WEBVTT - The Worst-First Theory and Do Babies Belong In Business Class? 0:00:04.640 --> 0:00:07.640 Welcome to Parenting Out Loud, the podcast to parents who 0:00:07.720 --> 0:00:10.719 don't always listen to parenting podcasts. We take a look 0:00:10.760 --> 0:00:13.200 at sort of the trends and the culture and what 0:00:13.280 --> 0:00:14.280 parents are thinking about. 0:00:14.440 --> 0:00:18.600 I'm Monique Poley, I'm Amelia Lester, and I am Stacy Kicks. 0:00:18.720 --> 0:00:21.120 So happy to be back with both of you. I 0:00:21.160 --> 0:00:23.799 loved listening last week with beautiful Gracie on here, but 0:00:23.880 --> 0:00:27.160 happy to be back yapping with you two min's. 0:00:27.320 --> 0:00:29.639 You've got a bit of housekeeping, don't you. 0:00:29.800 --> 0:00:33.240 Oh God, I have a public apology to make. 0:00:33.320 --> 0:00:33.600 Wow. 0:00:33.640 --> 0:00:38.120 Actually, I think they might call it in the biz 0:00:38.880 --> 0:00:44.440 a product recall. Last week I recommended on this show 0:00:45.159 --> 0:00:49.200 Ted Lasso season four. Yeah, and look, I did say 0:00:49.240 --> 0:00:52.040 I haven't seen it yet. That's my first mistake. 0:00:52.080 --> 0:00:54.440 Oh you did a prereco Oh. 0:00:54.480 --> 0:00:58.320 I'd like to publicly apologize for that recommendation. The show 0:00:58.480 --> 0:01:03.040 is abominable. Do not spend your time on it. And 0:01:03.080 --> 0:01:06.119 I apologize unreservedly. And I think what hurts me the 0:01:06.160 --> 0:01:12.000 most is that parents have such limited time to sit 0:01:12.040 --> 0:01:14.440 down and watch TV, and the fact that I told 0:01:14.480 --> 0:01:17.760 people to go and spend their precious screen time on 0:01:17.920 --> 0:01:21.440 this disaster. It cuts me deep and I'm going to 0:01:21.480 --> 0:01:23.280 make up for it today, okay, but coming up on 0:01:23.319 --> 0:01:25.440 today's show onto serious business. 0:01:25.560 --> 0:01:28.560 Yes, the influencer who sent her five year old to 0:01:28.640 --> 0:01:31.440 the park alone, even just saying it stresses me out. 0:01:32.080 --> 0:01:34.040 What do you want your kids to be when they 0:01:34.080 --> 0:01:36.720 grow up? And if the answer is doctor or lawyer, 0:01:37.040 --> 0:01:40.240 find out why you're increasingly alone? 0:01:40.959 --> 0:01:45.399 And do your kids know what FESTI means because I 0:01:45.440 --> 0:01:50.160 have a petition to bring back old school slang. But first, 0:01:50.200 --> 0:01:52.279 we do like to bring you sort of what's around 0:01:52.320 --> 0:01:55.040 on the internet each week, and each of us has 0:01:55.120 --> 0:01:58.480 something to submit today from their algorithm that it feels 0:01:58.560 --> 0:02:00.840 like everyone is kind of talking about. So Amelia your 0:02:00.880 --> 0:02:01.920 submission please. 0:02:02.040 --> 0:02:05.040 In case you missed it. An Australian mum's Instagram video 0:02:05.400 --> 0:02:08.400 has sparked a debate about where the babies belong in 0:02:08.480 --> 0:02:12.880 business class. The Australian jewelry designer Charlotte Freeman was flying 0:02:12.919 --> 0:02:16.160 into Singapore recently trying to comfort her one year old 0:02:16.240 --> 0:02:20.280 son Freddie, when a fellow passenger decided to get involved. 0:02:20.400 --> 0:02:22.840 Here's Charlotte, So we just. 0:02:22.800 --> 0:02:26.160 Flew into Singapore this morning and I wanted to let 0:02:26.160 --> 0:02:28.600 you know about an incident we had on the plane 0:02:29.040 --> 0:02:32.520 where Freddy was a little bit unsettled and crying a bit, 0:02:32.880 --> 0:02:36.400 and this lady took it upon herself to scream across 0:02:36.520 --> 0:02:38.320 the cabin at the top of her lungs. 0:02:38.560 --> 0:02:42.920 Shut up. Now, that same lady stood up and stared 0:02:42.960 --> 0:02:46.040 me down, and I said, is everything okay? And she said, no, 0:02:46.400 --> 0:02:49.480 your baby has been crying and I'm in business class. 