1 00:00:11,149 --> 00:00:13,869 Speaker 1: You're listening to a Muma Mia podcast. 2 00:00:14,829 --> 00:00:18,349 Speaker 2: MoMA Maya acknowledges the traditional owners of land and waters 3 00:00:18,349 --> 00:00:20,069 Speaker 2: that this podcast is recorded on. 4 00:00:20,269 --> 00:00:23,109 Speaker 3: Hello. I'm Stacy Hicks. I'm the editor of Mamma Mia 5 00:00:23,189 --> 00:00:25,629 Speaker 3: and I'm also the host of our new parenting podcast, 6 00:00:25,749 --> 00:00:29,149 Speaker 3: Parenting out Loud. And this summer, we're curating your listening 7 00:00:29,149 --> 00:00:32,189 Speaker 3: with a healthy dose of culture savvy conversations that parents 8 00:00:32,309 --> 00:00:36,229 Speaker 3: actually want. This holiday season, we're bringing you unmissable episodes 9 00:00:36,349 --> 00:00:39,789 Speaker 3: right here into your podcast playlist. It's your summer listening sorted. 10 00:00:40,229 --> 00:00:42,109 Speaker 3: And if you're looking for more to listen to, every 11 00:00:42,189 --> 00:00:45,069 Speaker 3: Muma Mia podcast is curating Some are listening right across 12 00:00:45,109 --> 00:00:48,909 Speaker 3: the network, from pop culture to beauty to powerful interviews. 13 00:00:49,189 --> 00:00:51,629 Speaker 3: There's something for everyone. There's a link in the show notes. 14 00:00:58,349 --> 00:01:02,309 Speaker 2: Welcome to Parenting out Loud, the podcast for parents who 15 00:01:02,429 --> 00:01:06,429 Speaker 2: don't always listen to parenting podcasts. Here we are again, 16 00:01:06,669 --> 00:01:10,269 Speaker 2: another week of parenting culture, some hot takes, and this 17 00:01:10,309 --> 00:01:12,549 Speaker 2: time we're in our own podcast feed, which is nice. 18 00:01:12,549 --> 00:01:14,949 Speaker 2: So we'd let go of the mother ship of Mum 19 00:01:14,949 --> 00:01:17,229 Speaker 2: and mea out Loud. We're off the teat. We now 20 00:01:17,349 --> 00:01:18,389 Speaker 2: must learn to walk. 21 00:01:18,829 --> 00:01:22,149 Speaker 1: Here we go, eating a lot of avocado, yeah, and 22 00:01:22,229 --> 00:01:22,829 Speaker 1: mushy feed. 23 00:01:22,869 --> 00:01:26,709 Speaker 4: It helps you to learn to walk a classic food. 24 00:01:26,789 --> 00:01:27,189 Speaker 5: Yeah. 25 00:01:27,269 --> 00:01:29,389 Speaker 4: I'm Monique Bowlly, I'm a Mellia. 26 00:01:29,189 --> 00:01:31,469 Speaker 1: Lesto, and I am Stacy Kicks Stacy. 27 00:01:31,549 --> 00:01:34,389 Speaker 5: Before we begin, I'm just sensing a vibe from you 28 00:01:34,469 --> 00:01:36,509 Speaker 5: this week that you're very stressed out. 29 00:01:36,789 --> 00:01:37,829 Speaker 1: Is that correct? 30 00:01:38,189 --> 00:01:40,629 Speaker 3: Yes, I'm very stressed this week. I've had a bit 31 00:01:40,629 --> 00:01:43,029 Speaker 3: of a week. I have cried multiple times this week, 32 00:01:43,149 --> 00:01:44,989 Speaker 3: just to make the listeners feel seen if you've done 33 00:01:44,989 --> 00:01:48,909 Speaker 3: the same, which culminated in me crying because I couldn't 34 00:01:48,909 --> 00:01:50,229 Speaker 3: do a Copenhagen plank. 35 00:01:50,309 --> 00:01:51,469 Speaker 1: Sorry, Jim, what is. 36 00:01:51,429 --> 00:01:54,909 Speaker 5: A Copenhagen plank? I thought Copenhagen was just about like 37 00:01:54,949 --> 00:01:58,109 Speaker 5: being stylish, yes, n ice cream. 38 00:01:58,549 --> 00:02:01,669 Speaker 1: Yeah, it was like a torture device. I don't know why. 39 00:02:01,789 --> 00:02:03,909 Speaker 3: I had to have one leg suspended in the air 40 00:02:04,029 --> 00:02:07,349 Speaker 3: in a sideways plank and I couldn't do it, and 41 00:02:07,389 --> 00:02:08,589 Speaker 3: the trainer came to help me. 42 00:02:08,989 --> 00:02:11,029 Speaker 1: I got very upset and I said, it's not about 43 00:02:11,029 --> 00:02:12,309 Speaker 1: the Copenhagen plank. 44 00:02:12,389 --> 00:02:15,189 Speaker 5: It's never about the Copenhagen over the edge. But I'm 45 00:02:15,269 --> 00:02:17,189 Speaker 5: very happy to be with you guys, very happy to 46 00:02:17,189 --> 00:02:18,909 Speaker 5: be doing this. It's the highlight of my week. 47 00:02:19,229 --> 00:02:21,709 Speaker 2: Oh, Stacy, let's just ignore you crying in the corner. 48 00:02:21,989 --> 00:02:24,629 Speaker 2: Grab a tissue. This is what's coming up on today's show. 49 00:02:24,909 --> 00:02:27,869 Speaker 3: The girl Boss is dead and them influencer is out, 50 00:02:27,989 --> 00:02:30,629 Speaker 3: and there's a new status symbol in pretending you just 51 00:02:30,669 --> 00:02:31,509 Speaker 3: don't have kids at all. 52 00:02:31,749 --> 00:02:34,309 Speaker 5: I want to talk about how the raw book around 53 00:02:34,349 --> 00:02:39,029 Speaker 5: praise has changed, and whether compliments and how we compliment 54 00:02:39,109 --> 00:02:43,589 Speaker 5: people is just yet another topic around which millennials are overthinking. 55 00:02:44,429 --> 00:02:48,869 Speaker 2: I saw a tiny feud on Facebook and it's changed 56 00:02:48,909 --> 00:02:51,309 Speaker 2: the way I think about reading with my kids, and 57 00:02:51,349 --> 00:02:52,669 Speaker 2: I want to bring it to your attention. 58 00:02:52,989 --> 00:02:55,349 Speaker 5: Oh, I love a tiny fewd There's a Reddit board 59 00:02:55,469 --> 00:02:59,829 Speaker 5: called niche Scandals and it's just all about like people 60 00:02:59,869 --> 00:03:03,189 Speaker 5: on crafting boards, like arguing with each other and it's 61 00:03:03,189 --> 00:03:04,669 Speaker 5: the best to have a low stakes feud. 62 00:03:04,749 --> 00:03:05,629 Speaker 1: That sounds juicy. 63 00:03:06,149 --> 00:03:09,309 Speaker 2: This starts like a niche scandal, but then what I 64 00:03:09,469 --> 00:03:11,869 Speaker 2: discovered is it's actually a bigger thing. 65 00:03:11,989 --> 00:03:13,269 Speaker 4: It's a bigger thing. I can't wait. 66 00:03:13,549 --> 00:03:16,749 Speaker 5: But first, in case you missed it, I have to 67 00:03:16,829 --> 00:03:18,709 Speaker 5: talk to you about roadblocks and why it's in the 68 00:03:18,749 --> 00:03:19,389 Speaker 5: news this week. 69 00:03:19,509 --> 00:03:21,869 Speaker 3: What is a roadblock and why am I buying my 70 00:03:21,909 --> 00:03:24,989 Speaker 3: friend's kids Roebucks gift cards every Christmas? 71 00:03:24,989 --> 00:03:26,589 Speaker 1: And why am I talking about it this week? 72 00:03:27,149 --> 00:03:31,229 Speaker 5: So Roadblocks is an online gaming platform, and the reason 73 00:03:31,229 --> 00:03:32,709 Speaker 5: it's in the news this week it's been around since 74 00:03:32,709 --> 00:03:35,789 Speaker 5: two thousand and six, is because as we're all preparing 75 00:03:35,829 --> 00:03:39,349 Speaker 5: for the government's social media ban to come into effect, 76 00:03:39,909 --> 00:03:43,149 Speaker 5: a loophole has been discovered. And the loophole is Roadbox. 77 00:03:43,589 --> 00:03:46,749 Speaker 5: Because while Roadblocks is ostensibly a place where you go 78 00:03:46,789 --> 00:03:51,029 Speaker 5: to play games online, it's actually a social media site 79 00:03:51,069 --> 00:03:54,869 Speaker 5: in disguise, and so it's not subject to this new 80 00:03:54,989 --> 00:03:57,989 Speaker 5: under SIXTEENES ban, but a lot of people are saying 81 00:03:58,109 --> 00:04:01,349 Speaker 5: it should be. So Roadblocks has tried to pre emp 82 00:04:01,389 --> 00:04:03,989 Speaker 5: this by saying, hey, here's this new suite of safety 83 00:04:04,029 --> 00:04:07,669 Speaker 5: features we have. But a lot of parents and experts 84 00:04:07,669 --> 00:04:09,949 Speaker 5: say this is not going far enough. That Roadblocks is 85 00:04:09,949 --> 00:04:13,389 Speaker 5: actually really dangerous for kids, and we have to think 86 00:04:13,429 --> 00:04:15,549 Speaker 5: more systematically about how to make it safer. 87 00:04:15,829 --> 00:04:20,269 Speaker 2: Roadblocks is cooked. Let's just put this on the table. 88 00:04:20,309 --> 00:04:20,589 Speaker 5: It is. 89 00:04:20,789 --> 00:04:22,829 Speaker 3: But I say this was like the sims like, is 90 00:04:22,869 --> 00:04:24,989 Speaker 3: this not just like building little villages? Yes? 91 00:04:25,229 --> 00:04:26,949 Speaker 4: I think it started out like that, Stacy. 92 00:04:26,989 --> 00:04:28,909 Speaker 2: I think ten years ago when it came out, people 93 00:04:28,949 --> 00:04:32,229 Speaker 2: touted it as this great place for entrepreneurship, and it 94 00:04:32,229 --> 00:04:34,909 Speaker 2: teaches kids how to code, because essentially what it is 95 00:04:34,909 --> 00:04:37,229 Speaker 2: is it's a platform where you can go on and 96 00:04:37,269 --> 00:04:40,029 Speaker 2: build a game, and then people come and play your games. 97 00:04:40,669 --> 00:04:43,229 Speaker 4: But what's happened is that now. 98 00:04:42,949 --> 00:04:45,309 Speaker 2: Because of the popularity of it, and it's something like 99 00:04:46,269 --> 00:04:50,429 Speaker 2: sixty eight million uses a day, forty million of them 100 00:04:50,469 --> 00:04:53,389 Speaker 2: are under the age of thirteen, it's just become this 101 00:04:53,469 --> 00:04:57,109 Speaker 2: kind of freefall. And now it's a place that's full 102 00:04:57,189 --> 00:05:03,229 Speaker 2: of grooming, inappropriate content, bullying, racism, anti semitism. It's banned 103 00:05:03,229 --> 00:05:07,229 Speaker 2: in Qatar and Turkey. It's being sued by Louisiana. But 104 00:05:07,429 --> 00:05:11,509 Speaker 2: most importantly, this game uses addiction and based mechanics for kids. 105 00:05:11,989 --> 00:05:15,149 Speaker 2: It addicts kids, it hooks them. It is a very 106 00:05:15,189 --> 00:05:15,869 Speaker 2: bad place. 107 00:05:16,029 --> 00:05:18,989 Speaker 5: So I've been hearing about it a lot from my 108 00:05:19,549 --> 00:05:22,269 Speaker 5: seven year old and I sort of thought, oh, it 109 00:05:22,389 --> 00:05:25,269 Speaker 5: seems gentle, like one of the most popular games on 110 00:05:25,349 --> 00:05:28,669 Speaker 5: there is a game where you essentially grow a garden, and. 111 00:05:28,629 --> 00:05:30,509 Speaker 1: I thought, well, that sounds nice. It stead of sounds 112 00:05:30,509 --> 00:05:34,309 Speaker 1: like Beatrix Potter. How lovely, and it's free. Great, so 113 00:05:34,469 --> 00:05:36,269 Speaker 1: I go online to play it. 114 00:05:36,309 --> 00:05:39,829 Speaker 5: With him, and very shortly he's in a game where 115 00:05:39,869 --> 00:05:43,189 Speaker 5: he's playing an ice agent, as in The Masked People, 116 00:05:43,269 --> 00:05:45,869 Speaker 5: who scoop people up off the streets in the US 117 00:05:45,989 --> 00:05:50,109 Speaker 5: and take them to immigration prison. And I suddenly realized 118 00:05:50,149 --> 00:05:53,709 Speaker 5: that because it's open source, you start with the garden game, 119 00:05:54,149 --> 00:05:57,469 Speaker 5: you end up playing an ice agent with a machine gun. 120 00:05:58,389 --> 00:06:01,509 Speaker 5: Mon's you have done some research around this, and so 121 00:06:01,549 --> 00:06:04,189 Speaker 5: I'm curious to know the answer. Has it always been 122 00:06:04,309 --> 00:06:06,749 Speaker 5: like this, like why do we think it's the acceptable 123 00:06:06,789 --> 00:06:08,429 Speaker 5: face of gaming? Like what happened? 