you would learn nothing about

1087
00:58:37,639 --> 00:58:39,639
Speaker 2: my boyfriend. You wouldn't know like you know, it's like

1088
00:58:40,079 --> 00:58:41,719
Speaker 2: the art of the joke and being really surreal.

1089
00:58:41,799 --> 00:58:43,399
Speaker 1: And then you've got me who is.

1090
00:58:43,479 --> 00:58:47,319
Speaker 3: I learned he had diary from you, not from him.

1091
00:58:47,799 --> 00:58:49,959
Speaker 1: And that shade constant a.

1092
00:58:50,639 --> 00:58:52,519
Speaker 2: You would learn more about him from me than you

1093
00:58:52,559 --> 00:58:57,199
Speaker 2: would from his own our comedy shows and and yeah,

1094
00:58:57,239 --> 00:58:59,839
Speaker 2: mine is very like who I am off is on

1095
00:59:00,399 --> 00:59:01,759
Speaker 2: I'm sharing what's happening in my life.

1096
00:59:01,799 --> 00:59:03,919
Speaker 1: It's very like personal. It's very like la la la la.

1097
00:59:04,039 --> 00:59:06,039
Speaker 2: And and I just remember seeing that like, oh, that's

1098
00:59:06,039 --> 00:59:08,159
Speaker 2: a different way of being a comedian or doing comedy

1099
00:59:08,199 --> 00:59:10,399
Speaker 2: of like for him it was in the joke, writing

1100
00:59:10,559 --> 00:59:12,399
Speaker 2: the and he just thought about it differently. But we

1101
00:59:12,479 --> 00:59:16,239
Speaker 2: both appreciated each other, but it was very different. So, yeah,

1102
00:59:16,279 --> 00:59:17,839
Speaker 2: hearing you said that, I was like, yes, it's very

1103
00:59:17,879 --> 00:59:22,199
Speaker 2: three sixty, it's very Yeah.

1104
00:59:22,239 --> 00:59:27,719
Speaker 3: So, relationship wise, how much of your background do you

1105
00:59:27,799 --> 00:59:30,839
Speaker 3: take into a relationship. I mean, we all It's hard

1106
00:59:30,839 --> 00:59:33,079
Speaker 3: to answer because we are all, you know, the sum

1107
00:59:33,079 --> 00:59:34,759
Speaker 3: of the experiences that we've had.

1108
00:59:35,599 --> 00:59:37,479
Speaker 1: But are you wary?

1109
00:59:37,719 --> 00:59:42,199
Speaker 3: Are you are your antenna honed for any signs of

1110
00:59:42,959 --> 00:59:49,559
Speaker 3: you know, controlling behavior, or do you feel that you

1111
00:59:50,639 --> 00:59:55,119
Speaker 3: have taken off that cloak of history and that you

1112
00:59:55,159 --> 00:59:59,839
Speaker 3: can step, you know, unweighted into the romantic future.

1113
01:00:00,959 --> 01:00:04,439
Speaker 2: I think where I am now, I would be stepping

1114
01:00:04,439 --> 01:00:09,439
Speaker 2: in the most unweighted. But I would say that was

1115
01:00:09,479 --> 01:00:11,799
Speaker 2: a long journey. I've been in therapy for maybe like

1116
01:00:13,599 --> 01:00:15,959
Speaker 2: I don't know, like seven or eight years, you know,

1117
01:00:15,999 --> 01:00:18,879
Speaker 2: the better part of like ten years. And the only

1118
01:00:18,959 --> 01:00:21,599
Speaker 2: thing that got me into therapy. It's not being like,

1119
01:00:21,999 --> 01:00:25,519
Speaker 2: oh I've had I grew up with violence and I.

1120
01:00:25,519 --> 01:00:26,119
Speaker 1: Blah blah lah.

1121
01:00:26,239 --> 01:00:29,439
Speaker 2: No, it was it was because of a relationship, because,

1122
01:00:29,639 --> 01:00:31,839
Speaker 2: like you say, you take yourself and your pass into

1123
01:00:31,879 --> 01:00:38,879
Speaker 2: your relationships, and my first proper relationship, I was really erratic.

1124
01:00:38,959 --> 01:00:41,679
Speaker 2: I was very like really high highs and then really

1125
01:00:41,759 --> 01:00:44,279
Speaker 2: low low is, meaning like he would one time he

1126
01:00:44,319 --> 01:00:46,519
Speaker 2: was like running late. He like lived in Manly or something.

