1 00:00:08,234 --> 00:00:17,753 Speaker 1: You're listening to I'm Ama mea podcast. Hello, out Louders, 2 00:00:18,074 --> 00:00:22,073 Speaker 1: it's myself and Claire Stevens, Hello, and one Emily Vernon 3 00:00:22,274 --> 00:00:26,593 Speaker 1: and we are getting our Jesse Stevens on the phone. 4 00:00:26,674 --> 00:00:29,554 Speaker 2: It's an emergency meeting. We said, yeah, okay, so you 5 00:00:29,634 --> 00:00:32,874 Speaker 2: got some other things that you're doing. But most importantly 6 00:00:33,354 --> 00:00:35,153 Speaker 2: the out louders have questions. 7 00:00:34,714 --> 00:00:36,754 Speaker 1: They do and to be clear, out loud as, Jesse 8 00:00:37,274 --> 00:00:39,873 Speaker 1: very much wants to take you can this story? 9 00:00:39,954 --> 00:00:40,474 Speaker 2: Yeah? 10 00:00:40,553 --> 00:00:42,354 Speaker 1: You know you have to push her away from this stuff, 11 00:00:42,394 --> 00:00:44,274 Speaker 1: don't we like, maybe you need a few more days. 12 00:00:44,354 --> 00:00:48,514 Speaker 1: She's like Wednesday, Wednesday, or will do it? So you're 13 00:00:48,513 --> 00:00:51,233 Speaker 1: going to hear a very raw, very tired, very honest 14 00:00:52,354 --> 00:00:55,514 Speaker 1: description of what Jesse's been through in the past week 15 00:00:55,674 --> 00:00:58,834 Speaker 1: and obviously her family. You are going to get your 16 00:00:58,954 --> 00:01:02,313 Speaker 1: normal Friday episode this afternoon. It will be dropping in 17 00:01:02,434 --> 00:01:05,754 Speaker 1: your feed. But for every out louder who's been wondering 18 00:01:05,794 --> 00:01:08,114 Speaker 1: where Jesse is and sending her and wondering how the 19 00:01:08,114 --> 00:01:13,354 Speaker 1: twins are doing, you're about to hear everything. Jesse Stevens, 20 00:01:14,274 --> 00:01:16,874 Speaker 1: thank you so much for joining us. Can I ask you, 21 00:01:16,914 --> 00:01:18,234 Speaker 1: first of all, how the hell are you? 22 00:01:18,914 --> 00:01:22,314 Speaker 2: I don't know how to answer that. It changes. It's 23 00:01:22,314 --> 00:01:26,034 Speaker 2: like in the mornings, I'm really good. I'm not good 24 00:01:26,074 --> 00:01:28,434 Speaker 2: in the afternoons. And that's why I was like, I 25 00:01:28,594 --> 00:01:30,954 Speaker 2: want to record this in the afternoon because I need 26 00:01:30,994 --> 00:01:33,914 Speaker 2: the distraction. I go and see the babies during the day, 27 00:01:34,514 --> 00:01:38,754 Speaker 2: and then bedtime with Luna is really special. But there 28 00:01:38,794 --> 00:01:44,874 Speaker 2: is something about the looming nights without your newborns with 29 00:01:44,914 --> 00:01:51,234 Speaker 2: you that just is a pain that I cannot articulate. 30 00:01:51,514 --> 00:01:54,154 Speaker 1: Take us back to the beginning, take us back to 31 00:01:54,194 --> 00:01:54,994 Speaker 1: what happened. 32 00:01:55,474 --> 00:01:57,914 Speaker 2: It was funny in the days afterwards. I was like, 33 00:01:57,914 --> 00:02:00,834 Speaker 2: I want to tell everyone my birth story. And then 34 00:02:00,874 --> 00:02:06,114 Speaker 2: I was like, wait, what happened. I was like, I'll 35 00:02:06,394 --> 00:02:08,834 Speaker 2: have to speak to my obstetrician and asked him a 36 00:02:08,874 --> 00:02:12,874 Speaker 2: few questions because he was much more present than I was. 37 00:02:13,034 --> 00:02:15,874 Speaker 2: Friday was your last out loud day. Yes, Friday was 38 00:02:15,874 --> 00:02:19,074 Speaker 2: the last out loud day. And on Friday afternoon Mia 39 00:02:19,234 --> 00:02:21,434 Speaker 2: was over putting some rugs down and helping out with 40 00:02:21,474 --> 00:02:26,034 Speaker 2: a few things, and Luna was so cuddly. Mia took 41 00:02:26,074 --> 00:02:29,394 Speaker 2: a photo of Luna just like attached to me, and 42 00:02:29,434 --> 00:02:31,914 Speaker 2: that night Luna just wouldn't go to bed and she 43 00:02:31,994 --> 00:02:34,034 Speaker 2: wasn't sad. She just would not let go of me, 44 00:02:34,114 --> 00:02:37,194 Speaker 2: and I reckon. She could just smell that something was 45 00:02:37,234 --> 00:02:41,154 Speaker 2: going to happen. Oh so so weird, I know, isn't 46 00:02:41,154 --> 00:02:47,554 Speaker 2: it weird? At four forty five, I woke up weird feeling, Oh, 47 00:02:47,674 --> 00:02:51,434 Speaker 2: water's broke, just all over the bed. I stood up 48 00:02:51,514 --> 00:02:55,034 Speaker 2: and I went, oh, I just really hope that isn't blood. 49 00:02:55,074 --> 00:02:59,474 Speaker 2: I hope that's water, and looked down and just a 50 00:02:59,994 --> 00:03:02,954 Speaker 2: gush because I remember last time I thought my water's breaking. 51 00:03:02,994 --> 00:03:04,874 Speaker 2: No no, no, no no, there is no thinking your 52 00:03:04,874 --> 00:03:09,634 Speaker 2: water's breaked. So that was a and i'd been experiencing 53 00:03:09,634 --> 00:03:12,994 Speaker 2: for the two days before, very intense braxton Hicks. But 54 00:03:13,194 --> 00:03:15,914 Speaker 2: thirty three weeks pregnant, between's very normal to just have 55 00:03:16,514 --> 00:03:19,953 Speaker 2: a lot of muscular, almost period pain for weeks because 56 00:03:19,994 --> 00:03:21,394 Speaker 2: your body's just freaking. 57 00:03:21,634 --> 00:03:23,794 Speaker 1: It must be so scary, though, because you don't know 58 00:03:24,154 --> 00:03:25,314 Speaker 1: whether it is or whether it is. 59 00:03:26,474 --> 00:03:28,554 Speaker 2: Yeah, I was convinced. I just kept saying. I was 60 00:03:28,554 --> 00:03:30,474 Speaker 2: on the couch going no, no, this isn't this is 61 00:03:30,514 --> 00:03:33,274 Speaker 2: Braxton Hicks. It probably wasn't. Now that I know my 62 00:03:33,314 --> 00:03:35,674 Speaker 2: water's break, it probably was early labor. But so the 63 00:03:35,714 --> 00:03:40,554 Speaker 2: water's broke, and I went, fuck, I don't have a bag, 64 00:03:41,154 --> 00:03:45,474 Speaker 2: I don't have car seats, I don't have fascinets. What 65 00:03:45,594 --> 00:03:47,874 Speaker 2: I know about waters is that when I go to 66 00:03:47,954 --> 00:03:52,154 Speaker 2: hospital like I'm not coming home the things I put 67 00:03:52,194 --> 00:03:56,354 Speaker 2: in that bag like that. I then got there and 68 00:03:56,514 --> 00:03:59,154 Speaker 2: was like, why would I think you told me you 69 00:03:59,234 --> 00:04:01,434 Speaker 2: brought skin because then I had to pack your bag 70 00:04:01,794 --> 00:04:05,954 Speaker 2: that day and come in your bag and you were like, 71 00:04:06,554 --> 00:04:08,434 Speaker 2: I brought skin care, I brought this, I brought that. 72 00:04:08,434 --> 00:04:09,834 Speaker 2: But then I got there and out and brought any 73 00:04:09,874 --> 00:04:11,794 Speaker 2: of both things, and you were like mad at me. 74 00:04:13,794 --> 00:04:18,993 Speaker 2: You're really annoying, And I was going, do I have contractions? 75 00:04:18,993 --> 00:04:21,154 Speaker 2: Because some people say that once your waters break with twins, 76 00:04:21,154 --> 00:04:22,954 Speaker 2: things can go very very quickly. I knew that we 77 00:04:22,993 --> 00:04:24,993 Speaker 2: had a head down, at least one head down, and 78 00:04:25,594 --> 00:04:27,674 Speaker 2: you know what was going to happen. So we go on, 79 00:04:27,753 --> 00:04:31,754 Speaker 2: wake lunar up, who found the whole thing a giant novelty, 80 00:04:32,474 --> 00:04:34,834 Speaker 2: throw her in the car, Luca drives me to hospital, 81 00:04:34,914 --> 00:04:37,513 Speaker 2: drops me at hospital, takes Luna to me his house, 82 00:04:37,714 --> 00:04:39,794 Speaker 2: who just shows up at a doorstep at six am 83 00:04:39,914 --> 00:04:44,393 Speaker 2: being like, someone give me some WEIGHTE pits yeah, And 84 00:04:44,433 --> 00:04:47,914 Speaker 2: then Luca came back and met me at hospital and 85 00:04:48,553 --> 00:04:53,433 Speaker 2: they had by that point, they give you steroids, which kills. 