Speaker 1: We acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land we're recording
Speaker 1: on today.
Speaker 2: Hello, and welcome back to Eat Sleep Meat.
Speaker 3: Why change it even eat Brokenny, I'm Kelly McCarran.
Speaker 1: And I'm Kirious Cells, and it's a slight modification. Firstly,
Speaker 1: let me just address the huge rouseby elephant in the room.
Speaker 1: My poor voice. I'm sorry, I'm going to try and
Speaker 1: make it through this episode. Hopefully it's sexy and not annoying.
Speaker 2: Sexy.
Speaker 3: You're not squeaky?
Speaker 1: Oh good, good, good, well in regards to ours slight modification,
Speaker 1: if you will, we are erring on the side of
Speaker 1: caution by removing the swear from the title, because, as
Speaker 1: it turns out, swears are not very commercially friendly.
Speaker 2: Who would think it, certainly not two goals with more
Speaker 2: than thirty years of marketing experience between them.
Speaker 1: Oh gosh, I know, I know.
Speaker 2: Don't worry everyone, You're still our shitters. You can't like
Speaker 2: stop that unfortunate nickname. Although Key suggest we change it
Speaker 2: to eat Sleep Play Repeat, and I was actually super
Speaker 2: excited about that because I was ready to be like
Speaker 2: he plaius like. I just thought that that was quite fun.
Speaker 2: But we're keeping it simple.
Speaker 1: It would have been so cute.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we're keeping it simple though, Eat, sleep, repeat, because
Speaker 2: that's pretty much just I mean, it sums up life,
Speaker 2: doesn't it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And we'll know, we'll know that there's a swear
Speaker 1: there that's just a silent sway, you know.
Speaker 2: And like if you're like Kiri Sels, you don't always shit,
Speaker 2: so it's not a given.
Speaker 1: So true. You know what starts about our friendship. You
Speaker 1: never let me lift anything.
Speaker 3: Down and I don't forget anything anyway.
Speaker 1: On the show today, Kelly's annoyed about something today. She's
Speaker 1: got some thoughts and she's ready to rant, but first
Speaker 1: he can pit.
Speaker 3: Baby, Yeah, queen, everything's through to shit.
Speaker 2: So I feel like my pit is a little bit awkward,
Speaker 2: given you are the one you sound like you're really suffering.
Speaker 2: But my pit is that last week my voice just
Speaker 2: fucked off on vacation again. And I mean yeah, like
Speaker 2: it was my first time working with the new head
Speaker 2: of lifestyle, who I am obsessed with it, Mama mea.
Speaker 2: Like I just clicked with her from the day I
Speaker 2: met her. I just love her so much because she
Speaker 2: was so worried and I was like, oh no, no, no, no,
Speaker 2: the longtime ubies, people that have like followed me or
Speaker 2: listen to any pod that I've done for the last
Speaker 2: few years will know that my voice often more so
Speaker 2: than average and on a lot of the time, like
Speaker 2: when I'm not even sick, like last week I had
Speaker 2: a mild cold at best, like I was just I'm
Speaker 2: just a bit snotty, you know, which I pretty much
Speaker 2: am the whole way through winter, like anyone with Toddler's is.
Speaker 2: Even without toddlers or babies, I remember just always being snotty.
Speaker 2: But the amount of people, you know, Kein I were
Speaker 2: talking off Mike about how like, at least when it's us,
Speaker 2: both of us are so flexy. We call it flexi
Speaker 2: sexy with every thing that we do because we're like, oh,
Speaker 2: no big deal, like we'll just do it this day,
Speaker 2: we'll slott it in here, we'll do it at eight
Speaker 2: pm if we need to, like we'll always just so
Speaker 2: happy to work around each other. And our glorious audio
Speaker 2: producer Mads is also quite like if we're like, oh,
Speaker 2: I'm so sorry, Mads, but we're not going to get
Speaker 2: it to you till you know, Monday and the episod's
Speaker 2: up on Wednesday. She's always just so good. But the
Speaker 2: thing is, when it's a big company like Muma Mia,
Speaker 2: the amount of people that you are stuffing around because
Speaker 2: it's such a huge production line. When you know, you
Speaker 2: turn up and then your voice, you only get through
Speaker 2: one episode and you meant to be doing five, and
Speaker 2: everyone is just so lovely. But I just felt so
Speaker 2: bad for stuffing so many people up. And it's also
Speaker 2: just so stressful because if I can't use my voice,
Speaker 2: I don't get paid. It's as simple as that, Like, yeah,
Speaker 2: if you can't use the thing that you need to
Speaker 2: do your job, and you work for yourself, you literally like,
Speaker 2: there's no such thing as sick if you just don't
Speaker 2: get paid if you can't do it. And so given
Speaker 2: that I'm not even sick, it just makes it so frustrating.
Speaker 2: So I need to do something about it. If anyone
Speaker 2: remembers from when we were sort of discussing Christmas episode,
Speaker 2: I was like, yeah, Christmas wasn't that great because I
Speaker 2: had no voice the entire week. My voice completely disappears,
Speaker 2: like I cannot get words out. So I can whisper, obviously,
Speaker 2: but you can't whisper on a pod like this isn't ASMR.