1127
01:00:46,559 --> 01:00:48,239
Speaker 2: He's like got a big trek to meet me, and

1128
01:00:48,279 --> 01:00:49,719
Speaker 2: he's like running late. He's like sorry, I was like

1129
01:00:49,839 --> 01:00:53,679
Speaker 2: playing on my video game. I'm like freaking out, being

1130
01:00:53,719 --> 01:00:56,919
Speaker 2: like what you're late? This means you don't care about me,

1131
01:00:56,959 --> 01:00:59,279
Speaker 2: you don't love My brain's got like done like just

1132
01:00:59,359 --> 01:01:02,319
Speaker 2: jumped from A to C where someone else would be

1133
01:01:02,359 --> 01:01:04,559
Speaker 2: like potentially be like, oh, okay, you're a bit late,

1134
01:01:04,599 --> 01:01:06,239
Speaker 2: Well i'll see you soon, Like oh that's Obama.

1135
01:01:06,279 --> 01:01:07,079
Speaker 1: You're a little bit late.

1136
01:01:07,559 --> 01:01:10,199
Speaker 2: You'd miss it, like, you know, there were things like

1137
01:01:10,199 --> 01:01:13,279
Speaker 2: that where I'm having really high reactions to maybe small

1138
01:01:13,319 --> 01:01:17,439
Speaker 2: things and it's unconscious, right, and then my partner's being like, oh,

1139
01:01:17,519 --> 01:01:18,919
Speaker 2: this is a trend, this is happening.

1140
01:01:19,999 --> 01:01:20,239
Speaker 1: You know.

1141
01:01:20,399 --> 01:01:22,639
Speaker 2: It was through this relationship of them finding it really

1142
01:01:22,679 --> 01:01:25,799
Speaker 2: hard and sort of noticing like, I think there's stuff

1143
01:01:26,079 --> 01:01:28,399
Speaker 2: here that maybe you should speak to someone about. It

1144
01:01:28,439 --> 01:01:30,439
Speaker 2: was through trying to love someone and seeing what was

1145
01:01:30,479 --> 01:01:32,679
Speaker 2: being done to me of like how I'm wrecked and

1146
01:01:32,679 --> 01:01:35,839
Speaker 2: being like what am I psycho? Like that got me

1147
01:01:35,879 --> 01:01:37,559
Speaker 2: into the chair to speak to someone.

1148
01:01:37,599 --> 01:01:44,519
Speaker 1: And what sort of therapy? Well, like how did you

1149
01:01:44,639 --> 01:01:47,399
Speaker 1: know what? Or did you try a few? Was it

1150
01:01:47,679 --> 01:01:49,279
Speaker 1: suck at? And see? Well?

1151
01:01:49,319 --> 01:01:53,839
Speaker 2: Actually, I think I went to my local medical center

1152
01:01:53,959 --> 01:01:55,599
Speaker 2: and just went I need to see a therapist. And

1153
01:01:55,599 --> 01:01:58,079
Speaker 2: I remember I was put with one, and I remember

1154
01:01:58,119 --> 01:02:01,839
Speaker 2: sitting in the session and you know, you do the

1155
01:02:01,839 --> 01:02:03,799
Speaker 2: classic questions just getting to know them type thing, and

1156
01:02:03,839 --> 01:02:07,319
Speaker 2: I just remembered for like, all, this feels like someone

1157
01:02:07,319 --> 01:02:09,639
Speaker 2: who's like a dad. It was a man and just

1158
01:02:09,679 --> 01:02:11,839
Speaker 2: not being like is my abusive dad? I mor mean

1159
01:02:11,919 --> 01:02:13,879
Speaker 2: like it was just like, oh, I just didn't feel

1160
01:02:14,279 --> 01:02:16,239
Speaker 2: like we were getting each other or he was getting me,

1161
01:02:16,679 --> 01:02:16,959
Speaker 2: or it.

1162
01:02:16,959 --> 01:02:18,239
Speaker 1: Just felt like not the right fit.

1163
01:02:18,279 --> 01:02:19,839
Speaker 2: And I think I was like, oh, and it was

1164
01:02:19,879 --> 01:02:23,199
Speaker 2: my mom who was seeing someone. And I can't remember

1165
01:02:23,239 --> 01:02:26,079
Speaker 2: how she found our therapist. And she had a history

1166
01:02:26,159 --> 01:02:31,919
Speaker 2: in working with people who flee war and people who

1167
01:02:32,039 --> 01:02:35,999
Speaker 2: come from violence, and there's trauma, and that kind of trauma,

1168
01:02:36,159 --> 01:02:39,239
Speaker 2: even that sounds crazy, is like similar because it's I

1169
01:02:39,239 --> 01:02:41,439
Speaker 2: think what connects them as you're constantly on edge, you're

1170
01:02:41,479 --> 01:02:43,679
Speaker 2: constantly in fid or flight, like if you're fleeing war,

1171
01:02:43,759 --> 01:02:46,439
Speaker 2: and if you've got like someone who could turn at

1172
01:02:46,439 --> 01:02:46,839
Speaker 2: any time.

1173
01:02:46,919 --> 01:02:49,039
Speaker 1: So my mom, I don't think that sounds crazy.

1174
01:02:49,319 --> 01:02:52,119
Speaker 2: Yes, so true, it's actually so normal. And then she

1175
01:02:52,199 --> 01:02:54,439
Speaker 2: was like, I'm seeing someone, why don't you try her?

