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Speaker 1: You're listening to Amma Mea podcast.

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Speaker 2: Mamma Mea acknowledges the traditional owners of land and waters

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Speaker 2: that this podcast is recorded on Hello, and welcome to

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Speaker 2: Mama Mia out Loud. And to Friday, which is the

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Speaker 2: show when we take a break from the news cycle

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Speaker 2: an next day.

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Speaker 1: Their little asmr oh stop.

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Speaker 3: Actually I'm about to sneeze, and that's not gonna be

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Speaker 3: for anyone.

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Speaker 2: Today It's Friday, the thirtieth of August, and my name

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Speaker 2: is Holly Wainwright, I'm Me Friedman, and I'm Jesse Stevens.

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Speaker 2: And on the show today is savor the season you're in,

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Speaker 2: the most infuriating advice you could give a person, and

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Speaker 2: the book you should read this very weekend, a much

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Speaker 2: talked about movie, and Jesse and I are piggybacking together

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Speaker 2: on a recommendation of the one book you have to

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Speaker 2: read this weekend. And me has seen a very talked

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Speaker 2: about movie. That's our recommendations. Also sitting in the dark

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Speaker 2: with strangers, the unstopped force of midlife female fury, and

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Speaker 2: a fancy kitchen gadget.

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Speaker 4: That's our best and worst.

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Speaker 1: But first, in case you missed it, there's a new

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Speaker 1: sexuality available. Well, it's not available. People have always had it,

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Speaker 1: I assume, but now there's a new word for it,

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Speaker 1: and it's called being abrosexual. And this means your sexuality

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Speaker 1: changes over time, so you might be attracted to different

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Speaker 1: genders at different times of your life or have varying

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Speaker 1: levels of sexual attraction to those genders, so you might

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Speaker 1: switch between being heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, and asexual. And I

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Speaker 1: guess the umbrella term for someone who dabbles or has

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Speaker 1: different eras of their sexuality is being abrosexual. It's like

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Speaker 1: a gender fluid equivalent of sexuality. Does that make sense? Ye?

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Speaker 3: I have a question, which is, don't you think that

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Speaker 3: we are beginning to find that most people are abrosexual,

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Speaker 3: that sexuality is something that changes for a lifetime, Like

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Speaker 3: we've seen women who get divorced and then the next

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Speaker 3: relationship might be with a woman, or there might be

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Speaker 3: periods of a decade where someone says I'm totally asexual. Like,

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Speaker 3: I guess I appreciate that there's a word for it,

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Speaker 3: but then I'm also like, is naming something that's fluid

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Speaker 3: the opposite to fluid?

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Speaker 5: You know what I mean?

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Speaker 6: Oh?

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Speaker 5: Yeah, Like if.

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Speaker 3: There are paradox in trying to create new labels for

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Speaker 3: things that can't be labeled, which is at sexuality.

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Speaker 5: There's a fluidity to it.

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Speaker 3: That is definitely new, Like I don't think that, well,

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Speaker 3: it's probably not new, no, but the idea that we're

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Speaker 3: acknowledging it is new.

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Speaker 1: What I think is interesting because there'll be people listening

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Speaker 1: right now whose eyes have rolled into the back of

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Speaker 1: their head, and I hope they're not driving because that's dangerous,

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Speaker 1: And then there'll be others that are probably thinking, oh, well,

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Speaker 1: that's what I am.

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Speaker 5: Why do you think people would roll their eyes at this?

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Speaker 1: Oh, people do. I roll my eyes at it sometimes

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Speaker 1: because I think if you feel like you have a

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Speaker 1: name that makes sense for your sexuality, then you don't

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Speaker 1: understand why everybody needs to be a special snowflake and

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Speaker 1: have a specific word. And that's not just an attitude

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Speaker 1: of older people, although it is more common probably in

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Speaker 1: older people. I know young people who also roll their

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Speaker 1: eyes very heavily at this idea of everybody gets their

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Speaker 1: own type of sexuality, and not just straight young people.

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Speaker 1: I know young people who have I wouldn't even call

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Speaker 1: it different sexualities. It's just not relevant. To them, it's

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Speaker 1: just why put a label on it? But then other

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Speaker 1: people find labels really helpful. So it almost comes back

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Speaker 1: to Holly's idea, which I disagree with about trigger warnings,

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Speaker 1: which is what's the harm? Like, use a label if

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Speaker 1: you want to. If you don't feel that it helps, you,

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Speaker 1: don't use one, but don't police where the other people

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Speaker 1: use the label.

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Speaker 5: How how do you identify?

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Speaker 1: Probably, well, it's really hard because there's who you actually

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Speaker 1: have sex with, which is my husband, who's a man,

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Speaker 1: and that's who I've had sex with for you know,

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Speaker 1: thirty odd years. And then there's who I might have

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Speaker 1: sex with if I wasn't married to him, and I

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Speaker 1: don't know. I don't know. Would I have sex with women? Probably?

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Speaker 1: Would I also have sex with men? Probably?

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Speaker 2: Like what if?

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Speaker 1: Is there a word for hypothetical? So I'm a hypothetic?

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Speaker 2: Used to be like rip your clothes off, and now

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Speaker 2: I'm like, I'd rather eat a box of hair? Is

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Speaker 2: there is there a word for that?

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Speaker 1: Do I get a label?

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Speaker 4: I think label for me?

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Speaker 3: I think you should make up your own word. I

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Speaker 3: think the word is tired. All week, we've been busting

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Speaker 3: to talk about a sub stack published for The Evil

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Speaker 3: Witch's newsletter titled no amount of cherishing your kid now

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Speaker 3: will let you skip feeling melancholy later. And if you

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Speaker 3: don't have kids, this isn't really about kids. It's about

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Speaker 3: periods of your life you're told to cherish and savor.

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Speaker 3: So I remember hearing it a lot at university or

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Speaker 3: my last years of school, and people would say they're

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Speaker 3: the best years of your life.

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Speaker 1: A lot of pressure when people tell you that, yeah,

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Speaker 1: best day of your life, best time of your life.

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Speaker 5: And older people do it to younger people.

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Speaker 1: My daughter just finished school last year and she's felt

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Speaker 1: so much pressure.

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Speaker 3: We decided to speak to a few people in the

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Speaker 3: Mummeya office about what they've been told to savor and

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Speaker 3: how it made them feel.

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Speaker 5: Here's what they said.

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Speaker 7: It pisces me off, and people say save in the

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Speaker 7: moment when your two year old is being a testing,

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Speaker 7: little nightmare, and people just say, oh, they're only babies once, Like,

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Speaker 7: I get it, but she's pissing me off.

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Speaker 6: Everyone used to tell me to savor the moment when

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Speaker 6: I was going to university, because once you get into

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Speaker 6: the real world and you have to start working full time,

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Speaker 6: you know, no one likes that, But I was going

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Speaker 6: to university during COVID time, so I was literally sitting

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Speaker 6: at home doing assignments in the dark, sad, and that's

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Speaker 6: not really a moment I wanted to savor.

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Speaker 8: When I moved overseas Australia, everybody was saying, oh God, enjoy,

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Speaker 8: you don't want to get to see this one's whereas

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Speaker 8: deep down inside I was an anxious mess about me

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Speaker 8: have a halfway across the world where absolutely nothing.

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Speaker 9: The last time I remember someone telling me to save

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Speaker 9: the moment outside of parenthood was a colleague who told

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Speaker 9: me exactly that, right before I got made redundant. It

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Speaker 9: was a manager work environment was toxic as hell, and

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Speaker 9: people had been made redundant and everyone was scared. And

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Speaker 9: so he turned to me and said, just save at

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Speaker 9: the moment. You've got a great paying job today.

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Speaker 5: Thanks mate.

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Speaker 3: When we've been talking about this newsletter all wake, our

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Speaker 3: head of content, Eliza, had something really interesting to say

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Speaker 3: about it. And for context, she has three very little kids.

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Speaker 3: She is in the thick of it as much as

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Speaker 3: one can be, and.

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Speaker 1: She's just moved to Australia from other country.

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Speaker 5: Yep. Here are some of her insights.

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Speaker 10: I hate when people say, oh, it's just a season

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Speaker 10: that you're in. It implies that you don't have any

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Speaker 10: agency to change what's going on on. I understand when

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Speaker 10: like I walk down the street and my kid does

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Speaker 10: something funny and people go, oh, that's like, isn't this

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Speaker 10: a great season? Love that sentiment, But I hate that

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Speaker 10: sentiment where I'm having a shit time, they're not sleeping

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Speaker 10: at night, my bills are stacking up because of childcare,

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Speaker 10: and people go, oh, it's a season. That implies that

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Speaker 10: I have no agency to create change in my life.

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Speaker 10: It stops us talking about systemic issues, for example, in

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Speaker 10: this season. Is it just normal that my childcare is

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Speaker 10: meant to be more expensive than my mortgage? Is it

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Speaker 10: normal that as a working mum, I don't get to

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Speaker 10: see my friends and like my husband as much because

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Speaker 10: I have to race around and workplace as well. They're

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Speaker 10: being flexible, it's still really hard for working moms. Do

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Speaker 10: I have to sit in this shit? So?

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Speaker 3: What does it mean to save uh? And does it

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Speaker 3: actually make us think more positively? The writer Claire Zulki

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Speaker 3: says that on social media, when you have a wind

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Speaker 3: or you complain, particularly at being in the trenches with parenting.

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Speaker 3: The common retort is you'll miss this one day, she writes.

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Speaker 3: It can sound like they're saying that cherishing each moment

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Speaker 3: of young parenthood fully and with an open heart and

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Speaker 3: zero negative feelings will inoculate you later against feelings of

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Speaker 3: bittersweetness or just plain grief when your kids are older.

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Speaker 3: No amount of keeping your mouth shut when they're at

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Speaker 3: a hard phase will make you feel any less sad

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Speaker 3: when they leave someday. This was her hunch, and so

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Speaker 3: she interviewed a psychology professor named Fred Bryant about this

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Speaker 3: idea of savoring, and he said that nostalgia is really

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Speaker 3: important and brings a sense of meaning to our lives,

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Speaker 3: and savoring is actually all about accepting loss, that all

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Speaker 3: good things and all bad things must come.

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Speaker 5: To an end.

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Speaker 4: That person is very smart.

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Speaker 3: Yes, well, they went to university like me. You two

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Speaker 3: have kids that are not babies anymore. Do you feel

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Speaker 3: a compulsion to yell at me to savor every moment?

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Speaker 2: No, but I have a compulsion and to yell at

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Speaker 2: all the people winging about being told to savor, because

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Speaker 2: come on, is that really what it's like you say?

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Speaker 5: Today?

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Speaker 2: I had to clean up a lot of vomit and

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Speaker 2: rush the kid to blah blah, and some idiot's just

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Speaker 2: saying to you save. At this moment, I see a

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Speaker 2: lot of parents complaining about things, and no one's saying

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Speaker 2: that everybody's in it together, don't Oh aren't they do?

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Speaker 2: These people just finding things to moan about about our people.

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Speaker 3: Holly, you are on a different algorithm to me. I

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Speaker 3: know what they're talking about, which is that there is

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Speaker 3: this trending kind of motherhood content. I've actually found, controversially

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Speaker 3: some of it really helpful.

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Speaker 2: Yes, because you the thing that I found interesting about this.

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Speaker 1: What's the trend? I don't understand.

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Speaker 2: But when you had your baby, you said to me

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Speaker 2: a million times. Everybody has only told me how shit

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Speaker 2: it is. There isn't enough stuff out there telling me

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Speaker 2: how good it is. And now what I'm hearing from

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Speaker 2: everybody is stop telling me how.

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Speaker 4: Good it is.

