WEBVTT - We're Ready To Share Our Dickhead List 0:00:10.327 --> 0:00:13.047 You're listening to a MoMA Mia podcast. 0:00:13.727 --> 0:00:16.767 Mamma Mia acknowledges the traditional owners of land and waters 0:00:16.807 --> 0:00:22.967 that this podcast is recorded on Hello, and welcome to 0:00:22.967 --> 0:00:25.367 Momma Out Loud and to our Friday show, which is 0:00:25.407 --> 0:00:28.607 a news free zone where we ignore all the chaos 0:00:28.727 --> 0:00:30.967 of the headlines and just talk about what we want 0:00:30.967 --> 0:00:33.847 to talk about. Today is Friday, the fifteenth of November, 0:00:33.887 --> 0:00:35.327 and I'm Polly Waynwright, I'm. 0:00:35.167 --> 0:00:37.287 Mea Friedman, and I'm Jesse Stevens and. 0:00:37.367 --> 0:00:40.727 On the show today. Don't be a dickhead easy to 0:00:40.767 --> 0:00:43.927 say to others, but what about ourselves? Welcome to the 0:00:43.967 --> 0:00:47.927 dickhead list. Also, we've got recommendations for your weekend, including 0:00:47.927 --> 0:00:49.927 a book, a TV show, and a podcast that we're 0:00:49.967 --> 0:00:53.727 all consuming at pace and a new ral for reading. 0:00:54.047 --> 0:00:58.767 MIA's Ladies, Grandma Angst and Jesse's Massive Fomo. They're our 0:00:58.847 --> 0:01:00.727 best and worse of the week. 0:01:01.047 --> 0:01:04.567 But first, would you pay six hundred dollars an hour 0:01:04.927 --> 0:01:08.127 for an orgasm coach asking for a friend? 0:01:08.447 --> 0:01:11.607 It depends on I die things got Yeah, I'm okay 0:01:11.607 --> 0:01:13.087 for the moment, but I feel like if I was 0:01:13.127 --> 0:01:14.687 in a particularly dry period, the. 0:01:15.047 --> 0:01:19.487 Coaching my orgasm itself. Come on stronger, harder to find out. 0:01:19.567 --> 0:01:24.127 Okay, there's an LA based person who used to be 0:01:24.167 --> 0:01:29.207 a personal trainer. He's now called O Man. He is bearded, 0:01:29.407 --> 0:01:31.247 he's in his thirties. I don't know why the beard 0:01:31.287 --> 0:01:35.247 is relevant, but it's in my notes, and he's into BDSM. 0:01:35.407 --> 0:01:38.727 Can I please tell you Oman's origin story, what happened, 0:01:38.727 --> 0:01:42.447 because I'm obsessed with this. So basically what happened is 0:01:42.447 --> 0:01:44.527 that he was dating this woman who said that she 0:01:44.647 --> 0:01:47.727 had like sore hips, and he's a personal trainer, and 0:01:47.767 --> 0:01:51.127 they also dabbled in some recreational BDSM, which is relevant, 0:01:51.287 --> 0:01:53.807 and he said to her, I was like, I think 0:01:53.847 --> 0:01:55.927 if I tie you to my ceiling and put you 0:01:55.967 --> 0:01:58.167 in a kneeling chair and then use a vibrator, I 0:01:58.167 --> 0:02:00.647 can release your back. And then I did that and 0:02:00.727 --> 0:02:03.327 her hips didn't hurt, her back didn't hurt, and she 0:02:03.447 --> 0:02:04.447 came twenty times. 0:02:05.927 --> 0:02:09.807 She's never left my bedroom just till there hanging from 0:02:09.807 --> 0:02:10.327 my ceiling. 0:02:10.967 --> 0:02:14.247 That the most from physiopointment I can imagine. 0:02:14.767 --> 0:02:19.327 Apparently, his theory is that the reason women are struggling 0:02:19.327 --> 0:02:23.127 to orgasm it has nothing to do with psychological blockages. 0:02:23.167 --> 0:02:24.927 It's got nothing to do with how we feel about 0:02:24.927 --> 0:02:27.247 our own bodies. It is that we all sit too 0:02:27.327 --> 0:02:29.927 much and the muscles around our pelvic floor are not 0:02:30.087 --> 0:02:33.367 firing properly, and so we can't orgasm. So what he does. 0:02:33.447 --> 0:02:36.967 This person who spoke to him for the times, she 0:02:37.127 --> 0:02:39.367 actually got on a call with him, and he says 0:02:39.447 --> 0:02:43.127 things like, put your right leg around your neck and 0:02:43.207 --> 0:02:46.767 put your left leg here, and then use your vibrator 0:02:46.807 --> 0:02:50.847 to massage out. Well, he watches to massage out and 0:02:50.927 --> 0:02:54.047 not in your inner thigh, and by releasing all of 0:02:54.087 --> 0:02:56.887 these muscles, apparently you have a mad orgasm. 