0:02:50.160 --> 0:02:53.080 And I said to this lady, well, you obviously haven't 0:02:53.080 --> 0:02:55.800 had kids, otherwise you would understand what it's like to 0:02:55.840 --> 0:02:59.400 have a child. And unfortunately this comes with having a baby. 0:02:59.440 --> 0:03:03.040 And she said, I have five. And then she proceeded 0:03:03.080 --> 0:03:05.840 to say that because she had paid for her business 0:03:05.840 --> 0:03:09.160 class ticket that a mother and a child, which should 0:03:09.200 --> 0:03:11.400 never be in business class. There should always be an. 0:03:11.280 --> 0:03:13.960 Economy So look, Charlotte told MoMA Mia this week that 0:03:14.080 --> 0:03:17.560 she wound up taking Freddie down to economy class because 0:03:17.600 --> 0:03:21.359 she just felt more comfortable there. And to that, I say, welcome, Charlotte. 0:03:21.400 --> 0:03:23.480 We're a friendly bunch down the back of the way. 0:03:24.040 --> 0:03:27.600 We're a little smelly at times, but we are friendly. 0:03:27.760 --> 0:03:29.320 You welcome the crying babies. 0:03:29.400 --> 0:03:30.520 Yeah. 0:03:30.600 --> 0:03:34.840 Look from one disgruntled mother to another this week, my 0:03:34.880 --> 0:03:37.880 submission is Anne Hathaway, who is just everywhere. That woman 0:03:38.000 --> 0:03:40.880 is the booked and busiest woman in the world right now. 0:03:40.880 --> 0:03:43.360 She's got five movies coming out this year. 0:03:43.480 --> 0:03:44.120 Oh my gosh. 0:03:44.240 --> 0:03:47.000 Yeah. And then she's just pregnant casually with her third child. 0:03:47.080 --> 0:03:49.280 On top of that, she's been doing the rounds for 0:03:49.320 --> 0:03:51.480 her movie The End of Oak Street, and she was 0:03:51.520 --> 0:03:56.360 wearing this really cool Prabo gerrang like high low top. 0:03:56.400 --> 0:03:58.200 It has like a big train on the back of it, 0:03:58.400 --> 0:04:01.080 and she's got low slung jeans on with the belly 0:04:01.360 --> 0:04:03.840 out the middle. Her body's gone, third kid, know what 0:04:03.880 --> 0:04:08.400 we're doing here? Bam? And people malfunctioned overseeing like a 0:04:08.480 --> 0:04:12.920 normal prego body, unrestrained in the wild like. People were 0:04:13.040 --> 0:04:15.720 accusing her of having a fake bump on because they 0:04:15.920 --> 0:04:19.000 didn't think it looked the shape that a normal pregnant 0:04:19.000 --> 0:04:22.320 belly should look. This was widespread, not a few wackos, 0:04:22.680 --> 0:04:25.680 a lot of people saying, why does it look like that, 0:04:25.680 --> 0:04:30.640 That's not how bellies are meant to look. Absolutely insane. 0:04:30.839 --> 0:04:33.440 And then I just love her because she just clapped 0:04:33.440 --> 0:04:35.640 back to the next day by posting and getting ready 0:04:35.680 --> 0:04:38.680 video for that day and she wrote fake hare real 0:04:38.720 --> 0:04:39.920 bump full stop. 0:04:40.200 --> 0:04:44.279 That's so boring, just the whole station around. Oh God, 0:04:44.279 --> 0:04:45.520 I'm so bored by it. But do you know the 0:04:45.520 --> 0:04:47.960 one thing I do think, quite honestly, when I look 0:04:47.960 --> 0:04:50.200 at her, is I do get jealous that she seems 0:04:50.240 --> 0:04:53.400 to be just glowing her way through this third pregnancy. 0:04:53.600 --> 0:04:56.440 I read a quote from her that said that she 0:04:56.560 --> 0:05:00.240 realized when she turned forty that life was not a 0:05:00.360 --> 0:05:03.040 dress rehearsal, that this is it, this is her chance, 0:05:03.240 --> 0:05:07.520 and that's informing how she's going about her third and 0:05:07.560 --> 0:05:09.720 what she thinks will be her final pregnancy. 0:05:11.040 --> 0:05:12.760 She's just like letting it all out there. 