Speaker 1: You're listening to another Mia podcast.
Speaker 2: Mumma Mia acknowledges the traditional owners of the land. We
Speaker 2: have recorded this podcast on the Gatagul people of the
Speaker 2: Eor nation. We pay our respects to their elders past
Speaker 2: and present, and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and
Speaker 2: torres Rate islander cultures.
Speaker 3: Hi, it's Annalise Todd here from this Glorious mess introducing
Speaker 3: Hot Pod Summer, one hundred hours of curated listening across
Speaker 3: the Mumamere network, just for you to escape the chaos
Speaker 3: and enjoy with the kids at home and the weather
Speaker 3: warming up. We've got episodes of little love Stories and Parents'
Speaker 3: Anonymous to share.
Speaker 4: From the beginn to the yang.
Speaker 3: Parents Anonymous is part game show, part church confessional. You
Speaker 3: share your deepest parenting shame, and myself and Stacey Hicks
Speaker 3: rate you, but the worst parenting wins the most points,
Speaker 3: so really you can't lose. If you're looking for something
Speaker 3: else to listen to, Mama Miya is officially presenting one
Speaker 3: hundred hours of summer listens, from meaningful conversations to incredible stories, fashion,
Speaker 3: beauty and more.
Speaker 4: There's a link in the show notes.
Speaker 1: Parents Anonymous.
Speaker 3: Welcome to this glorious mess. I'm Analie's Todd, and I
Speaker 3: really hope that Santa has a plan and is on
Speaker 3: the case, because I sure as Helen not.
Speaker 1: And I'm Stacy Hicks. I'm the deputy editor at Mamma
Speaker 1: Maya and the mum of a three year old, and
Speaker 1: I have already threatened to call Santa and it's only November.
Speaker 4: In cancel, I mean cancel Santa.
Speaker 3: Yes, yes, good exactly old, but a goodie. Welcome back
Speaker 3: to Parents Anonymous.
Speaker 1: This is a safe space where you get to release
Speaker 1: those secret parenting confessions you've been holding in in the
Speaker 1: name of entertaining us and everyone listening.
Speaker 4: This is Parents Anonymous.
Speaker 3: So what that means is you share your story and
Speaker 3: you get the guilt off your chest, you release, and
Speaker 3: then we give you points based on our very serious
Speaker 3: and scientific grading system. We award the best worst parenting.
Speaker 1: Exactly, so there are no losers. The worse you are,
Speaker 1: the better you are in our eyes. So it's part
Speaker 1: church confessional, part game show, one hundred percent chaos. But
Speaker 1: before we get into that, we always make it a
Speaker 1: trusted space by confessing to something ourselves, just so you
Speaker 1: know what hot messes.
Speaker 3: We are all right, you go first, Okay.
Speaker 1: I feel like to be a bad parent this week.
Speaker 1: I probably had to parent, which I did very little of.
Speaker 3: Welcome to my world, I shared custody world.
Speaker 1: Well, we did the very selfish thing of going away
Speaker 1: for a little kid free holiday for our anniversary. Bloody
Speaker 1: loved it. I loved not having to peel anyone's bananas.
Speaker 1: That's not a euphemism.
Speaker 3: I loved your husband.
Speaker 1: Maybe I did.
Speaker 3: No, I.
Speaker 1: Loved not having to cut up anyone's food, put sunscreen
Speaker 1: on anyone but myself. It was lovely.
Speaker 3: Didn't you put sun's been on your husband's back? Isn't
Speaker 3: that what nufples do?
Speaker 1: Nah, you're on your own, mate, burn I can do
Speaker 1: my own. You deal with that yourself. I don't want
Speaker 1: to look after anyone but myself, and that's what I
Speaker 1: did for four days. And it was bloody lovely. We
Speaker 1: missed her like crazy, We talked about her pretty much
Speaker 1: the whole time, but it was lovely.
Speaker 3: Can we just circle back to the banana. It's been
Speaker 3: a while since I've had a three year old. I
Speaker 3: know my youngest is nine, but to three year olds
Speaker 3: not be able to open a banana like the monkeys
Speaker 3: can do.
