WEBVTT - LUCKY DIP, EP 130

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<v Speaker 1>It's lucky dip term. Thanks for joining us. We put

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<v Speaker 1>our hand in the basket, we pull out a topic,

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<v Speaker 1>we chat about it for about ten man. It's mail,

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<v Speaker 1>it's Monty, thank you so much for listening.

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<v Speaker 2>In Mail. You're in charge of LA today.

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<v Speaker 3>Well, you know, the last few weeks, I've just been

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<v Speaker 3>a bit dark in my h what I think, what

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<v Speaker 3>I've brought to the table.

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<v Speaker 2>All right, you find you deep dive into these stories

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<v Speaker 2>that are so dark. I don't even know it. Do

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<v Speaker 2>you go on to the dark Web?

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<v Speaker 3>No, No, I'm fascinated by that. How do you even

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<v Speaker 3>get there? I don't get I don't know. I think

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<v Speaker 3>you have to know people.

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<v Speaker 2>And so is it a website you put in? I

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<v Speaker 2>just don't understand.

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<v Speaker 3>I don't know. I don't know exactly how it works,

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<v Speaker 3>but I know there's some shit that goes down in

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<v Speaker 3>like Pedophile Rings and yeah, right, people into a podcast

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<v Speaker 3>called the kill List, which is basically a guy that

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<v Speaker 3>infiltrated this site on the dark Web. It was like

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<v Speaker 3>a higher kill thing. So like say I want Mark killed, Yeah,

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<v Speaker 3>you can to get someone. So they've got this kill

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<v Speaker 3>list from this guy and podcast is them trying to

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<v Speaker 3>contact people who are on the list. But like, imagine

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<v Speaker 3>just calling someone out of the blue. Imagine someone calling

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<v Speaker 3>you and going, hi, I just wanted to let you know.

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<v Speaker 3>I know this sounds strange, but you're actually on this

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<v Speaker 3>fucking person. You'd be like, okay, Sea, Yeah, it would

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<v Speaker 3>be very strange.

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<v Speaker 2>But also you're into some shady shit, Like you're probably

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<v Speaker 2>not that surprised if you're on someone's hit list.

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<v Speaker 3>No, it is like women who are married to men

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<v Speaker 3>who are having affairs and they want the wife out

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<v Speaker 3>of the picture. And I've never understood it. Why wouldn't

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<v Speaker 3>you just say I want a divorce. But the funny

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<v Speaker 3>thing is so many of these men that don't want

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<v Speaker 3>to divorce are either because they're religious or they're asters

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<v Speaker 3>in their community, so to divorce is wrong, so kill

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<v Speaker 3>is better? Wow? Or I guess it comes down to

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<v Speaker 3>like they want the money from the life insurance policies

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<v Speaker 3>and stuff.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, it might be a lot fucked. Oh my god,

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<v Speaker 2>that's scary. How fucked people are.

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<v Speaker 3>Oh my god, we are so normal, it's unbelievable.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, we are wed.

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<v Speaker 3>I thought i'd bring something light today. Very funny.

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<v Speaker 2>I love it. Okay, yes, so.

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<v Speaker 3>Quite some time ago actually have done it twice. I

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<v Speaker 3>read out this Amazon review of a vibrator that was

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<v Speaker 3>like the funniest ringever. It's so good. So I started

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<v Speaker 3>thinking the other night, I wonder what other funny Amazon

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<v Speaker 3>reviews there are? Fuck mate? I found some gold. Okay,

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<v Speaker 3>so I'll start with a five pound bag of Haribo

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<v Speaker 3>sugar free gummy Bears.

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<v Speaker 2>I know those Haribo ones, the gold it's gold like logo.

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<v Speaker 2>Ye yeah. Why is somebody writing a review around about them?

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<v Speaker 3>I'll tell you why. Okay, one star. Just don't unless

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<v Speaker 3>this is a gift for someone you hate. Oh man,

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<v Speaker 3>words cannot express what happened to me after eating these

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<v Speaker 3>the gummy bear cleans. If you are someone that can

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<v Speaker 3>that can tolerate the sugar substitute, enjoy. If you were

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<v Speaker 3>like the dozens of people that tried my order, run

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<v Speaker 3>first of all for taste, I would rate these a five.