124 00:06:08,989 --> 00:06:12,109 Speaker 2: I think it's victim of in shitification. Now, this is 125 00:06:12,589 --> 00:06:14,189 Speaker 2: a term I don't know if you've heard of it. 126 00:06:14,189 --> 00:06:17,109 Speaker 2: It's basically for when things turn to shit. So it's 127 00:06:17,109 --> 00:06:20,629 Speaker 2: the process where online platforms start out really good and 128 00:06:20,709 --> 00:06:24,749 Speaker 2: then they deteriorate over time because they become sort of 129 00:06:25,429 --> 00:06:30,149 Speaker 2: just about shareholders at everyone's expense. So an example like me, yes, 130 00:06:30,429 --> 00:06:33,509 Speaker 2: or you know, when Instagram first started, it was just 131 00:06:33,589 --> 00:06:36,789 Speaker 2: your friends in the news feed, and now it's people 132 00:06:36,829 --> 00:06:39,269 Speaker 2: you don't know and a lot of ads. It's sort 133 00:06:39,269 --> 00:06:41,709 Speaker 2: of the same thing with Twitter. It's really gone down 134 00:06:41,749 --> 00:06:46,469 Speaker 2: the toilet. So I feel like perhaps Roadblocks is victim 135 00:06:46,509 --> 00:06:48,189 Speaker 2: of institification. 136 00:06:47,909 --> 00:06:51,389 Speaker 5: And that's why Australia's e Safety Commissioner has flagged roadblocks 137 00:06:51,429 --> 00:06:53,709 Speaker 5: and has said that in addition to the under sixteen 138 00:06:53,749 --> 00:06:55,749 Speaker 5: social media banent, we've got to talk about how to 139 00:06:55,789 --> 00:06:59,229 Speaker 5: protect kids on roadblocks and look to be fair to roadblocks, 140 00:06:59,349 --> 00:07:01,509 Speaker 5: I should mention what they came out with this week. 141 00:07:01,549 --> 00:07:04,309 Speaker 5: They said that under sixteen's accounts will now be private 142 00:07:04,389 --> 00:07:07,949 Speaker 5: by default and they will be unable to chat with adults. 143 00:07:07,989 --> 00:07:09,709 Speaker 5: And the reason why they had to put that in 144 00:07:10,269 --> 00:07:14,109 Speaker 5: is because there was grooming happening on roadblocks. There have 145 00:07:14,229 --> 00:07:17,989 Speaker 5: been many people arrested. Two dozen is the number. Actually 146 00:07:17,989 --> 00:07:20,869 Speaker 5: two dozen adults have been arrested on suspicion of abusing 147 00:07:20,989 --> 00:07:23,589 Speaker 5: or abducting victims that they groomed on roadblocks. So this 148 00:07:23,749 --> 00:07:25,869 Speaker 5: is very much a live issue they reckon. The big 149 00:07:25,869 --> 00:07:27,509 Speaker 5: problem with roadblocks is the chat feature. 150 00:07:27,869 --> 00:07:28,069 Speaker 3: Right. 151 00:07:28,109 --> 00:07:29,949 Speaker 2: This is what a lot of people say is that's 152 00:07:29,949 --> 00:07:32,149 Speaker 2: how predators come in. They chat with your kids, they 153 00:07:32,149 --> 00:07:34,869 Speaker 2: can groom your kids. But I don't quite believe it. 154 00:07:35,149 --> 00:07:37,709 Speaker 2: I think eliminating the chat function does not solve any 155 00:07:37,749 --> 00:07:39,749 Speaker 2: of the problems because there's other ways that your kids 156 00:07:39,749 --> 00:07:42,629 Speaker 2: can see things. People can write things on buildings, people 157 00:07:42,669 --> 00:07:45,109 Speaker 2: can have a speech bubble coming out of them. I 158 00:07:45,149 --> 00:07:48,269 Speaker 2: know there's probably people listening whose kids play this. There 159 00:07:48,309 --> 00:07:51,109 Speaker 2: are other games that kids can play where they are 160 00:07:51,149 --> 00:07:54,669 Speaker 2: building things, learning things. I can't see any advantage for 161 00:07:54,749 --> 00:07:55,429 Speaker 2: kids being on. 162 00:07:55,429 --> 00:07:57,349 Speaker 5: Right, But I don't think it's as easy as that. 163 00:07:57,509 --> 00:08:00,509 Speaker 5: Mon's like speaking as someone who's having to negotiate this 164 00:08:00,709 --> 00:08:04,629 Speaker 5: right now. If I disconnect from Roadblocks and I ban 165 00:08:04,749 --> 00:08:09,069 Speaker 5: it completely, the children will always find something else to play. 166 00:08:09,229 --> 00:08:11,589 Speaker 5: And keeping the line of communication open, I think is 167 00:08:11,629 --> 00:08:14,269 Speaker 5: the only solution rather than saying we're just not going 168 00:08:14,309 --> 00:08:15,229 Speaker 5: to play it all. 169 00:08:15,269 --> 00:08:18,469 Speaker 2: The experts say there is no safe way for kids 170 00:08:18,469 --> 00:08:21,389 Speaker 2: to use this, and if they are not old enough 171 00:08:21,389 --> 00:08:23,869 Speaker 2: to see porn, they are not old enough to play 172 00:08:23,909 --> 00:08:26,909 Speaker 2: this game. I know you're rolling your eyes, but I 173 00:08:26,989 --> 00:08:31,269 Speaker 2: follow this quite daggy Instagram account called the family it Guy. 174 00:08:31,389 --> 00:08:34,909 Speaker 2: This guy's a cyber security expert and a dad, and 175 00:08:34,949 --> 00:08:37,669 Speaker 2: he registered on Roadblocks as an eight year old, and 176 00:08:37,709 --> 00:08:40,909 Speaker 2: he joined a game within minutes. He joined a game 177 00:08:40,949 --> 00:08:44,989 Speaker 2: called Public Bathroom Simulator, which was a simulator where you 178 00:08:45,029 --> 00:08:48,429 Speaker 2: can only imagine what was going on in there, stuff 179 00:08:48,469 --> 00:08:51,629 Speaker 2: that eight year olds should not be seeing. So I 180 00:08:51,669 --> 00:08:54,869 Speaker 2: don't think Roadblocks is going far enough with parental controls. 181 00:08:55,069 --> 00:08:58,149 Speaker 2: I think that also this e Safety Commissioner is not 182 00:08:58,229 --> 00:09:00,749 Speaker 2: going far enough with this fine. So the Australian government 183 00:09:00,789 --> 00:09:04,109 Speaker 2: is saying we're going to find Roadblocks forty five million 184 00:09:04,149 --> 00:09:06,789 Speaker 2: dollars for non compliance. But guys, this is a ninety 185 00:09:06,829 --> 00:09:10,709 Speaker 2: five billion dollar company. Forty five million to them, that's 186 00:09:10,829 --> 00:09:13,109 Speaker 2: like you walking down the street with one hundred thousand 187 00:09:13,149 --> 00:09:16,749 Speaker 2: dollars in your pocket and shelling out fifty bucks. It's nothing. 188 00:09:17,149 --> 00:09:18,229 Speaker 1: I've seen stories. 189 00:09:18,269 --> 00:09:20,069 Speaker 3: There was a case in Kansas where an eight year 190 00:09:20,149 --> 00:09:24,269 Speaker 3: old girl was sending inappropriate images to a stranger that 191 00:09:24,349 --> 00:09:25,549 Speaker 3: was sending her roebucks. 192 00:09:25,629 --> 00:09:27,109 Speaker 1: Send her thousands of roebucks. 193 00:09:27,309 --> 00:09:29,869 Speaker 5: Yes, Because the other element that we haven't even really 194 00:09:29,909 --> 00:09:32,189 Speaker 5: talked about here is the fact that while these games 195 00:09:32,229 --> 00:09:35,909 Speaker 5: start out as free very quickly, as I discovered when 196 00:09:35,909 --> 00:09:38,749 Speaker 5: I played, you were prompted to buy things in order 197 00:09:38,749 --> 00:09:41,669 Speaker 5: to level up to a more advanced stage of various games, 198 00:09:41,709 --> 00:09:43,469 Speaker 5: and those numbers add up really quickly. 199 00:09:43,589 --> 00:09:46,189 Speaker 3: Yeah, but you're doing the right thing by playing the games, 200 00:09:46,189 --> 00:09:49,269 Speaker 3: like I don't want everyone, especially people whose children are 201 00:09:49,269 --> 00:09:51,869 Speaker 3: already on this game, to feel like right. The solution 202 00:09:52,029 --> 00:09:54,109 Speaker 3: is that we need to just snatch the iPad off 203 00:09:54,149 --> 00:09:55,869 Speaker 3: them and they're not allowed on it anymore. Like we 204 00:09:55,949 --> 00:09:58,269 Speaker 3: run a story on the site this week written by 205 00:09:58,309 --> 00:10:02,309 Speaker 3: Madeline West, you know Neighbors actress Madeline West, like she's 206 00:10:02,469 --> 00:10:05,509 Speaker 3: an icon, but she works as an online safety advocate 207 00:10:05,589 --> 00:10:07,909 Speaker 3: now for Old Shift, and she was saying that the 208 00:10:07,909 --> 00:10:10,109 Speaker 3: best thing to do is never make your child a friend, 209 00:10:10,229 --> 00:10:12,029 Speaker 3: that if they tell you something that you'll take their 210 00:10:12,069 --> 00:10:14,629 Speaker 3: devices away, that you need to as much as it 211 00:10:14,629 --> 00:10:17,269 Speaker 3: can feel like pulling teeth, be involved and be playing 212 00:10:17,269 --> 00:10:19,669 Speaker 3: whatever games they're playing so that they do feel like 213 00:10:19,749 --> 00:10:21,949 Speaker 3: when things like this happen they can raise it with 214 00:10:21,989 --> 00:10:22,429 Speaker 3: you well. 215 00:10:22,429 --> 00:10:25,189 Speaker 5: And the other broader problem is that as a parent, 216 00:10:25,269 --> 00:10:28,949 Speaker 5: you're always trying to stay ahead of what the kids 217 00:10:28,989 --> 00:10:32,109 Speaker 5: are interested in. It is a little bit like whack 218 00:10:32,149 --> 00:10:34,829 Speaker 5: a mole because once you've established that one thing is 219 00:10:34,869 --> 00:10:37,789 Speaker 5: problematic in some way, they will move on to something else. 220 00:10:37,789 --> 00:10:39,669 Speaker 5: So that, as you say, the solution is not to 221 00:10:39,709 --> 00:10:41,869 Speaker 5: throw the baby out with the bath water, but instead 222 00:10:41,949 --> 00:10:44,989 Speaker 5: try and find a way forward with the platforms that 223 00:10:45,029 --> 00:10:47,589 Speaker 5: they enjoy and stay connected to what they're doing. 224 00:10:47,669 --> 00:10:49,509 Speaker 3: I guess, so, I guess we're going to be planting 225 00:10:49,589 --> 00:10:52,909 Speaker 3: veggies on this game on the weekend, not being ice agents. 