Speaker 3: That would be weird anyway.
Speaker 2: So yeah, I'm going to actually investigate into a speech
Speaker 2: pathologist that specializes in the voice, because it could just
Speaker 2: be that, like I need to actually get my voice
Speaker 2: box fitter so that I can fight things off.
Speaker 1: I do think though, that you and I probably had
Speaker 1: the same thing, because Beck also got a Goldie who's
Speaker 1: roused bestI her mum and she lost her voice as well,
Speaker 1: And the boys have had this cough, so we've all
Speaker 1: had the same thing.
Speaker 3: I haven't had a cough.
Speaker 1: It's not a cough all the time. It's just like
Speaker 1: a random cough. But everyone lost their voice, so I
Speaker 1: reckon maybe you just as someone who loses their voice
Speaker 1: quite easily, maybe really sensitive to it or something. But
Speaker 1: oh yeah, I never lose my voice ever, and I
Speaker 1: always get tonsil stuff. I swear to god. It's like
Speaker 1: whatever the thing going around, it's just like does a
Speaker 1: number on your throat?
Speaker 3: Did Charlie and Rue get it?
Speaker 1: Yeah, Charlie and Rue got it, but it presented differently,
Speaker 1: and then back and I were exactly the same, like clockwork.
Speaker 1: It was like fire in my throat, and then the
Speaker 1: next day, no voice that's how quick it was. God crazy. Anyway,
Speaker 1: Sorry I'm stealing a thunder. I'm just you know, I'm
Speaker 1: right there.
Speaker 2: Actually, Ah, you sound like you're way more there actually. Anyway,
Speaker 2: So my peak is over the long weekend. Usually go
Speaker 2: away for the long weekend because my parents live far away,
Speaker 2: so it's the best, you know, to be able to
Speaker 2: go away for the long weekend and visit them.
Speaker 3: Actually, as you do too a lot.
Speaker 2: But I didn't this year because my friend had really
Speaker 2: wanted to have well, I sort of pushed her to
Speaker 2: have a birthday celebration, and obviously a lot of people
Speaker 2: were away, but I managed to wrangle some of our
Speaker 2: good friends and just planned.
Speaker 3: And I'm not very.
Speaker 2: Organized, so I also like get very excited when I
Speaker 2: managed to successfully plan things. I planned like this little
Speaker 2: birthday soiree for her, and it was just so nice
Speaker 2: to see her smile and everyone sort of celebrating, and
Speaker 2: I made her a big dick cake and we're at
Speaker 2: quite a nice restaurant and then I got really embarrassed,
Speaker 2: Havan it was just a really unfortunate looking cake, but
Speaker 2: she loves phallic shaped items, so it was just like
Speaker 2: a really lovely day and it was just so nice
Speaker 2: to celebrate her, and it's just such a good reminded
Speaker 2: to people make the effort with your friends because before that,
Speaker 2: I hadn't seen my friends since anne Zac Day, so
Speaker 2: maybe a month which you know, I know isn't that
Speaker 2: long for some people that don't go out that often,
Speaker 2: but god, it really.
Speaker 3: Just fuels me.
Speaker 2: As we've talked about before, and it just like it
Speaker 2: brings me so much joy spending time with my girlfriends
Speaker 2: and having great conversations and just laughing about everything.
Speaker 1: Yeah, one hundred percent, I love that col beautiful.
Speaker 3: What's your pit and peak?
Speaker 1: Okay, well I'm going to try and share without crying
Speaker 1: because it's a bit emotional crying.
Speaker 3: That's it's a safe space.
Speaker 1: Over the weekend, I really reached my breaking point with
Speaker 1: the three month sleep regression. Things are a lot easier
Speaker 1: the second time around with a baby, no doubt, but
Speaker 1: also you forget how bad it is. And also it's
Speaker 1: a new baby, so how they present and that regression
Speaker 1: can be different, and it definitely isn't our case. But
Speaker 1: basically what had happened is that I had been contact
Speaker 1: mapping all day, which I'm pretty used to because she's
Speaker 1: a really sensitive gal and she just wants to be held,
Speaker 1: and that is fine. That by itself is typically fine
Speaker 1: for me to manage. But with the regression, it meant
Speaker 1: that at night she was waking every half an hour
Speaker 1: or every hour, and the only way that she felt
Speaker 1: comfortable was sleeping on me. But because I was so exhausted,
Speaker 1: I didn't feel comfortable co sleeping because I just sometimes
Speaker 1: for me, when I'm that exhausted, I just worry that
Speaker 1: I wouldn't wake up or whatever. So I had just
Speaker 1: been pushing through and pushing through and pushing through.