86 00:04:53,513 --> 00:04:55,594 Speaker 1: What's the steroids for Jesse? 87 00:04:56,313 --> 00:05:01,634 Speaker 2: So the steroids are to develop and strengthen the baby's lungs, 88 00:05:02,234 --> 00:05:04,194 Speaker 2: and so they give you steroids. They take twenty four 89 00:05:04,234 --> 00:05:06,073 Speaker 2: hours to kick in, and they love to give you 90 00:05:06,113 --> 00:05:09,633 Speaker 2: two doses if possible, so that the babies can breathe 91 00:05:09,674 --> 00:05:13,313 Speaker 2: when they're born. So they had checked to see if 92 00:05:13,513 --> 00:05:16,993 Speaker 2: I had started dilating, and I hadn't. That was one 93 00:05:17,034 --> 00:05:19,514 Speaker 2: of the most painful parts. I hate that speculum. Shit 94 00:05:19,753 --> 00:05:23,833 Speaker 2: really hurts. They did the steroids, they start on antibiotics, 95 00:05:24,234 --> 00:05:27,513 Speaker 2: and then they give me something to stop labor, essentially 96 00:05:27,674 --> 00:05:30,194 Speaker 2: to go how can we slow this down? So they 97 00:05:30,234 --> 00:05:33,914 Speaker 2: gave me some drugs for that, and that morning, as 98 00:05:33,953 --> 00:05:35,633 Speaker 2: I was laying there, one of the doctors came in 99 00:05:35,674 --> 00:05:38,834 Speaker 2: and said, you could be here till thirty seven weeks. 100 00:05:39,113 --> 00:05:42,993 Speaker 2: I was thirty three weeks and two days, and she said, 101 00:05:43,154 --> 00:05:45,953 Speaker 2: if we can stop this and keep them in, we will. 102 00:05:45,914 --> 00:05:48,193 Speaker 1: Because the theory is they're better to be in there. 103 00:05:49,234 --> 00:05:51,234 Speaker 2: Yeah, they're better to be in there. We don't want 104 00:05:51,234 --> 00:05:55,873 Speaker 2: them out yet. And I was going, oh, my God, like, 105 00:05:56,073 --> 00:05:58,313 Speaker 2: because once your waters are broken, you're on bed rest, 106 00:05:58,553 --> 00:06:02,234 Speaker 2: Like you can't really go for a walk. I messaged 107 00:06:02,234 --> 00:06:05,073 Speaker 2: a few friends about it, and one friend was like, 108 00:06:05,794 --> 00:06:09,233 Speaker 2: you're allowed to secretly want them out, Like, don't feel 109 00:06:09,234 --> 00:06:12,753 Speaker 2: guilty for thinking. I don't think I can lay here 110 00:06:13,034 --> 00:06:16,674 Speaker 2: in discomfort and pain with a toddler at home for 111 00:06:17,354 --> 00:06:21,234 Speaker 2: three and a half four weeks waiting for these babies 112 00:06:21,433 --> 00:06:23,953 Speaker 2: to grow and grow. I mean, it was irrelevant what 113 00:06:23,993 --> 00:06:25,513 Speaker 2: I wanted because my body was going to do what 114 00:06:25,513 --> 00:06:27,833 Speaker 2: it was going to do, and my obstetrition was like, 115 00:06:28,594 --> 00:06:31,353 Speaker 2: you know, we keep them in as long as we can, 116 00:06:31,553 --> 00:06:33,793 Speaker 2: regardless of how everyone feels. 117 00:06:34,753 --> 00:06:36,954 Speaker 1: They're not giving you a choice about that. It's just 118 00:06:36,993 --> 00:06:39,273 Speaker 1: that that's yeah, you're going through that in your head, 119 00:06:39,594 --> 00:06:42,674 Speaker 1: so they can't stop it forever. It's like holding back 120 00:06:42,674 --> 00:06:43,354 Speaker 1: a tide. 121 00:06:43,553 --> 00:06:46,874 Speaker 2: Exactly. If your body wants to deliver these babies, they 122 00:06:46,914 --> 00:06:50,274 Speaker 2: will deliver, but they can they can try and slow it, 123 00:06:50,354 --> 00:06:52,834 Speaker 2: and that's what they were trying to do. The thing 124 00:06:52,873 --> 00:06:56,873 Speaker 2: about the steroids is that if you have gestational diabetes, 125 00:06:57,714 --> 00:07:02,034 Speaker 2: it surges your blood sugar, so all of a sudden, 126 00:07:02,113 --> 00:07:07,034 Speaker 2: I'm fingerpricking every hour. I am being filled with bad 127 00:07:07,113 --> 00:07:09,393 Speaker 2: bags of insulin, which I hadn't had to take up 128 00:07:09,474 --> 00:07:13,514 Speaker 2: until that point. The eating was a nightmare. The hospital 129 00:07:13,594 --> 00:07:17,354 Speaker 2: doesn't have a gestational diabetes meals that are appropriate, so 130 00:07:17,594 --> 00:07:21,514 Speaker 2: everything I ate had to be brought in and I 131 00:07:21,554 --> 00:07:24,114 Speaker 2: could eat a salad and my blood sugar was just 132 00:07:24,354 --> 00:07:27,554 Speaker 2: the worst it had ever been. So that was horrible. 133 00:07:28,514 --> 00:07:32,713 Speaker 2: And again I'm going, this could be weeks afore this. Yeah, 134 00:07:32,953 --> 00:07:35,394 Speaker 2: and then twenty four hours later, they're like, great, you're 135 00:07:35,393 --> 00:07:39,074 Speaker 2: still pregnant. We're gonna give you more steroids and we'd 136 00:07:39,114 --> 00:07:42,754 Speaker 2: love this to have twenty four hours to work. And 137 00:07:42,834 --> 00:07:45,874 Speaker 2: my obstetrition came in and yeah. I just cried and 138 00:07:45,994 --> 00:07:49,314 Speaker 2: was like, oh, come on, this is really am I 139 00:07:49,354 --> 00:07:52,994 Speaker 2: going to sit here? And he said to me, the 140 00:07:53,114 --> 00:07:55,314 Speaker 2: chances of you still being pregnant at the end of 141 00:07:55,314 --> 00:07:59,154 Speaker 2: this week are so minimal, like every day you have 142 00:07:59,914 --> 00:08:03,234 Speaker 2: a fifty percent chance of just going into labor. Wow. 143 00:08:03,274 --> 00:08:06,594 Speaker 2: And I was like, okay, all right, I'll wait. And 144 00:08:06,634 --> 00:08:09,434 Speaker 2: then that night it was Sunday night. Claire, you'd been there, 145 00:08:09,434 --> 00:08:14,474 Speaker 2: we'd watched maths. Yeah, so our tradition has become yeah, 146 00:08:14,514 --> 00:08:18,314 Speaker 2: going to the hospital, I bring dinner and we watched 147 00:08:18,794 --> 00:08:23,234 Speaker 2: per side. Thank God for that bringing everyone together. Yeah, 148 00:08:23,314 --> 00:08:25,914 Speaker 2: it really even the nurses together. The nurses would do 149 00:08:25,953 --> 00:08:27,594 Speaker 2: their obs and you could tell that they were like, 150 00:08:27,594 --> 00:08:32,194 Speaker 2: I don't go about your blood pressure what it was always, 151 00:08:32,314 --> 00:08:34,474 Speaker 2: and I'd like try and silence it to pretend like 152 00:08:34,474 --> 00:08:38,714 Speaker 2: we weren't just watching that I am quite emotionally vulnerable, 153 00:08:38,714 --> 00:08:45,794 Speaker 2: but I also you've interrupted, and so we just kept watching. 154 00:08:45,834 --> 00:08:49,434 Speaker 2: Right at first sight, Claire, maybe help me have a 155 00:08:49,434 --> 00:08:52,034 Speaker 2: shower or something. Anyway, but I left very late on 156 00:08:52,074 --> 00:08:55,194 Speaker 2: the Sunday. You left late, and after you left, I 157 00:08:55,234 --> 00:08:57,714 Speaker 2: was laying there going I hadn't slept in a few 158 00:08:57,794 --> 00:08:59,914 Speaker 2: nights because of all the obs and their blood sugar 159 00:08:59,954 --> 00:09:03,674 Speaker 2: and lots of drugs going through this point, so many, 160 00:09:03,914 --> 00:09:05,834 Speaker 2: so many drugs. And I was laying there and I 161 00:09:05,834 --> 00:09:08,594 Speaker 2: felt my heart rate get high and I felt really hot, 162 00:09:08,674 --> 00:09:13,114 Speaker 2: and I just thought, I feel weird, like I feel different. 