0:02:57.207 --> 0:02:59.407 He's helped five hundred women. 0:02:59.807 --> 0:03:00.967 It's a very rich. 0:03:00.847 --> 0:03:05.567 Madness his hobby. At first, he just helped friends and 0:03:05.847 --> 0:03:07.927 friends of friends. I was going to say family, but 0:03:07.967 --> 0:03:11.287 that's definitely not rebound. He used to do it in person, 0:03:11.327 --> 0:03:14.567 but at COVID times he had to pivot from in 0:03:14.607 --> 0:03:18.887 person sessions to develop his O system virtual classes. So yeah, 0:03:18.927 --> 0:03:22.087 he's helped five hundred women virtually, and price to start 0:03:22.567 --> 0:03:26.207 at twelve hundred dollars Australian an hour. I'm sorry. The 0:03:26.247 --> 0:03:28.767 six hundred dollars is US dollars. 0:03:28.927 --> 0:03:32.407 Oh yeah, no, I think it's pounds. Okay, six pounds. 0:03:32.247 --> 0:03:34.607 So ninety five percent of the women that he treats 0:03:34.727 --> 0:03:40.367 achieved multiple orgasms. Satisfied clients include New Jersey housewives. I 0:03:40.407 --> 0:03:42.847 don't know if that's the reality stars or just women 0:03:42.847 --> 0:03:46.367 who live in New Jersey, the ex wives of people 0:03:46.447 --> 0:03:49.407 who've made the most influential People in the World list. 0:03:49.647 --> 0:03:55.327 These sound experienced clients, unverifiable and even he says, somebody 0:03:55.327 --> 0:03:58.887 on vacation here who was a British MP who pretended 0:03:58.927 --> 0:04:03.967 she wasn't a British MP, let's trust to resume. She's retired. 0:04:03.967 --> 0:04:08.687 Now part of the one hundred and twenty five billion 0:04:08.767 --> 0:04:12.527 dollar org as an industry worldwide. The orgasm industry includes 0:04:12.727 --> 0:04:14.567 we're in the wrong industry glass. This sounds like a 0:04:14.647 --> 0:04:16.527 much more fun I want to go to those meetings 0:04:17.167 --> 0:04:23.447 smart vibrators, libido gummies and mindful masturbation classes. There you go. 0:04:23.647 --> 0:04:27.207 That sounds great. I'm into Oh man, I'm just saying, 0:04:27.287 --> 0:04:29.327 why do you need to buy a vibrator and then 0:04:30.207 --> 0:04:32.567 do a zoom call with a man? I mean, if 0:04:32.567 --> 0:04:35.087 this turns you on, but to pay him to what 0:04:35.327 --> 0:04:37.127 you use the vibrator. I'm sure that is a kink 0:04:37.167 --> 0:04:39.207 that a lot of people would be into but I 0:04:39.247 --> 0:04:40.247 don't understand. 0:04:40.687 --> 0:04:44.247 So he specialized because trying it to the ceiling on 0:04:44.287 --> 0:04:44.767 your chair. 0:04:44.927 --> 0:04:49.767 He specializes in people who cannot orgasms. Oh so you're saying, hi, Oman. 0:04:50.007 --> 0:04:51.927 Oh, he corrects my technique in real time. 0:04:51.847 --> 0:04:54.687 Exactly and then he says, put it here, put it there. 0:04:54.887 --> 0:04:56.927 Move your body, he says, support your glutes. 0:04:57.047 --> 0:04:59.407 Wait, you're using it on your shoulder. You're putting it 0:04:59.447 --> 0:05:01.207 in the wrong place to have an orgasm. 0:05:01.287 --> 0:05:03.687 And apparently women in particular, it's a lot to do 0:05:03.727 --> 0:05:06.207 with our posture and there are a few changes we 0:05:06.287 --> 0:05:08.847 need to make. But in defense of Oman, I feel 0:05:08.847 --> 0:05:13.967 like for men when they can't climax, it's considered a 0:05:14.287 --> 0:05:16.527 legitimate health condition where you might even go to. 0:05:16.447 --> 0:05:17.727 The GP right medication. 