Speaker 2: That's actually one of the rules about co sleeping that
Speaker 2: you don't do it if you don't feel rested. That's
Speaker 2: the right way to do it. That you felt like, no,
Speaker 2: I'm actually just too tired, and I don't think that
Speaker 2: I'm going to wake up easily.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Like I just felt like if I had got
Speaker 1: into a position that was comfortable and I was like,
Speaker 1: you know, and she wasn't moving like I would. Yeah. Anyway,
Speaker 1: So I'd been pushing through and pushing through and it
Speaker 1: had been really hard, and I was noticing that it
Speaker 1: was really hard. And then I got sick, and then
Speaker 1: I got better and then I got sick again. But
Speaker 1: on the early hours of Saturday morning, she woke up
Speaker 1: at four, I fed her, put her back down, and
Speaker 1: then I couldn't get back to sleep. And typically in
Speaker 1: the morning we would have a better stretch of like
Speaker 1: for some reason, you know, at like five, I'll put
Speaker 1: her down and then she might slip through till you know,
Speaker 1: seven or eight. Usually there's a big stretch in the
Speaker 1: early morning during the regression, which has been really helpful.
Speaker 1: But I did not get back to sleep, and I
Speaker 1: had my niece's birthday party, which RU was so excited about,
Speaker 1: and so was I because I love seeing my nieces.
Speaker 1: And Charlie's like, just stay home, like they'll understand. I
Speaker 1: was like, no, like I really want to go. It's
Speaker 1: in a hall. It's gonna be really chill, like it'll
Speaker 1: be fine. I went, and my throat started to go,
Speaker 1: and then I was talking and I just wasn't myself,
Speaker 1: like I was trying really hard. My sister in law
Speaker 1: was like, I'm really worried about you, like you look
Speaker 1: terrible and you sound terrible. And then as soon as
Speaker 1: we left, it was like all of that caught up
Speaker 1: with me and my ears started ringing, my eyes were bloodshot,
Speaker 1: I was nauseous, I was getting hot and cold. Like
Speaker 1: it was a twenty minute drive from their home, and
Speaker 1: I was just like so broken. And Charlie didn't even
Speaker 1: like we didn't even park the car. He was just
Speaker 1: like run upstairs, getting to bed now. So I went
Speaker 1: upstairs and I got into bed, and I don't even
Speaker 1: know if I slept because I felt like I was conscious.
Speaker 1: It was like twilight sleeping or something, but just closing
Speaker 1: my eyes and resting did help. Like when I got up,
Speaker 1: I was like significantly better, but not still not good,
Speaker 1: but it was bad. It was really bad because I
Speaker 1: had such a physical reaction to the sleep deprivation, like
Speaker 1: I was before I laid down. I was like dry
Speaker 1: wretching in the toilet because I thought I was going
Speaker 1: to vomit, like and I think it was a combination.
Speaker 1: I think obviously I was getting sick again, which I
Speaker 1: didn't realize. I just thought my stupid voice had gone away.
Speaker 1: And then yeah, just being so tired and worn out.
Speaker 1: So that was my pit and it was really awful,
Speaker 1: and I think it's probably the worst moment I've had,
Speaker 1: and the second time having a newborn for sure.
Speaker 2: And it also is exacerbated by the fact that you're back.
Speaker 3: At work now.
Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly when.
Speaker 2: You first brought her home, as much as you could,
Speaker 2: you could still just rest through the day. But now
Speaker 2: you've got so many different responsibilities. It's just adding onto
Speaker 2: that plus trying to buy a house, Like there is
Speaker 2: just so much on your plate at the moment.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's a lot.
Speaker 2: And I could Oh god, I can feel it is
Speaker 2: all that sleep when you're that tired, it's an awful feeling.
Speaker 2: I'm so sorry. Like that's just like he's hoping it
Speaker 2: passed as quickly. Come on, Suki girl, we need you
Speaker 2: to get a bit better at sleeping.
Speaker 1: Honestly, you're like, you know it's going to pass, so
Speaker 1: you have this hope, but then it still doesn't make
Speaker 1: it much easier at all. Like the knowledge is there,
Speaker 1: but it's still fucked. Like I just don't want to
Speaker 1: scare anyone at home, because obviously it's I'm loving it.
Speaker 1: I'm loving being among the second time around. But I
Speaker 1: think it's also just the sickness, right, because I think
Speaker 1: rue was kind of the end of COVID, but everyone
Speaker 1: was still really like it was still very careful. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so we didn't get sick until she went to day care,
Speaker 1: so anytime that there was a regression, and there was
Speaker 1: never any sickness on top of that, you know, like
Speaker 1: we were really healthy throughout. So it's just I think
Speaker 1: compounding all the things at once.
Speaker 2: It is the worst part about parenting when you're sick,
Speaker 2: having to parent. It is just because it's you need
Speaker 2: to be taken care of when you're sick. And also
Speaker 2: you're not thinking about when when Rue was a baby. Yes,
Speaker 2: you might not have been sick as much when she
Speaker 2: was going through different things, but you also then didn't
Speaker 2: have a todd light and you weren't working.
Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly, exactly because you.
Speaker 2: Took a year off, and yeah, you did not have
Speaker 2: a toddler with lots of feelings racing around the house.
Speaker 1: Oh one hundred. So that was my pit. Now let's
Speaker 1: get a little bit of positivity in the air, shall we.