163 00:09:21,154 --> 00:09:24,394 Speaker 2: Then the Braxton Hicks sensation started again. But then it 164 00:09:24,434 --> 00:09:28,114 Speaker 2: got very concentrated into like my uterus, like I could 165 00:09:28,154 --> 00:09:30,874 Speaker 2: feel contractions in the way that I had felt them 166 00:09:31,314 --> 00:09:35,154 Speaker 2: with lunar, where they were more rhythmic, more intense. Then 167 00:09:35,434 --> 00:09:38,954 Speaker 2: a gap and then kind of coming back but I 168 00:09:39,034 --> 00:09:41,914 Speaker 2: had flagged with a nurse earlier, like a few days 169 00:09:41,954 --> 00:09:44,314 Speaker 2: before that. I thought I was having contractions, and she 170 00:09:44,474 --> 00:09:50,394 Speaker 2: had said, I think they're all in your head. So thought, oh, 171 00:09:50,434 --> 00:09:54,554 Speaker 2: I won't say anything. So I lay there for three 172 00:09:54,634 --> 00:09:57,594 Speaker 2: or four hours, and then I went still, Now I can't. 173 00:09:58,154 --> 00:10:00,314 Speaker 2: I could feel myself like pulling muscles in my neck, 174 00:10:00,354 --> 00:10:01,794 Speaker 2: and I was like, no, I think this is bad. 175 00:10:01,794 --> 00:10:03,554 Speaker 2: So I pressed the button and I said, I'm pretty 176 00:10:03,554 --> 00:10:06,834 Speaker 2: sure I'm having contractions. And every time I have a contraction, 177 00:10:07,154 --> 00:10:09,714 Speaker 2: more water because that's the thing. My waters were breaking 178 00:10:10,394 --> 00:10:14,754 Speaker 2: the whole time. I didn't know this. Your waters just refill, 179 00:10:15,154 --> 00:10:18,634 Speaker 2: you know, they don't. It doesn't make sense because from 180 00:10:18,714 --> 00:10:21,953 Speaker 2: it isn't where broke where? That's my question. 181 00:10:22,154 --> 00:10:24,074 Speaker 1: But that's so I didn't know that either. When you 182 00:10:24,114 --> 00:10:27,314 Speaker 1: told me about the water's breaking, I thought, well, that's that. 183 00:10:27,034 --> 00:10:29,914 Speaker 2: But that's yeah, And that's why I thought they had 184 00:10:29,914 --> 00:10:32,154 Speaker 2: to give you antibiotics, because I'm imagining that I'm just 185 00:10:32,274 --> 00:10:39,473 Speaker 2: flapping open, yeah, flapping open with the pooh wee baby substance, 186 00:10:39,634 --> 00:10:42,074 Speaker 2: like who knows someone going to do a poo and 187 00:10:42,114 --> 00:10:45,994 Speaker 2: then it's gonna But they did a scan on the 188 00:10:46,074 --> 00:10:48,154 Speaker 2: Sunday and they're like, oh, yeah, they're both floating and 189 00:10:48,234 --> 00:10:50,914 Speaker 2: amniotic fluid. And I was like, but the anoniotic fluid 190 00:10:50,994 --> 00:10:55,194 Speaker 2: is in my socks. I can say, it doesn't make 191 00:10:55,394 --> 00:10:58,154 Speaker 2: I don't understand. It's like, where does not come from? 192 00:10:58,274 --> 00:10:59,394 Speaker 2: It's the same question. 193 00:10:59,794 --> 00:11:01,594 Speaker 1: Women are incredible being. 194 00:11:02,234 --> 00:11:05,114 Speaker 2: It just keeps feeling. And it was it was twin a. 195 00:11:05,234 --> 00:11:07,674 Speaker 2: It was boy who had broken his I have a 196 00:11:07,714 --> 00:11:11,234 Speaker 2: theory Margo did it. But yeah, he's breaking and so 197 00:11:11,434 --> 00:11:14,274 Speaker 2: I can feel these contractions and I call the nurse 198 00:11:14,274 --> 00:11:17,594 Speaker 2: in and then they do the monitoring. Monitoring two heartbeats 199 00:11:17,714 --> 00:11:22,034 Speaker 2: is hilarious. It's not very easy. So they start monitoring. 200 00:11:22,194 --> 00:11:25,114 Speaker 2: They can see the contractions happening. And a doctor came 201 00:11:25,154 --> 00:11:28,514 Speaker 2: in and said, look, this can happen at night. This 202 00:11:28,594 --> 00:11:32,914 Speaker 2: might happen every night for four weeks. No Ah, lovely, 203 00:11:33,114 --> 00:11:37,634 Speaker 2: where you just you start to labor, sun comes up stops, 204 00:11:37,994 --> 00:11:40,394 Speaker 2: which actually did happen for a few days with Luna 205 00:11:40,474 --> 00:11:43,794 Speaker 2: as well. But they watched and it was about three 206 00:11:43,794 --> 00:11:46,874 Speaker 2: point thirty. I first alerted her. Two hours later she 207 00:11:46,914 --> 00:11:48,554 Speaker 2: came back in and she said, I've just got off 208 00:11:48,554 --> 00:11:51,314 Speaker 2: the phone to Dr Morris and you'll be meeting these 209 00:11:51,314 --> 00:11:54,994 Speaker 2: twins in one hour. Oh whoa? And I was like 210 00:11:55,634 --> 00:12:00,314 Speaker 2: in total shock, not only from like why have my 211 00:12:00,394 --> 00:12:02,514 Speaker 2: waters broken? I'm still getting my head around that, but 212 00:12:02,914 --> 00:12:05,714 Speaker 2: I have one hour and Luca was sleeping at home, 213 00:12:05,754 --> 00:12:07,434 Speaker 2: so I had to call him and go, you need 214 00:12:07,474 --> 00:12:09,114 Speaker 2: to get here right now. We're about to meet them. 215 00:12:09,234 --> 00:12:11,434 Speaker 2: And you try to call me because I'm usually up 216 00:12:11,434 --> 00:12:14,034 Speaker 2: at the crack of dawn with Matilda, and that is 217 00:12:14,074 --> 00:12:18,074 Speaker 2: the one morning she's lept me. I'm so mad. I 218 00:12:18,114 --> 00:12:18,833 Speaker 2: wanted to do that. 219 00:12:19,194 --> 00:12:21,554 Speaker 1: Were you scared, Jesse through all this time? Are you 220 00:12:21,634 --> 00:12:22,394 Speaker 1: like scared? 221 00:12:22,914 --> 00:12:26,154 Speaker 2: Yeah? I think I was. I was really scared because 222 00:12:26,594 --> 00:12:29,994 Speaker 2: I was also trying to decide up until that moment, 223 00:12:30,274 --> 00:12:33,473 Speaker 2: like I could have gone, let's get him out vaginally, 224 00:12:33,554 --> 00:12:36,634 Speaker 2: that was also an option, but I was getting advice 225 00:12:37,514 --> 00:12:42,034 Speaker 2: from very clever, very considerate, very sensitive doctors. We do 226 00:12:42,114 --> 00:12:45,994 Speaker 2: not know what Twin B is going to do. Twin 227 00:12:46,034 --> 00:12:49,394 Speaker 2: A we reckon. He'll come out in a second because 228 00:12:49,434 --> 00:12:53,874 Speaker 2: he's head down. Twin B might spin, she might crawl 229 00:12:53,954 --> 00:12:57,914 Speaker 2: her way back up to your like yep. And what 230 00:12:57,954 --> 00:13:00,674 Speaker 2: we know about Twin B is that she's the smaller one. 231 00:13:01,114 --> 00:13:05,514 Speaker 2: She's not very robust because they're early, and once a 232 00:13:05,554 --> 00:13:07,634 Speaker 2: baby has descended into the birth canal, it is coming 233 00:13:07,674 --> 00:13:09,914 Speaker 2: out the birth canal, no matter what instruments we have 234 00:13:09,994 --> 00:13:14,354 Speaker 2: to use. So if you want and if she hasn't 235 00:13:14,394 --> 00:13:16,194 Speaker 2: descended through the birth canal, then we do a C 236 00:13:16,354 --> 00:13:18,834 Speaker 2: section and you end up recovering from two births. And 237 00:13:18,874 --> 00:13:21,474 Speaker 2: that is I was given about a one in five 238 00:13:21,554 --> 00:13:25,594 Speaker 2: chance of that happening. So I went, all, right, what 239 00:13:25,634 --> 00:13:27,034 Speaker 2: do you guys think I should do? When they said 240 00:13:27,074 --> 00:13:30,954 Speaker 2: sea section, I went great. So they take all your 241 00:13:30,994 --> 00:13:35,474 Speaker 2: jewelry off and put a handnet on and take your 242 00:13:35,554 --> 00:13:37,874 Speaker 2: underpants off, like just all this stuff that you're like. 243 00:13:38,554 --> 00:13:42,274 Speaker 2: It just it went from so slow to so fast. 244 00:13:43,314 --> 00:13:46,074 Speaker 2: And then they put me on a stretch of bed 245 00:13:46,674 --> 00:13:51,354 Speaker 2: and take me into surgery where there are maybe a 246 00:13:51,354 --> 00:13:56,714 Speaker 2: dozen people really bright do the spinal thing, which I 247 00:13:56,754 --> 00:14:00,994 Speaker 2: think hurt more than an epidural, Like they put that 248 00:14:01,474 --> 00:14:06,754 Speaker 2: the local killed spinal block, and then they kind of 249 00:14:07,474 --> 00:14:11,914 Speaker 2: shuffled me. Actually, this is this is quite a funny detail. 