226 00:10:54,149 --> 00:10:57,389 Speaker 3: While women once loudly and proudly celebrated the era of 227 00:10:57,429 --> 00:11:01,109 Speaker 3: girl bosses and leaning in, we're now seeing women pretending 228 00:11:01,149 --> 00:11:04,029 Speaker 3: that they aren't even parents at all, so they're working 229 00:11:04,149 --> 00:11:06,829 Speaker 3: and looking like they're child free. There's a few examples 230 00:11:06,869 --> 00:11:10,029 Speaker 3: of this in the culture this week. Case in point Margo. 231 00:11:10,789 --> 00:11:13,149 Speaker 3: It would have been hard to ignore the images of 232 00:11:13,189 --> 00:11:15,789 Speaker 3: Margo Robbie around this week on her press tour. Have 233 00:11:15,909 --> 00:11:18,909 Speaker 3: you seen them? Yes, the naked dress. You've surely seen 234 00:11:18,909 --> 00:11:22,309 Speaker 3: her believable. Yeah, loved it. I fell hook line and singer. 235 00:11:22,349 --> 00:11:24,669 Speaker 3: I've seen her from every angle that you could see her. 236 00:11:24,709 --> 00:11:28,149 Speaker 3: I thought she looked amazing. So she's on the press 237 00:11:28,189 --> 00:11:30,229 Speaker 3: tour for her movie, which is called A Big, Bold, 238 00:11:30,309 --> 00:11:32,669 Speaker 3: Beautiful Journey, which feels like too many words for a 239 00:11:32,709 --> 00:11:35,349 Speaker 3: movie title, but we're gonna skim right over that. So 240 00:11:36,029 --> 00:11:38,589 Speaker 3: what she's doing, essentially, which a lot of the celebrities 241 00:11:38,629 --> 00:11:42,189 Speaker 3: do nowadays, is that they're getting you to notice their film. 242 00:11:42,269 --> 00:11:45,389 Speaker 3: Like we saw Zendea do it with Challengers. We saw 243 00:11:45,509 --> 00:11:47,589 Speaker 3: Margo do it when she was on the Barbie press 244 00:11:47,749 --> 00:11:50,909 Speaker 3: tour as well. Like people are paying attention because of 245 00:11:50,909 --> 00:11:54,149 Speaker 3: their outfits. There's six words I've heard on repeat when 246 00:11:54,509 --> 00:11:57,109 Speaker 3: people are seeing these images this week that I wanted 247 00:11:57,149 --> 00:12:00,469 Speaker 3: to interrogate a little bit, and those words are didn't 248 00:12:00,549 --> 00:12:02,949 Speaker 3: she just have a baby? So I feel like that's 249 00:12:02,949 --> 00:12:05,389 Speaker 3: the reaction that everyone I have said that. 250 00:12:06,349 --> 00:12:07,709 Speaker 4: I said that myself. 251 00:12:07,989 --> 00:12:10,909 Speaker 2: Actually, do you know the headlines around this rankled me 252 00:12:10,949 --> 00:12:12,629 Speaker 2: a little bit. I know you're going to get into 253 00:12:12,669 --> 00:12:14,149 Speaker 2: some other stuff, but I just want to put this 254 00:12:14,229 --> 00:12:15,189 Speaker 2: on the table first. 255 00:12:15,749 --> 00:12:19,629 Speaker 4: Every headline that I read was like, she's back, She's back. 256 00:12:19,509 --> 00:12:22,789 Speaker 2: And I just felt like the undertone was, oh, thank God, 257 00:12:22,829 --> 00:12:25,549 Speaker 2: like she's bounced back, she's hot, and she's working again, 258 00:12:25,589 --> 00:12:29,829 Speaker 2: And it was just this subtext of a woman pretending 259 00:12:29,869 --> 00:12:31,549 Speaker 2: she never really had a baby in the first place. 260 00:12:31,909 --> 00:12:34,869 Speaker 2: Is what we want to see, like the yea glamorous hot. 261 00:12:35,389 --> 00:12:37,229 Speaker 2: But this is a discussion that they had in MoMA 262 00:12:37,309 --> 00:12:38,989 Speaker 2: Mia out Loud. So if you want to go into 263 00:12:39,109 --> 00:12:41,349 Speaker 2: sort of that, I would highly recommend you listen to 264 00:12:41,389 --> 00:12:43,989 Speaker 2: Mumia out Loud episode on that Mia Friedman goes. 265 00:12:43,989 --> 00:12:46,429 Speaker 3: Off, Yeah, we need to remember like this is her 266 00:12:46,509 --> 00:12:49,429 Speaker 3: literal job, like her body and her appearance. Let's be 267 00:12:49,469 --> 00:12:51,909 Speaker 3: honest is her job, so of course that is what 268 00:12:51,949 --> 00:12:53,669 Speaker 3: she's going to be doing to be getting back to 269 00:12:53,709 --> 00:12:56,269 Speaker 3: her role. That's not the case for us, thank god. 270 00:12:56,829 --> 00:13:00,229 Speaker 3: But people are either saying, didn't she have a baby 271 00:13:00,309 --> 00:13:02,749 Speaker 3: or they totally forgot she had a baby at all. 272 00:13:02,789 --> 00:13:04,629 Speaker 3: And I think there's a little bit of a pattern 273 00:13:04,669 --> 00:13:07,349 Speaker 3: that we're seeing now with this, where women were once 274 00:13:07,469 --> 00:13:11,109 Speaker 3: celebrating that era of girl bosses and lean in, and 275 00:13:11,149 --> 00:13:14,189 Speaker 3: we're now seeing women pretending that they're not even parents 276 00:13:14,229 --> 00:13:16,909 Speaker 3: at all, Like that seems like the new cool girl 277 00:13:17,269 --> 00:13:19,149 Speaker 3: thing to do, Like don't you think this feels like 278 00:13:19,189 --> 00:13:20,469 Speaker 3: the new top tier of mummy. 279 00:13:20,589 --> 00:13:23,549 Speaker 5: What I found fascinating about it is that our team 280 00:13:23,629 --> 00:13:29,589 Speaker 5: here established that Margo has talked about her baby exactly once. 281 00:13:29,829 --> 00:13:32,189 Speaker 3: Everyone who was sitting with me were, I mean, the 282 00:13:32,429 --> 00:13:36,589 Speaker 3: music number, the musical number happens, and honestly. 283 00:13:36,229 --> 00:13:43,309 Speaker 1: I'm so sorry you can do that. I'm sorry I 284 00:13:43,309 --> 00:13:44,989 Speaker 1: had to stop the interview for a set, yeah, because like, 285 00:13:45,229 --> 00:13:47,389 Speaker 1: aren't you isn't there a part of you as like yes, 286 00:13:48,429 --> 00:13:53,029 Speaker 1: I like that's it. 287 00:13:53,869 --> 00:13:56,469 Speaker 5: And what I think is fascinating about this is it's 288 00:13:56,589 --> 00:13:59,429 Speaker 5: kind of the era of being a stealth mum, and 289 00:13:59,429 --> 00:14:03,229 Speaker 5: it's so different from ten years ago, when celebrities would 290 00:14:03,229 --> 00:14:07,669 Speaker 5: talk endlessly, ad infinitum about how having children had changed 291 00:14:07,749 --> 00:14:12,229 Speaker 5: everything for them. I'm now picking that are more compassionate 292 00:14:12,269 --> 00:14:14,389 Speaker 5: and more deep, and now they're. 293 00:14:14,189 --> 00:14:15,909 Speaker 1: Just not talking about it at all. 294 00:14:16,069 --> 00:14:19,029 Speaker 3: I feel like you see that with your friends, like 295 00:14:19,029 --> 00:14:22,269 Speaker 3: your normy friends that have three hundred followers on Instagram. 296 00:14:22,269 --> 00:14:24,069 Speaker 3: Like I know a lot of people now they don't 297 00:14:24,069 --> 00:14:25,189 Speaker 3: announce their pregnancy. 298 00:14:25,469 --> 00:14:27,189 Speaker 1: They don't have it's the birth, Nope. 299 00:14:27,229 --> 00:14:29,949 Speaker 3: They just start having like little toes in the corner 300 00:14:29,949 --> 00:14:32,269 Speaker 3: of their photo or the back of a baby's head. 301 00:14:32,349 --> 00:14:34,909 Speaker 3: Like it's very much a thing now, like a cool 302 00:14:34,949 --> 00:14:37,389 Speaker 3: girl thing. And I guess Margot is the old people girl. 303 00:14:37,469 --> 00:14:38,229 Speaker 1: It started with. 304 00:14:38,269 --> 00:14:42,789 Speaker 5: Kylie Jenna having a completely secret pregnancy, maybe that was ended. 305 00:14:43,109 --> 00:14:45,989 Speaker 3: Yeah, the stealth mum started with Kylie like every other 306 00:14:46,029 --> 00:14:47,349 Speaker 3: bloody trend on this planet. 307 00:14:47,509 --> 00:14:48,349 Speaker 4: Yeah, I so agree. 308 00:14:48,389 --> 00:14:50,709 Speaker 2: This cultural shift is so interesting. So first we had 309 00:14:50,789 --> 00:14:54,309 Speaker 2: girl Boss, Rise and Grind. Then it was sharaning, like 310 00:14:54,589 --> 00:14:57,869 Speaker 2: it was very much oversharing everything about parenting everywhere like 311 00:14:57,949 --> 00:15:01,589 Speaker 2: hashtag real. But now I agree it is stealth mum 312 00:15:01,589 --> 00:15:04,629 Speaker 2: where your kids are not your brand. So Kylie Jenner, 313 00:15:05,309 --> 00:15:07,869 Speaker 2: what about Hayley Bieber. She never talks about her baby. 314 00:15:07,909 --> 00:15:10,749 Speaker 2: Margot Robbie doesn't talk about her baby. It's like a 315 00:15:10,789 --> 00:15:13,709 Speaker 2: flex of Yeah, I have kids, but I don't need 316 00:15:13,749 --> 00:15:14,589 Speaker 2: to make them my brand. 317 00:15:14,909 --> 00:15:15,589 Speaker 4: And I get it. 318 00:15:15,589 --> 00:15:17,389 Speaker 5: Look, I used to have a thing and I've spoken 319 00:15:17,429 --> 00:15:19,789 Speaker 5: about it on this podcast where I still kind of 320 00:15:19,789 --> 00:15:21,749 Speaker 5: have it at my day job where I just do 321 00:15:21,829 --> 00:15:25,629 Speaker 5: not want to talk about having kids at work and 322 00:15:25,669 --> 00:15:28,429 Speaker 5: if no one ever has to hear about me going 323 00:15:28,429 --> 00:15:31,029 Speaker 5: to a school concert, that's my sweet spot. 324 00:15:31,149 --> 00:15:32,829 Speaker 3: I kind of tried to do the same thing when 325 00:15:32,829 --> 00:15:34,709 Speaker 3: I started at Muma Mea. I was like, you know, 326 00:15:35,109 --> 00:15:37,189 Speaker 3: it's a fresh start. I'm going to be really cool 327 00:15:37,229 --> 00:15:39,669 Speaker 3: and mysterious, and you know they'll be shocked, like a 328 00:15:39,749 --> 00:15:41,469 Speaker 3: year down the track when they find out I have 329 00:15:41,549 --> 00:15:43,589 Speaker 3: a kid, because obviously I'm too young to. 330 00:15:43,549 --> 00:15:44,189 Speaker 1: Have a child. 331 00:15:44,669 --> 00:15:47,029 Speaker 3: And then, like I think, at about one pm on 332 00:15:47,109 --> 00:15:49,149 Speaker 3: my first day, I might have mentioned I got an 333 00:15:49,229 --> 00:15:50,669 Speaker 3: update photo of my daughter. 334 00:15:50,509 --> 00:15:51,789 Speaker 1: So it all went out the window. 335 00:15:51,869 --> 00:15:54,069 Speaker 5: But why do we think that way? And why is 336 00:15:54,069 --> 00:15:57,269 Speaker 5: it sort of now cool to not talk about your 337 00:15:57,349 --> 00:16:00,269 Speaker 5: children or to sort of act like you don't have children. 338 00:16:00,389 --> 00:16:02,749 Speaker 3: It's almost like you've got to pick a brand for 339 00:16:02,869 --> 00:16:05,549 Speaker 3: your job, and if your child doesn't align with your brand, 340 00:16:05,629 --> 00:16:07,429 Speaker 3: then you know they have to be kept separate. 