Speaker 1: My peak was spending the morning baking and cooking in
Speaker 1: my pajamas.
Speaker 3: So, oh my god, you're so cute.
Speaker 1: We had a long weekend and I got up early
Speaker 1: because Charlie had been well not earlier. I just got
Speaker 1: up with Rue, put Bluie on for her, and then
Speaker 1: I was like, you know what, I could go and
Speaker 1: sit on the couch and be on my phone, or
Speaker 1: I could just make some stuff. And I had all
Speaker 1: this stuff to make these like chocolate muffins at Rue
Speaker 1: Love's and also I really wanted to make her lasagna
Speaker 1: for dinners, and I was like, fuck it, I'm just
Speaker 1: gonna cook in my pajamas. And that's what I did,
Speaker 1: and I just had the best time. Like Rue was
Speaker 1: like glued to the TV. I didn't have to worry
Speaker 1: about her. Suki was I think with me, Yeah she was.
Speaker 1: She was like in the bouncer, just chilling out, very
Speaker 1: chilled and didn't really care. She was happy to just
Speaker 1: to sit and watch what I was doing. But I
Speaker 1: just love cooking so much. I've always loved it. I
Speaker 1: don't get to do it as much or as often,
Speaker 1: and it just having these little creations at the end
Speaker 1: they're so yummy. I don't know, it was just it
Speaker 1: brought me so much joy.
Speaker 2: And I like, I don't know, you have to drop
Speaker 2: the recipe for the muffins because they looked you sent
Speaker 2: me a photo or they looked so.
Speaker 3: Juicy and yummy.
Speaker 1: They're so good. They're from that baby food Bible. They're
Speaker 1: not in the cookbook though, they're actually on their Instagram,
Speaker 1: so I'll get the link and pop it in the
Speaker 1: show notes. But my god, they're actually really good and
Speaker 1: they've got like spinach and zucchini and them like healthy
Speaker 1: chocolate muffins. You kind of been taste and they taste
Speaker 1: fucking amazing. So yeah, yuh mu. It was the best
Speaker 1: like morning, and then we saw our friends in the afternoon,
Speaker 1: so it's just like a beautiful day and I really
Speaker 1: needed that. I really needed like a little wind, you know.
Speaker 2: Yeah, just a nice day where not everyone's fighting you,
Speaker 2: including your own body.
Speaker 4: And yeah, yeah, so to talk to me sometimes, Dolores,
Speaker 4: sometimes you have to be a high rideing bitch to survive.
Speaker 1: Okay, it's can I be a bit resector? So what
Speaker 1: would you like to have a wee moan about today? Cal?
Speaker 1: A reminder if you're new, every month we've taken in
Speaker 1: turns to bitch about something whatever really that tickles our
Speaker 1: fancy and we do that for sixty seconds and then
Speaker 1: we both discuss Cal's up this week. Let's do it.
Speaker 2: Let me get into it, as Len has gotten older,
Speaker 2: I've shared less and less of him and his behaviors online.
Speaker 2: Firstly because I think that, like, I really struggle sometimes
Speaker 2: to differentiate between my experience as a mom and what
Speaker 2: I can share without completely violating his experience because he
Speaker 2: is a small person now, not a blob like when
Speaker 2: he was a baby. Yeah, I probably overshared, but I'm like, eh,
Speaker 2: you're a baby, You're not a person yet. Secondly, I
Speaker 2: share less because anytime I do share, I know that
Speaker 2: I'm going to cop at least a few dms from people.
Speaker 3: They word it two ways.
Speaker 2: They'll say a be really straight up and they go,
Speaker 2: have you had him as assessed autism or be?
Speaker 3: They'll insinuate as.
Speaker 2: Much by being like, oh, Teddy did this all the
Speaker 2: time when he was three. He turns out he's got
Speaker 2: this hah. Sending solidarity and of course everyone means well. Like,
Speaker 2: the community online is so beautiful and I'm very grateful,
Speaker 2: and I think that it's lovely that people care and
Speaker 2: that they're invested. But it's almost like being online removes
Speaker 2: the general boundaries that we have in real life, because
Speaker 2: I just don't know how many people would say to
Speaker 2: someone in real life, especially someone that they don't know
Speaker 2: at all.
Speaker 3: Have you considered your child might be autistic? I have
Speaker 3: people close to.
Speaker 2: Me in my real life that I've wondered about different
Speaker 2: things with their kids, but I would never actually say
Speaker 2: anything because it's not my place. I'm not an expert,
Speaker 2: and if I've noticed something, I'm sure that the parent has.
Speaker 3: Of the child.
Speaker 2: And I wonder if because we as a generation weren't
Speaker 2: diagnosed with anything and so where or being not all
Speaker 2: of this, but a lot of us have been diagnosed
Speaker 2: with things as an adult. It's like we're overcompensating by
Speaker 2: overdiagnosing everyone with everything.
Speaker 3: Like, at the end of the day, he's three.