250 00:14:12,034 --> 00:14:16,194 Speaker 2: But so I hadn't seen my bikini line for six months, right, 251 00:14:17,194 --> 00:14:20,354 Speaker 2: I still don't think I've seen it, And they lay 252 00:14:20,434 --> 00:14:24,554 Speaker 2: me down and I've had a big forty eight hours 253 00:14:25,354 --> 00:14:27,594 Speaker 2: and I just hear the obstrration go, we're gonna need 254 00:14:27,634 --> 00:14:33,354 Speaker 2: a razor, and I was like, how did in front 255 00:14:33,394 --> 00:14:34,114 Speaker 2: of my husband, in. 256 00:14:34,154 --> 00:14:40,274 Speaker 3: Front of everyone, And I'm like, okay, you get the 257 00:14:40,314 --> 00:14:43,354 Speaker 3: whipper snipper out because they do it so much lower 258 00:14:43,394 --> 00:14:44,194 Speaker 3: than you think they will. 259 00:14:46,074 --> 00:14:47,874 Speaker 1: Well, I've taken initiative and do it yourself. 260 00:14:50,034 --> 00:14:53,434 Speaker 2: Do it. I've had a fucking spinal tap. Give me 261 00:14:53,474 --> 00:14:58,274 Speaker 2: a brasilient. Just keep it quiet so it announces it 262 00:14:58,314 --> 00:15:00,954 Speaker 2: to the whole room. I'm sure there was a sister 263 00:15:01,034 --> 00:15:03,674 Speaker 2: in there. I don't know. I don't know if I 264 00:15:03,794 --> 00:15:08,754 Speaker 2: was imagining. The nun was on with the razor. Let 265 00:15:08,794 --> 00:15:12,914 Speaker 2: me and none gave me a pazzili and so she 266 00:15:13,114 --> 00:15:16,314 Speaker 2: did that. And then Luca comes in with his silly 267 00:15:16,434 --> 00:15:19,754 Speaker 2: little surgical hat on and sits with me, and the 268 00:15:19,794 --> 00:15:21,554 Speaker 2: uneath the test is just explaining how to all goes. 269 00:15:21,594 --> 00:15:24,474 Speaker 2: I quite like to the tingliness in my legs, I 270 00:15:24,554 --> 00:15:26,234 Speaker 2: do the ice cube thing. They're like, you're going to 271 00:15:26,274 --> 00:15:28,874 Speaker 2: feel it, but it's not going to hurt. Then I'm 272 00:15:28,914 --> 00:15:30,634 Speaker 2: laying there with Luca and a friend said to me, 273 00:15:31,354 --> 00:15:35,514 Speaker 2: try and maintain a completely normal conversation with your partner. 274 00:15:35,954 --> 00:15:38,194 Speaker 2: So you don't freak, because if you think about it 275 00:15:38,194 --> 00:15:40,794 Speaker 2: too much and you think about your legs not moving, 276 00:15:40,834 --> 00:15:43,514 Speaker 2: it can just talk about what they're doing. You don't 277 00:15:43,514 --> 00:15:52,954 Speaker 2: want to quest Actually, don't let me forget. I have 278 00:15:53,074 --> 00:15:58,114 Speaker 2: Orlando Norris. He's been a shining light. Okay, I'm so happy. 279 00:15:58,354 --> 00:16:01,154 Speaker 2: Luca's holding my hand, and then they I hear a 280 00:16:01,274 --> 00:16:07,834 Speaker 2: cry and it's Harry and they pick him up, and 281 00:16:08,554 --> 00:16:10,354 Speaker 2: I couldn't believe he cried because I was told they 282 00:16:10,434 --> 00:16:13,474 Speaker 2: might not yea, they might have issues. Such a good noise, 283 00:16:14,394 --> 00:16:18,674 Speaker 2: and they lower the curtain and lift Harry up, and 284 00:16:18,714 --> 00:16:20,354 Speaker 2: I like go to try and touch him, but that's 285 00:16:20,394 --> 00:16:22,594 Speaker 2: a sterile surgical place that I'm not allowed, and they 286 00:16:22,634 --> 00:16:28,314 Speaker 2: were like, oh no, they rush Harry over to deuce oxygen. 287 00:16:28,634 --> 00:16:32,154 Speaker 2: And then a minute later Margo comes and she cries too, 288 00:16:33,754 --> 00:16:40,474 Speaker 2: and I at that point. Weirdly, at like twenty weeks pregnant, 289 00:16:40,514 --> 00:16:41,634 Speaker 2: I was going to bed one night and I said 290 00:16:41,634 --> 00:16:44,634 Speaker 2: to Luca, Hey, if anything weird happens during birth, go 291 00:16:44,674 --> 00:16:47,594 Speaker 2: with the twins. Like I had read something that just 292 00:16:47,634 --> 00:16:51,914 Speaker 2: said have that conversation because your husband know whether to 293 00:16:52,514 --> 00:16:54,314 Speaker 2: go with the twins or stay with you. And I 294 00:16:54,354 --> 00:16:57,754 Speaker 2: was like, just go to them, check that they're okay. 295 00:16:58,554 --> 00:17:04,114 Speaker 2: And I was laying there and started feeling really bad, 296 00:17:04,354 --> 00:17:10,154 Speaker 2: like lightheaded, nauseous, out of it. There's no way I 297 00:17:10,273 --> 00:17:13,553 Speaker 2: knew I'd just had two babies. And then the aneth 298 00:17:13,594 --> 00:17:16,754 Speaker 2: the test. I could hear the obstrican saying, whatever you're 299 00:17:16,794 --> 00:17:19,954 Speaker 2: giving her, you need to give her more because the 300 00:17:19,994 --> 00:17:23,434 Speaker 2: placenta wouldn't soften. There was an issue with the placenta. 301 00:17:24,034 --> 00:17:26,234 Speaker 2: I heard them say that I'd lost a fair bit 302 00:17:26,274 --> 00:17:29,313 Speaker 2: of blood, and the uneath test then said to me, 303 00:17:29,874 --> 00:17:31,674 Speaker 2: I hate having to do this, but I'm about to 304 00:17:31,674 --> 00:17:33,234 Speaker 2: give you some drugs that they are going to make 305 00:17:33,274 --> 00:17:36,594 Speaker 2: you feel really bad, Like they're going to make you 306 00:17:36,634 --> 00:17:39,634 Speaker 2: feel really sick. And basically when you have twins, like 307 00:17:39,674 --> 00:17:42,513 Speaker 2: the two placentas I think were like hardening, like they 308 00:17:42,554 --> 00:17:44,874 Speaker 2: weren't soft enough to get them out so I could 309 00:17:44,954 --> 00:17:48,114 Speaker 2: feel them. And then I turned to the uneath test 310 00:17:48,114 --> 00:17:49,194 Speaker 2: and I was like, I feel really sick, and he 311 00:17:49,234 --> 00:17:52,513 Speaker 2: said it's a mixture of the drugs and the rummaging. 312 00:17:53,114 --> 00:17:58,154 Speaker 2: Oh you feel that rummage yea. And actually when Margot 313 00:17:58,194 --> 00:18:01,874 Speaker 2: came so they got harry and then it felt like 314 00:18:01,914 --> 00:18:07,513 Speaker 2: the obstetrician was sitting on my ribs the stre he 315 00:18:07,634 --> 00:18:09,634 Speaker 2: had to use to get her out, and he later 316 00:18:09,674 --> 00:18:11,833 Speaker 2: told me that it was like they were like they 317 00:18:11,834 --> 00:18:14,434 Speaker 2: were a little fish that were like swimming in circles 318 00:18:14,474 --> 00:18:18,114 Speaker 2: and he was trying to catch me. She's like, don't 319 00:18:18,154 --> 00:18:19,634 Speaker 2: get me, don't get me, don't get me. And it's like, 320 00:18:19,634 --> 00:18:21,194 Speaker 2: don't get me, don't get me, don't get me, which 321 00:18:21,234 --> 00:18:24,314 Speaker 2: I was like, I am very glad you came out 322 00:18:24,314 --> 00:18:28,234 Speaker 2: the sunway I was to play chasing no in the 323 00:18:28,234 --> 00:18:29,434 Speaker 2: birth came out and. 324 00:18:29,354 --> 00:18:31,714 Speaker 1: As Luke had gone with the twins, he's gone with 325 00:18:31,754 --> 00:18:32,194 Speaker 1: the twins. 326 00:18:32,194 --> 00:18:36,754 Speaker 2: He cut their cords and then Margo came over and 327 00:18:36,954 --> 00:18:42,874 Speaker 2: was put on my chest and I couldn't see her, 328 00:18:43,194 --> 00:18:49,714 Speaker 2: like I couldn't. My eyes weren't working. I felt so sick. 329 00:18:49,794 --> 00:18:52,434 Speaker 2: I said to Claire later, It's like, imagine the worst 330 00:18:52,474 --> 00:18:54,874 Speaker 2: food poisoning you've ever had, and someone hands you your 331 00:18:54,914 --> 00:18:59,114 Speaker 2: newborn baby, and you're going, this is great, but I 332 00:18:59,234 --> 00:19:02,434 Speaker 2: just feel so so and I kept turning around kind 333 00:19:02,474 --> 00:19:09,914 Speaker 2: of going, guys, I don't feel right. I don't feel right. 