S1: We're in a very precarious position right now of worrying
S1: about her wanting to help and feeling really helpless. So
S1: it's nice to just be able to have a voice.
S1: I feel like part of this challenge for me in
S1: particular as a sibling is not having a place to
S1: have a voice and to have support and talk about
S1: the impact and the trauma that it's had on me
S1: over all these years. My fear is it's not going
S1: to subside like it used to because she doesn't have
S1: the supports anymore. She doesn't have the community support anymore
S1: at all, at least right now. You know, I've been
S1: here before and then something happens or someone comes out
S1: of the woodwork and things get a little better. So
S1: I can't predict. I have to just be in the
S1: moment and be where I'm at now and and try
S1: to work with that as best I can.
Faydra Aldridge: Since starting this podcast, I've spoken very openly to our
Faydra Aldridge: guests about mental illness and the impact it can have
Faydra Aldridge: on those living with schizophrenia and their family members. It's
Faydra Aldridge: not easy to talk about this illness, and it's not
Faydra Aldridge: easy to see what this illness can do to your
Faydra Aldridge: beloved sister, your brother, your mom, your and your uncle emotionally,
Faydra Aldridge: psychologically and physically. Today on Look Again: Mental Illness Re-Examined.
Faydra Aldridge: I'll be having a very honest and frank and vulnerable
Faydra Aldridge: conversation with Yusuf Faqiri about what it's like to have
Faydra Aldridge: a sibling with a serious mental illness. Yusuf's brother, Soleiman ,
Faydra Aldridge: had schizophrenia, and in December of 2016, he died in
Faydra Aldridge: an Ontario jail. Soleiman had been charged with assault and uttering
Faydra Aldridge: threats after an altercation with a neighbour and was waiting
Faydra Aldridge: for psychiatric care at a mental health facility when he died.
Faydra Aldridge: Having a sibling that has a serious mental illness can
Faydra Aldridge: be incredibly difficult and can make you feel extremely helpless.
Faydra Aldridge: How are siblings supposed to provide care and support and
Faydra Aldridge: compassion while at the same time taking care of themselves?
Faydra Aldridge: It's definitely not easy. Yusuf, I so appreciate you being
Faydra Aldridge: here with me today to talk about your brother and
Faydra Aldridge: the impact that he's had on your life. Thanks for
Faydra Aldridge: being here.
Yusuf Faqiri: Laura Rothman and Raheem, thank you so much, Faydra, for
Yusuf Faqiri: your courage and giving me an opportunity to share about
Yusuf Faqiri: Soleiman, a story that many of us throughout our nation from
Yusuf Faqiri: coast to coast, have a story as your beloved sister
Yusuf Faqiri: or my late brother. Very grateful to be here with
Yusuf Faqiri: you today.
Faydra Aldridge: So, Yusuf, let's start off by talking about your brother
Faydra Aldridge: Soleiman and his journey with schizophrenia.
Yusuf Faqiri: My family came here to Canada as refugees from Afghanistan
Yusuf Faqiri: in the early 1990s. And what was very interesting is
Yusuf Faqiri: that growing up, Soleiman was the one that was able
Yusuf Faqiri: to adjust to this new culture, this new society, better
Yusuf Faqiri: than all his other siblings. Soli was a gifted athlete,
Yusuf Faqiri: a gifted mind. He ended up getting into the University
Yusuf Faqiri: of Waterloo's engineering program. He was the golden boy of
Yusuf Faqiri: the family, the star of the family that my parents
Yusuf Faqiri: skipping war. That's what he represented. And then in the
Yusuf Faqiri: spring of 2005, Soli, he got into a car accident.
Yusuf Faqiri: And it was after that car accident that within a
Yusuf Faqiri: couple of weeks after being examined, this funny man was
Yusuf Faqiri: diagnosed with this illness that we call schizophrenia. And that's
Yusuf Faqiri: where our story started. And it was a painful one.
Yusuf Faqiri: An extremely painful one.
Faydra Aldridge: Absolutely. Now, how old was Soleiman when he was diagnosed?
Yusuf Faqiri: Was 19 years old.
Faydra Aldridge: And so that would have put you a couple of
Faydra Aldridge: years older then?