0:05:13.040 --> 0:05:15.279 And then she went on a talk show after the 0:05:15.279 --> 0:05:20.560 premiere with a similar bump showcase and piece. You can 0:05:20.600 --> 0:05:23.080 tell that she's just informed by this. This is the 0:05:23.160 --> 0:05:25.840 last time I'm doing this. I'm just not leaving anything 0:05:25.839 --> 0:05:26.720 out there on the tape. 0:05:26.839 --> 0:05:28.520 Yeah, I love it, Love Anne. 0:05:28.880 --> 0:05:32.200 So you know what the Internet loves more than hating 0:05:32.240 --> 0:05:33.440 Anne Hathaway. 0:05:34.600 --> 0:05:34.800 Love. 0:05:35.800 --> 0:05:39.320 It loves wholesome dud content. And so my submission this 0:05:39.360 --> 0:05:43.440 week from my algorithm is a wholesome Internet daut of 0:05:43.440 --> 0:05:47.320 the week. This is Melbourne dad Zachary Perez. He's on 0:05:47.360 --> 0:05:51.880 Instagram as at non practicing genius. He decided to start 0:05:51.920 --> 0:05:55.760 a dad's walking group, and in week one this is 0:05:55.760 --> 0:05:56.760 what happened. 0:05:57.600 --> 0:06:02.280 To my dad's walking group this morning. But that doesn't matter. 0:06:02.920 --> 0:06:06.960 I didn't really promote it all that well, and it's 0:06:07.000 --> 0:06:10.640 still a gorgeous morning to be out walking with my lad. 0:06:10.839 --> 0:06:13.159 So the footage of him is like him walking along 0:06:13.240 --> 0:06:16.840 this trail, the babies in the baby Bjorn with its 0:06:16.839 --> 0:06:19.520 little head bouncing around, and he's like, you know, no 0:06:19.520 --> 0:06:21.919 one came. That's okay, I'll try again next week, And 0:06:21.960 --> 0:06:25.200 the internet did what the internet does, and boom, Like 0:06:25.240 --> 0:06:29.839 the next week, over fifty dads and babies all rocked 0:06:29.920 --> 0:06:31.360 up to this Sunday Dad's walk. 0:06:31.839 --> 0:06:35.919 Just back at the car now after an incredible turnout. 0:06:35.960 --> 0:06:38.240 There had to be at least fifty dads. There could 0:06:38.240 --> 0:06:40.880 have been a lot more, and kids that came along 0:06:42.040 --> 0:06:45.720 had a great wonder the weather held off, met some 0:06:47.120 --> 0:06:52.200 good fowlers, had some great chats, and just feeling really 0:06:52.279 --> 0:06:53.000 really pumped. 0:06:53.360 --> 0:06:54.960 I love this and I don't want a dad bash. 0:06:55.000 --> 0:06:57.279 Where not dad bashes. Here were four the wholesome dads. 0:06:57.440 --> 0:07:01.000 We're pro dad, but there was like a tiny bit 0:07:01.000 --> 0:07:06.520 of cynicism in me that was like this dad started 0:07:06.520 --> 0:07:08.080 a walking group and he ended up on the Today 0:07:08.080 --> 0:07:12.040 Show talking about his walking group, Like every mum that's 0:07:12.080 --> 0:07:14.520 in a mum's walking group, that's just like another Tuesday 0:07:14.960 --> 0:07:18.000 for the mums. But it's Yeah, it was super wholesome 0:07:18.120 --> 0:07:20.400 and a beautiful little story in my algorithm. 0:07:20.480 --> 0:07:22.080 Yeah, I love it, and I think dads don't have 0:07:22.160 --> 0:07:24.600 that community as much, so I do think it needs to. 0:07:24.640 --> 0:07:27.280 And like as you were saying that, it went viral 0:07:27.320 --> 0:07:30.120 and then fifty dad showed up. I was imagining fifty 0:07:30.160 --> 0:07:32.000 wives at home going, you have to go to this 0:07:32.480 --> 0:07:34.600 this guy, he doesn't have anyone there with him, and 0:07:34.640 --> 0:07:37.720 you're going and taking our kids. So I think the 0:07:37.760 --> 0:07:40.239 mums are probably to thank for it. Actually, I saw. 0:07:40.080 --> 0:07:45.120 It in my neighborhood a bunch of elderly men in 0:07:45.160 --> 0:07:46.680 a walking group the other day. 0:07:46.960 --> 0:07:48.440 They must have mostly. 