1176
01:02:54,959 --> 01:02:56,759
Speaker 2: And so then I went I was lucky in having

1177
01:02:57,039 --> 01:03:01,319
Speaker 2: I guess that recommendation and just finding that fit and

1178
01:03:01,439 --> 01:03:04,279
Speaker 2: it being one of like my salvations in my life

1179
01:03:05,119 --> 01:03:08,319
Speaker 2: of you know, coming and being like I'm in the relationship.

1180
01:03:08,359 --> 01:03:09,959
Speaker 1: I'm struggling. Here's what's going on.

1181
01:03:10,039 --> 01:03:12,279
Speaker 2: And she's like, Okay, well let's talk about where it

1182
01:03:12,279 --> 01:03:14,119
Speaker 2: all started. And I'm like, well, why, Like I'm not

1183
01:03:14,119 --> 01:03:16,119
Speaker 2: being beaten anymore. Everything should be normal, right, And then

1184
01:03:16,159 --> 01:03:20,879
Speaker 2: I literally am starting to learn about what that environment

1185
01:03:20,919 --> 01:03:23,599
Speaker 2: growing up with, how that shapes the way you see love,

1186
01:03:23,679 --> 01:03:26,239
Speaker 2: how you receive love, how you see yourself, how you

1187
01:03:26,239 --> 01:03:28,559
Speaker 2: you know. And then I was just on the journey

1188
01:03:28,719 --> 01:03:31,719
Speaker 2: of learning about myself and learning a lot through the

1189
01:03:31,759 --> 01:03:35,599
Speaker 2: relationships and my attraction to men and love and all

1190
01:03:35,599 --> 01:03:36,159
Speaker 2: that sort of stuff.

1191
01:03:36,159 --> 01:03:37,919
Speaker 1: It's been a big journey of what sort of man

1192
01:03:37,959 --> 01:03:38,879
Speaker 1: are you attracted to?

1193
01:03:39,599 --> 01:03:43,759
Speaker 2: Funny me funny funny, they've got a hold on it.

1194
01:03:43,839 --> 01:03:48,519
Speaker 1: I mean that's every woman. Yeah, just about totally. What else?

1195
01:03:48,719 --> 01:03:48,999
Speaker 1: I mean?

1196
01:03:49,039 --> 01:03:53,399
Speaker 2: I think I really like I remember with my last partner,

1197
01:03:53,439 --> 01:04:00,159
Speaker 2: he was just very kind and very very I guess

1198
01:04:00,999 --> 01:04:04,959
Speaker 2: just maybe like assured in himself, a calmness, maybe calm

1199
01:04:04,999 --> 01:04:07,919
Speaker 2: and quiet men I've been attracted to.

1200
01:04:10,239 --> 01:04:15,119
Speaker 1: You're describing Yin and yang. That's all right, But you.

1201
01:04:14,999 --> 01:04:17,599
Speaker 2: Know when you were like, oh do you like there

1202
01:04:17,399 --> 01:04:19,599
Speaker 2: were I remember thinking, like, you know, I'm not going

1203
01:04:19,679 --> 01:04:21,959
Speaker 2: to go for someone violent. But what I learned was

1204
01:04:22,319 --> 01:04:25,559
Speaker 2: I was there was a sort of trajectory where I

1205
01:04:25,599 --> 01:04:27,199
Speaker 2: was maybe attracted to.

1206
01:04:29,239 --> 01:04:32,479
Speaker 1: Men or a man where they it was that.

1207
01:04:32,479 --> 01:04:35,159
Speaker 2: Similar thing of up and down if we're talking right,

1208
01:04:35,239 --> 01:04:37,159
Speaker 2: the love bombing and then the take it away. And

1209
01:04:37,439 --> 01:04:39,479
Speaker 2: I had a relationship definitely like that where it wasn't

1210
01:04:40,079 --> 01:04:43,239
Speaker 2: violence or anything, but it was this very like toxic

1211
01:04:43,399 --> 01:04:45,639
Speaker 2: kind of up and that is what I had felt

1212
01:04:45,639 --> 01:04:47,759
Speaker 2: comfortable in. That is all I'd known, And again it

1213
01:04:47,799 --> 01:04:49,479
Speaker 2: was only through therapy, and honestly a lot of it's

1214
01:04:49,519 --> 01:04:52,079
Speaker 2: also then in hindsight and moving on to the next

1215
01:04:52,079 --> 01:04:54,719
Speaker 2: thing that you realize, Okay, you can fall in patterns.

