1
00:00:10,888 --> 00:00:15,528
Speaker 1: You're listening to Amma mea podcast Muma Mer acknowledges the

2
00:00:15,568 --> 00:00:18,768
Speaker 1: traditional owners of the land and waters. This podcast is

3
00:00:18,808 --> 00:00:22,087
Speaker 1: recorded on This episode deals with discussion of mental ill

4
00:00:22,088 --> 00:00:24,967
Speaker 1: health and assault and won't be for everyone. If you

5
00:00:25,128 --> 00:00:27,248
Speaker 1: or anyone you know needs help, there is a list

6
00:00:27,288 --> 00:00:37,448
Speaker 1: of support services in our show notes. Communication is often

7
00:00:37,488 --> 00:00:40,888
Speaker 1: tauted as the number one maker or breaker of any relationship,

8
00:00:41,248 --> 00:00:43,168
Speaker 1: and Ava and Aaron had it nailed.

9
00:00:43,528 --> 00:00:47,528
Speaker 2: We used to have really long intellectual conversations on the

10
00:00:47,528 --> 00:00:51,048
Speaker 2: couch all night. Where most other couples would be going

11
00:00:51,048 --> 00:00:52,768
Speaker 2: to bed and having sex, We'd sit on the couch

12
00:00:52,808 --> 00:00:55,488
Speaker 2: and talk about just the most random thing for hours

13
00:00:55,488 --> 00:00:58,408
Speaker 2: and hours. Yeah, it wasn't just your normal what's your

14
00:00:58,408 --> 00:01:01,968
Speaker 2: favorite color or where's your favorite holiday destination. They were

15
00:01:02,048 --> 00:01:05,368
Speaker 2: really really deep conversation. So we connected on a really

16
00:01:05,728 --> 00:01:07,368
Speaker 2: deep level right from the get go.

17
00:01:07,968 --> 00:01:10,608
Speaker 1: So when open communication is the number one thing you've

18
00:01:10,648 --> 00:01:13,568
Speaker 1: always had, what does it do to a relationship when

19
00:01:13,648 --> 00:01:16,528
Speaker 1: all of a sudden, one party decides to keep something hidden,

20
00:01:16,968 --> 00:01:19,008
Speaker 1: literally hidden under lock and key.

21
00:01:19,248 --> 00:01:21,968
Speaker 2: The shed was locked with like a huge big pad lock,

22
00:01:22,048 --> 00:01:24,288
Speaker 2: so I could never get in there to have a look.

23
00:01:24,288 --> 00:01:26,288
Speaker 2: There were times that I had tried to go up

24
00:01:26,328 --> 00:01:30,087
Speaker 2: there and get in, but I needed like a really

25
00:01:30,087 --> 00:01:31,887
Speaker 2: big pair of bolt cutters to do it.

26
00:01:32,288 --> 00:01:33,648
Speaker 3: I'm like, what are you doing up there?

27
00:01:43,608 --> 00:01:46,048
Speaker 1: I'm Georgia Love and this is everyone has an ex

28
00:01:46,248 --> 00:01:48,288
Speaker 1: Come with me as we dive into a collection of

29
00:01:48,448 --> 00:01:52,688
Speaker 1: unconventional stories about relationships passed through the eyes and the

30
00:01:52,688 --> 00:01:56,328
Speaker 1: hearts of the very people who lipped them. Every single

31
00:01:56,368 --> 00:01:59,088
Speaker 1: girl knows this setup. A friend who knows a guy

32
00:01:59,088 --> 00:02:01,968
Speaker 1: who's just your type, and you have to meet. And

33
00:02:02,008 --> 00:02:05,168
Speaker 1: that's how our story begins today. Well kind of because

34
00:02:05,208 --> 00:02:07,808
Speaker 1: Ava was being set up, yes, but it wasn't with

35
00:02:07,888 --> 00:02:09,288
Speaker 1: the guy this story is about.

36
00:02:09,888 --> 00:02:14,568
Speaker 2: I was single for a very long time in my twenties,

37
00:02:14,768 --> 00:02:18,008
Speaker 2: and then one particular weekend I went to visit a

38
00:02:18,008 --> 00:02:21,328
Speaker 2: friend interstate and she had said to me, I've got

39
00:02:21,368 --> 00:02:24,688
Speaker 2: the most amazing man for you to meet. So I

40
00:02:24,728 --> 00:02:27,888
Speaker 2: flew into state and spent the weekend with my friend,

41
00:02:27,968 --> 00:02:32,008
Speaker 2: and the most amazing man that she wanted me to

42
00:02:32,048 --> 00:02:34,808
Speaker 2: meet was not actually Aaron, It was his best friend.

43
00:02:35,688 --> 00:02:39,407
Speaker 2: So we went out for the night and I soon

44
00:02:39,448 --> 00:02:42,248
Speaker 2: began to realize that I wasn't really attracted to the

45
00:02:42,288 --> 00:02:45,608
Speaker 2: best friend, but I was attracted to Aaron, and my

46
00:02:45,688 --> 00:02:47,688
Speaker 2: friend had said to me, no, no, no, you can't

47
00:02:47,728 --> 00:02:50,048
Speaker 2: be with Aaron. I've known him for a really long

48
00:02:50,088 --> 00:02:52,648
Speaker 2: time and you won't get along and you need to

49
00:02:53,328 --> 00:02:54,528
Speaker 2: hook up with the best friend.

50
00:02:54,888 --> 00:02:55,888
Speaker 3: She thought he was.

51
00:02:56,048 --> 00:03:01,968
Speaker 2: Extremely arrogant and rude and selfish, and she believed that

52
00:03:02,048 --> 00:03:07,088
Speaker 2: I needed someone kinder, maybe a little less extrovert than him.

53
00:03:07,168 --> 00:03:10,648
Speaker 2: She's like, you would suit someone more introvert because I'm

54
00:03:10,688 --> 00:03:13,288
Speaker 2: an extrovert. And she said the two of you will

55
00:03:13,968 --> 00:03:18,128
Speaker 2: will not match because you'll both want the limelight kind

56
00:03:18,128 --> 00:03:20,768
Speaker 2: of thing. So yeah, she was very adamant he was

57
00:03:20,808 --> 00:03:21,968
Speaker 2: not going to be a good match.

58
00:03:22,248 --> 00:03:23,928
Speaker 1: But what do we do when we're told not to

59
00:03:23,968 --> 00:03:24,888
Speaker 1: do something, ladies.

60
00:03:25,208 --> 00:03:26,928
Speaker 3: I was completely drawn to him.

61
00:03:27,168 --> 00:03:30,608
Speaker 2: I ignored the best friend pretty much the whole weekend.

62
00:03:31,208 --> 00:03:35,848
Speaker 2: The initial attraction was his charisma. He could sell ice

63
00:03:35,928 --> 00:03:40,648
Speaker 2: to the Eskimos. He just had this beautiful aura about him.

64
00:03:41,088 --> 00:03:45,168
Speaker 2: He was extremely smart, he was just interesting. He'd lived

65
00:03:45,168 --> 00:03:49,368
Speaker 2: a really interesting life. He'd lived overseas, He'd had interesting

66
00:03:49,528 --> 00:03:54,168
Speaker 2: experiences and jobs, and I just became fascinated. And I

67
00:03:54,168 --> 00:03:56,648
Speaker 2: think because I've lived a very similar life. I've traveled

68
00:03:56,688 --> 00:03:59,448
Speaker 2: a lot and had a lot of exciting jobs as well.

69
00:03:59,488 --> 00:04:02,528
Speaker 2: We kind of just bounced off each other, and I

70
00:04:02,608 --> 00:04:05,168
Speaker 2: was definitely attracted to him in a more of an

71
00:04:05,168 --> 00:04:10,248
Speaker 2: intellectual way than say how he physically looked. But yeah,

72
00:04:10,328 --> 00:04:13,088
Speaker 2: that quickly agrew for me. It was like we had

73
00:04:13,248 --> 00:04:17,327
Speaker 2: known each other for years, and yeah, there was just

74
00:04:17,648 --> 00:04:21,487
Speaker 2: something there. It was I'd never felt that way about

75
00:04:21,528 --> 00:04:24,688
Speaker 2: someone before. After the weekend, I flew back home and

76
00:04:25,008 --> 00:04:28,168
Speaker 2: Aaron and I stayed in touch and struck up this

77
00:04:28,288 --> 00:04:32,808
Speaker 2: really beautiful friendship to begin with. And then work actually

78
00:04:32,847 --> 00:04:35,568
Speaker 2: took me to the city that he was from. I

79
00:04:35,727 --> 00:04:39,128
Speaker 2: was working in the airlines and one of the airlines

80
00:04:39,168 --> 00:04:42,328
Speaker 2: I was working for was opening a new service in

81
00:04:42,368 --> 00:04:45,288
Speaker 2: his city and asked me to go and set up that.

82
00:04:45,648 --> 00:04:48,847
Speaker 2: So I took that opportunity as a good professional opportunity,

83
00:04:48,888 --> 00:04:52,128
Speaker 2: but also an opportunity in love as well. I thought, well,

84
00:04:52,168 --> 00:04:55,448
Speaker 2: I'm feeling this way about this man professionally, it was

85
00:04:55,528 --> 00:04:57,368
Speaker 2: going to be a really good decision, and so I

86
00:04:57,408 --> 00:04:59,087
Speaker 2: took a chance and moved.

87
00:04:59,528 --> 00:05:01,568
Speaker 1: Sometimes life just finds a way.

88
00:05:02,727 --> 00:05:07,368
Speaker 2: It was around six weeks after and then when I

89
00:05:07,448 --> 00:05:11,008
Speaker 2: first got to his city, was with another friend, and

90
00:05:11,048 --> 00:05:13,287
Speaker 2: then he actually rang me and said I've got a

91
00:05:13,288 --> 00:05:16,288
Speaker 2: spare room in my house now that I could have

92
00:05:16,528 --> 00:05:19,568
Speaker 2: for really cheap rent. So I ended up moving into

93
00:05:19,607 --> 00:05:23,008
Speaker 2: his house about three weeks after being there, and then

94
00:05:23,168 --> 00:05:26,408
Speaker 2: we stayed together the whole time. So we moved in

95
00:05:26,528 --> 00:05:30,808
Speaker 2: very very quickly. It was like we'd been living together forever. Really,

96
00:05:30,847 --> 00:05:35,048
Speaker 2: it was just so easy. He was amazing cook. He's

97
00:05:35,087 --> 00:05:37,928
Speaker 2: a pedantic cleaner, so I was being very well looked

98
00:05:37,967 --> 00:05:41,248
Speaker 2: after doing quite long hours with my new role, and

99
00:05:41,327 --> 00:05:43,888
Speaker 2: he took charge of the house and I thought I

100
00:05:43,928 --> 00:05:46,448
Speaker 2: could get used to this. There were no red flags.

101
00:05:46,607 --> 00:05:50,807
Speaker 2: I was just thinking, this man is unbelievable. There was

102
00:05:50,888 --> 00:05:54,407
Speaker 2: no love bombing. There was We had the same love

103
00:05:54,488 --> 00:05:58,288
Speaker 2: language and everything. It was spending quality time together and

104
00:05:59,048 --> 00:06:03,448
Speaker 2: he said all the right things and made me feel amazing,

105
00:06:03,528 --> 00:06:05,648
Speaker 2: like I was the only woman in the world. We

106
00:06:05,768 --> 00:06:09,888
Speaker 2: used to have really long intellectual conversations on the couch

107
00:06:09,888 --> 00:06:12,808
Speaker 2: all night. Where most other couples would be, you know,

108
00:06:12,847 --> 00:06:14,527
Speaker 2: going to bed and having sex, We'd sit on the

109
00:06:14,528 --> 00:06:17,207
Speaker 2: couch and talk about the most random things for hours

110
00:06:17,248 --> 00:06:17,768
Speaker 2: and hours.

111
00:06:17,967 --> 00:06:19,568
Speaker 3: He was just interesting, you know.

112
00:06:19,607 --> 00:06:22,807
Speaker 2: He was the kind of guy that always wanted to

113
00:06:22,847 --> 00:06:26,168
Speaker 2: know why. I think even growing up his parents would

114
00:06:26,168 --> 00:06:28,408
Speaker 2: say why is the sky blue?

115
00:06:28,448 --> 00:06:30,048
Speaker 3: And why are we here?

116
00:06:30,128 --> 00:06:34,288
Speaker 2: And he was always very curious about life and experiences,

117
00:06:34,368 --> 00:06:37,288
Speaker 2: and I guess he kind of brought out that curiosity

118
00:06:37,648 --> 00:06:38,648
Speaker 2: for me as well.

119
00:06:39,448 --> 00:06:41,488
Speaker 3: We connected on such a like.

120
00:06:41,408 --> 00:06:48,688
Speaker 2: An emotional level, and yeah, just his intellect is something

121
00:06:49,488 --> 00:06:53,047
Speaker 2: I'd never come across in a partner before. It was

122
00:06:53,087 --> 00:06:55,888
Speaker 2: really good to watch how his kind of brain worked,

123
00:06:55,967 --> 00:06:59,808
Speaker 2: and you know, wanting to know about all different belief systems,

124
00:06:59,928 --> 00:07:02,248
Speaker 2: and you know, we even had talks about death and

125
00:07:03,128 --> 00:07:07,008
Speaker 2: after life, and yeah, it wasn't just your normal what's

126
00:07:07,008 --> 00:07:10,528
Speaker 2: your favorite color or where's your favorite holiday destination. They

127
00:07:10,528 --> 00:07:13,768
Speaker 2: were really really deep conversations. So we connected on a

128
00:07:13,808 --> 00:07:17,408
Speaker 2: really deep level right from the get go. I'm not

129
00:07:17,568 --> 00:07:20,328
Speaker 2: a real believer in love at first sight. I could

130
00:07:20,408 --> 00:07:22,208
Speaker 2: tell that he was going to be the one just

131
00:07:22,208 --> 00:07:24,728
Speaker 2: because of the ease. So I would go as far

132
00:07:24,808 --> 00:07:28,648
Speaker 2: to say probably within the first month, I was getting

133
00:07:28,688 --> 00:07:30,887
Speaker 2: the heart flutters and the butterflies, and you know, wanted

134
00:07:30,928 --> 00:07:33,927
Speaker 2: to race home and be with him, and I know

135
00:07:34,048 --> 00:07:36,727
Speaker 2: he felt the same. He said I love you first,

136
00:07:37,168 --> 00:07:38,648
Speaker 2: and I still remember that day.