341 00:16:07,589 --> 00:16:11,029 Speaker 2: I wonder if it's a generational thing. So Millennials centered 342 00:16:11,029 --> 00:16:14,149 Speaker 2: their children at the center of the world. We are 343 00:16:14,229 --> 00:16:17,669 Speaker 2: intense parents, we are overparenting. I wonder if the next 344 00:16:17,709 --> 00:16:21,149 Speaker 2: generation alphas or z's are going the other way, where 345 00:16:21,149 --> 00:16:23,989 Speaker 2: they're centering themselves and they keep true to themselves in 346 00:16:24,029 --> 00:16:26,349 Speaker 2: what they're doing and they don't make their kids. 347 00:16:26,109 --> 00:16:27,309 Speaker 4: Their entire personality. 348 00:16:27,709 --> 00:16:30,349 Speaker 2: It's just probably a reflexive action. You know, how we 349 00:16:30,509 --> 00:16:32,229 Speaker 2: parent in the way in the opposite way to our 350 00:16:32,269 --> 00:16:35,709 Speaker 2: parents parented. Maybe the next generation is saying, I don't 351 00:16:35,749 --> 00:16:37,149 Speaker 2: want everything to be about my kids. 352 00:16:37,149 --> 00:16:38,589 Speaker 4: Still about me, I'm still number one. 353 00:16:38,869 --> 00:16:41,549 Speaker 5: I've got a theory that I think it's a bit political. 354 00:16:42,189 --> 00:16:44,429 Speaker 5: I think the reason why we've seen the rise of 355 00:16:44,469 --> 00:16:48,109 Speaker 5: the stealth mum is because it reflects as newfound ambivalence 356 00:16:48,189 --> 00:16:50,829 Speaker 5: we have about the very idea of the working mother. 357 00:16:51,269 --> 00:16:54,589 Speaker 5: We all know that the tradwife wave happened, but those 358 00:16:54,669 --> 00:16:57,789 Speaker 5: trad wifs were already doing a job. They were performing 359 00:16:57,829 --> 00:17:00,189 Speaker 5: the job of being a tradwife. But now I think 360 00:17:00,269 --> 00:17:04,669 Speaker 5: there's this deep seated kind of nervousness about how you 361 00:17:04,829 --> 00:17:08,029 Speaker 5: have a kid in capitalism at all, and people are 362 00:17:08,029 --> 00:17:10,869 Speaker 5: just saying, of all political stripes, I don't want to 363 00:17:10,949 --> 00:17:13,549 Speaker 5: have to do that. The workplace was structured for men, 364 00:17:14,149 --> 00:17:17,989 Speaker 5: and it's impossible in some ways to fulfill both the 365 00:17:18,109 --> 00:17:20,309 Speaker 5: role of being a parent and the role of being 366 00:17:20,349 --> 00:17:22,829 Speaker 5: a good employee, and they're checking out of it, and 367 00:17:22,869 --> 00:17:25,269 Speaker 5: they're saying, I don't want to do that anymore. And 368 00:17:25,309 --> 00:17:28,469 Speaker 5: I think that's why it's almost become like daggy to 369 00:17:28,629 --> 00:17:31,469 Speaker 5: try and balance the two, because it's sort of seen 370 00:17:31,509 --> 00:17:33,109 Speaker 5: as like, well, you're clearly not doing a good job 371 00:17:33,149 --> 00:17:33,829 Speaker 5: on either of them. 372 00:17:34,109 --> 00:17:37,069 Speaker 3: And it's interesting when you use the term stealth mumming, 373 00:17:37,109 --> 00:17:38,869 Speaker 3: because I've seen that. This week there was a piece 374 00:17:38,869 --> 00:17:41,309 Speaker 3: in the Cut where they talked about Vogue's new editor 375 00:17:41,429 --> 00:17:44,389 Speaker 3: or Vogue's new she's called head of editorial Content, so 376 00:17:44,469 --> 00:17:47,509 Speaker 3: that there's never another editor after Anna wint All, which 377 00:17:47,549 --> 00:17:50,549 Speaker 3: I love, but Vogue's new head of editorial content Chloe 378 00:17:50,669 --> 00:17:53,869 Speaker 3: mahl So. The author Catherine jess and Morton admitted that 379 00:17:53,949 --> 00:17:56,149 Speaker 3: her first thought when she saw that mal had been 380 00:17:56,869 --> 00:17:59,829 Speaker 3: promoted to this spot was how is she going to 381 00:17:59,869 --> 00:18:01,629 Speaker 3: do that? With a four and a two year old, 382 00:18:01,909 --> 00:18:04,069 Speaker 3: and she was saying this, She said she felt like 383 00:18:04,469 --> 00:18:07,429 Speaker 3: hard working, ambitious mothers have gone into stealth mode in 384 00:18:07,429 --> 00:18:08,469 Speaker 3: the last decade. 385 00:18:08,669 --> 00:18:11,269 Speaker 5: Mon's we talked about how we've tried to stealth mom 386 00:18:11,349 --> 00:18:12,389 Speaker 5: unsuccessfully at work. 387 00:18:12,429 --> 00:18:13,429 Speaker 1: Have you stealth mum? 388 00:18:13,509 --> 00:18:13,589 Speaker 2: No? 389 00:18:13,789 --> 00:18:17,509 Speaker 4: I haven't stealth mum. But my most recent boss was 390 00:18:17,549 --> 00:18:23,149 Speaker 4: a stealth mum. Where she was this unbelievably impressive woman 391 00:18:23,869 --> 00:18:27,429 Speaker 4: and I had been working with her for a few 392 00:18:27,589 --> 00:18:32,789 Speaker 4: weeks when she casually just dropped in something about having 393 00:18:32,789 --> 00:18:37,869 Speaker 4: a six month old baby, and I write, two, two 394 00:18:38,269 --> 00:18:39,269 Speaker 4: very small children. 395 00:18:39,389 --> 00:18:44,229 Speaker 2: This is a woman incredibly ambitious a very very large job. 396 00:18:44,669 --> 00:18:47,749 Speaker 2: That was my first example of stealth mumming in real life. 397 00:18:47,949 --> 00:18:49,189 Speaker 1: And how did it make you feel? 398 00:18:49,269 --> 00:18:52,549 Speaker 5: Did you feel a little like misled or was it 399 00:18:52,789 --> 00:18:53,869 Speaker 5: just I'm impressed? 400 00:18:54,549 --> 00:18:54,949 Speaker 4: Oh? 401 00:18:55,269 --> 00:18:57,909 Speaker 2: Is it wrong to say I was impressed? It was 402 00:18:57,989 --> 00:19:01,909 Speaker 2: my first example of the subtext being I'm not here 403 00:19:01,989 --> 00:19:04,389 Speaker 2: to talk about my kids. I'm not here to be 404 00:19:04,469 --> 00:19:07,549 Speaker 2: defined by them. I'm not going to be defined as 405 00:19:07,589 --> 00:19:11,229 Speaker 2: a harried, tired working mother. I'm here, I'm standing on 406 00:19:11,349 --> 00:19:15,029 Speaker 2: business and my kids are not my brand. And I 407 00:19:15,069 --> 00:19:19,389 Speaker 2: think that we have seen this cultural shift where probably 408 00:19:19,589 --> 00:19:21,989 Speaker 2: ten years ago it was all about sharenting. Well there 409 00:19:22,109 --> 00:19:24,549 Speaker 2: is still some of that, but a lot of millennial 410 00:19:24,629 --> 00:19:28,669 Speaker 2: parents were over sharing and over there was a raft 411 00:19:28,709 --> 00:19:31,629 Speaker 2: of like mummy blogs showing it this is what it's like, 412 00:19:31,829 --> 00:19:35,109 Speaker 2: this is the real me, very messy kind of parenting. 413 00:19:35,189 --> 00:19:38,109 Speaker 2: But now there is this shift into cool girl, stealth 414 00:19:38,189 --> 00:19:41,109 Speaker 2: mums who don't make kids part of their brand and 415 00:19:41,509 --> 00:19:43,149 Speaker 2: who don't seemingly exist. 416 00:19:43,229 --> 00:19:46,469 Speaker 3: But I worry about this though, because I'm like, why 417 00:19:46,469 --> 00:19:49,549 Speaker 3: should I pretend I didn't basically go to war before 418 00:19:49,589 --> 00:19:52,269 Speaker 3: I got to work, Like I've had to battle a 419 00:19:52,389 --> 00:19:55,349 Speaker 3: child into a uniform, get them out the door, get 420 00:19:55,389 --> 00:19:58,509 Speaker 3: myself ready within that deal with a tantrum, like it 421 00:19:58,589 --> 00:20:00,989 Speaker 3: is part of our brand? Like should we be denying 422 00:20:01,029 --> 00:20:02,869 Speaker 3: that part of our self exists? 423 00:20:03,389 --> 00:20:04,829 Speaker 4: Do men make a part of their brand? 424 00:20:05,109 --> 00:20:06,269 Speaker 1: No, because they're not doing that. 425 00:20:07,269 --> 00:20:10,109 Speaker 5: And also I worry that it's just adding more press 426 00:20:10,189 --> 00:20:13,869 Speaker 5: shut onto us to keep this veneer of I'm not 427 00:20:13,909 --> 00:20:16,149 Speaker 5: going to say perfection, because I don't think anyone thinks 428 00:20:16,149 --> 00:20:18,469 Speaker 5: I have a veneer of perfection, but a veneer of 429 00:20:18,629 --> 00:20:22,429 Speaker 5: just kind of like impenetrability and like pretending like our 430 00:20:22,509 --> 00:20:25,149 Speaker 5: kids don't exist, it just wants more pressure on us. 431 00:20:25,509 --> 00:20:27,469 Speaker 4: It felt kind of boundaried to me. 432 00:20:27,709 --> 00:20:30,669 Speaker 2: It felt like that's not my other life and this 433 00:20:30,909 --> 00:20:32,189 Speaker 2: is my work life. 434 00:20:32,269 --> 00:20:35,109 Speaker 1: Like almost a relief. I guess that's why I do it. Actually, 435 00:20:35,149 --> 00:20:36,349 Speaker 1: it is a relief. 436 00:20:36,109 --> 00:20:38,509 Speaker 5: To be able to go to work and not think 437 00:20:38,669 --> 00:20:41,989 Speaker 5: about my children while I'm there. Yeah. The angriest I've 438 00:20:42,029 --> 00:20:44,229 Speaker 5: ever seen a man is I went to a dinner 439 00:20:44,229 --> 00:20:49,109 Speaker 5: where I was seated next to a pediatric pomonologist and 440 00:20:49,629 --> 00:20:52,069 Speaker 5: I was just making small talk with him, and I 441 00:20:52,149 --> 00:20:54,429 Speaker 5: knew that he had two small children at home, and 442 00:20:54,509 --> 00:20:56,189 Speaker 5: I said to him, Wow, that must be a lot, 443 00:20:56,229 --> 00:20:58,229 Speaker 5: because you got this kids at home and then you're 444 00:20:58,269 --> 00:21:01,269 Speaker 5: talking to kids at work. And he flew into a 445 00:21:01,389 --> 00:21:04,989 Speaker 5: rage and started telling me that his job isn't about 446 00:21:05,029 --> 00:21:07,989 Speaker 5: talking to children. And I was thinking about it afterwards 447 00:21:07,989 --> 00:21:09,469 Speaker 5: and why he was so angry at me, and I 448 00:21:09,469 --> 00:21:11,669 Speaker 5: think there were two reason. So first is because men 449 00:21:11,749 --> 00:21:15,149 Speaker 5: are accustomed to being stealth dads, like that's the default, 450 00:21:15,229 --> 00:21:17,629 Speaker 5: to be a stealth dad. And so to be told 451 00:21:17,749 --> 00:21:20,389 Speaker 5: like there's some continuation between what you do at home 452 00:21:20,429 --> 00:21:22,629 Speaker 5: and what you do at work, it was almost offensive 453 00:21:22,669 --> 00:21:25,789 Speaker 5: to him. It was almost undermining his professionalism in a 454 00:21:25,829 --> 00:21:27,989 Speaker 5: way that a woman would nowver take offense at that. 455 00:21:28,229 --> 00:21:29,789 Speaker 5: She may not want to talk about it once to 456 00:21:29,829 --> 00:21:31,829 Speaker 5: your point, but she's not going to take offense. And 457 00:21:31,829 --> 00:21:33,909 Speaker 5: then I think the second reason why he took offense 458 00:21:34,389 --> 00:21:36,829 Speaker 5: was sort of specific to the context of the conversation, 459 00:21:36,949 --> 00:21:38,989 Speaker 5: which was that he thought that I was saying that 460 00:21:39,029 --> 00:21:43,029 Speaker 5: his job was requiring caregiving. It was about looking after children, 461 00:21:43,109 --> 00:21:45,669 Speaker 5: and for him it was about solving a problem, not 462 00:21:45,789 --> 00:21:49,309 Speaker 5: looking after them, not caregiving, which is coded as feminine. 