0:05:17.927 --> 0:05:20.287 For women, it's like a nice to have. 0:05:20.967 --> 0:05:23.567 But if you an optional extra. 0:05:23.367 --> 0:05:26.567 An optional extra, you haven't had an orgasm in ten years, 0:05:26.967 --> 0:05:30.487 you deserve some help. And I like that there's someone, 0:05:30.607 --> 0:05:32.247 although he's a little bit, should. 0:05:32.007 --> 0:05:35.807 Be tax deductible or a community service. There's a policy 0:05:35.847 --> 0:05:40.927 for Dutton an Elbow to consider in their upcoming campaign. 0:05:41.167 --> 0:05:44.287 Oh Man sessions he's like a stroke coach for swimming. 0:05:47.687 --> 0:05:50.167 Just don't be a dickhead a great words to live by. 0:05:50.527 --> 0:05:52.527 And also it's the name of a memoir of a 0:05:52.567 --> 0:05:54.487 woman I interviewed on mid Lately. You might have heard 0:05:54.527 --> 0:05:56.727 of her. She's called Casey Chambers. Have we all heard 0:05:56.767 --> 0:05:57.607 of Casey Chambers? 0:05:57.687 --> 0:06:02.207 Yes? Anyway, her book Not Pretty It wasn't that actually 0:06:02.247 --> 0:06:02.727 a remake? 0:06:03.247 --> 0:06:06.447 No? She wrote that song? Ah, she wrote that song. 0:06:06.727 --> 0:06:08.927 She says now she's like, not pretty enough. Don't give 0:06:08.927 --> 0:06:10.607 a fuck. That's because she's older and she's got no 0:06:10.647 --> 0:06:11.607 fucks to give. Anyway. 0:06:12.127 --> 0:06:14.807 The books like all these little life lessons. 0:06:14.527 --> 0:06:16.687 Right from different moments in her life, from divorce to 0:06:16.727 --> 0:06:19.887 a eating disorder to ignoring bad career advice and all 0:06:19.887 --> 0:06:22.287 that stuff. But at the back of this book she 0:06:22.407 --> 0:06:25.727 shares her Dickhead list, And the idea is is that 0:06:25.807 --> 0:06:28.447 for every year we live, we gather a little bit 0:06:28.447 --> 0:06:31.607 more intel and wisdom right about the things we've been through. 0:06:31.887 --> 0:06:34.407 It teaches us really when we're wrong, like when we're 0:06:34.407 --> 0:06:37.167 not listening to our lessons, the things we know are 0:06:37.167 --> 0:06:40.927 ignoring our gut. And she calls these like her dickhead 0:06:40.927 --> 0:06:42.807 teals because she says they're the little warning signs that 0:06:42.807 --> 0:06:44.727 we should learn to listen to. But often we don't 0:06:44.727 --> 0:06:48.167 because we're too busy feeling insecure about staff, people pleasing 0:06:48.207 --> 0:06:51.527 whatever we're busy doing. These are what she would consider 0:06:51.567 --> 0:06:55.007 her dickhead signs. Casey included when she wrote her list down, 0:06:55.247 --> 0:06:57.447 things like I'm being a dickhead? When is how you 0:06:57.487 --> 0:07:01.007 start all these sentences? When I convince myself it's not 0:07:01.047 --> 0:07:03.087 okay to look my age? That was one of hers. 0:07:03.687 --> 0:07:07.047 Think that being strong means being an asshole is one 0:07:07.047 --> 0:07:10.407 of hers. Get my eyebrow peer in a dodgy backyard 0:07:10.407 --> 0:07:12.167 place in western New South Wales and leave it in 0:07:12.247 --> 0:07:14.367 until it goes all red and posse. That was another 0:07:14.407 --> 0:07:17.647 one of hers. So you see, they can be existential 0:07:18.127 --> 0:07:21.727 or they could be very practical, right, So I wrote one, 0:07:21.887 --> 0:07:23.367 I'll share a few of mine, so we've got some 0:07:23.447 --> 0:07:25.047 insp around the group used. 0:07:25.127 --> 0:07:26.607 I need you to interpret it. 0:07:26.607 --> 0:07:29.367 It's basically like the way I was thinking of it is, 0:07:29.687 --> 0:07:32.567 when are you with dickhead? So? What I love about 0:07:32.567 --> 0:07:37.327 this premise, I know it's hard for you to specify. 