0:07:48.080 --> 0:07:51.000 Been in their eighties and they were walking around the 0:07:51.000 --> 0:07:54.480 local oval together having a chat. Why are we so 0:07:54.680 --> 0:07:58.160 heartwarmed by men just being together, not at the pub. 0:07:58.320 --> 0:08:00.520 I guess it's just because we want them to have 0:08:00.600 --> 0:08:01.720 social connections. 0:08:02.160 --> 0:08:06.840 Yes we do, and it's those scripts of masculinity being 0:08:06.960 --> 0:08:11.080 hard and not connecting and bearing feelings deep and yeah 0:08:11.120 --> 0:08:13.880 that we're trying to disrupt, I guess, so any chance 0:08:13.880 --> 0:08:15.720 we see it, we're like, yay, yay, dud's. 0:08:15.960 --> 0:08:18.000 So, the big story this week that's been doing the 0:08:18.080 --> 0:08:20.880 rounds is about an influencer who sent her five year 0:08:20.920 --> 0:08:24.600 old to the park alone, and it sparked this massive 0:08:24.640 --> 0:08:28.119 debate about whether this is free range parenting or whether 0:08:28.240 --> 0:08:30.640 this is just straight up irresponsible. So I want to 0:08:30.640 --> 0:08:32.640 play you a little bit off the clip. I've just 0:08:32.760 --> 0:08:34.280 let my five year old go to the park on 0:08:34.320 --> 0:08:38.520 his own. I feel quite nervous, but I'm going to 0:08:38.600 --> 0:08:43.600 let him grow up. He will be six next month. 0:08:44.440 --> 0:08:45.920 I live opposite the park. 0:08:47.000 --> 0:08:49.600 The windows all open, the door obviously can't be open 0:08:49.640 --> 0:08:56.080 because I've got a dog. I'm checking every thirty seconds. 0:08:56.080 --> 0:08:56.720 I've just checked. 0:08:56.720 --> 0:08:57.760 I'm going to go check again. 0:08:58.080 --> 0:09:01.400 So that was content creator Charlotte Lanford tag. She's a 0:09:01.480 --> 0:09:04.520 mom of two from the UK. She posts quite regularly 0:09:04.559 --> 0:09:06.480 just about family life, and I want to give you 0:09:06.520 --> 0:09:09.040 a little bit of further context before we dive into it. 0:09:09.160 --> 0:09:12.920 So Charlotte's described her son as very responsible and wise, 0:09:13.120 --> 0:09:15.800 and she says that she wouldn't let her younger son 0:09:15.880 --> 0:09:18.120 do the same. She just thinks he's got the personality 0:09:18.160 --> 0:09:21.040 where he can do that. Their park is directly across 0:09:21.080 --> 0:09:23.280 the road, and they live in a culder sac where 0:09:23.320 --> 0:09:25.720 they've lived for years, so very familiar with the area, 0:09:26.320 --> 0:09:29.000 and that she can hear him from the kitchen window, 0:09:29.040 --> 0:09:31.120 and he can hear her when she yells out across 0:09:31.160 --> 0:09:34.600 the road. He responds to her in the video. Regardless 0:09:34.640 --> 0:09:38.040 of all of that, people called her actions straight up neglect. 0:09:38.240 --> 0:09:41.800 They were comparing this to the Maddie McCann case. Other 0:09:41.880 --> 0:09:43.960 people were saying that they don't even let their children 0:09:44.000 --> 0:09:46.880 in their backyard unattended, and so why was she letting 0:09:46.920 --> 0:09:49.800 her child leave the house across the road be at 0:09:49.800 --> 0:09:52.240 the park on his own. And that's why I wanted 0:09:52.280 --> 0:09:54.960 to talk about it, because there's an argument being made 0:09:55.080 --> 0:09:57.360 that this is everything that's wrong with parenting now, that 0:09:57.400 --> 0:10:00.160 we have such a tight leash on them, that we 0:10:00.200 --> 0:10:02.520 never let them do anything, and that this is the problem. 0:10:02.640 --> 0:10:04.920 And yet at the same time, the minute the words 0:10:04.960 --> 0:10:06.480 came out of her mouth that she was sending the 0:10:06.520 --> 0:10:09.280 five year old to the park alone, my stomach was 0:10:09.320 --> 0:10:11.400 in or not and I just thought, oh my god, 0:10:11.440 --> 0:10:13.800 I just couldn't do it. I wouldn't do it because 0:10:13.800 --> 0:10:16.679 it would be the least enjoyable experience for me, because 0:10:16.720 --> 0:10:19.000 I would be a nightmare, a ball of nerves the 0:10:19.040 --> 0:10:20.959 whole time. So I want to know what your initial 0:10:20.960 --> 0:10:21.679 reactions are. 0:10:22.240 --> 0:10:25.720 I want to provoke you on that. So I hear 0:10:25.760 --> 0:10:28.600 that and I feel the same way. The anxiety is enormous. 