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<v Speaker 3>So good, soft, true to taste, fruit flavors like the

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<v Speaker 3>sugar variety. I was a happy camper, but or should

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<v Speaker 3>I say, but with two teas. Not long after eating

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<v Speaker 3>about twenty of these, all hell broke loose, I had

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<v Speaker 3>a gastro intestinal experience like nothing I've ever imagined, cramps, sweating, bloating,

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<v Speaker 3>beyond my worst nightmare. I've had food poisoning from some

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<v Speaker 3>bad shellfish, and that was almost like a skip in

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<v Speaker 3>the park compared to what was going on inside me.

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<v Speaker 3>Then came the flatulence. Heavens to Murgatroyd, I don't even

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<v Speaker 3>know what that word means.

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<v Speaker 2>Nice.

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<v Speaker 3>The sounds like trumpets calling the demons back to hell.

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<v Speaker 3>The stench like one thousand rotten corpses vomited. I couldn't

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<v Speaker 3>stand to stay in one room for fear of succumbing

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<v Speaker 3>to my own owners. But wait, there's more. What came

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<v Speaker 3>out of me felt like someone tried to funnel Niagara

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<v Speaker 3>Falls through a coffee straw. I swear my sphincters were screaming.

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<v Speaker 3>It felt like my delicate starfish was a gaping more

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<v Speaker 3>what's a more m aw? Maybe a hole, A gaping

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<v Speaker 3>more projectile vomiting a torrential flood of toxic waste one

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<v Speaker 3>hundred percent liquid, flammable liquid napalm. It was actually a

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<v Speaker 3>bit humorous for a nanosecond, as it was just beyond

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<v Speaker 3>anything I imagine possible, and it went on for hours.

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<v Speaker 3>I felt violated when it was over, which I think

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<v Speaker 3>might have been sometime in the early morning of the

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<v Speaker 3>next day. There was stuff coming out of me that

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<v Speaker 3>I ate at my wedding in two thousand and five.

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<v Speaker 3>I had five pounds of these innocent looking, delicious tasting

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<v Speaker 3>hall bears. So I told a friend about what happened

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<v Speaker 3>to me, thinking it had to be some sort of

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<v Speaker 3>sensitivity I had to the sugar substitute, and in spite

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<v Speaker 3>of my warnings and graphic descriptions, she decided to take

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<v Speaker 3>her chances and take the hand who silly woman. All

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<v Speaker 3>of the same for her, and a phone call from

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<v Speaker 3>her while she was on the toilet telling me she

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<v Speaker 3>really wished she would have listened. I think she was crying.

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<v Speaker 3>Her sister was skeptical and suspected that we were exaggerating.

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<v Speaker 3>She took them to work since there was still ninety

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<v Speaker 3>nine percent of a five pound bag left. She works

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<v Speaker 3>for a construction company where they're all builders, roofers, house painters, landscapers,

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<v Speaker 3>et cetera. Lots of people who generally have limited access

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<v Speaker 3>to toilets on any given day. My god, I can't

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<v Speaker 3>imagine where all of these poor men and women pooped

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<v Speaker 3>that day. I keep envisioning men on roofs, crossing their

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<v Speaker 3>legs and trying to decide if they can make it

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<v Speaker 3>down the ladder or if they should just jump. If

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<v Speaker 3>you order these, best of luck to you, and please

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<v Speaker 3>don't post a video review during the after shocks. You

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<v Speaker 3>know what it is. It's I don't know if it's

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<v Speaker 3>artificial sweetener or the the one that's not bad for you,

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<v Speaker 3>because I went through a stage where I got addicted

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<v Speaker 3>to the sugar free mints.

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<v Speaker 2>Ah yes, like your eclipse No, like ants.

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<v Speaker 3>Like a like a minty.

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<v Speaker 2>Ah oh yeah, yeah, I love a minty.

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<v Speaker 3>Yes, but like a minty And I'm thinking, oh, they're

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<v Speaker 3>like a natural sugar free substitute. Yes, mate, I mean

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<v Speaker 3>they always upset my tummy.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, they do to a lot of people. You have

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<v Speaker 2>too much of them. It's not bad. I mean it's

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<v Speaker 2>not good for your system. No, you can't. It's just

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<v Speaker 2>a known thing. Same as like the Eclipse mints. You

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<v Speaker 2>have too many. If my kids eat too many, might

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<v Speaker 2>you're gonna get diarrhea. But that review, I always shocked

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<v Speaker 2>people take time to do a review, let alone. That

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<v Speaker 2>was a long review for gummy bears.