137
00:07:38,688 --> 00:07:38,888
Speaker 3: It was.

138
00:07:39,008 --> 00:07:41,568
Speaker 2: Yeah, it was probably only six weeks into our relationship

139
00:07:42,328 --> 00:07:44,608
Speaker 2: that he said that it was like we had known

140
00:07:44,648 --> 00:07:49,608
Speaker 2: each other for years, and yeah, there was just something there.

141
00:07:49,727 --> 00:07:53,367
Speaker 2: It was I'd never felt that way about someone before.

142
00:07:53,408 --> 00:07:55,648
Speaker 2: I had had boyfriends in the past, but this was

143
00:07:55,768 --> 00:07:59,208
Speaker 2: just different and it was easy. And I kind of

144
00:07:59,288 --> 00:08:01,488
Speaker 2: knew then and there that we were going to be

145
00:08:01,607 --> 00:08:06,167
Speaker 2: together and get married. We were both twenty nine, a

146
00:08:06,208 --> 00:08:08,488
Speaker 2: lot of our friends were already in the process of

147
00:08:08,528 --> 00:08:11,768
Speaker 2: getting married and starting to have children, so we were

148
00:08:12,448 --> 00:08:13,808
Speaker 2: late starters, but.

149
00:08:14,048 --> 00:08:15,208
Speaker 3: It moved very quickly.

150
00:08:15,528 --> 00:08:16,488
Speaker 1: How quickly you ask.

151
00:08:16,768 --> 00:08:19,727
Speaker 2: We ended up buying a house after four months together.

152
00:08:20,648 --> 00:08:23,807
Speaker 2: We had to move out of this particular rental, and

153
00:08:24,328 --> 00:08:25,888
Speaker 2: I had a bit of money behind me and he

154
00:08:25,928 --> 00:08:28,288
Speaker 2: did as well, so we kind of thought, well, rather

155
00:08:28,328 --> 00:08:31,608
Speaker 2: than getting into a rental, let's just let's just buy

156
00:08:31,648 --> 00:08:34,328
Speaker 2: a little apartment. So yeah, we did that and got

157
00:08:34,328 --> 00:08:37,848
Speaker 2: to set up our own little love nest and you know.

158
00:08:37,928 --> 00:08:42,008
Speaker 3: Just start to build a future together. It just felt right.

159
00:08:42,808 --> 00:08:44,448
Speaker 2: A lot of people were saying, you know, I don't

160
00:08:44,528 --> 00:08:46,888
Speaker 2: think you're rushing into things, but I'm like, oh, you

161
00:08:46,928 --> 00:08:50,288
Speaker 2: need to trust me. I know when I feel something

162
00:08:50,848 --> 00:08:54,208
Speaker 2: which I haven't felt in past long term relationships before,

163
00:08:54,288 --> 00:08:55,208
Speaker 2: I know this is right.

164
00:08:55,688 --> 00:08:58,528
Speaker 3: At no time did I think it was. It was

165
00:08:58,568 --> 00:08:59,128
Speaker 3: too quick.

166
00:08:59,288 --> 00:09:02,768
Speaker 2: I was just you know, hook line and sinker in

167
00:09:02,968 --> 00:09:05,928
Speaker 2: my own little love bubble and just thought I'd completely

168
00:09:05,968 --> 00:09:06,728
Speaker 2: hit the jackpot.

169
00:09:07,248 --> 00:09:10,128
Speaker 3: Then the next step was he.

170
00:09:09,808 --> 00:09:12,208
Speaker 2: He asked me to marry him on a Melbourne cup

171
00:09:12,288 --> 00:09:15,408
Speaker 2: day that was eight months into the relationship. He made

172
00:09:15,448 --> 00:09:18,208
Speaker 2: me do a hot and cold hunt around the house,

173
00:09:18,328 --> 00:09:21,168
Speaker 2: like you know, I'd go into the kitchen and he'd

174
00:09:21,208 --> 00:09:23,888
Speaker 2: say cold, cold, cold, and go out the front and

175
00:09:23,928 --> 00:09:26,888
Speaker 2: he'd say warm, warm, warmer. And then I finally got

176
00:09:26,888 --> 00:09:28,888
Speaker 2: to his car and there was a bottle of champagne

177
00:09:28,928 --> 00:09:31,968
Speaker 2: and the rings sitting on his front car seat where

178
00:09:31,968 --> 00:09:33,528
Speaker 2: I turned around and I was like, oh my.

179
00:09:33,488 --> 00:09:35,888
Speaker 3: Gosh, is this for real? And he's like, yes, marry me.

180
00:09:35,968 --> 00:09:39,168
Speaker 2: And we pop the champagne on the front lawn and

181
00:09:40,128 --> 00:09:43,488
Speaker 2: sprayed it everywhere, and yeah, it was a really beautiful moment.

182
00:09:43,608 --> 00:09:48,768
Speaker 2: I just wish he wasn't so a ne breaded. He

183
00:09:48,848 --> 00:09:52,728
Speaker 2: was blind drunk when he proposed to me. And then

184
00:09:52,768 --> 00:09:54,568
Speaker 2: the next morning I'm like, maybe you might want to

185
00:09:54,608 --> 00:09:56,607
Speaker 2: take this ring back and he's like, no, no, I've

186
00:09:56,608 --> 00:09:57,088
Speaker 2: had the ring.

187
00:09:57,128 --> 00:09:57,328
Speaker 3: You know.

188
00:09:57,928 --> 00:10:00,928
Speaker 2: I wanted to propose. I just wasn't supposed to propose

189
00:10:01,008 --> 00:10:04,768
Speaker 2: in that particular way. He got completely excited. I think

190
00:10:04,808 --> 00:10:08,088
Speaker 2: he'd had this whole thing planned in a beautiful part

191
00:10:08,248 --> 00:10:11,608
Speaker 2: like down at the beach, far more romantic setting than

192
00:10:12,008 --> 00:10:15,848
Speaker 2: being blind drunk after going to the races and coming home.

193
00:10:15,888 --> 00:10:18,688
Speaker 2: And yeah, he couldn't contain himself. He just wanted to

194
00:10:18,728 --> 00:10:21,408
Speaker 2: do it, which I guess was nice At the time.

195
00:10:21,568 --> 00:10:25,128
Speaker 2: It was kind of endearing that he couldn't wait. There

196
00:10:25,168 --> 00:10:27,448
Speaker 2: was a little bit of pushback. Yeah, a few people

197
00:10:27,488 --> 00:10:30,008
Speaker 2: were like, oh, gee, that's like it's only been eight months.

198
00:10:30,088 --> 00:10:33,568
Speaker 2: But I guess when you start living together so soon

199
00:10:33,608 --> 00:10:36,888
Speaker 2: in the relationship, you get to learn a lot about people.

200
00:10:36,928 --> 00:10:37,488
Speaker 3: In that time.

201
00:10:37,528 --> 00:10:40,088
Speaker 2: There wasn't really a time that we were just dating

202
00:10:40,168 --> 00:10:43,208
Speaker 2: and doing our own thing and living separately. But look,

203
00:10:43,328 --> 00:10:47,768
Speaker 2: majority of my support network were very excited for me

204
00:10:47,888 --> 00:10:51,608
Speaker 2: that I'd finally found someone to settle down with. We

205
00:10:51,688 --> 00:10:55,007
Speaker 2: decided to get married exactly twelve months after the proposal,

206
00:10:55,128 --> 00:10:59,208
Speaker 2: so we planned. It wasn't a huge wedding. It was

207
00:10:59,528 --> 00:11:05,968
Speaker 2: pretty traditional, really, Yeah, white dress, bridesmaids, groomsmen in a park,

208
00:11:06,488 --> 00:11:09,768
Speaker 2: a reception at a hotel. It was an an extravagant

209
00:11:10,248 --> 00:11:13,008
Speaker 2: or anything, but it was with our nearest and dearest.

210
00:11:13,088 --> 00:11:16,088
Speaker 1: But it wasn't all perfect. The first thing that ever

211
00:11:16,128 --> 00:11:19,008
Speaker 1: went wrong, the first and only time Aaron had ever

212
00:11:19,088 --> 00:11:22,408
Speaker 1: made a even blink, let alone second guess anything, was

213
00:11:22,448 --> 00:11:25,328
Speaker 1: the very night before the wedding.

214
00:11:26,168 --> 00:11:29,448
Speaker 2: I'm at the hotel with my girls and my bridal party,

215
00:11:29,528 --> 00:11:32,648
Speaker 2: and I get a phone call and Aaron has been

216
00:11:32,688 --> 00:11:36,288
Speaker 2: in a punch on with all of his groomsmen and

217
00:11:36,488 --> 00:11:40,888
Speaker 2: he was crying and saying he can't stay at the

218
00:11:40,888 --> 00:11:42,848
Speaker 2: hotel that they were at, that his mum and dad

219
00:11:42,848 --> 00:11:46,048
Speaker 2: were coming to pick him up because he's all beaten

220
00:11:46,448 --> 00:11:47,048
Speaker 2: and bruised.

221
00:11:47,848 --> 00:11:50,208
Speaker 3: I had never really heard.

222
00:11:50,048 --> 00:11:53,368
Speaker 2: Of him being violent in any sort of way, and

223
00:11:54,488 --> 00:11:57,728
Speaker 2: so I broke down in tears. And all of my

224
00:11:58,448 --> 00:12:01,528
Speaker 2: bridesmaids and my sister were there and they're like, oh

225
00:12:01,608 --> 00:12:03,368
Speaker 2: my gosh, what are you going to do? And I'm like, well,

226
00:12:03,408 --> 00:12:04,848
Speaker 2: I don't know. I don't know what to do. Do

227
00:12:04,928 --> 00:12:07,768
Speaker 2: I go around there and they're like, no, you know,

228
00:12:07,888 --> 00:12:10,208
Speaker 2: leave him to sort it out. It's you know, this

229
00:12:10,288 --> 00:12:13,448
Speaker 2: is your last night as well, and we're here drinking

230
00:12:13,528 --> 00:12:17,848
Speaker 2: champagne and in our Peter Alexander pajamas and he needs

231
00:12:17,888 --> 00:12:21,528
Speaker 2: to sort that out anyway. His mum was calling me,

232
00:12:21,688 --> 00:12:25,648
Speaker 2: telling me how distraught he was and that he's got

233
00:12:25,648 --> 00:12:29,368
Speaker 2: a fat lip and a bruised eye, and don't be

234
00:12:29,408 --> 00:12:31,528
Speaker 2: shocked when I walk down the aisle tomorrow and see

235
00:12:31,608 --> 00:12:33,568
Speaker 2: him beaten up.

236
00:12:33,848 --> 00:12:38,288
Speaker 3: So yeah, that was the first red flag for me.

237
00:12:38,568 --> 00:12:40,848
Speaker 3: I was like, oh no, what am I doing?

238
00:12:41,848 --> 00:12:44,848
Speaker 2: So what I had known to have happened was that

239
00:12:45,688 --> 00:12:48,648
Speaker 2: he had an expectation that the boys would all come

240
00:12:49,048 --> 00:12:51,648
Speaker 2: to the hotel and have a few beers and hang out.

241
00:12:51,728 --> 00:12:54,008
Speaker 2: Now a couple of them couldn't make it, so he

242
00:12:54,088 --> 00:12:57,288
Speaker 2: got very upset that he had made it to their

243
00:12:57,328 --> 00:13:01,888
Speaker 2: wedding or pre wedding drinks, and so yeah, I think

244
00:13:01,928 --> 00:13:04,888
Speaker 2: he'd had a few drinks and told them exactly how

245
00:13:04,928 --> 00:13:08,288
Speaker 2: he felt about them not being there, and they ended

246
00:13:08,328 --> 00:13:11,208
Speaker 2: up coming around, and I think he was too angry

247
00:13:11,248 --> 00:13:15,408
Speaker 2: by that stage and a fight had broken out, and yeah,

248
00:13:15,448 --> 00:13:18,688
Speaker 2: he did have a huge fat lip when I walked

249
00:13:18,728 --> 00:13:22,568
Speaker 2: down the aisle the next day. I didn't know if

250
00:13:22,608 --> 00:13:26,448
Speaker 2: I believe that it was about the boys not coming over.

251
00:13:26,768 --> 00:13:30,648
Speaker 2: I started to feel really quite insecure about were they

252
00:13:30,768 --> 00:13:33,448
Speaker 2: upset that he was marrying me? Did they think that

253
00:13:33,608 --> 00:13:36,848
Speaker 2: he was rushing into it as well? And thinking it

254
00:13:36,888 --> 00:13:39,648
Speaker 2: was a really bad idea, and his friends were not

255
00:13:39,848 --> 00:13:43,728
Speaker 2: actually very nice people. But I didn't say to him,

256
00:13:44,528 --> 00:13:46,408
Speaker 2: I don't want you to be friends with these people.

257
00:13:46,448 --> 00:13:47,768
Speaker 3: I just used to say to.

258
00:13:47,768 --> 00:13:50,128
Speaker 2: Him sometimes, like they're not very nice and they don't

259
00:13:50,128 --> 00:13:52,128
Speaker 2: treat you very well, and maybe you need to surround

260
00:13:52,168 --> 00:13:55,288
Speaker 2: yourself with better people. And so I started, Yeah, I

261
00:13:55,328 --> 00:13:58,368
Speaker 2: started to get really self conscious about if it was

262
00:13:58,648 --> 00:13:59,088
Speaker 2: about me.

263
00:14:00,048 --> 00:14:03,208
Speaker 3: Didn't mean to make it about me, but he insisted that.