Speaker 1: That's the end. It's that tricky bit at the end,
Speaker 1: and God forbid it breaks in the process, then we've
Speaker 1: got to open another one. So it's just easier if
Speaker 1: I'm doing it.
Speaker 3: I feel like we need to come back to some resilience.
Speaker 1: To gottle Bit, well, leaving her with her grandparents for
Speaker 1: four days was a little bit of resilience. So she's learning.
Speaker 3: So my confession is more I wouldn't say it's a
Speaker 3: bad parenting, although it's linked. It's just a bad human
Speaker 3: So what did you do? Well, it's more what I
Speaker 3: haven't done. So we are mid November, we can safely
Speaker 3: say roughly a month till Christmas.
Speaker 1: Yep.
Speaker 3: I have not thought, bought or done anything remotely to
Speaker 3: do with gifting and Christmas.
Speaker 1: Sorry, are we meant to have by now?
Speaker 3: You know there's some people that they actually finish it
Speaker 3: by Halloween, that's the thing. They've done all their gifting
Speaker 3: by Halloween.
Speaker 1: Well, that's just not our vibe. So to anyone else
Speaker 1: who hasn't, you're just making them feel better. We're fine.
Speaker 1: This is what Black Friday sales are for. We're just
Speaker 1: being thrifty.
Speaker 4: We are being cozy lives.
Speaker 3: You're right, it is actually targeted and it was a strategy.
Speaker 4: Thank you, Alon you go.
Speaker 3: So this jow doesn't exist without your guilty confession, So
Speaker 3: please leave us a voice note or we actually like
Speaker 3: to read them at ourselves for dramatic effects. We'll be honest,
Speaker 3: and that way you can be fully anonymous and email
Speaker 3: us everyone who sends in your confessions. We just think
Speaker 3: you because, first of what makes us feel better about
Speaker 3: ourselves and our lives. We feel not alone, we feel seen,
Speaker 3: we feel heard, and we also just have a lot
Speaker 3: of fun reaching them apart and picking them apart, dissecting them.
Speaker 4: We're all in it together.
Speaker 3: Yeah, we're all doing it badly, is what I've learned exactly.
Speaker 1: So spill your dirty secrets, come on, send them to us.
Speaker 4: All the options are in the show notes.
Speaker 1: And on today's show, our mystery confessions are called Santa's Canceled.
Speaker 1: We're aligned on that one. This heavy flow, yes, wrong
Speaker 1: time of month for me to be aligned with you
Speaker 1: on that one, and terrible twos.
Speaker 3: Let's go, let's go.
Speaker 1: You may want to turn this off if you have
Speaker 1: little ears around or put your headphones in. I killed
Speaker 1: off Santa, the Easter Bunny, and the tooth Fairy. In
Speaker 1: one conversation with my daughter as in murdered or well,
Speaker 1: she asked me, are you and Daddy Santa? And I said,
Speaker 1: what do you think?
Speaker 3: Hang on, mate?
Speaker 1: How old?
Speaker 4: Doesn't say how old? The child doesn't say.
Speaker 1: I like the I know I want to know the age,
Speaker 1: but I'm guessing we're probably talking six or seven.
Speaker 4: Yes, seven.
Speaker 1: So she asked me are you and Daddy Santa? And
Speaker 1: I said, what do you think? And she said yes,
Speaker 1: so I nodded slowly. She then looked thoughtful and asked
Speaker 1: Easter Bunny. I'd already fessed up and didn't want to
Speaker 1: lie to her, so I nodded slowly again. Tooth Fairy.
Speaker 1: She started to look a bit upset by this point,
Speaker 1: but in for a penny, in for a pound, so
Speaker 1: I nodded slowly again. She was pretty upset for a
Speaker 1: day or so, but boom sorted in one go, She's
Speaker 1: killed off every fictitious person that her child believed in.
Speaker 3: This is just really effective parenting, because, first of all,
Speaker 3: you know how I love honesty.
Speaker 1: I was about to say, this is you to a tea.
Speaker 1: You will never lie to those.