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<v Speaker 3>That's a person that's something I would do.

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<v Speaker 2>That's like, yeah, I can see. And it was lyrically

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<v Speaker 2>genius as well. She was very good with her words.

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<v Speaker 3>It's an album.

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<v Speaker 2>Never ever written a review.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, don't say that, because we asked people to review

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<v Speaker 3>at the end of.

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<v Speaker 2>The show, and I'm going to start doing it for

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<v Speaker 2>other podcasts. But I've never written a review.

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<v Speaker 3>No, I don't think I've ever written a review either.

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<v Speaker 3>I don't think.

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<v Speaker 2>Well, the only time I have is when a friend

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<v Speaker 2>has sent me and said, oh, for their business, like

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<v Speaker 2>I need to get some reviews. Yeah, and I'll do

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<v Speaker 2>that for them. Yeah.

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<v Speaker 3>Well I have almost shit myself though. Remember that time

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<v Speaker 3>I told you I used to work for a government

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<v Speaker 3>employment agency with people who were getting center Link to

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<v Speaker 3>try and find jobs, and then I'd contact the employer

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<v Speaker 3>on behalf of the person. Right, I had taken this tea,

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<v Speaker 3>it was like that, I mean, the worst name for

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<v Speaker 3>a tea. It was called like slim diet tea or something.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I remember those diet teas.

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<v Speaker 3>And I, of course, when in hard straight away I

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<v Speaker 3>was like one tea bag, I'm going to do two.

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<v Speaker 3>They say steep it for five minutes. I'm gonna steep

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<v Speaker 3>mind for twenty Yeah, mate, I was in the middle

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<v Speaker 3>of seeing a kloient and I had to, like I

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<v Speaker 3>gripped onto my chair, like I had to tell him

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<v Speaker 3>to go because I said, oh, sorry, I think I'm

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<v Speaker 3>going to be sick. And you know what, I'm like

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<v Speaker 3>shitting anywhere but home. I sat in that toilet. I

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<v Speaker 3>was like crying. I couldn't stop. I'd take the next

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<v Speaker 3>day off work.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh my god, you were that traumatized. And when you

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<v Speaker 2>tell me it was that bad.

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<v Speaker 3>As in anything that when in came out water anything,

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<v Speaker 3>it would have just been pure laxative in that tea.

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<v Speaker 3>That's all it was. That's all it was. I mean

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<v Speaker 3>I got on the scal the next day and I

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<v Speaker 3>was like, oh you did Jesus remember that, like the

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<v Speaker 3>full dieting days where you'd give tea you go. I

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<v Speaker 3>did the cabbage diet, that act diet.

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<v Speaker 2>Like anything you could think of. I would do so ridiculous,

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<v Speaker 2>it's terrible.

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<v Speaker 3>I'll do a couple of really short ones and then

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<v Speaker 3>maybe next time I'll pick up and do it a

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<v Speaker 3>couple more because they're good.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay.

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<v Speaker 3>VAT for men hair removal jelf cream. This is from Dennis.

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<v Speaker 3>Dennis makes my fart sound louder. The hair must have

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<v Speaker 3>acted as an interlocking silencer. I give this a big

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<v Speaker 3>thumbs up, five out of five.

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<v Speaker 2>Veted his bum hole, veted his asshole.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah yeah, Actually here's a recommendation that he is a

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<v Speaker 3>gross you know what, let's just keep this to the theme.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah bum bums.

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<v Speaker 3>Okay, I found I need to I'll put the link

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<v Speaker 3>in the show notes if anyone else is interested. I

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<v Speaker 3>found a proctologist, which is a bum doctor. Yes, on YouTube, right,

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<v Speaker 3>it came up in my you know recommended.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah.

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<v Speaker 3>Anyway, there were things that I had no idea about

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<v Speaker 3>when it came to asses, and like it's it's like

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<v Speaker 3>a wealth of information. These doctors and stuff that come

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<v Speaker 3>on and do these videos. I'm like, thank you, because

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<v Speaker 3>this is free information that you usually have to go

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<v Speaker 3>to a specialist for.