1216
01:04:54,759 --> 01:04:56,799
Speaker 2: It's different for everyone, but that was maybe something that

1217
01:04:56,879 --> 01:05:01,319
Speaker 2: I was involved in, and then just watching myself sort

1218
01:05:01,359 --> 01:05:04,439
Speaker 2: of grow and change, and then I reckon by my

1219
01:05:04,759 --> 01:05:07,799
Speaker 2: exit was more seeing that growth in myself to be

1220
01:05:07,839 --> 01:05:10,879
Speaker 2: attracted to someone who wasn't like that and was calm

1221
01:05:10,919 --> 01:05:14,239
Speaker 2: and steady and always a very like, I don't know,

1222
01:05:14,799 --> 01:05:19,519
Speaker 2: healthy kind of love and build not like a complete

1223
01:05:19,519 --> 01:05:21,239
Speaker 2: love bomb type thing.

1224
01:05:21,479 --> 01:05:27,719
Speaker 3: YEA, that there's something about the regularity of the heartbeat

1225
01:05:27,759 --> 01:05:31,119
Speaker 3: of the relationship and that you also break the pattern

1226
01:05:31,159 --> 01:05:35,599
Speaker 3: of maybe needing the adrenaline. Yes, sheefs because it's something

1227
01:05:35,679 --> 01:05:36,679
Speaker 3: you are familiar with.

1228
01:05:36,839 --> 01:05:38,879
Speaker 2: Yes, And if I may say, now, I'm just sort

1229
01:05:38,879 --> 01:05:40,639
Speaker 2: of like saying stuff and not waiting for you to

1230
01:05:40,639 --> 01:05:40,959
Speaker 2: ask me.

1231
01:05:41,039 --> 01:05:41,959
Speaker 1: But can I just say what I.

1232
01:05:41,999 --> 01:05:45,719
Speaker 2: Think I got from my last relationship that was like

1233
01:05:45,799 --> 01:05:47,919
Speaker 2: the next chapter and it ties to the jungle, right,

1234
01:05:48,039 --> 01:05:53,119
Speaker 2: is I think I relied on my ex to build

1235
01:05:53,239 --> 01:05:57,039
Speaker 2: up that love and kindness to me that I couldn't

1236
01:05:57,039 --> 01:06:01,359
Speaker 2: give myself potentially in an unsustainable way because I did not.

1237
01:06:01,559 --> 01:06:03,519
Speaker 2: I was not able to do that for myself. And

1238
01:06:03,559 --> 01:06:06,359
Speaker 2: I think that is the way that I sucked from

1239
01:06:06,359 --> 01:06:08,519
Speaker 2: my partner because he always was able to give that.

1240
01:06:08,559 --> 01:06:12,479
Speaker 2: But again, coming to the Jungle, having this growth, having

1241
01:06:12,479 --> 01:06:15,119
Speaker 2: that breakup, it's realizing, like I need to do that

1242
01:06:15,159 --> 01:06:18,439
Speaker 2: for myself, that you can't put that on someone else,

1243
01:06:19,639 --> 01:06:21,119
Speaker 2: do you know what I mean? Like, of course I

1244
01:06:21,199 --> 01:06:24,279
Speaker 2: plind of can do that, but it can't be supplementing

1245
01:06:24,399 --> 01:06:26,999
Speaker 2: you not able to do that. So that is to

1246
01:06:27,039 --> 01:06:30,719
Speaker 2: me what I think my next chapter is for love

1247
01:06:30,759 --> 01:06:33,639
Speaker 2: and relationships of how do I now operate where I'm

1248
01:06:34,199 --> 01:06:37,199
Speaker 2: now doing that for myself, of having that self love

1249
01:06:37,239 --> 01:06:40,279
Speaker 2: and having that self kindness more than it has ever

1250
01:06:40,319 --> 01:06:42,039
Speaker 2: been in my entire life. And what kind of partner

1251
01:06:42,079 --> 01:06:45,439
Speaker 2: am I going to go with? I'm I literally I'm

1252
01:06:45,439 --> 01:06:45,799
Speaker 2: not sure.

1253
01:06:46,399 --> 01:06:46,799
Speaker 1: We'll see.

1254
01:06:47,799 --> 01:06:51,799
Speaker 3: Well, Luke in the Jungle Tract and Luke, come on,

1255
01:06:52,239 --> 01:06:56,439
Speaker 3: he had something shocking for you, Baby.

1256
01:06:56,239 --> 01:07:01,239
Speaker 1: Didn't, Baby didn't, Babe, he did.

1257
01:07:01,399 --> 01:07:04,719
Speaker 3: I actually said to him on our podcast The House

1258
01:07:04,759 --> 01:07:08,639
Speaker 3: I Do with n Valvox. These two likes maya for

1259
01:07:08,799 --> 01:07:11,079
Speaker 3: vols in one like Conceetta's in the other, like you

1260
01:07:11,119 --> 01:07:13,959
Speaker 3: can only save one, and Valvo was going, stop it,

1261
01:07:14,079 --> 01:07:18,639
Speaker 3: stop it, you I can And you know what he said.