0:07:36.887 --> 0:07:40.287 Would be a shorter list what I win I wasn't. 0:07:40.647 --> 0:07:43.047 What I love is that you know how we talk 0:07:43.047 --> 0:07:46.447 about red flags like we're so good? Yeah, pointing out 0:07:46.447 --> 0:07:47.847 when other people are being. 0:07:47.647 --> 0:07:49.847 These are red flags. Okay, you know what I mean. 0:07:50.247 --> 0:07:51.687 And the thing is is in order to do that, 0:07:51.727 --> 0:07:53.687 so it's a little bit kinder to yourself than rather 0:07:53.767 --> 0:07:56.487 than like you just fucked because women, generally we do 0:07:56.567 --> 0:07:58.327 have a long list of things that we know we 0:07:58.327 --> 0:08:01.367 shouldn't be doing. But it's more to kind of remind you, like, 0:08:01.447 --> 0:08:03.527 you know, not to do that. Right last time you 0:08:03.567 --> 0:08:05.567 did that, you ended up in bed with that person. 0:08:05.607 --> 0:08:07.407 And you know what I mean, that kind of stuff. 0:08:07.887 --> 0:08:10.287 So I wrote my dickhead list. Some of them are silly, 0:08:10.327 --> 0:08:12.887 some of them are not. So things like I know 0:08:12.967 --> 0:08:15.007 I'm being a dickhead when I don't listen, I just 0:08:15.047 --> 0:08:16.687 wait to talk. I think that's all of us. 0:08:16.847 --> 0:08:18.927 Really, Yeah, that is your idea. You are a dickhead 0:08:18.967 --> 0:08:19.287 when you do. 0:08:19.407 --> 0:08:23.127 I definitely am open the clean dishrusher, take out a fork, 0:08:23.367 --> 0:08:26.727 close the clean dish washer, classic dickhead mood. Often that 0:08:26.807 --> 0:08:28.927 is a passive aggressive move. I'm usually trying to send 0:08:28.927 --> 0:08:31.007 a signal to someone in my house or my office 0:08:31.047 --> 0:08:33.967 maybe of like I was empty the fucking dish washer, 0:08:34.007 --> 0:08:35.967 you should do it by making a dickhead move. 0:08:36.047 --> 0:08:37.327 I didn't know there was another option. 0:08:39.087 --> 0:08:41.887 Forget that my mood affects others. Forget to change my 0:08:42.087 --> 0:08:48.007 HRT patch see above. Ye, forget my children aren't me. 0:08:48.287 --> 0:08:50.527 That's an important one. I'm definitely always being a dickhead. 0:08:50.567 --> 0:08:52.167 When I do that, you have to remember, like, oh, 0:08:52.207 --> 0:08:54.807 that's right. They're their own people, They're not just me. 0:08:55.447 --> 0:08:58.047 Refuse to look at my bank balance, start carrying salt 0:08:58.087 --> 0:09:02.087 sashes in my purse, which I'd stopped doing. Yeah, now 0:09:02.087 --> 0:09:02.847 I've started doing it. 0:09:03.167 --> 0:09:05.767 No, Holly, that's just part of being Holly. Why have 0:09:05.847 --> 0:09:07.887 you stopped carrying salt sashe because I was. 0:09:07.847 --> 0:09:09.967 Being healthy in my body was a and I kept 0:09:09.967 --> 0:09:12.407 it going for a whole year. And now, like an 0:09:12.407 --> 0:09:15.287 addict who's fallen off the wagon, I find myself just 0:09:15.367 --> 0:09:18.727 like involuntarily grabbing salt sachets when ever I'm at a 0:09:18.767 --> 0:09:20.927 takeaway shop and just tucking them quietly in the back 0:09:20.927 --> 0:09:24.567 pocket of my bag. Don't let the truth get in 0:09:24.607 --> 0:09:28.007 the way of an easy opinion. That's the real dickheads, 0:09:28.287 --> 0:09:29.607 you know, when you're like, I know what I think 0:09:29.607 --> 0:09:31.567 about that, and then you do a bit of research 0:09:31.567 --> 0:09:33.647 and you go, oh, I still. 0:09:33.367 --> 0:09:34.407 Know what I think about that. 0:09:35.327 --> 0:09:38.247 I will not use that fact that it is inconvenient. 