264
00:14:03,208 --> 00:14:06,408
Speaker 2: It was because he had this expectation and they weren't

265
00:14:06,448 --> 00:14:10,607
Speaker 2: meeting it well. His friends all got married and didn't

266
00:14:10,648 --> 00:14:14,968
Speaker 2: have him in the bridal party. Ever, they would go

267
00:14:15,088 --> 00:14:18,568
Speaker 2: surfing and wouldn't invite him, and he was always just

268
00:14:18,608 --> 00:14:21,848
Speaker 2: a second thought. And for me, like, I'm so loyal

269
00:14:21,888 --> 00:14:25,648
Speaker 2: and I've got the most beautiful group of friends around me,

270
00:14:26,008 --> 00:14:29,248
Speaker 2: and I just hated to see that they would treat

271
00:14:29,448 --> 00:14:32,128
Speaker 2: him like that. I just wasn't used to those kind

272
00:14:32,208 --> 00:14:35,368
Speaker 2: of relationships. My friends and I we do so many

273
00:14:35,368 --> 00:14:37,848
Speaker 2: things together and really look out for each other and

274
00:14:37,888 --> 00:14:40,088
Speaker 2: have each other's backs. But I just feel like he

275
00:14:40,328 --> 00:14:44,168
Speaker 2: really didn't have anyone that really had his back. So

276
00:14:44,248 --> 00:14:47,808
Speaker 2: I became quite protective of him in that way.

277
00:14:48,448 --> 00:14:51,128
Speaker 1: But it wasn't about her, and it was very, very

278
00:14:51,288 --> 00:14:54,768
Speaker 1: out of the ordinary, so Aver brushed it aside. What's

279
00:14:54,768 --> 00:14:56,448
Speaker 1: a fat lip in your wedding photos when you have

280
00:14:56,528 --> 00:14:57,568
Speaker 1: your whole life ahead.

281
00:14:58,048 --> 00:15:00,848
Speaker 2: I absolutely had to let the night before the wedding

282
00:15:00,928 --> 00:15:05,208
Speaker 2: go because if I didn't, resentment would start.

283
00:15:05,568 --> 00:15:06,248
Speaker 3: It was in there.

284
00:15:06,528 --> 00:15:09,088
Speaker 2: But I managed to be like, okay, this is one

285
00:15:09,208 --> 00:15:11,728
Speaker 2: night elko oh I was involved. Let's just try and

286
00:15:12,208 --> 00:15:14,688
Speaker 2: try and let it go. And it never really came

287
00:15:14,728 --> 00:15:19,888
Speaker 2: back up in conversation. He assured me that they had

288
00:15:19,888 --> 00:15:22,128
Speaker 2: had punch ons before and were able just to get

289
00:15:22,368 --> 00:15:24,688
Speaker 2: over it and move on, and it was swept under

290
00:15:24,728 --> 00:15:27,728
Speaker 2: the carpet and never discussed again. We had the most

291
00:15:27,848 --> 00:15:32,368
Speaker 2: amazing honeymoon. We went overseas for six weeks, amazing just

292
00:15:32,488 --> 00:15:34,968
Speaker 2: exploring the world together, which we both loved to do.

293
00:15:35,728 --> 00:15:39,008
Speaker 2: And then Aaron comes from a very big family, so

294
00:15:39,048 --> 00:15:42,168
Speaker 2: he was really ready to get cracking and having kids.

295
00:15:42,288 --> 00:15:45,328
Speaker 2: Now I come from quite a small family, and I

296
00:15:45,488 --> 00:15:47,368
Speaker 2: was a bit more of the mindset of, you know,

297
00:15:47,408 --> 00:15:49,088
Speaker 2: maybe we should be married for a couple of years

298
00:15:49,128 --> 00:15:51,688
Speaker 2: before starting to have kids. But because we were twenty nine,

299
00:15:51,728 --> 00:15:53,848
Speaker 2: like while we were thirty by that time, he really

300
00:15:53,848 --> 00:15:57,248
Speaker 2: wanted to get cracking, so we started trying straight away

301
00:15:57,288 --> 00:16:01,568
Speaker 2: and fell pregnant straight away, and our first child was

302
00:16:01,608 --> 00:16:05,128
Speaker 2: born twelve months after the wedding day. As a teenager

303
00:16:05,288 --> 00:16:07,488
Speaker 2: or you know, young woman in their twenties, you always

304
00:16:07,488 --> 00:16:11,008
Speaker 2: have this timeline of I want to be engaged by

305
00:16:11,008 --> 00:16:13,848
Speaker 2: twenty eight, married by thirty and baby by thirty two.

306
00:16:13,928 --> 00:16:17,488
Speaker 2: While I was pretty much living to that of what

307
00:16:18,608 --> 00:16:24,208
Speaker 2: societal expectation was. So you know, for us, we were

308
00:16:24,248 --> 00:16:28,608
Speaker 2: on track to having a successful marriage in life. Our

309
00:16:28,648 --> 00:16:31,608
Speaker 2: first year of marriage was amazing. I just knew he

310
00:16:31,728 --> 00:16:33,768
Speaker 2: was going to be a really good dad because he

311
00:16:33,848 --> 00:16:38,568
Speaker 2: wanted to have kids very much. And yeah, he looked

312
00:16:38,608 --> 00:16:41,688
Speaker 2: after me during pregnancy really well. I had lots of

313
00:16:41,808 --> 00:16:44,888
Speaker 2: really random cravings and things, so he'd be going out

314
00:16:44,888 --> 00:16:46,928
Speaker 2: in the middle of the night to get me Granni

315
00:16:46,928 --> 00:16:51,248
Speaker 2: Smith apples and fruit juice and steam dim sims. So yeah,

316
00:16:51,288 --> 00:16:54,008
Speaker 2: he was amazing and we were just still in this

317
00:16:54,448 --> 00:16:58,368
Speaker 2: beautiful marital bliss. We had to sell our apartment that

318
00:16:58,408 --> 00:17:00,968
Speaker 2: we had bought to move into a into a bigger

319
00:17:00,968 --> 00:17:04,088
Speaker 2: house because our apartment had a three story walk up.

320
00:17:04,648 --> 00:17:07,568
Speaker 2: So yeah, we ended up buying a beautiful family home

321
00:17:07,927 --> 00:17:10,767
Speaker 2: and Yeah, we were ready to start our life with

322
00:17:11,008 --> 00:17:12,128
Speaker 2: bringing kids into it.

323
00:17:13,088 --> 00:17:15,168
Speaker 3: Our marriage was beautiful.

324
00:17:15,328 --> 00:17:17,608
Speaker 2: We had a really good group of friends that we

325
00:17:17,688 --> 00:17:20,008
Speaker 2: had made in the community that we moved to.

326
00:17:20,968 --> 00:17:22,648
Speaker 3: I was really enjoying motherhood.

327
00:17:23,048 --> 00:17:27,088
Speaker 2: We had a very successful business as well, so financially

328
00:17:27,128 --> 00:17:28,888
Speaker 2: we're in a really good position.

329
00:17:29,488 --> 00:17:29,728
Speaker 3: Yeah.

330
00:17:29,808 --> 00:17:33,167
Speaker 2: Life just really couldn't be any more perfect. So we

331
00:17:33,288 --> 00:17:36,487
Speaker 2: decided to have a second child two years later, and

332
00:17:36,608 --> 00:17:40,608
Speaker 2: that again was just a beautiful experience for both of us.

333
00:17:40,768 --> 00:17:44,487
Speaker 2: And we had made the decision that we were done

334
00:17:44,608 --> 00:17:47,447
Speaker 2: with just having the two kids, and I think we

335
00:17:47,448 --> 00:17:51,368
Speaker 2: were at capacity. Our hands were full with running a business,

336
00:17:51,568 --> 00:17:54,488
Speaker 2: running a household, and having two young children.

337
00:17:56,248 --> 00:17:59,608
Speaker 1: Life continued this way. Ava and Aaron continue their long,

338
00:17:59,768 --> 00:18:03,128
Speaker 1: deep intellectual chats on the couch. They continued to travel,

339
00:18:03,248 --> 00:18:06,288
Speaker 1: They loved being parents, and were smashing goals in their business.

340
00:18:06,608 --> 00:18:08,888
Speaker 1: There hadn't been a single hiccup since the bust up

341
00:18:08,968 --> 00:18:12,008
Speaker 1: with his mates before the wedding, So when life issued

342
00:18:12,048 --> 00:18:14,928
Speaker 1: a curveball six years into their marriage, I even knew

343
00:18:14,928 --> 00:18:17,088
Speaker 1: they could and would tackle it as a team.

344
00:18:17,648 --> 00:18:21,248
Speaker 2: I fell pregnant, so my other two were four and

345
00:18:22,088 --> 00:18:26,248
Speaker 2: eighteen months and I just really didn't know if I

346
00:18:26,288 --> 00:18:28,167
Speaker 2: was going to be able to cope with having a

347
00:18:28,168 --> 00:18:32,528
Speaker 2: third child. So yeah, I had had to have a

348
00:18:32,568 --> 00:18:36,248
Speaker 2: conversation with Aaron and say, I don't know.

349
00:18:36,208 --> 00:18:36,968
Speaker 3: If I can do this.

350
00:18:37,328 --> 00:18:41,688
Speaker 2: I'm at capacity because I was helping run the business.

351
00:18:42,088 --> 00:18:44,688
Speaker 2: He was out all day, you know, working really long

352
00:18:44,728 --> 00:18:48,288
Speaker 2: hours from like six am until like nine pm, so

353
00:18:48,448 --> 00:18:51,888
Speaker 2: really long days. And he had said to me, well,

354
00:18:52,808 --> 00:18:55,888
Speaker 2: I really want to have a big family, and I said,

355
00:18:56,288 --> 00:18:58,687
Speaker 2: I know you do, but I don't think this is

356
00:18:58,768 --> 00:19:02,728
Speaker 2: a financially for us, and be like, I just don't

357
00:19:02,728 --> 00:19:03,368
Speaker 2: know if I'm going.

358
00:19:03,288 --> 00:19:04,687
Speaker 3: To be able to cope with three kids.

359
00:19:04,768 --> 00:19:09,008
Speaker 2: So yeah, he had given me an ultimatum that if

360
00:19:09,008 --> 00:19:14,207
Speaker 2: I terminate the pregnancy that he will leave me. I

361
00:19:14,328 --> 00:19:16,808
Speaker 2: never thought he would give me an ultimatum like that.

362
00:19:17,088 --> 00:19:21,687
Speaker 2: I was just absolutely thrown back. At the time I

363
00:19:21,728 --> 00:19:23,968
Speaker 2: found out I was pregnant with my third we were

364
00:19:24,248 --> 00:19:27,408
Speaker 2: going on a holiday to Thailand with a huge group

365
00:19:27,448 --> 00:19:29,688
Speaker 2: of people, and I said to him, I'm going to

366
00:19:29,728 --> 00:19:31,488
Speaker 2: go on that holiday and have a think about it.

367
00:19:32,208 --> 00:19:35,168
Speaker 3: But the resentment then started to build up. I thought,

368
00:19:35,168 --> 00:19:37,407
Speaker 3: how dare you place that on me?

369
00:19:38,248 --> 00:19:42,328
Speaker 2: So after Thailand, I kind of started to come to

370
00:19:42,408 --> 00:19:47,048
Speaker 2: terms with pregnancy and decided not only coming to terms

371
00:19:47,048 --> 00:19:49,768
Speaker 2: with the pregnancy, but I wanted to save my marriage.

372
00:19:50,208 --> 00:19:53,128
Speaker 2: And during that pregnancy that's when things started to really

373
00:19:53,488 --> 00:19:58,768
Speaker 2: go downhill. Our relationship was great up until that third pregnancy.

374
00:19:58,848 --> 00:20:02,488
Speaker 2: He really really wanted to go through with it and

375
00:20:02,728 --> 00:20:04,888
Speaker 2: I really really didn't and I just felt like he

376
00:20:04,928 --> 00:20:09,048
Speaker 2: didn't respect my views on it at all, that he

377
00:20:09,128 --> 00:20:11,688
Speaker 2: was just thinking about himself and what his wishes were,

378
00:20:11,728 --> 00:20:12,208
Speaker 2: which was.

379
00:20:12,168 --> 00:20:13,168
Speaker 3: To have a big family.

380
00:20:13,248 --> 00:20:17,167
Speaker 2: And yes, so their tension started to grow, and resentment

381
00:20:17,408 --> 00:20:21,448
Speaker 2: did start to grow throughout because I just again became

382
00:20:21,488 --> 00:20:25,007
Speaker 2: another designated driver for him for every function, and you know,

383
00:20:25,208 --> 00:20:29,008
Speaker 2: having to look after two young toddlers at the same

384
00:20:29,048 --> 00:20:32,488
Speaker 2: time as making a baby. And then I started to

385
00:20:32,528 --> 00:20:36,487
Speaker 2: worry that I might resent my third childhood and I

386
00:20:36,608 --> 00:20:39,008
Speaker 2: was like, I can't believe you're putting me in this situation.

387
00:20:39,968 --> 00:20:44,488
Speaker 2: He started to drink heavily during that third pregnancy as well. Yeah,

388
00:20:44,528 --> 00:20:47,728
Speaker 2: it was very, very difficult, and by the time my

389
00:20:47,848 --> 00:20:53,568
Speaker 2: third came, the resentment was really really embedded. Well, there

390
00:20:53,648 --> 00:20:55,808
Speaker 2: was a couple of things that happened. I had to

391
00:20:55,848 --> 00:20:59,408
Speaker 2: have a c section because my baby ended up being

392
00:20:59,448 --> 00:21:03,688
Speaker 2: ten pound five so a really really big boy. And

393
00:21:03,888 --> 00:21:09,368
Speaker 2: while I was in recovery, Aaron had actually named my baby.

394
00:21:10,408 --> 00:21:12,648
Speaker 2: So the nurse came down and said, I'm going to

395
00:21:12,688 --> 00:21:15,008
Speaker 2: take you down to see so and so, and I'm like.

396
00:21:15,248 --> 00:21:15,648
Speaker 3: Who's that.

397
00:21:15,888 --> 00:21:18,928
Speaker 2: She's like, that's your child, and I was like, oh,

398
00:21:18,968 --> 00:21:22,968
Speaker 2: my gosh, has Aaron named the baby? And she said, yeah, yeah,

399
00:21:23,208 --> 00:21:25,888
Speaker 2: it's all all the documents are done. So they took

400
00:21:25,928 --> 00:21:29,447
Speaker 2: me down there and I walk into Niku. Because he

401
00:21:29,608 --> 00:21:32,688
Speaker 2: was so big he had to go into intensive care

402
00:21:32,728 --> 00:21:36,688
Speaker 2: for a little bit. And Aaron's mum is holding my baby.