0:10:28.720 --> 0:10:31.160 But what if you know, and we do know from 0:10:31.160 --> 0:10:33.880 the research and the data that this is actually really 0:10:33.920 --> 0:10:34.760 good for kids? 0:10:34.920 --> 0:10:35.120 Yeap? 0:10:35.800 --> 0:10:39.320 Does that change how you feel about it? Like so 0:10:39.480 --> 0:10:43.040 much of parenting is actually about having to park what 0:10:43.080 --> 0:10:47.280 you want to do your people pleasing tendencies and your 0:10:47.360 --> 0:10:50.240 need to protect them in order for them to spread 0:10:50.280 --> 0:10:53.200 their wings. So you're a smart woman, You're the editor 0:10:53.200 --> 0:10:55.480 of Muma Mia, you read all the parenting books, you 0:10:55.720 --> 0:10:58.360 have done all the parenting research, and yet you still 0:10:58.640 --> 0:10:59.320 wouldn't do this. 0:10:59.600 --> 0:11:02.959 Yeah. Yeah, And I think that is one of the 0:11:03.000 --> 0:11:05.880 things that's tricky about parenting is that you're constantly fighting 0:11:05.920 --> 0:11:08.160 against this need to keep them safe one hundred percent 0:11:08.200 --> 0:11:10.720 of the time with this need to let them exist. 0:11:10.800 --> 0:11:13.520 And that was the argument Charlotte made that she was like, 0:11:13.920 --> 0:11:16.199 they need to be prepared for the world. I'm preparing 0:11:16.240 --> 0:11:18.200 them for the world. They need to feel confident to 0:11:18.240 --> 0:11:20.760 be away from me and to be their own character 0:11:20.840 --> 0:11:23.720 and their own person. And so that is what she 0:11:23.960 --> 0:11:27.080 argued that she is doing. But that was very different 0:11:27.120 --> 0:11:28.839 to the response that she got. 0:11:29.240 --> 0:11:33.920 I'd like to think that I would do this. The 0:11:33.960 --> 0:11:36.840 thing that would worry me most is actually not stranger 0:11:36.920 --> 0:11:40.719 dangers so much as traffic danger. Did she mention, is 0:11:40.760 --> 0:11:41.760 this across the street? 0:11:41.920 --> 0:11:46.120 Yeah, across the street, but quite on a quiet street, right, Yeah? 0:11:46.160 --> 0:11:48.680 Because I think that is a very real threat. But 0:11:49.160 --> 0:11:51.560 I think so much depends on the child. And I 0:11:51.600 --> 0:11:55.760 love that she wanted to explain she knows this child, 0:11:56.000 --> 0:11:58.320 she wouldn't do it with this other child. And the 0:11:58.360 --> 0:12:02.080 example I give is that, knowing all of all the 0:12:02.120 --> 0:12:04.360 consensus of the researchers that we have to let kids 0:12:04.440 --> 0:12:08.960 roam by themselves, I put my two kids on I 0:12:09.040 --> 0:12:13.320 sent them on the school bus last year sort of 0:12:13.360 --> 0:12:17.439 as an experiment. And obviously that's very safe. It's daugh 0:12:17.480 --> 0:12:21.200 to door service. But I could tell that it was 0:12:21.320 --> 0:12:24.280 stretching them both a bit beyond where they were comfortable. 0:12:24.640 --> 0:12:26.920 They didn't come home beaming with pride as I might 0:12:26.960 --> 0:12:31.040 have imagined. They came home looking a little nervous really, 0:12:31.440 --> 0:12:33.960 so I decided it was too early for them. But 0:12:34.080 --> 0:12:36.480 this year, and I've mentioned this on the show, I 0:12:36.600 --> 0:12:39.440 started sending them to the cafe on our block to 0:12:39.520 --> 0:12:44.400 get to get coffees in the morning, and that really 0:12:44.760 --> 0:12:48.760 made them feel exhilarated and they came back so filled 0:12:48.800 --> 0:12:51.880 with confidence and excitement about what they'd done. I think 0:12:51.880 --> 0:12:54.400 they did get some judgment from the cafe, but they 0:12:54.720 --> 0:12:58.200 loved doing it. So I just want to come back 0:12:58.240 --> 0:13:01.360 to the idea that it depends on the child, and you, 0:13:01.720 --> 0:13:05.040 as the parent of the child, know what you feel 0:13:05.080 --> 0:13:07.400 that they're capable of in any given moment. 