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<v Speaker 2>Like I knew that your.

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<v Speaker 3>Ass was, you know, a sensitive place. But I'm quite

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<v Speaker 3>aggressive with my wiping, right, Like I just get right

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<v Speaker 3>in there, I get right in there. But he was

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<v Speaker 3>saying how the skin there is so delicate, It's like

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<v Speaker 3>the skin on your lips. Also, like with the issue

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<v Speaker 3>of wiping, about how moisture is always going to be

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<v Speaker 3>the best way to get My dad just got a

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<v Speaker 3>bidet put in. I have a bidet? Do you in

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<v Speaker 3>my en suite? And I have never used it?

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<v Speaker 2>Maybe you should start. The days are apparently the whole

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<v Speaker 2>way to go.

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<v Speaker 3>I used it the other day. I think it's going

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<v Speaker 3>to change my life. So I don't even know how

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<v Speaker 3>to use it. I'm like, I said to Mark, is

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<v Speaker 3>this thing connected? Because it's a separate one, so like

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<v Speaker 3>now you can buy it like an attachment onto your

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<v Speaker 3>toilet or whatever. This is like an old fashioned separate

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<v Speaker 3>one next to the toilet. I said to me, I

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<v Speaker 3>don't even had to fucking use this thing. Is it

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<v Speaker 3>connected to water? He's like yeah, anyway again, watched a

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<v Speaker 3>YouTube tutorial. People use them very differently. Some people don't

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<v Speaker 3>wipe their ass at all. Not They just go from yeah.

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<v Speaker 2>No, I'm not doing that, Well that's what that's the

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<v Speaker 2>whole thing of the bidet. You don't know, and then

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<v Speaker 2>you just don't. You then just use like a cloth

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<v Speaker 2>or something and wipe your date after you've used the bidet.

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<v Speaker 3>No, I think the bidet is like what I see

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<v Speaker 3>it like an extra layer, right, so I'll wipe myself

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<v Speaker 3>and then you get on and you wash yourself.

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<v Speaker 2>Do you just sit on it like a toilet and

0:11:59.520 --> 0:12:00.800
<v Speaker 2>then push button?

0:12:01.240 --> 0:12:04.560
<v Speaker 3>This is the thing. I think it's so the well,

0:12:04.600 --> 0:12:07.240
<v Speaker 3>the one that I've got that it's like a mixer

0:12:07.320 --> 0:12:10.160
<v Speaker 3>tap like you have in your kitchen, so you can

0:12:10.200 --> 0:12:13.360
<v Speaker 3>have a lifty one yep, and depending on how much

0:12:13.480 --> 0:12:15.840
<v Speaker 3>you know, like how much pressure is how much the

0:12:15.880 --> 0:12:19.400
<v Speaker 3>spout comes out. But a woman, I think you would

0:12:19.480 --> 0:12:23.640
<v Speaker 3>have to almost be front facing because well, when you

0:12:23.679 --> 0:12:26.959
<v Speaker 3>think about it, well, this is what this is. It's

0:12:27.000 --> 0:12:30.840
<v Speaker 3>been a whole learning curve because it's like the way

0:12:31.320 --> 0:12:34.760
<v Speaker 3>our bodies are if you're and I guess it's the

0:12:34.760 --> 0:12:36.920
<v Speaker 3>same principles if you're in the shower, but it's like

0:12:36.960 --> 0:12:39.959
<v Speaker 3>then having to lean forward for the water to go there.

0:12:39.960 --> 0:12:42.280
<v Speaker 3>But I'm like, then the water will run down and

0:12:42.280 --> 0:12:45.480
<v Speaker 3>then I don't want that water to then go vagina.

0:12:45.640 --> 0:12:47.200
<v Speaker 2>I would never think that, right.

0:12:47.600 --> 0:12:49.360
<v Speaker 3>Yes, anyway, I straddled it.

0:12:50.480 --> 0:12:52.679
<v Speaker 4>Do you know what I said to Mark? It was

0:12:52.760 --> 0:12:59.000
<v Speaker 4>like I got into a fucking trance. It wasn't like

0:12:59.040 --> 0:13:01.480
<v Speaker 4>a sexual thing. It was like the warm water so

0:13:01.520 --> 0:13:02.360
<v Speaker 4>it's hitting my.