403
00:21:36,848 --> 00:21:43,128
Speaker 2: So the resentment that was already there absolutely multiplied with

404
00:21:43,128 --> 00:21:46,568
Speaker 2: within minutes. I was like, a You've named the baby,

405
00:21:46,648 --> 00:21:51,528
Speaker 2: and be everybody in your family has held him before me.

406
00:21:52,448 --> 00:21:54,888
Speaker 3: There was one name that he liked that I was

407
00:21:55,008 --> 00:21:55,808
Speaker 3: not a fan of.

408
00:21:55,808 --> 00:21:59,648
Speaker 2: And he he named him that while I was still

409
00:21:59,808 --> 00:22:03,688
Speaker 2: under a general anesthetic, there is this little stranger that

410
00:22:03,768 --> 00:22:06,728
Speaker 2: has had cuddles with everybody else.

411
00:22:06,848 --> 00:22:08,728
Speaker 3: After such a traumatic birth.

412
00:22:08,488 --> 00:22:11,808
Speaker 2: I just did didn't know how I was going to

413
00:22:11,888 --> 00:22:17,488
Speaker 2: move on from that, so coming home was extremely difficult.

414
00:22:17,528 --> 00:22:19,528
Speaker 2: I would probably say I was pretty close to having

415
00:22:19,568 --> 00:22:24,248
Speaker 2: postnatal depression. Not so much about the baby, I bonded

416
00:22:24,328 --> 00:22:27,608
Speaker 2: with him beautifully, but my marriage was breaking down because

417
00:22:28,368 --> 00:22:29,448
Speaker 2: I was so angry.

418
00:22:29,608 --> 00:22:31,528
Speaker 3: I was so angry.

419
00:22:31,288 --> 00:22:36,048
Speaker 2: And yeah, I just knew that I just needed to

420
00:22:36,608 --> 00:22:39,008
Speaker 2: be there for my kids, try and get a routine,

421
00:22:39,048 --> 00:22:41,368
Speaker 2: and then like the marriage would sort itself out later.

422
00:22:41,968 --> 00:22:43,248
Speaker 3: I would say I checked out.

423
00:22:43,328 --> 00:22:46,648
Speaker 2: I started to check out, and I just really needed

424
00:22:46,688 --> 00:22:51,688
Speaker 2: to focus on trying to raise three kids under four, Like, yeah,

425
00:22:51,728 --> 00:22:53,008
Speaker 2: it was really really difficult.

426
00:22:53,568 --> 00:22:57,128
Speaker 3: And he was still drinking. So I started to think, well,

427
00:22:57,168 --> 00:23:00,768
Speaker 3: he's not coping with three kids either, Like he would

428
00:23:00,968 --> 00:23:03,687
Speaker 3: lose his crap if you know, one of them was

429
00:23:03,728 --> 00:23:07,528
Speaker 3: having a tantrum. I would you get to the point

430
00:23:07,528 --> 00:23:09,968
Speaker 3: where I couldn't deal with it? So I'd say to him,

431
00:23:10,288 --> 00:23:13,248
Speaker 3: can you come and like sort this out, takeover. I

432
00:23:13,288 --> 00:23:14,048
Speaker 3: need to tap out.

433
00:23:14,568 --> 00:23:17,608
Speaker 2: And then what would happen was he would then escalate,

434
00:23:18,088 --> 00:23:20,167
Speaker 2: and then I would have to step back in because

435
00:23:20,208 --> 00:23:24,608
Speaker 2: now I've got a child escalating, an arrow escalating, and.

436
00:23:24,648 --> 00:23:26,048
Speaker 3: It was just an absolute nightmare.

437
00:23:26,568 --> 00:23:29,368
Speaker 2: It was almost like I had another child who I

438
00:23:29,528 --> 00:23:33,928
Speaker 2: was consistently trying to de escalate, which, yeah, like I said,

439
00:23:33,968 --> 00:23:37,968
Speaker 2: the resentment would just continue to build up and even

440
00:23:38,008 --> 00:23:42,088
Speaker 2: more every single day. He just continued on this drinking

441
00:23:42,488 --> 00:23:45,328
Speaker 2: cycle until one day he actually came to me and said,

442
00:23:45,448 --> 00:23:48,368
Speaker 2: I'm going to have twelve months off the alcohol. And

443
00:23:48,408 --> 00:23:50,888
Speaker 2: I thought, oh my gosh, this is a this is amazing.

444
00:23:50,928 --> 00:23:54,048
Speaker 2: Oh he's understanding, and you know, I started to think

445
00:23:54,048 --> 00:23:57,168
Speaker 2: maybe there is a future for us together. And so

446
00:23:57,328 --> 00:24:01,448
Speaker 2: he stopped drinking completely, but then decided to start smoking marijuana.

447
00:24:02,408 --> 00:24:04,888
Speaker 3: So he was swapping one vice for another vice.

448
00:24:05,568 --> 00:24:08,407
Speaker 2: It would have been a year that it did completely

449
00:24:09,248 --> 00:24:11,447
Speaker 2: turn around, and it did a massive one eighty and

450
00:24:11,648 --> 00:24:15,008
Speaker 2: just continue to go downhill. I didn't think things could

451
00:24:15,048 --> 00:24:19,167
Speaker 2: get much worse, actually, but they did. About a year

452
00:24:19,208 --> 00:24:23,888
Speaker 2: after my third was born, he decided he didn't want

453
00:24:23,928 --> 00:24:27,248
Speaker 2: to own a business anymore. He wanted to sell the business.

454
00:24:28,248 --> 00:24:30,368
Speaker 2: I was okay with him wanting to sell the business.

455
00:24:30,528 --> 00:24:32,888
Speaker 2: Although it made us really really good money, I knew

456
00:24:32,888 --> 00:24:35,968
Speaker 2: how stressful it was for him. So I said to him,

457
00:24:36,008 --> 00:24:37,768
Speaker 2: I'm happy if you want to stay at home and

458
00:24:37,968 --> 00:24:40,687
Speaker 2: look after the kids, I'll go back to work. So

459
00:24:40,848 --> 00:24:43,608
Speaker 2: he said, okay, let's do that then, so we switched

460
00:24:43,688 --> 00:24:50,048
Speaker 2: roles and I went to work and he stayed at home. Anyway,

461
00:24:50,128 --> 00:24:52,088
Speaker 2: he rang me one day while I was at work,

462
00:24:52,128 --> 00:24:53,968
Speaker 2: and he said, I've just sold the business.

463
00:24:54,488 --> 00:24:56,248
Speaker 3: I was like, what do you what do you mean.

464
00:24:56,648 --> 00:24:57,927
Speaker 3: He's like, yeah, I've sold the business.

465
00:24:58,048 --> 00:25:01,088
Speaker 2: I've sold it to another another company, and it's all

466
00:25:01,128 --> 00:25:03,167
Speaker 2: sign sealed and delivered. And I said, hang on a minute,

467
00:25:03,168 --> 00:25:05,608
Speaker 2: we need to have a conversation around that. And he's like,

468
00:25:05,648 --> 00:25:08,208
Speaker 2: I know, it's all done. So he sold the business.

469
00:25:09,408 --> 00:25:13,407
Speaker 2: Really the really big decisions without consulting me, and really

470
00:25:13,648 --> 00:25:18,888
Speaker 2: quite irrational decisions. And his behavior just started to become

471
00:25:19,048 --> 00:25:22,448
Speaker 2: really strange with that kind of thing, just like buying

472
00:25:22,488 --> 00:25:24,568
Speaker 2: a two seater car when we're a family of five

473
00:25:25,168 --> 00:25:27,728
Speaker 2: with the money from the business, Like just really really

474
00:25:28,288 --> 00:25:33,967
Speaker 2: strange behavior. I was thinking that he was about to

475
00:25:34,048 --> 00:25:39,488
Speaker 2: have a full blown mental breakdown, a full psychotic mental breakdown.

476
00:25:39,648 --> 00:25:46,128
Speaker 2: I was watching him slowly decline mentally. So I suggested

477
00:25:46,168 --> 00:25:51,048
Speaker 2: to him to seek some therapy and find a psychologist.

478
00:25:51,288 --> 00:25:55,888
Speaker 2: And he was never really into that. Sitting down and

479
00:25:55,888 --> 00:25:59,927
Speaker 2: talking about feelings with a complete stranger. There was absolute

480
00:25:59,968 --> 00:26:02,648
Speaker 2: irony in the fact that we were connected on such

481
00:26:02,688 --> 00:26:05,128
Speaker 2: an intellectual level talking about all these deep topics, and

482
00:26:05,208 --> 00:26:07,448
Speaker 2: at that stage I was a stranger to him. So

483
00:26:07,488 --> 00:26:12,328
Speaker 2: the fact that he was so anti sharing his feelings

484
00:26:12,368 --> 00:26:15,448
Speaker 2: with the stranger and wanting to get better from there.

485
00:26:15,488 --> 00:26:18,048
Speaker 1: He declined further. While he was working on their property

486
00:26:18,048 --> 00:26:20,687
Speaker 1: one day cutting trees, he was hit by a falling

487
00:26:20,688 --> 00:26:24,448
Speaker 1: branch and suffered a debilitating back injury. He needed surgery

488
00:26:24,488 --> 00:26:27,448
Speaker 1: and around the clock care for three months. Ava kept

489
00:26:27,448 --> 00:26:30,328
Speaker 1: the home fires burning as best she could, but Aaron's

490
00:26:30,328 --> 00:26:31,488
Speaker 1: mental health got worse.

491
00:26:31,848 --> 00:26:33,928
Speaker 2: It was clear to me that he was not coping

492
00:26:34,008 --> 00:26:37,448
Speaker 2: with selling his business. He was not coping with three kids.

493
00:26:37,528 --> 00:26:41,688
Speaker 2: He had this idea that life was life was not amazing.

494
00:26:41,808 --> 00:26:44,687
Speaker 2: He had been sold a lie. Was basically how I

495
00:26:44,728 --> 00:26:47,888
Speaker 2: looked at it, that three kids and white picket fence

496
00:26:47,928 --> 00:26:49,408
Speaker 2: and business is not.

497
00:26:49,528 --> 00:26:50,967
Speaker 3: What it's all cracked up to be.

498
00:26:51,168 --> 00:26:53,927
Speaker 2: So he was very open about that with me, that

499
00:26:54,288 --> 00:26:56,808
Speaker 2: I'm supposed to be happy. I've got this beautiful wife

500
00:26:56,848 --> 00:27:00,247
Speaker 2: and kids and we live on a beautiful property, and

501
00:27:00,288 --> 00:27:02,848
Speaker 2: it's just I'm just not happy, and I don't know

502
00:27:02,888 --> 00:27:07,088
Speaker 2: what to do. So I took him to hospital, and yeah,

503
00:27:07,128 --> 00:27:09,528
Speaker 2: he spent some time there in the mental health wold.

504
00:27:10,088 --> 00:27:12,167
Speaker 2: I said to him, you need to stay here, get better.

505
00:27:13,128 --> 00:27:16,288
Speaker 2: Once he got discharged from hospital, he came home and

506
00:27:16,328 --> 00:27:20,407
Speaker 2: he was this completely different person, and I'm not saying

507
00:27:20,448 --> 00:27:21,208
Speaker 2: for the better.

508
00:27:21,848 --> 00:27:25,487
Speaker 3: Still making really bizarre decisions. And then he decided he

509
00:27:25,528 --> 00:27:26,128
Speaker 3: wanted to.

510
00:27:27,088 --> 00:27:29,927
Speaker 2: He wanted to build a shed on our property, like

511
00:27:30,008 --> 00:27:32,048
Speaker 2: a man cave that no one else could go into.

512
00:27:32,208 --> 00:27:33,967
Speaker 3: And he's like, I'm going to do it, And so

513
00:27:34,048 --> 00:27:34,408
Speaker 3: he got.

514
00:27:34,328 --> 00:27:38,808
Speaker 2: All the materials together and built this huge, absolutely huge

515
00:27:39,088 --> 00:27:42,128
Speaker 2: shared up the back of our property, and no one

516
00:27:42,208 --> 00:27:43,848
Speaker 2: was allowed to go up there, like the kids weren't

517
00:27:43,848 --> 00:27:46,328
Speaker 2: allowed to go up there. It was padlocked, and I'm like,

518
00:27:46,368 --> 00:27:48,288
Speaker 2: what are you doing up there? And he said, oh,

519
00:27:48,328 --> 00:27:50,968
Speaker 2: it's like my meditation room. I'm going to meditate twice

520
00:27:51,008 --> 00:27:53,608
Speaker 2: a day. I'll get up early in the morning. So

521
00:27:53,648 --> 00:27:56,008
Speaker 2: he would get up at like five thirty and go

522
00:27:56,248 --> 00:28:00,528
Speaker 2: up there till like seven point thirty and meditate, and

523
00:28:00,568 --> 00:28:02,688
Speaker 2: then once the kids would go to bed at night

524
00:28:02,888 --> 00:28:05,808
Speaker 2: at seven point thirty, he'd be up there again meditating

525
00:28:05,848 --> 00:28:09,048
Speaker 2: for two hours. One day, I actually just said to him,

526
00:28:09,368 --> 00:28:11,648
Speaker 2: what are you doing up there? Let's have a conversation

527
00:28:11,728 --> 00:28:14,407
Speaker 2: about it. And he's like, oh, I'm just it's my cave.

528
00:28:14,608 --> 00:28:16,688
Speaker 2: I just don't really want to share with anyone. It's

529
00:28:16,768 --> 00:28:19,848
Speaker 2: my personal space. The shed was locked with like a

530
00:28:19,968 --> 00:28:22,528
Speaker 2: huge big pad lock, so I could never get in

531
00:28:22,568 --> 00:28:24,088
Speaker 2: there to have a look. There were times that I

532
00:28:24,128 --> 00:28:27,408
Speaker 2: had tried to go up there and get in, but

533
00:28:27,928 --> 00:28:30,288
Speaker 2: I needed like a really big pair of bolt cutters

534
00:28:30,328 --> 00:28:33,167
Speaker 2: to do it. Our relationship went from sitting on the

535
00:28:33,168 --> 00:28:35,768
Speaker 2: couch for hours and talking to me being alone on

536
00:28:35,808 --> 00:28:38,768
Speaker 2: the couch every night because he's up there doing god

537
00:28:38,848 --> 00:28:39,328
Speaker 2: knows what.