Yusuf Faqiri: Yeah. Soli and I were 18 months apart. Growing up,
Yusuf Faqiri: we were very close and both incredibly profound and fascinating
Yusuf Faqiri: is that his illness also brought us closer to all
Yusuf Faqiri: the pain and difficulty as a sister and as a brother.
Yusuf Faqiri: We feel like a certain love and also as you
Yusuf Faqiri: articulate early, like an obligation to be able to be
Yusuf Faqiri: there for one another. And I'm not going to sugarcoat
Yusuf Faqiri: this and say that it was easy. I was devastated
Yusuf Faqiri: at the night. I got a phone call. I was
Yusuf Faqiri: studying at Waterloo University. My mom calls me and says, Soli,
Yusuf Faqiri: he's been diagnosed with schizophrenia. And I went to my
Yusuf Faqiri: best friend. We were roommates. And for four or five hours
Yusuf Faqiri: I was crying to him because for me that night,
Yusuf Faqiri: what it did was and and this is where the
Yusuf Faqiri: cultural stigma comes in. And in Soli's case, there's almost
Yusuf Faqiri: like a double or triple cultural stigma that, like, first
Yusuf Faqiri: within our general Canadian society, that stigma existed. And then
Yusuf Faqiri: there was within the Muslim community that my family comes from,
Yusuf Faqiri: there's that cultural stigma. And then also within the Afghan community,
Yusuf Faqiri: there's this cultural stigma. For me, in my head, there's
Yusuf Faqiri: a derogatory term in Persian that refers to people with
Yusuf Faqiri: mental illness as psychotic. The one up one of the
Yusuf Faqiri: first times I used that term, he went upstairs and
Yusuf Faqiri: he got a glass filled with half of the was
Yusuf Faqiri: all of his medications. Like, 'You think I chose this
Yusuf Faqiri: illness , Yusuf?'. And so that in itself is me exhibiting
Yusuf Faqiri: the cultural stigma within the Afghan Muslim community. All too
Yusuf Faqiri: often within my cultural and religious communities is that the go-
Yusuf Faqiri: to is you hide these individuals from family or you
Yusuf Faqiri: don't talk about them. Erase their identity. Here I was selfish thinking about,
Yusuf Faqiri: in many ways my old self in my whole family.
Faydra Aldridge: Yusuf, please don't beat yourself up over as you said,
Faydra Aldridge: thinking selfishly. That is not selfish. You or we just
Faydra Aldridge: don't know how to react. As we know, I also
Faydra Aldridge: lost my sister to schizophrenia, and for the longest time
Faydra Aldridge: I didn't even acknowledge that I had a sister because
Faydra Aldridge: it was just easier. So I do get it. I
Faydra Aldridge: do get it. Soleiman was, as you said, the golden child,
Faydra Aldridge: that he was the one who adapted the most when
Faydra Aldridge: you moved to Canada. And then he had that accident.
Faydra Aldridge: What changes did you see after that?
Yusuf Faqiri: For example, there would be an obsession with certain things, right?
Yusuf Faqiri: Like to be cleaning the house or I would argue
Yusuf Faqiri: it's a bit excessive. One of the common ones was
Yusuf Faqiri: that he suffered throughout his illness with insomnia so he
Yusuf Faqiri: wouldn't be sleeping at night and getting up in the
Yusuf Faqiri: morning and be scared. The extreme levels of emotion or
Yusuf Faqiri: be more reactive. And these were things that came out
Yusuf Faqiri: of nowhere for us. So it was quite a struggle.
Faydra Aldridge: I am so appreciative that you were able to talk
Faydra Aldridge: about your story and talk about your brother. How did
Faydra Aldridge: your mother respond to that news?
Yusuf Faqiri: I went back to Pickering, Ontario, after Soli was diagnosed.