0:09:38.447 --> 0:09:42.487 Jesse Stevens, Okay, I found this task very easy, Yes, 0:09:42.807 --> 0:09:43.447 very very easy. 0:09:43.567 --> 0:09:44.807 Women in we're conditioned to do it. 0:09:44.847 --> 0:09:46.807 We should have written them for each other. Honestly. 0:09:47.287 --> 0:09:51.007 I know, Okay, I know I'm being a dickhead when 0:09:51.207 --> 0:09:54.567 I find myself saying how much better I feel since 0:09:54.607 --> 0:09:57.767 I started doing weight training, like right. 0:09:57.647 --> 0:10:00.207 Now, I've been saying that a lot lately. 0:10:00.567 --> 0:10:02.327 You know, I nearly said it in the last segment 0:10:02.367 --> 0:10:04.967 when we're talking about posture and orgasms. I was, like, 0:10:05.047 --> 0:10:07.807 I actually said out loud last week, you know, my 0:10:07.847 --> 0:10:10.407 posture's improved, it has I've been doing my weight training. 0:10:10.567 --> 0:10:13.447 I'm being a dickhead, being an absolute dickhead. I don't 0:10:13.487 --> 0:10:14.927 hate it, but it's annoying. 0:10:15.567 --> 0:10:17.727 We could argue that that's one of those things you 0:10:17.807 --> 0:10:21.007 needed to learn, so you're like reminding yourself of something. 0:10:21.167 --> 0:10:23.967 Exactly all right. I've got one that I catch myself 0:10:24.007 --> 0:10:25.807 right before I do it, but I'm going to call 0:10:25.847 --> 0:10:29.167 it a dickhead instinct, and then I've got to suppress it. 0:10:30.087 --> 0:10:33.727 My dickhead instinct is rearing its head. I'm in this 0:10:33.767 --> 0:10:36.687 specific stage right now where my baby is napping, right, 0:10:36.727 --> 0:10:39.847 She's quite a good napper. Anyone else in my circle 0:10:40.087 --> 0:10:42.847 who says, oh, I'm having issues with napping, I feel it. 0:10:43.807 --> 0:10:48.727 I feel the desire to give them advice, and then 0:10:48.767 --> 0:10:52.407 I go, that's your dickhead instinct. Suppress it. You're lucky. 0:10:53.007 --> 0:10:54.887 They're just in a different stage, and I've got to 0:10:54.927 --> 0:10:58.007 shut it down. I know I'm being a dickhead when 0:10:58.007 --> 0:11:00.287 I get a parking fine and I physically hide it 0:11:00.287 --> 0:11:03.687 from Luca, like somewhere in the house. You know when 0:11:03.687 --> 0:11:06.967 you're hiding something in your home that you're doing something wrong. 0:11:07.807 --> 0:11:12.887 I know I being a dickhead when I am scrolling 0:11:12.967 --> 0:11:17.087 through Instagram or TikTok and I'm actually muttering the word idiot. 0:11:18.127 --> 0:11:24.607 Yes, that's such a good Oh my god, I do that, 0:11:24.927 --> 0:11:28.847 I mutter. I don't know who you are. That's my tell. 0:11:29.847 --> 0:11:31.807 I don't know who you are. Who are you? 0:11:32.127 --> 0:11:32.687 Who are you? 0:11:32.807 --> 0:11:33.527 Who are you? 0:11:33.567 --> 0:11:34.687 Why are you talking to me? 0:11:34.767 --> 0:11:38.767 I don't know who you are. I'm sorry to put 0:11:38.767 --> 0:11:39.447 the phone. 0:11:39.207 --> 0:11:42.047 Down, but these people are just invading my life with 0:11:42.087 --> 0:11:42.807 their opinions. 0:11:42.847 --> 0:11:46.887 Exactly. I know I'm being a dickhead when I'm not 0:11:47.087 --> 0:11:50.247 listening to someone because I'm currently on my phone. Yeah, 0:11:50.287 --> 0:11:52.487 So sometimes I'll even be on the phone to look up. 0:11:53.207 --> 0:11:55.527 I'll put him on speaker and I'll check my emails, 0:11:55.807 --> 0:11:57.527 and I know that I'm being a dickhead, and then 0:11:57.567 --> 0:12:01.647 he'll say something and that I go, but what do 0:12:01.647 --> 0:12:01.887 you think? 0:12:01.967 --> 0:12:04.927 Jessee? 0:12:04.967 --> 0:12:08.087 Definitely, And he's like, really, but it costs seven hundred. 0:12:07.847 --> 0:12:10.527 Dollars, I'm not sure. What do you think? 0:12:11.807 --> 0:12:12.007 Mayo? 0:12:12.087 --> 0:12:13.047 What are your tells? 