Speaker 3: Kids then ticity tick. Yeah, you've also saved yourself a
Speaker 3: lot of time yep, you know, laying out of the
Speaker 3: cookies and the milk, and the spreading crumbs everywhere, and
Speaker 3: the taking a bite of a gross carrot.
Speaker 1: That's the worst.
Speaker 3: So you've saved a lot of you know, admin in theater.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and also money for the teeth.
Speaker 1: I was about to say the Tooth Fair is actually
Speaker 1: the best one to kill off early because no money.
Speaker 3: Needed expensive, Yeah, because I think they lose about fourteen teeth.
Speaker 1: I think my brother played along with the tooth Fairy Delius.
Speaker 4: Too long in the two.
Speaker 1: Too long in the two, that is for sure, because
Speaker 1: he's tactical and he wanted to keep getting the money.
Speaker 1: It is devastating when you find that out. I remember
Speaker 1: that I wasn't as smart as your child. I feel
Speaker 1: like this child's quite smart to put them all together,
Speaker 1: all the different ones from throughout the year. So I mean,
Speaker 1: you've got a smart kid on your hands. Points for that.
Speaker 3: Yeah. My youngest from five just went yeah, right, this
Speaker 3: is a sham m cynical and clever.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: And you know, I think that this is just also
Speaker 3: resilience training, which I always really go on a. I'm
Speaker 3: all for resilience, training, cruel to be kind, yes, and authenticity.
Speaker 4: I feel like this was a parenting win.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I think that this is a good thing because I
Speaker 1: always get annoyed that Santa gets the credit for the
Speaker 1: best presence like that annoys me that the character energy.
Speaker 1: I want to be the main character. I want to
Speaker 1: be the one that gets thanked for giving her presence.
Speaker 1: So I actually think it's kind of genius.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm confusing and confused myself because this is good parenting, yeah,
Speaker 3: from my perspective. So I'm going to just sort of
Speaker 3: go middle of the line and just give it sort
Speaker 3: of seven stockings out of ten.
Speaker 1: So it was so good that you've deducted points, is
Speaker 1: what you're saying.
Speaker 3: Correct, it's actually good parenting, in my opinion, parenting, So
Speaker 3: you get points off for me.
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, Well, given you got rid of the tooth
Speaker 1: fairy as well one foul swoop, I think I will
Speaker 1: give you six coins out of ten. That's pretty harmless.
Speaker 1: Well done to you, good parent.
Speaker 2: All right.
Speaker 4: Confession number two heavy flow. I ran out of nappies
Speaker 4: for my thirteen month old son.
Speaker 3: I had a full day of errands, including going to
Speaker 3: the shop to buy more nappies. So, in a moment
Speaker 3: of desperation, I used a Maxi Pad as his nappy.
Speaker 3: I totally forgot i'd done that, and then dropped my
Speaker 3: son at a friend's house to babysit just a few
Speaker 3: hours so I could finish the errands. When I came
Speaker 3: back to pick him up, she was smirking at me
Speaker 3: and said so when I went to change him. I
Speaker 3: cut her off and said, yep, my worst or proudest
Speaker 3: parenting moment yet. So she used a pad instead of
Speaker 3: a nappy. It's just basic mcguiver.
Speaker 1: I had us desperate times, calls for desperate measures.
Speaker 3: Yes, and you yourself, Stacy, have confessed on this very
Speaker 3: show that you once used a nappy to weep into
Speaker 3: I did, and by that point the damn was about
Speaker 3: to burn. I had to pull out two of my
Speaker 3: daughter's nappies and just release right there in the car.
Speaker 1: I did so look I was toastpart them. My bladder
Speaker 1: was not at its strongest, still isn't to this very day,
Speaker 1: never will be again, never will be again. Ruined for life.
Speaker 1: This is why you and I cross our legs every
Speaker 1: time we laugh at one another, and I just had
Speaker 1: to do what I had to do. It was either
Speaker 1: that or we in my car. So sometimes these things happen.
Speaker 1: And I think motherhood is one of those times. When
Speaker 1: you have a baby you realize how low you'll go.
Speaker 1: Sometimes you think that could never be me ye, and
Speaker 1: then it is. You let your kid eat a dog biscuit,
Speaker 1: You child nappy.