Speaker 1: Yeah, he's three, Yeah, he's three. I've been kind of
Speaker 1: dying to talk about this because the parasocial relationships that
Speaker 1: we have on social media. For some reason, it baffles
Speaker 1: me because people feel completely comfortable saying something that should
Speaker 1: be quietly said in their mind out loud, Like, sure,
Speaker 1: you can think things. I think. The mind wanders and
Speaker 1: you can't obviously control what your mind thinks and questions,
Speaker 1: but at the end of the day, just let that
Speaker 1: be a thought. You don't need that thought to become
Speaker 1: an opinion or advice however well meaning it is, and
Speaker 1: like you never know someone else's struggle. I guarantee ten
Speaker 1: out of ten a parent of a child has already
Speaker 1: thought about possibly exploring something that you've noticed because you
Speaker 1: are with your child. Twenty four seven. Like, I was
Speaker 1: in a situation where I noticed something about a friend's
Speaker 1: child said one thing. Found out much later. They were
Speaker 1: very concerned about it and had been doing all the
Speaker 1: good things. I was so glad I didn't say anything, like,
Speaker 1: who was I to say something? Of course, I've noticed,
Speaker 1: do you know what I mean?
Speaker 2: Yeah, although now I'm just thinking about one. So my
Speaker 2: girlfriend and her husband, they're a nurse and doctor, noticed
Speaker 2: a turn in Lenny's eye and said something to me
Speaker 2: about it.
Speaker 3: I hadn't noticed that.
Speaker 1: That is like a medical thing, and.
Speaker 2: They are in the medical profession. And the only reason
Speaker 2: they noticed it or said anything was because two out
Speaker 2: of three of their kids had the turn and it
Speaker 2: was affecting their eyesight long term. So they were like,
Speaker 2: if you get on top of it anyway, it turns
Speaker 2: out his eyes actually fine.
Speaker 3: But I appreciated knowing that.
Speaker 1: I think it's important to differentiate between something like a
Speaker 1: physical ailment that someone may not have noticed. Like very famously,
Speaker 1: there are always people who are on TV who are
Speaker 1: like I was on reality TV and all of these
Speaker 1: nurses reached out to me and said, like, the little
Speaker 1: nodules on my neck looked big and that maybe I
Speaker 1: needed to go and get that checked. And it turns
Speaker 1: out that that celebrity, what.
Speaker 3: Is it with you and next nodules?
Speaker 4: Key?
Speaker 1: Honestly, they're following me around, don't they. It's so funny.
Speaker 1: But these people have said that they've ended up having
Speaker 1: to go and get them out because they were like
Speaker 1: pre cancerous whatever. So that is helpful, right, But I
Speaker 1: think it's when you're like doing sweeping diagnosis of people's
Speaker 1: kids when you haven't met them and you do not
Speaker 1: have any qualification to do so. I know that you
Speaker 1: may have lived experience, but calling someone some possibly autistic,
Speaker 1: maybe just think that in your head and don't say
Speaker 1: it out loud. I don't know.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I do know that people mean well, like there's
Speaker 2: not a malicious intent behind anyone's messages or comments, but
Speaker 2: like he's.
Speaker 3: Three and I share tiny little bits of him.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I also feel like the whole wording around AHHD and autism,
Speaker 2: calling it a diagnosis when it's not an ailment, and
Speaker 2: I know there's no other way to word it.
Speaker 3: I just think that.
Speaker 2: We're in this world where everyone is just so keen
Speaker 2: to over diagnose everyone with everything, and we're not really
Speaker 2: letting kids just actually develop, maybe at different rates to
Speaker 2: each other, maybe with stronger reactions or more sensitivities to
Speaker 2: other kids. Like all of a sudden, we have to
Speaker 2: label everyone without just letting them be kids for a while.
Speaker 2: I'll be having conversations with people and they'll be like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 2: I'm getting my kids assessed, and they're like.
Speaker 3: Two, yeah, Like your job is too.
Speaker 2: Obviously, there are caveats to that, so say they're significantly delayed,
Speaker 2: maybe you're pediatrician or GP has said hey, maybe go
Speaker 2: get this checked or whatnot. But just because you think
Speaker 2: that they're not reaching milestones as quickly as other people,
Speaker 2: or that they're having more intense reactions to different things,
Speaker 2: I just think that that's a spectrum of being on
Speaker 2: a toddler.
Speaker 3: Some kids have real big feelings and some kids don't
Speaker 3: have as many big feelings.
Speaker 2: But that doesn't automatically mean that your child is autistic.
Speaker 2: And I do think that kids are getting over diagnosed.
Speaker 2: I am so sorry if I word something wrong. But
Speaker 2: so my brother worked for the ndies and someone I
Speaker 2: know went and had their kid assessed, and I was
Speaker 2: very shocked because I just thought their kid was displaying
Speaker 2: very average toddler behavior obviously though they know their child
Speaker 2: better than anyone else, and they went and got the
Speaker 2: child assessed, and the child was assessed.
Speaker 3: At a level two, which is quite severe.