538
00:28:39,648 --> 00:28:42,888
Speaker 1: Something else had changed after Aaron's time in hospital. While

539
00:28:42,928 --> 00:28:46,128
Speaker 1: he'd always been a curious person and loved deep conversations

540
00:28:46,128 --> 00:28:49,568
Speaker 1: and deep thinking, the questions he started asking morphed and

541
00:28:49,608 --> 00:28:51,808
Speaker 1: his view on the world began to shift.

542
00:28:51,968 --> 00:28:54,328
Speaker 2: He was spending hours up in the shed. He was

543
00:28:54,368 --> 00:28:56,608
Speaker 2: spending hours on the internet up there. He was spending

544
00:28:56,648 --> 00:28:59,328
Speaker 2: hours on the internet. In the bathroom, he was spending

545
00:28:59,328 --> 00:29:01,848
Speaker 2: hours on the internet. When we would go to bed,

546
00:29:02,208 --> 00:29:05,688
Speaker 2: he constantly had his iPad with him. He was constantly

547
00:29:05,728 --> 00:29:07,448
Speaker 2: on the Internet asking.

548
00:29:07,168 --> 00:29:11,568
Speaker 3: Why, how, who? What are we here for? That's not true.

549
00:29:11,808 --> 00:29:15,968
Speaker 2: He became very pessimistic about life, and then we just

550
00:29:16,048 --> 00:29:21,128
Speaker 2: started to have conversations around conspiracy theories. I remember one

551
00:29:21,208 --> 00:29:23,968
Speaker 2: conversation we had one day, which was about the moon landing,

552
00:29:24,848 --> 00:29:26,808
Speaker 2: and he's like, do you know that there's people that

553
00:29:26,888 --> 00:29:30,048
Speaker 2: don't believe in the moon landing, and I'm like, yeah,

554
00:29:30,168 --> 00:29:33,048
Speaker 2: I said, that's old news, Like of course theories it's

555
00:29:33,088 --> 00:29:35,128
Speaker 2: always been that way, Like you know, Red Hot Chili

556
00:29:35,128 --> 00:29:38,848
Speaker 2: Peppers filmed in a Hollywood basement, and he's like, I

557
00:29:38,888 --> 00:29:41,488
Speaker 2: can't believe it. I never never knew that. So it

558
00:29:41,568 --> 00:29:44,568
Speaker 2: started with the moon landing. He kind of went exploring

559
00:29:44,608 --> 00:29:47,648
Speaker 2: with that and was like, holy crap, there's like a

560
00:29:47,808 --> 00:29:50,288
Speaker 2: really big community of people that don't believe in that.

561
00:29:50,848 --> 00:29:53,048
Speaker 2: And then it went to September eleven, and then it

562
00:29:53,088 --> 00:29:57,568
Speaker 2: went to the Pyramids. How did the Pyramids get to Egypt?

563
00:29:58,088 --> 00:30:02,728
Speaker 2: It was probably a process of maybe six months of

564
00:30:03,568 --> 00:30:08,208
Speaker 2: investigating online and just going down this absolute rabbit hole

565
00:30:08,448 --> 00:30:15,288
Speaker 2: of conspiracy and qann and like really really dangerous stuff,

566
00:30:15,808 --> 00:30:18,808
Speaker 2: you know, And we'd still have conversations around conspiracy theories.

567
00:30:18,848 --> 00:30:22,768
Speaker 2: I'm very flexible and love hearing about people's belief systems

568
00:30:22,808 --> 00:30:27,648
Speaker 2: as well, so we still occasionally had conversations around what

569
00:30:27,768 --> 00:30:30,488
Speaker 2: he's looking up and you know this didn't happen and

570
00:30:30,528 --> 00:30:34,808
Speaker 2: watch this video and they're crisis actors, and you know,

571
00:30:34,848 --> 00:30:38,928
Speaker 2: he was even researching like the crisis actors in all

572
00:30:38,928 --> 00:30:41,928
Speaker 2: these different world events that had happened.

573
00:30:42,048 --> 00:30:44,728
Speaker 3: So I was just like, okay, kind of just let

574
00:30:44,808 --> 00:30:46,848
Speaker 3: him go. He's on a tangent at the moment.

575
00:30:48,008 --> 00:30:51,728
Speaker 2: So it started off as an interest, which I was

576
00:30:52,048 --> 00:30:56,008
Speaker 2: fully supportive of, and then it became his belief system.

577
00:30:56,808 --> 00:30:59,808
Speaker 2: He never had solid belief systems. He was very flexible

578
00:30:59,848 --> 00:31:03,208
Speaker 2: in his thinking, so he was interested in a lot

579
00:31:03,208 --> 00:31:05,448
Speaker 2: of other people's belief systems to try and I think

580
00:31:05,448 --> 00:31:07,848
Speaker 2: he was trying to work out his own. And then

581
00:31:07,968 --> 00:31:11,608
Speaker 2: finally he found something that's it's with him and that

582
00:31:11,728 --> 00:31:14,728
Speaker 2: the whole world is a stage and where just players

583
00:31:14,728 --> 00:31:18,288
Speaker 2: in it. And then it actually became a complete and

584
00:31:18,368 --> 00:31:19,408
Speaker 2: utter obsession.

585
00:31:19,568 --> 00:31:21,768
Speaker 3: He was obsessed with it. It was day night.

586
00:31:22,768 --> 00:31:27,328
Speaker 2: He really started to latch on to these conspiracy theories

587
00:31:27,368 --> 00:31:32,928
Speaker 2: around the Holocaust, Sandy Hook nine to eleven, the news.

588
00:31:33,048 --> 00:31:34,808
Speaker 2: Every time the news came on, he'd get up and

589
00:31:34,808 --> 00:31:37,488
Speaker 2: switch the TV off. He's like listening to that rubbish

590
00:31:37,528 --> 00:31:39,648
Speaker 2: and putting rubbish in our kids' ears.

591
00:31:39,688 --> 00:31:41,808
Speaker 3: And then it went to flat Earth.

592
00:31:42,288 --> 00:31:45,328
Speaker 2: Flat Earth was actually the biggest community that he became

593
00:31:45,368 --> 00:31:48,528
Speaker 2: a part of, and it was even to the point

594
00:31:48,528 --> 00:31:51,288
Speaker 2: where I rang his mum and said, oh, look, I'm

595
00:31:51,328 --> 00:31:53,168
Speaker 2: actually really worried about him, and she said, oh, no,

596
00:31:53,248 --> 00:31:56,048
Speaker 2: it's just a phase he's going through. He'll snap out

597
00:31:56,088 --> 00:31:59,728
Speaker 2: of it. He's done this before. I was like, really, well,

598
00:31:59,768 --> 00:32:02,448
Speaker 2: not since we've been married. And She's like, as a child,

599
00:32:02,528 --> 00:32:04,768
Speaker 2: he used to go on tangents about the world and

600
00:32:05,408 --> 00:32:08,448
Speaker 2: death and things like that. Don't worry, he'll come back around.

601
00:32:08,608 --> 00:32:12,568
Speaker 2: So I'm kind of holding on to hope that I'm

602
00:32:12,608 --> 00:32:18,128
Speaker 2: going to get my amazing husband back. He got T

603
00:32:18,288 --> 00:32:22,808
Speaker 2: shirts printed with hashtag flat earth and was wearing them everywhere,

604
00:32:23,088 --> 00:32:26,568
Speaker 2: like to barbecues, to the school with the kids, and

605
00:32:26,608 --> 00:32:28,968
Speaker 2: again the resentment started to build up, and I'm like,

606
00:32:29,048 --> 00:32:33,088
Speaker 2: you are not wearing flat earth T shirts to the kids' school.

607
00:32:33,608 --> 00:32:36,128
Speaker 2: He's like, you can't tell me what to wear. We'd

608
00:32:36,128 --> 00:32:39,968
Speaker 2: go to barbecues, he'd be cornering people. He was trying

609
00:32:40,048 --> 00:32:43,768
Speaker 2: to recruit people in the town we were living in,

610
00:32:44,408 --> 00:32:46,888
Speaker 2: and then everybody in town started to think, oh my gosh,

611
00:32:46,888 --> 00:32:51,048
Speaker 2: this dude's gone crazy. So there then not only did

612
00:32:51,088 --> 00:32:55,128
Speaker 2: I have resentment, I started to be embarrassed and filled

613
00:32:55,128 --> 00:32:58,288
Speaker 2: with shame of like I had this amazing man and

614
00:32:58,368 --> 00:33:02,808
Speaker 2: now he's just the town crazy. So I was constantly

615
00:33:02,848 --> 00:33:06,608
Speaker 2: starting to apologize for his behavior. Everywhere we went it

616
00:33:06,728 --> 00:33:09,968
Speaker 2: was oh, sorry, and then I'd be like, okay, and

617
00:33:10,128 --> 00:33:13,728
Speaker 2: I've got to take you home now because it's getting ridiculous.

618
00:33:14,408 --> 00:33:17,208
Speaker 2: I consistently said to him, it's great that you've got

619
00:33:17,208 --> 00:33:20,488
Speaker 2: this belief system, but you've got to stop trying to

620
00:33:20,528 --> 00:33:21,888
Speaker 2: put it on to other people.

621
00:33:21,928 --> 00:33:23,328
Speaker 3: And then he's, Oh, you're all.

622
00:33:23,328 --> 00:33:27,688
Speaker 2: Asleep and no one's awake, and I have to tell

623
00:33:27,728 --> 00:33:29,008
Speaker 2: everybody that they're asleep.

624
00:33:29,528 --> 00:33:32,528
Speaker 3: It was who have I married? This was not in

625
00:33:32,568 --> 00:33:33,128
Speaker 3: the brochure.

626
00:33:34,368 --> 00:33:36,928
Speaker 1: While Ava didn't share the same thoughts, she tried to

627
00:33:36,928 --> 00:33:39,328
Speaker 1: be as supportive as she could while Aaron went through

628
00:33:39,368 --> 00:33:42,808
Speaker 1: this personal journey. She thought, or hoped, as his mum

629
00:33:42,848 --> 00:33:45,168
Speaker 1: had said, it was a face, a self discovery of

630
00:33:45,208 --> 00:33:48,728
Speaker 1: sorts to help him heal and find himself then come back.

631
00:33:49,288 --> 00:33:52,248
Speaker 1: But he didn't. Over the next two years, he only

632
00:33:52,248 --> 00:33:55,728
Speaker 1: got deeper into the conspiracies, the community he'd found online,

633
00:33:56,008 --> 00:33:58,328
Speaker 1: and further away from the man she'd known for eight

634
00:33:58,408 --> 00:33:59,048
Speaker 1: years prior.

635
00:33:59,448 --> 00:34:01,448
Speaker 3: My self esteem was obviously rock bottom.

636
00:34:01,528 --> 00:34:06,368
Speaker 2: Here I am trying to manage three kids, working full time,

637
00:34:06,528 --> 00:34:11,687
Speaker 2: paying our mortgage because he's busy this breakdown, and you know,

638
00:34:11,768 --> 00:34:16,928
Speaker 2: googling conspiracies, so again, resentment building up just to the

639
00:34:16,968 --> 00:34:20,448
Speaker 2: point where I think I avoided I was just avoiding

640
00:34:21,008 --> 00:34:23,167
Speaker 2: having to have the conversation. I knew what I had

641
00:34:23,168 --> 00:34:26,008
Speaker 2: to do, I absolutely knew what I had to do,

642
00:34:26,088 --> 00:34:30,648
Speaker 2: but I just couldn't even bring myself to say those words,

643
00:34:31,128 --> 00:34:33,488
Speaker 2: because I just was hoping he would get better and

644
00:34:33,528 --> 00:34:36,408
Speaker 2: that it was just a phase and he might come

645
00:34:36,448 --> 00:34:39,408
Speaker 2: out the other end. We did have a conversation one

646
00:34:39,448 --> 00:34:41,768
Speaker 2: day where I said, is this it is this who

647
00:34:41,808 --> 00:34:45,207
Speaker 2: you are now? And he said, yes, it is, and

648
00:34:45,728 --> 00:34:48,768
Speaker 2: you either deal with it, put up with it, or

649
00:34:48,848 --> 00:34:52,328
Speaker 2: you leave. So he again had given me this really

650
00:34:52,408 --> 00:34:55,848
Speaker 2: random ultimatum of do this or then you got to

651
00:34:55,888 --> 00:34:58,527
Speaker 2: do that. So I was in a position where I

652
00:34:58,568 --> 00:35:01,768
Speaker 2: said to him, well, this wasn't in the brochure, and

653
00:35:02,248 --> 00:35:05,008
Speaker 2: you are not the man I'm married, and I need

654
00:35:05,048 --> 00:35:08,608
Speaker 2: to work out whether I'm okay with this, And to

655
00:35:08,688 --> 00:35:11,448
Speaker 2: be honest, the man that I've known over the past

656
00:35:11,448 --> 00:35:16,928
Speaker 2: two years is not really someone I like who has

657
00:35:16,968 --> 00:35:19,768
Speaker 2: the same belief systems as me anymore. That's what we

658
00:35:20,608 --> 00:35:23,488
Speaker 2: our whole relationship grew on, was you know, having these

659
00:35:23,488 --> 00:35:26,328
Speaker 2: same belief systems and now you are a completely different person.

660
00:35:26,328 --> 00:35:29,247
Speaker 2: And I need to work out whether that's actually someone

661
00:35:29,328 --> 00:35:31,928
Speaker 2: I want to be with anymore. So he was very

662
00:35:31,928 --> 00:35:35,008
Speaker 2: blase about it. Oh well, you let me know once

663
00:35:35,008 --> 00:35:40,047
Speaker 2: you make that decision. I was probably most devastated that

664
00:35:40,088 --> 00:35:41,208
Speaker 2: he wasn't fighting for me.

665
00:35:41,528 --> 00:35:42,567
Speaker 3: There was no apology.

666
00:35:42,648 --> 00:35:45,208
Speaker 2: I'm sorry, I've gone down this path and I'm dragging

667
00:35:45,248 --> 00:35:48,728
Speaker 2: you with me while I try and work out where.