0:12:13.127 --> 0:12:18.087 So many? For me giving unsolicited advice, It's a feeling 0:12:18.087 --> 0:12:21.567 that I get in my body where I think I'm 0:12:21.567 --> 0:12:23.727 giving someone advice, but I'm just really trying to tell 0:12:23.727 --> 0:12:25.967 them what to do what I think. I mean, that's 0:12:25.967 --> 0:12:27.927 what advice is, right, is telling someone what to do. 0:12:28.207 --> 0:12:31.967 But I know that I'm too heavily invested in them 0:12:32.007 --> 0:12:34.207 following my advice, and I know that if they don't, 0:12:34.247 --> 0:12:35.087 I'll be pissed off. 0:12:35.247 --> 0:12:37.087 You like to fix things. It's one of your more 0:12:37.127 --> 0:12:39.407 traditionally male traits. I would say, you. 0:12:39.327 --> 0:12:41.487 Know how they say that that's when I'm being a dictatd. 0:12:41.367 --> 0:12:43.527 Because you're you do like to fix things, which is. 0:12:43.447 --> 0:12:45.487 Good, but I don't like it when people do it 0:12:45.527 --> 0:12:47.647 to You do it to me, like I just need 0:12:47.727 --> 0:12:50.007 to vent and then JAS will go in to fixing mode, 0:12:50.047 --> 0:12:51.367 or someone will go and fixing mode it and don't 0:12:51.407 --> 0:12:52.887 like it, but I do it to other people. It's 0:12:52.887 --> 0:12:57.807 really annoying performative kindness when I do something that I 0:12:57.887 --> 0:13:02.087 pretend is just kind, but actually I want other people 0:13:02.127 --> 0:13:04.927 to see me being kind. Like I was in a 0:13:04.967 --> 0:13:08.807 meeting with someone who was pregnant and there was water, 0:13:09.527 --> 0:13:12.727 and I was I concerned about her, maybe, but I 0:13:12.847 --> 0:13:15.007 was like, usually I would just honestly pour a glass 0:13:15.007 --> 0:13:16.967 water of myself, but I was like, you should be 0:13:17.047 --> 0:13:20.007 drinking more, which is advice. She wants some water, and 0:13:20.047 --> 0:13:23.887 I stopped the meeting so everybody could watch me helping 0:13:23.927 --> 0:13:31.087 to hydrate the pregnant person. I know I'm being a 0:13:31.127 --> 0:13:35.247 dickhead when I have the instinct that I love something 0:13:35.327 --> 0:13:37.807 so much, like a piece of clothing or a pair 0:13:37.807 --> 0:13:39.527 of shoes, that I want to buy it twice. 0:13:39.847 --> 0:13:42.167 Oh yes, I have never felt that. 0:13:42.487 --> 0:13:45.487 Yeah, I get so anxious the same thing twice, a 0:13:45.567 --> 0:13:46.847 different color, the. 0:13:46.847 --> 0:13:49.807 Exact same thing. Because I get so anxious. I love 0:13:49.847 --> 0:13:52.087 it so much. I can't ever imagine not loving it, 0:13:52.127 --> 0:13:54.247 And I'm thinking about what if I lose it, what 0:13:54.287 --> 0:13:55.007 if it gets worn? 0:13:55.007 --> 0:13:57.007 Out continue it days. 0:13:57.087 --> 0:13:59.407 Yeah, like which they do with fashion. That's the whole 0:13:59.407 --> 0:14:01.127 point that you keep buying it. And then of course 0:14:01.167 --> 0:14:02.887 I've done this in the past and I never alone. 0:14:03.327 --> 0:14:05.527 Then you just like, well, I've just got this other thing. 0:14:05.687 --> 0:14:07.287 You've got to prove how much you love it by 0:14:07.367 --> 0:14:07.887 just pressing. 