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Speaker 2: I want to talk about how shit it is. And

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Speaker 2: I'm just like, oh my god, can anyone say anything?

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Speaker 3: So a lot of people say and I guess it's wisdom.

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Speaker 3: And it's also people communicating about parenting from different stages,

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Speaker 3: which I find annoying, which is you think.

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Speaker 5: Newborns are hard, wait until they can too.

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Speaker 3: And I'm like, Okay, that's actually not really helpful. But

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Speaker 3: the savoring thing I always say I read this thing,

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Speaker 3: but actually I just saw it on TikTok and it said,

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Speaker 3: whenever you feel frustrated, or you feel irritated or whatever,

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Speaker 3: all the multitude of emotions you feel with kids, look

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Speaker 3: at the size of their hands, and it just helps

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Speaker 3: to remind you that they're really.

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Speaker 2: Little, and they'll never be this little, and they'll.

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Speaker 3: Never be this little again. Which is a cliche and

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Speaker 3: might sound frustrating. I actually find some of this savoring

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Speaker 3: talk really helpful because it does put into perspective when

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Speaker 3: it's a long day or when you've made sacrifices. There's

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Speaker 3: something very Sisaphian about it. It feels like you get

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Speaker 3: up and you can do the same thing and the

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Speaker 3: same thing and the same thing. But when I consider

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Speaker 3: that in ten twenty thirty years, I would do anything,

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Speaker 3: and I truly believe this, that I would probably do

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Speaker 3: anything to go back to this moment now when my

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Speaker 3: baby is little, And then it does offer I think,

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Speaker 3: an element of mindfulness where I can sit there and go, okay,

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Speaker 3: try and love the good bits, and in fact, there

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Speaker 3: was you know the assembly that you recommended Holly, just

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Speaker 3: I know what you're doing.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, there's a Hamish Blake quote which I can't stop

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Speaker 5: thinking about.

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Speaker 11: We had Richard Branson on the show and one of

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Speaker 11: the guys on our radio show, Jack He basically said

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Speaker 11: to Richard Bresley is like, you are a billionaire. Can

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Speaker 11: we just go downstairs to the ATM just give me

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Speaker 11: a thousand dollars? Like just give me, like nothing, it's

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Speaker 11: nothing to you, and it's like, this would change my month.

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Speaker 11: In the response to that, Richard Branson was like, I'll

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Speaker 11: take you this something, I'll give you all my money for.

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Speaker 11: And Zack's like really, He's like yeah, your age, And

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Speaker 11: so I'm like that's interesting. And I remember hearing that

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Speaker 11: and I'm like, Jack's twenty two, and we're like, what

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Speaker 11: do you mean by that? He's like, I would happily

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Speaker 11: be broke and twenty two than a billionaire in sixty

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Speaker 11: eight or whatever it.

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Speaker 1: Was at the time.

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Speaker 3: At any moment, we would want to go back in

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Speaker 3: time because time is the most finite resource. So acknowledging

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Speaker 3: that whatever moment you're in is one you're going to

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Speaker 3: feel nostalgic for later.

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Speaker 5: It's probably a healthy thing to do.

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Speaker 1: I just don't think that's true, because I don't think

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Speaker 1: you do feel nostalgic for every moment you're in. I

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Speaker 1: think we're kind of mixing up two different things. One

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Speaker 1: is about the person who says that to you. It's

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Speaker 1: not about you, it's about them, and it's about them

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Speaker 1: feeling nostalgic. This is one thing I have with gratitude

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Speaker 1: that can be challenging, because if we spent our whole

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Speaker 1: lives aware that the clock is ticking, that we're going

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Speaker 1: to die, that our kids will grow up and leave us,

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Speaker 1: that our parents will die, that our friends will die,

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Speaker 1: that life is fun, we'd be in a fetal position.

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Speaker 1: And in the same way, you can't spend every day going, God,

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Speaker 1: I'm lucky to have this partner, this roof over my head,

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Speaker 1: these arms and legs that work, these beautiful child one

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Speaker 1: day like, we have to just pay our bills and

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Speaker 1: go to work and get shit done, and this is why.

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Speaker 1: So we can't. There are some things that you can

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Speaker 1: only appreciate in hindsight.

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Speaker 3: We've talked about seasons on this podcast before, right, which

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Speaker 3: is the idea that you're in a season and that

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Speaker 3: season will change. So for people who are currently deep

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Speaker 3: in grief, or maybe you're in a period where you've

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Speaker 3: leaned out of.

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Speaker 5: Work and you're not actually loving yourself.

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Speaker 1: It tells you to savor that though people tell you

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Speaker 1: to savor the things that they miss, and people tell

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Speaker 1: you it's just a season to help you cope with

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Speaker 1: a really bad touch in your life.

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Speaker 3: I'm also conscious and this is what I think. This

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Speaker 3: is a reaction to. We can't live life through the

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Speaker 3: prism of this too shall pass in every season because

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Speaker 3: I see us doing this too. We go I'm pregnant,

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Speaker 3: this will pass, I have little kids, this will pass, school,

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Speaker 3: this will part, Like what are we waiting for?

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Speaker 4: I agree with you.

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Speaker 2: Like the thing that I found upsetting when Eliza said

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Speaker 2: to us, I hate that this is a season thing

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Speaker 2: because she said it makes me feel dismissed. And when

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Speaker 2: I say that to somebody this is a season, that

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Speaker 2: is the last thing I mean, I do not mean

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Speaker 2: to dismiss them, Like, to be really honest, When I

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Speaker 2: think back to that season that we're talking about, the

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Speaker 2: early kid season, the having little kids and massive daycare bills,

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Speaker 2: and rushing, rushing, rushing every day, and having no family

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Speaker 2: support and all that stuff. I cannot believe we survived it, right,

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Speaker 2: But that doesn't mean there weren't a few moments in

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Speaker 2: there of glory, and that when I get hijacked by

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Speaker 2: you know, Facebook memories or my phone memories of the

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Speaker 2: little kids in that time, my heart doesn't tweak with like, oh,

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Speaker 2: every moment is good and bad. But the thing about

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Speaker 2: the advice about seasons is you can only see that

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Speaker 2: from a distance, you know, like you can only see

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Speaker 2: that that was just a time of life when you're

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Speaker 2: past it. And the thing about aging and wisdom, and

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Speaker 2: I found that really interesting too in the Hamish Blake

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Speaker 2: Assembly thing that Richard Brampton advice. Because I don't think

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Speaker 2: it's true for everybody. I don't know that I would

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Speaker 2: give everything to go back to being twenty two. I

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Speaker 2: don't think I would. I thought it's interesting that men

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Speaker 2: think that more. However, there's no question that as I

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Speaker 2: get older, if I allow myself to think about it,

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Speaker 2: I get very panicky about time running out.

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Speaker 4: But the thing is is.

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Speaker 2: That the thing about aging is we do get more

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Speaker 2: wisdom because I do know what it was like to be,

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Speaker 2: you know, young and have a young family and all

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Speaker 2: those things, but you don't know what it's like to

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Speaker 2: be on the other side of that. So, you know,

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Speaker 2: denying that people who've been through things have wisdom about

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Speaker 2: it because it makes you feel bad is just silly.

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Speaker 3: So do you think that savoring is something that you

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Speaker 3: inevitably get better at as you get.

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Speaker 4: I have got better at it as I go.

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Speaker 2: I reckon that I now know how to savor, and

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Speaker 2: I reckon I've only just really figured it out. So

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Speaker 2: to me, what savoring is about? And you've said this

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Speaker 2: to me before me and I think it's really true.

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Speaker 2: You know how people say, but are you happy? You know,

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Speaker 2: we have a podcast called that Happiness isn't a state,

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Speaker 2: like a solid, constant state. What you get better at,

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Speaker 2: in my experience as you get older is reckonizing the

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Speaker 2: moments of it. So, like, you know, my life, like

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Speaker 2: everybody listening to this, life is complicated and busy and difficult,

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Speaker 2: and sometimes it's really stressful and sometimes it's not. What

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Speaker 2: I'm better at now is on those rare occasions when

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Speaker 2: I might be sitting around the table with my kids

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Speaker 2: and nobody's fighting and everybody's eating and someone's getting along,

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Speaker 2: and maybe someone's telling me a story about like almost

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Speaker 2: screenshotting that moment in my mind, like savoring it while

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Speaker 2: it's there, but not thinking, oh, this is how life

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Speaker 2: is now, because that's not true. I'm better at savoring

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Speaker 2: moments of happiness and going in this moment right now,

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Speaker 2: this is fucking pretty perfect. In another hour, it'd probably

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Speaker 2: all be different again, you know. And I think that

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Speaker 2: to me, that's what savoring means, and it is the

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Speaker 2: key to happiness in a way, because otherwise you're just

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Speaker 2: constantly striving for something that's like a constant plane.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, or you're living only in the past or the future.

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Speaker 3: Right Because I'm a very nostalgic person, and I look

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Speaker 3: back and think, I don't know, I miss things that

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Speaker 3: I'm sentimental about, things that have passed, and I feel

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Speaker 3: as though time is speeding up. But I was reading

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Speaker 3: about micro joys and how it is like I have

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Speaker 3: never enjoyed my morning coffee more.

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Speaker 5: I feel as.

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Speaker 3: Though even that moment I go, I love having a

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Speaker 3: coffee at the night. I like how it tastes, I

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Speaker 3: like the smell, I like the experience. Maybe that's the

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Speaker 3: highest iile' have all day, and that doesn't make me sad. Maya,

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Speaker 3: are you nostalgic? You don't strike me as very nostalgic.

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Speaker 2: You wrote one of the most famous pieces that's ever

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Speaker 2: been published on the internet about the nostalgia of watching

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Speaker 2: your kids grow up.

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Speaker 4: You did that beautiful piece.

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Speaker 1: You're every time I talk about it, I feel like

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Speaker 1: I get tiery.

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Speaker 5: Maybe you are nostalgia he is.

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Speaker 1: You know what I wrote. I think in that piece

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Speaker 1: is that there's a lot of emphasis on first. When

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Speaker 1: you've got little kids, you want to move forward. You're

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Speaker 1: excited to get to that next stage, and also you

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Speaker 1: want it to get easier. You know, first two, first night,

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Speaker 1: sleeping in a big bed, first steps, first, all of

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Speaker 1: those things. But what you don't see is the last.

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Speaker 1: What you only see in the review mirror is the last.

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Speaker 1: And I find that the experience of being a grandmother

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Speaker 1: is incredibly beautiful but emotional because I see you guys

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Speaker 1: experiencing all of those firsts, and to see your child

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Speaker 1: experiencing those firsts really makes you remember what it was

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Speaker 1: like when they used to faultless sleep in your arms,

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Speaker 1: or you know, when they used to reach for your hand,

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Speaker 1: in the playground. But the good part of it is

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Speaker 1: that you can savor your grandchildren in a way that

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Speaker 1: you can't save your children. And that's been the most

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Speaker 1: beautiful surprise about it, because when people are saying save

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Speaker 1: the moment, save the moment with your children, it's like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: but I've got to return an email, and I've got

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Speaker 1: to make a mammogram appointment, and I've got to buy

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Speaker 1: new shoes for the thing and take the dog to

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Speaker 1: the vet. And it's like, I know, my child's being

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Speaker 1: really cute in this moment, but I can't really sit

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Speaker 1: there and get all gushy. And also, because there's so

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Speaker 1: many of those moments all day, every day, and if

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Speaker 1: you just stood there and gazed at your child or

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Speaker 1: your partner or your animal, you wouldn't get anything done.