Yusuf Faqiri: It was a week after and she took all of
Yusuf Faqiri: us in a room, including my father. She said, 'You're
Yusuf Faqiri: going to accept my son for who he is.' And she looked
Yusuf Faqiri: at all of us in the this including my father
Yusuf Faqiri: and her four other kids. You know, Faydra that was
Yusuf Faqiri: a turning point that forever changed our relationship on how
Yusuf Faqiri: we would deal with Soli. But because my mom created
Yusuf Faqiri: that space of dismantling that stigmatization, it didn't exist within
Yusuf Faqiri: our family. It was not a perfect relationship. But what
Yusuf Faqiri: that did is that it set the tone. Because my
Yusuf Faqiri: mother was the matriarch. When her mother was the woman
Yusuf Faqiri: who survived or who lost siblings as a result of
Yusuf Faqiri: the war, but always remained resilient. And that comment flipped
Yusuf Faqiri: our own relationship with mental illness. Effectively, what it did
Yusuf Faqiri: is that it opened the door for Soli to have somewhat of
Yusuf Faqiri: a thriving life. It put to rest in some ways
Yusuf Faqiri: the stigma that existed within my religious community and within
Yusuf Faqiri: my cultural community. And I look back at that moment.
Yusuf Faqiri: And I say to myself, What if my mom didn't
Yusuf Faqiri: do that? And even now, today Faydra, as we've been fighting to
Yusuf Faqiri: gain justice for Soli behind the scenes. The person that
Yusuf Faqiri: propels me every day and being able to do what
Yusuf Faqiri: I'm able to do is my mother. And so when
Yusuf Faqiri: people see the love of the mother can change the world,
Yusuf Faqiri: it certainly can. Not an expert, but someone who's shown
Yusuf Faqiri: her love and her strength. And looking at her son
Yusuf Faqiri: ultimately as a human being, as her son, not as
Yusuf Faqiri: Soli with schizophrenia.
Faydra Aldridge: I was incredibly powerful. And as you said, the strength
Faydra Aldridge: of our mothers and the strength of family. And I
Faydra Aldridge: so appreciate what your mother said to you and your
Faydra Aldridge: siblings and your father that day, because it is so true.
Faydra Aldridge: Solomon was Solomon first before he was diagnosed with schizophrenia.
Faydra Aldridge: Thank you for sharing that. And now we're going to
Faydra Aldridge: talk about that awful day in December of 2016. Yusuf,
Faydra Aldridge: please take us back to that day. In 2016?
Yusuf Faqiri: Absolutely. Actually, a couple days before that day, my dad
Yusuf Faqiri: and I thought that Soli was only there for 11 days.
Yusuf Faqiri: So and my dad and I got a confirmation that
Yusuf Faqiri: the judge would order Soli to go to a psychiatric institution,
Yusuf Faqiri: as you mentioned, Ontario Shores Centre for Mental Health. We
Yusuf Faqiri: were like, okay, happy, great. So li will be taken
Yusuf Faqiri: care of by the system. And you talk about that
Yusuf Faqiri: helpless helplessness. What was interesting Faydra was those 72 hours,
Yusuf Faqiri: the Monday and until the Thursday. The three days were
Yusuf Faqiri: the only time when my family did not feel helpless.
Yusuf Faqiri: Look at the ironic paradox here right, because we felt that
Yusuf Faqiri: okay is finally going to get the help. I just
Yusuf Faqiri: want to take you back there for a second. My
Yusuf Faqiri: Thursday was a very interesting day. Very normal as it
Yusuf Faqiri: would be. I took the Go train into downtown Toronto
Yusuf Faqiri: to go to work, did some of my work in
Yusuf Faqiri: the office. I came home and I'm sitting in my
Yusuf Faqiri: bed around 8:30-9:00 p.m. and I am talking to a
Yusuf Faqiri: friend and my sister barges in 'Soli's dead'. And I hang
Yusuf Faqiri: up the call, I run down downstairs. And I see
Yusuf Faqiri: two police officers talking to my father. But then I
Yusuf Faqiri: go to the kitchen island where Soli and my mom would often spend time together,
Yusuf Faqiri: and I see my mom wearing her black hijab and a robe .
Yusuf Faqiri: And pacing, Faydra, around the kitchen. And so she said in Farsi. سلیمان سولی. من بهت شیر ​​دادم من بهت شیر ​​دادم چرا من را ترک کردی؟ چرا رفتی؟ ,
Yusuf Faqiri: which basically means 'Soli, I gave you milk. I gave
Yusuf Faqiri: you milk. Why did you leave me? Why did you leave?'