668
00:35:48,488 --> 00:35:49,728
Speaker 3: My place is in the world.

669
00:35:50,368 --> 00:35:54,008
Speaker 2: Yeah, it was soul destroying, really really hard to reconcile.

670
00:35:54,048 --> 00:35:56,288
Speaker 2: But I had my kids, and you know, I had

671
00:35:56,328 --> 00:35:59,608
Speaker 2: a good support network. I just couldn't make that step

672
00:35:59,848 --> 00:36:03,567
Speaker 2: to say we're done. Yeah, it just wasn't easy to

673
00:36:03,608 --> 00:36:07,208
Speaker 2: walk away because I knew the man that he was,

674
00:36:07,648 --> 00:36:10,728
Speaker 2: and I guess I was going through a green process

675
00:36:10,808 --> 00:36:15,568
Speaker 2: of losing him while he's still sharing my bed and

676
00:36:15,808 --> 00:36:18,848
Speaker 2: you know, eating dinner with us, and you know, spending

677
00:36:18,888 --> 00:36:22,128
Speaker 2: time with us. I was absolutely going through a grief process,

678
00:36:23,008 --> 00:36:25,888
Speaker 2: and it was so hard to cut the tires because

679
00:36:27,128 --> 00:36:31,088
Speaker 2: grieving someone that's still there every single day is extremely

680
00:36:31,168 --> 00:36:33,848
Speaker 2: hard to do. And I just couldn't get to that

681
00:36:34,048 --> 00:36:38,808
Speaker 2: final acceptance stage of grief where I had the strength

682
00:36:38,848 --> 00:36:41,608
Speaker 2: to walk away. So, yeah, I was still stuck in

683
00:36:41,648 --> 00:36:45,608
Speaker 2: this denial cycle, you know, the bargaining kind of cycle

684
00:36:45,688 --> 00:36:48,008
Speaker 2: of grief as well of like, oh well, maybe if

685
00:36:48,048 --> 00:36:50,848
Speaker 2: I just wait a couple of months longer, he'll snap.

686
00:36:50,568 --> 00:36:50,968
Speaker 3: Out of it.

687
00:36:51,048 --> 00:36:55,047
Speaker 2: That was a very common common phrase I would say

688
00:36:55,048 --> 00:36:57,567
Speaker 2: to myself, and his family were saying that to me as.

689
00:36:57,488 --> 00:36:59,928
Speaker 3: Well, he'll snap out of it. But there just didn't

690
00:36:59,968 --> 00:37:01,607
Speaker 3: seem to be a point that he was going to.

691
00:37:03,088 --> 00:37:07,567
Speaker 2: And then things started to get really really strange. I

692
00:37:07,648 --> 00:37:10,488
Speaker 2: was at home one day and a part Russell was

693
00:37:10,528 --> 00:37:16,448
Speaker 2: delivered and I opened it up and it was about

694
00:37:16,488 --> 00:37:20,968
Speaker 2: ten books of black magic and a cape, a black

695
00:37:21,008 --> 00:37:24,607
Speaker 2: cape with a hood. I started to flick through some

696
00:37:24,648 --> 00:37:27,047
Speaker 2: of the books that had arrived, and there's all these

697
00:37:27,128 --> 00:37:32,608
Speaker 2: spells and just really really bizarre stuff in this book.

698
00:37:33,088 --> 00:37:37,248
Speaker 2: He came home and I said, what the heck is this?

699
00:37:37,968 --> 00:37:40,688
Speaker 2: And he's like, oh, that's my magic stuff. And I

700
00:37:40,728 --> 00:37:43,567
Speaker 2: said what do you mean magic? And he's like, I'm

701
00:37:43,968 --> 00:37:48,008
Speaker 2: delving into black magic. And I said, well, what does

702
00:37:48,048 --> 00:37:51,448
Speaker 2: that even mean? And he's like, oh, you know, if

703
00:37:51,528 --> 00:37:53,808
Speaker 2: you've got someone that's annoying you at work, like I

704
00:37:53,848 --> 00:37:58,168
Speaker 2: can do something about it. I said what do you

705
00:37:58,208 --> 00:38:00,408
Speaker 2: mean and he's like, oh, well, if you can get

706
00:38:00,488 --> 00:38:02,808
Speaker 2: one of their hairs. I can put it in the

707
00:38:02,808 --> 00:38:06,207
Speaker 2: freezer and I won't kill them, but I'll make sure

708
00:38:06,248 --> 00:38:09,928
Speaker 2: that they have a really difficult life moving forward. I'm

709
00:38:09,968 --> 00:38:15,088
Speaker 2: thinking he's actually lost the plot. So at that point,

710
00:38:15,808 --> 00:38:18,047
Speaker 2: that's where humor started to come into it for me,

711
00:38:18,208 --> 00:38:23,448
Speaker 2: because I just couldn't even reconcile that he's ordering capes

712
00:38:23,488 --> 00:38:29,527
Speaker 2: and magic books online. How far fetched and how ridiculous.

713
00:38:30,288 --> 00:38:32,448
Speaker 2: This just could not get any more ridiculous. So my

714
00:38:32,488 --> 00:38:35,328
Speaker 2: group of friends and I started to actually laugh about it,

715
00:38:35,368 --> 00:38:37,888
Speaker 2: like it started to become comical.

716
00:38:38,288 --> 00:38:40,728
Speaker 1: I've had well and truly checked out of the marriage.

717
00:38:40,848 --> 00:38:43,808
Speaker 1: They were living separate lives in every way possible, So

718
00:38:43,888 --> 00:38:47,328
Speaker 1: what would it take to make her finally break the spell.

719
00:38:47,888 --> 00:38:51,888
Speaker 2: We're probably coming on three years now of him not

720
00:38:51,968 --> 00:38:55,408
Speaker 2: snapping out of it, and so this was our tenth

721
00:38:55,488 --> 00:38:58,128
Speaker 2: year of marriage. He said to me, Oh, I'm going

722
00:38:58,168 --> 00:39:00,448
Speaker 2: to go to my mate's house and have a boy's night.

723
00:39:01,208 --> 00:39:03,368
Speaker 2: Is that okay? And I said, oh, go dock your

724
00:39:03,408 --> 00:39:06,568
Speaker 2: sucks off like it. Finally someone in town had invited

725
00:39:06,608 --> 00:39:09,728
Speaker 2: him over, and I thought, this, this is good. You know,

726
00:39:09,768 --> 00:39:12,928
Speaker 2: he needs to have connections with people that are not

727
00:39:13,048 --> 00:39:17,808
Speaker 2: conspiracy based. So anyway, Aaron went to this guy's house

728
00:39:17,848 --> 00:39:21,928
Speaker 2: and this guy has like a dartboard and table, tennis

729
00:39:21,968 --> 00:39:24,488
Speaker 2: table and pool table and had invited a whole bunch

730
00:39:24,488 --> 00:39:27,688
Speaker 2: of guys over so they had drinks. Anyway, Aaron didn't

731
00:39:27,688 --> 00:39:30,248
Speaker 2: get home until ten am the next morning, and I

732
00:39:30,288 --> 00:39:33,408
Speaker 2: was thinking, Wow, that's like, that's a bloody good night.

733
00:39:34,088 --> 00:39:36,087
Speaker 2: But I was also really happy, like it didn't bother

734
00:39:36,168 --> 00:39:37,888
Speaker 2: me that he came home at that time. I was

735
00:39:37,928 --> 00:39:39,808
Speaker 2: actually happy because I thought he must have had a

736
00:39:39,808 --> 00:39:41,808
Speaker 2: really good night with all of the boys in town.

737
00:39:42,528 --> 00:39:47,368
Speaker 2: But he was really really quiet and just wanted to

738
00:39:47,368 --> 00:39:50,648
Speaker 2: go to bed and wouldn't talk about the night or

739
00:39:50,688 --> 00:39:51,408
Speaker 2: anything else.

740
00:39:51,648 --> 00:39:53,248
Speaker 3: And I said to him, I'm not upset that you

741
00:39:54,328 --> 00:39:56,328
Speaker 3: went out. I think it's really good, and he goes, yeah, yeah,

742
00:39:56,328 --> 00:39:57,808
Speaker 3: I just you know, I just don't want to talk

743
00:39:57,848 --> 00:39:58,248
Speaker 3: about it.

744
00:39:58,488 --> 00:40:02,568
Speaker 2: About two weeks later, I get a text message from

745
00:40:02,968 --> 00:40:06,087
Speaker 2: the guy who's had the party at the house and

746
00:40:06,248 --> 00:40:09,928
Speaker 2: he said, I need to talk to you urgently. And

747
00:40:10,008 --> 00:40:13,047
Speaker 2: I said, okay, what is everything okay? And he said, no,

748
00:40:13,128 --> 00:40:16,128
Speaker 2: not really. Can you come and meet me for a coffee.

749
00:40:17,088 --> 00:40:20,848
Speaker 2: So the next day I went and met him for

750
00:40:20,888 --> 00:40:24,087
Speaker 2: a coffee in town with him and his wife, And

751
00:40:24,808 --> 00:40:27,008
Speaker 2: at that time, I kind of thought, oh gosh, something

752
00:40:27,048 --> 00:40:29,648
Speaker 2: happened at the kids' school because the kids were friends,

753
00:40:29,928 --> 00:40:31,848
Speaker 2: so these were actually our friends in town, and I

754
00:40:31,888 --> 00:40:35,288
Speaker 2: thought something had happened with the kids, maybe they'd had

755
00:40:35,288 --> 00:40:37,888
Speaker 2: a fight at school or something. So, you know, I

756
00:40:37,928 --> 00:40:40,087
Speaker 2: was preparing myself for that. But I walk into this

757
00:40:40,568 --> 00:40:43,768
Speaker 2: coffee shop and there he is with his wife, and

758
00:40:43,808 --> 00:40:48,207
Speaker 2: his wife is hysterical crying, and I was just saying,

759
00:40:48,208 --> 00:40:49,808
Speaker 2: Oh my god, what the hell's going on?

760
00:40:50,168 --> 00:40:52,448
Speaker 1: Remember the night of the party when Aaron didn't get

761
00:40:52,488 --> 00:40:55,248
Speaker 1: home until ten am, Well, that night he crossed a

762
00:40:55,288 --> 00:40:59,168
Speaker 1: line that can't be uncrossed. An allegation of assault was made,

763
00:40:59,248 --> 00:41:01,288
Speaker 1: and for Ava, that changed everything.

764
00:41:04,368 --> 00:41:09,368
Speaker 2: Well, I nearly dropped my cappuccino and just absolutely burst

765
00:41:09,408 --> 00:41:11,368
Speaker 2: into two And they're like, we're so sorry.

766
00:41:11,888 --> 00:41:13,727
Speaker 3: We know what you've been going through with him.

767
00:41:14,408 --> 00:41:17,488
Speaker 2: We know you're really struggling with him at the moment

768
00:41:17,528 --> 00:41:20,008
Speaker 2: with a lot of stuff going on, and we just

769
00:41:20,088 --> 00:41:23,688
Speaker 2: didn't want to have to add to your problems. So

770
00:41:25,288 --> 00:41:30,608
Speaker 2: I came home and Aaron was sitting on the balcony

771
00:41:30,608 --> 00:41:35,088
Speaker 2: and said to me, where have you been? And I said,

772
00:41:35,728 --> 00:41:39,728
Speaker 2: pack your bags, you've got ten minutes. I knew that

773
00:41:39,768 --> 00:41:42,768
Speaker 2: the marriage was over. There was no doubt that I

774
00:41:42,808 --> 00:41:45,368
Speaker 2: was going to have to walk away from that. All

775
00:41:45,408 --> 00:41:48,888
Speaker 2: of that strength and everything that I was lacking previously

776
00:41:49,128 --> 00:41:50,248
Speaker 2: just came over me.

777
00:41:50,328 --> 00:41:50,928
Speaker 3: I had this.

778
00:41:50,888 --> 00:41:55,568
Speaker 2: Overwhelming feeling of I didn't even hesitate. There was no fighting,

779
00:41:55,608 --> 00:41:57,688
Speaker 2: there was no yelling, there was no screaming. It was

780
00:41:57,768 --> 00:42:01,288
Speaker 2: just pack your stuff and get out. So that was

781
00:42:01,328 --> 00:42:05,888
Speaker 2: really difficult for me because I wanted him to fight

782
00:42:06,648 --> 00:42:09,288
Speaker 2: for me, and he didn't. He literally packed his stuff

783
00:42:09,328 --> 00:42:14,008
Speaker 2: and walked out in ten minutes. And I'm thinking, that's

784
00:42:14,088 --> 00:42:17,888
Speaker 2: ten years of marriage just literally down the gurgle. And

785
00:42:17,968 --> 00:42:22,488
Speaker 2: I have stuck by you through your most difficult time,

786
00:42:22,688 --> 00:42:27,328
Speaker 2: through hoping that you would eventually change, and you're just

787
00:42:27,408 --> 00:42:32,648
Speaker 2: not even sticking by me. Just the value of marriage

788
00:42:32,648 --> 00:42:35,448
Speaker 2: for him was just no longer. He just didn't care.

789
00:42:35,728 --> 00:42:36,647
Speaker 3: To him, it was just.

790
00:42:36,608 --> 00:42:42,208
Speaker 2: Another institution that he was stuck in, along with governments

791
00:42:42,248 --> 00:42:46,168
Speaker 2: and banks and paying taxes, and marriage to him was

792
00:42:46,288 --> 00:42:47,448
Speaker 2: just another institution.

793
00:42:48,648 --> 00:42:50,248
Speaker 3: And so my marriage went.

794
00:42:50,088 --> 00:42:58,448
Speaker 2: From this amazing, wonderful, most beautiful love story to being

795
00:42:58,528 --> 00:43:03,768
Speaker 2: over in literally ten minutes. I always knew the first

796
00:43:03,848 --> 00:43:06,368
Speaker 2: day was going to be the worst. And for any

797
00:43:06,408 --> 00:43:08,728
Speaker 2: of my friends that have separated since I have, I

798
00:43:08,808 --> 00:43:10,808
Speaker 2: always say to them day one is the worst, and

799
00:43:10,848 --> 00:43:13,288
Speaker 2: it is. I just gave myself space to be in

800
00:43:13,288 --> 00:43:16,808
Speaker 2: the fetal position and cry and grief. I could finally

801
00:43:16,848 --> 00:43:19,728
Speaker 2: get to that point of the grief cycle, that acceptance.