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Speaker 1: But then when you're a grandparent, and I imagine it's

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Speaker 1: also like this, being an aunt as well, or maybe

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Speaker 1: a godmother is because you have such finite time with

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Speaker 1: the child, you don't have to do all that stuff,

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Speaker 1: so there's less mental load. It's very hard savoring things

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Speaker 1: when you've got a mental load. And I think that's

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Speaker 1: what was important about what Eliza said, because she says

404
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Speaker 1: that when someone says to you it's just a season,

405
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Speaker 1: when you're struggling with paying the rent, or juggling work

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00:19:59,247 --> 00:20:02,367
Speaker 1: with childcare, or trying to work out how you put

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00:20:02,647 --> 00:20:05,327
Speaker 1: four weeks of annually that you have into the twelve

408
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Speaker 1: weeks of school holidays that your children have, or the

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Speaker 1: fact that they finish at three clock and you finished

410
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Speaker 1: work at five, and how does anyone in the world

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Speaker 1: do this? And people go, it's just a season, and

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Speaker 1: you're like, no, the system is boken one hundred percent.

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Speaker 2: So I agree with what she said one hundred percent

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Speaker 2: about this. It's just a season. Nonsense should not mean

415
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Speaker 2: that we don't change anything. But I don't think it's

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Speaker 2: meant to be dismissive. And I think the problem is

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Speaker 2: I agree with you. I think I think it's meant

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Speaker 2: to be helpful. It's meant to be Yeah, but and

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Speaker 2: I know I totally recognize, you know, like I had

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Speaker 2: years and years of one of my kids sleeping in

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Speaker 2: the bed with me. Matilda still darts if she can,

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Speaker 2: they like to be in the bed with me, And

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Speaker 2: I remember bitching about that and getting that whole You know,

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Speaker 2: one day, you know, there's your son isn't going to

425
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Speaker 2: want to sleep with you, And you're like, yeah, Like

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Speaker 2: I understand that. But at the same time, as you

427
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Speaker 2: get older and you see the seasons passing, I find

428
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Speaker 2: it helpful. Like I find it helpful right now. I

429
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Speaker 2: recognize I spoke about this the other week on the show,

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Speaker 2: but I recognize that I'm at the end of a

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Speaker 2: particular season with my parents, Like I'm at the end

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Speaker 2: of the season of them coming out to visit and

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Speaker 2: us having adventures together and then being fit and healthy

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Speaker 2: and me being able to do that. Like that season

435
00:21:11,967 --> 00:21:15,247
Speaker 2: is petering out. It's like the end of summer. You know,

436
00:21:15,367 --> 00:21:19,967
Speaker 2: fewer and fewer warm days, and that's sad, But there's

437
00:21:20,007 --> 00:21:24,607
Speaker 2: also something profound about recognizing that that was the season

438
00:21:24,647 --> 00:21:29,287
Speaker 2: that's closing. So I think we rail against wisdom sometimes,

439
00:21:29,287 --> 00:21:31,247
Speaker 2: but it doesn't mean it's not true.

440
00:21:31,487 --> 00:21:34,967
Speaker 3: Yeah, And your wisdom about talking about kids growing up,

441
00:21:35,127 --> 00:21:39,887
Speaker 3: I've realized has enormously impacted how I parent, because a

442
00:21:39,927 --> 00:21:43,527
Speaker 3: lot of people don't have conversations like that with other generations,

443
00:21:43,607 --> 00:21:45,967
Speaker 3: right because we're all in And in fact, this article

444
00:21:46,007 --> 00:21:47,727
Speaker 3: had a really good point, which was that when you're

445
00:21:47,727 --> 00:21:50,847
Speaker 3: in whatever stage of parenting, also make sure you are

446
00:21:50,847 --> 00:21:53,007
Speaker 3: speaking to parents with kids who are a bit older,

447
00:21:53,207 --> 00:21:55,167
Speaker 3: because that gives you a little bit more perspective, and

448
00:21:55,167 --> 00:21:57,047
Speaker 3: you're not all just going, oh, my goodness, that's sick

449
00:21:57,047 --> 00:21:59,967
Speaker 3: all the time. The thing about the first and also

450
00:22:00,007 --> 00:22:03,167
Speaker 3: that there will be lasts, and that I'm getting the sense, oh,

451
00:22:03,207 --> 00:22:05,247
Speaker 3: pretty soon, I'm not going to hold this bottle anymore,

452
00:22:05,247 --> 00:22:07,527
Speaker 3: which sounds like such a silly thing to get sentimental

453
00:22:07,567 --> 00:22:11,847
Speaker 3: about that you try and savor it and go, this

454
00:22:11,967 --> 00:22:14,167
Speaker 3: is the last, and this is what life is all about.

455
00:22:14,247 --> 00:22:15,047
Speaker 5: It's all passing.

456
00:22:15,167 --> 00:22:17,367
Speaker 2: But you're also right, man, we can't spend all our

457
00:22:17,567 --> 00:22:21,487
Speaker 2: like savoring shouldn't be another job, like no, like giving

458
00:22:21,487 --> 00:22:24,127
Speaker 2: you savoring to add to your list of to doos

459
00:22:24,687 --> 00:22:26,007
Speaker 2: is like the least helpful.

460
00:22:26,047 --> 00:22:28,127
Speaker 1: And I feel like women are so good at that

461
00:22:28,447 --> 00:22:33,447
Speaker 1: we feel a way that's sad or upset or whatever,

462
00:22:33,487 --> 00:22:36,567
Speaker 1: and then we feel bad that we don't feel the

463
00:22:36,607 --> 00:22:38,487
Speaker 1: way that we feel like we should. So it's like

464
00:22:38,527 --> 00:22:42,687
Speaker 1: we double down on feeling bad. Men don't do this

465
00:22:42,767 --> 00:22:44,727
Speaker 1: to their credit. I wish we didn't do it, But

466
00:22:45,127 --> 00:22:48,167
Speaker 1: that idea, that's somehow that I'm not doing life right.

467
00:22:48,527 --> 00:22:50,127
Speaker 1: And there are a lot of things that I prefer

468
00:22:51,007 --> 00:22:54,367
Speaker 1: I don't enjoy doing, but I love having done. Yeah,

469
00:22:54,607 --> 00:22:58,527
Speaker 1: And like I don't love going on holidays, I do

470
00:22:58,567 --> 00:23:01,967
Speaker 1: see it as making memories because I don't particularly love

471
00:23:02,007 --> 00:23:04,567
Speaker 1: it in the moment, but I love looking back on

472
00:23:04,607 --> 00:23:07,807
Speaker 1: it and the stories that you tell and the memories

473
00:23:07,807 --> 00:23:10,527
Speaker 1: that you've made. But that doesn't mean that I savor

474
00:23:10,567 --> 00:23:13,447
Speaker 1: it at the time, you know, Like I love thinking

475
00:23:13,527 --> 00:23:16,007
Speaker 1: about the logis, but I really didn't enjoy it.

476
00:23:16,407 --> 00:23:17,887
Speaker 4: But I like that you did it.

477
00:23:18,007 --> 00:23:19,807
Speaker 1: Yeah, I like that I did it.

478
00:23:19,847 --> 00:23:23,087
Speaker 3: Out louders, let us know how you feel about seasons

479
00:23:23,167 --> 00:23:26,127
Speaker 3: and savoring. Jump into the mummya out louders Facebook group.

480
00:23:26,167 --> 00:23:30,167
Speaker 3: Can't wait to hear what you have to say.

481
00:23:32,007 --> 00:23:33,247
Speaker 5: Mother mea out loud.

482
00:23:35,727 --> 00:23:37,127
Speaker 4: It's recommendations time.

483
00:23:37,527 --> 00:23:40,207
Speaker 1: And you know, this is a bit spooky because Jesse.

484
00:23:40,047 --> 00:23:42,007
Speaker 2: And I are recommending a book that's kind of about

485
00:23:42,007 --> 00:23:44,207
Speaker 2: what we were just talking about. And I actually interviewed

486
00:23:44,247 --> 00:23:45,767
Speaker 2: the author of this for a show next week, and

487
00:23:45,807 --> 00:23:47,527
Speaker 2: we've just talked about what we just talked about too.

488
00:23:48,367 --> 00:23:51,727
Speaker 2: Obviously in the moment, it's in the air, it is, right.

489
00:23:52,167 --> 00:23:55,487
Speaker 2: So my recommendation and Jesse's piggybacking on it is the

490
00:23:55,607 --> 00:23:57,847
Speaker 2: New Leanne Moriarty novel.

491
00:23:57,767 --> 00:24:00,127
Speaker 4: Is out now yesterday, right.

492
00:24:01,087 --> 00:24:03,407
Speaker 2: I don't think I need to explain to Momma out

493
00:24:03,407 --> 00:24:05,367
Speaker 2: loud as who Leanne Moriarty is.

494
00:24:05,407 --> 00:24:07,727
Speaker 4: But she is one of Australia's most successful authors.

495
00:24:07,767 --> 00:24:10,527
Speaker 2: She wrote Big Little Lies, she wrote Last Anniversary, The

496
00:24:10,607 --> 00:24:15,327
Speaker 2: Husband's Secret, like a Million Things, and she literally sells

497
00:24:15,487 --> 00:24:18,167
Speaker 2: millions of books, and so when a book of hers

498
00:24:18,167 --> 00:24:21,167
Speaker 2: comes out, it's a big deal. This book is so

499
00:24:21,327 --> 00:24:23,847
Speaker 2: freakin good. All three of us have read it because

500
00:24:23,847 --> 00:24:24,367
Speaker 2: we're lucky.

501
00:24:24,607 --> 00:24:27,047
Speaker 1: I am so bummed that I didn't get in and

502
00:24:27,447 --> 00:24:30,167
Speaker 1: say I wanted to redeem this too, because we all.

503
00:24:30,247 --> 00:24:31,447
Speaker 5: We fast to leave.

504
00:24:31,607 --> 00:24:32,887
Speaker 3: And then Holly brought it up and I was like,

505
00:24:32,887 --> 00:24:35,527
Speaker 3: when does it come out? Because we've all published books

506
00:24:35,567 --> 00:24:38,127
Speaker 3: with Pamrick Millen who do lean And this is one

507
00:24:38,127 --> 00:24:40,367
Speaker 3: of the advantages is that we get sent an early copy.

508
00:24:40,447 --> 00:24:42,007
Speaker 5: Yes, and I book of the Job.

509
00:24:42,167 --> 00:24:44,567
Speaker 3: I read the first chapter and so did my mum.

510
00:24:44,607 --> 00:24:46,487
Speaker 3: We're on holidays together, and then we just fought over

511
00:24:46,487 --> 00:24:47,687
Speaker 3: the book for the whole holiday.

512
00:24:48,007 --> 00:24:50,767
Speaker 1: I had a really interesting experience. The book's called here

513
00:24:50,767 --> 00:24:52,647
Speaker 1: One Moment, and it's about we're not going to give

514
00:24:52,687 --> 00:24:56,487
Speaker 1: too much away, but the tagline is if you knew

515
00:24:56,527 --> 00:25:00,927
Speaker 1: the future, would you try to fight fate? Well, you

516
00:25:00,967 --> 00:25:02,487
Speaker 1: can tell it whole, because that's recommended.

517
00:25:02,527 --> 00:25:04,487
Speaker 2: I'll do a little bit of the setup. As Mia says,

518
00:25:04,487 --> 00:25:06,127
Speaker 2: we won't give too much away, but this is the

519
00:25:06,127 --> 00:25:08,807
Speaker 2: beginning of it. And basically what happens is there's a

520
00:25:08,847 --> 00:25:11,927
Speaker 2: mid life woman on a plane and the plane is delayed.

521
00:25:12,007 --> 00:25:13,527
Speaker 2: We meet all the different people on the plane, and

522
00:25:13,527 --> 00:25:15,967
Speaker 2: then she suddenly stands up and she tells each of

523
00:25:16,047 --> 00:25:19,367
Speaker 2: them how and when they're going to die. That is

524
00:25:19,407 --> 00:25:23,127
Speaker 2: how the first chapter of this book goes. It is

525
00:25:23,247 --> 00:25:26,687
Speaker 2: so good, such a good premise. It read itself, this book.