1262
01:07:19,839 --> 01:07:23,479
Speaker 3: I've heard he said me, I'd have to save my

1263
01:07:23,599 --> 01:07:26,799
Speaker 3: little check out and he even did that he pronounced

1264
01:07:26,799 --> 01:07:28,199
Speaker 3: your name properly.

1265
01:07:29,519 --> 01:07:34,079
Speaker 1: Romantic but not that. Yeah, I don't think it is.

1266
01:07:34,159 --> 01:07:38,839
Speaker 2: I honestly think uh he I mean, I understand, and

1267
01:07:38,879 --> 01:07:40,759
Speaker 2: it was the big thing, that one of the big

1268
01:07:40,759 --> 01:07:41,639
Speaker 2: things that came out of it.

1269
01:07:42,839 --> 01:07:45,439
Speaker 1: But I wonder if it's small like a friendship.

1270
01:07:45,439 --> 01:07:47,879
Speaker 2: He just felt we've bonded more as friends or we

1271
01:07:47,999 --> 01:07:48,519
Speaker 2: just were more.

1272
01:07:49,879 --> 01:07:51,799
Speaker 1: I don't know. There we go with the comparison.

1273
01:07:51,839 --> 01:07:55,079
Speaker 3: You don't see yourself as a lumberjack's wife living in

1274
01:07:55,119 --> 01:07:58,479
Speaker 3: western Queensland while he fills timber and reads books on

1275
01:07:58,519 --> 01:07:58,919
Speaker 3: his track.

1276
01:07:58,999 --> 01:08:05,439
Speaker 2: I mean I did think about it trad I probably would. God,

1277
01:08:05,439 --> 01:08:11,679
Speaker 2: there's worse, worse, worst way, sure, God, But no, I don't.

1278
01:08:11,719 --> 01:08:14,879
Speaker 2: I don't think that's my I don't. I somehow don't

1279
01:08:14,879 --> 01:08:16,319
Speaker 2: think that's my future.

1280
01:08:18,039 --> 01:08:20,919
Speaker 3: How you know, your you and your mom, and when

1281
01:08:20,919 --> 01:08:25,239
Speaker 3: your mom came into the jungle, which was very moving,

1282
01:08:26,759 --> 01:08:32,279
Speaker 3: the bond between you was extraordinary, forged in a fire,

1283
01:08:32,679 --> 01:08:38,839
Speaker 3: you know. But how is your dad about this?

1284
01:08:39,199 --> 01:08:39,479
Speaker 1: Now?

1285
01:08:42,279 --> 01:08:47,119
Speaker 2: I'm not really in contact with my dad very much.

1286
01:08:47,279 --> 01:08:52,959
Speaker 2: I might send a text here or there, so I

1287
01:08:52,999 --> 01:08:53,479
Speaker 2: don't know.

1288
01:08:53,799 --> 01:08:58,239
Speaker 3: But he would have seen you, yeah, and he would

1289
01:08:58,279 --> 01:09:01,479
Speaker 3: have heard these conversations and knew that your charity that

1290
01:09:01,519 --> 01:09:03,759
Speaker 3: you were supporting in the jungle for instance.

1291
01:09:04,679 --> 01:09:06,279
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1292
01:09:06,599 --> 01:09:11,759
Speaker 2: He he sent me a text saying congratulations on winning,

1293
01:09:11,879 --> 01:09:15,279
Speaker 2: but not about anything, not anything else.

1294
01:09:15,279 --> 01:09:16,839
Speaker 1: So I really don't. I haven't spoken to him.

1295
01:09:16,839 --> 01:09:19,199
Speaker 2: I don't know what he feels about it, and I

1296
01:09:19,199 --> 01:09:23,479
Speaker 2: assume it's very complicated and I definitely had and I

1297
01:09:23,519 --> 01:09:26,679
Speaker 2: know my mum does too. Of like that reality of

1298
01:09:26,679 --> 01:09:28,679
Speaker 2: it being out there and him seeing it like that's

1299
01:09:28,719 --> 01:09:29,719
Speaker 2: still something that I.

1300
01:09:31,799 --> 01:09:35,559
Speaker 1: Brings me anxiety and makes me feel.

1301
01:09:36,959 --> 01:09:40,919
Speaker 2: Still guilt about again, because it's that classic of like

1302
01:09:41,039 --> 01:09:43,799
Speaker 2: I was taught for safety, it's not speaking about it

1303
01:09:43,799 --> 01:09:46,159
Speaker 2: and not you know, I pushed through it and did

1304
01:09:46,199 --> 01:09:49,879
Speaker 2: it anyway, and I just tried to, you know, be

1305
01:09:49,999 --> 01:09:53,399
Speaker 2: like I'm entitled to speak about what's happened to me,

1306
01:09:53,679 --> 01:09:57,359
Speaker 2: and I'm doing it for good reasons.