Speaker 2: But then I was asking my brother and he was saying, oh, yeah,
Speaker 2: they actually all put someone onto the next level so
Speaker 2: that that person gets more support, which is great if
Speaker 2: people need different support. But then because an autism diagnosis
Speaker 2: isn't a small thing, and it would really sort of
Speaker 2: change the complete trajectory of the way that our life
Speaker 2: as a parent and his life. And I haven't talked
Speaker 2: about my own diagnosis.
Speaker 3: Publicly because I don't think it's that interesting.
Speaker 2: And I think, like as I said at the top,
Speaker 2: none of us were diagnosed with things as kids, so
Speaker 2: a lot of people are getting diagnosed with different things
Speaker 2: as they get older. So then I do argue with
Speaker 2: myself because I understand that the research has shown that
Speaker 2: early diagnosis can lead to then early intervention, which can
Speaker 2: significantly improve your child's development and quality of life, and
Speaker 2: also helps a parent understand their child's behavior and find
Speaker 2: more effective strategies to support them. Because with the arguing
Speaker 2: with myself, on the one hand, I'll be like, I'm
Speaker 2: such a boomer, I'm so my father, I'll be like,
Speaker 2: bunch of bloody snowflakes, look at me. I turned out fine.
Speaker 2: But then I think about it, and I think about
Speaker 2: how angry I still am that no one ever picked
Speaker 2: up on different signs with me, and how much I
Speaker 2: still am struggling to figure things out, and how much
Speaker 2: a diagnosis might have helped with things like when teachers
Speaker 2: like they could have given me a separate area or
Speaker 2: headphones for exams rather than me stuffing tissues in my
Speaker 2: ears and not being able to finish an exam because
Speaker 2: I was like rocking in my seat, crying because I
Speaker 2: couldn't concentrate when there was a clock ticking or someone
Speaker 2: was sniffing. And it might have helped my dad to
Speaker 2: know that I wasn't being as spoilt brat as he
Speaker 2: thought when I was like, I can't drink from these
Speaker 2: different water bottles and then I would faint at netball
Speaker 2: because I was so dehydrated because he'd still pack me
Speaker 2: one anyway, and I'd be like, I'm not drinking from
Speaker 2: that one, and then I'd faint because I simply could
Speaker 2: not drink out of that vessel. I spent my entire
Speaker 2: life thinking that that was sort of perfectly normal behavior.
Speaker 2: And I mean I still do in a way, because
Speaker 2: I still can't drink from different vessels and would rather
Speaker 2: be dehydrated than do so. But on the one hand, yes,
Speaker 2: it have helped me so much, But then on the
Speaker 2: other hand, I just feel like we're sort of overcoddling
Speaker 2: people because I still turned out just fine.
Speaker 1: Well questionable. Now I'm just kidding, well, I think, well,
Speaker 1: as you're saying this, like, I think that obviously the
Speaker 1: trend is women in their thirties and older being diagnosed
Speaker 1: with something like ADHD. That's a massive trend because historically,
Speaker 1: we know, like when we were growing up, they only
Speaker 1: thought boys had ADHD, and the way in which it
Speaker 1: presents the boys is completely different to girls, is what
Speaker 1: I understand. And I am not speaking from experience. I'm
Speaker 1: speaking from what I've heard from different people and their
Speaker 1: diagnosis and their kids and things like that. But I
Speaker 1: don't think it's a mistake that the generation who were
Speaker 1: underdiagnosed are having kids and that generation of kids are
Speaker 1: now somewhat overdiagnosed, because I think that we are so
Speaker 1: angry about the fact that we didn't have the opportunity
Speaker 1: to have the tools that we may have needed, that
Speaker 1: there is not a world that we want to live
Speaker 1: in in which we don't want our kids to have
Speaker 1: not have to worry about that. So I understand like
Speaker 1: what you're saying, but I think it's honestly a director
Speaker 1: reaction to the fact that we're a generation that of
Speaker 1: women who really struggled with things like ADHD and not
Speaker 1: knowing that we had them.
Speaker 2: And I think that that also probably has because the
Speaker 2: thing with autism ADHD, if someone in your family does
Speaker 2: have it, like it's more likely that you have it
Speaker 2: if your parent does.
Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly, exactly, Yeah.
Speaker 2: Like I always make jokes now to my dad, I'm
Speaker 2: like you and you're undiagnosed at AHD, Like he's hyperfixations
Speaker 2: and little idiosyncrasies. But it worries me and I also
Speaker 2: just feel so upset on behalf of len because I
Speaker 2: probably just get triggered when people say something like it's
Speaker 2: always water off a duck's back. But I probably do
Speaker 2: get a little bit triggered because I don't want him
Speaker 2: to have autism, because I don't want him to have
Speaker 2: to struggle with things.
Speaker 3: And when I see the shyness and.
Speaker 2: The way that he reacts to different things and the extreme,
Speaker 2: extreme moods, I do see so much of myself. But
Speaker 2: I have found just simple things so hard my entire life.