Yusuf Faqiri: And she kept repeating this. I sit her at her
Yusuf Faqiri: dining room and she just burst out crying. But holds
Yusuf Faqiri: my hand and looks at me in the eyes. Yusuf,
Yusuf Faqiri: I need you to find out what happened to my son.
Yusuf Faqiri: So for me. I'm calming her down, and I'm still
Yusuf Faqiri: processing my own pain. I'm not even getting a chance
Yusuf Faqiri: to mourn because I'm now being the oldest. And sometimes
Yusuf Faqiri: you have to remember these layers when you have families
Yusuf Faqiri: that don't speak English. You're managing two cultures sometimes, and
Yusuf Faqiri: sometimes you forget. What about you? Right. You don't have
Yusuf Faqiri: any answers. And at the same time, Sohrab and Ali,
Yusuf Faqiri: my two other brothers are out. They don't know what's
Yusuf Faqiri: going on. And I then call my brother Sohrab first . I
Yusuf Faqiri: tell him to come home, please. I was trying to
Yusuf Faqiri: prevent on telling him this over the phone. I fought
Yusuf Faqiri: to give him some dignity. But because I was so
Yusuf Faqiri: vulnerable and he kept pushing, I said 'Soli's dead. He's dead.' I'll never
Yusuf Faqiri: forget that day.
Faydra Aldridge: Know that day will be forever ingrained in your mind.
Faydra Aldridge: And how has that day impacted your life since December
Faydra Aldridge: of 2016?
Yusuf Faqiri: When I think of that day, I'm going to start
Yusuf Faqiri: with this word in Arabic, we say ولله الحمد, which means
Yusuf Faqiri: all praise be to God, we thank God. And so
Yusuf Faqiri: what that means is we're very grateful for what he
Yusuf Faqiri: gave us Soli, we believe Soli belonged to him and you
Yusuf Faqiri: went back to him. So we're grateful for the time.
Yusuf Faqiri: But to talk to you in a vulnerable space and
Yusuf Faqiri: to put this into perspective, because I think it's important
Yusuf Faqiri: as you've made yourself vulnerable, is. It's been a painful day.
Yusuf Faqiri: It's been a painful six years. There's a price that
Yusuf Faqiri: myself and my family paid. Soli paid with his life. We
Yusuf Faqiri: also paid the price in terms of choosing the option
Yusuf Faqiri: of fighting back. That was our choice, and I've come
Yusuf Faqiri: to appreciate that decision more, Faydra, because in many ways,
Yusuf Faqiri: in the way I've gone about it, it costs me
Yusuf Faqiri: other things than life. I have no regrets in terms
Yusuf Faqiri: of if I could go back, I would do it again.
Yusuf Faqiri: But when I set out to fight, I did not
Yusuf Faqiri: expect it to be this long. I did not expect it.
Yusuf Faqiri: I didn't appreciate the emotional part. You talked at the
Yusuf Faqiri: beginning of what? Emotional. Physical. All this stops. I didn't
Yusuf Faqiri: appreciate that it was going to take a toll. I
Yusuf Faqiri: had friends telling me at the beginning use of take
Yusuf Faqiri: care of yourself. Be careful. You need to put yourself first.
Yusuf Faqiri: In my head, I'm thinking like.
Faydra Aldridge: How do you how do you do that?
Yusuf Faqiri: And if you come from certain cultures, what happens is
Yusuf Faqiri: you're not supposed to be, quote unquote, weak. There's nothing
Yusuf Faqiri: wrong with being vulnerable, but there's something wrong lying to
Yusuf Faqiri: yourself about your emotional vulnerability. I made that mistake and
Yusuf Faqiri: I paid the price. Because what would happen often times
Yusuf Faqiri: throughout these six years I would come home and some
Yusuf Faqiri: nights that grief comes in. Sometimes that emotional pain comes in.
Yusuf Faqiri: And for me, because it was such a public fight,
Yusuf Faqiri: when you do media interviews, when you speak publicly, when
Yusuf Faqiri: you articulate it, deep down, the heart is very fragile.
Yusuf Faqiri: That fragility of that heart is taking a beating. I
Yusuf Faqiri: pay that price and it's something that I'm still learning.