526
00:25:26,767 --> 00:25:29,047
Speaker 1: So what I found with this book is that I

527
00:25:29,127 --> 00:25:36,047
Speaker 1: nearly put it down because I find that stuff confronting, Yeah, confronting.

528
00:25:36,327 --> 00:25:39,047
Speaker 1: It makes me anxious thinking about death all those things.

529
00:25:40,167 --> 00:25:42,367
Speaker 1: And yet I couldn't put it down, and I pushed

530
00:25:42,367 --> 00:25:43,567
Speaker 1: through it. And I think I read it in one

531
00:25:43,647 --> 00:25:46,527
Speaker 1: day because I just I was really pulled through it.

532
00:25:46,567 --> 00:25:50,887
Speaker 1: And at the end, the way she lands the plane,

533
00:25:51,687 --> 00:25:54,047
Speaker 1: not literally, but the way she wraps it all up

534
00:25:54,647 --> 00:25:57,767
Speaker 1: is so skillful. Like you know, you guys are novelists,

535
00:25:57,767 --> 00:26:01,167
Speaker 1: you get this. The skill with which she does it is.

536
00:26:01,127 --> 00:26:04,247
Speaker 3: Extraordinary payoff is perfect And Holly, when you told me

537
00:26:04,327 --> 00:26:07,207
Speaker 3: that you were interviewing Leanne Moriarty, you actually told me

538
00:26:07,207 --> 00:26:10,207
Speaker 3: an interesting detail about her life and this might be

539
00:26:10,287 --> 00:26:11,727
Speaker 3: particularly relevant to her.

540
00:26:11,967 --> 00:26:14,327
Speaker 2: Yes, and so she if you're wondering what we're talking about,

541
00:26:14,327 --> 00:26:17,167
Speaker 2: she is next Tuesday's guest on mid which is another

542
00:26:17,167 --> 00:26:19,447
Speaker 2: podcast I do, and she's fantastic. And then it she

543
00:26:19,527 --> 00:26:21,807
Speaker 2: talks about why this was so front of mine for her.

544
00:26:22,607 --> 00:26:25,247
Speaker 2: She had recently lost her father and both she and

545
00:26:25,287 --> 00:26:28,047
Speaker 2: her sister have been diagnosed with breast cancer and gone

546
00:26:28,087 --> 00:26:30,207
Speaker 2: through treatment for breast cancer, which she talks about on mid.

547
00:26:30,687 --> 00:26:33,967
Speaker 2: But she said she knew mortality was very front of

548
00:26:33,967 --> 00:26:36,047
Speaker 2: mind for her, but she didn't realize quite how much

549
00:26:36,127 --> 00:26:38,167
Speaker 2: until she was on a plane and something happened and

550
00:26:38,167 --> 00:26:40,487
Speaker 2: it inspired this. The book is great, and I know,

551
00:26:40,647 --> 00:26:42,247
Speaker 2: I'm sure they're alloud us going, oh yeah, well, what

552
00:26:42,287 --> 00:26:44,847
Speaker 2: a surprise. You'd recommend this Leanne Moriarty book. She is

553
00:26:44,847 --> 00:26:45,647
Speaker 2: one of the most favorite.

554
00:26:45,767 --> 00:26:46,927
Speaker 1: It is just so good.

555
00:26:47,087 --> 00:26:47,887
Speaker 5: It's so good.

556
00:26:47,927 --> 00:26:50,447
Speaker 1: I loved all her books, but I love this one.

557
00:26:50,647 --> 00:26:52,567
Speaker 1: I think it's the best one she's written. In News

558
00:26:52,607 --> 00:26:53,607
Speaker 1: like Bloody love it.

559
00:26:53,607 --> 00:26:55,647
Speaker 2: It's called here One moment, and it is in all

560
00:26:55,647 --> 00:26:57,767
Speaker 2: good bookshops and wherever you get your books now.

561
00:26:57,847 --> 00:27:00,047
Speaker 5: So that was a little bit of a popular recommendation.

562
00:27:00,127 --> 00:27:02,327
Speaker 3: May you're really good at bringing in sort of the indie,

563
00:27:02,687 --> 00:27:05,607
Speaker 3: the kind of undercover the left of center.

564
00:27:05,687 --> 00:27:06,767
Speaker 5: Go what are you recommending?

565
00:27:06,847 --> 00:27:09,167
Speaker 1: Holly is the basic bitch in the original?

566
00:27:09,367 --> 00:27:09,567
Speaker 8: Yeah.

567
00:27:09,647 --> 00:27:11,567
Speaker 1: I went to see a little movie with Blake Lively

568
00:27:11,687 --> 00:27:12,807
Speaker 1: that it called Hims.

569
00:27:12,807 --> 00:27:17,687
Speaker 12: With us, we all have an idea of what love

570
00:27:17,887 --> 00:27:18,207
Speaker 12: can be.

571
00:27:18,807 --> 00:27:19,807
Speaker 8: I want to see you again.

572
00:27:20,487 --> 00:27:21,167
Speaker 4: Now you see me.

573
00:27:21,767 --> 00:27:27,247
Speaker 12: You know what I mean, that special connection you feel,

574
00:27:28,207 --> 00:27:39,127
Speaker 12: that first kiss. But fifteen seconds, that's all it takes

575
00:27:41,247 --> 00:27:45,047
Speaker 12: to completely change everything. I'm so sorry.

576
00:27:46,047 --> 00:27:47,607
Speaker 1: I loved it.

577
00:27:48,967 --> 00:27:49,967
Speaker 5: I think i'd like it.

578
00:27:50,127 --> 00:27:52,567
Speaker 1: I loved the movie. I think Blake Lively should be

579
00:27:52,567 --> 00:27:53,607
Speaker 1: nominated for an Oscar.

580
00:27:53,927 --> 00:27:54,367
Speaker 4: I don't think.

581
00:27:56,527 --> 00:28:01,967
Speaker 1: I think all the backlash has been so mean, and

582
00:28:02,247 --> 00:28:05,167
Speaker 1: I don't understand it because she is so good. The

583
00:28:05,207 --> 00:28:08,327
Speaker 1: movie is so good. I think I understand what happened

584
00:28:08,407 --> 00:28:10,727
Speaker 1: between her and just In Baldoni because there's two tracks

585
00:28:10,767 --> 00:28:13,607
Speaker 1: to this. There's all the drama around the movie, and

586
00:28:13,647 --> 00:28:15,927
Speaker 1: she and Justin Baldoni, who's the director and also her

587
00:28:15,967 --> 00:28:19,807
Speaker 1: co star, they play a couple. They don't talk, and

588
00:28:19,927 --> 00:28:22,007
Speaker 1: the author of the book, Colin, who doesn't talk, and

589
00:28:22,047 --> 00:28:24,367
Speaker 1: none of the cast talk to him, and what happened?

590
00:28:24,367 --> 00:28:26,527
Speaker 1: What happened? And he's got crisis pr and she's been

591
00:28:26,687 --> 00:28:31,247
Speaker 1: dragged and canceled through media and on social media. But

592
00:28:31,527 --> 00:28:34,247
Speaker 1: at the heart of it, I just loved the movie.

593
00:28:34,607 --> 00:28:36,367
Speaker 1: And I know that everyone said, oh, I didn't like

594
00:28:36,367 --> 00:28:38,487
Speaker 1: the book and I didn't like this. I didn't go

595
00:28:38,527 --> 00:28:42,887
Speaker 1: to the movies much, and I just loved it. I

596
00:28:42,927 --> 00:28:45,527
Speaker 1: thought it was so well done. I thought it was

597
00:28:45,607 --> 00:28:46,447
Speaker 1: so interesting.

598
00:28:46,847 --> 00:28:49,207
Speaker 2: Could I take Matilda? It's just fourteen?

599
00:28:49,327 --> 00:28:49,927
Speaker 9: Is that?

600
00:28:50,087 --> 00:28:50,167
Speaker 10: Like?

601
00:28:50,847 --> 00:28:54,487
Speaker 2: I mean, I know it's got serious themes, but like.

602
00:28:54,527 --> 00:28:55,327
Speaker 4: Would she enjoy it?

603
00:28:55,527 --> 00:28:57,367
Speaker 2: Of course, I'm not allowed to go to the movies

604
00:28:57,407 --> 00:28:58,847
Speaker 2: by myself, have to take a child.

605
00:28:59,087 --> 00:29:02,127
Speaker 1: I think it's I really liked it. I really liked it.

606
00:29:02,207 --> 00:29:03,247
Speaker 1: I'm not saying sorry.

607
00:29:03,367 --> 00:29:05,407
Speaker 3: And if you're not going to watch the movie, just

608
00:29:05,447 --> 00:29:08,047
Speaker 3: a little plug here. This week's episode of Canceled is

609
00:29:08,047 --> 00:29:10,807
Speaker 3: all about it ends with us about the other story,

610
00:29:10,967 --> 00:29:11,647
Speaker 3: the drama.

611
00:29:11,807 --> 00:29:15,487
Speaker 1: Okay, the drama. Yeah. I went with my daughter and

612
00:29:15,967 --> 00:29:18,967
Speaker 1: she didn't know about the drama. We spoke about this

613
00:29:19,127 --> 00:29:21,567
Speaker 1: on a subscriber episode. But we had a big fight

614
00:29:21,687 --> 00:29:24,327
Speaker 1: about trigger warnings afterwards, because she thought that there should

615
00:29:24,327 --> 00:29:26,647
Speaker 1: have been one. I think there was at the beginning.

616
00:29:26,647 --> 00:29:28,207
Speaker 1: There was like not a trigger warning, but just like

617
00:29:28,207 --> 00:29:29,967
Speaker 1: the usual content warning that you get at the beginning

618
00:29:29,967 --> 00:29:32,647
Speaker 1: of a film, what it's rated or yeah, whatever, But

619
00:29:32,967 --> 00:29:37,607
Speaker 1: you know, in terms of actual violence, I can't say.

620
00:29:37,687 --> 00:29:39,647
Speaker 1: And this is the thing. It's so subjective, like some

621
00:29:39,687 --> 00:29:42,887
Speaker 1: people might say, oh, Marvel movie, Oh it's but it's

622
00:29:42,927 --> 00:29:44,047
Speaker 1: all make believe I've.

623
00:29:43,847 --> 00:29:46,367
Speaker 2: Seen about to talk about that army with your worst

624
00:29:46,367 --> 00:29:47,287
Speaker 2: of the week, much worse.

625
00:29:47,567 --> 00:29:50,127
Speaker 1: But trigger warnings and what makes you upset what doesn't

626
00:29:50,127 --> 00:29:52,007
Speaker 1: make you upset? There were times I just looked away,

627
00:29:52,087 --> 00:29:54,007
Speaker 1: like what I do in movies. If I know something

628
00:29:54,047 --> 00:29:55,807
Speaker 1: bad is going to happen or something I don't want

629
00:29:55,807 --> 00:29:57,687
Speaker 1: to see, I literally just look down at my hand

630
00:29:58,247 --> 00:30:01,367
Speaker 1: for a while until it's over. Anyway, That's what I do.

631
00:30:01,647 --> 00:30:04,407
Speaker 2: If you want all our recommendations, if you sometimes, like

632
00:30:04,487 --> 00:30:06,367
Speaker 2: as people do in the out Louders group, they say,

633
00:30:06,687 --> 00:30:07,087
Speaker 2: what was.

634
00:30:07,047 --> 00:30:07,807
Speaker 4: That TV show?