Speaker 4: That's fine, it's basic survival skins.
Speaker 1: You don't wash your hair for three weeks straight like
Speaker 1: you really do, drop the.
Speaker 3: Stairs dry shampoo. There's a soul for everything. Yeah, throwing
Speaker 3: up here.
Speaker 1: Look, I think that this is great, and I think
Speaker 1: it's great that you use maxi pads because if you're
Speaker 1: a tampon girly, you would have been up the river.
Speaker 1: Oh oh, she wouldn't have been able to use them.
Speaker 1: I was, so she wouldn't have been able to use it,
Speaker 1: so she would have had nothing. So I think that
Speaker 1: this is really clever.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's actually not bad parenting at all. So by
Speaker 3: that measure, I have to take points off because it's
Speaker 3: just bare grills. It's survivors.
Speaker 1: For the embarrassment that a friend discovered this without any context,
Speaker 1: that's quite funny. Yeah, and that's quite embarrassing.
Speaker 4: Especially if they weren't a good friend.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, I mean you're probably not leaving a baby
Speaker 1: with an acquaintance, so you could.
Speaker 3: People leave them with strange babysitters all the time. I
Speaker 3: don't assume their closeness after their child.
Speaker 4: So what are you scoring.
Speaker 1: I can feel the embarrassment in my bones of having
Speaker 1: to try and justify to a friend why my child
Speaker 1: had that instead of an happy So I'm giving you
Speaker 1: a and a half maxipads out of ten.
Speaker 3: I'm going to give you eight ten out of ten.
Speaker 1: Don't don't.
Speaker 4: Bring it home.
Speaker 1: Last confession. So, after having twins, life was chaos with
Speaker 1: two older kids and now a very busy house of
Speaker 1: six oh thoughts and prayers.
Speaker 3: God.
Speaker 1: When the twins were about eighteen months, we had a
Speaker 1: moment of we've got this and decided to go on
Speaker 1: our first family trip to the beach. We gathered, we organized,
Speaker 1: we slapped on sunscreen, and packed everyone into the van
Speaker 1: and off to the beach we went. Almost immediately, one
Speaker 1: twin kept trying to throw himself into the surf with
Speaker 1: the determination of a nineteenth century tortured poet, trying to
Speaker 1: end it all. The other twin then had a pooh
Speaker 1: explosion that went all up his back and was dripping
Speaker 1: out onto the sand, all whilst our middle child had
Speaker 1: a massive tantrum. Our eldest wandered away where we couldn't
Speaker 1: see him, so Dad went hunting in a panic with
Speaker 1: soggy twin number one under his arm. We gathered everyone up,
Speaker 1: slunk back to the car and set off home a
Speaker 1: whole fifteen minutes after arriving.
Speaker 3: I think this was sent in by one of my friends.
Speaker 3: I think I know this. Yeah, I do, I really do.
Speaker 1: And it's not so anonymous after all, no.
Speaker 3: Because if it is the same person. I remember when
Speaker 3: I went to the park with my youngest and the
Speaker 3: same age as her twins, and I was like, why
Speaker 3: is the park so hard? And then I literally saw
Speaker 3: her and her husband had to dart after a twin
Speaker 3: each for a full hour, and I thought, no, one
Speaker 3: know why you don't leave the house?
Speaker 1: Yeah, oh my gosh, And bless them. They were so
Speaker 1: full of hope. They thought they'd gotten to the point
Speaker 1: where they could do it and have a nice family
Speaker 1: outing together.
Speaker 3: And also, a year and a half is a long
Speaker 3: time to not go to the beach. Yeah, I would
Speaker 3: struggle with that.
Speaker 1: I know you love the beach. I love the beach,
Speaker 1: But the beach with a kid is not as much fun.
Speaker 1: No sand in places it should not be, they try
Speaker 1: to eat it. It somehow gets everywhere. It's always a nightmare.
Speaker 3: Even with tween age children, it's not as fun because
Speaker 3: well because they take risks and you've got to watch
Speaker 3: them the whole time still to make sure they don't drown.
Speaker 3: So going to the beach on your own is definitely
Speaker 3: a wind preferred.