334 00:19:13,234 --> 00:19:16,434 Speaker 2: And so then they took Margo. I didn't get to 335 00:19:16,474 --> 00:19:19,554 Speaker 2: see I didn't get to hold Harry for hours and hours, 336 00:19:19,994 --> 00:19:23,354 Speaker 2: but they took them off to Nicko and I went 337 00:19:23,394 --> 00:19:25,994 Speaker 2: to recovery and I look back now and I'm like, 338 00:19:26,794 --> 00:19:31,234 Speaker 2: where did I think they were. I hardly asked a 339 00:19:31,314 --> 00:19:35,234 Speaker 2: question because I was just so so unwell. So I 340 00:19:35,634 --> 00:19:40,513 Speaker 2: went to recovery and I just said, like, I'm so thirsty. 341 00:19:40,554 --> 00:19:43,434 Speaker 2: I'm so thirsty. And I had like four apple juices, 342 00:19:43,474 --> 00:19:45,794 Speaker 2: which all of a sudden I could drink. Kept saying 343 00:19:45,794 --> 00:19:48,394 Speaker 2: to Luca, like, get me a smoothie, get me a juice, 344 00:19:49,234 --> 00:19:53,234 Speaker 2: which apparently is like that's a symptom of heavy blood loss, 345 00:19:53,274 --> 00:19:55,114 Speaker 2: like when you've had a lot of blood loss, you 346 00:19:55,154 --> 00:19:58,914 Speaker 2: get really really thirsty. My obstration told me what had happened, 347 00:19:59,874 --> 00:20:03,634 Speaker 2: but I was like, couldn't hear it. And then they 348 00:20:03,714 --> 00:20:06,434 Speaker 2: ended up wheling me back to my room and I 349 00:20:06,474 --> 00:20:08,353 Speaker 2: was like trying to rea something on the wall and 350 00:20:08,394 --> 00:20:10,954 Speaker 2: like trying to look at something, and I kept thinking, 351 00:20:11,434 --> 00:20:16,594 Speaker 2: don't panic, but like it feels like you are so 352 00:20:16,714 --> 00:20:19,954 Speaker 2: intoxicated that you can't keep your eyes open. And I 353 00:20:20,034 --> 00:20:23,234 Speaker 2: just wanted my brain back, Like I kept thinking, I 354 00:20:23,274 --> 00:20:25,834 Speaker 2: don't care about pain, I don't care. I just I'm 355 00:20:25,874 --> 00:20:28,874 Speaker 2: not here, like I can't touch any of it, and 356 00:20:28,914 --> 00:20:31,634 Speaker 2: then in the next few days through blood tests and stuff, 357 00:20:31,674 --> 00:20:34,754 Speaker 2: they were like, ah, you have no blood. So I 358 00:20:34,794 --> 00:20:39,954 Speaker 2: had two blood transfusions, Oh my god, which she certainly helped. 359 00:20:41,074 --> 00:20:44,634 Speaker 2: But I had this like whushing. It was like I 360 00:20:44,674 --> 00:20:48,354 Speaker 2: was on the loudest aeroplane. My ears were like screen 361 00:20:48,474 --> 00:20:51,714 Speaker 2: like this really weird woshing and this headache. And so 362 00:20:51,754 --> 00:20:54,834 Speaker 2: I'd had them at six forty eight and six forty nine. 363 00:20:55,154 --> 00:21:02,274 Speaker 2: I'm then like barely conscious for hours and then I 364 00:21:02,354 --> 00:21:04,434 Speaker 2: was like, get me to my babies. I need to 365 00:21:04,434 --> 00:21:07,514 Speaker 2: go see my babies. I said, well, can I Can 366 00:21:07,554 --> 00:21:10,194 Speaker 2: I stand up now? Like I can move my legs, 367 00:21:10,234 --> 00:21:12,994 Speaker 2: can I stand up? And she said, oh, usually we 368 00:21:12,994 --> 00:21:14,954 Speaker 2: don't get you moving until tomorrow, but if you want, 369 00:21:14,994 --> 00:21:16,553 Speaker 2: I was like, yeah, I would like a shower, and 370 00:21:16,554 --> 00:21:18,994 Speaker 2: then I would like to see the babies. Got up, 371 00:21:19,434 --> 00:21:22,394 Speaker 2: went in a wheelchair down there. And then that was 372 00:21:22,434 --> 00:21:26,274 Speaker 2: the first time I held Harry. And I walked into 373 00:21:26,354 --> 00:21:30,234 Speaker 2: Nicko and it was like I'd never been there before, 374 00:21:30,954 --> 00:21:35,073 Speaker 2: but I walked straight to Harry like there were you know, 375 00:21:35,394 --> 00:21:39,954 Speaker 2: twelve babies in there, and I just knew that that 376 00:21:40,074 --> 00:21:45,714 Speaker 2: was Harry and that was Margo and the sound like 377 00:21:45,874 --> 00:21:49,194 Speaker 2: I keep hearing myself. The sound I made when I 378 00:21:49,234 --> 00:21:54,474 Speaker 2: saw Harry for the first time was just like unlike 379 00:21:54,594 --> 00:21:58,194 Speaker 2: any sound I've ever made, like glee or like was 380 00:21:58,194 --> 00:22:01,434 Speaker 2: it happiness or just broken, Like it was like my 381 00:22:01,634 --> 00:22:07,474 Speaker 2: voice broke, like someone had removed my leg and I'd 382 00:22:07,514 --> 00:22:12,834 Speaker 2: finally found it. And so sat with him and gave 383 00:22:12,914 --> 00:22:17,714 Speaker 2: him a cuddle. And it's all pretty confronting because he 384 00:22:17,874 --> 00:22:20,674 Speaker 2: had a mask on and this like kind of how 385 00:22:20,754 --> 00:22:22,874 Speaker 2: many things on. He's got this big snorhul to help 386 00:22:22,954 --> 00:22:28,274 Speaker 2: him breathe, he's got needles and cables and heart monitors, 387 00:22:29,194 --> 00:22:32,594 Speaker 2: and he is so small, like he was one point 388 00:22:32,594 --> 00:22:37,954 Speaker 2: eight and Margo was one point seven kilos. They're just tiny. 389 00:22:38,714 --> 00:22:41,554 Speaker 2: And even now like it's a week on, yeah, week 390 00:22:41,594 --> 00:22:43,313 Speaker 2: in a bit on, and Margo still has like a 391 00:22:43,354 --> 00:22:47,234 Speaker 2: canula in her hand, like those babies have had more 392 00:22:47,274 --> 00:22:49,194 Speaker 2: needles in a week than Lunar has had in her 393 00:22:49,194 --> 00:22:49,793 Speaker 2: whole life. 394 00:22:49,954 --> 00:22:53,394 Speaker 1: Babe, does anyone tell you what to expect? I mean, 395 00:22:53,434 --> 00:22:55,794 Speaker 1: obviously you knew that Nicki was a possibility, but as 396 00:22:55,834 --> 00:22:58,114 Speaker 1: you just when you're just describing how confronting it was 397 00:22:58,194 --> 00:22:59,914 Speaker 1: to see them the first time, does anyone say, so, 398 00:22:59,994 --> 00:23:01,594 Speaker 1: this is what's they're going to look like. This is 399 00:23:01,594 --> 00:23:02,273 Speaker 1: how it's going to be. 400 00:23:02,714 --> 00:23:05,034 Speaker 2: So I had a few friends that I reached out 401 00:23:05,034 --> 00:23:09,513 Speaker 2: to when I landed in hospital, who said, google what 402 00:23:09,554 --> 00:23:11,994 Speaker 2: a thirty four week looks like. Although you've been told 403 00:23:12,034 --> 00:23:15,354 Speaker 2: since the twins about a week earlier, like they look 404 00:23:15,394 --> 00:23:18,434 Speaker 2: about a week earlier. So a thirty four week singleton 405 00:23:18,714 --> 00:23:23,834 Speaker 2: is probably bigger than the twins, But google that. And 406 00:23:23,834 --> 00:23:27,754 Speaker 2: then they'd also had someone from the Niku come in 407 00:23:28,074 --> 00:23:30,954 Speaker 2: and talk to me about what it would look like 408 00:23:31,034 --> 00:23:33,834 Speaker 2: if they were born tomorrow, how long the stay might be, 409 00:23:34,434 --> 00:23:37,194 Speaker 2: how they then go to special care. There was talk 410 00:23:37,194 --> 00:23:39,474 Speaker 2: of me doing a bit of a tour and looking 411 00:23:39,514 --> 00:23:41,514 Speaker 2: at it before I had them, but we didn't get 412 00:23:41,514 --> 00:23:45,514 Speaker 2: a chance. It is almost a spiritual place. There's