635
00:30:07,847 --> 00:30:10,567
Speaker 2: That brilliant, witty TV sho show that wholly recommend it?

636
00:30:11,327 --> 00:30:13,967
Speaker 2: All our recommendations are always in the newsletter, So there's

637
00:30:13,967 --> 00:30:15,327
Speaker 2: a link in the show notes for where you can

638
00:30:15,367 --> 00:30:17,767
Speaker 2: subscribe to that and never miss recommendation again.

639
00:30:20,247 --> 00:30:24,207
Speaker 3: Want unlimited out loud access, We drop episodes every Tuesday

640
00:30:24,247 --> 00:30:28,447
Speaker 3: and Thursday exclusively for Mum and Maya subscribers. Follow the

641
00:30:28,487 --> 00:30:30,367
Speaker 3: link in the show notes to get us in your

642
00:30:30,407 --> 00:30:33,247
Speaker 3: ears five days a week. And a huge thank you

643
00:30:33,367 --> 00:30:35,247
Speaker 3: to all our current subscribers.

644
00:30:44,007 --> 00:30:46,287
Speaker 1: It's time for Best and Worst of the Week, the

645
00:30:46,327 --> 00:30:48,167
Speaker 1: part of the show where we share a little more

646
00:30:48,207 --> 00:30:51,647
Speaker 1: from our personal lives. They can be big things, they

647
00:30:51,687 --> 00:30:53,567
Speaker 1: can be small things. It's important that this is a

648
00:30:53,607 --> 00:30:58,807
Speaker 1: safe space without judgment or trigger warnings. Holly, what was your.

649
00:30:59,927 --> 00:31:01,007
Speaker 4: The phrase trigger warning?

650
00:31:01,127 --> 00:31:02,887
Speaker 1: I'd like to use it to poke at you. What's

651
00:31:02,927 --> 00:31:04,247
Speaker 1: your worst of the week?

652
00:31:04,927 --> 00:31:06,967
Speaker 2: So my worst of the week is mid related And

653
00:31:07,007 --> 00:31:08,887
Speaker 2: I didn't mean for this to mention Mede a couple

654
00:31:08,887 --> 00:31:10,407
Speaker 2: of times, what your podcast?

655
00:31:10,927 --> 00:31:11,327
Speaker 4: I'm allowed?

656
00:31:11,407 --> 00:31:14,127
Speaker 1: Thank you me, thank you for giving me this one

657
00:31:14,167 --> 00:31:14,767
Speaker 1: and that one.

658
00:31:14,807 --> 00:31:17,487
Speaker 2: Thank you anyway, my worst of the week is related

659
00:31:17,607 --> 00:31:20,367
Speaker 2: to mid which is the other show I do conversation

660
00:31:20,447 --> 00:31:23,167
Speaker 2: with GenEx women, and this week we did an episode

661
00:31:23,367 --> 00:31:28,327
Speaker 2: about rage, which is very pertinent to midlife women. It's

662
00:31:28,327 --> 00:31:30,207
Speaker 2: a great episode and I love it. That's not my worst.

663
00:31:30,247 --> 00:31:34,007
Speaker 2: But my worst is the messages that I have got

664
00:31:34,407 --> 00:31:39,807
Speaker 2: from so many midlife women for whom rage and anger

665
00:31:40,847 --> 00:31:44,527
Speaker 2: and anxiety, but particularly raised and anger in midlife around

666
00:31:44,607 --> 00:31:47,767
Speaker 2: hormones and other things, are making their lives really hard.

667
00:31:47,967 --> 00:31:49,687
Speaker 2: I wrote a piece about this for Mama. We'll put

668
00:31:49,687 --> 00:31:52,167
Speaker 2: a link in the showance to that too. I as

669
00:31:52,207 --> 00:31:53,607
Speaker 2: I say in that piece, I woke up one day

670
00:31:53,607 --> 00:31:56,087
Speaker 2: and even my hair was irritated. I just hated everybody.

671
00:31:56,127 --> 00:31:59,247
Speaker 2: And I'm generally a very even tempered person, and it

672
00:31:59,367 --> 00:32:01,247
Speaker 2: was one of the symptoms, not the only one, but

673
00:32:01,327 --> 00:32:04,767
Speaker 2: one of the symptoms for me about perry and menopause,

674
00:32:04,887 --> 00:32:08,647
Speaker 2: along with sleeplessness and anxiety. That really made me go, oh,

675
00:32:09,247 --> 00:32:11,047
Speaker 2: I'm not okay. I thought I was skating through, but

676
00:32:11,087 --> 00:32:14,127
Speaker 2: I'm not. And a lot of rage women have this.

677
00:32:14,207 --> 00:32:16,007
Speaker 2: And we can make jokes about it, and we can

678
00:32:16,047 --> 00:32:18,687
Speaker 2: make jokes about Karen's and we can make jokes about like, oh,

679
00:32:18,727 --> 00:32:20,127
Speaker 2: my mom was in such a bad mood such a

680
00:32:20,127 --> 00:32:22,127
Speaker 2: long time, But for a lot of women it's really

681
00:32:22,247 --> 00:32:24,887
Speaker 2: upsetting because they're like, what's happening to me? I'm normally

682
00:32:25,527 --> 00:32:29,687
Speaker 2: a kind, you know, tolerant person, and suddenly I cannot

683
00:32:29,727 --> 00:32:30,687
Speaker 2: control myself.

684
00:32:31,007 --> 00:32:35,287
Speaker 1: So that feeling of you know, you're out of control. Yeah,

685
00:32:35,327 --> 00:32:38,887
Speaker 1: and you see the look in someone's eye, maybe someone

686
00:32:38,927 --> 00:32:43,967
Speaker 1: in your family who you might be shouting at, and

687
00:32:44,087 --> 00:32:47,967
Speaker 1: the deep shame that you have, but you also can't stop.

688
00:32:48,047 --> 00:32:51,167
Speaker 1: Like it's awful. I found the rage one of the

689
00:32:51,207 --> 00:32:54,527
Speaker 1: most difficult, along with the crying, one of the most

690
00:32:54,567 --> 00:32:55,927
Speaker 1: difficult emotional symptoms.

691
00:32:55,967 --> 00:33:00,527
Speaker 3: The energy it takes to try and keep a handle

692
00:33:00,567 --> 00:33:02,767
Speaker 3: on your rage as well is enormous. So if you're

693
00:33:02,807 --> 00:33:05,247
Speaker 3: walking around going it's there. I've said this to a

694
00:33:05,407 --> 00:33:07,847
Speaker 3: therapist before, like, I just sometimes I feel like I

695
00:33:07,887 --> 00:33:13,567
Speaker 3: will explode. I think a lot of are like I'm one,

696
00:33:13,607 --> 00:33:14,007
Speaker 3: with all.

697
00:33:13,967 --> 00:33:17,887
Speaker 1: Due respect to your people, our people have an actual

698
00:33:17,967 --> 00:33:20,687
Speaker 1: hormonal reason, which is that as your estrogen drops, your

699
00:33:20,807 --> 00:33:23,687
Speaker 1: estrogen is your happy hormone that keeps you very accommodating

700
00:33:24,047 --> 00:33:29,407
Speaker 1: and wants approval. As that drops, suddenly the beast is unleashed.

701
00:33:29,687 --> 00:33:31,487
Speaker 2: It's true, but you know, I'm not a doctor. We're

702
00:33:31,487 --> 00:33:32,327
Speaker 2: not like you know.

703
00:33:32,527 --> 00:33:32,767
Speaker 5: For me.

704
00:33:32,927 --> 00:33:35,327
Speaker 2: It's true that hormone therapy is definitely helped, but I'm

705
00:33:35,367 --> 00:33:37,687
Speaker 2: not telling people what to do with their lives. But

706
00:33:37,807 --> 00:33:41,327
Speaker 2: it's also interesting because to your point, Jesse, women are

707
00:33:41,527 --> 00:33:44,047
Speaker 2: very good at pushing down anger, like we have all

708
00:33:44,127 --> 00:33:45,887
Speaker 2: been conditioned to do it and to put up with

709
00:33:45,887 --> 00:33:48,087
Speaker 2: a lot of stuff and go that's fine, it's fine.

710
00:33:47,807 --> 00:33:48,407
Speaker 4: I'm fine.

711
00:33:48,927 --> 00:33:53,607
Speaker 2: So when you can't do that anymore, like sometimes I'm like, well,

712
00:33:53,607 --> 00:33:55,847
Speaker 2: how unreasonable is it? How much is this estrogen? And

713
00:33:55,927 --> 00:33:58,407
Speaker 2: how much is this just me being like I fucking

714
00:33:58,407 --> 00:34:01,847
Speaker 2: had it anyway? So my worst is just understanding how

715
00:34:01,887 --> 00:34:03,767
Speaker 2: many women out there are feeling really sad about it.

716
00:34:03,767 --> 00:34:06,447
Speaker 2: And if that's you, I'm very sorry. Go and talk

717
00:34:06,487 --> 00:34:07,607
Speaker 2: to someone and listen to me.

718
00:34:07,807 --> 00:34:09,967
Speaker 3: I don't know if I told you, guys that Gran

719
00:34:10,047 --> 00:34:13,167
Speaker 3: when she was about sixty five, I remember, being a

720
00:34:13,207 --> 00:34:14,887
Speaker 3: little kid, bought a punching.

721
00:34:14,567 --> 00:34:16,287
Speaker 5: Bag her garage.

722
00:34:18,927 --> 00:34:21,287
Speaker 3: Yeah, she had a lot going on, and she was

723
00:34:21,327 --> 00:34:24,167
Speaker 3: at that age still looking after Simon, my cousin, with

724
00:34:24,167 --> 00:34:29,127
Speaker 3: an intellectual disability, and she was overwhelmed, probably postmenopausal or

725
00:34:29,167 --> 00:34:31,767
Speaker 3: whatever it was. And she had a punching bag and

726
00:34:31,767 --> 00:34:33,447
Speaker 3: it was the funniest thing to me as a kid.

727
00:34:33,767 --> 00:34:35,887
Speaker 5: And now I'm like, where did that go?

728
00:34:36,047 --> 00:34:36,527
Speaker 1: I get it?

729
00:34:37,167 --> 00:34:39,407
Speaker 5: I would like to give it to my friend Allie.

730
00:34:39,727 --> 00:34:40,847
Speaker 1: I love it anyway.

731
00:34:40,847 --> 00:34:42,727
Speaker 2: My best is out Louder related, because you're all a

732
00:34:42,887 --> 00:34:45,327
Speaker 2: On Monday's show, we had a topic that was like

733
00:34:45,447 --> 00:34:48,127
Speaker 2: choose three words for your wardrobe or like how you

734
00:34:48,167 --> 00:34:49,887
Speaker 2: would like your style to be, and one of them

735
00:34:49,927 --> 00:34:52,127
Speaker 2: was an aspirational word, like this is what I would

736
00:34:52,207 --> 00:34:53,927
Speaker 2: like to be And I didn't know what mine was

737
00:34:53,927 --> 00:34:55,527
Speaker 2: and Mia picked it for me and she was right,

738
00:34:55,567 --> 00:34:59,287
Speaker 2: and it was French. This is kind of funny, but

739
00:34:59,367 --> 00:35:02,967
Speaker 2: it's true, like that sort of effortlessly stylish, that tossled hair,

740
00:35:03,087 --> 00:35:04,287
Speaker 2: you know, the navy blue or that.

741
00:35:04,567 --> 00:35:06,127
Speaker 4: Anyway, I don't.

742
00:35:05,927 --> 00:35:08,007
Speaker 1: Think it's a big stretch for you. I'm going to say.