463 00:21:49,589 --> 00:21:52,349 Speaker 5: But it's just interesting to reflect on as an example 464 00:21:52,389 --> 00:21:56,549 Speaker 5: of how for dads, stealth dadding is what they've always done. 465 00:21:56,669 --> 00:21:59,149 Speaker 2: It does feel like there's a motherhood penalty in the workplace. 466 00:21:59,429 --> 00:22:02,789 Speaker 2: There's a bias around if you say as a mother, 467 00:22:03,069 --> 00:22:06,669 Speaker 2: I'm a mother, it has connotations of you're not completely 468 00:22:06,709 --> 00:22:08,709 Speaker 2: focused on work, You're going to have to take time 469 00:22:08,789 --> 00:22:12,309 Speaker 2: off for sick kids. So I wonder if stealth mumming 470 00:22:12,869 --> 00:22:16,389 Speaker 2: is in response to that, trying to push back against 471 00:22:16,669 --> 00:22:17,469 Speaker 2: people's bias. 472 00:22:17,709 --> 00:22:22,509 Speaker 5: It's kind of a necessity in order to be taken seriously. Potentially, Yeah, 473 00:22:22,589 --> 00:22:24,629 Speaker 5: I don't know if you've come across this, but there's 474 00:22:24,669 --> 00:22:29,069 Speaker 5: some new thinking around the idea of praise and compliments, 475 00:22:29,829 --> 00:22:34,149 Speaker 5: and this new thinking is that praise itself might be toxic. 476 00:22:34,389 --> 00:22:38,349 Speaker 5: Let me explain. Some studies actually compare excessive praise to 477 00:22:38,469 --> 00:22:42,669 Speaker 5: a dangerous chemical or a tool to manipulate people into 478 00:22:42,709 --> 00:22:43,509 Speaker 5: doing what we want. 479 00:22:43,669 --> 00:22:45,909 Speaker 1: Oh God, now we're doing compliments wrong. 480 00:22:46,349 --> 00:22:49,589 Speaker 5: And this came up for me because something happened to 481 00:22:49,669 --> 00:22:52,149 Speaker 5: my child at school recently which kind of upset me. 482 00:22:52,309 --> 00:22:55,429 Speaker 5: And it was around are Uka Day, which is always 483 00:22:55,869 --> 00:22:59,589 Speaker 5: marked on the second day in September. And what happened 484 00:22:59,629 --> 00:23:02,349 Speaker 5: was that the students in my kids class were creating 485 00:23:02,349 --> 00:23:05,749 Speaker 5: compliment buckets, and he and his classmates were encouraged to 486 00:23:05,789 --> 00:23:09,509 Speaker 5: fill these compliment buckets with compliments about other kids in 487 00:23:09,549 --> 00:23:13,309 Speaker 5: the class. Suffice to say, I'm sure you can anticipate 488 00:23:13,309 --> 00:23:14,309 Speaker 5: what ended up happening. 489 00:23:14,349 --> 00:23:15,349 Speaker 1: There were a lot of hurt. 490 00:23:15,189 --> 00:23:18,229 Speaker 5: Feelings because kids were comparing how many compliments they had 491 00:23:18,229 --> 00:23:20,709 Speaker 5: compared with other kids, and it basically turned into a 492 00:23:20,749 --> 00:23:24,349 Speaker 5: popularity contest. And the other problem with it is that 493 00:23:25,109 --> 00:23:27,389 Speaker 5: what is a compliment for a child? What is okay 494 00:23:27,429 --> 00:23:30,269 Speaker 5: to compliment a child about? And I realized that the 495 00:23:30,309 --> 00:23:32,829 Speaker 5: whole thing is actually a bit of a minefield, and 496 00:23:32,829 --> 00:23:35,269 Speaker 5: it's really a new development. The first time I thought 497 00:23:35,269 --> 00:23:38,389 Speaker 5: about this was I noticed that gen X parents around 498 00:23:38,429 --> 00:23:41,229 Speaker 5: me were getting very mindful about how they were praising 499 00:23:41,269 --> 00:23:43,789 Speaker 5: their kids, and they'd say things like, I can see 500 00:23:43,789 --> 00:23:47,029 Speaker 5: you tried so hard to draw this balloon, rather than like, 501 00:23:47,149 --> 00:23:50,189 Speaker 5: what a great picture of a balloon? And I sort 502 00:23:50,189 --> 00:23:52,549 Speaker 5: of inherited that when I had kids, and I didn't 503 00:23:52,589 --> 00:23:55,669 Speaker 5: compliment their appearances, even though sometimes they were just wearing 504 00:23:55,669 --> 00:23:59,269 Speaker 5: a great outfit, and I always talked about effort rather 505 00:23:59,349 --> 00:24:04,989 Speaker 5: than outcome. But don't children deserve the same recognition as adults, 506 00:24:05,029 --> 00:24:07,349 Speaker 5: Like I love a compliment, It makes me feel good. 507 00:24:07,589 --> 00:24:10,669 Speaker 5: Isn't a child simply asking for our attend and our 508 00:24:10,709 --> 00:24:13,989 Speaker 5: recognition and a pat on the head for how beautiful 509 00:24:14,069 --> 00:24:17,389 Speaker 5: picture is? And I'm just wondering, is this another example 510 00:24:17,469 --> 00:24:20,949 Speaker 5: of millennials overthinking everything to the nth degree? 511 00:24:21,189 --> 00:24:23,509 Speaker 1: Yes, yes it is, OK. This is what we do. 512 00:24:23,629 --> 00:24:24,989 Speaker 1: We overthink everything. 513 00:24:25,029 --> 00:24:27,669 Speaker 3: And this feels like now to give a child a compliment, 514 00:24:27,669 --> 00:24:29,789 Speaker 3: you've got to put it through a mind map of 515 00:24:29,829 --> 00:24:31,869 Speaker 3: like does it praise their appearance? 516 00:24:32,029 --> 00:24:32,189 Speaker 5: No? 517 00:24:32,749 --> 00:24:35,789 Speaker 3: Yes, like to get the compliment even out of your mouth, 518 00:24:36,189 --> 00:24:38,709 Speaker 3: like I know that even people say, don't say good boy? 519 00:24:38,789 --> 00:24:40,549 Speaker 3: Or good girl, Like you're not meant to do that, 520 00:24:40,669 --> 00:24:43,869 Speaker 3: because that's encouraging them to be really compliant, Like you 521 00:24:43,909 --> 00:24:46,989 Speaker 3: should be saying well done or good effort. You're not 522 00:24:47,069 --> 00:24:49,469 Speaker 3: meant to say good boy or good girl. So it 523 00:24:49,509 --> 00:24:52,509 Speaker 3: feels like every time we think about praising our child, 524 00:24:52,589 --> 00:24:56,029 Speaker 3: then we're stopping ourselves and going no, but their appearance 525 00:24:56,069 --> 00:24:58,509 Speaker 3: isn't the most beautiful thing about them. I need to 526 00:24:58,549 --> 00:25:01,429 Speaker 3: praise them for being strong or being kind, and it 527 00:25:01,509 --> 00:25:03,909 Speaker 3: just feels like we're exhausting ourselves by just trying to 528 00:25:03,909 --> 00:25:05,629 Speaker 3: be good and tell them that they're great. 529 00:25:05,669 --> 00:25:07,389 Speaker 1: Like if we're not going to tell them they're great, 530 00:25:07,549 --> 00:25:08,349 Speaker 1: he's going to do it. 531 00:25:08,749 --> 00:25:11,669 Speaker 2: I'm so exhausted stood by this, So now we can't 532 00:25:11,709 --> 00:25:16,229 Speaker 2: even praise correctly. But you're right, Amelia, overthinking is the 533 00:25:16,309 --> 00:25:18,029 Speaker 2: millennial brand of parenting. 534 00:25:18,109 --> 00:25:18,269 Speaker 5: Right. 535 00:25:18,549 --> 00:25:19,429 Speaker 4: It's not our fault. 536 00:25:19,429 --> 00:25:24,309 Speaker 2: Though we have parenting books, podcasts, newsletters, Instagram accounts all 537 00:25:24,309 --> 00:25:27,349 Speaker 2: telling us that there's a right way to say good job. 538 00:25:27,829 --> 00:25:30,589 Speaker 2: But our parents just had like a cigarette and didn't 539 00:25:30,629 --> 00:25:34,869 Speaker 2: think about it. So of course we're hyper aware. It's 540 00:25:34,909 --> 00:25:35,949 Speaker 2: how we've been conditioned. 541 00:25:36,349 --> 00:25:39,309 Speaker 5: And I also want to inject a note here that 542 00:25:39,589 --> 00:25:43,789 Speaker 5: praise it does make people feel good. And on the 543 00:25:43,829 --> 00:25:45,869 Speaker 5: other hand, I know I mentioned that the new thinking 544 00:25:45,949 --> 00:25:48,309 Speaker 5: is that it's kind of like a toxic chemical, But 545 00:25:48,429 --> 00:25:51,469 Speaker 5: there's also studies that show that people who say they 546 00:25:51,469 --> 00:25:54,109 Speaker 5: were praised a lot by their parents are more likely 547 00:25:54,189 --> 00:25:58,149 Speaker 5: to be happy. And there's even a correlation between income 548 00:25:58,429 --> 00:26:02,589 Speaker 5: and how much praise people received as children, which is fascinating. 549 00:26:02,109 --> 00:26:03,309 Speaker 1: Because that's what I'm saying as well. 550 00:26:03,309 --> 00:26:05,829 Speaker 3: There's this woman I follow on TikTok, you know, when 551 00:26:05,829 --> 00:26:07,509 Speaker 3: I'm meant to be asleep and I just scroll for 552 00:26:07,589 --> 00:26:10,509 Speaker 3: hours on end, called doctor Chelsea, and she said, you're 553 00:26:10,549 --> 00:26:13,309 Speaker 3: meant to give one hundred pieces of praise a day 554 00:26:13,829 --> 00:26:17,909 Speaker 3: to a day, each child, each child, each child. And 555 00:26:17,949 --> 00:26:19,909 Speaker 3: she was saying, it's because if all you're doing is 556 00:26:19,949 --> 00:26:22,229 Speaker 3: correction and direction, like if all you're doing is saying no, 557 00:26:22,269 --> 00:26:24,949 Speaker 3: don't do that, no, get off that, put your shoes on, 558 00:26:25,269 --> 00:26:27,989 Speaker 3: Like all they're hearing from our mouths is things that 559 00:26:28,029 --> 00:26:29,629 Speaker 3: they need to do or things that they need to 560 00:26:29,669 --> 00:26:31,709 Speaker 3: not do. So she was saying, you need to do 561 00:26:31,869 --> 00:26:35,069 Speaker 3: really micro compliments to them, so things like you put 562 00:26:35,109 --> 00:26:37,589 Speaker 3: your shoes on, well done, you came down for dinner, 563 00:26:37,669 --> 00:26:40,309 Speaker 3: well done? No I wonder how that translates into the 564 00:26:40,309 --> 00:26:44,109 Speaker 3: workplace too, because me, it's like also a good management 565 00:26:44,149 --> 00:26:46,669 Speaker 3: technique to be praising everyone a hundred times a day. 566 00:26:46,749 --> 00:26:48,709 Speaker 3: But can you imagine that would mean that we're saying 567 00:26:48,749 --> 00:26:51,869 Speaker 3: things like, Wow, that's an amazing font you used in 568 00:26:51,909 --> 00:26:55,149 Speaker 3: that deck, and wow you circled back when you said 569 00:26:55,189 --> 00:26:57,069 Speaker 3: you'd circle back and close the loop. 570 00:26:57,229 --> 00:27:00,389 Speaker 1: Good on you. Yeah, Like please. 