lots 413 00:23:45,554 --> 00:23:47,833 Speaker 2: of beeping and lights and whatever, but there is this 414 00:23:48,034 --> 00:23:52,954 Speaker 2: energy in Niku that is just so honored by everyone 415 00:23:52,954 --> 00:23:55,594 Speaker 2: who goes in there. It's like this place, this like liminal, 416 00:23:56,594 --> 00:24:00,234 Speaker 2: limbo place where none of these babies, well most of 417 00:24:00,274 --> 00:24:03,474 Speaker 2: these babies shouldn't be here yet. Yeah, they're in these 418 00:24:03,554 --> 00:24:08,714 Speaker 2: like cots that are temperature controlled and their job is 419 00:24:08,754 --> 00:24:12,474 Speaker 2: to is to grow. Lots of beeping and stuff. But 420 00:24:13,074 --> 00:24:15,353 Speaker 2: the nurses, and this is what everyone says. It's not 421 00:24:15,394 --> 00:24:18,674 Speaker 2: just the nurses, it's the doctors, it's everyone. There are 422 00:24:19,034 --> 00:24:23,793 Speaker 2: just not like any other profession. They just must that 423 00:24:23,914 --> 00:24:27,593 Speaker 2: they must know that this is one of the most 424 00:24:28,234 --> 00:24:31,194 Speaker 2: difficult times a parent can go through. And you walk 425 00:24:31,234 --> 00:24:35,114 Speaker 2: in and you can go anytime, morning, night, pick up 426 00:24:35,114 --> 00:24:38,434 Speaker 2: your baby. That's their number one priority, doesn't matter how 427 00:24:38,434 --> 00:24:40,114 Speaker 2: many tubes are. And you pick up that baby and 428 00:24:40,114 --> 00:24:43,874 Speaker 2: you do skin to skin and they, you know, sort 429 00:24:43,914 --> 00:24:48,234 Speaker 2: you out with a pump and visitors and like they're 430 00:24:48,314 --> 00:24:52,314 Speaker 2: just so so caring and so good to your babies. 431 00:24:52,314 --> 00:24:57,354 Speaker 2: And there's a there's a live stream, so check in 432 00:24:57,434 --> 00:24:58,234 Speaker 2: on them. 433 00:24:58,114 --> 00:25:00,674 Speaker 1: A week on and a lot has happened in that time. 434 00:25:00,794 --> 00:25:03,514 Speaker 1: But what kind of obviously the babies are still there 435 00:25:04,314 --> 00:25:07,834 Speaker 1: and you went home when, and what's the rhythm of 436 00:25:07,874 --> 00:25:09,674 Speaker 1: this new normal of yours? 437 00:25:09,874 --> 00:25:12,954 Speaker 2: Like, So I had them on Monday and I went 438 00:25:13,034 --> 00:25:16,394 Speaker 2: home on Thursday. I was very keen to get home 439 00:25:16,674 --> 00:25:21,114 Speaker 2: for Luna, Like that's been torturous because she doesn't want 440 00:25:21,114 --> 00:25:22,634 Speaker 2: to come. What two and a half year old wants 441 00:25:22,674 --> 00:25:24,394 Speaker 2: to come to hospital and sit on a bed with mum, 442 00:25:24,514 --> 00:25:28,074 Speaker 2: Like that's just a terrible experience. So I came home 443 00:25:28,714 --> 00:25:33,114 Speaker 2: and now I go in the morning, try and spend 444 00:25:33,114 --> 00:25:35,194 Speaker 2: as much of the day there as possible, come back 445 00:25:35,234 --> 00:25:38,114 Speaker 2: in the afternoon, hang out with Luna. I really like 446 00:25:38,154 --> 00:25:42,194 Speaker 2: to do bedtime with her. And I'm trying to get 447 00:25:42,234 --> 00:25:45,354 Speaker 2: back there at night because of I'm just finding that 448 00:25:45,514 --> 00:25:49,834 Speaker 2: incredibly difficult. But to be a weak post c section 449 00:25:49,874 --> 00:25:53,314 Speaker 2: and have to do a really decent walk in order 450 00:25:53,394 --> 00:25:57,793 Speaker 2: to get to the hospital, And every time we're in 451 00:25:57,794 --> 00:26:00,994 Speaker 2: the car, it's like I just keep looking at Luca 452 00:26:01,074 --> 00:26:05,434 Speaker 2: and going there shouldn't be traffic, Like there shouldn't be 453 00:26:05,474 --> 00:26:10,394 Speaker 2: traffic between me and my newborn babies. Like the anger 454 00:26:10,434 --> 00:26:13,514 Speaker 2: of just like how can there be another red light? 455 00:26:13,794 --> 00:26:16,114 Speaker 2: I just needed to see them hours ago. And then 456 00:26:16,154 --> 00:26:19,314 Speaker 2: you get to the hospital and you feel your speed, 457 00:26:19,474 --> 00:26:21,754 Speaker 2: like you just want to run, But then you can 458 00:26:21,794 --> 00:26:23,274 Speaker 2: feel that you have surgery a week ago. 459 00:26:23,474 --> 00:26:26,513 Speaker 1: You must be exhausted as well, right like you lost 460 00:26:26,554 --> 00:26:28,834 Speaker 1: all that blood. You've been through so much in the 461 00:26:28,874 --> 00:26:30,914 Speaker 1: past week, and all you want to do is be 462 00:26:30,994 --> 00:26:34,274 Speaker 1: with them, But you must also be exhausted, babe. 463 00:26:34,394 --> 00:26:37,353 Speaker 2: Yeah, because it's to feed them and with the like 464 00:26:37,434 --> 00:26:40,314 Speaker 2: I whether people choose to breastfeed or not, absolutely I 465 00:26:40,314 --> 00:26:44,034 Speaker 2: have zero judgment, but with Premis, with all the advice 466 00:26:44,034 --> 00:26:46,554 Speaker 2: I've been given, it'd be really great to breast feed 467 00:26:46,594 --> 00:26:48,234 Speaker 2: them at least for a bit. So I'm on my 468 00:26:49,114 --> 00:26:53,314 Speaker 2: pumping schedule every three hours, trying to bring in milk 469 00:26:53,394 --> 00:26:56,434 Speaker 2: for twins. I'm now on like a medication which increases supply, 470 00:26:57,674 --> 00:27:01,674 Speaker 2: but we've had some issues with Margo. So I think 471 00:27:01,674 --> 00:27:05,313 Speaker 2: it was like day three. My milk was just coming in. 472 00:27:05,354 --> 00:27:08,474 Speaker 2: I'd had this night of just like the fevery shaky, 473 00:27:08,594 --> 00:27:11,114 Speaker 2: hot cold thing, and then I woke up and the 474 00:27:11,114 --> 00:27:12,793 Speaker 2: pediatrician was on the end of my bed and she 475 00:27:12,914 --> 00:27:16,474 Speaker 2: was like, we've had to take Margo. We have to 476 00:27:16,474 --> 00:27:18,593 Speaker 2: take her this morning to a different hospital to do 477 00:27:18,874 --> 00:27:23,033 Speaker 2: a scan on her stomach because there could be a 478 00:27:23,074 --> 00:27:26,154 Speaker 2: blockage because of all these symptoms that she's exhibiting. So 479 00:27:26,194 --> 00:27:29,114 Speaker 2: she had to go. That was a terrifying, terrifying day. 480 00:27:29,674 --> 00:27:33,033 Speaker 2: And she's now been moved. She wasn't special Care and 481 00:27:33,074 --> 00:27:34,994 Speaker 2: now she's been moved back to Nico because of a 482 00:27:35,114 --> 00:27:37,954 Speaker 2: bunch of vomiting is shees and it looks like it's 483 00:27:38,314 --> 00:27:43,394 Speaker 2: cow's milk proteinalogy, which Luna had. So we're kind of 484 00:27:43,394 --> 00:27:46,274 Speaker 2: problem solving there, but she's now been moved back there. 485 00:27:46,274 --> 00:27:48,553 Speaker 2: So even when we like I went yesterday and I 486 00:27:48,634 --> 00:27:52,914 Speaker 2: was going between the NIKU where Margo is and Special 487 00:27:52,994 --> 00:27:56,554 Speaker 2: Care where Harry is, like the fact they're not together 488 00:27:56,954 --> 00:28:00,194 Speaker 2: fils sickening. We're going to try and transfer them to 489 00:28:00,234 --> 00:28:02,674 Speaker 2: a hospital that's a bit closer to home so we 490 00:28:02,714 --> 00:28:05,474 Speaker 2: can duck there and back a little bit more easily. 491 00:28:05,714 --> 00:28:07,594 Speaker 1: I know they're telling you how long they think they're 492 00:28:07,634 --> 00:28:08,354 Speaker 1: going to be in there for. 493 00:28:08,994 --> 00:28:12,794 Speaker 2: It could be another five weeks, so we are settling 494 00:28:12,834 --> 00:28:18,154 Speaker 2: in for the long haul, trying to do feeds with Harry. 