Speaker 2: But I did just think that that was normal until
Speaker 2: getting to an adult and figure out other people don't
Speaker 2: actually feel like that. They don't need to stick straws
Speaker 2: out of the car windows because they're so upset about
Speaker 2: breathing in the same area as other people. Knowing that
Speaker 2: makes it worse because I'm like, I don't want him
Speaker 2: to find it hard to live in a world with
Speaker 2: neurotypical people that don't understand. Even in a world that
Speaker 2: is more understanding, everything is just so much harder for
Speaker 2: different people, And yeah, I just don't want that for him.
Speaker 2: A couple of weeks ago, I was chatting to a
Speaker 2: colleague and she was saying her teenage son had his
Speaker 2: very first lumber party for his birthday at his house
Speaker 2: and she goes, oh, my goodness, you couldn't even imagine
Speaker 2: just a huge bunch of twelve and thirteen year old
Speaker 2: boys ninety percent of them are on ADHD meds And
Speaker 2: I'm like, really, I'm surely they don't all need like
Speaker 2: that is a serious drug. Where are we failing that
Speaker 2: badly that all of these kids need to be on
Speaker 2: such a hard drug, Like, surely not all of the
Speaker 2: kids need to be on those meds. And if they
Speaker 2: really do, maybe then we need to actually look at
Speaker 2: the education system and how it hasn't changed in decades
Speaker 2: despite so much change.
Speaker 3: In media in the way that we absorb everything.
Speaker 2: And that our own constant need for dopamine hits and like,
Speaker 2: is it the kids or is it actually the system?
Speaker 3: Because I would say that it's the system.
Speaker 1: I was reading something about are we over diagnosing? And
Speaker 1: it was like a study that someone said that it
Speaker 1: proved that they were. And then the way in which
Speaker 1: we does diagnos the lower threshold to get into it
Speaker 1: is actually reasonably easy, like if you display some characteristics
Speaker 1: of whatever thing that you may think your child may have.
Speaker 1: And the reason they do that, right is because they
Speaker 1: don't want to miss anyone who is struggling they want
Speaker 1: to be able to help them. But what it also
Speaker 1: means is like the approach that then has taken to
Speaker 1: treat that person is almost the same as treating someone
Speaker 1: who is scoring higher within that diagnosis. So I think
Speaker 1: what needs to actually happen. And I'm speaking from a
Speaker 1: place of no experience, so again I'm going to apologize
Speaker 1: as well, but I'm just what I've read and what
Speaker 1: that person said resonated with me is that we need
Speaker 1: to be investing more in occupational therapists who can help
Speaker 1: people maybe on that lower end and that may still
Speaker 1: be able to navigate life without you know, more of
Speaker 1: the intense ways of support that we see and kids
Speaker 1: that maybe have higher needs. So I thought that that
Speaker 1: was really interesting. I think it does come down to
Speaker 1: because I thought you made me think of that then
Speaker 1: when you said about schooling and how it hasn't changed,
Speaker 1: and it's like, maybe the way in which we are
Speaker 1: diagnosing kids hasn't changed in forever, and maybe that needs
Speaker 1: to actually be looked at and re examined, because if
Speaker 1: you are just sweeping all these kids into one box
Speaker 1: and being like this is how we're going to treat them,
Speaker 1: that might not be the best way forward, like maybe
Speaker 1: other kids would thrive with a different and maybe a
Speaker 1: bit of a softer approach, but again that's down to
Speaker 1: resources and funding, which we know historically isn't great.
Speaker 2: I'm aware that neither of us have school aged children,
Speaker 2: and other of us have had to live through a
Speaker 2: child not being able to concentrate at school or anything.
Speaker 2: So please take this with a grain of salt, like
Speaker 2: this is just us having a conversation in real time.
Speaker 1: I myself have medicated, and I have been medicated since
Speaker 1: a teenager. Yeah, yeah, been on and it depresses my
Speaker 1: whole life. So I am pro meds. I have been, like,
Speaker 1: that's the one thing I think that has really saved
Speaker 1: me throughout my adolescence and into my adulthood has been medicated,
Speaker 1: having a psychologist that I see. So in no way
Speaker 1: do I think that you shouldn't do that for your child,
Speaker 1: if that's what it needs to be. I think it's
Speaker 1: just like opening up the question of what else can
Speaker 1: we do to help support kids that maybe don't need
Speaker 1: to go that route, or help parents to understand what
Speaker 1: they can even do, or even me as like supporting
Speaker 1: a friend like I've got no idea like if a
Speaker 1: friend was to turn around and say, the kid got
Speaker 1: a diagnosis, I'd have to go out and figure out,
Speaker 1: like how can I support them? I don't want them
Speaker 1: to be on that journey alone, you know.
Speaker 3: But is it a journey?
Speaker 2: This is the thing, like, of course if they're on
Speaker 2: the severe end of the spectrum, but if it's like
Speaker 2: a level one diagnosis, like, is there anything that you
Speaker 2: can really do? Maybe it's more like a sensory thing
Speaker 2: and not, you know, teach your kid that it's okay
Speaker 2: that other kids might be upset about loud noises or
Speaker 2: you know, darkness or whatnot. And on that note, I
Speaker 2: do want the best for Lenny, but he's three years old.