Yusuf Faqiri: And at times I ask myself, 'When is it time
Yusuf Faqiri: to move on?' Or when is it time to say
Yusuf Faqiri: to yourself, that what you did is the best you could?
Yusuf Faqiri: And I remind myself that if I leave this earth today,
Yusuf Faqiri: if my time comes today, I can see with humble
Yusuf Faqiri: conviction that I truly did the best I could with
Yusuf Faqiri: the tools that I had. And for me, the proudest
Yusuf Faqiri: moment of all this is that we did it in
Yusuf Faqiri: a dignified way. We didn't do it through anger or
Yusuf Faqiri: through reaction. We did it through the way that we
Yusuf Faqiri: want people with mental illness to be treated with respect,
Yusuf Faqiri: with honour, with a belief that their story matters, their
Yusuf Faqiri: voice matters. They need to be heard. I learned that
Yusuf Faqiri: from my mother, and Soli in many ways played that role.
Yusuf Faqiri: Whether it was giving tea to people as they came
Yusuf Faqiri: to our house or whether it was teaching my mom
Yusuf Faqiri: how to read. When teaching my brother Ali how to drive.
Yusuf Faqiri: This was all after his illness, Faydra. We often make the
Yusuf Faqiri: mistake sometimes, though, when we hear if somebody is schizophrenic,
Yusuf Faqiri: she has a mental illness that is that they're subhuman,
Yusuf Faqiri: that they're incapable. We need to shift those comments and
Yusuf Faqiri: to know that's Soli . That's Sandra. That's Yusuf. They have
Yusuf Faqiri: a story to tell. Their stories about who they are
Yusuf Faqiri: and their character, not what their mental illness is. That's only
Yusuf Faqiri: a part of them.
Faydra Aldridge: And I know that you've been very public and you've
Faydra Aldridge: done many media interviews. What keeps you going, Yusuf?
Yusuf Faqiri: Having that hope for one day, not just metaphorically, but literally.
Yusuf Faqiri: We build the Garden of Hope and the many other
Yusuf Faqiri: Canadians that have suffered from mental illness that should be
Yusuf Faqiri: treated with dignity and honor, not with indignation, not with
Yusuf Faqiri: being humiliated, but with respect. That's what keeps me going.
Faydra Aldridge: That's incredible. Thank you for sharing.
Yusuf Faqiri: Thank you.
Faydra Aldridge: You're listening to Look Again: Mental Illness Re-Examined. A podcast
Faydra Aldridge: brought to you by the B.C. Schizophrenia Society and B.C. partner organizations.
Faydra Aldridge: I'm your host, Faydra Aldridge . This podcast would not be
Faydra Aldridge: possible without the support of the community. From the bottom
Faydra Aldridge: of our hearts, we want to thank you for caring
Faydra Aldridge: about serious mental illness and everything that's around it. Together,
Faydra Aldridge: we truly can make a difference. And welcome back to Look Again:
Faydra Aldridge: Mental Illness Re-Examined. I'm Faydra Aldridge and I've been speaking to
Faydra Aldridge: Yusuf Faquiri about his brother Soleiman, who lived with schizophrenia until
Faydra Aldridge: his death in 2016. Yusuf, I'd like to play a
Faydra Aldridge: clip now from someone who also has a sibling with
Faydra Aldridge: schizophrenia and how that's impacted them. Let's take a listen now.
S2: When I got married recently, I did feel resentment, mixed emotions, and.
S2: Everyone was very concerned about my brother and being around
S2: people drinking and what the plan was and keep an
S2: eye on him. And there is like a part of
S2: me that that was my day. That's something I've been
S2: looking forward to. And even that day still had to
S2: have a lot of my brother's care involved and I
S2: wouldn't change it for the world. I wanted him there.
S2: That was very important to me. But there is still
S2: that part of you that wishes that sometimes you could
S2: have a day off.
Faydra Aldridge: So you have did you ever feel like that when
Faydra Aldridge: your brother was alive, that feeling of resentment or just
Faydra Aldridge: that you wanted a day off.
Yusuf Faqiri: Thank you so much. No one's ever asked this question.