743
00:35:08,167 --> 00:35:11,487
Speaker 1: It's not like if Jesse said French, or if I

744
00:35:11,527 --> 00:35:14,047
Speaker 1: said French, it would be like come on, but hold

745
00:35:14,087 --> 00:35:16,767
Speaker 1: that is, you know, that's why it resonates.

746
00:35:16,767 --> 00:35:17,207
Speaker 8: You were right.

747
00:35:17,327 --> 00:35:18,087
Speaker 4: She's very helpful.

748
00:35:18,087 --> 00:35:19,727
Speaker 2: Actually we give her a lot of shit, but between

749
00:35:19,767 --> 00:35:21,847
Speaker 2: me and Lee Campbell, they tell me what to wear

750
00:35:21,847 --> 00:35:22,687
Speaker 2: and what to put in my face.

751
00:35:22,687 --> 00:35:24,327
Speaker 4: I appreciate anyway.

752
00:35:24,407 --> 00:35:27,447
Speaker 2: Out louders have been messaging me with all this like

753
00:35:27,727 --> 00:35:30,247
Speaker 2: shop here, here's a link, by this, by that, and

754
00:35:30,287 --> 00:35:32,247
Speaker 2: now all I want to do is buy blue shirts

755
00:35:32,287 --> 00:35:34,887
Speaker 2: and all these fancy shops which is not ideal, but

756
00:35:35,207 --> 00:35:37,687
Speaker 2: I love you all for jumping in and telling me

757
00:35:37,727 --> 00:35:39,967
Speaker 2: how to shop and to you. My best week has

758
00:35:40,007 --> 00:35:42,647
Speaker 2: definitely been discovering That's French, a.

759
00:35:43,247 --> 00:35:46,127
Speaker 1: Special video for you whole that we will put in

760
00:35:46,167 --> 00:35:50,527
Speaker 1: the out Louders newsletter this week about how to drench

761
00:35:50,767 --> 00:35:55,327
Speaker 1: dress French Drench press, bench press French dress. I'm going

762
00:35:55,407 --> 00:35:58,607
Speaker 1: to go next my worst of the week. I'm very

763
00:35:58,647 --> 00:36:02,927
Speaker 1: angry about this. It's a music video and it is

764
00:36:03,207 --> 00:36:05,247
Speaker 1: the new music video that came out this week by

765
00:36:05,247 --> 00:36:10,407
Speaker 1: Sabrina Carpenter, whose music I like. She supported Taylor Swift

766
00:36:10,527 --> 00:36:13,727
Speaker 1: on the Ears Tour Big at the Times, A massive,

767
00:36:14,247 --> 00:36:17,367
Speaker 1: Yeah Massive. Her album is called Short and Sweet. She's

768
00:36:17,487 --> 00:36:21,727
Speaker 1: very short sweet, She's very sweet, but her music videos

769
00:36:21,727 --> 00:36:24,567
Speaker 1: are not so. Her video Please Please Please, which was

770
00:36:24,607 --> 00:36:26,647
Speaker 1: a great music video that she made to hard launch

771
00:36:26,687 --> 00:36:29,607
Speaker 1: her relationship with Barrichie Ogan, who was the star of

772
00:36:29,687 --> 00:36:34,007
Speaker 1: Saltpern Still following anyway, that was like the two of them,

773
00:36:34,047 --> 00:36:36,447
Speaker 1: they were like criminals and they met at a police

774
00:36:36,447 --> 00:36:38,367
Speaker 1: station and that was really cool.

775
00:36:38,407 --> 00:36:38,847
Speaker 12: I like that.

776
00:36:39,847 --> 00:36:42,527
Speaker 1: This video is called Taste. The song is called Taste,

777
00:36:42,567 --> 00:36:50,487
Speaker 1: and the song's fine like the song video is with

778
00:36:50,567 --> 00:36:53,527
Speaker 1: Jenna or Tager, who is the star of Wednesday and

779
00:36:53,767 --> 00:37:00,927
Speaker 1: the new movie Beetle Juice. Beetlejuice, it is the most violent, shocking, disturbing,

780
00:37:01,287 --> 00:37:08,847
Speaker 1: distressing graphic it needed. It had one, and I sort

781
00:37:08,847 --> 00:37:13,007
Speaker 1: of roll my eye. But then I was like, why

782
00:37:13,167 --> 00:37:15,567
Speaker 1: is this even allowed on YouTube? I think I'm going

783
00:37:15,647 --> 00:37:19,047
Speaker 1: to report it, And thirty one million people have seen it.

784
00:37:19,047 --> 00:37:22,367
Speaker 2: It's hyperviolence, so I watched it too. It's stylized, right,

785
00:37:22,407 --> 00:37:23,487
Speaker 2: it's a styl.

786
00:37:23,887 --> 00:37:27,047
Speaker 1: General or Taga. They like cut each other's arms off

787
00:37:27,047 --> 00:37:30,367
Speaker 1: with machetes. They shoot each other with guns. And I

788
00:37:30,367 --> 00:37:33,887
Speaker 1: think the reason that I found it so disturbing and

789
00:37:33,967 --> 00:37:37,047
Speaker 1: in all seriousness at a time when Taylor Swift had

790
00:37:37,047 --> 00:37:40,927
Speaker 1: to cancel her concert because men with machetes had planned

791
00:37:40,967 --> 00:37:44,167
Speaker 1: to come and stab young women her fans coming to

792
00:37:44,487 --> 00:37:48,327
Speaker 1: that concert, there were other stabbings at another concert in

793
00:37:48,567 --> 00:37:53,047
Speaker 1: Europe over the weekend. We know gun violence is appalling.

794
00:37:53,327 --> 00:37:58,127
Speaker 1: People are getting shot in schools. I just found the glorification,

795
00:37:58,367 --> 00:38:03,727
Speaker 1: the popification, the cutification of all of this violence. I

796
00:38:03,727 --> 00:38:05,887
Speaker 1: didn't know it had a name, hyper violence. I think

797
00:38:05,927 --> 00:38:09,007
Speaker 1: it's gross. I think it is irresponsible.

798
00:38:09,327 --> 00:38:11,927
Speaker 2: I think it's awful, But mea right I'm not saying

799
00:38:11,967 --> 00:38:15,367
Speaker 2: I necessarily felt this way, but like it's meant to

800
00:38:15,407 --> 00:38:18,047
Speaker 2: be a joke, Like she falls and gets impaled on

801
00:38:18,087 --> 00:38:19,727
Speaker 2: a fence poster, and then she gets up and she

802
00:38:19,767 --> 00:38:22,087
Speaker 2: gets that pulled out, and then like it's not real,

803
00:38:22,367 --> 00:38:23,367
Speaker 2: but it looks real.

804
00:38:23,567 --> 00:38:25,967
Speaker 1: It's very graphic. It's not a cartoon, no, but it's

805
00:38:26,007 --> 00:38:29,567
Speaker 1: not road Runner. It's Sabrina Carpenter falling and getting impaled

806
00:38:29,607 --> 00:38:32,567
Speaker 1: on a fence post general or Tager cutting her arm off,

807
00:38:32,847 --> 00:38:36,647
Speaker 1: the two of them splattered with blood, machete's flying guns

808
00:38:36,727 --> 00:38:40,087
Speaker 1: like shooting each other, and then you see the result

809
00:38:40,167 --> 00:38:43,087
Speaker 1: of the gun shot. And again I did what I

810
00:38:43,087 --> 00:38:44,807
Speaker 1: think everybody should do, is that I didn't like it.

811
00:38:44,847 --> 00:38:47,607
Speaker 1: I switched it off. I'm angry that it's made, but

812
00:38:47,687 --> 00:38:51,167
Speaker 1: that's different to being angry that I wasn't warned about it.

813
00:38:51,207 --> 00:38:53,087
Speaker 1: Efficient but so and I'm sure.

814
00:38:52,887 --> 00:38:56,407
Speaker 2: You want to this because you're very smart about marketing.

815
00:38:56,407 --> 00:39:00,727
Speaker 2: But Sabrina Carpenter's whole stick right. She is short and sweet,

816
00:39:00,807 --> 00:39:05,607
Speaker 2: she is very stereotypically white girl pretty. She's very like

817
00:39:05,847 --> 00:39:08,607
Speaker 2: marketed as like fifties pin up kind of thing. But

818
00:39:08,807 --> 00:39:11,327
Speaker 2: every d and lots of the lyrics is about giving

819
00:39:11,367 --> 00:39:14,807
Speaker 2: her edge. Yeah, isn't it right? Otherwise it would feel

820
00:39:14,927 --> 00:39:18,127
Speaker 2: very old fashioned and very retro. But because she's got

821
00:39:18,127 --> 00:39:20,807
Speaker 2: some rude words in her songs, because in her videos

822
00:39:20,847 --> 00:39:24,407
Speaker 2: she does edgy things, that is very much what this is, right,

823
00:39:24,487 --> 00:39:26,567
Speaker 2: with a bit of a sapphic kind of twist to it.

824
00:39:26,727 --> 00:39:31,087
Speaker 1: So I'm disturbed when violence made cool and sexy and fun.

825
00:39:31,127 --> 00:39:34,807
Speaker 4: It's like pulp fiction, but more what's your best?

826
00:39:35,287 --> 00:39:37,167
Speaker 1: My best was actually going to the movies?

827
00:39:37,287 --> 00:39:39,047
Speaker 5: Did I treat I did?

828
00:39:39,087 --> 00:39:41,927
Speaker 1: I got a choctaw I love a chock top, and

829
00:39:41,967 --> 00:39:43,847
Speaker 1: I also got sushi that I took into the movies.

830
00:39:43,847 --> 00:39:44,927
Speaker 1: I don't know if you allowed to do that, and

831
00:39:44,927 --> 00:39:48,287
Speaker 1: then I stood on my sushi. Anyway, what I found

832
00:39:48,527 --> 00:39:50,407
Speaker 1: was because I never go to the movies and only

833
00:39:50,487 --> 00:39:53,087
Speaker 1: went because Cocone, her friend, had booked tickets, and I went,

834
00:39:53,127 --> 00:39:55,247
Speaker 1: can I come? It was Saturday night and I had

835
00:39:55,247 --> 00:39:57,967
Speaker 1: nothing to do, so I went with them. And I

836
00:39:57,967 --> 00:39:59,447
Speaker 1: think this is why I love the film so much,

837
00:39:59,487 --> 00:40:02,527
Speaker 1: because I just wait till everything comes on streaming. The

838
00:40:02,567 --> 00:40:04,287
Speaker 1: difference when you sitting in your laund room, I would

839
00:40:04,287 --> 00:40:05,967
Speaker 1: have picked up my phone. I would have wandered into

840
00:40:05,967 --> 00:40:08,887
Speaker 1: the kitchen I wouldn't have been impacted by the film,

841
00:40:08,967 --> 00:40:10,287
Speaker 1: so might not have even said it was a very

842
00:40:10,287 --> 00:40:13,367
Speaker 1: good film. But the experience of seeing it on the

843
00:40:13,367 --> 00:40:15,207
Speaker 1: big screen, I did not want to pick up my

844
00:40:15,207 --> 00:40:18,167
Speaker 1: phone once, which I was worried even going into it

845
00:40:18,167 --> 00:40:20,487
Speaker 1: that I would be bored. And also there's something that

846
00:40:20,527 --> 00:40:23,807
Speaker 1: you can't replicate of being in a cinema with people.

847
00:40:24,327 --> 00:40:27,287
Speaker 1: And I remember that Emerald Fanelle, who was the director

848
00:40:27,367 --> 00:40:31,127
Speaker 1: of Saltburn, she talked about how she wrote those scenes,

849
00:40:31,167 --> 00:40:35,247
Speaker 1: some of those quite confronting sex scenes, because she wanted

850
00:40:35,247 --> 00:40:37,287
Speaker 1: people to be in a movie theater watching them together.