571 00:27:00,509 --> 00:27:02,509 Speaker 2: I for one would like more praise in the workplace. 572 00:27:02,549 --> 00:27:04,429 Speaker 2: I don't think there's enough. There's a lot of stick 573 00:27:04,469 --> 00:27:07,509 Speaker 2: and not heaps of carrot in workplaces, and I think 574 00:27:07,549 --> 00:27:09,749 Speaker 2: it's a good cultural thing to tell people when they've 575 00:27:09,749 --> 00:27:11,189 Speaker 2: done a good job, which you. 576 00:27:11,269 --> 00:27:13,869 Speaker 3: Mentioned Herem's that you look beautiful and you're doing such 577 00:27:13,909 --> 00:27:16,229 Speaker 3: a good job today and you so strong. 578 00:27:15,989 --> 00:27:19,509 Speaker 2: My beauty. I praise the effort I tried really hard today. 579 00:27:19,549 --> 00:27:21,549 Speaker 2: I did a lot of research and I did research 580 00:27:21,549 --> 00:27:23,309 Speaker 2: on this, and I think the point where missing is. 581 00:27:23,909 --> 00:27:27,309 Speaker 4: Over praise, excessive praise. This is the problem. 582 00:27:27,389 --> 00:27:31,069 Speaker 2: And the research says that over praising kids can turn 583 00:27:31,469 --> 00:27:35,149 Speaker 2: them into external validation junkies, and it turns them into 584 00:27:35,189 --> 00:27:38,509 Speaker 2: doing things for extrinsic praise rather than like the intrinsic 585 00:27:38,549 --> 00:27:42,389 Speaker 2: motivation of working hard, it also diminishes resilience. So if 586 00:27:42,469 --> 00:27:46,029 Speaker 2: kids have grown up with constantly wow, you ate your 587 00:27:46,109 --> 00:27:50,109 Speaker 2: vegetables so amazing, or everything you do is incredible, then 588 00:27:50,109 --> 00:27:52,389 Speaker 2: the first time they hit a real critic, or if 589 00:27:52,429 --> 00:27:55,069 Speaker 2: the first time they get feedback, the first time they 590 00:27:55,109 --> 00:27:57,829 Speaker 2: even just get sort of a neutral silence or not 591 00:27:57,909 --> 00:28:00,429 Speaker 2: someone pumping their tires, it can feel really crushing and 592 00:28:00,469 --> 00:28:02,989 Speaker 2: really derailing. And I think that we do see that 593 00:28:03,069 --> 00:28:05,589 Speaker 2: in the workplace. There is a generation here that can't 594 00:28:05,669 --> 00:28:09,669 Speaker 2: take feedback and can't handle it when you're not pumping 595 00:28:09,669 --> 00:28:10,909 Speaker 2: their tires every five minutes. 596 00:28:11,069 --> 00:28:14,349 Speaker 5: Yeah, but Mon's I did my research for this segment too, 597 00:28:14,389 --> 00:28:17,189 Speaker 5: and deserve praise and recognition for that, and the studies 598 00:28:17,269 --> 00:28:19,909 Speaker 5: I found said the opposite. So now I think the 599 00:28:19,989 --> 00:28:23,469 Speaker 5: point is that that's why we're overthinking it, because there's 600 00:28:23,549 --> 00:28:25,749 Speaker 5: so much data on both sides. Do you praise them 601 00:28:25,789 --> 00:28:27,469 Speaker 5: one hundred times a day? Do you make sure that 602 00:28:27,509 --> 00:28:30,709 Speaker 5: you don't praise them too much? And then ultimately, maybe 603 00:28:30,829 --> 00:28:33,989 Speaker 5: what we previously might have thought was an instinctive at 604 00:28:34,109 --> 00:28:37,349 Speaker 5: to praise or not praise has instead turned into something 605 00:28:37,389 --> 00:28:39,309 Speaker 5: that we have to intellectualize. 606 00:28:39,509 --> 00:28:41,549 Speaker 3: Yeah, I think we just need to tell people when 607 00:28:41,549 --> 00:28:44,669 Speaker 3: they look nice and move on. So now I've brought 608 00:28:44,709 --> 00:28:46,869 Speaker 3: you my favorite video from the internet this week, and 609 00:28:46,909 --> 00:28:48,589 Speaker 3: I want you to have a listen. It's a woman 610 00:28:48,749 --> 00:28:51,189 Speaker 3: named Chelsea who's just become my new hero. 611 00:28:51,549 --> 00:28:51,989 Speaker 5: He she is. 612 00:28:52,509 --> 00:28:54,349 Speaker 1: We don't do bath toys over here. 613 00:28:54,429 --> 00:28:56,429 Speaker 4: My baby does not do bath toys. You want to 614 00:28:56,469 --> 00:29:00,669 Speaker 4: why too much bullshit? Okay, bad time is to get in, 615 00:29:01,309 --> 00:29:04,149 Speaker 4: wash ass, get out. That's exactly what we do. We 616 00:29:04,229 --> 00:29:06,749 Speaker 4: get in, we wash our ass, we get out because 617 00:29:06,749 --> 00:29:09,549 Speaker 4: there's two minutes of a hassle with these toys, your lord, 618 00:29:09,629 --> 00:29:12,509 Speaker 4: the toys you get, the toys that you draw, the 619 00:29:12,669 --> 00:29:15,309 Speaker 4: toys off you hope the toys don't all gotta keep 620 00:29:15,349 --> 00:29:17,869 Speaker 4: watching all the toys. I already gotta watch this toy. 621 00:29:17,949 --> 00:29:19,469 Speaker 1: I'm not adding a little group of. 622 00:29:19,429 --> 00:29:22,349 Speaker 2: Toys that specifically get wet and most of the times 623 00:29:22,429 --> 00:29:25,269 Speaker 2: stay we that I also got a wash that's extra 624 00:29:25,389 --> 00:29:27,309 Speaker 2: work for what play with your toys when you get 625 00:29:27,309 --> 00:29:27,749 Speaker 2: out the math. 626 00:29:29,349 --> 00:29:31,229 Speaker 1: I love Chelsea so much. 627 00:29:31,309 --> 00:29:33,909 Speaker 3: I stepped on a bluey toy and a dinosaur last 628 00:29:33,989 --> 00:29:36,549 Speaker 3: night in my shower, so she has now become my 629 00:29:36,629 --> 00:29:40,669 Speaker 3: new icon. I'm doing less toys in shower and the bath. 630 00:29:41,029 --> 00:29:44,109 Speaker 2: I love this from Chelsea. But for people that have 631 00:29:44,709 --> 00:29:49,549 Speaker 2: neurodivergent kids who like deep pressure, bathtime can be really important. 632 00:29:49,709 --> 00:29:52,629 Speaker 2: And bath time is, as you say, Amelia, the calming thing. 633 00:29:53,149 --> 00:29:54,789 Speaker 2: You might be a parent that has a kid that 634 00:29:54,869 --> 00:29:58,069 Speaker 2: has multiple barths a day because it's quite regulating for them. 635 00:29:58,109 --> 00:29:59,949 Speaker 2: So yeah, that's just me being the fun police. And 636 00:29:59,989 --> 00:30:03,349 Speaker 2: I know that Chelsea's not against bath time per se. 637 00:30:03,589 --> 00:30:06,909 Speaker 2: She's pro bath, just anti bath toy. 638 00:30:07,269 --> 00:30:09,869 Speaker 3: Yeah, she's just saying just get them in there, get 639 00:30:09,869 --> 00:30:11,389 Speaker 3: them clean, and get out. 640 00:30:11,549 --> 00:30:14,389 Speaker 2: I like it. It's effishent oh business. But can I 641 00:30:14,429 --> 00:30:17,349 Speaker 2: also give you guys an amazing hack for bath time? 642 00:30:17,829 --> 00:30:20,509 Speaker 2: So I fell into this trap where both times went 643 00:30:20,549 --> 00:30:21,949 Speaker 2: on and on and on because I could never get 644 00:30:21,949 --> 00:30:25,309 Speaker 2: them out. I went to Bunning's and I bought pond lights, 645 00:30:25,789 --> 00:30:28,149 Speaker 2: like ten dollars. They're a little disc and you have 646 00:30:28,189 --> 00:30:29,789 Speaker 2: a remote that comes with it and it turns them 647 00:30:29,789 --> 00:30:32,229 Speaker 2: into different colors and I put them on the bottom 648 00:30:32,269 --> 00:30:33,749 Speaker 2: of the bath, and the kids are obsessed with them 649 00:30:33,749 --> 00:30:36,109 Speaker 2: because it lights up the bath. So you turn the 650 00:30:36,189 --> 00:30:38,589 Speaker 2: lights off, you put the pond lights on, and then 651 00:30:38,869 --> 00:30:41,389 Speaker 2: when you've had enough, you take your remote and you 652 00:30:41,469 --> 00:30:43,789 Speaker 2: turn the pond light to red and you say, oh, 653 00:30:43,909 --> 00:30:46,309 Speaker 2: bath time's finish. Like the lights turn to red, that 654 00:30:46,349 --> 00:30:49,029 Speaker 2: means we've got to get out. Just works, they're just 655 00:30:49,069 --> 00:30:51,629 Speaker 2: something in their brain goes, oh shit, the light's red out. 656 00:30:51,629 --> 00:30:54,229 Speaker 3: We get that's very good Mond's but that's another toy 657 00:30:54,269 --> 00:30:57,709 Speaker 3: for the bum. You're going against Chelsea's advice. I am 658 00:30:57,749 --> 00:31:01,349 Speaker 3: taking Chelsea's advice. I'm taking everything out and only adding bubbles, 659 00:31:01,349 --> 00:31:02,829 Speaker 3: and I guarantee it will be better. 660 00:31:02,909 --> 00:31:03,709 Speaker 1: That's what I'm doing. 661 00:31:05,389 --> 00:31:09,389 Speaker 2: There's a tiny internet feud on Facebook that I would 662 00:31:09,429 --> 00:31:12,429 Speaker 2: like to bring your attention that I discovered this week, 663 00:31:12,949 --> 00:31:15,509 Speaker 2: So move over Hottest one hundred because the ABC are 664 00:31:15,549 --> 00:31:18,389 Speaker 2: running a competition for the Hottest one hundred books of 665 00:31:18,429 --> 00:31:21,869 Speaker 2: the twenty first century, and it listed Where Is the 666 00:31:21,909 --> 00:31:26,469 Speaker 2: Green Sheep? By mem Fox? A classic, total classic, but 667 00:31:26,549 --> 00:31:30,069 Speaker 2: it left one thing off. The illustrator Judy horror Check. 668 00:31:30,389 --> 00:31:33,949 Speaker 2: So this week she wrote on her Facebook, Hey, ABC, 669 00:31:34,869 --> 00:31:37,549 Speaker 2: you have Where is the Green Sheep listed as by 670 00:31:37,629 --> 00:31:41,549 Speaker 2: mem Fox alone? You know it's actually by Memfox and 671 00:31:41,589 --> 00:31:44,549 Speaker 2: me right, And then she goes on to say in 672 00:31:44,589 --> 00:31:47,309 Speaker 2: the comments, you know, the people that do the pictures 673 00:31:47,309 --> 00:31:50,829 Speaker 2: in picture books are frequently left off like we're used 674 00:31:50,869 --> 00:31:54,789 Speaker 2: to it, but it also drives us nuts. So Judy 675 00:31:54,789 --> 00:31:58,069 Speaker 2: Horror Check has had just about enough of illustrators being overlooked, 676 00:31:58,149 --> 00:31:59,709 Speaker 2: and I just want to have a moment for the 677 00:31:59,749 --> 00:32:01,109 Speaker 2: illustrators of children's books. 678 00:32:01,229 --> 00:32:01,989 Speaker 5: That's a good point. 