Yusuf Faqiri: To be honest, the answer is yes. I'll tell you
Yusuf Faqiri: one night. I think it's the same thing in B.C..
Yusuf Faqiri: When you involuntary put someone, they can only hold them,
Yusuf Faqiri: I think, up until 72 hours. But most of the
Yusuf Faqiri: time that they let them go out after 24 hours.
Yusuf Faqiri: So one night we put Soli in the hospital. They
Yusuf Faqiri: took him, the on call doctor did an assessment. Not
Yusuf Faqiri: even a psychiatrist, Faydra. It's usually the on call, doctor. I deliberately
Yusuf Faqiri: made sure and tried my best for him to take
Yusuf Faqiri: him to the hospital. They usually just assess. So for
Yusuf Faqiri: about two or 3 hours, I'm always calling. Has Soli even
Yusuf Faqiri: been assessed? Is he going to be put into the
Yusuf Faqiri: psychiatric ward? So that night I called for a few times.
Yusuf Faqiri: They kept saying, oay, not yet. We're going to like,
Yusuf Faqiri: examine him'. I take an hour nap after that and
Yusuf Faqiri: I call back the hospital's like 'Oh, your brother has been released.'
Yusuf Faqiri: Was like around 11 or midnight. I'm like, 'Are you
Yusuf Faqiri: guys kidding me?' I was perplexed. My brother needs to
Yusuf Faqiri: stay here. And so now around midnight, I go downstairs
Yusuf Faqiri: and I tell my mom we need to leave. So
Yusuf Faqiri: for like, 3 hours in Scarborough, in a robe and
Yusuf Faqiri: me in my slippers for three hours are walking the
Yusuf Faqiri: streets near the hospital trying to get a hold of Soli.
Yusuf Faqiri: And thankfully, like, it was amazing with Soli that whenever
Yusuf Faqiri: he saw my mom, there was never any resistance ever.
Yusuf Faqiri: And so we felt we dodged a bullet. And there
Yusuf Faqiri: was many of these nice feature. And so for me,
Yusuf Faqiri: when you asked me that question, the answer is yes.
Yusuf Faqiri: Not because of Sully, but because of the system's selfishness
Yusuf Faqiri: and the fact that they don't create more beds or more
Yusuf Faqiri: mechanism and place or more cultural competency support for people
Yusuf Faqiri: that are suffering from mental illness. All too often what
Yusuf Faqiri: happens is that if you don't have a family, you
Yusuf Faqiri: know this better than me advocating for you. Within the system,
Yusuf Faqiri: those individuals are more likely to fall through the cracks.
Yusuf Faqiri: And so , Faydra, there was times when I was like 'Oh God' another time when you're
Yusuf Faqiri: woken up from your sweet sleep, you get resentful. And
Yusuf Faqiri: most of the time the resentment was towards Soli. But
Yusuf Faqiri: how could I really blame him? And how could we
Yusuf Faqiri: really bring your sister?
Faydra Aldridge: And it's the illness. And that's something I say a
Faydra Aldridge: lot that wasn't my sister when she was violent or
Faydra Aldridge: saying things. It was the illness. It was not my sister.
Yusuf Faqiri: Absolutely. Absolutely.
Faydra Aldridge: Yeah. And I think, you know, for you and I,
Faydra Aldridge: Yusuf, from the sibling perspective, it's a very difficult position for
Faydra Aldridge: siblings to be in. Because on the one hand, we're
Faydra Aldridge: trying to protect our parents and we're trying to do
Faydra Aldridge: everything we can to shield them from the pain. And
Faydra Aldridge: then on the other hand, we're also trying to protect
Faydra Aldridge: our sibling that has the mental illness. So we're trying
Faydra Aldridge: to do everything we can to shield them. And then
Faydra Aldridge: where does that leave us, the siblings. So I think
Faydra Aldridge: feeling resentment, as you said, is a very natural feeling
Faydra Aldridge: that we as siblings, all experienced at one time. The
Faydra Aldridge: question is, how do we deal with that resentment and
Faydra Aldridge: how do we move forward? And I think you are
Faydra Aldridge: an amazing example Yusuf of being able to move forward.
Yusuf Faqiri: It means a lot Faydra, your comments. And as siblings like to add, there's always
Yusuf Faqiri: that struggle of making both worlds happy, right?