1307
01:09:58,039 --> 01:10:02,879
Speaker 3: You were talking about your dad, and I think you've

1308
01:10:02,919 --> 01:10:11,079
Speaker 3: showed capacity for an enormous amount of understanding towards where

1309
01:10:11,079 --> 01:10:18,919
Speaker 3: his you know, abhorrent behaviors came from. When you left,

1310
01:10:19,039 --> 01:10:22,199
Speaker 3: you and your sister and your mom, that must have

1311
01:10:22,279 --> 01:10:27,959
Speaker 3: come as an enormous shock to him.

1312
01:10:28,079 --> 01:10:30,519
Speaker 1: In the intervening.

1313
01:10:30,039 --> 01:10:34,239
Speaker 3: Years, has he ever addressed the issues that led to

1314
01:10:34,319 --> 01:10:37,439
Speaker 3: you leaving with your mom or your sister or you.

1315
01:10:39,759 --> 01:10:47,839
Speaker 1: Has he acknowledged what role he played in you having

1316
01:10:47,839 --> 01:10:51,279
Speaker 1: to leave? Or has he apologized? Absolutely?

1317
01:10:52,479 --> 01:11:02,079
Speaker 2: Yeah, he like multiple times he said sorry, and he,

1318
01:11:03,399 --> 01:11:05,279
Speaker 2: you know, I guess was realizing it was getting out

1319
01:11:05,319 --> 01:11:10,959
Speaker 2: of hand. It is complicated his response. I also think

1320
01:11:10,999 --> 01:11:15,599
Speaker 2: there was he would also play the victim too, you know,

1321
01:11:15,679 --> 01:11:20,079
Speaker 2: it's not this easy, like, yeah, all one clear, I'm sorry.

1322
01:11:20,119 --> 01:11:22,039
Speaker 1: There was a lot. There was a lot.

1323
01:11:22,079 --> 01:11:25,639
Speaker 3: And also I think in abusive relationships is often a

1324
01:11:25,679 --> 01:11:28,719
Speaker 3: pattern where the abuse that is very contrite and very

1325
01:11:28,759 --> 01:11:31,239
Speaker 3: apologetic afterwards.

1326
01:11:31,959 --> 01:11:35,719
Speaker 1: So how do you know that? How do you know

1327
01:11:35,759 --> 01:11:36,599
Speaker 1: which is which?

1328
01:11:36,759 --> 01:11:40,839
Speaker 3: You know, which is a permanent state of self reflection

1329
01:11:41,719 --> 01:11:46,679
Speaker 3: and acknowledgment of fault, and which is just part of

1330
01:11:46,679 --> 01:11:47,999
Speaker 3: that pattern that cycle.

1331
01:11:48,639 --> 01:11:51,559
Speaker 1: Totally, And I think I've probably seen it all.

1332
01:11:52,079 --> 01:11:55,599
Speaker 2: We all have at different moments, and I think it's

1333
01:11:55,639 --> 01:11:58,919
Speaker 2: hit him in different waves of different things happening in

1334
01:11:58,959 --> 01:12:03,359
Speaker 2: our lives and him, I mean, I know it's something

1335
01:12:03,399 --> 01:12:08,439
Speaker 2: that he feels. Yeah, I know he feels remorse for it.

1336
01:12:08,479 --> 01:12:11,759
Speaker 2: I also don't know if he understands it. I remember

1337
01:12:11,759 --> 01:12:13,839
Speaker 2: early wanting him to go to therapy and I don't

1338
01:12:13,919 --> 01:12:18,599
Speaker 2: know if he has or if he's done that to

1339
01:12:18,639 --> 01:12:21,439
Speaker 2: sort of understand deeper. But I gave up on waiting

1340
01:12:21,479 --> 01:12:26,839
Speaker 2: for that and just working on my healing because you

1341
01:12:26,919 --> 01:12:32,639
Speaker 2: can't wait for someone, you know. But I know, Yeah, again,

1342
01:12:32,759 --> 01:12:36,439
Speaker 2: like I said, there's no one easy answer. It's but

1343
01:12:36,519 --> 01:12:40,279
Speaker 2: it's cost him everything, Yeah, and I think he knows that.

1344
01:12:40,319 --> 01:12:50,559
Speaker 2: And it's cost you your dad, yeah, mm hmm, totally, it.

1345
01:12:50,479 --> 01:12:57,399
Speaker 1: Has Yeah, and that's and that's hard.

1346
01:12:57,719 --> 01:13:04,359
Speaker 2: Of course, But I don't excuse what he's done, and.

1347
01:13:06,479 --> 01:13:11,799
Speaker 1: But I just yeah, it's just it's just a sad.

1348
01:13:11,599 --> 01:13:15,999
Speaker 2: But I think about this, I'm like, family's complicated. Family

1349
01:13:16,119 --> 01:13:19,399
Speaker 2: is complicated, Relationships are complicated, and it's holding space for

1350
01:13:19,519 --> 01:13:24,199
Speaker 2: all the millions of colors in between for however you feel.