0:13:03.760 --> 0:13:05.959
<v Speaker 3>Volver and just sitting there and.

0:13:05.920 --> 0:13:06.560
<v Speaker 4>I said to mark.

0:13:07.080 --> 0:13:10.640
<v Speaker 3>It was such a beautiful feeling. I just sat there

0:13:10.640 --> 0:13:13.959
<v Speaker 3>for about five minutes. It was almost therapeutic.

0:13:14.280 --> 0:13:18.000
<v Speaker 2>Yeah right, I'm like, I think I'm into it. Or

0:13:18.120 --> 0:13:21.040
<v Speaker 2>do it, mate, you've got one there, you should definitely

0:13:21.040 --> 0:13:23.600
<v Speaker 2>do it. And if it's like a comforting vulver hug,

0:13:23.760 --> 0:13:24.160
<v Speaker 2>do it.

0:13:24.440 --> 0:13:27.280
<v Speaker 3>I know. But I'm just like, oh, it's the having to.

0:13:27.400 --> 0:13:29.640
<v Speaker 3>I don't know if I have to buy more face washes,

0:13:29.679 --> 0:13:31.480
<v Speaker 3>because then you have to try it off.

0:13:31.280 --> 0:13:33.160
<v Speaker 2>And then you have to wash the face washers. You

0:13:33.160 --> 0:13:35.120
<v Speaker 2>don't want to double use a face washer, do you,

0:13:35.160 --> 0:13:36.640
<v Speaker 2>But although it's very clean, you could.

0:13:36.880 --> 0:13:38.720
<v Speaker 3>I will tell you something very funny though, and then

0:13:38.760 --> 0:13:41.040
<v Speaker 3>we'll go sorry, because this is a long, lucky dip

0:13:41.960 --> 0:13:44.320
<v Speaker 3>I had you. I picked up one of my white

0:13:44.360 --> 0:13:48.320
<v Speaker 3>face washers from the linen cupboard and I had it

0:13:48.400 --> 0:13:50.760
<v Speaker 3>there and I hadn't really looked at it. And I

0:13:50.800 --> 0:13:54.600
<v Speaker 3>got off the thing and I wiped my ass, and

0:13:54.640 --> 0:13:57.960
<v Speaker 3>I'm so graffy. I looked at the I think we.

0:13:58.320 --> 0:14:02.200
<v Speaker 3>I think the people that are still here I invested.

0:14:02.360 --> 0:14:03.560
<v Speaker 2>So many have tuned out.

0:14:03.760 --> 0:14:09.559
<v Speaker 3>So I look at this white face washer. It's fucking brown.

0:14:09.920 --> 0:14:12.800
<v Speaker 3>I was like, what's happening? Like I'm thinking this is ship.

0:14:13.120 --> 0:14:16.000
<v Speaker 3>It was fake tan. It was stained from fight ten.

0:14:19.840 --> 0:14:21.240
<v Speaker 3>I said to Mark, I go up to him and

0:14:21.320 --> 0:14:23.440
<v Speaker 3>go I just used the bidet and he goes, oh,

0:14:23.480 --> 0:14:25.520
<v Speaker 3>how was it? I said, look at this. He goes,

0:14:25.560 --> 0:14:34.080
<v Speaker 3>what the F? And then I said, said yourself, that's

0:14:34.160 --> 0:14:34.840
<v Speaker 3>so funny.

0:14:35.200 --> 0:14:38.400
<v Speaker 2>All right, everyone, thank you for listening in. If you're

0:14:38.440 --> 0:14:40.880
<v Speaker 2>still there after that, like some people are so not

0:14:40.960 --> 0:14:41.920
<v Speaker 2>pee wee human.

0:14:41.720 --> 0:14:45.200
<v Speaker 3>They would have tuned out, so sorry.

0:14:45.240 --> 0:14:47.560
<v Speaker 2>But if you're still there, thank you for listening and

0:14:47.800 --> 0:14:50.600
<v Speaker 2>we'll be chatting to you very soon. Bye.

0:14:50.880 --> 0:15:00.080
<v Speaker 3>Love you