Faydra Aldridge: That's right.
Yusuf Faqiri: But what all too often happens is when you make those
Yusuf Faqiri: both worlds happy, you make the mistake of if you
Yusuf Faqiri: cannot take care of yourself, which is the third part
Yusuf Faqiri: of that world of four of yourself, you really can't
Yusuf Faqiri: make the other two happy because that'll come in another price.
Yusuf Faqiri: And for me, at times, because one parent was struggling
Yusuf Faqiri: on accepting Soli's illness, my father, versus my mom, who was
Yusuf Faqiri: really leading the charge. And here I am in the middle,
Yusuf Faqiri: sometimes living literally in two worlds when the system itself
Yusuf Faqiri: cannot be counted on to protect these individuals that suffering
Yusuf Faqiri: from mental illness. It very much is like a survival mechanism.
Yusuf Faqiri: And it breaks my heart.
Faydra Aldridge: As you and I know all too well, Yusuf, There
Faydra Aldridge: are so many complex emotions involved with having a sibling
Faydra Aldridge: with schizophrenia. So, Yusuf, if I want to get back
Faydra Aldridge: to your mother and you said earlier that she guided
Faydra Aldridge: your family to lead with compassion and she was the
Faydra Aldridge: matriarch when it came to your brother and when it
Faydra Aldridge: came to seeing your brother as an individual first. Can
Faydra Aldridge: you tell me more about what your mother has taught you,
Faydra Aldridge: especially now that Solomon is gone?
Yusuf Faqiri: One of the things that my mom told me very
Yusuf Faqiri: shortly after Soli's death was I don't have the tongue, but
Yusuf Faqiri: you do, because my mom speaks English, but not in
Yusuf Faqiri: the way she wants to. I know for that in
Yusuf Faqiri: itself is that I would have seen my mother speaking
Yusuf Faqiri: about her son. And so for me, there is almost
Yusuf Faqiri: this responsibility to call her and say 'Mama, what do you need to do?'
Yusuf Faqiri: For me, it's very important. So that's one part. The
Yusuf Faqiri: second part, we would not be here today if it
Yusuf Faqiri: was not for my mother supporting me, leading. My mother t o
Yusuf Faqiri: the naked eye is a simple woman, but she is
Yusuf Faqiri: much more than that. Her skill set is a resilience.
Yusuf Faqiri: And that's what's shaped me and transformed myself.
Faydra Aldridge: Thanks for sharing that. I would love to meet your mother.
Faydra Aldridge: She sounds fantastic.
Yusuf Faqiri: Thank you.
Faydra Aldridge: So, Yusuf, you keep saying you're fighting, and I have
Faydra Aldridge: to ask, what are you fighting for today?
Yusuf Faqiri: I'm fighting for the Soleiman Faquiris , I'm fighting for the Carissas, I'm fighting for the Pierre Coriolans, the Justin St- Amours, the Jordan Sheards, ,
Yusuf Faqiri: the Cass Gettys , the Moses Beavers, the Ashley Smiths, the
Yusuf Faqiri: Justin Hines, the many Canadians that have lost their lives
Yusuf Faqiri: who suffer from mental illness at the hands of the
Yusuf Faqiri: opaque justice system, the lack of transparency and accountability . I'm
Yusuf Faqiri: fighting for the honor and the respect of Canadians for vulnerable,
Yusuf Faqiri: they need support. And ultimately, I'm fighting for the Soleimans
Yusuf Faqiri: and many other Canadians that are suffering from mental illness
Yusuf Faqiri: to live a life filled with honor and dignity. And
Yusuf Faqiri: with respect. And although the word fight in itself might
Yusuf Faqiri: be seen as an innocuous term or combative, for me,
Yusuf Faqiri: the word fight, you could always use the word justice.
Yusuf Faqiri: I am articulating our hope to create a system filled
Yusuf Faqiri: with justice. That's what's ultimate. The guards, Faydra, that took
Yusuf Faqiri: my late brother's life, I'm not fighting revenge against them or
Yusuf Faqiri: the police forces that have failed to do the right thing.
Yusuf Faqiri: Not pressing charges against the guards who took my brother's life.