1351
01:13:24,319 --> 01:13:29,679
Speaker 2: So he's someone who I will always love because he's

1352
01:13:29,719 --> 01:13:32,439
Speaker 2: my dad and he's someone who makes me incredibly sad

1353
01:13:32,639 --> 01:13:35,599
Speaker 2: and brought me a lot of pain and the people

1354
01:13:35,639 --> 01:13:39,879
Speaker 2: around me inexcusable things. And he's also in my blood.

1355
01:13:40,039 --> 01:13:42,759
Speaker 2: I look like him. There's I have manner. Isn't like

1356
01:13:42,759 --> 01:13:45,839
Speaker 2: like there's just it's just this very.

1357
01:13:47,639 --> 01:13:52,519
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's yeah, it's it's big ship, you know.

1358
01:13:54,439 --> 01:13:58,079
Speaker 3: And does the truth set you free?

1359
01:13:59,519 --> 01:14:02,719
Speaker 2: The truth absolutely sets me free. And I think what

1360
01:14:02,919 --> 01:14:06,399
Speaker 2: the most amazing thing of this journey has been is

1361
01:14:08,559 --> 01:14:14,599
Speaker 2: the messages I've gotten Kate, of how people have felt like, Hope,

1362
01:14:16,359 --> 01:14:17,559
Speaker 2: I can't tell you what that's like.

1363
01:14:17,679 --> 01:14:24,079
Speaker 1: That's that's crazy, that's been, that's what.

1364
01:14:24,799 --> 01:14:27,879
Speaker 2: That's really it of being like, oh damn, that's why

1365
01:14:27,919 --> 01:14:30,839
Speaker 2: you do it. I can't know, I can't see it,

1366
01:14:31,719 --> 01:14:34,719
Speaker 2: but I did it because it's just in a way

1367
01:14:34,759 --> 01:14:36,999
Speaker 2: of helping people, making people not feel alone.

1368
01:14:37,039 --> 01:14:41,319
Speaker 1: Or that's the thing that soothes all that other stuff.

1369
01:14:43,239 --> 01:14:43,999
Speaker 1: And also the.

1370
01:14:45,959 --> 01:14:48,799
Speaker 3: You know what Winston Churchill said, if you ever find

1371
01:14:48,839 --> 01:14:55,279
Speaker 3: yourself going through hell, keep going, but you couldn't stop

1372
01:14:55,319 --> 01:15:01,599
Speaker 3: where you were, and for people to see that, to

1373
01:15:01,719 --> 01:15:06,999
Speaker 3: see that a life of joy and you know, wearing

1374
01:15:07,039 --> 01:15:15,439
Speaker 3: a tiara is possible is an extraordinary thing to witness

1375
01:15:15,479 --> 01:15:18,759
Speaker 3: when you're in your own kind of hell. And you

1376
01:15:18,799 --> 01:15:22,479
Speaker 3: don't see that on television very often because it's very sanitized.

1377
01:15:24,719 --> 01:15:27,799
Speaker 2: That's yeah, that's a good a good point, if I

1378
01:15:27,839 --> 01:15:31,039
Speaker 2: can say. I at the end of it, and after winning,

1379
01:15:31,599 --> 01:15:35,199
Speaker 2: I texted my my therapist, my first therapist, and I said,

1380
01:15:36,999 --> 01:15:38,719
Speaker 2: I don't know if you'd know, but there's the show

1381
01:15:38,799 --> 01:15:40,679
Speaker 2: and I want it. And it was off the back of.

1382
01:15:40,679 --> 01:15:46,439
Speaker 4: Being being myself and telling my story with my mum,

1383
01:15:46,559 --> 01:15:51,679
Speaker 4: my sister, and I said, I wouldn't be where I

1384
01:15:51,719 --> 01:15:53,999
Speaker 4: am if it wasn't for the work that we did

1385
01:15:54,639 --> 01:15:58,679
Speaker 4: and the lessons that you taught me and the belief

1386
01:15:58,719 --> 01:16:00,439
Speaker 4: that she had, because I would never forget she would.

1387
01:16:00,479 --> 01:16:02,639
Speaker 4: I'd be making her laugh talking about and she's just like, God,

1388
01:16:02,679 --> 01:16:04,399
Speaker 4: get chat to your Seinfeld. You have this way of

1389
01:16:04,439 --> 01:16:08,919
Speaker 4: being really observational and seeing things around you, and she's like,

1390
01:16:08,999 --> 01:16:11,399
Speaker 4: you're you have this power where you're going to share

1391
01:16:12,799 --> 01:16:14,919
Speaker 4: your story and do it in your way and you're.

1392
01:16:14,759 --> 01:16:17,879
Speaker 2: Gonna help people. And I just had to thank her.

1393
01:16:17,919 --> 01:16:19,559
Speaker 2: It's like, I can't not be thinking of you at

1394
01:16:19,559 --> 01:16:22,879
Speaker 2: this time. I want you to know I'm eternally grateful.