Speaker 4: Yes, yeah, recommended.
Speaker 1: Good on you for trying it. At least now, if
Speaker 1: it goes any better than fifteen minutes, you'll be really
Speaker 1: impressed with yourself. But that is grim. That is grim.
Speaker 1: The pooor explosion is probably the low point. I think
Speaker 1: we can all again.
Speaker 3: Imagine all the packing that would have gone into like
Speaker 3: a day out with that many children. Can I take
Speaker 3: one kid, I look like a moving house, like I
Speaker 3: will have my full boot packed with options.
Speaker 4: That's insufferable. You don't need that many things.
Speaker 1: Just don't know. You have no idea how much my
Speaker 1: little girl eats. You just need to be planned for
Speaker 1: all occasions. So I can imagine what a big deal.
Speaker 1: This would have been for them, and then to have
Speaker 1: to turn around and just give up after fifteen minutes is.
Speaker 3: So hard and it would have been just so stressful
Speaker 3: with all the different people and moving parts. Yeah, and
Speaker 3: for that reason, just the disappointment, and also the cleaning
Speaker 3: up of the pooh. Yeah, at least you could have
Speaker 3: dunked them in the ocean.
Speaker 1: But can you in full view of everyone else? You
Speaker 1: can't have the little floaters from far.
Speaker 4: You'd have to do at that point crisis management.
Speaker 3: Oh maybe for that reason, I feel like they have
Speaker 3: to be the highest scrowen.
Speaker 4: And I'm going to ask my friend if it needs.
Speaker 1: Her, please do report back next time.
Speaker 4: I will.
Speaker 3: Everyone's little hearts would have just been so disappointed to
Speaker 3: go to the beach and then have to turn around.
Speaker 4: Oh, we've really ended on a low.
Speaker 1: Sad, So what are you reading it?
Speaker 3: I think it's going to have to be nine sand
Speaker 3: buckets out of ten.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, Look it's filled with hope but ended in tragedy.
Speaker 1: I'm giving it nine pool explosions.
Speaker 3: Out of ten, empty cups, empty mine. Yeah, afty hearts.
Speaker 1: Oh so sad.
Speaker 3: And if it is my friend, they have since gone
Speaker 3: to the beach. I've gone with them.
Speaker 1: Oh okay, well there you go. So there's hope happy.
Speaker 3: Ending eighteen month old twins would be. I don't know
Speaker 3: why they bother.
Speaker 1: So it feels like we probably have a clue winner.
Speaker 1: But that was only but because the other ones were
Speaker 1: so excellent. So let's go back through them recap. So
Speaker 1: we had Santa's canceled, which I actually think should have
Speaker 1: been called Santa. The Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy
Speaker 1: were canceled.
Speaker 4: A triple homicide.
Speaker 1: Yeah, triple death. All fictional character's gone. I feel like
Speaker 1: you're kind of brilliant. You just got it done. It's
Speaker 1: a harsh lesson, but it's a good lesson.
Speaker 3: It's authentic, as Oprah would say, a teachable moment.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and because we loved it so much, you actually
Speaker 1: got the worst points.
Speaker 3: We're so sorry, But that means you're the best.
Speaker 1: It means you're the best parent. So that's fine. Heavy flow. Look,
Speaker 1: using maxipad as a nappy, I'm there with you.
Speaker 3: Jacy has weed into a baby's Nappy's basically done it myself.
Speaker 1: That's love to you for that one. But I think
Speaker 1: our real winner was the shit show. That was the
Speaker 1: trip to the beach with the eighteen month old twins.
Speaker 3: The failed beach. Yeah, they didn't even get to have
Speaker 3: a swim. No, build a little sand car, not a little.
Speaker 1: Toe in the water, nothing. Congratulations, you're the worst best parent.
Speaker 3: And for inflicting trauma on six people in one exercise, Yeah.
Speaker 1: Looks it'll be one of those things you'll look back
Speaker 1: on and laugh eventually, but it'll take time. So if
Speaker 1: you've got a confession we'd love to hear from you,
Speaker 1: Please send us your secret shame. All the details are
Speaker 1: in the show notes.
Speaker 4: We'll see next time.