495 00:28:18,194 --> 00:28:20,674 Speaker 2: He's had a few breastfeeds, which is great the fact 496 00:28:20,674 --> 00:28:24,793 Speaker 2: that he can because the suck swallow reflex doesn't come 497 00:28:25,114 --> 00:28:28,674 Speaker 2: till maybe like thirty four thirty four thirty five weeks, 498 00:28:28,714 --> 00:28:30,274 Speaker 2: so it was going to take a little while. They're 499 00:28:30,314 --> 00:28:33,754 Speaker 2: both on tube, so the food goes directly into their tummy, 500 00:28:34,394 --> 00:28:35,874 Speaker 2: so we've kind of got to wait for them to 501 00:28:35,914 --> 00:28:38,394 Speaker 2: do that. They both put on a bit of weight, 502 00:28:38,834 --> 00:28:43,114 Speaker 2: which is what we want to see to be discharged 503 00:28:43,114 --> 00:28:44,994 Speaker 2: from Special Care. It's not about weight. It's not like 504 00:28:45,034 --> 00:28:48,394 Speaker 2: they've got to hit something. It's if they can suck 505 00:28:48,394 --> 00:28:51,434 Speaker 2: and swallow all of their feeds, like on their own. 506 00:28:51,474 --> 00:28:53,194 Speaker 2: You could take them home and they could whether it's 507 00:28:53,194 --> 00:28:58,154 Speaker 2: breast or bottle formula, milk, whatever, that's the threshold. So 508 00:28:58,194 --> 00:29:01,354 Speaker 2: we're waiting to see if we can get them when 509 00:29:01,394 --> 00:29:03,314 Speaker 2: we can get them there, And it could be that 510 00:29:03,394 --> 00:29:05,754 Speaker 2: one's a little bit quicker than the other. Maybe Harry, 511 00:29:06,234 --> 00:29:08,954 Speaker 2: you know, he's a bit less vomity than Margo's, so 512 00:29:09,034 --> 00:29:12,194 Speaker 2: maybe he'll come home a little earlier. But yeah, it's 513 00:29:12,234 --> 00:29:14,034 Speaker 2: not going to be for a little while, that's for sure. 514 00:29:14,394 --> 00:29:19,994 Speaker 2: I've been so impressed by the way the nicky nurses 515 00:29:20,394 --> 00:29:24,314 Speaker 2: communicate and like their manner, the emotional intelligence it takes 516 00:29:24,354 --> 00:29:26,794 Speaker 2: to meet somebody where they are when you're at your 517 00:29:26,834 --> 00:29:30,794 Speaker 2: absolute most vulnerable, and the way they get to know 518 00:29:30,834 --> 00:29:34,314 Speaker 2: the baby so well, and like they're now on board 519 00:29:34,314 --> 00:29:36,594 Speaker 2: that Margo is the drama, which we always said when 520 00:29:36,594 --> 00:29:38,634 Speaker 2: she was in your womb, she was always going to 521 00:29:38,634 --> 00:29:41,194 Speaker 2: be the drama, whereas Harry, and that all she wanted, 522 00:29:41,314 --> 00:29:43,514 Speaker 2: like she wanted a trip to the East. Yeah, yeah, 523 00:29:43,794 --> 00:29:45,674 Speaker 2: get me out of this hospital. I want to see 524 00:29:45,674 --> 00:29:48,474 Speaker 2: some time. Take me to the East. Give it a 525 00:29:48,754 --> 00:29:54,034 Speaker 2: sigh bowl. Which guess what, Margo, your tummy could not see. Yeah, yeah, 526 00:29:54,074 --> 00:29:57,434 Speaker 2: but yeah, they definitely yeah, yeah yeah. The emotional intelligence 527 00:29:57,434 --> 00:30:01,554 Speaker 2: of like the way the pediatrician talks to you, the 528 00:30:01,634 --> 00:30:05,394 Speaker 2: gentleness of it all, like is I don't know what 529 00:30:05,514 --> 00:30:08,994 Speaker 2: how they screen them. If you're a bitch, you're not 530 00:30:09,114 --> 00:30:14,914 Speaker 2: getting in there. Yeah, they've got a book that they 531 00:30:14,914 --> 00:30:19,114 Speaker 2: are not casting for maths from the nicking squad. Absolutely not. 532 00:30:19,434 --> 00:30:21,274 Speaker 1: I know the outlauders. I'll be worried about you as 533 00:30:21,274 --> 00:30:23,434 Speaker 1: well as the babies. How are you doing? I mean, 534 00:30:23,474 --> 00:30:25,154 Speaker 1: I know you said I can't tell you how I am, 535 00:30:25,194 --> 00:30:27,434 Speaker 1: but like what's helping? If anything? 536 00:30:27,834 --> 00:30:30,554 Speaker 2: I have never felt closer to you, like I would 537 00:30:30,554 --> 00:30:34,554 Speaker 2: not think that in a period like this, when I've 538 00:30:34,594 --> 00:30:42,074 Speaker 2: been through a very specific physical psychological experience like the 539 00:30:42,514 --> 00:30:48,194 Speaker 2: hormone drop after twins was nothing like Luna, like the 540 00:30:48,194 --> 00:30:53,874 Speaker 2: the emotional whirlwind of it my brain. Those poor nick 541 00:30:53,914 --> 00:30:57,874 Speaker 2: who nurses, I just call them all grace. There's never 542 00:30:57,914 --> 00:31:01,754 Speaker 2: been a grace. There's never been one. I'm calling them grace. 543 00:31:02,074 --> 00:31:03,234 Speaker 1: That's your word of the year. 544 00:31:03,354 --> 00:31:08,234 Speaker 2: Bad there you go. That's what it is. Grace to 545 00:31:08,394 --> 00:31:09,074 Speaker 2: me is. 546 00:31:08,954 --> 00:31:11,434 Speaker 1: Your word of the year, and your grace and their 547 00:31:11,514 --> 00:31:13,154 Speaker 1: grace and the baby grace. Everybody. 548 00:31:14,194 --> 00:31:17,354 Speaker 2: Lucas like, I've stopped correcting you when you call them grace. 549 00:31:17,434 --> 00:31:19,234 Speaker 2: I think they're all just going to answer to that now. 550 00:31:19,834 --> 00:31:23,554 Speaker 2: It is like my brain is just completely off. It's 551 00:31:23,594 --> 00:31:27,594 Speaker 2: it's almost funny, but certainly that doing it with someone, 552 00:31:27,674 --> 00:31:29,714 Speaker 2: the fact that Luca and I go together and our 553 00:31:29,794 --> 00:31:32,554 Speaker 2: job is to cut all those babies for hours and 554 00:31:32,594 --> 00:31:35,114 Speaker 2: we just sit in those chairs with the babies on 555 00:31:35,154 --> 00:31:39,994 Speaker 2: our chest, talking to them. And Luca said at the 556 00:31:40,034 --> 00:31:42,234 Speaker 2: end of last week that was the best week of 557 00:31:42,234 --> 00:31:48,954 Speaker 2: my life, which I just went, wow, mate, really one 558 00:31:48,994 --> 00:31:49,914 Speaker 2: of us was present. 559 00:31:51,354 --> 00:31:55,234 Speaker 1: That's beautiful because what you just said, like the simplicity 560 00:31:55,274 --> 00:31:57,274 Speaker 1: of we have a job and it is to cuddle 561 00:31:57,274 --> 00:32:00,994 Speaker 1: those babies. Yeah, I mean, when life is brought to 562 00:32:01,074 --> 00:32:07,114 Speaker 1: that very very simple, very clear priority, there's grace there right. 563 00:32:07,594 --> 00:32:13,314 Speaker 2: The other thing has been the generosity of other women 564 00:32:13,354 --> 00:32:19,114 Speaker 2: who have been through this. And I reached out to 565 00:32:19,154 --> 00:32:21,594 Speaker 2: a few people that I kind of went, oh, didn't 566 00:32:21,634 --> 00:32:25,954 Speaker 2: she have a PREMI baby and messaged and of course 567 00:32:26,034 --> 00:32:30,074 Speaker 2: then you actually get the full story and like the 568 00:32:30,194 --> 00:32:35,194 Speaker 2: advice and the oh, I mean Amelia has her own story, 569 00:32:35,194 --> 00:32:37,554 Speaker 2: and other members of the Outloud team have their own 570 00:32:37,554 --> 00:32:40,154 Speaker 2: stories about what they've experienced. And I can't tell you 571 00:32:40,194 --> 00:32:41,994 Speaker 2: what it means. This is something that women do that 572 00:32:42,074 --> 00:32:47,354 Speaker 2: men don't do as well. But women just rally and 573 00:32:47,554 --> 00:32:51,074 Speaker 2: like are able to help articulate what you're experiencing and 574 00:32:51,114 --> 00:32:54,954 Speaker 2: tell you what helped them and go, this is going 575 00:32:55,034 --> 00:32:57,554 Speaker 2: to be shit, and this is going to be an 576 00:32:57,594 --> 00:33:01,474 Speaker 2: emotional rollercoaster, and you know, I'll get I'll get an 577 00:33:01,474 --> 00:33:04,554 Speaker 2: out louder message me and go, if you can't go 578 00:33:04,594 --> 00:33:08,594 Speaker 2: tonight because you're too tired, we all did that or like, 579 00:33:08,754 --> 00:33:12,074 Speaker 2: and just tiny things like that that you just go, oh, 580 00:33:12,114 --> 00:33:15,314 Speaker 2: that's a related darling. It's a real gift that women 581 00:33:15,834 --> 00:33:18,714 Speaker 2: do to each other where we can anticipate or we 582 00:33:18,794 --> 00:33:23,034 Speaker 2: feel like what our greatest shame was in any moment. 