1395
01:16:23,319 --> 01:16:24,399
Speaker 1: And the message that she.

1396
01:16:26,239 --> 01:16:28,959
Speaker 2: Sent me back, it's just sort of what you're saying. Okay,

1397
01:16:29,079 --> 01:16:31,279
Speaker 2: I've just being like, she's like you, I was only

1398
01:16:31,319 --> 01:16:33,319
Speaker 2: ever mirroring what you were doing, the hard and messy

1399
01:16:33,359 --> 01:16:37,039
Speaker 2: work to fight to not let it define you and to.

1400
01:16:38,839 --> 01:16:42,639
Speaker 1: You know, to show that you can have hope and

1401
01:16:42,679 --> 01:16:43,199
Speaker 1: be hope.

1402
01:16:43,199 --> 01:16:45,879
Speaker 2: And that's something that's like, I would say, one of

1403
01:16:45,919 --> 01:16:48,799
Speaker 2: the biggest I don't know, do you know what?

1404
01:16:48,799 --> 01:16:49,399
Speaker 1: Any Like, that's a.

1405
01:16:49,319 --> 01:16:52,199
Speaker 2: Moment I'm going to have with me for forever and

1406
01:16:52,239 --> 01:16:54,759
Speaker 2: it feels shared, you know, and so that makes me

1407
01:16:56,199 --> 01:16:57,199
Speaker 2: it's never in isolation.

1408
01:16:57,639 --> 01:16:59,479
Speaker 1: It couldn't be, do.

1409
01:16:59,439 --> 01:17:01,919
Speaker 3: You know what. And and even though you have been

1410
01:17:02,199 --> 01:17:08,759
Speaker 3: you know, blessed the gift of external beauty.

1411
01:17:09,719 --> 01:17:11,119
Speaker 1: Nothing makes someone.

1412
01:17:10,839 --> 01:17:17,639
Speaker 3: As beautiful as bravery, I think, and you are exquisite.

1413
01:17:17,919 --> 01:17:18,479
Speaker 2: Thank you.

1414
01:17:18,639 --> 01:17:19,599
Speaker 1: That's so beautiful.

1415
01:17:19,599 --> 01:17:23,719
Speaker 3: Okay, thank you so much, and you know what, Australia

1416
01:17:23,839 --> 01:17:25,239
Speaker 3: also decided to work.

1417
01:17:25,959 --> 01:17:28,439
Speaker 1: You don't have to take my no word for it.

1418
01:17:30,399 --> 01:17:35,519
Speaker 2: Your word means a lot. Thank you, Kate, Conctta Cristo.

1419
01:17:36,599 --> 01:17:38,959
Speaker 3: Thank you for joining us on No Filter, and thank

1420
01:17:38,999 --> 01:17:41,079
Speaker 3: you for showing yourself.

1421
01:17:43,839 --> 01:17:47,439
Speaker 2: Thank you for this beautiful interview, for your incredible questions.

1422
01:17:47,519 --> 01:17:49,479
Speaker 2: It's truly and I want to speak to you. Thank you.

1423
01:17:54,079 --> 01:17:59,519
Speaker 3: Listening to Concertta speak about her childhood, It's impossible not

1424
01:17:59,639 --> 01:18:02,799
Speaker 3: to think about the courage it takes for families to

1425
01:18:02,879 --> 01:18:06,479
Speaker 3: leave situations like that, and the people and services who

1426
01:18:06,559 --> 01:18:11,279
Speaker 3: make those escapes possible. If this conversation has raised anything

1427
01:18:11,319 --> 01:18:13,959
Speaker 3: for you, please see our show notes for where you

1428
01:18:13,999 --> 01:18:17,839
Speaker 3: can find support. You can listen to Conchetta a Ray

1429
01:18:17,879 --> 01:18:22,319
Speaker 3: of Sunshine on Triple Jay Breakfast. Thanks for listening to

1430
01:18:22,319 --> 01:18:25,959
Speaker 3: No Filter. The executive producer of No Filter is bre Player.

1431
01:18:26,319 --> 01:18:30,399
Speaker 3: The assistant producer is Coco Levine. Audio production by Jacob

1432
01:18:30,439 --> 01:18:34,119
Speaker 3: Brown and video editing by Josh Green. This episode of

1433
01:18:34,159 --> 01:18:37,319
Speaker 3: No Filter was recorded at Session in Progress Studios.

1434
01:18:37,919 --> 01:18:41,759
Speaker 1: I'm Kate Langbrook and I will see you next Monday.

1435
01:18:41,919 --> 01:18:42,479
Speaker 1: It's a date.

1436
01:18:45,999 --> 01:18:48,879
Speaker 3: Mumma Mia acknowledges the traditional owners of the land and

1437
01:18:48,959 --> 01:18:51,159
Speaker 3: waters that this podcast is recorded on.