802
00:43:19,808 --> 00:43:22,167
Speaker 3: This is it now and this has happened, and I'm

803
00:43:22,168 --> 00:43:22,928
Speaker 3: going to be okay.

804
00:43:23,008 --> 00:43:25,848
Speaker 2: I've got you know, amazing people around you know, I

805
00:43:25,928 --> 00:43:27,768
Speaker 2: might even have an easier life.

806
00:43:27,888 --> 00:43:29,688
Speaker 3: That's what my hope was.

807
00:43:30,288 --> 00:43:33,128
Speaker 2: It was the week of my fortieth and I was

808
00:43:33,168 --> 00:43:35,848
Speaker 2: having a huge party at my house with like one

809
00:43:35,928 --> 00:43:39,087
Speaker 2: hundred people coming with a DJ and everything. We lived

810
00:43:39,088 --> 00:43:41,648
Speaker 2: on five acres, so I was having a huge, big party.

811
00:43:42,528 --> 00:43:44,047
Speaker 2: Aaron had said to me, I, well, you going to

812
00:43:44,048 --> 00:43:46,248
Speaker 2: cancel the party And I said, no, I'm just going

813
00:43:46,328 --> 00:43:48,928
Speaker 2: to cancel. You coming to it, And I said, I've

814
00:43:48,928 --> 00:43:52,728
Speaker 2: got people flying in into state, I've got DJ, I've

815
00:43:52,768 --> 00:43:53,728
Speaker 2: got catering.

816
00:43:54,208 --> 00:43:55,448
Speaker 3: No, I'm not canceling it.

817
00:43:55,568 --> 00:43:57,808
Speaker 2: So I actually sent out a text message to everyone

818
00:43:57,848 --> 00:44:00,488
Speaker 2: and said, look, this has happened. Aaron and I a

819
00:44:00,568 --> 00:44:04,408
Speaker 2: broken up, but I'm still in the space to celebrate

820
00:44:04,648 --> 00:44:06,728
Speaker 2: a new decade. That's about to begin. It's going to

821
00:44:06,768 --> 00:44:09,527
Speaker 2: be a very different looking decade. I want you all

822
00:44:09,528 --> 00:44:13,008
Speaker 2: to be here. If you feel uncomfortable, I'm okay if

823
00:44:13,008 --> 00:44:15,888
Speaker 2: you don't come, but when you do come, you're.

824
00:44:15,768 --> 00:44:17,688
Speaker 3: Not to talk about it at all.

825
00:44:17,768 --> 00:44:21,128
Speaker 2: And I rang my friend Ben, who was coming to

826
00:44:21,168 --> 00:44:23,567
Speaker 2: the party, and I said, bring a pair of bolt cutters.

827
00:44:24,208 --> 00:44:26,168
Speaker 2: He said why, and I said, We're going to go

828
00:44:26,208 --> 00:44:29,808
Speaker 2: into that shed. I had the best freaking night. It

829
00:44:29,928 --> 00:44:32,808
Speaker 2: was a really really good night. Yeah, we did speeches

830
00:44:32,888 --> 00:44:35,728
Speaker 2: and it was amazing. Had the best night. And because

831
00:44:35,728 --> 00:44:37,848
Speaker 2: I lived on property, a lot of people bought their

832
00:44:37,888 --> 00:44:42,168
Speaker 2: caravans and swags and tents and things. And in the

833
00:44:42,208 --> 00:44:45,008
Speaker 2: morning when we woke up, because Ben was there with

834
00:44:45,088 --> 00:44:48,768
Speaker 2: his caravan, we were all sitting around having breakfast outside

835
00:44:48,808 --> 00:44:51,488
Speaker 2: and he went down to the van and came back

836
00:44:51,528 --> 00:44:53,128
Speaker 2: to the breakfast table and he's like, what do you

837
00:44:53,168 --> 00:44:55,647
Speaker 2: want these bolt cutters for? And I'm like, all right,

838
00:44:55,688 --> 00:44:59,647
Speaker 2: everyone there was eleven of us. Let's go, We're going

839
00:44:59,648 --> 00:45:03,408
Speaker 2: to the shed. Everyone was so excited because everyone had

840
00:45:03,448 --> 00:45:06,448
Speaker 2: heard about this shed for years and no one knew

841
00:45:06,448 --> 00:45:09,408
Speaker 2: what was in there. So we were like, let's go.

842
00:45:09,848 --> 00:45:12,488
Speaker 2: We race up to the back of the property. Ben

843
00:45:12,568 --> 00:45:15,888
Speaker 2: gets the bolt cutters, snaps off the lock. We throw

844
00:45:15,968 --> 00:45:21,288
Speaker 2: the doors open, and oh, my gosh, well, the first

845
00:45:21,288 --> 00:45:25,888
Speaker 2: thing I saw was a big pentagon painted onto.

846
00:45:25,848 --> 00:45:26,768
Speaker 3: The concrete slab.

847
00:45:27,528 --> 00:45:32,368
Speaker 2: There were all these black drap curtains and piles of

848
00:45:32,408 --> 00:45:36,248
Speaker 2: his magic books. There was the diary that we got

849
00:45:36,288 --> 00:45:40,248
Speaker 2: stuck into and read. There was a tree of life

850
00:45:40,288 --> 00:45:43,728
Speaker 2: with all pictures of our dead relatives hanging off this

851
00:45:43,848 --> 00:45:47,368
Speaker 2: tree of life, like he'd gone and got photos printed

852
00:45:47,408 --> 00:45:51,328
Speaker 2: of them to hang off this tree. There was the

853
00:45:51,368 --> 00:45:56,288
Speaker 2: wand there was all these like mixing glasses. It was

854
00:45:56,368 --> 00:45:58,848
Speaker 2: like he had been making potions and things like that.

855
00:45:58,928 --> 00:46:04,047
Speaker 2: It was just absolutely creepy. We all went through his

856
00:46:04,208 --> 00:46:06,968
Speaker 2: stuff and just could not be I just could not

857
00:46:07,048 --> 00:46:11,168
Speaker 2: believe what I was seeing. We're even reading through his

858
00:46:11,328 --> 00:46:16,968
Speaker 2: diary and he's predicting everybody's death, and one girl who

859
00:46:17,048 --> 00:46:19,528
Speaker 2: was with us at the time, he had predicted her death,

860
00:46:19,568 --> 00:46:22,928
Speaker 2: which was like two weeks down the track, and so

861
00:46:23,048 --> 00:46:26,168
Speaker 2: we were just like, this is ridiculous. In the diary,

862
00:46:26,288 --> 00:46:29,328
Speaker 2: he was even referring to himself as a completely different name,

863
00:46:29,608 --> 00:46:30,928
Speaker 2: like this Latin name.

864
00:46:32,128 --> 00:46:34,608
Speaker 3: So yeah, things started.

865
00:46:34,168 --> 00:46:39,288
Speaker 2: To get really really bizarre, And again I was filled

866
00:46:39,288 --> 00:46:43,008
Speaker 2: with shame and embarrassment. There was eleven of my friends there,

867
00:46:43,648 --> 00:46:47,848
Speaker 2: you know, unbolting the door and seeing this really creepy

868
00:46:48,328 --> 00:46:49,608
Speaker 2: random space.

869
00:46:50,648 --> 00:46:53,648
Speaker 1: Ava needed to not only get out, but away from

870
00:46:53,888 --> 00:46:57,647
Speaker 1: whatever this was. After a decade with three children in toe,

871
00:46:57,768 --> 00:47:00,248
Speaker 1: she packed everything and moved back to the city she'd

872
00:47:00,288 --> 00:47:03,328
Speaker 1: originally come from. But as she did so, Aaron still

873
00:47:03,368 --> 00:47:06,127
Speaker 1: had one more blow to deliver. While Ava had come

874
00:47:06,168 --> 00:47:08,607
Speaker 1: to terms with the fact she'd never understand why he'd

875
00:47:08,608 --> 00:47:11,968
Speaker 1: become like this, she did have one more question. Did

876
00:47:11,968 --> 00:47:12,728
Speaker 1: he still love her?

877
00:47:13,568 --> 00:47:17,567
Speaker 2: He was of the mindset that you only have one

878
00:47:17,568 --> 00:47:22,328
Speaker 2: true love. He would label me as his life creator partner,

879
00:47:22,888 --> 00:47:27,167
Speaker 2: and then eventually he'll meet his twin flame. He had

880
00:47:28,048 --> 00:47:31,648
Speaker 2: this whole plan of you were just here to make babies.

881
00:47:32,248 --> 00:47:35,408
Speaker 2: You're here because you're my obsession, and I will eventually

882
00:47:35,448 --> 00:47:37,928
Speaker 2: meet my twin flame who I'll spend the rest of

883
00:47:37,928 --> 00:47:40,047
Speaker 2: my life with. I rang his mum and I said,

884
00:47:40,048 --> 00:47:42,127
Speaker 2: you've got to go and scoop him up and take

885
00:47:42,168 --> 00:47:45,968
Speaker 2: him home, like he needs protecting. He's doing some really

886
00:47:46,288 --> 00:47:52,088
Speaker 2: stupid things that are dangerous and abnormal, and you guys

887
00:47:52,128 --> 00:47:55,048
Speaker 2: need to help him. And I said, he's not stapping

888
00:47:55,048 --> 00:47:57,087
Speaker 2: out of it. Let's just be clear about that. It's

889
00:47:57,128 --> 00:47:59,488
Speaker 2: been three years that we've put up with this crap.

890
00:48:00,168 --> 00:48:02,567
Speaker 2: As his parents, you need to go and scoop him

891
00:48:02,648 --> 00:48:05,328
Speaker 2: up and take him home and make sure he gets

892
00:48:05,328 --> 00:48:08,168
Speaker 2: the support he needs. So they ended up doing that,

893
00:48:08,848 --> 00:48:14,408
Speaker 2: but he was still never admitted into any hospital or

894
00:48:14,568 --> 00:48:16,368
Speaker 2: didn't get any treatment or anything.

895
00:48:16,408 --> 00:48:16,888
Speaker 3: He just.

896
00:48:18,488 --> 00:48:21,688
Speaker 2: Sold our house and then packed up and moved to

897
00:48:21,768 --> 00:48:24,168
Speaker 2: the city I was in so he could continue to

898
00:48:24,208 --> 00:48:27,008
Speaker 2: see the kids. But there was a stage there where

899
00:48:27,048 --> 00:48:31,208
Speaker 2: I had to really reconcile whether I wanted him to

900
00:48:31,248 --> 00:48:32,448
Speaker 2: see the kids and.

901
00:48:32,568 --> 00:48:36,368
Speaker 3: Whether that was a good idea or were they at risk.

902
00:48:36,888 --> 00:48:38,968
Speaker 2: So yeah, there was quite a period of time there

903
00:48:39,008 --> 00:48:42,568
Speaker 2: where I'm like, you need to prove that you're sane

904
00:48:42,968 --> 00:48:45,168
Speaker 2: and able and stable enough to.

905
00:48:46,928 --> 00:48:47,768
Speaker 3: Have them.

906
00:48:48,288 --> 00:48:50,448
Speaker 2: It was very difficult to work out whether I was

907
00:48:50,488 --> 00:48:53,888
Speaker 2: making the right decision. I didn't trust my own decisions

908
00:48:53,968 --> 00:48:57,127
Speaker 2: at the time, and through my separation and divorce, that's

909
00:48:57,128 --> 00:49:01,047
Speaker 2: been probably the number one thing that I've struggled dealing with,

910
00:49:01,208 --> 00:49:04,648
Speaker 2: is trusting your own emotions and trusting your own decisions.

911
00:49:04,848 --> 00:49:07,408
Speaker 3: And yeah, I thought I'd just I'm going to have

912
00:49:07,408 --> 00:49:07,968
Speaker 3: to give it a try.

913
00:49:08,048 --> 00:49:09,448
Speaker 2: And I'm going to have to leave it up to

914
00:49:09,448 --> 00:49:11,607
Speaker 2: the kidskids as well, they were you know, they were

915
00:49:11,608 --> 00:49:14,047
Speaker 2: getting older, as long as I gave them phones where

916
00:49:14,048 --> 00:49:17,527
Speaker 2: they were able to contact me if they needed it.

917
00:49:17,648 --> 00:49:20,888
Speaker 2: Just started with you know, maybe spending going out for dinner,

918
00:49:21,608 --> 00:49:24,208
Speaker 2: spending one night, and then it went to two nights

919
00:49:24,368 --> 00:49:27,768
Speaker 2: every second weekend. The therapy that I seeked at the

920
00:49:27,808 --> 00:49:30,968
Speaker 2: start was how am I going to co parent with

921
00:49:31,128 --> 00:49:31,848
Speaker 2: someone that.

922
00:49:31,768 --> 00:49:34,368
Speaker 3: I absolutely hate, absolutely hate?

923
00:49:34,408 --> 00:49:38,048
Speaker 2: And again the grief as well, like trying to unpack

924
00:49:38,088 --> 00:49:39,968
Speaker 2: and process that, how am I going to co parent

925
00:49:40,408 --> 00:49:43,768
Speaker 2: with someone that I'm also grieving but I absolutely hate?

926
00:49:44,328 --> 00:49:46,688
Speaker 2: But then it went to how am I going to

927
00:49:46,688 --> 00:49:49,087
Speaker 2: co parent with someone that I feel so sorry for?