0:13:07.559 --> 0:13:11.120 Absolutely so, yes, it does depend on the child, but 0:13:11.200 --> 0:13:14.360 it wholly also depends on the parenting style too, right, 0:13:14.400 --> 0:13:16.480 And there has been all this research and the data 0:13:16.480 --> 0:13:20.640 into this, and may I go down into my what 0:13:20.679 --> 0:13:25.920 the researchers say, mate, please thank you so step one. Okay, 0:13:25.960 --> 0:13:28.360 So the first thing to say is that, as you 0:13:28.400 --> 0:13:30.880 alluded to Amelia, like stranger danger is a myth, it's 0:13:30.920 --> 0:13:33.000 not actually a thing like if we look at them, 0:13:34.360 --> 0:13:36.400 Because what played out here in the comments of this 0:13:36.720 --> 0:13:41.120 TikTok was a term called worst first thinking, where we 0:13:41.320 --> 0:13:44.440 default to imagining the very worst case scenario and then 0:13:44.480 --> 0:13:46.480 we behave like that is what is going to happen. 0:13:47.000 --> 0:13:49.720 But we know from the data. It tells us that 0:13:49.840 --> 0:13:53.880 most harmful encounters that children have statistically happen with people 0:13:53.920 --> 0:13:58.160 that they already know and trust. And there's another crazy 0:13:58.240 --> 0:14:02.760 statistic that kids are more likely to be seriously injured 0:14:03.120 --> 0:14:06.960 in a car accident than to be taken by a stranger. Now, 0:14:07.000 --> 0:14:09.600 even the Morecambe Foundation says this. This was the more 0:14:09.600 --> 0:14:12.720 com Foundation was set up by Bruce and Denise Morecambe 0:14:12.720 --> 0:14:15.120 in memory of Daniel Walcombe, who you may remember was 0:14:15.160 --> 0:14:18.840 abducted and murdered in two thousand and three. Their CEO, 0:14:19.040 --> 0:14:22.040 Holly Brennan says, stranger danger is based on a myth. 0:14:22.440 --> 0:14:25.080 It's not evidence based. Less than one percent of children 0:14:25.080 --> 0:14:27.960 are adopted by someone who could genuinely be classified as 0:14:27.960 --> 0:14:31.160 a stranger. But here is what the experts want you 0:14:31.200 --> 0:14:34.760 to know. Peter Gray is this research psychologist at Boston University. 0:14:34.840 --> 0:14:38.360 He's an emeritus professor in pediatrics and his whole job 0:14:38.440 --> 0:14:41.960 is to research this. And what he says is that 0:14:42.240 --> 0:14:45.080 when adults are always hovering and keeping kids safe from 0:14:45.080 --> 0:14:47.840 every risk, kids never get the chance to build the 0:14:47.880 --> 0:14:50.320 sense that they can handle stuff or solve problems, or 0:14:50.360 --> 0:14:53.840 be independent, or build resilience, and this is a recipe 0:14:53.840 --> 0:14:57.520 for anxiety. And what we see is that all these 0:14:57.840 --> 0:15:03.280 kids nowadays have less unsupervised, self directed play than they 0:15:03.360 --> 0:15:08.200 used to, and that sort of decline correlates lines up 0:15:08.280 --> 0:15:13.200 perfectly with rising anxiety and depression rates over the same decades. 0:15:13.240 --> 0:15:16.840 And he also did a huge research piece into actually 0:15:16.880 --> 0:15:19.000 it was Macquari Unversity did this huge re search piece 0:15:19.040 --> 0:15:25.840 into parents with anxiety raise children who are more likely 0:15:25.920 --> 0:15:29.360 to have anxiety, And some of the research around it 0:15:29.440 --> 0:15:31.720 was because of the way that they parent. They always 0:15:32.000 --> 0:15:35.680 prevent risk, they prevent dangerous situations. They have that feeling 0:15:35.800 --> 0:15:38.160 that they want to keep their children couched in safety, 0:15:38.240 --> 0:15:41.480 thinking it's for their own good, but it's actually doing 0:15:41.520 --> 0:15:42.080 the opposite. 