0:14:07.967 --> 0:14:12.367 I know, I just am like, no, don't just want 0:14:12.487 --> 0:14:15.847 That's a dickhead thing to do. I know I'm being 0:14:15.847 --> 0:14:19.367 a dickhead when I tell my kids' stories about myself 0:14:20.087 --> 0:14:23.287 in the hope that it will help them understand something 0:14:23.327 --> 0:14:26.567 they're going through, and I expect it to help, which 0:14:26.567 --> 0:14:27.127 it never does. 0:14:27.287 --> 0:14:29.647 Rerent does this all the time, just outing him as 0:14:29.687 --> 0:14:32.047 a dickhead right now, but like all the time to 0:14:32.127 --> 0:14:34.767 our teenagers who are being teenagers in twenty twenty four 0:14:34.807 --> 0:14:36.367 and or say when I was at school, I'm like, 0:14:36.407 --> 0:14:38.727 you were at school in the seventy kids, I. 0:14:38.447 --> 0:14:41.447 Do not want to hear your stories. They don't. Young 0:14:41.487 --> 0:14:43.647 people don't want to hear your stories. It's not relevant 0:14:43.687 --> 0:14:43.847 to me. 0:14:44.087 --> 0:14:44.127 No. 0:14:45.207 --> 0:14:49.127 Similarly, when I know that I'm just waiting to interrupt 0:14:49.167 --> 0:14:51.927 that snow globe thing where I'm just waiting for someone 0:14:51.967 --> 0:14:54.367 to finish so that I can jump in and say, 0:14:54.367 --> 0:14:56.607 look at my snow globe. Yeah, this similar thing happened 0:14:56.607 --> 0:15:00.647 to me. Where again I kid myself that I'm trying 0:15:00.687 --> 0:15:04.127 to make them feel seen, but actually I think I 0:15:04.207 --> 0:15:04.967 just want to talk. 0:15:05.207 --> 0:15:07.687 Sometimes I get in a mood where I'm very taken 0:15:07.727 --> 0:15:11.887 by myself and like by my and experiences, and I 0:15:11.927 --> 0:15:15.127 get so excited by myself and my experiences that I 0:15:15.167 --> 0:15:18.927 think you've got carried away and you can get adrenaline. 0:15:19.007 --> 0:15:21.407 I'm like, I am so interesting, And then it's just 0:15:21.567 --> 0:15:24.767 it's such a dickhead move, and you can tell that 0:15:24.807 --> 0:15:28.527 you've start you go. Actually, no one else's. 0:15:28.487 --> 0:15:31.407 They have two glasses of wine, and I get on 0:15:31.447 --> 0:15:33.527 my high horse and. 0:15:33.527 --> 0:15:36.967 You make people cry if they're notes and me, you've 0:15:37.007 --> 0:15:38.487 been out to dinner with girlfriends. 0:15:38.687 --> 0:15:40.967 Oh my god, yes, and I've got confused about where 0:15:41.007 --> 0:15:43.847 I am. And let me tell you what I think 0:15:43.847 --> 0:15:47.487 about that thing in a very strident and detailed. 0:15:47.007 --> 0:15:51.087 Fashion, Jesse, and I can handle it like what a dickhead. 0:15:51.687 --> 0:15:54.447 Oh, I know I'm being a dickhead. When I don't 0:15:54.647 --> 0:15:58.087 want to cry, I will resist crying, And in my 0:15:58.127 --> 0:16:00.567 pursuit of resistant crying, I will yell like I will 0:16:00.567 --> 0:16:02.407 get angry before I cry, and it's like, if you 0:16:02.487 --> 0:16:05.967 just cried, you could have probably like saved yourself a 0:16:06.007 --> 0:16:06.647 lot of drama. 0:16:06.727 --> 0:16:08.487 See, I'll do it the other way around when I 0:16:08.527 --> 0:16:11.567 should be angry, but I'll cry and it'll annoy me. 0:16:12.447 --> 0:16:15.127 But I also know that I'm being a dickhead when 0:16:15.887 --> 0:16:19.207 I get emotionally dysregulated, as you spoke about last week, 0:16:20.047 --> 0:16:24.167 and I know a therapist. Numerous therapists have said when 0:16:24.207 --> 0:16:27.167 you feel like that, when you feel like your reaction 0:16:27.607 --> 0:16:30.967 to a certain thing is outsized and you have big feelings, 0:16:32.047 --> 0:16:35.687 go for a walk, take a breath. And when I 0:16:35.727 --> 0:16:39.047 think about that advice and I just go, no, this 0:16:39.167 --> 0:16:42.407 time is different. I love that that. 0:16:42.567 --> 0:16:44.807 Hey, I wanted to ask you because you weren't here 0:16:44.887 --> 0:16:50.287 last Friday when we did emotional dysregulation. I wanted to 0:16:50.327 --> 0:16:52.527 ask you if there's anything you think that you've learned 0:16:52.527 --> 0:16:54.767 about how to emotionally regulate when you think the big 0:16:54.767 --> 0:16:57.647 feelings are overwhelming. Because we talked on the show about 0:16:57.647 --> 0:17:01.247 how it's a real thing, particularly for putting neurodiverse people, 0:17:01.287 --> 0:17:03.327 like it's a real thing and it can be an actual, 0:17:03.367 --> 0:17:04.847 real hindrance. 