Yusuf Faqiri: For them, they have a conscience, Faydra. They have to
Yusuf Faqiri: live with themselves for what they did. That's not for
Yusuf Faqiri: me to decide. What I'm going to do is honor
Yusuf Faqiri: my late brother and let people know who he was.
Yusuf Faqiri: And the last part is that I'm fighting to make
Yusuf Faqiri: sure that Soleiman's death is not the last chapter of
Yusuf Faqiri: his life. This is the ultimate fight for me. I don't
Yusuf Faqiri: want our siblings to be a footnote in the history books.
Yusuf Faqiri: I want their names to be set far and wide
Yusuf Faqiri: because they deserve that.
Faydra Aldridge: Yeah. Wow. You are an incredible brother. Yusuf, thank you
Faydra Aldridge: for sharing that. And now one final question for you Yusuf,
Faydra Aldridge: what is next for you? Where do you go from here?
Yusuf Faqiri: Important question. What's next for me ultimately? And I've made
Yusuf Faqiri: this decision recently is to take care of Yusuf as in
Yusuf Faqiri: our discussion, have a family to be able to honor
Yusuf Faqiri: my brother that way, because I know Soli would want that.
Yusuf Faqiri: What's next for me is to live my life never
Yusuf Faqiri: forgetting my brother. I visit Soli every Friday. But to
Yusuf Faqiri: go and live my life in the way that my
Yusuf Faqiri: brother would have wanted me to live. What that looks like,
Yusuf Faqiri: I'm not sure I will try in my humble efforts
Yusuf Faqiri: to be involved, such as having the honor and opportunity
Yusuf Faqiri: to speak before all of you, Faydra, and having this
Yusuf Faqiri: conversation with you. We'll see what the story is left
Yusuf Faqiri: for me. But one thing is certain my brother's story
Yusuf Faqiri: will continue to be honored.
Faydra Aldridge: And there are many Soleiman and many Carissas , my sister,
Faydra Aldridge: that are out there and there are many siblings like
Faydra Aldridge: us that never ever want to forget our siblings. So
Faydra Aldridge: thank you so much for joining me today in this
Faydra Aldridge: very emotional and open conversation. I truly, truly enjoyed our
Faydra Aldridge: conversation and thank you for your openness, for your honesty
Faydra Aldridge: and for everything you have done and continued to do
Faydra Aldridge: to shine the light on serious mental illness. Yusuf, thank
Faydra Aldridge: you for being with me today.
Yusuf Faqiri: Thank you so much, Faydra. May God bless you. God
Yusuf Faqiri: bless everyone. And I certainly hope that the Carissas and the Soleimans around us,
Yusuf Faqiri: the future ones, will be living lives filled with dignity
Yusuf Faqiri: and honor. There are beautiful souls that need to be celebrated, respected,
Yusuf Faqiri: and ones whose legacies will lift to us and to
Yusuf Faqiri: the work that we do. And their stories have not finished.
Yusuf Faqiri: So thank you. And I'm very appreciative of the time
Yusuf Faqiri: that you gave me today.
Faydra Aldridge: And a huge thank you to your audience for joining
Faydra Aldridge: us for this very powerful episode. Together, we can change
Faydra Aldridge: the narrative around mental illnesses like schizophrenia and help end
Faydra Aldridge: the many myths and stereotypes that still exist today. If
Faydra Aldridge: you have any questions or any comments, tweet us @ B.C. Schizophrenia.
Faydra Aldridge: To get our latest episodes, be sure to follow on
Faydra Aldridge: Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or anywhere you listen to podcasts. And
Faydra Aldridge: here's another podcast you may be interested in. Fireweed is
Faydra Aldridge: a podcast brought to you by the British Columbia Institute
Faydra Aldridge: of Technology that explores stories of adaptability and resilience. And
Faydra Aldridge: they're back for season to follow. Host Bianca Rego, who
Faydra Aldridge: talks to experts and innovative thinkers who are reshaping their
Faydra Aldridge: industries with new technologies, new thoughts and new approaches. Listen
Faydra Aldridge: to Fireweed wherever you get your podcasts. We hope you
Faydra Aldridge: join us next episode. Thanks for listening. Talk to you soon.
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