0:15:42.200 --> 0:15:44.080 Yeah, I think that was a big part of what 0:15:44.120 --> 0:15:46.920 bothered people so much about Charlotte's video was the lack 0:15:46.960 --> 0:15:49.320 of anxiety. Like she does sound nervous. Of course, you 0:15:49.400 --> 0:15:52.040 hear are in that clip saying like I'm checking him 0:15:52.080 --> 0:15:55.840 every thirty seconds, But it wasn't this real, like deep seated, 0:15:55.920 --> 0:15:58.520 He's going to get taken like she wasn't thinking about that. 0:15:58.520 --> 0:16:00.880 That wasn't where her thought pro was. It was just 0:16:00.920 --> 0:16:03.720 about you know, was he okay? Had he fallen off 0:16:03.720 --> 0:16:07.280 a swing or something like that. And she spoke a 0:16:07.320 --> 0:16:10.360 little bit in subsequent videos because needless to say, the 0:16:10.360 --> 0:16:15.360 comments were vile towards her. People were even threatening to 0:16:15.360 --> 0:16:17.760 call child services on her and saying, we can figure 0:16:17.760 --> 0:16:20.120 out where you live now we know you're across from 0:16:20.160 --> 0:16:22.400 a park, Like it really went to this dark place. 0:16:23.080 --> 0:16:25.720 And she was saying, given she co parents with her 0:16:25.720 --> 0:16:28.520 partner and that her children are away from her for 0:16:28.560 --> 0:16:30.720 half of the week, she's really had to learn to 0:16:30.920 --> 0:16:33.760 relinquish a bit of that control over knowing what her 0:16:33.800 --> 0:16:36.520 children are doing every second of every day, and so 0:16:36.720 --> 0:16:39.240 when they are in her care, she tries to not 0:16:39.400 --> 0:16:41.640 take that away from them either and still give them 0:16:41.640 --> 0:16:45.320 that space to be doing that. And like you said, 0:16:45.680 --> 0:16:48.080 mon's about stranger danger. I looked into it because I 0:16:48.080 --> 0:16:50.520 wanted to know, like what numbers are we talking, Like 0:16:50.600 --> 0:16:54.240 how rare are we talking with stranger danger? And it's 0:16:54.280 --> 0:16:57.320 so little that they just say fewer than one percent. 0:16:57.520 --> 0:17:00.560 Exceedingly rare is what comes up again and again across 0:17:00.600 --> 0:17:04.000 the board. I'm talking US, UK and in Australia. Like 0:17:04.080 --> 0:17:07.280 even in the US, it's around one hundred children in 0:17:07.320 --> 0:17:09.800 the US are taken by a stranger, but a lot 0:17:09.840 --> 0:17:15.040 of those are returned, So we're talking minuscule numbers. But 0:17:15.160 --> 0:17:17.639 I do think people will argue those numbers are so 0:17:17.760 --> 0:17:21.160 minuscule because we don't let them roam around as much anymore. 0:17:21.280 --> 0:17:24.359 So you know, the fear isn't completely unfounded. 0:17:25.040 --> 0:17:27.320 I want to ask Amelia a question about the coffee run. 0:17:28.520 --> 0:17:31.399 The first time that you did it, how did you 0:17:31.440 --> 0:17:34.960 feel versus the tenth time, Like was it the first time? 0:17:35.000 --> 0:17:36.840 Were you full of anguish? Were you at the window 0:17:36.880 --> 0:17:39.639 picking out? And has it become easier? 0:17:40.800 --> 0:17:46.880 Good question. That coffee ru is a very particular thing. 