679 00:32:02,109 --> 00:32:02,829 Speaker 1: I'm ashamed to say. 680 00:32:02,829 --> 00:32:05,749 Speaker 5: I hadn't even thought about this until I came across 681 00:32:05,789 --> 00:32:08,349 Speaker 5: this item, and then I started to think about how 682 00:32:08,429 --> 00:32:12,629 Speaker 5: important illustration our own children's books, and how they stir 683 00:32:12,789 --> 00:32:16,469 Speaker 5: feeling in children that they never forget, Like where would 684 00:32:16,509 --> 00:32:18,829 Speaker 5: Roll Dahal be without the Quentin Blake line. 685 00:32:18,669 --> 00:32:22,069 Speaker 3: Drawings exactly, Like the kids can't read the words, the 686 00:32:22,149 --> 00:32:24,789 Speaker 3: thing that's drawing them into the book is the illustrations. 687 00:32:24,829 --> 00:32:27,309 Speaker 3: Like I feel so bad that I've never thought about 688 00:32:27,349 --> 00:32:30,029 Speaker 3: this before, Like I could not tell you the names 689 00:32:30,069 --> 00:32:32,029 Speaker 3: of the illustrators on my daughter's books, and yet we 690 00:32:32,069 --> 00:32:32,909 Speaker 3: read them every night. 691 00:32:32,989 --> 00:32:36,029 Speaker 1: But I should. Now I'm going to pay attention to this. Yeah. 692 00:32:36,309 --> 00:32:39,229 Speaker 2: I read this amazing piece in The Guardian about illustrations 693 00:32:39,229 --> 00:32:41,789 Speaker 2: and the history of illustrations, and what it said was 694 00:32:41,829 --> 00:32:45,989 Speaker 2: that illustrations are as memory evoking as smells or songs, 695 00:32:46,309 --> 00:32:48,069 Speaker 2: So you see things as a kid and it will 696 00:32:48,109 --> 00:32:49,629 Speaker 2: stick with you for life. 697 00:32:49,749 --> 00:32:52,629 Speaker 4: That's so true, Stacy. If kids are. 698 00:32:52,589 --> 00:32:55,309 Speaker 2: Visual learners, you know, we spent all this time trying 699 00:32:55,309 --> 00:32:56,629 Speaker 2: to get them off of iPads. 700 00:32:56,669 --> 00:32:58,429 Speaker 4: They're drawn to visuals all the time. 701 00:32:58,709 --> 00:33:01,189 Speaker 2: Illustrators actually the real rock stars of our childhoods, and 702 00:33:01,189 --> 00:33:02,349 Speaker 2: we've just been ignoring them. 703 00:33:02,549 --> 00:33:04,589 Speaker 3: They really are, like, we need to pour one out 704 00:33:04,629 --> 00:33:06,509 Speaker 3: for them now, like they are the reason that our 705 00:33:06,589 --> 00:33:08,709 Speaker 3: kids even drawn to books in the first place. Like 706 00:33:08,789 --> 00:33:11,349 Speaker 3: I guarantee, if they were just black and white words 707 00:33:11,389 --> 00:33:13,269 Speaker 3: on the page, they're not going to sit there for 708 00:33:13,389 --> 00:33:14,469 Speaker 3: more than two seconds. 709 00:33:14,469 --> 00:33:16,589 Speaker 1: So yeah, we need to pour one out for the illustrators. 710 00:33:16,829 --> 00:33:20,229 Speaker 2: I reckon great illustrators, like as you said, Quentin Blake, 711 00:33:20,789 --> 00:33:22,909 Speaker 2: like Helen Oxbury, who did We're going on. 712 00:33:22,909 --> 00:33:23,509 Speaker 4: A Bear Hunt. 713 00:33:24,269 --> 00:33:27,469 Speaker 2: They shape the stories as much as the writers do. 714 00:33:27,709 --> 00:33:29,909 Speaker 2: You know, We're Going on a Bear Hunt was originally 715 00:33:29,949 --> 00:33:32,509 Speaker 2: supposed to be about a line of kings and queens 716 00:33:32,589 --> 00:33:35,309 Speaker 2: going on a bear hunt, but Helen Oxenbury turned it 717 00:33:35,349 --> 00:33:38,109 Speaker 2: into like this regular family squelching through the mud, and 718 00:33:38,109 --> 00:33:40,669 Speaker 2: that's just where the beauty is. And this article also 719 00:33:40,709 --> 00:33:46,469 Speaker 2: said that kids love chaos in illustrations. They fixate on messy, disruptive, 720 00:33:46,509 --> 00:33:49,789 Speaker 2: moments in books so peas spilling out or the tiger 721 00:33:49,869 --> 00:33:52,549 Speaker 2: that came to tea drinking all the water out of 722 00:33:52,549 --> 00:33:55,309 Speaker 2: the tap, and they find a lot of joy in 723 00:33:55,349 --> 00:33:58,549 Speaker 2: the disorder, and that these illustrations can also help them 724 00:33:58,589 --> 00:34:02,949 Speaker 2: deal with big feelings chaos, loneliness, loss or anger all 725 00:34:02,989 --> 00:34:06,309 Speaker 2: through the pictures much more than words can. The upshot 726 00:34:06,309 --> 00:34:10,549 Speaker 2: of this is that I went onto the ABC Books site. 727 00:34:10,629 --> 00:34:13,869 Speaker 2: They have updated the entry for Memfox. They have included 728 00:34:13,949 --> 00:34:17,869 Speaker 2: Judy Horrorcheck. She gets my vote, Judy, we love you. 729 00:34:18,229 --> 00:34:20,789 Speaker 2: I also want to shout out to Deborah and Island 730 00:34:21,229 --> 00:34:24,829 Speaker 2: for drawing my favorite illustrations in Mulgarbill's bicycle. And also 731 00:34:25,029 --> 00:34:27,909 Speaker 2: she did that hippopotamus that goes on. 732 00:34:28,709 --> 00:34:30,029 Speaker 5: That is brilliant. 733 00:34:30,109 --> 00:34:34,029 Speaker 2: My cotics one of the bed illustrator rite such range. 734 00:34:34,309 --> 00:34:36,669 Speaker 2: So thank you illustrators, thank you for bringing the magic. 735 00:34:37,509 --> 00:34:39,269 Speaker 2: To wrap up today's show, we're going to just share 736 00:34:39,269 --> 00:34:42,509 Speaker 2: the things that we are loving sick, so the stuff 737 00:34:42,549 --> 00:34:44,109 Speaker 2: you might text to your friends or put in the 738 00:34:44,149 --> 00:34:44,869 Speaker 2: Mums group. 739 00:34:45,029 --> 00:34:46,989 Speaker 4: Chat Amelia, what's on your list? 740 00:34:47,429 --> 00:34:50,069 Speaker 5: This is going to sound strange, but my recommendation this 741 00:34:50,109 --> 00:34:55,349 Speaker 5: week is getting the newspaper. Oh I subscribed to my 742 00:34:55,469 --> 00:34:58,749 Speaker 5: local paper to have it delivered Monday through Sunday, and 743 00:34:59,229 --> 00:35:02,469 Speaker 5: it is bringing me such joy and delight, and I've 744 00:35:02,509 --> 00:35:03,949 Speaker 5: tried to think about why that is. 745 00:35:04,669 --> 00:35:06,029 Speaker 1: I think it's because. 746 00:35:05,669 --> 00:35:09,229 Speaker 5: When you read the news in the newspaper, it's giving 747 00:35:09,309 --> 00:35:12,469 Speaker 5: come closer, it's saying, come here, let's share this experience. 748 00:35:12,509 --> 00:35:14,629 Speaker 5: If you read the news on your phone and you're 749 00:35:14,669 --> 00:35:18,309 Speaker 5: dooom scrolling, that says go away. It says I don't 750 00:35:18,349 --> 00:35:20,509 Speaker 5: want to be disturbed. And there's something about the act 751 00:35:20,549 --> 00:35:23,589 Speaker 5: of scrolling where it doesn't invite people in in the 752 00:35:23,629 --> 00:35:25,669 Speaker 5: way that a big newspaper does. 753 00:35:25,549 --> 00:35:28,429 Speaker 3: And the newspaper's a novelty now to them, like they 754 00:35:28,469 --> 00:35:30,149 Speaker 3: don't see that, so how cool. 755 00:35:30,349 --> 00:35:32,309 Speaker 5: There's so many nice things about it, like you can 756 00:35:32,309 --> 00:35:35,309 Speaker 5: practice numbers and talk about numbers on the world weather page. 757 00:35:35,829 --> 00:35:39,869 Speaker 5: You can do the word games together with a pen 758 00:35:39,949 --> 00:35:41,269 Speaker 5: and paper so fun. 759 00:35:41,509 --> 00:35:45,789 Speaker 2: You can draw mustaches and all the world leaders. 760 00:35:44,589 --> 00:35:50,189 Speaker 5: And I think it's modeling good information hygiene, which I 761 00:35:50,229 --> 00:35:53,589 Speaker 5: think is going to be increasingly a topic of conversation 762 00:35:53,789 --> 00:35:57,389 Speaker 5: going forward with AI and everything else that's going on. 763 00:35:57,789 --> 00:36:00,309 Speaker 5: And I just think overall, it makes me feel calmer 764 00:36:00,549 --> 00:36:04,349 Speaker 5: because when I read the newspaper. It's a finite experience. 765 00:36:04,429 --> 00:36:05,789 Speaker 5: I can get to the end of it and I 766 00:36:05,829 --> 00:36:07,989 Speaker 5: can feel like, Okay, I know what's going on. I 767 00:36:08,029 --> 00:36:10,069 Speaker 5: don't need to keep dooom scrolling. I don't need to 768 00:36:10,109 --> 00:36:11,709 Speaker 5: read all the news in the world. This is the 769 00:36:11,749 --> 00:36:14,229 Speaker 5: news that I need to know today. So I think 770 00:36:14,229 --> 00:36:18,669 Speaker 5: it's been a really nice experience, not just for my kids, 771 00:36:18,709 --> 00:36:19,629 Speaker 5: but also for me. 772 00:36:20,029 --> 00:36:23,029 Speaker 2: I love that it's so intentional, and it's also you 773 00:36:23,069 --> 00:36:25,309 Speaker 2: can't skip around all over the place like you count 774 00:36:25,309 --> 00:36:28,389 Speaker 2: on a phone. It's just the one single tasking love it. 775 00:36:28,429 --> 00:36:31,869 Speaker 3: What about you, Stacy, So mine this week is a 776 00:36:31,909 --> 00:36:34,549 Speaker 3: docco that I cannot stop thinking about. Have you guys 777 00:36:34,589 --> 00:36:37,589 Speaker 3: watched Unknown Number The Catfish Story on Netflix? 778 00:36:38,189 --> 00:36:42,589 Speaker 1: Stacy, I obsessed? Yes, mon no. 779 00:36:42,989 --> 00:36:43,829 Speaker 4: Is it a true crime? 