851
00:40:37,567 --> 00:40:41,127
Speaker 1: The experience of watching something together is very different to

852
00:40:41,247 --> 00:40:43,927
Speaker 1: watching something like with strangers in it, and the whole

853
00:40:44,527 --> 00:40:46,487
Speaker 1: movie theater. It was funny because the girl sitting next

854
00:40:46,527 --> 00:40:48,247
Speaker 1: to me, there are a whole bunch of teenage girls, lots

855
00:40:48,247 --> 00:40:50,847
Speaker 1: of teenage girls there. The girl next to me, teenage

856
00:40:50,847 --> 00:40:53,767
Speaker 1: girls can be quite scary. Everyone's going me and mea

857
00:40:53,807 --> 00:40:55,847
Speaker 1: and I kept turning around going. But her name was

858
00:40:55,887 --> 00:40:58,527
Speaker 1: Mia as well, so we bonded and I was like, Maya,

859
00:40:58,607 --> 00:41:01,127
Speaker 1: what did you think of the movie? And she loved it.

860
00:41:01,167 --> 00:41:02,487
Speaker 1: Everyone was crying.

861
00:41:02,167 --> 00:41:04,527
Speaker 2: Together, like this is what Hollywood keeps trying to tell

862
00:41:04,607 --> 00:41:07,407
Speaker 2: us right, like we can't kill cinemas. Cinemas are closing

863
00:41:07,447 --> 00:41:10,207
Speaker 2: and only really big big movie these Marvel movies and

864
00:41:10,207 --> 00:41:11,287
Speaker 2: stuff are getting cinematic.

865
00:41:11,407 --> 00:41:13,687
Speaker 1: Reminded me it's true that.

866
00:41:13,607 --> 00:41:15,647
Speaker 2: Movies are better when you see them in the Yes

867
00:41:15,767 --> 00:41:17,127
Speaker 2: by all movies pretty much.

868
00:41:17,207 --> 00:41:18,167
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's just not.

869
00:41:18,207 --> 00:41:19,567
Speaker 5: My favorite movies I all saw.

870
00:41:19,487 --> 00:41:22,127
Speaker 1: At the Jesse what's your worst of the week?

871
00:41:22,327 --> 00:41:26,487
Speaker 3: My worst is I realized that my relationship was in

872
00:41:26,567 --> 00:41:30,007
Speaker 3: dire straits when I found myself ordering the fair Play

873
00:41:30,207 --> 00:41:31,687
Speaker 3: car what.

874
00:41:31,767 --> 00:41:33,287
Speaker 1: Are they lots of?

875
00:41:33,407 --> 00:41:33,567
Speaker 10: Out?

876
00:41:33,607 --> 00:41:35,887
Speaker 2: Louder spoke about these after you How to winch about

877
00:41:35,927 --> 00:41:37,167
Speaker 2: Luca recently.

878
00:41:37,087 --> 00:41:39,527
Speaker 3: Maya, don't buy them because it's not gonna work. It's

879
00:41:39,527 --> 00:41:41,447
Speaker 3: not gonna end well for you. But I learned about

880
00:41:41,447 --> 00:41:45,087
Speaker 3: them from an episode of The Imperfect and they referred

881
00:41:45,127 --> 00:41:48,447
Speaker 3: to the fair Play deck by Eve Rodsky.

882
00:41:48,727 --> 00:41:49,927
Speaker 1: And oh I know.

883
00:41:51,607 --> 00:41:53,087
Speaker 3: First, I'm gonna explain to you why I made it

884
00:41:53,127 --> 00:41:56,367
Speaker 3: them because the theme of this show this week seems

885
00:41:56,407 --> 00:41:58,967
Speaker 3: to be the word creep. We're talking about availability creep

886
00:41:59,007 --> 00:42:02,127
Speaker 3: with work and trigger warning creep. The creep in my

887
00:42:02,287 --> 00:42:06,127
Speaker 3: life has been like the job creep of certain household

888
00:42:06,207 --> 00:42:10,167
Speaker 3: tasks which I am not cut out to do, and frankly,

889
00:42:10,367 --> 00:42:10,927
Speaker 3: I don't.

890
00:42:10,687 --> 00:42:12,327
Speaker 1: Particularly enjoy like which ones.

891
00:42:12,687 --> 00:42:15,247
Speaker 5: Big one has been around food.

892
00:42:15,767 --> 00:42:19,127
Speaker 3: So you start off breastfeeding and then you stop breastfeeding,

893
00:42:19,167 --> 00:42:21,767
Speaker 3: but then you're at home because you have more of

894
00:42:21,807 --> 00:42:24,167
Speaker 3: the flexibility for that period, and then you know what

895
00:42:24,247 --> 00:42:26,567
Speaker 3: they eat, and you've done the allergens and you've been

896
00:42:26,567 --> 00:42:28,887
Speaker 3: to the doctor who gives you all the information about

897
00:42:29,047 --> 00:42:31,727
Speaker 3: protein and fat and all that kind of stuff. So

898
00:42:31,767 --> 00:42:33,327
Speaker 3: then you go, well, if I'm feeding her, I might

899
00:42:33,327 --> 00:42:35,327
Speaker 3: as well do the groceries. And then if you're doing

900
00:42:35,407 --> 00:42:37,567
Speaker 3: the groceries, you're also like, well, i'm here, I might

901
00:42:37,607 --> 00:42:39,527
Speaker 3: as well buy the size up for the clothes. And

902
00:42:40,127 --> 00:42:42,007
Speaker 3: I've just looked around. I've had a few moments in

903
00:42:42,007 --> 00:42:44,607
Speaker 3: the last few weeks, compounded by Luca going away for

904
00:42:44,607 --> 00:42:47,927
Speaker 3: a week where I've gone this is not what it

905
00:42:48,007 --> 00:42:48,727
Speaker 3: was meant to be.

906
00:42:48,847 --> 00:42:49,767
Speaker 4: This is what happens.

907
00:42:49,847 --> 00:42:50,607
Speaker 5: This is what happens.

908
00:42:50,647 --> 00:42:53,327
Speaker 2: Exactly, say, this is exactly what happens.

909
00:42:53,367 --> 00:42:54,607
Speaker 5: This is exactly what happens.

910
00:42:54,687 --> 00:42:57,327
Speaker 1: So what would you call it, like domestic.

911
00:42:56,847 --> 00:42:59,167
Speaker 5: Creed, domestic creep? I'm not domestic.

912
00:42:59,447 --> 00:43:02,767
Speaker 3: No, like the mental load used to be, Luca used

913
00:43:02,807 --> 00:43:05,127
Speaker 3: to be the king of the mental load. And now

914
00:43:05,327 --> 00:43:08,807
Speaker 3: the scales have tipped and I'm kind of going hang on.

915
00:43:09,287 --> 00:43:10,647
Speaker 3: And I said to him the other night, I said,

916
00:43:10,687 --> 00:43:13,407
Speaker 3: I hate food. I hate making it, thinking about it.

917
00:43:13,487 --> 00:43:17,327
Speaker 3: This baby needs a lot of it, and I'm hating it.

918
00:43:17,367 --> 00:43:20,167
Speaker 3: And he said, I hear you, I hear you, which

919
00:43:20,207 --> 00:43:22,687
Speaker 3: is what he always says. What can I action?

920
00:43:22,927 --> 00:43:26,407
Speaker 5: And I was like, food, your bucket, your bucket, all

921
00:43:26,447 --> 00:43:26,647
Speaker 5: of it.

922
00:43:26,727 --> 00:43:27,687
Speaker 1: He loves food. Yeah.

923
00:43:27,727 --> 00:43:29,487
Speaker 5: I was like, your bucket, you doing the food And

924
00:43:29,527 --> 00:43:31,327
Speaker 5: he said what might that look like?

925
00:43:31,407 --> 00:43:33,807
Speaker 3: And I was like no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

926
00:43:33,687 --> 00:43:35,727
Speaker 1: No look.

927
00:43:38,407 --> 00:43:38,807
Speaker 5: Anyway.

928
00:43:38,927 --> 00:43:42,127
Speaker 3: So I order these cards in the most path aggressive

929
00:43:42,167 --> 00:43:44,567
Speaker 3: move of my entire life. And what they have is

930
00:43:44,607 --> 00:43:47,847
Speaker 3: one hundred household tasks on them. So it's like bedtime

931
00:43:47,887 --> 00:43:52,007
Speaker 3: routine with the baby, childcare, the bins, groceries, pets, got

932
00:43:52,007 --> 00:43:53,807
Speaker 3: all of them, and you choose which ones are related

933
00:43:53,847 --> 00:43:56,927
Speaker 3: to you, and then you sit opposite each other with

934
00:43:57,047 --> 00:43:58,927
Speaker 3: the alcoholic drink perhaps.

935
00:43:59,087 --> 00:44:01,127
Speaker 5: And you put in your pile.

936
00:44:01,887 --> 00:44:04,447
Speaker 3: And what I love about this job it's not about

937
00:44:04,447 --> 00:44:06,407
Speaker 3: even because some jobs like putting the bins out is

938
00:44:06,487 --> 00:44:11,007
Speaker 3: nothing like bedtime routine. No, not even what it's about

939
00:44:11,247 --> 00:44:14,807
Speaker 3: is making the invisible things visible because I just think

940
00:44:14,887 --> 00:44:18,927
Speaker 3: I don't think he realizes very clever, it's the best invention.

941
00:44:19,327 --> 00:44:22,367
Speaker 3: And so yes, you sit there. I actually haven't told

942
00:44:22,407 --> 00:44:24,127
Speaker 3: Lukey yet that I have the cards because we've been

943
00:44:24,167 --> 00:44:26,087
Speaker 3: really busy, so the out louders know before Luca and I.

944
00:44:26,247 --> 00:44:29,647
Speaker 3: So you haven't done it yet. I'm so true and

945
00:44:29,727 --> 00:44:30,647
Speaker 3: chosen the car.

946
00:44:30,887 --> 00:44:34,487
Speaker 1: Can there be a live stream of for subscribers see.

947
00:44:34,487 --> 00:44:35,887
Speaker 5: I don't think you and Jason should do it because

948
00:44:35,967 --> 00:44:36,847
Speaker 5: Jackson will be like mine.

949
00:44:37,207 --> 00:44:39,287
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't want him to know. I mean he

950
00:44:39,327 --> 00:44:40,767
Speaker 1: does know how much he does.

951
00:44:40,847 --> 00:44:41,487
Speaker 5: But he doesn't need.

952
00:44:41,967 --> 00:44:44,807
Speaker 1: But it's true what you say, because everybody's tasks are

953
00:44:44,847 --> 00:44:47,767
Speaker 1: invisible to the other person. It might be although maybe

954
00:44:47,807 --> 00:44:51,647
Speaker 1: they aren't a lot of things that he I don't see, Yeah,

955
00:44:51,647 --> 00:44:52,607
Speaker 1: that he does that you don't see.

956
00:44:52,647 --> 00:44:53,127
Speaker 5: I agree.

957
00:44:53,287 --> 00:44:54,687
Speaker 1: I like to think there are a lot of things

958
00:44:54,687 --> 00:44:56,967
Speaker 1: that I do that Jason doesn't see, but they're just done.

959
00:44:57,007 --> 00:44:58,607
Speaker 1: A lot of things that I do I just don't

960
00:44:58,607 --> 00:45:00,607
Speaker 1: think you like, except things that aren't wouldn't be on

961
00:45:00,647 --> 00:45:02,167
Speaker 1: a card, like emotional support.

962
00:45:02,407 --> 00:45:03,007
Speaker 5: It's on the card.