Speaker 2: Please stop telling me he's autistic.
Speaker 3: Okay.
Speaker 2: My first recommendation is actually a recommendation from a shitter.
Speaker 2: This literally gave me my whole body goosebumps. It is
Speaker 2: so good. So I'm just gonna play it directly from
Speaker 2: the mum that sent it in.
Speaker 5: Hey, I just wanted to say something that I think
Speaker 5: would be really cool for you guys to mention on
Speaker 5: your podcast. At one point on Saturday night, I went
Speaker 5: to a like a food market with my toddler, A
Speaker 5: newborn and some friends and my toddler, my three year
Speaker 5: old boy Sonny is a runner like we've lost him
Speaker 5: on numerous occasions. It's actually pretty shocking. But on Friday,
Speaker 5: we went to this market. My toddler jumped on the
Speaker 5: jumping castle, which was fenced around the jumping castle. There
Speaker 5: was four of us, me and my husband and two
Speaker 5: friends watching him jumping. We must have taken our eyes
Speaker 5: off him for a second. We looked back at the
Speaker 5: jumping castle. We couldn't see him, but everyone thought, oh,
Speaker 5: he's just around the corner behind the inflatable bits, and
Speaker 5: so kept talking and I was like, no, no, no, I
Speaker 5: know this kid. I walked over. He was gone. Honestly,
Speaker 5: we lost him for about, oh my god, it fore
Speaker 5: like three hours. But in them at night, so it
Speaker 5: was pitch black. But markets so you know, lots of
Speaker 5: like bright areas and stuff. My girlfriend switched into gear.
Speaker 5: I do not know how she knew to do this,
Speaker 5: but she just started screaming, yellow jacket, red stars, lost boy,
Speaker 5: yellow jacket, red stars. And I'm not kidding. As I
Speaker 5: was frantically screaming running around this market, these markets looking
Speaker 5: for him, I had women passing me screaming yellowjacket, red stars,
Speaker 5: and like it was goosebumps even thinking about it. But
Speaker 5: it was the most incredible thing, and he was found
Speaker 5: within like five minutes, but like you know, I had, honestly,
Speaker 5: it felt like fifty women running past me screaming my
Speaker 5: boy's clothes.
Speaker 6: At one point we had a bit of an issue
Speaker 6: where a lady came up to be saying he's been found.
Speaker 6: That girl over there has him, and I run back
Speaker 6: and it was my girlfriend who was still screaming what
Speaker 6: he was wearing.
Speaker 5: But I have never seen anything like it. I can't
Speaker 5: thank my friend enough for jumping into gear like that,
Speaker 5: because it was just me and my husband left our
Speaker 5: newborn in the pram and just sprinted around this huge
Speaker 5: market and we didn't have a hope in hell because
Speaker 5: it was just a needle in a haystack next to
Speaker 5: a park, next to a like river water canal thing
Speaker 5: on a main road like anyway. I just thought so
Speaker 5: long winded, and my baby's crying. But I think it
Speaker 5: would be amazing for you just to mention that anyone
Speaker 5: that has toddlers that are runners to just start screaming
Speaker 5: we've lost him before. And I haven't been so lucky
Speaker 5: to have someone standing next to me to jump into
Speaker 5: gear like that.
Speaker 3: Do you have goosebumps?
Speaker 2: Such a simple but effective, amazing hack. I just feel
Speaker 2: like every everyone should know that hack. Like even if
Speaker 2: you don't have a runner, you don't have kids, knowing
Speaker 2: that hack could help you find someone else's kid. And
Speaker 2: my other recommendation is short stories, like for adults. I mean,
Speaker 2: these are for you, not for your kids. Obviously, I
Speaker 2: love to read, and I'm really short stories at the
Speaker 2: moment because my problem is that I it's both expensive
Speaker 2: and very time consuming because I will completely have a
Speaker 2: fixate on a book or audio book and that's all
Speaker 2: I can sort of do or concentrate on until it's finished.
Speaker 3: So with short stories, it's a few hours, so.
Speaker 2: It's like kind of perfect for the end of the
Speaker 2: day nighttime, Like it's kind of like just watching a
Speaker 2: couple of shows at nighttime instead you're reading a.
Speaker 3: Little short story book.
Speaker 2: But a lot of authors actually do special ones, like
Speaker 2: there'll be Amazon exclusives.
Speaker 3: You can download them on your kindle.
Speaker 2: They're also either free sometimes if they're an exclusive, or
Speaker 2: there are a few dollars I'll pop some recommendations in
Speaker 2: the show notes of ones that I've enjoyed recently, but
Speaker 2: I am just really into short stories at the moment.
Speaker 3: On that note, fairly well, please rate and review us.
Speaker 1: We're off.
Speaker 3: Leave your questions in the link in the show.
Speaker 2: Notes or in the SSR pod on Insta.
Speaker 3: We'll be back in your ears next week.
Speaker 1: We will. It was produced by US and the audio
Speaker 1: production is by Mattie Joeannu. Bye Shit Is Bye.