780 00:36:44,229 --> 00:36:44,509 Speaker 1: Yes? 781 00:36:44,669 --> 00:36:48,549 Speaker 3: True crime documentary my favorite kind. So I promise I'm 782 00:36:48,549 --> 00:36:50,309 Speaker 3: not going to spoil it for you. I'll just give 783 00:36:50,349 --> 00:36:52,149 Speaker 3: you top line. But if you want to listen to 784 00:36:52,189 --> 00:36:53,709 Speaker 3: more and you have watched it, Mama and me are 785 00:36:53,749 --> 00:36:55,669 Speaker 3: allowed to a subs episode on it this week. 786 00:36:55,749 --> 00:36:56,269 Speaker 1: So it's a. 787 00:36:56,229 --> 00:36:58,909 Speaker 3: Thirteen year old girl, Lauren Lacari. She lives in this 788 00:36:59,069 --> 00:37:02,509 Speaker 3: tiny town in Michigan, like couple hundred people, and Lauren 789 00:37:02,589 --> 00:37:04,989 Speaker 3: starts stating a boy in her class named Owen, and 790 00:37:05,069 --> 00:37:08,469 Speaker 3: that's when the messages start. So she starts getting up 791 00:37:08,509 --> 00:37:11,629 Speaker 3: to forty to fifty abuse messages to her phone a 792 00:37:11,709 --> 00:37:14,629 Speaker 3: day from an unknown number, and so does Owen, and 793 00:37:14,669 --> 00:37:17,069 Speaker 3: then they start coming to different people, but they are 794 00:37:17,109 --> 00:37:19,549 Speaker 3: the main ones that start receiving these messages. This goes 795 00:37:19,589 --> 00:37:22,829 Speaker 3: on for fifteen months until they finally figure out who 796 00:37:22,909 --> 00:37:25,989 Speaker 3: it is. So it's satisfying in that you will find 797 00:37:26,069 --> 00:37:29,309 Speaker 3: out who it is, and it is infuriating when you 798 00:37:29,349 --> 00:37:32,389 Speaker 3: find out who it is. But i think the most 799 00:37:32,429 --> 00:37:35,749 Speaker 3: interesting part about watching it, and I'm sure you'll agree, Amelia, 800 00:37:35,789 --> 00:37:37,549 Speaker 3: like the question you have when you're watching it is 801 00:37:37,749 --> 00:37:40,069 Speaker 3: why didn't they take the phones off the kids? Like? 802 00:37:40,109 --> 00:37:43,029 Speaker 3: Why didn't they remove their phones? And it's such an 803 00:37:43,029 --> 00:37:47,389 Speaker 3: interesting reflection on society today in that the other parents 804 00:37:47,429 --> 00:37:49,269 Speaker 3: of the kids at the school said, well, no, we 805 00:37:49,349 --> 00:37:51,549 Speaker 3: don't want our kids' phones taken away because we want 806 00:37:51,549 --> 00:37:52,909 Speaker 3: to know where they are. We want to be able 807 00:37:52,949 --> 00:37:54,669 Speaker 3: to track them and to be able to contact them. 808 00:37:55,069 --> 00:37:57,029 Speaker 3: And that's actually something that we touched on in last 809 00:37:57,029 --> 00:37:59,429 Speaker 3: week's episode when we were talking about phone tracking It 810 00:37:59,549 --> 00:38:02,949 Speaker 3: very much plays into that, like would you track your kids? 811 00:38:02,989 --> 00:38:04,869 Speaker 3: And why do we want to track our kids? So 812 00:38:04,949 --> 00:38:07,149 Speaker 3: this poor girl had to go to school every day 813 00:38:07,309 --> 00:38:09,669 Speaker 3: knowing these messages were going to come through, and it 814 00:38:09,709 --> 00:38:11,549 Speaker 3: was all because the other parents wouldn't get on board 815 00:38:11,549 --> 00:38:12,229 Speaker 3: and support it. 816 00:38:12,229 --> 00:38:13,909 Speaker 5: It was a bit of an AHA moment for me 817 00:38:13,949 --> 00:38:18,189 Speaker 5: because I find that conversation around phones and children it's 818 00:38:18,229 --> 00:38:20,349 Speaker 5: often about, well, the kids don't want to give the 819 00:38:20,429 --> 00:38:23,029 Speaker 5: phone up. Yeah, they're addicted, and that may or may 820 00:38:23,069 --> 00:38:25,709 Speaker 5: not be true. But what this documentary shows is that 821 00:38:25,909 --> 00:38:30,269 Speaker 5: parents also feel ambivalent about taking their phones away from 822 00:38:30,269 --> 00:38:32,349 Speaker 5: their kids because it's a way to keep in touch 823 00:38:32,389 --> 00:38:34,549 Speaker 5: with their kids and keep in some ways control over 824 00:38:34,589 --> 00:38:37,589 Speaker 5: their kids. And it was a reminder that that dynamic 825 00:38:37,909 --> 00:38:38,749 Speaker 5: goes both ways. 826 00:38:38,989 --> 00:38:43,269 Speaker 3: Yeah, and when the reveal happens, it's so satisfying. Mons, Like, 827 00:38:43,309 --> 00:38:45,869 Speaker 3: there is videos all over the internet. You will scream, 828 00:38:45,989 --> 00:38:48,069 Speaker 3: you will scream out loud when you find out who 829 00:38:48,109 --> 00:38:51,229 Speaker 3: it is. It's that satisfying. So please watch school Principle. 830 00:38:52,989 --> 00:38:56,509 Speaker 3: It's taking a word. They'll have to watch. It's the 831 00:38:56,549 --> 00:39:00,949 Speaker 3: teacher and it's an exercise in resilience. Everybody fails. 832 00:39:01,709 --> 00:39:02,549 Speaker 1: Mon's what's yours. 833 00:39:02,549 --> 00:39:05,549 Speaker 2: This week, I have a viral too ingredient dinner for 834 00:39:05,669 --> 00:39:08,629 Speaker 2: lazy people who hate cooking to be ingredients. 835 00:39:08,789 --> 00:39:09,749 Speaker 1: Please give it to me. 836 00:39:10,269 --> 00:39:11,469 Speaker 4: It's changed my life. 837 00:39:11,549 --> 00:39:14,869 Speaker 2: I can't stop talking about this and telling everybody about this. 838 00:39:14,989 --> 00:39:18,109 Speaker 2: So I stole it from the Lee's and Sarah podcast, 839 00:39:18,349 --> 00:39:22,669 Speaker 2: a which for transparency reasons, I work on this show. 840 00:39:22,709 --> 00:39:24,829 Speaker 2: But this recipe has gone viral in a way that 841 00:39:24,869 --> 00:39:28,389 Speaker 2: we've never seen anything do before. People are losing their minds. 842 00:39:28,429 --> 00:39:31,549 Speaker 2: It's called the triple Bee. All you need to do 843 00:39:32,069 --> 00:39:35,869 Speaker 2: is get a beef bowler blade from the supermarket. It's 844 00:39:35,909 --> 00:39:37,309 Speaker 2: called a beef bowler blade. 845 00:39:37,029 --> 00:39:37,469 Speaker 4: A triple B. 846 00:39:37,549 --> 00:39:38,749 Speaker 1: It's not like a cut of meat. 847 00:39:39,109 --> 00:39:39,869 Speaker 4: It's a cut of meat. 848 00:39:39,989 --> 00:39:42,789 Speaker 2: It's like a big roast, but it's called beef bowl blade. 849 00:39:42,869 --> 00:39:43,629 Speaker 1: Okay, got it. 850 00:39:43,669 --> 00:39:48,149 Speaker 2: And then a jar of cha Sus sauce. It comes 851 00:39:48,149 --> 00:39:51,549 Speaker 2: in a red jar. What you do is you turn 852 00:39:51,589 --> 00:39:54,149 Speaker 2: on your slow cooker, you dump the triple be in it. 853 00:39:54,469 --> 00:39:58,869 Speaker 2: You pour over the entire jar of Chasius sauce, put 854 00:39:58,869 --> 00:40:01,989 Speaker 2: the lid on, put it on low for eight to 855 00:40:02,069 --> 00:40:03,549 Speaker 2: ten hours, and walk away. 856 00:40:03,789 --> 00:40:04,309 Speaker 4: That is it. 857 00:40:04,429 --> 00:40:09,029 Speaker 2: No browning, no nothing, two things. Triple B Chasu walk away. 858 00:40:10,189 --> 00:40:14,389 Speaker 2: At the end, what you will have is the most amazing, succulent, 859 00:40:14,749 --> 00:40:19,869 Speaker 2: delicious pulley a party like Chinese infused beef. 860 00:40:20,069 --> 00:40:23,909 Speaker 1: What is the charge eating a meal? A succulent Chinese 861 00:40:23,949 --> 00:40:25,349 Speaker 1: meal that. 862 00:40:25,229 --> 00:40:27,389 Speaker 2: You could serve with rice, You could put it on 863 00:40:27,789 --> 00:40:29,869 Speaker 2: like a white roll with some kalslaur in it. 864 00:40:29,869 --> 00:40:31,269 Speaker 4: It's just amazing. 865 00:40:31,389 --> 00:40:33,829 Speaker 2: It's become a weekly staple in this house because it's 866 00:40:33,829 --> 00:40:35,149 Speaker 2: so ridiculously easy. 867 00:40:35,429 --> 00:40:35,589 Speaker 5: Yea. 868 00:40:35,949 --> 00:40:38,149 Speaker 3: Nothing insights rage in me is when you see a 869 00:40:38,189 --> 00:40:40,229 Speaker 3: slow cooker recipe and it says you've got a brown 870 00:40:40,469 --> 00:40:43,669 Speaker 3: in a pan. First, I'm like, no, I'm not doing 871 00:40:43,709 --> 00:40:45,429 Speaker 3: that because I'll just pook it in the pan. 872 00:40:45,549 --> 00:40:47,069 Speaker 1: So this is great, love it. 873 00:40:47,749 --> 00:40:49,789 Speaker 4: That's all we have time for on Parenting Out Loud 874 00:40:49,829 --> 00:40:50,189 Speaker 4: this week. 875 00:40:51,029 --> 00:40:53,469 Speaker 2: We are so happy that you're here in our new 876 00:40:53,509 --> 00:40:56,229 Speaker 2: home in this feed, So thank you for hitting the 877 00:40:56,229 --> 00:40:59,269 Speaker 2: follow button. Actually, we do need a name for our 878 00:40:59,309 --> 00:41:00,549 Speaker 2: tribe of smart parents. 879 00:41:00,949 --> 00:41:03,949 Speaker 4: What can we call them? Maybe poles call yeah the 880 00:41:04,029 --> 00:41:05,149 Speaker 4: poly sauce. 881 00:41:05,949 --> 00:41:10,029 Speaker 2: Pout Louderts like parenting out louders. 882 00:41:10,269 --> 00:41:10,909 Speaker 1: Yeah, I like that? 883 00:41:11,189 --> 00:41:11,549 Speaker 4: All right? 884 00:41:11,589 --> 00:41:14,709 Speaker 2: Well, before you go, we are so goddamn thirsty for 885 00:41:14,749 --> 00:41:17,949 Speaker 2: praise here. Maybe our parents did not praise us enough, 886 00:41:18,109 --> 00:41:20,309 Speaker 2: and frankly it shows. So if you've got any spare 887 00:41:20,349 --> 00:41:23,269 Speaker 2: praise rattling around that you're taking off your kids now, 888 00:41:23,469 --> 00:41:25,829 Speaker 2: we'd love to have it. So the way you can 889 00:41:25,869 --> 00:41:29,069 Speaker 2: do it is drop us a review on Apple Podcasts. 890 00:41:29,149 --> 00:41:31,229 Speaker 2: It actually helps other people find the show because the 891 00:41:31,269 --> 00:41:34,589 Speaker 2: Apple charts work in this way where it's this weird 892 00:41:34,709 --> 00:41:37,909 Speaker 2: alchemy of reviews and follows. 893 00:41:38,029 --> 00:41:38,949 Speaker 4: So it's like the. 894 00:41:38,869 --> 00:41:42,549 Speaker 2: Worst game of roadblocks ever. So please write us a review. 895 00:41:42,709 --> 00:41:45,869 Speaker 2: But here's the challenge. Here's what I would love. I 896 00:41:45,869 --> 00:41:48,949 Speaker 2: would love if you could please write it in gentle 897 00:41:48,989 --> 00:41:52,269 Speaker 2: parenting speak, so very non praise speak. 898 00:41:52,469 --> 00:41:53,829 Speaker 4: That would really make me laugh. 899 00:41:53,869 --> 00:41:56,389 Speaker 2: So none of this this is the best podcast in 900 00:41:56,389 --> 00:41:57,309 Speaker 2: the whole word world. 901 00:41:57,349 --> 00:41:59,589 Speaker 4: Like that sort of reckless praise will go straight to 902 00:41:59,669 --> 00:42:00,989 Speaker 4: our heads. It's not good for us. 903 00:42:01,389 --> 00:42:03,469 Speaker 2: So I really want to see what people have got. 904 00:42:03,829 --> 00:42:07,549 Speaker 2: So here's an example. You worked really hard on this 905 00:42:07,629 --> 00:42:11,909 Speaker 2: episode and it shows keep going, you're learning and growing 906 00:42:12,069 --> 00:42:12,749 Speaker 2: every week. 907 00:42:14,909 --> 00:42:16,709 Speaker 4: I'd like the way you're speaking here. 908 00:42:16,869 --> 00:42:21,669 Speaker 2: I bet one day you're gonna get it. Please leave 909 00:42:21,749 --> 00:42:23,469 Speaker 2: us one a little inside joke for all of us, 910 00:42:23,549 --> 00:42:26,109 Speaker 2: and I can't wait to read them. Big thanks to 911 00:42:26,189 --> 00:42:29,309 Speaker 2: our team this week. Junior content producer is Tesla Kotovic 912 00:42:29,469 --> 00:42:32,749 Speaker 2: produces Leaporgus and Sashatanic and the group ep Is Ruth 913 00:42:32,789 --> 00:42:35,069 Speaker 2: de Vine have a great week. Will be back in 914 00:42:35,109 --> 00:42:37,069 Speaker 2: this feed next Saturday morning. 915 00:42:37,349 --> 00:43:14,709 Speaker 4: See ya bye