963
00:45:04,447 --> 00:45:07,727
Speaker 2: I am cheering you on because, as I've said, many

964
00:45:07,767 --> 00:45:09,727
Speaker 2: times in the show. This is how all the domestic

965
00:45:09,727 --> 00:45:12,967
Speaker 2: inequality starts. You start off going like we're equal, We're

966
00:45:12,967 --> 00:45:14,007
Speaker 2: so equal, and then.

967
00:45:14,167 --> 00:45:16,127
Speaker 4: Now you're not. Now you're not, and then you go

968
00:45:16,607 --> 00:45:17,447
Speaker 4: home with a baby.

969
00:45:17,247 --> 00:45:20,967
Speaker 3: You feel rage, you feel exhaustion, you feel irritable, and

970
00:45:21,007 --> 00:45:23,967
Speaker 3: then you kind of go, am I being reasonable right now?

971
00:45:24,007 --> 00:45:25,567
Speaker 5: Is this something I should bring up? So anyway, I've

972
00:45:25,567 --> 00:45:26,087
Speaker 5: got my cards.

973
00:45:26,327 --> 00:45:27,047
Speaker 1: I can't wait.

974
00:45:27,367 --> 00:45:27,887
Speaker 4: I can't wait.

975
00:45:28,127 --> 00:45:30,007
Speaker 5: I'll tell you all about it. Don't tell Locra I

976
00:45:30,047 --> 00:45:30,967
Speaker 5: wants to bring it on him.

977
00:45:31,287 --> 00:45:34,047
Speaker 3: My best is going to contradict everything I just said,

978
00:45:34,087 --> 00:45:35,407
Speaker 3: which is that I got a Thermo mix.

979
00:45:35,887 --> 00:45:39,047
Speaker 2: Yeah you did, and fout Laud has also told you

980
00:45:39,087 --> 00:45:40,807
Speaker 2: to do that. It's a good job they exist. They

981
00:45:40,847 --> 00:45:42,967
Speaker 2: are making our lives better in many ways.

982
00:45:43,367 --> 00:45:45,647
Speaker 3: Full transparency. I'm doing some work with them. So I

983
00:45:45,647 --> 00:45:47,567
Speaker 3: had this lady come to my house and show me

984
00:45:47,607 --> 00:45:49,647
Speaker 3: how to use a Thermo mix. But this isn't sponsored

985
00:45:49,727 --> 00:45:52,967
Speaker 3: or paid or anything. Do you even know what a

986
00:45:52,967 --> 00:45:53,567
Speaker 3: Thermo mix?

987
00:45:55,007 --> 00:45:57,407
Speaker 1: No? You know. I have a kitchen aid, which I

988
00:45:57,447 --> 00:45:59,647
Speaker 1: really like because I know I'm a baker, which I

989
00:45:59,647 --> 00:46:01,607
Speaker 1: think I could do in a Therma mix. But would

990
00:46:01,687 --> 00:46:03,487
Speaker 1: it tell me? Because I made it a big cake

991
00:46:03,807 --> 00:46:06,367
Speaker 1: because someone you started here this weekend, Zara, our new

992
00:46:06,447 --> 00:46:08,007
Speaker 1: cheek content officer. And I was going to make a

993
00:46:08,007 --> 00:46:10,127
Speaker 1: really big chocolate cake and I bought Smarties. I was

994
00:46:10,127 --> 00:46:11,967
Speaker 1: going to put a big z Fizara and I was

995
00:46:11,967 --> 00:46:14,087
Speaker 1: going to bring it in and I made the whole

996
00:46:14,167 --> 00:46:18,447
Speaker 1: cake and then I realized the butter was rancid. Oh, anyway,

997
00:46:18,567 --> 00:46:19,327
Speaker 1: that's a tangent.

998
00:46:20,127 --> 00:46:23,927
Speaker 3: The Thermo mix would carry your life. I'm actually becoming

999
00:46:24,087 --> 00:46:27,367
Speaker 3: very evangelical. So the thermoment, what does it do that

1000
00:46:27,407 --> 00:46:31,527
Speaker 3: I got? Is I just it just makes everything.

1001
00:46:31,167 --> 00:46:32,807
Speaker 1: Well, it cooked dinner if I just look at it.

1002
00:46:32,927 --> 00:46:36,367
Speaker 3: Yes, Yes, all you have to do is just communicate

1003
00:46:36,367 --> 00:46:37,407
Speaker 3: with your mind what you need.

1004
00:46:37,487 --> 00:46:40,007
Speaker 1: People with Thermo mixes are verydellical.

1005
00:46:40,207 --> 00:46:44,287
Speaker 2: Yes, so tell me just because here's my question. Are

1006
00:46:44,327 --> 00:46:45,207
Speaker 2: they simple?

1007
00:46:45,407 --> 00:46:45,687
Speaker 5: Yes?

1008
00:46:45,767 --> 00:46:48,327
Speaker 2: Because I think this is a very common thing that happens,

1009
00:46:48,447 --> 00:46:51,487
Speaker 2: is that when we were being very domestic once in lockdown,

1010
00:46:51,967 --> 00:46:53,487
Speaker 2: I went out and spent lots of money on a

1011
00:46:53,487 --> 00:46:56,927
Speaker 2: food processor. It's very complicated. I've never got it out

1012
00:46:56,967 --> 00:47:00,407
Speaker 2: of the cupboard because it's like twenty five different like fittings, things, things,

1013
00:47:00,487 --> 00:47:01,927
Speaker 2: And I was like, I just wanted to chop some

1014
00:47:01,927 --> 00:47:02,487
Speaker 2: carrots for me.

1015
00:47:02,687 --> 00:47:05,767
Speaker 3: This is as simple as a kid's book in terms

1016
00:47:05,847 --> 00:47:08,087
Speaker 3: of instruction. So I will type in. So the other

1017
00:47:08,167 --> 00:47:09,847
Speaker 3: day I had a lot of eggs and I went,

1018
00:47:09,887 --> 00:47:12,127
Speaker 3: and there's a thing Jesse hate'es waste, And I went,

1019
00:47:12,167 --> 00:47:13,567
Speaker 3: I don't want to waste my eggs. So I type

1020
00:47:13,607 --> 00:47:16,087
Speaker 3: into my Thermo Mix eggs and it gives me every

1021
00:47:16,087 --> 00:47:19,047
Speaker 3: recipe I could possibly make with eggs. And then I go, yeah,

1022
00:47:19,047 --> 00:47:22,127
Speaker 3: I'll make those egg and cheese muffins for Luna. And

1023
00:47:22,167 --> 00:47:24,887
Speaker 3: then it measures it out like it tells you. It

1024
00:47:24,927 --> 00:47:27,007
Speaker 3: has scales in it, so it's like put this in.

1025
00:47:27,247 --> 00:47:29,447
Speaker 3: Put six eggs that would be good for bacon. It's

1026
00:47:29,607 --> 00:47:32,687
Speaker 3: perfect for baking. And then it gives you every single

1027
00:47:32,727 --> 00:47:34,607
Speaker 3: step of the thing. You never have to chop again,

1028
00:47:34,687 --> 00:47:36,487
Speaker 3: which is just for me, Like make it.

1029
00:47:36,407 --> 00:47:37,087
Speaker 5: A bolid as.

1030
00:47:38,287 --> 00:47:39,447
Speaker 1: It's not like one bowl.

1031
00:47:39,727 --> 00:47:41,287
Speaker 5: It's one bowl, so no cleaning up.

1032
00:47:41,687 --> 00:47:44,127
Speaker 3: You never have to use your stovetop right because it's

1033
00:47:44,207 --> 00:47:47,447
Speaker 3: like good, everything just happens in here. Yeah, I made

1034
00:47:47,487 --> 00:47:49,567
Speaker 3: a pasta, I've made those muffins.

1035
00:47:49,847 --> 00:47:50,927
Speaker 1: It is that's clever.

1036
00:47:51,167 --> 00:47:52,407
Speaker 5: You can make cocktails.

1037
00:47:52,847 --> 00:47:53,407
Speaker 1: Is that a big?

1038
00:47:53,407 --> 00:47:54,287
Speaker 4: One Friday night?

1039
00:47:54,327 --> 00:47:56,967
Speaker 3: I make all my smoothies in It changed my life.

1040
00:47:56,967 --> 00:47:58,927
Speaker 3: But what I really need to do is get Luca

1041
00:47:58,967 --> 00:47:59,807
Speaker 3: excited about.

1042
00:47:59,567 --> 00:48:02,207
Speaker 5: The Thermo mix. That's my job this weekend to make

1043
00:48:02,207 --> 00:48:04,127
Speaker 5: it Luca's exciting new toy.

1044
00:48:04,087 --> 00:48:05,647
Speaker 4: To make it his. It's a present for him.

1045
00:48:05,727 --> 00:48:07,887
Speaker 5: Yeah, exactly, Out loud as.

1046
00:48:07,887 --> 00:48:11,887
Speaker 1: If you've ever wondered how Jesse and I navigate the

1047
00:48:11,887 --> 00:48:15,447
Speaker 1: threesome that is our relationship on and off this podcast,

1048
00:48:16,207 --> 00:48:18,767
Speaker 1: we have a little treat for you in a subscriber

1049
00:48:18,807 --> 00:48:22,727
Speaker 1: episode where we almost had a little therapy session with

1050
00:48:22,767 --> 00:48:24,727
Speaker 1: the three of ourselves. With the three of us, it

1051
00:48:24,807 --> 00:48:27,207
Speaker 1: was great. It was so exciting, I can't speak anymore.

1052
00:48:27,767 --> 00:48:29,887
Speaker 1: We also helping out Louder, who is in a bit

1053
00:48:29,927 --> 00:48:33,487
Speaker 1: of a threesome situation, using our own experience to solve

1054
00:48:33,487 --> 00:48:35,527
Speaker 1: her problems. You can listen by the link in our

1055
00:48:35,567 --> 00:48:37,407
Speaker 1: show notes. That is all we.

1056
00:48:37,407 --> 00:48:41,127
Speaker 2: Have time for this week. Wonderful out louders. Thank you

1057
00:48:41,167 --> 00:48:43,087
Speaker 2: to all of you you've heard throughout the show the

1058
00:48:43,127 --> 00:48:45,047
Speaker 2: many ways you make our lives better. You tell us

1059
00:48:45,647 --> 00:48:48,087
Speaker 2: how to divvy up with the household tasks, what to wear,

1060
00:48:48,647 --> 00:48:49,287
Speaker 2: how to cook?

1061
00:48:49,687 --> 00:48:50,327
Speaker 1: We love it.

1062
00:48:50,687 --> 00:48:52,127
Speaker 2: Thank you all for listening.

1063
00:48:51,807 --> 00:48:52,567
Speaker 4: To today's show.

1064
00:48:52,607 --> 00:48:54,287
Speaker 2: We're going to be back in your ears next week,

1065
00:48:54,327 --> 00:48:58,567
Speaker 2: and a massive thanks to our team, our executive producer

1066
00:48:58,767 --> 00:49:03,887
Speaker 2: Bruce Deby, our producer Emmeline Gazillis, and we've had additional

1067
00:49:03,927 --> 00:49:06,407
Speaker 2: audio production by Leo paute Is and we'll be back

1068
00:49:06,447 --> 00:49:07,567
Speaker 2: in your ears next week.

1069
00:49:07,647 --> 00:49:12,527
Speaker 1: Bye bye bye. Shout out to any Mumma Miya subscribers listening.

1070
00:49:12,727 --> 00:49:15,007
Speaker 1: If you love the show and want to support us

1071
00:49:15,047 --> 00:49:17,887
Speaker 1: as well, subscribing to Mamma mia is the very best

1072
00:49:17,887 --> 00:49:19,687
Speaker 1: way to do so. There is a link in the

1073
00:49:19,727 --> 00:49:20,647
Speaker 1: episode description.