583 00:33:23,194 --> 00:33:27,674 Speaker 2: And your forthcoming about that, And I remember feeling when 584 00:33:27,714 --> 00:33:29,994 Speaker 2: I had Matilda, I had that whole thing of like 585 00:33:30,114 --> 00:33:32,794 Speaker 2: not feeling the connection immediately because there was so much 586 00:33:32,794 --> 00:33:36,114 Speaker 2: else going on. Then you had that with Margot, and 587 00:33:36,154 --> 00:33:39,754 Speaker 2: I feel like because everyone we knew had talked about 588 00:33:39,794 --> 00:33:43,274 Speaker 2: that so openly, you therefore didn't beat yourself up about 589 00:33:43,314 --> 00:33:45,474 Speaker 2: it because you're like, well, yeah, if I feel like 590 00:33:45,474 --> 00:33:47,834 Speaker 2: I'm in a vomit and I've had this like semi 591 00:33:47,834 --> 00:33:51,034 Speaker 2: traumatic experience. I'm not going to put pressure on myself 592 00:33:51,074 --> 00:33:54,714 Speaker 2: to feel that this is magic because it's it's not 593 00:33:54,874 --> 00:33:58,274 Speaker 2: right now. And the same thing with Neniku, the friend 594 00:33:58,314 --> 00:34:02,074 Speaker 2: who just tells you that in passing years ago doesn't 595 00:34:02,114 --> 00:34:04,994 Speaker 2: realize what a gift she gave you to say. They 596 00:34:05,034 --> 00:34:07,474 Speaker 2: put my baby on my chest and I looked at 597 00:34:07,554 --> 00:34:09,913 Speaker 2: him and when I feel sick, can you move it? 598 00:34:10,354 --> 00:34:13,354 Speaker 2: Like I need to just go with the patterns of 599 00:34:13,393 --> 00:34:15,553 Speaker 2: the day and not get stuck on a thought where 600 00:34:15,594 --> 00:34:19,393 Speaker 2: I go like I keep thinking, this is probably the 601 00:34:19,434 --> 00:34:21,354 Speaker 2: last time you're going to have little babies, and you 602 00:34:21,394 --> 00:34:23,913 Speaker 2: are never going to have that first week back with them. 603 00:34:24,074 --> 00:34:26,234 Speaker 2: This is the first week you get. It is not 604 00:34:26,754 --> 00:34:30,953 Speaker 2: the beautiful Luna walks in meets the two babies where 605 00:34:30,994 --> 00:34:33,634 Speaker 2: a family or under one roof you stare at them. 606 00:34:34,194 --> 00:34:37,073 Speaker 2: There's no world in which you get that. You've got 607 00:34:37,074 --> 00:34:41,994 Speaker 2: to just keep taking steps forward and don't get stuck 608 00:34:42,034 --> 00:34:46,674 Speaker 2: on long term health or like what the future looks 609 00:34:46,714 --> 00:34:49,554 Speaker 2: like for these babies, Like it's such a mental game 610 00:34:49,634 --> 00:34:52,714 Speaker 2: that way. But when I am with them in the 611 00:34:52,754 --> 00:34:55,834 Speaker 2: hospital and they are like on my chest, it is 612 00:34:55,994 --> 00:35:02,393 Speaker 2: just utter peace, like just perfection, And I just am 613 00:35:02,474 --> 00:35:06,514 Speaker 2: holding out to get them home, to be sleep deprived, 614 00:35:06,554 --> 00:35:10,554 Speaker 2: to be hovered in poo, to like do all of 615 00:35:10,594 --> 00:35:15,594 Speaker 2: those things, because this emptiness of an afternoon that should 616 00:35:15,594 --> 00:35:17,114 Speaker 2: be filled with babies where you can look at them 617 00:35:17,114 --> 00:35:21,154 Speaker 2: whenever you want just feels so desperately unnatural. 618 00:35:21,354 --> 00:35:23,714 Speaker 1: One thing I have, let's to ask you to your 619 00:35:23,794 --> 00:35:26,714 Speaker 1: mum has been through this, right, this is what I 620 00:35:26,754 --> 00:35:28,994 Speaker 1: was gonna So is she being helpful and full of 621 00:35:29,074 --> 00:35:30,953 Speaker 1: knowledge or is she like, well with my day? 622 00:35:31,034 --> 00:35:35,114 Speaker 2: She can't remember anything? For one, which I relate, her 623 00:35:35,114 --> 00:35:39,393 Speaker 2: brain is scared. Yeah, yeah, hard relate. But so I 624 00:35:39,754 --> 00:35:42,074 Speaker 2: was the exact weight that Margo was. 625 00:35:42,554 --> 00:35:45,154 Speaker 1: But were you two in Nikku but full term? 626 00:35:45,234 --> 00:35:47,994 Speaker 2: Yeah, so that's so I was growth restricted. Jesse was 627 00:35:47,994 --> 00:35:51,433 Speaker 2: twice my weight. Will thought that that's the whole thing. 628 00:35:52,274 --> 00:35:54,994 Speaker 2: But so I was in Nico. I think Jesse was fine. 629 00:35:55,234 --> 00:35:58,034 Speaker 1: So I was separated as little babies too. Yeah, is 630 00:35:58,074 --> 00:35:59,754 Speaker 1: there you know what you were just talking about the 631 00:35:59,754 --> 00:36:01,994 Speaker 1: comfort of hearing the stories of people who've been there before. 632 00:36:02,394 --> 00:36:05,234 Speaker 1: Is there a comfort in the twin bond that you 633 00:36:05,354 --> 00:36:07,873 Speaker 1: know your babies are going to have even though they're 634 00:36:07,914 --> 00:36:09,274 Speaker 1: beginning is a little. 635 00:36:09,354 --> 00:36:12,994 Speaker 2: Yes, And that's what Luca and I keep saying. Imagine 636 00:36:13,034 --> 00:36:15,194 Speaker 2: when we can put them on the floor together and 637 00:36:15,354 --> 00:36:19,154 Speaker 2: watch them, it's really special when you're holding both of them, 638 00:36:19,154 --> 00:36:22,393 Speaker 2: that they will reach for each other's hands and they'll 639 00:36:22,394 --> 00:36:25,594 Speaker 2: turn towards each other like because it's like, yeah, they've 640 00:36:25,714 --> 00:36:29,634 Speaker 2: they've only known life with each other in the womb, 641 00:36:29,834 --> 00:36:34,433 Speaker 2: and so they're probably missing the kids sometimes, yeah, they're 642 00:36:34,434 --> 00:36:37,154 Speaker 2: probably like, where's the other one. And when Margot went 643 00:36:37,234 --> 00:36:40,554 Speaker 2: for her journey to the east, we thought that Harry 644 00:36:40,674 --> 00:36:43,714 Speaker 2: was like, where's Margie, Yeah, where's my friend. 645 00:36:43,994 --> 00:36:45,993 Speaker 1: I just want this to be noted that the fact 646 00:36:45,994 --> 00:36:52,034 Speaker 1: these babies really doesn't mean extended maternity. Let Ruth, she's 647 00:36:52,074 --> 00:36:55,274 Speaker 1: saying absolutely not. The clock starts a win. 648 00:36:56,114 --> 00:37:01,194 Speaker 2: In fact, you'll be back earlier. That's how it works. 649 00:37:01,234 --> 00:37:05,073 Speaker 2: Massage baby clothes bullshit. I didn't get a day of that. No, 650 00:37:05,434 --> 00:37:09,754 Speaker 2: I just I thought straight into having them and all 651 00:37:09,834 --> 00:37:13,194 Speaker 2: very intense. So no, I'm being extra efficient. 652 00:37:14,154 --> 00:37:16,473 Speaker 1: Thank you so much for sharing your story with us, 653 00:37:16,594 --> 00:37:19,634 Speaker 1: Like with the out louders, we love you and we 654 00:37:19,714 --> 00:37:22,674 Speaker 1: can't wait to hear you know, updates on the twins 655 00:37:22,754 --> 00:37:23,513 Speaker 1: and on all. 656 00:37:23,434 --> 00:37:32,914 Speaker 2: Of you thank you and bye. Mummyre acknowledges the traditional 657 00:37:32,954 --> 00:37:35,913 Speaker 2: owners of the land on which we have recorded this podcast.