0:17:47.680 --> 0:17:51.280 There is no road to cross. I don't think I 0:17:51.800 --> 0:17:55.879 would ever let them do this if it involves crossing 0:17:55.960 --> 0:17:58.320 a road. It is on our block. So that's the 0:17:58.320 --> 0:18:00.320 first thing I want to say. The second thing about 0:18:00.320 --> 0:18:03.960 it is that I felt proud, actually because I felt 0:18:03.960 --> 0:18:07.480 proud of them for meeting the challenge, but also proud 0:18:07.480 --> 0:18:10.880 of myself because I am aware of that research. I 0:18:10.920 --> 0:18:14.159 am aware of the idea that experts sinc we're wrapping 0:18:14.240 --> 0:18:17.560 children in cottonwall and that's contributing to higher anxiety and 0:18:17.600 --> 0:18:21.480 depression rates later on. But it's easier said than done 0:18:21.640 --> 0:18:24.040 to surrender the reins. I come back to something you 0:18:24.080 --> 0:18:26.399 said at the start, Moons. I think that's so true. 0:18:26.560 --> 0:18:31.080 The ongoing tension in parenting is you want to give 0:18:31.119 --> 0:18:33.600 them freedom, you want them to grow up, but you 0:18:33.760 --> 0:18:38.160 also want to look after them, and that tension it's 0:18:38.200 --> 0:18:40.560 not easy to resolve. And I take my hat off 0:18:40.560 --> 0:18:43.800 to Charlotte Blandford tag because I think what she did 0:18:43.880 --> 0:18:45.720 there was hard. It was hard. 0:18:46.280 --> 0:18:49.520 Yeah, okay, palette cleanser Now because of the night, I 0:18:49.600 --> 0:18:52.439 quite like to get into bed with my electory blanket 0:18:52.440 --> 0:18:55.399 on and have a good old dirty scroll on Reddit. 0:18:57.000 --> 0:18:59.800 I love it. I mean, I'm not watching ted Lasso anymore. 0:19:00.200 --> 0:19:02.760 Plenty of time up my sleeve for it. So someone 0:19:02.760 --> 0:19:04.880 on Reddit posted this week and I wanted to bring 0:19:04.880 --> 0:19:07.119 it to you for your consideration. It was in the 0:19:07.119 --> 0:19:10.080 subreddit Australian Nosagia and they wrote, I really miss the 0:19:10.119 --> 0:19:13.280 Aussie slang that was part of almost every conversation when 0:19:13.320 --> 0:19:17.560 I was in school, rack off bloodger festie rats as. 0:19:18.600 --> 0:19:22.240 Can we start using them more? Agaan please? So girls, 0:19:22.640 --> 0:19:25.119 give me your very best school yard slang that you 0:19:25.160 --> 0:19:25.840 want to bring back. 0:19:26.400 --> 0:19:28.840 I want to bring back mole. We used to call 0:19:28.880 --> 0:19:31.520 each other moles all the time, and it was it 0:19:31.560 --> 0:19:34.000 could be derogatory or it could be endearing. It was 0:19:34.080 --> 0:19:35.840 kind of like the C word. It was really just 0:19:35.880 --> 0:19:40.720 in the context of how you used it. That's so random. 0:19:40.880 --> 0:19:45.720 We used to just call everything random. It wasn't that random, 0:19:45.800 --> 0:19:49.080 but you would call it that. And talking to the hand. 0:19:49.240 --> 0:19:51.920 I feel like we need to make people do that much. Yes, 0:19:52.200 --> 0:19:55.760 talk to the hand, because if they say listen and 0:19:55.800 --> 0:20:00.320 everything was like chat or rank, I remember r. That's 0:20:00.400 --> 0:20:03.240 so rank. Well that's mad chat there my face. 0:20:03.440 --> 0:20:05.439 Why do we have so many words for things that 0:20:05.480 --> 0:20:06.280 were discussed? 0:20:06.920 --> 0:20:07.000 No? 0:20:07.200 --> 0:20:09.920 Interesting? Yeah, mine, This really took me on a trip 0:20:09.920 --> 0:20:12.880 down memory lane. First of all, rakoff is the greatest. 0:20:13.000 --> 0:20:13.240 Yeah. 0:20:13.400 --> 0:20:17.800 Another reddit classic is someone put together a supercut of 0:20:17.880 --> 0:20:22.440 the original Heartbreak High characters saying rack off to each other. 0:20:22.480 --> 0:20:24.440 I don't know if either of you watched the original 0:20:24.440 --> 0:20:27.520 Heartbreak High on ABC. It was very risky. It was 0:20:27.560 --> 0:20:30.600 like a grassy bit for Australia and they all said 0:20:30.680 --> 0:20:32.840 rack off to each other. It was just it was 0:20:32.960 --> 0:20:37.440 just the greatest get stuffed. Oh yeah, gets Captain Kim 0:20:37.520 --> 0:20:41.080 Lyon gets stuffed. The pair of views sucked in. We 0:20:41.160 --> 0:20:46.920