928
00:49:49,248 --> 00:49:52,567
Speaker 2: Like I'm just like, oh my god, at what point

929
00:49:53,008 --> 00:49:55,288
Speaker 2: in your life did you think that all of this

930
00:49:55,488 --> 00:49:59,168
Speaker 2: was a good idea? So that's where I knew that

931
00:49:59,208 --> 00:50:02,968
Speaker 2: I was getting better, because I had turned that you know,

932
00:50:03,088 --> 00:50:06,768
Speaker 2: low self esteem and low self worth and everything into

933
00:50:07,808 --> 00:50:10,607
Speaker 2: I actually feel sorry for you. What a terrible life

934
00:50:10,688 --> 00:50:14,848
Speaker 2: you've led and what a trail of destruction you've left behind,

935
00:50:14,968 --> 00:50:19,408
Speaker 2: And how can you even get to that point? Like

936
00:50:19,488 --> 00:50:22,928
Speaker 2: you've had no one to share or support you or

937
00:50:22,928 --> 00:50:26,888
Speaker 2: protect you or anything. You've just had to navigate that

938
00:50:27,008 --> 00:50:32,368
Speaker 2: whole dump fire like an absolute shit show on your

939
00:50:32,408 --> 00:50:34,808
Speaker 2: own because you just wouldn't let anyone in and you

940
00:50:34,888 --> 00:50:36,567
Speaker 2: thought what you were doing was the right thing.

941
00:50:36,928 --> 00:50:38,848
Speaker 3: I just think it's a really lonely existence.

942
00:50:40,008 --> 00:50:43,168
Speaker 2: I may ears down the track of separation now, and

943
00:50:42,808 --> 00:50:45,808
Speaker 2: it probably took a good couple of years of me

944
00:50:45,968 --> 00:50:49,808
Speaker 2: having to unpack what the hell happened, and.

945
00:50:50,128 --> 00:50:53,488
Speaker 3: You know, seek lots of therapy about my self esteem

946
00:50:53,568 --> 00:50:55,168
Speaker 3: and my worth and my value.

947
00:50:56,288 --> 00:50:58,848
Speaker 2: I have had conversations with him since saying well, did

948
00:50:58,928 --> 00:51:02,448
Speaker 2: you ever really love me? And he's like, I absolutely did,

949
00:51:02,648 --> 00:51:07,528
Speaker 2: I really really loved you. And yeah, he's apologized since

950
00:51:07,888 --> 00:51:11,567
Speaker 2: for taking me on him his journey which was.

951
00:51:11,528 --> 00:51:12,528
Speaker 3: Not a part of mine.

952
00:51:13,208 --> 00:51:15,648
Speaker 2: So still at times it is very hard to reconcile,

953
00:51:15,728 --> 00:51:17,808
Speaker 2: and I've just got to be It's like something that's

954
00:51:17,848 --> 00:51:21,888
Speaker 2: happened to me and it doesn't actually define me. It's

955
00:51:22,008 --> 00:51:25,328
Speaker 2: just a really bizarre experience that I've had in.

956
00:51:26,008 --> 00:51:27,488
Speaker 3: You know, this thing we call life.

957
00:51:28,008 --> 00:51:31,168
Speaker 2: Now, we actually have the most beautiful relationship.

958
00:51:31,408 --> 00:51:34,567
Speaker 3: It's taken a lot of work. We communicate.

959
00:51:34,688 --> 00:51:37,288
Speaker 2: He consistently messages me and tells me you know what

960
00:51:37,368 --> 00:51:40,408
Speaker 2: a beautiful job I'm doing of raising our kids, and

961
00:51:41,608 --> 00:51:46,288
Speaker 2: he has the kids. Often when he's down and visiting

962
00:51:46,688 --> 00:51:48,808
Speaker 2: in our town, we all go out for dinner together.

963
00:51:50,088 --> 00:51:53,328
Speaker 3: Still to this day, he does random things.

964
00:51:53,408 --> 00:51:55,968
Speaker 2: But I think I'm able to reconcile it a little

965
00:51:56,008 --> 00:51:59,087
Speaker 2: bit more because I know he wasn't going to snap

966
00:51:59,128 --> 00:52:01,248
Speaker 2: out of it, and this is who he's become, and

967
00:52:01,288 --> 00:52:03,968
Speaker 2: this is the life he wants to lead, and I

968
00:52:04,088 --> 00:52:08,167
Speaker 2: just have to be accepting if that. Otherwise, resentment does

969
00:52:08,248 --> 00:52:12,047
Speaker 2: eat you up as a And now he has completely

970
00:52:12,128 --> 00:52:15,768
Speaker 2: gone down the spiritual path, and I kind of believe that.

971
00:52:16,488 --> 00:52:18,608
Speaker 2: You know, it's like some people will join a church

972
00:52:18,648 --> 00:52:20,928
Speaker 2: when they've done something really terrible, they will join a

973
00:52:21,008 --> 00:52:24,047
Speaker 2: church and try and find faith that way, or you know,

974
00:52:24,128 --> 00:52:26,408
Speaker 2: you get people that go into the prison system and

975
00:52:26,528 --> 00:52:30,368
Speaker 2: become religious to try and reconcile what they've done. I

976
00:52:30,368 --> 00:52:33,567
Speaker 2: think he's gone down that spiritual path to really try

977
00:52:33,608 --> 00:52:38,168
Speaker 2: and understand or forgive himself and have a reason for

978
00:52:38,248 --> 00:52:43,047
Speaker 2: why he did what he did. So he's really into astrology,

979
00:52:44,088 --> 00:52:49,128
Speaker 2: past life regression, quantum healing, all of the reiki. So

980
00:52:49,248 --> 00:52:54,728
Speaker 2: he's gone from this beer guzzling trade to this absolute

981
00:52:55,528 --> 00:53:02,448
Speaker 2: spiritual guru really into astrology. So sometimes he'll say, avy,

982
00:53:02,448 --> 00:53:05,488
Speaker 2: you're not communicating very well, and it's because mercury.

983
00:53:05,288 --> 00:53:07,167
Speaker 3: Is in retrograde.

984
00:53:07,608 --> 00:53:10,328
Speaker 2: And I'll be like, well, you know, you're an asshole

985
00:53:10,368 --> 00:53:15,047
Speaker 2: because satin is conjunct uranus. Still, I have to use humor. Like,

986
00:53:15,168 --> 00:53:18,128
Speaker 2: even when I'm spending time with him, I just I

987
00:53:18,288 --> 00:53:20,328
Speaker 2: just feel I just feel sorry for him. I can't

988
00:53:21,048 --> 00:53:24,167
Speaker 2: I can't feel anything else anymore, that all those other

989
00:53:24,168 --> 00:53:28,368
Speaker 2: emotions have gone, and I just need to channel the

990
00:53:28,408 --> 00:53:31,848
Speaker 2: sadness that he's probably carrying with him.

991
00:53:32,768 --> 00:53:34,248
Speaker 3: He's got a new partner.

992
00:53:34,648 --> 00:53:36,687
Speaker 2: Actually he's had a few new partners, but this one

993
00:53:36,888 --> 00:53:40,808
Speaker 2: is solid, I think, and they're engaged and they've bought

994
00:53:40,808 --> 00:53:43,928
Speaker 2: a house. But it's just bizarre that the whole institution

995
00:53:44,088 --> 00:53:47,208
Speaker 2: that he was so against, he's now gotten back into it.

996
00:53:47,368 --> 00:53:49,928
Speaker 2: So for me, that's been a little hard to reconcile

997
00:53:49,968 --> 00:53:53,808
Speaker 2: that he was so anti marriage and you know, he's

998
00:53:53,808 --> 00:53:57,928
Speaker 2: gone to do it all again. So that's something that

999
00:53:57,968 --> 00:54:04,928
Speaker 2: I'm currently working on. I take from this whole experience

1000
00:54:05,048 --> 00:54:08,248
Speaker 2: that you have to learn the art of forgiveness and

1001
00:54:08,248 --> 00:54:12,208
Speaker 2: that everybody is on their own journey. And what upsets

1002
00:54:12,208 --> 00:54:14,607
Speaker 2: me the most about my whole story is that he's

1003
00:54:14,648 --> 00:54:16,968
Speaker 2: taken me on one of the biggest.

1004
00:54:16,648 --> 00:54:20,888
Speaker 3: Journeys I've ever I've ever heard of, you know, from anyone.

1005
00:54:21,048 --> 00:54:21,248
Speaker 3: You know.

1006
00:54:21,328 --> 00:54:25,848
Speaker 2: This was not a normal marriage breakdown of you know,

1007
00:54:26,048 --> 00:54:28,248
Speaker 2: I've fallen in love with someone else, or you know,

1008
00:54:28,328 --> 00:54:32,488
Speaker 2: infidelity or gambling or drugs or whatever. So I've I've

1009
00:54:32,488 --> 00:54:35,048
Speaker 2: had to learn the art of forgiveness, and in the past,

1010
00:54:35,088 --> 00:54:39,328
Speaker 2: I've never been a huge person to really channel that,

1011
00:54:39,608 --> 00:54:44,087
Speaker 2: so that's taken a lot of work. And I just

1012
00:54:44,128 --> 00:54:47,087
Speaker 2: can't be angry because I lived with anger for you know,

1013
00:54:47,328 --> 00:54:49,567
Speaker 2: the first couple of years, and it's just not good

1014
00:54:49,608 --> 00:54:51,448
Speaker 2: for you. It's not good for your health, it's not

1015
00:54:51,528 --> 00:54:53,968
Speaker 2: good for your work, it's not good You're not a nice.

1016
00:54:53,808 --> 00:54:56,608
Speaker 3: Person to be around, it's not good for the kids.

1017
00:54:56,728 --> 00:54:59,527
Speaker 2: And yeah, I started to see the effect that that

1018
00:54:59,728 --> 00:55:02,408
Speaker 2: was having, and I just I think I literally woke

1019
00:55:02,488 --> 00:55:05,448
Speaker 2: up one day and said, I'm not living like this anymore.

1020
00:55:05,488 --> 00:55:07,248
Speaker 3: I can't. I literally can't do it.

1021
00:55:07,808 --> 00:55:10,567
Speaker 2: So I've managed to, yeah, be able to move on

1022
00:55:10,648 --> 00:55:14,127
Speaker 2: and have a really really good life. I have, like

1023
00:55:14,168 --> 00:55:17,488
Speaker 2: I said, the most amazing group of women around me,

1024
00:55:17,848 --> 00:55:22,607
Speaker 2: really amazing group of friends, Yeah, good family, and I.

1025
00:55:22,528 --> 00:55:23,207
Speaker 3: Travel a lot.

1026
00:55:23,288 --> 00:55:26,647
Speaker 2: I've got a really really good job, and I've been

1027
00:55:26,688 --> 00:55:28,808
Speaker 2: in my job for a really long time, and I'm

1028
00:55:28,928 --> 00:55:31,328
Speaker 2: very well looked after, and I've managed to buy my

1029
00:55:31,368 --> 00:55:34,808
Speaker 2: own house, and yeah, set up life for the boys

1030
00:55:34,808 --> 00:55:38,008
Speaker 2: and I really really well, and yeah, I would consider

1031
00:55:38,048 --> 00:55:41,167
Speaker 2: that I'm thriving. Probably one of the things that's made

1032
00:55:41,208 --> 00:55:44,528
Speaker 2: it very, very difficult for me to have.

1033
00:55:44,488 --> 00:55:45,608
Speaker 3: A relationship again.

1034
00:55:46,648 --> 00:55:49,008
Speaker 2: I guess I'm just very scared of, you know, falling

1035
00:55:49,008 --> 00:55:52,048
Speaker 2: in love again and someone else taking me on this massive,

1036
00:55:52,128 --> 00:55:55,008
Speaker 2: huge rollercoaster ride. Hopefully, one day we'll be able to,

1037
00:55:56,248 --> 00:56:00,607
Speaker 2: you know, work out that I'm worthy and does erv love,

1038
00:56:00,768 --> 00:56:02,488
Speaker 2: and yeah, we'll see what happens.

1039
00:56:03,048 --> 00:56:04,488
Speaker 3: I've got a lot of love to give.

1040
00:56:04,528 --> 00:56:06,527
Speaker 2: I'm just not ready to give it yet, but I

1041
00:56:06,688 --> 00:56:09,768
Speaker 2: think I'll eventually get there. Not everyone had a love life,

1042
00:56:10,288 --> 00:56:12,408
Speaker 2: so I guess I've got to be grateful that. You know,

1043
00:56:12,528 --> 00:56:15,328
Speaker 2: some people go through their life never having love, and

1044
00:56:15,608 --> 00:56:17,167
Speaker 2: you know what a terrible.

1045
00:56:16,888 --> 00:56:18,448
Speaker 3: Lonely existence that would be.

1046
00:56:18,528 --> 00:56:21,768
Speaker 2: So I kind of think I got to I got

1047
00:56:21,768 --> 00:56:24,008
Speaker 2: to have it for you know, an amazing eight years.

1048
00:56:24,528 --> 00:56:28,168
Speaker 2: My hope for him is that he is just settled

1049
00:56:28,208 --> 00:56:31,488
Speaker 2: and I always said to him, you know, you're you're

1050
00:56:31,568 --> 00:56:33,768
Speaker 2: constantly asking the why about life?

1051
00:56:33,808 --> 00:56:34,567
Speaker 3: Why are we here?

1052
00:56:34,888 --> 00:56:37,128
Speaker 2: We can't just be here to get married, have children,

1053
00:56:37,168 --> 00:56:39,567
Speaker 2: have the white picket fence. There has to be more

1054
00:56:39,608 --> 00:56:43,608
Speaker 2: to life. So he's like, what's our role on this planet?

1055
00:56:43,728 --> 00:56:46,928
Speaker 2: And I really hope that one day he finds the

1056
00:56:47,008 --> 00:56:48,527
Speaker 2: answer that he's been looking for.

1057
00:57:09,168 --> 00:57:11,768
Speaker 1: Everyone Has and X is a Minti Media production and

1058
00:57:11,808 --> 00:57:13,008
Speaker 1: proudly part of the Mum.

1059
00:57:12,848 --> 00:57:13,608
Speaker 3: And mea Network.

1060
00:57:13,848 --> 00:57:16,848
Speaker 1: This episode is written and narrated by me Georgia Love,

1061
00:57:16,968 --> 00:57:19,528
Speaker 1: produced by Linda Scott. If you have a story you'd

1062
00:57:19,568 --> 00:57:22,208
Speaker 1: like to share, email podcast app Momameia dot com dot a.

1063
00:57:22,288 --> 00:57:24,608
Speaker 1: You You can support us by following the show in

1064
00:57:24,648 --> 00:57:26,928
Speaker 1: your favorite podcast app and leaving us a five star

1065
00:57:27,048 --> 00:57:27,408
Speaker 1: review