0:17:05.087 --> 0:17:06.607 And strategies are really important. 0:17:06.647 --> 0:17:08.927 I have seen you do that thing. When she just 0:17:08.967 --> 0:17:11.127 talked about where, I'm like, are you sure you've you can? 0:17:13.087 --> 0:17:15.967 You can set her eyes going yes, I've been told 0:17:16.007 --> 0:17:17.287 that I need to take a walk. And then you 0:17:17.327 --> 0:17:19.047 see her do a little like side to side and 0:17:19.047 --> 0:17:20.807 she's like and then I'm like, nah, I'm not doing it. 0:17:21.287 --> 0:17:24.167 This is a very legitimate feeling. This is not emotional dysregulation. 0:17:24.647 --> 0:17:28.087 It's almost like when I used to get PMT and 0:17:28.127 --> 0:17:30.287 I'd be shocked every time it would be like, no, 0:17:30.327 --> 0:17:34.367 I don't have PMT. The world's just fucked and everyone's 0:17:34.407 --> 0:17:39.007 incredibly irritating. It really always feels so genuine in that moment, 0:17:39.047 --> 0:17:41.087 no matter how much there's a tiny voice that goes 0:17:41.887 --> 0:17:44.087 these are big feelings. What's going on for you now? 0:17:44.127 --> 0:17:46.247 Right now? Pet? And I should go for a walk. 0:17:46.607 --> 0:17:49.687 And then I'm like no, And what I know that 0:17:49.727 --> 0:17:52.407 I need in that moment, and what I look for 0:17:52.967 --> 0:17:55.727 is for someone to match my feelings. That's the only 0:17:55.807 --> 0:18:00.287 thing that can dissipate them other than time. And time 0:18:00.407 --> 0:18:02.847 is really boring to just wait it out because I 0:18:02.887 --> 0:18:06.567 know that they always do dissipate. But my dickhead move 0:18:07.167 --> 0:18:09.567 and my destructive move is that I will go and 0:18:09.607 --> 0:18:12.447 try to get someone to be as pissed off as me. 0:18:12.687 --> 0:18:14.487 You need someone else to be equally as pissed off 0:18:14.527 --> 0:18:15.167 about that thing. 0:18:15.047 --> 0:18:18.367 To validate it. So I need to go, Jesse, can 0:18:18.407 --> 0:18:20.687 you believe that blah blah blah happened? And you to go, 0:18:20.847 --> 0:18:24.287 oh my god, that is just so bad. But no 0:18:24.327 --> 0:18:25.247 one ever does that. 0:18:25.527 --> 0:18:28.327 Yeh, because they're seeing your emotions here and they're going, 0:18:28.567 --> 0:18:30.207 what's helpful is to bring her down. 0:18:30.727 --> 0:18:34.127 And ironically what brings me down is someone meeting me there, 0:18:34.487 --> 0:18:37.807 and then I just immediately fall down, someone going oh 0:18:37.847 --> 0:18:40.087 my god, no, wonder you've pissed off about that, and I'll. 0:18:39.967 --> 0:18:44.927 Just go, this is very good, very nice for anyone 0:18:44.967 --> 0:18:47.087 dealing with the big feelings people. 0:18:47.367 --> 0:18:50.087 Yeah, you've got to match them, and otherwise you're like, 0:18:50.367 --> 0:18:52.967 you become desperate because of course what people try to 0:18:53.007 --> 0:18:55.807 do is talk you down and go it's not that bad. 0:18:56.007 --> 0:18:58.567 Here's why. But it has the opposite effect because then 0:18:58.607 --> 0:19:01.207 you feel like the word gaslit is of used, but 0:19:01.247 --> 0:19:03.287 you feel like you're not being validated and you've got 0:19:03.327 --> 0:19:06.207 to convince them. It's like you don't understand the sky's falling. 0:19:06.327 --> 0:19:08.047 Well, this is what we're talking about last week in 0:19:08.127 --> 0:19:10.327 terms of you feel like you're being told to calm down, 0:19:10.407 --> 0:19:10.807 which is. 0:19:12.007 --> 0:19:15.367